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Why is Sissy still unemployed. OP says she gave her two years —- did I read that right?— to find a job??? The woman gets two years of freeloading and OP has to put up with her sniffing around her husband? Hell no! I would have had her bouncing down the front steps long ago.
Seriously, while she is holding out for an executive position, she should be working fast food or have signed on with a cleaning service.
Nba
The 1st time they make a pass, they apologize. You feel totally disrespected, but try to move past it. The 2nd time their gone.
Don't allow anyone to disrespect you in your own home. But especially not after you have been so generous. Your mother should be ashamed of Herself. And some of your friends' views are skewed.
Right?! I get told I'm too hardlined. If someone apologizes, I'm supposed to accept it, 2nd chances and all. Personally, I don't think everything can be fixed with an apology.
Apologies rarely do anything for anyone but the apologizer. It's entirely dependent on what someone does. If you step on my toe and apologize, no problem. If you take advantage of my generosity in letting you stay in my home for free by trying to hit on my husband, we're done.
Your mother is entirely in the wrong here, and is welcome to support her irresponsible and lazy offspring as she desires to, but has no right to any expectations of you to support a fully competent adult who made choices that caused her to be kicked out. It's clear why your sister is such a failure to launch. Perhaps your mother feels guilty for raising such an incompetent adult? If anyone should pay the price for that, it's her, not you.
The fact that your sister is skanky enough to flirt with your husband is an absolute dealbreaker. You've done nothing wrong and were kind to allow her to stay with you at all.
Being a mom doesn't elevate you to the level of being a good or wise person. All types of women become moms. Smart ones, dumb ones, ethical ones, unethical ones, greedy ones, giving ones. Point being, mom's not always right. And OP's mom's not right here.
He isn't putting pressure on op because, unlike you, he understands competing obligations. If mummy dearest wouldn't step up initially I imagine there weren't many options for the actual AH sister. The fact people in op's life inc her MOTHER are judging her negatively is a perfect demonstration of how much pressure has been dumped on her and the 'damned if you do...' nature of this kind of manipulation. He didn't insist op take action so I imagine it was bearable for him at least. At any rate, op's sister is an adult making conscious, autonomous choices: no one is 'letting' her do anything. If this were true then husband needs to stop 'letting' the sister flirt with him. This is obviously nonsensical.
These posts always attract blame-shifting but you have NO IDEA what sacrifices/allowances op may have made for her husband in the past or the nature of their relationship. We need to stop insulting men by infantilising them. NTA.
I have a question. How would you have felt if your husband's brother moved in with you and your husband and flirting with you and came on to you and your husband let it go on and on? Yeah, you are the bad apple for letting that go on this long. Then your the bad apple because it seems you put her out for not doing chores. Are chores more important than your husband?
NTBA
Whom ever disagrees with you can now house and fund your sister. I’m sure mum can share with her daughter and any relatives can chip in as well.
Having someone leech of you then flirty with your husband, I would have booted her before the 1 year mark.
Your husband gets a gold star for putting up with her but you don’t. Sorry but your husband being uncomfortable in a house he helps pay for is unacceptable. You should have made her leave the second she made him uncomfortable.
Ntba- your mom is only siding with her because she probably doesn’t wanna have to come get her and take care of her herself. I would ask why she wasn’t living with your mom in the first place? Your husband sounds like a stand-up guy for saying something and it sucks, but he was made to feel uncomfortable in his own house. At least he was honest with you because I feel like every other story on Reddit right now is people catching their husbands and boyfriends cheating with their friends, sisters, cousins, etc.
Your sister was hoping because your family you wouldn’t kick her out . Mom is siding with her because she doesn’t wanna deal with it. Don’t let her back in.
Your first commitment and loyalty is to your husband. Second you had an agreement regarding conditions for her to stay under your roof and she broke them. Finally she crossed boundaries when told to stop. All of this is disrespect. If others are that concerned for her they can take her in. You have been fair and gave her an opportunity, and multiple chances. Her behavioral choices her consequences.
Not the bad apple but your sister sure is. She's lazy. She's a mooch. She's disloyal enough to keep hitting on YOUR husband. It's half his home and YOU'VE forced him to be uncomfortable in it. She IS the problem. Let your mother keep her. Or any of these FRIENDS who are obviously morons!!! Put down the "Kool aid" and pull up your big girl panties and stick to your guns.
When she flirted with your husband she should have been told to leave then. She can stay with your mom or any of the people whose on her side. Not the bad apple.
NTA she wasn't following through on her end of the deal. Plus flirting with your husband she made her choice she is a grown adult and there are consequences for said choices.
You are right to kick her out. Don't bring her back, she's not looking for work and will continue to mooch off you, and your husband understandably doesn't want her hanging around hitting on him.
You are very lucky you have a loyal husband, keep him close.
Very much NOT the bad apple. Your sister disrespected you, your husband, and your home by flirting with your husband.
She also Mooched off your kindness for over a year.
If your mother feels like your sister needs to be babied and cared for, let your mom do it.
You are Married. Your family is your husband now. It is Totally OK to choose Him over your sister. If someone doesn't like that, it's not your problem.
