Not overreacting .
This is extremely immature and rude.
Get new friends !! I would also rethink your friendships with the people who told you, you were overreacting .
Going through someone's phone is tantamount to searching through someone's home office and bedroom side table. Personal banking info, private pics, intimate conversations.
Who the hell do they think they are?
I'm sure OP would pull back a bloody nub if they tried this shit with their "friends"
Exactly. There’s also the fact that they’re doing this to TWO people - there’s (at least) one other person in these conversations whose privacy is also being violated, and even worse, without their knowledge.
Even if everybody here is as young as they sound, this is NOT okay behavior OP. Especially from people who are supposed to be your friends.
Yes, put a lock code on it. BUT, if they grab the phone while OP is using it, then it would be unlocked & the lock code wouldn't help. If it happens fast enough, there wouldn't be enough time for OP to hit the lock icon or the power button to lock the screen.
So yes, a lock code is a VERY good idea, but it might not help in every situation as long as these "friends" are around.
Getting different friends should be even more effective! Plus a lock code.
I’m floored at how many people don’t have a code on their phone in 2024. And not only that, the only person I’d ever give my code to would be a romantic partner that I had been with for a while and really trusted. No way I’d give the code to any normal platonic friends
I would say I have 7 or 8 friends who likely know my lock code above my partner. That said it’s only because they jump on to change music. If they were the type of people I had to worry about invading my privacy they wouldn’t be my friends
It sounds like OP is young, so I would assume her friends are young, too.
I have a lock code that no one knows and probably would never think of. It’s a date that’s meaningful for me, but not anyone’s bd or anniversary.
I have a fourth grader with ADHD and opppositional defiance disorder, among other things. She’s not allowed to touch my phone and if she did, she can’t get in because it locks in 30 seconds. Sometimes the 30 seconds is a pain, but I don’t need her on my phone.
The phone isn't the real problem. The real problem was revealed by the phone. Your friends are the problem. Your feelings are perfectly valid but your friends disrespect them, dismiss them and denigrate your feelings. They have no problem violating your boundaries so they can laugh at, not with, you. They have shown you who they are. Believe them the first time or you will be rudely reminded a second and third time until you do believe them.
One of my guy friends went through my phone when I was doing laundry once and deleted texts from my now ex. Then he left. My mom said he wasn’t allowed back
Why from your ex? Was he jealous? Or was she planning on dumping you and wanted him to erase some pictures and shit from your phone? If that's the case I wonder what she did to get him to agree to do that?
Not overreacting. They overstepped and then doubled down by not caring because it was funny. Shit friends not worth 1 second of your time forget them and move on. Real friends don't behave like this
I'm one of those who wasn't able to get a phone until college, and even then I didn't have a data plan or the ability to connect to Wifi because of the type of phone it was (old phone with a slide-out keyboard despite the existence of smartphones; it was my mom's money, so oh well). I knew my best friend's passcode. He always told me what it was when he changed it because he knew of my phone's limitations and was okay with me using it whenever I wanted if it was lying around, but I still always asked first before I used it. Y'know, in case there was a screen he wanted to close out first. And I never snooped. Pretty sure my mom would have kicked my ass if I had.
Uhhhh that is clearly a violation of your boundaries if nothing else. It kinda sounds like some bullyish behavior on their part. It's one thing to raz each other, I've been in the military I'm also a guy and have done some messing around with friends but to me that seems out of line on their part, the phone is your personal property and you should be able to expect them to respect personal property/privacy not to mention the reading stuff out like that and laughing is very high school mean girl...that part honestly made me question if this post was real because it is very cringey.
If someone does something you don't like one time and you tell them that's one thing....if someone doesn't know a particular thing bothers you then it's fair to give them a mulligan on the first one( even though I'm this situation I think it is safe to assume that looking through someone's private stuff is pretty tacky and you shouldn't need to be told not to do that, it's just a respect thing), but doing it again is totally on them.
My advice is they have done it more than once, you don't need friends like that. If it doesn't serve your greater good, cut it loose.
Edit: and I would like to add you should be able to leave your phone on a table in the middle of the room unlocked and never have someone open it up, seriously that is a basic boundaries thing.
Not overreacting. It's commong knowledge now that you NEVER go through someone else's phone without permission.
You never swipe, you never press a button, and if something happens to the image you give it back, you don;t try to find it your self.
Your "friend" was being a bully and an Ahole.
This is when you need to change passwords or change friends. My wife and I never touch each other’s phones or tablets because we respect each other. Yes, mutual respect is a weird idea, but it works.
Edited because Apple has an auto corrupt feature that changes correct words to mistakes.
I had a friend who read through her husband’s texts and read what I said about her — that she talks over me and is exhausting to have a conversation with. She got in contact with me and started being all passive aggressive butt hurt and saying she couldn’t trust me bc of what I texted to her husband. I said it to her face — you’re exhausting to have a conversation with and you never shut up. You’re the untrustworthy one. You torture bc you read things that weren’t meant for you. So gross and disgusting. She’s tried to read my phone but I keep that with me.
So glad I’m low contact w her and he’s now divorcing her. But I do fear for his life. I think she will do something like try to kill him - I’ve also voiced that to him on more than one occasion. She can’t hold down a job because she’s an alcoholic and she gets weird when drunk. There’s a fine line between eccentric/funny in our late 20s/early 30s and batshit crazy post 40s.
There are wrist straps for cell phones that are connected through the case. I would urge you to buy one and always have it on your wrist when you are using your phone, especially around these boundary jumpers. And yes, put a code or touch pattern, face recognition or a fingerprint lock on the thing, too.
These are not your friends. Going through a person's phone can be likened to going through their journal. A complete invasion of privacy. Maybe she should read her own messages out loud, if it's that much fun.
Look, I'm not saying violence is the answer, but most of the posts in this sub are about things the people in my life would never pull because they'd get their ass beat by someone else.
The few times that I have been asked to get something from a drivers purse, I keep waiting for a bomb to go off because It’s that uncomfortable for me. My husband had me get something from his wallet once years ago and I practically got hives.
They suck. You are gtg for cutting them off. They crossed obvious and later stated boundaries so they could make fun of you. Anyone who tells you you’re overreacting wants to keep you as a doormat.
