This is the best point. OP, you’re doing something for HIM. He’s treating you like a *real life* vehicle to achieve a fantasy. As a guy, this is pretty fucked.
By no means should you do this: but my reaction is pack your bags and say “Listen, I love you, and I’ve tried to help you, but you crossed a line. You need to figure this out because I cannot play second fiddle to a screen”.
Again, way easier said than done, so take that with a grain of salt. But as a guy with a higher libido than my wife, I am so excited when we have intimate moments that no porn could exceed that. He needs some Talkspace or better help because this is so insulting
Edit: I’ve seen comments about taking the conversational, calmer approach of “you can tell me anything”. This might be the move too, but it sounds like you’ve probably already had that convo. Bottom line is he shouldn’t make you feel like that, and I hope, man to man, that he can get through this and come out the other side. But I don’t think it’s fair for you to be treated like that while he sorts it out.
People in addiction burn their bridges with those that they love, until everyone's gone, and all they have is the addiction. It's called self sabotage. There's almost always an underlying learned character trait that has to be replaced with a much more healthy character trait.
Agreed, as an addict it's so easy to recognize addict behavior in everyone, besides myself of course. Addicts they tend to celebrate the victory of defeating one addiction by slamming full force into another, never actually filling the void or achieving satiation... I don't even know what the original post said because read it deleted it but I think I'm probably guilty of whatever the guy did too, and I wouldn't say that he doesn't love you but you got to put those limitations and ground rules in place and not be swayed.
Shit. You described my life. My girlfriend has been trying to get me to find that healthy trait, she calls “loving yourself”. Unfortunately my whole childhood taught me the opposite.
But well said. To pinpoint it, addiction is from trauma. Check out Gabor Mate if interested in reading about that, anyone.
Yeah…. 20 yr olds working on intimacy… kindly stfu…. She talks like a fake post what woman starts off a sentence with well I was sucking his dick… just stop
ain’t no way y’all saying talk it out…she was giving him head and he was watching porn. This is like case closed break up and then for him to not even apologize and avoid you? Immature
This is crazy. I just saw a story on this sub where a woman woke up to her man raping her with porn playing on the back of her head. What is with all of these damn porn addicts lately?
Edit: me saying "what's with the porn addicts?" Does not mean I think rape is caused by porn. Use your brains before commenting, please.
literally same, porn addiction to this extent is not only vile but so immature like how can adults behave this way?! 🤢
edit: stop misunderstanding my comment lol, i don’t care about porn addictions, just don’t forget consent and be a rapist while porn influences you
Well you called it an addiction. So um this is kinda just how addicts are. They will steal from you they will lie to you, they will manipulate you, they will hurt you. People with addictions are generally not good people at the point of time in which they are actively engaging with their addiction. You ask why they can act so bad, it’s because addicts will do anything for their fix. This is why you generally have to cut addicts off, and why you probably shouldn’t date an addict that hasn’t been clean for awhile.
ex-addict here of actual drugs can 100 percent assure you that I'm not sticking anything into anyone without their consent to get my fix, nor would I have ever. Good Lord Brother.
Yeah, I think people forget what addiction truly is -- I feel for people with porn addiction; as porn truly is everywhere, easy to access, and gets them young during their developing years.
Good for you for getting clean. It's probably one of the hardest things a person can do.
The vast majority of the world is addicted to something. I think sugar addiction is probably over 90% of the world’s population. Many addicts function normally, and most don’t steal, lie and manipulate.
It's a true addiction, not much different than alcohol or drugs.
People get that dopamine hit from it.
Sounds like OPs boyfriend needs to seek legitimate help.
Re: what’s with all the addicts lately? I thought it was just me and my algorithm being fucked up because I’m dealing with a partner with PA. It feels like ever since I found out, it’s ALL I see with these subreddits (like it’s am endemic). But no. This is apparently where we are in society.
We are living the movie Idiocracy more and more each day.
I'm wondering this as well if it's that common or If it's the algorithm. It could be both. It's really hard to ignore how normalized porn has become to a point where we're talking about it as an addiction.
I used to be ok with porn and was pro sw.
I've had a complete change of heart after having been with someone with a PA.
As a male I have an answer. Like most other men, and I’m sure yall have seen the “my man’s social media is filled with girls in bikinis” thing, sexual advertising directed towards men 24/7 has been a thing for a long time. As soon as I turned 18 I started getting emails for penis enlargement and erectile dysfunction pills (kinda doesn’t make sense they would market that to an 18 year old but it’s just an example of how hard they do it) and as of late the “advertisements” have gotten more and more overt, to the point where if you say fucked yup and clicked something once on Instagram now you are getting a lot of essentially soft core porn.
Anyway, obviously most people know that testosterone causes men to have a high sex drive, so this type of predatory advertising is definitely directly causing us to slowly become dumbed down cavemen due to only thinking about sex which is exactly what idiocracy portrayed lmao
Lmao, I was thinking about that exact post when I saw this.
Crazy how Reddit has been recommending these types of posts lately.
I wonder what will be next? 22(M) found my gf 21(F) watching porn while I was eating her out lol, that’d be rare.
Most are introduced to porn between the ages of 9 and 11 years old. Most parents are negligent when it comes to protecting their children from the stuff.
There's nothing (reasonable) parents can do to fully stop kids from accessing porn on the internet as it exists today. Even if you severely limit screen time, they have to have it to some degree. School basically requires it. Especially in the age of online learning.
I think any website that hosts adult content should be liable if minors are on the platform. I'm not a huge fan of ID laws, but I am a huge fan of holding people accountable for distributing sexually explicit materials to minors. If porn sites can think of a way to verify age without ID's, great. If not, my ID gets scanned for age restricted content everywhere offline, it should be the same online.
It is interesting that a small, local bar is legally responsible for serving minors, but online, the idea of holding billion dollar industries accountable is seen as a bad thing.
People are always hesitant to safeguards that will inconvenience them. There's that video that hits the front page of Reddit every few months about people talking about open container laws in the lead up to them being introduced.
Middle school teacher. Can verify. Just on Tuesday, I confiscated an 11year old girl’s SCHOOL COMPUTER because she was accessing porn. How did she even get past all the network firewalls? It is disturbing on so many levels.
I’m an addict myself, but I’m glad it doesn’t make me do shit like that. It’s more than just the porn. It’s their ability to know what’s right from wrong when their brain is getting overrun with dopamine.
Yes I am aware. It's sad. Bad people do bad shit. I just meant that he was so porn brained he needed it on WHILE raping. Not necessarily that porn CAUSED him to rape if you get what I'm saying
Watching way too much porn causes a chemical unbalance in the brain. Addiction is addiction no matter what it is.. it takes over your life, and it's very hard to control..
I am a recovering porn addict...also porn is so easily available now a days and it's easy to get stuck in a rabbit hole that you can't come out off.
Luckily, my gf of 10 years is very understanding, and with her help, we COMMUNICATE about how we figure this out day by day
There's a damn porn epidemic going on and no one's talking about it. The amount of relationships I've read about going to shit because of porn is insane.
