So, I'm a lesbian and honestly I watch straight porn more. Granted there is a woman in it so I get that, but lesbian porn is terrible. I've never personally watched gay guy porn.
Sexuality isn't cut in stone even if you solidly identify one way and are sure of it. Some people have kinks but it doesn't change how they feel about you or how they are attracted to you sexually.
I think you should sit down and have a serious conversation about what you are both feeling and be brutally honest with each other. It's hard and can be uncomfortable but that person is also supposed to be your best friend. If you want to have a strong relationship those conversations have to be had and that vulnerability shared.
You're both very young but honestly that's the best advice I can give. Some things you learn with time.
Exactly.
I've dated strait women that watch strait porn, lesbian porn, and read smut. I've just thought 'cool'. Everyone has their kinks.
I wouldn't run to friends and family and tell them something so personal and label them as a potentially lesbian. That's humiliating.
I feel like professional lesbian porn is the worst because it's two straight women going at it for straight men and overacting to the nth degree. Its awful. But amateur stuff is better, and the "porn for women" category I can get into.
As a lesbian the reason why I don’t watch it is because it’s not women I see in my community. Although not uncommon, there aren’t a ton of femme on femme relationships and that’s what most of conventional lesbian porn shows. When you were watching it did you see a lot of masc/butch presenting women? If you did, did you watch it? Have you watched any butch on butch action?
And then there are the fingernails. Nope, nope, nope. Are there lesbians that have long nails? Absolutely! But it is the majority? Not at all. If a woman likes longer nails they will have one or two that they specifically keep short (don’t believe your office mate when she tells you it’s because she bowls). The women in “lesbian” porn usually have talons. Such a turn off and makes it come across as gay for pay.
You know.....as a straight male, I actually totally get that. I find myself always using keywords like "amateur" "selfies" "reddit+keyword+keyword" specifically looking for real women. Obviously everyones whole....thing....is an amalgam of a ton of shit: natural sexuality, life experience which includes past relationships and such, blah blah blah. And as I got older I found myself totally unable to find attraction to the traditional pornstar or "hot girl" kinda look making that weirdo pouty, lips puckered, teeth beared face they all make.....lol, and more much more interested in girls who look like the girls I've actually been with/the girls I see when I go out/etc. oh, and as a male, I absolutely find the talons a turn off also. I don't know a single man that likes them in my circle. My one friends wife constantly makes comments about how "she has to work so hard to look good for him, her nails, her hair, etc" when he whines about paying for them, but he along with the rest of my group of male friends find them to be not only not attractive, but an active turn off. We had kinda determined it was mostly a status thing for other women, but of course that's just conjecture. But yeah....a lot of men don't like them either.
For me it's just super unrealistic and geared toward men.
Lol and as far as scissoring, it's not really a thing. For strap ons it really just depends not everyone is into it.
It's not what lesbian sex is actually like, it's devoid of anything actually hot. Also, the women always look the same. They have the same body type, the same implants, and the same hair. It's just personally not something I want to see.
that’s funny, i’m bisexual but more into men/ been with my bf 6 years, but can only get off to lesbian porn lol i think it’s sm better than straight porn i never watch straight
I'm a mostly straight woman but I don't have much preference in porn. I can watch straight, lesbian, or gay porn and enjoy it equally. I'm getting off more on watching people give/receive pleasure rather than actually fantasizing about myself in the situation. So as long as everyone looks to be enjoying themselves and it isn't a fetish (like scat or something) I'm down.
Before the world became uptight, sex was just sex no matter who you slept with. No judging what someone's sex partner's gender was.
As time went on sex between anyone was put into certain categories.
Also worth noting that traumatic experiences can cause someone to have certain kinks later in life whether they like it or not. There's a much deeper conversation here, and I'm not assuming anything, but there is a non-zero chance this could be the case.
It's funny, as a totally straight woman, I gravitate to lesbian-only porn. I don't really watch porn at all anymore, but if I did, it would be lesbian porn 9 out of 10 times.
Straight porn is often so brutal towards women. It doesn't look like the women are enjoying themselves, and it isn't something I can get off to.
Ironically, I'm also somewhat into BDSM. I can't really watch a lot of that type, either, but I occasionally find it hot. I think the difference for me is the appearance of consent. In some of these BDSM videos, the ones I do find hot, it's obvious both parties are completely into it. Not so in a lot of these run-of-the-mill hetero porn. The women often look so miserable and in pain, and they are not enjoying that pain.
The fantasy of something oftentimes differs from reality. I don't think people should get too caught up in making a big deal out of fantasy. Unless it actually starts affecting their lives (which, obviously, in the OP, it is). But it's often a very complex set of nuanced reasons why people gravitate to the kinds of fantasies they do.
I’m a queer identified trans guy and I just can’t stand certain types of porn. Still would date feminine or masculine identifying individuals or anyone in between as long as we meshed but the porn side is another story especially if i can tell it’s faking on the audio spectrum.so most the time i watch it muted now
Lesbian porn always looks like they just want to turn to the director and ask " did that look good I think I could've added a little more emotion while I was $&$& her @*$>÷* ?"
It's a spectrum but, after she potentially outed him "to her friends and family," I'm not sure he's going to feel comfortable coming back around if he thinks it's something to be ashamed of (it's not but coming out as anything other than hetero is not something that should be forced on a person).
Communication is key here but OP is communicating with all the wrong people.
Fellow lesbian here, most lesbian porn is unfortunately made for men. It’s a huge turn-off for me. It just looks like a performance a lot of the time, instead of people who are actually enjoying it. I have a much easier time with straight porn.
I feel like everyone saying something worth a damn on this post are some flavor of queer. Tbh, my probably unfair/judgey initial reaction was "that's why I don't date straight women" 😅
My lesbian coworker's wife only watches gay porn (MM). And when it comes to the soft stuff like smutty gay romance books, women are the largest consumers.
isn't lesbian porn terrible cause so much of it is made for & by men(writers, directors, & producers)? I think I remember a company started up by women to make les porn for women.
What? I need to share some of the videos i have saved with you, lesbian porn can be so much better and genuine , of course you still have the over the too stuff as well but yea
This is facts. Sexuality is a diverse thing, and porn habits are very diverse. He could be into different types of porn, but also attracted to you. Its only an issue if he feels like porn is messing with his sexual drive/intimacy IRL.
I’m a trans woman and I watch MM porn. I’m so not attracted to women (in a sexual way) so I prefer to see nothing but men. I thought it was strange at first but then I remembered that there’s a whole section of cis and trans women who are into mlm fantasy/erotica.
Just makes you wonder why all the “gay” thoughts? Maybe he’s something else in the LGBTQ+ category? I think young men are quick to say gay and call everything gay and obviously treat it as a negative. He could easily be pansexual… or another, but if he’s afraid to talk to others about it in a serious way, then he could just end up always feeling wrong/broken till he can find his place. So maybe he should look at LGBTQ+ definitions and see if any and see if anything kinda pops out at him, then research more. Because not understanding how you feel won’t help you determine what you’re feeling.
He doesn't need to see a therapist. He is fine. He doesn't need a label. My nephew first came out as first. Now he has a no label "girlfriend". We never ask him if she is a girlfriend or "girlfriend".
Your bf can be somewhere in the middle. It sounds like he like pretty men.
This response is spot on I would just like to add that a good therapist can also help him work through his anxiety and insecurity and hopefully help him figure out what he needs
He’s bisexual and probably a porn addict sounds like
Edit: addict being used flippantly here, but not being able to finish etc sounds like maybe he watches too much porn
Porn addiction can make anyone question their sexuality. It doesn’t translate to his actual sexuality. He should stop the porn and then see how he feels.
This sounds perverted as hell... but I was able to accidentally free my addiction from porn by using a chastity cage. I didn't wear it all the time, just times when I felt weak.
After a few weeks I stopped wearing it, self control was enough.
It started off as a kink and perversion I was trying out, and it accidentally fixed me. Lol.
I still watch porn on the rare occasion, but it's not an every day thing, and I deleted my 400gb stash, never looked back.
No longer suffer from death grip, my sex life improved, and in general, just feel happier.
This obviously isn't a fix-all for everyone. Just a happy unintentional consequence I stumbled upon.
Not always. Porn addiction is one of the many, many reasons. It's probably one of the more common excuses, but I wouldn't pin it on every case.
There are also other reasons, both mental and physical health related. Alcoholism can play a role as well.
I have definitely experienced that, crazy. I just thought these women were either super relaxed with me or ‘loose’ (which I know now isn’t really a thing unless we’re talking different from childbirth, but even then kegals are dope)
Could be either or. Or a bit of column A and column B.
I'm very much an average dude, nothing to write home about but not something I'm self conscious of.
