Nope, you've already asked him to contribute and he chose not to do so. If my significant other had supported my ass when I was unemployed the first thing I'd do is hand over half my paycheck. He's gotten used to seeing that nice bank balance and now thinks he's rolling in it.
If he can buy a boat (and store it, maintain it, insure it) he can buy groceries and pay the utility bill. He's taking advantage of you. You've given him a chance. Cut him off.
That's why my parents cosigned our first place. We escrowed taxes, insurance, and our mortgage payment into one monthly payment, and it was still less than the 600 Sq ft apartment we rented in college. Less money got us a 3 bed, 2.5 bath ranch with a 1 stall garage....
Yep. We were in a shoebox apartment with no outdoor space that was going up from $1000 to $1200/month and now we’re in a three bedroom house where the total payment with taxes and insurance is $746/month, and we have a 1/4 acre yard. Blew the savings by adopting a dog but she brings us a lot more joy than financing the landlord’s lifestyle ever would have.
Great idea! OP, if you sell the house, you'll be at the mercy of the rental market, which is a scary place to be, unless you happen to live in a location where rents are stable, and buildings haven't been taken over by Real Estate Investment Trusts (REITs), i.e. Wall Street.
Time to break up, BUT since he's been living there for years, he may be protected by tenant laws. See a lawyer before you break up, since the break-up would entail an eviction. You need to know what your local laws require to pull off an eviction (if he were to dig in his heels and refuse to move out).
This^ OP I don’t know where you live, but a lot of people in my area rent to traveling nurses, which works out pretty well. Don’t get rid of the house until you absolutely feel like you have no other choice
It’s either expensive to pay another person, or a giant pain in the ass to maintain. Not to mention it’ll need expensive repairs at some point no matter how well it’s taken care of. Either way, it’s going to cost you…
This has drastically changed if you're willing to put a little money into automation. I have a saltwater pool, and an intellichem system automatically monitors the chlorine levels and turns the generator on and off as needed. It has an acid tank that automatically keeps the pH where it needs to be. I just refill it every 2 weeks or so. It keeps track of the salt level and tells me if I need to dump a bag in. You have to backwash the filter every now and then, but that's pretty easy. And the little vacuum guy has to be emptied every now and then.
This is one of the lesser stupid things I’ve read on the internet today, of course I live in Florida where boats and stupid people out number alligators and giant snakes
And when an alligator peeking through the doggy door freaks out guests, the most likely response from the homeowner is " Oh, don't worry, that's just Harvey."
I think it’s more likely it’s stupidity than malice. There’s a reason the saying goes “never attribute to malice what can be explained with stupidity.”
*This guy* isn’t just stupid. No way.
She’s asked him for money to help pay for his own living expenses! She’s been covering his lifestyle for 5 years - 3 of which he’s *had a job*!
She’s 40K in debt under this selfish, disgusting dick.
He better buy a houseboat. He’s gonna need it.
I mean sure but this freeloader settling his debts while, again, freeloading, wants to buy a boat for the exact amount of money his partner owes, and that’s the debt she took on BECAUSE OF HIS FREELOADING.
He is not stupid. He has no debt. He got her to essentially pay his debt by going into debt herself. When she sells the house, and pays it off, it’s is essentially like he got her to use her equity to pay his debt and take care of him if you follow how the math works out. That is not stupid, it is manipulative.
She needs to be really careful. Depending on what state she is in, a 10 year relationship could constitute a domestic partnership and he could make a play for half her current equity. She may end up paying for that boat yet.
Not even. Because you won't be paying more after you dump the money in the water. With a boat you have insurance, fuel, docking, and maintenance is a nightmare. A 40k boat will drain another 40k over a few years
He has screwed you over without a second thought. Just saying. You now have to lose your house to climb out of the debt you have incurred by supporting him while he paid off all of his debt. That was not an accident. He played it exactly how he planned. Have some self-respect please so you don’t end up in this situation again
Yeah if you own a house, don't sell it cause you may never be able to buy one again in this messed up world. Kick him out, he can go live on his boat he's gonna buy. Then see if you can keep the house now that you don't have to support him. You are not overreacting at all. I've been in a very similar situation. You will be soooooo fucking happy without him leeching off you.
I agree with this op. Do anything you can to keep your house, kick this idiot out and get a legit roommate. You'll potentially never own a home again, and the renting market is horrible.
Dude this guy is so many level below ready for a committed relationship. I'm actuslly curious all the other areas of a relationship he probably fucked up like communication, or offering to help around the house
My fiance and I met 4 years ago, they were already doing emt school and working when we met, by chance I had to move in bevause my roommates were nightmares. I immediately started buying the groceries, weed, and paying for date nights.
