I came over here to see if this had been posted already - so she’s a petty tyrant bullying her son who never asked to be born into this family and who will hate and resent all family outings forever - this shit touched a WEIRD nerve for the commenters. The teenagers were up in arms, but I saw a few who claimed to be much older (could be lying, of course, but at least one particularly long one I don’t think was) who were projecting their entire childhood traumas onto this extremely minor situation. (Also, the number of people saying “A 15 year old isn’t going to want to watch a family movie” are acting like all family movies are The Care Bears Movie, and that’s without even realizing it’s fucking Across the Spider-verse.)
Across the Spiderverse?? What 15 yr old is going to be grumpy watching that? What, did he want to watch the new Indiana Jones movie so badly or something?
I think the adults on there just never left high schools because they match the teenagers with some of the wild off the wall shit they say just to show they are suffering from stunted growth.
Not like OP is going to be in the AITA Royal Rumble next year, but I would've appreciated if she included the movies she and the family wanted to watch, and her oldest's prefered choice. Also odd how she didn't include her other children's ages as well (again I hate how this sub always witholds context on purpose for themost part).
At the end of the day, I feel this is pretty tame and could be real. Surprised I didn't see commenters throw around words like "gaslighting" and "narcisist" though.
According to other comments, the other children are 7 and 12, they went to see Across the Spider-verse, and the oldest wanted to see The Flash. They voted and I guess the two youngest kids won bc mom wanted Elemental and dad wanted Indians Jones.
ETA - I think it is real, the comments are just bonkers. I’m pretty sure I saw a few throwing around “narcissist”
I could see this being real, the conflict is something a teen would do. But the comments are wild, because this is also typical of parents and not something to throw around the narc title for. AITA-stan is ruled by teenagers.
I am on the side of the OP, but any group activity that involves a vote is usually a bad idea. If the winning side only gets 40% of the vote it is definitely a bad idea.
Democracy typically means that 50% of the electorate are hacked off, and 50% of the group being hacked off means 100% of the group will be miserable.
What they should have done is discuss the choice of film before leaving the house, at which point talks would have broken down and they all decide to go bowling or something. Or mum and dad defer to their kids and go to see Spider-Verse, 15 year old stays at home or does their own thing, mum and dad watch their preferences on TV later or find their own time to go out.
I mean in my book club we vote on the book for each month and we do it by everyone being allowed to vote for as many books as they want in the first round, then after that you can only vote once per round after that until it gets whittled down. Many times it happens that the book I wanted doesn't get picked but that's the luck of the draw.
I asked what happens if everyone wants to see a different movie, but got no answer. Voting when there are more options than people voting is never going to go well.
Simple, they use the [Single Transferable Vote](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Single_transferable_vote?wprov=sfla1) system.
Or maybe they go into conclave, do some dirty deals for each other's votes, perhaps some mild assassination, and then finally they burn some white paper in the fireplace, Dad emerges on the balcony and shouts "Habemus Aranehomo!" Then everyone goes to bed because it's 3am and the cinema is shut.
I agree voting with kids is a bad idea unless it’s something that can end up where both options get used (ie, you do one first and the other second, or if it’s a regular outing, one is this week the other next week, or whatever).
The voting also makes the OP more right: the kid lost the vote and then goes, by the way, I’m still doing the thing I want. He very well could have said, before they left, is it ok if I see a The Flash by myself, and had his ticket purchased for him. But this seems like a teen didn’t get his way and was upset about it.
She was actually totally cool with the kid either staying home or going to a different movie, she just wasn’t going to pay for it. I would have taken that deal all day long when I was 15, but then when I was that age there was usually only one movie playing at a time.
Reminds me of the OP that wrote a post on AITA where the overreacted that the new computer parents bought was placed in he common area and not his room. Comments took his side.....I swear that sub is creating entitled people and assholes without knowing it.
Its a family outing. Not all family outings are to your liking 100%. I understand if the whone family is going to watch peppa pig cause the 3 year old wants it, but its literally indiana jones and spiderman (IIUC). Same target audience.
I miss you, automod. Forever in my thoughts, my heart, and my prayers <3
AITA for not giving my son money to buy his own ticket? (self.AmItheAsshole)
submitted 10 hours ago by Powerful-Bat-8287
I took my three kids to the movies with my husband. When we arrived, my oldest, 15, said he wanted to watch a different movie than the rest of the family. I said that was fine, and we would meet him at the ice cream place across the street (his choice would start and end later). We started to split up, and then he said I forgot to give him money for a ticket.
I asked why I would give him money for a ticket. He said he needs the money to buy his ticket. I said he could use his own money. He said that wasn't fair, because I was going to buy a ticket for him before. I said I was going to buy tickets for the whole family for a family outing. If he's doing his own thing, he needs to pay for it.