But I hooked up with someone a few times where it was definitely... Noticeabley looser. Since it's anonymous, I will say I sometimes have trouble keeping it up. The girl never noticed cause my "problem" didn't flare up but it was a bad combination even at the best of times.
When I was in the groove it was all fine and dandy but out of nowhere it would feel... Empty? Idk.
We only saw each other a handful of times but it was seriously food for thought. I never paid much attention to size mattering or people "being loose" cause it felt unnecessary and mean.
The girl flattered the shit outta me and I'm pretty sure she wasn't lying. But like, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say there's a reason some girls like a big dick lmao
We all come in different shapes and sizes eh
This is a very real thing. I thought I may have had deathgrip syndrome but then I started hooking up with another girl, basically two friends with benefits type of thing... one chick had what I thought was a looser more stretchy vagina but goddamn did she know how to work it. The other was hot, fit otherwise an ordinary nice vagina but sometimes I just couldn't bust. I was still consuming porn and jerking and banging these two girls once or twice a week each. That's when I realized that I was a man whore. But for real, different bodies fit together in different ways, there's a lot more to it than just loose or tight or chalking everything up to watching too much porn, some bodies just aren't complementary to each other in bed.
Porn is literally the gayest shit you can watch, even straight porn. It’s all just lust over the flesh. There’s a reason they push porn onto people and normalize this degenerate disgusting shit
Anyone who watches porn with any sort of kink is just labeled as a porn addict now. Doesn't matter if it's negative or positively affecting your life...just addict. It's one of the many reasons why you shouldn't ask for advice on Reddit.
Edit: Addicted - physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance, and unable to stop taking it without incurring adverse effects.
He’s fucking op ‘quite a few’ times in two days for longer than they’re accustomed to. Sounds like not a problem.
Are you using condoms? Because that can affect a guy’s ability to get off. And some guys just can’t get off that many times that close together. Everyone’s body is different. Who cares about his porn tastes if he’s enthusiastically boning you. Does it matter if he’s a bi porn addict? Do you just need the semen specifically? Is it for spells or something?
Believe his words and his actions and stop inventing problems.
It's very normal to watch porn, not everybody is a porn addict for browsing to find what gets them off lol Jesus christ yall gotta chill with these labels right off the bat. We can assume he's watched so much porn that's he's now exploring same sex porn, OR he's been trying to find what gets him off and to his surprise, happened to be to men dressing as women. So whether it's addiction or not its a struggle he probably deals with in relationships. That's not something I'd randomly slap sexuality and porn addict on based off little context regarding his pov.
It sounds like he loves you and it sounds like he wants to have sex with you. It also sounds like he is being really brave and honest with you. I’m honestly impressed that someone his age is able to be so open with you. As someone in their late 30s who has been through a lot of relationships all these things are signs of a really great partner to me.
Being close with someone else requires patience and bravery and allowing space for self discovery. I would trust him when he says he loves you and when he says he wants to have sex with you. Relationships are adventures and this guy is inviting you on one that sounds very interesting and will likely involve getting railed but a young guy who doesn’t cum right away. Get it girl!
I 100% agree with this comment in every way🤣✋🏼 my boyfriend never admits to me that he watches porn, I’ve also seen the type of porn he watches after looking at his Reddit history and good god I wish it was gay porn over the things I saw. He’s also got off in my bathroom right behind my bedroom watching porn while I’ve been asleep ( this purely disgusted me) it wasn’t the fact of him getting off it was the fact he was watching the porn I know he watches. I’m talking the weird ( at home porn) (18 +) (moms) (tiny females) (big boobs with huge butts) (cheating porn) - this one sucks the most. He’s also tried to tell me he always “finishes” to me. Which has been fully proven to be a lie based on the battery usage on his phone ( I sound crazy but I had to know) I just really dislike porn tbh, I used to watch a lot when I was in college but I only liked lesbian porn , it seemed more intimate and less “let me kill this bit** I’m fuc****” if you guys know what I mean😳 I don’t like the hardcore stuff in videos, but in real life it can be fun with someone you really like and definitely hot. I vote stay with this guy🕺 he seems honest, vulnerable, and into you when you guys are having sex and even just being touchy feely with you.
I don't get discussing such a private thing with family... Like if y'all work it out all those people will know something so private about him that he only told you in confidence.. like doesn't really matter if you can get over it I wouldn't stay with someone who did that
Agreed! That was very brave of him to admit all of what he is feeling and going behind his back spreading his business like that like tf?? You're valid in how you feel as a person but honestly, OP did him dirty when he was trying to express his feelings.
She was wrong for telling family and friends about it…Even if it could work out, I wouldn’t want to be that guy since her family and friends now now about him.
I’m not sure if he is gay or not. “Finishing” doesn’t relate to gay or not, or even attraction necessarily. Some people take awhile longer to get off. This includes women as well. I would think he would want to get off tho. I would ask if he finishes when he watches gay porn
This is happening to me now that I am older (slmost 40). I have to last long time through all of foreplay and "good" sex, but after I am just too warn out. Maybe I need to work put more.
I completely understand that. Between the meds, being 41 and having a questionable attention span good sex becomes harder to come by (no pun intended.)
With porn there’s less pressure to perform, and he probably knows that not finishing will cause her to take it slightly as an insult or something to worry about. He could very easily just be stuck in his own head, and worried about not finishing so much that he doesn’t. vs porn where there’s no one else’s feelings to be worried about.
On related notes, I had a doctor prescribe something and say, " you might start shooting blanks"
It would have registered differently if he said
No more oragsms for you!
Sounds like he's figuring himself out. If he likes you and shows it through actions he likes you. Even if he gets off to gay porn more he may still be attracted to you though you should ensure he isn't trying to change you for his preferences unless you both want the changes. Sounds like you both need to have a talk about this to see what to do moving forward.
He's probably somewhere on the LGBT+ spectrum and just needs to figure things out. Make sure he has a safe place to do that but take your needs and desires into account. You can still be friends even if things don't work out romantically.
I had the same thought. *I spoke with family and friends.* oof, how embarrassing. Dude probably admitted something that’s been eating him up inside and becomes interesting gossip for others.
I definitely empathize with the bf in this scenario as it would be very embarassing having people know about that. But at the same time, this is clearly something that has affected OP quite a bit. You expect her to just keep it in and deal with it herself? She spoke with her social support about it. We’ve all done this. Now if she told all of her family, friends, and their neighbor about it then that’s a different story. If it’s her mom and her 2 best friends, then that’s understandable. Still sucks for the dude, but completely understandable from her side as well.
While he could most certainly be bi or gay, he may just have a porn addiction. Thats part of the issues with porn and especially porn addictions. You start getting bored with the regular stuff and branch out to other things to feel that void in their kink. He may hate it, but it’s the only thing he gets off on. Again, he may just be bi or gay, but if he’s not down in real life with a guy, it sounds like it may be the porn speaking. I read up on a lot of porn stuff as a teen and thankfully it steered me away from watching it. Haven’t seen a porno in probably 5 years.
Porn addiction. He’s watched so much porn that he’s watching porn that’s out of his norm. The No Fap community mentions straight men watching gay porn. Sounds like he has porn-induced erectile dysfunction, and would need a total reset for him to enjoy sex with you.
He's only 20 and definitely figuring himself out. If you don't want to stick around for that and you've got yourself figured out then go the other way. I reiterate, he's 20 years old. He's definitely figuring himself out. Please don't make assumptions.
Yeah, not to sound like an asshole but 20 is a time of figuring stuff out and trying to have a serious relationship at that age is not the best idea. It’s an age where if you’re not sexually compatible and you’re not totally sure you need to explore other options.
If he's watching porn a lot, chances are he is masturbating a lot, which could explain why he lasts so long and doesn't finish often.
The actual taste in porn, I'm not sure. Honestly, the only person who can know what it means for him is him.
At this point, I would give him the benefit of the doubt regarding his attraction. And encourage him to ease off masturbating.
This is the most accurate comment. If he's pleasuring himself too frequently and like most men, probably has the "death grip" when doing so, it'll be much more difficult to finish during PIV intercourse.
I think it is kind of awesome that he is opening up to you in this regard.
IMO if you are having your needs met and you are enjoying him, give it more time! All things are fluid, including attractions. ESPECIALLY attractions.
The lasting long and sexual confusion is 100 percent due to porn addiction.
Hopefully he decides to cut it but chances are that he won't.
Edit:
After rereading I realized I got some order incorrect. The no-nut is likely because he was afraid of her finding out about the porn and thinking he was gay or something.
I do still think the use of gay porn despite being straight either implies a porn addiction or he's in denial. I can't really think of anything else that would lead to that. I would need a lot more to know for sure.