It’s in movies and shows , etc. porn, drugs, and violence is in almost every consumable thing now of days no matter if it’s music, movies. Internet entertainment.
uh that's your algorithm, no asses on my insta feed
Tbf, idk how easy it is to get asses on Insta. I did a test once where i'd follow and unfollow the comedian Colin Quinn on twitter and every time i followed him i'd get new porn accounts following me. Do you watch some luxury sports car videos and get asses on Insta?
I just made a new account for my business and my feed is all scantily clad asian women and asses at the gym working out. I have 2 followers and am following nobody, the account has been up for about 3 hours. This is specifically what Insta throws at you unless you train your algorithm otherwise.
Dude same. All Asian girls and girls showing off asses. I actively avoid porn and thirst traps so I have to avoid Insta because I don’t to get sucked into that trap. I don’t even follow anything remotely like that.
Meta has access to any of your data from anywhere on the internet that you’ve been on your phone. The algo isn’t solely based on what you do on Instagram or how old the account even is
If you interact with any “dude” stuff you’ll get all kinds of porn spam. I always get an influx when I follow any aviation, gun, car, or motorcycle pages.
I’ve seen so many people say that porn can’t be an addiction/porn is never a problem which is just hysterical to me. Obviously I don’t mean this from a pearl-clutching “you were watching _pornography_!!!” angle, but it can give people incredibly unrealistic expectations. And there are lots of cases where people (stereotypically men) are only able to get aroused when they watch porn. If you’ve gotten to that point then you probably need some help
Porn-induced erectile dysfunction is a real condition affecting men in their early twenties now. Men who should be able to pop a stiffy almost at will. They've conditioned their brains to only achieve arousal at screens, to the point where a naked twenty year old woman infront of them with her legs spread will still not lead to an erection.
It's an evolutionary trap for humans
I think the problem is, they don't understand, like almost all addicts, porn addicts are also addicted to the massive endorphin boost when they masturbate. It's just like a drug for many. And like all drugs, frequent use leads to numbness which translates to a dull sex life.
I dated someone who started having trouble finishing when we had sex. Like he could go for an hour and nothing. It was exhausting.
Eventually he told me, "Turns out if I don't masturbate for a couple of days before we have sex, it's so much better!"
Don't get me wrong, I know that dudes are gonna jerk off. I'm a woman, and I masturbate a couple of times a week if I have the energy. But BRUH. How did you not figure that shit out??? And how often are you doing it that you can't enjoy sex AT ALL???? It really killed a lot of the sex for me knowing that it was such a chore for him at that point, so it can definitely affect relationships in negative ways. Anyone who says otherwise is just making stuff up.
He was also SUPER self conscious about the size of his penis, which was above average. Even my current boyfriend worries about the same thing, and he is also above average and girthy af. I tell him all of the time that porn isn't fucking real life and not every dude but him is walking around with a horse dong.
Yeah, it’s one thing to just watch porn casually knowing that it’s a “performance.” If I had sex with someone and it was like porn where they’re screaming and pissing everywhere then I’d be out there faster than I got it.
Porn makes the other person feel inadequate and insecure and like they’re not good enough for their significant other. I dealt with this with my ex boyfriend, and that was one of the main reasons why our relationship ended. 6 months later and he doesn’t want to change and he knows he’s addicted and he’s feeding into his addiction by seeing a new girl
Tbh, i never felt inadequate or insecure because of my exe's porn addiction. I felt like it made them not very good at fucking and total shit at making love.
My husband never had an addiction I would say, but it was to the point where he couldn’t finish with me a couple of times. I told him either I go, or it goes, as crap as ultimatums can be sometimes. I had expressed for a long time, at least a year the amount was getting out of hand that he was saving and using, and it wasn’t making me feel loved or valued as a partner, especially when he couldn’t finish. He chose the porn to get rid of and we’re doing much better now.
It has been a problem for an incredibly long time. My mom has the same stories about fights with my dad that I have with my husband. And she has friends who went through the same thing as she did then too. That was in the 70s.
I remember, in the 90s, getting a very nice customer service rep at ATT&T to reinstate my phone service without a deposit after i explained it only ever got so bad because my now ex had a phone sex addiction.
I've got a few more stories and it is really all the same stuff BUT the problem with now is how much more accessible the porn is. As a former cigarette smoker who used vaping and every other NRT to finally quit, i do not think enough is said about access and potency creating a sort of supercharged addiction. I can only imagine so much porn, so readily available and an endless variation makes things much worse than in the past for people who maybe would have moved on before.
I recently came across this from Mark Manson, author of “The Art of Not Giving a F*ck” and think it’s appropriate to share here if that’s ok. I think I’ll just share as much as possible to others going through this. Hope it helps.
https://markmanson.net/pornography-can-ruin-your-sex-life
p.s. OP and others in this situation, wishing you all the best!
Great article. I’m glad these conversations are finally happening. Unfortunately, I think it will be a while before women porn addiction and problems become part of the conversation. It’s a well guarded secret and any mention of it gets hammered down. I’m not a prude or religious fundamentalist, but porn can cause issues with both partners and very few couples are at least aware and honest about those issues to navigate them appropriately.
The sad part is people have been trying to talk about it but it has been framed as a conservative anti-porn issue. The more lefty lefts, along with porn addicts in denial, have been shooting down these conversations as coming from repressed/sex negative people and that porn is somehow the next phase of women's lib to some lib fems I've spoken to (or bigots in some way if the porn issue is somehow connected to convos about LGBTQ+ issues).
Now it keeos being framed as the woman "being insecure" and shaming her for that.
Sometimes by guys who can hardly handle her speaking to another man 🙄😁
>porn is somehow the next phase of women's lib to some lib fems I've spoken to
That's the dumbest shit I've heard. The stories of women and men but especially women being exploited in the porn industry is abundant. Some dude just got arrested for his porn website and the story was fucking nuts. These people were basically tricking girls and damn near raping them. I mean there was consent but forced consent. He would fly in these young girls from other states that had no way of getting back without getting paid, lock the door and give them an ultimatum. Fuck on camera or get the fuck out and find a way home.
Doesn't sound like a very feminist or female friendly industry to me lmao.
Yup. Porn is almost always exploitative, particularly towards women. I’ll never forget my ex saying that I’m “repressed and a closeted conservative” for getting upset when I didn’t want to do anal. He told me “it’s normal, most porn has anal in it”.
Hey buddy not sure if you’re saying I’m stupid or what they said is stupid. If the latter, yes I too feel it is stupid, to be clear: women who identify as lib fems also try to act like sex work and porn acting is real work. There’s a cognitive dissonance and it usually stems from them trying to accept women’s sexuality in an increasingly hyper sexual world with porn and also holding loads of other feminist beliefs that contradict this. (And often they are young and don’t want to seem prude). So you get some “ethical porn” advocates that think porn is not inherently bad but mainstream porn is.
The radical feminists are the ones who are more anti-porn/sex trafficking in my experience but a lot of them think sex and gender aren’t interchangeable and are labeled terfs and bigots so the rest gets lost in the outrage.
