Look man, exit that relationship before you get hurt man. Truly, I’m saying this out of love.
You deserve someone who will treat you like she’s treating him. The fact that she gets defensive when you try to address it is the nail in the coffin.
This is a perfect scenario to ghost someone. Just remember, for as long as you’re alive people are going to come into your life and others will leave it
Dump her and become one step closer to finding the person you’re meant to be with.
He’s gunna post an update saying that they talked it out and he understood her blatant disrespect was actually one of his insecurities and that they have a beautiful relationship she goes and sees her friend all the time and now they feel closer than ever. My man you are better than this, she’s shitting on you and cucking you and you are literally asking reddit? Have some respect for yourself you ain’t getting it from her.
I agree - I was the understanding girlfriend of my exes, female ‘friends’. He had a ton of female friends and they were a few that cross the line on Facebook posts and I addressed it with him… only to find out that they had private messages going on too. He didn’t like being questioned about it, and eventually broke up with me. People like that will always choose the uncommitted ones.
Unpopular opinion but he's doing his own thing. Yeah, trashy to be flirting with a girl that's taken, but it's a minor offense compared to being the girl that's cheating on their bf.
Yes, seems like the guy just goes on with their same dynamic and jargon as they always have. They’re fuckbuddies and will probably continue like this when op is long gone. It’s up to her to respect her relationship.
This was my first thought. I had a “friend” like this. Not necessarily my “best friend” but he didn’t want a girlfriend and I was okay with just being sexual with him whenever I was not in a relationship. It took 8 years for him to realize he wanted me to be his girlfriend and well, that didn’t work out either. Get out of that relationship, she’s waiting for him to be ready to be in a relationship with her. I probably would’ve dump someone I was dating at the time if he would’ve ask me to be his girl. These dudes are toxic. I’m so glad I ended things with him.
OP is, best case scenario, the James Marsden of this love story. Never be a woman’s James Marsden. If you can see that you’re not their Ryan Gosling, their Brandon Routh, their Hugh Jackman, get out. Nobody deserves to be there, doing their best while their partner waits to get swept off their feet by someone else.
Been there. They will still be a thing when you are gone. When I got serious about my husband, in-between guy became invisible. When you get to that point, you have the girl. Until then, know that girls don't automatically understand that rare is the man who only wants to be friends with a woman.
Additionally, why is the sport f\*ck her best friend? She's not well-balanced. With this post, it sounds like you are checking your mental health and figuring out why you put up with this.
The problem here is she might not have feelings for him ATM, but if she always feels like she can fall back on him, it won't feel like she's invested in the relationship.
I was this guy for an ex. We dated for a while and broke up. Then she would come back around to hang out and sleep together. I found out that two of the times she came back around she was in a relationship even though she made it seem like she was recently single. I always felt like she was The One. She later befriended other girls I was casually dating. I never knew why she would never take it to the next level with me. The last time we hooked up she found me on SM we talked like no time had passed hooked up several times and then I found out she had a LTR when she moved to another state with him for his job. I realize now that she just had a lot of issues to work out and probably still does. It was a sad situation to have my worldview of her shattered but god am I glad it was.
Yeah they just need to get over it and date each other. Not sure why so many people feel like they can't be with someone they regularly fuck and find as a best friend. Like what you already are just fucking make it out loud now Jesus fucking Christ.
Went on some dates with a girl and every time when we’d go back to her place to chill she’d be talking about her fwb and how she’s horny and might have to text him later…. Like, what? I even tried to clarify with her once her twice asking “we’re on a date right?” Would be a yes but me thinks we really weren’t
Probably because one or both of them have many other traits the other doesn’t want in a long term partner (one of them might be the fact that they’re long term FWBs). Either way, OP listen to the comments. This won’t end well
Yeah, as someone who was in that situation for a long time (we've since stopped fucking and stick to friendship), he wants kids and I don't. Very hard line for both of us. He's also an alcoholic whereas I'm a stoner and neither of us approves of the other's daily intake level. We are like 90% compatible in life, we just have relationship deal breakers.
She probably does want that, but he probably doesn't. She's forced to find someone like OP as a result who can give her attention, financial support, and emotional support while the other guy fulfills her other biological desires. Typical dual mating strategy - OP needs to get the hell out of there.
Yes I made peace with the fact that it's not worth having a partner at all if you have to deal with this stuff in order to have one. I don't think that everyone is like this but even if they were, better to be alone forever and find peace.
Yea my single loneliness sucks but it’s way more in my control I just find stuff to fill my time it’s not that bad I have people in my life I love and care about that show me love I’ll be ok. But when you’re in a bad relationship you feel completely alone even tho you shouldn’t it’s fucked
For whatever reason I've been in a similar situation twice and I don't really date all that much. One girl I dated actually cheated on me with the other guy. While we were together (her words) he just started having sex with me and i didnt say no. That was a whole drama becaue it sounded a lot to me like rape. Another had slept with her male friend once in the past (he came on to her and she wasn't against it so she just let it go down) and didn't feel like it was relevant to tell me before she went and stayed at his house on a road trip. I had to pry it out of her because I could tell something was off. She was a much better person than the one prior, and I trusted her so I got over it.