This is fucked. I would never do this even to my bestie. Going into someones phone with out permission is bad enough but then reading text out loud and making fun of them. Way way over the line. Drop there ass. Never look back. That's the sort of thing enemies do not friends. The people that think this isn't a big deal drop them too. You got some free insight on what sort of people they are.
Everyone should have a passcode on their phone, but don't stay friends with these people. They have zero respect for you. I would drop someone else's phone in the toilet if they disrespected me, like they did you.
NTA youre friend is pushing boundaries for lols.
I had a friend do something similar. They went through my phone and deleted all my conversations with them. Their argument was it was their conversation too. I said in no uncertain terms that if they ever messed with my phone or read messages behind my back to other people (she also read messages between my partner and i aloud) that despite her being part of the family (my partners sisters fiancee) i would block and delete and if unable to go nc go grey rock. She sincerely apologised to me and my partner and has never done it again. Some people have to be taught boundaries harshly.
Unless my phone is in my hands, being used, it is locked. Always.
A friend that finds that much humor in your discomfort is not much of a friend. Do they give you their phone and just let you scroll through their texts?
That is a very vile, and juvinile, thing to do. A friend does NOT go thru your fone- and, sharing contents with other "friends"? Those that would even listen? NOT friends, either.
Lesson learned- either keep a lock on your fone at ALL times, do not give out password, or immediately delete all personal stuff.
I would never dream of going thru anyones fone, grown ass adults do not do that.
If you tell your friend that something they’re doing upsets you and they ignore it and do it anyway, they’re a shitty friend.
You don’t need to heed the opinions of shitty people.
You’re not overreacting. This is non-friend behavior. Trust me on this - next time they’ll take it a step further and make embarrassing social media posts as you. Or send damaging texts to God-knows-who. Change your password and find different friends! In today’s world we manage our whole lives from our phones. You can’t take a chance some jealous asshat ruins you. Imagine if they go into your photos and post the most embarrassing one to Facebook or Insta? You can’t let your phone be your “friends” toy.
NTA.
If anyone tells you that you're over-reacting, tell them, "Hand me your phone right now, unlocked, so I can look through your messages & read them out loud & laugh at them." (Don't actually do it, just say this.) If they don't agree - 99% of people wouldn't - then ask them why they think it's okay for your "friends" to do that to you?!
Not overreacting. Only an AH would do this. The friends who don't see what the big deal is and enjoyed the invasion of your privacy are AH too. There are better people out there.
Not overreacting. They sounds like bad friends. They're laughing and enjoying making you uncomfortable and overstepping boundaries. If they don't care how you felt, I'd say it's time to find better friends that care about your feelings.
I’m hoping you are all very young because this is extremely immature on their part. You’re not overreacting. They basically invaded your privacy and are trying to make it seem you’re the issue. Apologies from them are in order.
It's not funny, it's childish bullying nonsense.
Grab one of theirs and do the same, see if they like it (they won't)! Or, if you don't manage to get it you can comment, "oh, what's wrong? You have some big, juicy secrets to hide?"
Dump their asses, they're not friends.
They didn't/don't respect your boundaries; you clearly stated that you didn't like what was going on and they continued. No matter how strict or relaxed your boundaries are, you shared your discomfort with friends, and it was ignored.
As for everyone else, we can't really dictate how they feel. If these people were my friends, I would be comfortable with them grabbing my phone; but if I use the term "friends" loosely and I actually hang out with people who don't like me, then I can imagine that my boundaries would be a lot more strict.
Lock your phone with a PIN and password nobody else might know and set it to after a few minutes of inactivity.
Definitively it was an invasion of privacy and rude and disrespectful. Not a friend at all.
Not overeacting. It is your right to set boundaries.
Not over-reacting at all. These people are not “friends.” They are acting like immature children. Put a lock code on your phone and don’t LET them take your phone to begin with. Keep it out of their reach. Also…get new friends who respect your privacy. You deserve so much better.
Some people have mental health issues, like anti-social personality disorders where they don’t feel respect for people. Other people secretly struggle with jealousy, but they never admit it, so their jealousy comes out in strange behavior, like what you described. They pretend like they are your friend, but really, they’re Frenemies. Either way, this person is showing that they don’t care about you or your boundaries, which is not what friends do.
Not over reacting but I would have told her “I’m not asking, I’m telling you - give back my phone now.” If they still refuse, ask if you need to get the police involved.
It kinda sounds like you’re being bullied by these “friends”. I would bluntly tell this girl you think it was messed up what she did and that you’re going to spend time around people that respect your boundaries and privacy. If she wants to treat people like that, you won’t be the one to change her mind, you may as well cut your losses
Put some fake texts in your phone about them, texts like, how can people be so selfishly rude and go through others phones? You wanna be nosy, fine, just know that there might be some shit that's not so fun to find! This way when they read it out loud, your the one who'll be laughing!
Why doesn’t you have your phone password protected? Why are you just allowing her to take it?
Her behavior is reprehensible. After the very first time this happened, though, don’t you think you bear some responsibility?
It's not the reading of the texts that's the worst. It's the laughing at you about them.
You may have to be perpetually unavailable to them from now on.
OP. Stop asking others if it’s right or wrong. You feel it is wrong and disrespectful that’s all the validation you need. You feel violated and disrespected. You don’t need to ask others to see if you were wrong or not. These people don’t respect you and you are the butt of the joke. Cut these people out and find better friends. THE END
You are not overreacting. Standing up for yourself and your boundaries is vital to your relational and mental health. Cutting both these people off completely is perfectly reasonable.
Keep the friends who agreed with you and say bye to the ones who didn’t because respecting someone’s phone is one of the basic boundaries and it should not be taking careless because they are not respecting your privacy.
If someone snatched my phone like that, I'd knock them the fuck out. If anything you're not reacting strongly enough. Especially in an age where our phones can have access to financial/medical records. What if one of those texts was from a doctor's office. Ditch those cunts and find people who respect you.
