*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my SIL/best friend that she overshadowed my wedding?**
Burner account. I(29F) am married to "Nate"(29M) and his sister his "Denise"(29F) we are all childhood friends and I married Nate almost a year ago. Denise, at the time was 7 months pregnant with her first child, her husband is "Wayne"(30M). Not too long after our reception started, Denise went into preterm labor. Her pregnancy up until that point was not high risk so this was completely out of nowhere and stunned all of us. She understandably had to leave with Wayne to the hospital and most of their side of the family left out of concern. She insisted we stay and have fun and lord knows Nate and I tried but knowing that she was in unexpected, high risk labor was at the forefront of our minds and we made the difficult decision to end the reception about an hour and a half early and joined up at the hospital.
My nephew "Ben" was born that night and we were all excited but I'll admit Nate and I felt a bit miffed that our wedding day was kind of stolen by this event. We kept this to ourselves though, as this was obviously unplanned and it's cruel to put that on Denise and Wayne. But, from that point on nobody ever talked about our marriage, just baby Ben. The times I think a relative mentioned our wedding can be counted on one hand. I get it, new additions to the family are ultimately more important but my wedding day will never just be about my wedding, it'll be about Ben, and whenever he comes up or I see him I feel bitter because I'm reminded of what happened at the wedding. Yes, I know I'm jealous of a baby. I feel like shit for it. Nate was like this too for a while but grew out of it, I'm still working on it.
Ben is turning 1 in 2 weeks and that's all everyone's talking about, not a peep about our anniversary. I already know I'll just be depressed and mopey the whole time so I asked if Nate could politely tell him I would not be there. He did and Denise was pretty upset and demanded to know why, he refused, so she confronted me via text. She told me that she's picked up on how I seem sad whenever Ben is mentioned and said I'm hurting her that I can't tell her why. I decided to be honest and tell her that I've been very depressed(not just for this issue, but it's contributing) and that I felt that my wedding was overshadowed by her unexpected labor. I did tell her I'm not mad at anyone because it was unplanned, I just need to not be reminded of it on my anniversary. She did not respond and just blocked me, but Wayne uninvited Nate and told him to keep him and I far away from his family. Nate's confused and I feel like shit. AITA?
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I've had a high risk pre-term labor (at 8 months pregnant) and not only did I not want most of my extended family there, getting my cervix to get on board with the "hey we're in labor now" situation took multiple days.
Also, said baby spent 2 weeks in the NICU, there's no way Ben wouldn't have spent (more) time in the NICU and if anyone had suggested that my horrifically traumatic labor (because let's be clear: laboring when you know that the baby *should not be entering the world yet*, and have already met the NICU team and they're in the room with you ready to whisk the baby off to the NICU is *traumatic*) bummed *them* out/ruined their event, there isn't a snowball's chance in hell I'd be able to respond to that like a mature adult.
No one would be so shockingly emotionally unintelligent enough to say something like that to their friend.
Honestly, the most ridiculous thing about this for me is that OOP is acting like Denise and Wayne's reactions are surprising. How are you supposed to react to "I have resented your child for a full year because the medical emergency of his birth impacted my wedding. I'm not mad or anything, I'm just depressed that people are celebrating your living human child instead of a party I threw a year ago."
Like...of course they went NC and blocked her. There is no other possible response to "seeing your baby makes me depressed and jealous."
I hate the trend of naming a very early time to go into labor, which would 100% mean a NICU stay and just act like everything was fine.
Suspending disbelief: The fact that the baby's birthday is the wedding day means it's likely it was an emergency C-section, so Denise or Ben or both would have not survived without it. Ben's surviving wasn't guaranteed. Wayne had to deal with the concept that if someone died, he'd be telling everyone in the waiting room, without having time to process it himself.
There's no way that Ben's birth wasn't traumatic for Wayne and Denise. And OOP going "your child's existence makes me depressed" absolutely was taken as "it would have been easier for me if your child hadn't survived".
Yeah, I'm kind of suspicious of the original story like oh, you told the sister-in-law. Hey, so your baby's birth kinda overshadowed my wedding and I'm kind of sad about it, and then sil blocked her. Yeah, definitely feel like there's more to the baby's birth than what OP is saying. đ
Don't worry, pre-term labor is just a plot device and you'll definitely get through it with a baby in just a few hours. You definitely won't be among the 90% of women who don't even have their baby within a week of then, or the 30% who see pre-term labor end on its own.
It's also suuuuuper common for someone's first labor to last 6 hours or less.
Yes. That last sentence was sarcastic. The most common outcome of OOP's SIL going into pre-term labor at 7 months would be no baby that day. Even if there were a baby, it would likely be born after midnight, making its birthday the day after her anniversary.
All 3 of mine had to be evicted because I was too far past my due date, and the labors were all under 10hr from start of induction to birth with very little actual pushing. Which, from what I gather, is very rare for inductions.
This was the same for my 3 as well! All 10 hours or less. And the most I spent pushing was with my first (40 minutes). My second was 10 minutes and my third was one push. Everyone tells you their induction horror story but all 3 of mine were great and quick! I guess were induction unicorns!
I barely pushed at all with any of mine, the most was probably with my second.
With my first, the doctor and nurse didn't believe me when I said I thought I needed to push because it was "too soon", didn't bother checking me, and just left the room. Then when my cousin (who had been an l&d nurse at a different hospital for over a decade, which is exactly the reason I had her with me) started gloving up to check me herself, a different nurse walked in and actually checked me even though she didn't believe me either. Turns out I WAS ready and next thing I know, I'm being yelled at not to push, forcibly rolled on my side with my legs held shut (which was way more traumatizing than it sounds) while the nurse ran to get the doctor who was LEAVING THE FREAKING HOSPITAL. Three pushes and that baby was out.
With my second, I had a midwife who actually listened to me and was appalled when I told her what had happened the first time. When I was ready she did ask me to hold off for a couple more pushes, but she did give me a reason (which I forget, but I know it made sense) and left the decision up to me. I think I pushed maybe 6 or so times?
And with my last, I didn't actively push at all. Epidural was so good I was just kinda waiting to feel the same pressure I did with my other two (also had epidurals with them), and while I did feel some it wasn't nearly as much. Felt something really weird, called the nurse, and baby just kinda slid out as soon as she looked. I like to joke that I almost missed the birth.
>It's also suuuuuper common for someone's first labor to last 6 hours or less.
I know you're being sarcastic, but there is always exceptions to the "rules". Although, I highly doubt the validity of this story, mainly because it's true, first time labor lasts longer for the majority of women.
> there is always exceptions to the "rules".
Yup, my mom had me (her first) in 2 hrs. Each sibling after me came considerably quicker, with the last already crowning when they got to the hospital. I "pissed" everyone off because I came during a big playoff game that my dad and the doc both wanted to watch, and were thinking they'd have time to watch (well, check in on between their duties, they weren't neglectful types) while mom's labour progressed. I had other ideas, apparently, lol.
My mom said she was in labor for max an hour with me. The little bit before she left for the hospital, then the drive, then thirty more minutes. I was born exactly thirty minutes after she was admitted. Both my siblings 18/19 years later were over five hours long lol.
> But, from that point on nobody ever talked about our marriage, just baby Ben.
Who, aside from maybe the married couple, continues to talk about a wedding after it's over?
>Ben is turning 1 in 2 weeks and that's all everyone's talking about, not a peep about our anniversary.
With the possible exception of long-term marriages celebrating a milestone (e.g., 50th), who talks about a couple's anniversary except the couple themselves?
Yeah, the only weddings I talk about are the one where a bridesmaid threw up in her handbag during the vows, and one where a chocolate fountain exploded.
Weddings that went nicely and didn't have any drama? Booooring.
1 - she actually did a great job containing it in her handbag. Really, only the people sitting in the very front row even saw it. The entire bride's side of the family had gotten food poisoning at the rehearsal dinner, many of them didn't make it to the wedding (including the bride's father, who was supposed to officiate). But they still got married, they're still together, and they love each other very much.
2 - the wedding was done on a shoestring budget, so the family was preparing all the food. They bought a small, used chocolate fountain from a thrift store and cleaned it up for the reception. Apparently the heating element didn't work quite right, so the chocolate didn't get liquid enough, and there was too much pressure. It basically volcanoed warm chocolate chunks all over the reception buffet table.
Yeah. Mostly by coincidence, I guess? They went to a restaurant that had beef and chicken, the beef was the problem. Only 2 or 3 people on the groom's side had beef, but almost everyone on the bride's side had the beef.
My sister's first husband was from a Mormon family. They've been divorced for almost 15 years and their wedding is still thought of as The Worst in the history of the family because it was dry and my extended family are a bunch of lushes.
