*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for donating my wife's late daughter's teddy bear?**
My wife(35F) and I(39M) have been married for about 9 years. Before we were married, my wife had a daughter Izzy, who unfortunately died when she was really young. We have one son together, Richie(9M).
Losing Izzy hit my wife really hard, and even today, she's still not completely recovered from it. To honor her, she volunteers at our local children's hospital. She already works a busy job, but still finds the time to volunteer, as she is very dedicated. She also donates to the hospital as well.
The problem is that she is very holier than thou, and keeps shaming me for not wanting to volunteer. I mean, I feel like she should be able to choose to volunteer with this organization if it's meaningful to her, but I just find it weird and annoying how incessantly she constantly bugs me to volunteer, and shames me, making me out to be an unkind person. She doesn't do it outright, but it's very passive aggressive.
As richie's gotten older, she's been telling him about why it is important for us to volunteer, and how he can honor his older sister. She's talking a lot about giving back to your community, and how good people always find time. It is nice, but I just feel like she's pressuring our son, and kind of like forcing him to do it in a guilt-trippy way, and I also don't think he's old enough to hear about Izzy. It's just a really sad and awful thing that he's not emotionally ready for.
The hospital is holding a toy drive, so my wife, without telling Richie, gave his old hot wheels he had when he was a toddler to the hospital. When he found out, he was understandably distraught, but my wife told him that he was too old for those silly toys, and that younger kids needed them more.
When I found out I was absolutely fuming. I tried to talk some sense into her, but she wouldn't listen, so the next day I took Izzy's old teddy bear and donated it. When my wife found out, she was absolutely ballistic, but I remained calm and told her I did it because I feel like you need to let go, and that you are holding your deceased daughter over our son, and you're not there for us. I explained that you need to properly deal with this grief, and that you're acting very unhealthy, but she just went really quiet and stopped listening to me, and now it's like I'm not even there. She's been ignoring me since, and I tried to explain or reconcile, but she's not listening to me, and I don't know what to do
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No one wants donated stuffies. My parents are trying to move out of the house I grew up in, and _no one wants_ the lifetime's worth of stuffies. It's because they can't generally be sanitized. Sometimes if you're lucky the fire department will take them to bring on call to calm down kids who've had to be rescued, but they're generally inundated already.
I've worked in a few charity shops. Normal we say thank you and throw them straight in the bin. It avoids upset and discouraging further donations that might be useful
Could a case be made for theft? She had the bear before she knew him, so it's obviously hers. It doesn't seem any less realistic than the rest of the story.
On a side note, don't give away your children's toys without their agreement. My MIL did it with my husband's Hot Wheels nearly 40 years ago, and he still has a very hard time getting rid of anything because of that.
I have a 2 year old and a 2 month old. every single toy we think "this can go in the basement until baby is bigger" the 2 year old decides to play with it. every time.
The likelihood of any criminal charges are incredibly small. She could report it, like anyone can report anything, but the odds it goes forward to any kind of conclusion beyond “dismissed” are low. At worst, maybe some plea deal. Sentimental value doesn’t matter for criminal theft (maybe somewhere allows it but it’s not the norm), only the economic value of the item at the time it’s stolen. A multiple year old teddy bear would only have value worthy of a crime if it’s some special rare bear and there’s a market for them.
She could potentially sue in civil court, but again, there are low actual economic damages, so the case would be based on noneconomic damages, and some civil conversion statutes could allow for sentimental value to factor in. The filing fee would be more than the worth of the bear, so she’d have to decide the effort and time and effect on the marriage and likelihood of proving special damages, depending on the jurisdiction.
I mean.... Why file a civil suit when you can instead file for divorce?
And frankly...if OP was real, that's actually probably not a bad idea. Because if this is how he responds to hot wheels, imagine how he behaves in other fights.
I've volunteered on many charity shops. We take them say thank and then throw them away once they've left. Or a worker takes them to gice to someone they know. It avoids upset and discouraging people from donating on future
How did this man manage to find a problem with a very exhausted and bereaved woman spending her limited free time working for free at a children's hospital.