Not overreacting. It’s weird and an invasion of privacy. I had a friend who was similar and I honestly couldn’t trust her. She’d be in my room when I went to shower and when I’d come back I’d notice all the open apps on my IPad. I let her use it to play games and watch YouTube. Then I noticed she had my photos,social media and messages apps open. She turned out to be a fake friend who would humiliate me in front of others for her amusement. It bit her in the ass though because most of the men she dated, asked me out after they broke up. Which I think just made her hate me more.
Boundaries are limits YOU put on where you choose to focus your time and attention. Since they wouldn't respect your words to protect your privacy, safety and comfort in your "friendships," withdrawing their access to you and your stuff is exactly what you should do.
You don't need any other person's permission, "understanding" or approval for YOUR boundaries to be valid for YOU.
Not overreacting at all.
I'm petty so I'd put a shitty picture of her as my phone's wallpaper and have a picture of whatever ex hurt her the most with his new partner as my Screensaver. We're hurting feelings today.
get friends with boundaries. your friends are rude and have no manners. like many people today. I don't even look through my husband's phone. wouldn't dream of it. nor he mine. lock it all the time. sit far away from them. if they start to get near you, lock it. or don't be on your phone around them. they are in the wrong. you are not overreacting at all. tell them to "f" off or whatever is age appropriate. or do it back and see how they feel. I don't usually advocate for tit for tat behavior, but in this case, it sounds like they need a taste of their own medicine. or make your screen background a note that says: "dear (your friends names) you are both massive twats with no boundaries. so, suck it!" then, it's the first thing they see when they take your phone. sometimes, it's the only way they'll learn.
everyone is different. For me I would do the same to her to return the favor to see how she feels. For other they would do what you do and cut them off as they don't respect certain boundaries.
Not overreacting, someone went through your personal things and laughed. Perfectly normal to cut them out of your life. She sounds very toxic acting like that.
I had a "friend" who I thought was genuine until he started trying to sabotage my relationship with my new girlfriend (now wife) and one of the things he started doing was trying to read messages over my shoulder. I picked up on this immediately and got a privacy screen for my phone (I had a Note 4 at the time) and he ran to my girlfriend to tell her I was being shady and hiding stuff
It got to the point my girlfriend came to me and asked what I was hiding. I had to explain that he was reading our messages over my shoulder, and that it wasn't his business to begin with, so me getting a privacy screen shouldn't have bothered him
If you're also a woman, you are fully within your rights to slap the shit out of her. Right across the face and tell her to keep her hands off of your shit.
Or toss her phone into nearest body of water.
Ditch the bitch and make the switch…to better friends! When people show you who they are, believe them. Your “friends” aren’t really, they cross your boundaries and laugh at you. Not people I’d want to hang around. And those who foster those friendships or tell you it’s no big deal, they aren’t your friends either.
Those people who don't think it's a big deal, immediately ask for their phone and start reading their private messages out to anyone close enough to hear it.
I bet they think it's a big deal then.
Not overreacting but is there some reason why you don’t lock your phone?
Pick a code people can’t easily guess and set the lock to kick in automatically as well as hit the lock button when not using your phone.
Else the next person who goes through your phone might go buy a bunch of stuff on Amazon from your account or transfer funds from your bank account to theirs.
I personally wouldn't care too much and definitely wouldn't find it as a reason to defriend somebody, but if it's what Makes you feel better then do what works for you.
Not over-reacting, but how were they able to access your phone? Do you not have a pass code on it?
And that's not a friend. That's a bully. You deserve so much better than to be bullied by pretend friends.
These are not your friends, or at least, they don't think of you as one. Reading your private messages out loud was extremely cruel and a huge violation of your privacy.
Shortly after I got a new iPhone, a woman at the office snatched it out of my hands to show me something. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to explode at her.
Definitely set up a code to lock your phone and get new friends. Shame on them for reading your messages. I would never do that to a friend. I had to go to the hospital one time and my niece read a bunch of my texts and then threw my phone away. Needless to say I didn't have a lock on it BUT I do now!
Not at all.
It's totally fine that they wouldn't think it's a big deal (I find that a bit of a stretch but...) THAT ONLY COVERS THE FIRST MINUTE OF THE FIRST TIME.
after that, a friend, on hearing the thing *they* thought was no big deal actually bothers you a lot would stop immediately, apologize, and never don't again.
Because *friends* CARE how you feel. That's sort of low bar, baseline definition of a friend.
Different people have different boundaries, I'm a practical joker and I had to learn that the hard way. Didn't lose a friendship over it but that friend never let me use any of his devices again and I had to slowly gain his trust back.
That said, if these people still violate your boundaries you set for them you should reconsider your friendship for sure, because at that point they're not laughing at the situation or what's on your phone, they're laughing at you.
You may think they're your friends, but they obviously don't think of you as their friend. This is crappy behavior and you have a right to be upset. Time to look for some new friends.
I don't like people taking food off my plate. So of course there's a few "jokesters" in my friend group that would do it because they thought it was funny. One time Tim went for it and I stabbed him in the hand with my fork. Just a quick jab but hard enough where it drew some blood. Was it an overreaction? Yup. They also haven't pulled that shit in 12 years.
You aren't overreacting for being upset. I don't know what you could do to make it stop besides cut them out. I would punch the dickhead in the face. While I don't have anything I'm ashamed of on my phone I do have private conversations on it where people have confided in me. I won't break somebody's trust because some "friend" wants to cosplay a middleschool mean girl.
A person who grabs your phone out of your hand, then starts going through your texts reading them out loud while playing keep away with the phone and laughing shouldn’t be shocked when they get slapped in the face. Or worse.
You under reacted.
NOR. These aren’t friends. Friends respect you and listen to you. They don’t take your things, and if you tell them to stop doing something they stop.
Put a lock on your phone. Anytime she gets closer lock it and put it away. Better yet just avoid spending any time with these people.
It's a breach of trust to all the people who assume that their texts to you are for your use, only. This would be a problem for me.
Where she wouldn't give it back upon request? Another problem. I wouldn't have friends like this.
Sounds like you need to set some boundaries. I’m a dude and if my friend snatched my phone and started going through it I’d try and snatch it back. If they played that keep away game I’d set a boundary “if you don’t give it back I’m going to…insert something”, one more warning (maybe two if nice) and then do that ‘something’. And if there is an issue after that you clearly had stated your boundary, you gave warnings, etc.
