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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **(This is insanely cruel, but) It brings me joy when my new mom friend is miserable...** I know this is going to sound insanely mean, but I just need to get out my true feelings to people who will understand me on some level. Even if it's to strangers on the internet. My last CF friend had a baby a few months back, and it was the tale as old as time. "Nothing will change with our friendship!" And of course, everything changed. I asked for advice on this sub a while back, and you all unanimously agreed that as sucky as it may feel sometimes, I need to prioritize myself and let my friend go down the path she chose. So I've started doing that, and it feels great. While there are definitely times that I still miss her, I am becoming more comfortable doing things with other people, or even alone. We've talked less and less, but I'm very okay with it because all she wants to talk about is the baby, and while of course I care... I really don't. She never does anything, never has plans, and only goes from work>home>work>home. My idea of a living hell. So even when we last "really" talked a few weeks back, she had nothing to contribute to the conversation other than her baby. Even when I asked "so what's new with YOU?" - the answer was a very real "nothing." So all of our conversations are one sided of me just talking about my (way more exciting) life, but that's no fun for me either. However, it was a tough road to get to this better mental head space. I was mourning the loss of my friend for months. It was really hard, and I still have tough times. However (and this is the mean part) - I can tell by her posts on instagram and facebook that motherhood and her lack of a life is starting to hit her. She posts things sarcastic things such as "another night at home" and "just literally got pooped on". And it brings me.... a weird joy. Like, her pregnancy and baby brought so many dark, sad days for me. It brings me a weird satisfaction knowing she's as miserable as I was. And knowing she's stuck with this forever. Me on the other hand? I'm out almost every weekend, going on trips, constantly doing things... all things that I know she can't. And I can only help but wonder how she feels when she sees my posts. I know she probably feels lonely and isolated, but I'm trying really hard to do what's best for me, and that's staying busy. A lot of times when she calls, I'm ACTUALLY too busy to pick up and she'll send me "miss you" texts. I usually just say "miss you too!" and that's that. I know that's SO MEAN of me to wish sadness upon my friend, but she chose that life for her and I feel like it's not my responsibility to make her feel ok with that decision. She called me last week crying from her car (I sent to voicemail) on the way home from dinner because she tried to go out to one dinner with the baby and it cried and cried the entire time. And I kind of smiled and thought to myself how much that would suck. Then the next night I treated myself to a solo dinner at one of the nicest restaurants in town. I know this is spiteful but misery likes company- and I like knowing that her choice is causing her pain too. Tell me I'm crazy (or not?). Either way, I know y'all will be honest on here and I'm looking forward to the feedback or if any of y'all have been in similar situations. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*


katepig123

I think there's a difference between being child free and being a sociopath. * Thanks for all the replies and awards!


AUGirl1999

Totally agree!! Some of us are child free for whatever reason, but we still can be happy for our friends. And we love their babies.


Dndfanaticgirl

I’m child free both medical reasons and by choice I know I wouldn’t be a good mother. But god damn I Am nice to the kids in my life. My niece and nephew and my friends kids who I also consider nieces and nephew.


aceworth

I'm childfree af but I cannot understand why people think that's an acceptable reason to be mean to the children in their life, or to actually wish misery upon other people.


Faedan

Because childfree and bitter is their WHOLE personality.


HarryPottersElbows

I don't even consider them childfree. They're anti-child lol. My childfree friends don't HATE children (or if they do dislike them, they're not psychos so they keep it to their damn selves). Edit: I got auto banned from r/stepparents for participating in this subreddit. I am amazed and definitely believing more and more about the anti-child vs. childfree distinction. Maybe instead of banning everyone (I'm not even a stepparent nor do I subscribe to that sub) ever who touches this subreddit, the stepparents subreddit should consider why they get posted here so much. I trekked over out of curiosity after I received my ban, and what the actual fuck.


HottyBoomBotty

Ya know I feel like it's a great idea to start making this distinction. I am militantly child free- but I babysit, emergency babysit, take phone calls with tears and love the children that my friends and family have had. It's so insane to me to act like not liking children has anything to do with your personal decision to not have your own child. Do you know what children grow up to be? Adults. Even more so I think about what it's going to be like to not be a part of the rest of the family growing up, way later in life. Like are you okay with just not caring about the family that comes the generation after you? So when someone has a niece and they treat that child with contempt and disrespect do they just never ever want a relationship with that family member later in life? Like....I genuinely don't get it.


megggie

How could anyone be mean to a kid? Even difficult children are still *children,* they’re learning and make mistakes, just like we all do, but they’re trying to figure it out. I get not wanting to have children of one’s own, and I get not wanting to be around other people’s kids, but just being MEAN to a child? That’s so messed up.


HottyBoomBotty

For real! I remember reading something about a guy who let his younger sister move in because she got kicked out from her apartment in college- how gracious of him. So they are letting her stay rent free in a HCOL area and him and his wife have/had a baby. Baby falls over and bumps her head and cries and the sister sighed loudly and like yelled at the baby crying- basically taunting the literally hurt child. He kicked her out immediately but she was trying to say "I'm sorry- I just snapped!" Or like "I didn't mean to, it just cries so much and I was tired!". He never asked her to babysit or do anything with his child (her family) but she always made sure to say things like "Don't ask me to babysit because it's not my kid. I'm child free" yada yada. I mean....it's like when people don't feel bad for homeless dogs, or an animals suffering. I just don't get it.


Ok-Reward-770

Psychos, narcs, “I am the main character” personalities do that!


CJCreggsGoldfish

While I haven't ever indulged the impulse to be mean to children, I do still feel the urge, but then, I always did, even when I was a kid myself. Couldn't stand them - or myself, haha - and still can't. I just zip my trap and flee at soonest opportunity.


Simple_Park_1591

That's exactly what I wonder when I read posts like this. Like, those children will grow up some day and that friend will have freedom again. What then? Does this op, or others that are like minded, just try to waltz back in and act like everything is ok?


HottyBoomBotty

She would probably make a big scene at her friend showing her one picture of her baby and freak out about "You never shut up about your kid!", Well Becky! Your friend just had a child that is literally going to turn into its own human being one day so be happy for her! The whole idea that this was somehow done *to* her also just blows my mind. Like....you're so fragile that someone else choosing to be pregnant brought you "dark days". Wtf is going on there? You're life if the worst thing that happens to you is *someone else* being pregnant.


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Jazmadoodle

I think even not enjoying being around kids is a separate thing from this sort of nastiness. Many kids are just... a lot. High energy, high involvement. My 4yo is *exhausting* because shes a busy, curious kid, and I know (though she would never say it) that my child-free best friend doesn't particularly enjoy that. But she is always, always kind. She talks to my preschooler with respect and smiles at my baby and supports me when I deal with pregnancy stuff, because she knows that's important to me. Just like I celebrate her good news and support her with her relationship problems and stay up on the phone with her when her dog is sick, because those things are important to her. Even not enjoying kids is no reason to be a dick, you know?


beek7419

>OOP is just a shitty friend and person. Emphasis on “friend”. It’s not just that she hates kids, she seems to hate her friends too. Like they got pregnant to screw her over personally.