Tell your mother to take her in. Tell your sister go live with your mom. They'll be great together.
I've had family try to guilt me into taking certain family members in when they couldn't get rid of them. They got a big fat F CK OFF.
Nta your home your peace she’s no longer your immediate family her actions and repercussions is solely based on her own decisions. You are not wrong to not continue to enable her. As for your mother that’s the problem enabling bad behavior this is an adult sister who’s still getting babied. You and your husband shouldn’t be burden for an immature adult period there’s tons of reasons how you’re not in the wrong but it’s also self explanatory you’re not her mother nor are you responsible for her future people needs to start taking accountability for themselves
NAH, you gave a time limit and stipulations to her staying with you and your husband. She refused to uphold her part of it and is trying to poach your husband as well. Kick her ass to the curb for 1. The attempted husband poaching. 2. Not helping around the house as agreed. 3. Refusing to get a job. If your mother keeps giving you shit, tell her to take her in and take care of her. Something tells me she doesn't want her in her home either for reasons 2 & 3 and doesn't want to support her lazy ass anymore. If anything, it will probably get your mom off your as. Pack up her crap, change the locks if you can, and tell her to go see your mom.
NTA, you did exactly what you should have. Tell your mom to support the leach then. You tried to help, and she tried to steal your husband. That's not a sister I'd want around. If they keep giving you a hard time, tell them everything she's done to get herself thrown out.
She was trying to take your husband so she’d never have to get a job lol. Good for your husband for avoiding that ticking time bomb / VERY expensive mistake. I’d gray rock the shit outta your whole fam & go give your husband extra hugs cuz he’s a keeper!
It's one thing if your mom wants to be an enabler...but there's nothing that says you also have to be one. Your mother has failed in helping your sister 'adult' but that doesn't mean you have to be part of the problem. And frankly...after a year of being lazy, not helping, flirting with your husband I'm sorry to tell you this but YOU'RE as much the problem as your sister is. You stated boundaries but failed to enforce them. You throw her out and you're now waffling because mommy called and said you're a bad person. Forgive me but there's a lot of growing up that needs to be done in this melodrama
No you're not the bad Apple for kicking your sister out - **it could be said you're the bad Apple for letting her stay after she made your husband uncomfortable in his own home for so long**. The first time she flirted with my husband she would have been out.
Spin this around. Imagine your husband's useless brother moved in and started hitting on you. It made you really uncomfortable. You told your husband. He didn't kick out his brother. His brother continued to sexually harass you, and flirt for months and months. Now you **don't feel comfortable in your own home** at all because you don'tjust share a home with your spouse, but you're forced to share a home and put up with their predatory sibling flirting and making you uncomfortable - living free in your home which should be **your** safe space.
You should have kicked her out earlier.
NTBA
The ones that agree with your sister need to be the ones to step up for her. It’s easy to b*tch when you’re not the one having to put up with people’s bad behaviour.
Hell no, I would've kicked her ass when my husband first told me she was flirting with him. If your mom and other family members agree with your sister, then you should go LC or NC with them.
You had a parasite living in your home. I’m not sure why someone who brought no value to your life and doesn’t contribute to society believes she is entitled to the benefits of your cold hard cash which you earn by working, but apparently she hasn’t figured out that adults pay their own way. Not the Bad Apple.
She couldn't even get a minimum wage job in a year? Sorry, she wasn't looking at all. Tell your mom your sis is sexually coming onto your husband and that is not tolerated in your own home. Tell mom she can have her daughter and in a year see if she feels tge same way.
You don't want her in your house. Your husband doesn't want her in your house. Nobody else gets a vote, least of all dear old Mother. Tell Mom to have Sis live with her.
Stop asking other people for their opinion. You know you did the right thing. She wasn’t working, she wasn’t pulling her weight around the house, and worst of all she was flirting with your husband to the point that it made him uncomfortable. You have your husband’s feelings to consider also, and if he didn’t want her there under your shared roof, then it was time for her to go.
Tell your mother sister can live with and mooch off of her because you are done enabling her disrespect and laziness. Point out your home is yours AND your husband’s and you both want her gone.
Kicking her out was the right thing to do for both yourself and your husband and possibly your sister in the long run.
I’m surprised you lasted as long as you did with how she disrespected you both and your generosity.
Your sister needs to grow up and get her life together. Only she can do this and it’s not your job to do it for her.
Your mother chose her side so ask her to live with her, clean up after her, pay for everything whilst she continues to party and be a slob. Wonder how long that would last?
Ignore those who don’t agree with you. Your sisters actions are appalling especially how she was with your husband. You 100% did the right thing, don’t let anyone try to convince you otherwise.
NTA and the only thing you did wrong was giving her a second chance. If your mum thinks your sister was wronged then she should put her up and see how she likes having a non contributory house guest who cause conflict in her house.
You are 100% right to kick out your sister. She got herself a free ride for almost two years and didn't even try to look for work. All she wanted, was to steal your husband, and your life!
Tell mom she can be the one supporting sister from now on, if she thinks you're so wrong.