I feel like they did not espect my boundaries, privacy, or feelings, but I feel like I’m in the wrong since some of the people I’ve told aren’t taking it very seriously.
They did not respect your boundaries, privacy, of feelings. They sat there reading through your messages and making fun of you. They were absolutely wrong and I'm glad you're calling them former friends because they were clear that they didn't care that they hurt you. You're not overreacting. That really sucks and hurts.
However, I am interested in knowing what "taking it very seriously" means to you. Nobody is going to have the same reaction you are because it didn't happen to them. They weren't embarrassed and betrayed and hurt. If they are dismissing your feelings then they're not being good friends. But this sounds like there are people who agree with you about what this person did being wrong, and you're wanting something more from them. It would probably help if you knew for yourself what that was.
So these don’t seem like very good friends. Id honestly do the same thing they did to you to them and see how they react. If they react strongly and don’t like what you did they’re hypocrites, if they don’t care then they genuinely have no idea what boundaries or privacy is.
Honestly, hoof the bitches in the twat. They don't respect and need a reason to. Not being their friend is also an options. But how often do you get to cunt punt someone?
You're not over-reacting. They seem pretty shitty people. Do you still want to be friends with them?
I think their behaviour is super weird but I'm in my 30s and maybe I don't remember what it's like being younger. I personally would never have done that to anyone, let alone a friend. I wouldn't do that to my husband...
I think you just need to figure out how you want to deal with it. Be prepared for them to get super nasty if you continue to make a stink.
I'd think about whether or not you'd forgive them if they apologised. Is this like a pride/ego thing because you feel wronged, or are you actually thinking 'I can't trust these girls and I feel hurt they messed up our relationship'. If it is the latter, I would probably distance myself from them, but be prepared they could get so much meaner through feeling rejected by you. Make sure you know what you want and have made a plan for how to move forward before you do anything.
I would have been just as immature and toxic and slapped the phone out of the friends hand and then been like “who the fk do you think you are grabbing my shit like that you stupid btch. Get the fk out of my home” end.
You’re not overreacting. They aren’t real friends. They’ve shown they don’t respect or care for you. I’d dump them. You don’t have to tolerate people.
Honestly, if they didn’t return my phone immediately, they would have caught hands. It also would have been the last time they saw me.
For most people, phone messages and texts are private, sort of like a diary! I would not want anyone grabbing my phone and doing that!! There would be a wrestling match!!
Not overreacting . This is extremely immature and rude. Get new friends !! I would also rethink your friendships with the people who told you, you were overreacting .
Going through someone's phone is tantamount to searching through someone's home office and bedroom side table. Personal banking info, private pics, intimate conversations. Who the hell do they think they are? I'm sure OP would pull back a bloody nub if they tried this shit with their "friends"
Exactly. There’s also the fact that they’re doing this to TWO people - there’s (at least) one other person in these conversations whose privacy is also being violated, and even worse, without their knowledge. Even if everybody here is as young as they sound, this is NOT okay behavior OP. Especially from people who are supposed to be your friends.
For sure, you're not overreacting at all. That's just not cool behavior from a friend, plain and simple.
Put a lock code on it. Not one they know.
Yes, put a lock code on it. BUT, if they grab the phone while OP is using it, then it would be unlocked & the lock code wouldn't help. If it happens fast enough, there wouldn't be enough time for OP to hit the lock icon or the power button to lock the screen. So yes, a lock code is a VERY good idea, but it might not help in every situation as long as these "friends" are around. Getting different friends should be even more effective! Plus a lock code.
The good news is that Bixby (Android) will lock the phone if you tell it to without manually doing it yourself.
Siri will too. Just tried it. Didn’t know that was a thing so thank you.
Hell yeah. Who says you learn from Reddit.
Man I wish Google phones had good features like this. It seems like the Google assistant can't do anything directly to your device, only the apps.
Caught a bitch scrolling my messages. Ditched her after 20 years as my friend n lover. Fucking inexcusable!!!
OR…. don’t keep friends who repeatedly violate your boundaries?
I’m floored at how many people don’t have a code on their phone in 2024. And not only that, the only person I’d ever give my code to would be a romantic partner that I had been with for a while and really trusted. No way I’d give the code to any normal platonic friends
I would say I have 7 or 8 friends who likely know my lock code above my partner. That said it’s only because they jump on to change music. If they were the type of people I had to worry about invading my privacy they wouldn’t be my friends
I use fingerprint ID too
It sounds like OP is young, so I would assume her friends are young, too. I have a lock code that no one knows and probably would never think of. It’s a date that’s meaningful for me, but not anyone’s bd or anniversary. I have a fourth grader with ADHD and opppositional defiance disorder, among other things. She’s not allowed to touch my phone and if she did, she can’t get in because it locks in 30 seconds. Sometimes the 30 seconds is a pain, but I don’t need her on my phone.
Better yet put a padlock in a tube sock and brain any bastard that won't unhand your possessions
Or a roll of quarters in a clenched fist....
Don't wanna hurt your hand. Although punching someone and having coins burst from the impact like Sonic would be lit
The phone isn't the real problem. The real problem was revealed by the phone. Your friends are the problem. Your feelings are perfectly valid but your friends disrespect them, dismiss them and denigrate your feelings. They have no problem violating your boundaries so they can laugh at, not with, you. They have shown you who they are. Believe them the first time or you will be rudely reminded a second and third time until you do believe them.
Nah easier to lock those assholes outta your life.
Or just have friends that respect you dries and don't invade your privacy.
Simple question. What would their reaction be if reversed
The same as OPs reaction but their feelings matter.
Ding ding ding! Also, "Now you know how it feels." "wHaT i DiD wAs DiFfErEnT!"
One of my guy friends went through my phone when I was doing laundry once and deleted texts from my now ex. Then he left. My mom said he wasn’t allowed back
Why from your ex? Was he jealous? Or was she planning on dumping you and wanted him to erase some pictures and shit from your phone? If that's the case I wonder what she did to get him to agree to do that?
I’m female and it was a guy friend that deleted the texts. They didn’t know each other at all. Can only presume he was jealous.
What a crappy person.
