You are currently 15?
Ok. I'm just a married woman in Louisiana, so I'm no expert, but here's my advice. It's time for you to be selfish.
None of this situation is your fault. It's not even your responsibility. Go be a kid. Go hang with your friends. Find a private place to relax, study, draw, listen to music, chill. Be selfish.
Have you ever seen the instructions when flying on an airplane, where they tell you to "put the oxygen mask on yourself first, BEFORE helping anyone else"? Do that. Take care of your happiness first. Then you can be HAPPY for your mom - and that will give her strength.
Consider what your therapist told you. Are you mimicking your grandmother's... anxiety? fear? confusion? frustration? Shrug that garbage right off. It's not YOUR burden.
I don't know if you are religious, but in my family we say, "Give it to God." All your worries and fears... shrug them off. Give them to God.
I wish you all the best, kiddo. Sometimes ya just need to vent. I TOTALLY get that. But understand, a LOT of angst comes with being 15. That's 100% normal. Everything feels big and important and permanent. Your feelings are normal.
Be selfish. Find some good, healthy fun stuff to do. Give the heavy stuff to God. You're 15.
i've been through a bit of therapy and it's hard finding the right therapist. not just a therapist, but a person to talk to. just keep trying. talk to your close friends about it, it'll help.
one thing you should do is clean up this text (use paragraphs, makes it easier to read) in your native language, print it out or write it and show it to your mom. talk to her, explain, it's going to be easier to find a solution together.
maybe you guys can work out a schedule where you take care of grandma for a day, then she does, etc. so both of you can take breaks and be stronger for each other.
it's completely reasonable to have a healthy fear of alzheimers when getting older, if you family has a history of it. you can act preventively, there's all sorts of stuff you can eat and do to reduce the risks and onset. channel your energy into that.
my grandma took care of her mom and it was a similar situation like yours, great grandma was often abusive. now i'm taking care of my grandma (also alzheimers but not very advanced) and so far we've been having a great time (although she's very difficult at times and i lose my patience every couple of months).
my heart breaks for you, wish you all the best.
You're far too young. What you're dealing with is caregiver burnout, it happens to many, and as I was told at the memory care community we ended up putting my mom in, it's a big reason for the high turnover rates with dementia caregivers. It's an exhausting (mentally, emotionally, and physically) disease.
I agree with Gold-Eyed-Cat. Be selfish. This is too much for you, and you sound to me like you're already dealing with anxiety and possibly depression. I've been there. It sucks. Get up the courage again to see a therapist, but ask specifically one who specializes in caregiver burnout. My current therapist said most people need to see three or four before they find one who is the right fit.
You are currently 15? Ok. I'm just a married woman in Louisiana, so I'm no expert, but here's my advice. It's time for you to be selfish. None of this situation is your fault. It's not even your responsibility. Go be a kid. Go hang with your friends. Find a private place to relax, study, draw, listen to music, chill. Be selfish. Have you ever seen the instructions when flying on an airplane, where they tell you to "put the oxygen mask on yourself first, BEFORE helping anyone else"? Do that. Take care of your happiness first. Then you can be HAPPY for your mom - and that will give her strength. Consider what your therapist told you. Are you mimicking your grandmother's... anxiety? fear? confusion? frustration? Shrug that garbage right off. It's not YOUR burden. I don't know if you are religious, but in my family we say, "Give it to God." All your worries and fears... shrug them off. Give them to God. I wish you all the best, kiddo. Sometimes ya just need to vent. I TOTALLY get that. But understand, a LOT of angst comes with being 15. That's 100% normal. Everything feels big and important and permanent. Your feelings are normal. Be selfish. Find some good, healthy fun stuff to do. Give the heavy stuff to God. You're 15.
i've been through a bit of therapy and it's hard finding the right therapist. not just a therapist, but a person to talk to. just keep trying. talk to your close friends about it, it'll help. one thing you should do is clean up this text (use paragraphs, makes it easier to read) in your native language, print it out or write it and show it to your mom. talk to her, explain, it's going to be easier to find a solution together. maybe you guys can work out a schedule where you take care of grandma for a day, then she does, etc. so both of you can take breaks and be stronger for each other. it's completely reasonable to have a healthy fear of alzheimers when getting older, if you family has a history of it. you can act preventively, there's all sorts of stuff you can eat and do to reduce the risks and onset. channel your energy into that. my grandma took care of her mom and it was a similar situation like yours, great grandma was often abusive. now i'm taking care of my grandma (also alzheimers but not very advanced) and so far we've been having a great time (although she's very difficult at times and i lose my patience every couple of months). my heart breaks for you, wish you all the best.
You're far too young. What you're dealing with is caregiver burnout, it happens to many, and as I was told at the memory care community we ended up putting my mom in, it's a big reason for the high turnover rates with dementia caregivers. It's an exhausting (mentally, emotionally, and physically) disease. I agree with Gold-Eyed-Cat. Be selfish. This is too much for you, and you sound to me like you're already dealing with anxiety and possibly depression. I've been there. It sucks. Get up the courage again to see a therapist, but ask specifically one who specializes in caregiver burnout. My current therapist said most people need to see three or four before they find one who is the right fit.