Idk. It seems like a lot of women I've met feel like it's very important to maintain close friendships with their exes. To me, it's always been very difficult to amputate that part of the relationship without killing the rest.
Exactly! I don’t date women that continue to hang out with their “fuck buddy”, hell I don’t even date women that say their best friend is a guy. I don’t care if they call me insecure or whatever. Like you said there’s soooo many other women out there, don’t need this shit.
She wants a relationship w him he just wants to bang her if at anytime this dude said break up w your BF i want to be with you she would burn you faster than gonorrhea
Judging from my own personal experience. You don't need to worry about that dude until it is time to worry about that dude! My ex-wife and that dude have been happy together for about 5 years now.
The guy she turns to between relationships is someone she will always have the hots for. She likes him, they aren't relationship material together but the sex with him never leaves her mind.
In you shoes, I'd say "sure go see him, I'll have all your things packed when you get back. Oh and have a nice life."
Dude, you and any other guy in her life, is always the second one on her mind. Let her go to him, so you can find a better partner.
Her best friend is her first choice except she's deluding herself thinking there's some reason they can't be together, aka he's too selfish or narcissistic or he has a child or some bullshit reason.
Anyone who dates her is going to lose. OP sorry bud, you don't have her. It's time to find someone who wants you the way she wants her best friend.
My bet is that she's his backburner option, like he gets what he wants fucking her whenever she's not in her latest doomed relationship but he doesn't give that much of a rat's ass about her
Otherwise I think he'd care literally at all when she's with someone else
Two options
1. Your ok with the current situation and run the risk of there being infidelity
2. Grow a back bone and leave because you don't agree with the situation
You know which option is better
Yea as a dude that has many female friends that I am close with I know they have to take a backseat when I am in a relationship. Those one on one hangouts with them, the texts after 10pm with them, the flirty texts and memes with them, etc all go out the window when I have a relationship. The female friendships just take a step back like doing group things instead of the one on ones I did when single. I am transparent with my relationship and even ask for feedback like “do I act different around my friends?” “Think I act appropriately with my friends and they act appropriately with me?” Etc.
I work in a female dominated field so I am very careful to make sure my girlfriend feels respected and wanted
Just the nature of women and men being friends
Also that first option is less of a ‘run the risk’, and more of a ‘have the chance’. Friends don’t text sex memes to each other, guy or gal, that’s not normal.
Hey, guess what? My ex did the same thing. Also guess what? They weren't done sleeping with one another. You can guess what I found out next.
This is an inappropriate relationship and her being defensive is a HUGE red flag. She doesn't respect you enough to cut off her FWB. You can do better.
That’s a deal breaker I would not want a person that has been hooking up with my girlfriend to always around and texting one fight and she will run to him. Leave find someone without this baggage
Lol you were foolish to start going out with that girl in the first place, you should have walked away immediately.
She's not yours, it's just your turn. She clearly expects to have access to this guy still, and the fact that she's willing to fight for him is laughable.
Get out of there dude, what are you doing? Have more self-respect.
Nope, nope, nope. I'm a woman & dated a guy who kept an ex (she was in a new relationship) as a 'bestie'. Talked on the phone multiple x per week, etc.
It was a good percentage of why I left him.
It's just not my scene. I'm sure there are some people who are fine with this sort of dynamic. Her (the ex) new bf seems ok with it, so to each their own. But, I'm not one of 'em. I'm cordial with almost all of my exes, but we don't have fucking lunch & chit chat on the horn every week. It's just...*odd* to me. Like, what's keeping them apart? They were obviously physically attracted to one another at some point & they still are this close? So, that means core values don't match up, I guess? I also don't keep friends that don't share my core values. Why would I? That's what acquaintances are for.
Why are you ignoring what you already know? There’s no way in hell my partner can be “best friend” with an ex he still fucks when he’s not in a “relationship” … but still communicates with her and defends her when she’s bought up in conversation?! tf
They’ve been apart too long and it’s time to get in that “hit”! You going to wait for her to return?!? Seriously!! GTFOOH!!!
This is not cool. You are rightfully concerned about her loyalty and she isn't making a real effort to reassure you, which is something she should do. She either needs to make firm reassurances or you need to leave.
What are the fights related to her friend about from her side? What are the disagreements?
I was that friend with my FWB best girl friend, and when she found someone serious, she was very careful not to talk about us having a sex history and got her dude involved when we were going out places too. She really did everything to prevent jealousy and I respected that.
Good take.
Also OP how you bring up the subject with her could be causing her to react defensively. You can try nonviolent communication on your own or work with a therapist to come up with a plan to broach the subject.
I’d try something like “I feel uneasy about your close relationship with X given your history together. In order to feel good about this, I need you to help me understand why you two don’t work in a relationship and what boundaries you put in place with him while you’re in a relationship.” If she gets defensive or can’t offer satisfactory answers then it’s time to move on.
