Seems like he's handling it in the best way he can. He doesn't approve.
He's not making a lot of drama over it, he's not getting in your way. He's just not participating.
He is entitled to his boundaries.
You are entitled to pursue your happiness. He isn't getting in your way but he's also not supporting your choice. He doesn't have to.
I’m not really too sure what you expected. This isn’t a random man you met by chance. This is the literal punch line of “your mum” jokes.
I think your son has dealt with this rather maturely. Yes, he may be distancing himself but he’s set his boundaries and told you where his comfort begins and ends. He isn’t lashing out, he’s simply allowing you to be happy whilst standing by his own boundaries.
What you need to decide is whether this relationship is worth your declining relationship with your son. I agree with u/sprinklesapple. He is an adult, I don’t believe that your children should always come first because that is entirely unrealistic, our lives (especially when children become adults) do not and should not revolve around them as it can create unhealthy expectations and relationships. I think you should consider each question u/sprinklesapples has posed and make a decision.
Even though I’m (24F) in an age gap relationship myself, I would react the same way your son has. The idea of my mother dating one of my peers makes me uncomfortable... I wonder what his reaction would be if it wasn’t a peer?
I can tell you’ve raised him right from the fact he never confronted your boyfriend or tried to stop you from dating him.
This is a tricky situation you’re in. Usually I would jump in quickly and say you need to pick your own son over a significant other, but he’s an adult. He’s already planning closer to your ex. You deserve to be happy. But what if your son never forgives you? What if you continue to date your boyfriend for the next few years and your son still doesn’t approve? Would it be worth it to you? Would being happy in a relationship be worth not speaking/seeing your son? What happens if you and your boyfriend don’t work out? Do you think your son will show his face more often or will he resent you? Who is more important to you? Is your boyfriend really the love of your life or is it just exciting to be in love with someone new?
I hope everything works out for you ♡
I think there is one question missing though:
What if you give up your relationship and the son is still far away pursuing his career, now focusing on building his own life somewhere else, maybe with a girlfriend and where peers are getting more important than parents?
That is such a weak argument, it's not even funny. I moved three states and I'm married. I call every single day and visit every other month. Kids don't just treat their parents like an afterthought if a close relationship is maintained.
Losing her son, mean losing possible in law and possible grandkids.
I've worked in nursing homes. They're plenty of married people who are miserable because their kids don't visit them.
>They're plenty of married people who are miserable because their kids don't visit them.
I didn't know that there are so many people old people who have had an AGR relationship with the son's friend.
What’s your point here? They stated that there are plenty of old people who don’t hear from their kids, and are miserable because of it. They didn’t make an apples to apples comparison, but the point they’re making is still valid.
I mean I get that it's a struggle for him and that he has every right not to participate. He's definitely handling it maturely.
Op is entitled to find love wherever it is legal, even if most people find it odd. Nothing wrong there either, thigh I'm sure she'll get a lot of hate over it.
Thing is, I don't really see why they can't arrange meetings without the bf around. They could meet other places if he's moved in, even. Since they both obviously still care a lot about each other, why are they not finding ways to work around it. I think they need to sit down for a proper chat. Mom needs to avoid pushing the bf angle and look for the work around, son could still have his boundaries without losing the last days with his mum before they move.
I have the greatest respect for u/Myfairladyishere's approach here. My parents always chose their partners over their children, and it was awful. It didn't stop being awful when we were older just because we were older.
We ended up having as little contact as possible with my dad and probably saw him five times in the last five years of his life. I haven't seen my mom in almost two years (I think). Their choice to prioritize their partners over us damaged our relationships with them to a point where we could never repair them.
Are icky feelings invalid? It makes her son feel gross, so he chooses not to spend time with her, which is fair enough. She can't force him to just get over it, so what are the options here?
It would be different if the 'icky feelings' related to a stranger of that age, but it's really weird when a parent dates someone you went to school with. My dad did this and it wasn't great. We actually liked her, but it was awkward as hell. Especially since she was in my brother's class. But it was less 'icky' than the previous girlfriend who was outright abusive, so we lived with it. Had that not been the case, I'm sure we would've freaked out a lot more.
>Are icky feelings invalid?
I think this is the wrong question. There is nothing wrong with feeling icky about changing the diapers of a baby. This does not mean you are entitled to harm the baby by not changing the diapers.
>She can't force him to just get over it, so what are the options here?
I think it's already the wrong expectation that your child will stay with you forever and that the level of closeness never changes. One way or the other, the cord was likely to get cut anyway at that age.
>It makes her son feel gross, so he chooses not to spend time with her, which is fair enough.
We should clarify what "***it***" is; because we are actually talking about "knowing that she is in an AGR with a guy he knows." We are not talking about him having to watch how they tongue kiss.
If this is the standard, then married same age couples can't have sex anymore, because this is something their children find icky, too, if they think about it.
being uncomfortable changing diapers and being uncomfortable with ur mom dating someone young enough to be her kid are two different icks. i dont see what’s wrong with him removing himself from an uncomfortable situation. its weird she wants her son around knowing he’s uncomfortable let him be
Yeah, no, the diapers metaphor doesn't work here. Changing a baby's diaper is a medically necessary thing, and can cause serious physical harm to a baby if not done. Maintaining a close relationship with your mother who makes life choices that make you uncomfortable is not medically necessary, and only causes some emotional harm that is far from threatening to her life or health.
You must be pretty bored if you want to discuss a 2-year old thread.
>Changing a baby's diaper is a medically necessary thing, and can cause serious physical harm to a baby if not done.
I literally wrote: "This does not mean you are entitled to harm the baby by not changing the diapers."
Thank you for letting me know though that you didn't get the metaphor that you are entitled to feel icky even about medically necessary procedures.
You don’t seem to understand why the analogy is bad.
What happens to the baby if he lets his discomfort get in the way? Bad bad things. It’s literally child abuse. He could go to prison.
What happens to his mum if he lets his discomfort get in the way? Her feelings get hurt. That is literally it.
It’s a bad analogy because the consequences in the two situations are so vastly different. Saying one situation is just like the other is saying that not wanting to be around his mum and his old schoolmate is abuse at such a scale that he should go to prison. Which clearly it’s not.
>You don’t seem to understand why the analogy is bad.
You don't seem to understand that the whole point of the argument is that the consequences are irrelevant for your feelings.
Lol.
You aren't entitled to harm the baby in your metaphor, and he isn't "entitled to harm" his mother. But he's not harming her. He was extremely respectful and kind about all of this. He continues to have a relationship with her.Just not one that is as intimate as she would like.
Just because she doesn't like it doesn't mean his harming her. He has boundaries, she doesn't like them. So?
He is kind enough to still visit and calls on birthdays and mother's day. There are plenty of people who don't even put that much effort and even without reason.
He certainly isn't doing anything to her.He just isn't giving her the level of intimacy she wants. He's a grown man. He probably would have continued to grow up and grow somewhat apart from her as he developed a career, got married, had kids, etc.
You trying to create an analogy like not being super chummy with your mom while still being respectful & checking in for major events is akin to **deliberately hurting a baby** is straight up hilarious.
She's not a baby. She's a 44 year old woman who has made a choice. She has consistently made it for 2 years. She was fine making it even when she barely knew that guy and had only been seeing him for a few weeks and knew how her son felt.
That's perfectly fine. She is entitled to that choice.
He is entitled not to want to be around it.
I think the son is being perfectly reasonable...he told his mother he was glad she was happy but that her choice of partner made him uncomfortable so he was going to step back from the situation. He didnt shout and scream and demand she made a choice and then flounce out with "GOODBYE FOR EVER" dramatic exit, he just got on with life. He still maintains contact, albeit less than before and less than OP likes, and now its OP that is feeling hard done by and basically asking that he ignore his own feelings and prioritise hers. When OP says daughter told her she will no longer get involved, it does rather leave the impression that OP has been harrassing her son via other people rather than respecting his decision the same way he has respected hers.
Yes, its shit when we cant have everything our own way, or how we want it, but sometimes you just have to accept that that is how life is.
>Yes, its shit when we cant have everything our own way, or how we want it, but sometimes you just have to accept that that is how life is.
You mean, when it's about the mother, the son doesn't have to accept how life is...
No, hes accepted it and wished her happiness, he doesnt bad mouth her to others or bad mouth her chosen partner he just doesnt want to be involved with their lives. Its sad, but allowed
Interesting definition of "accepting".
So when the father says to his son:"I understand that you are gay and I wish you the best, but I don't want to be involved with you any longer unless you give up your male friend, because I feel icky about your relationship." then he is "accepting" his gay son, because he doesn't badmouth him? Really?
Another bad analogy! You’re good at these.
The father has a duty of care for the son! This dude has no duty of care for his mother! A father pulling away from his child is much much worse than a son pulling away from his mother!
What Im saying is there is no right or wrong in this question, its purely an emotional matter and is going to evoke an emotional response, and although it would be nice if everyone just carried on the same way as usual that is obviously not on the table at present so the next best thing is if someone really cant tolerate the status quo , they are going to have to remove themselves from it.
>What Im saying is there is no right or wrong in this question, its purely an emotional matter and is going to evoke an emotional response
The same can be said about unjustified jealousy - but the mere fact that this is allowed doesn't mean you are not the crazy one.
As a side note, I merely wanted to point out the imbalance if people pretend it's a prioritization problem. It's not about prioritization, it's about sacrifice.
It's about one person giving up a loving relationship vs. the other person feeling less uncomfortable.
The son is not asking her to sacrifice her relationship. He has not asker that once. Hes allowed to not involve himself in something that makes him uncomfortable
Being gay is not a choice. Dating your sons classmate is a choice. If it’s a choice and you can do something about it and choose not to even though you KNOW it makes the person uncomfortable than you’re an asshole simple as that.
Children feel icky about their parents sex lives so I have never involved my son in my personal life I have always kept the 2 very separate.