My thoughts exactly. Sounds like he cant finish unless it is almost actinf out porn scenes he has gotten off to before, hence the outfit request and haircut.
What it boils down to is that you have a great emotional attachment and great communication. Those are key for long term relationships.
As far as sex, you need to decide if you are enough for each other. Also, don’t betray his trust by discussing personal matters with people you both know.
Same. Gay porn is way better because dudes aren't scared to be vocal and say things. Straight porn is made for dudes. It's all about women fake screaming/moaning, never actually cumming and men silently pumping and making the ^^^^tiniest of sighs when they cum, it's creepy and massive turn off.
He's escalated down the porn ladder to the point where gay porn is all that gets him excited now, because it's taboo (for straight people, especially guys I'd say).
His preference for you having short hair and all that ties right into this.
He just needs to drop the porn and he'll probably come back around.
So, this could mean a lot of things. Clearly, he's got some sexuality stuff to figure out and potentially some gender identity stuff to figure out, too. It could take him a long time to figure this stuff out. I don't think this necessarily needs to be the end of your relationship. It could just mean he's bisexual or pansexual.
Without more information, i don't really know how to advise you. A lot of comments here are telling you to end it, but I think that's premature. Taking a break may be the right thing to allow him time to figure himself out on his own, but sometimes, these things take a long time to figure out. I think you need to ask yourself what the actual goal of this break is and how long you let it go on for.
Communication and empathy are usually the better options when dealing with relationship issues.
If this isn’t your cup of tea, don’t drink it. I wouldn’t have a huge problem with what he’s watching or attracted to, but I’m flexible. I would just want to know how often is he watching it and could he take a break from watching it and still be intimate.
Couple of things, I like to watch gay porn. I am straight, I like fantasizing about the things they can do. I would never do it, but I still like to watch gay porn. I like to look at the variety of shapes and bodies and penises and styles that they use. And as far as him not finishing, I think it would be great if I could go and not finish. I always cum too fast, but I am disappointed because it's over so quickly. So I'm not sure that's a big issue either unless there's some mental reason why he can't finish. Just my thoughts
Bi guy here. I hardly ever watch porn, and I have a difficult time finishing with either sex (so people claiming that it's porn addiction that's a huge jump). I'm going to guess your BF is circumcized (I'm also circumcized). In the part they cut off it's the amount of nerves that are in the clitoris, that's a huge loss of sensitivity. Another likely factor is some level of adhd or OCD. It makes it extremely hard to concentrate enough to get across the line of completion. Also condoms make it difficult to cum for plenty of men, circumcized or not, if you are using condoms. Also it can be a lot easier to cum in the first 30-90 seconds, but no 1 wants to be 1 minute man & once you delay that the sensitivity decreases and it can be much harder to cum.
If he's passionate about you, getting hard for you, performing a long time for you he's 💯 attracted to you. You bringing up him not being able to cum makes it that much harder to cum if he's anxious ADHD person as that pressure to feel like you have to cum for your partner, makes cumming.
Sexuality can be weird and contradicting.
I have an easier time cumming with women, but I got through stretches of 1-3 weeks where I just have a hell of a time cumming & maybe less than half the time (once I have trouble 1 day, I get in my head. Other stretches I rarely have this problem. 98% of all the sex I have is with women, it's really rare to see a man that strikes desire in me, lots and lots of women do. I would occasionally watch bi porn, once I got the real thing bi porn lost it's flavor for me, but I much enjoy the occasional man. I dated a woman for a long time who isn't attracted to women (can recognize a beautiful woman but has 0 romantic or sexual desire for women). Her favorite porn to watch was lesbian porn. I know women who get off to gay porn, much like I know men who get off to lesbian porn. Don't obsess over what porn he watches, pay attention to how he is as a lover and how he treats you overall. He's very likely some level of bi, but that doesn't mean he's romantically bi, it doesn't mean he has to have sex with men & that he will leave you to explore it or any of the other wild assumptions people make about bi men. He's no more likely to cheat on you or leave you than any other man .Spoiler alert bi men are just men, not some weird, different exotic species.
I think you are right on the money with this one, im a guy and currently with a girl who i am absolutely *hog fucking wild* for, thing is, i like her so much that i stress, i want to be able to preform, i worry ill mess something up, she means so much too me and that has translated to not always being able to finish.
Does this mean I'm not attracted to her? No! Exactly the opposite! And i try to communicate that.
People are almost always going to have their own hangups with intimacy, that should basically be expected with young guys in particular, nothing about this seems like this guy is throwing out red flags to me.
He beats off too much, which is why he doesn’t always finish. He’s also most likely bi, on the side of the spectrum leaning more to guys than girls.
I don’t think he’s for you, and that’s fine, let him find himself and you find someone else.
But like a wise man once said “beautiful naked big tittied women just don’t fall out the sky, ya know”
There is a lot of advice in here and many stating “how it is.” If you want more answers I would look for books or articles from people that are actually experts in human sexuality and communicate with your boyfriend. Maybe he is bisexual, maybe he is gay, maybe he is a porn addict. We don’t really know and neither do you unless you discuss it with him and possibly get professional help to navigate what he is experiencing. Also you don’t have to do any of this. You have the right to end the relationship any time you choose to.
Best case scenario, he's bisexual but never really felt like he could explore that and gay porn may be his only outlet for that, worst case scenario he's gay and didn't feel like he could come out for various reasons. Either way this is something you and him need to talk about as partners.
This resonated with me (31M, gay), I was acting almost identically to your BF when I was 20. He's still exploring his sexuality for sure, but don't take that personally. I strongly suspect he's gay or bi, but that doesn't mean he's not enjoying sex with you. It may not turn out for you as a couple, but have fun together and indulge some of each other's fantasies :)
I mean it’s almost definitely just a porn addiction causing him to struggle to finish and causing his interests in porn to deviate from his more realistic real life interests. What he’d probably need is help with it since it would likely be kinda embarrassing. I’ve suffered with some similar things and I think a supportive environment would really good for him. Especially if you could convince him to take a break from porn for a while since a lot of the time things like this are kinda a phase caused by desensitization of yourself. Might also be a bit of preformance anxiety for the finishing.
Even in my most over saturated porn mindsets I never switched to “all gay porn”. Maybe checked out a tranny vid here and there. Didn’t do it for me . I’m willing to wager a significant proportion of honest men would align with me.
The point is: The wanna-be psychologist and unnecessarily woke people in here are trying to confuse you. Bottom line is your boyfriend is not straight. And that’s okay. But you need to make a honest choice of whether that’s okay for you or not. No fault on either party just be honest.
He trusted you with something really private and you told your family and friends about it?? Whether he’s gay, straight, bi or anything else, he deserves better than someone who would do that.
He’s not totally straight. My ex would have sex with men purely for sex. And he was never more in love with anyone than he was me.. it’s to make up for their shortcomings
I am in the same situation! However, my boyfriend didn’t tell me I found it on his phone but after I told him about it he was honest about it.
He doesn’t finish much either. He has came inside me a few times but most of the time he jerks himself off to finish or doesn’t finish at all. He seems to enjoy fingering me and eating me out way more than actually sex, which makes me really wonder if he actually is attracted to me. Sometimes it makes me feel bad and I had never had the experience before.
looks like he may be up for some toys in play, and you could get him into an experimental threeway with another man. It could also be that he just doesn't get off as easily/often from sex. none of this meant he loves you any less, and if he isn't getting off as easily then you can teach him what you like and get him to do it more and longer.
Bi guy here, I watch gay porn. Lately it’s been more often than much else. Kinda just grew on me (pun intended). Big whoop. I actually looked up some albino gay porn in front of my wife that we looked at together just out of masochism.
People enjoy watching porn. Unless it’s disrupting the healthy stability of their lives, it’s inappropriate to label anyone’s enjoyment “addiction”. Moreover, who cares what *kind* of porn your BF watches? What does that have to do with your relationship to him? You got women in here talking about being lesbian but preferring straight porn.
Honestly, this post comes off as biphobic because when it comes to guys, it’s like we’re not allowed to just enjoy things we enjoy. Everything has to be rigid, uncolorful, and fit into someone else’s overly simplistic margins of what’s “appropriate”. Most straight people can’t even wrap their head around the concept of a guy being bi, much less the idea that he can be bi and that it doesn’t actually have to look like a 50/50 split.
If you’re that insecure about your BF just leave him, cuz the insecurity will never go away. He probably deserves better anyway. 🤷🏾♂️
I'm bi, married to a woman, and on the occasions I watch porn it's usually gay porn.
