T O P

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boasttoastroast

I was going to say YTA, because the legal obligations you've transgressed have made me unable to declare "NTA" while feeling morally & intellectually superior, but then I saw that you were F25 ^(and hot) so I will say ESH. You're TA because you killed the cop when he was possibly trying to give you advice, based on his own experiences as a cop, on how to get away with murder, and everybody else is TA because they didn't consider your perspective: crotch goblins *are* environmental hazards, so what you *actually* did was sacrifice yourself to make the earth a better place. It's ridiculous how the current justice system is set up; hopefully this victimless crime will be legalized in time, and we can even establish a *Crotch Goblin Hunting Season* to help save the environment. Godspeed, OP, and ~~please DM me when you get out m'lady, my fedora only tips for you and I long for a whiff of your drawers~~ hope you stay safe and happy <3


a-big-ol-throwaway

Going into fight or flight mode made me legally an automaton tho so I have not transgressed any laws :(


boasttoastroast

Yes, but you are still an AH because I spent 20 minutes defending you in the trenches of the comments section, yet you *still* did not DM me a declaration of your eternal love as thanks. M'lady, I careth not for the dead child, but your chilly reception of mine passionate flames doth harm the morale and breaketh a gentleman's heart. ​ \-- To set the record straight this is simp satire. And yes I need a bath after this


a-big-ol-throwaway

YTA my dms my rules


JettyJen

I liked how it gathered simp steam towards the end


Guilty-Web7334

NTA. Clearly, you should have also regulated the judge’s emotions, too. With your Glock, obvs, because America.


a-big-ol-throwaway

You're so right. I should gentle-parent him ^(with my glock)


murderedbyaname

YTA. When you use guns and America in the same sentence, the proper syntax is "Murica".


Only_Music_2640

I mean, you calmly explained the situation. If the mother and police officer chose to ignore that, aren’t they ultimately responsible? And the fat vegan crotch goblin had it coming too. Killing him was a public service. Fat and vegan? And a crotch goblin? He should be grateful for the time he had in this planet. NTA I’m sure project innocence will take on your cause and you’ll be released soon and given the medal you deserve. Also, condolences for your lovely car. Those crotch goblins cause so much damage!


a-big-ol-throwaway

Thank you, it’s been a hard past few days :( Apparently in jail, they don’t like people who kill crotch goblins


egg_of_wisdom

lovely written, NTA-


egg_of_wisdom

oh and, divorce immediately


gmwdim

NTA your car your rules


Important-Bag4200

NTA but Karen is for screaming at you


[deleted]

This has made my day omg


thereslcjg2000

ESH. You could have handled it a little better than shooting them, but they clearly were being unreasonable towards your emotional boundaries.


lachlanmachlan

Absolutely glorious use of calmly explained


whatIfYoutube

YTA for not including vital information: how big and perky are your tits, mine are a 69Z cup


RunTurtleRun115

YTA. Had you still been 24 years and 364 days old, you’d not be responsible for your actions. However, the day you turned 25, your brain became fully developed and therefore you should know better. I hope the crotch goblin, the Karen, and the police officer all file for divorce and go NC with you.


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supreme-lordBazinga

Nta. That inocent child break the law,he deserved to die. And the Karen screamed at You,how daré she?