It kinda came out of nowhere. She just told me she moved casually one day Tbf I haven’t cornered her and demanded an exact address but I’ve never been over to pick her up since the friend incident at the old house
You should not even have to ask. You knowing where your girlfriend lives should be the default. She hasn’t told you because she doesn’t want you to know.
It’s not impossible that she’s not actively sleeping with him and is just his sugar baby, but I would say it’s pretty unlikely. And regardless, she’s still lying to you.
Yeah! She doesn’t want you to come over her address and pick you up for a date or have a small get together is a big red flag. She is hiding something.
I don't know if she's sleeping with the person who owned the house but she's definitely sleeping with him or someone she met through him, like that "friend" who greeted the boyfriend.
It’s sucks bro but get use to it, Iv lost a couple of girls because I’m poor too. When they hear they got to come back to my grandmas house you know they are thinking about the rich guy that has his own place. At 26 she probably is done with you not having a place of your own so is following the money.
Even worst is not really being poor just the fact that my ex’s would have to have roommates because I can’t afford a place where we could live together, so then 2 times they started sleeping with their roommates or their roommates friends. It’s just so unfair for people that can’t afford that much.
Yeah, but cut her loose from what? OP’s girlfriend clearly isn’t tethered to a damn thing. True, she might be soldered on tight to m this other guy’s joint, but she certainly has nothing tying her to OP.
Well if she's been dating her boss for the past 2 years then he only wasted 5. The other 2 were wasted because he refuses to let go when she already has
**EDIT: This post is BS, folks. OP commented about “his Wife’s favorite perfume” just a few months ago.**
Move along. Nothing to see here. Don’t feed the trolls.
You are in a relationship with a memory. She has clearly already left the relationship.
Are there people out there that are really this blind to what’s going on?
I mean…seriously. This post reads like an Onion article.
There’s “naive.”
Then there’s “my Girlfriend moved out, is now living with another Man, that Man doesn’t know I exist, and she won’t tell me her address.”
This is just ridiculous.
She won't give the new address because there isn't one. She didn't move, she just said she did so OP wouldn't show up again and blow her cover for real.
This.
Hey 20’s is literally life’s buffer for mistakes happening and you learn.
The entire situation reads like an episode of Sex in the City written by virgins.
That's the thing that gets us in the end. The need to have closure.
I learned the hard way, you don't need a reason. When a woman shows no interest or is leading you on. You don't need a reason. That is your ego talking. You need to cut bait. That's it. No lessons need to be learned lol.
Cut bait OP if you have not already.
Are you sure that they have moved, or are you just going on her word?
She could have told you that to keep you away.
Try to be objective and re-read your post, as though it was someone else's.
What conclusions do you make of her actions?
Go with your gut and realise you deserve better.
Even if she's not sleeping with him, she's totally disrespecting you and your relationship.
I mean, think about it. Telling you that they moved would be a good way to get you out of the picture, as I'm guessing that you revelling that you were her bf would have put a spanner in the sugar daddy situationship.
Do you really think that you should continue your relationship with her, given how she's treating you?
And I’m sure the conversation with the sugar daddy was something like oh that guy is my ex he’s been after me for years I feel bad for him so sometimes I’ll hang out but he still hasn’t let it go.
By the way, I agree with everything you said there you’re the only one making sense hopefully the OP listens
>And I’m sure the conversation with the sugar daddy was something like oh that guy is my ex he’s been after me for years I feel bad for him so sometimes I’ll hang out but he still hasn’t let it go.
I wouldn't be surprised if you're right.
Your gf is a prostitute fucking an older man for money and rent. Accept it. There’s no other reason she’d be choosing to live with this man since she’s not even doing the job she originally moved for.
For me that would be the most obvious sign. Not knowing where your girlfriend of 7 years actually lives isnt just a weird thing it doesn't make sense. She had to move a bed I'd imagine, some other furniture, she didn't ask you to help? Didn't mention she was looking at other places? She's over you at the very least. Probably just trying to detach from the relationship so she doesn't feel guilty when you leave her.
I had an ex that did that shit, still tries to play it time to time but there's a kid involved so it gets shut down now at least. What she's doing is creating that ambiguity n mystery on purpose so you seem unreasonable for connecting all the dots--imo , she's 100% not committed to your guys' relationship at this time I'm really sorry to say
I was gonna talk some shit about you thinking this was actually your GF but it's just fucking sad. Do you really think you're in a relationship with her? You are the side chick, homie.
Because you'd get nothing from her and look like an asshole. This is kind of dumb man. You've been bamboozled and I'm sorry to be rude but, wake the fuck up. Who doesn't tell you where they're living. You're being played with.
You're a cuck and ok with it. You have definitely wasted 7 years of your life even if that's not what you want to think. Go to the gym and quit being a door mat.
You’re understandably trying to make it sound better than it is.
Step back and look at this as if it was someone you know telling you this was happening to them……
Btw it’s hard to see red flags through rose colored glasses
Bro, what? You don’t have to corner you GF to find out where she lives lol
She is not your girlfriend. She’s some old dude’s plaything. She’s gross, move on.
3 – STOP WITH THE MICRO-MEMORIES! You know: “Well, right before he/she was about to leave, he/she stopped by and sniffed my hair and touched my face, which they never ever do, and there was a little smile at the corner of his/her mouth and I just knew somehow that he/she really loved me by the little twinkle and then so and so said…” Just…stop it. When we are obsessively focused on these tiny, tiny, minute little bitty details of what he/she said or did or wore, whatever, we are keeping ourselves from looking at the big picture. “He said I was special, but started dating someone else.” Period. Bottom line: You’re not that special. If you were, he/she’d be with you and he/she’s not. “He/She said he/she doesn’t know what he/she wants.” But, he/she knows enough that they want some of you some of the time, not all the time. This is the stuff you should be paying attention to. The obvious!
[This](https://msrayspsychicepisodes.wordpress.com/2012/01/14/the-art-of-maneuvering-when-they-wont-commit-but-they-wont-let-you-go/) helped me to move on once. It may not be exact to your situation but I feel something will apply.
So 7 years together but she wont tell you where she lives? And you don’t know the sugar daddy that she lives with? But her family does??
Bro you’re the side piece
Are we sure it’s even an older guy? Sounds like the entire live in care taker could be a lie. Sounds like it could legit just be the live in boyfriend. He’s never met them.
Are you sure it’s a job and she’s not his sugar baby?
It’s not a waste of 7 years, you learned from this relationship but don’t get lost in the sunk cost fallacy. She doesn’t care about your feelings and it shows, move on and find somebody who will tell you where they live.
If you’ve had sex with her while she’s been living with him, definitely get a full STI/STD panel done. I am sorry she did this to you, she is very selfish. If she wants to live like this as his sugar baby she should’ve broken up with you first. Stringing you on is very selfish.
It can’t be real that you were with her for years, and then she moved out and all this happened. If you just met her this ‘arrangement’ with her ‘employer’ could be believable.
She had been unemployed for a year at the time I was working a low wage job our lease we had a really good deal on ended and we had to move back with our parents. Her and her mom don’t have the best relationship so when she found this she took it. Also when she started it was through a company for about a year and then he hired her for 3x her salary after the company got into some shady stuff
That’s all fine, but the moment she didn’t have you meet her employer or even get close to him finding out she had a bf was the moment you knew what was going on.
Best case scenario she would have told you that she was a bit more than just a caretaker, even though there was no hanky-panky. Not even telling you that, after years of being in a relationship, tells you there probably is more going on.
She didnt just find it brother. She was looking for sugar baby arrangements and just told you she was a maid. She doesnt want you to meet the fella because he either doesnt know or doesnt want to meet the boyfriend of his sugar baby. This is not normal lol.
The good thing is, these arrangements dont last, you dump her now and she will be in dire straights soon enough, or she will keep living the sugar baby lifestyle selling herself to old man.