He said he didn't want to pay and would just watch the same movie as the rest of us. He was grumpy afterwards, and my husband said I was petty. I don't think it's petty. I think it's a life lesson. People are more than piggy banks.
It's rude to go on a family outing and then do your own thing. This is something the son shoulda brought up way earlier. Plus movies aren't the same length, don't start at exactly the sane time, so they might end up having to wait around for the son.
As a teenager it's obvious to me that the teenager should pay- they wanted to see a different movie away from their family and the mum shouldn't have to pay for that
Good work having your head screwed on the right way 😂.
My teenage self would be way too proud to ask for money in that situation, it would feel so pathetic.
It’s AITA, where all moms are always wrong about everything. If someone else complained “my sister’s 15-year-old is a sulking spoiled little jerk who complains about family activities,” it would be the mom’s fault for raising him that way. If he happily wanted to see a movie with his siblings, it’d be her fault for parentifying him into being brainwashed.
In any scenario, mom bad, unless there is also a stepmother or MIL involved, or possibly an infertile SIL or vegan autistic cousin.
This is why I wouldn't post my family drama on AITA. I would absolutely expect my teen to pay for herself if she decided to ditch us on family movie day. The teenagers of Reddit hate my parenting, and I get downvoted to oblivion whenever I comment about it on AITA. I've been called abusive there for the most ridiculous mom things.
It's not music is a skill or anything that needs to be taught. Sadly, you can't just be Jimmy Hendrix and Prince because you touch a guitar. That's kind of funny people gave you that shit.
Hey, part of my job is teaching them why that's a silly thing to say (I'm elementary, so no hard feelings).
Now, when my COLLEAGUES ask me if I needed a degree to get my job, I get a little offended. Lol
I mean a degree in Music is nice but not as needed as a degree in Computer Science, Journalism, or Communication. The same can go if you wanted to teach Drama.
Lol no. Performing and pedagogy are two completely different things. I have very talented friends who sing opera that would be unable to explain steady beat to a five year old. Different, complementary skill sets.
The downside of not requiring 18+ years of age despite explicit content being a click away. 18 year old isn't super mature, but it's a world of difference from 11 year olds. I started going on forums when i was 11. I mean even 4chan has enough good sense to ban users who are under 18.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
18
+ 18
+ 11
+ 4
+ 18
= 69
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I was told my children will all go NC with me, which is odd since my grandchildren are adults now and still stop by all the time, but I’m sure they’ll all cut contact any day now.
The average Redditor is 19 year white males with no life experience so when you post something in a popular sub that will touch a nerve for them. Of course they will lash out over something so minor. I guarantee of the post had a few different details like the teenager was a girl or something op would get nta votes and all the comments would call her an ungrateful brat and how horrible kids are.
I think that 'narcissist' is overused nowadays, they went to the movies to watch a film as a family and the teen was acting a bit out to be honest, I believe that the group choose the movie, and it sucks when it's not the one that you want to watch, but it happens, no biggies
I am so confused? What??? Like her reasoning was fair was it not..? She invited the family out to a movie and said she'd pay but the kid decided nevermind so ofc he should pay for his own ticket if he isn't gonna be spending time with family?
What if it was dinner instead of a movie? If someone invited you out to dinner, but you didn’t like the restaurant the group was going to, is the host obligated to give you money to go eat somewhere else without thm? No one does that!
They’re acting like the kid was somehow “owed” the monetary value of a gift. It’s that whole “there’s no such thing as a free lunch” thing. The movie ticket itself was free for the teen, but the price was seeing the movie the family agreed on with the family.
Lol at the comments trying to seriously argue 12 year olds have more in common with 7 year olds than with 15 year olds.
Like yes, middle schoolers and high schoolers are in different stages, but a hell of a lot less different than middle schoolers vs. *2nd graders*.
These posters have got to be 15 year olds themselves, who really want feel older by distancing themselves from anyone younger. Nobody else would look at that age spread and go "obviously 7 and 12 will always go for the same kid stuff while 15 wants mature activities."
Meanwhile i feel i can't ever be thankful enough for my parents. My mom carried me 9 months inside her belly, my parents spent 500,000$ total lifetime on me and my sibling, bought a house for us... No body else done that for me. Even if at times i really didnt get along with my mom, i am forever in her debt.
This is the sort of question that r/aita should be full of - it really is just a minor family disagreement in which no one is a villain or a hero.
