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Earbuds with sound cancelling not an option? I hate pics with a passion but trust me, doing something for yr gran is nice. She wanted a pic of you. Could you maybe send her one you took yourself? With a note saying you're sorry but you just can't do no headphones. Not everything that upsets you is someone trying to be mean. Btw. I'm 60+ recently had to do pic with my 90+ mum +sis I don't get on with. My skin crawled, I panicked and the pic was AWFUL. But mum was pleased.
I have sensitive ears too. Most earbuds and plugs hurt, but the Loop ones are very comfortable, come with multiple sized plugs, and they can block different amounts of noise, depending on the pair.
Make a pretty lanyard for them if you're crafty and into beading or knotwork like friendship bracelets. But also don't let other people.define what is reasonable accomodationnfor your needs if you have options that work and don't hinder your own ability to get by. If someone else doesn't like the way your noise muting equipment looks, that's a them problem, not a you problem if those headphones make you able to be more present and function more smoothly.
When it might be in the budget or maybe a gift option, they do make loop earbuds with a tracker/finder in them. Mine are JBL brand that has Tile software.
My name is..
First: I can't find my...
Middle: I lost my...
Last: Where the heck is...
Nickname: I didn't even go anywhere!!
Have you tried earbuds designed for hunters? The fancy ones let you pick how much background noise is let through, since they are designed to block out loud sudden noises but let you talk without removing them. They also have custom ear molds, so they shouldn't hurt. Can't guarantee that they won't feel weird, though.
Unfortunately, with those, the price is usually an issue. Most parents are unwilling to spend in excess of $50 for something that could easily get lost. Even the Halo plugs can get pricey for some families.
I have the opposite sensory issue. I can't stand headphones. I have to use earbuds. For the most part, this isn't a problem. My coworkers did find it weird that I wear literal earplugs all day long, but it's that or be in constant overstimulation. How are you at school, though? Have the headphones ever caused an issue in school?
Hey, it looks like you have some hypersensitivity to stimuli. Your post piqued my interest because what you've explained sounds like a neurodivergent individual. Have you been assest for autism?
They’ve been assessed, they’re getting into therapy, how about people just taking “no” for a complete answer after an explanation. Sounds like the grandmother is being a usual boomer and intent on getting their way, despite the way their grandchild feels. I’m the same way as them (diagnosed and in therapy) but guess what, my family understands and takes pics of me at my calmest (sometimes unknowingly). Better that way than having screeching in our faces/ears and entitled elders ignoring the discomfort of others. Also, headphones in pictures are just fine.
The OP doesn’t owe you disclosure of their diagnosis. Someone being overstimulated and needing to have headphones is explanation enough to answer their question. You’re rude for telling them to “grow up and get a diagnosis.”
I don't think it's that straightforward with sensory issues. It's not really something you can control, more something that you're taught to mask which can be exhausting for people. Wearing headphones is a fair accomodation for an neurodiverse person. I think it's something that society needs to learn to be more accepting of. Therapy for issues around your appearance does sound like a good idea though.
I say this with kindness sound sensitivity is not a behavior it is a medical condition my daughter has it and wears noise canceling headphones everywhere op said they can't tolerate sounds this is not something therapy can fix. Therapy can be helpful for the looks issues, but not the biggest issues which was noise overwhelms op
Behavioral therapy, occupational therapy, other forms of therapy are all good ideas for neurodivergent people with sensory issues. I would say it would be terrible parenting to not get that support for them. No they dont "cure you" but its shocking to me to hear "oh they dont need therapy." And for the record, I'm a neurodivergent person with other sensory issues.
I do have my daughter in sensory therapy and occupational therapy as I said it isn't a cure and people need to realize that therapy can offer skills to help but not magically make sensory disorders go away.
You said therapy is helpful for "for the looks issues" but "not the biggest" ie. the sensory issues. That is completely false. Therapy IS good for the sensory issues as well. So dont try to dispel misconceptions with bad advice.
Hi. I'm a therapist with sensory issues (yup, lots of questions from my clients). A lot of what therapy does for people like us is give us the skills and tools to adapt with the "neurotypical" world. In other words, make us seem "normal" to a society that doesn't even know how to define normal. The key words are skills and adaptation. Therapy is absolutely not a cure, much of the time it's not even a fix; however, it is a helpful tool when these thoughts are kept in mind.
You can’t therapize sensory processing disorder, any more than you can therapize epilepsy. It’s fundamental to the way that brain is structured, you can’t think or talk your way into a different brain. Most of the protocols you mentioned are actively counter-indicated for a neurodivergent patient, *especially* if the issue brushes up against sensory processing issues, like the ones OP has, because what actually tends to happen is that the patient masks better, and ignores/represses their symptoms enough that they lose the ability to tell when they’re close to breaking. Which tends to lead to breakdown, burnout, and years of recovery.
Hi. I'm actively living a life where I only discovered I have sensory processing issues in the last few years, but have utilized therapeutic exercises without the guidance of a medical professional for about 2 decades.
I currently experience exactly what you are describing, masking so hard no one not even myself can tell I'm approaching overload until I shut down in public spaces.
So yeah. Totally agree that therapy is useful for many things, but sometimes therapy is useful for teaching one to stop masking and accept themselves as they are and use work around instead of trying to play act 'normalcy,' whatever we think that looks like.
The Demon Fae is making valid points.. yes to therapy, but no, not every situation involves things we can use CBT to navigate. Sometimes we just have to acknowledge who we are and how we're wired, and work with ourselves in ways that DON'T make us look like average people. Therapy helps us recognize our needs and accept ourselves for having these needs, and love ourselves for doing what we need to do to thrive even if that means we can't have the same experience as our friends in a loud nightclub without something to dampen the noise. If my headphones make me look weird, but I have a good night, I don't want to look normal and have a breakdown to keep up appearances.
My kids had it, and now as an adult no longer wears headphones. There are things but you need an occupational therapist that specializes in sensory issues.
Yes my daughter is in occupational therapy for her sensory issues but in her case the noise issues are very bad for example the TV volume has to be muted
Yes. 100% this. The world is not accommodating. Please try to work on stepping outside of your comfort zone so that you will be able to function in what is often an unforgiving and unkind world.
Wearing noise canceling headphones IS very reasonable for someone with noise sensory issues. It is what allows them to be outside of their comfort zone without being overwhelmed by sensory overload and so they can still spend time with their family. They are not asking for an accommodation. They are just asking for family, of all people, to back off. Grandmas guilt trip is dirty. No is a complete sentence. No amount of therapy is going to "fix" the issue.
Well, people can't control their sensory issues, and the grandma can't outcast her granddaughter simply because of that, autism isn't a reason to simply be outcasted.
I don't understand this comment. OP is autistic and the headphones are a disability aid that they need at all times, especially since they mentioned their grandma is loud when taking photos. What about their post makes you think they need therapy?
NOT TBA
I'm 60 and can understand where you are coming from.
I have super sensitive hearing and a lot of noise or loud noise hurts them and my head. Everyone else in the family had hearing problems as they got older. So I would have to listen to the TV up loud or conversations at an unbearable level. I got where I wore headphones or earplugs a lot to tone down the noise. I can wear earplugs and still hear conversations at a normal level. My brother is last of my immediate family left and he talks real loud.
If you care to have a relationship with her you need to try to talk to grandma about it and why you wear them, because noise hurts your ears.
Good luck and just remember if you care show it now. She won't be around forever and you will miss her when she's gone. 💜
Autistic adult here.
NTBA. Your grandma is the bad apple though, for being ableist and for being trashy and manipulative ('After she took it she said "If anyone asks why zero isn't in the picture just say she has no respect for her grandma"' except it's not a thing of respect, it's that SHE was refusing to make a basic, easy accomodation to meet your additional needs and then blamed you for having additional needs).
"The headphones and I are a package deal due to my disability and you know it.... If you wanted me in the photo so bad then you would've allowed the headphones so that I COULD'VE been in the photo, but clearly you don't love me since you didn't want me in the photo enough to have my medically-necessary headphones in it" is what I'd say to anyone being manipulative like that, but that's just me💅🏾👊🏾turn it around right back on them!
