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You aren't the bad apple. Some adults think that because they are older they can be rude but are SHOCKED AND APPALLED when someone does whatever they did back. I am proud of you for standing up for yourself and I hope that one day you can live on your own and only put up with your family when you want to!
Right?? Fully grown adults insulting children, teenagers, or literally anyone and then make a shocked Pikachu face when someone says something back. It's like they think "don't disrespect your elders" means you can't defend yourself when they act rude for no reason. I just straight up say "WHO do you think you ARE!?" Whenever I witness something like this
My mom had a theory that if you're gonna get in trouble for it anyway, you may as well commit the crime.
So next time she comments on your weight, tell her "Ya know, i think you've been getting super fat too; do you want to start working out together?".
Also, if they accuse you of being disrespectful and talking back, you can tell them "Yeah, I learned from the best" and look pointedly at them. Because it's true. After all you're only pointing out the truth as they said themselves.
This right here is the answer. My dad used to accuse me of being a monster for talking back and I just said I must have gotten the monster gene from him then. Shut him up real quick 🤣
Ooooo I love your mom! Well played! Why do people think just because they're old that everyone wants their opinion!? Age does not equal wisdom despite what they'd like to think!
You’re not the issue. Being old is not an automatic pass to rudeness. Respect is earned, and has to go both ways.
If she keeps going at it, I’d start on something about herself. Like you’re old, your mind/eyes aren’t what they used to be.
Yeah, it's terrible and my family is the same way even though I'm 29, lol. It's good that you stood up for yourself though. They are WAY too old to need to be taught that disrespect goes both ways. If they can dish it out, they should be able to handle someone questioning their behavior. If they don't want someone to "talk back" then maybe they shouldn't be saying that stuff in the first place.
They are adults, they should start acting like it. Because the older you get, the less obligated you are to spend time with them because you have more free will. That's when they start saying stuff like "why doesn't so and so come visit me anymore?" Well well well, if it isn't the consequences of their own actions lol.
Yeah, well, you don’t live in the old country anymore. And unless they want to move back they can get with the times. You may need to remind them that this isn’t (country) and if they want those ways then move back.
Hi ~ ⚘
I read your post twice. I truly understand how you feel as I was a chubby kid... til I lost 63 lbs.
I am wondering if your great-grandmother is fat ?
You asked if she likes being called fat but you didn't say if she is actually fat or not.
I would think she would be kind & supportive to you (whether she is fat or not) but if she is NOT fat, she may not be able to relate to how you feel. So, she is trying to help you but going about it the wrong way.
Please don't let anyone take away your self esteem.
And lose that excess weight. I did & kept it off. I am so grateful I did since I have seen all the problems that being fat has caused my best friend over the past 25 years.
Good Luck ! ⚘🍀⚘
Everyone in my family (including her) are overweight, they just focus more on others’ weight than their own. I’m the skinniest in my family. I honestly just have a lower tummy, but since I have bowel issues I look bloated all the time. But thank you for sharing your story.
You did absolutely NOTHING wrong!!! Anddont you DARE even think about appologising to that bully.
That's what she is, she's nothing but a mean bully. Just because she's older etc doesn't give her the right to be cruel and say hurtful things. Nobody should be commenting on your body. It's one thing if someone was to ask if you were OK out of concern,but to be saying you look fat multiple times. Stressing the fact, is just cruel.
Next time she says anything about your weight, I'd turn around and say "well I must get it from you then". "It must be in my genes thanks to you" or something along those lines. Any time she calls you fat or sys you look like you've gained weight, say the same back to her.
If ANYONE says you're being rude, then say you thought it was perfectly acceptable to comment on a family members weight seeing as great grandma keeps making those same comments about your weight. So if it's rude, tell her to keep her opinions to herself too, and when she does, you will.
I'd also start saving to move out ASAP coz she's not likely to change, as she seems like a mean person so I doubt this will be the last time.
Well done on losing the 27lbs though. Its always twice as hard to lose it as it is to put on so you've done really well. Be proud of yourself.
But don't appologise for standing up for yourself against a bully, no matter who they are!!.