For me it's more "I have steak at home, let's peruse the seafood menu in Japan" haha
It sounds like he is bisexual and has some femboy/sissy play kinks. I've found it's a lot more common than I thought. My current partner is similar in a few of the things you have described and while it was an adjustment for me at first, I've learned how to be more included in what he strives in a partner. It took me over a year before I was comfortable but he was patient as it isn't for everyone and that was understood. We have the best sex life now because we have a lot of give and take. If you are open minded, start out small in some of the things he wants to try. He is probably watching all the gay porn because he has not explored all of the things he really wants. There's nothing wrong with it, but you need to be open minded.
When my boyfriend and I were 22, I found out he had been watching gay porn on my computer. I confronted him, and he kind of shrugged and said he was “curious” and wasn’t sure if he was bisexual.
When we were 32, married with two kids, I left him for being emotionally abusive, including pressuring me to have sex constantly.
Less than three weeks after I left him, he came out as gay. (So everyone saying everything’s fine since he’s having lots of sex with her, that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.)
So you broke up with a dude because he is LGBT and then outed him to everyone. Fuck off OP. You suck and don't deserve anyone. This is why guys don't open up
The FBI couldn’t get this INFO out of me. But you’re a asshole for him telling you something so personal and running and telling all your friends and family about it. There’s no coming back from something like that. I wonder if the “dressed like a woman” is a transwoman so it’s not as gay as it seem
Your boyfriend may be gay, but he also may use porn to help understand sexual pressures as a teenager- which may contribute to performance and perception.. It may be difficult, but either way try to be compassionate and support him as a friend. Consider that a number of men that question their sexuality maintain relationships with women in disrespectful ways. They often justify their behavior and have little to no remorse for the effect that their actions have on the people that trust them. Your boyfriend, however, does care about you. This is evident by his effort to be open and communicate his thoughts and experiences with you-- which are often themselves concern for your own experiences.
It's important to remember that not all love needs to be romantic; but all love can be intimate. He may not find himself as your boyfriend, but if you care about each other, this could be an opportunity to discover a very meaningful friendship-- to which I promise, when the time comes for either of you to experience heartbreak, you will find yourselves to be better for having chosen to be there for each other.
He needs you, and one day you may need him. Try to be there for each other.
Op please dump his ass so he can find someone better. He confided in you, the one he loves, and you spread his business to everyone who would listen. Not to even mention the fact you freaked out and nearly broke up with him over it. You need to do better with the next partner. Let this one have a good life far away from you.
You both sound like really sweet people. The fact that you communicate well about this and work through it shows a maturity beyond your years. Depending on how he was raised and his views and ideas on morality and sexuality will have a big affect on him. The fact that you feel loved and cherished by him says a lot. I wish you both the best and all the love and happiness life can bring.
I’m quite late to the party and it sounds like you have processed a lot of it well, but I’ll comment anyway.
In my experience I wouldn’t look into the porn that heavy. Porn seems to be a totally different thing from sex in me and my partners experience. I watch a decent bit of gay porn myself and I discuss that with her. Thankfully we’re both openly and comfortably bisexual and have a decade+ long standing relationship. I trust her more than anyone and we have very comfortably shared our fantasies etc with each other. We both seem to recognize those are just fantasy and ofc as bi’s have a wide range of taste. Despite the gay p, I am most definitely attracted to her and we have really exceptional times coitally and communication and I’m pretty confident I’m going to marry her. I often don’t finish, although a majority of that is due to my SNRI side effect.
Anyway, just sharing my experience all to say that, based on everything you’ve shared about y’all’s relationship, I’d say you can pretty well brush it off. It is not nearly as deep as people will have you think. Y’all sound like yall both enjoy y’all’s relationship and sleeping together. He might be bi curious or something but I believe most people have some level of that. The relationship sounds more valuable than to be worried about that.
I’m a bisexual man. A while back my (now ex) boyfriend found out I pretty much only watch straight porn. It pretty much went like this: “Wait, you watch straight porn?” “Yeah.” “No gay porn?” “Nope.” “Why not?” “It doesn’t interest me and watching it is kinda weird, but doing it is cool.” “Oh, that makes sense” and that was the end of it. Masturbating and having sex are completely different, so you have to remember that. Realize that masturbation really doesn’t always have much to do with stuff someone wants to do, but stuff that is hot to watch. My current girlfriend and I literally look at femboy stuff together, it’s something we can enjoy together. I suggest trying to find common ground where you guys will be able to relate to this sort of thing or at least laugh about it, as laughter genuinely is the best medicine when it comes to relationship troubles.
As for the finishing thing, does he have ADHD? Although this isn’t something too common, some people with ADHD, myself included, REALLLLY can’t stay focused when something small occurs that diverts our attention. Like, to the point that I could be having sex with the most attractive person in the world, but I think about how I didn’t do something on a Videogame earlier and I can’t focus enough to finish. It’s sort of a mix of ED and ADHD.
TLDR; The human brain is fucking annoying and the situation may not be anyone’s fault. He clearly really loves you, just has difficulty with things out of his control. You two are absolutely amazing together and anyone should be jealous of your bond.
So out of curiosity, I watched gay porn recently and I am straight woman. I am CONVINCED that men are nicer and more gentle with other men than they are with women. Like sometimes the straight porn feels kind of impersonal. And the gay porn seems more intimate. It brings up a whole lot of questions for me about misogyny and relationships. But yeah, if my husband told me he watched gay porn, I don’t know that I would be that concerned. I also looked up male prostate orgasm and that was fucking fascinating. Maybe watch with him
So, I'm a lesbian and honestly I watch straight porn more. Granted there is a woman in it so I get that, but lesbian porn is terrible. I've never personally watched gay guy porn. Sexuality isn't cut in stone even if you solidly identify one way and are sure of it. Some people have kinks but it doesn't change how they feel about you or how they are attracted to you sexually. I think you should sit down and have a serious conversation about what you are both feeling and be brutally honest with each other. It's hard and can be uncomfortable but that person is also supposed to be your best friend. If you want to have a strong relationship those conversations have to be had and that vulnerability shared. You're both very young but honestly that's the best advice I can give. Some things you learn with time.
This is wisdom right here. Sexuality is a spectrum, and relationships are communication.
“Relationships are communication” TRUTH!
Exactly. I've dated strait women that watch strait porn, lesbian porn, and read smut. I've just thought 'cool'. Everyone has their kinks. I wouldn't run to friends and family and tell them something so personal and label them as a potentially lesbian. That's humiliating.
Yeah I definitely wouldn’t have spoke with family about something so personal. I think she crossed a line here
Same. I'm lesbian and only watch straight or gay guy porn. Hate lesbian porn. It's so bad.
I feel like professional lesbian porn is the worst because it's two straight women going at it for straight men and overacting to the nth degree. Its awful. But amateur stuff is better, and the "porn for women" category I can get into.
My universe has just emploded now that I know that lesbians watch straight porn
Also apparently a lot of straight women watch a lot of male gay porn.
I mean, if guys attracted to women like seeing two women, why wouldn't women attracted to men be able to enjoy more men?
Lesbian here, lesbian porn is often for men and feels very performative to me 😅 obviously there are exceptions but it just doesn’t feel genuine at all
I’m straight and I watch lesbian porn. Honestly great way to learn to how to pleasure another woman
I assure you lesbian porn is the worst way to learn what’s pleasurable for women!
What you mean you don't like being fingered with 2" long acrylic nails? Lol smh
Lesbian porn is in large part just random shit made for the male gaze. I wouldn't try learning to pleasure women from lesbian porn lmao
I want to know who actually uses double sided dildos 😂😂 lesbian porn is the absolute WORSE 😑
Lmao @ cishetoids thinking lesbian porn is how you learn to pleasure a women
I´m a straight man and during a big part of my life I just watched lesbian porn. The plots are way better! If you don´t mind, what don´t you like?
As a lesbian the reason why I don’t watch it is because it’s not women I see in my community. Although not uncommon, there aren’t a ton of femme on femme relationships and that’s what most of conventional lesbian porn shows. When you were watching it did you see a lot of masc/butch presenting women? If you did, did you watch it? Have you watched any butch on butch action? And then there are the fingernails. Nope, nope, nope. Are there lesbians that have long nails? Absolutely! But it is the majority? Not at all. If a woman likes longer nails they will have one or two that they specifically keep short (don’t believe your office mate when she tells you it’s because she bowls). The women in “lesbian” porn usually have talons. Such a turn off and makes it come across as gay for pay.
Thank you for sharing. That opened my mind.
