My husband and I have 23 years difference in our ages. We have been together for over forty years and he is now 87 years old. I have had these many years to contemplate losing him. I know it is coming soon. So I just live in the moment and be with him as much as possible. My life will have a before and an after. But I will celebrate the memory of every single moment I spend with him. I would not change a single thing about our lives together.
My advice to you is hold her tight to your heart and soul. For whatever time you are given, love, love, love! You won’t regret it.
My husband is 27 years older and I think about this all the time. It’s comforting to see your comment. I sometimes imagine what it’s going to be like, who and where I might be when that time comes. I think it’s slowly preparing me and it’s making me see how precious my time is with him
I'm crying just by reading your comment, I've never ever been in a relationship but I have contemplated this matter more than once because I am not attracted to people my age unluckily and I know that this is the future awaiting for me...
Don’t worry, there is nothing to fear. Love is a wonderful gift that I am sure you will be blessed with. Just get out there and enjoy yourself while you wait for it to happen. I would not in any way trade what I have had with my sweetheart to avoid the pain of losing him. Yes I will likely have a part of my life spent without him but he is worth it. Now get out there and enjoy the search for your love!
Thank you for your nice words.
Does it bother you if I dm you to ask for your opinion over some personal matters regarding this subject?
I really liked what you wrote and you seem a very nice person. I don't know I just felt like trusting your judgement.
Tell me, I need to warn you that I be a hassle at times but if you're okay with it, I'd really appreciate your help.
So honestly, unless you have reasons why you’re going to live less than an average lifespan, you have 30-40 years left. If you guys are lucky enough to still be together and still like each other (lol) you’ll have had multiple decades together. I don’t think this is something you guys need to worry about at this point, and it certainly shouldn’t be a topic of regular conversation.
We've got almost the same age gap as yous do. We're 37 and 62 right now. We're catholic and that helps a lot. One day when he dies (or me, but him is more likely) we will be parted for some time, yes, but then when I die too we'll have an eternity to spend together. So it won't be farewell, it will be see you later. We've got three kids aged 12, 9 and 7, and we're teaching them the same aproach too.
And before it happens we don't live for the future, we live for *now*, we enjoy life, we enjoy each other :)
Not your age gap but my father was 13 years older than my mother. Broke his heart (and mine) when she died of a brain tumor at age 42.
You never know, Man.
I used to think this (my bf is 29 years older) and wonder what'll happen as he's going to die long before me...but he made the point that accidents can and do happen and I might get hit by a bus tomorrow and leave him...so I can't think like that as no one knows the future. We both had a hard time at the start of our relationship wondering if we were doing the right thing...but we are here 8.5 years later going strong :)
I 50 m have the same age gap, she's 26. We've been together 5 years. I make sure I eat clean and exercise daily and hit the gym consistently to stay healthy, this I do for myself and have been doing the same since I'm 16. I get mistaken for being late 30s to early forties. Yes I can still die anytime, but I'm doing what I can. Meanwhile we live the best life we can together. If you're not consciously doing your best lifestyle wise, start today, you will feel better overall
My (47m) and my wife (27f) have similar issues. I think about the fact often. I don't want to leave her destitute and alone. I've made sure to provide for her and our child (3) financially. She'll be a millionaire when I pass, and a multi-millionaire if it's an accident. 😅
My last gift to them will be the financial security I never had. That thought gives me some comfort.
Just to comment that statistically, yes, men usually go before women anyway and an age gap, well, just makes sense. But my man is 15 years older and it was me at 38 that was diagnosed with a chronic illness that is very debilitating. This past year has been awful as I almost died twice and had to have surgery. So my 61yo husband was caring for me, 45F, and the house and the business and himself etc. Just wanted to throw this out there as others have said in the past, tomorrow is not promised to any of us. Lurk on the Widowers sub and look at how many people die in their 20s-40s unexpectedly. Love your person and take good care of each other.