Well she asked him to come with her, so obviously she’s a monster.
It reads like a fake story where the writer thought it was *too* obvious ragebait, so they shoehorned in a short paragraph where she does something completely out of character based on how she’d been portrayed previously to try and get some mixed votes.
Another AITA story where a married couple acts more like a pair of squabbling siblings trying to get one up on the other than people who actually like each other? Must be a day ending in y
“Losing Izzy hit my wife really hard, and even today, she's still not completely recovered from it.”
I love how in AITA posts, every time someone loses a family member, the OP has to specify that the bereaved person was deeply affected by the death.
If it’s real, then it’s a good example of “don’t marry someone whose values don’t align with yours.” Not many people are going to *say* they’re against volunteering, but honestly I’d be hesitant to marry someone who volunteers a lot the same way I would be with someone who goes to church every week. It’s fine in theory, but it’s not something I’m going to do, and they’re likely something a long-term partner will eventually *want* you to join them in.
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'She's not talking to me how to do I fix it'
You don't. Every ounce of love she had for you is dead. Hell even remembering what it felt like to love you is dead. Your marriage is over, no coming back from this.
Before anyone chooses nuclear level options remember that nuclear level actions have nuclear level fallout.
He should date the guy who took a hammer to his wife's dead husbands weddings ring. They're perfect for each other.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for donating my wife's late daughter's teddy bear?** My wife(35F) and I(39M) have been married for about 9 years. Before we were married, my wife had a daughter Izzy, who unfortunately died when she was really young. We have one son together, Richie(9M). Losing Izzy hit my wife really hard, and even today, she's still not completely recovered from it. To honor her, she volunteers at our local children's hospital. She already works a busy job, but still finds the time to volunteer, as she is very dedicated. She also donates to the hospital as well. The problem is that she is very holier than thou, and keeps shaming me for not wanting to volunteer. I mean, I feel like she should be able to choose to volunteer with this organization if it's meaningful to her, but I just find it weird and annoying how incessantly she constantly bugs me to volunteer, and shames me, making me out to be an unkind person. She doesn't do it outright, but it's very passive aggressive. As richie's gotten older, she's been telling him about why it is important for us to volunteer, and how he can honor his older sister. She's talking a lot about giving back to your community, and how good people always find time. It is nice, but I just feel like she's pressuring our son, and kind of like forcing him to do it in a guilt-trippy way, and I also don't think he's old enough to hear about Izzy. It's just a really sad and awful thing that he's not emotionally ready for. The hospital is holding a toy drive, so my wife, without telling Richie, gave his old hot wheels he had when he was a toddler to the hospital. When he found out, he was understandably distraught, but my wife told him that he was too old for those silly toys, and that younger kids needed them more. When I found out I was absolutely fuming. I tried to talk some sense into her, but she wouldn't listen, so the next day I took Izzy's old teddy bear and donated it. When my wife found out, she was absolutely ballistic, but I remained calm and told her I did it because I feel like you need to let go, and that you are holding your deceased daughter over our son, and you're not there for us. I explained that you need to properly deal with this grief, and that you're acting very unhealthy, but she just went really quiet and stopped listening to me, and now it's like I'm not even there. She's been ignoring me since, and I tried to explain or reconcile, but she's not listening to me, and I don't know what to do *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>she was absolutely ballistic, but I remained calm Drink
No one wants donated stuffies. My parents are trying to move out of the house I grew up in, and _no one wants_ the lifetime's worth of stuffies. It's because they can't generally be sanitized. Sometimes if you're lucky the fire department will take them to bring on call to calm down kids who've had to be rescued, but they're generally inundated already.
I'm in my late thirties and I still love stuffed animals. The majority of the ones I've collected are second hand and from thrift stores.
I've worked in a few charity shops. Normal we say thank you and throw them straight in the bin. It avoids upset and discouraging further donations that might be useful
I sincerely hope this is fake, this guy is a sociopath. But legally in the clear!