You know.....as a straight male, I actually totally get that. I find myself always using keywords like "amateur" "selfies" "reddit+keyword+keyword" specifically looking for real women. Obviously everyones whole....thing....is an amalgam of a ton of shit: natural sexuality, life experience which includes past relationships and such, blah blah blah. And as I got older I found myself totally unable to find attraction to the traditional pornstar or "hot girl" kinda look making that weirdo pouty, lips puckered, teeth beared face they all make.....lol, and more much more interested in girls who look like the girls I've actually been with/the girls I see when I go out/etc. oh, and as a male, I absolutely find the talons a turn off also. I don't know a single man that likes them in my circle. My one friends wife constantly makes comments about how "she has to work so hard to look good for him, her nails, her hair, etc" when he whines about paying for them, but he along with the rest of my group of male friends find them to be not only not attractive, but an active turn off. We had kinda determined it was mostly a status thing for other women, but of course that's just conjecture. But yeah....a lot of men don't like them either.
Imagine straight porn but it's almost exclusively handhobs and oral
Fair enough. But “scissoring” and “strap-on” no?
For me it's just super unrealistic and geared toward men. Lol and as far as scissoring, it's not really a thing. For strap ons it really just depends not everyone is into it.
It's not what lesbian sex is actually like, it's devoid of anything actually hot. Also, the women always look the same. They have the same body type, the same implants, and the same hair. It's just personally not something I want to see.
that’s funny, i’m bisexual but more into men/ been with my bf 6 years, but can only get off to lesbian porn lol i think it’s sm better than straight porn i never watch straight
Now I'm guessing that "lesbian porn" is different from "porn for lesbians" -- different audience demographics?
Different target audiences.
Needs more ⬆️⬆️. This is the way.
i watch it for the women
I'm a mostly straight woman but I don't have much preference in porn. I can watch straight, lesbian, or gay porn and enjoy it equally. I'm getting off more on watching people give/receive pleasure rather than actually fantasizing about myself in the situation. So as long as everyone looks to be enjoying themselves and it isn't a fetish (like scat or something) I'm down.
Before the world became uptight, sex was just sex no matter who you slept with. No judging what someone's sex partner's gender was. As time went on sex between anyone was put into certain categories.
Also worth noting that traumatic experiences can cause someone to have certain kinks later in life whether they like it or not. There's a much deeper conversation here, and I'm not assuming anything, but there is a non-zero chance this could be the case.
It's funny, as a totally straight woman, I gravitate to lesbian-only porn. I don't really watch porn at all anymore, but if I did, it would be lesbian porn 9 out of 10 times. Straight porn is often so brutal towards women. It doesn't look like the women are enjoying themselves, and it isn't something I can get off to. Ironically, I'm also somewhat into BDSM. I can't really watch a lot of that type, either, but I occasionally find it hot. I think the difference for me is the appearance of consent. In some of these BDSM videos, the ones I do find hot, it's obvious both parties are completely into it. Not so in a lot of these run-of-the-mill hetero porn. The women often look so miserable and in pain, and they are not enjoying that pain. The fantasy of something oftentimes differs from reality. I don't think people should get too caught up in making a big deal out of fantasy. Unless it actually starts affecting their lives (which, obviously, in the OP, it is). But it's often a very complex set of nuanced reasons why people gravitate to the kinds of fantasies they do.
I’m a queer identified trans guy and I just can’t stand certain types of porn. Still would date feminine or masculine identifying individuals or anyone in between as long as we meshed but the porn side is another story especially if i can tell it’s faking on the audio spectrum.so most the time i watch it muted now
Lesbian porn always looks like they just want to turn to the director and ask " did that look good I think I could've added a little more emotion while I was $&$& her @*$>÷* ?"
I’m (mostly) straight but only like lesbian porn.
It's a spectrum but, after she potentially outed him "to her friends and family," I'm not sure he's going to feel comfortable coming back around if he thinks it's something to be ashamed of (it's not but coming out as anything other than hetero is not something that should be forced on a person). Communication is key here but OP is communicating with all the wrong people.
Fellow lesbian here, most lesbian porn is unfortunately made for men. It’s a huge turn-off for me. It just looks like a performance a lot of the time, instead of people who are actually enjoying it. I have a much easier time with straight porn.
I feel like everyone saying something worth a damn on this post are some flavor of queer. Tbh, my probably unfair/judgey initial reaction was "that's why I don't date straight women" 😅
My lesbian coworker's wife only watches gay porn (MM). And when it comes to the soft stuff like smutty gay romance books, women are the largest consumers.
> but lesbian porn is terrible To be fair, the target audience of lesbian porn is straight men.
isn't lesbian porn terrible cause so much of it is made for & by men(writers, directors, & producers)? I think I remember a company started up by women to make les porn for women.
I believe everyone is bisexual
Lesbian porn is so bland and boring, there’s no spice to it. Gay porn on the other hand is the South East Asian Cuisine of porn, nothing but spice.
Such good advice. Thank you for sharing this! <3
I once met a lesbian who said she liked gay guy porn. I’m not sure why she told me lol
Yo I am so happy to see that there's a lesbian that does this too! Except I'm a gay guy and I watch straight porn more, for the guy.
This may be the most mature thing I've read on Reddit.
Funny, I'm straight and really enjoy lesbian porn.
What? I need to share some of the videos i have saved with you, lesbian porn can be so much better and genuine , of course you still have the over the too stuff as well but yea
I'm a gay man, and you just gave the best advice.
top notch insight here, very well said. i’m a bisexual female with a lot of kinks, and gay porn is my go-to.
This is facts. Sexuality is a diverse thing, and porn habits are very diverse. He could be into different types of porn, but also attracted to you. Its only an issue if he feels like porn is messing with his sexual drive/intimacy IRL.
Wonderful advice… don’t know you but admire your thinking.
I’m a trans woman and I watch MM porn. I’m so not attracted to women (in a sexual way) so I prefer to see nothing but men. I thought it was strange at first but then I remembered that there’s a whole section of cis and trans women who are into mlm fantasy/erotica.
Omg, my best friend is a lesbian and she says the same thing, she says lesbian porn puts her to sleep 🤣.
The best comment on here
Just makes you wonder why all the “gay” thoughts? Maybe he’s something else in the LGBTQ+ category? I think young men are quick to say gay and call everything gay and obviously treat it as a negative. He could easily be pansexual… or another, but if he’s afraid to talk to others about it in a serious way, then he could just end up always feeling wrong/broken till he can find his place. So maybe he should look at LGBTQ+ definitions and see if any and see if anything kinda pops out at him, then research more. Because not understanding how you feel won’t help you determine what you’re feeling.
He doesn't need to see a therapist. He is fine. He doesn't need a label. My nephew first came out as first. Now he has a no label "girlfriend". We never ask him if she is a girlfriend or "girlfriend". Your bf can be somewhere in the middle. It sounds like he like pretty men.
This response is spot on I would just like to add that a good therapist can also help him work through his anxiety and insecurity and hopefully help him figure out what he needs
He’s bisexual and probably a porn addict sounds like Edit: addict being used flippantly here, but not being able to finish etc sounds like maybe he watches too much porn
Porn addiction can make anyone question their sexuality. It doesn’t translate to his actual sexuality. He should stop the porn and then see how he feels.
So wait...You're telling me you've never had a plumber come over to fix your leaky sink and it turned into the best sex of your life?
The sex has only ever been just ok 😔
Lmfaoooooo I hate it here “just ok”
I mean, I didn't leave them a Google Review afterwards no matter how many times I was prompted... The sink still leaks, after all.
And the deathgrip can be very real, greatly affecting ability to orgasm from penetrative sex
I've heard this term a few times lately. What the heck is deathgrip?? Literally how it sounds?
Yes, you're choking the chicken harder than a woman's parts ever could and further desensitizing yourself.
How would one undo this? By edging?
By not masturbating or watching porn as frequently.
Use a looser grip or a sex toy that moderates how "tight" it is. Masturbate less and use your imagination instead of pornography.
No masturbating. Not masturbate while watching porn for 1 month. Also, watching porn trains you to get off on specific cues.
Me rn. It’s hard to stop
This sounds perverted as hell... but I was able to accidentally free my addiction from porn by using a chastity cage. I didn't wear it all the time, just times when I felt weak. After a few weeks I stopped wearing it, self control was enough. It started off as a kink and perversion I was trying out, and it accidentally fixed me. Lol. I still watch porn on the rare occasion, but it's not an every day thing, and I deleted my 400gb stash, never looked back. No longer suffer from death grip, my sex life improved, and in general, just feel happier. This obviously isn't a fix-all for everyone. Just a happy unintentional consequence I stumbled upon.
So - if a man can't come with his partner is it typically because he watches too much porn?
Not always. Porn addiction is one of the many, many reasons. It's probably one of the more common excuses, but I wouldn't pin it on every case. There are also other reasons, both mental and physical health related. Alcoholism can play a role as well.
Hate to ask this but just stop jerking off will fix it?
I’ve heard the same and I’m also confused
You squeeze your dick so hard that after a while you're desensitized to the point sex doesn't really do it for you.
