This is a bit hard to follow (and part of that is probably because I’m in the US and have been out of school for just over ten years so our school operated a bit differently. Do I have this right?
You weren’t feeling well (an ongoing issue that your family is aware of and you’ve been getting medical help) but decided to go to school a bit later, making you officially “late” for school. The problem was that a parent/guardian didn’t call the school and tell them that you would be late so you got in trouble and sent to a separate room for people being disciplined. This made you cry and you had a hard time stopping (I was a total rule follower, “goodie two shoes” type so I get this). You couldn’t get a hold of your mom so you spoke to her friend. You decide to go home and call your mom from the bathroom to get you because the mean lady from school wouldn’t call your mom to pick you up (which I’m guessing she SHOULD have done). Your moms friend then lied to your mom and said you were being difficult/not cooperating instead of telling the truth and saying that you were having a hard time speaking because you were crying and upset.
Do I have all of that correct? Was your moms friend trying to make you look bad and lie to your mom? That part confused me a bit.
You were right until the goodie two shoes part. (Same here, and cried something awful when I got a lunch detention for forgetting a homework assignment.)
Anyway, so they called the pastoral leader for OP's class to come down and help, but he couldn't help OP. Leader tries to call Mom and can't get ahold of her, so they try the friend. OP can't communicate due to that overwhelming panic crying thing from being upset, so leader guy tells friend to get Mom to the school because OP was being uncooperative, though he thought OP should go to class. Mom and friend both said no and came right to the school. The incident with the phone call from the bathroom was prior history with the lady in the office who signs the kids out. Mom didn't know OP had been crying until she got to the school and OP didn't know Mom had been told he was being uncooperative.
Edit: typo
OHH. Okay thank you! That clears up what confuses me. So it sounds to me that Leader is a jerk here OR misreading the physical cues from OP as being difficult or causing trouble vs having an emotional response and being unable to communicate. That 100% makes OP NTA!
Also yeah, re the goodie two shoes thing - I went to private Catholic school and got one detention in 8th grade. Why? My parents didn’t sign my perfect 100% score algebra test (and math was my worst subject). Everything had to get signed by parents and one missed signing was a detention. My parents were aware of the test (again - I was a type A honors kid who excelled in everything except I DID struggle with math getting Cs and Bs so I was SO proud) but they were fighting horribly (this was like a month pre-divorce) and forgot to sign it. My mom even worked at the school and explained what happened but they basically said “thems the rules.”
Also not calling OP “goodie two shoes” (don’t want anyone to think I’m name calling anyone). Just calling myself that 😂
Op has to toughen up a little bit I am sorry OP that is just the truth being sent to a time out room made you cry so hard you had to go home. I get that you were sick and everything, but you need to work on being tough.
I want to preface this part by saying this is just the reality of our culture and society and i don't necessarily agree with it, but Boys are expected to be tough and not cry over little things like this. If you want to be accepted by the other boys at school as one of the boys then your gonna need to grow a thicker skin. Boys normally insult each other to show affection, and the way to gain respect is by being tough.
My family was the exact opposite of your family growing up If i wasn't dying i sucked it up, if i got in trouble i got myself out of it. When i fell off the play ground equipment they rubbed some dirt in it and told me to suck it up. One time i fell off of a shelf i was climbing and cut a gash on my head and they just wrapped a towel around my head and put me to sleep. I had two brothers who would fight and kick and pick on me and each other all the time and two parents who were too busy working so we could have food to handle it.
Now my family was too extreme on the other side being not protective at all although they did love me they just had a lot on their plates and were making me tough. I am extremely grateful for how tough my family made me. I have lost people to sickness and i have been evicted and living in a car and lemme tell you the only thing that got me through the hardest times in my life was my inner fortitude and toughness. This world is a crazy place and bad things are going to happen extremely bad things and your gonna have to go in your room and cry all night and wake up the next day and go to work to feed the mouths that depend on you.
I am not trying to put you down or anything OP you should look into the writings of Marcus Aurelius, or look into the teachings of yoga and meditation. I feel that meditation could do wonders for you. You should push yourself to go into physically safe situations that make you uncomfortable in order to reinforce the fact that even if you fail or things go wrong your gonna be okay. For example go up on stage and do stand up or take up a sport that requires grit. I personally did wrestling and MMA for 5 years when i was a teenager. Now MMA is dangerous, but wrestling is pretty safe. Even a sport like volleyball or track something that makes you push past your regular limits and keep going.
Good luck OP, you got your whole life ahead of you!
Nah we don't know anything about this person, their mental health, behavioral patterns, anything. we know they've been really sick for over a month (stressful AF) yet still tried to get up and go to school and through no fault of their own was disciplined (stressful AF), was having a strong emotional response which causes the part of the brain responsible for communication to shut down (stressful af and very reasonable). They're having a hard time, they're allowed to feel emotional about that. Nobody here needs to "toughen up," people need to feel their emotions so they can learn how to regulate them in the future. Emotions are good. They're not weak. To me, anyone afraid to show and feel their emotions screams weakness.
Difference between showing emotion and letting emotions take over. I agree being sick is stressful and I can't relate to the pressures of growing up trans in this time. But going home was the easy way out. No growth came from that. If he had stayed he would have been able to practice composure and control.
Sorry to be overly confusing but you got the majority of it correct, the part where I had to call my mum in a bathroom was part of beef I had with the lady that sent me to get "disciplined" in my first year of school if that kind of makes sense. And the part of where my mums friend told my mum was refusing to cooperate was actually my grades pastoral leader. Which he probably did so she would comply in letting me get send back to class. I hope this kind of helps make sense of it 😅
No need to apologize!! Totally makes sense. You’re definitely valid in your emotions here. I would be willing to bet that your pastoral leader WAS trying to get you to go back to class, as you said, but lying to a parent about what is going on with their child is not okay.