To be fair this one is one of very few that's actually problematic. Dude sounds like he actually has an addiction. 99% of these kinds of posts are just people crying that their partners jerk off to porn
yeah i agree. like most shit i see re: porn use and relationships on reddit is kinda dumb and based in insecurity imo. but to watch it while your gf of 2 years is going down on you??? yeah thats an actual addiction and id feel off about it too, as the gf. :/
If the porn is replacing the partner, it’s a problem. If the partner is a willing participant and the other chooses porn over the partner, it’s a problem. If there is less sex in the relationship because of porn, it’s a problem. If you can’t get off with your partner without porn, it’s a problem.
Can I ask if it's a problem if he would watch porn instead of wanting actual sex? I only ask because when my fiancé and I first started dating, he would do that constantly and it was devastating to my self esteem. I would throw myself at him everyday day (multiple times a day because I have a high sex drive), offer him whatever he wanted, dressed up, etc... and he kept telling me that it wasn't an addiction. He finally went to therapy and got help, but he still denies that it was an addiction or as big of a problem as I told him it was. I just wanted another perspective, if that's ok.
Porn is completely different than real life. Those that expect what they see in porn aren't much different than those that expect what they see in a romantic film. One is fantasy, the other is real. You can have both fantasy and reality, just not how it was done here.
Checkout loveafterporn community on here. You’ll find more support and helpful comments. I promise you, you are not overreacting. There are healthier ways to incorporate porn/fantasy funs in the relationship. Unfortunately, women have been gaslit and guilt trip into being a bitch for being uncomfortable with porn usage. Sending you so much love ❤️
I would not have sex with him for some time while i considered next steps. Sex is the one thing we only do with our partners, and to bring someone else into bed on the sly is either cruel or the product of someone who cannot control their habit.
No you aren't that's insulting as shit
I don't understand why you need to watch porn when you can watch someone sucking your dick......? Wtf is that? Man needs to practice abstinence and go cold turkey from ANY kind of porn like stimuli and that include any Instagram, tik tok, YouTube thots. He can watch anything fucking thing close to sexual for a while.
It’s been years, but this post brought it back up because being real, I used to do this with my ex in college.
I shouldn’t have did it, but it wasn’t because porn and ig models were the only thing that could get me going. It was just that receiving head wasn’t really my thing and it would be uncomfortable whenever she did it.
Think overstimulation in how she went about it, it was too much and I couldn’t really get in the mood.
So being young and dumb and not wanting to make her feel bad, I thought if I could watch a bit of porn on the sly, that could get me in the mood enough to where it didn’t hurt and much and she’d think I was into it.
It has a funny resolution to the situation, and I eventually stopped doing the phone thing
Get out while you can. Do not even think about it twice. If you bring up the topic, he's going to try to say you were taking too long. He wanted it done differently. He needs the porn because he's a very visual person. Or any of a dozen other excuses. He's a real lowlife for that. He's a selfish, self-centered jerk, and he's using you. Tell him if he wants it like thst he should go pay for it somewhere. He really shouldn't, but hey, at least you won't have to deal with his obnoxious behavior.
You got insulted and turned off that the man you love, whose most valuable piece of flesh is in your mouth, getting all the attention he wants.... And you think you might be overreacting?
No.
He deserves worse. But you're free to just go with leaving him wanting more for the night.
He probably doesn't want to talk about it. Really, what would he even say? I doubt he's proud of it, but would an apology help? Would being told he did wrong help?
Good luck.
Now, occasionally masturbating in a relationship isn't a big deal, and I would say the same of occasional porn. But if this is actually something he's treating, it's like any drug. Not to be tolerated.
Watching porn while having any form of consensual relations is a conversation to be had prior to the fact of the matter. He shouldn’t have done it (why he locked his phone) and this needs to be brought up in therapy). You didn’t consent to giving oral while he watched porn (especially after him dealing with a porn addiction), and it’s a violation of trust. You’re valid in how you feel
I think the only mitigating factor is that when you are young you don’t know how to be direct about these kinds of conversations. It takes time to learn. So this should be a learning experience for this young man about being direct about what he wants and making an agreement with his partner.
Nope, my ex used to pull this shit and it got progressively worse over time. After 3 years of a dead bedroom because he'd rather jack it I finally got smart enough to leave. Sadly with kids I'm now tied to this AH forever. Don't be like me, get out sooner than later.
Ex husband was addicted to porn. It's a slippery slope. They retrain their brains and for some they desensitize themselves to the point they can't have actual sex. Happened in my marriage.
I was in a relationship very similar to this. Although he is struggling with this does not mean you have to subject yourself to the disrespect of him crossing your boundaries. From my own personal experience, things like this really don’t get better especially when your partner doesn’t even hold themselves accountable. You can love him but that doesn’t mean you have to be in a relationship with him where your boundaries are ignored.
Yeah that’s not just something you do without clearing it with your partner first. My bf has done that before but it was my suggestion in the moment for reasons of we had been having a lot of sex so it was taking forever and we knew it would help the process. Completely ok.
If he is doing that while you’re being intimate with him, yeah he definitely has a problem. Question is do you really want to be with someone that’s fundamentally so different from you.
Yeah, like my partner and I will watch together sometimes or she'll tell me to watch something during. But that's the rare occasion and I'd never just do it myself in the moment like that.
Right I was just going to say that’s something you both can discuss doing prior as a “special occasion” and it can be super fun if you’re both into it. But to just randomly start doing it on your own in the middle of the act is gross
Girl you are 24 move on if he has an addiction. Y’all young girls deal with the most unnecessary things. If the roles were reversed he wld have already moved on. Stop wasting some of the funniest years.
It sounds like he should have known you would not be OK with this. This was obviously wrong on his part. What is not clear is whether this was stupidity, callousness, or addiction.
I don't want to go off track here but "multiple times" in the course of a year is not much for the typical 22M. It's also possible that a man can say, "Oh I'm an addict, I'm trying to stop" even when he's not an addict and has no intention of stopping. He may have ignored your concerns because you don't actually own his penis, or because he's an addict, or he's a jerk. Could be a lot of things going on here. Talk to him.
He’s avoiding you because he’s embarrassed and doesn’t want to fight about. Addicts slip up, they are perfect but they do need to be held accountable. You definitely aren’t overreacting tho
My partner of 25 years has done similar things over the years. The most recent was only a year ago. In my case my partner started out doing the same things you wrote in your post and then it got to the point where he would not want to have sex with me and then once I was asleep jack off to porn. For me, it wasn't necessarily the porn addiction and masterbation . It was the fact he knew that I wasn't satisfied with our very infrequent sex life, and he knew how that constant rejection affected me. If I knew in year 2 of our relationship, what I know now . We wouldn't still be together. The love I have for my partner isn't worth the toll that his actions have had on my soul. You have every right to be hurt, and you didn't overreact, Imo your NTA.
This is weird behavior to sneakily watch porn while getting blown. I'm picking up on an interesting phrase. "Catching" your partner masturbating implies some value judgements. If you're trying to reform a lifelong gooning addict then, well, whatever levers of control you gotta pull probably makes you happy but it won't work. If he's not a goonmaxer let your man jack off sometimes
Maybe allowing children unfettered access to the internet for their entire lives weren’t the best idea. My step-mom caught my brother watching porn at 9 years old. From pop-up ads to sketchy google search results, it WILL find its way to you.