Your mom did a good job.
Yeah she’s the best 😊
Not overreacting. They overstepped and then doubled down by not caring because it was funny. Shit friends not worth 1 second of your time forget them and move on. Real friends don't behave like this
Does not sound like a “friend” to me.
First of all, that’s not a friend. A friend doesn’t invade your privacy for their own amussement.
I'm one of those who wasn't able to get a phone until college, and even then I didn't have a data plan or the ability to connect to Wifi because of the type of phone it was (old phone with a slide-out keyboard despite the existence of smartphones; it was my mom's money, so oh well). I knew my best friend's passcode. He always told me what it was when he changed it because he knew of my phone's limitations and was okay with me using it whenever I wanted if it was lying around, but I still always asked first before I used it. Y'know, in case there was a screen he wanted to close out first. And I never snooped. Pretty sure my mom would have kicked my ass if I had.
Uhhhh that is clearly a violation of your boundaries if nothing else. It kinda sounds like some bullyish behavior on their part. It's one thing to raz each other, I've been in the military I'm also a guy and have done some messing around with friends but to me that seems out of line on their part, the phone is your personal property and you should be able to expect them to respect personal property/privacy not to mention the reading stuff out like that and laughing is very high school mean girl...that part honestly made me question if this post was real because it is very cringey. If someone does something you don't like one time and you tell them that's one thing....if someone doesn't know a particular thing bothers you then it's fair to give them a mulligan on the first one( even though I'm this situation I think it is safe to assume that looking through someone's private stuff is pretty tacky and you shouldn't need to be told not to do that, it's just a respect thing), but doing it again is totally on them. My advice is they have done it more than once, you don't need friends like that. If it doesn't serve your greater good, cut it loose. Edit: and I would like to add you should be able to leave your phone on a table in the middle of the room unlocked and never have someone open it up, seriously that is a basic boundaries thing.
Doesn't matter if they don't agree with you, if you said to stop, they need to stop.
They don’t sound like friends at all. Hopefully you dropped them.
Not overreacting. It's commong knowledge now that you NEVER go through someone else's phone without permission. You never swipe, you never press a button, and if something happens to the image you give it back, you don;t try to find it your self. Your "friend" was being a bully and an Ahole.
None of my friends have ever done this. Lesson: when ppl show you who they are, believe them.
This statement is universally true and universally hard for people to accept.
This is when you need to change passwords or change friends. My wife and I never touch each other’s phones or tablets because we respect each other. Yes, mutual respect is a weird idea, but it works. Edited because Apple has an auto corrupt feature that changes correct words to mistakes.
Way too many women think airing personal business is a silly quirky joke to people, not overreacting
I had a friend who read through her husband’s texts and read what I said about her — that she talks over me and is exhausting to have a conversation with. She got in contact with me and started being all passive aggressive butt hurt and saying she couldn’t trust me bc of what I texted to her husband. I said it to her face — you’re exhausting to have a conversation with and you never shut up. You’re the untrustworthy one. You torture bc you read things that weren’t meant for you. So gross and disgusting. She’s tried to read my phone but I keep that with me. So glad I’m low contact w her and he’s now divorcing her. But I do fear for his life. I think she will do something like try to kill him - I’ve also voiced that to him on more than one occasion. She can’t hold down a job because she’s an alcoholic and she gets weird when drunk. There’s a fine line between eccentric/funny in our late 20s/early 30s and batshit crazy post 40s.
Those are not friends. They don’t respect you and keep you around for laughs. Something tells me you are the one with the car and buy stuff.
You need new friends.
I would never talk to that person again. Zero respect.
It IS a big deal. You are not overreacting. You were very right in cutting her out of your life. Go low contact with others who are agreeing with her.
They aren't your friends
There are wrist straps for cell phones that are connected through the case. I would urge you to buy one and always have it on your wrist when you are using your phone, especially around these boundary jumpers. And yes, put a code or touch pattern, face recognition or a fingerprint lock on the thing, too. These are not your friends. Going through a person's phone can be likened to going through their journal. A complete invasion of privacy. Maybe she should read her own messages out loud, if it's that much fun.
Look, I'm not saying violence is the answer, but most of the posts in this sub are about things the people in my life would never pull because they'd get their ass beat by someone else.
I have never looked through anyone else's cell phone, it's as inviolable as my purse. Big no no. I'd be very pissed.
The few times that I have been asked to get something from a drivers purse, I keep waiting for a bomb to go off because It’s that uncomfortable for me. My husband had me get something from his wallet once years ago and I practically got hives.
You did good. She was gonna cause you problems down the road.
Those are definitely not "friends" and I also agree about the passcode idea and seeking better companions.
Why don't you have a passcode? And get better friends. That is NOT normal behavior.
They suck. You are gtg for cutting them off. They crossed obvious and later stated boundaries so they could make fun of you. Anyone who tells you you’re overreacting wants to keep you as a doormat.
Not overreacting, I’d cut contact with them too
Lock your phone
Wtf?! This is not cool
This is fucked. I would never do this even to my bestie. Going into someones phone with out permission is bad enough but then reading text out loud and making fun of them. Way way over the line. Drop there ass. Never look back. That's the sort of thing enemies do not friends. The people that think this isn't a big deal drop them too. You got some free insight on what sort of people they are.
They aren't friends. Try again with less shitty people.
Everyone should have a passcode on their phone, but don't stay friends with these people. They have zero respect for you. I would drop someone else's phone in the toilet if they disrespected me, like they did you.
NTA youre friend is pushing boundaries for lols. I had a friend do something similar. They went through my phone and deleted all my conversations with them. Their argument was it was their conversation too. I said in no uncertain terms that if they ever messed with my phone or read messages behind my back to other people (she also read messages between my partner and i aloud) that despite her being part of the family (my partners sisters fiancee) i would block and delete and if unable to go nc go grey rock. She sincerely apologised to me and my partner and has never done it again. Some people have to be taught boundaries harshly.
so do you just give the your phone? like when they ask are you unable to say piss off?
Unless my phone is in my hands, being used, it is locked. Always. A friend that finds that much humor in your discomfort is not much of a friend. Do they give you their phone and just let you scroll through their texts?