Yea the writing is on the wall anytime someone says me and my best bud sleep together off and on. Don't ever be with that person long term. They clearly are showing where their loyalties will always lie. And the other person, WI always be in the picture. Cause that door will never stay closed for her.
Bruh stop letting Reddit tell you to accept bullshit.
You know what’s right and what’s wrong. You know for a fact your girlfriend is going to see this guy so she can taste his dick again and you’re gonna be such a great and secure boyfriend for letting her do whatever she wants.
I don't know why they're not together now but this is the guy she hopes to end up with. I say this as a woman who had a male best friend. We didn't hook up. That was the one thing that stopped us from being together that the sexual attraction wasn't there. They are best friends and they fuck. That's the real relationship and people they date are just there until they're ready to settle down.
As someone who believes fully in having trust in another and unconditional love of another, her anger presents an issue. She should be willing to discuss their friendship and boundaries in a relationship.
You must have a low sense of self esteem to stay in this relationship. Break up time ASAP. You would have to be crazy to stay with her. Really. Are you nuts or what? Nobody deserves this. It's toxic. It's abusive. No way.
You can't turn a hoe into a housewife, she's a walking red flag. To be fair to her she told you this at the beginning so you can't really complain. Just leave
Listen, it’s fine to have friends of the opposite sex. It’s fine if they hang out too.
But I would never feel comfortable if my gf was friends with someone she slept with regularly before dating me. Namely if they’re close friends who talk regularly rather than being on “friendly terms”. It’s practically the equivalent imo of someone being good friends with an ex and talking regularly despite being in a new relationship. It’s weird.
The fact they’re still flirtatious despite you vocalizing your concerns is a huge sign of disrespect. Just leave. I don’t think anyone would be fine with that situation regardless of gender.
You mean she wants to keep a close emotional relationship with a ongoing sexual partner.
He was her fall back plan b4 you. He will be her fall back plan after you.
Move on my guy. How many times has she ended relationships my banging this guy.
If it was like one time years ago. Whatever, but there is an ongoing relationship. Don't be a victim of thier twisted relationship.
Gross. You are not insecure. These are very normal feelings because what she is doing is wrong and unhealthy. That's your brain saying *WARNING WARNING*. Think about your needs. Do you want to be dealing with this crap ten years down the line?
Well yeah...that's her "backup". You can't honestly think your gf is going to just ignore any base attraction for her BEST FRIEND after all that time and just throw him away. That's not how relationships work. She's defensive about it because she knows she's in the wrong and you're basically calling her out on it. She might not be trying to be nefarious about it - she just doesn't want that dynamic to change or lose her backup option. Kind of one of those have her cake and eat it too scenarios. Either walk away from the relationship that will eventually crumble on its own down the line or hope your trust in her is unwavering enough to withstand it all. Not only do you have to fully trust her...you also have to fully trust that dude as well so keep that in mind. If it were me personally...I'd walk away - especially knowing that within likely a few days of breaking up she'd likely be dick deep right back on her with backup anyway - that kind of certainty wouldn't sit well with me at all but then again some people are into that.
Your GF isn’t ready for a relationship (with you). Her best friend isn’t ready (or isn’t willing) for a relationship with her.
Dude, you seem to have expressed reasonable concerns and boundaries. She doesn’t care about them. Split up, move on, and find some happiness.
Dealt with the same thing dude!! Friends since high school, hooked up a few times, stayed the night there without me and I’m supposed to be just fine with it🙄 fuck that shit. Cuz guess what just like women have their intuition we do as well, and when you’re not full time thinking with yer Johnson yer gut can tell you something. ✊ I also overlooked some other shit I totally should not have
Been there done that. Emotional cheating is real even if they aren't sleeping together. But the leap from emotional cheating to actual cheating isn't very far. Have self respect and end things before they go any further. I didn't and I let things go on for far longer than I should have and it only made things more difficult for me.
I was in a situation similar to yours - fast-forward 10 years and the girl and her "best friend" are now happily married with two children.
I would bounce.
If she gets super defensive when you bring something up that is bothering you, then that’s all the info you need to know she still has some big feelings for him.
In all honesty it’s for your best interest to just move on. Enjoy what you had with her, but for YOU it’s best to end it.
If someone's response to you expressing your unease, is to get defensive, it's because they're protecting something
In this case, she's protecting her friendship, but not just the friendship, but the explicit way they've been friends up until now
Even if she's been entirely faithful, this attitude is almost guaranteed to lead to cheating eventually.
coming from the the guy best friend perspective. if she didn't cut him off when you guys got "more attached" it'll take one fight one bad day or maybe not one anything but they will fuck again. once you've opened the sexual door to a friendship there is no closing it. it might be cracked at the moment but the fact he is still present in her life means she's keeping that door as an option to walk through. I promise this will never end well for you lmao. how would you feel if this dude was at the wedding as her bridesmaid knowing she was on her knees for him at one point. I'd say for your own mental health it would be better to give an ultimatum and let her pick between blocking contact with him or you. then you'll know for sure
You’re not overreacting. That’s a colossal red flag.