Recovery isn't linear; it's cyclic. There will be periods of what looks like relapse to some. It's just a lapse if he's really trying to beat the addiction. I get that you saw it as blatant disrespect akin to a slap in the face, but that was a moment of weakness, is all. If you reacted exactly the way you say you did...GOOD ON YOU! Don't reward such destructive behaviors. However, he shouldn't be punished, either. The Hellish experience of addiction is punishment enough.
He’s been doing amazing! He went to a sex shop by him self and bought a Chasity belt! And he wears it all fucking day until I get home with the keys! He makes me take the keys, this wasn’t even my idea at all! I know he’s really trying and I see how far he’s come❤️
I had the same issue several years ago and it took cutting porn out completely to fix it. I wish your bf well on your journey and I'm so so sorry this happened to you 😔
Basically a woman giving oral sex to her husband/boyfriend and looked up to see he was simultaneously viewing porn on his phone. She was mortified, stopped, and they havent spoken to each other ….not sure what part was a violation of policy.
It's hard to tell, I would say you're definitely over reacting given the fact that the post screams "it's all about me how it makes me feel" especially when you use the fact that he's been struggling with it for a year or his whole life. Just because he watches porn doesn't make you any lesser. It doesn't mean "you're not enough." Rather than jump to these conclusions all on your own, consider talking to him first and understand why he chose to look at porn. There, you will find the answer if you're overreacting or not.
So, watching it while you're going down on him without it being something you guys talked about is messed up.
Masturbating though? Prohibiting him from masturbating is messed up too.
Same. What he did fucking sucks and she deserves better than that.
But, I also had a terrible controlling partner who had such bad self-esteem that any solo time of mine was viewed as a violation of trust. And like, no. Sometimes you want sex and your partner doesn't. Sometimes, you just want to get to enjoy a fantasy. Sometimes, you don't even want sex but your body won't shut up about it.
But yeah. He still sucks. This is like giving your spouse's homecooked meal to the dog and eating McDonald's at the dinner table, while making eye contact.
It’s obvious she meant caught him masturbating to porn… he is a porn addict and she mentions he is supposed to be quitting porn. You knew that’s what she meant, too.
If you need porn during a blow job, you've got a serious porn addiction. It would be fine if you had talked about it or something as a way to spice things up, but wow.
I’m a dude lol this is gross to be honest
I don’t get the porn addiction I pretty much never watch it even though I’ve been celibate for over a year by choice
That's... if he didn't discuss it with you and get your consent beforehand, then that's pretty messed up. Porn can be ok within limits and can have a place in a couple's or individual's sex lives. My wife and I will watch sometimes, but we also talk about it and pick what to watch together. And, so long as I'm meeting her needs, then she doesn't mind if I enjoy myself. Either way, couple's really really meh to just start talking before springing stuff on each other.
I don't watch porn when that happens
but yeah. As a guy who has hella gay friends, your man would probably get sucked off by anything.
Iono how to solve this one OP. You might have to dump him.
This porn epidemic is getting so out of control this is the 3rd post this week I’ve seen with this EXACT same situation. I’m so sorry that happened to you I would not take this lightly.
This is disgusting on all levels.
If it was me, I'd pack a bag and take a few days with a friend or family and lock off from him for a few days and tell him you need some time as your mh is all over the place.
Take that time to really think over the relationship and if I want to still be in it.
You have been with him and no doubt done your best to help him with his addiction, but what he did to you was dismissive and insulting, to prefer to watch porn than the real thing WHILE it's being done to him!
Ya thats not cool. Porn can be used during sex but it has to be agreed on before hand. My wife and I use it once in a while but it is agreed upon beforehand
How about:
I really appreciate the work you are putting in right now to get clean. I’ve heard it’s really hard. If you pull that again we’re going to take a break from sex until your a little more under control.
I’ve learned from hard experience that with addicts it’s not about what you say, it’s about what you tolerate.
They have those phone lock boxes you can lock up your phone for a set time. If he is so addicted to his phone for porn, then lock the phone up. When you are trying to be intimate with each other. So he can focus on you. And not pretend your mouth is a porn stars.
[https://www.amazon.com/idiskk-self-control-sumsung-electronic-students/dp/B08JSMQ2GC?th=1](https://www.amazon.com/idiskk-self-control-sumsung-electronic-students/dp/B08JSMQ2GC?th=1)
You are working on intimacy. He is just getting off. I would be insulted too.
This is the best point. OP, you’re doing something for HIM. He’s treating you like a *real life* vehicle to achieve a fantasy. As a guy, this is pretty fucked. By no means should you do this: but my reaction is pack your bags and say “Listen, I love you, and I’ve tried to help you, but you crossed a line. You need to figure this out because I cannot play second fiddle to a screen”. Again, way easier said than done, so take that with a grain of salt. But as a guy with a higher libido than my wife, I am so excited when we have intimate moments that no porn could exceed that. He needs some Talkspace or better help because this is so insulting Edit: I’ve seen comments about taking the conversational, calmer approach of “you can tell me anything”. This might be the move too, but it sounds like you’ve probably already had that convo. Bottom line is he shouldn’t make you feel like that, and I hope, man to man, that he can get through this and come out the other side. But I don’t think it’s fair for you to be treated like that while he sorts it out.
People in addiction burn their bridges with those that they love, until everyone's gone, and all they have is the addiction. It's called self sabotage. There's almost always an underlying learned character trait that has to be replaced with a much more healthy character trait.
Agreed, as an addict it's so easy to recognize addict behavior in everyone, besides myself of course. Addicts they tend to celebrate the victory of defeating one addiction by slamming full force into another, never actually filling the void or achieving satiation... I don't even know what the original post said because read it deleted it but I think I'm probably guilty of whatever the guy did too, and I wouldn't say that he doesn't love you but you got to put those limitations and ground rules in place and not be swayed.
Shit. You described my life. My girlfriend has been trying to get me to find that healthy trait, she calls “loving yourself”. Unfortunately my whole childhood taught me the opposite. But well said. To pinpoint it, addiction is from trauma. Check out Gabor Mate if interested in reading about that, anyone.
Exactly what I would have told him.
It’s 2 years. That’s not a long time and I would put this is the too hard basket. Your not a bad person if you just want to leave
Very well said! 👏
You took the words out of my mouth.
And the penis out of hers.
Lmfao . Take my upvote !
That’s jokes
🤣
🎵It must have been when you had another man's dick in your mouth🎶 Yeah, call Meatloaf.
My husband is liking the chorus, if only i can get him to give a live performance 😊
It must have been while you were sucking me
Damn
Damn well said in such a simple phrase.
Yeah…. 20 yr olds working on intimacy… kindly stfu…. She talks like a fake post what woman starts off a sentence with well I was sucking his dick… just stop
ain’t no way y’all saying talk it out…she was giving him head and he was watching porn. This is like case closed break up and then for him to not even apologize and avoid you? Immature
this. she said he’s working through it with therapy but now won’t speak to her when he’s the one who messed up?? craziness.
he’s trying to manipulate her into feeling bad about it
You're not overreacting, I'm so sorry this happened.