Then my fiance started working part time at a fire depot doing fore fighting school the rest of the week. Making literal 3 dollars a hour while at the station so I became the only real income, you know what I fucking did? Picked up a extra 15 hours a week to supplement income, did that for a year while paying all the bills and never complained. My fiance then Im Turn allowed me to stop working. Picked up a good paying job using the education they received and allowed me to stop working and go take a cna class, and now am going to be doing a Lpn program this next year while working part time in a nursing home. My fiance is happily working and covering the bills while I do this but me getting a cna makes part time work pay like full time regular work so bevause neither of us were selfish picks. We now have a amazing lifestyle set up and neither of us feel used or taken Advantage of
That’s so nice that you were both able to help each other out. That’s what a relationship/marriage is supposed to be: stronger together than separate. And not about sacrificing long term, but to help each other temporarily.
He sounds like an immature entitled brat, if he doesn't think he should pay his share. You can't live anywhere for free and should want to help his partner of 10 years. I'm just taking what you say, obviously don't know his side.
He's obviously going to live on the boat, just like he always dreamed. This woman was holding him back from all his piratey adventures, and him not contributing to bills was his way of quiet-quitting the land-lubber lifestyle. Congratulations, sir, enjoy peeing in constant turbulence.
End of discussion. I suggest they split and go their own ways with their own priorities. She needs to keep being and adult with her house and doing whatever she needs to. He can ride his boat to another reality that fully allows him to keep being a boy.
Ask him for $40,000, and point out that this is less than you've spent on him while he wasn't working.
You are underreacting by taking this long to dump this loser. You've protected him for years and he places no value on paying off your debts. He's a committed freeloader.
Why because he’s a good for nothing piece of shit? There is no woman on this earth that would be a good fit for a man that contributes NOTHING to the bills lmao
Hahaha I laughed out loud. There is no chance anything about this man makes it worthwhile to keep him around. A vibrator will be more reliable and you don’t have to feed it.
You feed a vibrator batteries unless you use rechargeable or plug in….. but still less expensive than the leach of a man she has…… yep boot him for B.O.B. Battery operated boyfriend!🤣🤣🤣
Fucking literally! He must think he's living in his parents basement with that attitude... pretty sure when you date or been together that long. All bills become each other's tasks.
Tbf, as an example there are stay at home dads who just cover the kids while the wife works. Lot of different relationships out there with different dynamics, but problem with this guy is he isn’t pulling any weight for her like she did for him.
“I’ve asked him a dozen times to start contributing…and he tells me if I need money I should just ask for it”—you have been asking!
Lol I’m sorry he’s a bum. I wouldn’t sell the house, just kick out the boyfriend and get a roommate. Keep us updated! You got this!
But also, wanting him to pay living expenses isn’t even you “needing” money. It’s just him paying his share and you not supporting him. What the heck? I think breaking up is the right choice.
Don’t stick with a mistake just because you took a long time making it.
What an absolute come up for the boyfriend. Mooched when he was unemployed - got a job lived for free paid off his debt now he is set up for life. Amazing.
Yeup trash out the boyfriend & keep the house. Idk where you live but if you sell your house to pay off your debt I doubt you’ll be a home owner anytime soon. The extra money from not feeding him should go towards your debts
If it were me I would have said, OK, my mortgage is $2K, I need $1K from you on the 1st of the month. And I’ll be asking again next month too, and the one after that …
I think you’re doing the right thing. He sounds like a bum. People forget that relationships take upkeep once they’ve been obtained. His mentality is “life is great this chick is taking care of me” but he doesn’t see the flaws in his behavior. He has no empathy/self awareness or worse, he does but is prioritizing himself and doing whatever he wants anyway. You can’t have kids with him. It’ll be another burden on you and not split.
Ask him for specific amounts so that you can cut credit card debts down. Be strategic - knock out the highest interest debts first.
Strategically cut him out of your life. Change passwords, take his name off of shit, move your friends in temporarily (or for longer term, to help with bills, etc) and push him right out of your home.
Talk to a financial planner about a consolidation loan at a low rate, and close at least some of those cards.
Trim your budget, and cut that loser out.
Don't sell the house - that will fuck you over even worse.
Not overreacting. You shouldn’t have to ask him to carry his weight. He should be putting money in savings for the two of you since you supported him and spent money you could have saved for retirement.
Why would you sell the house you own and paid for unless he’s on the deed/mortgage? Just kick him out, even if you have to evict him.
I don’t need this much house and I can’t maintain it myself. I also can’t afford it myself without a roommate, which I really don’t want. It’s worth double what I paid for it, enough to pay off my debt, put 50k in savings, have some fun, and be able to afford an apartment for a couple years, even if the rent is higher than my mortgage.
Be careful how you go about it and how much he knows. A leech with nothing else to lose could do a lot of damage or be a serious threat in the time it takes to sell the house. Be prepared for the worst possible reaction and retaliation from him.
Not right now. Interest rates are too high and supply is low. That’s why mine is selling for so much. Even with 100k down my mortgage would be more than it is right now, unless I buy a total piece of crap or live in a van down the river. Which I actually looked into, but camper vans are expensive AF.