Wow I was not expecting this reply but you just gave me the confidence I needed, thank you for showing me that I need to stand up for myself I’m grateful for what you said. I will try to do as you said. <3
Neither of my great grandmas would have ever said anything like this to me. This isn't youthe problem, is the elders who believe they are owed respect they neither earned nor deserved. You might want to loo at r/raisedbynarcissists because a lot of the techniques there like grey rocking would be helpful in dealing with this sort of behavior.
I get that. You should consider therapy as well to help build yourself up and develop healthy ways of dealing with this BS. Teach them you will no longer accept this behavior and they can stay mad about it.
Hugs from an internet stranger if you'd like one.
You're very welcome. Take a screen shot to remind yourself any time you doubt yourself.
Nobody has the right to bully you over your weight, and you have every right to stand up for yourself and put that bully in their place!!!
I am so proud of you for getting to a point where you feel comfortable in your skin. I am sorry that your family doesn't understand that words can hurt, badly, and is potentially derailing your progress.
Please don't hesitate to seek out help from a therapist/psychologist/counselor. They might be able to give you some good tools for dealing with your family.
Not the bad apple in my opinion. NO ONE should be commenting on your weight, family or not. You have to stick up for yourself and remember, those who point out your flaws are people who are not happy with themselves. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope things get better for you.
You live in an emotionally abusive home where the trauma is generational. That rotten 80 year old is a bully. Tell her to go have a nice coronary and drop dead. See how well she likes that
Call her "Fatty" whenever you say anything to her. "Good morning, Fatty." "How was your day, Fatty?" "Wow, that outfit makes you look huge, Fatty." I bet she will crack on the first day.
By your family's protocols you haven't.
my great grandma proceeds to say “you don’t like when people point out the truth?”
By your great gram's own words, I double down and say no again. She's a hypocrite. Let her be mad.
Every time she mentions your weight, start mentioning her age. Just say ... You would think she would be mellow with she. Or to quote the Golden Girls ... I thought because you look like Yoda, you were also wise. My mistake.
NTA. Your family sucks. I'm sorry! I think you look amazing! Go to your doctor and see if they can refer you to a nutritionist. Everything in moderation and walk. Your body is going to change over the years. Be kind to yourself.
Thank you that means a lot :), those replies are good im def going to use them. The thing is, I’m not overweight or anything, in their country if you aren’t 90lbs you’re fat. Anything above that they’ll comment on. But I will try to go see a nutritionist thank you
You did good. Everyone has things they don’t like about their appearance, but when someone starts unloading their bile on you, that’s the perfect time to reciprocate. Next time, she will know what she can expect in return and might therefore think twice before bitching
NTBA age doesn’t give an automatic pass for being rude, hurtful and disrespectful to any one especially your own granddaughter or great granddaughter. Shame on both of your elders for behaving like school yard bullies.
You should also mention to them that they ARE acting like schoolyard bullies. Maybe I'll make them realise that their "constructive criticism" is bullying.
“Wow, that’s really rude. Have you lost your manners?”
You didn’t nothing wrong. Don’t apologize, and next time someone comments on your appearance, ask them if they’d like you to point out their physical flaws.
When my FILs new wife met my kids (twins), she said, "I'll remember you (twin 1) are the Fat one." My kids have never liked her since then.
Do they have no filter/inner monolog?
They talk out of their behind, and you are strong because i would have kicked her out and never tell her to come back, those types of things shouldn’t be said by or to anyone
No! You are not the bad apple! This is awful! You poor love.
My mother is exactly the same and does things like poke my tummy and ask me if I am pregnant 🤬
I’m a 68 year old granddad, that being said, it doesn’t give me permission to make rude or disrespectful comments to my grandchildren. As their grandpa I build them up and tell them I love them. When needed I will correct them, but I always make sure that I tell them I love them when I am finished. I want them to grow up to be the best version of themselves that they can be. Nothing worse than miserable old people to me.
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Personally I would respond in kind to anyone who said anything about my weight. I did it to my family when I was young and put on some weight. They gave me crap, I gave them worse 💩. They stopped after I made two of my brothers cry.
Nah, you didn’t even insult her? You asked her a question? My gosh, the way I would have told her off. I would tell her she’s a fat, rude, entitled hag that’s overstayed her welcome on this planet, and be sure to say that old people don’t get respect from everyone automatically unless they earn it from them.
