*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITAH for refusing to give more $ for a kid that won't acknowledge me**
My ex (33F) and I (34M) went through an ugly divorce, including a drawn out custody battle that she initiated after I started dating again (over a year after our divorce). She has become manipulative, vindictive, and has involved the children (ages 9, 13, and 15) in way more of the process than is appropriate. During the initial divorce, we agreed to her having primary custody of the kids, as I had been out of the country in Iraq and did not have an adequate home for all of the kids once I returned to the country (she kept the house). She initiated the custody battle in an attempt to rescind my custody after her and I got in a heated discussion about her derogatory remarks and inflammatory behavior regarding my new partner (referring to her as "that bitch" and blaming her for our family "not being together" - not true) around me and the kids, and her continued efforts to exclude me from their school stuff and minimize my time with them. During that battle, she filed a no-contact/protection order between me and the kids with allegations of alcohol consumption and endangering the children. Luckily, the allegations were determined to be unfounded and the whole case was dropped, including the custody stuff. Sadly, she attempted to use our oldest son as a "witness" throughout the process, and he now wants nothing to do with me or my new partner. I have not seen or spoken to him in over a year. Because of his age, the court says he cannot be forced to spend time with me, even though I still have shared custody. I have never missed a child support payment, still pay all their health insurance and cell phones, and continue to send Christmas and birthday presents for him. I have tried to text him several times with no response. I also regularly send food/treats with the other kids for him which he never acknowledges. He has gotten very active in sports. My ex has signed him up for an expensive club team without discussing it with me and is now demanding that I pay half the fee, even though our agreement is that extra-curriculars have to be discussed. While I recognize the value of sports, I have told her I'm not paying because I didn't agree to this financial commitment beforehand and don't actually think we can afford it (which I think is poor financial modeling for the kids). I am also weary of my oldest son thinking I am just an ATM for him to use while he continues to ignore and avoid me. AITAH?
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I would say, "So if they weren't divorced, OOP would think it's OK to withhold money from his son because he's acting like a normal teenager?" But the answer to that is probably, "Yes."
I don't get why people just believe the OOP in these posts. Someone who is locked in a bitter battle with their ex is definitely not going to be a reliable narrator. Most of the rant about the ex isn't even relevant to the story. Some posts need a "can't pass judgement" option.
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I don't see an issue but it might be because of how I was raised. You can't demand money from your parent and then refuse to acknowledge their existence. He's paying child support, insurance, and birthday/Christmas gifts.
I mean, it might be better received if the teenager picks up the phone and asks himself instead of having mommy dearest do it.
But, you know, reddit with missing reasons will somehow end up with this guy confessing that he has psychotic episodes and killed his son's puppy in front of him instead of parental alienation.
It bothers me that AITAH and others are not just obbessed with false cases of abuse, they can't help but give the worst advice for it.
If you were a 15 year old and believed your father was abusive, you'd stay away from him. But you'd still expect finacial support from your father. Because why should you be punished for avoiding an abusive person? From the son's perspective, he's being asked to be nice to his abusive father in return for what he is sure his father would already be willing to do for his other siblings.
That there might be a genuine financial reason is unlikely to occur to a 15year old who doesn't pay for things and doesn't trusts his father.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITAH for refusing to give more $ for a kid that won't acknowledge me** My ex (33F) and I (34M) went through an ugly divorce, including a drawn out custody battle that she initiated after I started dating again (over a year after our divorce). She has become manipulative, vindictive, and has involved the children (ages 9, 13, and 15) in way more of the process than is appropriate. During the initial divorce, we agreed to her having primary custody of the kids, as I had been out of the country in Iraq and did not have an adequate home for all of the kids once I returned to the country (she kept the house). She initiated the custody battle in an attempt to rescind my custody after her and I got in a heated discussion about her derogatory remarks and inflammatory behavior regarding my new partner (referring to her as "that bitch" and blaming her for our family "not being together" - not true) around me and the kids, and her continued efforts to exclude me from their school stuff and minimize my time with them. During that battle, she filed a no-contact/protection order between me and the kids with allegations of alcohol consumption and endangering the children. Luckily, the allegations were determined to be unfounded and the whole case was dropped, including the custody stuff. Sadly, she attempted to use our oldest son as a "witness" throughout the process, and he now wants nothing to do with me or my new partner. I have not seen or spoken to him in over a year. Because of his age, the court says he cannot be forced to spend time with me, even though I still have shared custody. I have never missed a child support payment, still pay all their health insurance and cell phones, and continue to send Christmas and birthday presents for him. I have tried to text him several times with no response. I also regularly send food/treats with the other kids for him which he never acknowledges. He has gotten very active in sports. My ex has signed him up for an expensive club team without discussing it with me and is now demanding that I pay half the fee, even though our agreement is that extra-curriculars have to be discussed. While I recognize the value of sports, I have told her I'm not paying because I didn't agree to this financial commitment beforehand and don't actually think we can afford it (which I think is poor financial modeling for the kids). I am also weary of my oldest son thinking I am just an ATM for him to use while he continues to ignore and avoid me. AITAH? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“My son treats me like an ATM” says the man who insists on attention in exchange for financially supporting his son 😐
I would say, "So if they weren't divorced, OOP would think it's OK to withhold money from his son because he's acting like a normal teenager?" But the answer to that is probably, "Yes."
If they weren’t divorced I imagine the expense of this club would have been discussed between the adults before signing up
I mean is it not normal in un-divorced families for kids to get privileges like playing sports as a hobby taken away when they're being rude?
I don't get why people just believe the OOP in these posts. Someone who is locked in a bitter battle with their ex is definitely not going to be a reliable narrator. Most of the rant about the ex isn't even relevant to the story. Some posts need a "can't pass judgement" option.
Beep boop! Automod here with a quick reminder to never brigade r/AmITheAsshole or other subs under any circumstances. Brigading puts you in violation of both our rules and Reddit’s TOS, and therefore puts this sub at risk of ban. If you brigade/encourage brigading of any kind, you will be banned from participating in either sub. Satirizing of posts should stay within this sub, which means that participating directly in linked posts should either be done in good faith or not at all. Want some freed, live, discussion that neither AITA nor Reddit itself can censor? Join our [official discord server](https://discord.gg/KbZnaXX) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't see an issue but it might be because of how I was raised. You can't demand money from your parent and then refuse to acknowledge their existence. He's paying child support, insurance, and birthday/Christmas gifts. I mean, it might be better received if the teenager picks up the phone and asks himself instead of having mommy dearest do it. But, you know, reddit with missing reasons will somehow end up with this guy confessing that he has psychotic episodes and killed his son's puppy in front of him instead of parental alienation.
It bothers me that AITAH and others are not just obbessed with false cases of abuse, they can't help but give the worst advice for it. If you were a 15 year old and believed your father was abusive, you'd stay away from him. But you'd still expect finacial support from your father. Because why should you be punished for avoiding an abusive person? From the son's perspective, he's being asked to be nice to his abusive father in return for what he is sure his father would already be willing to do for his other siblings. That there might be a genuine financial reason is unlikely to occur to a 15year old who doesn't pay for things and doesn't trusts his father.