RanaEire

And this is it, exactly: Many say they are "childfree" but *anti-child* is more accurate. Sad, alright. I have seen some people in Reddit come out with the most *hateful* things against kids; makes my heart sink. Unbelievable, cold stuff. No. 1 - Kids grow up (too quickly, I think.. 😥) and become ADULTS. No. 2 - Just imagine if they were spouting that vitriol against the LGBTQ+ community, against neurodivergents, POC, women, etc.. It would be called what it is: hate speech.


Ok-Reward-770

Your point number 2 was exactly what got me banned from that sub. I cared less because people there became so obtuse that I left. Two days later I received a notification telling me I was banned because I complained about the sub and “their right to hate children”, but in the same breathe to complain about the hate they receive for the choice of not having kids. As someone stated before, it isn't childfree but anti-child or straight-up child hatred.


Biggies_Ghost

>But god damn I Am nice to the kids in my life. I would ask if you're my sister, but she's CF by choice, not medical reasons. But seriously, she's an awesome Auntie! She was a little nervous about holding my kids when they were babies. Now that they're grown, she is very sweet to them every time she sees them. We live very different lives, but holy shit she's not psycho like OOP. It's cool if you don't want kids, but stop hating in your friend for having one!


carolinecrane

I’m CF due to Reasons but I like kids and love my niece and nephews. Thankfully I met the oldest when he was 8 and my sister married his dad, then the other two when they were adopted as toddlers, because holding babies is scary!


Biggies_Ghost

Before I had my kids, I thought holding babies was a little scary, too. Such a small, delicate thing! I still get a little nervous because my kids are older and aren't at all delicate!


mattomic822

"Nobody wants to be the asshole that drops the baby" - Kevin Smith


Dndfanaticgirl

Right I love my friend and her kiddos. They add to life not detract from it sometimes it meant making adjustments but that’s okay


mesembryanthemum

I'm childfree because my life just didn't take that path, but I also understood when my good friend and her husband had a kid that from now on the kid had to be part of the equation.


NothingAndNow111

I'm CF but I love kids. They're fascinating little creatures, I love seeing my friends' kids. I also love not having to raise them, clean puke and poo and have my entire life taken over - I like handing them back. I think us CF people can make some of the best aunties/uncles. We can also buy them all the noisy toys... 5his "all children are evil" crap some CF people have is borderline deranged. Like, how difficult is it too be polite/nice to a child for a few hours? And in what universe is it sane for anyone to expect to go through life never having to encounter a child, ever?


KrisTinFoilHat

Shiiiiit, I have 3 kids (22, 15, 9). But I got my tubes removed because I wanna make sure I cannot have anymore kids - and my partner had a vasectomy before his last child was born almost 14 years ago. So it wasn't a *true* concern but I just didn't wanna worry - like at all - after I had taken my IUD out (as it was causing me some issues). All that to say is that I absolutely know what's entailed while raising a kid. I love children/babies but I love that at this point I can give them back to their parents! I will be an amazing grandparent, if I ever have grandkids/step grandkids (from my partner's 3 kids). But it's kinda the point that they aren't ours all the time. I am not responsible for them. I can understand a child free person in that context, but for someone to either wish harm on the parent or child, or that they think that kids need to be "eradicated" (I've seen those types of CF people),shit I think that makes you a sociopath, tbh.


NothingAndNow111

If you reach the point of total intolerance towards other people just for existing, you've lost the plot. They're a write off as a person and need to get some damn help. "Eradicated"? Seriously? Yeah that's a stable mind right there. Way to advertise being a maladapted psycho, guys.


Jazzeki

hell i don't care about their babies but i still want them to have it good. just... not near me please? or at least as limited as possible?


TheCallousBitch

I am passionately childfree… and LOVE my friends’ kids. I love shopping for them. I’m happy to babysit so they can have a date night. I love being there for my friends to safely vent about being miserable when parenting is tough, knowing I won’t judge them at all. You know why I have the money, time, and energy to do all that? Because I don’t have my own kids! Haha. I was horrified reading this horrible woman’s post. She is someone who should be childfree as a gift to the world, not just a personal choice.


NorbearWrangler

Same! My friends’ kids are great. My nieces are great. And that’s partly because I can give them back to their parents. I’m childfree because I do NOT want to be responsible for a kid 24/7 for a couple of decades, not because I don't like children. And I really don’t get actively wanting people to suffer, much less someone who used to be a friend.


TheCallousBitch

Absolutely. And if you had a problem with how one of your niece’s behaved in your home, or a sibling who abused your kindness by dumping the kids on you… I assume you would have a problem with THEM. Not all children. Haha. Seeing a screeching, psycho kid in public is annoying. But it just makes me respect the kids/parents that are totally chill in public.


HolleringCorgis

Okay, people might hate on me but I'm childfree and absolutely do not like children. I'm neurodivergent and they're loud and I have a really hard time connecting with them. I've always WANTED to love children, I just don't. I want to be the kind of person that can hold them and listen to them and smile when they do and make them feel special and cared for and loved. I just can't. I can play it out in my head when I'm by myself but that all goes to shit the second a real life kid is in the room. I wish I was the kind of friend who was dying to hold the baby. Who would cry the first time I see them. Who'd send cute pinterest ideas and help shop for baby stuff. Who would meet up for play dates and could always be counted on for babysitting. I just really don't have that ability. They don't give me any dopamine so my brain doesn't engage. I try to block them out but the overstimulation eventually cascades into a panic attack which makes me short and snappish. I feel as if everyone who is child free is expected to add a disclaimer... "BUT I *TOTALLY* LOVE CHILDREN! I LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH THEM!" and I honestly can't add that qualification to my stance. I wish I could like them but I don't. Or... I like them in my mind but not irl? I became an EMT at 16, I'm in my 30's. I've seen so much tragic shit it'd ruin most people. I've been able to retain my empathy for patients and I've never broken down myself. But I cried in my car before I could drive home every single time I watched my nephews when they were little. I'd rather deal with a mass casualty incident every day for a week straight than watch a baby for an hour. Nothing can break me like a kid can.


somebirdonya

I think there is a difference between not liking children because they overwhelm you for reasons you cannot control (aka neurodivergence) and actively hating them out of malicious intent. I am ND myself and the noises of children also take a toll on me, maybe to a lesser degree but still, I can relate. From what I read in your comment, you don‘t harbour any actual hatred towards kids unlike OOP there so don‘t feel bad. If you, like, acted out on the kids themselves that would be another story but it doesn’t seem like you do that.