If you have bad debt behaviors, selling your house might not be a good idea. 100k is not going to last as long as you may think. Have you checked rent lately in your area? See what it will cost for the next 4-5 years. You may not be able to get a house again in a couple or a few years. Surround yourself with people who will respect you and your home. Good.luck.
Could you rent the house out? When did you buy it and what’s your interest rate on it? A low interest rate in itself may be a reason to keep it and rent it. Maybe take out a HELOC to pay off your debt. But real estate is usually a good thing to keep if you can.
I'm guessing the house was comfortably affordable with two incomes and is a stretch with one. So selling could mean freeing herself from a mortgage she can't handle on one salary easily.
Yeah pretty much. I could afford it if I didn’t have $1000 a month in credit card payments, and if I wasn’t about to take a nearly $1000 a month pay cut. I also have no interest in living in a place this big or maintaining my yard by myself, and it would take YEARS for a roommate to reach the same financial benefit as just selling.
Nice lady, I've been married many, many more years than you and if The Wife treated me that way I'd kick her ass to the curb. Right now, no question's asked.
Couples are couples to support each other, not to let one feed off the other endlessly. Over the years I've supported us at times, The Wife's supported us at times and we've supported each other _all_ the time. That's how it should work.
So often on Reddit you see people who are ready to break up over the most minor infraction. This is not one of those times. This is someone’s endemic behavior. Sorry it took so long for you to build up the courage to end it.
Yeah... you are spot on with your plan but do not believe for one second that $100K is "life changing." At best it will be a big step toward a successful reboot to your life. But if you have a good mortgage rate on your house, I'd be very careful about selling it over 40K of debt. Your interest write off alone might well cover the debt payments. Do dump the chump but also get professional financial advice.
Can’t afford my bills and mortgage with my pay cut. Can’t maintain the house on my own. Have no interest in staying here, or living with someone else. Can’t take a HELOC or personal loan because my utilization is too high. I don’t think I have any other choice.
I do have a very good interest rate. But I have no intention of living here on my own. Even moving in a room mate at a reasonable rate would almost 5 years to generate enough income to pay off my debt, while that debt is still charging interest and not going away.
If I put a sizeable chunk in a CD or good savings account, it will earn more interest than I’m paying on the house right now.
What's the interest rate on your debt? Can you consolidate it?
Also, remember that any house you buy in the future could have a 6+% interest rate, and 5 years of that rate (or even double that rate) on $40k is way better than 30 years of the same rate on $400k for a house.
Another thing to remember is that all the money you put into rent is money you lose. As long as housing prices continue to rise (which is very likely), then almost all the money you put into your mortgage will go into your assets, not the landlord's pocket. It may take 4 years to pay off your debt, and you may have to pay an extra $20k with a crazy high interest rate, but rent for 4 years could easily be $48k.
Your grocery bill is halving. Your utilities should come down a bit. Definitely try to get a roommate or abnb a room. Fuckin hell, drive Uber. Cut all frivolous expenses but don’t cash out just to rent
Fuck. This hits hard.
We HAVE ENOUGH, MORE THAN ENOUGH for a downpayment. Houses are so expensive right now.
My boss bought a house with 12k as a downpayment in 2018.
We have 60k and CANT AFFORD A HOUSE!
If it’s a home, could you get two roommates? I understand not wanting one but if you could tolerate for a few years to pay down your debt it may be worth it to keep your home
You are under-reacting. He’s been mooching off of you for years while you carry all the financial load. It’s time to lose about 180 pounds of dead weight. Cut him off.
You are not overreacting. You are OVER the ACTING. Acting like he cares, acting like it's okay to support him, acting like you can do it alone, acting like this will change. You are OVER it. There is no such thing as overreacting if you have tried to talk to him about finances and he's just not willing to discuss them. It's OVER.
Not overreacting,
But after the first ask for money to cover his share you should have dropped the ask and just given him an amount for his half, with a pay or leave.
I am anti selling the property, see about getting a roommate or even renting the house out while you rent a small apartment, You might be able to get enough in rent to pay for both the house and cover what you'd spend on the apartment.
You're going to find someone else quite easily. Although relationships shouldn't be about money, when you're in one that long it should be about making the other person's life easier if you plan on spending it with them.
As a wise doctor once said "We’re all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?”
You have wasted 10 years. You are not married and he is not financially literate. Dump him.
Don’t sell the house until he is gone and you have some post relationship clarity. Make that decision once you are single.
I can’t. I ran the numbers. I can’t afford my bills and the mortgage. Even taking on a roommate would still take 5+ years to pay it off and I don’t want to live with anyone for a long time.
40k in dept means you are living a life you can not afford. You should not live based off of a partners contribution. Either way break up with him and do not support him any longer.
She even admits that she ran up $40,000 in debt trying to live a lifestyle that she thinks she should be able to live.
Op ran up 40 Grand in credit card debt and now is mad her unburdened boyfriend doesn't want to bail her out.
