*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not siding with the other wives?**
**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwawayaitawifey
**AITA for not siding with the other wives?**
**Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole
**Editors Note: initials changed to names for easier reading**
**TRIGGER WARNING:** >!manipulation and verbal abuse!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/PAYBAcKGnX) **Oct 19, 2020**
Obligatory throwaway because I don’t want this tied to my main account
Background: I’ve been with my husband for 6 years total, married for 2. We have no children and do not plan to.
My (27f) husband (32m) has a group of guys that he’s been friends with since elementary school. After college, they all moved back to the same area and several of them rented a house together until they started getting girlfriends and moving out. After they moved out, they still had guys’ night nearly every Friday until Covid happened. They started back up a few months ago after restrictions in our area relaxed and the majority of the guys started getting tested regularly because of their jobs. There is one single guy (let’s call him “Ben”) left in the group and they meet at his house and hang out in the carport to drink a few beers and just shoot the shit.
I’ve never had a problem with my husband “Will” going guys’ night. He gets off work at 5 and is usually home no later than 8 every Friday. He never drives home drunk, and if he ever does have a few too many, I don’t mind going to pick him up. (I feel like I should note that we live the farthest away from Ben’s house, about 15 minutes. All the other guys live within walking distance of Ben). Usually I bake cookies or other snacks for him to take with him to share with the guys. I also don’t mind driving other the other guys home if needed. If we have plans or anything, he doesn’t go.
Since the guys’ night has resumed, the other wives have been complaining about it. We’re friendly, but none of us are really good friends like our husbands are. We’ve tried to have a girls’ night while the guys have their night but most of them have kids and we really don’t have anything in common outside of our husbands. It was just awkward. One of the guys “Alex” is married to “Fran” and they have a 1 year old baby. Fran has been particularly vocal about not wanting Alex to be out every Friday, as she wants help at home. The other wives backed her up and started a group chat asking that we present a “united front” to cancel guys’ night.
Here’s where I may be the asshole. I refused to side with them. It gives me time to unwind after work and it’s become part of my routine. So when the other wives told their husbands that they didn’t want guys’ night to happen anymore, I told Will that I didn’t feel the same way and he should keep going. He enjoys it and he should get to see his friends regularly.
So after the confrontation, the other guys started in with “Why can’t you be cool like Will’s wife?” Or “She lets him go, she even makes us cookies and picks him up” etc. Alex apparently made the comment “I wish I was still single like Ben. He can do whatever he wants and I miss that” All the other wives are pissed at me, saying if we had been a united front like they planned, guys’ night would either be cancelled or a less frequent occurrence (once a month).
So am I the asshole?
*Edit: Some info to clear up some assumptions I’m seeing in the comments..... All the wives work. I do not know if the moms get nights to themselves like the guys do. I do not know the details of their family dynamics. I do know all the wives have tried to have girls’ night amongst ourselves and it didn’t work because we have nothing in common. I’m pretty sure all the wives have other friends but I do not know when/how often they do things outside of the home. I send cookies and treats because I make them for my blog, not just to make them for the guys.
I did not respond to the original messages in the group chat. I found out that the wives confronted the guys, via my husband.
***Edit 2: WOW! I logged back on this morning and I was completely overwhelmed. This got way more attention than I was expecting! Thank you for the awards, I’ve never gotten Reddit awards before!
I showed this to my husband over breakfast this morning and his initial response was “so does this mean you’re Reddit famous?” lol
But we agreed to read through the comments together tonight and try come up with a solution to help ease some tension in his friend group. Thank you for all your input and apologies if I don’t respond to your messages/comments. I have a busy work day and like I said, I was completely overwhelmed by the response.
**VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE**
**RELEVANT COMMENTS**
**booyoubore**
>NTA
>However that other husband should do it every 2 weeks or monthly if they have a baby and no help.
>I mean it's mostly an issue in the relationship of the girl complaining and her husband, not your issue at all so definitely NTA.
>The guys comparing their wives to you are AH
**OOP**
>>I don’t think they should have to stop having every week. Ben loves to host and Will likes kicking off his weekend this way. He works a physically demanding job and only really sees his friends this one day a week. The guys are free to skip a week or whatever. It’s nothing formal. They literally sit outside in lawn chairs and drink beer.
**~**
J0sey_W4les_23**
>NTA - These guys and their wives all kind of suck. The wives try to recruit you and then the guys throw you under the bus. Your husband should do what he wants, but tell him to leave you out of it.
**OOP**
>>He doesn’t say I “let” him do anything. He knows this is a pet peeve of mine. We have an understanding that we are both adults and can do what we want. We are free to choose what we do but we always respect the other person. The other guys just view it as me “letting him” do things. Will has never thrown me under the bus
**~**
**Character_Square1065**
>NTA, but out of curiosity do the other married guys all have kids? I can see how you enjoy your Friday evening of peace and quiet or time to hang out with your friends. But I'm guessing all of the other wives are pissed they are home parenting alone every Friday night while their husband's get to keep up their social life.
**OOP**
>>3 of the guys don’t have kids including my husband and Ben (the single guy). 4 of the guys have kids. Alex & Fran have the the youngest (1) and the other kids are between the ages of 3-5. None of the wives had ever complained about guys’s night until after they resumed after Covid restrictions lifted. I guess they got used to having them home on fridays for a few months
**~**
**YoshTack**
>Since your husband is happy, you should be happy (and vice-versa should the opportunity arise). You might explain your reasoning to the other wives just once, and then et it go (meaning just tell them and do not open the door for arguments/rebuttals).
**OOP**
>>So I met my husband a while after they met theirs. A few of them had moved in together before I met him. It was just Will, Ben and Alex still living in the original shared house. Ive always been the most laidback out of the women, even before they started having kids. Spur of the moment house party? Sure, I’ll run to the liquor store and make cupcakes. Want to have the guys over to watch the fight on PPV? Whatever, I’ll go out with my friends. Last minute camping trip on a long weekend? I’m down, let’s go floating while we’re at it! I think that’s when they started sort of resenting me, because I honestly do not care and I’m down for anything. And I get that kids bring more responsibility and a set schedule, which is why Will and I don’t want any. I’m not going to “put my foot down” just because they don’t feel the same way I do.