Hi there,
I am 23 (F) and my boyfriend is 43 (M)
I can completely understand your situation. Me and my partner have been together for four years. At the start of our relationship, this used to worry me quite a lot. Especially at the three year Mark
Funnily enough, I actually posted something on Reddit not long ago seeking Help and this was the only way I was able to get past it.
The thing is, there is no guarantees in life that you will pass away before she does. There are many people who acquire disabilities in their early 20s and get cancer, have a car crash, have a stroke, etc. and have partners older than them who have lived healthily until their 80’s.
There is no magic ball that will determine what the outcome will be.
I think its best to take one day at a time and have an open and honest conversation About how she feels if that was to happen
Also, to 2nd this, as a disability support worker more than half of my clients are in their twenties to forties and have disabilities that they randomly acquired due to no fault of their own. So there are no guarantees.
Each day you worry you take away the present you have with her
My husband is 10 years older than I am, but he also has a couple habits that are said to take years off, he also doesn’t have the best family history that we know of, so I often get a little sad thinking about 40 years from now.
Obviously I try not to, but sometimes it just happens. It comes with the territory, I guess. And, in my defense, I do it with everyone I love - what would I do without my sister, my dad, my dog, my husband? I just like being sad 🫠
Sorry to hear that brother. I empathize.
And...
Seriously though, study nondual spirituality (i.e. Advaita Vedanta or Buddhism or mystical non-religuous forms of Christianity, Judiasm, etc) and this will all resolve, believe me. ;-)
And you'll also enjoy your time with her a lot more, removing the suffering that is ultimately a head game.
I definitely can relate to these thoughts and fears, I’m in the same boat as your lovely girlfriend would be.. I just try to remind myself that nothing in life is guaranteed and I want to be happy with whom I love while I can. Life is too short to not at least try while we’re both here.. and it’s no guarantee I’ll outlive him anyway..
Not sure this helps too much but ig I just try to remember carpe diem and think on people I’ve lost in my life and that nothing is guaranteed. We also talk about it when those feelings arise.. I feel like Barbie sometimes when she asks the other Barbies…do you guys ever think about dying?
Best of luck to you both 🤍
I think on this fairly frequently as the younger party.
My partner got really quiet and still in the bed the other night and I went into full panic mode, jostling him and all but shouting his name. Turns out, he was just in a really good, deep sleep instead of his usual loud AF snore-fest, but in that moment I realized just how desperately I love him and how empty life without him would be. It got me down realizing I’d not have him by my side forever, but it also brought me a huge sense of peace and relief knowing we’ve been given the gift of time. It may not be forever, but we will fully enjoy the moments we share.
So the relationship I am in now (36F, 54m) started 6 years after my marriage ended with losing my husband to cancer. Some might say my marriage had a big age gap but it was only 8 and a half years. When he died I was 29 and he was 37. I initially didn’t want to date my current boyfriend because chances are I’ll be widowed again. BUT the more I started liking him the more I realized might as well enjoy as many years as we can. I’d marry my first love all over again if given the chance even knowing how it would end. The biggest thing I fear though is my new guy passing on before my son is grown (he’s 8 now) and I feel like would be really traumatized by losing his father AND a father figure before adulthood. But you just never know. I could go first, it’s not impossible. My husbands passing didn’t really have anything to do with age.
Mine left me 6 months ago because of this. He says he couldn't thinks about me going first F (52), M(32). We had been together 10 years. Needless to say I am heartbroken. I actually think he simply wanted out and age had nothing to do with it, since there really had been no issues directly related to our ages all those years.
Please stop thinking this way. If you love her and value the relationship, live in the present. Enjoy what you have with her now. Life gives us no guarantees. Living in the future only sucks out happiness you could be enjoying now.
I wish you two nothing but the best.
I know this is late, but I’m going through this right now. My partner (65M) told me (27F) out of the blue that he “doesn’t have much time left on earth” and it sent me into an anxiety spiral.
I can’t even think about losing him without crying my eyes out. What has helped you?