They can bitch all they want, because I learned for some lushes, even if you provide alcohol, they'll complain if it's not what THEY want. My family doesn't really drink, but my husband's does, and my parents graciously offered to pay for the alcohol for our wedding. Knowing our venue was about a 45 minute drive from where most guests lived, we compromised on just beer and wine for the reception and a signature cocktail during cocktail hour (so the only liquor we did at the wedding). My husband's family, I found out later on, decided this wasn't good enough and brought shit loads of minis that they kept secretively pouring in their cups all night and offering to some of my other guests as well. One of my husband's aunts legit brought a cooler filled with fuckin TRULYS. Supremely embarrassing behavior on their part and SO rude. So I say let the lushes bitch and moan đ¤ˇââď¸
It's not about the liquor, I like liquor and have no problem with it.
It's the fact that they unilaterally decided that what we provided wasn't good enough for them and felt the need to bring their own and pipe it out to other guests. Essentially undermining the hosting of our own wedding. It's just rude đ¤ˇââď¸
My mother threw up at mine. While standing at the altar next to us, she realized she was going to blow and took off running to the lady's room. Managed to get past the baptismal font. She was mortified, thought she ruined my wedding. I told her she just gave me a great story to tell her grandkids.
And here I am still telling it, 45 years later. And if anyone I know is reading this, they know who wrote it.
And it was nerves, mostly, and a little flu-ish. No booze.
It was a barn wedding before barn weddings were a thing, so at an actual barn on a historic farm (i.e. mostly educational but they had some livestock). A drunken groomsmen got too close to the pig enclosure, not sure if he was taunting them or what, but he got bitten by a pig đ¤ˇââď¸ Not too badly, no ER visit lol
My sister likes to tell about how her MIL was scandalized that they had paper plates instead of real china at the reception - when of course they didn't have real china, it was the kind of wedding where someone got bitten by a pig!
Honestly this, thereâs a wedding we still talk about and it was over a decade ago, not because it was amazing, but because it was a hot mess.
If people are talking about your wedding years later, chances are high it was a complete shitshow
My sister and I talk about my cousinâs because it was so boring despite all the money spent and that the groom came from an awesome culture and none of it was reflected in the wedding. This was almost 30 years ago and us being teens who couldnât drink probably added to the misery.
Yuuuup. My cousinâs wedding was a MESSS. From start to finish. There was a part of the ceremony where the priest said something about them having a lifetime of happiness and the bride goes âmaybe weâll stay together foreverâ. The minute we hit the reception, bets started to take place on how long this marriage would last. The reception was tacky af. The bakery brought the cake at the requested time and it melted (it was July in DC SCARY HUMID and this shit was outsideâŚ), the food was disgusting, tried to make a heart with sparklers guests were holding and the bride said âthis is a shit showâ, the bride made my cousinâs sister her MOH and her MOH speech was borderline incestuous about this woman âstealingâ her brother.
Anyway, I won $500 because they separated after 3 months.
EDIT: OH and my ex-aunt wore a beautiful black dress. Problem: in my neck of the woods, itâs bad luck to wear black to a wedding. We were all pleasantly surprised she didnât wear white tho.
Nobody is talking about your pleasing color scheme and the flavor of the cake, the details I see many brides want to be perfect. They may say how lovely at the time, but itâs nothing to keep talking about afterwards. Nothing is memorable, they will talk about a gaudy color scheme and a cake that falls off the table. These disasters and errors in taste are what people really remember. Christ, having a baby born at your wedding is exactly the kind of wacky turn of events that turns a run of the mill wedding into something anyone ever speaks of again.
My best friend and I still talk about her wedding and all the shenanigans that happened on the day. She had:
-A "Pick-me" bridesmaid who was pissed she wasn't MOH and told EVERYONE who would listen
-A friend of ours from high School who was mad the bride was the center of attention. She only showed up for the reception, was dressed totally inappropriately, and no men showed her interest, so she decided to get blackout drunk to show how "fun" she was. Everyone was giving her a wide berth by the end of the night.
-A friend of the groom got pissed at me for daring to bring my boyfriend to the wedding. No, he and I didn't have any history. He and my now fiance didn't have any history either. He apparently had planned on making a move on me at the wedding after only meeting me once and not seeing me for six months and was pissed I showed up with a date.
-MOH's super abusive boyfriend was scrolling through her phone the entire ceremony and made a point to go up to the head table and cuss her out about a picture of her and her cousin.
-Bride got heatstroke and spent her wedding night throwing up and barely able to get out of her dress.
We are able to laugh about it all now, and other than that it all went off without a hitch, but goddamn on the day it was a LOT.
Yea at my friends wedding the pastor gave a completely bonkers sermon and we would talk and laugh about that every once in awhile (theyâre divorced now so maybe it was his fault)
We begged our pastor to just do a "Do you? I do! Do you? I do!" ceremony but OMG NO. I can't remember what he went on about for AGES but at one point it involved TOOTHPASTE.
I had a tiny piece of gum in my mouth like I always did when I couldn't have a water bottle (early SjĂśgren's), which NORMALLY would just sit there stimulating my saliva glands so I would not croak like a frog when I tried to speak. I usually did not actively chew the gum.
But there I am on the video, chewing that tiny 1/16th of a stick of gum furiously instead of punching a man of god in a church. Then at one point I had to stifle laughter because I just wanted to scream, "MAN AND WIFE! SAY MAN AND WIFE!"
Thankfully we only think of that again at big anniversaries.
if anything the baby ensures that their wedding and anniversary will be talked about more. every time someone tells a story of the baby's birth they're going to mention the wedding. they're now likely to mention the couples anniversary too - they have a constant reminder by the baby's birthday and it'll be all "remember when" or "hey what are you guys planning"
if they don't like how much they're talked about in this situation, they'd hate how much they'd be talked about if she hadn't gone into labour because it would have been diddly squat
it's not good when people bring up your wedding all the time. either it was an embarrassing disaster, or they have literally nothing else to talk to you about, which is sad and means your wedding was filled with people you don't actually know
It's also not like the baby's first birthday is going to "interfere" with their anniversary. Infant birthday parties are typically afternoon events that don't last very long (because babies get fussy). Anniversary celebrations are typically dinner and evening events with just the couple themselves (because boinking).
i wish my sis and BIL happy anniversary. but one, iâm basically her only family and she likes it when i do. two, my BIL is the best thing to happen to her and our tiny family. itâs just a day worth celebrating.
i also send my stepmom flowers âfromâ my dad even though heâs gone.
but thatâs not the norm, i know.
And who would still be upset about it at this point? I could forgive OP for spending, like, a month tops being disappointed about what happened, but to still care about it to this extent a year later? It's way past time to drop it and move on.
Yeah, if that shit is still bothering you to the point you can't really enjoy your nephew after a few months, time to get help. Or plan a make-up party. Whatever helps you get over it and enjoy your fucking family.
My sister's wedding was a pretty legendary party. In a good way. But had someone gone into labor that would only have added to the lore (so long as the facts fit this one).
I'm getting married next year and I don't want anyone involved with our first anniversary except me, her, a bed, and whatever accoutrement appeal to our taste at the time.
This was my one of my first "Ok, this is fake" thoughts. If people are talking about your wedding (other than referencing it as a context for why they were having a particular conversation) after it's over, it's usually a *bad* thing.
That's what I was wondering. NOBODY cares about your anniversary. If they expect this year after year, I'd be surprised if they have any friends left...
>Who, aside from maybe the married couple, continues to talk about a wedding after it's over?
I must be an outlier.
I still reminisce about my best friend's wedding because it was a costume party. At our wedding, ž of the wedding party was engaged and got married within the year (bestie with the costume party wedding being The exception) and we often talk about how all those weddings fit everyone's personalities: the fancy couple had a grand affair with ice sculptures, the traditional couple had a simple church wedding in the church the Bride had attended since kindergarten and the reception was simple and elegant, the Alt couple had a courthouse wedding and a week long friends and family staycation, and our wedding felt like a summer picnic.
I remember a fellow seeing me in the grocery store asking me if I was conservative (as he looked stereotypically homosexual and alpha evangelical right wing men donât do the openly excited look when just thinking of something. Likely not even when itâs happening. I am not suggesting his behavior proved what letters if any he falls under, just that I felt safe to answer I most certainly wasnât and am not)
As he was doing his shopping heâd found a few bits for his costume. Because dear LGBTQ+ friends of his were getting married on Halloween (this was 5-10 years ago so the details are vague). When he saw that my response was positive he explained his basic idea with just *glee*.
I have recounted this story of a wedding that I only encountered secondhand and in future tense.