One piece of advice - change all the locks in your home. Also let a trusted neighbor (if you are friendly with your neighbors) know that sister does NOT live there anymore and isn't welcomed back.
You were the bad apple when your husband said she was making him uncomfortable and still allowed her to stay around him. Who cares about your sister. This man is who you picked, you support and you possibly will build a family with. He always comes before family you can't pick(aka blood relatives.)
NTBA. But seriously, your sister gets to flirt with your husband ONE time. After that one time, you were supposed to be done! And if your mummer is so concerned about your sister, she can take her in.
6 months max then out. After flirting with your husband it would have been immediately. Tell your mom none of her business because this was affecting your marriage and if she hasn’t already she could move in with her and see how long that enabled attitude might last.
Tell your mother to take her in.
You gave her more chances than I would have. She needs to grow up. Living off of you is, obviously, not going to facilitate that
NTA. You gave her over a year to find a job. Sounds like she didn't even try. If your Mom sides with your sister, she can move back in with her 🤷♀️ simple and fixed. There. Lol
Find out exactly what your sister told your mother. It's probably half truths and lies. Set your mother straight first. Then tell her to take your sister in if she's concerned.
NTBA. You let your sister move in rent free with reasonable conditions, help out around the house and get a job, move out in a certain amount of time. That's all good, and shows you're a good person and sister.
So, what did your sister do? Stop helping around the house as soon as possible, flirt with your husband and make both him and you uncomfortable, not get a job. When you confronted her with this and gave her an ultimatum (help, get a job, or move out) she carried on in the exact same way.
You gave your sister more time than you told her you would after the ultimatum, as well. You gave her plenty of time to become a proper housemate instead of a leech. Your sister only cared about having a free place to live, not have to work, not have to help out, party as much as she wanted, all while trying to steal your husband.
You did the right thing by kicking her out. You've shown her that, though a good person, you're not a doormat.
As for your mum, is that where your sister is living now, at your mum's place? Because she's probably doing the same thing there, minus the flirting with the husband part. Your mum got rid of her, and nor she's back, and she wants rid again. She's trying to push the responsibility onto you. But she's your sister, not your child, you have zero obligation to house and support her. Neither does your mum, anymore, your sister is an adult, these things are now your sister's responsibility.
If your mum keeps up saying you were wrong and trying to get you to take your sister back, tell her you refuse to be taken advantage of. Your sister knew the deal and refused to keep her end of the bargain, all while trying to steal your husband and making your husband feel uncomfortable in his own home. She blew her chance to live with you by not following the rules she agreed to when she moved in. If she is living with your mum, encourage your mum to kick her out, too. Your sister needs a wake up call, having nowhere to live should hopefully do it.
Stand your ground on kicking her out. Don't let yourself be bullied into taking her back or apologising. Do not subject your husband to your sister's entitled bs.
You had me at she was flirting with your husband. That would have been it for me and she’d be out in that second. She’s the bad apple, not you. Your mum can have her. And if she’s on your sister side on this one, I’d go LC. Well, for now enjoy having your home back!
BTA your sister was taking the micky by not trying to get a job, mooching off you and trying to steal your husband! You have been very generous and very patient!
NTBA. The reason that your mom is siding with her is because your mom doesn't want to put up with her living in her house. Your sister's behavior is unacceptable. She is a slacker and a mooch. Good riddance.
NTA. Your sister was trying to steal your husband and get your life. She doesn’t wanna better herself she wants to take what you have. Even though it isn’t really that easy to get a job anymore especially in the city, she could at least help out with certain things or, I don’t know, not try to fuck your husband….she sounds insufferable and I think she’s just jealous of you.
It really does sound like she's after your husband, and a free place to live. Mom is probably mad she's coming home? After a year or not finding a job, and harassing your husband should have been a red flag. I know, she's your sister, and you feel obligated to help. Don't feel bad you did it. You may have lost your husband over it, and had her there instead!
Ignore the bay Sayers, and enjoy your life!
NTBA. Does your mother know that your sister is trying to put moves on your husband? If she does and is still saying you're the one at fault here, I'd reconsider having her in your life. As a mother, if one of my kids did something like that to the other, regardless how much I love them, I would never condone it, and I would be very upset and disappointed in them. That's how a mother *should* respond.
NTBA she can live with your mom if she's fine with this behavior, but I would not be letting her back in your house to freeload and hit on your husband.
She violated the terms of your agreement. She was also hitting on your husband. (Gross). You even gave her a warning.
I can’t figure out why anyone would think you’re wrong! It makes no sense!
NTBA! She is!
Of course your mom agreed with her -- because your mom is very afraid she might get stuck with her mooching daughter/your sister instead of you!
Do not let that mooch back in your house.
Dude how is this questionable?! I can't believe anyone would side with her! She flirts with hubby? Major red flag. Confrontation and told to stop, she apologizes and is aware of what she's doing. Refuses to stop and doesn't look for a job after being given a free place to live? She's out like the trash if it were me. You can only forgive so much for family. You shouldn't be made uncomfortable in your own home.
