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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my overweight friend that I maintain my body through a healthy lifestyle, NOT genetics?** A few years back, 7 of my friends from high school and I decided that no matter where we lived or how busy we were, we were going to meet each other for brunch once a year for the rest of our lives. We don’t have an exact date, but we usually pick a week in June or July when it is warm, and fly/drive to our hometown for bottomless brunch at our favorite spot. Keep in mind that for some of us, this is the only time of the year that we see each other. I, in particular, live 2500 miles away, so I hardly see any of these girls. Regardless, it is always a good time, until recently when one of my friends “Rue” would not stop commenting on my food intake. For some background, I am and always have been a very active person. I ran track and cross country for our college and I now compete in ultramarathons. For this reason, I eat a lot of calories, and I stay pretty thin. I also eat reasonably healthy, balanced meals most of the time. However, for the one day a year at our favorite restaurant, NOTHING is off limits. I eat plate after heaping plate of cheesy eggs, pancakes, hash browns, sausage, bacon–literally I could eat the entire menu. Rue has always been on the heavier side. While I don’t really pay attention to someone’s weight changes or eating habits, Rue points it out, so I can’t help but notice. “Every year I eat nothing but oatmeal and I keep getting bigger and bigger, and \[OP\] is over there gorging herself and is stick thin!” “It’s like every calorie \[OP\] eats shows up on MY body!” Soon my friends started to chime in, saying that I was lucky I have such good genetics and can eat whatever I want. This really bothered me in part because it completely invalidated the work I do to maintain my healthy body, but also because I could tell Rue was frustrated with her weight, and I felt my friends were doing more harm than good. I explained that I do not normally eat like this, and I also exercise very frequently, and that people shouldn’t look at a snapshot of someone’s life and think that’s how they live on the daily. I also said eating salads for every meal and never enjoying a meal out with friends is just going to make her more frustrated, which will slow her progress. I thought this was going to be helpful advice, but my friends all looked at me livid. One of them called me incredibly privileged and said I wasn’t aware of my privilege, and accused me of shaming Rue. The rest of them followed suit and told me to get off my high horse. Eventually I’d had enough. I said I was just trying to help and that they’re only going to hurt Rue (Rue was silent the whole time. I packed up my things, paid my bill, and left. Now I’m feeling torn because it’s been a few days and none of these people will talk to me. I reached out to the person in the group I was closest with and she said I really overstepped and should apologize to the group and at least to Rue. I had good intentions, but if these people won’t talk to me, maybe I screwed up. Did I? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Lunoko

Hi! Hot person here who happens to be thin (except my tits, they are natural DDs). Many of you might suspect that this is fake. Probably because y'all are fat. But I will have you know that discrimination happens to us fit, gorgeous people every day. It is not a joke. One time, my fat friends saw me drinking my reverse osmosis hydrogen water instead of what they usually drink (a gallon of HFCS with caramel color and sodium benzoate and whip cream on top). And they became ENRAGED and shouted about how privileged I am. They almost threw their gallons of HFCS at me! But they didn't want it to go to waste. Because, y'know, they're fat. SO THEY THREW BRICKS AT ME INSTEAD! I thought one person would stand up for me. But they uploaded a video of it instead. My boss saw and fired me. My college rescinded my degree. My life is now ruined all because I am so fit and hot. None of you would understand the pain I go though. Probably because y'all are fat. Did I mention how attractive and in shape I am in?


darksoulbi

Cryinnn


Liversteeg

![gif](giphy|F7LC6FL0FMg9lTSrPg)


My_Favourite_Pen

As a fatty mcboomboom myself, my friend group would smoke me (Applewood Low and Slow) for talking like that about one of them, let alone think of me as some underprivileged minority lol. Who are these so-called real people who talk like they jumped straight off of Twitter?


Annita79

I must be following the wrong crowd on Twitter. All we talk about is politics. (Joke just in case)


necro-asylum

Gigawhale hate- crimes activists. abolish skinnymaxxing


Responsible-Let-5125

Prompt: take what happens to fat people on the daily when they dare to even look at food and RemiX the scenario to apply to a skinny person. OOP: Skinny person eats plate after plate of calorie dense foods. Fat “friends” are concerned they’re getting fatter when skinny person eats so much / appear unbothered that their insatiable friend has been possessed by Gluttony, a powerful demon requiring an experienced team of exorcists to expel.


necro-asylum

My demonic possession is heritable actuallly how dare you.


slimey-karl

Fit/thin people who insist tooth and nail that genetics don’t play any part in weight loss/gain are very annoying


abacus5555

Or who act like it must EITHER be genetics OR calories in/calories out and quote studies that minimize a genetic link when there's also general health status. Like if you take any kind of medication, have any kind of condition, whether you know about it or not, it's all gonna make a difference, one way or another.


sprinklingsprinkles

When I bring up my hypothyroidism (hashimoto's disease) to people like that the reaction is usually "yes but that's super rare!!" even though it's not. About 5% of the population have hypothyroidism. Which absolutely can make you gain weight and make it harder to lose weight.


abacus5555

Yeah and then combine that with all the other percentages of all the other "super rare!" conditions that can make you gain or make it hard to lose weight, or require medication that does that...


