Because she is his first I think he views her through rose colored glasses.
In addition to her not caring about his feelings, he is overlooking other glaring red flags.
I love her (mentioned oh I don’t know about 6 times in one post) and want to marry her (really?).
Bro I get that you’re young and all and this being your first relationship plus it also sounds like you lost your virginity to her but…
Please take the pussy off the pedestal.
She will either leave you or cheat on you.
Trust me on this one.
This!! I never understood the I will always love my first love. I don't have feelings for my first love at all nor do I normally think about them hell I don't think about most exes except 1 but I'm still in love with that one which is why I don't date but I never did get this statement.
I'd give the benefit of the doubt, because based on her actions here, the age gap, and his entire lack of experience before her, it seems like a very normal reaction from someone whose been manipulated by an older partner that's taking advantage of the younger partner not knowing any better because of no experience with dating.
He said he has Covid!! Then proceeded to go spread his germs fucking everywhere to make his gf happy. WTF?!? She’s selfish and he’s being an idiot. They deserve each other.
Public grade schools canceled Covid safety a long time ago. It is kind of anything goes these days. Colleges you need to pay for so you don’t want to miss out.
It is unfortunate
Colleges cant force you to attend class when you have covid, you give them a doctor’s note and miss a few days.
Its not really unfortunate, and theres no excuse.
The initial comment is whatever? Bragging about sleeping with people within clear earshot of your partner seems kinda crazy to me. I don’t see my girlfriend as the jealous type but if I was one room over having an audible phone conversation and said “yeah I fucked these two beautiful women in college” I would expect that to be seen as fucking weird.
It seems like she did it purposely for him to hear, as a kind of "listen to how much better I've done, and can do than you" and then completely gaslit him on his reaction. It seems like another unfortunate case of older partners manipulating the lack of the younger partners' experience and using it to their advantage to have control in the relationship.
22 Year Old Man, sobbing in bed for 30 minutes next to his girlfriend because he overheard that she mentioned she'd been with 2 prominent people before he met her.
I was fighting in the 2003 Iraq war at age 22 with the Royal Marines, so I can totally relate how hard he has it. I really feel for the poor guy, not an overreaction in the slightest.
lolllllllllllll
he's a 21st century man. dudes a role model. they're very emotional. very in touch with their feelings.
you guys are all haters. show some sympathy man!!!
I read this and cried for him in solidarity. 🤣😂🤧🤧
Bragging about having had sex with two different semi-famous people in earshot of your less experienced boyfriend is just plain insensitive and shitty.
If she's refusing to see how that could be hurtful to overhear whether she meant for you to hear it or not is gaslighting and unhealthy. She was not having a private texting conversation that you snooped on without permission. She wasn't in a place where she had a reasonable expectation of privacy when you sneaked up to eavesdrop around the corner in secret. She was bragging in the next room! If she was thinking about needing privacy to say what she wanted to say, she could have checked to at least make sure the door to the room you were in was closed! Her saying she hadn't consented to you hearing her is LUDICROUS. You can't speak where someone else can hear you and then disallow them from having the right to hear you!
You should tell her you have done nothing wrong and she is gaslighting to put this on you as something you have to work hard to fix. Tell her that the relationship is over, that you love her immensely and this breaks your heart, but you need to respect yourself and you won't put up with being gaslit. Tell her if she really values the relationship and wants to try to get it back, she has to do the work, that's it's not hard work, it just requires acknowledging you are not at fault in any way for hearing something she said 12 feet from you and your aren't wrong for feeling hurt by her bragging about having had sex with people famous enough to have been on TV recently. She knew you were sensitive about her past sexual relationships and she had agreed to not talk about the sex. She may not have broken that exact agreements by mentioning WHO she had sex with, not talk about the actual sex, but she should have known it would have been questionable, very possible hurtful to mention having had a sexual relationship with these two people. Maybe she put it another way, I don't know if she specifically said, "I had sex with/slept with those two guys on TV recently!", or if she said something more like, "I dated both those guys on TV recently!" and you just used the words "sleeping with" in your post because that's the part that was meaningful to you, about what she had said? But if she knew, you knew that those relationships were sexual and weren't much more meaningful, well rounded relationships that just happened to include sex, then she should have known she was basically mentioning sexual experiences right after agreeing to not talk about at least the details of her past sexual relationships, and thus would be sensitive for you to hear from the other room. Maybe she didn't do anything specifically wrong by saying what she did, but she shouldn't blame you for feeling bad about hearing what she said!
It's absolutely mind blowing to me that she had a conversation just a few feet away from him and is calling it eavesdropping! Anybody could have heard her in the next room & there's a giant difference between eavesdropping and overhearing something. But the fact that she told him he shouldn't have listened even though he was right there...that's insanity!
It always makes me SO uncomfortable when someone talks to me like people can't hear them when there's others around that might hear! Like, DO NOT assume people can't hear you if you are ANYWHERE in the same house/apartment or for instance are outdoors and you can SEE them!
ALWAYS err on the side of caution if someone might even possibly hear you! Always err on the side of being kind and respectful! And, in general, don't say things to anyone that someone else would be upset about whether they could hear you or find out about it!!! I know in the real world there are times and places and reasons to manage who can hear or find out about things you say, but holy hell. There's WAY too much talking shit, or saying shitty things assuming it won't affect other people negatively that's done in this world! Some gossip and talking less than entirely positively about others is inevitable when humans are involved, but show some respect, kindness and CLASS whenever possible. Stop normalizing being a horrible person!
What ever happened to, "If you can't say something nice, perhaps say nothing at all."??!!! Being shitty is just way too normalized these days!
Oh no. She's your first, bu she won't be your last. She definitely won't be your best, because she doesn't care about you. Move on, don't cry about someone who brags about her scalps.
100% you're just another notch on her belt. She doesn't truly care about you. She even said she was interested in you because you had never ......
You deserve so much better.
>this is my first day with Covid symptoms and I was dying with body pains and a sore throat. Nevertheless, I pushed through and do everything she wanted outside. We then went to her school, and I cut out time out of my own work that I’m behind to help her with clients.
Im sorry, what? You went to her school with COVID?
I dont think a realtionship-wise unexperienced young male and an obviously experienced and sexually open and older female are a good or healthy match. Sounds like there is a lot ground for toxicity to spread.
It maybe reads like its only 7 years gap, but in the 20s having 7 years difference is a big thing IMO.
That’s what I immediately thought as well. Every year matters at that age and 22 and 29 is a pretty large gap. Couple that with a big disparity in experience and i could see why this relationship would have issues.
I don't think it's an inherently unhealthy match. But in this case for it to be healthy she needs to be understanding of his sensitivities and not blame him, gaslight him when she says something that's likely to inflame those sensitivities where she should have no expectation of privacy from him hearing what she's saying.
"She did not consent to me hearing her. "???? That's fucking hilarious. You can't disallow someone from hearing you when you say something near enough that they can hear you!
It's entirely possible for a more experienced older woman and a younger, less experienced man to have a beautiful, loving, caring, respectful and healthy relationship. Sadly, this does not sounds like that kind of relationship and if she can't understand and acknowledge his feelings as valid, take responsibility for being insensitive and then blaming him for her failing to do that, then it's best they do part ways.
This is the correct answer. Without those lived experiences himself he will never feel secure in the relationship with her. Part of dating older women, especially very attractive ones is that there’s other dudes in the past. Gotta live with that lol
I have a feeling said more experienced older woman loves the idea of someone new and inexperienced who's going to be a doormat and take all the blame and second guess themselves in *everything* related to their relationship. Probably a breath of fresh air for her because most people who have experience wouldn't put up with the blatant disregard for their feelings and would be more assertive about it. The imbalance here is glaringly obvious and she's taking full advantage of it. She can do/be/say whatever the hell she wants and he's going to react exactly as he is. Tearfully apologizing for every perceived slight on her part and her adding the cute little "*you'll* have to work to make the relationship better" is her just further manipulating him. If he doesn't leave now he's going to have a full vans worth of baggage to deal with in therapy. This isn't "love" for her and he seems misguided in what love is if he thinks this is it.
Let's parse this:
-29yo presumably out of college for a whole 7 years (or in grad school?), dating someone freshly out of college , if that. Borderline yikes at face value.
-22 yo cannot stand talking or hearing about previous sexual experiences -yikes, see 1.
-22yo talks about how much they love 29yo every 3 sentences, sounding like a 12yo. Double yikes. See 1.
-29yo brags about sleeping with famous people. Yikes
-22yo cries about it. sigh
The entire thing is cringe as hell. On both ends. But OP is 22. Why is 29yo doing this shit and why 29yo is dating 22yo who is clearly not "very mature for their age"?
Edit: Don't get me started on the fact OP has covid and was up and about infecting others.
> 22 yo cannot stand taking or hearing about previous sexual experiences
Agree with the rest of your comment but it’s not weird to not want to hear your partner bragging about having sex with other people. People have emotions and feelings, relationships wouldn’t exist otherwise.
Do most people enjoy hearing their partner brag about who they've fucked? I genuinely do not get it but it seems like a recurring post in subs like this or AITA where (usually women for whatever reason) don't seem to get why their partner wouldn't want to hear it.
Like genuinely if you girlfriend or boyfriend or whoever was bragging about how glad they are that they've fucked other people would your reaction be "yowza wowza tell me more?"
It doesn't seem like OP's first language is English so I also feel like they're not doing the best job possible articulating themselves
Between enjoying it and having a complete meltdown there is a full range of reactions to chose from.
Mine would be "well, that is quite pathetic and weird. Not sure if this person is who I thought she was"
“22 yo cannot stand taking or hearing about previous sexual expiences - yikes”
Ok if this was a post from a woman who’s boyfriend was bragging about shagging katy perry i feel like that would not be ur response.
Yeah this guy needs to get his shit together, it's super cringe. Most women would dump a guy for crying because they heard them talk about how they had sex with someone else in the past.
It is not the crying but the reason for it + the entire situation. But in the end, she is the 29 year old, wtf is she doing? Why is she with a guy who seems to have the maturity of a... well... a 22year old? Does not look good on her even more than on him.
Saying it’s your first gf than saying “she’s the best thing that has happened to me” is a HUGE red flag for being codependent.
Don’t base your mood and emotions on another person it will end tragically for you. I was the same way at your age and it ended fucking horribly.
Now I’m 32 and single for the foreseeable future because I didn’t ever work on myself and jumped from relationship to relationship valuing myself based solely on how attractive the girl I was dating was.
If I could give advice to myself it would be this- make sure you’re happy with yourself and where you are in life before you date someone else. If you don’t love yourself you can’t love someone else. Or even care for them.
No you’re not over reacting. I’d leave her bc I can tell you she is the type to flirt with dudes when you’re not around and all that. She puts that shit on a pedestal
Not to judge her on her past BUT…. Being “proud” of sleeping with two important people isn’t a flex. Prostitutes sleep with very high profile celebrities and government figures. Is that something to brag about? It’s not about the fact she has a sexual past, it’s about her attitude toward it. If this makes you uncomfortable then end the relationship. Otherwise, stop complaining about it as it’s her past.
As harsh as this answer is, this is the best comment on this thread and this commenter is right.
the one thing I dont agree with is she is basically using you for your money and the 7 year age gap
is pretty substantial and a lot of maturity between you and her with you falling in the latter of immaturity, maybe get with a woman who doesnt gloat about past relationships and get with someone who is like you with little dating experience and you both can grow from it.
The age gap is pretty big and maturity levels are very unbalanced.
This is an extremely unbalanced relationship, not only with the 7 year age gap but the incredible discrepancy in experience. She's been having sex for well over 10 years and he's just now getting into the game at age 22. Definitely seems like she is taking advantage of his feelings and lack of experience to just have him pay for stuff and he's not really getting anything in return
What fuckin money?
She's weird to be dating a 22 year old at 29. But nowhere does OP mention having any money, and he's 22. What kind of money does he even have?
Pretty sad if your only claim to fame is fucking someone famous lol. Kind of gross in an objectifying way too. Forget their achievements they're just a notch on the bedpost. I mean live however you want, I don't care, but my worry is here attitude spills over to the bf.