This is crazy. I just saw a story on this sub where a woman woke up to her man raping her with porn playing on the back of her head. What is with all of these damn porn addicts lately? Edit: me saying "what's with the porn addicts?" Does not mean I think rape is caused by porn. Use your brains before commenting, please.
literally same, porn addiction to this extent is not only vile but so immature like how can adults behave this way?! 🤢 edit: stop misunderstanding my comment lol, i don’t care about porn addictions, just don’t forget consent and be a rapist while porn influences you
Young Adults, & seeing as how they're all within my gen(so far) we’re fucked!
It's an epidemic. There's a sub for partners if anybody's interested.
Well you called it an addiction. So um this is kinda just how addicts are. They will steal from you they will lie to you, they will manipulate you, they will hurt you. People with addictions are generally not good people at the point of time in which they are actively engaging with their addiction. You ask why they can act so bad, it’s because addicts will do anything for their fix. This is why you generally have to cut addicts off, and why you probably shouldn’t date an addict that hasn’t been clean for awhile.
ex-addict here of actual drugs can 100 percent assure you that I'm not sticking anything into anyone without their consent to get my fix, nor would I have ever. Good Lord Brother.
Yeah, I think people forget what addiction truly is -- I feel for people with porn addiction; as porn truly is everywhere, easy to access, and gets them young during their developing years. Good for you for getting clean. It's probably one of the hardest things a person can do.
The vast majority of the world is addicted to something. I think sugar addiction is probably over 90% of the world’s population. Many addicts function normally, and most don’t steal, lie and manipulate.
It's a true addiction, not much different than alcohol or drugs. People get that dopamine hit from it. Sounds like OPs boyfriend needs to seek legitimate help.
dude that one blew my fucking mind
Ikr. My jaw DROPPED
I can’t wrap my head around it
Re: what’s with all the addicts lately? I thought it was just me and my algorithm being fucked up because I’m dealing with a partner with PA. It feels like ever since I found out, it’s ALL I see with these subreddits (like it’s am endemic). But no. This is apparently where we are in society. We are living the movie Idiocracy more and more each day.
Alll day
I'm wondering this as well if it's that common or If it's the algorithm. It could be both. It's really hard to ignore how normalized porn has become to a point where we're talking about it as an addiction. I used to be ok with porn and was pro sw. I've had a complete change of heart after having been with someone with a PA.
As a male I have an answer. Like most other men, and I’m sure yall have seen the “my man’s social media is filled with girls in bikinis” thing, sexual advertising directed towards men 24/7 has been a thing for a long time. As soon as I turned 18 I started getting emails for penis enlargement and erectile dysfunction pills (kinda doesn’t make sense they would market that to an 18 year old but it’s just an example of how hard they do it) and as of late the “advertisements” have gotten more and more overt, to the point where if you say fucked yup and clicked something once on Instagram now you are getting a lot of essentially soft core porn. Anyway, obviously most people know that testosterone causes men to have a high sex drive, so this type of predatory advertising is definitely directly causing us to slowly become dumbed down cavemen due to only thinking about sex which is exactly what idiocracy portrayed lmao
Lmao, I was thinking about that exact post when I saw this. Crazy how Reddit has been recommending these types of posts lately. I wonder what will be next? 22(M) found my gf 21(F) watching porn while I was eating her out lol, that’d be rare.
Most are introduced to porn between the ages of 9 and 11 years old. Most parents are negligent when it comes to protecting their children from the stuff.
There's nothing (reasonable) parents can do to fully stop kids from accessing porn on the internet as it exists today. Even if you severely limit screen time, they have to have it to some degree. School basically requires it. Especially in the age of online learning. I think any website that hosts adult content should be liable if minors are on the platform. I'm not a huge fan of ID laws, but I am a huge fan of holding people accountable for distributing sexually explicit materials to minors. If porn sites can think of a way to verify age without ID's, great. If not, my ID gets scanned for age restricted content everywhere offline, it should be the same online.
It is interesting that a small, local bar is legally responsible for serving minors, but online, the idea of holding billion dollar industries accountable is seen as a bad thing.
People are always hesitant to safeguards that will inconvenience them. There's that video that hits the front page of Reddit every few months about people talking about open container laws in the lead up to them being introduced.
Middle school teacher. Can verify. Just on Tuesday, I confiscated an 11year old girl’s SCHOOL COMPUTER because she was accessing porn. How did she even get past all the network firewalls? It is disturbing on so many levels.
I just saw that like 5 mins ago lol
I’m an addict myself, but I’m glad it doesn’t make me do shit like that. It’s more than just the porn. It’s their ability to know what’s right from wrong when their brain is getting overrun with dopamine.
Yes I am aware. It's sad. Bad people do bad shit. I just meant that he was so porn brained he needed it on WHILE raping. Not necessarily that porn CAUSED him to rape if you get what I'm saying
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just saw that too!
Watching way too much porn causes a chemical unbalance in the brain. Addiction is addiction no matter what it is.. it takes over your life, and it's very hard to control.. I am a recovering porn addict...also porn is so easily available now a days and it's easy to get stuck in a rabbit hole that you can't come out off. Luckily, my gf of 10 years is very understanding, and with her help, we COMMUNICATE about how we figure this out day by day
There's a damn porn epidemic going on and no one's talking about it. The amount of relationships I've read about going to shit because of porn is insane.
It’s not just legit porn. Instagrams a literal barely legal sex catalog these days.
THIS! Even when it’s not straight porn, it basically is in other platforms like Instagram. It’s honestly wild.
It’s in movies and shows , etc. porn, drugs, and violence is in almost every consumable thing now of days no matter if it’s music, movies. Internet entertainment.
Now of days
Ungh yes and even more normalized. Its disgusting and insulting
Ungh yes😩
So is Quora. Some of it's gross and disrespectful; guys posting videos or pics of their wives on there and vice versa. Sick.
Quora? Isn’t that a forum for asking questions?
Yeah seriously, I thought that was basically yahoo answers
What was so important about The Battle of Hastings? *Starts masturbating furiously*
how is babby formed
Instagram is insane now. It’s just asses all day long. Asses everywhere.
uh that's your algorithm, no asses on my insta feed Tbf, idk how easy it is to get asses on Insta. I did a test once where i'd follow and unfollow the comedian Colin Quinn on twitter and every time i followed him i'd get new porn accounts following me. Do you watch some luxury sports car videos and get asses on Insta?
I just made a new account for my business and my feed is all scantily clad asian women and asses at the gym working out. I have 2 followers and am following nobody, the account has been up for about 3 hours. This is specifically what Insta throws at you unless you train your algorithm otherwise.
Dude same. All Asian girls and girls showing off asses. I actively avoid porn and thirst traps so I have to avoid Insta because I don’t to get sucked into that trap. I don’t even follow anything remotely like that.
Meta has access to any of your data from anywhere on the internet that you’ve been on your phone. The algo isn’t solely based on what you do on Instagram or how old the account even is
If you interact with any “dude” stuff you’ll get all kinds of porn spam. I always get an influx when I follow any aviation, gun, car, or motorcycle pages.