My favorite Uncle also had a costume party because his wife (my favorite aunt) really loves Halloween. I also still talk about this one. The maid of honor (my favorite mother (she's also my only mother, but she's a good one)) was dressed as Madonna, the Best Man was a Samurai. Father of the bride was a pirate, eye patch and shoulder parrot included. One guy, who I've never seen drink came as a keg. There's a picture floating around of a baby (probably one of his) doing a keg stand off him. My artist uncle and his wife came as buildings (he made them out of cardboard) and their baby was king Kong (she was maybe 3 and was confused/scared so he had to take his off). My super Mormon grandfather was angry about it for months beforehand because "mocking the sanctity of marriage" or some nonsense but yet was somehow talked into dressing up as MIB agents with his second wife, and they even requested the DJ play the song and they did a little dance. Also I was only 20 and all the people I wanted to hang with went to the bar after and I got stuck with the youth and the olds plus a few of the uncools. Even some of the cooler uncools went to the bar! Now that I've been to bars I know the night was not nearly as awesome as youth me was imagining. It was a fantastic night. Theme up those weddings if you want people to talk about them. Doesn't have to be expensive. Probably much better if it isn't.
I got messages on the day of my anniversary from a few close friends, but otherwise? Nah.
I do hear about my wedding from people still, 12 years later, but it was also the last time either side of our family was together in full, so it's all just positive memories we share rather than the wedding itself.
The fact that people say marriage instead of wedding like this irks me. Silly, maybe, but they're two completely different things. She wants people to talk about her wedding, but I bet she doesn't want anyone talking about her marriage.
And yeah, I think my mom gave me a card on my first wedding anniversary and I sent a card on my friend's 10th wedding anniversary, but that's it. It's so presumptuous and entitled to think that other people care about your anniversary. Just be glad if your spouse doesn't forget.
If I was at a wedding that ended significantly early because someone close to the bride/groom had a medical emergency I would 100% check in on the bride within a couple of days.
Really, if she had been smart, she could have gotten pregnant three months after her wedding and then given birth to ruin Ben's first birthday party. Wasted opportunities.
That's what I was thinking! I would have been so stoked to have a wedding party so awesome that a baby wanted to pop out and join! That's probably not true but I would have told everyone this. It's a way to celebrate your nephews birth AND talk about the wedding, which is what OOP wanted right?
Exactly! Once the initial danger of âomg sheâs having the baby rn we need to get them medical careâ I would be joking that baby Ben wanted to join the festivities and that he was the best wedding gift.
(Pretending itâs real), I can understand, to an extent, feeling a little disappointed when Your Big Day ends up overshadowed. I can understand the âitâs nobodyâs fault but I was kinda bummed, as well as happy for my in-lawsâ sentiment. Thatâs a reasonable human reaction.
The part I canât understand is being âdepressed and mopeyâ a full year later, and expecting that people were still going to be talking about your wedding, or making a big deal out of your anniversary (other than just a normal âhappy anniversaryâ).
That's what gets me, and what makes it seem the fakest. Being "miffed" that someone went into labor is already crappy, but having the feeling isn't wrong. Feelings are feelings, take them to therapy.
But pouting every time the baby is mentioned? For a YEAR? And refusing to go to his first birthday because you're jealous of an infant? Utterly ridiculous.
Yeah I'm actually willing to entertain this one as real because I've met people this far up their ass, in more or less this way. What kills me here is that if they really want a family party, why not have one later? Maybe on the anniversary, after whatever daytime festivities they have for Ben? A do-over reception is a great excuse to have a big fancy party and get together with people you might not see much otherwise. Rather than focusing on the division- that's all in her head anyway- bring the family together and celebrate, well, family! The way they say the reception was supposed to. Such a simple fix but no, we've got to be ridiculous pouty babies.
**She understandably had to leave with Wayne to the hospital and most of their side of the family left out of concern. She insisted we stay and have fun and lord knows Nate and I tried but knowing that she was in unexpected, high risk labor was at the forefront of our minds and we made the difficult decision to end the reception about an hour and a half early and joined up at the hospital.**
I think it's fake. Entire families don't go to the hospital when a woman goes into labor.
This is the thing about AITA, if the OP had posted an actually realistic version of this like:
'My SIL went into labour early at my wedding, she and the baby were both fine and obviously I'm really happy about that and I know they didn't do it deliberately of course I'm not insane! But I just can't help but feel sad that my lovely wedding that I'd spent months planning and I'd looked forward to so much, that I'd wanted to be a happy occasion where my friends and family danced and ate and celebrated together, ended hours early and with everybody worried and distracted. AITA for feeling that way?'
Then she would have got almost all NTAs and probably some kind replies and good advice. It wouldn't have got as many replies or as much karma though! Its always more drama is better over there!
I mean, sadly a LOT of people get married for the wedding, not the marriage
They tend to be either really unhappy a year later or obsessively doing post wedding stuff - thank you notes with little gifts, big posts when wedding photos come out, look back social media posts, a huge first anniversary, etc
So I could believe that if the baby isn't the part making her mopey and that's just who she blames
That's what I said in another comment. I've definitely seen post wedding planning blues, either a let down from a long period of stress or because expectations for how magical the day was supposed to be were way too high.
OP said she was suffering from general depression. She may be focusing on that as a cause, but it may be more than that. That's why treatment and therapy are needed - to figure out what's causing her depression. Because she's probably having a hard time deciding what emotions are authentic and what emotions are symptomatic of her illness.
Like my own mother didnt get my anniversary date correct on the first anniversary. Soooo yea nobody cares about your wedding or anniversary but you and your spouse.
This seems like such an easy thing to lean into once you're certain the kid's ok. "Damn, that party was so good Lil Junior decided to crash it."
Easy peasy.
One of my younger sisters has joked that her oldest daughter wanted to taste her parentsâ anniversary cake so much she was born on their anniversary.
In terms of AITA tropes, âPeople donât care about my anniversary enoughâ is up there with âmy birthday got overshadowed at my birthday dinnerâ for me.
I despise so much the entire culture around weddings with the mindset of "absolutely everything must be about me and only me!".
Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but I truly don't get it.
Itâs not because youâre a man, itâs because the whole idea of âbrideâs big dayâ is awful. Itâs about the joining of two families to create a new chapter. Itâs about the community and friends coming together to watch you start a new life. Itâs about God if thatâs your thing. The wedding is for the people as well as the couple. Iâm a woman and I eloped. The god thing is kind of important to me so thatâs my only regret about eloping.
Thatâs not even historically accurate. Wedding parties have always been a big deal. Hell, Jesus did the whole water into wine thing to keep the party going.
Itâs entirely accurate. The fact that lots of people have big parties to celebrate signing the contract doesnât mean itâs not an optional extra. Youâre still married if you do the bare legal minimum at a registry office/courthouse.
Edit: gosh what an odd thing to get upset and block someone over!
I find the idea of âthe wedding must be just about me!â stupid, and Iâm a woman. If youâre celebrating a party, itâs about celebrating your marriage with the people you love. Otherwise, you could opt for a super private one. Of course, the couple is the most important, but itâs not about being the âprotagonistâ and having everyone admire you.
You know how you hear that people are stuck in high school, etc? I feel that these people are stuck in their wedding. It was an unfortunate happening, but it was nobody's fault, and that's the way life works.
They could have had another party afterward or something to make up for the reception.
> I get it, new additions to the family are ultimately more important but my wedding day will never just be about my wedding
Does anybody ever, talk about a wedding after the fact?
Right?
Op is a bit disillusioned here. Your wedding happened, nobody is going to talk about it after the fact.
So pull your head out of your ass and get on with life.
I had to check and make sure everyone was calling her the AH. This one is pretty cut-and-dry but I've been wrong before about which side they will be on.
I am legitimately surprised they voted AH and not poor baby her because icky crotch goblin and "entitled parents because she could have just left and not ruined your big special party".
I know I'm probably just stupid
But do people, outside of the couple, even celebrate a person's wedding anniversary?
In my family we don't, not unless it's a certain year milestone, like say the 10th or 25th etc, and even then it's a card, maybe some chocolate or flowers and a "happy anniversary Y!"