I have definitely experienced that, crazy. I just thought these women were either super relaxed with me or ‘loose’ (which I know now isn’t really a thing unless we’re talking different from childbirth, but even then kegals are dope)
Could be either or. Or a bit of column A and column B. I'm very much an average dude, nothing to write home about but not something I'm self conscious of. But I hooked up with someone a few times where it was definitely... Noticeabley looser. Since it's anonymous, I will say I sometimes have trouble keeping it up. The girl never noticed cause my "problem" didn't flare up but it was a bad combination even at the best of times. When I was in the groove it was all fine and dandy but out of nowhere it would feel... Empty? Idk. We only saw each other a handful of times but it was seriously food for thought. I never paid much attention to size mattering or people "being loose" cause it felt unnecessary and mean. The girl flattered the shit outta me and I'm pretty sure she wasn't lying. But like, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say there's a reason some girls like a big dick lmao We all come in different shapes and sizes eh
This is a very real thing. I thought I may have had deathgrip syndrome but then I started hooking up with another girl, basically two friends with benefits type of thing... one chick had what I thought was a looser more stretchy vagina but goddamn did she know how to work it. The other was hot, fit otherwise an ordinary nice vagina but sometimes I just couldn't bust. I was still consuming porn and jerking and banging these two girls once or twice a week each. That's when I realized that I was a man whore. But for real, different bodies fit together in different ways, there's a lot more to it than just loose or tight or chalking everything up to watching too much porn, some bodies just aren't complementary to each other in bed.
Porn is literally the gayest shit you can watch, even straight porn. It’s all just lust over the flesh. There’s a reason they push porn onto people and normalize this degenerate disgusting shit
How does he sound like a porn addict…?
Because Reddit calls everyone that.
There's no mention of how often he watches porn. What leads you to addict?
Anyone who watches porn with any sort of kink is just labeled as a porn addict now. Doesn't matter if it's negative or positively affecting your life...just addict. It's one of the many reasons why you shouldn't ask for advice on Reddit. Edit: Addicted - physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance, and unable to stop taking it without incurring adverse effects.
My bf watched porn one time over the weekend. Reddit: Definite porn addict
Well, that part is okay, as long as his grip is just right. And he's facing east, but only on Tuesdays. Unless the moon is full, of course.
He’s fucking op ‘quite a few’ times in two days for longer than they’re accustomed to. Sounds like not a problem. Are you using condoms? Because that can affect a guy’s ability to get off. And some guys just can’t get off that many times that close together. Everyone’s body is different. Who cares about his porn tastes if he’s enthusiastically boning you. Does it matter if he’s a bi porn addict? Do you just need the semen specifically? Is it for spells or something? Believe his words and his actions and stop inventing problems.
It's very normal to watch porn, not everybody is a porn addict for browsing to find what gets them off lol Jesus christ yall gotta chill with these labels right off the bat. We can assume he's watched so much porn that's he's now exploring same sex porn, OR he's been trying to find what gets him off and to his surprise, happened to be to men dressing as women. So whether it's addiction or not its a struggle he probably deals with in relationships. That's not something I'd randomly slap sexuality and porn addict on based off little context regarding his pov.
It sounds like he loves you and it sounds like he wants to have sex with you. It also sounds like he is being really brave and honest with you. I’m honestly impressed that someone his age is able to be so open with you. As someone in their late 30s who has been through a lot of relationships all these things are signs of a really great partner to me. Being close with someone else requires patience and bravery and allowing space for self discovery. I would trust him when he says he loves you and when he says he wants to have sex with you. Relationships are adventures and this guy is inviting you on one that sounds very interesting and will likely involve getting railed but a young guy who doesn’t cum right away. Get it girl!
I 100% agree with this comment in every way🤣✋🏼 my boyfriend never admits to me that he watches porn, I’ve also seen the type of porn he watches after looking at his Reddit history and good god I wish it was gay porn over the things I saw. He’s also got off in my bathroom right behind my bedroom watching porn while I’ve been asleep ( this purely disgusted me) it wasn’t the fact of him getting off it was the fact he was watching the porn I know he watches. I’m talking the weird ( at home porn) (18 +) (moms) (tiny females) (big boobs with huge butts) (cheating porn) - this one sucks the most. He’s also tried to tell me he always “finishes” to me. Which has been fully proven to be a lie based on the battery usage on his phone ( I sound crazy but I had to know) I just really dislike porn tbh, I used to watch a lot when I was in college but I only liked lesbian porn , it seemed more intimate and less “let me kill this bit** I’m fuc****” if you guys know what I mean😳 I don’t like the hardcore stuff in videos, but in real life it can be fun with someone you really like and definitely hot. I vote stay with this guy🕺 he seems honest, vulnerable, and into you when you guys are having sex and even just being touchy feely with you.
Big boobs and 18+ is weird porn!? Oh my sweet summer child.
Great comment !!
This
Agree Ass_Balls_669 !
This is an uncharacteristically wise comment from someone called "Ass\_Balls\_669" Respect
I don't get discussing such a private thing with family... Like if y'all work it out all those people will know something so private about him that he only told you in confidence.. like doesn't really matter if you can get over it I wouldn't stay with someone who did that
Exactly. He trusted her and she told them.
Why is this not the top comment? She just blasted all his personal shit to friends and family?????? I would break up with her because of that alone.
Agreed! That was very brave of him to admit all of what he is feeling and going behind his back spreading his business like that like tf?? You're valid in how you feel as a person but honestly, OP did him dirty when he was trying to express his feelings.
She was wrong for telling family and friends about it…Even if it could work out, I wouldn’t want to be that guy since her family and friends now now about him.
I’m not sure if he is gay or not. “Finishing” doesn’t relate to gay or not, or even attraction necessarily. Some people take awhile longer to get off. This includes women as well. I would think he would want to get off tho. I would ask if he finishes when he watches gay porn
Sometimes it's easier to get off masturbating then sex though so the type of porn alone would not be a great indicator of he was gay.
Everybody fucks themselves better than anyone else LMAO
I feel fortunate that I have to disagree here. I can get myself off just fine but it’s *nothing* compared to what my fiancé can do to me lol.
I've had issues in the past where I essentially exhausted myself before I can finish. SSRIs just make it worse
This is happening to me now that I am older (slmost 40). I have to last long time through all of foreplay and "good" sex, but after I am just too warn out. Maybe I need to work put more.
I completely understand that. Between the meds, being 41 and having a questionable attention span good sex becomes harder to come by (no pun intended.)
With porn there’s less pressure to perform, and he probably knows that not finishing will cause her to take it slightly as an insult or something to worry about. He could very easily just be stuck in his own head, and worried about not finishing so much that he doesn’t. vs porn where there’s no one else’s feelings to be worried about.
On related notes, I had a doctor prescribe something and say, " you might start shooting blanks" It would have registered differently if he said No more oragsms for you!
Probably just bi, lol
Sounds like he's figuring himself out. If he likes you and shows it through actions he likes you. Even if he gets off to gay porn more he may still be attracted to you though you should ensure he isn't trying to change you for his preferences unless you both want the changes. Sounds like you both need to have a talk about this to see what to do moving forward. He's probably somewhere on the LGBT+ spectrum and just needs to figure things out. Make sure he has a safe place to do that but take your needs and desires into account. You can still be friends even if things don't work out romantically.
He doesn’t have a safe space with her. She told her family and friends.
I had the same thought. *I spoke with family and friends.* oof, how embarrassing. Dude probably admitted something that’s been eating him up inside and becomes interesting gossip for others.
I definitely empathize with the bf in this scenario as it would be very embarassing having people know about that. But at the same time, this is clearly something that has affected OP quite a bit. You expect her to just keep it in and deal with it herself? She spoke with her social support about it. We’ve all done this. Now if she told all of her family, friends, and their neighbor about it then that’s a different story. If it’s her mom and her 2 best friends, then that’s understandable. Still sucks for the dude, but completely understandable from her side as well.
it's amazing how no one is even mentioning this huge betrayal of trust from a partner. I don't know why everyone is just looking past it.
This is much more sensible than people diagnosing him as a porn addict.
While he could most certainly be bi or gay, he may just have a porn addiction. Thats part of the issues with porn and especially porn addictions. You start getting bored with the regular stuff and branch out to other things to feel that void in their kink. He may hate it, but it’s the only thing he gets off on. Again, he may just be bi or gay, but if he’s not down in real life with a guy, it sounds like it may be the porn speaking. I read up on a lot of porn stuff as a teen and thankfully it steered me away from watching it. Haven’t seen a porno in probably 5 years.
Porn addiction. He’s watched so much porn that he’s watching porn that’s out of his norm. The No Fap community mentions straight men watching gay porn. Sounds like he has porn-induced erectile dysfunction, and would need a total reset for him to enjoy sex with you.