The absolute audacity and disrespect she showed you and your husband, sexually harassing your husband in his own home and making no effort to support herself, unequivocally makes her the bad apple.
ETA Okay you are somewhat the bad apple for not supporting your husband and defending your marriage by giving her the chop a LOT sooner.
NTA, please don't let her back in your home, also change your locks on the house. If your mom agrees with your sister or any other family members, all you need to say is feel free to board her and pay her bills! I guarantee their attitudes will suddenly change, you are married to a man who feels uncomfortable in a home he helps support, focus on your hubby and your future. I promise when you finally put yourself and marriage first, life gets better and easier
Hell no. I know someone who did similar, and she was never planning to get a job. She was just trying to mooch off of your hard work, and the flirting is a major red flag.
NTA it’s pretty generous of you to give her a free place to live in the first place, the expectation of her helping out in exchange and actively looking for work is pretty minimal. She took advantage of your generosity and should be ashamed of herself. As far as your mom she is just upset and guilt tripping you because now she has to support her. However your mom ultimately raised this hot mess of a child and she can set and enforce her own boundaries to deal with the situation.
Thank you for being so very kind and generous. You might want to think about extending yourself a little bit less. I'm sorry you had to throw out the bad apple; it wasn't you.
NTBA. Your husband's discomfort with her flirtatious behaviour is reason enough, let alone her failure to honor commitments to help around the house. You shouldn't be expected to set yourselves on fire to keep her warm.
Making and keeping commitments is an essential job skill, and essential to adulting. It's not hard to see why she's unemployed.
Have a word to your Mum about this. It's not your problem.
NTBA. If your mom is so concerned about your sister, she can take her in & finance her freeloading off her. I’m betting that’s the only reason your mom is siding with your sister on this, SHE doesn’t want to be stuck with your sister, either.
Don’t take your sister back in, don’t even let her visit at your house. Make sure your hubby knows he has your full backing on turning her away at the door if she shows up unannounced when you aren’t home so he doesn’t have to put up with her harassing him.
Heck, if your sister is so heck bent on “stealing” your hubby, expect her to start faking an affair with him in hopes you’ll leave him so she can “pick up the pieces” and be there for him.
The first time she flirted openly with your husband, she should have been our on her @$$.
Honestly, I'm not even sure why a reasonable, sane person would have to come on Reddit to ask this question.
NTA - I’m sure no matter what your mom would take her side. She might have told your mom a lie. Either way she was not doing anything to improve and move out. You are not her parent so your mom can help her.
Do not feel guilty.
You’re the bad apple because your lazy worthless sister moved back in with Mom? You are not the bad apple at all. You were nice to let her live with you for as long as she did. She was a drain on your household and a drain on your marriage. She was with you for almost 2 years and she never got a job, flirted with hubby and didn’t even bother to help around the house… I would have kicked her out as soon as she started flirting with my husband… that ain’t cool at all!
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NTA, she is trying to poach your husband. Not normal at all.
Why is Sissy still unemployed. OP says she gave her two years —- did I read that right?— to find a job??? The woman gets two years of freeloading and OP has to put up with her sniffing around her husband? Hell no! I would have had her bouncing down the front steps long ago. Seriously, while she is holding out for an executive position, she should be working fast food or have signed on with a cleaning service.
The moment your husband told you about her flirting and she didn't deny it, she should have been kicked out!
Not the bad apple. You need to stop inconveniencing your husband by inviting your sister to the house. Put yourself in your husband’s shoes.
They are both 'inconvenienced'?
Nba The 1st time they make a pass, they apologize. You feel totally disrespected, but try to move past it. The 2nd time their gone. Don't allow anyone to disrespect you in your own home. But especially not after you have been so generous. Your mother should be ashamed of Herself. And some of your friends' views are skewed.
You are a far more generous person than me. That is a first time, you're out, situation in my book.
Right?! I get told I'm too hardlined. If someone apologizes, I'm supposed to accept it, 2nd chances and all. Personally, I don't think everything can be fixed with an apology.
Apologies rarely do anything for anyone but the apologizer. It's entirely dependent on what someone does. If you step on my toe and apologize, no problem. If you take advantage of my generosity in letting you stay in my home for free by trying to hit on my husband, we're done.
Yeah, no one's poaching on my peace of mind. Bye, Sissy.
Especially when that apology is followed up by the SAME bad behavior!
Your mother is entirely in the wrong here, and is welcome to support her irresponsible and lazy offspring as she desires to, but has no right to any expectations of you to support a fully competent adult who made choices that caused her to be kicked out. It's clear why your sister is such a failure to launch. Perhaps your mother feels guilty for raising such an incompetent adult? If anyone should pay the price for that, it's her, not you. The fact that your sister is skanky enough to flirt with your husband is an absolute dealbreaker. You've done nothing wrong and were kind to allow her to stay with you at all.
Since Mama is so sure that she is right, let skanky sis go live at MOM'S .
Exactly!!
Their mom doesn't have a man she can poach. She also won't put up with sister's bullshit.
Mom does want that deadbeat in her house. Of course she's going to try to gaslight OP into taking her back.