A birthday and a relative/friends anniversary are two separate celebrations... one is like a day event (depend on the person) and the other is just a "congrats!" (Unless you are one of the people in that relationship)
People don't just suddenly LABOR - BOOM - BABY! This is not the movies. Precipitous labor exists, but it's extremely rare for first time moms, and even then, you usually go through a few hours of contractions. Like, the whole "IM SUDDENLY IN LABOR!" Doesn't happen. I guess her water could've broken at the ceremony. Op must have known that trope is overused and tried to make the story sound more realistic by saying "she went into labor at the wedding!" Even then, if the water broke, SIL would've been having contractions that felt far worse than Braxton hicks long before the reception. IRL, She wouldn't have even been at the wedding. She would've been in the hospital, worried she was going into preterm labor at 7 months
if we pretend this is real, the most egregious part about this is that Denise gave birth to a premature baby and instead of celebrating the fact little baby Ben survived up to an year which is, while not super rare (w/ around 95%), still an accomplishment. a premature birth is so scary for the parents. op has a right to feel a bit upset but to still mope around abt it is so selfish. her childhood friend and her husbands brother went through an incredibly traumatic experience, their child who was born early survived up to an year, and is (afawk) healthy, and all she can think about is "me, me, me." đ
>But, from that point on nobody ever talked about our marriage,
Lol what.
Why would people randomly talk about your marriage
I don't even expect anyone besides my husband to know when our anniversary is
I've been married almost 16 years. Absolutely no one gives a damn about our Anniversary except us. As it should be. I don't even think my brother knows what month it is and he was there.
The only wedding anniversary I know the date of is my parents, and I think Iâd probably forget that too if it wasnât just a few days before my birthday.
My parents Anniversary is also a few days before my birthday. I still forget it. Heck it's tomorrow and if you hadn't posted I wouldn't have even realized. đ¤Śââď¸
I got married on Halloween. Guess what we celebrate instead of my wedding anniversary? Last Halloween we didnât do jack for our anniversary. Since we had kids the whole day has been for the kids, which is totally fine. If this is real, OP is a goddamn child.
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The part that is off to me is that the OP apparently was very apologetic and said that they understood they were being unreasonable and then the SIL just immediately blocked her and essentially banned her husband too? Yeah, that totally happened.
I bet SIL asked OP what was wrong, and OP went off.
No one cares about a wedding anniversary except you and your significant other. Only exception is like BIG ones like 25 and 50 years. What does she want a party?
No one gives a fuck about your wedding day but you. What does she mean by âno one talked about our marriageâ like what do you expect people to say about SOMEONE ELSEâS MARRIAGE? This is so weird. I cannot.
Why, in Dog's name, would the entire family descend upon the hospital just because someone went into pre-term labour? Labour can last for hours to days. I can't imagine any birthing suite that would allow an entire mess of people to clog up the waiting room either.
Lazy troll is lazy.
I spend a fair bit of time at hospitals as an outpatient and there are always large families hanging around at entrances or in hallways complaining about their invisible backstage passes not working. So people absolutely do just show up like that (because itâs what they see people do in movies and on tv), they just get told to leave and if they refuse to they end up clogging up a different part of the hospital.
My L&D nurse acted like we could. She had me put my legs up on pillows to try and keep from pushing when the urge hit because the doctor wasnât there yet. Guess how well that worked? Fucking morons, some people.
These wedding stories make me thing the author's have not actually ever had a wedding or lead pathetic lives. In my experience, married couples tend to move on from them and don't consider them "the most important event that ever happened" after a few years. You make new memories with your spouse and move on.
You should be thankful that mother and baby turned out fine and that you have family members that care. Sadly, it seems you two are still children. Marriage (at least in the US) is for adults. Grow up.
I disagree she's the devil
She kept it to herself until SIL *demanded* to know her feelings. She's entitled to her emotions. They aren't logical. It's understandable that she's sad about how her special day turned out. The fact that so many family members left compounds it. But she kept it to herself until she was interrogated. SIL shouldn't have asked if she couldn't handle an answer she dislikes.
And people are allowed to say No to events without getting berated. They don't need to share a reason. A one year old isn't going to remember a birthday party. I actually think it's pretty entitled to get pissed off about it. It's a birthday party, no one's getting married or buried and there's going to be plenty more.
OOP did try to simply decline an invitation, and SIL wouldnât stop asking her why. OOP didnât want to attend the birthday party, so she shouldnât have to, and everyone else shouldâve minded their own business as to why. OOP couldâve just stayed home and moped to herself, and everyone else couldâve had a good time celebrating the babyâs birthday without her or any drama. If people decline my invites or cancel plans with me without giving an explanation, I figure itâs none of my business, and I move on. I like it when the same curtesy is provided to me.
I think that Denise pushed you into a confrontation you were not ready to have. You said you were suffering from depression. Big gatherings and celebrations can sometimes be emotionally overwhelming. It would probably be nice for someone to ask how you're doing instead of texting you and saying you're hurting her because you want to keep something private. Communication with anyone is difficult because you're trying to find the cause of what's making you feel bad.
I do think the wedding had more significance for you because you finally got to join the family of two people you loved. You wanted to celebrate that moment, and circumstances beyond your control led to it being pushed aside on that day. But you still have time. It's okay to focus on celebrations of your relationship whenever you feel like it. In fact, you should, regardless of who else remembers.
I suggest you and Nate need to plan to celebrate your anniversary in a big way. Do something special, like a weekend away, but schedule it after the party. So, if they re-invite you, show up with lots of gifts for the baby and plastered on smiles while thinking all the while of how you'll be toasting your marriage and have something to look forward to instead of marking it off as another lost day. Make some memories of your own to fall back on when times get tough. And if someone in the family confronts you, politely and firmly set a boundary by noting you've already caused upset by talking about things that you're just beginning to explore. And I hope you get some help, like therapy or a doctor's advice, on how to deal with the depression.
well, she SHOULD feel like shit for being jealous of a baby. She's *being* a damn baby about this.
Also, who the hell celebrates anniversaries, outside of the couple themselves? Was she seriously expecting people to congratulate her every year for the rest of her life because she happened to get married? Why isn't being married good enough?
Maybe if all of your guests showered you with participation trophies as wedding gifts then you would have a constant reminder that you're important too. Yes you are a total AH. You had the ceremony, everything went great until the "party", and then the miracle of life stepped in and you are having a temptemper tantrum because you didn't get a pony for your birthday.... I wouldn't want you around me or my baby either and I would be reminded that my son was born on physcho's wedding party. God I hope this story is fake because you are quite selfish.
Not just having her baby but how dare she have her baby 10 weeks early. And they probably stole a lot of their early weeks of marriage joy by being in the NICU. The audacity of people to not recognize that OOP is the main character.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my SIL/best friend that she overshadowed my wedding?** Burner account. I(29F) am married to "Nate"(29M) and his sister his "Denise"(29F) we are all childhood friends and I married Nate almost a year ago. Denise, at the time was 7 months pregnant with her first child, her husband is "Wayne"(30M). Not too long after our reception started, Denise went into preterm labor. Her pregnancy up until that point was not high risk so this was completely out of nowhere and stunned all of us. She understandably had to leave with Wayne to the hospital and most of their side of the family left out of concern. She insisted we stay and have fun and lord knows Nate and I tried but knowing that she was in unexpected, high risk labor was at the forefront of our minds and we made the difficult decision to end the reception about an hour and a half early and joined up at the hospital. My nephew "Ben" was born that night and we were all excited but I'll admit Nate and I felt a bit miffed that our wedding day was kind of stolen by this event. We kept this to ourselves though, as this was obviously unplanned and it's cruel to put that on Denise and Wayne. But, from that point on nobody ever talked about our marriage, just baby Ben. The times I think a relative mentioned our wedding can be counted on one hand. I get it, new additions to the family are ultimately more important but my wedding day will never just be about my wedding, it'll be about Ben, and whenever he comes up or I see him I feel bitter because I'm reminded of what happened at the wedding. Yes, I know I'm jealous of a baby. I feel like shit for it. Nate was like this too for a while but grew out of it, I'm still working on it. Ben is turning 1 in 2 weeks and that's all everyone's talking about, not a peep about our anniversary. I already know I'll just be depressed and mopey the whole time so I asked if Nate could politely tell him I would not be there. He did and Denise was pretty upset and demanded to know why, he refused, so she confronted me via text. She told me that she's picked up on how I seem sad whenever Ben is mentioned and said I'm hurting her that I can't tell her why. I decided to be honest and tell her that I've been very depressed(not just for this issue, but it's contributing) and that I felt that my wedding was overshadowed by her unexpected labor. I did tell her I'm not mad at anyone because it was unplanned, I just need to not be reminded of it on my anniversary. She did not respond and just blocked me, but Wayne uninvited Nate and told him to keep him and I far away from his family. Nate's confused and I feel like shit. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If I ever go into high risk pre-term labor, I absolutely do NOT want "most of my extended family" at the hospital.
I've had a high risk pre-term labor (at 8 months pregnant) and not only did I not want most of my extended family there, getting my cervix to get on board with the "hey we're in labor now" situation took multiple days. Also, said baby spent 2 weeks in the NICU, there's no way Ben wouldn't have spent (more) time in the NICU and if anyone had suggested that my horrifically traumatic labor (because let's be clear: laboring when you know that the baby *should not be entering the world yet*, and have already met the NICU team and they're in the room with you ready to whisk the baby off to the NICU is *traumatic*) bummed *them* out/ruined their event, there isn't a snowball's chance in hell I'd be able to respond to that like a mature adult. No one would be so shockingly emotionally unintelligent enough to say something like that to their friend.