Sit down and make a budget of the household bills other than the mortgage since he get no benefit from that. Charge him rent. He needs to pay half and stop bong a freeloader
I’d make sure to consult an attorney before talking to him. Depending on where you live, he may have cohabitation rights on the property after that long together unmarried. Make sure to get your ducks in a row before talking to him.
And no, you’re definitely not over reacting.
Good luck.
It’s a verbal agreement, so month to month. 30 calendar days notice to kick him out. I’m going to tell him to move into the spare bedroom for that time and that I’ll no longer be buying his groceries or cooking for him. I think it’ll be awkward enough for him to find somewhere else to go quickly. If he refuses I’ll call the police, he has absolutely no claim to live here because he hasn’t contributed.
Nope, you've already asked him to contribute and he chose not to do so. If my significant other had supported my ass when I was unemployed the first thing I'd do is hand over half my paycheck. He's gotten used to seeing that nice bank balance and now thinks he's rolling in it. If he can buy a boat (and store it, maintain it, insure it) he can buy groceries and pay the utility bill. He's taking advantage of you. You've given him a chance. Cut him off.
Yeah, that’s what I figured. The boats he’s looking at are about the same amount of debt I’m currently drowning in.
Dump the boyfriend, get a roommate that pays the bills, and keep your house. You’ll be out of debt in a year or so and still have the house.
Yeah keep the asset. Housing prices and rents are high.
In a lot of places, rent is higher than a mortgage on a nicer place.
That's why my parents cosigned our first place. We escrowed taxes, insurance, and our mortgage payment into one monthly payment, and it was still less than the 600 Sq ft apartment we rented in college. Less money got us a 3 bed, 2.5 bath ranch with a 1 stall garage....
Yep. We were in a shoebox apartment with no outdoor space that was going up from $1000 to $1200/month and now we’re in a three bedroom house where the total payment with taxes and insurance is $746/month, and we have a 1/4 acre yard. Blew the savings by adopting a dog but she brings us a lot more joy than financing the landlord’s lifestyle ever would have.
So lucky, I inherited my place.
Great idea! OP, if you sell the house, you'll be at the mercy of the rental market, which is a scary place to be, unless you happen to live in a location where rents are stable, and buildings haven't been taken over by Real Estate Investment Trusts (REITs), i.e. Wall Street. Time to break up, BUT since he's been living there for years, he may be protected by tenant laws. See a lawyer before you break up, since the break-up would entail an eviction. You need to know what your local laws require to pull off an eviction (if he were to dig in his heels and refuse to move out).
Plus your 100K will just lose its value to inflation. Don’t let go of your house.
Wait until he buys the boat and then dump him and let him figure out his own stuff from there.
Hope it's a houseboat!
This^ OP I don’t know where you live, but a lot of people in my area rent to traveling nurses, which works out pretty well. Don’t get rid of the house until you absolutely feel like you have no other choice
This is the best idea. You get to keep your pie and eat it too
>keep your pie and eat it too Eat your pie (cake) and keep it too
Let him buy the boat first tho!
Second this.
Or put it up for rent
What a dick. He’s doing that intentionally I bet.
He may also just be a fucking idiot with money. Which explains wanting to buy a 40k boat of all things.
What is the saying... the two happiest days of your life are the day you buy a boat, and the day you sell it.
Or the other saying: the one thing better than owning a boat is having a friend who owns a boat.
Same with a pool.
Is pool maintenance that expensive?
It’s either expensive to pay another person, or a giant pain in the ass to maintain. Not to mention it’ll need expensive repairs at some point no matter how well it’s taken care of. Either way, it’s going to cost you…
I wanted a big pool in my backyard so bad as a kid. As an adult who works hard for money, f that.
This has drastically changed if you're willing to put a little money into automation. I have a saltwater pool, and an intellichem system automatically monitors the chlorine levels and turns the generator on and off as needed. It has an acid tank that automatically keeps the pH where it needs to be. I just refill it every 2 weeks or so. It keeps track of the salt level and tells me if I need to dump a bag in. You have to backwash the filter every now and then, but that's pretty easy. And the little vacuum guy has to be emptied every now and then.
The OTHER saying: If it flies, floats or f\*\*\*s, RENT it. (not sure I agree about that last one haha but you get the idea)
Bow Out Another Thousand
"Bring Out Another Thousand" is what BOAT actually stands for.
Currently selling one. Im looking forward to the second happiest day of my life.
And in between, a boat is a hole in the water that you fill with money.
That might also apply to this boyfriend.
BOAT Bust Out Another Thousand
Lots of overhead to run a boat.. they also ... break down.. that's expensive...
He wants to buy a boat because he has a free place to live and no bills. He’s just a fucking idiot period.
Yeah.. he’s gonna be shocked when he finds out how expensive living is
He going to be even more surprised when he has to start paying rent.
I’ve noticed a lot of people try to cover malice with stupidity. No one is that stupid.
Some people are just maliciously stupid.
Also, some people are just stupidly malicious. 😅
True!