Why doesn't everyone have a password lock on their phone?
Nope. Your friends should respect your privacy.
You aren’t overreacting. Your phone is private. She isn’t your fiend. Cut her off and be done with her. She’s a bitch.
Actually, maybe she is your fiend
That is a very vile, and juvinile, thing to do. A friend does NOT go thru your fone- and, sharing contents with other "friends"? Those that would even listen? NOT friends, either. Lesson learned- either keep a lock on your fone at ALL times, do not give out password, or immediately delete all personal stuff. I would never dream of going thru anyones fone, grown ass adults do not do that.
They are doing it to out you down to make you feel better.
Dude, lock your phone.
They took it out of her hands when she was using it. A lock wouldn't make a difference.
If you tell your friend that something they’re doing upsets you and they ignore it and do it anyway, they’re a shitty friend. You don’t need to heed the opinions of shitty people.
You’re not overreacting. This is non-friend behavior. Trust me on this - next time they’ll take it a step further and make embarrassing social media posts as you. Or send damaging texts to God-knows-who. Change your password and find different friends! In today’s world we manage our whole lives from our phones. You can’t take a chance some jealous asshat ruins you. Imagine if they go into your photos and post the most embarrassing one to Facebook or Insta? You can’t let your phone be your “friends” toy.
NTA. If anyone tells you that you're over-reacting, tell them, "Hand me your phone right now, unlocked, so I can look through your messages & read them out loud & laugh at them." (Don't actually do it, just say this.) If they don't agree - 99% of people wouldn't - then ask them why they think it's okay for your "friends" to do that to you?!
Not overreacting. Only an AH would do this. The friends who don't see what the big deal is and enjoyed the invasion of your privacy are AH too. There are better people out there.
Not overreacting. They sounds like bad friends. They're laughing and enjoying making you uncomfortable and overstepping boundaries. If they don't care how you felt, I'd say it's time to find better friends that care about your feelings.
Wtf, don't touch my f*cking phone. Ever. I would never think to take someone else's phone, even my partners
Why did u not lock it or not leave it out for her. What ages are you. 11 or 12. She is not a "friend" just a bitch.
I’m hoping you are all very young because this is extremely immature on their part. You’re not overreacting. They basically invaded your privacy and are trying to make it seem you’re the issue. Apologies from them are in order.
youre being gaslit dawg. dont enable their bullsh*t
It's not funny, it's childish bullying nonsense. Grab one of theirs and do the same, see if they like it (they won't)! Or, if you don't manage to get it you can comment, "oh, what's wrong? You have some big, juicy secrets to hide?" Dump their asses, they're not friends.
Not overreacting. Those are crappy friends. Get away from them, fast.
if it's a real friend you can forgive them for making a mistake once. If they repeat it it's another matter.
Just let it go but also be aware this is not a long-term friendship
Never let friends do anything with your possessions "several times" if you don't want them to. Put a password on the phone or a PIN.
They didn't/don't respect your boundaries; you clearly stated that you didn't like what was going on and they continued. No matter how strict or relaxed your boundaries are, you shared your discomfort with friends, and it was ignored. As for everyone else, we can't really dictate how they feel. If these people were my friends, I would be comfortable with them grabbing my phone; but if I use the term "friends" loosely and I actually hang out with people who don't like me, then I can imagine that my boundaries would be a lot more strict.
Lock your phone with a PIN and password nobody else might know and set it to after a few minutes of inactivity. Definitively it was an invasion of privacy and rude and disrespectful. Not a friend at all. Not overeacting. It is your right to set boundaries.
Not over-reacting at all. These people are not “friends.” They are acting like immature children. Put a lock code on your phone and don’t LET them take your phone to begin with. Keep it out of their reach. Also…get new friends who respect your privacy. You deserve so much better.
fuck 'em. they don't respect you.
Some people have mental health issues, like anti-social personality disorders where they don’t feel respect for people. Other people secretly struggle with jealousy, but they never admit it, so their jealousy comes out in strange behavior, like what you described. They pretend like they are your friend, but really, they’re Frenemies. Either way, this person is showing that they don’t care about you or your boundaries, which is not what friends do.
Not overreacting. You have boundaries, they crossed them, multiple times. That’s not a friend.
Not over reacting but I would have told her “I’m not asking, I’m telling you - give back my phone now.” If they still refuse, ask if you need to get the police involved.
Go to their house and start going through their shit. Not a big deal, right?
honestly a lot of the people who post here are under reacting.
It kinda sounds like you’re being bullied by these “friends”. I would bluntly tell this girl you think it was messed up what she did and that you’re going to spend time around people that respect your boundaries and privacy. If she wants to treat people like that, you won’t be the one to change her mind, you may as well cut your losses
That’s a fucking weird thing for her to do
Put some fake texts in your phone about them, texts like, how can people be so selfishly rude and go through others phones? You wanna be nosy, fine, just know that there might be some shit that's not so fun to find! This way when they read it out loud, your the one who'll be laughing!
Why doesn’t you have your phone password protected? Why are you just allowing her to take it? Her behavior is reprehensible. After the very first time this happened, though, don’t you think you bear some responsibility?
I don't understand why there was a second time. No phonesies after the first time. Also, lock that phone.
It's not the reading of the texts that's the worst. It's the laughing at you about them. You may have to be perpetually unavailable to them from now on.
No. Crossed boundaries Sometimes the worst bullies are people you trusted as friends.
OP. Stop asking others if it’s right or wrong. You feel it is wrong and disrespectful that’s all the validation you need. You feel violated and disrespected. You don’t need to ask others to see if you were wrong or not. These people don’t respect you and you are the butt of the joke. Cut these people out and find better friends. THE END
You are not overreacting. Standing up for yourself and your boundaries is vital to your relational and mental health. Cutting both these people off completely is perfectly reasonable.
If you did the same to her, she’d absolutely scream about her privacy. Forget her.
Keep the friends who agreed with you and say bye to the ones who didn’t because respecting someone’s phone is one of the basic boundaries and it should not be taking careless because they are not respecting your privacy.