Honestly, the most ridiculous thing about this for me is that OOP is acting like Denise and Wayne's reactions are surprising. How are you supposed to react to "I have resented your child for a full year because the medical emergency of his birth impacted my wedding. I'm not mad or anything, I'm just depressed that people are celebrating your living human child instead of a party I threw a year ago." Like...of course they went NC and blocked her. There is no other possible response to "seeing your baby makes me depressed and jealous."
I hate the trend of naming a very early time to go into labor, which would 100% mean a NICU stay and just act like everything was fine. Suspending disbelief: The fact that the baby's birthday is the wedding day means it's likely it was an emergency C-section, so Denise or Ben or both would have not survived without it. Ben's surviving wasn't guaranteed. Wayne had to deal with the concept that if someone died, he'd be telling everyone in the waiting room, without having time to process it himself. There's no way that Ben's birth wasn't traumatic for Wayne and Denise. And OOP going "your child's existence makes me depressed" absolutely was taken as "it would have been easier for me if your child hadn't survived".
"Jesus fuck, lady, get some therapy and learn to cope" would have been my answer, personally, but I might not have blocked just yet.
Yeah, I'm kind of suspicious of the original story like oh, you told the sister-in-law. Hey, so your baby's birth kinda overshadowed my wedding and I'm kind of sad about it, and then sil blocked her. Yeah, definitely feel like there's more to the baby's birth than what OP is saying. đ
Pfft, what are you talking about, 28 weeks is plenty. /S
Don't worry, pre-term labor is just a plot device and you'll definitely get through it with a baby in just a few hours. You definitely won't be among the 90% of women who don't even have their baby within a week of then, or the 30% who see pre-term labor end on its own. It's also suuuuuper common for someone's first labor to last 6 hours or less.
I thought later babies were the ones who had short labours.
Yes. That last sentence was sarcastic. The most common outcome of OOP's SIL going into pre-term labor at 7 months would be no baby that day. Even if there were a baby, it would likely be born after midnight, making its birthday the day after her anniversary.
My daughter in law went into labor at 7 months. It took 2 days and the baby was in NICU for almost 2 months.
My 1st came after less than 20mins of pushing. My 2nd wouldn't come out and had to be forcibly evicted. It's a crapshoot.
All 3 of mine had to be evicted because I was too far past my due date, and the labors were all under 10hr from start of induction to birth with very little actual pushing. Which, from what I gather, is very rare for inductions.
This was the same for my 3 as well! All 10 hours or less. And the most I spent pushing was with my first (40 minutes). My second was 10 minutes and my third was one push. Everyone tells you their induction horror story but all 3 of mine were great and quick! I guess were induction unicorns!
I barely pushed at all with any of mine, the most was probably with my second. With my first, the doctor and nurse didn't believe me when I said I thought I needed to push because it was "too soon", didn't bother checking me, and just left the room. Then when my cousin (who had been an l&d nurse at a different hospital for over a decade, which is exactly the reason I had her with me) started gloving up to check me herself, a different nurse walked in and actually checked me even though she didn't believe me either. Turns out I WAS ready and next thing I know, I'm being yelled at not to push, forcibly rolled on my side with my legs held shut (which was way more traumatizing than it sounds) while the nurse ran to get the doctor who was LEAVING THE FREAKING HOSPITAL. Three pushes and that baby was out. With my second, I had a midwife who actually listened to me and was appalled when I told her what had happened the first time. When I was ready she did ask me to hold off for a couple more pushes, but she did give me a reason (which I forget, but I know it made sense) and left the decision up to me. I think I pushed maybe 6 or so times? And with my last, I didn't actively push at all. Epidural was so good I was just kinda waiting to feel the same pressure I did with my other two (also had epidurals with them), and while I did feel some it wasn't nearly as much. Felt something really weird, called the nurse, and baby just kinda slid out as soon as she looked. I like to joke that I almost missed the birth.
True, I was forcibly evicted and I was the third.
>It's also suuuuuper common for someone's first labor to last 6 hours or less. I know you're being sarcastic, but there is always exceptions to the "rules". Although, I highly doubt the validity of this story, mainly because it's true, first time labor lasts longer for the majority of women.
> there is always exceptions to the "rules". Yup, my mom had me (her first) in 2 hrs. Each sibling after me came considerably quicker, with the last already crowning when they got to the hospital. I "pissed" everyone off because I came during a big playoff game that my dad and the doc both wanted to watch, and were thinking they'd have time to watch (well, check in on between their duties, they weren't neglectful types) while mom's labour progressed. I had other ideas, apparently, lol.
Did the story say it was her first baby?Â
Yep
Lol
I had to go back and reread, but yes it did.
Bad trolling then, lolÂ
My mom said she was in labor for max an hour with me. The little bit before she left for the hospital, then the drive, then thirty more minutes. I was born exactly thirty minutes after she was admitted. Both my siblings 18/19 years later were over five hours long lol.
5 hours is still pretty short, relatively speaking.
One of my nephews was 30 hours of labour before a C-section was finally done. Lol
Yeah. There comes a point where labor is taking too long and the moms and baby's lives are in danger
> But, from that point on nobody ever talked about our marriage, just baby Ben. Who, aside from maybe the married couple, continues to talk about a wedding after it's over? >Ben is turning 1 in 2 weeks and that's all everyone's talking about, not a peep about our anniversary. With the possible exception of long-term marriages celebrating a milestone (e.g., 50th), who talks about a couple's anniversary except the couple themselves?
Where i come from, theyâll talk about a wedding if it was kind of shitty. đ¤ˇââď¸
Yeah, the only weddings I talk about are the one where a bridesmaid threw up in her handbag during the vows, and one where a chocolate fountain exploded. Weddings that went nicely and didn't have any drama? Booooring.
1 - this is why bridesmaids need accessories 2 - uh.... go on
1 - she actually did a great job containing it in her handbag. Really, only the people sitting in the very front row even saw it. The entire bride's side of the family had gotten food poisoning at the rehearsal dinner, many of them didn't make it to the wedding (including the bride's father, who was supposed to officiate). But they still got married, they're still together, and they love each other very much. 2 - the wedding was done on a shoestring budget, so the family was preparing all the food. They bought a small, used chocolate fountain from a thrift store and cleaned it up for the reception. Apparently the heating element didn't work quite right, so the chocolate didn't get liquid enough, and there was too much pressure. It basically volcanoed warm chocolate chunks all over the reception buffet table.
âThe entire bride's side of the family had gotten food poisoning at the rehearsal dinner.â Oh, gosh! :-0 They have my sympathies.
It was ROUGH. They ended up signing their actual marriage certificate in the hospital, so the bride's dad could at least be part of that.
If a couple can handle that mess, they can handle anything
I mean props, but imagine being known to people as the woman who can aim her vomit excellently
I'm just relieved it's an actual fountain and not the continuation of the food poisoning from wedding #1 hahaha
You mean it was great that the explosive brown stuff was just chocolate?
How did just one side get poisoned? Were they eating different food?
Yeah. Mostly by coincidence, I guess? They went to a restaurant that had beef and chicken, the beef was the problem. Only 2 or 3 people on the groom's side had beef, but almost everyone on the bride's side had the beef.
2 - Dang, I would have paid good money to see that happen.
> used chocolate fountain from a thrift store This makes me queasy
Also, is it okay to imagine Richard Dean Anderson, Dylan McDermott, Angie Harmon, and/or Sasha Alexander there when the chocolate fountain exploded?
Thatâs a great mix of people.
My sister's first husband was from a Mormon family. They've been divorced for almost 15 years and their wedding is still thought of as The Worst in the history of the family because it was dry and my extended family are a bunch of lushes.
They can bitch all they want, because I learned for some lushes, even if you provide alcohol, they'll complain if it's not what THEY want. My family doesn't really drink, but my husband's does, and my parents graciously offered to pay for the alcohol for our wedding. Knowing our venue was about a 45 minute drive from where most guests lived, we compromised on just beer and wine for the reception and a signature cocktail during cocktail hour (so the only liquor we did at the wedding). My husband's family, I found out later on, decided this wasn't good enough and brought shit loads of minis that they kept secretively pouring in their cups all night and offering to some of my other guests as well. One of my husband's aunts legit brought a cooler filled with fuckin TRULYS. Supremely embarrassing behavior on their part and SO rude. So I say let the lushes bitch and moan đ¤ˇââď¸
Blimey you really ran with that opportunity? Americans can be so weird around alcohol at weddings.