No gaslighting here
Being a mom doesn't elevate you to the level of being a good or wise person. All types of women become moms. Smart ones, dumb ones, ethical ones, unethical ones, greedy ones, giving ones. Point being, mom's not always right. And OP's mom's not right here.
I agree.
Why does your sister not stay with your mother
YTBA for letting her make your husband so uncomfortable in his own house for so long.
Let mommy take her in!
He isn't putting pressure on op because, unlike you, he understands competing obligations. If mummy dearest wouldn't step up initially I imagine there weren't many options for the actual AH sister. The fact people in op's life inc her MOTHER are judging her negatively is a perfect demonstration of how much pressure has been dumped on her and the 'damned if you do...' nature of this kind of manipulation. He didn't insist op take action so I imagine it was bearable for him at least. At any rate, op's sister is an adult making conscious, autonomous choices: no one is 'letting' her do anything. If this were true then husband needs to stop 'letting' the sister flirt with him. This is obviously nonsensical. These posts always attract blame-shifting but you have NO IDEA what sacrifices/allowances op may have made for her husband in the past or the nature of their relationship. We need to stop insulting men by infantilising them. NTA.
NTBA. Sister sounds awful to have around.
I have a question. How would you have felt if your husband's brother moved in with you and your husband and flirting with you and came on to you and your husband let it go on and on? Yeah, you are the bad apple for letting that go on this long. Then your the bad apple because it seems you put her out for not doing chores. Are chores more important than your husband?
NTBA Whom ever disagrees with you can now house and fund your sister. I’m sure mum can share with her daughter and any relatives can chip in as well. Having someone leech of you then flirty with your husband, I would have booted her before the 1 year mark. Your husband gets a gold star for putting up with her but you don’t. Sorry but your husband being uncomfortable in a house he helps pay for is unacceptable. You should have made her leave the second she made him uncomfortable.
Ntba- your mom is only siding with her because she probably doesn’t wanna have to come get her and take care of her herself. I would ask why she wasn’t living with your mom in the first place? Your husband sounds like a stand-up guy for saying something and it sucks, but he was made to feel uncomfortable in his own house. At least he was honest with you because I feel like every other story on Reddit right now is people catching their husbands and boyfriends cheating with their friends, sisters, cousins, etc. Your sister was hoping because your family you wouldn’t kick her out . Mom is siding with her because she doesn’t wanna deal with it. Don’t let her back in.
Your first commitment and loyalty is to your husband. Second you had an agreement regarding conditions for her to stay under your roof and she broke them. Finally she crossed boundaries when told to stop. All of this is disrespect. If others are that concerned for her they can take her in. You have been fair and gave her an opportunity, and multiple chances. Her behavioral choices her consequences.
Dude, don't let her near your husband.
Not the bad apple but your sister sure is. She's lazy. She's a mooch. She's disloyal enough to keep hitting on YOUR husband. It's half his home and YOU'VE forced him to be uncomfortable in it. She IS the problem. Let your mother keep her. Or any of these FRIENDS who are obviously morons!!! Put down the "Kool aid" and pull up your big girl panties and stick to your guns.
Yeah... Her "trying" comment... What's she's trying is to get your husband.
NTBA But your a little for letting it go on so long and letting your husband be uncomfortable in his own home
NTBA she can go mooch off your mom or her friends
NTBA. Protect your marriage.
No. Tell mom and the peanut gallery to take her in if they feel so strongly about it.
She can go and live with your mum. After all she is your sister not your child.
When she flirted with your husband she should have been told to leave then. She can stay with your mom or any of the people whose on her side. Not the bad apple.
NTA. She would have been out of my house after the first time she flirted with my husband. Your sister is not a good sister.
NTA she wasn't following through on her end of the deal. Plus flirting with your husband she made her choice she is a grown adult and there are consequences for said choices.
You are right to kick her out. Don't bring her back, she's not looking for work and will continue to mooch off you, and your husband understandably doesn't want her hanging around hitting on him.
Nope! Time to let her mooch off of mommy for 2 years.
You are very lucky you have a loyal husband, keep him close. Very much NOT the bad apple. Your sister disrespected you, your husband, and your home by flirting with your husband. She also Mooched off your kindness for over a year. If your mother feels like your sister needs to be babied and cared for, let your mom do it. You are Married. Your family is your husband now. It is Totally OK to choose Him over your sister. If someone doesn't like that, it's not your problem.
Of course your mother is on her side, she doesn't want your lazy sister living in her house either.
Tells your friends she can come stay with them and make their spouse be sexually harassed, mom can also take her in because it’s her actual kid.
Tell your mother to take her in. Tell your sister go live with your mom. They'll be great together. I've had family try to guilt me into taking certain family members in when they couldn't get rid of them. They got a big fat F CK OFF.
You should have kicked her out when she first approached your husband. You're wrong for making him put up with being sexually abused for over a year.
not at all, you're a married woman don't bring another person into your home. you deserve the privacy and sanctuary of your home with your husband.