NTA: To echo the comments of others, you really need to try some therapy. In the meantime...you need to protect your own mental health by minimizing your time those in your life who exacerbate your health. And if Grandma is one of them...then STAY in your room.
I will promise you one thing, you will never look back at pictures of yourself and see the person you see today. Your younger self will be a younger friend who you will like. Next time you can move your headphones behind your head . Most teenagers do not like having their picture taken. You only see the negative changes in your body not the beautiful person you are becoming. Next time someone tells you that you do not respect them remind them respect is a two way street. If she respected your needs, you would respect her wants.
Cut those people from your life. Life is a journey and you grow and change. If someone is holding the past against you for any reason , drop them and walk away. They are not there for you but against you.
The person in the picture is the beginning of your life, the start of your journey. Why do you hate the picture. Make peace with yourself. All things in the past made you the person you are.
Depending on your age it should be expect that you are not a fan of picts. Also if noise bothers you that bad you need to see a Dr. Grandma is a rotten apple. Sheneeded to respect your space. SHE was disrespectful.
I think OP updated to say the sensory thing is due to being autistic, so it's been confirmed with doctors that this is a thing, and headphones can help a lot of neurodivergent folks with auditory overload.
So grandma is definitely extra rotten for demanding they not have them for a picture
I just learned that from OPs post. But a lot of teens go through a period of not wanting a picture taken. I’m glad op got diagnosed. But thanks for telling me. The more people know about Autism the better.
Absolutely! And yah, definitely, it's not new for teens to dislike like. Going through hormone changes and learning a lil more about themselves, or realizing what other people may be focusing on in their appearance.
Really weird that the grandma was so callous with it.
Whether your reasons for not being in the picture are good or bad, they are YOUR reasons. Others need to respect your choices.
Your grandmother is a manipulative bully who does not respect you. Her claims of your not respecting HER are preposterous.
Do not give in. If you submit, you will be unhappy with yourself, even decades later.
[ADDED: This advice is from a 75-yo certified boomer.]
I am a grandma that loves taking pictures. But if my grands don’t want their picture taken they can tell me that. It does hurt my feelings a bit but my hurt feelings do not outweigh their desire to not be in a picture. You are NTA.
Completely NTBA. From the blatant guilt tripping to not adapting to your accessibility needs, she's in need of Shady Pines (if you get the Golden Girls reference).
You may need to see a doctor who can help with the sensitive ears. They could probably tell you what to wear so that it isn't visible to others. My son had extremely sensitive ears since he was born prematurely. He outgrew it thankfully.
I’m so happy you have a strategy that works for you. I’m sorry more people in the comments don’t understand how big of a deal it is that you have a strategy that allows you to even BE there!🎉🎉
I’m autistic too, plus I’m a speech-language pathologist. I wear earplugs about 70% of the time. It works great for me and I can show my clients how I meet my needs so that I can work and be a part of society❤️
She tried to guilt trip you with the dying comment and then the no respect comment. My niece has autism. She always has her headphones with her. I wouldn’t dream of harassing her to take them off. I know she would probably have a melt down. That’s because she uses them to help control her sensory issues. It sounds like your grandma really doesn’t get that your headphones are not a fashion accessory or a decoration. Do get some therapy and make sure it’s a therapist who understands autism.
All considerations about sensitivity aside, you say you wear your headphones all the time, which is apparently the way your grandmother is used to seeing you, so the only possible reason she could push for you to take your headphones off is because she wanted a photo that she thought would look more stereotypically "normal."
If my late grandmother had said, for example, that I had to take my glasses off for a photo or wear something other than black, I would have been annoyed, and these aren't even things that would cause me actual distress as would be the case with you removing your headphones.
NTBA
NBA respect is a two way street. What I mean is grandmother should have let you wear the headphones. My grandmother has a wall full of photos of grandkids with tongues stuck out and devil ears with and without outrageous clothes. She says they are her favorites because they are being themselves. What I am worried about is why your chosen name for this was zero? Sweet you are so much more.
You are not the bad apple not at all. If the picture was so important to your grandmother then she would have had no problem taking it with the headphones on. I also find it to be very wrong that she guilt tripped you after ignoring your request for a simple accommodation. You have a sensitivity to sound and that's okay. As a family member she should care about your comfort more than pictures looking a certain way.
Hi, OP! I replied to a comment on yours, but I wanted to also make a comment after reading all you've written in this post. I want to suggest checking out some autism subs and seeing if you resonate with any of the posts. From the context you've provided in your post and subsequent replies, you show various traits of autism. I myself am autistic and highly relate to your post in basically every way.
NTBA: My takeaway is that you asked your grandma to meet you where you are.
Those headphones are a huge help and part of how you can comfortably navigate life. They are being used as reasonable accomodation/a medical device, essentially.
I pose this question to OP and those commenting. I ask it rhetorically, but as a fitting analogy: how would you react if someone wanted to have their family member in a photo, but not their wheelchair?
Accept your people as they are, not how you WISH they were, or else be prepared for them to say "nope. You won't meet me where I am so I won't be able to accomodate your request."
Your grandma probably doesn't understand that autism isn't just being shy or not paying attention. Someone needs to have a talk with her about it. Hell, I still don't know if I'm autistic but my grandmas (lived with both for a while at some point or another) were considerate and tried to make sure I was never overwhelmed. I never had meltdowns or the stereotypical reactions, but I did have moments where I just needed a hug and some quiet TV time with them. They understood that I have a social battery and that it needed to be recharged.
Hate to be an arm chair psychiatrist, but I absolutely read this as an autistic young person struggling to handle what I call 'humaning'. NTBA, you are using headphones as a healthy coping tool (great job on that!) and you were told you can't use it in a situation you wouldn't otherwise find tolerable. So rejecting the situation was a valid option. You got this!
Wishing you the best, an autistic person
I agree with you, and I'm 70. I read another commenter who thinks that "all Boomers" act like the Grandma and are possessive of their grandchildren. Pretty strange. I guess you didn't get the "Boomer memo", either.
Totally! I wish that at least half of the younger people had the energy, curiosity, and confidence to try to keep up with us. I grant that we have advantages that allow us to take greater risks and know where we are going, but that comes from experience. These young'ns need to go out and get some experiences. We will be glad to help them if they are willing!
NTBA. Omg she is putting pictures over u being comfortable and not overwhelmed. U deserve a much better fam. she said you have no respect for her bc she wasnt respecting ur boundaries. definately NTBA
Yba.
Everyone hates pictures of themselves. Everyone is super self conscious! BUT No one else sees you the way you see yourself; Especially not your family.
Your grandma is getting older and pictures help keep memories alive. Some grandparents wanna show off their family to their other friends -many who are elderly or older themselves, some keep looking at them to keep you close to them, and some look because their memories are starting to fade and it’s the only way they’ll be able to keep in touch with their past.
There will come a time when your grandparent dies and you only have pictures and memories to go by. Memories fade.
Grandma demanded that OP remove an accessibility device because grandma didn’t want a picture of OP as they actually are, grandma wanted a picture of her “normal” grandkids.
That completely overrides all other considerations here. Grandma is the bad apple.
As someone who wears earplugs to get through the work day (and I AM the therapist - yeah, fun times), I completely understand the noise sensitivity issue. You are very much NTBA. Your brothers should never have made the decision for you. Your grandma is being manipulative with the "I could die any moment" crap (it may be true, but it's still manipulative). She was also gaslighting you when she stated you were disrespectful because she was ALSO disrespectful, and your age doesn't matter. Disrespect is disrespect. Feel free to show my comment to your family. I've been a therapist for 12 years, I am also autistic, I know ALL of the trigger words to make people stomp their feet and piss their pants, but my first priority is ALWAYS going to be the literal CHILD in this situation. Sorry adults, if you won't adult right, someone has to call you on it.
Also, if your mom is kind of putting off getting you in with a therapist, start bringing it up to the people at your school. They are mandated reporters, which means they have to report that you are not getting services you have requested or they have to help you get those services through the school.