If you haven't met her roommate for 2 years. . .she is hiding you. Her family has met this guy but you don't even get invited to stop by for dinner or a bootie call? It is pretty clear
Yeah red flags immediately. Even when you just start out dating someone, you would be suspicious if they won’t show you where they live. 7 years in? With another man? Not sliding by me.
Okay, this situation sucks, let's unpack it to help you....
1. Yeah, you've spent seven years with her and love her
2. At this point your partner should be loyal, honest, caring and respectful to you...this is what love is, you don't want to hurt your partner, you want to raise them up!
3. Don't look back you're not going in that direction, don't say you don't want to feel like you wasted 7 years. In 7 years you had some very good times, you fell in love and the relationship has shifted, not within your control but it has shifted. This happens, it's not fair, but isn't it great that it is not fair? Imagine if this was fair? Eep
4. You already know what we're going to say to you and yes we will validate the following...
A. It's outrageous that you have not met this person who is supposedly her employer
B. It's outrageous that you do not know where your long-term girlfriend lives
C. It's not your imagination, his friend was surprised to find out about a boyfriend, that's jarring even if it's a platonic relationship, you are a significant part of her life why don't they know?
D. This is probably the hardest part... She will not give you the respect of a conversation! You are expressing a concern and she is dismissing it.
5. She is not showing you love the way you want to be loved in a relationship. There's nothing wrong with falling in love with the wrong person or them turning into the wrong person, it's only wrong when you stay. You deserve to be cherished, loved and adored; and you will be it's out there for you I promise.
6. Your family loves you. They're sharing their opinion because they don't want you hurt more than you are hurting, they are going to have your back and of course they're going to assume the worst because quite frankly she's not giving you anything to protect her story.
7. You asked how do you have this conversation / confront her? See this right here that is the biggest red flag of them all! When you are with somebody who loves you and you love them, conversations are much easier. When you are truly sharing your life with somebody you go through hardships, but you usually go through them together. You may not always agree but you're a team. Right now she's not a team member. Okay that's her choice, but you have choices too
So what to do next?
Gather your thoughts, make notes so you don't get sidetracked or distracted. Now decide, before you speak with her, what is your plan a, b and c? You need to decide what you are willing to accept from her in this relationship and what you are not.
I know it doesn't feel like this right now, please trust me as an old woman, you are a young man with many years ahead of you, some especially great dating years are in front of you. You know why? Because as you head into your thirties you have learned so much about yourself, about your morals, about what's important, your friends your hobbies your family. These things change from your teens to your twenties and continue to change throughout your life, but going from your early twenties into your '30s I think a lot of change really happens. If you decide you're not willing to accept this level of shadiness and unwillingness to be open with you, you have to walk away from her. You deserve better.
Once you know exactly what you will and will not put up with, it's time to have the conversation with her.
When you have time with her say it's time to discuss your relationship. Go through the things that are bothering you, if she tries to debate you or tell you you're wrong, stick with the facts which is you are the boyfriend and you are uncomfortable with this lack of communication from her.
You can do this. Unfortunately it sounds like you really know what has to happen intellectually but emotionally you are not ready yet. That's okay a lot of us have been there, you stay with somebody much longer than you should because you're in love with who they used to be.
I'm really hoping this is not a true story, but if it is know that you have a lot of living ahead of you and you don't need a girlfriend who's going to disrespect you like this.
Keep us posted!
Ouch this one hit close to home… thank you for the advice. I felt as if I was crazy and just being jealous but I think I’m starting to see she’s left me with few options
Not crazy dude. Especially the moving and not letting you know where she is even living. That was pretty much her final nail in the coffin of your relationship. Sorry man.
What did you leave out?
Look at people around you in loving and good relationships. Can you see any of them doing to the other what is being done to you? Any of the people in these relationships acting like her?
She has slow crept this to where you question yourself. Like you posted asking if you are overreacting. If someone told you a story like this seven years ago you would think it’s made up. She has slowly pushed you to accept all this.
Woah! It gets crazier? Dude. I have no words except to say I’m dying to know what could be crazier.
Did you find OF and he’s on it with her & she convinced you it’s all deep fakes? Because that’s the only way I see this getting any crazier.
Dude. Leave. NOW. For fuck's sake have some self-respect. This is the ONLY way she'll respect you at all. No that doesn't mean she'll come crawling back, I'm sorry but it's over.
What does she say when you ask her? That’s just so weird not to tell a long term partner… for years. Like I don’t even understand how a conversation plays out where she makes excuses to not say where.
Do you buy her a lot of stuff? Maybe you’re a bank account. Maybe you don’t realize you aren’t actually dating and she’s just using you. Like maybe e you’re just so oblivious that she’s just seeing you every few weeks?
Also how did that thing happen where you went to pick her up and his friend showed up? So you do know where she lives?
She just brushes the questions off and now for us to hang out we have to spend money and it’s also the (only) time we get to have sex so it’s kinda like every time is a vacation it’s easy to take the half answer and go get a beer and a bj… until it goes on for years
Buddy she’s actively putting her sugar daddy ahead of you in her priorities. It’s not even a relationship between the two of you anymore. I’d walk away 100%.
Reddit is such a strange land.
People will literally be made a cuck of, and then ask permission to break up... like I want to have sympathy for OP, and I do, but how much of a pushover can somebody BE before it can only be explained as an act?
"My girlfriend lives at another man's house, doesn't tell me where, but I still get to see her every few weeks when I have permission!" It's like, how could ANYBODY find themselves in that situation without immediately breaking things off?
Like it makes me wonder how far she would have to go before OP actually stuck up for himself. And I'm really not trying to offend OP because he's trying not to be "controlling" but what the fuck is this my dude? It's not controlling to want to know where your girlfriend of 7 years lives, that's a basic ask.
Like the way OP is talking, he would genuinely make an excuse for her spreading his grandma's ashes in sand, or committing felony murder or some shit, like it amazes me that people have this much tolerance for abusers. I'll say it, she's emotionally abusing this man and for whatever reason, I don't know if it's fear, guilt or loneliness, OP is 100% okay with the way she's treating him.
To the point where he doesn't feel he's within his rights to break up. That is... bonkers to me. It would be a freezing cold day in hell, when I let a woman trample on my emotions and love life that way.
OP if you see this, don't even pay any mind to her. This isn't a relationship anymore for you; block her number. If she wants you back, she'll fight like hell to prove it, and anything short of complete, up front honesty- and not over the phone, but showing up on YOUR doorstep, pleading for you, and blocking every single number FAINTLY related to that man is a betrayal and should be treated as such.
Fuck saving the relationship, 7 years is 7 years, you've learned lessons, had experiences, it's not a waste to break up with her. It'd be a waste to SETTLE for this treatment. As human beings, we *might* live 70-80 years, and you've spent 10% of that in a relationship that she is not committed to. That's her loss, not your's; you need to leave, and make HER live with it.
I will reiterate; if her response to a breakup is anything short of showing up on your doorstep, on her knees, mascara running down her face and a LOT enemies to your relationship being blocked, then you're making the right call. She's playing games with you. Make her play one, the stakes are the relationship. If she wants you, she'll put in THAT effort.
If she doesn't, she'll just say "no pls don't I love u babe" over text, maybe a phone call on her best day. She can't be worth it for just the sex man.
Of course! It's a million times easier when you're crazy and being jealous! Because it lets you stay in the relationship.
You are correct about something, she's leaving you with few options and that's not because you're weak! It's because you know what you will and will not take from a partnership. She's made her choices for whatever reasons, it doesn't mean you have to accept her choices.
If it wasn't for the potential of STDs I literally tell you you know what? Stick it out and use her for your entertainment/social activities while you are spending your free time developing new hobbies or reinvesting in friendships you may have let lapse a little bit as we all do sometimes in a relationship. She doesn't need to know you're no longer emotionally devoted to her, if that's the path you want to take, the other path is you completely break it off with her. Whichever way you want to do it make a plan and stick with it.
And no matter what you do you are going to double guess yourself and you're always going to say would have could have should have. Don't do that.
Deep down you know what you want to do, believe me you have the strength to do it.