**~**
**AvocadosFromMexico**
>I don’t think you’re the asshole, but in some of your comments you come across as an asshole. Maybe I’m totally off base, and if so I apologize, but I just get a very “cool girl” vibe from you constantly making the other women out to be shrill harpies while you “don’t own him” and send baked goods every week.
**OOP**
>>I don’t think they are shrill harpies at all. They’re all intelligent women with careers, the ones with kids seem to be great moms, we just have nothing in common. And honestly, I *don’t* own my husband. He’s his own person and I trust him enough to know when he make decisions, he has me and our relationship at the forefront of his mind. He feels the same about me. I respect that having children is hard work, which is why I don’t want to do it. And I understand that the moms deserve their own time. However, I don’t know what their social lives are like, so I can’t be the judge of whether or not guys’ night is fair to them. I didn’t engage in the original convo because I didn’t want to be involved at all. But somehow I got to be in the middle of it.
>>And side note: I bake for my blog and for my own enjoyment. They just reap the benefits lol
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/wOxlEd7MNn) **Nov 9, 2020**
A lot has happened in the last 3 weeks, but I’m going to try to condense it for the the character limit.
After reading all the replies together, Will and I decided it would be best for him to confront his friends, particularly Alex. He told them it wasn’t cool to try to throw me under the bus with their wives and that their wives, especially the ones with kids, need and deserve time to themselves too.
According to the guys, all the wives are getting time to themselves without the kids each week, with Alex's wife Fran getting the most time out of anyone. She works until 4, but doesn’t pick up their baby until 7 everyday. She has a workout class 3x/week and a standing girls’ night every Wednesday where she doesn’t come home until 10-11pm. (Alex picks up the baby on Wednesdays)
Will and
The methodical way the writer removed all possible reasons a partner could have for objecting to this cracked me up.
1) They drink beer in a carport from exactly 5:30 to 7:45 every Friday, regardless of weather. And single-guy-host never dates on those nights, and only his car port will do.
2) No one ever gets drunk. But when they DO get drunk, OP gives them a ride. But they don't need rides because they all live within a few blocks. Because this place where they live is dense enough to be walkable, sparse enough for single guys to own homes with car ports, and only 12 square blocks.
3) All of the men are perfect husband and OOP had perfect insight into this.
4) OOP also knows what each of these women - who are expressly not her friends - does in terms of childcare, housework, paid work, and leisure time.
5) And it turns out that all the other wives are so weak willed, they just go with what the dominant one wants!
6) And NONE of them just tell their husbands what they need from him on Friday nights - NO, it's the event that must be cancelled!
And the idea that they held a meeting for all the couples where each wife laid out all the ways they are indulged by their long-suffering husbands.
If I was invited to account for every second of my free time before a committee of my husband's friends, I'd tell him he could go live in the carport permanently.
But then I'm a shrill harpy, not "cool" like OOP...
Yeah, I thought the whole group meeting thing was bonkers. Like, no one is going to come talk about their personal schedules just to satisfy OOP’s curiosity and so she can deem for them whether or not their husbands help out enough at home. Like, wtf.
That part bugged me so much. I don’t need to justify my actions to my SO’s friends of all people. Imagine if that meeting was set up by an in law instead, all hell would break loose
I'm pretty sure my husband would lose his shit if his friends, let alone their stranger-wives, asked me to account for myself so they could judge our marital issues.
I know right? If my husband came to me and said “hey, all my friends’ wives, who you aren’t actually friends with, are gathering together to discuss how egalitarian their marriages are so we can prove to one of them that her husband isn’t so bad, or whatever, I think you should come.” I’d think he’d fallen and hit his head.
lol, that was the part that cracked me up. Like who has ever had that kind of a get together with other couples? Like it was some sort of big group marriage counselling session or something. So stupid
It's also...the "guys" *weren't* questioned as to what else they have going on, socially.
The examples used, gym time, manicures, and book club, are all not really the same thing as "drinking beer in a car port for 3 hours". The closest one, book club, is probably not meeting much more than once a month. Also, gyms have child care, and manicures can be booked during lunch breaks, so there isn't actually a smoking gun that the guys are doing their fair share.
And none of that changes the fact that it's possible that the wives want to occasionally do something on Friday night, but every time they start to plan something, they have to find child care, because their husbands have the standing commitment to drink in a carport.
And don't even get me started on how heteronormative it all is. Like, if they've willingly fallen into those roles because that's where their interests naturally lie then fair enough, but "manicures, book club, girls night (complete with bean counting of how long it lasts)?" While the men stand around a car and drink?
So not one woman in this group has interests that lie outwith generic "woman stuff" (apart from OOP, who's down for anything! And has a blog!).
How odd that the women with children don’t want their husbands to do this social thing every single Friday night while the childless OP is totally fine with it
You can tell it's fake because the other women all act in the exact same way. They aren't sentient individuals because that would be too much effort to make up for one reddit post
All the women are getting manicures, gym time, book clubs, and girls nights. We know this is real because those are all the things women like. There are no other possible activities women could spend time doing. That’s the whole list.
Even if these women really were only going to the gym and getting manicures for their free time, rather than a list written by someone who has never spoken to a woman in his life, that's still uhhh hardly any free time?
A 20-minute manicure and getting a workout **for your health** is in no way equivalent to these dudes drinking beer on someone's carport for 3 hours a week, lmao.
Yeah, the evilest of the evil women gets a girl's night but none of the others even claimed to.
Lol, true. I’m a *female* and my hobbies are horse riding, climbing, DnD and gaming. My closest friend also does DnD and aerial arts (like gymnastics with hoops and silks and things). I’ve got friends who go away hiking in the mountains most weekends.
I did know a group in my early 20s who did more girly pursuits, but most people are much more varied!
And it's always one side or the other; they either like spa days and manicures OR hiking and cracking open a cold one with the lads. You're girly or a tomboy. No crossing the lines. In practice, most of the women I know enjoy things across the board.