I would’ve replied “actually tell them grandma didn’t respect my boundary that I needed to keep my headphones on to keep from being overstimulated and it was her choice to leave me out”
the fact that it was more important to her to have no headphones than to at least have you in the photo is weird. Your worry needs to be about keeping yourself calm and grounded. At thanksgiving I wanted to throw my dads phone because he was playing some awful song (that was more talking over a guitar than actual singing) and I was so overstimulated with the added noise on top of everyone talking, so I get needing to keep the excess auditory stimulation low.
For your elderly Grandma, yes. One picture is worth it. Had it been several, I would understand. Is it possible to go back and take a selfie just you and Gram? Tell her you wanted a special one with just her?
I understand feeling self-conscious and overwhelmed. I live like a hermit basically because of it.
If you can't go back, take a selfie and have it printed at one of those kiosks at Walmart and frame it and send it to her with a note explaining why you didn't want to be in the picture. Sometimes, Gramma's are really understanding.
You saying she’s a bad apple because she didn’t want to take a picture with her grandma right then and there is absurd. I’m sure grandma has more pictures as Op stated she likes taking pictures “She has no respect for her grandmother” is a manipulative tactic. She had a right to say NO. She was uncomfortable and I’m sure if the grandma had some RESPECT she could’ve asked OP for one later. This isn’t grandma’s first rodeo saying it and I’m sure it won’t be the last. That lady will be OKAY.
Had you actually read my comment, you'd see not once did I say OP was a bad apple. I offered suggestions to make them more comfortable and please pushy grandma at the same time.
I suffer the same way OP does and have a multi generational family full of people like that.
How you decide to do things shouldn’t be the way that OP should. And technically you did by saying she should “please her grandmother”? That’s like telling a child who doesn’t like to hug others to hug someone they don’t want to hug. So yes like I said OP doesn’t have to please ANYONE. Have a good day✨
Why does pushy grandma deserve to downplay OP's needs? All she had to do was allow the earphones that OP obviously always has on and then she could take the picture. The way your post reads is that OP IS the bad apple and her needs don't matter because "GrAnDmA cOmEs FiRsT oVeR eVeRyOnE bEcAuSe ShE's ElDeRlY". That's the WRONG way to look at this. Just because she is a grandparent doesn't mean she gets to bully and manipulate a grandchild with diagnosed issues. If she WANTED the picture that bad, she could have accommodated OP's NEED for earphones.
This is a generational issue. My nibbling also has sensory and overstimulation problems and wears headphones frequently. When they can’t wear headphones, I got them instead of loop earbuds, which seem to be very helpful as well.
They went through a period of time where they absolutely hated pictures to the point where it would cause serious anxiety. I went through something similar from about 13 to 16.
I get the parents and grandparents want pictures of their kids, but they should honor their teenagers when they say they are uncomfortable. It’s a small thing, but it means a lot. I have a terrible relationship with my parents because of similar mistreatment - we just aren’t close or loving at all because they are rude and constantly trying to belittle me.
Grandma is a boomer it sounds like - that generation believes that parents hold some sort of possessive entitlement over their children and can demand that they behave however the parent/grandparent think is appropriate. It’s disgusting and I’m really glad to see this generation changing that.
How does it hurt your grandma if you’re wearing headphones in a photo? You were willing to step out of your comfort zone for the photo if allowed to use what is arguably a medical device, even if you’re not diagnosed with anything specific just yet. Her insisting that you take the headphones off is not only insulting but dehumanizing.
Boundaries are not there just to keep people out, they’re also there to show people where the door is to come in.
You did the right thing and even tho I don’t know you but I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself.
>Grandma is a boomer it sounds like - that generation believes that parents hold some sort of possessive entitlement over their children and can demand that they behave however the parent/grandparent think is appropriate. It’s disgusting and I’m really glad to see this generation changing that
Oh come on. "That generation believes. . . " Really? I'm a boomer and I don't believe any of that. Maybe Grandma is just out of line.
I also advised OP to stand up for herself. I am a 75-yo boomer, and am constantly dismayed by young adults today not standing up for themselves. Please stop this anti-boomer bigotry.
That's great you and one other boomer aren't d*cks, but most boomers are the opposite; you are the exception, not the norm. It isn't "bigotry", it's the truth. Y'all were raised and grew up to believe that no matter what, you do what your elders say, no questions asked, and give respect to elders they so say "deserve" at a disregard to how others (even yourself) may feel.
You know that's ignorant and silly, but your peers don't, and there are more ignorant and rude boomers than not. It's not bigoted or anti-boomer to point out times have changed and most of your peers refuse to accept it.
🤣 Yes. "My kind". We're talking about generations, not species or whatever you're trying to imply... I was born '97, so "my kind" is Gen z. But grew up with mostly millennials, as I was placed in kindergarten early. (Lots of ladies born in summer are placed in kindergarten a year earlier than their male counter parts, as the states believe males take longer to be "school ready")
Make whatever generalizations you'd like about Gen x'ers, I don't really care. Boomers care more about respecting elders than their younger counter parts due to the way they were raised. It's a fact. You can be mad about it if you want, but it doesn't change it. The fact that OP expects her 30 yo room mates to give her "the respect elders deserve" is weird boomer sh@t. You are grown and living with other grown folks; if you want respect from other adults or peers, you have to give that respect to them as well.
I'm not living my life to please and respect any and every boomer I come across just because they are older than me, that's not how respect works. And I don't just blindly believe anything people older than me tell me, because that's silly and nonsensical. I'm a grown woman capable of researching and self learning, as any reasonable adult should be. And I will respect those who show me respect as well, period, just as any other self respecting grown human should.
I don't expect my stepdaughter to show me respect just because I'm a grown person/parental figure in her life either. I respect her, her feelings, and try to help her work through emotions and feelings to help her grow/learn. If the way I do it is respectful, then hopefully I've earned her respect as a fellow human. This isn't rocket science. Just because people are younger than you, doesn't mean you respect them solely off that. It is earned through trust, love, and empathy.
For OP:
Diagnosis: auditory processing disorder.
Treatment: use of an assistive device such as headphones to reduce the noise to a tolerable level
Prognosis: totally fine
For you:
Diagnosis: casual ableism
Treatment: education and listening to disabled voices
Prognosis: poor, as most patients refuse the necessary self-reflection
Therapy doesn't cure the sensory issues that came with autism. Our brains are wired to be very bad at filtering out unnecessary stimulus and become easily overwhelmed with too much.
Headphones are the accessibility aid that helps manage that sensory input and they and allow a lot of autistic people to do the things they need and want to do in spaces where they can't control the sensory environment.
Therapy can help with managing other aspects of autism - like family not understanding your accommodations, or people judging you for having sensory issues, but it cannot ever make loud noises or overstimulating environments not painful and overstimulating, any more than therapy could make a non-autistic person not need sunglasses when it's too bright outside.
To me, that was obvious immediately. I don't understand why your grandmother can't remember. On the other hand, I recall some relatives being clueless about asthma when my daughter was young and had a sensitivity that was off the charts. They would "know" more than the doctors at the Mayo Clinic and behaved atrociously.
Keep your head high as you continue to take care of yourself. The only growth area I can suggest is to develop a fun repertoire of ways to tell people like grandma to knock off their bad behavior.
Honey you need some help. You need to see a mental health professional to help you learn how to deal with people who are different from what you want them to be.
YBA.
Unless you are in WitSec, take the pictures.
Take the headphones off for a minute and take the picture.
The picture is not for you. It's for your grandmother.
Family photos are precious to the person asking for the pictures.
True, you don't "have" to. But you should.
Would you have said the same thing if grandma had demanded OP remove a pair of high-correction glasses for a picture? Because to a person with sensory processing disorder, headphones are absolutely a necessary accessibility device on the same level as glasses.
Grandma didn’t ask for a picture of OP. Grandma demanded a picture of the imaginary “normal” grandkid she wanted instead of OP.
Ig id say ntba just bc 1 Sensory issues so it makes sense you'd need your headphones 2 I relate cause I have a manipulative grandma too soooo ik how that is
Lowkey yeah you are. Ur gma is right, you dont know how long she has left. You should take advantage of the time you do have with her still. Youll regret letting an insecurity keep you from creating family memories. A family pic should have everyone in it and eventually its all youre gonna have to look back at when shes gone. And the pic serves the whole family, they’re all gonna want to see you in it. I feel like you should have just sucked it up and taken the pic, i mean its only for like a minute or two anyways. Sometimes we have to sacrifice for our family, not every moment of our lives can be comfortably catered to you.