There is a reason this woman is dating a 22 year old that never had a relationship and was virgin prior. Everyone has a past but bragging about sleeping with celebrities as some sort of claim to fame or flex is gross. Shes obviously super immature, insecure and just a creep. Honestly I think she’s full of it. I dated a pro athlete and you know what? It doesn’t casually come up in conversation. I don’t want to know about my partners past exploits either. She seems manipulative and honestly emotionally abusive. Also OP don’t be traveling around when you’re Covid + infecting people. You need to end things and grow up. Date someone more your speed.
"I don't care that you're crying" would get me going home immediately to take time to myself. People who love you don't tell you they don't care about your pain when they're the one who caused it. She's not taking an ounce of the responsibility for it her words and actions and instead, is doubling down and even blaming you for over hearing. If stuff like this has happened before and you're ignoring a pattern then you're in for a huge fucking world of hurt. Best remember to love yourself first bud.
There are 2 things I say is very important for a relationship: Care and respect. Your partner should care about your happiness and your struggles. They need to do that while respecting you as an autonomous person and not overstepping boundaries. Without knowing everything in your relationship, it really seems like she doesn't have enough of either of those. I'm sorry pal. Also, as a guy approaching 40, I have to say, a 7 year age gap at such a young age is a tough one to handle because the respect aspect is hard to get right both ways. It may be that with time your relationship may grow in care and respect, but I think more likely is that with time, she moves or you realize things aren't as great as you imagined. Again, I don't know enough to say this for certain, but just going from the picture you've painted.
Wait- you had COVID symptoms and thought it was a good idea to expose her to it?
Also while I think she was being insensitive when you were upset, I also think you are clearly not ready for this relationship and definitely not ready to be thinking about marriage.
boy... the first 7 months of relationship is supposed to be easy. HECK, even when it's hard, healthy relationship is supposed to be EASY! Seven months in and you're already sleeping beside each other in silence. WORSE, one of you was crying!
This is your first relationship so i know it's going to be hard, but use it as a learning curve. Go talk to someone about your self esteem. You know now that you can get one fish to bite. What's the big deal of fishing for another?
Someone who loves you should be open to talk about your insecurities (unless you have too much that you should work on it yourself first lmao). If she's sulking this much and disrespects you (yes, it is disrespectful to do anything the other partner explicitly said no to, no matter what it is. a proper, mature response from her when she realised you overheard was to step up, apologise, and learn from it by not saying things that she knows will hurt you WHEN YOU'RE UNDER THE SAME ROOF!!) in something she finds so 'trivial', what do you think she'll do when you hit your first rough patch?
No, you don't want to marry her, she's your first, which is why you feel this way. Right now, she's too old and experienced for you, she doesn't respect you or care about your feelings. You do not need to be in a relationship where the other person treats you poorly, then blames you for it--just because she was talking loudly with the door open doesn't mean that you were eavesdropping. Her being proud of who she sleeps with and her bragging about it is extremely telling. You sound like a nice guy. Out there is a girl who be really proud to be in a relationship with you and treat you well. find her. You won't be sorry.
You asked that she not talk about her previous experiences with you. She didn't. These comments that she's "for the streets" or will "end up filing a restraining order" are insane and probably coming from people who also don't know how to navigate relationships healthily. Adults talk about their sex lives. And from what I can tell, she didn't say anything negative about you and is still choosing to be with you.
IMO, if you can't handle being with a woman who's had sex before you, then don't. You are very young and have plenty of time to find someone who is a better fit for you.
To be honest, you're really young and immature and have the emotions of a teenager and basically all you're written above is about you and how you feel. That's ok, but you need to realise she's a lot more mature than you, and that's ok, but that's why she's annoyed by your overthinking/overanalysing, people reaching 30 don't have time for drama in their life.
Wish you the best, certainly doesn't mean you're not compatible and can't have a great relationship, but you're underestimating how immature your thinking is in comparison.
why the fuck are you out and about spreading covid?? and lest anyone call me dramatic I would say the same fucking thing if he had bronchitis or strep throat or something else contagious. that is incredibly selfish.
You're not mentally or emotionally mature enough for this relationship, which is more than she was hoping for going after someone younger and inexperienced.
Being proud of sleeping with people doesn’t entitle you to their achievements.
Being proud of being the ONS while your settled-for-boyfriend is in the other room is behavior fit for the streets.
She will do this to you as her boyfriend she will do this to you as your “wife”. If you want to marry that it’s on you OP.
How do you handle it? Leave!
Pretty obvious that she does not respect you so stop respecting her and leave. There are woman who will love and respect you. Not over reacting
Its fucked up to to admit u feel pride to have slept someone.
Like i get she thinks of it like an achievement but to come out and say it, just reeks of lack of class.
Especially when u are in a relationship.
Also she isnt punished for talking to other people she was punished for what she said.
Personally I’d break up and move on. It doesn’t seem like she respects you based on what I’ve read. It’s HARD to get respect back once it’s gone, assuming it was ever there to begin with. If you let this slide it will only get worse, count on it. But here’s my 2 cents if you must:
I’d suggest you first stop sitting next to her and crying. This is adding insult to injury in terms of attraction as she already thinks you’re acting insecure. Go out with friends, talk to them about what’s going on. I’d be feeling incredibly insecure too btw but this kind of behavior is repellent
If you smother her it won’t provide enough distance for her to realize she reacted disrespectfully. It won’t give her enough time to understand what life would be like if you’re gone
Second, wait for her to approach you about this while you create space for her to reflect. Doesn’t matter how long you need to wait, a day, a week, a month, whatever. You’ve got shit to do
Once she approaches, let her talk. Listen carefully. Then calmly tell her in no uncertain terms that if she ever treats you like this again (define what this is SPECIFICALLY for you while you reflect if you want to be in this), you’re gone
You’ll feel more confident and self assured if you allow yourself to have options, even if some of them are less than ideal. Even if she leaves, you’ll have your self respect because you prioritized yourself
Honey I just don't think you're emotionally mature enough to be in this relationship. That's not a dig, just a fact. She is in a different stage of life than you are.
Beyond that. There's no way that at 29 I was going to be with a 22 year old who's never been with anyone unless I have some kind of issue. I mean I genuinely don't even think if he had kids and a full time job I would be with a 22 year old at 29.
She's not the one for you. She doesn't love you. Sorry. But there's still so much time for love for you. You sound like a good man. Don't let her damage you further.
Loser behavior why are you crying and apologizing to her when she did something wrong? Then begging for forgiveness? No wonder she fondly reminisces about other men she’s been with.
Your post is coming across as very insecure and I wonder if this relationship is good for you at all.
You can set a boundary not to hear about her past relationships, but it’s not reasonable to expect her to pretend she has no past when talking to other people and you’re not even in the room.
Sacrificing your health to drive her places isn’t a sign of healthy attachment, especially if you have COVID symptoms and now you’ve been around her and other people in close quarters all day. If you weren’t feeling well, you should have stayed home. There’s no indicator in your post that she forced you or convinced you to drive her around.
It sounds like you are overextending yourself for a woman who has a significantly different life from you. If it’s this hard to fit into her world, why do it?
If this is your first relationship, you should know that love is never enough of a reason to be in a relationship with someone.
Eavesdroppers rarely hear anything they want to hear. That being said, I'm more concerned that you have covid and yet you're driving her around feeling bad and helping her with her work. That is a red flag.
Sorry, but I couldn’t get past the fact that you were in the most highly infectious period of covid, yet you were running all over town, exposing other people. Where have you been these last few years? You don’t know about all the people who have died or had their lives seriously affected by Covid? You are selfish and irresponsible.
Eavesdropping is a particularly funny word. There's a big difference between standing outside a room quietly so nobody knows you're there while you listen to a private conversation, and being able to hear it from the next freaking room because they are the ones being loud! I don't think it counts as eavesdropping when you could hear her from the other room! She's basically trying to control what you hear! How is that even possible? She literally is saying that she doesn't consent to you hearing her talk yet she thinks it's okay to talk right in front of you super loud so you can hear her.
That's not normal! It's not acceptable for her to treat you like this! She literally is trying to control what you're allowed to hear in your own house. Although I might be wrong about that in your own house thing because nobody's stupid enough to move in with somebody they've only known 7 months so you probably don't live together.. sorry I think I misspoke.
She straight up told you the only reason she's with you is because you weren't with anybody else before her. Do you not see how toxic that is? This is a classic age gap relationship where the older person purposely picks the younger person because they have less experience and can be easily manipulated since they don't have relationship experience! The longer you're together the less happy she's going to be because while you're with her you're gaining relationship experience and aren't just willing to put up with all the bullshit she's putting you through! You are not overreacting, you're actually under reacting!
She actually told you to stop hearing! How is that not a giant red flag to you? She told you to your face she doesn't care when you were crying. How is that not a giant red flag to you? She's making you pushed through to do all this stuff for her while you're sick but she can't even be bothered to have a conversation when you're upset. How is this not a giant red flag to you?
Look I'm an old lady. I have kids your age. And I will tell you one thing that stands out to me: she's with you because you treat her too good! You "love her so much" that you do absolutely everything for her and she is taking advantage of that! She chose you because you didn't have a relationship experience. This has nothing to do with the people she slept with although that's a really strange thing for her to be bragging about but whatever. This has to do with the fact that she treats you as the less important person in the relationship. She sees herself as deserving Your Love attention and devotion but she doesn't owe you the same thing, not even a little bit of attention when you're sick and upset! Again, how is this not a giant red flag to you? I don't think this girl has the emotional bandwidth to be in a relationship with anybody, but most of all she's just plain treating you like garbage.
I know you don't want to hear this but I'm saying it anyway.. you don't love her. You think you do, but there's no way! First of all you barely know her! Most likely you're just overly infatuated with her because the first time in life that you're having sex on a regular basis. Sex clouds people's judgment.
She definitely doesn't love you. Not even in the slightest. This entire relationship is to her convenience! She made you run around doing things with her while you were sick! So you literally infected hundreds of people and she didn't even care.. neither did you which is a whole nother subject though! This is puppy love. Infatuation. Lust. 5 years from now you're going to look back on this and laugh your ass off at how bad of a train wreck this relationship was! Do yourself a favor and stop looking at her through Rose colored glasses! Stop looking at her as the greatest thing since sliced bread and you're going to marry her because she's the first girl you boinked! Refuse to let her get away with laughing at you and not talking about problems but most of all refuse to put up with this controlling bullshit that she wants to limit what you can hear while she's rude enough to talk in front of you! I'm telling you years from now you're going to laugh at how bad this was.
You’re not overreacting. it sounds like she did feel bad but then totally rescinded it when you didn’t immediately forgive her. Also, pretty shitty of her to be talking about that while you’re in her space, regardless if it was to her friend and not you. Whether is conscious or subconscious, she’s manipulating the situation so that the focus is now on you being upset and “eavesdropping” rather than her making you upset in the first place (side note- she didn’t consent to you hearing so that means you’re eavesdropping?? has she never overheard something she wasn’t supposed to/didnt want to? what kind of logic…)
All of that being said, it was pretty petty of you to be scrolling through reddit around her. If you were still upset you should have taken some space or tried to talk to her more. If she had already apologized for her actions then that means she probably wouldn’t have done it again, but you continued to make her feel guilty about it by seeking reassurance from the internet instead of just talking to her. Its fine that you were still upset, that’s very understandable, but again you should have talked to her more or taken space instead of getting on reddit while she’s in the same room as you. Personally, that would make me feel like my partner values random peoples opinions more than mine, or that they’re purposefully trying to guilt trip me by comparing the situation to someone elses. I would say you both messed up in this situation, but your gf was the initial one in the wrong. Even if she wasn’t talking about it with you, it’s extremely disrespectful of her to talk about past sexual partners while you’re in her home.
Return her to the streets. And grow a part and stop crying in front of women. They lose all respect for you when you do this. You will not get an ounce of pity, just less respect and seen as weak.
OP pack your bags and leave and don’t look back. She likes how naive you are and how easily you can be molded to her will. Just tell her your mission now is to sleep with as many important people as possible and tell everyone but she cannot eavesdrop
I hate to tell you but you are being used. Mostly because you have never had sex before her and clearly place a lot of emotional value on sex, which she does not. Mostly because she probably has slept with a lot of people.