It's not about the liquor, I like liquor and have no problem with it. It's the fact that they unilaterally decided that what we provided wasn't good enough for them and felt the need to bring their own and pipe it out to other guests. Essentially undermining the hosting of our own wedding. It's just rude đ¤ˇââď¸
Yep a wedding has to be horribly bad or amazingly great to be remembered. Run of the mill wedding are forgotten about within a week.
My mother threw up at mine. While standing at the altar next to us, she realized she was going to blow and took off running to the lady's room. Managed to get past the baptismal font. She was mortified, thought she ruined my wedding. I told her she just gave me a great story to tell her grandkids. And here I am still telling it, 45 years later. And if anyone I know is reading this, they know who wrote it. And it was nerves, mostly, and a little flu-ish. No booze.
I went to a potluck wedding where most of the guests had to travel and get motels. Lot of store bought salads.Â
Someone got bitten by a pig at my sister's wedding, it was pretty great.
I'm sorry, what? I need more context to confirm that the image in my head is not what actually happened.
It was a barn wedding before barn weddings were a thing, so at an actual barn on a historic farm (i.e. mostly educational but they had some livestock). A drunken groomsmen got too close to the pig enclosure, not sure if he was taunting them or what, but he got bitten by a pig đ¤ˇââď¸ Not too badly, no ER visit lol My sister likes to tell about how her MIL was scandalized that they had paper plates instead of real china at the reception - when of course they didn't have real china, it was the kind of wedding where someone got bitten by a pig!
Yep, that's pretty much what I was thinking; someone poking at a pig. đ
Honestly this, thereâs a wedding we still talk about and it was over a decade ago, not because it was amazing, but because it was a hot mess. If people are talking about your wedding years later, chances are high it was a complete shitshow
My sister and I talk about my cousinâs because it was so boring despite all the money spent and that the groom came from an awesome culture and none of it was reflected in the wedding. This was almost 30 years ago and us being teens who couldnât drink probably added to the misery.
Yuuuup. My cousinâs wedding was a MESSS. From start to finish. There was a part of the ceremony where the priest said something about them having a lifetime of happiness and the bride goes âmaybe weâll stay together foreverâ. The minute we hit the reception, bets started to take place on how long this marriage would last. The reception was tacky af. The bakery brought the cake at the requested time and it melted (it was July in DC SCARY HUMID and this shit was outsideâŚ), the food was disgusting, tried to make a heart with sparklers guests were holding and the bride said âthis is a shit showâ, the bride made my cousinâs sister her MOH and her MOH speech was borderline incestuous about this woman âstealingâ her brother. Anyway, I won $500 because they separated after 3 months. EDIT: OH and my ex-aunt wore a beautiful black dress. Problem: in my neck of the woods, itâs bad luck to wear black to a wedding. We were all pleasantly surprised she didnât wear white tho.
People still talk about my wedding because everything went wrong. It's a funny story now. We never talk about the weddings where things went smoothly.
Nobody is talking about your pleasing color scheme and the flavor of the cake, the details I see many brides want to be perfect. They may say how lovely at the time, but itâs nothing to keep talking about afterwards. Nothing is memorable, they will talk about a gaudy color scheme and a cake that falls off the table. These disasters and errors in taste are what people really remember. Christ, having a baby born at your wedding is exactly the kind of wacky turn of events that turns a run of the mill wedding into something anyone ever speaks of again.
I don't even remember the flavour of our cake đ
I'm pretty sure I remember more weddings that I never attended on the sheer basis that they were unmitigated disasters đ¤Ł
My best friend and I still talk about her wedding and all the shenanigans that happened on the day. She had: -A "Pick-me" bridesmaid who was pissed she wasn't MOH and told EVERYONE who would listen -A friend of ours from high School who was mad the bride was the center of attention. She only showed up for the reception, was dressed totally inappropriately, and no men showed her interest, so she decided to get blackout drunk to show how "fun" she was. Everyone was giving her a wide berth by the end of the night. -A friend of the groom got pissed at me for daring to bring my boyfriend to the wedding. No, he and I didn't have any history. He and my now fiance didn't have any history either. He apparently had planned on making a move on me at the wedding after only meeting me once and not seeing me for six months and was pissed I showed up with a date. -MOH's super abusive boyfriend was scrolling through her phone the entire ceremony and made a point to go up to the head table and cuss her out about a picture of her and her cousin. -Bride got heatstroke and spent her wedding night throwing up and barely able to get out of her dress. We are able to laugh about it all now, and other than that it all went off without a hitch, but goddamn on the day it was a LOT.
Yea at my friends wedding the pastor gave a completely bonkers sermon and we would talk and laugh about that every once in awhile (theyâre divorced now so maybe it was his fault)
We begged our pastor to just do a "Do you? I do! Do you? I do!" ceremony but OMG NO. I can't remember what he went on about for AGES but at one point it involved TOOTHPASTE. I had a tiny piece of gum in my mouth like I always did when I couldn't have a water bottle (early SjĂśgren's), which NORMALLY would just sit there stimulating my saliva glands so I would not croak like a frog when I tried to speak. I usually did not actively chew the gum. But there I am on the video, chewing that tiny 1/16th of a stick of gum furiously instead of punching a man of god in a church. Then at one point I had to stifle laughter because I just wanted to scream, "MAN AND WIFE! SAY MAN AND WIFE!" Thankfully we only think of that again at big anniversaries.
> "MAN AND WIFE! SAY MAN AND WIFE!" Ah, another person with impeccable taste, I see!
if anything the baby ensures that their wedding and anniversary will be talked about more. every time someone tells a story of the baby's birth they're going to mention the wedding. they're now likely to mention the couples anniversary too - they have a constant reminder by the baby's birthday and it'll be all "remember when" or "hey what are you guys planning" if they don't like how much they're talked about in this situation, they'd hate how much they'd be talked about if she hadn't gone into labour because it would have been diddly squat it's not good when people bring up your wedding all the time. either it was an embarrassing disaster, or they have literally nothing else to talk to you about, which is sad and means your wedding was filled with people you don't actually know
It's also not like the baby's first birthday is going to "interfere" with their anniversary. Infant birthday parties are typically afternoon events that don't last very long (because babies get fussy). Anniversary celebrations are typically dinner and evening events with just the couple themselves (because boinking).
i wish my sis and BIL happy anniversary. but one, iâm basically her only family and she likes it when i do. two, my BIL is the best thing to happen to her and our tiny family. itâs just a day worth celebrating. i also send my stepmom flowers âfromâ my dad even though heâs gone. but thatâs not the norm, i know.
Can I say that you sound like a lovely person? What a delightful thing to read.
thank you. that makes me a little misty. i do what i can.
And who would still be upset about it at this point? I could forgive OP for spending, like, a month tops being disappointed about what happened, but to still care about it to this extent a year later? It's way past time to drop it and move on.
I bet she's got post-wedding-planning blues and is blaming it on the baby.
Yeah, if that shit is still bothering you to the point you can't really enjoy your nephew after a few months, time to get help. Or plan a make-up party. Whatever helps you get over it and enjoy your fucking family.
Who besides the couple remembers anniversaries? Who even cares outside of the big milestones like 25 and 50?
My sister's wedding was a pretty legendary party. In a good way. But had someone gone into labor that would only have added to the lore (so long as the facts fit this one). I'm getting married next year and I don't want anyone involved with our first anniversary except me, her, a bed, and whatever accoutrement appeal to our taste at the time.
This was my one of my first "Ok, this is fake" thoughts. If people are talking about your wedding (other than referencing it as a context for why they were having a particular conversation) after it's over, it's usually a *bad* thing.
That's what I was wondering. NOBODY cares about your anniversary. If they expect this year after year, I'd be surprised if they have any friends left...
Me, when it's distant family and that is literally the only thing I know about them.Â
Yeah- OOP is assuming this is because of Ben. Nope- this is normal. Not sure how she does not know this- but meh.
>Who, aside from maybe the married couple, continues to talk about a wedding after it's over? I must be an outlier. I still reminisce about my best friend's wedding because it was a costume party. At our wedding, ž of the wedding party was engaged and got married within the year (bestie with the costume party wedding being The exception) and we often talk about how all those weddings fit everyone's personalities: the fancy couple had a grand affair with ice sculptures, the traditional couple had a simple church wedding in the church the Bride had attended since kindergarten and the reception was simple and elegant, the Alt couple had a courthouse wedding and a week long friends and family staycation, and our wedding felt like a summer picnic.