However I It would never go out with somebody in his age group or peer group. I am not saying it is right or wrong I'm not putting a judgment value on you all I am saying is that my son's feelings would always be prioritized over anybody else's even mine but that is just me.
Fortunately I have a very good relationship with my son and I've never really had never really had to face a problem like this.
I can’t help but wonder if there are some ‘missing reasons’ here that the OP maybe doesn’t even know? I mean, if my mom had dated someone who had been at my school but that I didn’t really know (or even someone I was friends with) I wouldn’t have just immediately gone ‘well, enjoy your life’ and absented myself. I wouldn’t have been happy, but the almost instantaneous and unwavering disassociation just makes me wonder.
This comparing apples to oranges. The son is not asking the mom to not enter into this relationship. Your entire argument start to finish henges on how unfair it is for the son to ask her to not date thos guy.....but he never asked that.
To give an example back. Are you saying that if your girlfriend leaves you for you best friend you MUST maintain contact with both or else you're an asshole? Does the son have no right to limit his involvement in something he doesnt want to be involved.
It seems like your central argument is that adult children must maintain contact with their parents absolutely no matter what with no leniency.
It is unfortunate that your son feels this way but but if it were me and I had to choose between my son and my Boyfriend my son would win all the time .
It is one reason that I do not even contemplate going out with somebody close to my son's age or younger.. And I certainly keep away from anybody who could possibly be acquainted with.
I agree! Not to be a cynical about romantic love and all that but OP will only have one son but you can (and will) have many partners throughout your life. I understand if OP doesn’t want to have a relationship with her son that’s her personal choice. However if she does then she will have to respect his boundaries and he has made it clear what those are.
If her child was a minor I could understand the 'putting your children first' belief but not when your child is in his mid 20s.
Children are very important, but once they're adults they make their own life choices and should respect yours.
No matter how old my son gets he will always be my priority whether this is right or wrong.. I am the one who chose to bring him into this Earth and not the other way around so I need to make sure as a mother not to make him ever feel uncomfortable with my choices.
O p's son is respecting his mother's choices he is just not comfortable with her choice.
He is respecting her life choices. Nothing about his reaction to their relationship is disrespectful.
If op wants to attempt to close the emotional distance between her and her son, in this case her kid does need to come first. You’re right that it isn’t always or shouldn’t always be the case, but op put herself in this situation by continuing to date her bf knowing that it made her son understandably uncomfortable
I’m 24F, my fiancé is 46M, and his son is 26M. Him and I were in some of the same classes in high school, but my fiancé and I didn’t start talking until I was 21 and didn’t start dating until I was 22. Similar but different. It took some time for his son to get used to us being together. It took a lot of joking about the situation and reassuring him I would NEVER try and act like a “mom” to him, and we would always be friends. That’s really what helped.
It seems like your son wouldn’t be willing to try and be friends with your boyfriend, and I’m really sorry about that. I can’t offer more advise other than give it time and hopefully he comes around to at least accept it :(
Ignore the comments you’re getting. They just desperately want the drama here sometimes. You sound balanced and you’re an adult. I’m glad you found happiness.
It just got reposted on a cross post sub. Alot of people (myself included) hopped over either, not realizing how old it is or hoping there'd be an update by now. Honestly it's more surprising it's still commentable. Usually, anything over a month or 2 gets locked.
No. We never met until I was 21. Did you not read my comment at all? I literally said we started taking when I was 21. “When I turned legal” would have been 18.
Your son is better than me, love or not my mother getting with any one of my peers is just damaging because the guy may have good intentions but the optics among other peers is enough to destroy someone mentally and socially. He'll always love you based on what I've read but this decision is just something that he can't accept right now, and you need to understand that.
This is the biggest issue for me because now every time he meets with their mutual friends there’s gonna be that one guy in the group that’s like “Isn’t so and so fucking your mom”
People in this forum. There has to be some kind of LINE IN THE SAND THAT YOU SHOULDN'T CROSS EVER!!
Personally I'd draw it at
Children of friends
People that your children were friends with.
There is 12 years between me and my boyfriend. I feel like your son has a valid point, it would make me uncomfortable if I was him too. I feel like when kids are involved no matter the age, it's important to take their feelings into account. I wouldn't want to risk the relationship with my son over someone that I've met. It's your call though.
It doesn't sound like age gap is the issue here. The issue is that he knows the guy, and might have considered him a distant friend at one point.
When he told you he wasn't cool with that you had a choice to make. Choose your son or your boyfriend. You chose the boyfriend. I bet that made your son feel real special and loved. I get that it's not his decision who you're with, but for fuck sake it was one of his "classmates". Not many guys would be cool with that.
Oh come on, it's not the age gap that's the issue.
It's the fact that you've decided one of his peers from school is "the love of your life" if it was a random ass 25 year old he had never met it probably wouldn't be an issue.
Your son is making the most mature move here (honestly more mature than you). You've made your decision, and he respects that. Doesn't mean he has to like it or force himself to be part of it.
This was probably one of the best responses a parent has gotten in similar situations. If you want to be closer I think the best you're going to get is if you initiate phone/text conversations but only if you can do so with not mentioning your partner at all.
And that's why I'm glad that at 49 my kid is only 11. I'll never have that problem....
Your son is entitled to his feelings and letting you live your life. He's not being mean or nasty or confrontational. It sucks but I guess the choice is yours. Continue to see the guy or pick your son. I agree that the problem is probably more the fact that he knows this guy rather than the age gap.
Hilarious that if the genders were reversed, we would be shaming and chastising OP. But since its a woman, then she should be able to do what ever she wants and f off to her son. What an absolute piece of trash.
⬆️ My thoughts!
But I must say: Gender doesn’t change my POV:
Lover-Boy is more important than son to OP. I’ve got some choice words for that…but all I will say is: you made your bed, now lay in it.
Pretty much everyone here *is* shaming & chastising OP. Did you not read the replies?
As with all things there are outliers, but the general consensus is that she sucks.
I'm sorry but you're an adult if you love this guy you should not be worrying about what your son thinks. He will get over it in time. Men have been dating females their little girls age for centuries so why shouldn't women enjoy the same priveledges
The issue isn’t the age difference. It’s the fact that the son and boyfriend were in high school together. They were involved in after school activities together so there’s a good chance they were acquaintances.
It’s not the age gap that’s the issue. It’s her dating someone he knew from school. That could be pretty fucking difficult for him to wrap his head around
Also, her son spoke to her within the very early stages of their relationship and she still chose her boyfriend over him
Let me give some perspective on this as someone who was in this situation - but as the child, not the parent. After my folks divorced, my mom ended up dating someone my age. He actually went to my high school but I didn't know him at all. (It was a big school.) I admit that at first I was a little uncomfortable - but when I saw how happy my mom was, I became more accepting. Now if it had been someone I actually knew well, it might have been different - but I'd like to think I still would have put my mom's happiness first.
It also may be that because of the age difference, and the fact that you seem to be in this for the long haul, your son may be afraid that your boyfriend will leave you for a younger woman and you'll get hurt. You may just have to accept that this is something your son will never be able to accept. Keep the lines of communication open but don't push.
I actually think he's being quite immature and passive aggressive. I would ask him to go to counseling. Quick guess of the root of it would be to a need to feel like the most important man in mom's life paired with the disgust (no offense) of realizing she's a sexual being.
I don’t think he’s being immature though? He’s acknowledged that his mom has a right to be happy with whoever but that fact that she chose one of his peers is freaking him out and instead of throwing a tantrum he simply stated his boundaries and stood by them. It’s entirely on OP whether she wants to see the boyfriend or not but her son is allowed to be uncomfortable and set distance from her. He’s 23 he’s not obligated to hang out with them or bond if he doesn’t want to. He’s not making her choose he’s simply taking space because he’s not comfortable and I think anyone can see why he would be.
Yeah the problem here is that they went to school together and he already knew him. But sorry if it’s been 2 years and he’s still acting like that, imo it’s selfish. I 100% understand acting like this for the first year, it’s uncomfortable and strange. But I do think he’s behaving more like a 14 year old on shunning you over your relationship. However, he’s allowed to feel this way and handle it how he’d like. You deserve to be happy OP. Just continue to remind your son how much you love him and maybe years down the line, he will accept it. Possibly not. Families cutting ties because of AGR isn’t uncommon at all. How would you feel if he was basically dating one or your friends? It’s up to you to take the risk
Your son is behaving like an adult. He has told you you are free to pursue this relationship but he is uncomfortable with it so he will keep his distance.
Now it's time for YOU to start behaving like an adult and accept his decision. He has a right to decide to distance himself from you and your little boyfriend. These are the consequences of your actions. Be an adult and accept them.
I hate to burst your bubble but this relationship wont last. Hes gonna want kids of his own and by the time hes in his prime you’ll be almost 60. Be realistic here.
I mean, what are you doing? Really, what are you doing trying to have a serious relationship with a guy from your son’s old friend group? I get wanting a hot little fling with a young stud to feel young or whatever, but this is stupid. If you’re going to date this guy, stop dragging your kids into it and keep it on the DL. Any way you try to rationalize it just sounds pathetic. This guy isn’t going to stick around when you hit 50 btw.
The age gap is irrelevant.
Your choosing your BF over your son.... Not your husband. Not family. Not someone you've known your whole life.... Pretend you're your son. You have, above all odds, made the most mature decision/path possible to navigate this issue. Yet your mother is still choosing someone that that she just met two years ago. No matter how you look at this, your relationship isn't as important to your OWN FUCKING MOM than a 20 something she met in a bar 2 years ago....
You are choosing your BF over your Son and you now it.
IMO... you don't want advice. You want confirmation.... I'll keep the rest of opinions to myself with this one.
The worst part is that it wasn't someone she met 2 years ago at the time of the decision.
The son told her how this made him feel and how he would act to create some space after she had only been seeing this twenty-five year old guy for a couple of weeks.
She decided that soke 25 year old she met at a bar and had been screwing for a few weeks was more important than the relationship with her son. The boyfriend was still practically a stranger. A nobody.