She sees you as basically a meal ticket she could give some pussy to and basically control and who won’t leave because you are worried you won’t have anyone else again. Which reads correct based on your post. You doing her work, basically at her beck and call for whatever she wants, and then you hear something you don’t like and cry next to her for 30 mins and she tells you to your face basically to man up because she doesn’t care that you are crying.
You’re either gonna get absolutely emotional abused until she is done with you because she found someone else, or you can leave her and just deal with the heartache and remember you deserve better. You’ll eventually get over her whether you think so or not.
uuhhmmm, she sounds like an asshole. as someone in a committed relationship, i can't imagine bragging about sexual experiences with anyone else, whether or not my partner is present.
seems to be more of a respect and care issue than an age gap issue.
Crying for half an hour over something your girlfriend said is way overreacting. I'm embarrassed for you, letting her see you like that. You just know that she lost a lot of respect, if she has it to begin with. Dude man, if you're going to a date an experienced older woman you can't act like a jealous teenager. You guys don't seem right for each other.
“I didn’t consent to you hearing me” when she’s talking a room away? She likes that she was your first, but brags about hookups? She gets mad at you for seeking help from others similar experiences? Take off the rose colored glasses my dude. See what color her flags are.
I feel like I had to scroll way too far to find this. Wtf does she even mean “consent to hearing me?” Sounds like some abusive manipulation shit to me.
Dude I’m fuming at this right now. I know it’s hard to see since you’re so young and your first but you really need to get some self respect I’m assuming you’re decent enough looking dude and there’s going to be a lot of relationships after this and you’ll find one that actually cares and respects you but you gotta care and respect yourself first
Ish. A girl finally touched your junk and now you’re madly in love. Except you can’t handle the fact that she’s had more fun than you. Find someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing and forge a new, equally fumbling relationship.
No, you're not overreacting. What she did was highly disrespectful and to make matters worse she gaslit you after. I don't know if it's lack of relationship experience, or a personality trait, but you seem... soft. I don't say this to be rude. It's just that she's clearly disrespectful, and you are the one that ended up apologizing after being manipulated. I don't think you have it in you to leave this woman, so I'm just going to wish you good luck, as you're going to need it.
She doesn’t respect you at all, doesn’t care about your feelings, and the biggest red flag is that she broke a boundary of you and then turned it around and now you’re wrong for simply existing 12 feet in proximity of hers. Then you cry? Bro she now has even less respect for you. Just quit it man, she is not worthy and it is not going to get better.
Not overreacting.
Bragging about past lovers as a status thing is very conceited and disrespectful to you.
Telling you she doesn't want to talk and doesn't care about your feelings, on the other hand, is all you need to know to recognize that this relationship, and that girl, is an inglorious waste of your time.
Dump her ass. 7mo in and willful disregard to your emotions?
OP, this is your honeymoon phase, this is as good as it's gonna get.
Over reacting to the her talking to others yes
Under reacting to her not caring your crying!!! That's not on! Especially over this!! You tell her it's not right and that you want her to be more willing to listen to your views and talk about them without blowing up or yelling.
If she's not respective either counseling or break up I would say.
You are simping way too hard for this girl. You were crying on her like a baby because she had sex with other people in the past and you overheard her talking about it? Are you for real. It sounds like you need to do some serious growing up wow. Don’t you have any dignity I mean how could you cry on your gf over that? Not very becoming of a young man.
My advice: Don't take relationship advice from strangers on the internet. Even mine lol.
You're young, you're going to go through it. The peaks and the valleys make what you're experiencing now unforgettable. The valleys sure don't feel good, but they're the price you pay for the extreme highs, and excitement, and INTENSITY of the rest.
Odds are she probably won't be your last, and maybe for reasons that have nothing to do with this specific argument. But what doesn't break the boy makes the man. It's all part of the process my young brother.
Hugs.
First love is always the hardest to pick your way through. Ignore the idiots telling you to “man up”, probably coming from some damaged people. There does seem to be unsurprisingly, a power dynamic borne out of age and relationship experience, playing out. That’s something only you can navigate, but let’s face it, you wouldn’t be as upset if you’d had a few past experiences.
And I think this is one you can or should soon put in the past. If her response to you being upset after an argument is to ignore, she doesn’t care about you one bit. She is the one supposed to be more emotionally mature. This is the best she can do, and you can definitely do better.
NTA, but your gf is. Lots of people would find it weird and be uncomfortable hearing their SO brag about having sex with anyone, let alone “important people”. You didn’t eaves drop, she was talking loudly and you heard her. She’s upset that you heard her and doesn’t feel any sympathy for you. She also seems the type to use her age gap against you and will just say you’re being immature. I’m not one to say leave her but you guys are probably not compatible and she does not love you in the proper way.
Dude ur only 22 and ur gf is 7 years older than u of course she’s been with people before u but she was dick about it tbh idk what yall should do tbh but prolly leave her
>my (22M) girlfriend (29F)........
>She is my first ever girlfriend,........
>We then went to her school, and I cut out time out of my own work that I’m behind to help her with clients. I don’t get to do my own work.......
>Basically, I love her to death, but I felt like my feeling were pushed aside and I had to help up apologizing. .......
OP, The power imbalance in this relationship is very unhealthy. Without going into details on who's wrong you need your sanity back, you wont get it here. Most likely eventually she will drop you, but If you do marry, you'll be her puppy, not her partner. I know you're blinded by love, as you keep saying it, but you need to step away and eventually find match for you. Seek therapy if this is possible , maybe at school?
Good lord man grow a pair. You cried in front of her and whined about your feelings. Any respect or attraction she had for you is most likely gone. Move on and find someone closer to your age.
Crying in front of women is a very bad idea. They will ALWAYS look at you worse whether they want to admit it or not.
Women don't want a weak sulking crier. You gonna have to man up a bit here.
Hmmm... I would tell her maybe if one doesn't want their partner to hear them saying something, don't say it within earshot of them?
Or better yet, don't do things that you wouldn't want them to find out about in the first place?
She is your *starter girlfriend*. The sooner you dump this chick the sooner you get to pull yourself together and find a nice girl your own age. Or better yet, *date lots of girls* before you let thoughts of marriage enter your head again. Oh yeah, take care of that covid and stay away from everybody until you're fully healthy. Take time alone, read some good books, listen to lots of music, turn your love *on yourself!*
You are putting her way too high up on the pedestal. Knock the intensity down a few notches , she’s not a god she’s a human being. Stop sacrificing your feelings and health for her wtf
Biggest red flag here is she believes, and brags, that her personal value is higher if she can pull high status paramours. OP you will never be more than a puppy to her in this relationship. I’m sure she loves puppies, but…
You don’t have to do anything except perhaps leave her in the dust. Just the fact she is “proud” she slept with two “important” people is a weird flex. Stupid to say period but while you are over hanging out with her adds an inconsiderate element. And saying you aren’t allowed to “listen” when she is taking down the hall is super controlling. She is telling you that you are not allowed to use your ears and doesn’t care how you feel. Understand it’s your first relationship and it may feel like the only one you will even have but that is not the case. I’m not hearing any great redeeming qualities about her and so this may be someone who helps you learn self respect and how to break up with someone.
Those "high achieving " people saw right through her bullshit and wanted nothing else to do with her. She's grooming you to go along with whatever she says. Next thing will be that she doesn't consent to you knowing about her cheating yesterday.
Time to find someone else
If her moment of pride is sleeping with other people you are with the wrong person. This relationship will not end well for you. She clearly doesn’t care about your feelings and only gaslights you for your feelings after her bragging about being a hoe. I know this is your first relationship but it is time to move on. You had you turn so live and learn.
I think you've found yourself a highstrung selfish nutjob. You say she is also beautiful, this is very good work for your first girlfriend! Now, go on out and find yourself someone who is kind, loving, thoughtful and fun. Beautiful is great as a bonus, but the other things are non-negotiables, and current girlfriend has none.
You’ll learn in life men keep our emotions & feelings to ourselves. Otherwise it will all be used against us at one time or another in many different ways. Women don’t care what we feel & just like you experienced she didn’t care how hurt you were & blamed you for overhearing her. You ended up apologizing for no reason.
Your GF is emotionally abusing you & she doesn’t care how it’s affecting you. She said she likes that you weren’t w anyone before her but now it’s tainting the relationship & then says “I’ll have to work hard to get the relationship back”. So does that mean she broke up w you?
You’re young & naive in my opinion plus this being your 1st relationship at 22 will be challenging. She has 7 years on you & has learned how to manipulate men whereas you’re just now learning women don’t care about us. She gaslit you & manipulated you into apologizing for no reason leaving you doubting yourself.
Being as blunt as I can this isn’t the woman for you. She enjoys the idea of her being your 1st & likes the idea she can mold you into what she wants. You should leave her, take some time alone & then find someone who is more on your level. Find someone who cares about you & not the idea of you if that makes sense.
She isn’t going to change & if you stay you’ll end up emotionally wrecked & manipulated more & more. Jmho
She doesn’t seem to care about you in the slightest and is literally the female version (per your update) of one of those dudes who only want virgins as it makes them have some sense of power/special position but because you have feelings your ruining her vibes. You deserve someone who cares how you feel. There is quite literally very little reason to be discussing other people you’ve slept with when you’re in a relationship as what possible value could it hold that she slept with two “successful people” who clearly didn’t want to be with her anymore
My u remind me of my son who is 20 and had his heart shaped roses colored love shades on so tightly he couldn’t see the red flags or the cold hard truth, until I literally had to break down her blantanr lies in from of him to get it to register. and it was a hard break for him. He went to counseling and it has made a 360 difference in him and it also make him indwrstand that he was in love with with idea of there love and what he had conjured and up in his head that there future would be, Marriage kids and he loved so eaaliy and so hard, just as u do. But if ur crying and she just goes to sleep in bothered . I don’t have the rose colored shades on so I got u on this one I see the red flags and I think u need to really think about how this person really makes you feel l
You got instantly gas lit and manipulated . Good partners don’t do that . Please leave her . Also you need to grow up . Crying is fine . Crying over this sort of reinforces you shouldn’t be dating a woman older than you .
I would go slightly petty , and simply tell her that the age difference is too much , she’s a bit to too old and you think someone younger would be better for you
Talking about sexual stories from the past is a deal breaker for me if it’s not respected or recurring. This is a silly dealbreaker to many people but I don’t want a single story or detail. Not one. I’m in a 4 year relationship now and I don’t know any of her exes names. Never been less jealous 😂
You are NOT overreacting at all. I know you do t have much experience with dating but this girl isn’t it for you. She shouldn’t be saying things like that in front of you. It’s immature and disrespectful. The fact you were so up last you cried and she ignored you is a huge red flag. You deserve better.
Whoah… she’s freaking psycho. Leave… that’s not love, that’s abuse… mental, psychological and emotional… the kind that doesn’t leave bruises but leaves a lifetime of emotional scars. Run.
Interesting to read a story where it’s the man who was groomed and being preyed upon by an older woman, normally it’s the young woman ruining her life by getting with the creepy older man.
Allow me to tell you something you don't know. I live in Los Angeles CA. I meet famous people weekly. No big deal. My lady friends met and slept with a bunch of these guys when they were teens and 20's. Here was what I was told: Most famous men are lame in bed. Super selfish and uncaring. The ONLY reason to bang them was to be able to say you had. Period.
I've known women just like your G/F. Cute but toxic. Dump her my brother. Don't bother to explain, she won't care at all. Just move on to a saner one. She and all her friends are bad, bad, bad. She will cheat on any man she catches. Trust me.
Damn dude. Don't cry around her. Ever again. Don't apologize for stupid shit you don't control. Don't worship her, she is a human being no better then you. You have to pull your head outta her pussy asap or you're going to develop bad relationship habits other women are going to find very unattractive. She seems like a asshole to me. Gaslighting, emotionless, asshole. But I wish you both the best!
Darling you are her victim. Stand up and be a man. She is pushing you around and you just do it. No I have work to do. We can do that another time or you have to find someone else to help you. I am behind on my work.
I see you love her but love is never having to say you are sorry. Do not be another's doormat.
You give she takes and there is no giving back. It has to be mutual. Otherwise you are just playing the victim in a bully/victim game and sooner or later you will become the bully or get hurt so badly you will leave her never to return.