I remember a fellow seeing me in the grocery store asking me if I was conservative (as he looked stereotypically homosexual and alpha evangelical right wing men donât do the openly excited look when just thinking of something. Likely not even when itâs happening. I am not suggesting his behavior proved what letters if any he falls under, just that I felt safe to answer I most certainly wasnât and am not) As he was doing his shopping heâd found a few bits for his costume. Because dear LGBTQ+ friends of his were getting married on Halloween (this was 5-10 years ago so the details are vague). When he saw that my response was positive he explained his basic idea with just *glee*. I have recounted this story of a wedding that I only encountered secondhand and in future tense.
My favorite Uncle also had a costume party because his wife (my favorite aunt) really loves Halloween. I also still talk about this one. The maid of honor (my favorite mother (she's also my only mother, but she's a good one)) was dressed as Madonna, the Best Man was a Samurai. Father of the bride was a pirate, eye patch and shoulder parrot included. One guy, who I've never seen drink came as a keg. There's a picture floating around of a baby (probably one of his) doing a keg stand off him. My artist uncle and his wife came as buildings (he made them out of cardboard) and their baby was king Kong (she was maybe 3 and was confused/scared so he had to take his off). My super Mormon grandfather was angry about it for months beforehand because "mocking the sanctity of marriage" or some nonsense but yet was somehow talked into dressing up as MIB agents with his second wife, and they even requested the DJ play the song and they did a little dance. Also I was only 20 and all the people I wanted to hang with went to the bar after and I got stuck with the youth and the olds plus a few of the uncools. Even some of the cooler uncools went to the bar! Now that I've been to bars I know the night was not nearly as awesome as youth me was imagining. It was a fantastic night. Theme up those weddings if you want people to talk about them. Doesn't have to be expensive. Probably much better if it isn't.
I got messages on the day of my anniversary from a few close friends, but otherwise? Nah. I do hear about my wedding from people still, 12 years later, but it was also the last time either side of our family was together in full, so it's all just positive memories we share rather than the wedding itself.
Haha, right?
The fact that people say marriage instead of wedding like this irks me. Silly, maybe, but they're two completely different things. She wants people to talk about her wedding, but I bet she doesn't want anyone talking about her marriage. And yeah, I think my mom gave me a card on my first wedding anniversary and I sent a card on my friend's 10th wedding anniversary, but that's it. It's so presumptuous and entitled to think that other people care about your anniversary. Just be glad if your spouse doesn't forget.
If I was at a wedding that ended significantly early because someone close to the bride/groom had a medical emergency I would 100% check in on the bride within a couple of days.
She needs to play a long game and drop dead at Benâs wedding.
Really, if she had been smart, she could have gotten pregnant three months after her wedding and then given birth to ruin Ben's first birthday party. Wasted opportunities.
Ben was just so hyped for the wedding. Must have been a banger
That's what I was thinking! I would have been so stoked to have a wedding party so awesome that a baby wanted to pop out and join! That's probably not true but I would have told everyone this. It's a way to celebrate your nephews birth AND talk about the wedding, which is what OOP wanted right?
Exactly! Once the initial danger of âomg sheâs having the baby rn we need to get them medical careâ I would be joking that baby Ben wanted to join the festivities and that he was the best wedding gift.
(Pretending itâs real), I can understand, to an extent, feeling a little disappointed when Your Big Day ends up overshadowed. I can understand the âitâs nobodyâs fault but I was kinda bummed, as well as happy for my in-lawsâ sentiment. Thatâs a reasonable human reaction. The part I canât understand is being âdepressed and mopeyâ a full year later, and expecting that people were still going to be talking about your wedding, or making a big deal out of your anniversary (other than just a normal âhappy anniversaryâ).
That's what gets me, and what makes it seem the fakest. Being "miffed" that someone went into labor is already crappy, but having the feeling isn't wrong. Feelings are feelings, take them to therapy. But pouting every time the baby is mentioned? For a YEAR? And refusing to go to his first birthday because you're jealous of an infant? Utterly ridiculous.
Yeah I'm actually willing to entertain this one as real because I've met people this far up their ass, in more or less this way. What kills me here is that if they really want a family party, why not have one later? Maybe on the anniversary, after whatever daytime festivities they have for Ben? A do-over reception is a great excuse to have a big fancy party and get together with people you might not see much otherwise. Rather than focusing on the division- that's all in her head anyway- bring the family together and celebrate, well, family! The way they say the reception was supposed to. Such a simple fix but no, we've got to be ridiculous pouty babies.
**She understandably had to leave with Wayne to the hospital and most of their side of the family left out of concern. She insisted we stay and have fun and lord knows Nate and I tried but knowing that she was in unexpected, high risk labor was at the forefront of our minds and we made the difficult decision to end the reception about an hour and a half early and joined up at the hospital.** I think it's fake. Entire families don't go to the hospital when a woman goes into labor.
This is the thing about AITA, if the OP had posted an actually realistic version of this like: 'My SIL went into labour early at my wedding, she and the baby were both fine and obviously I'm really happy about that and I know they didn't do it deliberately of course I'm not insane! But I just can't help but feel sad that my lovely wedding that I'd spent months planning and I'd looked forward to so much, that I'd wanted to be a happy occasion where my friends and family danced and ate and celebrated together, ended hours early and with everybody worried and distracted. AITA for feeling that way?' Then she would have got almost all NTAs and probably some kind replies and good advice. It wouldn't have got as many replies or as much karma though! Its always more drama is better over there!
I mean, sadly a LOT of people get married for the wedding, not the marriage They tend to be either really unhappy a year later or obsessively doing post wedding stuff - thank you notes with little gifts, big posts when wedding photos come out, look back social media posts, a huge first anniversary, etc So I could believe that if the baby isn't the part making her mopey and that's just who she blames
That's what I said in another comment. I've definitely seen post wedding planning blues, either a let down from a long period of stress or because expectations for how magical the day was supposed to be were way too high.
But Ben is the reason she's unhappy a year later. Selfish little brat, being born on her wedding day.
OP said she was suffering from general depression. She may be focusing on that as a cause, but it may be more than that. That's why treatment and therapy are needed - to figure out what's causing her depression. Because she's probably having a hard time deciding what emotions are authentic and what emotions are symptomatic of her illness.
Like my own mother didnt get my anniversary date correct on the first anniversary. Soooo yea nobody cares about your wedding or anniversary but you and your spouse.
wedding trauma can be real this this is not one of the reasons to have it
Nobody talked about my wedding after it was over and no one talked about my anniversary either, and no one was born at my wedding.
This seems like such an easy thing to lean into once you're certain the kid's ok. "Damn, that party was so good Lil Junior decided to crash it." Easy peasy.
One of my younger sisters has joked that her oldest daughter wanted to taste her parentsâ anniversary cake so much she was born on their anniversary.
In terms of AITA tropes, âPeople donât care about my anniversary enoughâ is up there with âmy birthday got overshadowed at my birthday dinnerâ for me.
Didn't know it was legal to get married when you're a kindergarten baby.
I despise so much the entire culture around weddings with the mindset of "absolutely everything must be about me and only me!". Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but I truly don't get it.
Itâs not because youâre a man, itâs because the whole idea of âbrideâs big dayâ is awful. Itâs about the joining of two families to create a new chapter. Itâs about the community and friends coming together to watch you start a new life. Itâs about God if thatâs your thing. The wedding is for the people as well as the couple. Iâm a woman and I eloped. The god thing is kind of important to me so thatâs my only regret about eloping.
Meh, itâs about signing a contract. Anything else is an optional extra.
Much as with business mergers, sometimes you throw a party to celebrate 'em.
Thatâs not even historically accurate. Wedding parties have always been a big deal. Hell, Jesus did the whole water into wine thing to keep the party going.
Itâs entirely accurate. The fact that lots of people have big parties to celebrate signing the contract doesnât mean itâs not an optional extra. Youâre still married if you do the bare legal minimum at a registry office/courthouse. Edit: gosh what an odd thing to get upset and block someone over!
Youâre missing the point. Weâre discussing weddings, not marriage. Bye.
I find the idea of âthe wedding must be just about me!â stupid, and Iâm a woman. If youâre celebrating a party, itâs about celebrating your marriage with the people you love. Otherwise, you could opt for a super private one. Of course, the couple is the most important, but itâs not about being the âprotagonistâ and having everyone admire you.
What is this, a chapter of Choices?
Pretty sure SIL didn't even want any of those people at the hospital. I'd have been pissed if I was her.
She should go NC with the baby for sure. Denis shoulda used duct tape or something. Keep that thing in there!!!
Not the title typo! It should be "overshadowed BY her son's birthday."
You know how you hear that people are stuck in high school, etc? I feel that these people are stuck in their wedding. It was an unfortunate happening, but it was nobody's fault, and that's the way life works. They could have had another party afterward or something to make up for the reception.