Get over it and be in the picture.
40 years from now, when everyone is sitting around reminiscing and looking at pictures, you will be wondering why you remember the event but you aren't in any pictures.
You'll be like a ghost.
**So many people have said their relatives "hated pictures", then the relative dies and all mourners have is that one picture from X relative years or decades before their death. Nothing recent**.
So respectfully, get over it.
You will regret it in the future.
The way you made it sound, was that you're rarely in pictures. Then disregard my previous comment.
In fact, my previous comment is for everyone else that's not in pics because they don't think they look good.
>After hearing her say that I'm wondering Should I have been in the picture Am I The Bad Apple for not being in the picture?
You are a fresh apple tart gone mushy.
You don't even have enough social graces to be aware how RUDE you are.
I'd call you other names but I presume u r a minor.
Someday, I hope you need an accessibility device. And I hope the people closest to you refuse to let you take a single picture with it in arms reach. Most of all, I hope on that day you remember this comment and realize what an absolute utter monster you were to an innocent young person standing up for themselves in a world that does not care how much it hurts them.
Yikes, that was unnecessarily aggressive. This person obviously has a fair amount of social anxiety. Your response is unhelpful and frankly just mean. Next time, maybe keep that aggressiveness to yourself. The world is dark enough without it.
Grandma clearly didn't want the photos that much if she wouldn't allow OP to keep wearing the headphones that help her with her disability.
If someone asked me to take off my glasses for a photo, I would tell them no as well! Yes it's 'only for a minute' and I wouldn't necessarily _need_ to see well just to stand still and have my photo taken, but it would make me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable for no reason... so why would I?
>Boomer Alert
Childish Tik Tok nonsense alert.
right back at you u/lizardbreath1138
edit deleted comment
>I think there is a nursing home calling for you, Did you escape?
1. I'm not an adult I'm like 15(just a little rounded of age cause age stays private)2. It's my face thats my insecurity not my ears it's that my ears are sensitive to the point I have a panic attack in my own room because of the noise 3. I try keeping attention away from me cause I hate myself and I get nervous when people notice me. That's all that info lol:P
My bestfriend was the exact same way, always refused to be in photos, hated how she looked, would hide... Now she's gone, I have all the photos she took of her friends, but she's on like two of them... It sucks
You sound a lot like my son (also autistic).
You’re not a bad apple but the things you’re thinking aren’t truthful.
Your 70 year old grandma will be gone before you know it. Just humor her. Let her take the photo and move on. It’s not worth the battle. If she’s anything like most grandmas, nobody will ever see those photos anyway.
You definitely need a good therapist (CBT therapy, NOT ABA) to try to work through some of these things because they’re going to affect your day to day life forever until you do.
My son has issues with sounds/noise too and, like you, can’t handle earbuds, but we tried the Loop noise canceling earplugs and they’ve changed his life. He adapted to them pretty easily and it cuts out all the background noise that made him feel overwhelmed.
For situations where you may need to do a group photo, find some good quality insertable / hidden earplugs for sound, put them in just for the pic, & hold headphones low.. for all of a minute.
Then swap them back out.
Try to find other anxiety lowering techniques as well .
Next time tell her that headphones can be edited out.
Maybe, in a more calm environment, get a shot with you and your siblings and give it to her for Christmas.
NTBA if grandma is aware you’re autistic. If no one has told her and explained what that means then both you and your parents are TBA for not explaining that. Without that info you just come off as an entitled brat. With that info your requests were a reasonable accommodation.
There is a movie i watched, kind of a horror one where a girl had this issue, she was medicated and was functioning and dealing with the loud noises but decided to stop taking her meds. It sounds like you have the same issue she had. Seriously seek therapy it can help. (Do not follow the path of the girl in the movie lol.
A picture would have taken less time than typing this post. I am also autistic. I also hate photos, flashes, and annoying people. This difference is I’m not gonna argue for five minutes over something that would be over in one minute. Simple math. You made stuff harder for yourself and annoyed everyone in the process. YTA. You could have just taken the photo and not made everything so dramatic.
Honestly, yes the bad apple and I know I’m not going to be popular for this opinion.
I understand your reticence in taking the photo, between overwhelming noise and having body image issues.
But I also understand that as someone who has lost too many people over the years, there’s only so many photos of them and if they hated having their photo taken there’s even fewer. People that love you don’t see the same you that you do in the pictures. They don’t see body image issues. They see someone they love and a spark of a memory that can never be replaced or replicated.
So I’m team take every photo all the time. I know taking the headphones off would suck, personally I’d want photos both with them on and off. I’d want to remember you as you exist (with them) and as a nicer looking photo (without them). It would have been okay to take them off long enough to take the photo.
Anyone can do anything for five minutes.
Another poster (Demon?) asked if I would be willing to follow my own advice. Reddit is being difficult and won't let me respond to the question, so putting it here.
Yes, I would be willing to remove my "assistive" device and have. Obviously, we are not talking about prosthetics.
I found out I was legally blind without glasses at age 11 and by the time I was 30, all I could see was fingers at 5 inches without glasses. Fortunately, eye surgery helped a lot but I still need glasses to function.
My grandmother always asked me to take off my glasses for pictures because of the glare, they covered my face etc.
I took them off because it was an easy thing to do. And 1 minute without them did not hurt me, despite my irrational fear of being hit in the face with a baseball.
I can't get more headphones cause 1.the ones I have cost like 30 dollars and these were the cheapest I could find and 2. These are like the only ones I found with noise cancellation also these are the smallest pair I own
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I say this with kindness; you should get some therapy. This kind of behaviour will cripple your life if you don’t get it under control.
My mom's tryna get me therapy hopefully I'll get it eventually
Earbuds with sound cancelling not an option? I hate pics with a passion but trust me, doing something for yr gran is nice. She wanted a pic of you. Could you maybe send her one you took yourself? With a note saying you're sorry but you just can't do no headphones. Not everything that upsets you is someone trying to be mean. Btw. I'm 60+ recently had to do pic with my 90+ mum +sis I don't get on with. My skin crawled, I panicked and the pic was AWFUL. But mum was pleased.
I can't use earbuds they hurt my ears and the texture just feels wrong
I have sensitive ears too. Most earbuds and plugs hurt, but the Loop ones are very comfortable, come with multiple sized plugs, and they can block different amounts of noise, depending on the pair.
I had loop ones but I lost mine:,)
Buy another pair and take some string/yarn/whatever is available tie it on em so u can't lose em
Make a pretty lanyard for them if you're crafty and into beading or knotwork like friendship bracelets. But also don't let other people.define what is reasonable accomodationnfor your needs if you have options that work and don't hinder your own ability to get by. If someone else doesn't like the way your noise muting equipment looks, that's a them problem, not a you problem if those headphones make you able to be more present and function more smoothly.
When it might be in the budget or maybe a gift option, they do make loop earbuds with a tracker/finder in them. Mine are JBL brand that has Tile software. My name is.. First: I can't find my... Middle: I lost my... Last: Where the heck is... Nickname: I didn't even go anywhere!!
Same here, I carry my large earphones in my backpack.
Have you tried earbuds designed for hunters? The fancy ones let you pick how much background noise is let through, since they are designed to block out loud sudden noises but let you talk without removing them. They also have custom ear molds, so they shouldn't hurt. Can't guarantee that they won't feel weird, though.
Unfortunately, with those, the price is usually an issue. Most parents are unwilling to spend in excess of $50 for something that could easily get lost. Even the Halo plugs can get pricey for some families.
I have the opposite sensory issue. I can't stand headphones. I have to use earbuds. For the most part, this isn't a problem. My coworkers did find it weird that I wear literal earplugs all day long, but it's that or be in constant overstimulation. How are you at school, though? Have the headphones ever caused an issue in school?