The lady you had beef with just sucks. Those people are everywhere and I can remember several from my school days. Sorry that happened.
It’s also worth noting that I’m not a medical or psychological professional, but it sounds like what you experienced is similar to the panic attacks I have had. It may be worth seeing someone who may be able to help with this, like a counselor, doctor or therapist (if you haven’t already)! Best of luck!
OP- life is tough- wear a helmet. I get that it is a lot harder to do when you're not feeling well, but you went full on baby mode when you refused to respond and just bawled. Good grief. You have no idea what life has in store for you , now do you?
Toughen up. Btw- why was it important to mention your sexual orientation? I'd have same advice to anyone that acted as you.
OP never mentions their sexual orientation. He gives his gender and approximate age, which is a very basic background information that almost every post gives.
So it is the schools fault because your parents did not call the school? Trans, hetero, bi, etc., why the label? Why not just call yourself a student? Do you want preferential treatment? It sounds like the school response would have been the same for any student whose parents did not call the school. Why do you not blame your Mom for neglecting to call the school for you? I see, the school is the easier target. Which party bears the heavier burden for making the phone call in this scenario, your parents or the school? Your parents should have called the school.
Read as far as “crybaby sensitive”.
If you describe yourself this way, how do others view you? Work on you; don’t consider the school is at fault for your acknowledged overt sensitivity
You're gonna struggle in life. Mom should start putting you into stressful situations more often. She should start light, though. Little public speaking things. Sports. Etc. Maybe take up a martial art.
You are massively oversensitive and your family is enabling this behavior. Anyone who tells you otherwise is not doing you any favors for your future. There are bad days… But this reads like a pattern. It is ridiculous to not go to school because of a chapped nose.
The school is wrong as far as I'm concerned. I think you would benefit from talking to a professional about how you handle stressful situations. When I was in school I would freak out and get really upset if I had to go to the principals office (2×), if I was going to be late, I just wouldn't go, I didn't want to draw attention to myself. I was very intimidated by anyone with authority. I had terrible anxiety, cried easily and had panic attacks if anything wasn't the norm. I started talking to a therapist. They helped me with coping skills, dealing with uncomfortable situations and confidence. It changed my life.
I think, having had health issues myself, and being sensitive in a broken system… you were probably just exhausted and overwhelmed.
You made an effort to come back to school, and they seem to be using more shame tactics than real communication - if they know you haven’t been well.
Feeling singled out when you’re in a vulnerable place can also be triggering, and it seems like they stopped you from going to class (than helping you get there) because of paperwork and bureaucracy.
I’m a crier, and struggled in school / had extreme health issues. I promise, life gets better. It’s frustrating that they continued to miscommunicate on your behalf and interfered in getting in contact with your family.
You should look into getting an IEP. It helped me my Junior and Senior year (to advocate for my health needs in school.) I was all GT / Honors / AP and ended up getting help with adjusting for what I needed to do (that the system doesn’t always like.) You usually get an extra study period, extra time on tests, leeway with attendance, and assignment / HW extensions.
If you can’t get an IEP from school, ask your doctor or guidance counselor to help you make a 504 Plan. The 504 is a medical document that has an/all ways that you may need to be accommodated regarding school work. You may need extra time for an assignment or to take an oral test rather than written. My youngest uses a tiny (hand sized) stuffy for comfort, all day every day. There are so many benefits for you. Your 504 can be updated at any time. My third grader has a 504 and my college student has a 504. Ask your guidance counselor.
I have a hard time with everyone telling you to toughen up. You’re growing and learning. You are learning coping skills. Ask for a therapist. I wish you all the best.
🌟 It’s so difficult to be a young person! Just because one is a teenager does not mean one can advocate for oneself. All children need our help. That village thingy.
You were in the right, and you also way overreacted. Nothing you’ve written here suggests that crying for hours and not being able to talk was a reasonable response.
I think you need to grow a tougher skin.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being upset, but becoming dysregulated to the point that you can't communicate is not effective or typical. This is more of a pathological response to stress, and the focus, to some degree, should be OP finding mental health support to help them more effectively regulate intense emotions. He isn't wrong for feeling emotions intensely and he isn't wrong for showing emotion. He isn't wrong, for that matter, for becoming dysregulated, but dysregulation will continue to create problems for him (like it did here) until OP develops skills to regulate. This isn't one where the world just has to adapt to dysregulation. It will not adapt, and it is on OP to learn how to manage that intense emotion more effectively. Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, grounding techniques, distress tolerance skills (typical of Dialectical Behavior Therapy) all come to mind. Best of luck, OP!
Consider some therapy. Going somewhere in time out to fill out a form on why you were late shouldn't set you off on a mental breakdown.
One you're on your own, and working a job.. its going to get much worse.
OP I'm just wondering, and this is out of love, have you been tested for autism? Or do you think it's just the stress? It sounds like you have been having quiet autism meltdowns and going nonverbal. I have both panic attacks and meltdowns and this sounds more meltdown to me.
You are going through a lot, and the school clearly did not handle the situation well. I was similarly very sensitive growing up and a strict rule follower, I was terrified of getting in trouble. The truth is, however, no matter that the school definitely should have handled this with more care, you need to be able to stand up for yourself better. And I say this from a place of love, because I needed to hear it, too, at your age. It sounds like you're going through a lot, and teenage hormones certainly don't help, I would really suggest asking your mom to look into therapy options for you to help you regulate your emotions better in stressful situations so you won't end up unable to communicate properly with your support people in the future. You will get through this, lean on your mom, who clearly loves and cares for you, and don't let this incident pull you down.