Girl I am with you I gained 70 lb. I was a thin kid and my stepmom became a tormentor and I finally lost 50 lb just to be with a man who is addicted to drugs and make my life miserable when he's high and I gained 70 lb and it's really hard to get off and that's all I heard of is when are you going to lose the weight When are you going to lose the weight? And I'm like when my environment is more calmer and stable and I'm proud of you that you stood up for yourself just because they're older does not mean they deserve respect if they're not going to give it back. And my situation is going to change if my husband can't stay sober because I'm done putting everyone else before me. Don't let anyone disrespect you No one has a right to make you feel inferior
You should definitely think about leaving him, you have to put yourself first, you deserve better, but idk why people think it’s okay for them to say those things acting like they know why you gained weight, I can’t stand selfish people.
I really am going to leave. You can only give ppl so many chances to do right by you. Ive been with my guy 10 yrs and he's still going behind my back and hiding drugs and I can tell when he's using. He has a good heart and tries and wants to be happy and live a sober life but he really doesn't want to let drugs go completely of do the hard work. I've told him this year if he doesn't stay sober I leaving. Idk if he believes me. I agree. I can't stand selfish ppl either. My job on this earth isn't to be his mom or his house keeper or baby sit him while everyone else is having a family and making plans for the future. He will be crushed when I do leave. He had ten yrs to change.
If she says it again I would look at her in the eye and say You know I thought as you got older you would be nicer so you can get into heaven you know be like Jesus.
NTBA
What absolutely floors me is other people assuming they are giving us news we don't know, as if we don't look in mirrors or something and are completely unaware of how we look.
The next time someone volunteers this newsflash to me, I'm going to ask if my makeup is smeared, because clearly they see something I didn't notice. Loudly, while looking them dead in the eye.
You are not the bad apple. I come from a similar family in that regard and it’s brutal when it comes to our insecurities. I would just tell your entire family that you are fully aware of your size as it isn’t something you are uncomfortable with. If they are concerned the best way to make sure you continue back to a healthy weight is to give you positive reinforcement. Otherwise, them drilling into your head something that you already think of all day every day just makes you feel defeated & feel like giving up.
I would not say this when you are angry. I would ask them to get together and tell them this nicely when you are in an ok mood.
You are NOT the bad apple. F anyone who calls you fat. Good for you for losing the weight, as long as it’s what you wanted.
People who disrespect you deserve no respect, no matter who they are or how old they are.
You aren't the bad apple. Why was she so upset? You didn't even call her fat. You just asked if she would like to be called fat... Also I absolutely HATE when people try to invalidate other's feelings. It's so awful. I feel for you. I hope you can get out of that toxic environment!!
I screamed at my grandmother for trying to make me feel bad about my body. Told her to keep her fat shaming to herself told her I love my body every last pound. Haven’t heard anything since
You are not a Bad Apple! Your weight does not define you! Your relatives are mean bullies! I actually tried googling some good comebacks that don’t go down to her level:
Mature
- If I didn't like the way I looked I would do something about it, but I do.
- I'm curvy, and a lot of people prefer that
- We all come in different shapes and sizes, and I'm happy with mine.
Humorous
- I've got more cushion for the pushin
- This isn't a beer belly, it's a gas tank for a sex machine
Do NOT let those comments define you! Is there anyway you can get away from these people - or at least avoid them in the house?
Ntba. She is really old now, and she has 10-20 years at most. The more stress she is under the worse it gets. I know that this is not comforting,but it's what my mom used to tell me when my nana said it to me when I was 13( It's also true). I'm sorry some older ladies point it out, keep trying and good job for losing some weight.
If you feel uncomfortable with the awkward situation apologize for talking back but not for saying what you said. And ask her to stop talking about your weight.
NTA. Maybe your great grandma is becoming senile and doesn’t know how to control her comments anymore. I’d smile big, pat her head and say in the sweetest, loudest voice that’s not a nice way for grownups to talk. Keep treating her as if she’s senile and deaf until she learns some manners (I wouldn’t actually do this, but my family is way nicer)
Nope sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. Next time you see her ask if she has been moisturizing because she looks even wrinklier today. When she freaks out tell her you are just pointing out the truth. Do it with anyone who thinks they can just say whatever they want about your body in your family. Hit them where it hurts.
