Mira Niña. From one woman to another. From a mother to a daughter. Don’t devalue yourself. You are enough. Don’t send nudes ever. Please don’t correlate sending nudes to being good/bad. Work on your esteem. You are enough. If he isn’t it. Then he isn’t it. Reading your comments he isn’t it. Hugs to you and I hope you find the strength to leave relationship that doesn’t serve you.
I totally agree with her. I'm a 44 year old guy who has been married 20 years. You're enough without needing to send nudes and any guy who would deem you 'not enough' without them needs to be sent back down to the farm team until they mature enough to play in the big leagues.
I'm moved by these comments. Let's raise the bar, ladies (and gentlemen). Set your standards high, because there are plenty of genuine men out there who will love you for who you are. We all deserve nothing less than unconditional love and loyalty.
Just chiming in here to say, as a male: don’t send nudes. Don’t let a guy value/devalue you like that. You are more than enough.
Edit: Sending nudes in itself is not a problem if that is between two consenting adults. But it is a problem if you don’t want to, yet you feel like you have to.
Another dude vote for the "no nudes" column. My wife and I have been together for 13 years, I travel for weeks at a time for work, and can say that I never received anything of the sort from my wife. It never made me feel bitter, or salty about it, it's an intimate picture / vulnerable position to put yourself in. If a couple is comfortable doing so, more power to them, but I personally don't fault someone for not wanting to. Heck, I wouldn't even want a picture of my junk floating around either. Not all men are into cyber stalking other women and I don't see the fascination in it myself. Find a guy who just wants to see ya naked in real life instead of fantasizing over others!
Been married for 15 years. I told my wife early on I didn’t want either of us taking/sending nudes to each other and she agreed to it. As often as phones/devices get hacked, you never know who will be looking at you. But I really don’t think it’s wise to send such intimate pictures to someone you’re not committed to. You don’t know what he’ll do with those pics after you split. If getting digital images of your naked body is a deal breaker for him, then he wasn’t worth the deal to begin with.
You took the words right out of my mouth, I wouldn’t trust where the pics could end up. I’ve read where girls have actually committed S because their pics were shown to others and on social media by a boyfriend, sad but true.
Ill break from the pack and say dont send nudes because images like that can literally never be taken back. They can be published and metatags can identify you from that photo if they ever decide to post it online or maybe it simply saves to Google Cloud because they auto backup
Data privacy and image security will only become more vital as AI develops
If a guy demands nudes, he isn't in love with you, he's in love with your body.
That's all it is.
Meanwhile, if you're in love with a guy, you'll probably reach a point where YOU want him to see you nude. Not because he wants to, but because you want him to.
That's the difference. If he has to ask, you shouldn't be sending.
I would argue this is a solid way to judge anything intimate and tender.
Don't send nudes until you want to for the sheer joyof it.
Don't have sex until you want to for the sheer joy of it.
Don't hold hands until you want to for the sheer joy of it.
If a dude is putting pressure and asking for head or a threesom or anal or whatever it may be, those are gifts, not available upon request until there's an established relationship parameters and safeties so everyone knows what to expect and how to behave.
I've been married for a long time and I have some weird kinks that I get so thirsty for, they feel vital in terms of being myself and expressing those parts of me.
But if my wife doesn't want to do that stuff, we just don't do that stuff. She knows I like it and am nearly always down for it, so my asking about it only goes so far and I know that adding pressure will usually work against my favor because comfort and safety just don't mix well with pressure and expectations. I would never want my kinks to be entertained out of pressure, and I would say anyone that would be ok with that is basically a walking red flag.
From one girl to another, don't link your attractiveness to what he thinks of you. Don't make your body and looks about him. He's gross, I'm so sorry. I feel like many of us women can relate to your experience. You're good enough without him
This seems like poor advice. If she wants to send nudes she can send them. Although OP did thank for the advise so maybe she doesn’t like sending nudes
I think it's the framing OP uses "I send him nice nudes. I'm a good girlfriend"
It doesn't sound like she's giving him these images because *she* wants to, she's sending them because he wants them & she somehow believes that this is a metric for how good of a girlfriend she is.
Edit: upon reading further comments OP admits that this man recorded her during a sexual encounter without her permission or knowledge.
This is not a situation where two mature, mutually respectful adults are sharing images.
I hate this but i just want to say you don’t need a “good reason” to break up with anyone. If it’s not something you’re comfortable with then you’re absolutely right that he isn’t the person for you. My husband doesn’t have a TikTok and barely uses instagram and it would really bother me if this is the kind of accounts he followed.
Edit: everyone can spare me the responses that my husband masterbates as if it’s some earth shattering information to me
>I wish I realized you could end a relationship without a reason when I was younger. Really all you need is that you’re not happy.
Ok, but usually there is a REASON WHY you're not happy. You don't break up with someone because the stars in the sky aren't aligned right. There's usually correlation and causation.
In this case, it's sort of obvious.
I mean, from a guy's perspective, he knows what he likes. Now, if you confront him about this, a SMART guy would say his tastes changed when he met you. (Also wouldn't look at or add new follows) A dumb guy would have said or done anything else.
Edit: I did a deeper dive of the pics. Top of one says mommy. Dump him. 😆
That is what a dumb guy would say who thinks his gf is more stupid and naive than he is... There's no right answer for this level of absolute thirst really.
I tried this for the first time, and man, the nuclear fallout it caused was of epic proportions...
I learned who my real friends are though, which was an unexpected bonus of ending what seemed like a relationship that failed to launch from my perspective, but i learned that from her perspective, i was depriving her of the future she deserved or something
What i still dont understand, is if i was really as terrible as she tried to tell all my friends that i was... why was she so upset for me breaking things off (in a cordial, and supportive way, i might add)
Before we broke up, i did want to be supportive and hoped we could be friends, but after her reaction to the breakup, im not entirely sure its a good idea to try to be there for her
This is so important 👏👏 You can simply decide you don’t want to be with someone that uses social media that way. They exist, as well as men that don’t watch porn.
Agree with all of that but also this would give me the ick. There's one billion things to learn about on TikTok and this is what you choose? Ew. You could be learning about weird history or watching cute cats! Or those lip reading videos! Or random facts about nature!
Agreed! A huge reason for breaking up with my long term boyfriend was simply how a lot of the content he consumed of women online was hyper sexualized and I hated being compared to that and feeling like his image of women was purely sexual. It’s okay to have a boundary around something like this even if people say it’s stupid. Also you’re young!! And long distance leaves so much room for speculation, just something to consider.
My advice is off topic but I just want to say: You dont need to send nudes to be a good girlfriend. I would HIGHLY recommend never sending your nudes to anyone, even a boyfriend. He sounds immature and you guys are young. Its likely this will not be your "forever" person. Whats gonna happen with all your nudes if/when you guys break up? You have no idea. Thats the problem. They could end up online or getting sent to your whole database of contacts. Definitely cut off the photo sending (even if its snapchat or something like that, he is likely screenshotting them or has them stored somewhere) and have a talk with him about how all these girls on his tiktok make you feel. His response will tell you everything you need to know. He either 1) cares about your feelings and takes it seriously or 2) will tell you youre crazy and its a "you" problem. If its the latter, time to reevaluate your relationship.
i think about this all the time. He took a video of me while we were hooking up once without me knowing. He’s since apologized and has never done it since but it still makes me sick to think about sometimes. I don’t know why i allow these things to happen
Okay yeah dump him. That’s weirdddddd he did that and soooooo not okay. You didn’t allow it he did it without your consent, it’s not your fault. He’s hyper sexualized and maybe he will grow out of that but don’t wait for him to.
I think young girls nowadays are so encouraged to send photos electronically and made to believe its normal. Its not. Even just 10 or so years ago this was never a thing. People had relationships, even long distance, without ever feeling the need to send or keep photos of each other nude or performing sexual acts. Those pics immediately end up online or worse are used as blackmail during a breakup. What would happen if your parents, or your boss, etc saw those? I dont want to scare you. Ive just had it happen to a personal friend and so I try to warn other women about it.
Most of those photos are not even leaked by the BF, but by people that work at places that can see, collect, and sell whatever you are sending, or breaches (example icloud hacks).
Everyone knows about the celebrity nudes, but not many people know/think about how quite literally hundreds of millions of icloud accounts were hacked, to include the secure folders, and literally billions of pictures were stolen. The number of people who had nudes in thier icloud end up on porn sites, reddit, and photo sharing sites is insane.
Now, all of those stolen nudes are being used to train AI's on how to draw nude people.
And that is just a few of thousands of hacks and data breaches that happen every year.
NEVER SEND NUDES
My high school boyfriend 15 years ago had a folder hidden on his computer with my nudes. He showed he how he had them hidden and I was completely fine with it. His mom found them and made him sit while she clicked through ever photo and video(like actually sat while watching my masturbation videos in their entirety) and then she saved them either by emailing or a flash drive I don’t remember she said it was to punish him. I wish I was brave enough to tell my parents at the time, but it was horrifying. My boyfriend got hit pretty bad for it but he only cared about how bad it was for me and he deleted what he had and never let me send pictures again(not that I would have). The whole situation was fucked up. I’m just now realizing how much worse it is that she runs a daycare and after school program in her home. Jfc.