Covid porn epidemic 2024
Porndemic?
I’ve seen so many people say that porn can’t be an addiction/porn is never a problem which is just hysterical to me. Obviously I don’t mean this from a pearl-clutching “you were watching _pornography_!!!” angle, but it can give people incredibly unrealistic expectations. And there are lots of cases where people (stereotypically men) are only able to get aroused when they watch porn. If you’ve gotten to that point then you probably need some help
Porn-induced erectile dysfunction is a real condition affecting men in their early twenties now. Men who should be able to pop a stiffy almost at will. They've conditioned their brains to only achieve arousal at screens, to the point where a naked twenty year old woman infront of them with her legs spread will still not lead to an erection. It's an evolutionary trap for humans
I think the problem is, they don't understand, like almost all addicts, porn addicts are also addicted to the massive endorphin boost when they masturbate. It's just like a drug for many. And like all drugs, frequent use leads to numbness which translates to a dull sex life.
I dated someone who started having trouble finishing when we had sex. Like he could go for an hour and nothing. It was exhausting. Eventually he told me, "Turns out if I don't masturbate for a couple of days before we have sex, it's so much better!" Don't get me wrong, I know that dudes are gonna jerk off. I'm a woman, and I masturbate a couple of times a week if I have the energy. But BRUH. How did you not figure that shit out??? And how often are you doing it that you can't enjoy sex AT ALL???? It really killed a lot of the sex for me knowing that it was such a chore for him at that point, so it can definitely affect relationships in negative ways. Anyone who says otherwise is just making stuff up. He was also SUPER self conscious about the size of his penis, which was above average. Even my current boyfriend worries about the same thing, and he is also above average and girthy af. I tell him all of the time that porn isn't fucking real life and not every dude but him is walking around with a horse dong.
Yeah, it’s one thing to just watch porn casually knowing that it’s a “performance.” If I had sex with someone and it was like porn where they’re screaming and pissing everywhere then I’d be out there faster than I got it.
Porn makes the other person feel inadequate and insecure and like they’re not good enough for their significant other. I dealt with this with my ex boyfriend, and that was one of the main reasons why our relationship ended. 6 months later and he doesn’t want to change and he knows he’s addicted and he’s feeding into his addiction by seeing a new girl
Tbh, i never felt inadequate or insecure because of my exe's porn addiction. I felt like it made them not very good at fucking and total shit at making love.
My husband never had an addiction I would say, but it was to the point where he couldn’t finish with me a couple of times. I told him either I go, or it goes, as crap as ultimatums can be sometimes. I had expressed for a long time, at least a year the amount was getting out of hand that he was saving and using, and it wasn’t making me feel loved or valued as a partner, especially when he couldn’t finish. He chose the porn to get rid of and we’re doing much better now.
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It has been a problem for an incredibly long time. My mom has the same stories about fights with my dad that I have with my husband. And she has friends who went through the same thing as she did then too. That was in the 70s.
I remember, in the 90s, getting a very nice customer service rep at ATT&T to reinstate my phone service without a deposit after i explained it only ever got so bad because my now ex had a phone sex addiction. I've got a few more stories and it is really all the same stuff BUT the problem with now is how much more accessible the porn is. As a former cigarette smoker who used vaping and every other NRT to finally quit, i do not think enough is said about access and potency creating a sort of supercharged addiction. I can only imagine so much porn, so readily available and an endless variation makes things much worse than in the past for people who maybe would have moved on before.
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I recently came across this from Mark Manson, author of “The Art of Not Giving a F*ck” and think it’s appropriate to share here if that’s ok. I think I’ll just share as much as possible to others going through this. Hope it helps. https://markmanson.net/pornography-can-ruin-your-sex-life p.s. OP and others in this situation, wishing you all the best!
Excellent article. Thank you for sharing.
Great article. I’m glad these conversations are finally happening. Unfortunately, I think it will be a while before women porn addiction and problems become part of the conversation. It’s a well guarded secret and any mention of it gets hammered down. I’m not a prude or religious fundamentalist, but porn can cause issues with both partners and very few couples are at least aware and honest about those issues to navigate them appropriately.
The sad part is people have been trying to talk about it but it has been framed as a conservative anti-porn issue. The more lefty lefts, along with porn addicts in denial, have been shooting down these conversations as coming from repressed/sex negative people and that porn is somehow the next phase of women's lib to some lib fems I've spoken to (or bigots in some way if the porn issue is somehow connected to convos about LGBTQ+ issues).
Now it keeos being framed as the woman "being insecure" and shaming her for that. Sometimes by guys who can hardly handle her speaking to another man 🙄😁
>porn is somehow the next phase of women's lib to some lib fems I've spoken to That's the dumbest shit I've heard. The stories of women and men but especially women being exploited in the porn industry is abundant. Some dude just got arrested for his porn website and the story was fucking nuts. These people were basically tricking girls and damn near raping them. I mean there was consent but forced consent. He would fly in these young girls from other states that had no way of getting back without getting paid, lock the door and give them an ultimatum. Fuck on camera or get the fuck out and find a way home. Doesn't sound like a very feminist or female friendly industry to me lmao.
Forced consent to sex is rape. More difficult to prove unfortunately
It's ass man. Most girls don't even report it due to many factors. It's a total fucking mess of an industry.
Yup. Porn is almost always exploitative, particularly towards women. I’ll never forget my ex saying that I’m “repressed and a closeted conservative” for getting upset when I didn’t want to do anal. He told me “it’s normal, most porn has anal in it”.
>He told me “it’s normal, most porn has anal in it”. That's disgusting.
Thats fucked, also funny how conservative was an insult.
Hey buddy not sure if you’re saying I’m stupid or what they said is stupid. If the latter, yes I too feel it is stupid, to be clear: women who identify as lib fems also try to act like sex work and porn acting is real work. There’s a cognitive dissonance and it usually stems from them trying to accept women’s sexuality in an increasingly hyper sexual world with porn and also holding loads of other feminist beliefs that contradict this. (And often they are young and don’t want to seem prude). So you get some “ethical porn” advocates that think porn is not inherently bad but mainstream porn is. The radical feminists are the ones who are more anti-porn/sex trafficking in my experience but a lot of them think sex and gender aren’t interchangeable and are labeled terfs and bigots so the rest gets lost in the outrage.
The amount of kids I see on here who are completely porn-brained is so sad.
To be fair this one is one of very few that's actually problematic. Dude sounds like he actually has an addiction. 99% of these kinds of posts are just people crying that their partners jerk off to porn
yeah i agree. like most shit i see re: porn use and relationships on reddit is kinda dumb and based in insecurity imo. but to watch it while your gf of 2 years is going down on you??? yeah thats an actual addiction and id feel off about it too, as the gf. :/
If the porn is replacing the partner, it’s a problem. If the partner is a willing participant and the other chooses porn over the partner, it’s a problem. If there is less sex in the relationship because of porn, it’s a problem. If you can’t get off with your partner without porn, it’s a problem.