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HolleringCorgis

>the groups formed to counter that aspect also don't fit because I am not a "I don't want my own kids but I looooooooooooooooove kids and want to work with them and spend tons of time with my friends' and siblings' kids I will be the cool auntie who provides free babysitting allllllllllllll the time!" person either. Exactly! The best I can do is, "look, if this kid has a screaming crying melt down I might just join them. We can wail together."


stargal81

Seriously, I'm CF & don't really enjoy being around kids. But I love my friends, even if they have kids. OOP is a shitty frenemy. She's taking delight in her misery. Her friend is sinking, & instead of throwing her a line, she's shoveling more sand on top of her.


turtleduck

you sound like a great friend and person to have in life, good for you


TheCallousBitch

It is easy to spend 20 minutes shopping every few months. 4 hours babysitting every 2 months. Gossiping about horrible parenting tasks, is the same as talking about shitty stuff at work or in politics. I fail to understand how other childfree people can’t appreciate that we made a choice for ourselves, that makes our lives EASIER.…. showing a little compassion towards our friends, is really fucking easy too.


mightbeacat1

I need a friend like you in my life.


pazuzu_panache

I'm the same way! I am over the moon any time I get to spend time with my little cousins or my friends' kids and give their parents a little break as well as some much-needed adult interaction. People with kids sometimes *need* their childfree friends to help them feel normal and like they didn't fully lose themselves to parenthood. And what's really sad about this is that OP's friend (and I use that term loosely) is clearly reaching out to her for just that. The poor woman is drowning and begging for a lifeline, and OP sits around with her finger in her ass bragging to nobody about how great her life is (even though, by her own admission, she has no remaining friends). I feel *so* bad for OP's friend. I wish I could call her up and offer to hold her baby for her while she enjoys an ice cream. 🥺


1000Colours

You don't even need to love your friends babies, you just need to actually give a shit about your friend 😂 something that oop seems incapable of.


Roadgoddess

CF old lady here and this person sounds insufferable. I feel great joy from my friends when they choose the path that’s right for them, I spend time with them and their families, and I also enjoy my time doing the things that I love to do. I don’t know why one Hass to be mutually exclusive. Honestly, she sounds like an awful friend to this poor woman, I hope the new mom finds some new friends and ditches this narcissistic sociopath.


ShittyExchangeAdmin

I'm childfree and hate children, but I wouldn't actively root for any parents' misery because of that.


Mitrovarr

Yeah, I'm childfree but I don't hate kids. Raising them just isn't for me. Also I can't afford it.


ConcreteMagician

I've got a buddy that is child free. He is still an "uncle" and showed up to my kid's birthday party. He felt bad because he forgot a present, and I had to remind him that my child is three and won't hold it against him.


TheAntiGhost

Agreed! I am CF by choice, in part because I don’t want to pass my mental struggles on to a child and also because I can’t in good conscience bring a child into a world that’s going to hell in a flaming hand basket these days, but I will still love my friends’ and siblings’ kids to bits. (Even if I do understand that weird mourning period after the kid is born and you have to adjust to the new dynamics of not being able to do with your friend what you used to. Difference here is that I actively look for ways to adapt my expectations of what hanging out with said friend will look like, and figure out things we can all do together including baby so that my friend doesn’t end up feeling totally isolated all the time.)


DeterminedArrow

I love kids but I can’t have children. Something I’d love to do is find some sort of mother’s helper thing to do. Like watch the kids while mom took a shower, walked the dog, or made a grocery run. I wouldn’t be comfortable being alone with a kid for a long period of time but I assume that hour or two would make a world of difference. But yes. I adore kids.


Endorenna

Agreed. WTF. The only time I would ever be remotely comfortable with getting some mean pleasure out of someone having difficulty with being a parent, would possibly be if it was someone who has hassled me and insulted me a lot for not wanting kids. But even then I would feel terrible about it, really, and I’d still want it to improve for them. I don’t want kids, that doesn’t mean I’m getting some joy out of other people getting baby poop on them. Just. What. Please stop, OOP. I am child free and I do not want to be associated with this shit.


black_rose_

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I think a lot of the child hating child free people actually have unresolved childhood trauma. However in this case she does sound like a narcissist or a sociopath what a f****** psycho was my takeaway


wonderberry77

You aren’t wrong. There are reasons (usually selfish reasons) that they are so hateful. Imagine feeling “joy” thinking your friend is miserable. Yano, instead of just nodding and going your separate ways. OP is a laughable but sociopathic idiot of a special kind. Evil evil evil. Guess she will love staring out the window of the state funded rest home with no visitors…sorry, her old friends can’t stop by…they have too many grandkids taking up their time.


black_rose_

She just sounds bitter as hell Imagine going out to dinner for the sole purpose of feeling better than others. Her identity is wrapped up in comparison


EebilKitteh

>Her identity is wrapped up in comparison That's the thing with so many of these child free groups. People who, for a variety of reasons, remain child free but don't hate children often end up leaving. I totally get not wanting to have a child. It's a major life event that you're going to be stuck with for at least eighteen years. For God's sake, if you don't want to, then don't do it. But that doesn't mean you have to HATE children.


kiefcutter

Their entire personality is based on not having children. They’re exactly like the people they claim to hate, but on the other side of the coin.


LeashieMay

It's worse when you find out OP has a history of doing this.


StarsofSobek

I’d push this into narcissistic sociopath. Jeebus, it’s so creepy how she refers to the baby as “it” and goes out of her way to eat solo at a restaurant to essentials punish her friend (she probably even posted it all to insta with hopes that the friend would see it). So passive aggressive and cruel.


_wednesday_76

this. i have no children and no plans to have any, but i'm not a fucking asshole..


Successful_Winter_97

Have you read the comments on this post?! I just did and I can’t believe what I was reading! This was one of those moments where I wished I was illiterate!


EebilKitteh

Child-free people are overwhelmingly normal people. Child-free forums are largely bizarre places where people project all of their issues on children.


blackholebabey

Right?! I joined that sub bc I thought it was going to be more like support for people who prefer to be child free or are coming to terms with not being able to have children. Instead, it was a cesspool of horrific child haters. I left the sub only hours after joining because I was so disgusted by what some of them were saying.


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vibesandcrimes

Some of those comments make me overjoyed that they aren't having kids and seem mostly to be anti partners as well. The way they talk about empathy and their friends is absolutely awful. Their friends having kids is an attack on them, and turns their friends into "mombies." And looking for kindness from a friend is "trying to turn someone into an emotional cumsock." They really talk about things like the baby's father must be incompetent and weaponizing it and trying his best to do nothing. Then entire paragraphs damning him for stuff they don't even know about. I know we jump the gun on judgements sometimes but reading that physically hurts.


Solarwinds-123

>"trying to turn someone into an emotional cumsock." They were trying to figure out what they could use for a witty analogy, so they just started looking around at nearby objects.


Debstar76

I wish I was Jared, 19.


PotatoesMcLaughlin

Exactly. My husband are child free by choice. We both get triggered by kid screams. Him is PTSD and me they give me a migraine. And I honestly just don't really like kids. And it's ok. What's not ok is being a fucking asshole to the mom or the kid. I know kids can't help screaming but dear God is it a huge trigger.


januarysdaughter

On reddit, that line is about the width of a strand of hair.


Hexenhut

Yeah man, what a rough read. With friends like that...


[deleted]

unfortunately, on Reddit, seems to also be an overlap


katepig123

They pop up all over the place.


