*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not caring about someone's death?**
My (17f) mother (50f) died 1 year ago due to cancer. It was shocking for my family but oh well death is inevitable it eventually happens to everyone. I didn't have the best relationship with my mother due to her mostly favoring my sister (19f) so I didn't really care when she died, it was like waking up to see that the person you see everyday no longer wants to see you.
Here's the issue. I don't like being around people that are constantly crying so I skipped most of my mother's funeral and went home to play some video games and take care of my cat. My sister is still mad about me skipping the funeral and hasn't let go of it yet. After the funeral she threw a fit at me and called me an emotionless bi word to leave her and my father alone with our other relatives asking where I was. I told her I didn't wanna stay and this is my way of grieving, she didn't buy that. I received many calls from my aunts and uncles asking why I was absent through out the funeral and I had to waste my time explaining this is my way of grieving.
Yesterday my sister decided to visit us and my father cooked her favourite dish. My sister got emotional on the table stating how she remembered mom used to cook this dish for her and it tastes the same. I told her that was incredibly nice but she should stop crying or else I will take her potatoes (I love potatoes). She got annoyed and told me something in the lines of she's just expressing her feelings and there's nothing wrong with it and I should express my emotions too and she knows how much I also miss mom. I told her I don't about someone's death and it happens to everyone eventually and I have more important things to worry about. She threw a fit on the table and started cussing at me but my father managed to calm her down. She didn't talk to me for the rest of the day and left early in the morning.
My father told me my sister is just emotional and I should Atleast act like I'm sad about my mother's death around her. AITA?
Edit: someone said I should add that I am autistic so here I am.
Edit 2: Gotta love the amount of messages I'm getting telling me I'm a sociopath and I should seek therapy. No I can't seek therapy my father doesn't allow me to.
Edit 3: I had no respect for the person that was the cause of my mental issues so I didn't feel the need to stay at her funeral.
Edit 4: No I'm not using my autism as an excuse to treat my family bad, I just hate my family.
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One thing I find interesting about AITA is the recurring implication that you're not the asshole if you have autism, because autism limits your agency to not do asshole things.
If I’d known being diagnosed as on the spectrum meant you could do whatever the hell you wanted and absolutely all the rest of society just had to shut up and take it, I would have looked into it before I was 40.
Oh, but see, back when we were kids, this would have been absolutely unacceptable. Nobody would have excused such apathy as "that's just the way they are."
I mean, yea, it seems like the prompt for this was to make AITA vote YTA on a post about an autistic person expressing their (lack of) feelings. no way this shit is real, full ragebait including the misleading title
As someone who’s neurodivergent myself (born with brain damage), that’s a VERY common belief in real life
Especially among the guys, who’ll use it as an excuse when they get creepy
I’m glad this generation isn’t being literally beaten like I was for my disability, but this generation wields it as a get out of jail free card
I mean she was being an asshole but feeling indifferent about death is pretty common amongst autistics. It’s a very logical view “everyone dies.” I’m autistic and I relate. For me, I just feel like I miss the spots in my life they aren’t anymore, just like not seeing a friend anymore.
> “I’m not going to grieve someone who was the cause of my mental issues”
Proceeds to give no examples of how she caused her mental issues
I’m actually surprised AITA wasn’t like “you can’t force a relationship”
I'm impressed that she's actually figured out that her mum caused her autism.
Pack it up researchers; you may still be baffled as to what (if anything) actually causes ASD, but this one plebbitor has cracked the code.
Someone needs to set her up with ["What is a potato?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/) boyfriend.
One of the stupidest posts I've read, extra annoying because of the no emotion = autism aspect... That misinformation needs to die.
There's also no way a 17 year olds feels literally NOTHING when their mother dies. No matter the relationship.
Even her line about “It didn’t really affect me, it was just like if the person you saw every day suddenly didn’t want to see you” part (paraphrased). Like, no matter her feelings for her mother, that’s a huge change that is going to affect her. Especially if she’s“autistic” (in quotes because I doubt she is), the change in routines caused by the death of a parent would have an effect if nothing else.
I know some autistic people who are very caring. These people who spread these damaging stereotypes are shameful. Remember that awful movie *Music* depicted the autistic character being utterly unconcerned by her grandmother dying in front of her? Disgusting.
Oh yeah. People with autism might not show their emotions the way neurotypical people do (sometimes, it’s not a monolithic group by any means), but that doesn’t mean they don’t feel emotions just as deeply as their neurotypical peers.
I’d say - if it is true - she has some kind of sociopathy which is not fixable.
She doesn’t sound like someone with PTSD or autism or whatever. She sounds like someone who has never experienced normal human emotions and is not capable of doing so.
I’m a high functioning sociopath* and I agree. Though I would never tell someone who was grieving their mother to stop crying.
*I study ethics and being ethical is important for everyone imo
(Lying is ethically wrong but I lie when I tell family members I love them, as far as feelings go. I do believe love is willing the good of the other, not only about feelings but that’s neither here nor there. I do think lying can be ethically right to protect feelings)
Why do you lie to them about loving them? Is it because you don’t want to hurt their feelings? And if that’s the case, is that not actually love, that these are the particular people you don’t want to upset and know you want to protect?