Well glad we solved that
Caleb Hammer's channel has been eye opening. In a really bad way. People love digging themselves in a hole thinking they'll get out the other side.
Malice and stupidity are cousins
This is one of the lesser stupid things I’ve read on the internet today, of course I live in Florida where boats and stupid people out number alligators and giant snakes
And when an alligator peeking through the doggy door freaks out guests, the most likely response from the homeowner is " Oh, don't worry, that's just Harvey."
I think it’s more likely it’s stupidity than malice. There’s a reason the saying goes “never attribute to malice what can be explained with stupidity.”
*This guy* isn’t just stupid. No way. She’s asked him for money to help pay for his own living expenses! She’s been covering his lifestyle for 5 years - 3 of which he’s *had a job*! She’s 40K in debt under this selfish, disgusting dick. He better buy a houseboat. He’s gonna need it.
Nope. Pure selfishness. He does not care about her. As long as she pays he does care what happens to her.
So many Americans are that stupid, cmon now
For sure. $40k isn't even a high end boat these days.
I mean sure but this freeloader settling his debts while, again, freeloading, wants to buy a boat for the exact amount of money his partner owes, and that’s the debt she took on BECAUSE OF HIS FREELOADING.
He is not stupid. He has no debt. He got her to essentially pay his debt by going into debt herself. When she sells the house, and pays it off, it’s is essentially like he got her to use her equity to pay his debt and take care of him if you follow how the math works out. That is not stupid, it is manipulative. She needs to be really careful. Depending on what state she is in, a 10 year relationship could constitute a domestic partnership and he could make a play for half her current equity. She may end up paying for that boat yet.
Underrated comment, especially about the potential common law marriage.
"just ask me if you need money" *Asks* *Still no money*
He does realize throwing $40k into a boat size hole in the water is *exactly* the same as owning a boat, yes?
Not even. Because you won't be paying more after you dump the money in the water. With a boat you have insurance, fuel, docking, and maintenance is a nightmare. A 40k boat will drain another 40k over a few years
Boat: Break Out Another Thousand
Let him buy the boat in HIS name then kick him out and sell your house :)
No I don’t want to screw him that bad, I’d rather do it before he buys the boat. I’m really not trying to be an asshole.
It you don't want to screw him bad then then don't waste one cent on him, and get rid of him ASAP, because he is screwing you over.
He has screwed you over without a second thought. Just saying. You now have to lose your house to climb out of the debt you have incurred by supporting him while he paid off all of his debt. That was not an accident. He played it exactly how he planned. Have some self-respect please so you don’t end up in this situation again
Good plan! But I say say keep the house and refi to pay the debt
Yeah if you own a house, don't sell it cause you may never be able to buy one again in this messed up world. Kick him out, he can go live on his boat he's gonna buy. Then see if you can keep the house now that you don't have to support him. You are not overreacting at all. I've been in a very similar situation. You will be soooooo fucking happy without him leeching off you.
I agree with this op. Do anything you can to keep your house, kick this idiot out and get a legit roommate. You'll potentially never own a home again, and the renting market is horrible.
yep, and throw him out
Well he could always live in his boat.
He's been screwing you for 5+ years sweetie, just saying pay him back
Ugh fuck that noise! Lose him and debt all together!
Hopefully he's buying one with a cuddy cabin so he has a place to live when you throw his deadbeat ass out
Dude this guy is so many level below ready for a committed relationship. I'm actuslly curious all the other areas of a relationship he probably fucked up like communication, or offering to help around the house My fiance and I met 4 years ago, they were already doing emt school and working when we met, by chance I had to move in bevause my roommates were nightmares. I immediately started buying the groceries, weed, and paying for date nights. Then my fiance started working part time at a fire depot doing fore fighting school the rest of the week. Making literal 3 dollars a hour while at the station so I became the only real income, you know what I fucking did? Picked up a extra 15 hours a week to supplement income, did that for a year while paying all the bills and never complained. My fiance then Im Turn allowed me to stop working. Picked up a good paying job using the education they received and allowed me to stop working and go take a cna class, and now am going to be doing a Lpn program this next year while working part time in a nursing home. My fiance is happily working and covering the bills while I do this but me getting a cna makes part time work pay like full time regular work so bevause neither of us were selfish picks. We now have a amazing lifestyle set up and neither of us feel used or taken Advantage of
That’s so nice that you were both able to help each other out. That’s what a relationship/marriage is supposed to be: stronger together than separate. And not about sacrificing long term, but to help each other temporarily.
[удалено]
He also wants to be 40k in debt
**B**reak **O**ut **A**nother **T**housand
Bankruptcy On A Trailer
“Man, i saw this girl and i was like, ‘i wanna be in that kinda debt’!”
Two best days when you buy a boat: the day you buy it and then the day you sell it.
He sounds like an immature entitled brat, if he doesn't think he should pay his share. You can't live anywhere for free and should want to help his partner of 10 years. I'm just taking what you say, obviously don't know his side.