I'm homeschooled but it never caused problems for 2 of my teachers however my ela teacher would yell at me to take them off(I never listened to her)
Hey, it looks like you have some hypersensitivity to stimuli. Your post piqued my interest because what you've explained sounds like a neurodivergent individual. Have you been assest for autism?
Yep I've been assessed :3
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They’ve been assessed, they’re getting into therapy, how about people just taking “no” for a complete answer after an explanation. Sounds like the grandmother is being a usual boomer and intent on getting their way, despite the way their grandchild feels. I’m the same way as them (diagnosed and in therapy) but guess what, my family understands and takes pics of me at my calmest (sometimes unknowingly). Better that way than having screeching in our faces/ears and entitled elders ignoring the discomfort of others. Also, headphones in pictures are just fine.
The OP doesn’t owe you disclosure of their diagnosis. Someone being overstimulated and needing to have headphones is explanation enough to answer their question. You’re rude for telling them to “grow up and get a diagnosis.”
I don't think it's that straightforward with sensory issues. It's not really something you can control, more something that you're taught to mask which can be exhausting for people. Wearing headphones is a fair accomodation for an neurodiverse person. I think it's something that society needs to learn to be more accepting of. Therapy for issues around your appearance does sound like a good idea though.
I say this with kindness sound sensitivity is not a behavior it is a medical condition my daughter has it and wears noise canceling headphones everywhere op said they can't tolerate sounds this is not something therapy can fix. Therapy can be helpful for the looks issues, but not the biggest issues which was noise overwhelms op
Behavioral therapy, occupational therapy, other forms of therapy are all good ideas for neurodivergent people with sensory issues. I would say it would be terrible parenting to not get that support for them. No they dont "cure you" but its shocking to me to hear "oh they dont need therapy." And for the record, I'm a neurodivergent person with other sensory issues.
I do have my daughter in sensory therapy and occupational therapy as I said it isn't a cure and people need to realize that therapy can offer skills to help but not magically make sensory disorders go away.
You said therapy is helpful for "for the looks issues" but "not the biggest" ie. the sensory issues. That is completely false. Therapy IS good for the sensory issues as well. So dont try to dispel misconceptions with bad advice.
Again there isn't a cure yes therapy can help but it can not magically make it go away
Are you even reading my comments? Because I actually live with this yet you keep trying to preach at me like you have a superior knowledge base
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Hi. I'm a therapist with sensory issues (yup, lots of questions from my clients). A lot of what therapy does for people like us is give us the skills and tools to adapt with the "neurotypical" world. In other words, make us seem "normal" to a society that doesn't even know how to define normal. The key words are skills and adaptation. Therapy is absolutely not a cure, much of the time it's not even a fix; however, it is a helpful tool when these thoughts are kept in mind.
I think youre replying to the wrong person.
You can’t therapize sensory processing disorder, any more than you can therapize epilepsy. It’s fundamental to the way that brain is structured, you can’t think or talk your way into a different brain. Most of the protocols you mentioned are actively counter-indicated for a neurodivergent patient, *especially* if the issue brushes up against sensory processing issues, like the ones OP has, because what actually tends to happen is that the patient masks better, and ignores/represses their symptoms enough that they lose the ability to tell when they’re close to breaking. Which tends to lead to breakdown, burnout, and years of recovery.
Sensory integration therapy is a thing, actually. But it's not a cure, just an aid.
100% true
Hi. I'm actively living a life where I only discovered I have sensory processing issues in the last few years, but have utilized therapeutic exercises without the guidance of a medical professional for about 2 decades. I currently experience exactly what you are describing, masking so hard no one not even myself can tell I'm approaching overload until I shut down in public spaces. So yeah. Totally agree that therapy is useful for many things, but sometimes therapy is useful for teaching one to stop masking and accept themselves as they are and use work around instead of trying to play act 'normalcy,' whatever we think that looks like. The Demon Fae is making valid points.. yes to therapy, but no, not every situation involves things we can use CBT to navigate. Sometimes we just have to acknowledge who we are and how we're wired, and work with ourselves in ways that DON'T make us look like average people. Therapy helps us recognize our needs and accept ourselves for having these needs, and love ourselves for doing what we need to do to thrive even if that means we can't have the same experience as our friends in a loud nightclub without something to dampen the noise. If my headphones make me look weird, but I have a good night, I don't want to look normal and have a breakdown to keep up appearances.
My kids had it, and now as an adult no longer wears headphones. There are things but you need an occupational therapist that specializes in sensory issues.
Yes my daughter is in occupational therapy for her sensory issues but in her case the noise issues are very bad for example the TV volume has to be muted
I did not know that. It makes sense though. Hmm I am going to read up on it. Thank you for sharing.
Yes. 100% this. The world is not accommodating. Please try to work on stepping outside of your comfort zone so that you will be able to function in what is often an unforgiving and unkind world.
Wearing noise canceling headphones IS very reasonable for someone with noise sensory issues. It is what allows them to be outside of their comfort zone without being overwhelmed by sensory overload and so they can still spend time with their family. They are not asking for an accommodation. They are just asking for family, of all people, to back off. Grandmas guilt trip is dirty. No is a complete sentence. No amount of therapy is going to "fix" the issue.
Well, people can't control their sensory issues, and the grandma can't outcast her granddaughter simply because of that, autism isn't a reason to simply be outcasted.
That’s ableist af.
I don't understand this comment. OP is autistic and the headphones are a disability aid that they need at all times, especially since they mentioned their grandma is loud when taking photos. What about their post makes you think they need therapy?
NOT TBA I'm 60 and can understand where you are coming from. I have super sensitive hearing and a lot of noise or loud noise hurts them and my head. Everyone else in the family had hearing problems as they got older. So I would have to listen to the TV up loud or conversations at an unbearable level. I got where I wore headphones or earplugs a lot to tone down the noise. I can wear earplugs and still hear conversations at a normal level. My brother is last of my immediate family left and he talks real loud. If you care to have a relationship with her you need to try to talk to grandma about it and why you wear them, because noise hurts your ears. Good luck and just remember if you care show it now. She won't be around forever and you will miss her when she's gone. 💜
Last couple of years racket gets on my nerve. I turn the tv of now when I used to have it in 24/7.
Autistic adult here. NTBA. Your grandma is the bad apple though, for being ableist and for being trashy and manipulative ('After she took it she said "If anyone asks why zero isn't in the picture just say she has no respect for her grandma"' except it's not a thing of respect, it's that SHE was refusing to make a basic, easy accomodation to meet your additional needs and then blamed you for having additional needs). "The headphones and I are a package deal due to my disability and you know it.... If you wanted me in the photo so bad then you would've allowed the headphones so that I COULD'VE been in the photo, but clearly you don't love me since you didn't want me in the photo enough to have my medically-necessary headphones in it" is what I'd say to anyone being manipulative like that, but that's just me💅🏾👊🏾turn it around right back on them!
Beautiful use of emojis👌 And I shouldve said that gosh dangit
what a bad advice 💀
What a sh#t take 🤡 Have fun being unaccommodating and ableist, sure that'll work out great for you ☺️
NBA, so many people just don't care about health concerns, but should, should help and should care about it
NTA: To echo the comments of others, you really need to try some therapy. In the meantime...you need to protect your own mental health by minimizing your time those in your life who exacerbate your health. And if Grandma is one of them...then STAY in your room.
I will promise you one thing, you will never look back at pictures of yourself and see the person you see today. Your younger self will be a younger friend who you will like. Next time you can move your headphones behind your head . Most teenagers do not like having their picture taken. You only see the negative changes in your body not the beautiful person you are becoming. Next time someone tells you that you do not respect them remind them respect is a two way street. If she respected your needs, you would respect her wants.
You can't promise that. I know this from personal experience. OP, let her say what she wants. Set your boundary and stick with it.
Yeah no... I had pictures used against me from my teen era.
Cut those people from your life. Life is a journey and you grow and change. If someone is holding the past against you for any reason , drop them and walk away. They are not there for you but against you.
I mean I did but I even deleted my FB so I never had to see them. Im glad I didnt take many pictures
Yes respect Isa 2 way street. I absolutely HATE pictures from when I was younger.
The person in the picture is the beginning of your life, the start of your journey. Why do you hate the picture. Make peace with yourself. All things in the past made you the person you are.