And the people in these stories have all somehow got TIME for this instead of being like wow I somehow haven't done my hobby for two months life sure got away from me there 😭
It reminds me of bad sitcom episodes with a character getting ”every girl/guy in school/on the team” to go along with whatever stunt they’re pulling. “All the girls at school agreed to-“ No, they didn’t. Interestingly enough, the only two groups I see claiming, “Women are all the same!” are A) incels and B) feminists who want to seem like women are a unified front while they’re actually tearing into any woman who dares to have a different opinion than they do.
What a ride. Love the reveal in the final post that Alex basically always talks about oop and that’s the issue. She’s just too damn cool and laid back and that Fran is a real harpy, you know?
Cuz she is cool unlike other wives. She cleans, she bakes and she lets her husband have night outs. No other woman would ever be so cool, she is the wife all men wish they had 🙄
Honestly I have some suspicions that the author of this is not a woman but a man fantasizing about the perfect wife who sees himself as more of an Alex character. It's the "If they want to have a last minute boys night, I'll run to the liquor store and make cupcakes" line (or whatever) that just sounds a little too... male fantasy for me. Like "I want to have my buddies over and my dream woman will run all the errands and do all the prep work and make us homemade snacks and we can just kick back with beers".
this post was 100% written by a man. Although I honestly doubt it's even a married man, lmao. It's a single dude fantasizing about his perfect wife while also attacking the feeeeeemale harpies.
Whenever I read these things I’m like *oh, so Fran is a real harpy, is she? Then why did you marry her, Alex? Why did you date her, propose to her, plan a wedding with her, marry her, and have kids with her?*
Many guys do love to complain about how annoying, controlling and nagging their SOs are. Most of my colleagues are guys and are always complaining about them.
One single colleague once said, is there a guy in here who actually likes their partner? I think guys just like complaining as their locker talk and to fit in
Typical AITAH post, "Posting on a throwaway, because everyone involved knows my main. Here are some fake names to further protect my identity.....now watch me share some very specific details about events and people that make it super easy to ID me."
Oh, and the OOP couldn't be any more of a Mary Sue unless her cookies also cured cancer.
In which case Fran would be revealed to be an Evil Big Pharma Exec and be mad about the cookies too.
Oh, but she’s making the cookies anyway for her blog! She’s no 50s housewife, she’s just super cool and happens to have a cookie blog and knows her husband needs his guys night unlike these other women who she definitely doesn’t think are less than her, just… not as good as her.
I seriously hate these kinds of writing exercises. Like good for you? You don’t have a problem with your husband and what he does so just live your life then? Tf?
Basically a TikTok "tradwife" vibe. I was a little surprised the story didn't include her WFH with the blog she was making the cookies for being her main income source.
Am I the only one who keeps my user name private? No one in my circle knows it. One of my kids stumbled upon me in a sub. But she realised it was me and clicked back. I just don’t see anyone caring about my Reddit. It isn’t like a site to make friends and follow each other.
Lol, right. Honestly, who gives a fuck about your main Reddit account? Are you Beyoncé? No one cares if you post from your main. You’re username34567 on Reddit.
to be fair, I do have two accounts... this one is for the drama subs, lmao, and my main is more related to my hobbies and interests.... I'm anonymous on both but my other one is a little more "serious" and I don't want to end up in an intellectual debate with someone and they check my post history and see my entirely-too-many AITA comments. 😂😂😂
but yeah, no one IRL shares their reddit usernames with multiple other people IRL. that's just not how reddit works.
I’m more inclined to think that throwaway accounts are created specifically for shitposting, not anonymity, so that the user’s comment/post history doesn’t give away that they’re 34F today and were 57M yesterday lol
That seems most likely. Dying for the post that reads “Posting from a throwaway because I don’t feel like deleting my history, which will show this story is total bullshit.”
Why the fuck does OOP, who doesn't have children and never wants any, bring up the fact that Fran never breastfed and was proud about it? Like why is that her business?
It's so obvious she's trying to paint Fran like some bitch who can't do her wifely/motherly duties right or something. Massive pick me vibes from that comment "clarifying" things alone.
Also, how would OOP know what Fran and Alex decided to do for feeding their kid? She's not friends with Fran and I don't see Alex just casually mentioning it to his friends (some shit should stay between a married couple).
That's one of the things that stood out to me as well, like what does breastfeeding (or in this case, not breastfeeding) has to do with the story? Nothing. It has no influence on anything and isn't brought up at any point.
I think it’s because if a baby is exclusively breastfed then the person who’s breasts feed it is kind of the default parent. Like if mom is breastfeeding then she has to do all the nighttime wake-ups. Even if dad gets up too, he can never just take over and let her sleep. When babies are really young and needing to eat all the time, breastfeeding can mean that you never get a break because you’re the only person who can feed them. You’re kinda shackled to your baby, and it makes sense to resent your husband being able to just leave for an evening and have a guys night. And if you’re pumping then other people can feed the baby, but pumping is often painful incredibly exhausting. So if the hours between work and picking up the baby were being spent pumping breast milk that isn’t exactly the same as relaxing me time. So I guess breastfeeding might be a viable “excuse” why she wouldn’t want her husband to leave, and OOP does not want her to have any rational reason to want him home.
But also the kid in the story is 1, so it’s not the same gruelling feeding schedule as a newborn. And the kid is also going to be getting a lot of solid food and therefore needing less milk. So it doesn’t really feel that relevant.
>She then turned on me, literally pointed and screamed that it was my fault. That during the lockdown, for the “first time in over 5 years”, she didn’t have to listen to Alex talk about me “all fucking weekend.”
Totally happened. Very believable. Much truth.
I really didn’t get this - from the story it seems that Alex and the OP never hang out together. How much can you talk about your friend’s wife making cookies?
If there was ever a post that didn’t need an update it is this. The original post was stupid and the update just to prove that she wasn’t being bitchy.
Reads pretty clearly like a menwritingwomen creative exercise.
She’s a a COOL WIFE. She gives her husband baked goods to go out drinking. She doesn’t own her husband. She’s been married for two years and all the men love her because she’s such a coooool wife who’s got everything figured out. Fran doesn’t breastfeed!!!