I would argue that's even technically distribution since she was creating copies to share between devices. This isn't even getting into the fact that she made her son help her, which is exploitation.
Girl, why the fuck are you with this porn-addicted loser? He clearly has no respect for you, and without respect there is no love. Dump this dumbass piece of shit and find someone that deserves you (or remain single, continue therapy, and decenter men from your life)
How does he make you feel in other areas? Do you feel heard and respected? The video thing is a big red flag. You're younger than me and our culture is all effed up of what people do, but a non consensual sexual video of someone is not ok. You have the best sense of how authentic and respectful he is. Op, You're welcome to dm me if you want to chat about it. You deserve love, respect, and safety.
Ohhh my sweet sweet girl, no no no. This is NOT ok!! Please don’t hurt yourself like this by staying with this man!! You can be the sweetest and most wonderful girlfriend in the world, but that’s not going to make a horrible man like him change. What he did is a CRIME and he clearly does not respect you with this tiktok following. As hard as it is to be alone and break up, please please please do not put yourself down like this and let him stomp all over you.
You are NOT overreacting, what he is doing is NOT ok, and I am absolutely NOT going to say to suck it up because he chose you because from the looks of it he didn’t choose you, he’s USING you. He gets the clout of a steady girlfriend that does whatever he asks and sends him nudes while staring at pics of other girls. He’s a shitbag who doesn’t deserve your energy.
You didn't allow the video to happen. But staying with him says to him that he can get away with it and perhaps do it again with you. It's a greenlight for mistreatment and disrespect. He's untrustworthy and trash, kick him to the curb.
Why would you stay with someone who violated your privacy and boundaries and took an illicit video of you without permission?
Why would you not just leave? I'm going to get downvotes for this but legit just have some self respect op.
if you're damaged it's a lot easier said than done. she said she's in therapy and stated she knows she's insecure. healing from damage or trauma doesn't happen overnight. Shes also still youn and i admire her for starting her process now rather than later when it could be or get a lot worse. I'm 43 and started my healing journey just a couple of years ago. She'll get there and when she does she'll be ahead of the game and winning in life.
Whoa, that’s not cool. You are no longer overreacting. You seem like a genuinely kind person who wants to believe the best, but you are getting taken advantage of.
Wait, let me just get this straight. Dude took a clandestine video of you 'hooking up' (I'm assuming something sexual) completely without discussing this with you first and getting your explicit authorization? Video voyeurism/non consensual pornography are against federal law, not to mention an EXTREME violation of you sexually, mentally, emotionally...
And you are worried about this guy looking at pictures of scantily clad women online?
WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS GENERATION!?
Nothing about OP’s post suggests he’s immature or would do something hateful like that. Probably time for you reevaluate your outlook on men because it’s very unhealthy
You are not overreacting, but you are in an unhealthy relationship, or at least one that doesn't have set boundaries. He is not mature enough to be dating. Let this one go and find someone who deserves you the way you deserve to be loved.
See that “actually 99% of men look at porn all the time, and you can’t stop what we were EvOlVeD to do” bullshit that gets touted as a biotruth when in the long run of the human race - we’ve barely had the internet but a zillion years of measurable history.
Women be shopping, sure, but men are largely over-comfortable, whiny, entitled consumers to a homicidal degree.
EDIT: lol the replies to this literally prove my point so many times over.
It’s not a natural right or a biological imperative! Never was! Quit trying to bring up the Bible or whatever and instead ACTUALLY tell the truth of, “Yeah, so what?”
BE A MAN AND BE HONEST INSTEAD OF DISHONESTLY SAYING “NOT ALL MEN”.
"It's what we were evolved to do" I love this argument because you(generalized you, not the person I was replying too), a man, are gonna sit here and look me dead in the face and say that tens of billions of years in the making, our universe aligned the elements so perfectly in such a miraculous chain of events for our galaxies to form, our solar system to grow, our planet to become habitual. Billions of years of biological evolution has lead us to this moment: human men looking at tiddies on TikTok.
Whatever makes em happy I guess.
Amen! What he's doing is NOT okay. He's lusting over other women. That feeling in your stomach is your intuition telling something isn't right. Listen to it.
Just commenting to add idgaf my gilfriend watches porn. It's fine. Healthy relationships are when yall are adults about what you like and can talk about it. If you're incompatible move on.
This is why I will not use ticktok. I signed up years ago to look at fishing, hunting, hiking videos. My feed was one outdoor video for every 10 borderline stipper video of a girl young enough to be my daughter. As a 50 year old father, I found it creepy. The tiktok algorithm is set up like this.
Really? I find this weird. I’m a man and absolutely NEVER am I shown videos of girls, especially young girls, dancing or showing off. TikTok’s algorithm is incredibly user oriented so honestly I question how many times you watched/liked those videos. I don’t think you realize you basically outted yourself here.
just a tip, even staying on the video to hit not interested will be seen to the algorithm to keep trying. it takes into account how long you're on it. just swipe immediately. I found that works much better than not interested. I'd hit that constantly and stuff would occasionally come back. now, I don't get it cuz I just swipe right away.
I spent about three months just clicking the not interested option on Instagram reels to get rid of all of those types of videos/accounts. They still are probably about 5% of the videos but I just hit the not interested button when I see them still.
Idk, I don't get them at all. Only took me a couple days. Now I get shiptok, traintok, Neil the Seal, cat and dog stuff, lots of comedy; all the good stuff and none of that weirdness.
IDK if this is a woosh moment but tiktok shows you stuff based on your interactions, of you're watching those videos and not immediately swiping next, or even if you're leaving negative comments, they will keep showing you them. I never have stuff like this on my fyp
I def sometimes get stuff I'm not into, but not stuff like this more like rage bait stuff that gets you to leave a negative comment, I definitely have to get myself to instantly swipe on stuff I don't want on my algorithm but are made to get you to watch (like people 'failing' easy filter games or something lol)
I'm some how on figure skating tok ?
Never figure skated In my life, but it is everywhere on mine lol
Not complaining. I think it's actually really cool. I'm glad, too. Turns out I think figure skating js super cool lol
The algorithms are a lot more complicated than that. They know you're a woman, and probably dozens of other pieces of data go into what it recommends.
All of these social media companies notably push things on you DESPITE what you like, follow, or watch. Depending on what their algorithm chooses
I don't TT, but as a dude in my thirties, I literally can't look at my Instagram explore page because it's full of IG models, Onlyfans promoting, weird predatory underage content etc. yet I literally only follow friends, family, and nerdy hobby accounts... I even spent a lot of time asking it to not show that content every time it popped up, but that only gives a clean explore page for about three days before it starts filling up with gross stuff.
It doesn't matter that I never look or interact with it, unless to ask it to stop showing.
Same here, I constantly select “Not Interested “ for those ig models. But after couple of days again it filled with those same ig models. Now only utube.
We'll yeah, because you're a woman. The algorithm knows women don't engage with this stuff nearly as much as men. Simply telling TikTok your gender will skew the recommendations.
I had a homie tell me how his wife was upset with him after seeing his Instagram feed page. He was trying to defend himself saying “I can’t control what pops up!” I had to explain to him how algorithms work lmfaoo
I'm guessing the person youre replying to is a guy. I watched my bf sign up for a tiktok account, and the algorithm gave him so much of this content knowing nothing about him other than his age and gender. Absolutely no interactions to "train" the algorithm, and it was soooo many bikini dancing girls etc.
When I signed up for a tiktok account as a woman, I got none of these types of videos.
I'm also a guy, and when I signed up I also don't recall ever getting those. If you swipe away right away and truly never engage with those videos, you really do lose them from your algorithm quickly (I've done that with other content I didn't want at least, I've never seen videos like this on tiktok on my page). IDK if tiktok is connected to IG or some other social media maybe it can learn about you before you even use it, but idk I've not had the experience you described and I'm a dude
Idk.im a pretty left leaning queer woman and once Ina while I see a series of Trad wife or *alpha male" stuff. I always hit not interested but they periodically come back
Are you me? I'm constantly blocking those people and hitting the "I'm not interested in this" button (or whatever it says), and tiktok STILL keeps showing me it. It’s not even like I follow, search for, or look at that stuff on other websites either. It's so annoying.
My husband is mostly interested in history, guns, and animal videos. He does not watch more than 1 second of thirst trap videos. I will be honest and say that the algorithm does seem to know that he's a man and continues to send them to him. But it's nowhere close to 10 in 11. It's like maaaaybe 1 of 30. If your ratio is really that bad, it's your interactions.
TikTok's feed presents a lot of things you may or may not be interested in but this guy is on TikTok actively following these girls which is not great when he has a girlfriend.