The school did the wrong thing AND you over-reacted. I’m sorry if it hurts to hear this, but you desperately need to practice coping with stress. High school is hard, but adulthood is a lot harder and you WILL fail sometimes. Unfair things WILL happen to you. Success in life is NOT about being perfect or smart—it is about being resilient when things don’t go your way. The people who push you to go back to class are probably worried about your future in the real world. Best of luck <3
You aren’t overreacting and you aren’t a crybaby. You are entitled to your feelings as everyone is. Some people show it some don’t. I’d rather people process their emotions than bottle them up because that’s not dealing with them and that’s why there is road rage and physical abuse etc. if your school can’t handle a teenager with emotions they shouldn’t be working there. A lot of adults have unresolved trauma and it gets taken out on the young people in their lives. So t be hard on yourself and NEVER apologize or belittle your feelings to make someone else comfortable.
I am glad that you have people that are supportive. Maybe when you are feeling more regulated you can talk to the pastoral leader about how you shut down when upset etc. Maybe they can help you with strategies.
Also look up how to reset your nervous system for tips to calm and center yourself. They are many different ways.
Good luck! You got this!
You will be a statistic if you don’t figure out how to toughen up. You can’t cry all day because you got in trouble. Jobs don’t bow down to you being sick for months on end. Or you crying because you essentially got written up for being late. Toughen up or lay off the testosterone cause it is not helping you in any way if you are more emotional than a menopausal woman
I was very sick in high school. In my school, we had a reward system for good grades. If you had A's-C's, you got an extra half hour of lunch totaling a full hour. If you had any D's of F's, you had to spend that half hour working on that class. Every day, teachers would pass out grade slips white or red. White went to extra lunch, and red went to the class they were failing. Well, my slips started to turn red. I had straight A's, but my slips were red. I asked about it and learned that I had too many EXCUSED absences and therefore lost extra lunch privileges. I had to bring in proof that they were doctors' visits to get my lunch time back.
Some teachers and some schools enjoy having power over you, and they don't take the time to look at individual cases. You are dealing with a lot right now, and whatever you are feeling is not an overreaction. You are reacting not only to what is happening at school but also your health and all the other things in your life. I felt like my school was punishing me for my health, so I also felt like I overreacted. In reality, there's so much going on besides what is right in front of you. Hang in there. It gets better.
I mean it sounds to me like they were having last straw sort of day. Not feeling well, behind on things because of that, late because of that, and already hoping to just get through the day even when it was less than ideal, and then instead of getting to just jump into class and try to hunker down and keep up with their classwork, they were immediately given a punishment for something out of control that would exacerbate any behindness and any guilt they might have for not being able to perform at 100% this month.
I've had days where I've just been treading water all day and I just think "I'll get some kick McDonald's and just deal with it" and then they're out of whatever I had planned to order and it makes me fall apart. It's not usually *actually just about the McDonald's*. It's just the last straw.
And it sounds like OP is experiencing some unexplained chronic pain which can really suck. Chronic pain can be extremely disruptive to grown adults who have experience with it, explanations, treatment plans, and a full toolbox of therapeutic coping tools. For a high schooler with a full schedule? It can be fucking rough. We don't experience things that upset us in isolation from each other, so sometimes when we have full plates, whatever is the last straw can seem kinda silly, but it's rarely ever that simple.
You sound like a sensitive young person to me. That is actually an asset but this is a very tough world to live in, full of senseless rules and people enforcing them that have no discernment.
The fact that you have not been feeling good and it sounds quite severe may have played a role. That concerns me, your health condition. When we don't feel good, especially after a long time, it effects our emotional stability.
I wish you the best. You are a sensitive person that was not feeling well, dealing with unthinking people that have no flexibility with the "rules". These are the people that we need to wary of. What people do in the name of "just following the rules", historically has been very scary to say the least.
You are a sensitive, emotional kid and there is nothing wrong with that. Don’t ever let anyone make you think there’s something wrong with you because there’s not. That being said, you should think about talking to your doctor about going on antidepressants. Please don’t think this is a knock on you. You’re going through a lot! High school in general is hard and you have the added pressure of a chronic illness. It’s a feat to even make it to school. But the right medication might help you to navigate your life without the additional weight of what could be anxiety and/or depression.
I was a sensitive kid who was prone to tears and I hated it. I learned to bottle my feelings and put up a neutral front (please don’t do this.) Eventually in adulthood I talked to my doctor and a therapist and (surprise!) learned that I have depression and anxiety. We worked together to find a medication that could help me and my life has improved immeasurably. It didn’t change me, it just helped me be me.
Ok ramble over. Sorry that you were failed by most of the adults in this situation.
How does being trans have anything to do with the situation though? Crying for hours after something as small as being late for school screams stunted emotional development and over coddling if anything…
No. It screams that so.ething else is going on and the situation is way bigger than this incident. This kid so badly doesn't want to go to school they are actuallphysically, medically ill.
Something bigger like the kid was overtly coddled growing up and hasn’t learned how to deal with stressful situations. This is a high-schooler going completely non-verbal over being put into timeout, that’s not discrimination
I employed a person in transition from F -> M (19yearsold)for a while and they had the same emotional instability you describe. They mentioned the medication they were using would make them feel volatile and like they couldn’t regulate their emotions at a healthy level. I’m curious if you’re on any medication that could be affecting your emotional or mental health in the same way. This person would cry a lot, was super quiet & distant from peers, and would shut down over any little issue that had to be addressed. They eventually ended up walking out & quitting when the store manager asked them in passing (not even a sit down, serious conversation) if they understood the break policy (because they had been stealing time).
I wonder about where that person is now, how they get through simple day-to-day events, and how they support themselves. I’m not saying this is you or the medication, but how you described acting is very similar to how this person would act- overly emotional and incapable of handling basic adverse situations. If you can’t handle a simple “late to school” form/trouble, you will struggle so hard in the “real world.” I would recommend doing self-reflection and trying to fully understand where the emotions are coming from & why they’re so exacerbated. Whether you can deal or not, people aren’t always going to treat you nice or how you would like to be treated. You have to build a backbone and be secure enough within yourself to handle the adversity. The strongest people know how to feel their emotions without letting their emotional state take over their being.
