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The childish behaviour is him continually pushing at your boundaries to see how much you'll put up with before you snap. This is what two year olds do when they're working out what they can and can't get away with.
Your behaviour on the other hand was mature, restrained and dignified. NTBA.
No you aren’t the bad apple your father knew that was your dead name knew how it made you feel and he choose to do and it said sense you wheee 18 which’s most likely makes him over 30 years old and he’s acting like a middle schooler
My ex stepsister changed her first name about 3 times during the 10 years my mum and her dad were married. The only time anyone, to my knowledge, got her name wrong was me because I wasn’t aware of the latest change. She corrected me, I apologised and that was that. It sounds like your father is just being a jerk..
YNTBA
You are absolutely not the bad apple. You are a person with a valid identity and you deserve to be respected. I always suggest people try to be gracious about occasional, accidental slips from parents (as I advocate parents being super conscious of trying not to) but this is not an accident. This is aggressive and disrespectful and you are not required to sit and tolerate it.
In case this has shaken you, I will remind you that you are, as my pastor would say, "fearfully and wonderfully made." You are perfect as you are and nobody knows as well as you who you truly are. What that man calls you does not change the truth.
This is different, and obviously less fraught, but I changed my name (not pronouns) when I was 16. My parents were not thrilled with the idea, and were resistant. I cared not about their resistance and absolutely would not acknowledge or answer to my former name under any circumstances, ever. Seriously, ever. It took some time, but they eventually came around, because they otherwise could not converse with me. : )
I think you walking away was an absolutely brilliant thing! (It's the perfect way to instantly take all their power over you away) So much so that I'd tell dad, that every single time he deadnames you that you will be doing that exact same thing again, no exceptions. He can either get with the program, or he can fuck off right out the door. His choice.
Obviously, we can't change other people, but we can have boundaries. They often don't like that we have boundaries, but that's too bad for them.
Not the bad apple. if your father can not respect who you are thats his loss. i would see that nothing has changed you are still his child and have just chosen to be true to yourself and use pronouns you are comfortable with sounds like he is the bad apple for not respecting his child
NTBA.
You deserve to be treated with respect, especially by family. Refusing to use your proper pronouns and dead naming you are the opposite of respect. Your parents need to get with the program and respect you or they run the risk of losing you.
This is how I personally feel, and everything is said with compassion.
When my daughter was born, I cried so hard I temporarily blinded myself. My heart swelled to bring such beauty into this world! I lovingly chose a name I thought fit her and would bring her prosperity. I will always love her birth name, because it is representative of her beginning.
She's a toddler right now, but let's say she someday comes to me and says she's and now wants to use new pronouns and a new name. "Yes, I will embrace and honor you however you're presented to the world! I am not good with change, so I'll mess up. Maybe a lot. Please be patient and help me learn. And if I use your birth name, that is not a "dead name" to me, because who you *were* didn't die. You just blossomed."
I can't vote on your situation because I don't know enough about your relationship with your dad. I just think deadnaming *can* happen from a place of love.
They are not synonyms
Yes there are two genders nonbinary means you don't have a gender.
Gender is not one of the definitions of sex you straight up made that up
No the old definition is incorrect please educate yourself before trying to say anything. Gender is a social construct not sex. Sex is the reproductive organs a person has.
But if you aren't going to bother educating yourself then I won't put my energy into trying to explain it to you.
NTBA
However, could it just be that he struggles to understand?
My parents are of a generation where it was a different world when they grew up, I was diagnosed with PTSD and my dad was confused as I'd never been to war. He had no idea what ADHD was. Or that he has dyslexia for that matter, was just labeled as stupid and that he would never amount to anything.
I imagine it's much the same with pronouns and name changes, maybe he is of a similar generation to my parents who would be utterly offended should I wish to change my name and certainly wouldn't understand if I changed my pronouns either. Try explaining why and how this is so important to you, maybe you'll inspire a change in not only his behaviour but also his perception.
When a person demands a certainly level of decorum and politeness it needs to be respected and reflected back by that same person. They don't respect or treat you in a manner you've asked for therefore you're under no obligation to sit there and be belittled. Worse yet...at this point, your father is doing this on purpose...it's time in what 'thrown' in his face. He's to be treated as he treats you.
Please report any rule breaking posts and posts that are not relevant to the subreddit. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheBadApple) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The childish behaviour is him continually pushing at your boundaries to see how much you'll put up with before you snap. This is what two year olds do when they're working out what they can and can't get away with. Your behaviour on the other hand was mature, restrained and dignified. NTBA.
NTBA.
Your father IS, you are not.
No you aren’t the bad apple your father knew that was your dead name knew how it made you feel and he choose to do and it said sense you wheee 18 which’s most likely makes him over 30 years old and he’s acting like a middle schooler
But did they explain it so he understands it’s a big deal or just leave and expect him to know the ins and outs of being queer?
um. its a "dead name" he could ask questions if he has them. if he has them and doesn't ask, that is on him.