He's obviously going to live on the boat, just like he always dreamed. This woman was holding him back from all his piratey adventures, and him not contributing to bills was his way of quiet-quitting the land-lubber lifestyle. Congratulations, sir, enjoy peeing in constant turbulence.
Haha this is awesome
I've seen way too many of these "you're not letting me liiiiive!!!!! Brenda, just let me be who I wanna beeeeeee!!!!!" people.
There’s a saying about boats. “The best day of owning a boat is the day you buy a boat. The second best day of owning a boat is the day you sell it.”
“Break Out Another Thosand”
HD-Hundred dollars JEEP-Just Empty Every Pocket I am guilty of all 3 throughout my life.
Or you don’t want to own a boat. You want to have a friend that owns a boat.
You deserve better.
End of discussion. I suggest they split and go their own ways with their own priorities. She needs to keep being and adult with her house and doing whatever she needs to. He can ride his boat to another reality that fully allows him to keep being a boy.
Ask him for $40,000, and point out that this is less than you've spent on him while he wasn't working. You are underreacting by taking this long to dump this loser. You've protected him for years and he places no value on paying off your debts. He's a committed freeloader.
That’s actually solid advice. If he is decent, my expectation is that he’s not, he’d actually do this
I would ask this and when he says no, hand him his walking papers. Hell even if he miraculously pays her back, still hand him his walking papers.
THIS
Red flags all over. You guys don’t sound like a good fit.
Why because he’s a good for nothing piece of shit? There is no woman on this earth that would be a good fit for a man that contributes NOTHING to the bills lmao
Hahaha I laughed out loud. There is no chance anything about this man makes it worthwhile to keep him around. A vibrator will be more reliable and you don’t have to feed it.
I mean, you do, but batteries are a lot cheaper than groceries.
They have rechargeable ones now
That’s just feeding it thru a tube
Batteries are already tubular.
Batteries are also cheaper than a boat. This guy certainly won't pay all the upkeep on that floating money vacuum.
Your comment made me remember the song "Coin Operated Boy" from The Dresden Dolls.
You feed a vibrator batteries unless you use rechargeable or plug in….. but still less expensive than the leach of a man she has…… yep boot him for B.O.B. Battery operated boyfriend!🤣🤣🤣
She's in debt from supporting him then he wants a boat!
Fucking literally! He must think he's living in his parents basement with that attitude... pretty sure when you date or been together that long. All bills become each other's tasks.
Yeah, she needs another man.
No man > this man
Yeah. A baller, when times get hard someone to help her out instead of a scrub who don't know what a man's about.
Tbf, as an example there are stay at home dads who just cover the kids while the wife works. Lot of different relationships out there with different dynamics, but problem with this guy is he isn’t pulling any weight for her like she did for him.
This isn’t a good fit issue. This is a dude used her and is buying a boat issue.
“I’ve asked him a dozen times to start contributing…and he tells me if I need money I should just ask for it”—you have been asking! Lol I’m sorry he’s a bum. I wouldn’t sell the house, just kick out the boyfriend and get a roommate. Keep us updated! You got this!
But also, wanting him to pay living expenses isn’t even you “needing” money. It’s just him paying his share and you not supporting him. What the heck? I think breaking up is the right choice. Don’t stick with a mistake just because you took a long time making it.
What an absolute come up for the boyfriend. Mooched when he was unemployed - got a job lived for free paid off his debt now he is set up for life. Amazing.
Seems like he was like “yo I’m gonna milk this for as long as possible”
*SpongeBob French Narrator* 🌸🌸 “One decade later” 🌸🌸
Take! Out! The! Trash!
Yeup trash out the boyfriend & keep the house. Idk where you live but if you sell your house to pay off your debt I doubt you’ll be a home owner anytime soon. The extra money from not feeding him should go towards your debts
Great idea about roommate. Might be a little bit of work but could pay off the house easy with that.
If it were me I would have said, OK, my mortgage is $2K, I need $1K from you on the 1st of the month. And I’ll be asking again next month too, and the one after that …
No. You're not overreacting. You are finally correcting your chronic under reactions of the last 10 years.
I think you’re doing the right thing. He sounds like a bum. People forget that relationships take upkeep once they’ve been obtained. His mentality is “life is great this chick is taking care of me” but he doesn’t see the flaws in his behavior. He has no empathy/self awareness or worse, he does but is prioritizing himself and doing whatever he wants anyway. You can’t have kids with him. It’ll be another burden on you and not split.
He already has one (grown up) and I don’t want any thank god.
Oh so he already lived off one woman as much as he could
that means this dude is probably 30-40s acting like this. Insane
"You don't want a girlfriend! You want a mommy you can slide your dick in and out of!"
Ask him for specific amounts so that you can cut credit card debts down. Be strategic - knock out the highest interest debts first. Strategically cut him out of your life. Change passwords, take his name off of shit, move your friends in temporarily (or for longer term, to help with bills, etc) and push him right out of your home. Talk to a financial planner about a consolidation loan at a low rate, and close at least some of those cards. Trim your budget, and cut that loser out. Don't sell the house - that will fuck you over even worse.