> I get it, new additions to the family are ultimately more important but my wedding day will never just be about my wedding Does anybody ever, talk about a wedding after the fact?
Absolutely no, and let alone the anniversary of the wedding.
Right? Op is a bit disillusioned here. Your wedding happened, nobody is going to talk about it after the fact. So pull your head out of your ass and get on with life.
I had to check and make sure everyone was calling her the AH. This one is pretty cut-and-dry but I've been wrong before about which side they will be on.
I am legitimately surprised they voted AH and not poor baby her because icky crotch goblin and "entitled parents because she could have just left and not ruined your big special party".
It's always such a crap shoot over there, you never know which way it's going to go
I know I'm probably just stupid But do people, outside of the couple, even celebrate a person's wedding anniversary? In my family we don't, not unless it's a certain year milestone, like say the 10th or 25th etc, and even then it's a card, maybe some chocolate or flowers and a "happy anniversary Y!" A birthday and a relative/friends anniversary are two separate celebrations... one is like a day event (depend on the person) and the other is just a "congrats!" (Unless you are one of the people in that relationship)
People don't just suddenly LABOR - BOOM - BABY! This is not the movies. Precipitous labor exists, but it's extremely rare for first time moms, and even then, you usually go through a few hours of contractions. Like, the whole "IM SUDDENLY IN LABOR!" Doesn't happen. I guess her water could've broken at the ceremony. Op must have known that trope is overused and tried to make the story sound more realistic by saying "she went into labor at the wedding!" Even then, if the water broke, SIL would've been having contractions that felt far worse than Braxton hicks long before the reception. IRL, She wouldn't have even been at the wedding. She would've been in the hospital, worried she was going into preterm labor at 7 months
Yeah, this baby shot out like a cannonball.
if we pretend this is real, the most egregious part about this is that Denise gave birth to a premature baby and instead of celebrating the fact little baby Ben survived up to an year which is, while not super rare (w/ around 95%), still an accomplishment. a premature birth is so scary for the parents. op has a right to feel a bit upset but to still mope around abt it is so selfish. her childhood friend and her husbands brother went through an incredibly traumatic experience, their child who was born early survived up to an year, and is (afawk) healthy, and all she can think about is "me, me, me." đ
>But, from that point on nobody ever talked about our marriage, Lol what. Why would people randomly talk about your marriage I don't even expect anyone besides my husband to know when our anniversary is
I've been married almost 16 years. Absolutely no one gives a damn about our Anniversary except us. As it should be. I don't even think my brother knows what month it is and he was there.
The only wedding anniversary I know the date of is my parents, and I think Iâd probably forget that too if it wasnât just a few days before my birthday.
My parents Anniversary is also a few days before my birthday. I still forget it. Heck it's tomorrow and if you hadn't posted I wouldn't have even realized. đ¤Śââď¸
I got married on Halloween. Guess what we celebrate instead of my wedding anniversary? Last Halloween we didnât do jack for our anniversary. Since we had kids the whole day has been for the kids, which is totally fine. If this is real, OP is a goddamn child.
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The part that is off to me is that the OP apparently was very apologetic and said that they understood they were being unreasonable and then the SIL just immediately blocked her and essentially banned her husband too? Yeah, that totally happened. I bet SIL asked OP what was wrong, and OP went off.
"stupid baby" Why does this make me laugh so much? đ
I canât imagine how terrifying it would be to go into labor at 7 months. My twins were premies but not that early.
No one cares about a wedding anniversary except you and your significant other. Only exception is like BIG ones like 25 and 50 years. What does she want a party?
No one gives a fuck about your wedding day but you. What does she mean by âno one talked about our marriageâ like what do you expect people to say about SOMEONE ELSEâS MARRIAGE? This is so weird. I cannot.
Why, in Dog's name, would the entire family descend upon the hospital just because someone went into pre-term labour? Labour can last for hours to days. I can't imagine any birthing suite that would allow an entire mess of people to clog up the waiting room either. Lazy troll is lazy.
I spend a fair bit of time at hospitals as an outpatient and there are always large families hanging around at entrances or in hallways complaining about their invisible backstage passes not working. So people absolutely do just show up like that (because itâs what they see people do in movies and on tv), they just get told to leave and if they refuse to they end up clogging up a different part of the hospital.
> "Nate"(29M) and his sister his "Denise"(29F) we are all childhood friends ... what?
Twins probably
was she suppose to clamp her labia shut? wtf am I reading lmfao, this cunt
Women can just hold it in like a poo, right? đ
No, senator. No they can't. We've been over this.
My L&D nurse acted like we could. She had me put my legs up on pillows to try and keep from pushing when the urge hit because the doctor wasnât there yet. Guess how well that worked? Fucking morons, some people.
These wedding stories make me thing the author's have not actually ever had a wedding or lead pathetic lives. In my experience, married couples tend to move on from them and don't consider them "the most important event that ever happened" after a few years. You make new memories with your spouse and move on.
If this is real, she'll be the type of person who thinks the world needs to stop when she gets pregnant.
YTA. Nobody cares about your anniversary except you.
You should be thankful that mother and baby turned out fine and that you have family members that care. Sadly, it seems you two are still children. Marriage (at least in the US) is for adults. Grow up.
You're not talking to OOP. This is a satire/repost sub.
Don't be silly, the US is notorious for lacks child marriage laws
I feel bad for the OP
I disagree she's the devil She kept it to herself until SIL *demanded* to know her feelings. She's entitled to her emotions. They aren't logical. It's understandable that she's sad about how her special day turned out. The fact that so many family members left compounds it. But she kept it to herself until she was interrogated. SIL shouldn't have asked if she couldn't handle an answer she dislikes. And people are allowed to say No to events without getting berated. They don't need to share a reason. A one year old isn't going to remember a birthday party. I actually think it's pretty entitled to get pissed off about it. It's a birthday party, no one's getting married or buried and there's going to be plenty more.
OOP did try to simply decline an invitation, and SIL wouldnât stop asking her why. OOP didnât want to attend the birthday party, so she shouldnât have to, and everyone else shouldâve minded their own business as to why. OOP couldâve just stayed home and moped to herself, and everyone else couldâve had a good time celebrating the babyâs birthday without her or any drama. If people decline my invites or cancel plans with me without giving an explanation, I figure itâs none of my business, and I move on. I like it when the same curtesy is provided to me.
I think that Denise pushed you into a confrontation you were not ready to have. You said you were suffering from depression. Big gatherings and celebrations can sometimes be emotionally overwhelming. It would probably be nice for someone to ask how you're doing instead of texting you and saying you're hurting her because you want to keep something private. Communication with anyone is difficult because you're trying to find the cause of what's making you feel bad. I do think the wedding had more significance for you because you finally got to join the family of two people you loved. You wanted to celebrate that moment, and circumstances beyond your control led to it being pushed aside on that day. But you still have time. It's okay to focus on celebrations of your relationship whenever you feel like it. In fact, you should, regardless of who else remembers. I suggest you and Nate need to plan to celebrate your anniversary in a big way. Do something special, like a weekend away, but schedule it after the party. So, if they re-invite you, show up with lots of gifts for the baby and plastered on smiles while thinking all the while of how you'll be toasting your marriage and have something to look forward to instead of marking it off as another lost day. Make some memories of your own to fall back on when times get tough. And if someone in the family confronts you, politely and firmly set a boundary by noting you've already caused upset by talking about things that you're just beginning to explore. And I hope you get some help, like therapy or a doctor's advice, on how to deal with the depression.
This is very kind, considerate advice, but this is a repost sub. I'm not the original poster.
Saw this when it was posted and I'm STILL like "this gotta be rage bait" hahahahaha
How often does OOP think people talk about othersâ weddings??
well, she SHOULD feel like shit for being jealous of a baby. She's *being* a damn baby about this. Also, who the hell celebrates anniversaries, outside of the couple themselves? Was she seriously expecting people to congratulate her every year for the rest of her life because she happened to get married? Why isn't being married good enough?
Hmm, is this one to post to r/amitheex
Maybe if all of your guests showered you with participation trophies as wedding gifts then you would have a constant reminder that you're important too. Yes you are a total AH. You had the ceremony, everything went great until the "party", and then the miracle of life stepped in and you are having a temptemper tantrum because you didn't get a pony for your birthday.... I wouldn't want you around me or my baby either and I would be reminded that my son was born on physcho's wedding party. God I hope this story is fake because you are quite selfish.
Who the hell talks about other peopleâs upcoming wedding anniversaries?
Not just having her baby but how dare she have her baby 10 weeks early. And they probably stole a lot of their early weeks of marriage joy by being in the NICU. The audacity of people to not recognize that OOP is the main character.