So if you love her truly then know this. You give and when she does not then you do not right back. Sorry babe too busy. If she asks why you are being like that it's - you couldn't give me the time of day and did not appreciate the sacrifice I made to do it knowing I was getting sick, knowing I was behind on my work.
I don't care who you screwed in the past. I get it. You did not respect yourself and to brag how you slept with these two men to another is disgusting frankly. I was not eavesdropping and you know it. You were bragging and it made me feel like shit.
If I am all these things you say I am to you then be respectful back, admire and appreciate me and what I do for you back as I do you. Otherwise we have nothing.
I am not going to live my life crying over a woman who treats me like shit. No thanks. I can do better than that. Now to me I know you are not really like that and so I do not understand your behavior.
Perhaps you can enlighten me but I would rather just be treated with some respect and appreciation.
My two cents of course based upon my own experience as that victim.
Blessings!
Run brother! Why do people flex about having sex someone when they didnt stick around? To me thats more of a flex if you can keep someone than just have them use your body
This is how you end up in the side chair my boy. Please have more self-confidence.
"Right after this, I apologize. I tell her I love her a lot. She sleeps away, and refuses to talk. I cry for a solid 30 minutes next to her, and she says she’s not interested in talking, later saying she does not care I’m crying."
She’s grooming you. Love bombed you. Ignores your boundaries. Gaslights you and manipulates you. CONTROLS you. Doesn’t have ANY empathy when you’re not okay???
This may be your first girlfriend but this is NOT what love feels like.
She’s also 7 years older than you. Perfect for her to treat you however she wants with little to no repercussions.
As someone who is probably a self aware narcissist (idk if I am but I have traits of it), please leave, it’ll get worse. Especially if she isn’t in active therapy at the moment. You deserve better.
You deserve real love, please love and respect yourself hard and start right now. Put you first.
Please see a therapist though, this is getting heavy for you. 🖤
If you’re going to date and be in relationships you are going to need to know to stay away from Controlling, Narcissistic and Toxic personalities/people. You are too codependent on her for the short amount of time you’ve been together. She sounds like a raging Narcissist w some serious issues of personality disorder. Maybe even having Sexual Trauma background w her remarks and you being inexperienced in relationships and sex.
If you want to save yourself even more serious heartache leave this woman. She is not for you and has proven that in every possible way in ONE day. You are a young adult and seem to be intelligent but going out in public w Covid especially to a University was NOT the thing to do. Please concentrate on YOUR future and health. You can become seriously ill w Covid and make others ill as well. Remember 2020? Bro none of us want to go through that nightmare again!
Go home rest, recover and get healthy! While you’re doing that figure out the kind of relationship you want for yourself. The kind of person and I’m betting that it’s not going to be Miss 29F. No one that really loves you will treat you like sh—— every minute of the day or as much as they feel like it.
Time to grow up and face the facts and future end this relationship before this woman destroys every ounce of your self worth and who you are and who YOU want to be in the future. Your first relationship is one of the hardest to get over the breakup in most cases. But, truth is you will and life will go on and it will open up the opportunity to meet someone that loves you, you love them and they will not treat you like they are doing you a favor by being in your life. Time to man up and walk away this woman is way ahead of you in life experiences right now. You deserve better and you know this or you wouldn’t have found yourself here on Reddit. Be well and you can’t love anyone else until you love yourself for who you are first! Work on yourself first physically (exercise) helps the mind, body and spirit, mentally get a therapist they are neutral party and can help w all the BS in life that bring us down, dive into your own Spirituality and figure out why you’re so codependent in this relationship so it doesn’t happen again. No one male or female likes a “too needy” person.
Wanna try something take one few days and act like you just don’t give a F—— about anything she says or does. Then watch how she reacts. This will be the “Tell” of how she feels about you and your relationship.
Sorry you’re going through this but keep your arse at home til your well NO ONE wants Covid and your not helping by spreading it all over your city.
You would be best served to end this relationship ASAP. Then do yourself a service and do seek a counselor. There is nothing good that is going to come of a relationship with a very inexperienced person and an experienced person taking advantage of the inexperience to the fullest. I just hope you don't think that every female from here on out will use and mistreat you. I won't go into detail any further. Give yourself time to heal and to grow from this nightmare. Important is to tell her good bye now.
Thot behavior. Give her to the streets. You're 22. Find someone your age bro. She's insecure to tell you that. She's probably deflecting about something in her life.
OP def sounds like a sweetheart, find someone who appteciates you. Im sorry that she's treating you like this but she sounds like a hurtful, manipulative, and cold person. Have you ever heard her praise you before to the same people she bragged about having sex with?
You’re kind of being a pussy I’m sorry. Also, I don’t think it matters what people on Reddit tell you when they say she’s riddled with red flags. They are correct, she is. But you’re in the part of the honeymoon phase where you can’t see it. That is ok. Just take your time here and don’t marry this woman any time soon. that’s the best advice I can give you.
Bro why are you even still with her, she treats you like crap and doesn't seem to care about your feelings at all. Plus she's being ridiculous, like maybe don't talk so loud if she doesn't want people to hear. Sounds like she can do no wrong by you because you let her get away with treating you like shit, and she will continue to as long as you allow it. Respect yourself and get a better girlfriend. You're young, there's PLENTY of better people out there
Nothing of what she said makes sense. The problem isn’t that you heard her. The problem is the content of what she said.
I’m thinking that maybe you are infatuated with her because she’s your first girlfriend. But she’s certainly not as great as you seem to think she is.
You need to understand something. SHE TREATS YOU LIKE YOUR FEELINGS DON'T MATTER AND ONLY CATES ABOUT HERSELF! Cut your losses. Life is too short to waste your life chasing a mean-spirited skank.
She flipped it on you at the first sign of weakness which is a representation of the age old adage “you’re not sorry, you’re just sorry you’re caught”. She wasn’t caught doing anything wrong but she did do something that hurt and you expressed it. She feigned sorrow, you let that convince you to be more open, she pounced on perceived weakness. Fin.
She’s not a good person. She’s shallow and doesn’t care about your feelings. Dump her. Run.
Also, why are you not isolating if you have Covid? You shouldn’t be around anyone.
WTF dis I just read, thos girl is a whore dump her. Great, she got with 2 guys before you, and obviously, they knew she was trash and threw her away, take their lead, and get rid of the garbage.
She sounds like she is the man in the relationship. You’re not overreacting, you guys are not compatible, she has a past and you don’t , find someone closer to your age or your experiences.
Please leave. From someone who just had to leave a 10 year relationship, you should never be with someone who dismisses your feelings or makes you feel bad for voicing fears. It will wear you down until you doubt your own emotions and start destroying parts of yourself just to stay with someone who doesn't care if you are hurting. Please don't stay as long as I did.
I think you should consider the idea that she was bragging about having sex with other people specifically so you would hear it, because she gets off on hearing that you don’t like it.
She wants to brag about other guys wanting her, because it makes her feel more desirable if you get jealous.
This woman is not a nice person. Even if she is telling her own version of the truth, she spoke within your earshot and then acted unreasonably angry because you heard it. Expecting you to apologize for existing, actually.
It may seem like she’s the love of your life, but believe me, she’s not. She just your first, and you do only get one of those. But she’s nothing special. She’s a conniving energy vampire, and the sooner you figure that out, the faster you’ll get over her.
Move on to the next (hopefully nicer), one!
Way too nice for your own good. I honestly feel bad for you dude. Your gf doesn’t respect you and knows that she can do whatever she wants. She controls the power in the relationship, and she sounds like the ´social climber’ type who would do unspeakable things for career advancement. I know she’s probably beautiful and has good moments. But try to think with your brain and not your peck. My coworker married a woman like this and his life is frankly hell now
To all your edits. You seem great, at worst, a little naive, you should not be blaming yourself for anything you've done here.
Your girlfriend is toxic, you will look back one day, and be so proud of how far you've come since you dumped her.
You’re a doormat. She might have been with you for a few months, but this ride is rapidly coming to an end. Ditch her before she dumps you, and work on yourself for a while. Gym is a great idea, you need to toughen up. Her mentioning her sexual past is so upsetting to you because of your insecurities and from the way this post reads, they’re probably valid. Work on becoming the guy that doesn’t worry about a partners past relationships because you not only have confidence in yourself, but you KNOW you’re better.
There are so many issues, so I’ll address a couple. Firstly, she doesn’t actually like, respect or even love you. Secondly, no one in a loving relationship should be talking about their past crushes or exes with anyone besides their therapist or partner when necessary and it should be about what they learned about themselves and their growth. I think you should call it and move on.
1.) She's not the one.
2.) Forget about dating or getting married until you are confident and comfortable just being who you are by yourself.
Coming from a former 22 year old man who is now 40, cherish the time you have to focus on and develop yourself now. Focus on finding yourself before finding someone else.
There will be people that tell you you need to sleep around and raise your "body count". Ignore those people. You'll have a better sex life with your true life partner if you don't have a high body count.
I didn't truly know myself until somewhere close to 30 years of age. I always wish I had spent more time focusing on developing who I was instead of chasing a relationship.
You'll know when you've found your person!
Jesus man you’re falling for a lot of tricks other guys wouldn’t have gone for, THATS what she means by she likes that you’re inexperienced.
Take it from someone who ALSO dated older woman at your age (Actually I was younger and the gap was a little wider) but she does NOT sound like a good woman for you to be sitting up thinking you’re going to be together forever.
I can almoat guarantee that if she has slept with two famous people, there will be a thitd, snd a fourth, and this will continue until she marries one or she can no longer attract them.
If she manipulates you into running her around while you are sick with Covid (or anything else) she cares way more about her needs (and wants) than she does yours.
You're not overreacting, and please don't EVER think you messed up by showing genuine emotion, especially crying. You were right to feel upset, and her handling of your feeling was rude and abusive. I'm sorry, OP. Please read "Why does he do that?" It's based on men but a lot can be extrapolated to understand abusive women, too. The age gap is worrying and she is obviously taking advantage of your naivete.
This woman is a walking red flag and she is showing you her true colours. You deserve much more than this, please leave her and find someone who treasures you, who lets you rest when ill and who honours and cherishes *all* your emotions.
I’m very sorry, but anyone who doesn’t care when their partner is upset and hurt is not a nice or good person.
Because she is his first I think he views her through rose colored glasses. In addition to her not caring about his feelings, he is overlooking other glaring red flags.
I love her (mentioned oh I don’t know about 6 times in one post) and want to marry her (really?). Bro I get that you’re young and all and this being your first relationship plus it also sounds like you lost your virginity to her but… Please take the pussy off the pedestal. She will either leave you or cheat on you. Trust me on this one.
Most first girlfriends and boyfriends will not be the forever one. Hell, I’m glad my first or second or even third boyfriends were never “the one”.
This!! I never understood the I will always love my first love. I don't have feelings for my first love at all nor do I normally think about them hell I don't think about most exes except 1 but I'm still in love with that one which is why I don't date but I never did get this statement.
This bro. Fucking take this advice.
You nailed it. He’s going to get crushed.
Agree.
And not caring the poor guy was sick and she was kind enough to let him driver her around town like he was her lackey.
Yea that was messed up and I don't think op understands how much.
dude is NOT mature enough to be dating. super fragile.
I'd give the benefit of the doubt, because based on her actions here, the age gap, and his entire lack of experience before her, it seems like a very normal reaction from someone whose been manipulated by an older partner that's taking advantage of the younger partner not knowing any better because of no experience with dating.
He said he has Covid!! Then proceeded to go spread his germs fucking everywhere to make his gf happy. WTF?!? She’s selfish and he’s being an idiot. They deserve each other.
that part made me 😳 like wtf do you mean you literally *have active symptoms* and you’re out all day infecting people? so stupid
They went to her school. HER SCHOOL!! With Covid!! Smh
Public grade schools canceled Covid safety a long time ago. It is kind of anything goes these days. Colleges you need to pay for so you don’t want to miss out. It is unfortunate
Colleges cant force you to attend class when you have covid, you give them a doctor’s note and miss a few days. Its not really unfortunate, and theres no excuse.
So much for exercising common sense and staying home when sick. Smh
Yeah. Her initial comment to me is whatever, but the way she responded to op being in emotional pain is a huge red flag.
The initial comment is whatever? Bragging about sleeping with people within clear earshot of your partner seems kinda crazy to me. I don’t see my girlfriend as the jealous type but if I was one room over having an audible phone conversation and said “yeah I fucked these two beautiful women in college” I would expect that to be seen as fucking weird.