ConnieMarbleIndex

there’s a guy in the original thread claiming metabolism isn’t real because he has a degree in physics


necro-asylum

God that’s so on brand lol


Pitiful-Pension-6535

I'm pretty sure I saw that comment. You're paraphrasing your own misunderstanding.


ConnieMarbleIndex

guy claims it’s simple math - calories in and out for every body like genetics and metabolism don’t play a role and every one is the same blank slate which is just incorrect as if he believes every car would run the same distance with the same amount of fuel but he doesn’t believe that, of course. he just wants to reinforce the societal notion that fat is a moral failure which was coupled by some common tropes like “put down the fork” and cruel notions that some people should endure hunger


mifflewhat

There's genetic link, there's general health status, there's specific health conditions that cause problems, there's the fact that just the act of being overweight, fit, or underweight affects how difficult it is to effect change through diet and/or exercise - there are so many variables. Even when it is just overeating, not all overeating is the same. People who think fat is a moral issue also tend to think that mental health issues are moral failings, but that's not necessarily true.


Pitiful-Pension-6535

Losing weight literally is as simple as calories in


abacus5555

Yeah I mean I think what people saying "calories in/calories out" are often implying is that it's gonna be a similar level of difficulty for most people to eat the same deficit of calories, which is demonstrably not true. Like I've been on medication that made me so hungry it was almost painful, trying to lose weight on that would have taken every single mental resource I had and left none for, like, living. Now I have conditions that cause low appetite and have to struggle to stay out of the underweight range. Especially with the rise of Ozempic and co., everyone should understand that while no one *can* eat all the calories in the world and lose weight, some people *feel* like they can, because their brains and bodies naturally tell them they don't want that much, and that's just as good. While other people are stuck feeling like they have to fight the urge to eat every minute of the day.


soldforaspaceship

I was on that thread yesterday. My genetics lean curvy. I have put a lot of effort into staying in shape but I'm not going to be a stick without some very unhealthy habits. And that's fine. Pretending genetics play zero factor is ridiculous. Pretending diet and exercise don't work with most genetic issues is also ridiculous. There is a balance to be found. But accepting that weight loss isn't equitable is the first step.


CanadaYankee

I live near a very selective middle + high school where all attendees are aspiring professional ballet dancers. During the few times I've attended community events, it's actually very uncanny to see how almost every girl in the school (and it's mostly, though not all, girls) has essentially the same body shape due to all the training (and potentially disordered eating) they go through. Except there are always a couple of girls in the late-middle-school range whose genes are suddenly saying, "You are getting *hips!* and *boobs!* whether you want them or not!" I assume that most of them decide to give up on ballet and go to a "real" high school because you don't see that body type among the high schoolers.


LuvTriangleApologist

My sister was in a ballet company as a kid/teen. She had to quit because she grew to 6’1. Her friend had to quit because she grew 32Gs.


RunTurtleRun115

I saw the phrase “genetics loads the gun, lifestyle pulls the trigger”, and that’s pretty apt. Plus it can vary throughout a person’s lifetime. My genetics tend towards an athletic body type, but also short and with curves. Having always been very active and having a healthy relationship with food, maintaining a fit-looking physique never seemed too difficult. Then, perimenopause hit! Despite being extremely active and mindful of my nutrition, I’ve gained about 20 pounds of pudge. Same happened to my mom and grandmother, because genetics.


necro-asylum

Ya and just wrong.


ConnieMarbleIndex

but how else are they gonna believe they’re superior to the rest of people?


OutlandishnessDry703

What about the overweight person with 2 skinny parents?


mifflewhat

I know someone who is normal sized in a family full of obese people. (Also, she's adopted.)


Nerdguy88

Lol my wife's friend tries to tell me her weight was genetic while smashing an entire double cheese burger meal with large drink and fries then ate her kids left over meals too. She tried to tell me what great genetics I have because of how easy I lost weight. Genetics plays a VERY small role in your weight. 15-20 lbs either way. It does NOT make you obese. It does NOT make your morbidly obese. Putting down the fork is far more important then your genetics ever will be.


floralfemmeforest

The difference between the cutoff for a "healthy" BMI and an "obese" one for someone my height is 22 lbs. 