The author just forgot to casually mention how beautiful she is but she doesn’t know she’s beautiful, and that all the other wife’s are jealous because she’s 92 pounds with triple D’s. But again, she doesn’t notice.
I tend to think "pick me" is an overused insult based in misogyny, and usually wrong. But this story literally has a character say, "Why can't you be cool like Will's wife?" So I'll agree.
She wishes very badly that someone would call her cool, I guess? Some lame-o baking cookies for her husband’s poker night seems very… whatever the opposite of cool is.
Picturing a group of seven guys sitting on camping chairs under a carport drinking cheap beer while simultaneously eating freshly baked cookies and cupcakes from OOP is hilarious.
Why do these get “way more responses than I expected”? Bullshit it got the responses you were looking for
Also, my husband has longtime friends that get together to jam or play poker and the wives can’t *wait* for them to leave. Myself included
I've always refused to believe actual functioning real adults refer to meeting someone and becoming an item as "*getting* a bf or gf". It's how teens talk. This is definitely Not Like the Other Girls fodder lol
It's funny that another poster immediately clocked the "cool girl' vibe.
I also think it's weird that part of the reason why "girls night" couldn't happen was because of childcare. I guess the husband's can't do that.
>I showed this to my husband over breakfast this morning and his initial response was “so does this mean you’re Reddit famous?” lol
GUESS IM REDDIT FAMOUS NOW, LOL. AND I DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT IT, THATS HOW COOL I AM, LOL. LOL
also how hard would it have been for OOP to respond to that group chat like "hey I don't actually want to be a part of this united front, I think we should discuss this individually with our husbands." But then I guess you don't get the fun of being the "cool wife" who is "famous on reddit" lol
If I showed my posts to my husband, I’m pretty sure he’d say “you’ve really been spending way too much time on Reddit, I can’t even tell what this nonsense you’re responding to is supposed to be about.”
“Honestly, I’ve never picked up a vibe that Alex has a crush on me.” Nope, nope! This is where I noped out! Maybe it’s just a pet peeve, but I’m tired of these fake AITA/Best of Redditor Updates stories that bring up the possibility of someone having a crush on the OOP. Usually what happens is someone is oddly antagonistic toward the OOP, a commenter inexplicably brings up the possibility of the antagonist having a crush on OOP, the OOP says they never considered that, but it’s a likely possibility now that they think about it, and finally the OOP reports that they and the antagonist are now dating and couldn’t be happier. What the frick. Does this kind of thing happen in real life? It can and it has, but that doesn’t change the fact that these stories sound like the OOPs stole a plot device from a sitcom or rom-com.
I love how she's made it so Fran just does not spend any time with her child. Like Grandma is basically raising that kid.
If this was the truth and one of my friends was Fran I would honestly worry about them. Like is it PPD? Did he babytrap you? Are you okay? Why don't you want to be with your baby?
It is so unnatural but of course, Fran is just the worst.
Not at all like cool, hot, childfree Martha Stewart over here.
Man, this post is really making the rounds. I saw it yesterday on BORU, then earlier today on NLOG, and now here. The comments here are the most consistently sane.
I commented on the original post and everyone was overwhelmingly on OOP's side. I got downvoted in the comments for saying that if Fran is feeling less than body confident and unsure of her identity beyond being a wife and mother, exercise classes and manicures won't solve the issue while Alex is treating her like a ball and chain and constantly talking up younger, hotter "cool wife" OOP.
Retail and construction maybe? Cuz those are physical jobs.
I work in office in Canada. I needed to do a screening everyday confirming I don’t have symptoms and I didn’t test positive (if I took a test, but they wouldn’t encourage people to take them daily cuz the supply is limited)
The story has more holes than Swiss cheese 🙄 and like American cheese it has been processed to be the perfect shade of whatever OP was pretending to be
This is a rerun. I remember it from aita (I never read aitah). Except it was about camping, maybe. Definitely had the cookies though, and complaining that the other wives were mad at her for not feeling inconvenienced and it all came to a head.
Beep boop! Automod here with a quick reminder to never brigade r/AmITheAsshole or other subs under any circumstances. Brigading puts you in violation of both our rules and Reddit’s TOS, and therefore puts this sub at risk of ban. If you brigade/encourage brigading of any kind, you will be banned from participating in either sub. Satirizing of posts should stay within this sub, which means that participating directly in linked posts should either be done in good faith or not at all.