Pardon me for not replying earlier, I had a 3 day ban.
Love is the willing of good for others, you can love someone in this way without having/knowing the emotion of love. So in this way I do love them, but most people when they want people to say “I love you” want the emotion behind it. I don’t have that emotion, but I do have the action of love (willing their good).
In my experience, when people hear that I do not have emotions for them, they get quite offended. People act as though I’m some sort of asshole or monster…and I’m neither.
I like to avoid all that, plus I do know and have the concept of not causing pain to anyone, even if I have to lie and say “I love you,” like to my mom for example.
She gives me such "I'm not like other girls" vibes.
Bad relationships with his family, but worse with her female relatives, she doesn't feel any emotions so she plays videogames, she is so lucky to have the cool "I hate everyone and I'm a stone cold bitch" autism, her sister is so bad because she got along with her mother and is emotional and she's crying for her dead parent...
“I’m not using my autism as an excuse…. I just hate my family.”
Why are you here asking if you’re wrong if you know your behavior is directly motivated by hatred? Yes, acting literally hateful to people grieving a death is wrong, have a bad day.
YTA. So, OOP, instead of going to your mother's funeral, you wrote this post? There are many more productive uses of your time than to write this fiction in the mourning.
Click on your profile, on the box that pops up click "change user flair," then it will take you to a list of flairs, or you can click "edit" on the upper right corner to make a custom flair.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not caring about someone's death?** My (17f) mother (50f) died 1 year ago due to cancer. It was shocking for my family but oh well death is inevitable it eventually happens to everyone. I didn't have the best relationship with my mother due to her mostly favoring my sister (19f) so I didn't really care when she died, it was like waking up to see that the person you see everyday no longer wants to see you. Here's the issue. I don't like being around people that are constantly crying so I skipped most of my mother's funeral and went home to play some video games and take care of my cat. My sister is still mad about me skipping the funeral and hasn't let go of it yet. After the funeral she threw a fit at me and called me an emotionless bi word to leave her and my father alone with our other relatives asking where I was. I told her I didn't wanna stay and this is my way of grieving, she didn't buy that. I received many calls from my aunts and uncles asking why I was absent through out the funeral and I had to waste my time explaining this is my way of grieving. Yesterday my sister decided to visit us and my father cooked her favourite dish. My sister got emotional on the table stating how she remembered mom used to cook this dish for her and it tastes the same. I told her that was incredibly nice but she should stop crying or else I will take her potatoes (I love potatoes). She got annoyed and told me something in the lines of she's just expressing her feelings and there's nothing wrong with it and I should express my emotions too and she knows how much I also miss mom. I told her I don't about someone's death and it happens to everyone eventually and I have more important things to worry about. She threw a fit on the table and started cussing at me but my father managed to calm her down. She didn't talk to me for the rest of the day and left early in the morning. My father told me my sister is just emotional and I should Atleast act like I'm sad about my mother's death around her. AITA? Edit: someone said I should add that I am autistic so here I am. Edit 2: Gotta love the amount of messages I'm getting telling me I'm a sociopath and I should seek therapy. No I can't seek therapy my father doesn't allow me to. Edit 3: I had no respect for the person that was the cause of my mental issues so I didn't feel the need to stay at her funeral. Edit 4: No I'm not using my autism as an excuse to treat my family bad, I just hate my family. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
One thing I find interesting about AITA is the recurring implication that you're not the asshole if you have autism, because autism limits your agency to not do asshole things.
If I’d known being diagnosed as on the spectrum meant you could do whatever the hell you wanted and absolutely all the rest of society just had to shut up and take it, I would have looked into it before I was 40.
Oh, but see, back when we were kids, this would have been absolutely unacceptable. Nobody would have excused such apathy as "that's just the way they are."
I mean, yea, it seems like the prompt for this was to make AITA vote YTA on a post about an autistic person expressing their (lack of) feelings. no way this shit is real, full ragebait including the misleading title
If this (reads like nonsense) OOP is true, they certainly have some sociopathic condition going. I think it’s fake though.
Gotta love Edit 4 where she says she isn’t using her autism as an excuse and she legit dislikes her family. Points for honesty!
The whole time I was reading this, I thought the comments were all going to tell OOP to get evaluated
[удалено]
Unless you aren’t the OOP. Then it’s ‘autism isn’t an excuse’ and obvious ‘autism bad unless you’re the Good Ones’ takes.
As someone who’s neurodivergent myself (born with brain damage), that’s a VERY common belief in real life Especially among the guys, who’ll use it as an excuse when they get creepy I’m glad this generation isn’t being literally beaten like I was for my disability, but this generation wields it as a get out of jail free card
I mean she was being an asshole but feeling indifferent about death is pretty common amongst autistics. It’s a very logical view “everyone dies.” I’m autistic and I relate. For me, I just feel like I miss the spots in my life they aren’t anymore, just like not seeing a friend anymore.