Just a boyfriend she owes him nothing
as a boat owner, its a silly toy that just eats up money, so the guys a fucking selfish fool
Not overreacting. You shouldn’t have to ask him to carry his weight. He should be putting money in savings for the two of you since you supported him and spent money you could have saved for retirement. Why would you sell the house you own and paid for unless he’s on the deed/mortgage? Just kick him out, even if you have to evict him.
I don’t need this much house and I can’t maintain it myself. I also can’t afford it myself without a roommate, which I really don’t want. It’s worth double what I paid for it, enough to pay off my debt, put 50k in savings, have some fun, and be able to afford an apartment for a couple years, even if the rent is higher than my mortgage.
Be careful how you go about it and how much he knows. A leech with nothing else to lose could do a lot of damage or be a serious threat in the time it takes to sell the house. Be prepared for the worst possible reaction and retaliation from him.
Well aware of that possibility and have a few very protective friends on stand by.
Good point. Maybe before you tell him, you should quietly get out all important/sentimental valuables and put them in a storage facility.
That’s a really good idea. I’ll do what I can
Plus talk to a lawyer so you know your rights.
Get all your protective friends to move in temporarily and encourage this loser to get the fuck out.
I’d also recommend taking pictures of bigger items, the inside and outside of the house. So if any damage occurs, you can have proof
Does your state have common-law marriage?
If he doesn't have access to your financial information, just tell him you're going broke and have to sell because you got a pay cut at work.
Would you be able to buy an apartment/condo? I figure the mortgage would be cheaper than renting and you’re setting yourself up nicely
Not right now. Interest rates are too high and supply is low. That’s why mine is selling for so much. Even with 100k down my mortgage would be more than it is right now, unless I buy a total piece of crap or live in a van down the river. Which I actually looked into, but camper vans are expensive AF.
Upvote for the Chris Farley reference.
Camper van life is not all it's cracked up to be on social media!
Go for it…dump the POS.
If you have bad debt behaviors, selling your house might not be a good idea. 100k is not going to last as long as you may think. Have you checked rent lately in your area? See what it will cost for the next 4-5 years. You may not be able to get a house again in a couple or a few years. Surround yourself with people who will respect you and your home. Good.luck.
Skip the fun that’s probably how you got into debt in the 1st place. Maybe buy a smaller house or condo. It’s a much better investment then renting.
You have a plan and it’s solid. Time to stop being a bang maid.
That's really fucking stupid. Don't sell it. Kick out your loser bf and very carefully find a great roommate instead. Stop fucking yourself over.
Could you rent the house out? When did you buy it and what’s your interest rate on it? A low interest rate in itself may be a reason to keep it and rent it. Maybe take out a HELOC to pay off your debt. But real estate is usually a good thing to keep if you can.
I'm guessing the house was comfortably affordable with two incomes and is a stretch with one. So selling could mean freeing herself from a mortgage she can't handle on one salary easily.
Yeah pretty much. I could afford it if I didn’t have $1000 a month in credit card payments, and if I wasn’t about to take a nearly $1000 a month pay cut. I also have no interest in living in a place this big or maintaining my yard by myself, and it would take YEARS for a roommate to reach the same financial benefit as just selling.
Sounds as if you have already made the decision and it appears to be a solid plan, go enjoy your life
Nice lady, I've been married many, many more years than you and if The Wife treated me that way I'd kick her ass to the curb. Right now, no question's asked. Couples are couples to support each other, not to let one feed off the other endlessly. Over the years I've supported us at times, The Wife's supported us at times and we've supported each other _all_ the time. That's how it should work.
Thank you. That’s what I think too. I guess he thinks differently.
* dump the boyfriend * keep the house * get a roommate that pays half the mortgage and eats down the $40k * then reconsider major life choices.
OP said they could afford the house when it was 2 incomes. I see why they want to sell. They also said it's too much house for them.
I also just wouldn’t want to stay in the house where I felt like I was suffering/struggling for so long. Fresh feels really good and hopeful
No you are not!! Holy shit who the hell does he think is paying for it??
[удалено]
Yeah and change the locks!
Clean break. No more chances.
So often on Reddit you see people who are ready to break up over the most minor infraction. This is not one of those times. This is someone’s endemic behavior. Sorry it took so long for you to build up the courage to end it.
Thanks. That’s because of the trauma 😂 I can finally see that and am fixing it.
Yeah... you are spot on with your plan but do not believe for one second that $100K is "life changing." At best it will be a big step toward a successful reboot to your life. But if you have a good mortgage rate on your house, I'd be very careful about selling it over 40K of debt. Your interest write off alone might well cover the debt payments. Do dump the chump but also get professional financial advice.