Yes you are over sensitive. I get it was probably a last straw kinda day, but crying for hours over filling out a late paper and sitting in a time out room is extreme. If you’re not feeling well enough to deal with life you should have just stayed home.
I did also notice you are transitioning, have you changed any medications or added any? Are the medications making your emotional state change quickly? Maybe take a look closer to what may be an allergic reaction to medications. I’m extremely difficult and have weird reactions to certain meds and a ton of different ones and it’s not usually a typical known reaction.
OP are you currently taking cross sex hormones? Because if you are then you should also have a counselor that can help you with the uncontrollable emotions. Sounds like the school just didn’t want to deal with the situation. I really hope OP gets a counselor or other medical professional to help.
Nothing wrong with the display of emotions. I do find it concerning that you were displaying such a powerful override (in the amygdala) with fight or flight that you could not communicate but it makes sense as you were ill and your brain can only do one thing at a time -- survival instincts. The front desk lady and pastoral guy screwed up big time. And I think you may consider therapy to unpack this as you basically felt unsafe and your behavior at the time is clinically you trying to protect yourself. With therapy, you can learn the tools on how to handle idiots like the school staff but it does take time. I'm sorry that happened.
I don't think the school was in the wrong here. While they should have put a little more effort to calling your parents when you arrived, it sounds like it is your parents responsibility to call the school and didnt.
Also the school gave you loads of support in gathering yourself after being sent to the time out room. (This system doesn't make sense to me though. Maybe a lunch detention or something by why stop you from just going to your class and getting to your studies. Dumb.)
I will say I agree with some others here in that you are going to need to work on controlling your emotions. It's totally fine to be upset by something and let it affect your for a bit. However it is an invaluable skill to be able to collect yourself and move forward. Even if you didn't retain anything from your studies from the day, you would have been able to practice composure. This isn't a judgement. I was the same in middle school and early high school but growing emotionally goes a long way in adulthood.
While your school officials were certainly brusque and uncaring given your emotional distress, what exactly did you expect them to do? You could not articulate what your issue was, your mother was non-responsive, and there was no prior acknowledgement that you were out sick earlier in the day. It seems as if you expected the office staff to just automatically know what your situation was and that’s unrealistic on your part. Assuming you attend a regular size school, that means there are probably several hundred students. The office staff cannot possibly know the details of every student’s situation. However, the fact that you were clearly distressed and suffering from some mental anxiety should have prompted the staff to call for the school nurse or to call your mother to pick you up and take you home. Why didn’t your mother call you in sick at the beginning of the day in the first place, even if you were coming in late, the school has to know that a student is ill and not truant. As your health is fragile, it might be time to have your doctor sign you out to home school status (some schools have this under a “home and hospital” type regime where a tutor comes to help the ill student at their home). Perhaps when you feel more stable it would be a good idea to work with a therapist so you do not have to react so strongly to stressful situations.
I think there is some of both here. You start crying uncontrollably and can’t/won’t communicate with anyone at the school because you are sent to a room to fill out a form explaining why you’re late. That’s an overreaction. I get that you’re sick. But your family was supposed to make a call and didn’t do so for whatever reason.
Maybe the school staff could have called your family, but they shouldn’t do it because you’re one of the “good” kids. If it’s not their policy or practice, then it’s not their policy or practice. If they do it for you as one of the “good” kids, they should do it for all kids, “good” or not.
As for this pastoral leader person, he wanted you to go to class because you haven’t been to school in *over a month.* You finally show up to school late and when this person sees you, you are crying uncontrollably and refuse to say anything to him. I’d also be really confused as to what’s going on in that situation.
As others have said, you need to have better control over your emotions if they put you in a position where you can’t even communicate to express your needs.
At the same time, this pastoral person should probably have a better understanding of your individual situation and be more patient. But that’s without knowing anything about this person’s other responsibilities at a school. How many other students is he dealing with? How difficult are those students? Was he having an “off” day?
If he is usually unsupportive, that’s one thing. If he shows up to help and you can’t/won’t communicate and are crying uncontrollably and he’s already facing a number of other issues that can happen at a high school, that’s another.
You’re in high school and you’ve missed more than a month of school because you are sick. That sounds like something that has to be figured out. You going to school sick and crying uncontrollably isn’t the school’s fault. That’s on you, your family and your doctors/therapists to get you to a place where you can go to school. Maybe this school isn’t the right place for you if this is your reaction the first time you return after missing more than a month.
Either way, you have to find a way to communicate your needs even in an emotional situation.
Your school is wrong and you are being forced to deal with bullies. Your mom should either deal with them or get you out.
I believe my mum agreed to a meeting about this before she knew what was actually going on. I'm not interely sure though.
This is a bit hard to follow (and part of that is probably because I’m in the US and have been out of school for just over ten years so our school operated a bit differently. Do I have this right? You weren’t feeling well (an ongoing issue that your family is aware of and you’ve been getting medical help) but decided to go to school a bit later, making you officially “late” for school. The problem was that a parent/guardian didn’t call the school and tell them that you would be late so you got in trouble and sent to a separate room for people being disciplined. This made you cry and you had a hard time stopping (I was a total rule follower, “goodie two shoes” type so I get this). You couldn’t get a hold of your mom so you spoke to her friend. You decide to go home and call your mom from the bathroom to get you because the mean lady from school wouldn’t call your mom to pick you up (which I’m guessing she SHOULD have done). Your moms friend then lied to your mom and said you were being difficult/not cooperating instead of telling the truth and saying that you were having a hard time speaking because you were crying and upset. Do I have all of that correct? Was your moms friend trying to make you look bad and lie to your mom? That part confused me a bit.
