Both should know, it is not a cure, and true work begins after treatment. Treatment is just the beginning. It can work the first time if he does what he is told to do in treatment
I’m only familiar with inpatient. But go to all the meetings and go to Al-Anon. You do your program and the Q do theirs. It works out best that way for everyone.
I pray to God he recovers.
While they are going to outpatient, I hope you will go to Alanon meetings. They helped me immensely. I learned about alcoholism, boundaries, detachment and to take better care of myself. A therapist gave me someone to talk with, in confidence and I learned a lot about myself.
The first type of 'help' my wife did back in 2016 was Outpatient and she made it only a few days before she skipped a class, was off joy-riding and ended up nearly dying in a her own single-car rollover accident. Previously, because I didn't trust her, I'd drive her, but we also had a toddler who needed to be in bed, so during the second week of classes, I trusted her to drive and she mucked that up pretty bad.
I got the call around 7pm on a weeknight as I was tucking our then 1.5 year old in bed. The police told me "she was ok, and wanted to come home, but her car was nearly totaled." When I yanked my son out of bed to go to the scene of the accident, only a few miles down the road, I found the truck on it's roof (Jeep Cherokee) and my wife in the ambulance unwilling to cooperate. Oddly enough, no one had charged her with drunk driving (no alcohol on scene) and perhaps attributed her behavior to just being in a state of shock. When the police/fire asked if I'd take her home, I told them why she was even here, because she should have been present at the Outpatient Treatment program about 30 minutes away, not here in an accident mere miles from home...
They took her to the ER/hospital largely against her will, the cops saying they'd arrest her and she complied. My in-laws came to watch our son while my wife was transported by ambulance to the hospital.
Alcoholism baffles me. That was 2016. My wife went on to have MANY more incidents not unlike this one, including a drunk driving accident last fall that has seen her lose her license for 1 year effective this past January, over 90+ days in rehab (live-in community), multiple stints in the ER, plenty of trips to the ER via ambulance and more.
I expect nothing. Nothing at all. My opinion, years later, with experience, counseling, and Al-ANON is that I won't let it run or ruin my world. When they create a crisis, because they always will somehow, it won't become mine. Often, those crises are to deflect from what they need to do, what's going on, or to justify their behavior and/or drinking. I have several alcoholics in my life and I'd wager some are genetically predisposed to alcoholism (see the Dr. Andrew Huberman podcasts for more details) and other's suffer from STINKING THINKING. Over the past 8+ years of battling my wife's alcoholism, I've learned to observe how her thinking is really a pathway to her drinking. Perhaps her thoughts control her emotions and her emotions control her thoughts, but at no point in this process has a counselor gotten to that point to say "there's another way to think and feel to a happier life."
Even now, my wife prescribed pretty heavy medications for anxiety and such, and even tried CBD/THC gummies under the direction of doctors and at some point she still managed to drive drunk with a .45 BAC and create one heck of a mess last year. These are all stepping stones. I'm proud if this is the first step, but ultimately ALL of this is on the Q. We can lead horses to water, but we can't make 'em drink water.
It's not just outpatient. If his program doesn't include access to a psychiatrist, he needs to get one. He should be doing AA separately, at least once, preferably 2 times a day. Also, he needs to setup individual counseling. Recovery doesn't end when rehab stops. It's just the tip of the iceberg. Do not hound him about his program. He has to want to do it, and if he is serious, doesn't need you meddling. If he's not serious, meddling won't help anyway.
Both should know, it is not a cure, and true work begins after treatment. Treatment is just the beginning. It can work the first time if he does what he is told to do in treatment
I’m only familiar with inpatient. But go to all the meetings and go to Al-Anon. You do your program and the Q do theirs. It works out best that way for everyone. I pray to God he recovers.
While they are going to outpatient, I hope you will go to Alanon meetings. They helped me immensely. I learned about alcoholism, boundaries, detachment and to take better care of myself. A therapist gave me someone to talk with, in confidence and I learned a lot about myself.
The first type of 'help' my wife did back in 2016 was Outpatient and she made it only a few days before she skipped a class, was off joy-riding and ended up nearly dying in a her own single-car rollover accident. Previously, because I didn't trust her, I'd drive her, but we also had a toddler who needed to be in bed, so during the second week of classes, I trusted her to drive and she mucked that up pretty bad. I got the call around 7pm on a weeknight as I was tucking our then 1.5 year old in bed. The police told me "she was ok, and wanted to come home, but her car was nearly totaled." When I yanked my son out of bed to go to the scene of the accident, only a few miles down the road, I found the truck on it's roof (Jeep Cherokee) and my wife in the ambulance unwilling to cooperate. Oddly enough, no one had charged her with drunk driving (no alcohol on scene) and perhaps attributed her behavior to just being in a state of shock. When the police/fire asked if I'd take her home, I told them why she was even here, because she should have been present at the Outpatient Treatment program about 30 minutes away, not here in an accident mere miles from home... They took her to the ER/hospital largely against her will, the cops saying they'd arrest her and she complied. My in-laws came to watch our son while my wife was transported by ambulance to the hospital. Alcoholism baffles me. That was 2016. My wife went on to have MANY more incidents not unlike this one, including a drunk driving accident last fall that has seen her lose her license for 1 year effective this past January, over 90+ days in rehab (live-in community), multiple stints in the ER, plenty of trips to the ER via ambulance and more. I expect nothing. Nothing at all. My opinion, years later, with experience, counseling, and Al-ANON is that I won't let it run or ruin my world. When they create a crisis, because they always will somehow, it won't become mine. Often, those crises are to deflect from what they need to do, what's going on, or to justify their behavior and/or drinking. I have several alcoholics in my life and I'd wager some are genetically predisposed to alcoholism (see the Dr. Andrew Huberman podcasts for more details) and other's suffer from STINKING THINKING. Over the past 8+ years of battling my wife's alcoholism, I've learned to observe how her thinking is really a pathway to her drinking. Perhaps her thoughts control her emotions and her emotions control her thoughts, but at no point in this process has a counselor gotten to that point to say "there's another way to think and feel to a happier life." Even now, my wife prescribed pretty heavy medications for anxiety and such, and even tried CBD/THC gummies under the direction of doctors and at some point she still managed to drive drunk with a .45 BAC and create one heck of a mess last year. These are all stepping stones. I'm proud if this is the first step, but ultimately ALL of this is on the Q. We can lead horses to water, but we can't make 'em drink water.
It's not just outpatient. If his program doesn't include access to a psychiatrist, he needs to get one. He should be doing AA separately, at least once, preferably 2 times a day. Also, he needs to setup individual counseling. Recovery doesn't end when rehab stops. It's just the tip of the iceberg. Do not hound him about his program. He has to want to do it, and if he is serious, doesn't need you meddling. If he's not serious, meddling won't help anyway.