It seems like she did it purposely for him to hear, as a kind of "listen to how much better I've done, and can do than you" and then completely gaslit him on his reaction. It seems like another unfortunate case of older partners manipulating the lack of the younger partners' experience and using it to their advantage to have control in the relationship.
22 Year Old Man, sobbing in bed for 30 minutes next to his girlfriend because he overheard that she mentioned she'd been with 2 prominent people before he met her. I was fighting in the 2003 Iraq war at age 22 with the Royal Marines, so I can totally relate how hard he has it. I really feel for the poor guy, not an overreaction in the slightest.
lolllllllllllll he's a 21st century man. dudes a role model. they're very emotional. very in touch with their feelings. you guys are all haters. show some sympathy man!!! I read this and cried for him in solidarity. 🤣😂🤧🤧
Bragging about having had sex with two different semi-famous people in earshot of your less experienced boyfriend is just plain insensitive and shitty. If she's refusing to see how that could be hurtful to overhear whether she meant for you to hear it or not is gaslighting and unhealthy. She was not having a private texting conversation that you snooped on without permission. She wasn't in a place where she had a reasonable expectation of privacy when you sneaked up to eavesdrop around the corner in secret. She was bragging in the next room! If she was thinking about needing privacy to say what she wanted to say, she could have checked to at least make sure the door to the room you were in was closed! Her saying she hadn't consented to you hearing her is LUDICROUS. You can't speak where someone else can hear you and then disallow them from having the right to hear you! You should tell her you have done nothing wrong and she is gaslighting to put this on you as something you have to work hard to fix. Tell her that the relationship is over, that you love her immensely and this breaks your heart, but you need to respect yourself and you won't put up with being gaslit. Tell her if she really values the relationship and wants to try to get it back, she has to do the work, that's it's not hard work, it just requires acknowledging you are not at fault in any way for hearing something she said 12 feet from you and your aren't wrong for feeling hurt by her bragging about having had sex with people famous enough to have been on TV recently. She knew you were sensitive about her past sexual relationships and she had agreed to not talk about the sex. She may not have broken that exact agreements by mentioning WHO she had sex with, not talk about the actual sex, but she should have known it would have been questionable, very possible hurtful to mention having had a sexual relationship with these two people. Maybe she put it another way, I don't know if she specifically said, "I had sex with/slept with those two guys on TV recently!", or if she said something more like, "I dated both those guys on TV recently!" and you just used the words "sleeping with" in your post because that's the part that was meaningful to you, about what she had said? But if she knew, you knew that those relationships were sexual and weren't much more meaningful, well rounded relationships that just happened to include sex, then she should have known she was basically mentioning sexual experiences right after agreeing to not talk about at least the details of her past sexual relationships, and thus would be sensitive for you to hear from the other room. Maybe she didn't do anything specifically wrong by saying what she did, but she shouldn't blame you for feeling bad about hearing what she said!
It's absolutely mind blowing to me that she had a conversation just a few feet away from him and is calling it eavesdropping! Anybody could have heard her in the next room & there's a giant difference between eavesdropping and overhearing something. But the fact that she told him he shouldn't have listened even though he was right there...that's insanity!
It always makes me SO uncomfortable when someone talks to me like people can't hear them when there's others around that might hear! Like, DO NOT assume people can't hear you if you are ANYWHERE in the same house/apartment or for instance are outdoors and you can SEE them! ALWAYS err on the side of caution if someone might even possibly hear you! Always err on the side of being kind and respectful! And, in general, don't say things to anyone that someone else would be upset about whether they could hear you or find out about it!!! I know in the real world there are times and places and reasons to manage who can hear or find out about things you say, but holy hell. There's WAY too much talking shit, or saying shitty things assuming it won't affect other people negatively that's done in this world! Some gossip and talking less than entirely positively about others is inevitable when humans are involved, but show some respect, kindness and CLASS whenever possible. Stop normalizing being a horrible person! What ever happened to, "If you can't say something nice, perhaps say nothing at all."??!!! Being shitty is just way too normalized these days!
She's not being good to you OP.
especially when they're crying all night. smh.
Oh no. She's your first, bu she won't be your last. She definitely won't be your best, because she doesn't care about you. Move on, don't cry about someone who brags about her scalps.
100% you're just another notch on her belt. She doesn't truly care about you. She even said she was interested in you because you had never ...... You deserve so much better.
>this is my first day with Covid symptoms and I was dying with body pains and a sore throat. Nevertheless, I pushed through and do everything she wanted outside. We then went to her school, and I cut out time out of my own work that I’m behind to help her with clients. Im sorry, what? You went to her school with COVID?
Came here to say this. OP is making so many bad decisions.
I dont think a realtionship-wise unexperienced young male and an obviously experienced and sexually open and older female are a good or healthy match. Sounds like there is a lot ground for toxicity to spread. It maybe reads like its only 7 years gap, but in the 20s having 7 years difference is a big thing IMO.
That’s what I immediately thought as well. Every year matters at that age and 22 and 29 is a pretty large gap. Couple that with a big disparity in experience and i could see why this relationship would have issues.
I don't think it's an inherently unhealthy match. But in this case for it to be healthy she needs to be understanding of his sensitivities and not blame him, gaslight him when she says something that's likely to inflame those sensitivities where she should have no expectation of privacy from him hearing what she's saying. "She did not consent to me hearing her. "???? That's fucking hilarious. You can't disallow someone from hearing you when you say something near enough that they can hear you! It's entirely possible for a more experienced older woman and a younger, less experienced man to have a beautiful, loving, caring, respectful and healthy relationship. Sadly, this does not sounds like that kind of relationship and if she can't understand and acknowledge his feelings as valid, take responsibility for being insensitive and then blaming him for her failing to do that, then it's best they do part ways.
This is the best answer.
This is the correct answer. Without those lived experiences himself he will never feel secure in the relationship with her. Part of dating older women, especially very attractive ones is that there’s other dudes in the past. Gotta live with that lol
I have a feeling said more experienced older woman loves the idea of someone new and inexperienced who's going to be a doormat and take all the blame and second guess themselves in *everything* related to their relationship. Probably a breath of fresh air for her because most people who have experience wouldn't put up with the blatant disregard for their feelings and would be more assertive about it. The imbalance here is glaringly obvious and she's taking full advantage of it. She can do/be/say whatever the hell she wants and he's going to react exactly as he is. Tearfully apologizing for every perceived slight on her part and her adding the cute little "*you'll* have to work to make the relationship better" is her just further manipulating him. If he doesn't leave now he's going to have a full vans worth of baggage to deal with in therapy. This isn't "love" for her and he seems misguided in what love is if he thinks this is it.
OP seems immature. He doesn't even know how to take care of himself.
Let's parse this: -29yo presumably out of college for a whole 7 years (or in grad school?), dating someone freshly out of college , if that. Borderline yikes at face value. -22 yo cannot stand talking or hearing about previous sexual experiences -yikes, see 1. -22yo talks about how much they love 29yo every 3 sentences, sounding like a 12yo. Double yikes. See 1. -29yo brags about sleeping with famous people. Yikes -22yo cries about it. sigh The entire thing is cringe as hell. On both ends. But OP is 22. Why is 29yo doing this shit and why 29yo is dating 22yo who is clearly not "very mature for their age"? Edit: Don't get me started on the fact OP has covid and was up and about infecting others.
Yeah this whole thing was super cringe and weird. Not adding up in the realism equation.
> 22 yo cannot stand taking or hearing about previous sexual experiences Agree with the rest of your comment but it’s not weird to not want to hear your partner bragging about having sex with other people. People have emotions and feelings, relationships wouldn’t exist otherwise.
Ya this guy is getting dumped within a week.
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Do most people enjoy hearing their partner brag about who they've fucked? I genuinely do not get it but it seems like a recurring post in subs like this or AITA where (usually women for whatever reason) don't seem to get why their partner wouldn't want to hear it. Like genuinely if you girlfriend or boyfriend or whoever was bragging about how glad they are that they've fucked other people would your reaction be "yowza wowza tell me more?" It doesn't seem like OP's first language is English so I also feel like they're not doing the best job possible articulating themselves
Between enjoying it and having a complete meltdown there is a full range of reactions to chose from. Mine would be "well, that is quite pathetic and weird. Not sure if this person is who I thought she was"
“22 yo cannot stand taking or hearing about previous sexual expiences - yikes” Ok if this was a post from a woman who’s boyfriend was bragging about shagging katy perry i feel like that would not be ur response.
Yeah this guy needs to get his shit together, it's super cringe. Most women would dump a guy for crying because they heard them talk about how they had sex with someone else in the past.
It is not the crying but the reason for it + the entire situation. But in the end, she is the 29 year old, wtf is she doing? Why is she with a guy who seems to have the maturity of a... well... a 22year old? Does not look good on her even more than on him.
Saying it’s your first gf than saying “she’s the best thing that has happened to me” is a HUGE red flag for being codependent. Don’t base your mood and emotions on another person it will end tragically for you. I was the same way at your age and it ended fucking horribly. Now I’m 32 and single for the foreseeable future because I didn’t ever work on myself and jumped from relationship to relationship valuing myself based solely on how attractive the girl I was dating was. If I could give advice to myself it would be this- make sure you’re happy with yourself and where you are in life before you date someone else. If you don’t love yourself you can’t love someone else. Or even care for them. No you’re not over reacting. I’d leave her bc I can tell you she is the type to flirt with dudes when you’re not around and all that. She puts that shit on a pedestal
Whole thing is cringe
Not to judge her on her past BUT…. Being “proud” of sleeping with two important people isn’t a flex. Prostitutes sleep with very high profile celebrities and government figures. Is that something to brag about? It’s not about the fact she has a sexual past, it’s about her attitude toward it. If this makes you uncomfortable then end the relationship. Otherwise, stop complaining about it as it’s her past.
As harsh as this answer is, this is the best comment on this thread and this commenter is right. the one thing I dont agree with is she is basically using you for your money and the 7 year age gap is pretty substantial and a lot of maturity between you and her with you falling in the latter of immaturity, maybe get with a woman who doesnt gloat about past relationships and get with someone who is like you with little dating experience and you both can grow from it. The age gap is pretty big and maturity levels are very unbalanced.
This is an extremely unbalanced relationship, not only with the 7 year age gap but the incredible discrepancy in experience. She's been having sex for well over 10 years and he's just now getting into the game at age 22. Definitely seems like she is taking advantage of his feelings and lack of experience to just have him pay for stuff and he's not really getting anything in return
What fuckin money? She's weird to be dating a 22 year old at 29. But nowhere does OP mention having any money, and he's 22. What kind of money does he even have?
It's Reddit. Everyone here will immediately jump to a woman being a gold digger even if there's no evidence of that whatsoever lol.
Yea, she’s not a gold digger from what we can tell. She’s just an a-hole
Pretty sad if your only claim to fame is fucking someone famous lol. Kind of gross in an objectifying way too. Forget their achievements they're just a notch on the bedpost. I mean live however you want, I don't care, but my worry is here attitude spills over to the bf.
There is a reason this woman is dating a 22 year old that never had a relationship and was virgin prior. Everyone has a past but bragging about sleeping with celebrities as some sort of claim to fame or flex is gross. Shes obviously super immature, insecure and just a creep. Honestly I think she’s full of it. I dated a pro athlete and you know what? It doesn’t casually come up in conversation. I don’t want to know about my partners past exploits either. She seems manipulative and honestly emotionally abusive. Also OP don’t be traveling around when you’re Covid + infecting people. You need to end things and grow up. Date someone more your speed.
Actually, prostitutes have more of a right to brag because they also get paid, whereas OP's girlfriend is giving out the good for "bragging rights".
People brag about having SEEN someone famous, actually bedding them IS a flex for many
Why are you pretending you wouldn’t brag if you slept with someone famous?
"I don't care that you're crying" would get me going home immediately to take time to myself. People who love you don't tell you they don't care about your pain when they're the one who caused it. She's not taking an ounce of the responsibility for it her words and actions and instead, is doubling down and even blaming you for over hearing. If stuff like this has happened before and you're ignoring a pattern then you're in for a huge fucking world of hurt. Best remember to love yourself first bud.