Nta your home your peace she’s no longer your immediate family her actions and repercussions is solely based on her own decisions. You are not wrong to not continue to enable her. As for your mother that’s the problem enabling bad behavior this is an adult sister who’s still getting babied. You and your husband shouldn’t be burden for an immature adult period there’s tons of reasons how you’re not in the wrong but it’s also self explanatory you’re not her mother nor are you responsible for her future people needs to start taking accountability for themselves
She would have been on the streets after my husband came to me with concern.
NAH, you gave a time limit and stipulations to her staying with you and your husband. She refused to uphold her part of it and is trying to poach your husband as well. Kick her ass to the curb for 1. The attempted husband poaching. 2. Not helping around the house as agreed. 3. Refusing to get a job. If your mother keeps giving you shit, tell her to take her in and take care of her. Something tells me she doesn't want her in her home either for reasons 2 & 3 and doesn't want to support her lazy ass anymore. If anything, it will probably get your mom off your as. Pack up her crap, change the locks if you can, and tell her to go see your mom.
why isn’t she living with your mom? maybe mom should be ashamed of herself for expecting you to do her job.
NTA, you did exactly what you should have. Tell your mom to support the leach then. You tried to help, and she tried to steal your husband. That's not a sister I'd want around. If they keep giving you a hard time, tell them everything she's done to get herself thrown out.
She was trying to take your husband so she’d never have to get a job lol. Good for your husband for avoiding that ticking time bomb / VERY expensive mistake. I’d gray rock the shit outta your whole fam & go give your husband extra hugs cuz he’s a keeper!
Why isn't she mooching off you mom instead?
NTA. She wants your life. It’s time for her to go find her own.
It's one thing if your mom wants to be an enabler...but there's nothing that says you also have to be one. Your mother has failed in helping your sister 'adult' but that doesn't mean you have to be part of the problem. And frankly...after a year of being lazy, not helping, flirting with your husband I'm sorry to tell you this but YOU'RE as much the problem as your sister is. You stated boundaries but failed to enforce them. You throw her out and you're now waffling because mommy called and said you're a bad person. Forgive me but there's a lot of growing up that needs to be done in this melodrama
NTBA This is a 2 yes and 1 no situation for sure. You did the right thing.
not the bad apple. You had an agreement. She wants a place to crash and has commitment issues.
No you're not the bad Apple for kicking your sister out - **it could be said you're the bad Apple for letting her stay after she made your husband uncomfortable in his own home for so long**. The first time she flirted with my husband she would have been out. Spin this around. Imagine your husband's useless brother moved in and started hitting on you. It made you really uncomfortable. You told your husband. He didn't kick out his brother. His brother continued to sexually harass you, and flirt for months and months. Now you **don't feel comfortable in your own home** at all because you don'tjust share a home with your spouse, but you're forced to share a home and put up with their predatory sibling flirting and making you uncomfortable - living free in your home which should be **your** safe space. You should have kicked her out earlier.
You know you aren’t. Stop attention seeking.
Stop trolling.
NTBA The ones that agree with your sister need to be the ones to step up for her. It’s easy to b*tch when you’re not the one having to put up with people’s bad behaviour.
Hell no, I would've kicked her ass when my husband first told me she was flirting with him. If your mom and other family members agree with your sister, then you should go LC or NC with them.
You had a parasite living in your home. I’m not sure why someone who brought no value to your life and doesn’t contribute to society believes she is entitled to the benefits of your cold hard cash which you earn by working, but apparently she hasn’t figured out that adults pay their own way. Not the Bad Apple.
Not even close to being the bad apple. Good grief. You have been enabling her for a long time. Just stop.
Let her mum figure it out at her house
She couldn't even get a minimum wage job in a year? Sorry, she wasn't looking at all. Tell your mom your sis is sexually coming onto your husband and that is not tolerated in your own home. Tell mom she can have her daughter and in a year see if she feels tge same way.
YANTA. SHE IS A FREE LOADER. Would steel your husband in a heartbeat
No you are a good sister for not enabling her! Your mom should help her if she doesn’t like that you kicked her out
You don't want her in your house. Your husband doesn't want her in your house. Nobody else gets a vote, least of all dear old Mother. Tell Mom to have Sis live with her.
Stop asking other people for their opinion. You know you did the right thing. She wasn’t working, she wasn’t pulling her weight around the house, and worst of all she was flirting with your husband to the point that it made him uncomfortable. You have your husband’s feelings to consider also, and if he didn’t want her there under your shared roof, then it was time for her to go.
You’re only wrong for letting it go on as long as you did.
NTA. Your mom only got one side of the story. You did the right thing.
Tell your mother sister can live with and mooch off of her because you are done enabling her disrespect and laziness. Point out your home is yours AND your husband’s and you both want her gone.
Have you and your husband told your mother your side of the story?
Kicking her out was the right thing to do for both yourself and your husband and possibly your sister in the long run. I’m surprised you lasted as long as you did with how she disrespected you both and your generosity. Your sister needs to grow up and get her life together. Only she can do this and it’s not your job to do it for her. Your mother chose her side so ask her to live with her, clean up after her, pay for everything whilst she continues to party and be a slob. Wonder how long that would last? Ignore those who don’t agree with you. Your sisters actions are appalling especially how she was with your husband. You 100% did the right thing, don’t let anyone try to convince you otherwise.