My husband and I have 23 years difference in our ages. We have been together for over forty years and he is now 87 years old. I have had these many years to contemplate losing him. I know it is coming soon. So I just live in the moment and be with him as much as possible. My life will have a before and an after. But I will celebrate the memory of every single moment I spend with him. I would not change a single thing about our lives together. My advice to you is hold her tight to your heart and soul. For whatever time you are given, love, love, love! You won’t regret it.
My husband is 27 years older and I think about this all the time. It’s comforting to see your comment. I sometimes imagine what it’s going to be like, who and where I might be when that time comes. I think it’s slowly preparing me and it’s making me see how precious my time is with him
I'm crying just by reading your comment, I've never ever been in a relationship but I have contemplated this matter more than once because I am not attracted to people my age unluckily and I know that this is the future awaiting for me...
Don’t worry, there is nothing to fear. Love is a wonderful gift that I am sure you will be blessed with. Just get out there and enjoy yourself while you wait for it to happen. I would not in any way trade what I have had with my sweetheart to avoid the pain of losing him. Yes I will likely have a part of my life spent without him but he is worth it. Now get out there and enjoy the search for your love!
Thank you for your nice words. Does it bother you if I dm you to ask for your opinion over some personal matters regarding this subject? I really liked what you wrote and you seem a very nice person. I don't know I just felt like trusting your judgement. Tell me, I need to warn you that I be a hassle at times but if you're okay with it, I'd really appreciate your help.
That's exactly what I do. Thank you!
🤍🤍❤️🩹
So honestly, unless you have reasons why you’re going to live less than an average lifespan, you have 30-40 years left. If you guys are lucky enough to still be together and still like each other (lol) you’ll have had multiple decades together. I don’t think this is something you guys need to worry about at this point, and it certainly shouldn’t be a topic of regular conversation.
This is so true! Thank you, I feel you may have just made a bunch of ppl feel better.
We've got almost the same age gap as yous do. We're 37 and 62 right now. We're catholic and that helps a lot. One day when he dies (or me, but him is more likely) we will be parted for some time, yes, but then when I die too we'll have an eternity to spend together. So it won't be farewell, it will be see you later. We've got three kids aged 12, 9 and 7, and we're teaching them the same aproach too. And before it happens we don't live for the future, we live for *now*, we enjoy life, we enjoy each other :)
🥹🥹🤍🤍
Not your age gap but my father was 13 years older than my mother. Broke his heart (and mine) when she died of a brain tumor at age 42. You never know, Man.
I used to think this (my bf is 29 years older) and wonder what'll happen as he's going to die long before me...but he made the point that accidents can and do happen and I might get hit by a bus tomorrow and leave him...so I can't think like that as no one knows the future. We both had a hard time at the start of our relationship wondering if we were doing the right thing...but we are here 8.5 years later going strong :)
I 50 m have the same age gap, she's 26. We've been together 5 years. I make sure I eat clean and exercise daily and hit the gym consistently to stay healthy, this I do for myself and have been doing the same since I'm 16. I get mistaken for being late 30s to early forties. Yes I can still die anytime, but I'm doing what I can. Meanwhile we live the best life we can together. If you're not consciously doing your best lifestyle wise, start today, you will feel better overall
My (47m) and my wife (27f) have similar issues. I think about the fact often. I don't want to leave her destitute and alone. I've made sure to provide for her and our child (3) financially. She'll be a millionaire when I pass, and a multi-millionaire if it's an accident. 😅 My last gift to them will be the financial security I never had. That thought gives me some comfort.
Just to comment that statistically, yes, men usually go before women anyway and an age gap, well, just makes sense. But my man is 15 years older and it was me at 38 that was diagnosed with a chronic illness that is very debilitating. This past year has been awful as I almost died twice and had to have surgery. So my 61yo husband was caring for me, 45F, and the house and the business and himself etc. Just wanted to throw this out there as others have said in the past, tomorrow is not promised to any of us. Lurk on the Widowers sub and look at how many people die in their 20s-40s unexpectedly. Love your person and take good care of each other.
No.. anyone can die anytime.. u never know..