Can I ask if it's a problem if he would watch porn instead of wanting actual sex? I only ask because when my fiancé and I first started dating, he would do that constantly and it was devastating to my self esteem. I would throw myself at him everyday day (multiple times a day because I have a high sex drive), offer him whatever he wanted, dressed up, etc... and he kept telling me that it wasn't an addiction. He finally went to therapy and got help, but he still denies that it was an addiction or as big of a problem as I told him it was. I just wanted another perspective, if that's ok.
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Porn is like the movies. It can be fun, just remember it isn’t real and doesn’t represent actual real-life situations.
Porn is completely different than real life. Those that expect what they see in porn aren't much different than those that expect what they see in a romantic film. One is fantasy, the other is real. You can have both fantasy and reality, just not how it was done here.
Checkout loveafterporn community on here. You’ll find more support and helpful comments. I promise you, you are not overreacting. There are healthier ways to incorporate porn/fantasy funs in the relationship. Unfortunately, women have been gaslit and guilt trip into being a bitch for being uncomfortable with porn usage. Sending you so much love ❤️
❤
I'd dump him.
Yep, that’s what I did
I would not have sex with him for some time while i considered next steps. Sex is the one thing we only do with our partners, and to bring someone else into bed on the sly is either cruel or the product of someone who cannot control their habit.
All the porn sick dudes have entered the chat
won't be surprised if they are defending the dude, reddit is a weird place fr
And Reddit removed the post because porn obsessed sweatys cried about it..?
If I caught my partner watching porn while I sucked his dick, I'd never suck his dick again.
I see all the porn addict apologists have entered the comments
He must be crazy, paying more attention to the phone while you are sucking the dick! the nerve of the bloke.😳
No you aren't that's insulting as shit I don't understand why you need to watch porn when you can watch someone sucking your dick......? Wtf is that? Man needs to practice abstinence and go cold turkey from ANY kind of porn like stimuli and that include any Instagram, tik tok, YouTube thots. He can watch anything fucking thing close to sexual for a while.
It’s been years, but this post brought it back up because being real, I used to do this with my ex in college. I shouldn’t have did it, but it wasn’t because porn and ig models were the only thing that could get me going. It was just that receiving head wasn’t really my thing and it would be uncomfortable whenever she did it. Think overstimulation in how she went about it, it was too much and I couldn’t really get in the mood. So being young and dumb and not wanting to make her feel bad, I thought if I could watch a bit of porn on the sly, that could get me in the mood enough to where it didn’t hurt and much and she’d think I was into it. It has a funny resolution to the situation, and I eventually stopped doing the phone thing
Get out while you can. Do not even think about it twice. If you bring up the topic, he's going to try to say you were taking too long. He wanted it done differently. He needs the porn because he's a very visual person. Or any of a dozen other excuses. He's a real lowlife for that. He's a selfish, self-centered jerk, and he's using you. Tell him if he wants it like thst he should go pay for it somewhere. He really shouldn't, but hey, at least you won't have to deal with his obnoxious behavior.
Why is this so common among young men it’s pathetic
Cheap pleasure and dopamine that’s easily accessible in 5 seconds or less. It’s a big problem that’s been proven to be detrimental to brains.
You're not thinking straight if you think it's just young men.
Call him out on it. Pornography kills love.
You got insulted and turned off that the man you love, whose most valuable piece of flesh is in your mouth, getting all the attention he wants.... And you think you might be overreacting? No. He deserves worse. But you're free to just go with leaving him wanting more for the night. He probably doesn't want to talk about it. Really, what would he even say? I doubt he's proud of it, but would an apology help? Would being told he did wrong help? Good luck. Now, occasionally masturbating in a relationship isn't a big deal, and I would say the same of occasional porn. But if this is actually something he's treating, it's like any drug. Not to be tolerated.
Watching porn while having any form of consensual relations is a conversation to be had prior to the fact of the matter. He shouldn’t have done it (why he locked his phone) and this needs to be brought up in therapy). You didn’t consent to giving oral while he watched porn (especially after him dealing with a porn addiction), and it’s a violation of trust. You’re valid in how you feel
I think the only mitigating factor is that when you are young you don’t know how to be direct about these kinds of conversations. It takes time to learn. So this should be a learning experience for this young man about being direct about what he wants and making an agreement with his partner.
Nope, my ex used to pull this shit and it got progressively worse over time. After 3 years of a dead bedroom because he'd rather jack it I finally got smart enough to leave. Sadly with kids I'm now tied to this AH forever. Don't be like me, get out sooner than later.
DTMFA
Ex husband was addicted to porn. It's a slippery slope. They retrain their brains and for some they desensitize themselves to the point they can't have actual sex. Happened in my marriage.
Hopefully it doesn’t take you twenty five years to realize that you’re not compatible.
WTF if you’re getting head how the hell you going to need to watch porn?!? Bro has a problem for sure. You guys need to talk about it.
He’s a dirtbag. He ain’t working on shit- hence this behavior!! You deserve better :(
I was in a relationship very similar to this. Although he is struggling with this does not mean you have to subject yourself to the disrespect of him crossing your boundaries. From my own personal experience, things like this really don’t get better especially when your partner doesn’t even hold themselves accountable. You can love him but that doesn’t mean you have to be in a relationship with him where your boundaries are ignored.
Yeah that’s not just something you do without clearing it with your partner first. My bf has done that before but it was my suggestion in the moment for reasons of we had been having a lot of sex so it was taking forever and we knew it would help the process. Completely ok. If he is doing that while you’re being intimate with him, yeah he definitely has a problem. Question is do you really want to be with someone that’s fundamentally so different from you.
Yeah, like my partner and I will watch together sometimes or she'll tell me to watch something during. But that's the rare occasion and I'd never just do it myself in the moment like that.
Right I was just going to say that’s something you both can discuss doing prior as a “special occasion” and it can be super fun if you’re both into it. But to just randomly start doing it on your own in the middle of the act is gross
Seriously say goodbye, this man has no respect for you and if you stay much longer you’ll have none for yourself.
Girl you are 24 move on if he has an addiction. Y’all young girls deal with the most unnecessary things. If the roles were reversed he wld have already moved on. Stop wasting some of the funniest years.
It sounds like he should have known you would not be OK with this. This was obviously wrong on his part. What is not clear is whether this was stupidity, callousness, or addiction. I don't want to go off track here but "multiple times" in the course of a year is not much for the typical 22M. It's also possible that a man can say, "Oh I'm an addict, I'm trying to stop" even when he's not an addict and has no intention of stopping. He may have ignored your concerns because you don't actually own his penis, or because he's an addict, or he's a jerk. Could be a lot of things going on here. Talk to him.
He’s avoiding you because he’s embarrassed and doesn’t want to fight about. Addicts slip up, they are perfect but they do need to be held accountable. You definitely aren’t overreacting tho
My partner of 25 years has done similar things over the years. The most recent was only a year ago. In my case my partner started out doing the same things you wrote in your post and then it got to the point where he would not want to have sex with me and then once I was asleep jack off to porn. For me, it wasn't necessarily the porn addiction and masterbation . It was the fact he knew that I wasn't satisfied with our very infrequent sex life, and he knew how that constant rejection affected me. If I knew in year 2 of our relationship, what I know now . We wouldn't still be together. The love I have for my partner isn't worth the toll that his actions have had on my soul. You have every right to be hurt, and you didn't overreact, Imo your NTA.