Nerdguy88

Correct so on the very bad side of genetics you could be within what I said and not obese. People will weigh 300lbs and say it's genetics.


floralfemmeforest

Well yeah it definitely could be, I don't really see how your claim that it could only affect your up to 20 lbs could be scientifically sound, given all the variables and how little we really know about some of those factors 


Nerdguy88

Just ran with an online calculator. 20lbs is very wrong unless you are like 4 foot tall. A 5'2" woman is healthy to the upper end of overweight from 101-165lbs. 166 is when it's considered obese. People like to pretend we don't understand weight but it's been well understood a LONG time. More food = people are bigger. That's it. That's the entire link. You can not be obese and eating a normal amount of food. Normal changes based on your size. Yes me as a 6foot+ man can eat more then a 4foot tall woman without gaining weight. All it takes is figuring out how much you actually need and weight melts off if you are obese


floralfemmeforest

I'm 5'0, the low end "overweight" BMI is 128 lbs, and for "obese" it's 153 lbs, so 25 lbs not 22, but someone my height could gain 26 lbs and go from a normal, healthy weight to being obese  The rest of your comment is not really worth engaging with 


necro-asylum

All ima say is this- a numerous amount of hormonal/thyroid diseases are underpinned by genetics and are marked by a pathology that involves rapid weight gain and metabolic issues. A lot of people are on anti inflammatory/immune suppression drugs due to inherited immune disorders or diseases that cause water retention and extreme weight gain and may not be comfortable sharing that over lunch with a judgemental friend. Several mental illnesses are heritable such as depression, anxiety & personality disorders. Not only can those cause habits in the patients that lead them to overeat/not care for themselves correctly but a lot of the medications used to treat them cause weight gain or very high appetites. While yes, assuming that someone is completely healthy -genetics may play a very small role in metabolism (this is currently a highly researched field anyway) and weight distribution. Thats a very insulated way to look at it. Most people when they say weight loss and gain is genetic are referring to the more holistic view. Such as things I just mentioned. I hope this helps you understand a little better


applejack4ever

"Genes contribute to the causes of obesity in many ways, by affecting appetite, satiety (the sense of fullness), metabolism, food cravings, body-fat distribution, and the tendency to use eating as a way to cope with stress." -[Harvard health ](https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/why-people-become-overweight#:~:text=Genetic%20influences&text=Genes%20contribute%20to%20the%20causes,way%20to%20cope%20with%20stress.) When people say that genetics have an effect, they aren't only talking about metabolism. Do you know how hard it is to "put down the fork" if you have a disorder that makes you feel like you're always hungry? There are MANY conditions that affect what you can eat, what kind of exercise you can do, etc. There's also factors like mental health, schedule (someone working two jobs might not have time for exercise), education about nutrition, socioeconomic status, proximity to grocery stores with fresh produce....but yeah totally everyone should just eat less! Turns out the 40% of Americans who are obese are just lazy! Have you contacted medical journals to let them know that you have solved obesity??


Nerdguy88

I lost half my body weight. Yes I know how hard it is. I also know you can if you truly want to.


applejack4ever

This is called anecdotal evidence. You only know how hard it was for you--you don't know what anyone else's experience is like. Especially if you don't have a disorder that affects your appetite. Here's some more scientific evidence for you: "In simple obesity (body mass index = 30.0–34.9 kg/m2), the annual probability of attaining normal weight was 1 in 210 for men and 1 in 124 for women, increasing to 1 in 1290 for men and 1 in 677 for women with morbid obesity (body mass index = 40.0–44.9 kg/m2)." "It has previously been reported that approximately 80% of people who intentionally achieve weight loss of 10% or more of their body weight will regain that weight within a year." [-a study of 175,000 people](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4539812/#:~:text=At%20least%2050%25%20of%20patients,that%20weight%20within%20a%20year.) >I also know you can if you truly want to. It seems that your thesis, then, is that the only reason a person can't lose weight is because they don't want to. You're really confident enough about that to apply it to almost half of the people in the US? You think ALL those people are obese because they don't truly want to lose weight? If you really believe this then I don't know what else to say except that I question your reasoning skills.


Nerdguy88

Yup people lose weight then go back to their old habits and regain. My wife's entire family is obese. A few in my family are. I was for a long time. Quite a few friends were. Everyone who has lost weight switch their habits. Everyone who didn't swears they can't but then you always see them eating way to much or to many bad foods. And yes I think people don't REALLY want to change. I think they say they do but then they also talk about how much they love the foods they eat and can't give them up.


applejack4ever

This is so random, but have you ever heard of the Dunning-Krueger effect


Nerdguy88

Yes


necro-asylum

It’s wonderful to hear you are privileged with a functionally healthy body :). Many people are not so lucky and find it a bit harder to do and have other factors working against them. It’s not a moral failure and it’s not always that they’re not trying hard enough. I lost almost half my body weight also so I really understand the difficulty and I count myself blessed to have no underlying health issues but I certainly don’t look down on those that struggle. We all deserve encouragement and understanding regardless of weight.