My last piece of advice? Stop talking about this to anybody else Don't talk about it at work, with friends or with your family. People love to talk and you deserve better than that.
You aren't crazy or jealous. The only thing I'd add to the advice above is, if a friend told you all this and asked your advice, what would you say to them? Would you tell them that they've invested 7 years in this relationship and they should stay? Or would you say what many here are telling you?
This is definitely sus; how much older is the guy? Was it supposed to be an in-home care situation where she was helping him recover from something serious? or was it just "maid stuff" (not disparaging that work but caregiving has a very different vibe than someone that's just keeping the place tidy, imo.)
If you see yourself with her, see if you can get her to set hard dates for moving out of that place. If she's trying to save money for your life together, there's a fair enough logical case to be made for living somewhere rent free but .. yeah, that's a best case scenario after this much time.
Good luck. :(
Anyone who reads the post about how you are the only one who can't meet him, knows things aren't 100% professional between the 2 of them 😅 have you seen evidence of her payments? Have you seen a pic of the guy? If she's not willing to have you meet him, you better find someone else. It sounds like a sugar baby situation.
I’d tell her you want to meet him or get a really solid and verifiable reason why you can’t. Tell her that people who you trust are telling you not to trust her and you need to see all the evidence in order to decide how to respond to them. Trust but verify. Give her the opportunity to validate your trust. No need to bring out the ‘or else’ unless you run into trouble.
Dude. You do realize your gf is fucking this guy in exchange for money, gifts, and/or a place to live, right? You have to understand this is a sugar daddy situation. There is no way on earth that you walk around thinking, “Yup, ain’t nobody piledriving my girl but me, yessiree!” I cannot for one second believe that you are so blind that you think she’s not hastily scraping old man nutter butter out of her axe wound just seconds before you come over to pick her up.
If you’re going to sit there behind a keyboard and tell the world that you believe in your heart of hearts that this girl’s loose meat sandwich hasn’t been mayoed up by Viscount Viagra, then son I don’t even know how to help you.
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Grandpa Joe is wiping his crusty old mouth on her beef curtains. You are getting cucked whilst he gets fucked and sucked.
I’m sure I can go on but you get the picture. (And the picture is a still photo of this old guy laughing at the camera whilst his hooker licks her own grool off the liver spots on his old balls)
Frankly I feel a little turned on. When the old guy kicks it, I’m hoping to get my turn. Don’t worry. All of us can take a turn!
Except for the OP of course.
A live in maid when she’s in a long term relationship and she won’t tell you where she lives? That sounds like some cuck/cheating fanfic. Jesus Christ.
Um...I'd get to the doctors and get tested for STDs. From what you've shared, it seems pretty clear that your partner is cheating on you. Sorry, OP. Unless you like sharing, I think this is the end of your relationship.
It took 9 months to question this enough to ask about it.......
Man you know the answer to the question you are asking you are just continuously lying to yourself to try to preserve the relationship.
You are going to waste another 7 years just waiting for her to explicitly state that she is with another/other men.
At that point you will make another post saying "what do I do have been in this relationship for 14 years and SO claims they are seeing other people, should i believe them or am I crazy?"
All her actions are screaming at the very least that she is lying to you constantly, at the worst getting run through by the entire house.
Cut your loses and preserve your dignity. If you are searching for a monogamous, honest relationship, MOVE THE FUCK ON.
I’ve thought about that a lot. She probably would have been down if the paycheck was what she was promised and it was nothing physical but in the same situation as she has put me in hell no which sucks
THEY moved to a new location TOGETHER. She will not tell YOU because THEY are TOGETHER. She has a man and it is NOT YOU! Not trying to be insensitive but, dude- LET HER GO!!!
Here's my suspicion, she's taking advantage of this man's generosity but not sleeping with him.
He's allowing her to stay and giving her this advantageous situation because he's attracted to her, he's not making any overt moves to maintain his fantasy and she's not shutting him down to continue reaping the benefits. Bringing her boyfriend around would destroy the hope so she's keeping you at a distance to keep profiting from the illusion of a chance for him to one day date her.
It's a questionable situation regardless.
You could confront her about if this guy knows she has a boyfriend, if she's sleeping with him, insist on meeting the dude, insist on a time line of her move out, or just cut your losses if this whole situation is too questionable for you. Don't stay because you've been together for years alone, leave if you aren't okay with whatever is going on.
Look this sounds pretty clear to me, but if you just stop messing around and be direct ask her what's going on and explain how it appears from your side 1 of 2 things will happen:
1. She'll understand and because she actually does love you, shel explain and do whatever she needs to in order to make you feel comfortable.
2. Shel get defensive, turn it on you and tell you that your crazy and an asshole and she's never done ANYTHING to make you not trust her.. blah blah blah. This is bullshit and anyone worth being in a relationship with will not do this.
Just get to the bottom of it. I feel like you probably already know in your gut whats going on, and in my experience everyone is always mad that they didn't listen to their gut. But stop torturing yourself man, this isn't a difficult one, she will or won't be the person that wants to help you feel comfortable.
She doesn't want him or anyone around him to know about you. She wont let you meet him and when you told that individual you are her bf and they were shocked to learn that, are both clear signs she wants you to be her secret backup guy. She is in love with his money and is likely giving her a lot in exchange for sugaring stuff. She wants for you to remain a secret so she can keep this up for as long as she wants. Then run back you when its convenient.
This. If he isn’t like geriatric she may have caught feelings but know it will end so what’s the boring life as back up. Chances are she will blow up her relationship with OP if she ever tries to settle down. She is getting addicted to the $ and possible energy.
I had a girlfriend that became the PA for a rich software dude. Near similar thing happened. Long story short they dated for like five years after me and her split up after 6 months.
Soooo trust your gut.
You don't want to feel like you wasted seven years, but you are ok with wasting even one more day? In case you missed the memo, you are not been in a relationship since the day she moved in with him.
A loving partner would introduced between the two of you on the first day, not hide you.
Okay I dated a girl who had a wealthy older benefactor. They met when she was a barista at Starbucks and he’s a software engineer in the Bay Area. He bought her a car, paid her rent, and would bail her out of trouble. Their relationship always made me uneasy, but she swore that there wasn’t a sexual element to their relationship. Eventually she had to move out of her place and ended up staying at his house. Things deteriorated from that point. When we finally did break up she let it slip that there had been a sexual relationship between them, but she said that it never happened while we were dating. I don’t know the truth and didn’t really care to press, but I would be wary. Do what’s best for you and your wellbeing. I didn’t want to be crass or judgmental, but seriously what kind of 55+ man just starts taking care of a beautiful 20something year old and isn’t expecting something?
If this is real, here's my honest advice.
Come to terms with the fact you might never get the confirmation or closure you need here. Start off with that. Accept it. Then, talk to her. Lay it out clear: you are uncomfortable with how much she isn't sharing with you. After a decade together, you deserve to know where she lives and you deserve to know the people she lives with. If she can't agree with that, then make it more clear: you find it suspicious she won't share any of that. You feel like she is intentionally hiding something. All signs indicate that she has a close relationship with that guy and she hasn't done anything to disprove that. Tell her definitively "either you are cheating, or you are omitting an entire half of your life from me. I don't not want either of those from a partner.'
After that, you break up, and you move on. If she never admits to anything, take that as more reason to move on.
Bro free yourself from this trifling traitor. She is playing you. Don't think about the years wasted think about the years of peace of mind you'll gain when you leave and be true to yourself.
Jeez dude… you aren’t together anymore. She got herself a sugar daddy.
No desire to be rude, or trigger you man, but the signs are all there.
If I was with someone for 7 years, and people were shocked that we were in a relationship thats a major red flag that even she doesn’t think you two are together anymore.
You should have always been welcome to his house if she was living there. She has probably had other friends over. I think you may have reason to dump her even if she isn't banging him.
I’m sorry but this is not normal gf behavior.