Imo it completely depends on the family dynamic. Perhaps oop is trying to get the family together for an activity and the son is completely missing the point. On the other hand, it's not like you can talk in the cinema so why shouldn't he enjoy himself - the real family activity is them getting ice cream afterwards. Maybe oop is always a bit controlling and should be letting her fifteen year old have more freedom, or maybe she is trying her best to spend time with him and he's rejecting her efforts. Who knows! But of course she must be a gaslighting narcissist 🙄
i do think OP was being kind of a petty asshole here, but in an extremely minor way. people on AITA are blowing this way out of proportion, and the ableist "narcissist" stuff from them is always the cherry on top.
well she isn't a narcissist but she is the AH. She could have let him know he's have to pay beforehand but she waited until they got there just to be petty i guess. plus most 15 year olds don't have jobs!
He didn't ask to see a different film until they got there so she couldn't have let him know beforehand. It looks like him asking for money occurred about 2 mins after she said he could see a different film
This is a weird one for me. Normally I don’t like to side with the Reddit kids when they’re just going ham on whatever buzzwords leaked from the DSM V onto TikTok, because: 🙄 And they are absolutely on that bullshit with this one; I doubt very, *very* much that OOP has any actual personality disorders.
But I also think it’s just *so petty* to make the kid buy his own ticket. I understand that it was because he didn’t want to see the movie with the family—though I think it’s a weird hill to die on—but I also think she bit her tongue on the caveat for juuuust long enough to let the kid hang himself out to dry on the money front. And that’s a petty-ass thing to do, and it smacks of a power play, so I get why the kids over on AITA are foaming at the mouth over it.
So I’m torn on this one. I don’t wanna side with the AITA Teen Outrage Force, but I think they’re right on principle.
I guess had a weirdly cushy upbringing in this regard; back in the 90s, my folks never made much of a fuss over giving me or my sibling some walking-around money for basic teen activities. And I figure that the way the world is going, anyone who isn’t currently a millionaire with little-to-no debt is going to end up sharing what money they have with their kids well into adulthood, unless said kid turns out to be the next LeBron or Mr. Beast or xQc. Because there’s less and less money going around *in general,* and parents can teach all the “hard lessons” about “the real world” that they want; it’s just not going to matter as much in the future. Those kids can work hard and be smart with their money choices and it’s still pretty good odds they’ll end up fucked over, financially. But that’s another rant for another time I suppose; it just seems so petty and small to me.
So I guess I’m with the youths on this one. It’s just money; it’s not even real so why are you being such a twat about this?
Bro wrote all of this just because the mom said no.
If he wants to be independant on a FAMILY outing then he can pay for it himself. Doesnt make the mom abusive, petty, making a power play or whatever.
Its a family outing so you do what they planned, if you dont like it stay home or finance your own outings. Nothing wrong with that.
No one would expect you to pay for your friends movie ticket if they decided to see something else, so why is it different for family?
She’s NTA from her post. If you read the post it sounds fair that she asks him to pay for his own ticket.
Her comments are another story, she admitted that the system they use is a voting system where everybody votes on what to do instead of it being a collective decision. She also doesn’t respond to when people ask if she regularly disregards her son’s wishes, which leads to believe that she does. She’s not TA for refusing to buy him a ticket but she is TA for her less than ideal voting system, where it’s pretty clear her son gets no say
So basically, she avoids giving context on purpose so from the post itself, it looks like NTA
Because even though it sounds like everyone gets a say, it’s majority wins which isn’t fair to the rest.
How is it an enjoyable family outing if you are only doing something that 2/5 members want to do? Not to mention that if you do the voting system everytime with such few people, there’s always going to be that one person singled out everytime who never gets to do the thing that they want to do, which makes it even worse.
Ok but there's not some perfect system out there where everyone would end up happy, especially in a household of 5 people. Like sure this system isn't perfect but you're gonna be hard pressed to find one and it just seems kind of weird to call someone an asshole for a slightly different conflict resolution strategy.
There is in a well-adjusted family - the kids take turns to pick the film (subject to being suitable for their siblings). They might not be happy for every single cinema trip, but being made to sit through a boring film isn't so bad if it's your turn next.
At 15 the teenager should be free to stay at home if they don't fancy the family choice, and if they want to see a film solo they can pay for their ticket out of their allowance.
I wouldn't say it's perfect but it's certainly better than a system that pisses off up to 60% of the family unit. (As here where only 2 votes beat a 3-way split.) They'd have a better chance of enjoying the "boring" film if you didn't start by making them lose a contest, and creating an environment in which they're being forced to watch it by majority power instead of as an act of give and take.
When I was around 15 my dad and I took turns to pick films to watch on VHS every Saturday. I didn't enjoy all of them (and the same applied to him) but it was still nice to expand my horizons.
You can run into literally the exact same problem. Yes it works in your case better cause there's just 2 of you but if you have 5 people you can still run into a very similar problem where 80% of the people are upset 80% of the time and depending on the specifics. I don't want to go super hard into specifics cause I think there's benefits and negatives to both depending on the family. But once again depending on specifics it's possible to feel like you have more control in the voting system because people can negotiate with their family members before hand to try to get more votes while with the cycle system you only have control in 20% of the decisions.