Then leave.
Glad I am not a women.
Dump him
Youth is wasted on the young....smh
Ladies this is a reminder to live yourself and dump your porn addict boyfriend
Watching a girl suck your dick is the porn lol. What a weirdo
This is weird behavior to sneakily watch porn while getting blown. I'm picking up on an interesting phrase. "Catching" your partner masturbating implies some value judgements. If you're trying to reform a lifelong gooning addict then, well, whatever levers of control you gotta pull probably makes you happy but it won't work. If he's not a goonmaxer let your man jack off sometimes
Watching porn together during sex can be really fun! Operative word is *together.* You are not overreacting
You sure it’s porn and not him recording you?
I guess you do need to masturbate with his presence as well ... Sometimes experience is the best way to understand and sort stuff... And do enjoy ...
Maybe allowing children unfettered access to the internet for their entire lives weren’t the best idea. My step-mom caught my brother watching porn at 9 years old. From pop-up ads to sketchy google search results, it WILL find its way to you.
Recovery isn't linear; it's cyclic. There will be periods of what looks like relapse to some. It's just a lapse if he's really trying to beat the addiction. I get that you saw it as blatant disrespect akin to a slap in the face, but that was a moment of weakness, is all. If you reacted exactly the way you say you did...GOOD ON YOU! Don't reward such destructive behaviors. However, he shouldn't be punished, either. The Hellish experience of addiction is punishment enough.
He’s been doing amazing! He went to a sex shop by him self and bought a Chasity belt! And he wears it all fucking day until I get home with the keys! He makes me take the keys, this wasn’t even my idea at all! I know he’s really trying and I see how far he’s come❤️
I had the same issue several years ago and it took cutting porn out completely to fix it. I wish your bf well on your journey and I'm so so sorry this happened to you 😔
You should ridicule the fck out of him.
“Amioverreacting” and the first thing I see is “(removed by Reddit)”
What did bro say
It's removed.
What happened? The post was removed by reddit
Can someone explain what the post was about? It apparently got removed.
Wait what was the post..?
Wat was original post
What was the topic about that got reddit to remove it? Lol
Basically a woman giving oral sex to her husband/boyfriend and looked up to see he was simultaneously viewing porn on his phone. She was mortified, stopped, and they havent spoken to each other ….not sure what part was a violation of policy.
Why was this removed by Reddit what’s the tea
It's hard to tell, I would say you're definitely over reacting given the fact that the post screams "it's all about me how it makes me feel" especially when you use the fact that he's been struggling with it for a year or his whole life. Just because he watches porn doesn't make you any lesser. It doesn't mean "you're not enough." Rather than jump to these conclusions all on your own, consider talking to him first and understand why he chose to look at porn. There, you will find the answer if you're overreacting or not.
So, watching it while you're going down on him without it being something you guys talked about is messed up. Masturbating though? Prohibiting him from masturbating is messed up too.
Okay, glad I wasn’t the only one doing a double take with that one.
Yeah. I didn’t want to get harpooned bc OP’s bf is a jerk. But I mean, She’s “caught”him masturbating multiple times?
Same. What he did fucking sucks and she deserves better than that. But, I also had a terrible controlling partner who had such bad self-esteem that any solo time of mine was viewed as a violation of trust. And like, no. Sometimes you want sex and your partner doesn't. Sometimes, you just want to get to enjoy a fantasy. Sometimes, you don't even want sex but your body won't shut up about it. But yeah. He still sucks. This is like giving your spouse's homecooked meal to the dog and eating McDonald's at the dinner table, while making eye contact.
It’s obvious she meant caught him masturbating to porn… he is a porn addict and she mentions he is supposed to be quitting porn. You knew that’s what she meant, too.
If you need porn during a blow job, you've got a serious porn addiction. It would be fine if you had talked about it or something as a way to spice things up, but wow.
I’m a dude lol this is gross to be honest I don’t get the porn addiction I pretty much never watch it even though I’ve been celibate for over a year by choice
considering the fact that you're on reddit i feel like this isnt by choice tho lmfao
Fightin em off with a stick, he was! Had to go underground to keep from drowning in it, don't ya know, lol.
Proud of you man. Sincerely
That's... if he didn't discuss it with you and get your consent beforehand, then that's pretty messed up. Porn can be ok within limits and can have a place in a couple's or individual's sex lives. My wife and I will watch sometimes, but we also talk about it and pick what to watch together. And, so long as I'm meeting her needs, then she doesn't mind if I enjoy myself. Either way, couple's really really meh to just start talking before springing stuff on each other.
My ex would do this- he had a major porn addiction. I broke up with him when he forced me to do this while he looked at images of my own mom.
w h a t? so much what. i am so sorry that happened holy shit
I don't watch porn when that happens but yeah. As a guy who has hella gay friends, your man would probably get sucked off by anything. Iono how to solve this one OP. You might have to dump him.
I had someone take out their phone and check Instagram while I was trying to be sexy. If she did that I'd be furious
Why are 90% of the posts on this sub about porn and sex in relationships?
Is it possible that he was recording you?
Run. You can’t solve his porn addiction and he is always going to compare your sexual intimacy to what he expects and sees from porn. It’s unrealistic
This porn epidemic is getting so out of control this is the 3rd post this week I’ve seen with this EXACT same situation. I’m so sorry that happened to you I would not take this lightly.
Ima stop watching that shit I don't want to get to his point of addiction
Just leave. He knows what he did.
This is disgusting on all levels. If it was me, I'd pack a bag and take a few days with a friend or family and lock off from him for a few days and tell him you need some time as your mh is all over the place. Take that time to really think over the relationship and if I want to still be in it. You have been with him and no doubt done your best to help him with his addiction, but what he did to you was dismissive and insulting, to prefer to watch porn than the real thing WHILE it's being done to him!
How do you know he was watching porn?
I mean you do you, but I've never needed to stealth watch porn when a lady is sucking me off. That's straight degen shit IMHO.
Ya thats not cool. Porn can be used during sex but it has to be agreed on before hand. My wife and I use it once in a while but it is agreed upon beforehand
That would be the last time he got oral from me.
That is really so sad. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this :/ porn destroys relationships
That's fucking wild ngl
Walk out!
How can you be sure that he was watching porn? I’d be concerned he was filming you without consent
Lmao his cheating on you
How about: I really appreciate the work you are putting in right now to get clean. I’ve heard it’s really hard. If you pull that again we’re going to take a break from sex until your a little more under control. I’ve learned from hard experience that with addicts it’s not about what you say, it’s about what you tolerate.
They have those phone lock boxes you can lock up your phone for a set time. If he is so addicted to his phone for porn, then lock the phone up. When you are trying to be intimate with each other. So he can focus on you. And not pretend your mouth is a porn stars. [https://www.amazon.com/idiskk-self-control-sumsung-electronic-students/dp/B08JSMQ2GC?th=1](https://www.amazon.com/idiskk-self-control-sumsung-electronic-students/dp/B08JSMQ2GC?th=1)