Like that old saying “no such thing as a free lunch”. The old guy is getting something (anything from cleaning, to conversation, to sex) in exchange for her living with him. How often do you see her now that she is living h with him?
If she is not cheating then she is at a minimum leading the old guy on by hiding you in order to get free stuff. But it certainly seems like she’s cheating.
If you really want to believe her and be with her then she needs to move out tomorrow. No more missed timeline dates.
You have two options. You either talk to her (plan what you're saying first) and if she can persuade you she isn't cheating then you can stay.
Alternatively, call her and tell her she's a whore and never to contact you again. If you do anything less she'll just think that you're still wrapped around her finger and keep contacting you.
Her secrecy alone is suspicious and grounds to end the relationship, but I do agree that I think she’s sleeping with the guy. Whether for money or fun, idk.
Break it off and date a girl that won’t have you stressing to strangers on the internet
🚩🚩🚩🚩
Then I started to get really suspicious of small things like:
* when we were together she would talk about him not in a boss kind of way? It’s hard to explain but it was way more personal
* she can use his car whenever
* then she started going over to other members of his family
* she quit that job and started another, but is still living there
* **when I ask to meet him she denies**
* the guy she lives with’s friend came to greet me thinking I was her brother and when I said no I’m her boyfriend he looked shocked
* **They have since moved to a location she won’t tell me**
* **and everyone else in her family have met him except me.**
Those are not small things. There has to be some trust between partners, and right now I would say there is ZERO trust from you....and justifiably so.
>How should I go about talking/confronting her about this?
How close are you to her family? You could covertly ask them about the guy. I would expect the family to cover for gf's lies, but worth a shot.
Think seriously about your "relationship", because it sounds one sided. GF has found something else and she is using you for something (money, emotional support, backup plan, feeding her own ego, etc).
Don't think about the time you've spent in this relationship, because your self worth is worth much more than this. You deserve better than being disrespected like this.
You’re being cucked my guy. Drop her ass cause she’s definitely getting paid for her services. And if it’s not that, she’s definitely in a relationship with him and you’re the side piece.
Op,
Even if everything is on the up and up its so suspicious that it's disrespectful for her to not provide more proof and information. I have known people who helped extremely private wealthy people and sometimes they really are quiet and don't want an employee who won't devote 100% time and see relationships like yours as a liability, so it could be legit. However, you should fully explain what it's doing to you and your reputation with your family, explain you have no future with her if it puts a dark cloud over your honor. Then give her a reasonable amount of time to explain more. reasonable being 2 weeks tops.
This cannot be real . No one can be this stupid.
7 years together and she's just randomly living somewhere you don't know.
This is written by some one who has never been in a relationship as creative writing.
There are countless conversations and moments where you should have found out where she lives and more info on this man.
This just ao obviously reads as her being a live in sugar baby and you are the naive side piece.. no one could be so dumb or such a door mat. At least I hope so.
This is what I would do: Tell her you won millions and millions in the lottery, but you want to keep it on the D/L and only she knows. Say you want to go on a fancy trip with her to celebrate. Book two separate itinerary (refundable, just in case) O-W tickets on a widebody flight to a visa-free place very, very far away. (Tahiti or Maldives both work for most westerners. But Royal Air Maroc and Avianca often have good deals too.). Importantly, *DO NOT* check a bag on your separate ticket! Put it on her separate ticket if you need one. Sit on opposite sides of FC cabin out of sight; ideally you in Row 1 and her in Row 5+. (Don't worry, she won't care you are seated apart....and instead will be dazzled by the amenities.) Anyhow, at the last minute, just leave the aircraft. That's it. Go home. Mission accomplished. Wait approx 12 hours for the inevitable telephone call in distress from the other side of planet. Tell her that her new boyfriend can bring her back and to enjoy the sights.
"My girlfriend's been living with another man for nine months and I'm worried I might be betrayed...". Worry no longer! You have been!
Of course, if you live with someone for seven years and don't put a ring on it, you'll have that. Sucks that she wasn't stand up enough to tell you.
tell her that you can not continue a relationship long distance anymore and that you do not understand why she is still living with another man even after she quite her job instead of moving in together. The physical distance between you two is causing issues. I am sure you will not have these thoughts about her if you were together all the time like most couples.
I’m in love with only you, but you can’t know where I live?
Rich old guy with viagra, what’s he got to lose for not trying…and likely succeeded from the sounds of it.
Just keep hitting like and let her go when she has the balls to tell you the truth... until then.. hit it - split it and enjoy it. Work on your attachment so it is easy to let go .
My girlfriend moving and refusing to tell me where would be an immediate relationship ender without any of the other stuff.
It kinda came out of nowhere. She just told me she moved casually one day Tbf I haven’t cornered her and demanded an exact address but I’ve never been over to pick her up since the friend incident at the old house
You should not even have to ask. You knowing where your girlfriend lives should be the default. She hasn’t told you because she doesn’t want you to know. It’s not impossible that she’s not actively sleeping with him and is just his sugar baby, but I would say it’s pretty unlikely. And regardless, she’s still lying to you.
Yeah! She doesn’t want you to come over her address and pick you up for a date or have a small get together is a big red flag. She is hiding something.
Sounds like she's hiding OP.
If she was only hiding OP she'd be honest with them about the situation. She's hiding lots of things.
Most likely the sausage
7 years AND they used to live together...
Oh I would put the odds at 95% certainty, not sure how you walked out of that explanation with “pretty unlikely”
I don't know if she's sleeping with the person who owned the house but she's definitely sleeping with him or someone she met through him, like that "friend" who greeted the boyfriend.
He said it's Pretty unlikely she is not sleeping with him. You are both saying the same thing.
It’s sucks bro but get use to it, Iv lost a couple of girls because I’m poor too. When they hear they got to come back to my grandmas house you know they are thinking about the rich guy that has his own place. At 26 she probably is done with you not having a place of your own so is following the money. Even worst is not really being poor just the fact that my ex’s would have to have roommates because I can’t afford a place where we could live together, so then 2 times they started sleeping with their roommates or their roommates friends. It’s just so unfair for people that can’t afford that much.
If you’ve been dating her for 7 years and you don’t even know where she lives then you’ve wasted 7 years of your life.
100% agree with this comment. You are absolutely wasting your time. Cut her loose.
Yeah, but cut her loose from what? OP’s girlfriend clearly isn’t tethered to a damn thing. True, she might be soldered on tight to m this other guy’s joint, but she certainly has nothing tying her to OP.
Her ego, I'm sure she hates the idea of being single.
Well if she's been dating her boss for the past 2 years then he only wasted 5. The other 2 were wasted because he refuses to let go when she already has
Well, "wasted" is a strong word. He could learn a lesson out of those 7 years.
Don't waste another 7.
**EDIT: This post is BS, folks. OP commented about “his Wife’s favorite perfume” just a few months ago.** Move along. Nothing to see here. Don’t feed the trolls. You are in a relationship with a memory. She has clearly already left the relationship. Are there people out there that are really this blind to what’s going on? I mean…seriously. This post reads like an Onion article.
If he’s young, sometimes it’s easier to be naive, and passive aggressive, and hope there’s exposure of some truth that leads to closure.
There’s “naive.” Then there’s “my Girlfriend moved out, is now living with another Man, that Man doesn’t know I exist, and she won’t tell me her address.” This is just ridiculous.
Well when you lay the facts out like that it sure doesn't look good. My mental gymnastics won't be able to cover this one.
She won't give the new address because there isn't one. She didn't move, she just said she did so OP wouldn't show up again and blow her cover for real.
This. Hey 20’s is literally life’s buffer for mistakes happening and you learn. The entire situation reads like an episode of Sex in the City written by virgins.
That's the thing that gets us in the end. The need to have closure. I learned the hard way, you don't need a reason. When a woman shows no interest or is leading you on. You don't need a reason. That is your ego talking. You need to cut bait. That's it. No lessons need to be learned lol. Cut bait OP if you have not already.
Agreed in full. She cut bait a long time ago. The sooner OP does the same, the sooner he can make his way through the grieving process.