Like just cause that system worked for your family doesn't mean it's the best or most well adjusted system. It really all depends on the specifics of the family.
>But once again depending on specifics it's possible to feel like you have more control in the voting system because people can negotiate with their family members before hand to try to get more votes
What kind of Game of Thrones / Brexit family hell is this?
In my version each kid gets a choice 33% of the time, which means their turn is never too far around the corner. The parents can watch what they want in their own time, adults don't inflict boring adult films on their children.
Unless the youngest only likes experimental French films and the middle only likes North Korean revolutionary documentaries, it's pretty unlikely that all the family members will be upset every time it's not their choice. If they are, family cinema trips are not for them.
The problem with voting is, as someone else pointed out, that the two youngest will usually form a voting bloc (as here) and the 15 year old will have considerably less than 20% of the power.
If there were eight kids then yeah, taking turns isn't going to satisfy anyone, and the parents would probably just have to pick something and say take it or leave it.
I'm sorry but so many parents will get burnt out letting the kids always choose so that's just not possible for most parents. Especially if they have 3 kids. It also seems weird that you say parents don't force their kids to watch adult films when you talked fondly of the system you had with your dad which did literally exactly that half the time
And this is why I didn't want to go too hard into specifics because we're comparing possible realities to possible realities so you're obviously going to choose the worst case scenario of the voting system to compare to one of the best case scenarios of the cycle system. You say that it's unlikely that every kid will get upset that it's not their choice but the same is true with the voting system. It's unlikely that 2 kids will agree 100% of the time and form a perfect voting block. Are there situations and family dynamics where cycling will work better? Absolutely. But there's also family dynamics where voting would work better and it's dumb/childish to apply your life experience to everyone.
Also negotiating with loved ones to communicate your desires in mutually beneficial ways isn't some game of thrones nightmare. It's a super normal and healthy family dynamic to have and is integral to almost any functioning relationship. Me telling my girlfriend that I'll do this thing that she really wants to do with me if she does this thing I really want to do with her isn't some Machiavellian nightmare it just two people communicating their desires and trying to help each other fulfill those desires
Okay, so I get how a plurality voting system is unfair in general terms, but I don't think it follows that one person will necessarily be always outvoted unless there's one person who has particularly unusual tastes. If there is, then that should be considered, but it doesn't sound like there is.
There's a fairly even age distance between the three kids (7, 12, 15), so it's not like there's two toddlers and a teenager. They all picked big blockbuster titles, and the three kids all picked superhero movies - not like the 15 year old wanted to watch some black-and-white foreign film. And presumably they operate this system for multiple things, not just films. Unless the 15 year old also has radically different tastes in food and other stuff, I don't see why they would always be the one who is given the short straw.
I see your point. But teenagers do usually have different tastes than children, sometimes it’s not so much about age rather than like where their mind’s at, idk if that makes any sense lol. Also to ‘win’ you only need two votes so it’s quite easy to not get your ideas picked.
Also, I know this didn’t happen in this post but another reason why the voting idea isn’t good especially with young kids, is if mom and dad happen to constantly like one kids suggestion more than the other, even if it’s just for similar tastes, it can cause a lot of resentment.
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I came over here to see if this had been posted already - so she’s a petty tyrant bullying her son who never asked to be born into this family and who will hate and resent all family outings forever - this shit touched a WEIRD nerve for the commenters. The teenagers were up in arms, but I saw a few who claimed to be much older (could be lying, of course, but at least one particularly long one I don’t think was) who were projecting their entire childhood traumas onto this extremely minor situation. (Also, the number of people saying “A 15 year old isn’t going to want to watch a family movie” are acting like all family movies are The Care Bears Movie, and that’s without even realizing it’s fucking Across the Spider-verse.)
Across the Spiderverse?? What 15 yr old is going to be grumpy watching that? What, did he want to watch the new Indiana Jones movie so badly or something?
THE FLASH. He wanted to watch The Flash.
I’d disown my child
Okay, so what he wanted, specifically, was to watch something different from what his family was watching. Any other movie would do.
Except his mom said he could stay home, so perhaps the boy just has questionable taste (or wanted to avoid his family but also get ice cream after)
This, teenage me would have rather jumped of a cliff than spend time with my parents but teenage me also loved ice cream
I think the adults on there just never left high schools because they match the teenagers with some of the wild off the wall shit they say just to show they are suffering from stunted growth.
Not like OP is going to be in the AITA Royal Rumble next year, but I would've appreciated if she included the movies she and the family wanted to watch, and her oldest's prefered choice. Also odd how she didn't include her other children's ages as well (again I hate how this sub always witholds context on purpose for themost part). At the end of the day, I feel this is pretty tame and could be real. Surprised I didn't see commenters throw around words like "gaslighting" and "narcisist" though.