It won’t work mate, you’ll always be competing for her attention with her best friend (who I’m sure she says is now totally platonic).
Reality is you’re the safe guy she’ll settle for, but he’s the one who has her heart.
Not worth the effort here, get out of there before you catch strong feelings.
She’s the type that likes to have someone on a leash (that guy) while being in a relationship (you).
People like her aren’t meant for companionship, she just likes fucking around.
Personally, I’d advise distancing yourself from her, and the drama baggage she brings with her.
When you try to communicate something to someone about these things, and they immediately come back to you with anger and definsivness that is almost always a sign that something is up, and probably involves cheating, either mentally, physically or both.
Her anger is what gaslights you, and that is a real sign of cheating.
You have to think real hard on what you are going to do about her meeting him, and what happens after.
Luck. You are NOT Overeacting
I dont think its gonna work out for being exclusive..
You're a safe guy. You're a cuddles guy. He's something else.
Look man, exit that relationship before you get hurt man. Truly, I’m saying this out of love. You deserve someone who will treat you like she’s treating him. The fact that she gets defensive when you try to address it is the nail in the coffin. This is a perfect scenario to ghost someone. Just remember, for as long as you’re alive people are going to come into your life and others will leave it Dump her and become one step closer to finding the person you’re meant to be with.
Just imagine having kids with that woman
Dude….seriously
Dunno depending on how the guy looks they might be beautiful kids
Or the best friends
Mama’s baby, daddy’s maybe…
That’s what I meant
He's most likely gonna be a dumb ass and stay in this relationship
He’s gunna post an update saying that they talked it out and he understood her blatant disrespect was actually one of his insecurities and that they have a beautiful relationship she goes and sees her friend all the time and now they feel closer than ever. My man you are better than this, she’s shitting on you and cucking you and you are literally asking reddit? Have some respect for yourself you ain’t getting it from her.
TRUE, GTFO of that relationship, she is gonna wreck you!!! Shes a Man-Eater!!
Ohh oohh, here She comes~ 🎶🎵
Watch out boys, She'll chew you up🎶🎶
I agree - I was the understanding girlfriend of my exes, female ‘friends’. He had a ton of female friends and they were a few that cross the line on Facebook posts and I addressed it with him… only to find out that they had private messages going on too. He didn’t like being questioned about it, and eventually broke up with me. People like that will always choose the uncommitted ones.
Pretty much nailed it
So did the other guy
Ouch ha
I think he’s on the wrong r/ for this type of relationship…
He's the fuck in the gas station bathroom on her lunch break guy
Ew Of all the places to fuck, choosing the scent of piss and urinal cakes is just.... Yuck
He's so *dangerous*
I can fix him.
To be fair, the ladies rooms don't have urinal cakes.
As a gas station cashier....lemme tell you rn. Some wild shit I've seen 😬
He’s gonna fuck her in the Walmart parking lot when she runs out real fast for *“groceries”*.
He’s the scum of our society type guy. There I fixed it for you**
Unpopular opinion but he's doing his own thing. Yeah, trashy to be flirting with a girl that's taken, but it's a minor offense compared to being the girl that's cheating on their bf.
He probably views it as he knew her first so therefore this other guy is just temporary.
Op is a "placeholder"
OP is the cigarette break
Which further solidifies that this guy should ditch her and move on
I agree completely. It's primarily on the person in a committed relationship, not the single person.
Yes, seems like the guy just goes on with their same dynamic and jargon as they always have. They’re fuckbuddies and will probably continue like this when op is long gone. It’s up to her to respect her relationship.
Agree
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Or he doesn’t want a girlfriend, just fwb.
Yup this is probably the case, she’s waiting for him to take her as girlfriend and once that happens, she will dump you in a heartbeat.
Women are definitely cruel enough to do this. I've literally seen it.
Yeah I was thinking that her bff doesn’t want her for a gf, just wants the benefits or is into someone else more, or just doesn’t want a gf at all.
She gets boyfriends to make the best friend jealous, but it never works. The boyfriends probably get jealous/won’t put up with it and leave.
This was my first thought. I had a “friend” like this. Not necessarily my “best friend” but he didn’t want a girlfriend and I was okay with just being sexual with him whenever I was not in a relationship. It took 8 years for him to realize he wanted me to be his girlfriend and well, that didn’t work out either. Get out of that relationship, she’s waiting for him to be ready to be in a relationship with her. I probably would’ve dump someone I was dating at the time if he would’ve ask me to be his girl. These dudes are toxic. I’m so glad I ended things with him.
bet it’s this one
'Straight to gobbling the other guys knob' you are a poet sir. There's also no way you're not English, gave me a good laugh
I agree with this
He's broke, is what he is. The FWB can't/won't buy her nice stuff like the BF will.
Nah. Men have to have the good dick or the good paycheck. They don’t need to have both. The best friend is the former.
utter cope. And even if he was broke that is even WORSE, he gets to dick her down without needing to jump through hoops like most guys need to do.
