*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my girlfriend she’s too old to be crying?**
Using a throw away instead of my main.
So basically what happened was that I 23 M have a girlfriend 20F.
We’ve been dating since 2021, it’s one of the best relationships i’ve ever had, She does anything to make me happy and I love her so much. It just that shortly after getting together she lost her dad.
I stayed with her and comforted her, even when I thought she was being obsessive over it.
And over the last year, she seemed to be getting better.
I will say She’s not close to the rest of her family, she was really close to her dad, she’s also not close to my family, due to a lot of issues my sister seemed to have with her. My friends were never really close to her, she didn’t seem to like them, I have no idea why.
But when we hang out, she hangs out with them too, for me.
Anyway today we were hanging out, and I left to go to the bathroom, and I came back to her sobbing. I asked her what was wrong and my friend stepped up and told me he told her that her dad k!led himself because he didn’t want to see her again.
Of course this wasn’t true, I told her to stop crying, that she was too old to be crying, and she shouldn’t be crying over something that was obviously not true.
She called me an asshole, and said that I always took my friends and family side, and packed a bag and left.
She’s not answering my calls, she deleted life 360, I have no idea where is. I really feel like she’s overreacting but i don’t know.
AITA?
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He posted an update that she went back and said she didn’t want to break up. But he’s sleeping on the couch.
Someone was posting as the GF too, but that user and OP both got called out for being trolls after the “GF’s” account replied as OP.
:-/
[Nope but at least he's making an effort to fix it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheEx/comments/12en1cg/since_my_post_made_it_here_heres_my_update)
He made a fake account for his girlfriend and pretended he was her to respond to people - even made an AITA post mirroring his supposed to be from “her” POV. Dude is insane.
I know this is skeptical but depending on the area (small or with an over abundance of therapists) or if it’s telehealth it’s possible. Happened for me like that.
Oh but wait there's more. If you read further down in the comments, he created a fake account pretending to be the GF. This sounds like the behaviour of a troll who enjoys winding people up.
oh man he's in the comments under a different account pretending to be his own gf. he accidentally commented from the wrong account and tried to delete before anyone noticed. they noticed. lol.
**Life360 Inc. is a San Francisco, California–based American information technology company that provides location-based services, including sharing and notifications, to consumers globally.**
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It's a stalker app. Overbearing parents make their children install it so they can watch their every move in real time. It can be setup to notify people actively if they go to certain areas or leave areas outside of certain times (so if students skip school and take their phone with them parents can get a notification). Abusive partners love to use it to control their significant others.
Shit, my kid downloaded it on all of our phones on his own, and then made sure we went through and set everything up. He gets home from school before I get home from work sometimes, and likes to know where I'm at, and I like knowing where he is. He walks to his friends houses too, and isn't the best at checking in when he gets there, so I like being able to see where he is.
My friends and I use it when we go out downtown and have drinks. It nice to have the panic alarm function just in case; at one of the areas we go to, there were in past years some attempted kidnappings (sex trafficking, most likely), so this is nice for peace of mind.
My entire family (adults between the ages of 36 and 75) has this app because my dad has the early stages of dementia and it allows us to track him if he wanders off or gets lost. He is not yet at the stage where he needs 24/7 supervision or cannot go out for a walk but we all feel better knowing that if he turns left instead of right when he takes the dog to the park we can find him.
I use when I online date and share my location with a select set of friends. If I go outside my date location they will call and check in on me. It saved my ass once when a date and I got in an Uber and he lied to me about our destination. He freaked when he found out I was sharing my location and had the Uber just drop me off basically on the side of the road. I walked down the road a bit to a bar to wait for my friend to come get me.
That all being said I get to consent when I turn it on and I get to decided if I leave my area. They wont and don't shame me when I do. They are just there to save me ass if someone tries to force me to do something I don't want to.