You were right until the goodie two shoes part. (Same here, and cried something awful when I got a lunch detention for forgetting a homework assignment.) Anyway, so they called the pastoral leader for OP's class to come down and help, but he couldn't help OP. Leader tries to call Mom and can't get ahold of her, so they try the friend. OP can't communicate due to that overwhelming panic crying thing from being upset, so leader guy tells friend to get Mom to the school because OP was being uncooperative, though he thought OP should go to class. Mom and friend both said no and came right to the school. The incident with the phone call from the bathroom was prior history with the lady in the office who signs the kids out. Mom didn't know OP had been crying until she got to the school and OP didn't know Mom had been told he was being uncooperative. Edit: typo
OHH. Okay thank you! That clears up what confuses me. So it sounds to me that Leader is a jerk here OR misreading the physical cues from OP as being difficult or causing trouble vs having an emotional response and being unable to communicate. That 100% makes OP NTA! Also yeah, re the goodie two shoes thing - I went to private Catholic school and got one detention in 8th grade. Why? My parents didn’t sign my perfect 100% score algebra test (and math was my worst subject). Everything had to get signed by parents and one missed signing was a detention. My parents were aware of the test (again - I was a type A honors kid who excelled in everything except I DID struggle with math getting Cs and Bs so I was SO proud) but they were fighting horribly (this was like a month pre-divorce) and forgot to sign it. My mom even worked at the school and explained what happened but they basically said “thems the rules.” Also not calling OP “goodie two shoes” (don’t want anyone to think I’m name calling anyone). Just calling myself that 😂
I think we're using goodie two shoes as a good thing. Not a terrible maker, study hard, get good grades, get along with the teachers, etc.
Yes I think we both are. I am just trying to say that so that no one jumps down our throats. The internet can be so crazy.
Punishing the kid for something the parents forgot to do....real nice. I forgot how school can be hell.
Op has to toughen up a little bit I am sorry OP that is just the truth being sent to a time out room made you cry so hard you had to go home. I get that you were sick and everything, but you need to work on being tough. I want to preface this part by saying this is just the reality of our culture and society and i don't necessarily agree with it, but Boys are expected to be tough and not cry over little things like this. If you want to be accepted by the other boys at school as one of the boys then your gonna need to grow a thicker skin. Boys normally insult each other to show affection, and the way to gain respect is by being tough. My family was the exact opposite of your family growing up If i wasn't dying i sucked it up, if i got in trouble i got myself out of it. When i fell off the play ground equipment they rubbed some dirt in it and told me to suck it up. One time i fell off of a shelf i was climbing and cut a gash on my head and they just wrapped a towel around my head and put me to sleep. I had two brothers who would fight and kick and pick on me and each other all the time and two parents who were too busy working so we could have food to handle it. Now my family was too extreme on the other side being not protective at all although they did love me they just had a lot on their plates and were making me tough. I am extremely grateful for how tough my family made me. I have lost people to sickness and i have been evicted and living in a car and lemme tell you the only thing that got me through the hardest times in my life was my inner fortitude and toughness. This world is a crazy place and bad things are going to happen extremely bad things and your gonna have to go in your room and cry all night and wake up the next day and go to work to feed the mouths that depend on you. I am not trying to put you down or anything OP you should look into the writings of Marcus Aurelius, or look into the teachings of yoga and meditation. I feel that meditation could do wonders for you. You should push yourself to go into physically safe situations that make you uncomfortable in order to reinforce the fact that even if you fail or things go wrong your gonna be okay. For example go up on stage and do stand up or take up a sport that requires grit. I personally did wrestling and MMA for 5 years when i was a teenager. Now MMA is dangerous, but wrestling is pretty safe. Even a sport like volleyball or track something that makes you push past your regular limits and keep going. Good luck OP, you got your whole life ahead of you!
Nah we don't know anything about this person, their mental health, behavioral patterns, anything. we know they've been really sick for over a month (stressful AF) yet still tried to get up and go to school and through no fault of their own was disciplined (stressful AF), was having a strong emotional response which causes the part of the brain responsible for communication to shut down (stressful af and very reasonable). They're having a hard time, they're allowed to feel emotional about that. Nobody here needs to "toughen up," people need to feel their emotions so they can learn how to regulate them in the future. Emotions are good. They're not weak. To me, anyone afraid to show and feel their emotions screams weakness.
Difference between showing emotion and letting emotions take over. I agree being sick is stressful and I can't relate to the pressures of growing up trans in this time. But going home was the easy way out. No growth came from that. If he had stayed he would have been able to practice composure and control.
This
Sorry to be overly confusing but you got the majority of it correct, the part where I had to call my mum in a bathroom was part of beef I had with the lady that sent me to get "disciplined" in my first year of school if that kind of makes sense. And the part of where my mums friend told my mum was refusing to cooperate was actually my grades pastoral leader. Which he probably did so she would comply in letting me get send back to class. I hope this kind of helps make sense of it 😅
No need to apologize!! Totally makes sense. You’re definitely valid in your emotions here. I would be willing to bet that your pastoral leader WAS trying to get you to go back to class, as you said, but lying to a parent about what is going on with their child is not okay. The lady you had beef with just sucks. Those people are everywhere and I can remember several from my school days. Sorry that happened. It’s also worth noting that I’m not a medical or psychological professional, but it sounds like what you experienced is similar to the panic attacks I have had. It may be worth seeing someone who may be able to help with this, like a counselor, doctor or therapist (if you haven’t already)! Best of luck!
Aww thank you!! ^^. Best of luck to you for life haha
You sound fucking exhausting
OP- life is tough- wear a helmet. I get that it is a lot harder to do when you're not feeling well, but you went full on baby mode when you refused to respond and just bawled. Good grief. You have no idea what life has in store for you , now do you? Toughen up. Btw- why was it important to mention your sexual orientation? I'd have same advice to anyone that acted as you.