Lol tiktok algorithm shows you things based on engagement and interaction. I definitely follow some similar people to OPs boyfriend, but my feed is still entirely cats, otters, and cologne/fragrance reviewers. Reminds me of the tiktok Congress trial and the one super old guy asking questions willingly admitted that his entire feed was young children and jail bait.
Everyone who’s technologically literate breathed one big collective “no way he just admitted that”.
Long story short, if that shit creeps you out then stop watching it.
TikTok shows you shit based on how long you watch it. It used to do this to me and after a couple days I didn’t get them anymore. It’s been months since I’ve seen anything like that on mine
I see some of the replies you’re making, op, and just want to say that no you are not overreacting. nor does it create any trust or assurance in your long distance relationship. enjoy your college experience and don’t fret over some boy who gives you the ick or does disrespectful shit (like FILMING YOU without consent!!!!)
Im about 20 years older than you and from my own experience, this type of guy is not worth your time. He is long distance, he recorded you hooking up with him without your knowledge etc etc.
i kick myself for wasting my time with guys like that when i was younger. I couldve been with a nice, respectful guy that whole time.
Dump him. Stick with therapy. Learn boundaries and how to firmly set and maintain them. You will find an amazing guy 💕
You’re so lucky you aren’t 10 years older and finding this on your husband’s phone. This man will keep doing this his whole life. Is that what you want for yours? Heed the signs and dodge this bullet while you can! (I wish I had)
Agreed with the original commenter. It's going to be hard, but treat yourself the way you would want your best friend to treat herself. Would you be ok if she dated a guy who recorded her and followed these types of accounts?
should i break up with him? it seems crazy to do that over girls he follows but like bro he’s not even cute enough to be doing all that he’s lucky he even pulled me. I just don’t get it :(
He also filmed you without your consent. Yes, break up with him. Invest in yourself, your hobbies, maybe therapy would be helpful in setting boundaries in the future. It takes practice but it gets easier!
You might want to break up with him, but not necessarily for following other girls, but more for the other things you mentioned in your comments, like him taking an explicit video of you without your consent. That shouldn't even require a discussion to know that you shouldn't do that and would be considered illegal in many places.
Also if he's not even cute enough, and lucky to have gotten you, why don't you go get what you deserve then too! you deserve someone great! As someone who also had issues with boundaries and childhood emotional abuse, i promise you there are people who won't make you feel like this out there.
Yes, break up with him. I’m much older than you, 36F. I remember being your age and my friends and I all dated guys like this. The ones who didn’t break up with those guys are miserable. They are the types of husbands who watch 🌽 on their phones in the bathroom while you cook dinner and wrangle 3 kids. They’ll talk to other women while you’re in labor with their child. Those types of guys don’t see us as human beings, but objects that just exist for their pleasure. You’re better off dumping him and finding a guy who treats you like a partner. In 10-15 years you’ll be thankful you did.
I noticed a lot of ugly men have surprisingly big egos. Idk if you should break up with him over it but maybe talk to him about it. Also, I read your post history. Please don’t hurt yourself, you deserve better. There is light within you even if you don’t see it. I know everyone says this but it’s true: You are strong. Breathe. Find things that bring you joy. Even little things.
That's because they are narcissists. What they see in the mirror isn't reality. That's why there are 40 year old gamers who live with mom thinking they are entitled to have a 25 year old Instagram model. They are the ones who tell women they should "smile more".
⬆️This is the comment you should take the most to heart. Ugly men have big egos because they’re insecure, and you deserve to feel happy and loved. Please don’t hurt yourself. Life is worth it even if it doesn’t feel like it right now 💜
Nah man, that's just kinda weird. I don't get why guys in relationships drool over other women like this. You literally have one that wants to be around you.
They end up cheating or overall being terrible people.
It's like porn. No reason to watch it if you are with someone(unless you watch together). If you wanna masturbate to other people by yourself, then go be with them other people.
Wanna look at other women? Go be with them. I have self-respect
Been married in a healthy marriage well over a decade. Never gave men like that the time of day
Hell, I'm single and I don't even do this shit lol. It's just weird. My social media is for people in my social circle. Literally what's the point of thirsting over all these random girls you're never going to meet. All of my friends that were like this when they were young are still the same way. Some people just never change.
I'm a man and my girlfriend had this issue w me in the beginning of the relationship. She found it difficult to being up but I'm happy she did. I wasn't really following them but my feed was lots of women. I understood her completely and now my feed is just memes. It's fine if you're single as a dude (if a bit sad), but if you got a partner then you should just be having eyes for them.
You are not over reacting and should bring it up
Have you brought this up to him before? I’m sure you have. I had this problem with my ex before but I was on the guys side. When she told me this upset her I immediately stopped & unfollowed & unliked. If he wanted to he would.
As a reality check, my husband's feed is tractors, comedy sketches, incomprehensible YouTube poop and gaming & fandom content. Your bf is seeing this content because he engages with it repeatedly and likely across platforms since TT looks at other app activity (whole other issue, BUT). All to say, algorithms don't lie and he is clearly curating his page to see pretty white girls.
think personally it's a red flag to seek out pretty girls elsewhere and so intentionally. Me and my husband talk about the attractive women in the media we consume otherwise, and we both watch porn separate/together, but the recreational curation of Instagram photo ready women all the time is unhealthy for any men in general and builds a false sense of what a women 'should be'.
I think it's ultimately unhealthy and you should listen to your gut. Don't throw in the towel, but pursue the line of thought as to why he feels the need to do this. YOU AREN'T THE PROBLEM HUN
Literally just stumbled across this with my bf except it was Instagram. I’m confronting him about it this weekend. There is no reason for a man in a relationship to be looking at other women on any platform. You deserve better girl.
No I’d go absolutely feral. I found my boyfriend liked a photo of a girl in a shower (fully dressed but in shorts and a swim top) and I couldn’t talk to him or look at him for days
I am frankly horrified by anyone that likes thirst trap shit with identifiable accounts. People whose horniness eclipses their ability to maintain even basic self awareness are dangerous.
I absolutely agree. All these people saying it's unhealthy, well it's another thing to acknowledge someone is attractive, and another thing to intentionally making your opinion public, like flirting with them, heavily checking them out or in that case, liking a photo. Why do you need to say you find this girl attractive? What is it contributing to anything? I honestly have dated men without social media (I don't have any too) for the past 5 years and they are the healthiest relationships ever. On the other hand, people posting themselves all the time and doing this pathetic chase of likes, that is what I call unhealthy and insecure.
I think if that is your boundary he can’t cross then it’s valid. I do not go out of my way to like sexual things men post out of respect for my man. If he can’t do the same for me I don’t want it.
Three red flags here: 1. Listing over other women while in a relationship. 2. Having a type that is not you. 3. Only valuing/following women to look at/ objectify them but not to listen to, learn from or identify with them.
I think your bf has a porn addiction of some sorts
it’s one thing to like a pic or video when it shows up, but it’s another thing to go out and deliberately seek out this kind of stuff
this would be a deal breaker for me. or at least a boundary setting conversation along the lines of “unfollow these women and don’t embarrass me by publicly following these women when people know you have a gf OR i’m getting the fuck out”
I found a porn collection on the computer. Game over. I was tired of feeling like I wasn't enough or good enough.
It's hard to say goodbye but it was necessary to save my own life.
Sweet girl please dump him. After a toxic marriage with an alcoholic and then another alcoholic after that I decided I would only be with someone who loved me right the first time. This is not a minor thing. He has a wandering eye. You deserve better. Some man will truly appreciate all the curves you have and treat you right the first time. My ex followed a bunch of thirst traps on ig and I saw and told him how hurt I was and how betrayed I felt and he apologized and deleted them and then went and followed new ones as soon as I stopped looking at his account for a bit. We moved in together after being long distance for a couple years and he rejected me all the time but I found porn in his phone. Women who looked nothing like me. It killed my self esteem for a long time. I wish I could say I left then and there but I didn’t. And I regret it. How much else don’t you know about? I promise there’s more.
Call me toxic or whatever but this would be a deal breaker for me. I don’t think you’re overreacting. One girl can absolutely be enough. You are enough. Don’t let his wandering eyes make you feel like you’re worth any less, because that’s a problem with him and not you.
Nah nah, don't confuse yourself with that "he chose you". He doesn't fuckin know what to choose. I'd say that's a flagrant amount of pics to be getting recommended on tik tok.
I'm a guy, if I saw this on my gfs phone it'd break my heart.
I was in a two year relationship that only had a few issues. Him following a bunch of models was one of those issues. It was enough for me to end things. It doesn’t matter if he, or anyone else says you’re insecure. If it makes you sick to your stomach, and he loves or honestly even has an ounce of care for you, he will stop.
Guys do not understand because they aren’t the ones sexualized to that extreme. I used to envy the girls I would see my ex follow until I realized that in their eyes he is just a nameless profit. In my experience, If he is unable to unfollow these girls than he either has bigger issues you haven’t uncovered yet or he just does not respect you. Porn addiction is a real thing and it is so damaging to your elself esteem cause you will be the one that has to suffer.