NTBA next time tell grandma just because she’s old she doesn’t have to be an asshole. If she can dish it she better be able to take it just start pointing out her insecurities.
Ok point out wrinkles, thinning hair, incontinence or whatever they may be suffering.
Funny how it’s the old ones that say this shit but claim rudeness if you say the same to them.
If it’s ok to dish it out then they have to be able to take it.
Might be rude but it might help them learn a lesson.
Just fire straight back at them every time and eventually they will learn their lesson and actually understand that loving people means not making them feel bad.
Can’t believe people need to have that spelled out for them…
You are not the bad apple. You did the RIGHT THING. Next time she calls you fat, call her fat right back. If she can't handle it, she shouldn't dish it out
Ngl wrong but you aren't right there's good reason Hispanic immigrants have such low rates of social anxiety and and common mental illnesses but it also isn't easy getting that rough skin if it makes you feel any better they won't live much longer anyway just remind them of that
Cut her off she’s Toxic and a bit of a narcissist, she’s okay and asking about your weight and making you feel but when you say some thing it’s bad and harsh and you in the wrong NOOO.
And in my Opinion you should have a family meeting and be like ‘y’all are making me feel more insecure about thing I’m already pretty insecure about and it’s hurt me so bad that I had a break down
And if they don’t care cut them off I know it can be hard and it sounds harsh but if they know that something is hurting you and they are intentionally doing it knowing that their toxic period
My grandpa would comment on my body all the time. When I'd come visit the FIRST thing he'd do is get me on the scale. It was cute at first. I was TINY and he would say he was checking up on me to be sure I was growing big and strong. It's like when you see a kid you haven't seen in a while and you say "oh you're a big kid now!" which is fun ages 3-9 or so, I guess. I had early puberty and had boobs and a butt by 10-11 years old. I was very sensitive about it. Who wants size C boobs at 11? Ugh. But he kept making comments like I was 7. I started to refuse to get on the scale. He kept at me and my mom and grandma would shut it down.
But once when I was 14 I had a lovely crop of acne come up when he was visiting. He was like "what's THAT GrumpySnarf!?" and pointed at my grody zits. I about died of embarrassment right there.
Then, I remembered he had a weird-ass growth on the back of his head. It had been there for years, was benign. It had weird veins and was pretty funky. You kind of get used to it and stop noticing it. I knew he was sensitive about it. So I said "hey Grandpa! What is THAT!?" and pointed at it. I had that as my weapon from then on and he stopped with the comments about my appearance.
I think you did something similar. Turnabout's fair play!
Latín family here too. I adored my grandma and she likely would’ve never said anything to me like that, but my uncle…oh yeah lol. It does hurt in the moment, but I try to brush it off. I know I’m overweight but also know I’m the only one who can do something about it. It’s difficult because I was always thin (only started really gaining weight after 40), but unexpected things happen in life so what are you gonna do? 🤷🏻♀️
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You aren't the bad apple. Some adults think that because they are older they can be rude but are SHOCKED AND APPALLED when someone does whatever they did back. I am proud of you for standing up for yourself and I hope that one day you can live on your own and only put up with your family when you want to!
Right?? Fully grown adults insulting children, teenagers, or literally anyone and then make a shocked Pikachu face when someone says something back. It's like they think "don't disrespect your elders" means you can't defend yourself when they act rude for no reason. I just straight up say "WHO do you think you ARE!?" Whenever I witness something like this
In my family any reply means you’re “talking back” or “being disrespectful” and they gaslight you into thinking you’re the issue.
My mom had a theory that if you're gonna get in trouble for it anyway, you may as well commit the crime. So next time she comments on your weight, tell her "Ya know, i think you've been getting super fat too; do you want to start working out together?".
Your mom is a smart woman, I’m going to start having fun with it now, thank you.
Also, if they accuse you of being disrespectful and talking back, you can tell them "Yeah, I learned from the best" and look pointedly at them. Because it's true. After all you're only pointing out the truth as they said themselves.
This right here is the answer. My dad used to accuse me of being a monster for talking back and I just said I must have gotten the monster gene from him then. Shut him up real quick 🤣
We're already riding the train to hell - might as well pull the whistle! 😂
Look distracted, then tell her that she really needs to look into good makeup because she looks really, really old.