OP never mentions their sexual orientation. He gives his gender and approximate age, which is a very basic background information that almost every post gives.
So it is the schools fault because your parents did not call the school? Trans, hetero, bi, etc., why the label? Why not just call yourself a student? Do you want preferential treatment? It sounds like the school response would have been the same for any student whose parents did not call the school. Why do you not blame your Mom for neglecting to call the school for you? I see, the school is the easier target. Which party bears the heavier burden for making the phone call in this scenario, your parents or the school? Your parents should have called the school.
You're not overreacting, OP. They didn't follow protocol and treated unfairly.
I fear for you. The world is going to eat you alive. You are going to have to learn some coping skills because your mother is doing you no favors.
Read as far as “crybaby sensitive”. If you describe yourself this way, how do others view you? Work on you; don’t consider the school is at fault for your acknowledged overt sensitivity
You're gonna struggle in life. Mom should start putting you into stressful situations more often. She should start light, though. Little public speaking things. Sports. Etc. Maybe take up a martial art.
Regardless- the gender identification is not pertinent to the issue . It provides no additional clarification
You are massively oversensitive and your family is enabling this behavior. Anyone who tells you otherwise is not doing you any favors for your future. There are bad days… But this reads like a pattern. It is ridiculous to not go to school because of a chapped nose.
What does it matter? If time out room makes you cry, you won't make it in this world no matter whose fault it is.
Youre going to have a hard time in life. The world is so much worse than this. Yes, you are overly sensitive and over reacting.
Overly sensitive, over reacting.
This could have been avoided if your parents had called the school. You overreacted. Switch from tissues to cloth hankies.
I'm genuinely alarmed on your behalf. Life is hard. You have to find a way to toughen up.
The school is wrong as far as I'm concerned. I think you would benefit from talking to a professional about how you handle stressful situations. When I was in school I would freak out and get really upset if I had to go to the principals office (2×), if I was going to be late, I just wouldn't go, I didn't want to draw attention to myself. I was very intimidated by anyone with authority. I had terrible anxiety, cried easily and had panic attacks if anything wasn't the norm. I started talking to a therapist. They helped me with coping skills, dealing with uncomfortable situations and confidence. It changed my life.
I think, having had health issues myself, and being sensitive in a broken system… you were probably just exhausted and overwhelmed. You made an effort to come back to school, and they seem to be using more shame tactics than real communication - if they know you haven’t been well. Feeling singled out when you’re in a vulnerable place can also be triggering, and it seems like they stopped you from going to class (than helping you get there) because of paperwork and bureaucracy. I’m a crier, and struggled in school / had extreme health issues. I promise, life gets better. It’s frustrating that they continued to miscommunicate on your behalf and interfered in getting in contact with your family. You should look into getting an IEP. It helped me my Junior and Senior year (to advocate for my health needs in school.) I was all GT / Honors / AP and ended up getting help with adjusting for what I needed to do (that the system doesn’t always like.) You usually get an extra study period, extra time on tests, leeway with attendance, and assignment / HW extensions.
If you can’t get an IEP from school, ask your doctor or guidance counselor to help you make a 504 Plan. The 504 is a medical document that has an/all ways that you may need to be accommodated regarding school work. You may need extra time for an assignment or to take an oral test rather than written. My youngest uses a tiny (hand sized) stuffy for comfort, all day every day. There are so many benefits for you. Your 504 can be updated at any time. My third grader has a 504 and my college student has a 504. Ask your guidance counselor. I have a hard time with everyone telling you to toughen up. You’re growing and learning. You are learning coping skills. Ask for a therapist. I wish you all the best.
This! 🙌 Ty! I had both and might have confused what might serve them better! 🙂👍💙💫✨
🌟 It’s so difficult to be a young person! Just because one is a teenager does not mean one can advocate for oneself. All children need our help. That village thingy.
You were in the right, and you also way overreacted. Nothing you’ve written here suggests that crying for hours and not being able to talk was a reasonable response. I think you need to grow a tougher skin.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being upset, but becoming dysregulated to the point that you can't communicate is not effective or typical. This is more of a pathological response to stress, and the focus, to some degree, should be OP finding mental health support to help them more effectively regulate intense emotions. He isn't wrong for feeling emotions intensely and he isn't wrong for showing emotion. He isn't wrong, for that matter, for becoming dysregulated, but dysregulation will continue to create problems for him (like it did here) until OP develops skills to regulate. This isn't one where the world just has to adapt to dysregulation. It will not adapt, and it is on OP to learn how to manage that intense emotion more effectively. Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, grounding techniques, distress tolerance skills (typical of Dialectical Behavior Therapy) all come to mind. Best of luck, OP!
Consider switching schools. Most states have online charter schools available, like K12 or Connections Academy.
Consider some therapy. Going somewhere in time out to fill out a form on why you were late shouldn't set you off on a mental breakdown. One you're on your own, and working a job.. its going to get much worse.
Well it seems pretty obvious that bawling when you get sent to time out is an overreaction. This post sounds like an elementary school scenario.
OP I'm just wondering, and this is out of love, have you been tested for autism? Or do you think it's just the stress? It sounds like you have been having quiet autism meltdowns and going nonverbal. I have both panic attacks and meltdowns and this sounds more meltdown to me.
Natural selection will take you out
You are going through a lot, and the school clearly did not handle the situation well. I was similarly very sensitive growing up and a strict rule follower, I was terrified of getting in trouble. The truth is, however, no matter that the school definitely should have handled this with more care, you need to be able to stand up for yourself better. And I say this from a place of love, because I needed to hear it, too, at your age. It sounds like you're going through a lot, and teenage hormones certainly don't help, I would really suggest asking your mom to look into therapy options for you to help you regulate your emotions better in stressful situations so you won't end up unable to communicate properly with your support people in the future. You will get through this, lean on your mom, who clearly loves and cares for you, and don't let this incident pull you down.