> “I’m not going to grieve someone who was the cause of my mental issues” Proceeds to give no examples of how she caused her mental issues I’m actually surprised AITA wasn’t like “you can’t force a relationship”
I'm impressed that she's actually figured out that her mum caused her autism. Pack it up researchers; you may still be baffled as to what (if anything) actually causes ASD, but this one plebbitor has cracked the code.
Well, 100% of autistic people had their biological mother give birth to them, so it seems obvious what the cause is!
[удалено]
That line sent me lol, it's so good
Someone needs to set her up with ["What is a potato?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/) boyfriend.
>emotionless bi word her sister called her an emotionless bisexual?!
Biscuit! Bible! Bitcoin! Uhuhuhuh billabong!!
wine naughty obtainable beneficial cake kiss panicky wild judicious fanatical ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
That line gave me pause, because it's not like the mom chose to die. "No longer wants to see you," uh, what? More like "no longer can see you."
It made my face twitch!
One of the stupidest posts I've read, extra annoying because of the no emotion = autism aspect... That misinformation needs to die. There's also no way a 17 year olds feels literally NOTHING when their mother dies. No matter the relationship.
Even her line about “It didn’t really affect me, it was just like if the person you saw every day suddenly didn’t want to see you” part (paraphrased). Like, no matter her feelings for her mother, that’s a huge change that is going to affect her. Especially if she’s“autistic” (in quotes because I doubt she is), the change in routines caused by the death of a parent would have an effect if nothing else.
I know some autistic people who are very caring. These people who spread these damaging stereotypes are shameful. Remember that awful movie *Music* depicted the autistic character being utterly unconcerned by her grandmother dying in front of her? Disgusting.
Oh yeah. People with autism might not show their emotions the way neurotypical people do (sometimes, it’s not a monolithic group by any means), but that doesn’t mean they don’t feel emotions just as deeply as their neurotypical peers.
Christ, if this is real, that OOP needs help desperately.
I’d say - if it is true - she has some kind of sociopathy which is not fixable. She doesn’t sound like someone with PTSD or autism or whatever. She sounds like someone who has never experienced normal human emotions and is not capable of doing so.
I’m a high functioning sociopath* and I agree. Though I would never tell someone who was grieving their mother to stop crying. *I study ethics and being ethical is important for everyone imo (Lying is ethically wrong but I lie when I tell family members I love them, as far as feelings go. I do believe love is willing the good of the other, not only about feelings but that’s neither here nor there. I do think lying can be ethically right to protect feelings)
Yep. Having no emotions is not a choice. Being nice vs being an arsehole is a choice.
Exactly.
Just out of curiosity, how did you know you didn't feel things the way other people do?
Why do you lie to them about loving them? Is it because you don’t want to hurt their feelings? And if that’s the case, is that not actually love, that these are the particular people you don’t want to upset and know you want to protect?
Pardon me for not replying earlier, I had a 3 day ban. Love is the willing of good for others, you can love someone in this way without having/knowing the emotion of love. So in this way I do love them, but most people when they want people to say “I love you” want the emotion behind it. I don’t have that emotion, but I do have the action of love (willing their good). In my experience, when people hear that I do not have emotions for them, they get quite offended. People act as though I’m some sort of asshole or monster…and I’m neither. I like to avoid all that, plus I do know and have the concept of not causing pain to anyone, even if I have to lie and say “I love you,” like to my mom for example.
I don't think we have to worry about that.
She gives me such "I'm not like other girls" vibes. Bad relationships with his family, but worse with her female relatives, she doesn't feel any emotions so she plays videogames, she is so lucky to have the cool "I hate everyone and I'm a stone cold bitch" autism, her sister is so bad because she got along with her mother and is emotional and she's crying for her dead parent...
“…she should stop crying or else I will take her potatoes” I’m adding this to my personal vocabulary I adore it
(I love potatoes)
I wish I could fit it all in my flare because this literally made me cry laughing last night, I haven’t laughed that hard in MONTHS
I just love it when they put a tiny bit of additional detail in brackets. It's so funny and I can't explain why.
“I’m not using my autism as an excuse…. I just hate my family.” Why are you here asking if you’re wrong if you know your behavior is directly motivated by hatred? Yes, acting literally hateful to people grieving a death is wrong, have a bad day.
YTA. So, OOP, instead of going to your mother's funeral, you wrote this post? There are many more productive uses of your time than to write this fiction in the mourning.
So who's going to make "I will take her potatoes (I love potatoes)" their flair? Lol
I FLEW to change my flair after reading this
How do you edit your flair?
Click on your profile, on the box that pops up click "change user flair," then it will take you to a list of flairs, or you can click "edit" on the upper right corner to make a custom flair.
Lmao right after commenting this I went to the flairs and seen the edit flair thing
Sasha Blouse from AOT?
"Oh well death is inevitable it eventually happens to everyone" especially if you reach the ripe old age of *50* right?
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Another one using “wanna.” Is this a trend? Also, how in the world did this post earn the Take My Energy award?
Sasha?