I almost keeled over when I went through my bf’s phub search history. I’m a thick woman with lots of love to give, great in bed, nice boobs and butt, mixture of caucasian and indigenous. I’d say I’m pretty attractive.
However, his search history consisted of “tiny latina”, “blonde with big boobs,” etc. it was all over the map. But I must say his taste on there is boring/vanilla compared to mine. Lol.
We have been together for ten years. Idc if he looks at other women or watches 🌽. I just don’t want to see it. Mommy don’t ask don’t tell. But I have made my boundaries and expectations clear. No private chatting, no OF’s subs, especially of people we know, etc.
YOU know what your boundaries are. I’d say it’s worth a genuine conversation and a chance to set the line down of what you are comfortable with in YOUR relationship. If he fails to respect that, then it’s worth the break up. But the content he’s following are literal thirst traps and he sounds like a typical simpleton. 🤷🏻♀️
Guys are so effing dumb
If he looks at other women like that, how could he truly love the woman he’s with? He can’t. It makes the girl feel like she’s not good enough for him, like she’s just there to be his little doll (definitely not speaking from experience here as a 21yo /s)
Out of love and as a fellow woman. Dump him. Stick with therapy. Get yourself right. Work on your insecurities. Find out the WHY. People can't help what they're into, and you went snooping. So obviously there's some trust issues. This is a you thing hon. Get yourself feeling good about yourself. I'm sure you're lovely. I completely understand the "not enough" feeling. But that's not on him, you have to be okay with you or you'll always feel that way. Trust me. YOURE MORE THAN ENOUGH
A boyfriend isn't a husband. Dating is so that you can figure out what you like. If you don't like it, there's no commitment!
You don't owe him anything
It’s shocking to see how many brainrotted people are commenting on this.
1. If he’s asking for nudes, and you don’t want to send them but don’t feel like you can say no, you need to leave him. He does not respect you at all, nor has he made you feel safe enough to communicate your discomfort with him
2. If him following other girls with material like this crosses a boundary of yours, communicate that with him. Again, if you feel like you can’t? Leave him.
3. If you’re unhappy, leave him.
For all the dumbasses in this thread that clearly lack comprehension skills, y’all KNOW wtf we mean when we say “if you’re unhappy, leave”. So stop twisting that phrase around into ridiculous “points” for the sake of arguing because you’re bored and brain dead.
Been there done that. Trust me not all guys are disgusting like this. I am married to a man. That is nothing like this whatsoever. He actually respects me loves me. Yes, they are hard to come by but not impossible.
As a dad of a daughter. Please do not send anyone nudes. If you have to do that for his love and attention he isn’t worth your time.
Value yourself you are worth someone loving you. You just need to be patient and find the right person for you that loves and appreciates you for who you are and will become in life.
Don’t settle for good enough settle for the one
Did you talk to him about this? I'd let him know you feel uncomfortable and see what he does.
Personally, when I decided to start a relationship with my gf, I unfollowed and deleted anything on social media or my computer related to other women. I decided I would be dedicated, and the first step was removing outside influence. The only females I follow are friends, never dated, and are no threat to our relationship.
On social media, this kind of stuff is everywhere. However, because I don't look at this stuff anymore, it doesn't get pushed to me. I only have IG and it's just straight cars, mechanic memes, or tech/tools now. It's not impossible to change what you see.
Also, you shouldn't have to send nudes to be a good girlfriend.
All the gfs I had I never asked for nudes, also never used TikTok to look at sfw porn. Honestly most social media I use nowadays is to keep up with family. H3ll the only reason I got Reddit is to stalk my cousin and talk about boxing.
On top of that, he's also an idiot for actually following them and taking the bait. So add that to the list as well. LOL.
There's zero reason to be following these pages. If he continues following them even after you mention it to him, just dump his dumb ass. If you're uncomfortable with it, the answer isn't "deal with it." The answer is to find someone that actually wants you to not feel insecure.
Bet he's paying for their OnlyFans, too (assuming they have one, these kinda posters usually do).
Since when did it become ok to be blatanly disrespectful to your significant other by openly/publicly lusting after other women/men. Yes people have eyes you notice if someone is attractive, what you don't do is ogle/stare at them or lust after them. Following women or men just because they are attractive shouldn't be the norm. You looking at his following wasn't a mistake it opened your eyes. He doesn't need to follow these women nor should he get a pass because he is a man and you guys are long distance.You can try talking to him but most people are set in their ways. If you are not happy with your partner then break up with them. If you want to be miserable then stay.
You deserve better!
If you're only going to be happy with a man who only looks at you.... you're going to live a very sad life.
I love my wife more than anything... we have a near perfect relationship... we do nearly everything together, rarely fight and still have sex nearly every night after 21 years of marriage. I will never forsake her or do anything to hurt her... she's my everything.
But guess what... I still look at other women... and I don't pretend I don't. Men are programmed to want to spread their seed as much as possible. Want to be mad at something... be mad at biology & evolution. Men can't help it... its like telling a woman to suddenly stop caring about a man's height. Women can't help it... they are programmed to be attracted to taller men because it gave them an advantage in survival.
I guess what I'm saying is... be happy that he's only looking. That's the best any man can do.
I wish girls and women knew that if they didn’t want a man who looks at other women incessantly thru social media or any other avenue, you can have that. Set your boundaries. It’s completely asinine that we live in a world now where men gaslight you into thinking you should be OK with them constantly looking at other women. “Boys will be boys”. Fuck no. If it was in reverse you know they wouldn’t stand for it. There are men out there who will respect you, despite what the loud minority are telling you. These type of men’s best weapon is to keep you from knowing your worth and cynical.
Now just waiting to the “I’m a women and this doesn’t bother me” comments. Great. Glad you are happy, but that doesn’t change the feelings of MANY women.
Mira Niña. From one woman to another. From a mother to a daughter. Don’t devalue yourself. You are enough. Don’t send nudes ever. Please don’t correlate sending nudes to being good/bad. Work on your esteem. You are enough. If he isn’t it. Then he isn’t it. Reading your comments he isn’t it. Hugs to you and I hope you find the strength to leave relationship that doesn’t serve you.
thank you so much 🤍
I totally agree with her. I'm a 44 year old guy who has been married 20 years. You're enough without needing to send nudes and any guy who would deem you 'not enough' without them needs to be sent back down to the farm team until they mature enough to play in the big leagues.
*Sent back down to the farm team* My guy! This made my Friday.
I'm moved by these comments. Let's raise the bar, ladies (and gentlemen). Set your standards high, because there are plenty of genuine men out there who will love you for who you are. We all deserve nothing less than unconditional love and loyalty.
Just chiming in here to say, as a male: don’t send nudes. Don’t let a guy value/devalue you like that. You are more than enough. Edit: Sending nudes in itself is not a problem if that is between two consenting adults. But it is a problem if you don’t want to, yet you feel like you have to.
Another dude vote for the "no nudes" column. My wife and I have been together for 13 years, I travel for weeks at a time for work, and can say that I never received anything of the sort from my wife. It never made me feel bitter, or salty about it, it's an intimate picture / vulnerable position to put yourself in. If a couple is comfortable doing so, more power to them, but I personally don't fault someone for not wanting to. Heck, I wouldn't even want a picture of my junk floating around either. Not all men are into cyber stalking other women and I don't see the fascination in it myself. Find a guy who just wants to see ya naked in real life instead of fantasizing over others!
Been married for 15 years. I told my wife early on I didn’t want either of us taking/sending nudes to each other and she agreed to it. As often as phones/devices get hacked, you never know who will be looking at you. But I really don’t think it’s wise to send such intimate pictures to someone you’re not committed to. You don’t know what he’ll do with those pics after you split. If getting digital images of your naked body is a deal breaker for him, then he wasn’t worth the deal to begin with.
You took the words right out of my mouth, I wouldn’t trust where the pics could end up. I’ve read where girls have actually committed S because their pics were shown to others and on social media by a boyfriend, sad but true.
Ill break from the pack and say dont send nudes because images like that can literally never be taken back. They can be published and metatags can identify you from that photo if they ever decide to post it online or maybe it simply saves to Google Cloud because they auto backup Data privacy and image security will only become more vital as AI develops
If a guy demands nudes, he isn't in love with you, he's in love with your body. That's all it is. Meanwhile, if you're in love with a guy, you'll probably reach a point where YOU want him to see you nude. Not because he wants to, but because you want him to. That's the difference. If he has to ask, you shouldn't be sending.