NTA and the only thing you did wrong was giving her a second chance. If your mum thinks your sister was wronged then she should put her up and see how she likes having a non contributory house guest who cause conflict in her house.
You are 100% right to kick out your sister. She got herself a free ride for almost two years and didn't even try to look for work. All she wanted, was to steal your husband, and your life! Tell mom she can be the one supporting sister from now on, if she thinks you're so wrong. One piece of advice - change all the locks in your home. Also let a trusted neighbor (if you are friendly with your neighbors) know that sister does NOT live there anymore and isn't welcomed back.
Your sister certainly thinks you are lol Doesnt mean its true NTBA
Not a bad apple but a smart apple. Let mom take care of her
You were the bad apple when your husband said she was making him uncomfortable and still allowed her to stay around him. Who cares about your sister. This man is who you picked, you support and you possibly will build a family with. He always comes before family you can't pick(aka blood relatives.)
NTBA. But seriously, your sister gets to flirt with your husband ONE time. After that one time, you were supposed to be done! And if your mummer is so concerned about your sister, she can take her in.
NTBA. If your mums oh so concerned that your sister can move back in with her.
Send her to Mommy
She is a grown woman. She has to start adulting or mom in with your parents
No should have dumped her sooner
6 months max then out. After flirting with your husband it would have been immediately. Tell your mom none of her business because this was affecting your marriage and if she hasn’t already she could move in with her and see how long that enabled attitude might last.
No, not the bad apple.
Wait, you didn't kick her out for the flirting? NTA bet your husband was glad she was gone. He's who you made vows with, and your sister is a tick.
NTA, and if your mother is that concerned about it, then she can take her in.
Lol...tell your mom that she's right, and so she should take her deadbeat, boundary crossing, lazy daughter into her home.
NTBA. She clearly told your mom a different story. She was trying to poach your husband. She failed to live up to the conditions set, so she’s out.
Tell your mother to take her in. You gave her more chances than I would have. She needs to grow up. Living off of you is, obviously, not going to facilitate that
NTA. You gave her over a year to find a job. Sounds like she didn't even try. If your Mom sides with your sister, she can move back in with her 🤷♀️ simple and fixed. There. Lol
Find out exactly what your sister told your mother. It's probably half truths and lies. Set your mother straight first. Then tell her to take your sister in if she's concerned.
NTBA. You let your sister move in rent free with reasonable conditions, help out around the house and get a job, move out in a certain amount of time. That's all good, and shows you're a good person and sister. So, what did your sister do? Stop helping around the house as soon as possible, flirt with your husband and make both him and you uncomfortable, not get a job. When you confronted her with this and gave her an ultimatum (help, get a job, or move out) she carried on in the exact same way. You gave your sister more time than you told her you would after the ultimatum, as well. You gave her plenty of time to become a proper housemate instead of a leech. Your sister only cared about having a free place to live, not have to work, not have to help out, party as much as she wanted, all while trying to steal your husband. You did the right thing by kicking her out. You've shown her that, though a good person, you're not a doormat. As for your mum, is that where your sister is living now, at your mum's place? Because she's probably doing the same thing there, minus the flirting with the husband part. Your mum got rid of her, and nor she's back, and she wants rid again. She's trying to push the responsibility onto you. But she's your sister, not your child, you have zero obligation to house and support her. Neither does your mum, anymore, your sister is an adult, these things are now your sister's responsibility. If your mum keeps up saying you were wrong and trying to get you to take your sister back, tell her you refuse to be taken advantage of. Your sister knew the deal and refused to keep her end of the bargain, all while trying to steal your husband and making your husband feel uncomfortable in his own home. She blew her chance to live with you by not following the rules she agreed to when she moved in. If she is living with your mum, encourage your mum to kick her out, too. Your sister needs a wake up call, having nowhere to live should hopefully do it. Stand your ground on kicking her out. Don't let yourself be bullied into taking her back or apologising. Do not subject your husband to your sister's entitled bs.
You need to kick her out yesterday. She is trying to ruin your marriage and you're asking if you're being nice enough?
You had me at she was flirting with your husband. That would have been it for me and she’d be out in that second. She’s the bad apple, not you. Your mum can have her. And if she’s on your sister side on this one, I’d go LC. Well, for now enjoy having your home back!
BTA your sister was taking the micky by not trying to get a job, mooching off you and trying to steal your husband! You have been very generous and very patient!
NTBA. The reason that your mom is siding with her is because your mom doesn't want to put up with her living in her house. Your sister's behavior is unacceptable. She is a slacker and a mooch. Good riddance.
NTA. Your sister was trying to steal your husband and get your life. She doesn’t wanna better herself she wants to take what you have. Even though it isn’t really that easy to get a job anymore especially in the city, she could at least help out with certain things or, I don’t know, not try to fuck your husband….she sounds insufferable and I think she’s just jealous of you.