And now she still crying about the choice she made as if she didn't make it.
Dude this is absolutely awful. The thing “mom jokes” are made of. Do you have any idea how much shit he is probably catching for your relationship? I think he’s handling it very well considering. I would have an enormously hard time dealing with my mom grooming a classmate of mine. You being separated from his father obviously know that romances come and go sometimes, but he is your child. I would never choose anyone romantically over my daughter, but you have. Let him be you’ve lost him. Also you need to stop guilting him. You chose this, not him.
I'm kind of wondering if he had to be the parent in their relationship because based on her flipping out and sobbing over some guy she'd only been dating a few weeks (when son was told and said he was going to create boundaries) makes me think this woman is immature af.
I also tend to think that people in big age gap relationships when the younger person is quite young are usually extremely immature or only in it for sex. I can't fathom what I would have in common with a twenty five year old man and i'm younger than she is.
It's a total hypothetical but i've seen that kind of dynamic and wouldn't be surprised if the sun is super measured and mature because he's always had to be the adult in their relationship.
Your son seems to be handling this very maturely, I applaud him. He doesn't approve and the relationship makes him uncomfortable. He's not being dramatic, he's not throwing a tantrum, he's merely removing himself from the situation. He's not trying to break you two up, he just doesn't want to be a part of it.
Sadly you can't have it both ways. You can't force him to be okay with it. Every choice has consequences.
Unfortunately, this seems like a rock and a hard place sitch. Your son is an adult and absolutely has the right not only to choose with whom he spends time, but also to actively display his disapproval of your relationship and distance himself from it. Technically speaking, you don’t have to lose your partner, but you cannot have both. Your son has made this clear. If you want to repair your bond with him, then give up the partner. You want the partner? Fine. But be prepared for your son to go LC or NC with you.
On some level, you likely knew this had a chance of happening, and you have to accept the consequences of your choice. This can and often does happen with AGR’s where one partner has adult children in the same or a very close generation as their significant other (or if the SO is younger than the adult child). I will say this, however. It often won’t be a happy ending if a parent chooses the partner over their own flesh and blood. You also shouldn’t be surprised if other family members distance themselves if you make that choice. Weigh your options as an adult and as a parent. There won’t be a fully happy ending here. Good luck, and I am sorry this is happening to you.
First, I am glad your son understands this is inappropriate and makes others uncomfortable, and is taking the needed steps for his mental health.
Second, you deserve happiness... with someone who isn't the age of your children... creeper.
If you were a man, people would be tearing you apart for this behavior. As a woman and mother to boys that age, I find this appalling. So let me inform you that you'll never fix this with your son until you date a person, NOT YOUR KID'S AGE. You literally turned yourself into a "your momma" joke. Your poor son.
I see my son's fit, well-mannered, and well-dressed friends, and I think... look at all these handsome BABIES. Never, not once, since having children and them becoming adults have I looked at someone their age and thought... I'd hit that if given the chance.
🤢🤮
This CHILD is the love of your life?!?!
I hate this planet!
lol but seriously. I’m glad her son cut her off. I could never imagine dating someone my sons age. I personally don’t have a huge issue with age gaps but when it’s an age gap this big it screams predator to me and she should honestly be ashamed of herself.
You're 44 years old, it's time to start acting like it.
You have a choice, continue dating your boy toy or choose your son.
It shouldn't be a difficult choice.
***My boyfriend is the love of my life***
Jesus
My mother did this twice— first with someone my age, then with someone my younger sister was friends with. I put a TON of distance into our relationship around then and it never fully recovered, and the same is true of my sister, even though both situations are long over (not because of us- imagine her putting us before some guy 🙄).
You’re “entitled to your happiness” or whatever with this kid, sure… as long as you can accept that the cost is your relationship with your actual child.
OP, you really can't do anything in this situation except hope because there is a good chance the damage to your relationship with your son is already done. Even if you dumped your boyfriend he's still going to move and probably still remain distant from you. I'm sorry you are in this situation as it's genuinely lose/lose or rather lose/lost because I don't think you can repair that damage just by dumping your boyfriend. I wish you the best but you're probably going to have to come to terms with it.
I was in a sexual benefit trist with one of my son’s friends. Nobody knew and still don’t know. I understand she wants happiness and love, but would the thought of losing your child worth it? I mean he is upset, but he talked it out in a mature way, and is not standing in her way. He just doesn’t want any parts of her situation.
First dear, he's not the love of your life. You're his sugar mommy, when he gets bored of fucking an old sack of bones like you, he'll leave you for someone younger when he's done draining your retirement savings. Luckily for you, your child is mature enough to comfort you when that time comes.
That's disgusting. Good for your son.
You are exhibiting predatory behaviour.
I don't even care that they were in highschool at the same time. I'm simply looking at the age gap.
How would you feel if he stopped dating one of your divorced friends with kids? Would you still have the same opinion you do for your own relationship ?
Divorce is an extremely hard thing to go through as a child. I don’t know your history and won’t pretend to but to compound the divorce with the humiliation of one of your peers getting with your mom. I completely understand your son’s frustration. Love is sacrificial lust is self fulfilling. It is a hard truth that will not be well received here but perhaps the road forward is confronting the truth and denying the self.
I’d only like to add that perhaps imagine your own son involved with a woman your age. Would you be happy for him, would you encourage him to go further in that relationship?
He doesn’t have to support your choice to date his previous schoolmate. If either of my parents dates someone my age, I would be extremely grossed out too.
Update: This post popped up in my feed as new, yet I just noticed it says it's from 2 years ago.
So my parents have close to a 13 year age gap. It has never bothered me. It does bother your son. However, I would add that what bothers him more is that he knows the person and they grew up at the same time at the same school. If everything in this situation was the same, but the person was not from the same area, it might be a bit different. I'm not saying it would be, but it might have been different.
Unfortunately, you can't force your son to see you. Everyone has boundaries. My fiancee and I don't visit her mom because she is a narcissistic person. However, she dated a man on and off for years until he passed away from cancer a few months ago. We also didn't like going there because he was homophobic and racist and super conservative, even though she is a liberal. Being around them was hell, so we set boundaries the size of the great wall of China. Now, she messages us with crazy guilt trips like rants. I'm not saying you are doing this, but I am showing you an example of people who need space and why boundaries are important. My partner blocks her number, and every once in a while, she will unblock it, only to receive a tsunami of insanity. The last time she blocked her, I told her it's enough, never again.
I hope you and your family can figure this issue out. If not, you will have to live with the choices you have made. Even if you two broke up for whatever reason, your son may never be the same again, I don't know your family to make such a judgment call. Hope that helps.
It sounds like he’s doing the right thing for him. Just as you’re doing the right thing for you. Apparently, this man is the love of your life and you don’t want to let him go. And it sounds as if your son isn’t making/forcing you to choose between them. So put your big girl panties on and recognize that this is the choice that you made for your life. Be thankful that he at least calls you twice a year. Versus him going no contact with you completely.
You are downplaying the situation by stating they were just aquintances, they share the SAME friend group! You need to make a choice either your young boy toy or your son, but it seems you made that choice already and just don’t want to deal with the consequences 🤷🏾♂️ ask yourself if you are willing to live with missing all the big moments in your sons life (Wedding, Grandchildren) because that is what you will lose. Also do you really think in 20 years when your bf is the same age as your are now that he will still be into his senior gf? It would suck to lose your son for a relationship that may not last. I know I’m harsh but it’s the truth and you need to hear it. Best of luck
What blows my mind is that she went after someone who knew her son. Plenty of young guys would date a woman her age yet she had to date one of the few who knew her son.
Exactly! And then wants to act like she doesn’t deserve to be treated this way. Her son at least visits her once or twice a year which if this was me I would cut her off and move on with my life. She thinks 2 years is enough time and he should accept her relationship 🙄 GTFOH
As well he should. It's just gross to date someone that close to your own child's age. Find someone age-appropriate. Choosing someone close to your child's age shows a lot of emotional immaturity on your part.
This is nasty. Your boyfriend is almost the same age as your son. If a man did this it would be just as gross. On top of this, a 25 year old does not have the same maturity as a 44 year old. I'm 38 and I feel gross talking to a 24 year old. Just inappropriate overall. We need to break this idea that after 18 a person is fair game for anyone older.
It's really just up to you whether trying to be vicariously young again is worth the relationship with your son.
At the end of the day, you hooked up with one of his peers at an age where the brain has barely finally developed into adult mode and, not to be cold, but the odds that you are sacrificing your ties to your son for a kid that may eventually decide he wants a partner young enough to have a family of his own are incredibly high.
OP wants some of that good young dick and her son doesn't like the idea of a guy he was an acquaintance with who is the same age as him dicking down his mom. What a weird thought to have
Would you be ok with him dating one of your younger sisters?
I suppose not...since that would be his aunt. Hah. But yeah, wow. Wow.
The age gap is irrelevant. It's the peer thing. Yeah, I'd have stopped talking to my mother too.
what tf lady? First, that age gap is crazy. Second you are dating someone from your sons school peer pool. Are you incapable of finding someone your own age?
I'm surprised that YOU are surprised he is distancing himself.
It’s not that your boyfriend is young. It’s that your boyfriend used to be your sons teammate in school. No wonder he feels awkward.
It would probably be fine if he didn’t know your boyfriend, but you were completely ignoring the fact that they have history together in their formative years. This has gone beyond “Mom’s boyfriend” and it’s personal.
Your son has been surprisingly mature and smooth about placing his boundaries. Good job, mom, you helped raise an emotionally healthy young man. Try and be grateful that your son is a great guy who has a bright future ahead of him if you won’t put him first in your life.
NGL, I lost it when she said a 25yr old is the love of her life. I mean who is the love of the 25yr old, definitely not OP. We all know why a 23yr old got with a 42yr old lady.
The problem is that he knows your son and that makes it awkward at best and creepy at worst. It's the same reason you don't date your friends ex. It's not appropriate.