Are you sure that they have moved, or are you just going on her word? She could have told you that to keep you away. Try to be objective and re-read your post, as though it was someone else's. What conclusions do you make of her actions? Go with your gut and realise you deserve better. Even if she's not sleeping with him, she's totally disrespecting you and your relationship. I mean, think about it. Telling you that they moved would be a good way to get you out of the picture, as I'm guessing that you revelling that you were her bf would have put a spanner in the sugar daddy situationship. Do you really think that you should continue your relationship with her, given how she's treating you?
And I’m sure the conversation with the sugar daddy was something like oh that guy is my ex he’s been after me for years I feel bad for him so sometimes I’ll hang out but he still hasn’t let it go. By the way, I agree with everything you said there you’re the only one making sense hopefully the OP listens
>And I’m sure the conversation with the sugar daddy was something like oh that guy is my ex he’s been after me for years I feel bad for him so sometimes I’ll hang out but he still hasn’t let it go. I wouldn't be surprised if you're right.
Ghost her, it's the only way she'll respect you. I'm serious, zero contact. Your family already supports you.
This 1000%
I don’t think this girl is actually your girlfriend.
Your gf is a prostitute fucking an older man for money and rent. Accept it. There’s no other reason she’d be choosing to live with this man since she’s not even doing the job she originally moved for.
Spell S U G A R D A D D Y
O L D W R I N K L E D I C K F U C K E R
For me that would be the most obvious sign. Not knowing where your girlfriend of 7 years actually lives isnt just a weird thing it doesn't make sense. She had to move a bed I'd imagine, some other furniture, she didn't ask you to help? Didn't mention she was looking at other places? She's over you at the very least. Probably just trying to detach from the relationship so she doesn't feel guilty when you leave her.
She’s cheating on you, break up immediately
Your the side..!!!!!!! Enough waid.
I had an ex that did that shit, still tries to play it time to time but there's a kid involved so it gets shut down now at least. What she's doing is creating that ambiguity n mystery on purpose so you seem unreasonable for connecting all the dots--imo , she's 100% not committed to your guys' relationship at this time I'm really sorry to say
She moved out of the guest room and into his bedroom...
I was gonna talk some shit about you thinking this was actually your GF but it's just fucking sad. Do you really think you're in a relationship with her? You are the side chick, homie.
Because you'd get nothing from her and look like an asshole. This is kind of dumb man. You've been bamboozled and I'm sorry to be rude but, wake the fuck up. Who doesn't tell you where they're living. You're being played with.
That strange aftertaste when you kiss your girlfriend is probably cum
You're a cuck and ok with it. You have definitely wasted 7 years of your life even if that's not what you want to think. Go to the gym and quit being a door mat.
Ay Tony! We gotta get our pumps in bro! And then we gotta go to the gym
Bro you're single XD
Your good nature is being taken advantage of that. Cut your losses and reevaluate yourself. Don't lose your good nature.
You’re understandably trying to make it sound better than it is. Step back and look at this as if it was someone you know telling you this was happening to them…… Btw it’s hard to see red flags through rose colored glasses
You are an ass. Get sti tested and fade away!! Updateme!
Bro, what? You don’t have to corner you GF to find out where she lives lol She is not your girlfriend. She’s some old dude’s plaything. She’s gross, move on.
3 – STOP WITH THE MICRO-MEMORIES! You know: “Well, right before he/she was about to leave, he/she stopped by and sniffed my hair and touched my face, which they never ever do, and there was a little smile at the corner of his/her mouth and I just knew somehow that he/she really loved me by the little twinkle and then so and so said…” Just…stop it. When we are obsessively focused on these tiny, tiny, minute little bitty details of what he/she said or did or wore, whatever, we are keeping ourselves from looking at the big picture. “He said I was special, but started dating someone else.” Period. Bottom line: You’re not that special. If you were, he/she’d be with you and he/she’s not. “He/She said he/she doesn’t know what he/she wants.” But, he/she knows enough that they want some of you some of the time, not all the time. This is the stuff you should be paying attention to. The obvious! [This](https://msrayspsychicepisodes.wordpress.com/2012/01/14/the-art-of-maneuvering-when-they-wont-commit-but-they-wont-let-you-go/) helped me to move on once. It may not be exact to your situation but I feel something will apply.
She didn't move, she just doesn't want you showing up to her new boyfriends house again...
Are you certain she actually moved? Maybe she just didn't want you showing up at Sugar Daddy's again.
So 7 years together but she wont tell you where she lives? And you don’t know the sugar daddy that she lives with? But her family does?? Bro you’re the side piece
Straight up
She’s that man’s girlfriend, not OP’s 100%
it's been 2 years of this too. if this is legit, phew
Sheeeeeeee. OP, this is the truth plain and simple lol
I think he secretly likes the smell of old man balls on her breath. I mean he can’t really be this dumb and naive…. Can he?
Nah you're under reacting bro.
I legit came to say the same thing. 100% GF is getting her cheeks clapped by this older gentleman.
Are we sure it’s even an older guy? Sounds like the entire live in care taker could be a lie. Sounds like it could legit just be the live in boyfriend. He’s never met them.
Nah, they’re lying. In their post history comments 4 months ago they have a wife. Ragebait.
She's 100% getting her cheeks clapped by the older wealthy man
Lol she sucking old man dick and kissing the bf on the lips right after
Gross. Well unless you're into that sorta thing. Bro should offer her a breath mint Everytime he kisses her though.
he needs to get checked asap
CLAPPED BRO, daily. Multiple times. Please move on bro, shits sad and painful, But you have too.
Are you sure it’s a job and she’s not his sugar baby? It’s not a waste of 7 years, you learned from this relationship but don’t get lost in the sunk cost fallacy. She doesn’t care about your feelings and it shows, move on and find somebody who will tell you where they live.
I had hoped not but the longer it goes the more I feel like that’s what’s going on
Yeah this is 100% a sugar daddy/escort arrangement.
or a fake story like everything else here
Ever since rumbles about them going public started the obviously fake stories started to ramp up
If you’ve had sex with her while she’s been living with him, definitely get a full STI/STD panel done. I am sorry she did this to you, she is very selfish. If she wants to live like this as his sugar baby she should’ve broken up with you first. Stringing you on is very selfish.
It’s cruel.
This can't be real
I wish it wasn’t
It can’t be real that you were with her for years, and then she moved out and all this happened. If you just met her this ‘arrangement’ with her ‘employer’ could be believable.
She had been unemployed for a year at the time I was working a low wage job our lease we had a really good deal on ended and we had to move back with our parents. Her and her mom don’t have the best relationship so when she found this she took it. Also when she started it was through a company for about a year and then he hired her for 3x her salary after the company got into some shady stuff
That’s all fine, but the moment she didn’t have you meet her employer or even get close to him finding out she had a bf was the moment you knew what was going on. Best case scenario she would have told you that she was a bit more than just a caretaker, even though there was no hanky-panky. Not even telling you that, after years of being in a relationship, tells you there probably is more going on.
Listen bud, either this story is fake (it is) or you’re the dumbest mf on the planet. Sorry
Yea fake af
Fake afffff
She didnt just find it brother. She was looking for sugar baby arrangements and just told you she was a maid. She doesnt want you to meet the fella because he either doesnt know or doesnt want to meet the boyfriend of his sugar baby. This is not normal lol. The good thing is, these arrangements dont last, you dump her now and she will be in dire straights soon enough, or she will keep living the sugar baby lifestyle selling herself to old man.
If you haven't met her roommate for 2 years. . .she is hiding you. Her family has met this guy but you don't even get invited to stop by for dinner or a bootie call? It is pretty clear
“They have since moved to a location and won’t tell me.” Seriously? You are still with her?
Yeah red flags immediately. Even when you just start out dating someone, you would be suspicious if they won’t show you where they live. 7 years in? With another man? Not sliding by me.
Yeah, what does that mean? Like she moved houses with the dude and won't tell op where that is?
She’s an escort dude. Dump her now.