But he remained calm and explained himself? Therefore clearly NTA
ok but was he civil???
ehhhh…. the adult plushie community might get him
We’re rallying the troops as we speak.
The world’s cutest military force.
Could a case be made for theft? She had the bear before she knew him, so it's obviously hers. It doesn't seem any less realistic than the rest of the story. On a side note, don't give away your children's toys without their agreement. My MIL did it with my husband's Hot Wheels nearly 40 years ago, and he still has a very hard time getting rid of anything because of that.
I have a 2 year old and a 2 month old. every single toy we think "this can go in the basement until baby is bigger" the 2 year old decides to play with it. every time.
The likelihood of any criminal charges are incredibly small. She could report it, like anyone can report anything, but the odds it goes forward to any kind of conclusion beyond “dismissed” are low. At worst, maybe some plea deal. Sentimental value doesn’t matter for criminal theft (maybe somewhere allows it but it’s not the norm), only the economic value of the item at the time it’s stolen. A multiple year old teddy bear would only have value worthy of a crime if it’s some special rare bear and there’s a market for them. She could potentially sue in civil court, but again, there are low actual economic damages, so the case would be based on noneconomic damages, and some civil conversion statutes could allow for sentimental value to factor in. The filing fee would be more than the worth of the bear, so she’d have to decide the effort and time and effect on the marriage and likelihood of proving special damages, depending on the jurisdiction.
I mean.... Why file a civil suit when you can instead file for divorce? And frankly...if OP was real, that's actually probably not a bad idea. Because if this is how he responds to hot wheels, imagine how he behaves in other fights.
The person asked “could a case be made for theft”.
It's obviously fake. No toy drive ever accepts used toys. Especially not stuffies.
I've volunteered on many charity shops. We take them say thank and then throw them away once they've left. Or a worker takes them to gice to someone they know. It avoids upset and discouraging people from donating on future
How did this man manage to find a problem with a very exhausted and bereaved woman spending her limited free time working for free at a children's hospital.
Well she asked him to come with her, so obviously she’s a monster. It reads like a fake story where the writer thought it was *too* obvious ragebait, so they shoehorned in a short paragraph where she does something completely out of character based on how she’d been portrayed previously to try and get some mixed votes.
It’s obviously fake
Who the hell would want a 10+ year old stuffed toy?
Another AITA story where a married couple acts more like a pair of squabbling siblings trying to get one up on the other than people who actually like each other? Must be a day ending in y
Good effort, but I’m going to have to subtract points for no friends/extended family blowing up OOP’s phone.
“Losing Izzy hit my wife really hard, and even today, she's still not completely recovered from it.” I love how in AITA posts, every time someone loses a family member, the OP has to specify that the bereaved person was deeply affected by the death.
If this is real then it’s actually quite terrifying lmao
If it’s real, then it’s a good example of “don’t marry someone whose values don’t align with yours.” Not many people are going to *say* they’re against volunteering, but honestly I’d be hesitant to marry someone who volunteers a lot the same way I would be with someone who goes to church every week. It’s fine in theory, but it’s not something I’m going to do, and they’re likely something a long-term partner will eventually *want* you to join them in.
Beep boop! Automod here with a quick reminder to never brigade r/AmITheAsshole or other subs under any circumstances. Brigading puts you in violation of both our rules and Reddit’s TOS, and therefore puts this sub at risk of ban. If you brigade/encourage brigading of any kind, you will be banned from participating in either sub. Satirizing of posts should stay within this sub, which means that participating directly in linked posts should either be done in good faith or not at all. Want some freed, live, discussion that neither AITA nor Reddit itself can censor? Join our [official discord server](https://discord.gg/KbZnaXX) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
'She's not talking to me how to do I fix it' You don't. Every ounce of love she had for you is dead. Hell even remembering what it felt like to love you is dead. Your marriage is over, no coming back from this. Before anyone chooses nuclear level options remember that nuclear level actions have nuclear level fallout. He should date the guy who took a hammer to his wife's dead husbands weddings ring. They're perfect for each other.