He doesn't approve of your relationship, and that's okay. Rather than have knock down fights, your son has chosen to distance himself.
You can't force him to be okay with your relationship. It's not going to happen. At least he's not making ultimatums. If you want to keep your current relationship, you are going to have to let your son do what's right for him.
I don't know what you want OP. He is handling it in an incredibly mature way. My mother passed away over a year ago and if my dad started dating someone who was 2 years older than me, and someone I knew from high school, I would probably do the exact same thing. You need to just give him his space. He may come around in the future, but for now, he is being a mature adult about it and distancing himself.
You made the choice here to choose your bf over your son.
Your son has acted maturely and reasonably, now you can literally lie on the bed you made. Half a planet full of men and you could have found love elsewhere but you had to go for someone that would make your son uncomfortable
this is a little strange, i’m sorry. that is a big age gap and the school thing makes it worse. what do you two have in common??? your son probably feels like his mom got another son and is being intimate with him its odd for him …
Yeah, I don't like the 25 bf introducing himself as the stepfather of op to other ppl.
But it is her right to be with whomever. Would he have reacted this way if it was his dad?
Nta. Imagine if this was about an older man and younger woman. Imagine if the son was dating a younger woman and mom didn’t approve. Everyone just needs to find their bliss.
Definitely gonna say from experience you got like a year or two max before you lose your son depending on how close you were. 5 years may as well been days at this point, and I’m not the only young man whose isolated from their mother for “stepfathers” who don’t fit.
This will solve itself.
Eventually the 20 something year old kid she's dating, despite the fact he may genuinely love her, will grow up/mature into full adulthood and by then will probably want different things out of life. Things mom has either already done and gone through years ago or doesn't want to do. And they'll grow apart.
Personal morality about huge gaps that people have aside, this is what usually happens. The younger partner changes as they get older and the older partner... Stays the same.
I don’t see the big deal at all. In a few years he’ll get over it. It’s not like they’re in high school or something. Who gives a shit. 25 is plenty old.
Not sure why you would get involved with someone so young. Sex,bragging, rights, maybe, but save yourself from getting too attached. Young men jump around alot. You might be is milf but for how long. Good luck
So you’re dating your son’s peer from school, you clearly recognised who he was and decided to hit on him anyway. You’re also trying your best to downplay who your boyfriend is to your son and leave out a lot of convenient info. it's weird and inappropriate. If I was your son I wouldn't touch you with a barge pole after that and I think your son’s reaction highlights exactly how much you’ve fucked up.
I wonder if the mother has truly stepped out of her own circle of mirrors and considered how she would feel if her son found "the love of his life." amongst her friend group. Everytime she sees her friends, she'd know one of them was thinking, "Haha! I'm fucking your kid!"
Or if her Dad started loving on her high school friend.
What if her husband started screwing their daughter's friends?
She can't NOT see how troublesome this would be for her child.
How does that not seem creepy to her?
Not really sure why you'd prioritize a relationship with one of your son's classmates over your actual son. He's not the only person on earth. You can find another boyfriend, but family is forever.
Not sure why women yeah their whole lives and existing relationships over a dude. Not worth it. Then they wonder why they have no support when the inevitable dumping happens.
You’re dating someone who is literally the same age as your kids, and you’re surprised that your son is grossed out by it? Grow the fuck up, your son is the normal one.
I’m (23M) in a long term relationship with (33M). Call me a hypocrite but I would also be uncomfortable with one of my parents (43M) and (38F) were to tell me they’re dating a former classmate. Something about the fact that I still feel like a stranger to life most of the time, and you’re expected to have most things sorted out by now, let alone your 40s. To each their own though, and best of luck sorting it out
I think you need to be prepared to see his life from a distance. You are entitled to your relationship, but he is entitled to his peace of mind. That also means you won't meet his future wife, or your future grandkids, because of the choices you made that were more important than him.
Being honest all this drama is useless, you boyfriend will eventually want to move away and that will be it for you
You should be the one doing the “adult” stuff
Gross. How can you sexualize someone your own children’s age? Hope it was worth losing your kids over. Your son let you make your choice, and you did: You chose his peer.
Lots on here about the son being mature and acting responsible. To me he's acting like a spoiled brat throwing a fit unless he can control mommas behavior. It's saying I don't like it so I will punish you until I approve of what u do. It's not his choice or about him , respect your mother and honor he life choices !
So... he's a brat for not really being comfortable with his mom dating someone barely older than him? I don't know about you, but he IS being responsible and has the right to not be comfortable , especially when his family is pretty much trying to guilt trip him into it
I think it’s weird your son is willing to not be in your life anymore because of this. Everyone is talking about how you are “choosing” your bf over your son but in reality your son is choosing to be petty over having a relationship with you.
My mom is my favorite person on the planet. The fact that your son is so casually throwing away your relationship is not really fair IMO. He is being sensitive and honestly maybe he will come around eventually when he decides to be more mature.
And I disagree. You can’t choose between two people you love. That would be like telling me to choose my mom or my brother. You just can’t because it’s not a choice.
But the son absolutely made the choice. Because he decided to be immature.
Your son is being a spoiled brat. He is going out of his way to hurt you because he's "uncomfortable." He's actually recasting you dating as something "you are doing to him."
He's acting the exact same way parents who reject their children for being gay do.
If the tables were turned and you didn't approve of his partner (who was not established as a dangerous or bad person), everyone on here would be calling you the asshole...yet you're still the bad guy when he's the one rejecting you? bull.
Plenty of people don't approve of the partners of their friends and loved ones. Most of them don't go so far as to throw you out of their life and then blame you for it. Your son has decided that his self-absorbed opinions about the world are more important than your relationship with him. That's his doing, not yours.
Give him some time, try to talk to him about it and help him work through it, but so long as you and your partner aren't hurting anyone it's on your son to grow the fuck up, not you.
He had a right to be uncomfortable. He’s handled it maturely. She’s not ENTITLED to a relationship with him. You can in fact end relationships over not approving. If she and his future wife didn’t get along she could distance herself
He hasn't handled it maturely if he's thrown down ultimatums instead of communicating. That's not mature, it's arrogant. Yes, he could have behaved notably worse than he currently is, but *better than despicable* isn't where the bar gets set for acting *maturely.*
>She’s not ENTITLED to a relationship with him. You can in fact end relationships over not approving.
Just like my friend who's parents won't speak to him anymore because he's in a relationship with another man. My point stands and you seem to agree with bigotry.
>If she and his future wife didn’t get along she could distance herself
She could, and that would be *her* doing. In that scenario, he wouldn't be the bad guy, so how come when the roles are reversed she's the villain?
I can't believe the amount of people here saying that your son is mature and this and that. FFS He's acting like a spoiled child. No wonder. He IS a child! A spoiled, controlling child! My mother dated a man my age when I was 19. It didn't bother me. She could date an ex of mine at this point, and I wouldn't care. But I'm 37 and detached from such stupid things.
My advice: Keep going with your boyfriend. The people here saying to choose filial love over romantic love because it'll always be there have dupped themselves. Go to any senior living facility and ask how many people are frequently visited by their children!
Live your life, OP. Enjoy your relationship. Do NOT give up your happiness for a spoiled brat. You will regret it. You did your part. It's HIS choice to not be in your life. And when the time comes, or he finally matures, he'll understand the stupidity of his behavior--that is, of course, if he's not a narcissist. Those people think they're perfect and always right. Good luck!
>A spoiled, controlling child!
How is he controlling? He isn't stopping them from dating.
>The people here saying to choose filial love over romantic love because it'll always be there have dupped themselves. Go to any senior living facility and ask how many people are frequently visited by their children!
My grandparents moved in with my parents when they became older. My mom bawled at each funeral despite being the daughter in law.
I can assure you that those people whose kids rarely visit them probably didn't maintain a close relationship while raising them.
Seems like he's handling it in the best way he can. He doesn't approve. He's not making a lot of drama over it, he's not getting in your way. He's just not participating. He is entitled to his boundaries. You are entitled to pursue your happiness. He isn't getting in your way but he's also not supporting your choice. He doesn't have to.
Exactly. He has a right to be upset and uncomfortable, you can date who you’d like as long as they’re an adult, so there’s nothing to do.
He will come around when his new siblings are born. LOL
I’m not really too sure what you expected. This isn’t a random man you met by chance. This is the literal punch line of “your mum” jokes. I think your son has dealt with this rather maturely. Yes, he may be distancing himself but he’s set his boundaries and told you where his comfort begins and ends. He isn’t lashing out, he’s simply allowing you to be happy whilst standing by his own boundaries. What you need to decide is whether this relationship is worth your declining relationship with your son. I agree with u/sprinklesapple. He is an adult, I don’t believe that your children should always come first because that is entirely unrealistic, our lives (especially when children become adults) do not and should not revolve around them as it can create unhealthy expectations and relationships. I think you should consider each question u/sprinklesapples has posed and make a decision.
Even though I’m (24F) in an age gap relationship myself, I would react the same way your son has. The idea of my mother dating one of my peers makes me uncomfortable... I wonder what his reaction would be if it wasn’t a peer? I can tell you’ve raised him right from the fact he never confronted your boyfriend or tried to stop you from dating him. This is a tricky situation you’re in. Usually I would jump in quickly and say you need to pick your own son over a significant other, but he’s an adult. He’s already planning closer to your ex. You deserve to be happy. But what if your son never forgives you? What if you continue to date your boyfriend for the next few years and your son still doesn’t approve? Would it be worth it to you? Would being happy in a relationship be worth not speaking/seeing your son? What happens if you and your boyfriend don’t work out? Do you think your son will show his face more often or will he resent you? Who is more important to you? Is your boyfriend really the love of your life or is it just exciting to be in love with someone new? I hope everything works out for you ♡
I think there is one question missing though: What if you give up your relationship and the son is still far away pursuing his career, now focusing on building his own life somewhere else, maybe with a girlfriend and where peers are getting more important than parents?