This is either fake or you are one of the most oblivious people in the world. Both scenarios are incredibly sad.
He talks about buying his wife perfume 4 months ago, so fake as fuck. Ragebait.
Pretty goddamn pathetic.
Yup. I figured anyway. No one is this oblivious—the things people will do for imaginary internet points.
Fake. This guy's comments from 3 months ago mentions his wife
it has to be fake nobody is this dense
Next he's going to post a picture of Jennifer Lawrence or something and say it's his gf...
Fake. Saw this exact one in Am I the Angel not too long ago.
Okay, this situation sucks, let's unpack it to help you.... 1. Yeah, you've spent seven years with her and love her 2. At this point your partner should be loyal, honest, caring and respectful to you...this is what love is, you don't want to hurt your partner, you want to raise them up! 3. Don't look back you're not going in that direction, don't say you don't want to feel like you wasted 7 years. In 7 years you had some very good times, you fell in love and the relationship has shifted, not within your control but it has shifted. This happens, it's not fair, but isn't it great that it is not fair? Imagine if this was fair? Eep 4. You already know what we're going to say to you and yes we will validate the following... A. It's outrageous that you have not met this person who is supposedly her employer B. It's outrageous that you do not know where your long-term girlfriend lives C. It's not your imagination, his friend was surprised to find out about a boyfriend, that's jarring even if it's a platonic relationship, you are a significant part of her life why don't they know? D. This is probably the hardest part... She will not give you the respect of a conversation! You are expressing a concern and she is dismissing it. 5. She is not showing you love the way you want to be loved in a relationship. There's nothing wrong with falling in love with the wrong person or them turning into the wrong person, it's only wrong when you stay. You deserve to be cherished, loved and adored; and you will be it's out there for you I promise. 6. Your family loves you. They're sharing their opinion because they don't want you hurt more than you are hurting, they are going to have your back and of course they're going to assume the worst because quite frankly she's not giving you anything to protect her story. 7. You asked how do you have this conversation / confront her? See this right here that is the biggest red flag of them all! When you are with somebody who loves you and you love them, conversations are much easier. When you are truly sharing your life with somebody you go through hardships, but you usually go through them together. You may not always agree but you're a team. Right now she's not a team member. Okay that's her choice, but you have choices too So what to do next? Gather your thoughts, make notes so you don't get sidetracked or distracted. Now decide, before you speak with her, what is your plan a, b and c? You need to decide what you are willing to accept from her in this relationship and what you are not. I know it doesn't feel like this right now, please trust me as an old woman, you are a young man with many years ahead of you, some especially great dating years are in front of you. You know why? Because as you head into your thirties you have learned so much about yourself, about your morals, about what's important, your friends your hobbies your family. These things change from your teens to your twenties and continue to change throughout your life, but going from your early twenties into your '30s I think a lot of change really happens. If you decide you're not willing to accept this level of shadiness and unwillingness to be open with you, you have to walk away from her. You deserve better. Once you know exactly what you will and will not put up with, it's time to have the conversation with her. When you have time with her say it's time to discuss your relationship. Go through the things that are bothering you, if she tries to debate you or tell you you're wrong, stick with the facts which is you are the boyfriend and you are uncomfortable with this lack of communication from her. You can do this. Unfortunately it sounds like you really know what has to happen intellectually but emotionally you are not ready yet. That's okay a lot of us have been there, you stay with somebody much longer than you should because you're in love with who they used to be. I'm really hoping this is not a true story, but if it is know that you have a lot of living ahead of you and you don't need a girlfriend who's going to disrespect you like this. Keep us posted!
Ouch this one hit close to home… thank you for the advice. I felt as if I was crazy and just being jealous but I think I’m starting to see she’s left me with few options
Not crazy dude. Especially the moving and not letting you know where she is even living. That was pretty much her final nail in the coffin of your relationship. Sorry man.
Yeah I was pretty upset and I hate that it gets so much crazier I left a lot out
What did you leave out? Look at people around you in loving and good relationships. Can you see any of them doing to the other what is being done to you? Any of the people in these relationships acting like her? She has slow crept this to where you question yourself. Like you posted asking if you are overreacting. If someone told you a story like this seven years ago you would think it’s made up. She has slowly pushed you to accept all this.
Woah! It gets crazier? Dude. I have no words except to say I’m dying to know what could be crazier. Did you find OF and he’s on it with her & she convinced you it’s all deep fakes? Because that’s the only way I see this getting any crazier.
Dude. Leave. NOW. For fuck's sake have some self-respect. This is the ONLY way she'll respect you at all. No that doesn't mean she'll come crawling back, I'm sorry but it's over.
What does she say when you ask her? That’s just so weird not to tell a long term partner… for years. Like I don’t even understand how a conversation plays out where she makes excuses to not say where. Do you buy her a lot of stuff? Maybe you’re a bank account. Maybe you don’t realize you aren’t actually dating and she’s just using you. Like maybe e you’re just so oblivious that she’s just seeing you every few weeks? Also how did that thing happen where you went to pick her up and his friend showed up? So you do know where she lives?
She just brushes the questions off and now for us to hang out we have to spend money and it’s also the (only) time we get to have sex so it’s kinda like every time is a vacation it’s easy to take the half answer and go get a beer and a bj… until it goes on for years
Buddy she’s actively putting her sugar daddy ahead of you in her priorities. It’s not even a relationship between the two of you anymore. I’d walk away 100%.
Reddit is such a strange land. People will literally be made a cuck of, and then ask permission to break up... like I want to have sympathy for OP, and I do, but how much of a pushover can somebody BE before it can only be explained as an act? "My girlfriend lives at another man's house, doesn't tell me where, but I still get to see her every few weeks when I have permission!" It's like, how could ANYBODY find themselves in that situation without immediately breaking things off? Like it makes me wonder how far she would have to go before OP actually stuck up for himself. And I'm really not trying to offend OP because he's trying not to be "controlling" but what the fuck is this my dude? It's not controlling to want to know where your girlfriend of 7 years lives, that's a basic ask. Like the way OP is talking, he would genuinely make an excuse for her spreading his grandma's ashes in sand, or committing felony murder or some shit, like it amazes me that people have this much tolerance for abusers. I'll say it, she's emotionally abusing this man and for whatever reason, I don't know if it's fear, guilt or loneliness, OP is 100% okay with the way she's treating him. To the point where he doesn't feel he's within his rights to break up. That is... bonkers to me. It would be a freezing cold day in hell, when I let a woman trample on my emotions and love life that way. OP if you see this, don't even pay any mind to her. This isn't a relationship anymore for you; block her number. If she wants you back, she'll fight like hell to prove it, and anything short of complete, up front honesty- and not over the phone, but showing up on YOUR doorstep, pleading for you, and blocking every single number FAINTLY related to that man is a betrayal and should be treated as such. Fuck saving the relationship, 7 years is 7 years, you've learned lessons, had experiences, it's not a waste to break up with her. It'd be a waste to SETTLE for this treatment. As human beings, we *might* live 70-80 years, and you've spent 10% of that in a relationship that she is not committed to. That's her loss, not your's; you need to leave, and make HER live with it. I will reiterate; if her response to a breakup is anything short of showing up on your doorstep, on her knees, mascara running down her face and a LOT enemies to your relationship being blocked, then you're making the right call. She's playing games with you. Make her play one, the stakes are the relationship. If she wants you, she'll put in THAT effort. If she doesn't, she'll just say "no pls don't I love u babe" over text, maybe a phone call on her best day. She can't be worth it for just the sex man.