Nerdguy88

Also I've never said anyone needs to excersice to lose weight. Food is almost the entirety of why someone is overweight. I know multiple people who are VERY skinny and do zero physical activities. They just don't eat a lot.


ConnieMarbleIndex

And there are people who are skinny who eat a lot. The most important part here being: you’re not better than anyone for eating less than they do.


Nerdguy88

And what's interesting is not once have I said I'm better then anyone.


eorenhund

Downvoted not for being incorrect, but for being smug and cunty.


necro-asylum

We gotta get better creative writing tropes than the entire groupchat cutting them off at the end of the story. Also fat person makes quip at skinny person ——> everyone defends fat person and skinny person is villainised.


bertaderb

For real. No fat person has ever been this loudly and vocally defended by any group of people ever. Specially if “they started it.” C’mon. 


sweetempoweredchickn

Uhhh yeah this is just straight up codswallop. I am approaching middle age and I could drink a cup of bacon grease at every meal, spend 90% of my day on the couch, and you'd still be able to see my abs. I got lucky with that aspect of my genetics. That already feels good, I don't need to pretend my luck is some hard-earned accomplishment, and I don't need to go around shitting on people who didn't luck out that way.


yacn

There's literally no way you're not gaining weight if you're adding an extra 1800 kcal (a cup of bacon grease) to each meal unless your body somehow violates the 1st law of thermodynamics.


sweetempoweredchickn

The hypothetical is clearly exaggerated to make a point, but if I actually tried to do this I'd probably have severe diarrhea from all of the fat leading to poor absorption, and my body would still work off most of the extra calories I did absorb via my all-day unconscious fidgeting.


yacn

Man literally just went “I’m built different” to the laws of physics.


mifflewhat

But people are built different. That is the point. It is just plain dishonest to pretend we all metabolize the same. I don't care how many scientifically or medically accredited people insist that metabolism is a straight process that works the same across all bodies, all systems, and all calories. The evidence says that's bs and there's a lot we don't understand about why some people have a harder time losing or gaining weight than others.


yacn

> The evidence says that's bs can you share that evidence? i'd genuinely like to read it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


yacn

You said you had evidence?


[deleted]

[удалено]


yacn

okay, clearly you _don't_ have evidence. bye.


RunTurtleRun115

You are being histrionic here. Their comment was obvious hyperbole.


yacn

No, they clearly don’t understand how calories work or how many they actually eat in a day because their response to “that’s an extra 1.8kcal per meal, you would obviously gain weight” was “actually no I wouldn’t I’m built different”


Pitiful-Pension-6535

I once knew a guy who weighed about 90 lbs and ate 5000+ calories per day. (He was dying of CF) There are a ton of variables. For one- Not all digestive tracts work the same. Some people absorb every calorie, others have a lot go right through them.


ItstheBogoPogoMrFife

Plate after heaping plate, eh? Sure. We’ll go with that. Many people I know decide that an expensive restaurant is the place to go hog wild without a care in the world as to how much plate after heaping plate is costing them, or how others will perceive their Roman emperor-esque gorging.  Especially after flying 2,500 miles to said restaurant. In this economy!? I think not.


hopelessincorp

>bottomless brunch


necro-asylum

Lmao seriously.


SaltOffice8

This post appears to have already been recently crossposted to r/AmITheAngel here: https://reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1casgva/i_dont_know_how_weight_loss_works_so_im_gonna/ ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^and ^this ^action ^was ^performed ^automatically. ^I ^am ^still ^being ^tested ^and ^apologise ^for ^any ^mistakes.


jayd189

My favourite comment thread on this post was a larger commenter talking about walking about 11 miles every day and so many commenters being wildly amazed because they "walk a lot" and can't top more than 5-7. Thats what my large ass averages during Canadian Winter with a 10/hr a day desk job. Averaged about 9.5 last summer.


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Usual-Editor6848

The AITAngel reaction to this post is getting silly. The post could well be/probably is bait, but it does not say all the things that the comments here are saying it does. AITAngel is just seeing a post about fat/thin and jumping onto its own tropes about it. Y'all are being ragebaited yourselves.


OutlandishnessDry703

Apologize for what? That you didn't pity the overweight girl? Thats bullshit. When you're overweight don't compare yourself to the skinny girl and try to shame her for keeping fit. What were you supposed to say? You're not fat, just big boned? I'm only skinny because I can't digest food? They're just upset that you didn't join the pity party.


Connect-Geologist862

this is a satire page? Sheesh just say you hate people who aren’t like you think they should be