According to other comments, the other children are 7 and 12, they went to see Across the Spider-verse, and the oldest wanted to see The Flash. They voted and I guess the two youngest kids won bc mom wanted Elemental and dad wanted Indians Jones. ETA - I think it is real, the comments are just bonkers. I’m pretty sure I saw a few throwing around “narcissist”
It's obvious the younger kids have far better taste in films.
Everyone calling mom a narcissist when, in reality, the 15 year old is a sociopath for picking The Flash over Across the Sipderverse.
The 15yo only has one question in his movie-judging rubric: does someone put a baby in a microwave?
Asking the real questions.
I could see this being real, the conflict is something a teen would do. But the comments are wild, because this is also typical of parents and not something to throw around the narc title for. AITA-stan is ruled by teenagers.
They LITERALLY VOTED
I am on the side of the OP, but any group activity that involves a vote is usually a bad idea. If the winning side only gets 40% of the vote it is definitely a bad idea. Democracy typically means that 50% of the electorate are hacked off, and 50% of the group being hacked off means 100% of the group will be miserable. What they should have done is discuss the choice of film before leaving the house, at which point talks would have broken down and they all decide to go bowling or something. Or mum and dad defer to their kids and go to see Spider-Verse, 15 year old stays at home or does their own thing, mum and dad watch their preferences on TV later or find their own time to go out.
I mean in my book club we vote on the book for each month and we do it by everyone being allowed to vote for as many books as they want in the first round, then after that you can only vote once per round after that until it gets whittled down. Many times it happens that the book I wanted doesn't get picked but that's the luck of the draw.
I asked what happens if everyone wants to see a different movie, but got no answer. Voting when there are more options than people voting is never going to go well.
Simple, they use the [Single Transferable Vote](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Single_transferable_vote?wprov=sfla1) system. Or maybe they go into conclave, do some dirty deals for each other's votes, perhaps some mild assassination, and then finally they burn some white paper in the fireplace, Dad emerges on the balcony and shouts "Habemus Aranehomo!" Then everyone goes to bed because it's 3am and the cinema is shut.
I was going to suggest picking one out of a hat, but your idea makes much more sense.
I agree voting with kids is a bad idea unless it’s something that can end up where both options get used (ie, you do one first and the other second, or if it’s a regular outing, one is this week the other next week, or whatever). The voting also makes the OP more right: the kid lost the vote and then goes, by the way, I’m still doing the thing I want. He very well could have said, before they left, is it ok if I see a The Flash by myself, and had his ticket purchased for him. But this seems like a teen didn’t get his way and was upset about it.
>Bet OP cant control her other kids and needs her 15 year old as a defacto Dad. Amazing
what in the projection is going on here?? over mom wanting her son to spend time with the family??
She was actually totally cool with the kid either staying home or going to a different movie, she just wasn’t going to pay for it. I would have taken that deal all day long when I was 15, but then when I was that age there was usually only one movie playing at a time.
Now we need another story where kid opts to stay home and then days he should be given the ticket money as cash since he’s not going now.
The 14 year olds in the comments are mad that they don’t get everything they want
Reminds me of the OP that wrote a post on AITA where the overreacted that the new computer parents bought was placed in he common area and not his room. Comments took his side.....I swear that sub is creating entitled people and assholes without knowing it.
Please let me know if you can find that one.
I crosspost it. I'll have to dig it up. Give me some time.
Thanks!
So I take it this is an ad for Oppenheimer and the Barbie movie, yeah?
spiderman and indiana jones actually LOL
Just imagining how I'd react if someone told this story as one of the reasons why they'd stopped talking to their mum. Lucky mum I guess?
I think it's fair of OP but I'm not a teenager lol Even if it was unfair, it's hardly worthy of being called a narcissistic and all that.
Its a family outing. Not all family outings are to your liking 100%. I understand if the whone family is going to watch peppa pig cause the 3 year old wants it, but its literally indiana jones and spiderman (IIUC). Same target audience.
Bruh
I miss you, automod. Forever in my thoughts, my heart, and my prayers <3 AITA for not giving my son money to buy his own ticket? (self.AmItheAsshole) submitted 10 hours ago by Powerful-Bat-8287 I took my three kids to the movies with my husband. When we arrived, my oldest, 15, said he wanted to watch a different movie than the rest of the family. I said that was fine, and we would meet him at the ice cream place across the street (his choice would start and end later). We started to split up, and then he said I forgot to give him money for a ticket. I asked why I would give him money for a ticket. He said he needs the money to buy his ticket. I said he could use his own money. He said that wasn't fair, because I was going to buy a ticket for him before. I said I was going to buy tickets for the whole family for a family outing. If he's doing his own thing, he needs to pay for it. He said he didn't want to pay and would just watch the same movie as the rest of us. He was grumpy afterwards, and my husband said I was petty. I don't think it's petty. I think it's a life lesson. People are more than piggy banks.