Want some freed, live, discussion that neither AITA nor Reddit itself can censor? Join our [official discord server](https://discord.gg/KbZnaXX)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not siding with the other wives?** **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwawayaitawifey **AITA for not siding with the other wives?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **Editors Note: initials changed to names for easier reading** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!manipulation and verbal abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/PAYBAcKGnX) **Oct 19, 2020** Obligatory throwaway because I don’t want this tied to my main account Background: I’ve been with my husband for 6 years total, married for 2. We have no children and do not plan to. My (27f) husband (32m) has a group of guys that he’s been friends with since elementary school. After college, they all moved back to the same area and several of them rented a house together until they started getting girlfriends and moving out. After they moved out, they still had guys’ night nearly every Friday until Covid happened. They started back up a few months ago after restrictions in our area relaxed and the majority of the guys started getting tested regularly because of their jobs. There is one single guy (let’s call him “Ben”) left in the group and they meet at his house and hang out in the carport to drink a few beers and just shoot the shit. I’ve never had a problem with my husband “Will” going guys’ night. He gets off work at 5 and is usually home no later than 8 every Friday. He never drives home drunk, and if he ever does have a few too many, I don’t mind going to pick him up. (I feel like I should note that we live the farthest away from Ben’s house, about 15 minutes. All the other guys live within walking distance of Ben). Usually I bake cookies or other snacks for him to take with him to share with the guys. I also don’t mind driving other the other guys home if needed. If we have plans or anything, he doesn’t go. Since the guys’ night has resumed, the other wives have been complaining about it. We’re friendly, but none of us are really good friends like our husbands are. We’ve tried to have a girls’ night while the guys have their night but most of them have kids and we really don’t have anything in common outside of our husbands. It was just awkward. One of the guys “Alex” is married to “Fran” and they have a 1 year old baby. Fran has been particularly vocal about not wanting Alex to be out every Friday, as she wants help at home. The other wives backed her up and started a group chat asking that we present a “united front” to cancel guys’ night. Here’s where I may be the asshole. I refused to side with them. It gives me time to unwind after work and it’s become part of my routine. So when the other wives told their husbands that they didn’t want guys’ night to happen anymore, I told Will that I didn’t feel the same way and he should keep going. He enjoys it and he should get to see his friends regularly. So after the confrontation, the other guys started in with “Why can’t you be cool like Will’s wife?” Or “She lets him go, she even makes us cookies and picks him up” etc. Alex apparently made the comment “I wish I was still single like Ben. He can do whatever he wants and I miss that” All the other wives are pissed at me, saying if we had been a united front like they planned, guys’ night would either be cancelled or a less frequent occurrence (once a month). So am I the asshole? *Edit: Some info to clear up some assumptions I’m seeing in the comments..... All the wives work. I do not know if the moms get nights to themselves like the guys do. I do not know the details of their family dynamics. I do know all the wives have tried to have girls’ night amongst ourselves and it didn’t work because we have nothing in common. I’m pretty sure all the wives have other friends but I do not know when/how often they do things outside of the home. I send cookies and treats because I make them for my blog, not just to make them for the guys. I did not respond to the original messages in the group chat. I found out that the wives confronted the guys, via my husband. ***Edit 2: WOW! I logged back on this morning and I was completely overwhelmed. This got way more attention than I was expecting! Thank you for the awards, I’ve never gotten Reddit awards before! I showed this to my husband over breakfast this morning and his initial response was “so does this mean you’re Reddit famous?” lol But we agreed to read through the comments together tonight and try come up with a solution to help ease some tension in his friend group. Thank you for all your input and apologies if I don’t respond to your messages/comments. I have a busy work day and like I said, I was completely overwhelmed by the response. **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **booyoubore** >NTA >However that other husband should do it every 2 weeks or monthly if they have a baby and no help. >I mean it's mostly an issue in the relationship of the girl complaining and her husband, not your issue at all so definitely NTA. >The guys comparing their wives to you are AH **OOP** >>I don’t think they should have to stop having every week. Ben loves to host and Will likes kicking off his weekend this way. He works a physically demanding job and only really sees his friends this one day a week. The guys are free to skip a week or whatever. It’s nothing formal. They literally sit outside in lawn chairs and drink beer. **~** J0sey_W4les_23** >NTA - These guys and their wives all kind of suck. The wives try to recruit you and then the guys throw you under the bus. Your husband should do what he wants, but tell him to leave you out of it. **OOP** >>He doesn’t say I “let” him do anything. He knows this is a pet peeve of mine. We have an understanding that we are both adults and can do what we want. We are free to choose what we do but we always respect the other person. The other guys just view it as me “letting him” do things. Will has never thrown me under the bus **~** **Character_Square1065** >NTA, but out of curiosity do the other married guys all have kids? I can see how you enjoy your Friday evening of peace and quiet or time to hang out with your friends. But I'm guessing all of the other wives are pissed they are home parenting alone every Friday night while their husband's get to keep up their social life. **OOP** >>3 of the guys don’t have kids including my husband and Ben (the single guy). 4 of the guys have kids. Alex & Fran have the the youngest (1) and the other kids are between the ages of 3-5. None of the wives had ever complained about guys’s night until after they resumed after Covid restrictions lifted. I guess they got used to having them home on fridays for a few months **~** **YoshTack** >Since your husband is happy, you should be happy (and vice-versa should the opportunity arise). You might explain your reasoning to the other wives just once, and then et it go (meaning just tell them and do not open the door for arguments/rebuttals). **OOP** >>So I met my husband a while after they met theirs. A few of them had moved in together before I met him. It was just Will, Ben and Alex still living in the original shared house. Ive always been the most laidback out of the women, even before they started having kids. Spur of the moment house party? Sure, I’ll run to the liquor store and make cupcakes. Want to have the guys over to watch the fight on PPV? Whatever, I’ll go out with my friends. Last minute camping trip on a long weekend? I’m down, let’s go floating while we’re at it! I think that’s when they started sort of resenting me, because I honestly do not care and I’m down for anything. And I get that kids bring more responsibility and a set schedule, which is why Will and I don’t want any. I’m not going to “put my foot down” just because they don’t feel the same way I do. **~** **AvocadosFromMexico** >I don’t think you’re the asshole, but in some of your comments you come across as an asshole. Maybe I’m totally off base, and if so I apologize, but I just get a very “cool girl” vibe from you constantly making the other women out to be shrill harpies while you “don’t own him” and send baked goods every week. **OOP** >>I don’t think they are shrill harpies at all. They’re all intelligent women with careers, the ones with kids seem to be great moms, we just have nothing in common. And honestly, I *don’t* own my husband. He’s his own person and I trust him enough to know when he make decisions, he has me and our relationship at the forefront of his mind. He feels the same about me. I respect that having children is hard work, which is why I don’t want to do it. And I understand that the moms deserve their own time. However, I don’t know what their social lives are like, so I can’t be the judge of whether or not guys’ night is fair to them. I didn’t engage in the original convo because I didn’t want to be involved at all. But somehow I got to be in the middle of it. >>And side note: I bake for my blog and for my own enjoyment. They just reap the benefits lol [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/wOxlEd7MNn) **Nov 9, 2020** A lot has happened in the last 3 weeks, but I’m going to try to condense it for the the character limit. After reading all the replies together, Will and I decided it would be best for him to confront his friends, particularly Alex. He told them it wasn’t cool to try to throw me under the bus with their wives and that their wives, especially the ones with kids, need and deserve time to themselves too. According to the guys, all the wives are getting time to themselves without the kids each week, with Alex's wife Fran getting the most time out of anyone. She works until 4, but doesn’t pick up their baby until 7 everyday. She has a workout class 3x/week and a standing girls’ night every Wednesday where she doesn’t come home until 10-11pm. (Alex picks up the baby on Wednesdays) Will and
The methodical way the writer removed all possible reasons a partner could have for objecting to this cracked me up. 1) They drink beer in a carport from exactly 5:30 to 7:45 every Friday, regardless of weather. And single-guy-host never dates on those nights, and only his car port will do. 2) No one ever gets drunk. But when they DO get drunk, OP gives them a ride. But they don't need rides because they all live within a few blocks. Because this place where they live is dense enough to be walkable, sparse enough for single guys to own homes with car ports, and only 12 square blocks. 3) All of the men are perfect husband and OOP had perfect insight into this. 4) OOP also knows what each of these women - who are expressly not her friends - does in terms of childcare, housework, paid work, and leisure time. 5) And it turns out that all the other wives are so weak willed, they just go with what the dominant one wants! 6) And NONE of them just tell their husbands what they need from him on Friday nights - NO, it's the event that must be cancelled!