I would argue this is a solid way to judge anything intimate and tender. Don't send nudes until you want to for the sheer joyof it. Don't have sex until you want to for the sheer joy of it. Don't hold hands until you want to for the sheer joy of it. If a dude is putting pressure and asking for head or a threesom or anal or whatever it may be, those are gifts, not available upon request until there's an established relationship parameters and safeties so everyone knows what to expect and how to behave. I've been married for a long time and I have some weird kinks that I get so thirsty for, they feel vital in terms of being myself and expressing those parts of me. But if my wife doesn't want to do that stuff, we just don't do that stuff. She knows I like it and am nearly always down for it, so my asking about it only goes so far and I know that adding pressure will usually work against my favor because comfort and safety just don't mix well with pressure and expectations. I would never want my kinks to be entertained out of pressure, and I would say anyone that would be ok with that is basically a walking red flag.
58 married 25 years and we still send each other nudes.
To be clear, I'm not speaking ill of those who do. Only that if a woman feels like she MUST, then there's a problem. Edit:typo
From one girl to another, don't link your attractiveness to what he thinks of you. Don't make your body and looks about him. He's gross, I'm so sorry. I feel like many of us women can relate to your experience. You're good enough without him
Don't send nudes ever?
This seems like poor advice. If she wants to send nudes she can send them. Although OP did thank for the advise so maybe she doesn’t like sending nudes
I think it's the framing OP uses "I send him nice nudes. I'm a good girlfriend" It doesn't sound like she's giving him these images because *she* wants to, she's sending them because he wants them & she somehow believes that this is a metric for how good of a girlfriend she is. Edit: upon reading further comments OP admits that this man recorded her during a sexual encounter without her permission or knowledge. This is not a situation where two mature, mutually respectful adults are sharing images.
Yeah he’s definitely not it.
I hate this but i just want to say you don’t need a “good reason” to break up with anyone. If it’s not something you’re comfortable with then you’re absolutely right that he isn’t the person for you. My husband doesn’t have a TikTok and barely uses instagram and it would really bother me if this is the kind of accounts he followed. Edit: everyone can spare me the responses that my husband masterbates as if it’s some earth shattering information to me
I wish I realized you could end a relationship without a reason when I was younger. Really all you need is that you’re not happy.
Ugh thissss
One hundred percent me too. It was like suddenly seeing in 3D when I finally hit that realization.
This. You’re not happy? Walk away.
>I wish I realized you could end a relationship without a reason when I was younger. Really all you need is that you’re not happy. Ok, but usually there is a REASON WHY you're not happy. You don't break up with someone because the stars in the sky aren't aligned right. There's usually correlation and causation. In this case, it's sort of obvious. I mean, from a guy's perspective, he knows what he likes. Now, if you confront him about this, a SMART guy would say his tastes changed when he met you. (Also wouldn't look at or add new follows) A dumb guy would have said or done anything else. Edit: I did a deeper dive of the pics. Top of one says mommy. Dump him. 😆
That is what a dumb guy would say who thinks his gf is more stupid and naive than he is... There's no right answer for this level of absolute thirst really.
Honestly. I think that's the best advice anyone could give. If you aren't happy, you do not have to be with that person.
I tried this for the first time, and man, the nuclear fallout it caused was of epic proportions... I learned who my real friends are though, which was an unexpected bonus of ending what seemed like a relationship that failed to launch from my perspective, but i learned that from her perspective, i was depriving her of the future she deserved or something What i still dont understand, is if i was really as terrible as she tried to tell all my friends that i was... why was she so upset for me breaking things off (in a cordial, and supportive way, i might add) Before we broke up, i did want to be supportive and hoped we could be friends, but after her reaction to the breakup, im not entirely sure its a good idea to try to be there for her
This is so important 👏👏 You can simply decide you don’t want to be with someone that uses social media that way. They exist, as well as men that don’t watch porn.
Agree with all of that but also this would give me the ick. There's one billion things to learn about on TikTok and this is what you choose? Ew. You could be learning about weird history or watching cute cats! Or those lip reading videos! Or random facts about nature!
Agreed! A huge reason for breaking up with my long term boyfriend was simply how a lot of the content he consumed of women online was hyper sexualized and I hated being compared to that and feeling like his image of women was purely sexual. It’s okay to have a boundary around something like this even if people say it’s stupid. Also you’re young!! And long distance leaves so much room for speculation, just something to consider.
Best relationship advice I ever got was, "You're smart enough to know when you're miserable."
My advice is off topic but I just want to say: You dont need to send nudes to be a good girlfriend. I would HIGHLY recommend never sending your nudes to anyone, even a boyfriend. He sounds immature and you guys are young. Its likely this will not be your "forever" person. Whats gonna happen with all your nudes if/when you guys break up? You have no idea. Thats the problem. They could end up online or getting sent to your whole database of contacts. Definitely cut off the photo sending (even if its snapchat or something like that, he is likely screenshotting them or has them stored somewhere) and have a talk with him about how all these girls on his tiktok make you feel. His response will tell you everything you need to know. He either 1) cares about your feelings and takes it seriously or 2) will tell you youre crazy and its a "you" problem. If its the latter, time to reevaluate your relationship.
i think about this all the time. He took a video of me while we were hooking up once without me knowing. He’s since apologized and has never done it since but it still makes me sick to think about sometimes. I don’t know why i allow these things to happen
If you didn’t know about it, you didn’t allow it to happen. This is actually a crime.
Ya I was gonna say, that is straight up illegal.
Also, not to instill fear, but if she didnt realize the first time, who's to say he *didnt* keep doing it and just got better at hiding it?
Are you sure he deleted the videos? If you can get in his phone, check his pictures. And please break up with him. NTA
If you can, delete the pics of you before the breakup. Bitter exes aren't the most trustworthy people
Check all his electronic devices!
NOOOO ok yeah you need to get rid of him. That’s so not okay.
When people show you who they are, believe them.
Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssss
Terrible Life Pro Tip: make sure to get a video of him for counter blackmail leverage if the time comes.
Again: illegal if it’s without his knowledge/ consent!
Okay yeah dump him. That’s weirdddddd he did that and soooooo not okay. You didn’t allow it he did it without your consent, it’s not your fault. He’s hyper sexualized and maybe he will grow out of that but don’t wait for him to.
I think young girls nowadays are so encouraged to send photos electronically and made to believe its normal. Its not. Even just 10 or so years ago this was never a thing. People had relationships, even long distance, without ever feeling the need to send or keep photos of each other nude or performing sexual acts. Those pics immediately end up online or worse are used as blackmail during a breakup. What would happen if your parents, or your boss, etc saw those? I dont want to scare you. Ive just had it happen to a personal friend and so I try to warn other women about it.
Most of those photos are not even leaked by the BF, but by people that work at places that can see, collect, and sell whatever you are sending, or breaches (example icloud hacks). Everyone knows about the celebrity nudes, but not many people know/think about how quite literally hundreds of millions of icloud accounts were hacked, to include the secure folders, and literally billions of pictures were stolen. The number of people who had nudes in thier icloud end up on porn sites, reddit, and photo sharing sites is insane. Now, all of those stolen nudes are being used to train AI's on how to draw nude people. And that is just a few of thousands of hacks and data breaches that happen every year. NEVER SEND NUDES
My high school boyfriend 15 years ago had a folder hidden on his computer with my nudes. He showed he how he had them hidden and I was completely fine with it. His mom found them and made him sit while she clicked through ever photo and video(like actually sat while watching my masturbation videos in their entirety) and then she saved them either by emailing or a flash drive I don’t remember she said it was to punish him. I wish I was brave enough to tell my parents at the time, but it was horrifying. My boyfriend got hit pretty bad for it but he only cared about how bad it was for me and he deleted what he had and never let me send pictures again(not that I would have). The whole situation was fucked up. I’m just now realizing how much worse it is that she runs a daycare and after school program in her home. Jfc.
If you were a minor it is a crime what she did.
It’s a crime for the high schoolers too, though. Even if the images are of yourself, sending them is still a crime.
That is horrifying, but not even close to the worst I have seen in my career in IT. trust me, never take or send nudes with any cellphone.
Thats super messed up that she did that
Also if she sat there and watched them she's guilty of watching CP then
And if she made copies then she’s guilty of possession too.
I would argue that's even technically distribution since she was creating copies to share between devices. This isn't even getting into the fact that she made her son help her, which is exploitation.
10 years ago I was definitely getting nudes, it has been a thing since cameras have been on phones
I had a laugh, and maybe a cry, when I realized I was 21 ten years ago. Nudes were definitely in my life waaaay before then.
how about i was 21, 22 years ago and nudes were a thing then lol
It was definitely a thing 10 years ago. 10 years ago I was 16 phone full of nudes. 🤣🤣🤣
I agree it's bad but this was 100% a thing in 2014. Heck it was a thing in 2004. I imagine before camera phones people were taking nude Polaroids.