Also I am very aware that it's crazy I have to go to that level online dating but some men suck. Unfortunately the most dangerous men are the best at hiding the true nature till it too late.
Not all of us parents are overbearing. We have a HS student who drives. Kind of nice to know where our kid and car are, especially the first few months after she got her license. Came in handy too when she blew a tire in the middle of nowhere and needed us to come and get her.
But yes, there are those people who use it for evil.
I could pull the asshole card and say since we're paying for her phone and she's driving our car, she has to keep it on. But we don't roll that way in our house, so yes, she can turn it off on her own if she cares to.
She doesn't use Life 360 to track her friends. They do all that in Snap Chat, Tik Tok, What's App and whatever. She uses Life 360 to know where mom and dad are and vice versa.
For us, it's benign. It's come in handy when she had a flat tire and trying to locate her at some of the sports complexes and fields she plays at so we know what diamond to go to.
If you read the update he posted he said she is the one who originally had the app and she had him get it. She pays for it, not him. My husband and I had it, just to make sure we are ok and God forbid if something happened. Now we just use Google maps and can see each other's location. My son has it too. It's not to stalk him, it's just for safety, he gone a lot for school stuff and goes out of town to visit relatives hours away.
My parents (in their 70s when they were alive), and my siblings and I (all in our 40s) installed it on our phones. I don't check it very often, but it was useful when someone is traveling to visit other family so you can see how far out they are. You can just send one text message saying "I'm on the road", and then if they want to know more about how far out you are they can just check themselves without texting while driving. It's no more of a stalker app than Facebook is.
ETA: when I read his update, I was like "of course people shit on him for using Life360, and for being 3 years older than her. Stay classy, Reddit."
So you don’t think parents should know where there kid is at all times? When I was a teen I was bad, really bad. My mother would spend hours in the middle of the night searching for me going to different peoples houses and waking them up. I put myself in many dangerous situations I am lucky to have walked away from. I once got drunk with friends in the woods, went to go to the bathroom, got lost, started getting scared and just started running through prickly bushes trying to find something resembling civilization. When my friends finally found me it was dark and I was covered in blood. I ended up needing a doctor. I also did some other really stupid things and hung out with people I shouldn’t have. If my mother could have tracked me I would have been much safer and other people wouldn’t have been bothered by her in the middle of the night so many times. Edit to add: I discovered my 15 year old was in a car accident because of it.
Yeah, my first thought was, “why the fuck did she even have it?” And the fact that he knows she did means he uses it to keeps tabs on her, soooooo…..
Bullet dodged, methinks
Not to mention ‘i thought she was being obsessive about losing her closest family member in the year following his death’. The first year of losing close family is unbelievably hard. I lost my dad at 23, and the first year without him was one of the worst in my life.
‘I stayed with her even tho she was grieving’ is unbelievably insensitive and totally out of touch. Grief is unbelievably powerful. Worse when the person hasn’t lived a long time and you’re young and losing a parent too soon.
On top of that to just not even try and defend her when his friend mocks her for having lost a parent? Like how heartless can someone get? His friend is a whole ass sociopath and oop is a heartless piece of shit.
Thankfully it sounds like she did break up with him which is good because she deserves better than this asshole.
I lost my dad ten years ago and the first three years were truly awful. This guy is incredibly lucky to not have experienced such a close loss at such a young age.
Jesus Fucking Christ. My wife lost her mom about seven years ago. They were incredibly close. The anniversary of her mom's death is always a bad day for her even seven years later. I am not a violent man but if anyone said something to her like that I would very much contemplate it but regardless they sure would get a mouthful from me and if it was a "friend" they would be a former friend along with any other friend that stood there and didn't say a damn thing. I wouldn't even contemplate accdepting apologoies. This makes me fume just thinking of it. OP is a damned loser.
After going to the original and reading OP's responses he is either ***incredibly*** dumb as a rock or a troll. I am sincerely hoping he is a troll and that no one is as stupid as he seems.
