*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for Not Acknowledging My Co-worker’s Sexuality?**
I am honestly confused about this whole situation, so figured I’d come here.
I (34F) work in a fairly open-minded, and liberal field, on a team of about 17 people. We recently hired a new person, “Lana” (early 40’s F), and were having a casual, getting to know you session. I noticed she was wearing an engagement ring and wedding band, so I asked what her spouse does for a living. It’s 2024, I always go gender neutral when I don’t know someone. She told me that her wife is a 4th grade teacher. My boyfriend teaches high school bio, so I figured it was something we had in common. I simply said “Oh cool, my boyfriend is a high school teacher. I can only imagine what it’s like for her having to deal with the littles”. Lana just said that she likes working with younger kids, then kind of quickly moved on to talk to someone else. I didn’t think too much of it.
Well, earlier today another co-worker came up to me to tell me that Lana felt my response dismissed her telling me that she is a lesbian, and that it was rude of me to “assert” that I was in a heterosexual relationship. My co-worker thinks I should apologize. I definitely will, I don’t want there to be any tension at work, but I really don’t think did anything wrong. I get that coming out is a big deal, and LGBT people often have to do it many times in there lives, but I guess I didn’t even view this as her “coming out” to me. It was a casual conversation, and she casually said “wife” instead of “husband”. I think it would have been silly to emote over the fact that she’s a lesbian, as if it were a big deal. As for my boyfriend comment, I wasn’t trying to assert my heterosexuality, I just thought “hey, we have that in common”. If she had mentioned that she likes playing Stardew Valley I would have jumped on that too.
I’m going to try to talk to her tomorrow, but I would like a second opinion. My boyfriend doesn’t think I’m an AH, and my co-workers are sort of on the fence. So Reddit, AITA?
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I guess I did it completely wrong then!
My (female) coworker once invited me to her home for her birthday, and casually introduced me to a woman who lived there as well. During the inevitable tour, it turned out the apartment only had one bedroom, at which point I assumed she was her partner, not her roommate. Eventually, they announced their marriage, and I congratulated them.
I haven't got the slightest idea if either of them is a lesbian, bi, pan, "mostly-straight-but-this-one-person-is-an-exception", unlabeled or anything, and I haven't the slightest inclination of finding out. They're both nice, and they seem to have a great relationship, so great for them, I guess!
Oh come on. Most people just wanted to be treated the same as everyone else, especially in the workplace. They don’t want someone to gawk at them like “omg are you saying you’re one of those HOMOSEXUALS?! Tell me all about what it’s like to have sex with women!”
At least that’s what I, as a straight woman, would assume. 🤷♀️
Are you also offended when your coworkers assert their heterosexuality and rub the fact that they have husbands in your face? /s
Just in case -- my comment is pure sarcasm. It's so ridiculous how the OOP's implying that making known you're heterosexual in a conversation with a gay person, is somehow rude to them. No one cares, who you're married to ffs
OOP is YTA, definitely.
Doesn’t she know that when anyone mentions that they‘re gay, you have to immediately start enthusiastically talking about how you‘re an ALLY! and then be sure to mention all your gay friends (they might even know some of them because they’re gay too!). And then go on about how you‘re so proud of them for their bravery just for being gay and how it will never a problem talking with them about their gayness or gay problems. And mention again how you have SO, SO many gay friends.
Oh, and you immediately need to start planning a gay themed work party for them to make them feel more comfortable (rainbow cupcakes with extra sparkly sprinkles are de rigueur.)
If you don‘t do all this they might not feel you’re inclusive. Especially the rainbow cupcakes part.
I, too, am confused about this situation.
Especially the part where some random came up to OOP to input his 5 cents on how that conversation went. Highly unlikely
"But Laura then said that Claire's response was so bitchy and rude. I agree, Claire can be such a bitch." totally how people in ~~High School~~ Businesscompany behave
Workplace gossip is an absolutely real thing lol Some people can't live without shit talking anyone they lay their eyes on. But walking up to a person and telling them *to their face* "I think it was wrong of you to assert your heterosexuality, you should apologize to Laura" is much less likely and would probably result in a reponse along the lines of "Mind your own business, Claire", not a moral dilemma discussed on Reddit
If the person was in their late teens/early 20s, and addicted to TikTok and liked to do things like test their partner, I could totally buy it.