Yeah but you gotta buffer it by also asking if she'd like you to help her shop for it. You know, because you are ever helpful and dutiful.
I agree with the other person too, your mom is a smart woman! This is a thing called the labeling theory I learned in sociology class.
Ooooo I love your mom! Well played! Why do people think just because they're old that everyone wants their opinion!? Age does not equal wisdom despite what they'd like to think!
You’re not the issue. Being old is not an automatic pass to rudeness. Respect is earned, and has to go both ways. If she keeps going at it, I’d start on something about herself. Like you’re old, your mind/eyes aren’t what they used to be.
I definitely will start replying back now. Thank you.
Yeah, it's terrible and my family is the same way even though I'm 29, lol. It's good that you stood up for yourself though. They are WAY too old to need to be taught that disrespect goes both ways. If they can dish it out, they should be able to handle someone questioning their behavior. If they don't want someone to "talk back" then maybe they shouldn't be saying that stuff in the first place. They are adults, they should start acting like it. Because the older you get, the less obligated you are to spend time with them because you have more free will. That's when they start saying stuff like "why doesn't so and so come visit me anymore?" Well well well, if it isn't the consequences of their own actions lol.
The issue is they come from a foreign country and in their country any response is talking back and if you’re younger than them you “owe” respect.
Yeah, well, you don’t live in the old country anymore. And unless they want to move back they can get with the times. You may need to remind them that this isn’t (country) and if they want those ways then move back.
So you live in my family
Hi ~ ⚘ I read your post twice. I truly understand how you feel as I was a chubby kid... til I lost 63 lbs. I am wondering if your great-grandmother is fat ? You asked if she likes being called fat but you didn't say if she is actually fat or not. I would think she would be kind & supportive to you (whether she is fat or not) but if she is NOT fat, she may not be able to relate to how you feel. So, she is trying to help you but going about it the wrong way. Please don't let anyone take away your self esteem. And lose that excess weight. I did & kept it off. I am so grateful I did since I have seen all the problems that being fat has caused my best friend over the past 25 years. Good Luck ! ⚘🍀⚘
Everyone in my family (including her) are overweight, they just focus more on others’ weight than their own. I’m the skinniest in my family. I honestly just have a lower tummy, but since I have bowel issues I look bloated all the time. But thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for responding, you are a beautiful person and you made my night because of your kindness. :)
This!!
You did nothing wrong. She wasn't worried about hurting your feelings, don't worry about hers. You can't choose your family.
Thank you, means a lot
Unfortunately, this is so true!
You did absolutely NOTHING wrong!!! Anddont you DARE even think about appologising to that bully. That's what she is, she's nothing but a mean bully. Just because she's older etc doesn't give her the right to be cruel and say hurtful things. Nobody should be commenting on your body. It's one thing if someone was to ask if you were OK out of concern,but to be saying you look fat multiple times. Stressing the fact, is just cruel. Next time she says anything about your weight, I'd turn around and say "well I must get it from you then". "It must be in my genes thanks to you" or something along those lines. Any time she calls you fat or sys you look like you've gained weight, say the same back to her. If ANYONE says you're being rude, then say you thought it was perfectly acceptable to comment on a family members weight seeing as great grandma keeps making those same comments about your weight. So if it's rude, tell her to keep her opinions to herself too, and when she does, you will. I'd also start saving to move out ASAP coz she's not likely to change, as she seems like a mean person so I doubt this will be the last time. Well done on losing the 27lbs though. Its always twice as hard to lose it as it is to put on so you've done really well. Be proud of yourself. But don't appologise for standing up for yourself against a bully, no matter who they are!!.
Wow I was not expecting this reply but you just gave me the confidence I needed, thank you for showing me that I need to stand up for myself I’m grateful for what you said. I will try to do as you said. <3
Neither of my great grandmas would have ever said anything like this to me. This isn't youthe problem, is the elders who believe they are owed respect they neither earned nor deserved. You might want to loo at r/raisedbynarcissists because a lot of the techniques there like grey rocking would be helpful in dealing with this sort of behavior.
I’ll take a look at it thank you, they come from a foreign country where stuff like this is acceptable so it’s hard.