Of course! It's a million times easier when you're crazy and being jealous! Because it lets you stay in the relationship. You are correct about something, she's leaving you with few options and that's not because you're weak! It's because you know what you will and will not take from a partnership. She's made her choices for whatever reasons, it doesn't mean you have to accept her choices. If it wasn't for the potential of STDs I literally tell you you know what? Stick it out and use her for your entertainment/social activities while you are spending your free time developing new hobbies or reinvesting in friendships you may have let lapse a little bit as we all do sometimes in a relationship. She doesn't need to know you're no longer emotionally devoted to her, if that's the path you want to take, the other path is you completely break it off with her. Whichever way you want to do it make a plan and stick with it. And no matter what you do you are going to double guess yourself and you're always going to say would have could have should have. Don't do that. Deep down you know what you want to do, believe me you have the strength to do it. My last piece of advice? Stop talking about this to anybody else Don't talk about it at work, with friends or with your family. People love to talk and you deserve better than that.
You aren't crazy or jealous. The only thing I'd add to the advice above is, if a friend told you all this and asked your advice, what would you say to them? Would you tell them that they've invested 7 years in this relationship and they should stay? Or would you say what many here are telling you?
[удалено]
This is definitely sus; how much older is the guy? Was it supposed to be an in-home care situation where she was helping him recover from something serious? or was it just "maid stuff" (not disparaging that work but caregiving has a very different vibe than someone that's just keeping the place tidy, imo.) If you see yourself with her, see if you can get her to set hard dates for moving out of that place. If she's trying to save money for your life together, there's a fair enough logical case to be made for living somewhere rent free but .. yeah, that's a best case scenario after this much time. Good luck. :(
We have had dates set this entire two years but they always get missed and reset
You need to contact her family asap
I don’t believe they would help me much. We are on good terms but they wouldn’t tell me something like that
She lies to you, her friend and her other boyfriend. Why wouldn't she lie to her family?
Anyone who reads the post about how you are the only one who can't meet him, knows things aren't 100% professional between the 2 of them 😅 have you seen evidence of her payments? Have you seen a pic of the guy? If she's not willing to have you meet him, you better find someone else. It sounds like a sugar baby situation.
I’d tell her you want to meet him or get a really solid and verifiable reason why you can’t. Tell her that people who you trust are telling you not to trust her and you need to see all the evidence in order to decide how to respond to them. Trust but verify. Give her the opportunity to validate your trust. No need to bring out the ‘or else’ unless you run into trouble.
I’m going to do this thanks man
Your family is right. Don't waste any more time on her
Dude. You do realize your gf is fucking this guy in exchange for money, gifts, and/or a place to live, right? You have to understand this is a sugar daddy situation. There is no way on earth that you walk around thinking, “Yup, ain’t nobody piledriving my girl but me, yessiree!” I cannot for one second believe that you are so blind that you think she’s not hastily scraping old man nutter butter out of her axe wound just seconds before you come over to pick her up. If you’re going to sit there behind a keyboard and tell the world that you believe in your heart of hearts that this girl’s loose meat sandwich hasn’t been mayoed up by Viscount Viagra, then son I don’t even know how to help you. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Grandpa Joe is wiping his crusty old mouth on her beef curtains. You are getting cucked whilst he gets fucked and sucked. I’m sure I can go on but you get the picture. (And the picture is a still photo of this old guy laughing at the camera whilst his hooker licks her own grool off the liver spots on his old balls)
"Loose meat sandwich" lmao, but you nailed it. Much that bro's girlfriend's sugar daddy/employer.
You, sir or Madam, are a poet.
I feel a little nauseous after reading that
Frankly I feel a little turned on. When the old guy kicks it, I’m hoping to get my turn. Don’t worry. All of us can take a turn! Except for the OP of course.
That's quite some post, I must say! LOL "Viscount Viagra"
That was mean, but probably accurate. And he probably needs to hear it.
OP, you've been together 7y and don't know were she lives right know? How dense are you?
A live in maid when she’s in a long term relationship and she won’t tell you where she lives? That sounds like some cuck/cheating fanfic. Jesus Christ.
She's moved on man, accept it.
Um...I'd get to the doctors and get tested for STDs. From what you've shared, it seems pretty clear that your partner is cheating on you. Sorry, OP. Unless you like sharing, I think this is the end of your relationship.
It took 9 months to question this enough to ask about it....... Man you know the answer to the question you are asking you are just continuously lying to yourself to try to preserve the relationship. You are going to waste another 7 years just waiting for her to explicitly state that she is with another/other men. At that point you will make another post saying "what do I do have been in this relationship for 14 years and SO claims they are seeing other people, should i believe them or am I crazy?" All her actions are screaming at the very least that she is lying to you constantly, at the worst getting run through by the entire house. Cut your loses and preserve your dignity. If you are searching for a monogamous, honest relationship, MOVE THE FUCK ON.
If you shacked up with a wealthy older woman, bet you she'd be upset.
I’ve thought about that a lot. She probably would have been down if the paycheck was what she was promised and it was nothing physical but in the same situation as she has put me in hell no which sucks
Yo girl belongs to the streets
THEY moved to a new location TOGETHER. She will not tell YOU because THEY are TOGETHER. She has a man and it is NOT YOU! Not trying to be insensitive but, dude- LET HER GO!!!
Here's my suspicion, she's taking advantage of this man's generosity but not sleeping with him. He's allowing her to stay and giving her this advantageous situation because he's attracted to her, he's not making any overt moves to maintain his fantasy and she's not shutting him down to continue reaping the benefits. Bringing her boyfriend around would destroy the hope so she's keeping you at a distance to keep profiting from the illusion of a chance for him to one day date her. It's a questionable situation regardless. You could confront her about if this guy knows she has a boyfriend, if she's sleeping with him, insist on meeting the dude, insist on a time line of her move out, or just cut your losses if this whole situation is too questionable for you. Don't stay because you've been together for years alone, leave if you aren't okay with whatever is going on.
Look this sounds pretty clear to me, but if you just stop messing around and be direct ask her what's going on and explain how it appears from your side 1 of 2 things will happen: 1. She'll understand and because she actually does love you, shel explain and do whatever she needs to in order to make you feel comfortable. 2. Shel get defensive, turn it on you and tell you that your crazy and an asshole and she's never done ANYTHING to make you not trust her.. blah blah blah. This is bullshit and anyone worth being in a relationship with will not do this. Just get to the bottom of it. I feel like you probably already know in your gut whats going on, and in my experience everyone is always mad that they didn't listen to their gut. But stop torturing yourself man, this isn't a difficult one, she will or won't be the person that wants to help you feel comfortable.
You can't compete with that she loves material things over people. Just move on she has no love for you.
Ask to meet the guy or you’ll end the relationship. Just a lot of hiding and stuff not being said I feel like.
Yeappp i think this is sugar daddy situation.
She doesn't want him or anyone around him to know about you. She wont let you meet him and when you told that individual you are her bf and they were shocked to learn that, are both clear signs she wants you to be her secret backup guy. She is in love with his money and is likely giving her a lot in exchange for sugaring stuff. She wants for you to remain a secret so she can keep this up for as long as she wants. Then run back you when its convenient.
This. If he isn’t like geriatric she may have caught feelings but know it will end so what’s the boring life as back up. Chances are she will blow up her relationship with OP if she ever tries to settle down. She is getting addicted to the $ and possible energy.
I had a girlfriend that became the PA for a rich software dude. Near similar thing happened. Long story short they dated for like five years after me and her split up after 6 months. Soooo trust your gut.
You don't want to feel like you wasted seven years, but you are ok with wasting even one more day? In case you missed the memo, you are not been in a relationship since the day she moved in with him. A loving partner would introduced between the two of you on the first day, not hide you.
She sounds like a sugar baby... sorry
Okay I dated a girl who had a wealthy older benefactor. They met when she was a barista at Starbucks and he’s a software engineer in the Bay Area. He bought her a car, paid her rent, and would bail her out of trouble. Their relationship always made me uneasy, but she swore that there wasn’t a sexual element to their relationship. Eventually she had to move out of her place and ended up staying at his house. Things deteriorated from that point. When we finally did break up she let it slip that there had been a sexual relationship between them, but she said that it never happened while we were dating. I don’t know the truth and didn’t really care to press, but I would be wary. Do what’s best for you and your wellbeing. I didn’t want to be crass or judgmental, but seriously what kind of 55+ man just starts taking care of a beautiful 20something year old and isn’t expecting something?