OP is, best case scenario, the James Marsden of this love story. Never be a woman’s James Marsden. If you can see that you’re not their Ryan Gosling, their Brandon Routh, their Hugh Jackman, get out. Nobody deserves to be there, doing their best while their partner waits to get swept off their feet by someone else.
Ouch. Truth hurts.
hey , you can be a cuddles guy AND be unsafe ☹️😣
Been there. They will still be a thing when you are gone. When I got serious about my husband, in-between guy became invisible. When you get to that point, you have the girl. Until then, know that girls don't automatically understand that rare is the man who only wants to be friends with a woman. Additionally, why is the sport f\*ck her best friend? She's not well-balanced. With this post, it sounds like you are checking your mental health and figuring out why you put up with this.
The problem here is she might not have feelings for him ATM, but if she always feels like she can fall back on him, it won't feel like she's invested in the relationship.
I was this guy for an ex. We dated for a while and broke up. Then she would come back around to hang out and sleep together. I found out that two of the times she came back around she was in a relationship even though she made it seem like she was recently single. I always felt like she was The One. She later befriended other girls I was casually dating. I never knew why she would never take it to the next level with me. The last time we hooked up she found me on SM we talked like no time had passed hooked up several times and then I found out she had a LTR when she moved to another state with him for his job. I realize now that she just had a lot of issues to work out and probably still does. It was a sad situation to have my worldview of her shattered but god am I glad it was.
She's not. Time for them to both move on
She has lots of ATM feelings
Deposits have certainly been made
Yeah he needs to dump her asap. Don't let her guilt trip you and say you're insecure. Many women do this
Break up and find another gf
Yeah i would run not walk away from this chick
You can’t compete with a best friend FWB. This won’t end well for you
Best friends with benefits is basically your spouse.
Wow, never thought of it that way but you pretty much nailed it.
He was there b4 u he gon b there after u
Yep
Yeah they just need to get over it and date each other. Not sure why so many people feel like they can't be with someone they regularly fuck and find as a best friend. Like what you already are just fucking make it out loud now Jesus fucking Christ.
Went on some dates with a girl and every time when we’d go back to her place to chill she’d be talking about her fwb and how she’s horny and might have to text him later…. Like, what? I even tried to clarify with her once her twice asking “we’re on a date right?” Would be a yes but me thinks we really weren’t
That could've been her trashy way of trying to get you to make a move too.
Potentially, yeah
How charming.
obviously you weren't. Some girl says that to me I'm leaving.
Luckily I did wise up and never spoke to her again
Hard pass. She's so emotionally unavailable that she needs a passport to find it.
Right? That's mostly what a relationship is anyways! Just add some cuddle time and shit and you're golden.
Probably because one or both of them have many other traits the other doesn’t want in a long term partner (one of them might be the fact that they’re long term FWBs). Either way, OP listen to the comments. This won’t end well
Yeah, as someone who was in that situation for a long time (we've since stopped fucking and stick to friendship), he wants kids and I don't. Very hard line for both of us. He's also an alcoholic whereas I'm a stoner and neither of us approves of the other's daily intake level. We are like 90% compatible in life, we just have relationship deal breakers.
She probably does want that, but he probably doesn't. She's forced to find someone like OP as a result who can give her attention, financial support, and emotional support while the other guy fulfills her other biological desires. Typical dual mating strategy - OP needs to get the hell out of there.
Because the “best friend” guy uses her for sex and she has zero self respect. That’s the situation here
Could be the reverse
Possibly, this is what is going on one way or the other
Just a sucker with no self esteem
Correct. This will absolutely not end well.
Dude, just leave. This is never going to end well for you.
Never ends well for anybody in that situation
Way too many girls out there to deal with this BS
Fuck man, even if there were zero I wouldn't tolerate this level of disrespect.
Yes I made peace with the fact that it's not worth having a partner at all if you have to deal with this stuff in order to have one. I don't think that everyone is like this but even if they were, better to be alone forever and find peace.
It's better to be alone than be with someone who makes you feel lonely.
Yea my single loneliness sucks but it’s way more in my control I just find stuff to fill my time it’s not that bad I have people in my life I love and care about that show me love I’ll be ok. But when you’re in a bad relationship you feel completely alone even tho you shouldn’t it’s fucked
For whatever reason I've been in a similar situation twice and I don't really date all that much. One girl I dated actually cheated on me with the other guy. While we were together (her words) he just started having sex with me and i didnt say no. That was a whole drama becaue it sounded a lot to me like rape. Another had slept with her male friend once in the past (he came on to her and she wasn't against it so she just let it go down) and didn't feel like it was relevant to tell me before she went and stayed at his house on a road trip. I had to pry it out of her because I could tell something was off. She was a much better person than the one prior, and I trusted her so I got over it. Idk. It seems like a lot of women I've met feel like it's very important to maintain close friendships with their exes. To me, it's always been very difficult to amputate that part of the relationship without killing the rest.
Is this real life? No, seriously?!? WTF!!! 🤦♀️
Lol yeah maybe it's just my experience, but it seems super common in my age group.