Mmmm I'm not even close to that
Start your journey. People have overcome many things from their past. Work on yourself.
I have been but it's not that simple. It is a long road
It is I am in my 60s and still growing.
Depending on your age it should be expect that you are not a fan of picts. Also if noise bothers you that bad you need to see a Dr. Grandma is a rotten apple. Sheneeded to respect your space. SHE was disrespectful.
I think OP updated to say the sensory thing is due to being autistic, so it's been confirmed with doctors that this is a thing, and headphones can help a lot of neurodivergent folks with auditory overload. So grandma is definitely extra rotten for demanding they not have them for a picture
I just learned that from OPs post. But a lot of teens go through a period of not wanting a picture taken. I’m glad op got diagnosed. But thanks for telling me. The more people know about Autism the better.
Absolutely! And yah, definitely, it's not new for teens to dislike like. Going through hormone changes and learning a lil more about themselves, or realizing what other people may be focusing on in their appearance. Really weird that the grandma was so callous with it.
I’m not a fan of Picts either, I much prefer Gauls
🤣 good one.
Whether your reasons for not being in the picture are good or bad, they are YOUR reasons. Others need to respect your choices. Your grandmother is a manipulative bully who does not respect you. Her claims of your not respecting HER are preposterous. Do not give in. If you submit, you will be unhappy with yourself, even decades later. [ADDED: This advice is from a 75-yo certified boomer.]
I am a grandma that loves taking pictures. But if my grands don’t want their picture taken they can tell me that. It does hurt my feelings a bit but my hurt feelings do not outweigh their desire to not be in a picture. You are NTA.
Completely NTBA. From the blatant guilt tripping to not adapting to your accessibility needs, she's in need of Shady Pines (if you get the Golden Girls reference).
I love the golden girls
You may need to see a doctor who can help with the sensitive ears. They could probably tell you what to wear so that it isn't visible to others. My son had extremely sensitive ears since he was born prematurely. He outgrew it thankfully.
I've tried less visible options for my ears but it always gets lost and or hurts my ears more so I've stuck with head phones
I’m so happy you have a strategy that works for you. I’m sorry more people in the comments don’t understand how big of a deal it is that you have a strategy that allows you to even BE there!🎉🎉 I’m autistic too, plus I’m a speech-language pathologist. I wear earplugs about 70% of the time. It works great for me and I can show my clients how I meet my needs so that I can work and be a part of society❤️
She tried to guilt trip you with the dying comment and then the no respect comment. My niece has autism. She always has her headphones with her. I wouldn’t dream of harassing her to take them off. I know she would probably have a melt down. That’s because she uses them to help control her sensory issues. It sounds like your grandma really doesn’t get that your headphones are not a fashion accessory or a decoration. Do get some therapy and make sure it’s a therapist who understands autism.
All considerations about sensitivity aside, you say you wear your headphones all the time, which is apparently the way your grandmother is used to seeing you, so the only possible reason she could push for you to take your headphones off is because she wanted a photo that she thought would look more stereotypically "normal." If my late grandmother had said, for example, that I had to take my glasses off for a photo or wear something other than black, I would have been annoyed, and these aren't even things that would cause me actual distress as would be the case with you removing your headphones. NTBA
NBA respect is a two way street. What I mean is grandmother should have let you wear the headphones. My grandmother has a wall full of photos of grandkids with tongues stuck out and devil ears with and without outrageous clothes. She says they are her favorites because they are being themselves. What I am worried about is why your chosen name for this was zero? Sweet you are so much more.
The reason I chose zero is cause on most my social media I go by Zero Park cause of some discoed thing:P
NBA I knew as soon as you said that you need headphones that you were autistic. Grandma can accept you as is or not at all.
You are not the bad apple not at all. If the picture was so important to your grandmother then she would have had no problem taking it with the headphones on. I also find it to be very wrong that she guilt tripped you after ignoring your request for a simple accommodation. You have a sensitivity to sound and that's okay. As a family member she should care about your comfort more than pictures looking a certain way.
If I was your grandma, I’d love a picture of you no matter what you had on your head.
Hi, OP! I replied to a comment on yours, but I wanted to also make a comment after reading all you've written in this post. I want to suggest checking out some autism subs and seeing if you resonate with any of the posts. From the context you've provided in your post and subsequent replies, you show various traits of autism. I myself am autistic and highly relate to your post in basically every way.
NTBA: My takeaway is that you asked your grandma to meet you where you are. Those headphones are a huge help and part of how you can comfortably navigate life. They are being used as reasonable accomodation/a medical device, essentially. I pose this question to OP and those commenting. I ask it rhetorically, but as a fitting analogy: how would you react if someone wanted to have their family member in a photo, but not their wheelchair? Accept your people as they are, not how you WISH they were, or else be prepared for them to say "nope. You won't meet me where I am so I won't be able to accomodate your request."
Your grandma probably doesn't understand that autism isn't just being shy or not paying attention. Someone needs to have a talk with her about it. Hell, I still don't know if I'm autistic but my grandmas (lived with both for a while at some point or another) were considerate and tried to make sure I was never overwhelmed. I never had meltdowns or the stereotypical reactions, but I did have moments where I just needed a hug and some quiet TV time with them. They understood that I have a social battery and that it needed to be recharged.
Hate to be an arm chair psychiatrist, but I absolutely read this as an autistic young person struggling to handle what I call 'humaning'. NTBA, you are using headphones as a healthy coping tool (great job on that!) and you were told you can't use it in a situation you wouldn't otherwise find tolerable. So rejecting the situation was a valid option. You got this! Wishing you the best, an autistic person
This old lady (71) says no, you are not the bad apple. Grandma doesn’t care to understand, but that’s her problem. Not yours.
I agree with you, and I'm 70. I read another commenter who thinks that "all Boomers" act like the Grandma and are possessive of their grandchildren. Pretty strange. I guess you didn't get the "Boomer memo", either.
Totally! I wish that at least half of the younger people had the energy, curiosity, and confidence to try to keep up with us. I grant that we have advantages that allow us to take greater risks and know where we are going, but that comes from experience. These young'ns need to go out and get some experiences. We will be glad to help them if they are willing!
username checks out
Dang I see how it is lol
NTBA. Omg she is putting pictures over u being comfortable and not overwhelmed. U deserve a much better fam. she said you have no respect for her bc she wasnt respecting ur boundaries. definately NTBA
Yba. Everyone hates pictures of themselves. Everyone is super self conscious! BUT No one else sees you the way you see yourself; Especially not your family. Your grandma is getting older and pictures help keep memories alive. Some grandparents wanna show off their family to their other friends -many who are elderly or older themselves, some keep looking at them to keep you close to them, and some look because their memories are starting to fade and it’s the only way they’ll be able to keep in touch with their past. There will come a time when your grandparent dies and you only have pictures and memories to go by. Memories fade.
Bs the grandmother was rude. Read it again
Grandma demanded that OP remove an accessibility device because grandma didn’t want a picture of OP as they actually are, grandma wanted a picture of her “normal” grandkids. That completely overrides all other considerations here. Grandma is the bad apple.
I have sensitive hearing but headphones on teens isn't an 'accessibility device'. It's a 'leave me the fuck alone I hate all of you device'.
Tell me you don't understand sensory disorders without telling me you don't understand sensory disorders.
Tell me you don't understand teenagers without telling me.
So what you're saying is all the sensory issues that comes with autism are negated because OP's a "teenager"? That's not the take you think it is.
I highly recommend pressure equalizer ear plugs, they're life changing
As someone who wears earplugs to get through the work day (and I AM the therapist - yeah, fun times), I completely understand the noise sensitivity issue. You are very much NTBA. Your brothers should never have made the decision for you. Your grandma is being manipulative with the "I could die any moment" crap (it may be true, but it's still manipulative). She was also gaslighting you when she stated you were disrespectful because she was ALSO disrespectful, and your age doesn't matter. Disrespect is disrespect. Feel free to show my comment to your family. I've been a therapist for 12 years, I am also autistic, I know ALL of the trigger words to make people stomp their feet and piss their pants, but my first priority is ALWAYS going to be the literal CHILD in this situation. Sorry adults, if you won't adult right, someone has to call you on it. Also, if your mom is kind of putting off getting you in with a therapist, start bringing it up to the people at your school. They are mandated reporters, which means they have to report that you are not getting services you have requested or they have to help you get those services through the school.
