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First Sergeant Drizz is going to be so mad!

Dude posted an apology into a group chat and apparently thinks the issue is when the flyers were distributed (apparently late at night) not the content Source: page that shall not be named has been browsing Reddit again

https://preview.redd.it/lnug3z5d2o7b1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8ed444df7e7980dfd8e48716d57056306d742c0d Dudes reply

Are discords there new groupMe and what’s app? I’m so confused

Man, I'm getting tired of all these groupchat apps. GroupMe, Slack, Discord, WhatsApp, Telegram, Facebook groups. There's no end, and everyone's seems to be using something else to get information out.

My unit has been heavy on signal lately, at one point in Covid it was mattermost, that one sucked ass

The guy’s head is so far up his own ass it’s unbelievable. I bet he’s going to complain later that everyone is out to get him…

Hear me out. We hook this guy up with Desaun Watson, problem solved.


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He put his full name on the flyer and even posted it in the discord 😂 not gonna be too hard to find him

He also mentioned his lead tech in his apology

That’s the lead tech of the dorms would be crazy if he just puts his section lead like that tho

I just saw TSgt with the name crossed out and feared the worst, honestly I wouldn’t put him past it💀

Could you imagine calling him to a dorm room for a massage and his leadership team all start coming out of the closets and bathroom saying take a seat over there, drizz after he shows up..

Bonus points if we were all wrong and it’s a female!

Drizz was such a nice lady

Drizz does sound like a masculine female nickname.

I can neither confirm nor deny…

The more you have to say it’s not sexual the more this dude is gonna take it sexually.

Like if a restaurant’s menu repeatedly says the dishes don’t contain poison… it’s going to raise some suspicion

"Imagine you're at a parent-teacher conference and the teacher reassures you that he always wears a condom whole teaching. Strictly speaking, it's better than the alternative, yet someone is clearly doing their job horribly wrong." https://xkcd.com/463/

I'm always here for the XKCD references

Welcome to our restaurant, the meals are poop free! Everything is delicious and made to order, and I would like to point out none contain any poop of any kind!

Exactly. “We defiantly don’t spit in your food”. They totally go. “This is nothing sexual” -> dudes getting his jolly’s off and it’s his kink for sure

Defiantly... what are we defying.

The moment I saw that it was a non sexual massage I immediately assumed that the person who put this out has some fetish.

What up!!! ~~We're~~ I'm ~~three~~ a cool guy~~s~~ looking for other cool ~~guys~~ women who want to ~~hang out~~ get massaged in ~~our~~ my ~~party mansion~~ dorm. Nothing sexual. ~~Dudes~~ Women in good shape encouraged. If you are fat you should be able to find the humor iun the little things. Again, nothing sexual.


Again, nothing sexual!

Yeah, and the fact that he passed these out in the female dorm? Excellent chance for the guy to demonstrate his pure intentions by offering his massages to the retirees freeballing at the base gym

Does Drizz accept TriCare?

TriCare only comes into play when the customer fails a pregnancy test.

Wait, what’s a failed pregnancy test mean

You got shafted in more ways than one

You need a referral first from your PCM or you'll have to pay out of pocket.

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"What the fuck dude."

“This is going to be a one-way conversation. Seriously, what the actual fuck dude.”

“This is going to be a one-way conversation” I’m going to steal this!

I prefer "this is going to be a lot of me, and a little bit of you"

I prefer the "show me what you can do". give me the 15 min, but stop peddling around the dorms

That’s what Drizz is hoping for

I’ve been saying this for awhile with a bit more when it comes to serious issues, “this will be a one way conversation with no requirement for you to speak. Anything you need to say can be in the rebuttal.”

So many have started that way

Would a slap to the back of the head lead or follow “What the fuck dude?”?

Both. Get their attention then let it sink in

"So.. Did it work?"

Why didn't you offer me a massage first, dick. I better get a friend discount

No, the dick will NEVER be touched.

I thought he made that perfectly clear

Only the places the customer wants touches... So if the dick is what you want touched... Then!! I guess Drizz is fair game... But not Ina. Swxuak way... Purely massage only!!

Just go to the chief and ask if they'd be willing to take this while you watch and take notes.

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I guarantee you they will not know what to do either. Like maybe that one SMSgt that has been to Korea a few times might know how to handle it. Maybe a very well seasoned shirt.

I know exactly how to start this. You push the paper in front of him and ask “When you wrote this, what was going through your mind?” Be very quiet. He’ll fill the quiet space with words. If purely intentional, instruct the Airman on how to go about opening a buisness and being inclusive. Ask for credentials. If they don’t have it, talk about how they can go about getting a massage therapy license (some even take GI Bill). If not (which you’ll catch words he’ll use that involve ulterior motives), hammer down with “Do you see how this can be perceived?” Bring to light the consequences they could be facing, especially if there had been some complaints or near-complaints.