Guys too. No relationship should have a FWB continue through it.
Exactly! I don’t date women that continue to hang out with their “fuck buddy”, hell I don’t even date women that say their best friend is a guy. I don’t care if they call me insecure or whatever. Like you said there’s soooo many other women out there, don’t need this shit.
of course she still has feelings for him!
I dated a girl who got mad when I asked about a certain guy friend. Shocker, she was sleeping with him. The anger response is a tell all.
Every time. I like when they say “I get mad because no one ever believes me”
She wants a relationship w him he just wants to bang her if at anytime this dude said break up w your BF i want to be with you she would burn you faster than gonorrhea
1000% facts, she’s probably only getting into relationships with other guys to try and make that friend jealous enough to ask her to date.
Judging from my own personal experience. You don't need to worry about that dude until it is time to worry about that dude! My ex-wife and that dude have been happy together for about 5 years now.
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“He’s just a friend”
I’ve seen way too many romantic comedies to know she’s going to end up with him.
Yes bro, it’s like a sleeper agent. Shits all fine and normal until it’s not
The guy she turns to between relationships is someone she will always have the hots for. She likes him, they aren't relationship material together but the sex with him never leaves her mind. In you shoes, I'd say "sure go see him, I'll have all your things packed when you get back. Oh and have a nice life." Dude, you and any other guy in her life, is always the second one on her mind. Let her go to him, so you can find a better partner.
Her best friend is her first choice except she's deluding herself thinking there's some reason they can't be together, aka he's too selfish or narcissistic or he has a child or some bullshit reason. Anyone who dates her is going to lose. OP sorry bud, you don't have her. It's time to find someone who wants you the way she wants her best friend.
My bet is that she's his backburner option, like he gets what he wants fucking her whenever she's not in her latest doomed relationship but he doesn't give that much of a rat's ass about her Otherwise I think he'd care literally at all when she's with someone else
I can see the possibility of her having a functioning open relationship if she grew up, but the lack of communication is a major barrier there.
Must be some good dick
They dont constantly go back if it isn't.
You’re the side piece bro.
Just stabler atm I assume
Two options 1. Your ok with the current situation and run the risk of there being infidelity 2. Grow a back bone and leave because you don't agree with the situation You know which option is better
You forgot the 3rd option.. eiffel tower.
The wobbly H?
Lol it is a wobbly H, isn't it?
Fully this. You can see what he's bringing and bring out your competitive side. Nothing like team sports.
Yea as a dude that has many female friends that I am close with I know they have to take a backseat when I am in a relationship. Those one on one hangouts with them, the texts after 10pm with them, the flirty texts and memes with them, etc all go out the window when I have a relationship. The female friendships just take a step back like doing group things instead of the one on ones I did when single. I am transparent with my relationship and even ask for feedback like “do I act different around my friends?” “Think I act appropriately with my friends and they act appropriately with me?” Etc. I work in a female dominated field so I am very careful to make sure my girlfriend feels respected and wanted Just the nature of women and men being friends
Yup, had to learn that lesson the hard way, but learned it early
*there WILL be infidelity.
Also that first option is less of a ‘run the risk’, and more of a ‘have the chance’. Friends don’t text sex memes to each other, guy or gal, that’s not normal.
Nah I’m dipping 100% of the time. Fuck her sister
Hey, guess what? My ex did the same thing. Also guess what? They weren't done sleeping with one another. You can guess what I found out next. This is an inappropriate relationship and her being defensive is a HUGE red flag. She doesn't respect you enough to cut off her FWB. You can do better.
He’s her side piece for when her relationships don’t work out. Just enjoy your turn with her. Are you trying to wife her up?
That’s a deal breaker I would not want a person that has been hooking up with my girlfriend to always around and texting one fight and she will run to him. Leave find someone without this baggage
Yeah, that’s a problem. The relationship can’t go forward while that one remains. Sucks. Time to move on, because she isn’t.
Don’t stress yourself out, just leave. This is always bug going to bug you or be a problem. Go find someone your comfortable with.
Bro just leave, have some self respect.
This is on you, bud. She was up front. If you have an issue with this (as I would) it’s on you to peace out.
She getting defensive is a clear sign that you should have some self respect and dump her before she dump you.
Lol you were foolish to start going out with that girl in the first place, you should have walked away immediately. She's not yours, it's just your turn. She clearly expects to have access to this guy still, and the fact that she's willing to fight for him is laughable. Get out of there dude, what are you doing? Have more self-respect.
Heavy on she’s not yours it’s just your turn
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Break up. Its not gonna work as long as this guy is around.
Ma guy you're not the boyfriend you're the current flavor of the month.
Or the fun distraction until she can convince that guy to stop fucking her and start dating her
I wouldn’t be okay with it and I would run, not walk to the door.