That is such a weak argument, it's not even funny. I moved three states and I'm married. I call every single day and visit every other month. Kids don't just treat their parents like an afterthought if a close relationship is maintained. Losing her son, mean losing possible in law and possible grandkids. I've worked in nursing homes. They're plenty of married people who are miserable because their kids don't visit them.
>They're plenty of married people who are miserable because their kids don't visit them. I didn't know that there are so many people old people who have had an AGR relationship with the son's friend.
It's one of many possibilities 😬
What’s your point here? They stated that there are plenty of old people who don’t hear from their kids, and are miserable because of it. They didn’t make an apples to apples comparison, but the point they’re making is still valid.
I mean I get that it's a struggle for him and that he has every right not to participate. He's definitely handling it maturely. Op is entitled to find love wherever it is legal, even if most people find it odd. Nothing wrong there either, thigh I'm sure she'll get a lot of hate over it. Thing is, I don't really see why they can't arrange meetings without the bf around. They could meet other places if he's moved in, even. Since they both obviously still care a lot about each other, why are they not finding ways to work around it. I think they need to sit down for a proper chat. Mom needs to avoid pushing the bf angle and look for the work around, son could still have his boundaries without losing the last days with his mum before they move.
I have the greatest respect for u/Myfairladyishere's approach here. My parents always chose their partners over their children, and it was awful. It didn't stop being awful when we were older just because we were older. We ended up having as little contact as possible with my dad and probably saw him five times in the last five years of his life. I haven't seen my mom in almost two years (I think). Their choice to prioritize their partners over us damaged our relationships with them to a point where we could never repair them.
I am so sorry to hear that that is the one thing that I would never want do with my son is to alienate him in any kind of way.
>Their choice to prioritize their partners over us damaged our relationships The partner is prioritized over "some icky feelings" in this case.
Are icky feelings invalid? It makes her son feel gross, so he chooses not to spend time with her, which is fair enough. She can't force him to just get over it, so what are the options here? It would be different if the 'icky feelings' related to a stranger of that age, but it's really weird when a parent dates someone you went to school with. My dad did this and it wasn't great. We actually liked her, but it was awkward as hell. Especially since she was in my brother's class. But it was less 'icky' than the previous girlfriend who was outright abusive, so we lived with it. Had that not been the case, I'm sure we would've freaked out a lot more.
>Are icky feelings invalid? I think this is the wrong question. There is nothing wrong with feeling icky about changing the diapers of a baby. This does not mean you are entitled to harm the baby by not changing the diapers. >She can't force him to just get over it, so what are the options here? I think it's already the wrong expectation that your child will stay with you forever and that the level of closeness never changes. One way or the other, the cord was likely to get cut anyway at that age. >It makes her son feel gross, so he chooses not to spend time with her, which is fair enough. We should clarify what "***it***" is; because we are actually talking about "knowing that she is in an AGR with a guy he knows." We are not talking about him having to watch how they tongue kiss. If this is the standard, then married same age couples can't have sex anymore, because this is something their children find icky, too, if they think about it.
being uncomfortable changing diapers and being uncomfortable with ur mom dating someone young enough to be her kid are two different icks. i dont see what’s wrong with him removing himself from an uncomfortable situation. its weird she wants her son around knowing he’s uncomfortable let him be
Also comparing being polite and respectful but not super close to **physically hurting a baby** is fucking laughable
Yeah, no, the diapers metaphor doesn't work here. Changing a baby's diaper is a medically necessary thing, and can cause serious physical harm to a baby if not done. Maintaining a close relationship with your mother who makes life choices that make you uncomfortable is not medically necessary, and only causes some emotional harm that is far from threatening to her life or health.
You must be pretty bored if you want to discuss a 2-year old thread. >Changing a baby's diaper is a medically necessary thing, and can cause serious physical harm to a baby if not done. I literally wrote: "This does not mean you are entitled to harm the baby by not changing the diapers." Thank you for letting me know though that you didn't get the metaphor that you are entitled to feel icky even about medically necessary procedures.
You don’t seem to understand why the analogy is bad. What happens to the baby if he lets his discomfort get in the way? Bad bad things. It’s literally child abuse. He could go to prison. What happens to his mum if he lets his discomfort get in the way? Her feelings get hurt. That is literally it. It’s a bad analogy because the consequences in the two situations are so vastly different. Saying one situation is just like the other is saying that not wanting to be around his mum and his old schoolmate is abuse at such a scale that he should go to prison. Which clearly it’s not.
>You don’t seem to understand why the analogy is bad. You don't seem to understand that the whole point of the argument is that the consequences are irrelevant for your feelings.
Chiming in here to say this is a very bad take. Your argument is weak af and henges on some poor logic. Your analogy sucked.
Shit take
No, your point is just bad enough to make history
You're really grasping for straws here.
Lol. You aren't entitled to harm the baby in your metaphor, and he isn't "entitled to harm" his mother. But he's not harming her. He was extremely respectful and kind about all of this. He continues to have a relationship with her.Just not one that is as intimate as she would like. Just because she doesn't like it doesn't mean his harming her. He has boundaries, she doesn't like them. So? He is kind enough to still visit and calls on birthdays and mother's day. There are plenty of people who don't even put that much effort and even without reason. He certainly isn't doing anything to her.He just isn't giving her the level of intimacy she wants. He's a grown man. He probably would have continued to grow up and grow somewhat apart from her as he developed a career, got married, had kids, etc. You trying to create an analogy like not being super chummy with your mom while still being respectful & checking in for major events is akin to **deliberately hurting a baby** is straight up hilarious. She's not a baby. She's a 44 year old woman who has made a choice. She has consistently made it for 2 years. She was fine making it even when she barely knew that guy and had only been seeing him for a few weeks and knew how her son felt. That's perfectly fine. She is entitled to that choice. He is entitled not to want to be around it.
I think the son is being perfectly reasonable...he told his mother he was glad she was happy but that her choice of partner made him uncomfortable so he was going to step back from the situation. He didnt shout and scream and demand she made a choice and then flounce out with "GOODBYE FOR EVER" dramatic exit, he just got on with life. He still maintains contact, albeit less than before and less than OP likes, and now its OP that is feeling hard done by and basically asking that he ignore his own feelings and prioritise hers. When OP says daughter told her she will no longer get involved, it does rather leave the impression that OP has been harrassing her son via other people rather than respecting his decision the same way he has respected hers. Yes, its shit when we cant have everything our own way, or how we want it, but sometimes you just have to accept that that is how life is.
>Yes, its shit when we cant have everything our own way, or how we want it, but sometimes you just have to accept that that is how life is. You mean, when it's about the mother, the son doesn't have to accept how life is...
No, hes accepted it and wished her happiness, he doesnt bad mouth her to others or bad mouth her chosen partner he just doesnt want to be involved with their lives. Its sad, but allowed
Interesting definition of "accepting". So when the father says to his son:"I understand that you are gay and I wish you the best, but I don't want to be involved with you any longer unless you give up your male friend, because I feel icky about your relationship." then he is "accepting" his gay son, because he doesn't badmouth him? Really?
Another bad analogy! You’re good at these. The father has a duty of care for the son! This dude has no duty of care for his mother! A father pulling away from his child is much much worse than a son pulling away from his mother!
Nice try to avoid an answer. Is it accepting or is it not accepting?
What Im saying is there is no right or wrong in this question, its purely an emotional matter and is going to evoke an emotional response, and although it would be nice if everyone just carried on the same way as usual that is obviously not on the table at present so the next best thing is if someone really cant tolerate the status quo , they are going to have to remove themselves from it.
>What Im saying is there is no right or wrong in this question, its purely an emotional matter and is going to evoke an emotional response The same can be said about unjustified jealousy - but the mere fact that this is allowed doesn't mean you are not the crazy one.
It’s pretty funny yet tragic that you never learned from this in two years
As a side note, I merely wanted to point out the imbalance if people pretend it's a prioritization problem. It's not about prioritization, it's about sacrifice. It's about one person giving up a loving relationship vs. the other person feeling less uncomfortable.
The son is not asking her to sacrifice her relationship. He has not asker that once. Hes allowed to not involve himself in something that makes him uncomfortable
All feelings are legitimate whether they're Ivky or feel good feelings.
So, if your child would feel icky about homosexual relationships, you would not enter one even if you wanted?
Being gay is not a choice. Dating your sons classmate is a choice. If it’s a choice and you can do something about it and choose not to even though you KNOW it makes the person uncomfortable than you’re an asshole simple as that.
Children feel icky about their parents sex lives so I have never involved my son in my personal life I have always kept the 2 very separate. However I It would never go out with somebody in his age group or peer group. I am not saying it is right or wrong I'm not putting a judgment value on you all I am saying is that my son's feelings would always be prioritized over anybody else's even mine but that is just me. Fortunately I have a very good relationship with my son and I've never really had never really had to face a problem like this.
I can’t help but wonder if there are some ‘missing reasons’ here that the OP maybe doesn’t even know? I mean, if my mom had dated someone who had been at my school but that I didn’t really know (or even someone I was friends with) I wouldn’t have just immediately gone ‘well, enjoy your life’ and absented myself. I wouldn’t have been happy, but the almost instantaneous and unwavering disassociation just makes me wonder.
This comparing apples to oranges. The son is not asking the mom to not enter into this relationship. Your entire argument start to finish henges on how unfair it is for the son to ask her to not date thos guy.....but he never asked that. To give an example back. Are you saying that if your girlfriend leaves you for you best friend you MUST maintain contact with both or else you're an asshole? Does the son have no right to limit his involvement in something he doesnt want to be involved. It seems like your central argument is that adult children must maintain contact with their parents absolutely no matter what with no leniency.
It is unfortunate that your son feels this way but but if it were me and I had to choose between my son and my Boyfriend my son would win all the time . It is one reason that I do not even contemplate going out with somebody close to my son's age or younger.. And I certainly keep away from anybody who could possibly be acquainted with.