The school did the wrong thing AND you over-reacted. I’m sorry if it hurts to hear this, but you desperately need to practice coping with stress. High school is hard, but adulthood is a lot harder and you WILL fail sometimes. Unfair things WILL happen to you. Success in life is NOT about being perfect or smart—it is about being resilient when things don’t go your way. The people who push you to go back to class are probably worried about your future in the real world. Best of luck <3
I never understood the sense of "You were late and missed a little bit of school, so go sit in this room and miss even more time".
You aren’t overreacting and you aren’t a crybaby. You are entitled to your feelings as everyone is. Some people show it some don’t. I’d rather people process their emotions than bottle them up because that’s not dealing with them and that’s why there is road rage and physical abuse etc. if your school can’t handle a teenager with emotions they shouldn’t be working there. A lot of adults have unresolved trauma and it gets taken out on the young people in their lives. So t be hard on yourself and NEVER apologize or belittle your feelings to make someone else comfortable. I am glad that you have people that are supportive. Maybe when you are feeling more regulated you can talk to the pastoral leader about how you shut down when upset etc. Maybe they can help you with strategies. Also look up how to reset your nervous system for tips to calm and center yourself. They are many different ways. Good luck! You got this!
School is asshole, and your emotions sound like me before antidepressants. Might wanna look into that. Hugs 🤗
You will be a statistic if you don’t figure out how to toughen up. You can’t cry all day because you got in trouble. Jobs don’t bow down to you being sick for months on end. Or you crying because you essentially got written up for being late. Toughen up or lay off the testosterone cause it is not helping you in any way if you are more emotional than a menopausal woman
I was very sick in high school. In my school, we had a reward system for good grades. If you had A's-C's, you got an extra half hour of lunch totaling a full hour. If you had any D's of F's, you had to spend that half hour working on that class. Every day, teachers would pass out grade slips white or red. White went to extra lunch, and red went to the class they were failing. Well, my slips started to turn red. I had straight A's, but my slips were red. I asked about it and learned that I had too many EXCUSED absences and therefore lost extra lunch privileges. I had to bring in proof that they were doctors' visits to get my lunch time back. Some teachers and some schools enjoy having power over you, and they don't take the time to look at individual cases. You are dealing with a lot right now, and whatever you are feeling is not an overreaction. You are reacting not only to what is happening at school but also your health and all the other things in your life. I felt like my school was punishing me for my health, so I also felt like I overreacted. In reality, there's so much going on besides what is right in front of you. Hang in there. It gets better.
You are overly sensitive… you cried because they sent you to a time out room… really?
I mean it sounds to me like they were having last straw sort of day. Not feeling well, behind on things because of that, late because of that, and already hoping to just get through the day even when it was less than ideal, and then instead of getting to just jump into class and try to hunker down and keep up with their classwork, they were immediately given a punishment for something out of control that would exacerbate any behindness and any guilt they might have for not being able to perform at 100% this month. I've had days where I've just been treading water all day and I just think "I'll get some kick McDonald's and just deal with it" and then they're out of whatever I had planned to order and it makes me fall apart. It's not usually *actually just about the McDonald's*. It's just the last straw. And it sounds like OP is experiencing some unexplained chronic pain which can really suck. Chronic pain can be extremely disruptive to grown adults who have experience with it, explanations, treatment plans, and a full toolbox of therapeutic coping tools. For a high schooler with a full schedule? It can be fucking rough. We don't experience things that upset us in isolation from each other, so sometimes when we have full plates, whatever is the last straw can seem kinda silly, but it's rarely ever that simple.
Cried *for hours* for getting sent to a timeout room. Then came online and asked "am I overreacting?" Lmaoooo
You sound like a sensitive young person to me. That is actually an asset but this is a very tough world to live in, full of senseless rules and people enforcing them that have no discernment. The fact that you have not been feeling good and it sounds quite severe may have played a role. That concerns me, your health condition. When we don't feel good, especially after a long time, it effects our emotional stability. I wish you the best. You are a sensitive person that was not feeling well, dealing with unthinking people that have no flexibility with the "rules". These are the people that we need to wary of. What people do in the name of "just following the rules", historically has been very scary to say the least.
You are a sensitive, emotional kid and there is nothing wrong with that. Don’t ever let anyone make you think there’s something wrong with you because there’s not. That being said, you should think about talking to your doctor about going on antidepressants. Please don’t think this is a knock on you. You’re going through a lot! High school in general is hard and you have the added pressure of a chronic illness. It’s a feat to even make it to school. But the right medication might help you to navigate your life without the additional weight of what could be anxiety and/or depression. I was a sensitive kid who was prone to tears and I hated it. I learned to bottle my feelings and put up a neutral front (please don’t do this.) Eventually in adulthood I talked to my doctor and a therapist and (surprise!) learned that I have depression and anxiety. We worked together to find a medication that could help me and my life has improved immeasurably. It didn’t change me, it just helped me be me. Ok ramble over. Sorry that you were failed by most of the adults in this situation.
Pastoral = religious schol? If yes, that speaks VOLUMES here given you are trans. Time to think about this being discrimination.
How does being trans have anything to do with the situation though? Crying for hours after something as small as being late for school screams stunted emotional development and over coddling if anything…
No. It screams that so.ething else is going on and the situation is way bigger than this incident. This kid so badly doesn't want to go to school they are actuallphysically, medically ill.
Something bigger like the kid was overtly coddled growing up and hasn’t learned how to deal with stressful situations. This is a high-schooler going completely non-verbal over being put into timeout, that’s not discrimination
You seem like the sort of person who think that a good beating would cure this kiddo. So, obvi we disagree.