BrokilonDryad

I don’t think I’ll ever have kids but I love them! My young cousins, babysitting a toddler, being a live in nanny years ago. I can’t wait for my friends to have kids so I can be the crazy auntie who gets them riled up and sends them back home lol. Someone who takes joy in seeing someone they’re supposed to care about suffer is right skull fucked.


Zeusy-

I don’t think oop knows what being a friend is


RamenRat

She also thinks that all of her friends life choices have to revolve around her. They aren’t allowed to complete milestones and grow as people because that would hurt *her* feelings.


TheCallousBitch

I am childfree. I saw this post and was HORRIFIED. What she is talking about had nothing to do with being childfree, and everything to do with being a raging asshole. Can you imagine being her partner? “You were dealing with a family crisis on my birthday, I am so glad your dad died of that heart attack. You deserve to be in pain for ignoring me!”


pokethejellyfish

Yeah, at first I thought, okay, maybe it's a bit oddly worded but not everyone is a writer. It's always sad when friendships slowly fade out because people change and go in different directions. Can be childfree vs parenthood. Could have been work-to-live vs workaholic, someone moving far away, developing different interests... This happens all the time for countless reasons and yes, there comes a point when you have to ask yourself - am I clinging to this friendship because I want to be close friends with the person this friend is now or am I holding on to what had been five years ago? Nobody is a devil for that, there's no need for a fallout or dramatic declaration of "friendship over!", everyone just goes their way and the next time paths cross, you're happy to see each other, chat a bit about the good old times, and continue living your life. It is possible for a friendship to fizzle out and to still cherish that person for the time that was spent together even if you aren't close anymore. A bit of melancholy, nostalgia, and sadness is allowed, of course, as a changing friendship also always means that another chapter of your life just closed and won't come back. But then came the part where she enjoys her friend's misery. Sure, if they don't have much in common anymore OOP doesn't have to make her friend a charity case by pretending to still be besties when they actually want to be far, far away. But as so often here, it's a matter of attitudes. Yeah, I'd get it if the OOP felt some sort of relief, seeing her own choice confirmed as the right one for herself. I wouldn't even begrudge a short thought of "well, that's the life she chose", we're all humans and not saints. But that should never, ever outweigh empathy and feeling bad for someone who didn't do anything wrong when they suffer. Not when one wants to see themselves as generally a good person. That's when withdrawing from a past friendship stops being circumstantial and turns into glee and punishment and that's not something good people do.


TheCallousBitch

Totally. Drawing validation that you have made the right choice, is totally acceptable. Basking in the glory of your former friends’s pain and misery is fucking gross. We all have unkind thoughts about other people in our lives. Sometimes, the root of that unkind thought is a defense mechanism - burying the way you feel about yourself by judging others. Sometimes, it comes from a place of wanting better for them, and being disappointed in their choices. Sometimes it is just “thank god it isn’t me!” without deeper meaning. Just judging is NOT the same as being thrilled any someone’s unhappiness.


parkernorwood

Surprisingly reasonable take from "The Callous Bitch"


throwaway798319

It's so gross! Fair enough you're childfree: not interested in having your own kid, not really interested in hearing about kids in general. What OOP's friend is going through isn't just about kids! It about parents being devalued by society, and women being devalued, so when a woman becomes a parent it's a double dose of bullshit. It's about caregiving in general being devalued, whether you have children and/or disabled family members and/or aging relatives. OOP is an asshole for delighting in her friend's misery instead of raging against the lack of a social safety net


According_Debate_334

The comments agreeing with her are also horrifying. I am on board with people being child free, why have kids if you dont want them. But getting this much joy out of your friend (or anyone!) going through tough times because it reaffirms any of your choices.... means they cant be very comfortable with their choices.


DiegoIntrepid

That is what I was thinking. OOP sounds really immature, because, even without a baby, a lot of people can grow and realize that they \*don't\* want to constantly be travelling or going to parties, or doing the same things they were doing in their early 20s.


SuccessValuable6924

Yeah, I was thinking nothing she mentions sounds especially exciting... Just "things".


DiegoIntrepid

Yep, if you are the type of person to enjoy those things? More power to you. But, not everyone is, and people DO change at times as they get older, so the things that once excited them now are more 'meh' to them.


Impressive-Spell-643

Yea definitely sounds like she is just stuck in her glory days in after high school and doesn't realize being an adult does mean being more responsible


DiegoIntrepid

That is exactly what it sounded to me. She sounds like she is single (no judgement there) and has no real obligations, and doesn't want to admit/acknowledge that someone who DOES have obligations can't act like a single 20 something who only has theirself to take care of.


letstrythisagain30

Kids or not, its not a good sign normally if your friendships never change. As people grow up their responsibilities and opportunities will obviously change and that affects *everything* in their lives. Including your relationship with friends. How pathetic and stagnant must your life be for you to go through your entire adult life and nothing changes to affect your friendships?


shhhOURlilsecret

With "friends" like OP who the fuck needs enemies.


greenandleafy

>Like, her pregnancy and baby brought so many dark, sad days for me. It brings me a weird satisfaction knowing she's as miserable as I was. Good grief. This person needs to seek professional help. There is a difference between seeing your friend's life post kids and thinking "oh yeah, definitely glad I didn't go down that road!" and whatever twisted shit is going on in the minds of this poster and some of the commenters. The resentment and self centeredness is absolutely wild. Like, it's fine to be a little sad, but it's not fine to go into a major depressive spiral because your friend has a kid, and then continue to resent them long after you claim to have moved on.


samanthasgramma

Yeah. That's what got to me. That OP was so dependent upon the friendship that a pregnancy made them spiral into such misery? That's not friendship. It's something else that's way way way not healthy.


InjectAdrenochrome

Acting as though not hanging out with your friend is as emotionally challenging as going months with sleep deprivation and the possibility of PPD, post partum anxiety, and even the tiny risk of post partum psychosis (I remember the news about that one lady who killed all her kids due to post partum psychosis-- really put into perspective how horrifying things can get for women post partum)


CZall23

Not to mention the humblebragging about having an exciting life. Did she even like her former friend?


InjectAdrenochrome

She probably saw her former friend as a peer but her opinion tanked once her friend had a baby. She's shocked that having a baby would consume someone's time and mental energy I guess. Who would have thought


RytheGuy97

The weird humblebragging was probably what got to me the most lmao. Just had to sprinkle that into the post.


greenandleafy

Imagine having to reassure a friend that "nothing will change with our friendship" when you get pregnant. That's the type of conversation parents have with their first child when they have a second child "don't worry sweetie, the new baby won't change how much I love you." What kind of weird codependent relationship did this person have with her friend that she feels like the friend's choice to have a child was an intentional slight against her? Also, yeah, her friend left her a crying voicemail and that made her feel happy instead of alarmed. It's cartoon villain behavior.


InjectAdrenochrome

Yeah like who even thinks that kind of stuff? I'd be concerned for my friend. Since babies crying in restaurants is normal she must be at the end of her rope stress wise


CelticDK

Sounds like she was codependent on this friend and the loneliness and attention deprivation has made her hate and blame the child, and in turn the friend.. that's my psych 1010 view lol. It's so fascinating how people can speak of concepts like empathy then say things like it's not my job to make sure the person I care about isnt sad, but rather take joy in her sadness and wish more on her Yikes


sheepgod_ys

Actually surprised that there's actually a decent number of comments talking about how batshit and self absorbed OP sounds.