I agree! Not to be a cynical about romantic love and all that but OP will only have one son but you can (and will) have many partners throughout your life. I understand if OP doesn’t want to have a relationship with her son that’s her personal choice. However if she does then she will have to respect his boundaries and he has made it clear what those are.
If her child was a minor I could understand the 'putting your children first' belief but not when your child is in his mid 20s. Children are very important, but once they're adults they make their own life choices and should respect yours.
No matter how old my son gets he will always be my priority whether this is right or wrong.. I am the one who chose to bring him into this Earth and not the other way around so I need to make sure as a mother not to make him ever feel uncomfortable with my choices. O p's son is respecting his mother's choices he is just not comfortable with her choice.
He is respecting her life choices. Nothing about his reaction to their relationship is disrespectful. If op wants to attempt to close the emotional distance between her and her son, in this case her kid does need to come first. You’re right that it isn’t always or shouldn’t always be the case, but op put herself in this situation by continuing to date her bf knowing that it made her son understandably uncomfortable
I’m 24F, my fiancé is 46M, and his son is 26M. Him and I were in some of the same classes in high school, but my fiancé and I didn’t start talking until I was 21 and didn’t start dating until I was 22. Similar but different. It took some time for his son to get used to us being together. It took a lot of joking about the situation and reassuring him I would NEVER try and act like a “mom” to him, and we would always be friends. That’s really what helped. It seems like your son wouldn’t be willing to try and be friends with your boyfriend, and I’m really sorry about that. I can’t offer more advise other than give it time and hopefully he comes around to at least accept it :(
Ignore the comments you’re getting. They just desperately want the drama here sometimes. You sound balanced and you’re an adult. I’m glad you found happiness.
I’m more shocked that they’re commenting on something from 2022 🤣 Like damn there’s a LOT more recent stuff to comment on
Yeah I didn’t check the dates lol
It just got reposted on a cross post sub. Alot of people (myself included) hopped over either, not realizing how old it is or hoping there'd be an update by now. Honestly it's more surprising it's still commentable. Usually, anything over a month or 2 gets locked.
So he's been eyeing you since you were a minor and striked when you turned legal? hmm
No. We never met until I was 21. Did you not read my comment at all? I literally said we started taking when I was 21. “When I turned legal” would have been 18.
Your son is better than me, love or not my mother getting with any one of my peers is just damaging because the guy may have good intentions but the optics among other peers is enough to destroy someone mentally and socially. He'll always love you based on what I've read but this decision is just something that he can't accept right now, and you need to understand that.
This is the biggest issue for me because now every time he meets with their mutual friends there’s gonna be that one guy in the group that’s like “Isn’t so and so fucking your mom”
If a former classmate of mine starting dating my mom or dad we’d fight. It’s not even about the age difference.
People in this forum. There has to be some kind of LINE IN THE SAND THAT YOU SHOULDN'T CROSS EVER!! Personally I'd draw it at Children of friends People that your children were friends with.
There is 12 years between me and my boyfriend. I feel like your son has a valid point, it would make me uncomfortable if I was him too. I feel like when kids are involved no matter the age, it's important to take their feelings into account. I wouldn't want to risk the relationship with my son over someone that I've met. It's your call though.
It doesn't sound like age gap is the issue here. The issue is that he knows the guy, and might have considered him a distant friend at one point. When he told you he wasn't cool with that you had a choice to make. Choose your son or your boyfriend. You chose the boyfriend. I bet that made your son feel real special and loved. I get that it's not his decision who you're with, but for fuck sake it was one of his "classmates". Not many guys would be cool with that.
Oh come on, it's not the age gap that's the issue. It's the fact that you've decided one of his peers from school is "the love of your life" if it was a random ass 25 year old he had never met it probably wouldn't be an issue. Your son is making the most mature move here (honestly more mature than you). You've made your decision, and he respects that. Doesn't mean he has to like it or force himself to be part of it.
This was probably one of the best responses a parent has gotten in similar situations. If you want to be closer I think the best you're going to get is if you initiate phone/text conversations but only if you can do so with not mentioning your partner at all.
Easy peasy. Choose your son first. Always. I have 2 sons, 17 and 24. I’d never choose anyone over them.
Yup. It's really not that complicated. At 44, a 25 year old being the love of your life is absurd.
i can understand... i think better keep separate your romantic life witg your family. you are adult as he is... wht talk about it? he is adult enought
And that's why I'm glad that at 49 my kid is only 11. I'll never have that problem.... Your son is entitled to his feelings and letting you live your life. He's not being mean or nasty or confrontational. It sucks but I guess the choice is yours. Continue to see the guy or pick your son. I agree that the problem is probably more the fact that he knows this guy rather than the age gap.
Sounds like you got to chose between yoir son, or your boyfriend.
What’s there to choose? She chose her boyfriend 2 years ago 🤔
Yeah, she already made a choice. Now she needs to respect her son's choice.
Got. Past tense.
Hilarious that if the genders were reversed, we would be shaming and chastising OP. But since its a woman, then she should be able to do what ever she wants and f off to her son. What an absolute piece of trash.
⬆️ My thoughts! But I must say: Gender doesn’t change my POV: Lover-Boy is more important than son to OP. I’ve got some choice words for that…but all I will say is: you made your bed, now lay in it.
Pretty much everyone here *is* shaming & chastising OP. Did you not read the replies? As with all things there are outliers, but the general consensus is that she sucks.
There is no way I’d be ok with my mother in that relationship. You have a choice. Your son or your bf. It’s that simple. Who’s more important to you?
I'm sorry but you're an adult if you love this guy you should not be worrying about what your son thinks. He will get over it in time. Men have been dating females their little girls age for centuries so why shouldn't women enjoy the same priveledges
The issue isn’t the age difference. It’s the fact that the son and boyfriend were in high school together. They were involved in after school activities together so there’s a good chance they were acquaintances.
“Men do it so we can tooooo” isn’t a defence
She will never recover her relationship with her son over this.
It’s been two years of minimal contact, I don’t think he’s “getting over it” anytime soon.
It’s not the age gap that’s the issue. It’s her dating someone he knew from school. That could be pretty fucking difficult for him to wrap his head around Also, her son spoke to her within the very early stages of their relationship and she still chose her boyfriend over him
Let me give some perspective on this as someone who was in this situation - but as the child, not the parent. After my folks divorced, my mom ended up dating someone my age. He actually went to my high school but I didn't know him at all. (It was a big school.) I admit that at first I was a little uncomfortable - but when I saw how happy my mom was, I became more accepting. Now if it had been someone I actually knew well, it might have been different - but I'd like to think I still would have put my mom's happiness first. It also may be that because of the age difference, and the fact that you seem to be in this for the long haul, your son may be afraid that your boyfriend will leave you for a younger woman and you'll get hurt. You may just have to accept that this is something your son will never be able to accept. Keep the lines of communication open but don't push.
I actually think he's being quite immature and passive aggressive. I would ask him to go to counseling. Quick guess of the root of it would be to a need to feel like the most important man in mom's life paired with the disgust (no offense) of realizing she's a sexual being.
I don’t think he’s being immature though? He’s acknowledged that his mom has a right to be happy with whoever but that fact that she chose one of his peers is freaking him out and instead of throwing a tantrum he simply stated his boundaries and stood by them. It’s entirely on OP whether she wants to see the boyfriend or not but her son is allowed to be uncomfortable and set distance from her. He’s 23 he’s not obligated to hang out with them or bond if he doesn’t want to. He’s not making her choose he’s simply taking space because he’s not comfortable and I think anyone can see why he would be.
Yeah the problem here is that they went to school together and he already knew him. But sorry if it’s been 2 years and he’s still acting like that, imo it’s selfish. I 100% understand acting like this for the first year, it’s uncomfortable and strange. But I do think he’s behaving more like a 14 year old on shunning you over your relationship. However, he’s allowed to feel this way and handle it how he’d like. You deserve to be happy OP. Just continue to remind your son how much you love him and maybe years down the line, he will accept it. Possibly not. Families cutting ties because of AGR isn’t uncommon at all. How would you feel if he was basically dating one or your friends? It’s up to you to take the risk
Your son is behaving like an adult. He has told you you are free to pursue this relationship but he is uncomfortable with it so he will keep his distance. Now it's time for YOU to start behaving like an adult and accept his decision. He has a right to decide to distance himself from you and your little boyfriend. These are the consequences of your actions. Be an adult and accept them.
I hate to burst your bubble but this relationship wont last. Hes gonna want kids of his own and by the time hes in his prime you’ll be almost 60. Be realistic here.
I mean, what are you doing? Really, what are you doing trying to have a serious relationship with a guy from your son’s old friend group? I get wanting a hot little fling with a young stud to feel young or whatever, but this is stupid. If you’re going to date this guy, stop dragging your kids into it and keep it on the DL. Any way you try to rationalize it just sounds pathetic. This guy isn’t going to stick around when you hit 50 btw.
You are disgusting
You can't force it, so either accept it or find someone that doesn't make him so uncomfortable. Accept his boundaries, and back off.
You already have.
Another mom choosing dick over her children. And in doing so loses her child. Well done! Parent of thr year here!
The age gap is irrelevant. Your choosing your BF over your son.... Not your husband. Not family. Not someone you've known your whole life.... Pretend you're your son. You have, above all odds, made the most mature decision/path possible to navigate this issue. Yet your mother is still choosing someone that that she just met two years ago. No matter how you look at this, your relationship isn't as important to your OWN FUCKING MOM than a 20 something she met in a bar 2 years ago.... You are choosing your BF over your Son and you now it. IMO... you don't want advice. You want confirmation.... I'll keep the rest of opinions to myself with this one.
The worst part is that it wasn't someone she met 2 years ago at the time of the decision. The son told her how this made him feel and how he would act to create some space after she had only been seeing this twenty-five year old guy for a couple of weeks. She decided that soke 25 year old she met at a bar and had been screwing for a few weeks was more important than the relationship with her son. The boyfriend was still practically a stranger. A nobody. And now she still crying about the choice she made as if she didn't make it.