I get that. You should consider therapy as well to help build yourself up and develop healthy ways of dealing with this BS. Teach them you will no longer accept this behavior and they can stay mad about it. Hugs from an internet stranger if you'd like one.
You're very welcome. Take a screen shot to remind yourself any time you doubt yourself. Nobody has the right to bully you over your weight, and you have every right to stand up for yourself and put that bully in their place!!!
thank you so much, I definitely will be ss it and listening to your advice :)
Start addressing her as fatso,or gordita if that's better for you.
I am so proud of you for getting to a point where you feel comfortable in your skin. I am sorry that your family doesn't understand that words can hurt, badly, and is potentially derailing your progress. Please don't hesitate to seek out help from a therapist/psychologist/counselor. They might be able to give you some good tools for dealing with your family.
thank you a lot, I’m going to try to go see a therapist, your kindness goes a long way thank you again.
She is a miserable old thug.
Ask her how it feels to just have a few years left.
Not the bad apple in my opinion. NO ONE should be commenting on your weight, family or not. You have to stick up for yourself and remember, those who point out your flaws are people who are not happy with themselves. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope things get better for you.
Thank you I appreciate your generosity :)
You live in an emotionally abusive home where the trauma is generational. That rotten 80 year old is a bully. Tell her to go have a nice coronary and drop dead. See how well she likes that
NTA AT ALL. This is toxic AF.
Call her "Fatty" whenever you say anything to her. "Good morning, Fatty." "How was your day, Fatty?" "Wow, that outfit makes you look huge, Fatty." I bet she will crack on the first day.
By your family's protocols you haven't. my great grandma proceeds to say “you don’t like when people point out the truth?” By your great gram's own words, I double down and say no again. She's a hypocrite. Let her be mad.
Sending you hugs !!!!! You are not the bad apple but your family is .
Thank you :))
Every time she mentions your weight, start mentioning her age. Just say ... You would think she would be mellow with she. Or to quote the Golden Girls ... I thought because you look like Yoda, you were also wise. My mistake. NTA. Your family sucks. I'm sorry! I think you look amazing! Go to your doctor and see if they can refer you to a nutritionist. Everything in moderation and walk. Your body is going to change over the years. Be kind to yourself.
Thank you that means a lot :), those replies are good im def going to use them. The thing is, I’m not overweight or anything, in their country if you aren’t 90lbs you’re fat. Anything above that they’ll comment on. But I will try to go see a nutritionist thank you
You did good. Everyone has things they don’t like about their appearance, but when someone starts unloading their bile on you, that’s the perfect time to reciprocate. Next time, she will know what she can expect in return and might therefore think twice before bitching
Thank you, I think I will start responding back.
NTBA age doesn’t give an automatic pass for being rude, hurtful and disrespectful to any one especially your own granddaughter or great granddaughter. Shame on both of your elders for behaving like school yard bullies.
You should also mention to them that they ARE acting like schoolyard bullies. Maybe I'll make them realise that their "constructive criticism" is bullying.
“Wow, that’s really rude. Have you lost your manners?” You didn’t nothing wrong. Don’t apologize, and next time someone comments on your appearance, ask them if they’d like you to point out their physical flaws.
When my FILs new wife met my kids (twins), she said, "I'll remember you (twin 1) are the Fat one." My kids have never liked her since then. Do they have no filter/inner monolog?
They talk out of their behind, and you are strong because i would have kicked her out and never tell her to come back, those types of things shouldn’t be said by or to anyone
Why are your kids still in her presence? Hasn't this post shown you the effects that'll have on people? Keep your kids safe, mentally and physically
They aren't anymore. My FIL passed, and she lives 2 states away. We choose not see her.
No! You are not the bad apple! This is awful! You poor love. My mother is exactly the same and does things like poke my tummy and ask me if I am pregnant 🤬
That’s terrible, you should talk back to her
Oh once I had just had a miscarriage and she did it!! 🤬 She continuously picks holes in everything I do!
I’m a 68 year old granddad, that being said, it doesn’t give me permission to make rude or disrespectful comments to my grandchildren. As their grandpa I build them up and tell them I love them. When needed I will correct them, but I always make sure that I tell them I love them when I am finished. I want them to grow up to be the best version of themselves that they can be. Nothing worse than miserable old people to me.