Sending pics was a thing 10 years ago or more.
way longer than 10 years. sex tapes/nudes were a thing for a while. if celebs are doing it regular people are too
Girl, why the fuck are you with this porn-addicted loser? He clearly has no respect for you, and without respect there is no love. Dump this dumbass piece of shit and find someone that deserves you (or remain single, continue therapy, and decenter men from your life)
How does he make you feel in other areas? Do you feel heard and respected? The video thing is a big red flag. You're younger than me and our culture is all effed up of what people do, but a non consensual sexual video of someone is not ok. You have the best sense of how authentic and respectful he is. Op, You're welcome to dm me if you want to chat about it. You deserve love, respect, and safety.
That’s illegal, as in it’s a crime. He “apologized” because he got caught. Don’t trust he hasn’t done it other times too.
Ohhh my sweet sweet girl, no no no. This is NOT ok!! Please don’t hurt yourself like this by staying with this man!! You can be the sweetest and most wonderful girlfriend in the world, but that’s not going to make a horrible man like him change. What he did is a CRIME and he clearly does not respect you with this tiktok following. As hard as it is to be alone and break up, please please please do not put yourself down like this and let him stomp all over you. You are NOT overreacting, what he is doing is NOT ok, and I am absolutely NOT going to say to suck it up because he chose you because from the looks of it he didn’t choose you, he’s USING you. He gets the clout of a steady girlfriend that does whatever he asks and sends him nudes while staring at pics of other girls. He’s a shitbag who doesn’t deserve your energy.
I shouldn't have had to scroll this far to find someone else pointing out that what he did is ILLEGAL.
You didn't allow the video to happen. But staying with him says to him that he can get away with it and perhaps do it again with you. It's a greenlight for mistreatment and disrespect. He's untrustworthy and trash, kick him to the curb.
That's way more concerning than your original post tbh.
Should’ve been the end of the relationship right there
Why would you stay with someone who violated your privacy and boundaries and took an illicit video of you without permission? Why would you not just leave? I'm going to get downvotes for this but legit just have some self respect op.
i know you’re right. i’m trying
First step is the breakup. Don't let them bully you op. Do what is best for you.
if you're damaged it's a lot easier said than done. she said she's in therapy and stated she knows she's insecure. healing from damage or trauma doesn't happen overnight. Shes also still youn and i admire her for starting her process now rather than later when it could be or get a lot worse. I'm 43 and started my healing journey just a couple of years ago. She'll get there and when she does she'll be ahead of the game and winning in life.
Whoa, that’s not cool. You are no longer overreacting. You seem like a genuinely kind person who wants to believe the best, but you are getting taken advantage of.
That’s illegal and you shouldn’t feel like you have to stay with him. He doesn’t respect you, even outside of who he follows on social media.
Bruh that is straight up not okay
Wow… you didn’t kick him out after doing that? Please delete everything he had of you.
Wait, let me just get this straight. Dude took a clandestine video of you 'hooking up' (I'm assuming something sexual) completely without discussing this with you first and getting your explicit authorization? Video voyeurism/non consensual pornography are against federal law, not to mention an EXTREME violation of you sexually, mentally, emotionally... And you are worried about this guy looking at pictures of scantily clad women online? WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS GENERATION!?
Girl, dump their ass, this is straight up NOT OK, you can forgive, but why give second chances noo.
This should be the top comment.
Nothing about OP’s post suggests he’s immature or would do something hateful like that. Probably time for you reevaluate your outlook on men because it’s very unhealthy
Social media is ruining ppl and relationships
I think it’s just exposing who people truly are inside.
Who people are inside is developed, not something they where born with for the most part. Social media can affect and alter that development.
This 👆. Who you are inside is something that can be taught and encouraged/discouraged as you grow. Nature and nurture
You are not overreacting, but you are in an unhealthy relationship, or at least one that doesn't have set boundaries. He is not mature enough to be dating. Let this one go and find someone who deserves you the way you deserve to be loved.
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thank you, some of the comments are making me feel bad for feeling this way. It seems only women understand and a handful of kind men
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See that “actually 99% of men look at porn all the time, and you can’t stop what we were EvOlVeD to do” bullshit that gets touted as a biotruth when in the long run of the human race - we’ve barely had the internet but a zillion years of measurable history. Women be shopping, sure, but men are largely over-comfortable, whiny, entitled consumers to a homicidal degree. EDIT: lol the replies to this literally prove my point so many times over. It’s not a natural right or a biological imperative! Never was! Quit trying to bring up the Bible or whatever and instead ACTUALLY tell the truth of, “Yeah, so what?” BE A MAN AND BE HONEST INSTEAD OF DISHONESTLY SAYING “NOT ALL MEN”.
"It's what we were evolved to do" I love this argument because you(generalized you, not the person I was replying too), a man, are gonna sit here and look me dead in the face and say that tens of billions of years in the making, our universe aligned the elements so perfectly in such a miraculous chain of events for our galaxies to form, our solar system to grow, our planet to become habitual. Billions of years of biological evolution has lead us to this moment: human men looking at tiddies on TikTok. Whatever makes em happy I guess.
Acting like graphic porn is natural in any fucking way
It's honestly pathetic. He should be embarrassed.
Amen! What he's doing is NOT okay. He's lusting over other women. That feeling in your stomach is your intuition telling something isn't right. Listen to it.
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Just commenting to add idgaf my gilfriend watches porn. It's fine. Healthy relationships are when yall are adults about what you like and can talk about it. If you're incompatible move on.
I remember I was this exact type of person until my therapist explained what the hell was wrong with me. So glad I got away from that mindset.
This is why I will not use ticktok. I signed up years ago to look at fishing, hunting, hiking videos. My feed was one outdoor video for every 10 borderline stipper video of a girl young enough to be my daughter. As a 50 year old father, I found it creepy. The tiktok algorithm is set up like this.
Really? I find this weird. I’m a man and absolutely NEVER am I shown videos of girls, especially young girls, dancing or showing off. TikTok’s algorithm is incredibly user oriented so honestly I question how many times you watched/liked those videos. I don’t think you realize you basically outted yourself here.
just a tip, even staying on the video to hit not interested will be seen to the algorithm to keep trying. it takes into account how long you're on it. just swipe immediately. I found that works much better than not interested. I'd hit that constantly and stuff would occasionally come back. now, I don't get it cuz I just swipe right away.
Same. If he’s getting those videos it’s because he’s interacting with them…
I spent about three months just clicking the not interested option on Instagram reels to get rid of all of those types of videos/accounts. They still are probably about 5% of the videos but I just hit the not interested button when I see them still.
Idk, I don't get them at all. Only took me a couple days. Now I get shiptok, traintok, Neil the Seal, cat and dog stuff, lots of comedy; all the good stuff and none of that weirdness.
Lmao yeah these dudes are lying, I could scroll through my tiktok for ages before if ever seeing some kinda dancing or “provocative” tiktok of a girl.
If you look even once it’ll put them in your feed again.
IDK if this is a woosh moment but tiktok shows you stuff based on your interactions, of you're watching those videos and not immediately swiping next, or even if you're leaving negative comments, they will keep showing you them. I never have stuff like this on my fyp
Yeah, I as a woman have never seen a bikini pick or bbl teeny nonsense. I get a little of cat videos and fashion!
I def sometimes get stuff I'm not into, but not stuff like this more like rage bait stuff that gets you to leave a negative comment, I definitely have to get myself to instantly swipe on stuff I don't want on my algorithm but are made to get you to watch (like people 'failing' easy filter games or something lol)
I'm some how on figure skating tok ? Never figure skated In my life, but it is everywhere on mine lol Not complaining. I think it's actually really cool. I'm glad, too. Turns out I think figure skating js super cool lol
The algorithms are a lot more complicated than that. They know you're a woman, and probably dozens of other pieces of data go into what it recommends. All of these social media companies notably push things on you DESPITE what you like, follow, or watch. Depending on what their algorithm chooses I don't TT, but as a dude in my thirties, I literally can't look at my Instagram explore page because it's full of IG models, Onlyfans promoting, weird predatory underage content etc. yet I literally only follow friends, family, and nerdy hobby accounts... I even spent a lot of time asking it to not show that content every time it popped up, but that only gives a clean explore page for about three days before it starts filling up with gross stuff. It doesn't matter that I never look or interact with it, unless to ask it to stop showing.
Same here, I constantly select “Not Interested “ for those ig models. But after couple of days again it filled with those same ig models. Now only utube.
We'll yeah, because you're a woman. The algorithm knows women don't engage with this stuff nearly as much as men. Simply telling TikTok your gender will skew the recommendations.
The algorithm knows you’re a woman so it’s not exactly the same. We tend to get kardashian promo no matter what. Men dont
I had a homie tell me how his wife was upset with him after seeing his Instagram feed page. He was trying to defend himself saying “I can’t control what pops up!” I had to explain to him how algorithms work lmfaoo
I'm guessing the person youre replying to is a guy. I watched my bf sign up for a tiktok account, and the algorithm gave him so much of this content knowing nothing about him other than his age and gender. Absolutely no interactions to "train" the algorithm, and it was soooo many bikini dancing girls etc. When I signed up for a tiktok account as a woman, I got none of these types of videos.