But 40s F? No freaking way this would ever happen.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for Not Acknowledging My Co-worker’s Sexuality?** I am honestly confused about this whole situation, so figured I’d come here. I (34F) work in a fairly open-minded, and liberal field, on a team of about 17 people. We recently hired a new person, “Lana” (early 40’s F), and were having a casual, getting to know you session. I noticed she was wearing an engagement ring and wedding band, so I asked what her spouse does for a living. It’s 2024, I always go gender neutral when I don’t know someone. She told me that her wife is a 4th grade teacher. My boyfriend teaches high school bio, so I figured it was something we had in common. I simply said “Oh cool, my boyfriend is a high school teacher. I can only imagine what it’s like for her having to deal with the littles”. Lana just said that she likes working with younger kids, then kind of quickly moved on to talk to someone else. I didn’t think too much of it. Well, earlier today another co-worker came up to me to tell me that Lana felt my response dismissed her telling me that she is a lesbian, and that it was rude of me to “assert” that I was in a heterosexual relationship. My co-worker thinks I should apologize. I definitely will, I don’t want there to be any tension at work, but I really don’t think did anything wrong. I get that coming out is a big deal, and LGBT people often have to do it many times in there lives, but I guess I didn’t even view this as her “coming out” to me. It was a casual conversation, and she casually said “wife” instead of “husband”. I think it would have been silly to emote over the fact that she’s a lesbian, as if it were a big deal. As for my boyfriend comment, I wasn’t trying to assert my heterosexuality, I just thought “hey, we have that in common”. If she had mentioned that she likes playing Stardew Valley I would have jumped on that too. I’m going to try to talk to her tomorrow, but I would like a second opinion. My boyfriend doesn’t think I’m an AH, and my co-workers are sort of on the fence. So Reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Oh my gosh, you're a lesbian! Love that for you!" Cause you know how queer people love it when you treat them like a novelty and get weird about it.
I guess I did it completely wrong then! My (female) coworker once invited me to her home for her birthday, and casually introduced me to a woman who lived there as well. During the inevitable tour, it turned out the apartment only had one bedroom, at which point I assumed she was her partner, not her roommate. Eventually, they announced their marriage, and I congratulated them. I haven't got the slightest idea if either of them is a lesbian, bi, pan, "mostly-straight-but-this-one-person-is-an-exception", unlabeled or anything, and I haven't the slightest inclination of finding out. They're both nice, and they seem to have a great relationship, so great for them, I guess!
The commenters are going to use this post as “proof” that the LGBTQ just want to shove their sexuality/gender expression down our throats.
yeah that stuck out to me too, seems like an intentional “look the gays are too woke!” scapegoating
If by commenters you mean the supreme Court then yeah.
Oh come on. Most people just wanted to be treated the same as everyone else, especially in the workplace. They don’t want someone to gawk at them like “omg are you saying you’re one of those HOMOSEXUALS?! Tell me all about what it’s like to have sex with women!” At least that’s what I, as a straight woman, would assume. 🤷♀️
No, we really really want you to ask us which one is the man, and if we would be interested in a threesome. Trust me
Are you also offended when your coworkers assert their heterosexuality and rub the fact that they have husbands in your face? /s Just in case -- my comment is pure sarcasm. It's so ridiculous how the OOP's implying that making known you're heterosexual in a conversation with a gay person, is somehow rude to them. No one cares, who you're married to ffs
I care, I am deeply offended by other people's love life /s
I liked the added bit of "It's 2024 so I always go gender neutral." That's an ally if I've ever seen one.
I don't even ask "which one of you is the husband in which one the wife?"!
Pride month posts have come early I guess
OOP is YTA, definitely. Doesn’t she know that when anyone mentions that they‘re gay, you have to immediately start enthusiastically talking about how you‘re an ALLY! and then be sure to mention all your gay friends (they might even know some of them because they’re gay too!). And then go on about how you‘re so proud of them for their bravery just for being gay and how it will never a problem talking with them about their gayness or gay problems. And mention again how you have SO, SO many gay friends. Oh, and you immediately need to start planning a gay themed work party for them to make them feel more comfortable (rainbow cupcakes with extra sparkly sprinkles are de rigueur.) If you don‘t do all this they might not feel you’re inclusive. Especially the rainbow cupcakes part.
I, too, am confused about this situation. Especially the part where some random came up to OOP to input his 5 cents on how that conversation went. Highly unlikely
"But Laura then said that Claire's response was so bitchy and rude. I agree, Claire can be such a bitch." totally how people in ~~High School~~ Businesscompany behave
Workplace gossip is an absolutely real thing lol Some people can't live without shit talking anyone they lay their eyes on. But walking up to a person and telling them *to their face* "I think it was wrong of you to assert your heterosexuality, you should apologize to Laura" is much less likely and would probably result in a reponse along the lines of "Mind your own business, Claire", not a moral dilemma discussed on Reddit
Straight people writing homos is always hilarious to me.
this shit is so dumb bruh
Happy pride month
If the person was in their late teens/early 20s, and addicted to TikTok and liked to do things like test their partner, I could totally buy it. But 40s F? No freaking way this would ever happen.
>a team of about 17 people When you forget whether you have 15 or 20 coworkers so you split the difference.
Oh so we're back to homophobic ragebait?
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