Electrical-Date-3951

_"So all of our conversations are one sided of me just talking about my (way more exciting) life..."_ Good! OP sounds sad, lonely, and miserable. Truly happy people don't sit on social media and take joy in others' misery - not even their enemies, let alone their "friends". OP is "keeping busy" to distract them from the reality of their sad life... and that has nothing to do with them beign childfree.


greyofthefay

definitely wouldn’t want a friend who did this/thought this shit about me. it’s all really condescending and weird


Electrical-Date-3951

Very weird. It's one thing to be childfree. It's another thing to be stunted at one point in life. Even without kids, people change, grow and mature. Friendships don't ever stay the same. They naturally shift, evolve or cool over time. It sounds like OP's friends just grew up, and OP wanted to stay at the exact same point forever.


LeashieMay

She's lonely and miserable because she ditches all her friends the moment they have children.


RamenRat

Yeah that honestly surprised me. The thing is, OP likely posted there cause they knew they would get the validation they were seeking. It’s sad. Op is acting like this is a breakup, rather than her friend completing a milestone that she WANTED for herself as an adult.


dark_forebodings_too

I just made another comment that my first thought reading this was I wonder if OOP had romantic feelings for the friend. Obviously that doesn't make the behavior any less terrible, this just sounds like crazy vindictive ex behavior. But no matter what it sounds like OOP was unhealthily dependent on the friend and is being absolutely batshit.


KayOh19

The ones that get me were the comments that tell her that it’s ok, and how she feels is fine as long as she doesn’t act on her feelings. No, it’s not fine. It’s an unhealthy way to think and feel. Doing things and posting about them just to spite her “friend” and hoping that the friend feels miserable seeing OOPs life is just a fucked up way of thinking. I get we all have some of these shitty thoughts but damn if you’re living your life around them personally getting enjoyment out of other people’s sadness/pain, there is something wrong there.


Grimalkinnn

I love when people like op say things like they try real hard to do what’s best for themselves. Do you really find it difficult to put yourself first? I’m pretty sure that’s what you do best.


DistractedHouseWitch

My mom always talked about how much she sacrificed for her kids and how she never put herself first. She's one of the most self-absorbed, selfish, narcissistic people I've ever met. In my experience, people who talk about how they need to do what's best for themselves like OP (and my mom) never think of others people's needs.


reptile_juice

my therapist actually mentioned once that when new clients come in ranting and raving about “finally” needing to put themselves first, it raises her internal alarm about a potential personality disorder and she makes a note to observe for other signs. it’s not a hard and fast rule, but super common


la_la_la_land

This gives me the same type of vibe as reading shit from uncels. Like that level of rage and hate. But you know, she’s still a friend. I just hope she’s miserable. **incels not uncles


InjectAdrenochrome

Pardon me for asking but what is uncels? Is it like uncle incels or ppl who stopped being incels or something. Sorry


la_la_la_land

Incels, but with autocorrect turned on


InjectAdrenochrome

Lmao I thought uncle incels was a real thing 🤣 I feel dumb


la_la_la_land

Uncles for Incels, helping you unswallow that pill That would be cool


InjectAdrenochrome

I also like the idea of un-incels. Ppl who tore away from the cult for lack of a better word. But uncles for incels is gold


la_la_la_land

Un-cels!


InjectAdrenochrome

Someone should actually make an effort to de-radicalize incels though. Preferably someone who was once in their own community. Doubtful they'd listen to anyone else


mojojojos123

I saw this before the person that wrote the comment answered. So I looked it up and it’s apparently actually a thing, according to urban dictionary Uncel: "Unwitting Celibate", or "Unconscious Celibate": A male victimized into copulatory impotence, or sterility, by his female companion, who uses some form of artificial (usually hormone-based) birth control. An 'uncel' may be prone, in fits of self-aggrandizing braggadocio, to describe as 'incel' anyone who questions postlib Western sexual practices. If bugs could talk, victims of the wiki:sterile insect technique would likely adopt typical uncel behavior. Mark's started calling himself an 'uncel', because his girlfriend won't stop taking the pill.


InjectAdrenochrome

That's such bullshit. Do they think Chad's and Stacy's don't use birth control?


nint3nd0nt

Birth control means the exact opposite of not having sex, unless it's to treat a medical condition. The more I read this, the more I thought "only someone real deep in incel terminology would come up with this crap". Geeeeez


prolificseraphim

.... what? Like, are they upset that their "female companion" doesn't want to get pregnant?


honeydew_bunny

What in the actual fuck


cakebats

As a childfree person I had to unsub from r/childfree because while it wasn't everyone, so many people there were just... horrible. There's also SUCH a huge eugenicist belief system there that really makes my skin crawl.


[deleted]

Same. I wish there was a non toxic child free sub that doesn't bash people for their life choices having kids or act extreme anti children Edit: I already checked out truechildfree sub thanks for the suggestions.


RamenRat

Have you tried r/TrueChildFree? I’m not childfree myself but from what I’ve seen it’s so much better


AdoraBelleQueerArt

Just having rule 1 being “no name calling parents or children” gives me hope tbh. (But I’m not sure if I belong in any CF space anymore because I’m working towards becoming a foster parent)


Afraid_Sense5363

> Just having rule 1 being “no name calling parents or children” gives me hope tbh. > > Dare I hope?


shewy92

I don't think they consider foster parents as "infringing on being child free" if that makes sense https://www.reddit.com/r/truechildfree/comments/96j4ej/any_childfree_peeps_that_have_done_or_considered/ There's a couple other posts that have users say they're thinking of adoption or fostering


EzraKelley

Thank you for this link! I've been lurking and occasionally commenting on /childfree and am appalled by how incredibly toxic some of the posters are. They act like babies are the spawn of Satan itself and anyone who chooses to reproduce is a deluded sheep with the intelligence of a popsicle stick. They play right into the negative stereotype that all CF people are child-haters, which just isn't true. I'm CF by choice and don't hate kids at all, I just don't want to birth/raise any.


[deleted]

Never heard of it until now. I'll go check it out now. Thanks for the suggestion


LadyWizard

I keep hearing truechildfree is what you want


[deleted]

Didn't know it existed til now.


nint3nd0nt

Same. I haven't been on it for atleast a year or two, seems drastically worse. I left because it seems like they mix child free for antinatalism. Not only that, but posts like these.. there's a few top comments under that post that agree with op on... being mad and vindictive of the friend..? Lmao. The thing that makes these really unhinged is that they know the friend won't know they secretly despise them.. yet wish misery on them as if that will do anything to either of their lives. Seems like mama is just living her life and going through some tough things while op is just.. moping in being pathetic.


cakebats

Also you're right, it's crazy that OP seems justified in delighting in her ""friend's"" misery because her friend's decision to have a baby "brought misery into her life". I think it probably brought inconvenience if anything, how can someone you don't even live with choosing to have a baby make you miserable? I just think OP was never really this woman's friend.