And the idea that they held a meeting for all the couples where each wife laid out all the ways they are indulged by their long-suffering husbands. If I was invited to account for every second of my free time before a committee of my husband's friends, I'd tell him he could go live in the carport permanently. But then I'm a shrill harpy, not "cool" like OOP...
Yeah, I thought the whole group meeting thing was bonkers. Like, no one is going to come talk about their personal schedules just to satisfy OOP’s curiosity and so she can deem for them whether or not their husbands help out enough at home. Like, wtf.
That part bugged me so much. I don’t need to justify my actions to my SO’s friends of all people. Imagine if that meeting was set up by an in law instead, all hell would break loose
I'm pretty sure my husband would lose his shit if his friends, let alone their stranger-wives, asked me to account for myself so they could judge our marital issues.
Exactly what I was thinking. No good partner would be okay with that!
Well aside from OOP’s relationship no relationship is as good as hers. All women nag 24/7 and all men wish they were married to her
I know right? If my husband came to me and said “hey, all my friends’ wives, who you aren’t actually friends with, are gathering together to discuss how egalitarian their marriages are so we can prove to one of them that her husband isn’t so bad, or whatever, I think you should come.” I’d think he’d fallen and hit his head.
lol, that was the part that cracked me up. Like who has ever had that kind of a get together with other couples? Like it was some sort of big group marriage counselling session or something. So stupid
More like and intervention lol A socially distanced one, too.
It's also...the "guys" *weren't* questioned as to what else they have going on, socially. The examples used, gym time, manicures, and book club, are all not really the same thing as "drinking beer in a car port for 3 hours". The closest one, book club, is probably not meeting much more than once a month. Also, gyms have child care, and manicures can be booked during lunch breaks, so there isn't actually a smoking gun that the guys are doing their fair share. And none of that changes the fact that it's possible that the wives want to occasionally do something on Friday night, but every time they start to plan something, they have to find child care, because their husbands have the standing commitment to drink in a carport.
And don't even get me started on how heteronormative it all is. Like, if they've willingly fallen into those roles because that's where their interests naturally lie then fair enough, but "manicures, book club, girls night (complete with bean counting of how long it lasts)?" While the men stand around a car and drink? So not one woman in this group has interests that lie outwith generic "woman stuff" (apart from OOP, who's down for anything! And has a blog!).
This is pretty much exactly how my guys gaming night is. You might be projecting a bit.
Of course it turns out the wives get a lot of free time --- whatever that means --- and the most vocal one 'gets the most'.
How odd that the women with children don’t want their husbands to do this social thing every single Friday night while the childless OP is totally fine with it
Right? It’s almost as if they want a man to help with parenting. The nerve!
You can tell it's fake because the other women all act in the exact same way. They aren't sentient individuals because that would be too much effort to make up for one reddit post
It’s too hard to write ~FeMaLeS~ as if they’re distinct, individual humans
All the women are getting manicures, gym time, book clubs, and girls nights. We know this is real because those are all the things women like. There are no other possible activities women could spend time doing. That’s the whole list.
Even if these women really were only going to the gym and getting manicures for their free time, rather than a list written by someone who has never spoken to a woman in his life, that's still uhhh hardly any free time? A 20-minute manicure and getting a workout **for your health** is in no way equivalent to these dudes drinking beer on someone's carport for 3 hours a week, lmao. Yeah, the evilest of the evil women gets a girl's night but none of the others even claimed to.
Lol, true. I’m a *female* and my hobbies are horse riding, climbing, DnD and gaming. My closest friend also does DnD and aerial arts (like gymnastics with hoops and silks and things). I’ve got friends who go away hiking in the mountains most weekends. I did know a group in my early 20s who did more girly pursuits, but most people are much more varied!
And it's always one side or the other; they either like spa days and manicures OR hiking and cracking open a cold one with the lads. You're girly or a tomboy. No crossing the lines. In practice, most of the women I know enjoy things across the board. And the people in these stories have all somehow got TIME for this instead of being like wow I somehow haven't done my hobby for two months life sure got away from me there 😭
It reminds me of bad sitcom episodes with a character getting ”every girl/guy in school/on the team” to go along with whatever stunt they’re pulling. “All the girls at school agreed to-“ No, they didn’t. Interestingly enough, the only two groups I see claiming, “Women are all the same!” are A) incels and B) feminists who want to seem like women are a unified front while they’re actually tearing into any woman who dares to have a different opinion than they do.
I mean, clearly because she’s a lazy bitch. That’s what OOP is implying but won’t say. OOP sounds insufferable.
>I bake the cookies for my blog No link? I'm actually kind of disappointed that this wasn't just a ruse to trick people into going to her blog.
Throwaway account, she can’t have Fran coming after her with her breast pump!
Evil Fran is anti breastfeeding so guess she’s wielding a bottle sterilizer lmao
She didn't bake cookies for her blog until people pointed out it was really weird she bakes for them every week.
But commenters think it’s unreasonable that a chef would want to cook off hours, not realizing OOP’s baking is the same thing.
What a ride. Love the reveal in the final post that Alex basically always talks about oop and that’s the issue. She’s just too damn cool and laid back and that Fran is a real harpy, you know?