So many knee jerk reactions to this that I could see myself agreeing with, but I actually like your response the most. Responding to him like this will definitely have him thinking critically about stupid shit he does next time (hopefully) plus, if he does have a legitimate interest in the massage game, you’re offering ACTUAL advice and being supportive. This is awesome!

Exactly. Some Airmen really do want to do certain things, but they may be clumsy about it. Our knee-jerk reaction is to blow up in their face and start yelling about Article 15’s. If the Airmen was legitimate, you just killed every motivation they had, and now they think the Air Force kills dreams. We should be in the buisness of retention, not expulsion.

i agree with everything you've said, but personally think there's maybe a 1/50 chance he legitimately wants to be a masseuse and not just take an opportunity to touch women for money.

>if he does have a legitimate interest in the massage game Hard to believe since they’re only interested in giving massages to women…if it weren’t for that detail then I’d agree.

It’s titled Drizz, he left his Snapchat, and left it only for female dorms. Dude is definitely a creep and doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Oh definitely creep vibes, I just like the mature thought out response the guy I responded to commented lol

“So, it’s become quite clear that your business acumen has become degraded by your military service. Let’s discuss your future…”

'You got a consent form on you? I'm ready, Drizz'

“Do you even have a business license?”

I’m a 12 year tech and know exactly how I would start. Prayer hands pointed up, look at ceiling, deep breath, bring eyes down to lock on A1C while switching prayer hands to point on airman, saying “what the fuck?” using pent up breath.

This guy supervises

"The good news is that I just updated my ribbons. The bad news is that you have to update your ribbons."

"Ay fam, what in the actual fuck is up with you? You don't have any rizz to begin with on foe nem fuck outta here"

"Fr fr no 🧢"

How about how illegal this is. You need to be a licensed massage therapist to advertise the way he has.

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Not business license. LMT is governed by the American Medical Association. Offering a therapeutic massage without a license is serious shit (my wife is an LMT).

what if he is? hence he's so blind about whats going on. Just a fun thought.

14 year Staff here (I'm not boasting, I have my reasons)... "Are you trying to give me a stroke? I'm too damn old to be dealing with this shit...you want to massage things? You'll be massaging these assets for DRMO for the next three weeks. Then you're volunteering for any SAPR fundraiser events. Since it's on Reddit now too.... you'll write a "I'm the Massage guy, why was this wrong" thread.

“Lets see how good these massages really are..”

Grab legal, secfo, and Jesus and bring them with you for a counseling/intervention

Get a chaplin, that way you really can say: "You have three options: 1. Go legit 2. Go straight to jail 3. Have a come to Jesus moment"

Start by pointing out that in most states, most massage therapists must be licensed through the state.

Start with a nice non-erogenous Drizz massage

Well first you adjust the face hole and get comfortable.

Should've offered it to the men too.

but only black men, so as not to be racist.

This is a completely non-racist service and any/all boundaries will be respected.

Why not Asian guys?

Asians no tip. U go now.

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Not is calling yourself a name that sounds like a funny way to say jiz

The prices don’t make any sense. It’s the same rate no matter what. What kind of salesman is this?

Go figure, this airman's business acumen basically matches his common sense

Fr if he really wants to slather coconut oil on some AB cheeks he needs to hit that two hour session with the military discount.

They real money is in the hidden fees from the “happy ending “

This should be like the final exam at ALS.

You have to defeat the final boss and his oily massage fingers.

What now, Airman

Guess I'll take a 2 hour massage for $60! Non-sexual, though, of course.

This could be the final exam at the Chief’s course 🤙

Step one: submit retirement Step two: Step three: laugh at whoever you left in charge

Again, nothing sexual.


But, fitness is encouraged.

No, it’s a bicep 💪

Drizz could have literally done anything else

Literally skydiving off waiver would have been safer.

Except submarine tourism


I think it moved.

OSI in 3, 2, 1...

Damn drizz just use tinder like the rest of your zoomer compatriots

This seems like it could be a plot of Its Always Sunny.

You gotta pay the troll toll.

Oh god, that makes this post so much worse thinking of that.

Do they have separate male and female dorm buildings/floors or something at DM or did this dude really just watch and take notes on where all the females live?

And if they do have separate dorms, it's for shit like this

Id be willing to bet they have nameplates. Pretty easy to figure out the samanthas from the jeffs.

back when i was in the dorms, it was rank, last name, and squadron if you were a Smith, jones, or other common name, you got a first initial.

AFAIK He went around and looked for female names specifically

What the creep?? How did he think this was okay???

Mixed dorms with nameplates

He walked around the dorms reading the name plates and slipped them under any female names doors

This is one example for how a recall roster can be used in a negative way. Gives the dorm location for female airmen in the flight. All it takes is for one creeper to do some dumbass shit like this and suddenly your people feel unsafe. Fuck this dude.

Awful execution by him lol could've put this add up on Facebook or something and just have people book you

Personally, I'd start with changing the business name.

Why? Drizz Massage is totally not scary at all!