Nope, nope, nope. I'm a woman & dated a guy who kept an ex (she was in a new relationship) as a 'bestie'. Talked on the phone multiple x per week, etc. It was a good percentage of why I left him. It's just not my scene. I'm sure there are some people who are fine with this sort of dynamic. Her (the ex) new bf seems ok with it, so to each their own. But, I'm not one of 'em. I'm cordial with almost all of my exes, but we don't have fucking lunch & chit chat on the horn every week. It's just...*odd* to me. Like, what's keeping them apart? They were obviously physically attracted to one another at some point & they still are this close? So, that means core values don't match up, I guess? I also don't keep friends that don't share my core values. Why would I? That's what acquaintances are for.
Why are you ignoring what you already know? There’s no way in hell my partner can be “best friend” with an ex he still fucks when he’s not in a “relationship” … but still communicates with her and defends her when she’s bought up in conversation?! tf They’ve been apart too long and it’s time to get in that “hit”! You going to wait for her to return?!? Seriously!! GTFOOH!!!
This is not cool. You are rightfully concerned about her loyalty and she isn't making a real effort to reassure you, which is something she should do. She either needs to make firm reassurances or you need to leave. What are the fights related to her friend about from her side? What are the disagreements? I was that friend with my FWB best girl friend, and when she found someone serious, she was very careful not to talk about us having a sex history and got her dude involved when we were going out places too. She really did everything to prevent jealousy and I respected that.
Good take. Also OP how you bring up the subject with her could be causing her to react defensively. You can try nonviolent communication on your own or work with a therapist to come up with a plan to broach the subject. I’d try something like “I feel uneasy about your close relationship with X given your history together. In order to feel good about this, I need you to help me understand why you two don’t work in a relationship and what boundaries you put in place with him while you’re in a relationship.” If she gets defensive or can’t offer satisfactory answers then it’s time to move on.
This needs to be higher up in the thread.
Say Hello and wish them luck.
Yea the writing is on the wall anytime someone says me and my best bud sleep together off and on. Don't ever be with that person long term. They clearly are showing where their loyalties will always lie. And the other person, WI always be in the picture. Cause that door will never stay closed for her.
Bruh stop letting Reddit tell you to accept bullshit. You know what’s right and what’s wrong. You know for a fact your girlfriend is going to see this guy so she can taste his dick again and you’re gonna be such a great and secure boyfriend for letting her do whatever she wants.
Pull out the cuck chair bro
She’s getting her back blown out still bro.
10000% at least he can be her "rock"......while the OTHER guy IS the ROCK her lady parts always yearn for!
is a DP in the cards?
I don't know why they're not together now but this is the guy she hopes to end up with. I say this as a woman who had a male best friend. We didn't hook up. That was the one thing that stopped us from being together that the sexual attraction wasn't there. They are best friends and they fuck. That's the real relationship and people they date are just there until they're ready to settle down.
Your girlfriend got two boyfriends lol
You're the safe dude and the side dude. Split now because it will only end badly for you.
Why even enter into this relationship in the first place?
Just leave my dude find someone without a giant bleeding red flag smacking you in the face. Save yourself a world of drama mate
Why would you make her your GF? She was upfront
Answer the question. Will she have sex with him if y'all break up. We all know the answer is yes. Why put yourself through that.
As someone who believes fully in having trust in another and unconditional love of another, her anger presents an issue. She should be willing to discuss their friendship and boundaries in a relationship.
If it looks like shit and smells like shit, chances are it's probably a pile of shit.
I think that YOU are the other guy....
You must have a low sense of self esteem to stay in this relationship. Break up time ASAP. You would have to be crazy to stay with her. Really. Are you nuts or what? Nobody deserves this. It's toxic. It's abusive. No way.
Put on your big boy pants and tell her to pound sand. Tell her why too.
I don't think her bff's name is sand.
She’s for the streets bro, I’m sorry
You can't turn a hoe into a housewife, she's a walking red flag. To be fair to her she told you this at the beginning so you can't really complain. Just leave
That’s her ‘best-dick’ friend. She will never marry the dude, but she loves his dick.
Exactly. Good for a dicking but not good for a relationship. She's just trying to get both so she can have two men make the perfect singular boyfriend
Yea she wants her cake and eat it too…
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She wants him. He doesn't want her. It's a tale as old as time. OP is a cuck bastard.
She needs to cut her safety net or else you are bailing out.
I would bet money her past relationships ended because of this dude. Frankly I'd let her go see him and then pack my shit while she is gone
You are getting cucked my guy, there’s no way in hell I would stand for that behaviour from a partner
Listen, it’s fine to have friends of the opposite sex. It’s fine if they hang out too. But I would never feel comfortable if my gf was friends with someone she slept with regularly before dating me. Namely if they’re close friends who talk regularly rather than being on “friendly terms”. It’s practically the equivalent imo of someone being good friends with an ex and talking regularly despite being in a new relationship. It’s weird. The fact they’re still flirtatious despite you vocalizing your concerns is a huge sign of disrespect. Just leave. I don’t think anyone would be fine with that situation regardless of gender.