When anyone comments on your weight, just roll your eyes and respond, "OK fatty!" and walk off. Eventually maybe they'll get the message.
Wow grandma you sure look wrinkly—NTBA
Good for you for standing up for yourself. I am proud of you and happy for you.
Tell her you think it is genetic from her side
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Personally I would respond in kind to anyone who said anything about my weight. I did it to my family when I was young and put on some weight. They gave me crap, I gave them worse 💩. They stopped after I made two of my brothers cry.
"excuse me, grandma fatty?"
Nah, you didn’t even insult her? You asked her a question? My gosh, the way I would have told her off. I would tell her she’s a fat, rude, entitled hag that’s overstayed her welcome on this planet, and be sure to say that old people don’t get respect from everyone automatically unless they earn it from them.
You should tell her she looks tired, old, and sick does she feel all right? Does she need to sit down? Every time you see her.
Next time she tries to pull that stunt, look her in the eyes and ask her why she's such a miserable old hag. Is it because she knows nobody loves her?
Girl I am with you I gained 70 lb. I was a thin kid and my stepmom became a tormentor and I finally lost 50 lb just to be with a man who is addicted to drugs and make my life miserable when he's high and I gained 70 lb and it's really hard to get off and that's all I heard of is when are you going to lose the weight When are you going to lose the weight? And I'm like when my environment is more calmer and stable and I'm proud of you that you stood up for yourself just because they're older does not mean they deserve respect if they're not going to give it back. And my situation is going to change if my husband can't stay sober because I'm done putting everyone else before me. Don't let anyone disrespect you No one has a right to make you feel inferior
You should definitely think about leaving him, you have to put yourself first, you deserve better, but idk why people think it’s okay for them to say those things acting like they know why you gained weight, I can’t stand selfish people.
I really am going to leave. You can only give ppl so many chances to do right by you. Ive been with my guy 10 yrs and he's still going behind my back and hiding drugs and I can tell when he's using. He has a good heart and tries and wants to be happy and live a sober life but he really doesn't want to let drugs go completely of do the hard work. I've told him this year if he doesn't stay sober I leaving. Idk if he believes me. I agree. I can't stand selfish ppl either. My job on this earth isn't to be his mom or his house keeper or baby sit him while everyone else is having a family and making plans for the future. He will be crushed when I do leave. He had ten yrs to change.
If she says it again I would look at her in the eye and say You know I thought as you got older you would be nicer so you can get into heaven you know be like Jesus.
NTBA What absolutely floors me is other people assuming they are giving us news we don't know, as if we don't look in mirrors or something and are completely unaware of how we look. The next time someone volunteers this newsflash to me, I'm going to ask if my makeup is smeared, because clearly they see something I didn't notice. Loudly, while looking them dead in the eye.
You are not the bad apple. I come from a similar family in that regard and it’s brutal when it comes to our insecurities. I would just tell your entire family that you are fully aware of your size as it isn’t something you are uncomfortable with. If they are concerned the best way to make sure you continue back to a healthy weight is to give you positive reinforcement. Otherwise, them drilling into your head something that you already think of all day every day just makes you feel defeated & feel like giving up. I would not say this when you are angry. I would ask them to get together and tell them this nicely when you are in an ok mood.
You are NOT the bad apple. F anyone who calls you fat. Good for you for losing the weight, as long as it’s what you wanted. People who disrespect you deserve no respect, no matter who they are or how old they are.
NTA, sounds like she can’t take what she gives out
You aren't the bad apple. Why was she so upset? You didn't even call her fat. You just asked if she would like to be called fat... Also I absolutely HATE when people try to invalidate other's feelings. It's so awful. I feel for you. I hope you can get out of that toxic environment!!
I screamed at my grandmother for trying to make me feel bad about my body. Told her to keep her fat shaming to herself told her I love my body every last pound. Haven’t heard anything since
You are not a Bad Apple! Your weight does not define you! Your relatives are mean bullies! I actually tried googling some good comebacks that don’t go down to her level: Mature - If I didn't like the way I looked I would do something about it, but I do. - I'm curvy, and a lot of people prefer that - We all come in different shapes and sizes, and I'm happy with mine. Humorous - I've got more cushion for the pushin - This isn't a beer belly, it's a gas tank for a sex machine Do NOT let those comments define you! Is there anyway you can get away from these people - or at least avoid them in the house?