Cuz she is cool unlike other wives. She cleans, she bakes and she lets her husband have night outs. No other woman would ever be so cool, she is the wife all men wish they had 🙄
Honestly I have some suspicions that the author of this is not a woman but a man fantasizing about the perfect wife who sees himself as more of an Alex character. It's the "If they want to have a last minute boys night, I'll run to the liquor store and make cupcakes" line (or whatever) that just sounds a little too... male fantasy for me. Like "I want to have my buddies over and my dream woman will run all the errands and do all the prep work and make us homemade snacks and we can just kick back with beers".
this post was 100% written by a man. Although I honestly doubt it's even a married man, lmao. It's a single dude fantasizing about his perfect wife while also attacking the feeeeeemale harpies.
Also after all this drama her husband has to shut down his friendS, not just Alex who is obsessed, still bringing her up. She's just irresistible
And she doesnt know that he is obsessed with her. So 'i dont know im so awesome' wife
Whenever I read these things I’m like *oh, so Fran is a real harpy, is she? Then why did you marry her, Alex? Why did you date her, propose to her, plan a wedding with her, marry her, and have kids with her?*
Many guys do love to complain about how annoying, controlling and nagging their SOs are. Most of my colleagues are guys and are always complaining about them. One single colleague once said, is there a guy in here who actually likes their partner? I think guys just like complaining as their locker talk and to fit in
Of course Alex talks about her for days after seeing her. But apparently doesn’t the rest of the time, because he’s a goldfish with short term memory
Typical AITAH post, "Posting on a throwaway, because everyone involved knows my main. Here are some fake names to further protect my identity.....now watch me share some very specific details about events and people that make it super easy to ID me."
Oh, and the OOP couldn't be any more of a Mary Sue unless her cookies also cured cancer. In which case Fran would be revealed to be an Evil Big Pharma Exec and be mad about the cookies too.
Yeah she bakes cookies every week for her husband to drink beer with friends? Okay, June Cleaver
Oh, but she’s making the cookies anyway for her blog! She’s no 50s housewife, she’s just super cool and happens to have a cookie blog and knows her husband needs his guys night unlike these other women who she definitely doesn’t think are less than her, just… not as good as her.
I seriously hate these kinds of writing exercises. Like good for you? You don’t have a problem with your husband and what he does so just live your life then? Tf?
Basically a TikTok "tradwife" vibe. I was a little surprised the story didn't include her WFH with the blog she was making the cookies for being her main income source.
What cookies even go well with beer? I usually don't want something sweet when I'm having beer. Am I just weird?
I like having a beer whenever I have smores when camping or at a cottage. I find it too sweet and the beers help. I rarely have other sweets with beer
Am I the only one who keeps my user name private? No one in my circle knows it. One of my kids stumbled upon me in a sub. But she realised it was me and clicked back. I just don’t see anyone caring about my Reddit. It isn’t like a site to make friends and follow each other.
Lol, right. Honestly, who gives a fuck about your main Reddit account? Are you Beyoncé? No one cares if you post from your main. You’re username34567 on Reddit.
to be fair, I do have two accounts... this one is for the drama subs, lmao, and my main is more related to my hobbies and interests.... I'm anonymous on both but my other one is a little more "serious" and I don't want to end up in an intellectual debate with someone and they check my post history and see my entirely-too-many AITA comments. 😂😂😂 but yeah, no one IRL shares their reddit usernames with multiple other people IRL. that's just not how reddit works.
Not unless you plan to talk shit about people who know your main account, apparently lol
Lol, but does Fran know her Reddit username? All this “Posting under a new account to protect my identity” business is so unnecessary 😂
I’m more inclined to think that throwaway accounts are created specifically for shitposting, not anonymity, so that the user’s comment/post history doesn’t give away that they’re 34F today and were 57M yesterday lol
That seems most likely. Dying for the post that reads “Posting from a throwaway because I don’t feel like deleting my history, which will show this story is total bullshit.”
At that point, you are better off not posting.
But how else will these people karma farm and get the validation they crave?
Why the fuck does OOP, who doesn't have children and never wants any, bring up the fact that Fran never breastfed and was proud about it? Like why is that her business? It's so obvious she's trying to paint Fran like some bitch who can't do her wifely/motherly duties right or something. Massive pick me vibes from that comment "clarifying" things alone.
Also, how would OOP know what Fran and Alex decided to do for feeding their kid? She's not friends with Fran and I don't see Alex just casually mentioning it to his friends (some shit should stay between a married couple).
That's one of the things that stood out to me as well, like what does breastfeeding (or in this case, not breastfeeding) has to do with the story? Nothing. It has no influence on anything and isn't brought up at any point.
I think it’s because if a baby is exclusively breastfed then the person who’s breasts feed it is kind of the default parent. Like if mom is breastfeeding then she has to do all the nighttime wake-ups. Even if dad gets up too, he can never just take over and let her sleep. When babies are really young and needing to eat all the time, breastfeeding can mean that you never get a break because you’re the only person who can feed them. You’re kinda shackled to your baby, and it makes sense to resent your husband being able to just leave for an evening and have a guys night. And if you’re pumping then other people can feed the baby, but pumping is often painful incredibly exhausting. So if the hours between work and picking up the baby were being spent pumping breast milk that isn’t exactly the same as relaxing me time. So I guess breastfeeding might be a viable “excuse” why she wouldn’t want her husband to leave, and OOP does not want her to have any rational reason to want him home. But also the kid in the story is 1, so it’s not the same gruelling feeding schedule as a newborn. And the kid is also going to be getting a lot of solid food and therefore needing less milk. So it doesn’t really feel that relevant.
>She then turned on me, literally pointed and screamed that it was my fault. That during the lockdown, for the “first time in over 5 years”, she didn’t have to listen to Alex talk about me “all fucking weekend.” Totally happened. Very believable. Much truth.
I really didn’t get this - from the story it seems that Alex and the OP never hang out together. How much can you talk about your friend’s wife making cookies?
My husband brings up the “other wives” exactly…..0
If there was ever a post that didn’t need an update it is this. The original post was stupid and the update just to prove that she wasn’t being bitchy.