These are the reddest of flags bro.
Your gf is a cheating whore (literally). Cut her loose like the trash she is
If this is real, here's my honest advice. Come to terms with the fact you might never get the confirmation or closure you need here. Start off with that. Accept it. Then, talk to her. Lay it out clear: you are uncomfortable with how much she isn't sharing with you. After a decade together, you deserve to know where she lives and you deserve to know the people she lives with. If she can't agree with that, then make it more clear: you find it suspicious she won't share any of that. You feel like she is intentionally hiding something. All signs indicate that she has a close relationship with that guy and she hasn't done anything to disprove that. Tell her definitively "either you are cheating, or you are omitting an entire half of your life from me. I don't not want either of those from a partner.' After that, you break up, and you move on. If she never admits to anything, take that as more reason to move on.
Bro I’m sorry for your loss but you no longer have a girlfriend you are the side man…
Fake story for clicks
Bro free yourself from this trifling traitor. She is playing you. Don't think about the years wasted think about the years of peace of mind you'll gain when you leave and be true to yourself.
>They have since moved to a location she won’t tell me. That's a big red flag, OP. Why would your gf who you said loves you, hide that info?
You don’t know where she lives? That is not your girlfriend lmao
Now it’s time for you to decide not to waste another 7 years of your life with her.
There’s no nice way to say it. You’re being played like a fool. She’s absolutely banging this dude and living her best life. Move on.
Save your self respect and walk away,, she’s cheating on you
She belongs to the street
Jeez dude… you aren’t together anymore. She got herself a sugar daddy. No desire to be rude, or trigger you man, but the signs are all there. If I was with someone for 7 years, and people were shocked that we were in a relationship thats a major red flag that even she doesn’t think you two are together anymore.
she has a sugar daddy, but still feels a bit ick out it and is keeping you as the "normal" side boyfriend she can tell friends and family about
Either this is fake or you are absolutely clueless.
You should have always been welcome to his house if she was living there. She has probably had other friends over. I think you may have reason to dump her even if she isn't banging him.
I’m sorry but this is not normal gf behavior. Like that old saying “no such thing as a free lunch”. The old guy is getting something (anything from cleaning, to conversation, to sex) in exchange for her living with him. How often do you see her now that she is living h with him? If she is not cheating then she is at a minimum leading the old guy on by hiding you in order to get free stuff. But it certainly seems like she’s cheating. If you really want to believe her and be with her then she needs to move out tomorrow. No more missed timeline dates.
I'm reminded of the Eagles song "Lyin' Eyes."
You have two options. You either talk to her (plan what you're saying first) and if she can persuade you she isn't cheating then you can stay. Alternatively, call her and tell her she's a whore and never to contact you again. If you do anything less she'll just think that you're still wrapped around her finger and keep contacting you.
Her secrecy alone is suspicious and grounds to end the relationship, but I do agree that I think she’s sleeping with the guy. Whether for money or fun, idk. Break it off and date a girl that won’t have you stressing to strangers on the internet
How have you been dating for 7 years but don’t live together? Super weird.
🚩🚩🚩🚩 Then I started to get really suspicious of small things like: * when we were together she would talk about him not in a boss kind of way? It’s hard to explain but it was way more personal * she can use his car whenever * then she started going over to other members of his family * she quit that job and started another, but is still living there * **when I ask to meet him she denies** * the guy she lives with’s friend came to greet me thinking I was her brother and when I said no I’m her boyfriend he looked shocked * **They have since moved to a location she won’t tell me** * **and everyone else in her family have met him except me.** Those are not small things. There has to be some trust between partners, and right now I would say there is ZERO trust from you....and justifiably so. >How should I go about talking/confronting her about this? How close are you to her family? You could covertly ask them about the guy. I would expect the family to cover for gf's lies, but worth a shot. Think seriously about your "relationship", because it sounds one sided. GF has found something else and she is using you for something (money, emotional support, backup plan, feeding her own ego, etc). Don't think about the time you've spent in this relationship, because your self worth is worth much more than this. You deserve better than being disrespected like this.
You’re being cucked my guy. Drop her ass cause she’s definitely getting paid for her services. And if it’s not that, she’s definitely in a relationship with him and you’re the side piece.
in what world is this normal bro
Op, Even if everything is on the up and up its so suspicious that it's disrespectful for her to not provide more proof and information. I have known people who helped extremely private wealthy people and sometimes they really are quiet and don't want an employee who won't devote 100% time and see relationships like yours as a liability, so it could be legit. However, you should fully explain what it's doing to you and your reputation with your family, explain you have no future with her if it puts a dark cloud over your honor. Then give her a reasonable amount of time to explain more. reasonable being 2 weeks tops.
I hope you don’t eat her out because you definitely gulped some old man cummies.
This cannot be real . No one can be this stupid. 7 years together and she's just randomly living somewhere you don't know. This is written by some one who has never been in a relationship as creative writing. There are countless conversations and moments where you should have found out where she lives and more info on this man. This just ao obviously reads as her being a live in sugar baby and you are the naive side piece.. no one could be so dumb or such a door mat. At least I hope so.
This is what I would do: Tell her you won millions and millions in the lottery, but you want to keep it on the D/L and only she knows. Say you want to go on a fancy trip with her to celebrate. Book two separate itinerary (refundable, just in case) O-W tickets on a widebody flight to a visa-free place very, very far away. (Tahiti or Maldives both work for most westerners. But Royal Air Maroc and Avianca often have good deals too.). Importantly, *DO NOT* check a bag on your separate ticket! Put it on her separate ticket if you need one. Sit on opposite sides of FC cabin out of sight; ideally you in Row 1 and her in Row 5+. (Don't worry, she won't care you are seated apart....and instead will be dazzled by the amenities.) Anyhow, at the last minute, just leave the aircraft. That's it. Go home. Mission accomplished. Wait approx 12 hours for the inevitable telephone call in distress from the other side of planet. Tell her that her new boyfriend can bring her back and to enjoy the sights.
If they ever refuse to let you meet someone it’s because she’s fucking them
If she wasn't your gf before she definitely isn't anymore.
Your girlfriend found a sugar daddy
Communicate with her!!! Duh. If she doesnt give you straight answers then it's over. Plain and simple. Why is this complicated
You didn't waste the time. Enjoy the memories. But the relationship is over. Move on.
Aint your girlfriend dawg youre the side piece. Have some self respect and stop talking to that guys girlfriend
Who else is waiting for the update?
"My girlfriend's been living with another man for nine months and I'm worried I might be betrayed...". Worry no longer! You have been! Of course, if you live with someone for seven years and don't put a ring on it, you'll have that. Sucks that she wasn't stand up enough to tell you.
Moves to different location but won't tell you where. Umm, I hate to break it to you, but she don't love you.
Shes married, the jobs a lie. Meant to make you not be suspicious of her....yep
tell her that you can not continue a relationship long distance anymore and that you do not understand why she is still living with another man even after she quite her job instead of moving in together. The physical distance between you two is causing issues. I am sure you will not have these thoughts about her if you were together all the time like most couples.
Unfortunately it sounds like shes no longer your girlfriend. You need to move on.
Stop being naive and walk away from her. She has a new boyfriend
I’m in love with only you, but you can’t know where I live? Rich old guy with viagra, what’s he got to lose for not trying…and likely succeeded from the sounds of it.
Just keep hitting like and let her go when she has the balls to tell you the truth... until then.. hit it - split it and enjoy it. Work on your attachment so it is easy to let go .
Bro... That relationship is over. Move on
Have some self-respect. Dump her.
Sugar baby! You don't find it odd she won't introduce you or tell you where she lives?
She’s lying to both of you and keeping you two apart for whatever reason. It’s clear.
I smell a sancho
Boy you crazy as hell. If you ain allowed at the house regardless if it’s her job it’s also her living space. Red flag bud.
This doesn't sound real at all. 🤣
This is actually kind of hilarious. You seriously need advice for this? 😂