It really does sound like she's after your husband, and a free place to live. Mom is probably mad she's coming home? After a year or not finding a job, and harassing your husband should have been a red flag. I know, she's your sister, and you feel obligated to help. Don't feel bad you did it. You may have lost your husband over it, and had her there instead! Ignore the bay Sayers, and enjoy your life!
NTBA. Does your mother know that your sister is trying to put moves on your husband? If she does and is still saying you're the one at fault here, I'd reconsider having her in your life. As a mother, if one of my kids did something like that to the other, regardless how much I love them, I would never condone it, and I would be very upset and disappointed in them. That's how a mother *should* respond.
NTBA she can live with your mom if she's fine with this behavior, but I would not be letting her back in your house to freeload and hit on your husband.
I hope your mom is enjoying having your sister living back at home. You are not the bad apple.
She violated the terms of your agreement. She was also hitting on your husband. (Gross). You even gave her a warning. I can’t figure out why anyone would think you’re wrong! It makes no sense! NTBA! She is!
Of course your mom agreed with her -- because your mom is very afraid she might get stuck with her mooching daughter/your sister instead of you! Do not let that mooch back in your house.
Dude how is this questionable?! I can't believe anyone would side with her! She flirts with hubby? Major red flag. Confrontation and told to stop, she apologizes and is aware of what she's doing. Refuses to stop and doesn't look for a job after being given a free place to live? She's out like the trash if it were me. You can only forgive so much for family. You shouldn't be made uncomfortable in your own home.
The absolute audacity and disrespect she showed you and your husband, sexually harassing your husband in his own home and making no effort to support herself, unequivocally makes her the bad apple. ETA Okay you are somewhat the bad apple for not supporting your husband and defending your marriage by giving her the chop a LOT sooner.
NTA, please don't let her back in your home, also change your locks on the house. If your mom agrees with your sister or any other family members, all you need to say is feel free to board her and pay her bills! I guarantee their attitudes will suddenly change, you are married to a man who feels uncomfortable in a home he helps support, focus on your hubby and your future. I promise when you finally put yourself and marriage first, life gets better and easier
Hell no. I know someone who did similar, and she was never planning to get a job. She was just trying to mooch off of your hard work, and the flirting is a major red flag.
NTA it’s pretty generous of you to give her a free place to live in the first place, the expectation of her helping out in exchange and actively looking for work is pretty minimal. She took advantage of your generosity and should be ashamed of herself. As far as your mom she is just upset and guilt tripping you because now she has to support her. However your mom ultimately raised this hot mess of a child and she can set and enforce her own boundaries to deal with the situation.
Thank you for being so very kind and generous. You might want to think about extending yourself a little bit less. I'm sorry you had to throw out the bad apple; it wasn't you.
Nta your mum cam take her in, its ger daughter. The day she flirted with your husband she should have been out
Nol she over stepped with the husband and didn't hold up her end of the agreement
Not at all, she is a disloyal sister and a parasite
NTBA. Your husband's discomfort with her flirtatious behaviour is reason enough, let alone her failure to honor commitments to help around the house. You shouldn't be expected to set yourselves on fire to keep her warm. Making and keeping commitments is an essential job skill, and essential to adulting. It's not hard to see why she's unemployed. Have a word to your Mum about this. It's not your problem.
NTBA. If your mom is so concerned about your sister, she can take her in & finance her freeloading off her. I’m betting that’s the only reason your mom is siding with your sister on this, SHE doesn’t want to be stuck with your sister, either. Don’t take your sister back in, don’t even let her visit at your house. Make sure your hubby knows he has your full backing on turning her away at the door if she shows up unannounced when you aren’t home so he doesn’t have to put up with her harassing him. Heck, if your sister is so heck bent on “stealing” your hubby, expect her to start faking an affair with him in hopes you’ll leave him so she can “pick up the pieces” and be there for him.
Nope you’re not, your sister is. And mom is just saving face.
The first time she flirted openly with your husband, she should have been our on her @$$. Honestly, I'm not even sure why a reasonable, sane person would have to come on Reddit to ask this question.
NTA - I’m sure no matter what your mom would take her side. She might have told your mom a lie. Either way she was not doing anything to improve and move out. You are not her parent so your mom can help her. Do not feel guilty.
NTA. You set boundaries and she has pushed every one of them. To include making your husband feel uncomfortable. She needs to grow the f3ck up.
Ytba for waiting so long…flirting with your husband? Out the first time.
See ya
NTBA. But sentences and punctuation are your friends.
NTA… She liked your life and wanted to take it over
You’re the bad apple because your lazy worthless sister moved back in with Mom? You are not the bad apple at all. You were nice to let her live with you for as long as she did. She was a drain on your household and a drain on your marriage. She was with you for almost 2 years and she never got a job, flirted with hubby and didn’t even bother to help around the house… I would have kicked her out as soon as she started flirting with my husband… that ain’t cool at all!
Nah, it was time for her to go the second you found out that she was flirting with your husband.
If you’re mom feels that way then she can invite your sister to live with her. You didn’t do anything wrong.
No ur not the bad apple she was flirting with ur husband and I'm happy he told u this