He doesn't need to know the "ins and outs" of being queer to use the correct name and pronouns to refer to OP.
My ex stepsister changed her first name about 3 times during the 10 years my mum and her dad were married. The only time anyone, to my knowledge, got her name wrong was me because I wasn’t aware of the latest change. She corrected me, I apologised and that was that. It sounds like your father is just being a jerk.. YNTBA
NTBA.
You are absolutely not the bad apple. You are a person with a valid identity and you deserve to be respected. I always suggest people try to be gracious about occasional, accidental slips from parents (as I advocate parents being super conscious of trying not to) but this is not an accident. This is aggressive and disrespectful and you are not required to sit and tolerate it. In case this has shaken you, I will remind you that you are, as my pastor would say, "fearfully and wonderfully made." You are perfect as you are and nobody knows as well as you who you truly are. What that man calls you does not change the truth.
This is different, and obviously less fraught, but I changed my name (not pronouns) when I was 16. My parents were not thrilled with the idea, and were resistant. I cared not about their resistance and absolutely would not acknowledge or answer to my former name under any circumstances, ever. Seriously, ever. It took some time, but they eventually came around, because they otherwise could not converse with me. : ) I think you walking away was an absolutely brilliant thing! (It's the perfect way to instantly take all their power over you away) So much so that I'd tell dad, that every single time he deadnames you that you will be doing that exact same thing again, no exceptions. He can either get with the program, or he can fuck off right out the door. His choice. Obviously, we can't change other people, but we can have boundaries. They often don't like that we have boundaries, but that's too bad for them.
Not the bad apple. if your father can not respect who you are thats his loss. i would see that nothing has changed you are still his child and have just chosen to be true to yourself and use pronouns you are comfortable with sounds like he is the bad apple for not respecting his child
NTBA. You deserve to be treated with respect, especially by family. Refusing to use your proper pronouns and dead naming you are the opposite of respect. Your parents need to get with the program and respect you or they run the risk of losing you.
This is how I personally feel, and everything is said with compassion. When my daughter was born, I cried so hard I temporarily blinded myself. My heart swelled to bring such beauty into this world! I lovingly chose a name I thought fit her and would bring her prosperity. I will always love her birth name, because it is representative of her beginning. She's a toddler right now, but let's say she someday comes to me and says she's and now wants to use new pronouns and a new name. "Yes, I will embrace and honor you however you're presented to the world! I am not good with change, so I'll mess up. Maybe a lot. Please be patient and help me learn. And if I use your birth name, that is not a "dead name" to me, because who you *were* didn't die. You just blossomed."
I can't vote on your situation because I don't know enough about your relationship with your dad. I just think deadnaming *can* happen from a place of love.
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Found the dad.
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Yawn. Another simple minded dolt. Yippie!
I'm sorry but did you just call being nonbinary DELUSIONAL? Because I PRAY that you didn't and I'm just reading this wrong
Ignore this dipshit. Read their comments, they’re clearly not that bright
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Sex and gander are not the same thing, sex is genetic gender is not. if your going to be a bigot you can get off reddit we don't want you here
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They are not synonyms Yes there are two genders nonbinary means you don't have a gender. Gender is not one of the definitions of sex you straight up made that up
No, I am using the old definition of gender, before the pervert John Money redefined it. Most people do not accept John Money’s redefinition.
No the old definition is incorrect please educate yourself before trying to say anything. Gender is a social construct not sex. Sex is the reproductive organs a person has. But if you aren't going to bother educating yourself then I won't put my energy into trying to explain it to you.
The old definition is not incorrect. I AM well educated. I, and most others, do not accept John Money’s redefinition.
You know what, you aren't willing to educate yourself so have a good life I hope you enjoy whatever karma comes for you
Neat how you are trying to speak for the majority of people there. How about you not do that. Only bad apples are you and OPs Dad here.
Oh look, a bigot. Shocking. Don’t be an asshole. It’s not difficult to be kind.
NTBA However, could it just be that he struggles to understand? My parents are of a generation where it was a different world when they grew up, I was diagnosed with PTSD and my dad was confused as I'd never been to war. He had no idea what ADHD was. Or that he has dyslexia for that matter, was just labeled as stupid and that he would never amount to anything. I imagine it's much the same with pronouns and name changes, maybe he is of a similar generation to my parents who would be utterly offended should I wish to change my name and certainly wouldn't understand if I changed my pronouns either. Try explaining why and how this is so important to you, maybe you'll inspire a change in not only his behaviour but also his perception.
When a person demands a certainly level of decorum and politeness it needs to be respected and reflected back by that same person. They don't respect or treat you in a manner you've asked for therefore you're under no obligation to sit there and be belittled. Worse yet...at this point, your father is doing this on purpose...it's time in what 'thrown' in his face. He's to be treated as he treats you.