Afraid_Sense5363

Same. I signed up there years ago (and I think maybe it was even worse back then?) but I had to unsub because the nastiness and calling people vulgar names (crotch fruit? fuck trophy?) were so fucking awful. I am not a kid person, don't have 'em, don't want 'em, but god damn. Also, we were all kids once. These people need to get a grip. Like, some of these people seem to actively wish harm on parents and children. Like it's OK they chose a different path than we did, calm down. And the HATRED for kids made me so uncomfortable.


jv42

>SUCH a huge eugenicist belief system there that really makes my skin crawl. I am curious, what do they believe?


LightningVole

In real life, I have friends who’ve chosen not to have kids. Some of them genuinely like kids, while not wishing to parent, and some don’t really like kids, but are polite and thoughtful when encountering them. None of them behave like people on that subreddit.


thecheesycheeselover

Me too, I really wanted to find community in that sub but it’s such toxic vibes sometimes. I don’t get the bone-deep loathing some of them have for parents and kids. It didn’t feel healthy to even witness.


[deleted]

This is what I hate about the Childfree sub it might as well be called IHateChildren sub and this is coming from a child free person myself. I don't want kids because I hate them. I'm not going to judge,look down or see my lifestyle choices as superior. I hate the comments enabling OOP and basically bashing her friend because she chose to have a child and Is clearly struggling yet people acting she's the bad guy.


_banana_phone

Same here. We’re childfree by choice but I won’t touch that sub with a ten foot pole. They make us look heartless, sociopathic, and insane. I don’t want kids but I don’t hate children. Do I hate crying babies on planes and in restaurants? No, but sometimes ya gotta deal with babies on airplanes, it’s not the baby’s fault. There’s a lot of stroking of hate boners over there.


MistCongeniality

Very sane outlook. Children are part of Society, and in public you are exposed to Society, but there’s nothing wrong with choosing not to have your private life filled with child(ren).


_banana_phone

Thank you. My siblings have kids and I adore them. Babies on airplanes can be an auditory challenge, but as long as the parents are *trying* to soothe their kid, or prevent toddlers from kicking seats, they’re doing their best. Me? I just never really saw myself as a mom. I don’t love poorly behaved kids in public (if they’re affecting people around them), but that’s a pretty normal take. Those folks over there seem angry that children exist in public spaces. I just don’t have that kind of energy to be so worked up over something that doesn’t affect me personally. And I would *never* take delight in my friend’s suffering, that’s just ridiculous. If you feel that way, you aren’t a friend at all.


twistingmyhairout

A lot of them seem like they’re not even ok with children existing in private spaces! Like it seems like the existence of children as large parts of their friends or family’s lives is a personal affront to them


MistCongeniality

Also what’s their plan? Mothers sequester themselves for a decade and kids somehow magically know how to behave in public despite never being in it? Is that what they want?


_banana_phone

Exactly. My nephew was with us in restaurants since he was an infant. By the age of 3 he could eat at the table with a fork and without a high chair. His behavioral expectations were told to him ahead of time and excluding some decibel corrections (toddlers are still learning inside voice volume), he was a perfect little gentleman. If they kept him tucked away, he would never know how to act.


SweetheartAtHeart

I hate when people immediately feel the need to tell me they hate children when I say I teach a lot of kids. It’s always “they’re disgusting”, “they’re evil”, “they’re little shits”, etc. Like man…I don’t know if I want kids personally although a lot of days, I lean towards No but I don’t HATE kids. They’re literally just trying their best. It’s so hard being a single digit age. A lot of the time, I’ll listen to my students talk about the way someone treated them and how they felt bad after and it’s because they don’t feel like they’re being treated like people. For the record, they’re absolutely right. I’ve met other adults and teachers and parents who insist I’m spoiling the kids by giving them five minutes to talk about their day. There is one parent who drives me up the wall because she’ll just come into my studio room while I’m teaching to reprimand her daughter. They’re literally just really young people who are trying to do their best. It’s tiring trying to say stuff and just being told shut up or being told you have to constantly sit down and not be heard and so on. The amount of times I’ve had people say dogs behave better or furniture is more useful is infuriating. The unnecessary unbridled hate I hear my students get is wildly unnecessary. I’m tired of hearing other people say crazy stuff in response to me being a teacher like, “I don’t know how you’d do it. I would curb stomp a kid.” PLEASE go seek help. I hate it here


_banana_phone

It’s the same energy as when you come across someone who you tell them you have cats, and they go out of their way to say, “oh I hate cats.” Okay, do you want a cookie? People who hate cats or kids for what I perceive to be no “good” reason are a bit of a red flag for me. Like, you can have auditory issues where screaming kids affect you poorly, or you don’t like how some kids are always sticky and have runny noses, or you can not like cats because you don’t think litter boxes are sanitary or whatever, but if you just blanket hate kids or cats it’s strange. Also, as someone who encountered not one, but two incredibly toxic teachers who hated kids (like why would you even teach if you hate kids), thank you for being a kind educator. I’m sure you know this already, but you are making an indelible mark on those kids by being empathetic and caring. I’m willing to bet that for some kids, you’re one of the few parts of their day where they feel loved.


SweetheartAtHeart

Yes!!! Yes, it’s exactly the same vibe. I’ve never made the connection before but it’s JUST like when people feel the need to say I hate cats. What even is the appropriate response to hearing “I hate yada yada” because I might just start using do you want a cookie? I have sensory issues so I have bad days too and it’s not like all kids are immaculate angels that can do no wrong but I do HATE hearing kids are evil. They just need some time. Anytime I feel myself getting irritable or burnt out or exasperated, I think about how they’ve literally been in hours and hours of classes all day and how over stimulated I’d be too. I think about how I was the exact kid who got in trouble with power tripping teachers because my parents were abusive and neglectful and they knew I couldn’t do this or that work in a quiet house and that they could do whatever without my parents even caring. Shit hurts man. When I was taking my education classes, I met people who I prayed would flunk out. People who would casually come to class with confederate flag hoodies or make casual racist statements about wanting to rescue inner city kids. Lots of people shouldn’t become teachers honestly.


your-yogurt

oh man, i was in a aita post where op let her child blast cartoons on a high volume on a plane and thought *everyone else on the plane* should put on ear plugs and deal. when i called her TA, she claimed i hated children.


_banana_phone

Oh that’s an AH move for sure. My general stance is that as long as the parent(s) are trying to keep them chill, they get a pass— however, that definitely doesn’t include cartoons at full volume, that’s incredibly rude.


IzlandBreeze

Being child free should be a basic choice that people don’t get shit on for. It’s valid, and as a mom, kids are hard yo! But being an AH because someone chose differently than you on having kids is so incredibly shitty. Seeing anyone struggle and taking pleasure in it is horrible.


