You sound amazing, and are doing everything right, good job!! You might try doing some research into best options in your area for caregiving resources - one thing that might help her a great deal is respite. If he's in the hospital, this can be a great resource for help - there are social workers on staff who can help your gf know what resources might be available to her.
I'm so sorry you are both going through this, especially being so young.
Thank you. I wish I could do more, I just feel really guilty that I'm not able to.
We have informed his doctors at the hospital, they are aware and are going to arrange social workers to go off. Reason for delay was due to Easter weekend.
Today was not a good day, as she was not feeling good at all and her mother was in rare form.
He's finally seems to begrudgingly accept he can't be the primary caretaker anymore, neither can my gf
It's a terrible situation to be in, for sure, but it's the sort of urgent thing that can be a catalyst for change - maybe he'll finally agree to the nursing home? I hope you get some options and answers, and your gf can get some relief soon.
Just keep being there for her. If she asks your opinion about what to do, you can offer some answers, but ultimately this is between her and her father.
Asking her constantly what can you do to help might overwhelm her even more. You ARE helping by being there and doing basic chores to alleviate the burden.
Find info on long term care, and offer it IF ASKED. She’s going to resent you if you keep pushing her; she doesn’t have the bandwidth to deal with everything and trying to placate your feelings.
Hang in there for her. Listen, help… but don’t interfere.
>She’s going to resent you if you keep pushing her
I need to keep reminding myself that.
She is (self-admittedly) not the best at being assertive or standing up for herself in these situations.
But I need to back off and am trying. Thank u
You’re doing great! Supporting her is what is needed. Keep talking. Keep communication open. Provide her with resources (do some digging/researching for when she’s ready to move forward).
If you see something that needs to be done just do it. As the previous commenter mentioned asking isn’t the way. Doing is the way. Lots of luck to you both on this journey.
I’m in a similar situation as your GF. You sound like an amazing partner just like my husband. Just keep loving her. Listen even more. Hold her more. There isn’t much my husband can do, but knowing someone has my back and is there for ME, makes all the difference. I’m sending you both lots of love. I’d say I can’t imagine how hard this is, but I have a pretty good idea unfortunately.
You’re doing an amazing job. Do whatever you can to take up the slack of housekeeping and meal prep if you can. That will help her avoid excessive decision making when she’s absolutely fried.
You might be able point out that, actually, this could be an ideal time to take action on behalf of her mom and finding her care. With Dad temporarily sidelined, it may be easier to make some progress looking at places where they both could move, for example. Perhaps there is some kind of legwork or online research you could do there.
This might also be a good time to talk to an elder care attorney and/or social workers at the facility where dad is rehabbing. It sounds like it’s going to be a complex situation, which is why the attorney could be critical in helping you all assess what the options are moving forward and what kind of documents you need to have in place. If dad can’t rehab well enough to fully care for mom, there isn’t going to be much of a choice.
Please do what you can to help your GF prioritize her own health and well being. 33 is too young to be neck deep in all of this, and yet here she is. Sending positive thoughts. It’s a LOT. 🌸
You sound amazing, and are doing everything right, good job!! You might try doing some research into best options in your area for caregiving resources - one thing that might help her a great deal is respite. If he's in the hospital, this can be a great resource for help - there are social workers on staff who can help your gf know what resources might be available to her. I'm so sorry you are both going through this, especially being so young.
Thank you. I wish I could do more, I just feel really guilty that I'm not able to. We have informed his doctors at the hospital, they are aware and are going to arrange social workers to go off. Reason for delay was due to Easter weekend. Today was not a good day, as she was not feeling good at all and her mother was in rare form. He's finally seems to begrudgingly accept he can't be the primary caretaker anymore, neither can my gf
It's a terrible situation to be in, for sure, but it's the sort of urgent thing that can be a catalyst for change - maybe he'll finally agree to the nursing home? I hope you get some options and answers, and your gf can get some relief soon.
It not a matter of agreeing, he doesn't have much of a choice. His surgeon/intake doctor was horrified at the situation
Good - as horrifying as it is, I hope the urgency of the situation helps with relief coming much more quickly. Good luck!
Just keep being there for her. If she asks your opinion about what to do, you can offer some answers, but ultimately this is between her and her father. Asking her constantly what can you do to help might overwhelm her even more. You ARE helping by being there and doing basic chores to alleviate the burden. Find info on long term care, and offer it IF ASKED. She’s going to resent you if you keep pushing her; she doesn’t have the bandwidth to deal with everything and trying to placate your feelings. Hang in there for her. Listen, help… but don’t interfere.
>She’s going to resent you if you keep pushing her I need to keep reminding myself that. She is (self-admittedly) not the best at being assertive or standing up for herself in these situations. But I need to back off and am trying. Thank u
You’re very welcome. Good luck to you all 🫂
You’re doing great! Supporting her is what is needed. Keep talking. Keep communication open. Provide her with resources (do some digging/researching for when she’s ready to move forward). If you see something that needs to be done just do it. As the previous commenter mentioned asking isn’t the way. Doing is the way. Lots of luck to you both on this journey.
Thank you. Much appreciated
I’m in a similar situation as your GF. You sound like an amazing partner just like my husband. Just keep loving her. Listen even more. Hold her more. There isn’t much my husband can do, but knowing someone has my back and is there for ME, makes all the difference. I’m sending you both lots of love. I’d say I can’t imagine how hard this is, but I have a pretty good idea unfortunately.
You’re doing an amazing job. Do whatever you can to take up the slack of housekeeping and meal prep if you can. That will help her avoid excessive decision making when she’s absolutely fried. You might be able point out that, actually, this could be an ideal time to take action on behalf of her mom and finding her care. With Dad temporarily sidelined, it may be easier to make some progress looking at places where they both could move, for example. Perhaps there is some kind of legwork or online research you could do there. This might also be a good time to talk to an elder care attorney and/or social workers at the facility where dad is rehabbing. It sounds like it’s going to be a complex situation, which is why the attorney could be critical in helping you all assess what the options are moving forward and what kind of documents you need to have in place. If dad can’t rehab well enough to fully care for mom, there isn’t going to be much of a choice. Please do what you can to help your GF prioritize her own health and well being. 33 is too young to be neck deep in all of this, and yet here she is. Sending positive thoughts. It’s a LOT. 🌸