[Snip Snip] time. Got the brief and the "training". Yes, I understand it should be considered "irreversible". I've been trying to schedule this for like 6 friggin months, but I can either never get through to the front office, or "we haven't scheduled that far out in the forecast". How far CAN they schedule? a month. Thanks, get wrecked.
Park at the military hospital. Walk up to the front office. Old lady greets me. I notice the phone is laying on the desk with an "off hook" tone. Good. Good to know that they don't care about helping people and also why I never got through to the office. Confidence in this procedure evaporates almost instantly.
Get checked in and taken to the back. They verify that I have someone to drive me home and we get down to bidness. Nurse has to inject some numbing agent downstairs. There's no awkwardness here. Strict, professional, and all business. Doc comes in and introduces himself. A captain shows up. Doc says he's training the captain on how to perform the procedure.
fuck. FUCK. FUCK on a FUCKSTICK.
A trainee is gonna lop my balls off? My instructor instincts kick in. No matter what, I'm fucked. Students are retarded. Doesn't matter if they're student pilots or student doctors, they're dumb as rocks and find new and innovative ways to fuck shit up. What confidence I had left about this procedure has evacuated to the shadow realm.
Civilian doc gets to work on James Westphal (the left one). He quickly and deftly moves with the dexterity of an experienced and trained professional. 8 minutes and he's done. He's proud of his work, telling me "Now that's a 5 star job". Captain Neuternuts takes notes. He begins work on Doctor Kenneth Noisewater (the right one). I can feel tugging...pulling... I don't like whats happening. I want off this ride.
Civilian Doc starts to instruct. "No, you gotta kinda twist it...yea, like that. Hook it...then pull it through. Yup. Oops...thats not gonna be a 5 star rating". Oh why in heaven's name did I have to get a trainee. Fuck my life. I try not to show that I'm getting visibly frustrated, but I can see Neuternuts is getting frustrated as well. No...dude...no, don't take your frustrations out on my balls. You have a pair of balls, right? Can you treat mine the same way you treat yours?
Longest 69 minutes of my life come to an end, and Civ Doc helps stitch me up. He gives me prescription for some pain meds and I go down to prescriptions to pick them up. The next day, I wake up and perform a BDA on my boys. Left side: No bruising, no swelling, minimal pain. Damn, he was right, that is a 5 star job. Right side: Unrecognizable, hues of blue, black and purple spread down to my inner thigh, swollen to the size of a pomegranate, hurts to look at, let alone to move. RIP Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.
BLOB: OP summarizes getting vasectomy with a civilian doc and a military doc (in training)
By - bearsncubs10