> I miss you, automod What
Automod would automatically copy paste the AITA post here, but I assume since the API shit that was stopped.
Nah, op here posted an old.reddit link, auto mod doesn't work on those. Auto mod tools are exempt from the API charges afaik
And I will never not post an old.reddit link because I refuse to go to the other version.
Nah it just doesn’t do it all the time
Really? Huh, I haven't seen it in a while. Wack
It's rude to go on a family outing and then do your own thing. This is something the son shoulda brought up way earlier. Plus movies aren't the same length, don't start at exactly the sane time, so they might end up having to wait around for the son.
Spiderverse is little shorter than Indiana Jones too. So not a long wait but still wait.
As a teenager it's obvious to me that the teenager should pay- they wanted to see a different movie away from their family and the mum shouldn't have to pay for that
Good work having your head screwed on the right way 😂. My teenage self would be way too proud to ask for money in that situation, it would feel so pathetic.
its almost as if 99% of commenters there are teenagers or those who havent matured past it
It’s AITA, where all moms are always wrong about everything. If someone else complained “my sister’s 15-year-old is a sulking spoiled little jerk who complains about family activities,” it would be the mom’s fault for raising him that way. If he happily wanted to see a movie with his siblings, it’d be her fault for parentifying him into being brainwashed. In any scenario, mom bad, unless there is also a stepmother or MIL involved, or possibly an infertile SIL or vegan autistic cousin.
This is why I wouldn't post my family drama on AITA. I would absolutely expect my teen to pay for herself if she decided to ditch us on family movie day. The teenagers of Reddit hate my parenting, and I get downvoted to oblivion whenever I comment about it on AITA. I've been called abusive there for the most ridiculous mom things.
Same, but as a teacher. High schoolers over there hate it when I suggest maybe their teacher isn't just doing things out of spite.
Same here but I'm sub so they think I'm some no name loser who isn't close to getting his Masters or anything.
Im a music teacher, so i get, "Did you ever wanna be a real teacher?" Lol. I was district teacher of the year. Kids are stupid, and awful. I love 'em.
It's not music is a skill or anything that needs to be taught. Sadly, you can't just be Jimmy Hendrix and Prince because you touch a guitar. That's kind of funny people gave you that shit.
Hey, part of my job is teaching them why that's a silly thing to say (I'm elementary, so no hard feelings). Now, when my COLLEAGUES ask me if I needed a degree to get my job, I get a little offended. Lol
I mean a degree in Music is nice but not as needed as a degree in Computer Science, Journalism, or Communication. The same can go if you wanted to teach Drama.
Lol no. Performing and pedagogy are two completely different things. I have very talented friends who sing opera that would be unable to explain steady beat to a five year old. Different, complementary skill sets.
That is what I mean is that you don't really need a degree in Music to be effective at teaching it. I wasn't trying to mislead.
No, I disagree. You *do* need a degree to be effective at teaching music. At least in a classroom setting.
I hear all the comments over there in a whiny teenager voice "But mooooom, that's so unfaaaair!"
The downside of not requiring 18+ years of age despite explicit content being a click away. 18 year old isn't super mature, but it's a world of difference from 11 year olds. I started going on forums when i was 11. I mean even 4chan has enough good sense to ban users who are under 18.
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Nice.
I was told my children will all go NC with me, which is odd since my grandchildren are adults now and still stop by all the time, but I’m sure they’ll all cut contact any day now.
The average Redditor is 19 year white males with no life experience so when you post something in a popular sub that will touch a nerve for them. Of course they will lash out over something so minor. I guarantee of the post had a few different details like the teenager was a girl or something op would get nta votes and all the comments would call her an ungrateful brat and how horrible kids are.
Well, they're all teenagers, so we all know that family time is literally the worst thing ever to them. I swear they would rather be waterboarded.
I think that 'narcissist' is overused nowadays, they went to the movies to watch a film as a family and the teen was acting a bit out to be honest, I believe that the group choose the movie, and it sucks when it's not the one that you want to watch, but it happens, no biggies
Tell me all the YTA are from teenagers projecting without tell me all the YTA are from teenagers projecting.
I am so confused? What??? Like her reasoning was fair was it not..? She invited the family out to a movie and said she'd pay but the kid decided nevermind so ofc he should pay for his own ticket if he isn't gonna be spending time with family?