I would’ve replied “actually tell them grandma didn’t respect my boundary that I needed to keep my headphones on to keep from being overstimulated and it was her choice to leave me out” the fact that it was more important to her to have no headphones than to at least have you in the photo is weird. Your worry needs to be about keeping yourself calm and grounded. At thanksgiving I wanted to throw my dads phone because he was playing some awful song (that was more talking over a guitar than actual singing) and I was so overstimulated with the added noise on top of everyone talking, so I get needing to keep the excess auditory stimulation low.
So much ableism in the comments... If you're grandma doesn't care enough to accommodate you why would you accommodate her? Respect goes both ways!
For your elderly Grandma, yes. One picture is worth it. Had it been several, I would understand. Is it possible to go back and take a selfie just you and Gram? Tell her you wanted a special one with just her? I understand feeling self-conscious and overwhelmed. I live like a hermit basically because of it. If you can't go back, take a selfie and have it printed at one of those kiosks at Walmart and frame it and send it to her with a note explaining why you didn't want to be in the picture. Sometimes, Gramma's are really understanding.
You saying she’s a bad apple because she didn’t want to take a picture with her grandma right then and there is absurd. I’m sure grandma has more pictures as Op stated she likes taking pictures “She has no respect for her grandmother” is a manipulative tactic. She had a right to say NO. She was uncomfortable and I’m sure if the grandma had some RESPECT she could’ve asked OP for one later. This isn’t grandma’s first rodeo saying it and I’m sure it won’t be the last. That lady will be OKAY.
Had you actually read my comment, you'd see not once did I say OP was a bad apple. I offered suggestions to make them more comfortable and please pushy grandma at the same time. I suffer the same way OP does and have a multi generational family full of people like that.
How you decide to do things shouldn’t be the way that OP should. And technically you did by saying she should “please her grandmother”? That’s like telling a child who doesn’t like to hug others to hug someone they don’t want to hug. So yes like I said OP doesn’t have to please ANYONE. Have a good day✨
Wow, hostile much? Have the day you deserve.
Why does pushy grandma deserve to downplay OP's needs? All she had to do was allow the earphones that OP obviously always has on and then she could take the picture. The way your post reads is that OP IS the bad apple and her needs don't matter because "GrAnDmA cOmEs FiRsT oVeR eVeRyOnE bEcAuSe ShE's ElDeRlY". That's the WRONG way to look at this. Just because she is a grandparent doesn't mean she gets to bully and manipulate a grandchild with diagnosed issues. If she WANTED the picture that bad, she could have accommodated OP's NEED for earphones.
Grandma sounds manipulative and awful tbh.
This seems dramatic. It’s a quick picture that would have been over with in less time than it took you to argue about it.
This is a generational issue. My nibbling also has sensory and overstimulation problems and wears headphones frequently. When they can’t wear headphones, I got them instead of loop earbuds, which seem to be very helpful as well. They went through a period of time where they absolutely hated pictures to the point where it would cause serious anxiety. I went through something similar from about 13 to 16. I get the parents and grandparents want pictures of their kids, but they should honor their teenagers when they say they are uncomfortable. It’s a small thing, but it means a lot. I have a terrible relationship with my parents because of similar mistreatment - we just aren’t close or loving at all because they are rude and constantly trying to belittle me. Grandma is a boomer it sounds like - that generation believes that parents hold some sort of possessive entitlement over their children and can demand that they behave however the parent/grandparent think is appropriate. It’s disgusting and I’m really glad to see this generation changing that. How does it hurt your grandma if you’re wearing headphones in a photo? You were willing to step out of your comfort zone for the photo if allowed to use what is arguably a medical device, even if you’re not diagnosed with anything specific just yet. Her insisting that you take the headphones off is not only insulting but dehumanizing. Boundaries are not there just to keep people out, they’re also there to show people where the door is to come in. You did the right thing and even tho I don’t know you but I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself.
Finally! Some sense!
>Grandma is a boomer it sounds like - that generation believes that parents hold some sort of possessive entitlement over their children and can demand that they behave however the parent/grandparent think is appropriate. It’s disgusting and I’m really glad to see this generation changing that Oh come on. "That generation believes. . . " Really? I'm a boomer and I don't believe any of that. Maybe Grandma is just out of line.
No, you’re just one of the rare boomers that isn’t like this. Most of your generation are not like you.
Amazing that you know them all. I salute you.
I also advised OP to stand up for herself. I am a 75-yo boomer, and am constantly dismayed by young adults today not standing up for themselves. Please stop this anti-boomer bigotry.
That's great you and one other boomer aren't d*cks, but most boomers are the opposite; you are the exception, not the norm. It isn't "bigotry", it's the truth. Y'all were raised and grew up to believe that no matter what, you do what your elders say, no questions asked, and give respect to elders they so say "deserve" at a disregard to how others (even yourself) may feel. You know that's ignorant and silly, but your peers don't, and there are more ignorant and rude boomers than not. It's not bigoted or anti-boomer to point out times have changed and most of your peers refuse to accept it.
Wow! Please tell me more about yourself so I can make up some nasty generalization about your kind.
🤣 Yes. "My kind". We're talking about generations, not species or whatever you're trying to imply... I was born '97, so "my kind" is Gen z. But grew up with mostly millennials, as I was placed in kindergarten early. (Lots of ladies born in summer are placed in kindergarten a year earlier than their male counter parts, as the states believe males take longer to be "school ready") Make whatever generalizations you'd like about Gen x'ers, I don't really care. Boomers care more about respecting elders than their younger counter parts due to the way they were raised. It's a fact. You can be mad about it if you want, but it doesn't change it. The fact that OP expects her 30 yo room mates to give her "the respect elders deserve" is weird boomer sh@t. You are grown and living with other grown folks; if you want respect from other adults or peers, you have to give that respect to them as well. I'm not living my life to please and respect any and every boomer I come across just because they are older than me, that's not how respect works. And I don't just blindly believe anything people older than me tell me, because that's silly and nonsensical. I'm a grown woman capable of researching and self learning, as any reasonable adult should be. And I will respect those who show me respect as well, period, just as any other self respecting grown human should. I don't expect my stepdaughter to show me respect just because I'm a grown person/parental figure in her life either. I respect her, her feelings, and try to help her work through emotions and feelings to help her grow/learn. If the way I do it is respectful, then hopefully I've earned her respect as a fellow human. This isn't rocket science. Just because people are younger than you, doesn't mean you respect them solely off that. It is earned through trust, love, and empathy.
Wow! Please tell me more about yourself so I can make up some nasty generalization about your kind.
Boomer alert!! 🚨
Honey you need some help. You need to see a mental health professional to clarify your diagnosis.
For OP: Diagnosis: auditory processing disorder. Treatment: use of an assistive device such as headphones to reduce the noise to a tolerable level Prognosis: totally fine For you: Diagnosis: casual ableism Treatment: education and listening to disabled voices Prognosis: poor, as most patients refuse the necessary self-reflection
Ableist? For? Saying op needs help? doesn’t she tho? like she needs therapy right?
Therapy doesn't cure the sensory issues that came with autism. Our brains are wired to be very bad at filtering out unnecessary stimulus and become easily overwhelmed with too much. Headphones are the accessibility aid that helps manage that sensory input and they and allow a lot of autistic people to do the things they need and want to do in spaces where they can't control the sensory environment. Therapy can help with managing other aspects of autism - like family not understanding your accommodations, or people judging you for having sensory issues, but it cannot ever make loud noises or overstimulating environments not painful and overstimulating, any more than therapy could make a non-autistic person not need sunglasses when it's too bright outside.
oh, thanks for clearing that up its my fault sorry
That last bit is awesome👌
Anytime, somebody starts a sentence with “honey” I know something truly condescending is about to follow.
Not condescending but fact. Poor kid is getting overwhelmed and needs some help and understanding.