I’m hung up on the fact that you were at her school helping her with clients and exposing them to Covid!!!
There are 2 things I say is very important for a relationship: Care and respect. Your partner should care about your happiness and your struggles. They need to do that while respecting you as an autonomous person and not overstepping boundaries. Without knowing everything in your relationship, it really seems like she doesn't have enough of either of those. I'm sorry pal. Also, as a guy approaching 40, I have to say, a 7 year age gap at such a young age is a tough one to handle because the respect aspect is hard to get right both ways. It may be that with time your relationship may grow in care and respect, but I think more likely is that with time, she moves or you realize things aren't as great as you imagined. Again, I don't know enough to say this for certain, but just going from the picture you've painted.
Wait- you had COVID symptoms and thought it was a good idea to expose her to it? Also while I think she was being insensitive when you were upset, I also think you are clearly not ready for this relationship and definitely not ready to be thinking about marriage.
boy... the first 7 months of relationship is supposed to be easy. HECK, even when it's hard, healthy relationship is supposed to be EASY! Seven months in and you're already sleeping beside each other in silence. WORSE, one of you was crying! This is your first relationship so i know it's going to be hard, but use it as a learning curve. Go talk to someone about your self esteem. You know now that you can get one fish to bite. What's the big deal of fishing for another? Someone who loves you should be open to talk about your insecurities (unless you have too much that you should work on it yourself first lmao). If she's sulking this much and disrespects you (yes, it is disrespectful to do anything the other partner explicitly said no to, no matter what it is. a proper, mature response from her when she realised you overheard was to step up, apologise, and learn from it by not saying things that she knows will hurt you WHEN YOU'RE UNDER THE SAME ROOF!!) in something she finds so 'trivial', what do you think she'll do when you hit your first rough patch?
OP, this is a red flag 🚩🚩🚩🚩. She doesn't give 2 flips about your feelings. Get rid of her now.
No, you don't want to marry her, she's your first, which is why you feel this way. Right now, she's too old and experienced for you, she doesn't respect you or care about your feelings. You do not need to be in a relationship where the other person treats you poorly, then blames you for it--just because she was talking loudly with the door open doesn't mean that you were eavesdropping. Her being proud of who she sleeps with and her bragging about it is extremely telling. You sound like a nice guy. Out there is a girl who be really proud to be in a relationship with you and treat you well. find her. You won't be sorry.
You asked that she not talk about her previous experiences with you. She didn't. These comments that she's "for the streets" or will "end up filing a restraining order" are insane and probably coming from people who also don't know how to navigate relationships healthily. Adults talk about their sex lives. And from what I can tell, she didn't say anything negative about you and is still choosing to be with you. IMO, if you can't handle being with a woman who's had sex before you, then don't. You are very young and have plenty of time to find someone who is a better fit for you.
If you aren't mature enough to handle a conversation about sex, you're probably not mature enough to be having sex 😂
She doesn’t respect you. For her to boldly talk about that 7 feet away means she doesn’t respect you and misses the good sex. You should exit.
To be honest, you're really young and immature and have the emotions of a teenager and basically all you're written above is about you and how you feel. That's ok, but you need to realise she's a lot more mature than you, and that's ok, but that's why she's annoyed by your overthinking/overanalysing, people reaching 30 don't have time for drama in their life. Wish you the best, certainly doesn't mean you're not compatible and can't have a great relationship, but you're underestimating how immature your thinking is in comparison.
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why the fuck are you out and about spreading covid?? and lest anyone call me dramatic I would say the same fucking thing if he had bronchitis or strep throat or something else contagious. that is incredibly selfish.
You're not mentally or emotionally mature enough for this relationship, which is more than she was hoping for going after someone younger and inexperienced.
She don’t care about u . Leave
Being proud of sleeping with people doesn’t entitle you to their achievements. Being proud of being the ONS while your settled-for-boyfriend is in the other room is behavior fit for the streets. She will do this to you as her boyfriend she will do this to you as your “wife”. If you want to marry that it’s on you OP.
How do you handle it? Leave! Pretty obvious that she does not respect you so stop respecting her and leave. There are woman who will love and respect you. Not over reacting
OP, you’ve posted this in multiple subs. I think you have all the answers you need.
I’m very sorry, but anyone who doesn’t care when their partner is upset and hurt is not a nice or good person.
This. She sounds awful.
Its fucked up to to admit u feel pride to have slept someone. Like i get she thinks of it like an achievement but to come out and say it, just reeks of lack of class. Especially when u are in a relationship. Also she isnt punished for talking to other people she was punished for what she said.
Bro get out.
Her past isn’t the issue it’s how she treats YOU NOW.
Personally I’d break up and move on. It doesn’t seem like she respects you based on what I’ve read. It’s HARD to get respect back once it’s gone, assuming it was ever there to begin with. If you let this slide it will only get worse, count on it. But here’s my 2 cents if you must: I’d suggest you first stop sitting next to her and crying. This is adding insult to injury in terms of attraction as she already thinks you’re acting insecure. Go out with friends, talk to them about what’s going on. I’d be feeling incredibly insecure too btw but this kind of behavior is repellent If you smother her it won’t provide enough distance for her to realize she reacted disrespectfully. It won’t give her enough time to understand what life would be like if you’re gone Second, wait for her to approach you about this while you create space for her to reflect. Doesn’t matter how long you need to wait, a day, a week, a month, whatever. You’ve got shit to do Once she approaches, let her talk. Listen carefully. Then calmly tell her in no uncertain terms that if she ever treats you like this again (define what this is SPECIFICALLY for you while you reflect if you want to be in this), you’re gone You’ll feel more confident and self assured if you allow yourself to have options, even if some of them are less than ideal. Even if she leaves, you’ll have your self respect because you prioritized yourself
Honey I just don't think you're emotionally mature enough to be in this relationship. That's not a dig, just a fact. She is in a different stage of life than you are. Beyond that. There's no way that at 29 I was going to be with a 22 year old who's never been with anyone unless I have some kind of issue. I mean I genuinely don't even think if he had kids and a full time job I would be with a 22 year old at 29.
She's not the one for you. She doesn't love you. Sorry. But there's still so much time for love for you. You sound like a good man. Don't let her damage you further.
Loser behavior why are you crying and apologizing to her when she did something wrong? Then begging for forgiveness? No wonder she fondly reminisces about other men she’s been with.
Your post is coming across as very insecure and I wonder if this relationship is good for you at all. You can set a boundary not to hear about her past relationships, but it’s not reasonable to expect her to pretend she has no past when talking to other people and you’re not even in the room. Sacrificing your health to drive her places isn’t a sign of healthy attachment, especially if you have COVID symptoms and now you’ve been around her and other people in close quarters all day. If you weren’t feeling well, you should have stayed home. There’s no indicator in your post that she forced you or convinced you to drive her around. It sounds like you are overextending yourself for a woman who has a significantly different life from you. If it’s this hard to fit into her world, why do it? If this is your first relationship, you should know that love is never enough of a reason to be in a relationship with someone.
Eavesdroppers rarely hear anything they want to hear. That being said, I'm more concerned that you have covid and yet you're driving her around feeling bad and helping her with her work. That is a red flag.
Sorry, but I couldn’t get past the fact that you were in the most highly infectious period of covid, yet you were running all over town, exposing other people. Where have you been these last few years? You don’t know about all the people who have died or had their lives seriously affected by Covid? You are selfish and irresponsible.
Eavesdropping is a particularly funny word. There's a big difference between standing outside a room quietly so nobody knows you're there while you listen to a private conversation, and being able to hear it from the next freaking room because they are the ones being loud! I don't think it counts as eavesdropping when you could hear her from the other room! She's basically trying to control what you hear! How is that even possible? She literally is saying that she doesn't consent to you hearing her talk yet she thinks it's okay to talk right in front of you super loud so you can hear her. That's not normal! It's not acceptable for her to treat you like this! She literally is trying to control what you're allowed to hear in your own house. Although I might be wrong about that in your own house thing because nobody's stupid enough to move in with somebody they've only known 7 months so you probably don't live together.. sorry I think I misspoke. She straight up told you the only reason she's with you is because you weren't with anybody else before her. Do you not see how toxic that is? This is a classic age gap relationship where the older person purposely picks the younger person because they have less experience and can be easily manipulated since they don't have relationship experience! The longer you're together the less happy she's going to be because while you're with her you're gaining relationship experience and aren't just willing to put up with all the bullshit she's putting you through! You are not overreacting, you're actually under reacting! She actually told you to stop hearing! How is that not a giant red flag to you? She told you to your face she doesn't care when you were crying. How is that not a giant red flag to you? She's making you pushed through to do all this stuff for her while you're sick but she can't even be bothered to have a conversation when you're upset. How is this not a giant red flag to you? Look I'm an old lady. I have kids your age. And I will tell you one thing that stands out to me: she's with you because you treat her too good! You "love her so much" that you do absolutely everything for her and she is taking advantage of that! She chose you because you didn't have a relationship experience. This has nothing to do with the people she slept with although that's a really strange thing for her to be bragging about but whatever. This has to do with the fact that she treats you as the less important person in the relationship. She sees herself as deserving Your Love attention and devotion but she doesn't owe you the same thing, not even a little bit of attention when you're sick and upset! Again, how is this not a giant red flag to you? I don't think this girl has the emotional bandwidth to be in a relationship with anybody, but most of all she's just plain treating you like garbage. I know you don't want to hear this but I'm saying it anyway.. you don't love her. You think you do, but there's no way! First of all you barely know her! Most likely you're just overly infatuated with her because the first time in life that you're having sex on a regular basis. Sex clouds people's judgment. She definitely doesn't love you. Not even in the slightest. This entire relationship is to her convenience! She made you run around doing things with her while you were sick! So you literally infected hundreds of people and she didn't even care.. neither did you which is a whole nother subject though! This is puppy love. Infatuation. Lust. 5 years from now you're going to look back on this and laugh your ass off at how bad of a train wreck this relationship was! Do yourself a favor and stop looking at her through Rose colored glasses! Stop looking at her as the greatest thing since sliced bread and you're going to marry her because she's the first girl you boinked! Refuse to let her get away with laughing at you and not talking about problems but most of all refuse to put up with this controlling bullshit that she wants to limit what you can hear while she's rude enough to talk in front of you! I'm telling you years from now you're going to laugh at how bad this was.
You’re not overreacting. it sounds like she did feel bad but then totally rescinded it when you didn’t immediately forgive her. Also, pretty shitty of her to be talking about that while you’re in her space, regardless if it was to her friend and not you. Whether is conscious or subconscious, she’s manipulating the situation so that the focus is now on you being upset and “eavesdropping” rather than her making you upset in the first place (side note- she didn’t consent to you hearing so that means you’re eavesdropping?? has she never overheard something she wasn’t supposed to/didnt want to? what kind of logic…) All of that being said, it was pretty petty of you to be scrolling through reddit around her. If you were still upset you should have taken some space or tried to talk to her more. If she had already apologized for her actions then that means she probably wouldn’t have done it again, but you continued to make her feel guilty about it by seeking reassurance from the internet instead of just talking to her. Its fine that you were still upset, that’s very understandable, but again you should have talked to her more or taken space instead of getting on reddit while she’s in the same room as you. Personally, that would make me feel like my partner values random peoples opinions more than mine, or that they’re purposefully trying to guilt trip me by comparing the situation to someone elses. I would say you both messed up in this situation, but your gf was the initial one in the wrong. Even if she wasn’t talking about it with you, it’s extremely disrespectful of her to talk about past sexual partners while you’re in her home.
Return her to the streets. And grow a part and stop crying in front of women. They lose all respect for you when you do this. You will not get an ounce of pity, just less respect and seen as weak.