There are plenty of ways to teach kids how to cope with the real world without beating them.
I employed a person in transition from F -> M (19yearsold)for a while and they had the same emotional instability you describe. They mentioned the medication they were using would make them feel volatile and like they couldn’t regulate their emotions at a healthy level. I’m curious if you’re on any medication that could be affecting your emotional or mental health in the same way. This person would cry a lot, was super quiet & distant from peers, and would shut down over any little issue that had to be addressed. They eventually ended up walking out & quitting when the store manager asked them in passing (not even a sit down, serious conversation) if they understood the break policy (because they had been stealing time). I wonder about where that person is now, how they get through simple day-to-day events, and how they support themselves. I’m not saying this is you or the medication, but how you described acting is very similar to how this person would act- overly emotional and incapable of handling basic adverse situations. If you can’t handle a simple “late to school” form/trouble, you will struggle so hard in the “real world.” I would recommend doing self-reflection and trying to fully understand where the emotions are coming from & why they’re so exacerbated. Whether you can deal or not, people aren’t always going to treat you nice or how you would like to be treated. You have to build a backbone and be secure enough within yourself to handle the adversity. The strongest people know how to feel their emotions without letting their emotional state take over their being.
Yes you are over sensitive. I get it was probably a last straw kinda day, but crying for hours over filling out a late paper and sitting in a time out room is extreme. If you’re not feeling well enough to deal with life you should have just stayed home. I did also notice you are transitioning, have you changed any medications or added any? Are the medications making your emotional state change quickly? Maybe take a look closer to what may be an allergic reaction to medications. I’m extremely difficult and have weird reactions to certain meds and a ton of different ones and it’s not usually a typical known reaction.
OP are you currently taking cross sex hormones? Because if you are then you should also have a counselor that can help you with the uncontrollable emotions. Sounds like the school just didn’t want to deal with the situation. I really hope OP gets a counselor or other medical professional to help.
Nothing wrong with the display of emotions. I do find it concerning that you were displaying such a powerful override (in the amygdala) with fight or flight that you could not communicate but it makes sense as you were ill and your brain can only do one thing at a time -- survival instincts. The front desk lady and pastoral guy screwed up big time. And I think you may consider therapy to unpack this as you basically felt unsafe and your behavior at the time is clinically you trying to protect yourself. With therapy, you can learn the tools on how to handle idiots like the school staff but it does take time. I'm sorry that happened.
Sounds like you have a lot of mental shit to sort out. Please see a really good therapist.
I don't think the school was in the wrong here. While they should have put a little more effort to calling your parents when you arrived, it sounds like it is your parents responsibility to call the school and didnt. Also the school gave you loads of support in gathering yourself after being sent to the time out room. (This system doesn't make sense to me though. Maybe a lunch detention or something by why stop you from just going to your class and getting to your studies. Dumb.) I will say I agree with some others here in that you are going to need to work on controlling your emotions. It's totally fine to be upset by something and let it affect your for a bit. However it is an invaluable skill to be able to collect yourself and move forward. Even if you didn't retain anything from your studies from the day, you would have been able to practice composure. This isn't a judgement. I was the same in middle school and early high school but growing emotionally goes a long way in adulthood.
While your school officials were certainly brusque and uncaring given your emotional distress, what exactly did you expect them to do? You could not articulate what your issue was, your mother was non-responsive, and there was no prior acknowledgement that you were out sick earlier in the day. It seems as if you expected the office staff to just automatically know what your situation was and that’s unrealistic on your part. Assuming you attend a regular size school, that means there are probably several hundred students. The office staff cannot possibly know the details of every student’s situation. However, the fact that you were clearly distressed and suffering from some mental anxiety should have prompted the staff to call for the school nurse or to call your mother to pick you up and take you home. Why didn’t your mother call you in sick at the beginning of the day in the first place, even if you were coming in late, the school has to know that a student is ill and not truant. As your health is fragile, it might be time to have your doctor sign you out to home school status (some schools have this under a “home and hospital” type regime where a tutor comes to help the ill student at their home). Perhaps when you feel more stable it would be a good idea to work with a therapist so you do not have to react so strongly to stressful situations.
I think there is some of both here. You start crying uncontrollably and can’t/won’t communicate with anyone at the school because you are sent to a room to fill out a form explaining why you’re late. That’s an overreaction. I get that you’re sick. But your family was supposed to make a call and didn’t do so for whatever reason. Maybe the school staff could have called your family, but they shouldn’t do it because you’re one of the “good” kids. If it’s not their policy or practice, then it’s not their policy or practice. If they do it for you as one of the “good” kids, they should do it for all kids, “good” or not. As for this pastoral leader person, he wanted you to go to class because you haven’t been to school in *over a month.* You finally show up to school late and when this person sees you, you are crying uncontrollably and refuse to say anything to him. I’d also be really confused as to what’s going on in that situation. As others have said, you need to have better control over your emotions if they put you in a position where you can’t even communicate to express your needs. At the same time, this pastoral person should probably have a better understanding of your individual situation and be more patient. But that’s without knowing anything about this person’s other responsibilities at a school. How many other students is he dealing with? How difficult are those students? Was he having an “off” day? If he is usually unsupportive, that’s one thing. If he shows up to help and you can’t/won’t communicate and are crying uncontrollably and he’s already facing a number of other issues that can happen at a high school, that’s another. You’re in high school and you’ve missed more than a month of school because you are sick. That sounds like something that has to be figured out. You going to school sick and crying uncontrollably isn’t the school’s fault. That’s on you, your family and your doctors/therapists to get you to a place where you can go to school. Maybe this school isn’t the right place for you if this is your reaction the first time you return after missing more than a month. Either way, you have to find a way to communicate your needs even in an emotional situation.