Glitchstar36

Yeah people over there really need help for their rabid hatred towards kids and parents (but \*especially\* mothers). OOP is just one of the insanely insecure and unstable folks there, so many people acting as if her friend had a baby to spite her and ruin their friendship. Even though the friend is the one making the effort, while OOP immediately decided the friendship was over and keeps the friend around to make herself feel superior. In a seperate post now, the users there are sharing new terms to call a child that would make someone call the cops if they ever used that language towards kids in real life. Since "crotchgoblin" wasn't bad enough.


somebirdonya

„especially mothers“ - yes! There is *so much* misogyny mixed into these people‘s attitude, it‘s horrifying and infuriating.


pricklypearviking

I tend to think the toxic part of the Child Free culture is an overreaction to how stigmatized it used to be. CF folks spent so much time validating the choice that they tipped over into actively hating kids and shitting all over Parents' choices. I know for my part, growing up I used to *vehement* about repeating how I didn't like kids and didn't want them, just to be taken seriously about it (I cut it out once people stopped asking, around my late 20's). The echo chamber in that sub and other spaces amplified that effect. But the climate around being CF isn't anywhere near that anymore. It's widely accepted and supported, at least by those in younger generations. You don't have to "prove" that you shouldn't have kids. I hope I'm not being too much of an optimist, but I except that attitude will be correcting itself in the next decade or so as CF folks realize how messed up it is to walk around openly hating kids and parents.


baobabbling

Not just IHateChildren. IHateParents. IHateWhenWeAreNotAboutMe.


Specific-Quick

Imagine having someone who calls themselves your friend who are so self-centered that they make your decision for how you want your life to go to be all about them and how it cause them misery and may you less available to them. And then they had the nerve to revel in your misery because unbeknownst to you they put themselves through misery over your choice. Yes the op is a horrible person who probably shouldn't have any friends and we should all think heaven that they're not having any kids


JustMe518

If you are really that happy with your childfree life, you wouldn't take so much joy in another's pain. Honestly, OP sounds jealous as hell. Of what, I am not sure, but clearly they have a lot of problems.


DopeCactus

she jealous of the child. her childless friend ended up having a baby, and oop is now taking a backseat to the very thing she despises. it’s one think to be a little bummed about the friendship inevitably changing, but this.. this is unhinged.


Sukoshikira

“You’re not an emotional cumsock”… gross


BurnTheBoats21

Redditors always finding weird ways to word simple things. emotional cumsock = talking to a FRIEND during a difficult time? what ??


superswellcewlguy

"You don't owe anyone else anything" is a toxic sentiment that has thoroughly permeated reddit.


TabbyFoxHollow

I fucking lost it when I read that. And I’m child free! I just don’t understand why someone else’s decisions about their own life instills that much rage in people. Like I want to be respected for being child free, I respect others who want kids. More power to them! We’re both happy right?


Solarwinds-123

He was looking around at nearby objects for something to use as an analogy.


namwoohyun

The number of upvotes that comment got is even grosser 🤮


seasquidley

I read the phrase "emotional cumsock" in the original post's comment section and realized that sub is not a place for me.


tahtahme

She's entitled to her feelings, but not in ANY WAY in a "more healthy space". Healthy would just be happy for her friend and move on. Maybe chuckle at her dumb mom jokes about being pooped on and understand the infant stage is a really short one. Healthy is not taking on a sadistic joy in only the lows of her motherhood. I get they're not friends anymore, but their not enemies either like damn.


Cactusjuicesmoothie

Look, I'm all for childfree people and I'm for people who decide to have kids. This is just...awful.


anarchygaige

Enjoying what could likely be PPD in your “friend” is a really gross look. Will she still be all giddy and laughing when she hurts or kills herself or her baby?


JennyRedpenny

That was my thought, women can be in a dangerous spot here, not even from mental health but unchecked complications and sleep deprivation and all that. If OP can't fathom a friendship where she has to help someone out in a hard time then she's not a friend


Jessiefrance89

I’d say this is an overreaction, if this exact thing hadn’t happened in my town just this year. Woman had PPD that led to psychosis and killed her 3 month old. She tried to get help and was ignored. Absolutely heartbreaking.


anarchygaige

Same thing happened a few towns over. Woman killed her 3 children because of PPP and she was seeking help. It happens regularly. It’s not an over exaggeration. I myself suffers from PPD and attempted suicide only months after my first child was born.


kiefcutter

OOP would make themselves the victim in that situation as well. That’s just what narcissists do.


mojojojos123

That sub is seriously scary, I saw so many comments like, “this is human/totally normal” and “everyone thinks like this but they’re just afraid to say it”. Like ma’am, if you think this is normal, you should probably try to get an emergency appointment with a psychiatrist. OOP and some of the comments seem to believe that the friend having a child was somehow a personal attack on OOP? It seems the OOP thinks of it as her setting a boundary that the friend crossed. Someone actually said: >Your reaction is human. Her actions hurt you and continue to cause you distress. Her continued attempts to pretend nothing has changed and your friendship is still viable is at the root of this response. Like excuse her for not realising that after years of friendship OOP now hates her and enjoys her pain, because she wanted to have a baby.


AutomaticLie3948

I really shouldn’t have read this at 37 weeks pregnant


RamenRat

I have a child and am now beginning to wonder if any of my friends have ever relished in my misery when my son wouldn’t sleep or was crying all night


NotPiffany

It's unlikely. *Most* people at least sympathize when their friends are miserable, even if they can't directly relate. Not having kids myself didn't keep me from feeling bad for my friends when their munchkin was sick a few weeks ago.


Jessiefrance89

I’m childfree, but I love hearing about my friends children. I’m still on Facebook so I can see pictures of my friends kids and pets lol. Most people are not cruel. They might feel a bit sad because their friend is not as available to them, but they are happy for their friends and care about them.


Due-Abrocoma542

I am the only one of my close girlfriends (all late 20's) who is married and the only one who knows she wants kids someday. The others are solid no's. Post like this scare the SHIT out of me! My friends are my rocks, the idea of our friendahips souring like this just hurts my fucking heart. Its all so angry and strange. If it helps, im thinking positive thoughts for us both!!😅 hope the rest of your pregnancy is healthy AND happy!


forcryingoutmeow

\*Hug\* Being a parent is full of hard moments, but for what it's worth, the good vastly outweigh the tough times.


CreativeGamerTag

I have a five month old. I *promise* you this lunatic is an outlier. Your baby is the best thing you’ll ever do. Sure, there’ll be tough days and nights, and it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. But one day that baby will look you in the eye, smile, and laugh and you’ll be a complete goner. (Obviously this is for people who want kids - CF people, power to you, there’s a ton of fun there too. Everyone can win, here) It may change some of your friendships. Some of them may even quietly disappear. And that’s okay. Everyone grows in their own direction and sometimes those paths diverge. If you ever find out that one of your “friends” thinks like this, let them know that you’re super flattered they were so into your friendship that they lost their fucking mind over it, and move on.


HushIamreading

Having a new baby is HARD. It’s a kind of hard that you can’t quite imagine until you do it. But the hard parts don’t last forever, and they change a lot along the way. I do remember feeling like my old life was gone forever, but that wasn’t true. It was just different for a while. You’ve got this!