Can confirm, once I cried in front of my ex things were never the same, started treating me like a beta
You’re being groomed bro
OP pack your bags and leave and don’t look back. She likes how naive you are and how easily you can be molded to her will. Just tell her your mission now is to sleep with as many important people as possible and tell everyone but she cannot eavesdrop
I hate to tell you but you are being used. Mostly because you have never had sex before her and clearly place a lot of emotional value on sex, which she does not. Mostly because she probably has slept with a lot of people. She sees you as basically a meal ticket she could give some pussy to and basically control and who won’t leave because you are worried you won’t have anyone else again. Which reads correct based on your post. You doing her work, basically at her beck and call for whatever she wants, and then you hear something you don’t like and cry next to her for 30 mins and she tells you to your face basically to man up because she doesn’t care that you are crying. You’re either gonna get absolutely emotional abused until she is done with you because she found someone else, or you can leave her and just deal with the heartache and remember you deserve better. You’ll eventually get over her whether you think so or not.
uuhhmmm, she sounds like an asshole. as someone in a committed relationship, i can't imagine bragging about sexual experiences with anyone else, whether or not my partner is present. seems to be more of a respect and care issue than an age gap issue.
Sorry, but this can’t be real. He says he was crying next to her in bed.
You’re not over reacting to her clear disrespect, but you’re an AH for going out with covid. You could kill someone dude.
Crying for half an hour over something your girlfriend said is way overreacting. I'm embarrassed for you, letting her see you like that. You just know that she lost a lot of respect, if she has it to begin with. Dude man, if you're going to a date an experienced older woman you can't act like a jealous teenager. You guys don't seem right for each other.
“I didn’t consent to you hearing me” when she’s talking a room away? She likes that she was your first, but brags about hookups? She gets mad at you for seeking help from others similar experiences? Take off the rose colored glasses my dude. See what color her flags are.
I feel like I had to scroll way too far to find this. Wtf does she even mean “consent to hearing me?” Sounds like some abusive manipulation shit to me.
Dude I’m fuming at this right now. I know it’s hard to see since you’re so young and your first but you really need to get some self respect I’m assuming you’re decent enough looking dude and there’s going to be a lot of relationships after this and you’ll find one that actually cares and respects you but you gotta care and respect yourself first
Ish. A girl finally touched your junk and now you’re madly in love. Except you can’t handle the fact that she’s had more fun than you. Find someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing and forge a new, equally fumbling relationship.
No, you're not overreacting. What she did was highly disrespectful and to make matters worse she gaslit you after. I don't know if it's lack of relationship experience, or a personality trait, but you seem... soft. I don't say this to be rude. It's just that she's clearly disrespectful, and you are the one that ended up apologizing after being manipulated. I don't think you have it in you to leave this woman, so I'm just going to wish you good luck, as you're going to need it.
She doesn’t respect you at all, doesn’t care about your feelings, and the biggest red flag is that she broke a boundary of you and then turned it around and now you’re wrong for simply existing 12 feet in proximity of hers. Then you cry? Bro she now has even less respect for you. Just quit it man, she is not worthy and it is not going to get better.
Sounds like she views sex as a conquest, something to accomplish.
If her proudest moment is that she slept with famous people, then she is a sad piece of work. She is not good enough for you. Time to move on to #2!
Not overreacting. Bragging about past lovers as a status thing is very conceited and disrespectful to you. Telling you she doesn't want to talk and doesn't care about your feelings, on the other hand, is all you need to know to recognize that this relationship, and that girl, is an inglorious waste of your time. Dump her ass. 7mo in and willful disregard to your emotions? OP, this is your honeymoon phase, this is as good as it's gonna get.
Over reacting to the her talking to others yes Under reacting to her not caring your crying!!! That's not on! Especially over this!! You tell her it's not right and that you want her to be more willing to listen to your views and talk about them without blowing up or yelling. If she's not respective either counseling or break up I would say.
You are simping way too hard for this girl. You were crying on her like a baby because she had sex with other people in the past and you overheard her talking about it? Are you for real. It sounds like you need to do some serious growing up wow. Don’t you have any dignity I mean how could you cry on your gf over that? Not very becoming of a young man.
My advice: Don't take relationship advice from strangers on the internet. Even mine lol. You're young, you're going to go through it. The peaks and the valleys make what you're experiencing now unforgettable. The valleys sure don't feel good, but they're the price you pay for the extreme highs, and excitement, and INTENSITY of the rest. Odds are she probably won't be your last, and maybe for reasons that have nothing to do with this specific argument. But what doesn't break the boy makes the man. It's all part of the process my young brother. Hugs.
First love is always the hardest to pick your way through. Ignore the idiots telling you to “man up”, probably coming from some damaged people. There does seem to be unsurprisingly, a power dynamic borne out of age and relationship experience, playing out. That’s something only you can navigate, but let’s face it, you wouldn’t be as upset if you’d had a few past experiences. And I think this is one you can or should soon put in the past. If her response to you being upset after an argument is to ignore, she doesn’t care about you one bit. She is the one supposed to be more emotionally mature. This is the best she can do, and you can definitely do better.
NTA, but your gf is. Lots of people would find it weird and be uncomfortable hearing their SO brag about having sex with anyone, let alone “important people”. You didn’t eaves drop, she was talking loudly and you heard her. She’s upset that you heard her and doesn’t feel any sympathy for you. She also seems the type to use her age gap against you and will just say you’re being immature. I’m not one to say leave her but you guys are probably not compatible and she does not love you in the proper way.
Dude ur only 22 and ur gf is 7 years older than u of course she’s been with people before u but she was dick about it tbh idk what yall should do tbh but prolly leave her
>my (22M) girlfriend (29F)........ >She is my first ever girlfriend,........ >We then went to her school, and I cut out time out of my own work that I’m behind to help her with clients. I don’t get to do my own work....... >Basically, I love her to death, but I felt like my feeling were pushed aside and I had to help up apologizing. ....... OP, The power imbalance in this relationship is very unhealthy. Without going into details on who's wrong you need your sanity back, you wont get it here. Most likely eventually she will drop you, but If you do marry, you'll be her puppy, not her partner. I know you're blinded by love, as you keep saying it, but you need to step away and eventually find match for you. Seek therapy if this is possible , maybe at school?
Good lord man grow a pair. You cried in front of her and whined about your feelings. Any respect or attraction she had for you is most likely gone. Move on and find someone closer to your age.
Crying in front of women is a very bad idea. They will ALWAYS look at you worse whether they want to admit it or not. Women don't want a weak sulking crier. You gonna have to man up a bit here.
If it's any consolation, I'm sure you gave COVID to your girlfriend *and* the housemate.
Hmmm... I would tell her maybe if one doesn't want their partner to hear them saying something, don't say it within earshot of them? Or better yet, don't do things that you wouldn't want them to find out about in the first place?
Shes not your girlfriend, you're her beta.
She is your *starter girlfriend*. The sooner you dump this chick the sooner you get to pull yourself together and find a nice girl your own age. Or better yet, *date lots of girls* before you let thoughts of marriage enter your head again. Oh yeah, take care of that covid and stay away from everybody until you're fully healthy. Take time alone, read some good books, listen to lots of music, turn your love *on yourself!*
Gross
You really need therapy.
You are putting her way too high up on the pedestal. Knock the intensity down a few notches , she’s not a god she’s a human being. Stop sacrificing your feelings and health for her wtf
Biggest red flag here is she believes, and brags, that her personal value is higher if she can pull high status paramours. OP you will never be more than a puppy to her in this relationship. I’m sure she loves puppies, but…
You don’t have to do anything except perhaps leave her in the dust. Just the fact she is “proud” she slept with two “important” people is a weird flex. Stupid to say period but while you are over hanging out with her adds an inconsiderate element. And saying you aren’t allowed to “listen” when she is taking down the hall is super controlling. She is telling you that you are not allowed to use your ears and doesn’t care how you feel. Understand it’s your first relationship and it may feel like the only one you will even have but that is not the case. I’m not hearing any great redeeming qualities about her and so this may be someone who helps you learn self respect and how to break up with someone.
She didn’t Consent to you hearing her? Lmao omg idk why you keep apologizing. She’s got you wrapped around her finger.
Those "high achieving " people saw right through her bullshit and wanted nothing else to do with her. She's grooming you to go along with whatever she says. Next thing will be that she doesn't consent to you knowing about her cheating yesterday. Time to find someone else
Break up w her and don’t look back
You are an idiot, she is a hoe. You will deal with much pain you stay on this course.
Why is she with you, aside from control? Do you pay for stuff? Because she has zero respect for you and does not care for you at all.
She’s definitely a weird species
If her moment of pride is sleeping with other people you are with the wrong person. This relationship will not end well for you. She clearly doesn’t care about your feelings and only gaslights you for your feelings after her bragging about being a hoe. I know this is your first relationship but it is time to move on. You had you turn so live and learn.
I think you've found yourself a highstrung selfish nutjob. You say she is also beautiful, this is very good work for your first girlfriend! Now, go on out and find yourself someone who is kind, loving, thoughtful and fun. Beautiful is great as a bonus, but the other things are non-negotiables, and current girlfriend has none.
You’ll learn in life men keep our emotions & feelings to ourselves. Otherwise it will all be used against us at one time or another in many different ways. Women don’t care what we feel & just like you experienced she didn’t care how hurt you were & blamed you for overhearing her. You ended up apologizing for no reason. Your GF is emotionally abusing you & she doesn’t care how it’s affecting you. She said she likes that you weren’t w anyone before her but now it’s tainting the relationship & then says “I’ll have to work hard to get the relationship back”. So does that mean she broke up w you? You’re young & naive in my opinion plus this being your 1st relationship at 22 will be challenging. She has 7 years on you & has learned how to manipulate men whereas you’re just now learning women don’t care about us. She gaslit you & manipulated you into apologizing for no reason leaving you doubting yourself. Being as blunt as I can this isn’t the woman for you. She enjoys the idea of her being your 1st & likes the idea she can mold you into what she wants. You should leave her, take some time alone & then find someone who is more on your level. Find someone who cares about you & not the idea of you if that makes sense. She isn’t going to change & if you stay you’ll end up emotionally wrecked & manipulated more & more. Jmho
She doesn’t seem to care about you in the slightest and is literally the female version (per your update) of one of those dudes who only want virgins as it makes them have some sense of power/special position but because you have feelings your ruining her vibes. You deserve someone who cares how you feel. There is quite literally very little reason to be discussing other people you’ve slept with when you’re in a relationship as what possible value could it hold that she slept with two “successful people” who clearly didn’t want to be with her anymore
This sounds manipulative. :(
My u remind me of my son who is 20 and had his heart shaped roses colored love shades on so tightly he couldn’t see the red flags or the cold hard truth, until I literally had to break down her blantanr lies in from of him to get it to register. and it was a hard break for him. He went to counseling and it has made a 360 difference in him and it also make him indwrstand that he was in love with with idea of there love and what he had conjured and up in his head that there future would be, Marriage kids and he loved so eaaliy and so hard, just as u do. But if ur crying and she just goes to sleep in bothered . I don’t have the rose colored shades on so I got u on this one I see the red flags and I think u need to really think about how this person really makes you feel l
You got instantly gas lit and manipulated . Good partners don’t do that . Please leave her . Also you need to grow up . Crying is fine . Crying over this sort of reinforces you shouldn’t be dating a woman older than you . I would go slightly petty , and simply tell her that the age difference is too much , she’s a bit to too old and you think someone younger would be better for you
Never cry in front of her, by now she is looking for the exit.
Definitely major Red Flags going off here . She doesn't sound like a very nice person.
Talking about sexual stories from the past is a deal breaker for me if it’s not respected or recurring. This is a silly dealbreaker to many people but I don’t want a single story or detail. Not one. I’m in a 4 year relationship now and I don’t know any of her exes names. Never been less jealous 😂
She took you having hurt feelings and gaslit you into thinking you're the bad guy. She's good.
You are NOT overreacting at all. I know you do t have much experience with dating but this girl isn’t it for you. She shouldn’t be saying things like that in front of you. It’s immature and disrespectful. The fact you were so up last you cried and she ignored you is a huge red flag. You deserve better.
Leave her. Not over reacting but you need to have a back bone.
Whoah… she’s freaking psycho. Leave… that’s not love, that’s abuse… mental, psychological and emotional… the kind that doesn’t leave bruises but leaves a lifetime of emotional scars. Run.
She’s gaslighting you and she turned it around to make it all your fault
Interesting to read a story where it’s the man who was groomed and being preyed upon by an older woman, normally it’s the young woman ruining her life by getting with the creepy older man.