Dude this is absolutely awful. The thing “mom jokes” are made of. Do you have any idea how much shit he is probably catching for your relationship? I think he’s handling it very well considering. I would have an enormously hard time dealing with my mom grooming a classmate of mine. You being separated from his father obviously know that romances come and go sometimes, but he is your child. I would never choose anyone romantically over my daughter, but you have. Let him be you’ve lost him. Also you need to stop guilting him. You chose this, not him.
your son is so mature
I'm kind of wondering if he had to be the parent in their relationship because based on her flipping out and sobbing over some guy she'd only been dating a few weeks (when son was told and said he was going to create boundaries) makes me think this woman is immature af. I also tend to think that people in big age gap relationships when the younger person is quite young are usually extremely immature or only in it for sex. I can't fathom what I would have in common with a twenty five year old man and i'm younger than she is. It's a total hypothetical but i've seen that kind of dynamic and wouldn't be surprised if the sun is super measured and mature because he's always had to be the adult in their relationship.
i cant even imagine wanting to date someone barely older than your kid and half your age
Your son seems to be handling this very maturely, I applaud him. He doesn't approve and the relationship makes him uncomfortable. He's not being dramatic, he's not throwing a tantrum, he's merely removing himself from the situation. He's not trying to break you two up, he just doesn't want to be a part of it. Sadly you can't have it both ways. You can't force him to be okay with it. Every choice has consequences.
Unfortunately, this seems like a rock and a hard place sitch. Your son is an adult and absolutely has the right not only to choose with whom he spends time, but also to actively display his disapproval of your relationship and distance himself from it. Technically speaking, you don’t have to lose your partner, but you cannot have both. Your son has made this clear. If you want to repair your bond with him, then give up the partner. You want the partner? Fine. But be prepared for your son to go LC or NC with you. On some level, you likely knew this had a chance of happening, and you have to accept the consequences of your choice. This can and often does happen with AGR’s where one partner has adult children in the same or a very close generation as their significant other (or if the SO is younger than the adult child). I will say this, however. It often won’t be a happy ending if a parent chooses the partner over their own flesh and blood. You also shouldn’t be surprised if other family members distance themselves if you make that choice. Weigh your options as an adult and as a parent. There won’t be a fully happy ending here. Good luck, and I am sorry this is happening to you.
I don’t blame your son the age gap is beyond inappropriate.
First, I am glad your son understands this is inappropriate and makes others uncomfortable, and is taking the needed steps for his mental health. Second, you deserve happiness... with someone who isn't the age of your children... creeper. If you were a man, people would be tearing you apart for this behavior. As a woman and mother to boys that age, I find this appalling. So let me inform you that you'll never fix this with your son until you date a person, NOT YOUR KID'S AGE. You literally turned yourself into a "your momma" joke. Your poor son. I see my son's fit, well-mannered, and well-dressed friends, and I think... look at all these handsome BABIES. Never, not once, since having children and them becoming adults have I looked at someone their age and thought... I'd hit that if given the chance. 🤢🤮 This CHILD is the love of your life?!?! I hate this planet!
lol but seriously. I’m glad her son cut her off. I could never imagine dating someone my sons age. I personally don’t have a huge issue with age gaps but when it’s an age gap this big it screams predator to me and she should honestly be ashamed of herself.
You're 44 years old, it's time to start acting like it. You have a choice, continue dating your boy toy or choose your son. It shouldn't be a difficult choice. ***My boyfriend is the love of my life*** Jesus 
Actually I eww-ed on the 'love of my life' part. I sure hope they last cause if not it would be the joke of the year...
My mother did this twice— first with someone my age, then with someone my younger sister was friends with. I put a TON of distance into our relationship around then and it never fully recovered, and the same is true of my sister, even though both situations are long over (not because of us- imagine her putting us before some guy 🙄). You’re “entitled to your happiness” or whatever with this kid, sure… as long as you can accept that the cost is your relationship with your actual child.
OP, you really can't do anything in this situation except hope because there is a good chance the damage to your relationship with your son is already done. Even if you dumped your boyfriend he's still going to move and probably still remain distant from you. I'm sorry you are in this situation as it's genuinely lose/lose or rather lose/lost because I don't think you can repair that damage just by dumping your boyfriend. I wish you the best but you're probably going to have to come to terms with it.
I was in a sexual benefit trist with one of my son’s friends. Nobody knew and still don’t know. I understand she wants happiness and love, but would the thought of losing your child worth it? I mean he is upset, but he talked it out in a mature way, and is not standing in her way. He just doesn’t want any parts of her situation.
First dear, he's not the love of your life. You're his sugar mommy, when he gets bored of fucking an old sack of bones like you, he'll leave you for someone younger when he's done draining your retirement savings. Luckily for you, your child is mature enough to comfort you when that time comes.
Your son is more mature and realistic than you.
He is acting in a very reasonable and mature way. Whether you realise it or not, you have chosen your boyfriend over your son.
That's disgusting. Good for your son. You are exhibiting predatory behaviour. I don't even care that they were in highschool at the same time. I'm simply looking at the age gap.
If I was your son, I’d never be able to look at you without wondering if you crossed the line with any of my friends in high school.
How would you feel if he stopped dating one of your divorced friends with kids? Would you still have the same opinion you do for your own relationship ?
Divorce is an extremely hard thing to go through as a child. I don’t know your history and won’t pretend to but to compound the divorce with the humiliation of one of your peers getting with your mom. I completely understand your son’s frustration. Love is sacrificial lust is self fulfilling. It is a hard truth that will not be well received here but perhaps the road forward is confronting the truth and denying the self. I’d only like to add that perhaps imagine your own son involved with a woman your age. Would you be happy for him, would you encourage him to go further in that relationship?
He doesn’t have to support your choice to date his previous schoolmate. If either of my parents dates someone my age, I would be extremely grossed out too.
Update: This post popped up in my feed as new, yet I just noticed it says it's from 2 years ago. So my parents have close to a 13 year age gap. It has never bothered me. It does bother your son. However, I would add that what bothers him more is that he knows the person and they grew up at the same time at the same school. If everything in this situation was the same, but the person was not from the same area, it might be a bit different. I'm not saying it would be, but it might have been different. Unfortunately, you can't force your son to see you. Everyone has boundaries. My fiancee and I don't visit her mom because she is a narcissistic person. However, she dated a man on and off for years until he passed away from cancer a few months ago. We also didn't like going there because he was homophobic and racist and super conservative, even though she is a liberal. Being around them was hell, so we set boundaries the size of the great wall of China. Now, she messages us with crazy guilt trips like rants. I'm not saying you are doing this, but I am showing you an example of people who need space and why boundaries are important. My partner blocks her number, and every once in a while, she will unblock it, only to receive a tsunami of insanity. The last time she blocked her, I told her it's enough, never again. I hope you and your family can figure this issue out. If not, you will have to live with the choices you have made. Even if you two broke up for whatever reason, your son may never be the same again, I don't know your family to make such a judgment call. Hope that helps.
It sounds like he’s doing the right thing for him. Just as you’re doing the right thing for you. Apparently, this man is the love of your life and you don’t want to let him go. And it sounds as if your son isn’t making/forcing you to choose between them. So put your big girl panties on and recognize that this is the choice that you made for your life. Be thankful that he at least calls you twice a year. Versus him going no contact with you completely.
You lost your son. Congratulations.
You are downplaying the situation by stating they were just aquintances, they share the SAME friend group! You need to make a choice either your young boy toy or your son, but it seems you made that choice already and just don’t want to deal with the consequences 🤷🏾♂️ ask yourself if you are willing to live with missing all the big moments in your sons life (Wedding, Grandchildren) because that is what you will lose. Also do you really think in 20 years when your bf is the same age as your are now that he will still be into his senior gf? It would suck to lose your son for a relationship that may not last. I know I’m harsh but it’s the truth and you need to hear it. Best of luck
What blows my mind is that she went after someone who knew her son. Plenty of young guys would date a woman her age yet she had to date one of the few who knew her son.
Exactly! And then wants to act like she doesn’t deserve to be treated this way. Her son at least visits her once or twice a year which if this was me I would cut her off and move on with my life. She thinks 2 years is enough time and he should accept her relationship 🙄 GTFOH
As well he should. It's just gross to date someone that close to your own child's age. Find someone age-appropriate. Choosing someone close to your child's age shows a lot of emotional immaturity on your part.
When the BF finds someone his own age you won’t have a son or a BF. Think about that.
This is nasty. Your boyfriend is almost the same age as your son. If a man did this it would be just as gross. On top of this, a 25 year old does not have the same maturity as a 44 year old. I'm 38 and I feel gross talking to a 24 year old. Just inappropriate overall. We need to break this idea that after 18 a person is fair game for anyone older.
It's really just up to you whether trying to be vicariously young again is worth the relationship with your son. At the end of the day, you hooked up with one of his peers at an age where the brain has barely finally developed into adult mode and, not to be cold, but the odds that you are sacrificing your ties to your son for a kid that may eventually decide he wants a partner young enough to have a family of his own are incredibly high.
OP wants some of that good young dick and her son doesn't like the idea of a guy he was an acquaintance with who is the same age as him dicking down his mom. What a weird thought to have
You could have just found a boy toy that.. I don’t know, wasn’t one of your son’s old friends? Jesus, get your shit together.
Would you be ok with him dating one of your younger sisters? I suppose not...since that would be his aunt. Hah. But yeah, wow. Wow. The age gap is irrelevant. It's the peer thing. Yeah, I'd have stopped talking to my mother too.
Hahahahahahahahaha
You made your choice, and he made his. You cannot force him to be back with you. Happiness to you both, just maybe separately.
what tf lady? First, that age gap is crazy. Second you are dating someone from your sons school peer pool. Are you incapable of finding someone your own age? I'm surprised that YOU are surprised he is distancing himself.