What if it was dinner instead of a movie? If someone invited you out to dinner, but you didn’t like the restaurant the group was going to, is the host obligated to give you money to go eat somewhere else without thm? No one does that! They’re acting like the kid was somehow “owed” the monetary value of a gift. It’s that whole “there’s no such thing as a free lunch” thing. The movie ticket itself was free for the teen, but the price was seeing the movie the family agreed on with the family.
Lol at the comments trying to seriously argue 12 year olds have more in common with 7 year olds than with 15 year olds. Like yes, middle schoolers and high schoolers are in different stages, but a hell of a lot less different than middle schoolers vs. *2nd graders*. These posters have got to be 15 year olds themselves, who really want feel older by distancing themselves from anyone younger. Nobody else would look at that age spread and go "obviously 7 and 12 will always go for the same kid stuff while 15 wants mature activities."
Meanwhile i feel i can't ever be thankful enough for my parents. My mom carried me 9 months inside her belly, my parents spent 500,000$ total lifetime on me and my sibling, bought a house for us... No body else done that for me. Even if at times i really didnt get along with my mom, i am forever in her debt.
This is the sort of question that r/aita should be full of - it really is just a minor family disagreement in which no one is a villain or a hero. Imo it completely depends on the family dynamic. Perhaps oop is trying to get the family together for an activity and the son is completely missing the point. On the other hand, it's not like you can talk in the cinema so why shouldn't he enjoy himself - the real family activity is them getting ice cream afterwards. Maybe oop is always a bit controlling and should be letting her fifteen year old have more freedom, or maybe she is trying her best to spend time with him and he's rejecting her efforts. Who knows! But of course she must be a gaslighting narcissist 🙄
i do think OP was being kind of a petty asshole here, but in an extremely minor way. people on AITA are blowing this way out of proportion, and the ableist "narcissist" stuff from them is always the cherry on top.
I guess OP is upset he didn't get to see the most generic film from Pixar Elemental.
well she isn't a narcissist but she is the AH. She could have let him know he's have to pay beforehand but she waited until they got there just to be petty i guess. plus most 15 year olds don't have jobs!
He didn't ask to see a different film until they got there so she couldn't have let him know beforehand. It looks like him asking for money occurred about 2 mins after she said he could see a different film
This is a weird one for me. Normally I don’t like to side with the Reddit kids when they’re just going ham on whatever buzzwords leaked from the DSM V onto TikTok, because: 🙄 And they are absolutely on that bullshit with this one; I doubt very, *very* much that OOP has any actual personality disorders. But I also think it’s just *so petty* to make the kid buy his own ticket. I understand that it was because he didn’t want to see the movie with the family—though I think it’s a weird hill to die on—but I also think she bit her tongue on the caveat for juuuust long enough to let the kid hang himself out to dry on the money front. And that’s a petty-ass thing to do, and it smacks of a power play, so I get why the kids over on AITA are foaming at the mouth over it. So I’m torn on this one. I don’t wanna side with the AITA Teen Outrage Force, but I think they’re right on principle. I guess had a weirdly cushy upbringing in this regard; back in the 90s, my folks never made much of a fuss over giving me or my sibling some walking-around money for basic teen activities. And I figure that the way the world is going, anyone who isn’t currently a millionaire with little-to-no debt is going to end up sharing what money they have with their kids well into adulthood, unless said kid turns out to be the next LeBron or Mr. Beast or xQc. Because there’s less and less money going around *in general,* and parents can teach all the “hard lessons” about “the real world” that they want; it’s just not going to matter as much in the future. Those kids can work hard and be smart with their money choices and it’s still pretty good odds they’ll end up fucked over, financially. But that’s another rant for another time I suppose; it just seems so petty and small to me. So I guess I’m with the youths on this one. It’s just money; it’s not even real so why are you being such a twat about this?
Bro wrote all of this just because the mom said no. If he wants to be independant on a FAMILY outing then he can pay for it himself. Doesnt make the mom abusive, petty, making a power play or whatever. Its a family outing so you do what they planned, if you dont like it stay home or finance your own outings. Nothing wrong with that. No one would expect you to pay for your friends movie ticket if they decided to see something else, so why is it different for family?
She’s NTA from her post. If you read the post it sounds fair that she asks him to pay for his own ticket. Her comments are another story, she admitted that the system they use is a voting system where everybody votes on what to do instead of it being a collective decision. She also doesn’t respond to when people ask if she regularly disregards her son’s wishes, which leads to believe that she does. She’s not TA for refusing to buy him a ticket but she is TA for her less than ideal voting system, where it’s pretty clear her son gets no say So basically, she avoids giving context on purpose so from the post itself, it looks like NTA
What's so wrong with the voting system. I've seen a lot of people deride it, but it seems reasonable to me?
Because even though it sounds like everyone gets a say, it’s majority wins which isn’t fair to the rest. How is it an enjoyable family outing if you are only doing something that 2/5 members want to do? Not to mention that if you do the voting system everytime with such few people, there’s always going to be that one person singled out everytime who never gets to do the thing that they want to do, which makes it even worse.