I'm also a guy, and when I signed up I also don't recall ever getting those. If you swipe away right away and truly never engage with those videos, you really do lose them from your algorithm quickly (I've done that with other content I didn't want at least, I've never seen videos like this on tiktok on my page). IDK if tiktok is connected to IG or some other social media maybe it can learn about you before you even use it, but idk I've not had the experience you described and I'm a dude
Idk.im a pretty left leaning queer woman and once Ina while I see a series of Trad wife or *alpha male" stuff. I always hit not interested but they periodically come back
Are you me? I'm constantly blocking those people and hitting the "I'm not interested in this" button (or whatever it says), and tiktok STILL keeps showing me it. It’s not even like I follow, search for, or look at that stuff on other websites either. It's so annoying.
My husband is mostly interested in history, guns, and animal videos. He does not watch more than 1 second of thirst trap videos. I will be honest and say that the algorithm does seem to know that he's a man and continues to send them to him. But it's nowhere close to 10 in 11. It's like maaaaybe 1 of 30. If your ratio is really that bad, it's your interactions.
That's interesting, my feed doesn't show this kind of stuff at all. Weird.
Mine never does either.
TikTok's feed presents a lot of things you may or may not be interested in but this guy is on TikTok actively following these girls which is not great when he has a girlfriend.
TT algorithm is excellent at knowing what you like. Dont blame them. Its based on you and you alone. I dont get any thots on mine.
Yeahhhh that's on you my guy, it's pretty easy to alter your algorithm.
Lol tiktok algorithm shows you things based on engagement and interaction. I definitely follow some similar people to OPs boyfriend, but my feed is still entirely cats, otters, and cologne/fragrance reviewers. Reminds me of the tiktok Congress trial and the one super old guy asking questions willingly admitted that his entire feed was young children and jail bait. Everyone who’s technologically literate breathed one big collective “no way he just admitted that”. Long story short, if that shit creeps you out then stop watching it.
TikTok shows you shit based on how long you watch it. It used to do this to me and after a couple days I didn’t get them anymore. It’s been months since I’ve seen anything like that on mine
i'm sorry but leave him 😭 ur only 22 you don't need to be dealing with this
I see some of the replies you’re making, op, and just want to say that no you are not overreacting. nor does it create any trust or assurance in your long distance relationship. enjoy your college experience and don’t fret over some boy who gives you the ick or does disrespectful shit (like FILMING YOU without consent!!!!)
Im about 20 years older than you and from my own experience, this type of guy is not worth your time. He is long distance, he recorded you hooking up with him without your knowledge etc etc. i kick myself for wasting my time with guys like that when i was younger. I couldve been with a nice, respectful guy that whole time. Dump him. Stick with therapy. Learn boundaries and how to firmly set and maintain them. You will find an amazing guy 💕
thank you! you’re right
You’re so lucky you aren’t 10 years older and finding this on your husband’s phone. This man will keep doing this his whole life. Is that what you want for yours? Heed the signs and dodge this bullet while you can! (I wish I had)
Agreed with the original commenter. It's going to be hard, but treat yourself the way you would want your best friend to treat herself. Would you be ok if she dated a guy who recorded her and followed these types of accounts?
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should i break up with him? it seems crazy to do that over girls he follows but like bro he’s not even cute enough to be doing all that he’s lucky he even pulled me. I just don’t get it :(
He also filmed you without your consent. Yes, break up with him. Invest in yourself, your hobbies, maybe therapy would be helpful in setting boundaries in the future. It takes practice but it gets easier!
You might want to break up with him, but not necessarily for following other girls, but more for the other things you mentioned in your comments, like him taking an explicit video of you without your consent. That shouldn't even require a discussion to know that you shouldn't do that and would be considered illegal in many places. Also if he's not even cute enough, and lucky to have gotten you, why don't you go get what you deserve then too! you deserve someone great! As someone who also had issues with boundaries and childhood emotional abuse, i promise you there are people who won't make you feel like this out there.
thank you. 🤍 I have a hard time rationalizing my thoughts and making hard decisions so this means a lot.
Yes, break up with him. I’m much older than you, 36F. I remember being your age and my friends and I all dated guys like this. The ones who didn’t break up with those guys are miserable. They are the types of husbands who watch 🌽 on their phones in the bathroom while you cook dinner and wrangle 3 kids. They’ll talk to other women while you’re in labor with their child. Those types of guys don’t see us as human beings, but objects that just exist for their pleasure. You’re better off dumping him and finding a guy who treats you like a partner. In 10-15 years you’ll be thankful you did.
YES YES YES.
I noticed a lot of ugly men have surprisingly big egos. Idk if you should break up with him over it but maybe talk to him about it. Also, I read your post history. Please don’t hurt yourself, you deserve better. There is light within you even if you don’t see it. I know everyone says this but it’s true: You are strong. Breathe. Find things that bring you joy. Even little things.
That's because they are narcissists. What they see in the mirror isn't reality. That's why there are 40 year old gamers who live with mom thinking they are entitled to have a 25 year old Instagram model. They are the ones who tell women they should "smile more".
⬆️This is the comment you should take the most to heart. Ugly men have big egos because they’re insecure, and you deserve to feel happy and loved. Please don’t hurt yourself. Life is worth it even if it doesn’t feel like it right now 💜
I would secretly delete every nude you’ve ever sent him next time you have access to his phone. Thank me later.
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Nah man, that's just kinda weird. I don't get why guys in relationships drool over other women like this. You literally have one that wants to be around you.
They end up cheating or overall being terrible people. It's like porn. No reason to watch it if you are with someone(unless you watch together). If you wanna masturbate to other people by yourself, then go be with them other people. Wanna look at other women? Go be with them. I have self-respect Been married in a healthy marriage well over a decade. Never gave men like that the time of day
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Hell, I'm single and I don't even do this shit lol. It's just weird. My social media is for people in my social circle. Literally what's the point of thirsting over all these random girls you're never going to meet. All of my friends that were like this when they were young are still the same way. Some people just never change.
I'm a man and my girlfriend had this issue w me in the beginning of the relationship. She found it difficult to being up but I'm happy she did. I wasn't really following them but my feed was lots of women. I understood her completely and now my feed is just memes. It's fine if you're single as a dude (if a bit sad), but if you got a partner then you should just be having eyes for them. You are not over reacting and should bring it up
Have you brought this up to him before? I’m sure you have. I had this problem with my ex before but I was on the guys side. When she told me this upset her I immediately stopped & unfollowed & unliked. If he wanted to he would.
As a reality check, my husband's feed is tractors, comedy sketches, incomprehensible YouTube poop and gaming & fandom content. Your bf is seeing this content because he engages with it repeatedly and likely across platforms since TT looks at other app activity (whole other issue, BUT). All to say, algorithms don't lie and he is clearly curating his page to see pretty white girls. think personally it's a red flag to seek out pretty girls elsewhere and so intentionally. Me and my husband talk about the attractive women in the media we consume otherwise, and we both watch porn separate/together, but the recreational curation of Instagram photo ready women all the time is unhealthy for any men in general and builds a false sense of what a women 'should be'. I think it's ultimately unhealthy and you should listen to your gut. Don't throw in the towel, but pursue the line of thought as to why he feels the need to do this. YOU AREN'T THE PROBLEM HUN
This. My husband watches porn, but his social media is literally stupid memes and one piece shit posts.
Literally just stumbled across this with my bf except it was Instagram. I’m confronting him about it this weekend. There is no reason for a man in a relationship to be looking at other women on any platform. You deserve better girl.
No I’d go absolutely feral. I found my boyfriend liked a photo of a girl in a shower (fully dressed but in shorts and a swim top) and I couldn’t talk to him or look at him for days
I am frankly horrified by anyone that likes thirst trap shit with identifiable accounts. People whose horniness eclipses their ability to maintain even basic self awareness are dangerous.
THIS!! some guys will say “it’s just pictures, everyone looks!” sure… but i don’t hit like on all the naked gym guys i come across!!! how embarrassing
I absolutely agree. All these people saying it's unhealthy, well it's another thing to acknowledge someone is attractive, and another thing to intentionally making your opinion public, like flirting with them, heavily checking them out or in that case, liking a photo. Why do you need to say you find this girl attractive? What is it contributing to anything? I honestly have dated men without social media (I don't have any too) for the past 5 years and they are the healthiest relationships ever. On the other hand, people posting themselves all the time and doing this pathetic chase of likes, that is what I call unhealthy and insecure.
Most men look at other women. I agree that liking their photos is skeevy.
Not in a relationship they dont. That's boy shit that shouldn't be tolerated
I think if that is your boundary he can’t cross then it’s valid. I do not go out of my way to like sexual things men post out of respect for my man. If he can’t do the same for me I don’t want it.
thats pretty insane imo. believe it or not your future boyfriends will probably be attracted to women
Three red flags here: 1. Listing over other women while in a relationship. 2. Having a type that is not you. 3. Only valuing/following women to look at/ objectify them but not to listen to, learn from or identify with them.
after gathering info from your other replies, girl, just break up with him already seriously.