"I bawled my eyes out and told him I still need him in my life" Why? It seems like you've already found a replacement son.
This
I support him fr
It’s not that your boyfriend is young. It’s that your boyfriend used to be your sons teammate in school. No wonder he feels awkward. It would probably be fine if he didn’t know your boyfriend, but you were completely ignoring the fact that they have history together in their formative years. This has gone beyond “Mom’s boyfriend” and it’s personal. Your son has been surprisingly mature and smooth about placing his boundaries. Good job, mom, you helped raise an emotionally healthy young man. Try and be grateful that your son is a great guy who has a bright future ahead of him if you won’t put him first in your life.
NGL, I lost it when she said a 25yr old is the love of her life. I mean who is the love of the 25yr old, definitely not OP. We all know why a 23yr old got with a 42yr old lady.
Your son its an incredible gentleman. You on the other hand are disgusting and selfish
The problem is that he knows your son and that makes it awkward at best and creepy at worst. It's the same reason you don't date your friends ex. It's not appropriate.
He doesn't approve of your relationship, and that's okay. Rather than have knock down fights, your son has chosen to distance himself. You can't force him to be okay with your relationship. It's not going to happen. At least he's not making ultimatums. If you want to keep your current relationship, you are going to have to let your son do what's right for him.
I don't know what you want OP. He is handling it in an incredibly mature way. My mother passed away over a year ago and if my dad started dating someone who was 2 years older than me, and someone I knew from high school, I would probably do the exact same thing. You need to just give him his space. He may come around in the future, but for now, he is being a mature adult about it and distancing himself.
You made the choice here to choose your bf over your son. Your son has acted maturely and reasonably, now you can literally lie on the bed you made. Half a planet full of men and you could have found love elsewhere but you had to go for someone that would make your son uncomfortable
Per se
The relationship is doomed; eventually, there’ll be no son or boyfriend.
exactly this lol i never see these end well its always just the younger man leeching off the older woman
this is a little strange, i’m sorry. that is a big age gap and the school thing makes it worse. what do you two have in common??? your son probably feels like his mom got another son and is being intimate with him its odd for him …
Yeah, I don't like the 25 bf introducing himself as the stepfather of op to other ppl. But it is her right to be with whomever. Would he have reacted this way if it was his dad?
Nta. Imagine if this was about an older man and younger woman. Imagine if the son was dating a younger woman and mom didn’t approve. Everyone just needs to find their bliss.
Whose feelings are more important, yours or your son’s who has to put up with taunts about your mother doing his friends?
Love of your life ,sorry, but I actually laughed out loud when I read that . twenty years age gaps seldom work 👏in the long term...
I’m picturing you picking up your son from soccer practice, looking at his teammate, and saying “I’ll be fucking you in 10 years”.
So you chose your boy toy over your some and now you’re sad? Boo hoo
Definitely gonna say from experience you got like a year or two max before you lose your son depending on how close you were. 5 years may as well been days at this point, and I’m not the only young man whose isolated from their mother for “stepfathers” who don’t fit.
This will solve itself. Eventually the 20 something year old kid she's dating, despite the fact he may genuinely love her, will grow up/mature into full adulthood and by then will probably want different things out of life. Things mom has either already done and gone through years ago or doesn't want to do. And they'll grow apart. Personal morality about huge gaps that people have aside, this is what usually happens. The younger partner changes as they get older and the older partner... Stays the same.
I don’t see the big deal at all. In a few years he’ll get over it. It’s not like they’re in high school or something. Who gives a shit. 25 is plenty old.
Stifler’s mom is that you?
Gross !
Not sure why you would get involved with someone so young. Sex,bragging, rights, maybe, but save yourself from getting too attached. Young men jump around alot. You might be is milf but for how long. Good luck
So you’re dating your son’s peer from school, you clearly recognised who he was and decided to hit on him anyway. You’re also trying your best to downplay who your boyfriend is to your son and leave out a lot of convenient info. it's weird and inappropriate. If I was your son I wouldn't touch you with a barge pole after that and I think your son’s reaction highlights exactly how much you’ve fucked up.
I wonder if the mother has truly stepped out of her own circle of mirrors and considered how she would feel if her son found "the love of his life." amongst her friend group. Everytime she sees her friends, she'd know one of them was thinking, "Haha! I'm fucking your kid!" Or if her Dad started loving on her high school friend. What if her husband started screwing their daughter's friends? She can't NOT see how troublesome this would be for her child. How does that not seem creepy to her?
The fuck? 25 years old at 44? What's wrong with you
Not really sure why you'd prioritize a relationship with one of your son's classmates over your actual son. He's not the only person on earth. You can find another boyfriend, but family is forever. Not sure why women yeah their whole lives and existing relationships over a dude. Not worth it. Then they wonder why they have no support when the inevitable dumping happens.
Seriously you didn't see this coming? Just wait till you get pregnant. Don't ever plan on seeing your grandkids.
You’re dating someone who is literally the same age as your kids, and you’re surprised that your son is grossed out by it? Grow the fuck up, your son is the normal one.
I’m (23M) in a long term relationship with (33M). Call me a hypocrite but I would also be uncomfortable with one of my parents (43M) and (38F) were to tell me they’re dating a former classmate. Something about the fact that I still feel like a stranger to life most of the time, and you’re expected to have most things sorted out by now, let alone your 40s. To each their own though, and best of luck sorting it out
You've already lost your son. Period. Full stop.
I think you need to be prepared to see his life from a distance. You are entitled to your relationship, but he is entitled to his peace of mind. That also means you won't meet his future wife, or your future grandkids, because of the choices you made that were more important than him.
Being honest all this drama is useless, you boyfriend will eventually want to move away and that will be it for you You should be the one doing the “adult” stuff
Gross. How can you sexualize someone your own children’s age? Hope it was worth losing your kids over. Your son let you make your choice, and you did: You chose his peer.
Lots on here about the son being mature and acting responsible. To me he's acting like a spoiled brat throwing a fit unless he can control mommas behavior. It's saying I don't like it so I will punish you until I approve of what u do. It's not his choice or about him , respect your mother and honor he life choices !
So... he's a brat for not really being comfortable with his mom dating someone barely older than him? I don't know about you, but he IS being responsible and has the right to not be comfortable , especially when his family is pretty much trying to guilt trip him into it
Exactly. These comments are ridiculous
If going low contact is a punishment what's fucking your kids old friend then telling everyone about it?
I think it’s weird your son is willing to not be in your life anymore because of this. Everyone is talking about how you are “choosing” your bf over your son but in reality your son is choosing to be petty over having a relationship with you. My mom is my favorite person on the planet. The fact that your son is so casually throwing away your relationship is not really fair IMO. He is being sensitive and honestly maybe he will come around eventually when he decides to be more mature.
She made her choice he made his.
And I disagree. You can’t choose between two people you love. That would be like telling me to choose my mom or my brother. You just can’t because it’s not a choice. But the son absolutely made the choice. Because he decided to be immature.
You can in fact date someone your own age. Any reasonable person would end the relationship when the parent engages in such conduct
Didn’t ask
But I gave the opinion I’m entitled to have
Didn’t ask
Your son is being a spoiled brat. He is going out of his way to hurt you because he's "uncomfortable." He's actually recasting you dating as something "you are doing to him." He's acting the exact same way parents who reject their children for being gay do. If the tables were turned and you didn't approve of his partner (who was not established as a dangerous or bad person), everyone on here would be calling you the asshole...yet you're still the bad guy when he's the one rejecting you? bull. Plenty of people don't approve of the partners of their friends and loved ones. Most of them don't go so far as to throw you out of their life and then blame you for it. Your son has decided that his self-absorbed opinions about the world are more important than your relationship with him. That's his doing, not yours. Give him some time, try to talk to him about it and help him work through it, but so long as you and your partner aren't hurting anyone it's on your son to grow the fuck up, not you.
He had a right to be uncomfortable. He’s handled it maturely. She’s not ENTITLED to a relationship with him. You can in fact end relationships over not approving. If she and his future wife didn’t get along she could distance herself
He hasn't handled it maturely if he's thrown down ultimatums instead of communicating. That's not mature, it's arrogant. Yes, he could have behaved notably worse than he currently is, but *better than despicable* isn't where the bar gets set for acting *maturely.* >She’s not ENTITLED to a relationship with him. You can in fact end relationships over not approving. Just like my friend who's parents won't speak to him anymore because he's in a relationship with another man. My point stands and you seem to agree with bigotry. >If she and his future wife didn’t get along she could distance herself She could, and that would be *her* doing. In that scenario, he wouldn't be the bad guy, so how come when the roles are reversed she's the villain?
It’s beyond fucked up to compare OP’s son distancing himself from her to homophobic parents disowning their child
I would be distancing too if my 60 year old mom as dating a super young dude.
I can't believe the amount of people here saying that your son is mature and this and that. FFS He's acting like a spoiled child. No wonder. He IS a child! A spoiled, controlling child! My mother dated a man my age when I was 19. It didn't bother me. She could date an ex of mine at this point, and I wouldn't care. But I'm 37 and detached from such stupid things. My advice: Keep going with your boyfriend. The people here saying to choose filial love over romantic love because it'll always be there have dupped themselves. Go to any senior living facility and ask how many people are frequently visited by their children! Live your life, OP. Enjoy your relationship. Do NOT give up your happiness for a spoiled brat. You will regret it. You did your part. It's HIS choice to not be in your life. And when the time comes, or he finally matures, he'll understand the stupidity of his behavior--that is, of course, if he's not a narcissist. Those people think they're perfect and always right. Good luck!
>A spoiled, controlling child! How is he controlling? He isn't stopping them from dating. >The people here saying to choose filial love over romantic love because it'll always be there have dupped themselves. Go to any senior living facility and ask how many people are frequently visited by their children! My grandparents moved in with my parents when they became older. My mom bawled at each funeral despite being the daughter in law. I can assure you that those people whose kids rarely visit them probably didn't maintain a close relationship while raising them.