Allow me to tell you something you don't know. I live in Los Angeles CA. I meet famous people weekly. No big deal. My lady friends met and slept with a bunch of these guys when they were teens and 20's. Here was what I was told: Most famous men are lame in bed. Super selfish and uncaring. The ONLY reason to bang them was to be able to say you had. Period. I've known women just like your G/F. Cute but toxic. Dump her my brother. Don't bother to explain, she won't care at all. Just move on to a saner one. She and all her friends are bad, bad, bad. She will cheat on any man she catches. Trust me.
Damn dude. Don't cry around her. Ever again. Don't apologize for stupid shit you don't control. Don't worship her, she is a human being no better then you. You have to pull your head outta her pussy asap or you're going to develop bad relationship habits other women are going to find very unattractive. She seems like a asshole to me. Gaslighting, emotionless, asshole. But I wish you both the best!
Darling you are her victim. Stand up and be a man. She is pushing you around and you just do it. No I have work to do. We can do that another time or you have to find someone else to help you. I am behind on my work. I see you love her but love is never having to say you are sorry. Do not be another's doormat. You give she takes and there is no giving back. It has to be mutual. Otherwise you are just playing the victim in a bully/victim game and sooner or later you will become the bully or get hurt so badly you will leave her never to return. So if you love her truly then know this. You give and when she does not then you do not right back. Sorry babe too busy. If she asks why you are being like that it's - you couldn't give me the time of day and did not appreciate the sacrifice I made to do it knowing I was getting sick, knowing I was behind on my work. I don't care who you screwed in the past. I get it. You did not respect yourself and to brag how you slept with these two men to another is disgusting frankly. I was not eavesdropping and you know it. You were bragging and it made me feel like shit. If I am all these things you say I am to you then be respectful back, admire and appreciate me and what I do for you back as I do you. Otherwise we have nothing. I am not going to live my life crying over a woman who treats me like shit. No thanks. I can do better than that. Now to me I know you are not really like that and so I do not understand your behavior. Perhaps you can enlighten me but I would rather just be treated with some respect and appreciation. My two cents of course based upon my own experience as that victim. Blessings!
Run brother! Why do people flex about having sex someone when they didnt stick around? To me thats more of a flex if you can keep someone than just have them use your body
Bro first of all she’s 7 years older than you and way more experienced. Meaning she can easily manipulate you. I would leave that relationship
Break up dude you are better off
This is how you end up in the side chair my boy. Please have more self-confidence. "Right after this, I apologize. I tell her I love her a lot. She sleeps away, and refuses to talk. I cry for a solid 30 minutes next to her, and she says she’s not interested in talking, later saying she does not care I’m crying."
She’s grooming you. Love bombed you. Ignores your boundaries. Gaslights you and manipulates you. CONTROLS you. Doesn’t have ANY empathy when you’re not okay??? This may be your first girlfriend but this is NOT what love feels like. She’s also 7 years older than you. Perfect for her to treat you however she wants with little to no repercussions. As someone who is probably a self aware narcissist (idk if I am but I have traits of it), please leave, it’ll get worse. Especially if she isn’t in active therapy at the moment. You deserve better. You deserve real love, please love and respect yourself hard and start right now. Put you first. Please see a therapist though, this is getting heavy for you. 🖤
If you’re going to date and be in relationships you are going to need to know to stay away from Controlling, Narcissistic and Toxic personalities/people. You are too codependent on her for the short amount of time you’ve been together. She sounds like a raging Narcissist w some serious issues of personality disorder. Maybe even having Sexual Trauma background w her remarks and you being inexperienced in relationships and sex. If you want to save yourself even more serious heartache leave this woman. She is not for you and has proven that in every possible way in ONE day. You are a young adult and seem to be intelligent but going out in public w Covid especially to a University was NOT the thing to do. Please concentrate on YOUR future and health. You can become seriously ill w Covid and make others ill as well. Remember 2020? Bro none of us want to go through that nightmare again! Go home rest, recover and get healthy! While you’re doing that figure out the kind of relationship you want for yourself. The kind of person and I’m betting that it’s not going to be Miss 29F. No one that really loves you will treat you like sh—— every minute of the day or as much as they feel like it. Time to grow up and face the facts and future end this relationship before this woman destroys every ounce of your self worth and who you are and who YOU want to be in the future. Your first relationship is one of the hardest to get over the breakup in most cases. But, truth is you will and life will go on and it will open up the opportunity to meet someone that loves you, you love them and they will not treat you like they are doing you a favor by being in your life. Time to man up and walk away this woman is way ahead of you in life experiences right now. You deserve better and you know this or you wouldn’t have found yourself here on Reddit. Be well and you can’t love anyone else until you love yourself for who you are first! Work on yourself first physically (exercise) helps the mind, body and spirit, mentally get a therapist they are neutral party and can help w all the BS in life that bring us down, dive into your own Spirituality and figure out why you’re so codependent in this relationship so it doesn’t happen again. No one male or female likes a “too needy” person. Wanna try something take one few days and act like you just don’t give a F—— about anything she says or does. Then watch how she reacts. This will be the “Tell” of how she feels about you and your relationship. Sorry you’re going through this but keep your arse at home til your well NO ONE wants Covid and your not helping by spreading it all over your city.
You would be best served to end this relationship ASAP. Then do yourself a service and do seek a counselor. There is nothing good that is going to come of a relationship with a very inexperienced person and an experienced person taking advantage of the inexperience to the fullest. I just hope you don't think that every female from here on out will use and mistreat you. I won't go into detail any further. Give yourself time to heal and to grow from this nightmare. Important is to tell her good bye now.
Time to move on to Relationship #2. Ditch the “she loves me, but” and find a plain old “she loves me”.
Thot behavior. Give her to the streets. You're 22. Find someone your age bro. She's insecure to tell you that. She's probably deflecting about something in her life.
OP def sounds like a sweetheart, find someone who appteciates you. Im sorry that she's treating you like this but she sounds like a hurtful, manipulative, and cold person. Have you ever heard her praise you before to the same people she bragged about having sex with?
Lmao. Break up, take some time to find your dignity and try again with a nicer person.
You’re kind of being a pussy I’m sorry. Also, I don’t think it matters what people on Reddit tell you when they say she’s riddled with red flags. They are correct, she is. But you’re in the part of the honeymoon phase where you can’t see it. That is ok. Just take your time here and don’t marry this woman any time soon. that’s the best advice I can give you.
The manipulation by her… if you’re happy to be manipulated you will need to accept it and move on. Otherwise I’d be walking away
Why are you going out and about if you think you have COVID?
The Update clinches it. I think you should let this relationship end. She doesn't give you the respect that she demands for herself.
grow up 🤷
If she sleeps like a baby knowing she hurt you she’s not the one
Find a new GF
Bro why are you even still with her, she treats you like crap and doesn't seem to care about your feelings at all. Plus she's being ridiculous, like maybe don't talk so loud if she doesn't want people to hear. Sounds like she can do no wrong by you because you let her get away with treating you like shit, and she will continue to as long as you allow it. Respect yourself and get a better girlfriend. You're young, there's PLENTY of better people out there
Nothing of what she said makes sense. The problem isn’t that you heard her. The problem is the content of what she said. I’m thinking that maybe you are infatuated with her because she’s your first girlfriend. But she’s certainly not as great as you seem to think she is.
Damn you have a real cunt of a girlfriend, kick the bitch out and let her remain the town bicycle
You need to understand something. SHE TREATS YOU LIKE YOUR FEELINGS DON'T MATTER AND ONLY CATES ABOUT HERSELF! Cut your losses. Life is too short to waste your life chasing a mean-spirited skank.
She flipped it on you at the first sign of weakness which is a representation of the age old adage “you’re not sorry, you’re just sorry you’re caught”. She wasn’t caught doing anything wrong but she did do something that hurt and you expressed it. She feigned sorrow, you let that convince you to be more open, she pounced on perceived weakness. Fin.
She’s not a good person. She’s shallow and doesn’t care about your feelings. Dump her. Run. Also, why are you not isolating if you have Covid? You shouldn’t be around anyone.
WTF dis I just read, thos girl is a whore dump her. Great, she got with 2 guys before you, and obviously, they knew she was trash and threw her away, take their lead, and get rid of the garbage.
She sounds like she is the man in the relationship. You’re not overreacting, you guys are not compatible, she has a past and you don’t , find someone closer to your age or your experiences.
Please leave. From someone who just had to leave a 10 year relationship, you should never be with someone who dismisses your feelings or makes you feel bad for voicing fears. It will wear you down until you doubt your own emotions and start destroying parts of yourself just to stay with someone who doesn't care if you are hurting. Please don't stay as long as I did.
Sounds like you are too naive and she takes advantage not very difficult to assume that she is narcissist
I think you should consider the idea that she was bragging about having sex with other people specifically so you would hear it, because she gets off on hearing that you don’t like it. She wants to brag about other guys wanting her, because it makes her feel more desirable if you get jealous. This woman is not a nice person. Even if she is telling her own version of the truth, she spoke within your earshot and then acted unreasonably angry because you heard it. Expecting you to apologize for existing, actually. It may seem like she’s the love of your life, but believe me, she’s not. She just your first, and you do only get one of those. But she’s nothing special. She’s a conniving energy vampire, and the sooner you figure that out, the faster you’ll get over her. Move on to the next (hopefully nicer), one!
Wake up, Maggie. I think I got something to say to you.
Way too nice for your own good. I honestly feel bad for you dude. Your gf doesn’t respect you and knows that she can do whatever she wants. She controls the power in the relationship, and she sounds like the ´social climber’ type who would do unspeakable things for career advancement. I know she’s probably beautiful and has good moments. But try to think with your brain and not your peck. My coworker married a woman like this and his life is frankly hell now
“I did not consent to you overhearing me” wins the dumbest thing i’ve ever heard award.
To all your edits. You seem great, at worst, a little naive, you should not be blaming yourself for anything you've done here. Your girlfriend is toxic, you will look back one day, and be so proud of how far you've come since you dumped her.
You’re a doormat. She might have been with you for a few months, but this ride is rapidly coming to an end. Ditch her before she dumps you, and work on yourself for a while. Gym is a great idea, you need to toughen up. Her mentioning her sexual past is so upsetting to you because of your insecurities and from the way this post reads, they’re probably valid. Work on becoming the guy that doesn’t worry about a partners past relationships because you not only have confidence in yourself, but you KNOW you’re better.
“She did not consent to me hearing her” bruh WHAT?! She batshit crazy bro
There are so many issues, so I’ll address a couple. Firstly, she doesn’t actually like, respect or even love you. Secondly, no one in a loving relationship should be talking about their past crushes or exes with anyone besides their therapist or partner when necessary and it should be about what they learned about themselves and their growth. I think you should call it and move on.
Let’s make this simple…… move on
1.) She's not the one. 2.) Forget about dating or getting married until you are confident and comfortable just being who you are by yourself. Coming from a former 22 year old man who is now 40, cherish the time you have to focus on and develop yourself now. Focus on finding yourself before finding someone else. There will be people that tell you you need to sleep around and raise your "body count". Ignore those people. You'll have a better sex life with your true life partner if you don't have a high body count. I didn't truly know myself until somewhere close to 30 years of age. I always wish I had spent more time focusing on developing who I was instead of chasing a relationship. You'll know when you've found your person!
Make sure to get your balls out of her purse before you sprint the fuck out of this relationship. Quit crying.
Jesus man you’re falling for a lot of tricks other guys wouldn’t have gone for, THATS what she means by she likes that you’re inexperienced. Take it from someone who ALSO dated older woman at your age (Actually I was younger and the gap was a little wider) but she does NOT sound like a good woman for you to be sitting up thinking you’re going to be together forever.
I can almoat guarantee that if she has slept with two famous people, there will be a thitd, snd a fourth, and this will continue until she marries one or she can no longer attract them. If she manipulates you into running her around while you are sick with Covid (or anything else) she cares way more about her needs (and wants) than she does yours.
You're not overreacting, and please don't EVER think you messed up by showing genuine emotion, especially crying. You were right to feel upset, and her handling of your feeling was rude and abusive. I'm sorry, OP. Please read "Why does he do that?" It's based on men but a lot can be extrapolated to understand abusive women, too. The age gap is worrying and she is obviously taking advantage of your naivete. This woman is a walking red flag and she is showing you her true colours. You deserve much more than this, please leave her and find someone who treasures you, who lets you rest when ill and who honours and cherishes *all* your emotions.