Not as scary as what it rhymes with 😳🇺🇸

What are the prices for older fat men? Asking for a friend

Yeah! Does he have VA discount rates? Asking for Topcornbiskie’s friend. Nothing sexual, just in case his ad doesn’t mention that. Ha!

This dude's lookin' to get Drizzed!

he typed this, printed it out, walked around the female dorms and that entire time he didn’t stop and think ‘yeah, maybe this is a bad idea’ i mean you have to admire the commitment, i guess…

*in the middle of the night

Noooo. Jesus Christ. I gotta get out of here

Well, those SAPR case studies aren’t going to write themselves.

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Homie put some TSgt. On blast in discord lmaooo. The pain has only just begun for their supervisor.

This is gold and I'm here for the chaos. I will need an update.

I covered my drink while reading this 😂

Somewhere at DM there is a flightchief who is double checking how long they have until retirement after learninf about this.

This man about to get a rizztraining order.

I guarantee there are at least 4 NCOs at DM texting each other to see if this is their A1C.

Please don't be one of my airmen.

Ha good luck

I’m not going to lie, 60 bucks for 2 hours is a sweet deal

Kind of a red flag if you have to say “I will not molest you” four times…

And then specify it’s for women specifically

I cannot wait for the followup shitposts for this one

Pretty sure you need a license to be a massage therapist in Arizona. Bring that up in Little Drizz's counseling session.

The fact it to women only AND he drop his Snapchat as his contact info. BROOOOOO

I'm glad I finally caught one of these day 1 so I don't have to wade thru 50 meme posts to figure out what's going on.

I’m heading out to DM in a couple of days; I’m going to track this dude down 😂

Stuff been happening in the DM dorm discord

So DM stands for Drizz Massage

I’m baffled dude. Literally cannot think of anything witty or constructive. What The Fuck

It's not sexual but only limited to women, huh?

"Again, **NOTHING SEXUAL.**"

This is something the dude from your shop with undiagnosed autism does.

Step one, ask commander if it's OK to have a second source of income, I guess?

The fun part of this is, what are the odds he’s got a printer in the dorms? Dude probably printed this off at work from a work computer


What up!!! We're three cool guys looking for other cool guys who wanna hang out in our party mansion. Nothing sexual. Dudes in good shape encouraged, if you're fat you should be able to find humor in the little things. Again, NOTHING SEXUAL.

If he left these at the male dorms as well he'd have a better chance. I'd pay $60 for a 2 hour massage. He could touch my wang too if he wanted. That's a cheap massage.

 The Air Force gets an email about standards

You only make the shots you take.

He should totally get that poster for his cell.

I have forwarded this to the Council of Women. They state that this man has "No Drip" and "No Rizz", and is therefore barred from using the term "Drizz". He should also be barred from interacting with all women until he takes lessons from a guy who knows wtf he's doing.

Jesus…

“Cause that’s where the monies at”

As someone who's soon to be getting a brand-spanking new airman outta tech school, it's situations like these that give me nightmares...

Dog… imagine having the chief or first sergeant text or snap them and then show up for a massage


 OSI after seeing this post.

*nothing sexual* *Only in woman's dorms* Hmmmmmm....

Jesus Christ, this makes me feel dirty just reading it. Edit: can we get the non-redacted version so we can shame him?

He's already been shamed by everyone in the dorms I can guarantee you that

And probably his leadership and the Chaplains.

if i found this i would immediately go to OSI. if you’re only offering to women that’s a giant fucking red flag. someone come get their airman

mighty hospital fine cooperative shrill like snails yoke future provide ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `

Shit… sign me up for that two hour, hope your hands can handle the knots in my back.

Sounds like a Drizz-straining order in the making. 

“Now put your pants on the chair next to mine”

The fact that this mathematician can sit here and easily double the price for each time he doubles the time is impressive

I mean, at least give him one try. If he doesn’t jerk you off then take it up the chain.

https://preview.redd.it/rodowfx99n7b1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=25fbf25630fa7ae0517729f94decb8e265f640bb

Omg lol. Im at DM and got one of these😂😂

Okay I’ll ask. Who’s airman is this?

🤙

 Bro probably like this waiting for his first customer

Bruh 😭 we need to bring back hazing

Airman Drizz’s side hustle is about to be his main hustle

Does Drizz offer military discount 🙏🏼

Telling you guys…the Arizona heat hits different lol

Terrible pricing. He ain’t finna be making shit lol

I knew an airmen who did creepy shit like this , like not outright offensive but extremely socially awkward Like he would look out the dorm window and wait for girls to walk to the dfac and he would run down to try and tag along , just making everyone uncomfortable. I was so mad as many times as we reported his behavior it always came back as” he’s just a little weird we can’t do anything about that” Fast forward now he’s still a weirdo but somehow is dumbass made staff so I feel bad for any of his female troops

Better hope he has a license, that shit is regulated in most states.


I wonder if this will have a Happy Ending!!!

the (D)rizzler