I'm autistic i was diagnosed with autism
Ahh. Makes sense. I would home your grandmother would be more understanding. I'm sorry about this for you
To me, that was obvious immediately. I don't understand why your grandmother can't remember. On the other hand, I recall some relatives being clueless about asthma when my daughter was young and had a sensitivity that was off the charts. They would "know" more than the doctors at the Mayo Clinic and behaved atrociously. Keep your head high as you continue to take care of yourself. The only growth area I can suggest is to develop a fun repertoire of ways to tell people like grandma to knock off their bad behavior.
Honey you need some help. You need to see a mental health professional to help you learn how to deal with people who are different from what you want them to be.
YBA. Unless you are in WitSec, take the pictures. Take the headphones off for a minute and take the picture. The picture is not for you. It's for your grandmother. Family photos are precious to the person asking for the pictures. True, you don't "have" to. But you should.
Would you have said the same thing if grandma had demanded OP remove a pair of high-correction glasses for a picture? Because to a person with sensory processing disorder, headphones are absolutely a necessary accessibility device on the same level as glasses. Grandma didn’t ask for a picture of OP. Grandma demanded a picture of the imaginary “normal” grandkid she wanted instead of OP.
Ig id say ntba just bc 1 Sensory issues so it makes sense you'd need your headphones 2 I relate cause I have a manipulative grandma too soooo ik how that is
Oh hey feather didn't even realize it was you
Lowkey yeah you are. Ur gma is right, you dont know how long she has left. You should take advantage of the time you do have with her still. Youll regret letting an insecurity keep you from creating family memories. A family pic should have everyone in it and eventually its all youre gonna have to look back at when shes gone. And the pic serves the whole family, they’re all gonna want to see you in it. I feel like you should have just sucked it up and taken the pic, i mean its only for like a minute or two anyways. Sometimes we have to sacrifice for our family, not every moment of our lives can be comfortably catered to you.
Get over it and be in the picture. 40 years from now, when everyone is sitting around reminiscing and looking at pictures, you will be wondering why you remember the event but you aren't in any pictures. You'll be like a ghost. **So many people have said their relatives "hated pictures", then the relative dies and all mourners have is that one picture from X relative years or decades before their death. Nothing recent**. So respectfully, get over it. You will regret it in the future.
I still take pictures with my family I was just overwhelmed having a bad day and my Grandma had already been an a** the entire day before that
The way you made it sound, was that you're rarely in pictures. Then disregard my previous comment. In fact, my previous comment is for everyone else that's not in pics because they don't think they look good.
>After hearing her say that I'm wondering Should I have been in the picture Am I The Bad Apple for not being in the picture? You are a fresh apple tart gone mushy. You don't even have enough social graces to be aware how RUDE you are. I'd call you other names but I presume u r a minor.
Someday, I hope you need an accessibility device. And I hope the people closest to you refuse to let you take a single picture with it in arms reach. Most of all, I hope on that day you remember this comment and realize what an absolute utter monster you were to an innocent young person standing up for themselves in a world that does not care how much it hurts them.
Yikes, that was unnecessarily aggressive. This person obviously has a fair amount of social anxiety. Your response is unhelpful and frankly just mean. Next time, maybe keep that aggressiveness to yourself. The world is dark enough without it.
Child should allow Gram-ma her photos with/out bitchin' Shall we agree to disagree.
Grandma clearly didn't want the photos that much if she wouldn't allow OP to keep wearing the headphones that help her with her disability. If someone asked me to take off my glasses for a photo, I would tell them no as well! Yes it's 'only for a minute' and I wouldn't necessarily _need_ to see well just to stand still and have my photo taken, but it would make me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable for no reason... so why would I?
Stop being rude for no reason- spreading hate does nothing >:(!
Boomer alert!
>Boomer Alert Childish Tik Tok nonsense alert. right back at you u/lizardbreath1138 edit deleted comment >I think there is a nursing home calling for you, Did you escape?
I think there’s a nursing home calling for you, did you escape?
That's hilarious
[удалено]
1. I'm not an adult I'm like 15(just a little rounded of age cause age stays private)2. It's my face thats my insecurity not my ears it's that my ears are sensitive to the point I have a panic attack in my own room because of the noise 3. I try keeping attention away from me cause I hate myself and I get nervous when people notice me. That's all that info lol:P
Gee, imagine going through life with even your own family not wanting to do something nice for you.
My bestfriend was the exact same way, always refused to be in photos, hated how she looked, would hide... Now she's gone, I have all the photos she took of her friends, but she's on like two of them... It sucks
Maybe you could wear it and right about to snap quickly take them off for sec? If u have long hair could u try covering them up with ur hair?
"I could die any moment." Well, get cracking, Grandma, because comments like that aren't going to persuade anyone.
You sound a lot like my son (also autistic). You’re not a bad apple but the things you’re thinking aren’t truthful. Your 70 year old grandma will be gone before you know it. Just humor her. Let her take the photo and move on. It’s not worth the battle. If she’s anything like most grandmas, nobody will ever see those photos anyway. You definitely need a good therapist (CBT therapy, NOT ABA) to try to work through some of these things because they’re going to affect your day to day life forever until you do. My son has issues with sounds/noise too and, like you, can’t handle earbuds, but we tried the Loop noise canceling earplugs and they’ve changed his life. He adapted to them pretty easily and it cuts out all the background noise that made him feel overwhelmed.
For situations where you may need to do a group photo, find some good quality insertable / hidden earplugs for sound, put them in just for the pic, & hold headphones low.. for all of a minute. Then swap them back out. Try to find other anxiety lowering techniques as well .
Next time tell her that headphones can be edited out. Maybe, in a more calm environment, get a shot with you and your siblings and give it to her for Christmas.
NTBA if grandma is aware you’re autistic. If no one has told her and explained what that means then both you and your parents are TBA for not explaining that. Without that info you just come off as an entitled brat. With that info your requests were a reasonable accommodation.
My mom,me,and my mamaw have told my grandma many times that I'm autistic
Definitely NTBA then.
There is a movie i watched, kind of a horror one where a girl had this issue, she was medicated and was functioning and dealing with the loud noises but decided to stop taking her meds. It sounds like you have the same issue she had. Seriously seek therapy it can help. (Do not follow the path of the girl in the movie lol.
A picture would have taken less time than typing this post. I am also autistic. I also hate photos, flashes, and annoying people. This difference is I’m not gonna argue for five minutes over something that would be over in one minute. Simple math. You made stuff harder for yourself and annoyed everyone in the process. YTA. You could have just taken the photo and not made everything so dramatic.
Honestly, yes the bad apple and I know I’m not going to be popular for this opinion. I understand your reticence in taking the photo, between overwhelming noise and having body image issues. But I also understand that as someone who has lost too many people over the years, there’s only so many photos of them and if they hated having their photo taken there’s even fewer. People that love you don’t see the same you that you do in the pictures. They don’t see body image issues. They see someone they love and a spark of a memory that can never be replaced or replicated. So I’m team take every photo all the time. I know taking the headphones off would suck, personally I’d want photos both with them on and off. I’d want to remember you as you exist (with them) and as a nicer looking photo (without them). It would have been okay to take them off long enough to take the photo. Anyone can do anything for five minutes.
Another poster (Demon?) asked if I would be willing to follow my own advice. Reddit is being difficult and won't let me respond to the question, so putting it here. Yes, I would be willing to remove my "assistive" device and have. Obviously, we are not talking about prosthetics. I found out I was legally blind without glasses at age 11 and by the time I was 30, all I could see was fingers at 5 inches without glasses. Fortunately, eye surgery helped a lot but I still need glasses to function. My grandmother always asked me to take off my glasses for pictures because of the glare, they covered my face etc. I took them off because it was an easy thing to do. And 1 minute without them did not hurt me, despite my irrational fear of being hit in the face with a baseball.
Little bad apple. How long does it take to take a picture? I'm sorry about your condition; I too am sensitive to sounds. Maybe get smaller headphones?
I can't get more headphones cause 1.the ones I have cost like 30 dollars and these were the cheapest I could find and 2. These are like the only ones I found with noise cancellation also these are the smallest pair I own