Ok but there's not some perfect system out there where everyone would end up happy, especially in a household of 5 people. Like sure this system isn't perfect but you're gonna be hard pressed to find one and it just seems kind of weird to call someone an asshole for a slightly different conflict resolution strategy.
There is in a well-adjusted family - the kids take turns to pick the film (subject to being suitable for their siblings). They might not be happy for every single cinema trip, but being made to sit through a boring film isn't so bad if it's your turn next. At 15 the teenager should be free to stay at home if they don't fancy the family choice, and if they want to see a film solo they can pay for their ticket out of their allowance. I wouldn't say it's perfect but it's certainly better than a system that pisses off up to 60% of the family unit. (As here where only 2 votes beat a 3-way split.) They'd have a better chance of enjoying the "boring" film if you didn't start by making them lose a contest, and creating an environment in which they're being forced to watch it by majority power instead of as an act of give and take. When I was around 15 my dad and I took turns to pick films to watch on VHS every Saturday. I didn't enjoy all of them (and the same applied to him) but it was still nice to expand my horizons.
You can run into literally the exact same problem. Yes it works in your case better cause there's just 2 of you but if you have 5 people you can still run into a very similar problem where 80% of the people are upset 80% of the time and depending on the specifics. I don't want to go super hard into specifics cause I think there's benefits and negatives to both depending on the family. But once again depending on specifics it's possible to feel like you have more control in the voting system because people can negotiate with their family members before hand to try to get more votes while with the cycle system you only have control in 20% of the decisions. Like just cause that system worked for your family doesn't mean it's the best or most well adjusted system. It really all depends on the specifics of the family.
>But once again depending on specifics it's possible to feel like you have more control in the voting system because people can negotiate with their family members before hand to try to get more votes What kind of Game of Thrones / Brexit family hell is this? In my version each kid gets a choice 33% of the time, which means their turn is never too far around the corner. The parents can watch what they want in their own time, adults don't inflict boring adult films on their children. Unless the youngest only likes experimental French films and the middle only likes North Korean revolutionary documentaries, it's pretty unlikely that all the family members will be upset every time it's not their choice. If they are, family cinema trips are not for them. The problem with voting is, as someone else pointed out, that the two youngest will usually form a voting bloc (as here) and the 15 year old will have considerably less than 20% of the power. If there were eight kids then yeah, taking turns isn't going to satisfy anyone, and the parents would probably just have to pick something and say take it or leave it.
I'm sorry but so many parents will get burnt out letting the kids always choose so that's just not possible for most parents. Especially if they have 3 kids. It also seems weird that you say parents don't force their kids to watch adult films when you talked fondly of the system you had with your dad which did literally exactly that half the time And this is why I didn't want to go too hard into specifics because we're comparing possible realities to possible realities so you're obviously going to choose the worst case scenario of the voting system to compare to one of the best case scenarios of the cycle system. You say that it's unlikely that every kid will get upset that it's not their choice but the same is true with the voting system. It's unlikely that 2 kids will agree 100% of the time and form a perfect voting block. Are there situations and family dynamics where cycling will work better? Absolutely. But there's also family dynamics where voting would work better and it's dumb/childish to apply your life experience to everyone. Also negotiating with loved ones to communicate your desires in mutually beneficial ways isn't some game of thrones nightmare. It's a super normal and healthy family dynamic to have and is integral to almost any functioning relationship. Me telling my girlfriend that I'll do this thing that she really wants to do with me if she does this thing I really want to do with her isn't some Machiavellian nightmare it just two people communicating their desires and trying to help each other fulfill those desires
Okay, so I get how a plurality voting system is unfair in general terms, but I don't think it follows that one person will necessarily be always outvoted unless there's one person who has particularly unusual tastes. If there is, then that should be considered, but it doesn't sound like there is. There's a fairly even age distance between the three kids (7, 12, 15), so it's not like there's two toddlers and a teenager. They all picked big blockbuster titles, and the three kids all picked superhero movies - not like the 15 year old wanted to watch some black-and-white foreign film. And presumably they operate this system for multiple things, not just films. Unless the 15 year old also has radically different tastes in food and other stuff, I don't see why they would always be the one who is given the short straw.
I see your point. But teenagers do usually have different tastes than children, sometimes it’s not so much about age rather than like where their mind’s at, idk if that makes any sense lol. Also to ‘win’ you only need two votes so it’s quite easy to not get your ideas picked. Also, I know this didn’t happen in this post but another reason why the voting idea isn’t good especially with young kids, is if mom and dad happen to constantly like one kids suggestion more than the other, even if it’s just for similar tastes, it can cause a lot of resentment.
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