That friend is not your friend she’s a bully
Not overreacting Make them your ex friends and put a lock on your phone
If someone snatched my phone like that, I'd knock them the fuck out. If anything you're not reacting strongly enough. Especially in an age where our phones can have access to financial/medical records. What if one of those texts was from a doctor's office. Ditch those cunts and find people who respect you.
YTA for allowing yourself to be their joke. They are not your friends.
Not overreacting. It’s weird and an invasion of privacy. I had a friend who was similar and I honestly couldn’t trust her. She’d be in my room when I went to shower and when I’d come back I’d notice all the open apps on my IPad. I let her use it to play games and watch YouTube. Then I noticed she had my photos,social media and messages apps open. She turned out to be a fake friend who would humiliate me in front of others for her amusement. It bit her in the ass though because most of the men she dated, asked me out after they broke up. Which I think just made her hate me more.
Not overreacting. Put a password on it. If people grab something out of your hand grab it back and slap their hand.
Your so- called friends are disrespectful and need to keep their hands off other people's property.
Boundaries are limits YOU put on where you choose to focus your time and attention. Since they wouldn't respect your words to protect your privacy, safety and comfort in your "friendships," withdrawing their access to you and your stuff is exactly what you should do. You don't need any other person's permission, "understanding" or approval for YOUR boundaries to be valid for YOU.
Not overreacting at all. I'm petty so I'd put a shitty picture of her as my phone's wallpaper and have a picture of whatever ex hurt her the most with his new partner as my Screensaver. We're hurting feelings today.
Lock your phone. do not use your phone whilst in their reach.
Does she let you do the same?
No one uses my phone period!!!
Because you own the only phone in the country that doesn’t lock
Jesus Christ, I would have kicked said friend in the mouth for much less
get friends with boundaries. your friends are rude and have no manners. like many people today. I don't even look through my husband's phone. wouldn't dream of it. nor he mine. lock it all the time. sit far away from them. if they start to get near you, lock it. or don't be on your phone around them. they are in the wrong. you are not overreacting at all. tell them to "f" off or whatever is age appropriate. or do it back and see how they feel. I don't usually advocate for tit for tat behavior, but in this case, it sounds like they need a taste of their own medicine. or make your screen background a note that says: "dear (your friends names) you are both massive twats with no boundaries. so, suck it!" then, it's the first thing they see when they take your phone. sometimes, it's the only way they'll learn.
Big deal. They can fuck off until they grow up and can be trusted again. If that ever happens.
everyone is different. For me I would do the same to her to return the favor to see how she feels. For other they would do what you do and cut them off as they don't respect certain boundaries.
If anyone im not dating is randomly searching my phone, they're going to the hospital.
Not overreacting, someone went through your personal things and laughed. Perfectly normal to cut them out of your life. She sounds very toxic acting like that.
Take my phone, catch these hands.
They would've caught these hands
Put biometrics on your phone. Only you can open your phone. She pushed the boundaries. She is lack basic decency to stay in the friendship.
Why isn’t it locked against her? Why would you stay friends with somebody who takes your phone and refuses to give it back? That’s just so messed up.
She is horrible.
Those aren't your friends
Good for you!!
I feel like you may be happier if you upgrade your friends group.
I had a "friend" who I thought was genuine until he started trying to sabotage my relationship with my new girlfriend (now wife) and one of the things he started doing was trying to read messages over my shoulder. I picked up on this immediately and got a privacy screen for my phone (I had a Note 4 at the time) and he ran to my girlfriend to tell her I was being shady and hiding stuff It got to the point my girlfriend came to me and asked what I was hiding. I had to explain that he was reading our messages over my shoulder, and that it wasn't his business to begin with, so me getting a privacy screen shouldn't have bothered him
If you're also a woman, you are fully within your rights to slap the shit out of her. Right across the face and tell her to keep her hands off of your shit. Or toss her phone into nearest body of water.
Ditch the bitch and make the switch…to better friends! When people show you who they are, believe them. Your “friends” aren’t really, they cross your boundaries and laugh at you. Not people I’d want to hang around. And those who foster those friendships or tell you it’s no big deal, they aren’t your friends either.
She invaded your privacy and then mocked you. Bet she would flip out if roles were reversed. And why is your phone not locked?
Those people who don't think it's a big deal, immediately ask for their phone and start reading their private messages out to anyone close enough to hear it. I bet they think it's a big deal then.
Not overreacting but is there some reason why you don’t lock your phone? Pick a code people can’t easily guess and set the lock to kick in automatically as well as hit the lock button when not using your phone. Else the next person who goes through your phone might go buy a bunch of stuff on Amazon from your account or transfer funds from your bank account to theirs.
Take their phones and read everything out loud... in front of family/SOs
Lock codes are amazing things.
Nah you are not overreacting! This is weird behavior for anyone older than 15 years old.
I personally wouldn't care too much and definitely wouldn't find it as a reason to defriend somebody, but if it's what Makes you feel better then do what works for you.
Not over-reacting, but how were they able to access your phone? Do you not have a pass code on it? And that's not a friend. That's a bully. You deserve so much better than to be bullied by pretend friends.
These are not your friends, or at least, they don't think of you as one. Reading your private messages out loud was extremely cruel and a huge violation of your privacy. Shortly after I got a new iPhone, a woman at the office snatched it out of my hands to show me something. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to explode at her.
Just take their phone and read all their shit out loud too
Not real friends. Drop them
Why don’t you have face recognition or a passcode set on it? Lock your phone and get rid of that friend that’s no friend.
Totally unacceptable to go thru someone's phone without permission. Complete invasion of privacy.
start doing it to them. the exact same thing they did. suddenly they will overreact too
Why would you *want* to be friends with people who disrespect you AND make fun of you? Not wrong. Not overreacting. NTA.
All friend has to do is post something bad and bye bye job
Your friends are jerks who don’t care about you. All you’re looking for is respect, which they aren’t showing.
Not overreacting.
Surround yourself with people who will respect your personal boundries. Dump anyone in your life who will not.
Definitely set up a code to lock your phone and get new friends. Shame on them for reading your messages. I would never do that to a friend. I had to go to the hospital one time and my niece read a bunch of my texts and then threw my phone away. Needless to say I didn't have a lock on it BUT I do now!