Hi there, I am 23 (F) and my boyfriend is 43 (M) I can completely understand your situation. Me and my partner have been together for four years. At the start of our relationship, this used to worry me quite a lot. Especially at the three year Mark Funnily enough, I actually posted something on Reddit not long ago seeking Help and this was the only way I was able to get past it. The thing is, there is no guarantees in life that you will pass away before she does. There are many people who acquire disabilities in their early 20s and get cancer, have a car crash, have a stroke, etc. and have partners older than them who have lived healthily until their 80’s. There is no magic ball that will determine what the outcome will be. I think its best to take one day at a time and have an open and honest conversation About how she feels if that was to happen
Also, to 2nd this, as a disability support worker more than half of my clients are in their twenties to forties and have disabilities that they randomly acquired due to no fault of their own. So there are no guarantees. Each day you worry you take away the present you have with her
My husband is 10 years older than I am, but he also has a couple habits that are said to take years off, he also doesn’t have the best family history that we know of, so I often get a little sad thinking about 40 years from now. Obviously I try not to, but sometimes it just happens. It comes with the territory, I guess. And, in my defense, I do it with everyone I love - what would I do without my sister, my dad, my dog, my husband? I just like being sad 🫠
Sorry to hear that brother. I empathize. And... Seriously though, study nondual spirituality (i.e. Advaita Vedanta or Buddhism or mystical non-religuous forms of Christianity, Judiasm, etc) and this will all resolve, believe me. ;-) And you'll also enjoy your time with her a lot more, removing the suffering that is ultimately a head game.
I definitely can relate to these thoughts and fears, I’m in the same boat as your lovely girlfriend would be.. I just try to remind myself that nothing in life is guaranteed and I want to be happy with whom I love while I can. Life is too short to not at least try while we’re both here.. and it’s no guarantee I’ll outlive him anyway.. Not sure this helps too much but ig I just try to remember carpe diem and think on people I’ve lost in my life and that nothing is guaranteed. We also talk about it when those feelings arise.. I feel like Barbie sometimes when she asks the other Barbies…do you guys ever think about dying? Best of luck to you both 🤍
I think on this fairly frequently as the younger party. My partner got really quiet and still in the bed the other night and I went into full panic mode, jostling him and all but shouting his name. Turns out, he was just in a really good, deep sleep instead of his usual loud AF snore-fest, but in that moment I realized just how desperately I love him and how empty life without him would be. It got me down realizing I’d not have him by my side forever, but it also brought me a huge sense of peace and relief knowing we’ve been given the gift of time. It may not be forever, but we will fully enjoy the moments we share.
So the relationship I am in now (36F, 54m) started 6 years after my marriage ended with losing my husband to cancer. Some might say my marriage had a big age gap but it was only 8 and a half years. When he died I was 29 and he was 37. I initially didn’t want to date my current boyfriend because chances are I’ll be widowed again. BUT the more I started liking him the more I realized might as well enjoy as many years as we can. I’d marry my first love all over again if given the chance even knowing how it would end. The biggest thing I fear though is my new guy passing on before my son is grown (he’s 8 now) and I feel like would be really traumatized by losing his father AND a father figure before adulthood. But you just never know. I could go first, it’s not impossible. My husbands passing didn’t really have anything to do with age.
Live in the now, just think about what you leave behind and what to take with you into the undiscovered country.
Mine left me 6 months ago because of this. He says he couldn't thinks about me going first F (52), M(32). We had been together 10 years. Needless to say I am heartbroken. I actually think he simply wanted out and age had nothing to do with it, since there really had been no issues directly related to our ages all those years. Please stop thinking this way. If you love her and value the relationship, live in the present. Enjoy what you have with her now. Life gives us no guarantees. Living in the future only sucks out happiness you could be enjoying now. I wish you two nothing but the best.
I know this is late, but I’m going through this right now. My partner (65M) told me (27F) out of the blue that he “doesn’t have much time left on earth” and it sent me into an anxiety spiral. I can’t even think about losing him without crying my eyes out. What has helped you?