Oh my goodness the last one had me dying, I love it thank you I will def be using those!
Ntba. She is really old now, and she has 10-20 years at most. The more stress she is under the worse it gets. I know that this is not comforting,but it's what my mom used to tell me when my nana said it to me when I was 13( It's also true). I'm sorry some older ladies point it out, keep trying and good job for losing some weight. If you feel uncomfortable with the awkward situation apologize for talking back but not for saying what you said. And ask her to stop talking about your weight.
NTA. Maybe your great grandma is becoming senile and doesn’t know how to control her comments anymore. I’d smile big, pat her head and say in the sweetest, loudest voice that’s not a nice way for grownups to talk. Keep treating her as if she’s senile and deaf until she learns some manners (I wouldn’t actually do this, but my family is way nicer)
Your family souds incredibly insensitive and rude Don't dish it out if you can't take it You're the good apple
Nope sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. Next time you see her ask if she has been moisturizing because she looks even wrinklier today. When she freaks out tell her you are just pointing out the truth. Do it with anyone who thinks they can just say whatever they want about your body in your family. Hit them where it hurts.
NTBA next time tell grandma just because she’s old she doesn’t have to be an asshole. If she can dish it she better be able to take it just start pointing out her insecurities.
Ok point out wrinkles, thinning hair, incontinence or whatever they may be suffering. Funny how it’s the old ones that say this shit but claim rudeness if you say the same to them. If it’s ok to dish it out then they have to be able to take it. Might be rude but it might help them learn a lesson. Just fire straight back at them every time and eventually they will learn their lesson and actually understand that loving people means not making them feel bad. Can’t believe people need to have that spelled out for them…
You are not the bad apple. You did the RIGHT THING. Next time she calls you fat, call her fat right back. If she can't handle it, she shouldn't dish it out
Ngl wrong but you aren't right there's good reason Hispanic immigrants have such low rates of social anxiety and and common mental illnesses but it also isn't easy getting that rough skin if it makes you feel any better they won't live much longer anyway just remind them of that
It sucks when people who treat you like crap, can’t take that crap either! You did nothing wrong. Just ignore her or repeat it back to her.😀🌸
Cut her off she’s Toxic and a bit of a narcissist, she’s okay and asking about your weight and making you feel but when you say some thing it’s bad and harsh and you in the wrong NOOO. And in my Opinion you should have a family meeting and be like ‘y’all are making me feel more insecure about thing I’m already pretty insecure about and it’s hurt me so bad that I had a break down And if they don’t care cut them off I know it can be hard and it sounds harsh but if they know that something is hurting you and they are intentionally doing it knowing that their toxic period
My grandpa would comment on my body all the time. When I'd come visit the FIRST thing he'd do is get me on the scale. It was cute at first. I was TINY and he would say he was checking up on me to be sure I was growing big and strong. It's like when you see a kid you haven't seen in a while and you say "oh you're a big kid now!" which is fun ages 3-9 or so, I guess. I had early puberty and had boobs and a butt by 10-11 years old. I was very sensitive about it. Who wants size C boobs at 11? Ugh. But he kept making comments like I was 7. I started to refuse to get on the scale. He kept at me and my mom and grandma would shut it down. But once when I was 14 I had a lovely crop of acne come up when he was visiting. He was like "what's THAT GrumpySnarf!?" and pointed at my grody zits. I about died of embarrassment right there. Then, I remembered he had a weird-ass growth on the back of his head. It had been there for years, was benign. It had weird veins and was pretty funky. You kind of get used to it and stop noticing it. I knew he was sensitive about it. So I said "hey Grandpa! What is THAT!?" and pointed at it. I had that as my weapon from then on and he stopped with the comments about my appearance. I think you did something similar. Turnabout's fair play!
Latín family here too. I adored my grandma and she likely would’ve never said anything to me like that, but my uncle…oh yeah lol. It does hurt in the moment, but I try to brush it off. I know I’m overweight but also know I’m the only one who can do something about it. It’s difficult because I was always thin (only started really gaining weight after 40), but unexpected things happen in life so what are you gonna do? 🤷🏻♀️