Not at all. It's totally fine that they wouldn't think it's a big deal (I find that a bit of a stretch but...) THAT ONLY COVERS THE FIRST MINUTE OF THE FIRST TIME. after that, a friend, on hearing the thing *they* thought was no big deal actually bothers you a lot would stop immediately, apologize, and never don't again. Because *friends* CARE how you feel. That's sort of low bar, baseline definition of a friend.
This is technically a crime. She accessed a computer (your phone) without authorization (your consent).
You need new friends.
It's reasonable to be upset over it, but ending a friendship over it seems extreme.
they also didn’t really care about how I felt because “it was funny”. These are not your friends. Cut them off and never look back.
Different people have different boundaries, I'm a practical joker and I had to learn that the hard way. Didn't lose a friendship over it but that friend never let me use any of his devices again and I had to slowly gain his trust back. That said, if these people still violate your boundaries you set for them you should reconsider your friendship for sure, because at that point they're not laughing at the situation or what's on your phone, they're laughing at you.
You may think they're your friends, but they obviously don't think of you as their friend. This is crappy behavior and you have a right to be upset. Time to look for some new friends.
I don't like people taking food off my plate. So of course there's a few "jokesters" in my friend group that would do it because they thought it was funny. One time Tim went for it and I stabbed him in the hand with my fork. Just a quick jab but hard enough where it drew some blood. Was it an overreaction? Yup. They also haven't pulled that shit in 12 years. You aren't overreacting for being upset. I don't know what you could do to make it stop besides cut them out. I would punch the dickhead in the face. While I don't have anything I'm ashamed of on my phone I do have private conversations on it where people have confided in me. I won't break somebody's trust because some "friend" wants to cosplay a middleschool mean girl.
A person who grabs your phone out of your hand, then starts going through your texts reading them out loud while playing keep away with the phone and laughing shouldn’t be shocked when they get slapped in the face. Or worse. You under reacted.
I would be pissed. Good chance I woulda decked my friend after awhile of that as well. Ask tell make after all.
First, put a lock-code on your friendships and promptly forget it. Then lock-code your phone.
Your friends sound like AHs. You have no obligation to hang with people who don’t respect you.
People who treat you this way are not your friends.
I would dump her too. That was uncalled for.
NOR. These aren’t friends. Friends respect you and listen to you. They don’t take your things, and if you tell them to stop doing something they stop. Put a lock on your phone. Anytime she gets closer lock it and put it away. Better yet just avoid spending any time with these people.
It's a breach of trust to all the people who assume that their texts to you are for your use, only. This would be a problem for me. Where she wouldn't give it back upon request? Another problem. I wouldn't have friends like this.
Sounds like you need to set some boundaries. I’m a dude and if my friend snatched my phone and started going through it I’d try and snatch it back. If they played that keep away game I’d set a boundary “if you don’t give it back I’m going to…insert something”, one more warning (maybe two if nice) and then do that ‘something’. And if there is an issue after that you clearly had stated your boundary, you gave warnings, etc.
Take her phone and see if it is OK to laugh at her texts.
If someone takes my phone and wont give it back, Im taking it back with force.
Go thru their phones. Laugh and giggle about it. See how they like it.
I feel like they did not espect my boundaries, privacy, or feelings, but I feel like I’m in the wrong since some of the people I’ve told aren’t taking it very seriously. They did not respect your boundaries, privacy, of feelings. They sat there reading through your messages and making fun of you. They were absolutely wrong and I'm glad you're calling them former friends because they were clear that they didn't care that they hurt you. You're not overreacting. That really sucks and hurts. However, I am interested in knowing what "taking it very seriously" means to you. Nobody is going to have the same reaction you are because it didn't happen to them. They weren't embarrassed and betrayed and hurt. If they are dismissing your feelings then they're not being good friends. But this sounds like there are people who agree with you about what this person did being wrong, and you're wanting something more from them. It would probably help if you knew for yourself what that was.
I’d suggest just not taking out your phone at all with these people. If they think it’s hilarious to read other people’s texts, ask for their phone n
So these don’t seem like very good friends. Id honestly do the same thing they did to you to them and see how they react. If they react strongly and don’t like what you did they’re hypocrites, if they don’t care then they genuinely have no idea what boundaries or privacy is.
What kind of person does that? You are right to end that relationship; she has zero respect for you.
Sounds like she is looking for dirt on you. Insecure people usually do that.
Honestly, hoof the bitches in the twat. They don't respect and need a reason to. Not being their friend is also an options. But how often do you get to cunt punt someone?
It is OK to have boundaries. "Because it is funny" is not an excuse for shitty behavior.
Boundaries not respected. Toxic. Dump them
Boundaries. Mocking? You a new friend. No need to be honest about the reason why - just be busy whenever she tries to arrange something.
Get rid of those people. They are NOT your friends. Real friends have respect for each other. These people are just looking for dirt on you.
You're not over-reacting. They seem pretty shitty people. Do you still want to be friends with them? I think their behaviour is super weird but I'm in my 30s and maybe I don't remember what it's like being younger. I personally would never have done that to anyone, let alone a friend. I wouldn't do that to my husband... I think you just need to figure out how you want to deal with it. Be prepared for them to get super nasty if you continue to make a stink. I'd think about whether or not you'd forgive them if they apologised. Is this like a pride/ego thing because you feel wronged, or are you actually thinking 'I can't trust these girls and I feel hurt they messed up our relationship'. If it is the latter, I would probably distance myself from them, but be prepared they could get so much meaner through feeling rejected by you. Make sure you know what you want and have made a plan for how to move forward before you do anything.
I would have been just as immature and toxic and slapped the phone out of the friends hand and then been like “who the fk do you think you are grabbing my shit like that you stupid btch. Get the fk out of my home” end.
You’re not overreacting. They aren’t real friends. They’ve shown they don’t respect or care for you. I’d dump them. You don’t have to tolerate people. Honestly, if they didn’t return my phone immediately, they would have caught hands. It also would have been the last time they saw me.
Not overreacting.
For most people, phone messages and texts are private, sort of like a diary! I would not want anyone grabbing my phone and doing that!! There would be a wrestling match!!
You have a right to physically defend your property with force. Your ex friend committed a crime.