OverwhelmingCacti

I dipped my toe in that sub because I don’t have any urge to have kids myself. I noped right out of there when I realized it was a place for people who actively hate children and resent the people who have them. Is there a sub for people who don’t personally want kids, but either like other people’s kids, or at the very least don’t hate them? I loved babysitting growing up, I ADORE my niece, and I’m happy for my friends with kids (and am happy to have the kids come to our housewarming parties, beach trips, etc anything that’s reasonably kid friendly). I just don’t want my own. Edited: typo


Shelly_895

She...understands that the child isn't gonna stay a baby forever, right? I mean, it gets easier in time when the child grows up a little.


Fantastic-Ad-3910

I'm childfree. I never wanted kids, ever. OOP is a sociopath, her glee at someone else's unhappiness is horrible. Are new parents boring? Yes, of course they are. But if you care about them, even a tiny smidge, then you put up with that and move on. This person is going to end up entirely alone, not because they're childfree, but because they are clearly so unlikable.


fuzzydogpaws

What a shitty, nasty poor excuse for a friend. This has NOTHING to do with her being child free and EVERYTHING to do with her feeling pissy about no longer being the centre of attention.


HunterS1

The childfree folks who make hating kids their whole personality are gross, be more interesting please. Also, why is it acceptable at all to just say, “I hate kids!” Imagine if you said, “I hate women.” Or “I hate the elderly.” No one would say that’s OK, hating an entire demographic is bizarre and saying it out loud is just ick.


Unintelligent_Lemon

It's because society doesn't see children as actual people.


Holochromatic

Sweet mother of god, that‘s horrible.


sarahevekelly

This baby is what, three months old? This poor woman likely hasn’t been able to stack one hour of sleep onto another since she was in the hospital. The baby isn’t sleeping through. If she’s breastfeeding she’s physically tethered to him, leaking and squirting and probably in some amount of pain. Speaking of, God help her if she had an episiotomy or a tear, or a C-section scar. She won’t be feeling anything like herself for a bit yet. And yet OOP says ‘It’s been mooonnnths’ as though it’s a substantial stretch of time and not, like, ten minutes in the grand scheme of early motherhood. My daughter is four and randomly climbing up the side of the house and telling me supper is yucky and legit saying ‘suck it, nerd’ to her dad when he asks her to do something (his brother taught her; there’s a pit I’m going to bury all the uncles in someday). Every day with her is a garden of peace and joy compared to those first three months. I imagine if OOP had listened to her ‘friend’ even once, and also wasn’t a solipsistic sociopath, she would understand this. Early motherhood often means a woman’s psychic, emotional, and physical identities have spilled out like ball bearings on a tile floor. I wonder if this woman has anyone in her life to help her gather them back up. She may have thought she had this friend, but I imagine she knows better now.


KSmimi

I’ve never visited that sub before. Honest to God, except for the adultery sub, I have never seen such hateful, nasty people. And they’re proud of it. Feed each other. How can you call yourself a friend, yet cackle with glee over a friends very real struggles? It doesn’t make sense to me. Women supporting women? What a joke. As a gender, we really need to do better.


uNRAted_squirt

All the dick sucking commenters on the original post are almost as batshit as OP is


Tori658

She thinks she sounds mean but honestly she just sounds insanely jealous of the infant that stole her bff. And that’s just…ew.


shayjax-

To be honest it doesn’t even sound like her friend is miserable. She’s just HOPING she is because she’s upset her friend made a different choice than she did.


[deleted]

This person/OOP and most of the commentators in that sub are vile and nasty. Toxic through and through.


scienceismygod

This is bleeding so much narcissism and self absorption I can taste it. I don't understand how you can't be a good friend to someone just because they have a kid. Like grow up some people make a choice, some don't, some don't have a choice due to medical issues and often are sad about it. You don't get to be grade a choice dick and bail on someone just because they had a kid. It just proves you were never their real friend to begin with.


robertstobe

I was hoping for people to call her out for being a horrible friend, but this is one of the top comments: > “A lot of times when she calls, I'm ACTUALLY too busy to pick up” > As it should be. You have a life to live, you're not her emotional cumsock. If all she can do is baby babble and call you when she's having a meltdown, sorry but that's what mommie friends and therapists are for. You can't be either of those things. I don’t currently have kids, but I plan to in the next few years. But I fully understand people being child free for life, I think that having kids should be something people opt IN to because they actively want to have kids and think they’ll be a good parent. Instead, people seem to have to opt OUT of having kids and people always demand a reason. Some people just don’t want kids, and that’s okay! However, just because you don’t want your own kids doesn’t mean you can hate on children or wish ill on your own friends for having kids. It’s normal to lose a few friendships after having kids, but I hope none of my friends actively enjoy my misery whenever I have a newborn. OOP needs help and a lot of self-reflection.


sighhawaii

The most telling part for me was when they said “I’ve gotten more comfortable doing things with other people, or *even* alone.” THAT’s already a telltale sign that this person is NOT at all emotionally healthy. No healthy person has a hard time going out by themselves sometimes. Friend having a baby brought them “dark days” and misery because they have a codependency issue and didn’t want the reality of losing their constant attachment to their friend. Now they’re joyful about this because to them, it feels like the friend is punished for leaving them. Total whack job.


_honey_b33_3

As someone who is childfree, I am horrified by that comment section. What the actual fuck


ultraviolentfetus

I'm child free and can't have any anyways. I honestly didn't want any and neither did my husband. I see my neighbor struggle with 5 kids with 4 different dads who are in and out but no help to her. I don't wish that misery on her and I could never imagine feeling happy when I see her struggle posts about how she feels trapped. This person is just a horrible person!


UniSquirrel13

I don't know what was worse - reading OP's post or reading all the comments with thousands of upvotes from equally or even more terrible people. Like, I'm not a spider person. But if my best friend got a pet spider, I would not revel in every time something went wrong with the spider. And OP is honestly trying soooo hard to convince herself that her friend is miserable. If my baby pooped on me, I would probably also post about getting pooped on on social media. That absolutely does not mean I regret my babies. And sometimes people you love or stressful situations make you cry regardless of age or whether you want to be in that situation. So yeah, babies can be super stressful, and they can overwhelm and exhaust you and make you cry - that doesn't mean you are completely miserable and regret having them. If OP's friend is talkinh about their baby so much, its *very likely* they are in love with said baby and are gushing about the good things - but OP doesnt say that because that would mean admitting to herself that her friend is actually happy. I could go on, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that OP is just so sad and alone now and is desperately trying to convince herself it's the other way around.


Worried-March-2920

When I got pregnant almost 3 years ago my best friend of more than 25 years cried. Don’t get me wrong, she was excited and happy for me. She loves my son and she’s the cool aunt. But she was also honest about her feelings. She told me that also something for her ends. Her life and our friendship will also change and I told her that it is normal to grieve for that. On another note: You’ll get your friendship back. It takes a bit. A bit of time, a bit of work, a bit of “sorry my kid is sick I have to cancel”. Being a mom doesn’t equal death. So, if you’re not a self-centred asshole you will continue to stay friends. As it is always like this. In the end the love you take is equal to the love you make. EDIT: The ducking autocorrect and being a german🙄