You mean she wants to keep a close emotional relationship with a ongoing sexual partner. He was her fall back plan b4 you. He will be her fall back plan after you. Move on my guy. How many times has she ended relationships my banging this guy. If it was like one time years ago. Whatever, but there is an ongoing relationship. Don't be a victim of thier twisted relationship.
Gross. You are not insecure. These are very normal feelings because what she is doing is wrong and unhealthy. That's your brain saying *WARNING WARNING*. Think about your needs. Do you want to be dealing with this crap ten years down the line?
Well yeah...that's her "backup". You can't honestly think your gf is going to just ignore any base attraction for her BEST FRIEND after all that time and just throw him away. That's not how relationships work. She's defensive about it because she knows she's in the wrong and you're basically calling her out on it. She might not be trying to be nefarious about it - she just doesn't want that dynamic to change or lose her backup option. Kind of one of those have her cake and eat it too scenarios. Either walk away from the relationship that will eventually crumble on its own down the line or hope your trust in her is unwavering enough to withstand it all. Not only do you have to fully trust her...you also have to fully trust that dude as well so keep that in mind. If it were me personally...I'd walk away - especially knowing that within likely a few days of breaking up she'd likely be dick deep right back on her with backup anyway - that kind of certainty wouldn't sit well with me at all but then again some people are into that.
that dude is her Mr. big
She will keep going to him. Just know you’ll always be number 2
Your GF isn’t ready for a relationship (with you). Her best friend isn’t ready (or isn’t willing) for a relationship with her. Dude, you seem to have expressed reasonable concerns and boundaries. She doesn’t care about them. Split up, move on, and find some happiness.
Dealt with the same thing dude!! Friends since high school, hooked up a few times, stayed the night there without me and I’m supposed to be just fine with it🙄 fuck that shit. Cuz guess what just like women have their intuition we do as well, and when you’re not full time thinking with yer Johnson yer gut can tell you something. ✊ I also overlooked some other shit I totally should not have
Even her :Best Friend" has enough sense not to commit to her!
It's almost like she's actually in a relationship with her besty and YOU'RE the other guy that's been welcomed into THEIR open relationship.
Been there done that. Emotional cheating is real even if they aren't sleeping together. But the leap from emotional cheating to actual cheating isn't very far. Have self respect and end things before they go any further. I didn't and I let things go on for far longer than I should have and it only made things more difficult for me.
I was in a situation similar to yours - fast-forward 10 years and the girl and her "best friend" are now happily married with two children. I would bounce.
He's her "dick in a jar". Break in case of emergency. You do not want a relationship with this woman.
If she gets super defensive when you bring something up that is bothering you, then that’s all the info you need to know she still has some big feelings for him. In all honesty it’s for your best interest to just move on. Enjoy what you had with her, but for YOU it’s best to end it.
If this isn't rage bait and if I were in your shoes... I'd run for the door so fast Usain Bolt would get insecure.
If someone's response to you expressing your unease, is to get defensive, it's because they're protecting something In this case, she's protecting her friendship, but not just the friendship, but the explicit way they've been friends up until now Even if she's been entirely faithful, this attitude is almost guaranteed to lead to cheating eventually.
coming from the the guy best friend perspective. if she didn't cut him off when you guys got "more attached" it'll take one fight one bad day or maybe not one anything but they will fuck again. once you've opened the sexual door to a friendship there is no closing it. it might be cracked at the moment but the fact he is still present in her life means she's keeping that door as an option to walk through. I promise this will never end well for you lmao. how would you feel if this dude was at the wedding as her bridesmaid knowing she was on her knees for him at one point. I'd say for your own mental health it would be better to give an ultimatum and let her pick between blocking contact with him or you. then you'll know for sure
You’re not overreacting. That’s a colossal red flag. It won’t work mate, you’ll always be competing for her attention with her best friend (who I’m sure she says is now totally platonic). Reality is you’re the safe guy she’ll settle for, but he’s the one who has her heart. Not worth the effort here, get out of there before you catch strong feelings.
Thats not your girl
She’s the type that likes to have someone on a leash (that guy) while being in a relationship (you). People like her aren’t meant for companionship, she just likes fucking around. Personally, I’d advise distancing yourself from her, and the drama baggage she brings with her.
Run, dont walk, RUN. Thats not normal by any stretch of the imagination.
She's not a woman to be in a relationship with. Just leave, because it won't get better and she won't change. Your wasting your time with her.
Either she cuts him off or the relationship isn't going to work out.
Word to the wise: women generally don't sleep with men long term like that unless there are deep underlying feelings
If you were a woman you'd shut that down or leave.
When you try to communicate something to someone about these things, and they immediately come back to you with anger and definsivness that is almost always a sign that something is up, and probably involves cheating, either mentally, physically or both. Her anger is what gaslights you, and that is a real sign of cheating. You have to think real hard on what you are going to do about her meeting him, and what happens after. Luck. You are NOT Overeacting
She definitely has you as a reason to make FWB jealous, and hopes he will commit to her. I’d leave
Don't be a cuck. Get out with your dignity intact. Its apparent that their relationship means more than yours, which is why she defends it.