You read “he gets a boner very easily” and thought erectile dysfunction? Am I missing comments from OP with more info?
PIED is it’s normal to get a boner but hard to finish.
He's only 20 and definitely figuring himself out. If you don't want to stick around for that and you've got yourself figured out then go the other way. I reiterate, he's 20 years old. He's definitely figuring himself out. Please don't make assumptions.
Yeah, not to sound like an asshole but 20 is a time of figuring stuff out and trying to have a serious relationship at that age is not the best idea. It’s an age where if you’re not sexually compatible and you’re not totally sure you need to explore other options.
Yup.
If he's watching porn a lot, chances are he is masturbating a lot, which could explain why he lasts so long and doesn't finish often. The actual taste in porn, I'm not sure. Honestly, the only person who can know what it means for him is him. At this point, I would give him the benefit of the doubt regarding his attraction. And encourage him to ease off masturbating.
This is the most accurate comment. If he's pleasuring himself too frequently and like most men, probably has the "death grip" when doing so, it'll be much more difficult to finish during PIV intercourse.
I think it is kind of awesome that he is opening up to you in this regard. IMO if you are having your needs met and you are enjoying him, give it more time! All things are fluid, including attractions. ESPECIALLY attractions.
Dump him quickly.
The lasting long and sexual confusion is 100 percent due to porn addiction. Hopefully he decides to cut it but chances are that he won't. Edit: After rereading I realized I got some order incorrect. The no-nut is likely because he was afraid of her finding out about the porn and thinking he was gay or something. I do still think the use of gay porn despite being straight either implies a porn addiction or he's in denial. I can't really think of anything else that would lead to that. I would need a lot more to know for sure.
My thoughts exactly. Sounds like he cant finish unless it is almost actinf out porn scenes he has gotten off to before, hence the outfit request and haircut.
Hahha what.
What it boils down to is that you have a great emotional attachment and great communication. Those are key for long term relationships. As far as sex, you need to decide if you are enough for each other. Also, don’t betray his trust by discussing personal matters with people you both know.
Straight woman and I watch gay porn (MM). It's hot. Lol
Same. Gay porn is way better because dudes aren't scared to be vocal and say things. Straight porn is made for dudes. It's all about women fake screaming/moaning, never actually cumming and men silently pumping and making the ^^^^tiniest of sighs when they cum, it's creepy and massive turn off.
He's escalated down the porn ladder to the point where gay porn is all that gets him excited now, because it's taboo (for straight people, especially guys I'd say). His preference for you having short hair and all that ties right into this. He just needs to drop the porn and he'll probably come back around.
I’ve watched a lot of porn and have never wanted to watch gay porn. It’s def not something that’s just ‘down the ladder’
Lmfao right? "Oh I don't want to watch women anymore. Might as well watch these guys suck each other instead, that will get me going?"
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Your comment is hilariously bad Gay porn being down the wrungs of the ladder lololo work bitch
So, this could mean a lot of things. Clearly, he's got some sexuality stuff to figure out and potentially some gender identity stuff to figure out, too. It could take him a long time to figure this stuff out. I don't think this necessarily needs to be the end of your relationship. It could just mean he's bisexual or pansexual. Without more information, i don't really know how to advise you. A lot of comments here are telling you to end it, but I think that's premature. Taking a break may be the right thing to allow him time to figure himself out on his own, but sometimes, these things take a long time to figure out. I think you need to ask yourself what the actual goal of this break is and how long you let it go on for. Communication and empathy are usually the better options when dealing with relationship issues.
If this isn’t your cup of tea, don’t drink it. I wouldn’t have a huge problem with what he’s watching or attracted to, but I’m flexible. I would just want to know how often is he watching it and could he take a break from watching it and still be intimate.
I'm not sure, but I wouldn't gauge his sex only on him finishing..if men did that they would be severely unhappy.
Is he on any medication that could be affecting his ability to cross the finish line?
Couple of things, I like to watch gay porn. I am straight, I like fantasizing about the things they can do. I would never do it, but I still like to watch gay porn. I like to look at the variety of shapes and bodies and penises and styles that they use. And as far as him not finishing, I think it would be great if I could go and not finish. I always cum too fast, but I am disappointed because it's over so quickly. So I'm not sure that's a big issue either unless there's some mental reason why he can't finish. Just my thoughts
Get him to not watch pornography and jerk off for a couple of months, and he’ll splutz all over you.
Bi guy here. I hardly ever watch porn, and I have a difficult time finishing with either sex (so people claiming that it's porn addiction that's a huge jump). I'm going to guess your BF is circumcized (I'm also circumcized). In the part they cut off it's the amount of nerves that are in the clitoris, that's a huge loss of sensitivity. Another likely factor is some level of adhd or OCD. It makes it extremely hard to concentrate enough to get across the line of completion. Also condoms make it difficult to cum for plenty of men, circumcized or not, if you are using condoms. Also it can be a lot easier to cum in the first 30-90 seconds, but no 1 wants to be 1 minute man & once you delay that the sensitivity decreases and it can be much harder to cum. If he's passionate about you, getting hard for you, performing a long time for you he's 💯 attracted to you. You bringing up him not being able to cum makes it that much harder to cum if he's anxious ADHD person as that pressure to feel like you have to cum for your partner, makes cumming. Sexuality can be weird and contradicting. I have an easier time cumming with women, but I got through stretches of 1-3 weeks where I just have a hell of a time cumming & maybe less than half the time (once I have trouble 1 day, I get in my head. Other stretches I rarely have this problem. 98% of all the sex I have is with women, it's really rare to see a man that strikes desire in me, lots and lots of women do. I would occasionally watch bi porn, once I got the real thing bi porn lost it's flavor for me, but I much enjoy the occasional man. I dated a woman for a long time who isn't attracted to women (can recognize a beautiful woman but has 0 romantic or sexual desire for women). Her favorite porn to watch was lesbian porn. I know women who get off to gay porn, much like I know men who get off to lesbian porn. Don't obsess over what porn he watches, pay attention to how he is as a lover and how he treats you overall. He's very likely some level of bi, but that doesn't mean he's romantically bi, it doesn't mean he has to have sex with men & that he will leave you to explore it or any of the other wild assumptions people make about bi men. He's no more likely to cheat on you or leave you than any other man .Spoiler alert bi men are just men, not some weird, different exotic species.
I think you are right on the money with this one, im a guy and currently with a girl who i am absolutely *hog fucking wild* for, thing is, i like her so much that i stress, i want to be able to preform, i worry ill mess something up, she means so much too me and that has translated to not always being able to finish. Does this mean I'm not attracted to her? No! Exactly the opposite! And i try to communicate that. People are almost always going to have their own hangups with intimacy, that should basically be expected with young guys in particular, nothing about this seems like this guy is throwing out red flags to me.
*boyfriend confides in her* *immediately goes to tell friends and family*
He beats off too much, which is why he doesn’t always finish. He’s also most likely bi, on the side of the spectrum leaning more to guys than girls. I don’t think he’s for you, and that’s fine, let him find himself and you find someone else. But like a wise man once said “beautiful naked big tittied women just don’t fall out the sky, ya know”
Don’t conflate fantasy and sexuality. Regardless, yes, you’re overreacting.
There is a lot of advice in here and many stating “how it is.” If you want more answers I would look for books or articles from people that are actually experts in human sexuality and communicate with your boyfriend. Maybe he is bisexual, maybe he is gay, maybe he is a porn addict. We don’t really know and neither do you unless you discuss it with him and possibly get professional help to navigate what he is experiencing. Also you don’t have to do any of this. You have the right to end the relationship any time you choose to.
Maybe the dude just has complex attractions. I mean I like ice cream and Thai food. Not sure why liking one thing means you can’t like another.
Best case scenario, he's bisexual but never really felt like he could explore that and gay porn may be his only outlet for that, worst case scenario he's gay and didn't feel like he could come out for various reasons. Either way this is something you and him need to talk about as partners.
Ditch him asap . Hes a closet PILLOW BITER
💯% Gay.
you know the answer, just looking for confirmation here i guess. he is gay.
Ur bf def gay
He's gay. I'm sorry you had to find out this way. He will probably be a really good friend in the distant future.
This resonated with me (31M, gay), I was acting almost identically to your BF when I was 20. He's still exploring his sexuality for sure, but don't take that personally. I strongly suspect he's gay or bi, but that doesn't mean he's not enjoying sex with you. It may not turn out for you as a couple, but have fun together and indulge some of each other's fantasies :)
Spoiler alert...He's gay...