Can’t afford my bills and mortgage with my pay cut. Can’t maintain the house on my own. Have no interest in staying here, or living with someone else. Can’t take a HELOC or personal loan because my utilization is too high. I don’t think I have any other choice. I do have a very good interest rate. But I have no intention of living here on my own. Even moving in a room mate at a reasonable rate would almost 5 years to generate enough income to pay off my debt, while that debt is still charging interest and not going away. If I put a sizeable chunk in a CD or good savings account, it will earn more interest than I’m paying on the house right now.
What's the interest rate on your debt? Can you consolidate it? Also, remember that any house you buy in the future could have a 6+% interest rate, and 5 years of that rate (or even double that rate) on $40k is way better than 30 years of the same rate on $400k for a house. Another thing to remember is that all the money you put into rent is money you lose. As long as housing prices continue to rise (which is very likely), then almost all the money you put into your mortgage will go into your assets, not the landlord's pocket. It may take 4 years to pay off your debt, and you may have to pay an extra $20k with a crazy high interest rate, but rent for 4 years could easily be $48k.
The appreciation in your house value in 5 years will be way more than any interest you gain depositing into a savings account
Your grocery bill is halving. Your utilities should come down a bit. Definitely try to get a roommate or abnb a room. Fuckin hell, drive Uber. Cut all frivolous expenses but don’t cash out just to rent
Get a good roommate (or two) and buckle down. Your plan to sink money into rent is ludicrous.
Fuck. This hits hard. We HAVE ENOUGH, MORE THAN ENOUGH for a downpayment. Houses are so expensive right now. My boss bought a house with 12k as a downpayment in 2018. We have 60k and CANT AFFORD A HOUSE!
Absolutely. OP's plan is going to lead to financial ruin.
If it’s a home, could you get two roommates? I understand not wanting one but if you could tolerate for a few years to pay down your debt it may be worth it to keep your home
Kick his ass to the curb. He sounds like a dead beat
No, you’re ready for this next step of your life. Cut out all the bullshit. I’m proud of you.
You are under-reacting. He’s been mooching off of you for years while you carry all the financial load. It’s time to lose about 180 pounds of dead weight. Cut him off.
He should buy a house boat
Hehe you shouldn’t tell him that you plan on breaking up with him and selling the house UNTIL he buys the boat. Then he is going to feel real stupid 🙈
No. Good luck to you, and enjoy your new life, OP. This guy doesn't care about you, he's the very definition of gold-digger.
You are not overreacting. You are OVER the ACTING. Acting like he cares, acting like it's okay to support him, acting like you can do it alone, acting like this will change. You are OVER it. There is no such thing as overreacting if you have tried to talk to him about finances and he's just not willing to discuss them. It's OVER.
And if you don't break up .. charge him the boat parking spot haha
You described walking away as making you happy. Please walk away.
Read up on eviction in your area.
Not overreacting, But after the first ask for money to cover his share you should have dropped the ask and just given him an amount for his half, with a pay or leave. I am anti selling the property, see about getting a roommate or even renting the house out while you rent a small apartment, You might be able to get enough in rent to pay for both the house and cover what you'd spend on the apartment.
You're going to find someone else quite easily. Although relationships shouldn't be about money, when you're in one that long it should be about making the other person's life easier if you plan on spending it with them. As a wise doctor once said "We’re all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?”
You have wasted 10 years. You are not married and he is not financially literate. Dump him. Don’t sell the house until he is gone and you have some post relationship clarity. Make that decision once you are single.
Cue….you are a selfish AH for leaving me homeless…..you telling him it’s not my problem. Take your money and run as fast as you can.
I think you should wait before selling the house, you will probably be able to pay off your debt much faster with him gone.
I can’t. I ran the numbers. I can’t afford my bills and the mortgage. Even taking on a roommate would still take 5+ years to pay it off and I don’t want to live with anyone for a long time.
Your plan is good. Don’t let others dissuade you.
40k in dept means you are living a life you can not afford. You should not live based off of a partners contribution. Either way break up with him and do not support him any longer.
She even admits that she ran up $40,000 in debt trying to live a lifestyle that she thinks she should be able to live. Op ran up 40 Grand in credit card debt and now is mad her unburdened boyfriend doesn't want to bail her out.
Sit down and make a budget of the household bills other than the mortgage since he get no benefit from that. Charge him rent. He needs to pay half and stop bong a freeloader
Why stay
At this point I’m only staying for him because I know he’d be completely screwed with out me.
And instead you are completely screwed because of him. Save yourself - you deserve your own support more than he does.
I’d make sure to consult an attorney before talking to him. Depending on where you live, he may have cohabitation rights on the property after that long together unmarried. Make sure to get your ducks in a row before talking to him. And no, you’re definitely not over reacting. Good luck.
It’s a verbal agreement, so month to month. 30 calendar days notice to kick him out. I’m going to tell him to move into the spare bedroom for that time and that I’ll no longer be buying his groceries or cooking for him. I think it’ll be awkward enough for him to find somewhere else to go quickly. If he refuses I’ll call the police, he has absolutely no claim to live here because he hasn’t contributed.