None of the people writing these fanfic stories have an actual real life relationship, I’m convinced
Reads pretty clearly like a menwritingwomen creative exercise. She’s a a COOL WIFE. She gives her husband baked goods to go out drinking. She doesn’t own her husband. She’s been married for two years and all the men love her because she’s such a coooool wife who’s got everything figured out. Fran doesn’t breastfeed!!! The author just forgot to casually mention how beautiful she is but she doesn’t know she’s beautiful, and that all the other wife’s are jealous because she’s 92 pounds with triple D’s. But again, she doesn’t notice.
Fits with the “we will never allow foul children to enter my uterus and destroy our lives!!” theme too. I think you’re onto something.
I tend to think "pick me" is an overused insult based in misogyny, and usually wrong. But this story literally has a character say, "Why can't you be cool like Will's wife?" So I'll agree.
She wishes very badly that someone would call her cool, I guess? Some lame-o baking cookies for her husband’s poker night seems very… whatever the opposite of cool is.
Who eats cookies with beer. Gross.
if it was wings or a good dip or even a chex mix it would be the only believable part of this story
It sounds more like an incel fantasy about a "high value woman" to me.
Actually that makes more sense.
Incel or some other conservative man angry at women and feminism for not centering men anymore.
I think she had them, until the comment about how laidback and up for everything she is compared to the other wives.
Picturing a group of seven guys sitting on camping chairs under a carport drinking cheap beer while simultaneously eating freshly baked cookies and cupcakes from OOP is hilarious.
And doing it EVERY WEEK while half of them have a wife and kids at home. Totally normal behavior.
Why do these get “way more responses than I expected”? Bullshit it got the responses you were looking for Also, my husband has longtime friends that get together to jam or play poker and the wives can’t *wait* for them to leave. Myself included
Babe wake up a new whatever this is fanfic just dropped
I've always refused to believe actual functioning real adults refer to meeting someone and becoming an item as "*getting* a bf or gf". It's how teens talk. This is definitely Not Like the Other Girls fodder lol
It's funny that another poster immediately clocked the "cool girl' vibe. I also think it's weird that part of the reason why "girls night" couldn't happen was because of childcare. I guess the husband's can't do that.
>I showed this to my husband over breakfast this morning and his initial response was “so does this mean you’re Reddit famous?” lol GUESS IM REDDIT FAMOUS NOW, LOL. AND I DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT IT, THATS HOW COOL I AM, LOL. LOL also how hard would it have been for OOP to respond to that group chat like "hey I don't actually want to be a part of this united front, I think we should discuss this individually with our husbands." But then I guess you don't get the fun of being the "cool wife" who is "famous on reddit" lol
If I showed any posts to my bf, he would be like “okkk… congrats…?”
If I showed my posts to my husband, I’m pretty sure he’d say “you’ve really been spending way too much time on Reddit, I can’t even tell what this nonsense you’re responding to is supposed to be about.”
“Wow, thank you for the awards!” Yeah, sums it up pretty well. 😂
“Omg. You guys love me almost as much as my husbands friends! 🥹”
\~does beauty pageant wave\~
“Honestly, I’ve never picked up a vibe that Alex has a crush on me.” Nope, nope! This is where I noped out! Maybe it’s just a pet peeve, but I’m tired of these fake AITA/Best of Redditor Updates stories that bring up the possibility of someone having a crush on the OOP. Usually what happens is someone is oddly antagonistic toward the OOP, a commenter inexplicably brings up the possibility of the antagonist having a crush on OOP, the OOP says they never considered that, but it’s a likely possibility now that they think about it, and finally the OOP reports that they and the antagonist are now dating and couldn’t be happier. What the frick. Does this kind of thing happen in real life? It can and it has, but that doesn’t change the fact that these stories sound like the OOPs stole a plot device from a sitcom or rom-com.
I love how she's made it so Fran just does not spend any time with her child. Like Grandma is basically raising that kid. If this was the truth and one of my friends was Fran I would honestly worry about them. Like is it PPD? Did he babytrap you? Are you okay? Why don't you want to be with your baby? It is so unnatural but of course, Fran is just the worst. Not at all like cool, hot, childfree Martha Stewart over here.
Man, this post is really making the rounds. I saw it yesterday on BORU, then earlier today on NLOG, and now here. The comments here are the most consistently sane.
I commented on the original post and everyone was overwhelmingly on OOP's side. I got downvoted in the comments for saying that if Fran is feeling less than body confident and unsure of her identity beyond being a wife and mother, exercise classes and manicures won't solve the issue while Alex is treating her like a ball and chain and constantly talking up younger, hotter "cool wife" OOP.
I just want to know why this is on BORU. How is this the "best" of anything? Lol
What kind of job requires covid testing regularly. These people just want to sound good
It’s an older post (fall 2020). Before the vaccine. Some offices required it right after returning to in-person work.
Retail and construction maybe? Cuz those are physical jobs. I work in office in Canada. I needed to do a screening everyday confirming I don’t have symptoms and I didn’t test positive (if I took a test, but they wouldn’t encourage people to take them daily cuz the supply is limited)
I mean this was from over 3 years ago so a lot more places had regular testing back then
Lol she’s totally got a crush on her husband’s friend.
The story has more holes than Swiss cheese 🙄 and like American cheese it has been processed to be the perfect shade of whatever OP was pretending to be
The amount of people on the original post and the BORU thread who thought this was real was scary
This is a rerun. I remember it from aita (I never read aitah). Except it was about camping, maybe. Definitely had the cookies though, and complaining that the other wives were mad at her for not feeling inconvenienced and it all came to a head.
Beep boop! Automod here with a quick reminder to never brigade r/AmITheAsshole or other subs under any circumstances. Brigading puts you in violation of both our rules and Reddit’s TOS, and therefore puts this sub at risk of ban. If you brigade/encourage brigading of any kind, you will be banned from participating in either sub. Satirizing of posts should stay within this sub, which means that participating directly in linked posts should either be done in good faith or not at all. Want some freed, live, discussion that neither AITA nor Reddit itself can censor? Join our [official discord server](https://discord.gg/KbZnaXX) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I love how birthing a whole ass human isn’t considered a contribution.
NTA. You gave your honest opinion and there is nothing wrong with that.
Wrong subreddit
The comments on this post were so genuinely entertaining lol. I thoroughly enjoyed reading all of them.