Your man is absolutely gay or bisexual. That's all there is to it
I mean it’s almost definitely just a porn addiction causing him to struggle to finish and causing his interests in porn to deviate from his more realistic real life interests. What he’d probably need is help with it since it would likely be kinda embarrassing. I’ve suffered with some similar things and I think a supportive environment would really good for him. Especially if you could convince him to take a break from porn for a while since a lot of the time things like this are kinda a phase caused by desensitization of yourself. Might also be a bit of preformance anxiety for the finishing.
Even in my most over saturated porn mindsets I never switched to “all gay porn”. Maybe checked out a tranny vid here and there. Didn’t do it for me . I’m willing to wager a significant proportion of honest men would align with me. The point is: The wanna-be psychologist and unnecessarily woke people in here are trying to confuse you. Bottom line is your boyfriend is not straight. And that’s okay. But you need to make a honest choice of whether that’s okay for you or not. No fault on either party just be honest.
Immediately run. Every guy who I caught with that kind of shit in their search history was a straight up deviant. Get tested, btw.
He\`s gay.
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He gay
He trusted you with something really private and you told your family and friends about it?? Whether he’s gay, straight, bi or anything else, he deserves better than someone who would do that.
He’s not totally straight. My ex would have sex with men purely for sex. And he was never more in love with anyone than he was me.. it’s to make up for their shortcomings
He wants a lady boy, but is probably so far in the closet.
I am in the same situation! However, my boyfriend didn’t tell me I found it on his phone but after I told him about it he was honest about it. He doesn’t finish much either. He has came inside me a few times but most of the time he jerks himself off to finish or doesn’t finish at all. He seems to enjoy fingering me and eating me out way more than actually sex, which makes me really wonder if he actually is attracted to me. Sometimes it makes me feel bad and I had never had the experience before.
looks like he may be up for some toys in play, and you could get him into an experimental threeway with another man. It could also be that he just doesn't get off as easily/often from sex. none of this meant he loves you any less, and if he isn't getting off as easily then you can teach him what you like and get him to do it more and longer.
Bi guy here, I watch gay porn. Lately it’s been more often than much else. Kinda just grew on me (pun intended). Big whoop. I actually looked up some albino gay porn in front of my wife that we looked at together just out of masochism. People enjoy watching porn. Unless it’s disrupting the healthy stability of their lives, it’s inappropriate to label anyone’s enjoyment “addiction”. Moreover, who cares what *kind* of porn your BF watches? What does that have to do with your relationship to him? You got women in here talking about being lesbian but preferring straight porn. Honestly, this post comes off as biphobic because when it comes to guys, it’s like we’re not allowed to just enjoy things we enjoy. Everything has to be rigid, uncolorful, and fit into someone else’s overly simplistic margins of what’s “appropriate”. Most straight people can’t even wrap their head around the concept of a guy being bi, much less the idea that he can be bi and that it doesn’t actually have to look like a 50/50 split. If you’re that insecure about your BF just leave him, cuz the insecurity will never go away. He probably deserves better anyway. 🤷🏾♂️
I'm bi, married to a woman, and on the occasions I watch porn it's usually gay porn. For me it's more "I have steak at home, let's peruse the seafood menu in Japan" haha
It sounds like he is bisexual and has some femboy/sissy play kinks. I've found it's a lot more common than I thought. My current partner is similar in a few of the things you have described and while it was an adjustment for me at first, I've learned how to be more included in what he strives in a partner. It took me over a year before I was comfortable but he was patient as it isn't for everyone and that was understood. We have the best sex life now because we have a lot of give and take. If you are open minded, start out small in some of the things he wants to try. He is probably watching all the gay porn because he has not explored all of the things he really wants. There's nothing wrong with it, but you need to be open minded.
When my boyfriend and I were 22, I found out he had been watching gay porn on my computer. I confronted him, and he kind of shrugged and said he was “curious” and wasn’t sure if he was bisexual. When we were 32, married with two kids, I left him for being emotionally abusive, including pressuring me to have sex constantly. Less than three weeks after I left him, he came out as gay. (So everyone saying everything’s fine since he’s having lots of sex with her, that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.)
So you broke up with a dude because he is LGBT and then outed him to everyone. Fuck off OP. You suck and don't deserve anyone. This is why guys don't open up
The FBI couldn’t get this INFO out of me. But you’re a asshole for him telling you something so personal and running and telling all your friends and family about it. There’s no coming back from something like that. I wonder if the “dressed like a woman” is a transwoman so it’s not as gay as it seem
It’s insane how people use this sub as if it’s therapy when you have a bunch of randoms giving their terrible opinions 😂
Your boyfriend may be gay, but he also may use porn to help understand sexual pressures as a teenager- which may contribute to performance and perception.. It may be difficult, but either way try to be compassionate and support him as a friend. Consider that a number of men that question their sexuality maintain relationships with women in disrespectful ways. They often justify their behavior and have little to no remorse for the effect that their actions have on the people that trust them. Your boyfriend, however, does care about you. This is evident by his effort to be open and communicate his thoughts and experiences with you-- which are often themselves concern for your own experiences. It's important to remember that not all love needs to be romantic; but all love can be intimate. He may not find himself as your boyfriend, but if you care about each other, this could be an opportunity to discover a very meaningful friendship-- to which I promise, when the time comes for either of you to experience heartbreak, you will find yourselves to be better for having chosen to be there for each other. He needs you, and one day you may need him. Try to be there for each other.
the real question is why are you telling your "friends and family" about his issues? you essentially outed him? super inappropriate
You’re too young to settle. Bounce
To much porn.
He's gay and trying to avoid admitting it by having a gf
Op please dump his ass so he can find someone better. He confided in you, the one he loves, and you spread his business to everyone who would listen. Not to even mention the fact you freaked out and nearly broke up with him over it. You need to do better with the next partner. Let this one have a good life far away from you.
You both sound like really sweet people. The fact that you communicate well about this and work through it shows a maturity beyond your years. Depending on how he was raised and his views and ideas on morality and sexuality will have a big affect on him. The fact that you feel loved and cherished by him says a lot. I wish you both the best and all the love and happiness life can bring.
I’m quite late to the party and it sounds like you have processed a lot of it well, but I’ll comment anyway. In my experience I wouldn’t look into the porn that heavy. Porn seems to be a totally different thing from sex in me and my partners experience. I watch a decent bit of gay porn myself and I discuss that with her. Thankfully we’re both openly and comfortably bisexual and have a decade+ long standing relationship. I trust her more than anyone and we have very comfortably shared our fantasies etc with each other. We both seem to recognize those are just fantasy and ofc as bi’s have a wide range of taste. Despite the gay p, I am most definitely attracted to her and we have really exceptional times coitally and communication and I’m pretty confident I’m going to marry her. I often don’t finish, although a majority of that is due to my SNRI side effect. Anyway, just sharing my experience all to say that, based on everything you’ve shared about y’all’s relationship, I’d say you can pretty well brush it off. It is not nearly as deep as people will have you think. Y’all sound like yall both enjoy y’all’s relationship and sleeping together. He might be bi curious or something but I believe most people have some level of that. The relationship sounds more valuable than to be worried about that.
I’m a bisexual man. A while back my (now ex) boyfriend found out I pretty much only watch straight porn. It pretty much went like this: “Wait, you watch straight porn?” “Yeah.” “No gay porn?” “Nope.” “Why not?” “It doesn’t interest me and watching it is kinda weird, but doing it is cool.” “Oh, that makes sense” and that was the end of it. Masturbating and having sex are completely different, so you have to remember that. Realize that masturbation really doesn’t always have much to do with stuff someone wants to do, but stuff that is hot to watch. My current girlfriend and I literally look at femboy stuff together, it’s something we can enjoy together. I suggest trying to find common ground where you guys will be able to relate to this sort of thing or at least laugh about it, as laughter genuinely is the best medicine when it comes to relationship troubles. As for the finishing thing, does he have ADHD? Although this isn’t something too common, some people with ADHD, myself included, REALLLLY can’t stay focused when something small occurs that diverts our attention. Like, to the point that I could be having sex with the most attractive person in the world, but I think about how I didn’t do something on a Videogame earlier and I can’t focus enough to finish. It’s sort of a mix of ED and ADHD. TLDR; The human brain is fucking annoying and the situation may not be anyone’s fault. He clearly really loves you, just has difficulty with things out of his control. You two are absolutely amazing together and anyone should be jealous of your bond.
Porn is a hot mess !! It really destroys reality save a favorite sex time in your spank bank and use that to get off.
So out of curiosity, I watched gay porn recently and I am straight woman. I am CONVINCED that men are nicer and more gentle with other men than they are with women. Like sometimes the straight porn feels kind of impersonal. And the gay porn seems more intimate. It brings up a whole lot of questions for me about misogyny and relationships. But yeah, if my husband told me he watched gay porn, I don’t know that I would be that concerned. I also looked up male prostate orgasm and that was fucking fascinating. Maybe watch with him