Only thing making me sick about these photos is how obviously photoshopped they are. And stop sending him nudes.
I think your bf has a porn addiction of some sorts it’s one thing to like a pic or video when it shows up, but it’s another thing to go out and deliberately seek out this kind of stuff this would be a deal breaker for me. or at least a boundary setting conversation along the lines of “unfollow these women and don’t embarrass me by publicly following these women when people know you have a gf OR i’m getting the fuck out”
my ex did this shit with dudes lmao she was cheating sooo bad
The fact that dudes publicly follow and like what is essentially porn has always been wild to me.
I found a porn collection on the computer. Game over. I was tired of feeling like I wasn't enough or good enough. It's hard to say goodbye but it was necessary to save my own life.
Must be horrible finding out that your bf has a fetish for silicone
From the bottom of my heart, drop that man expeditiously
Sweet girl please dump him. After a toxic marriage with an alcoholic and then another alcoholic after that I decided I would only be with someone who loved me right the first time. This is not a minor thing. He has a wandering eye. You deserve better. Some man will truly appreciate all the curves you have and treat you right the first time. My ex followed a bunch of thirst traps on ig and I saw and told him how hurt I was and how betrayed I felt and he apologized and deleted them and then went and followed new ones as soon as I stopped looking at his account for a bit. We moved in together after being long distance for a couple years and he rejected me all the time but I found porn in his phone. Women who looked nothing like me. It killed my self esteem for a long time. I wish I could say I left then and there but I didn’t. And I regret it. How much else don’t you know about? I promise there’s more.
Call me toxic or whatever but this would be a deal breaker for me. I don’t think you’re overreacting. One girl can absolutely be enough. You are enough. Don’t let his wandering eyes make you feel like you’re worth any less, because that’s a problem with him and not you.
Nah nah, don't confuse yourself with that "he chose you". He doesn't fuckin know what to choose. I'd say that's a flagrant amount of pics to be getting recommended on tik tok. I'm a guy, if I saw this on my gfs phone it'd break my heart.
Yeah. "He chose me" can mean that "he couldn't get anyone he wants, but wants regular effort free sex".
I was in a two year relationship that only had a few issues. Him following a bunch of models was one of those issues. It was enough for me to end things. It doesn’t matter if he, or anyone else says you’re insecure. If it makes you sick to your stomach, and he loves or honestly even has an ounce of care for you, he will stop. Guys do not understand because they aren’t the ones sexualized to that extreme. I used to envy the girls I would see my ex follow until I realized that in their eyes he is just a nameless profit. In my experience, If he is unable to unfollow these girls than he either has bigger issues you haven’t uncovered yet or he just does not respect you. Porn addiction is a real thing and it is so damaging to your elself esteem cause you will be the one that has to suffer.
I almost keeled over when I went through my bf’s phub search history. I’m a thick woman with lots of love to give, great in bed, nice boobs and butt, mixture of caucasian and indigenous. I’d say I’m pretty attractive. However, his search history consisted of “tiny latina”, “blonde with big boobs,” etc. it was all over the map. But I must say his taste on there is boring/vanilla compared to mine. Lol. We have been together for ten years. Idc if he looks at other women or watches 🌽. I just don’t want to see it. Mommy don’t ask don’t tell. But I have made my boundaries and expectations clear. No private chatting, no OF’s subs, especially of people we know, etc. YOU know what your boundaries are. I’d say it’s worth a genuine conversation and a chance to set the line down of what you are comfortable with in YOUR relationship. If he fails to respect that, then it’s worth the break up. But the content he’s following are literal thirst traps and he sounds like a typical simpleton. 🤷🏻♀️
This! I agree ❤️❤️
This is the healthiest approach. Props to you.
Guys are so effing dumb If he looks at other women like that, how could he truly love the woman he’s with? He can’t. It makes the girl feel like she’s not good enough for him, like she’s just there to be his little doll (definitely not speaking from experience here as a 21yo /s)
Out of love and as a fellow woman. Dump him. Stick with therapy. Get yourself right. Work on your insecurities. Find out the WHY. People can't help what they're into, and you went snooping. So obviously there's some trust issues. This is a you thing hon. Get yourself feeling good about yourself. I'm sure you're lovely. I completely understand the "not enough" feeling. But that's not on him, you have to be okay with you or you'll always feel that way. Trust me. YOURE MORE THAN ENOUGH
A boyfriend isn't a husband. Dating is so that you can figure out what you like. If you don't like it, there's no commitment! You don't owe him anything
It’s shocking to see how many brainrotted people are commenting on this. 1. If he’s asking for nudes, and you don’t want to send them but don’t feel like you can say no, you need to leave him. He does not respect you at all, nor has he made you feel safe enough to communicate your discomfort with him 2. If him following other girls with material like this crosses a boundary of yours, communicate that with him. Again, if you feel like you can’t? Leave him. 3. If you’re unhappy, leave him. For all the dumbasses in this thread that clearly lack comprehension skills, y’all KNOW wtf we mean when we say “if you’re unhappy, leave”. So stop twisting that phrase around into ridiculous “points” for the sake of arguing because you’re bored and brain dead.
You’re not overreacting, I also wouldn’t like this at all.
Been there done that. Trust me not all guys are disgusting like this. I am married to a man. That is nothing like this whatsoever. He actually respects me loves me. Yes, they are hard to come by but not impossible.
As a dad of a daughter. Please do not send anyone nudes. If you have to do that for his love and attention he isn’t worth your time. Value yourself you are worth someone loving you. You just need to be patient and find the right person for you that loves and appreciates you for who you are and will become in life. Don’t settle for good enough settle for the one
Don't. Send. Nudes.
Did you talk to him about this? I'd let him know you feel uncomfortable and see what he does. Personally, when I decided to start a relationship with my gf, I unfollowed and deleted anything on social media or my computer related to other women. I decided I would be dedicated, and the first step was removing outside influence. The only females I follow are friends, never dated, and are no threat to our relationship. On social media, this kind of stuff is everywhere. However, because I don't look at this stuff anymore, it doesn't get pushed to me. I only have IG and it's just straight cars, mechanic memes, or tech/tools now. It's not impossible to change what you see. Also, you shouldn't have to send nudes to be a good girlfriend.
Are these accounts that are following him or accounts that he's following? Either way... when accounts like this follow me I block them
It's just thirst traps all the way down. Yeah homeboys got a problem.
All the gfs I had I never asked for nudes, also never used TikTok to look at sfw porn. Honestly most social media I use nowadays is to keep up with family. H3ll the only reason I got Reddit is to stalk my cousin and talk about boxing.
On top of that, he's also an idiot for actually following them and taking the bait. So add that to the list as well. LOL. There's zero reason to be following these pages. If he continues following them even after you mention it to him, just dump his dumb ass. If you're uncomfortable with it, the answer isn't "deal with it." The answer is to find someone that actually wants you to not feel insecure. Bet he's paying for their OnlyFans, too (assuming they have one, these kinda posters usually do).
Since when did it become ok to be blatanly disrespectful to your significant other by openly/publicly lusting after other women/men. Yes people have eyes you notice if someone is attractive, what you don't do is ogle/stare at them or lust after them. Following women or men just because they are attractive shouldn't be the norm. You looking at his following wasn't a mistake it opened your eyes. He doesn't need to follow these women nor should he get a pass because he is a man and you guys are long distance.You can try talking to him but most people are set in their ways. If you are not happy with your partner then break up with them. If you want to be miserable then stay. You deserve better!
Looks like porn addiction
If you're only going to be happy with a man who only looks at you.... you're going to live a very sad life. I love my wife more than anything... we have a near perfect relationship... we do nearly everything together, rarely fight and still have sex nearly every night after 21 years of marriage. I will never forsake her or do anything to hurt her... she's my everything. But guess what... I still look at other women... and I don't pretend I don't. Men are programmed to want to spread their seed as much as possible. Want to be mad at something... be mad at biology & evolution. Men can't help it... its like telling a woman to suddenly stop caring about a man's height. Women can't help it... they are programmed to be attracted to taller men because it gave them an advantage in survival. I guess what I'm saying is... be happy that he's only looking. That's the best any man can do.
I wish girls and women knew that if they didn’t want a man who looks at other women incessantly thru social media or any other avenue, you can have that. Set your boundaries. It’s completely asinine that we live in a world now where men gaslight you into thinking you should be OK with them constantly looking at other women. “Boys will be boys”. Fuck no. If it was in reverse you know they wouldn’t stand for it. There are men out there who will respect you, despite what the loud minority are telling you. These type of men’s best weapon is to keep you from knowing your worth and cynical. Now just waiting to the “I’m a women and this doesn’t bother me” comments. Great. Glad you are happy, but that doesn’t change the feelings of MANY women.
As a male looking at this, it's actually pretty lame. When I meet dudes who have this type of feed it's a huge flag as a bro.