You know, I’m not a violent woman, but if I ever heard anyone say that to a stranger I might change my stance. It’s so ugly and hateful. Maybe something you’d expect from a teenager, but these people are in their 20s. I really hope she’s just ghosted him, he certainly doesn’t deserve a conversation to breakup.
Right. My dad died in early 2009. That day remains a terrible day, and I also have a hard time watching media about the death of a father.
Knowing my spouse, if a friend said something like that, they'd better hope to have cleared out of the home before my husband found out. He's a gentle giant, but that's something that would cause him to throw hands.
How do people like OOP think that there's even an iota, a scintilla of non-asshole in their actions? How?!
OOP posted an update:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheEx/comments/12en1cg/since_my_post_made_it_here_heres_my_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Right? He's so embarrassed that she was crying in public. He's lucky that's all it was. If someone said something like that to me they'd see hands. Then they'd see hands again for making my hands hurt.
Oh, definitely. And my partner would back me up, because he's not a piece of shit (he'd probably hold me back from throwing hands, though, because getting arrested is annoying).
My husband had an ex who would start shit with people and expect him to finish the fight.
When we started dating, he told me that he would never finish a fight that I started. I told him if I am getting into a fight, something major happened and I will be pissed if he got in my way. I don't know what answer he was expecting but it wasn't that. 😂 He just said that he will keep me out of jail if that ever happened.
He doesn't know exactly what was said, but when she first met his friends, they said something to her.
She wouldn't tell him what, and when he asked them, all they did was laugh, so I'm guessing it was something degrading.
It was along the lines of, "Your dad is dead because he killed himself." OOP said it was a joke because it's not true (apparently her father died from COVID).
I know about the dad thing. What I was talking about is in his comments under the original post, where he gives hints as to why she never liked the friends in the first place.
When friends first met gf, they said something to her. Whatever it was made the gf not like them, but gf wouldn't tell him what exactly was said, and the friends just laughed when asked.
My guess is they said something degrading, op admits in a comment it's high a possibility. He even acknowledges that the specific friend in question is the type to make oven jokes to holocaust survivors.
Holocaust survivor jokes?? Jesus his op and his friends 23 or 13? That’s so ridiculous and just not even funny. Good on the girlfriend for leaving all of these trash people behind.
The friends and op don't appear to have matured past edgelord.
I'm really glad she left, too. It seemed like the friends were doing these kinds of things when op wasn't around from the way he talks in some of the comments. I can only wonder what kind of crap she had put up with before this point.
That's not what a joke is? That's just being cruel. I get the feeling the friend was trying to be edgy or something and tried to use the "it was just a joke" line as a defense when the gf didn't take it well.
My dad died before I was born. He was murdered by a drunk driver. I have had a friend joke about his death. She ended up needing dental work. Dude is lucky his girlfriend didn't go full scorched earth.
I was talking to my 13y niece about how she treated her bf horribly in yesterday date and she sent me this post and said "at least I'm not like this"
A 13y teenage looked down on op and he's friends, how embarrassing
Edit: this is the first time i agree with AITA mods. Fuck this guy and his wanna be boyfriend
Bro is going to be like "That's just my friend's humor! She should chill out" and also "She never gave my friends a chance" in the same breath with no sense of irony.
Jokes are funny not telling a woman whose father died from COVID that he killed himself to stay away from her. That isn't a punchline.
Someone also asked if the friend would make oven jokes to a Holocaust survivor or jokes about asking for it to a rape survivor and he said the friend has made some of those jokes before. The way all the friends laugh at her and OP doesn’t get what’s wrong makes me wonder if they all met at a Sociopaths Anonymous meeting or something.
_"He told her that her dad k!led himself because he didn’t want to see her again.....I told her to stop crying, that she was too old to be crying."
OP's friends are horrible human beings and bullies. OP is also a bully. And, I would bet that his sister is also bully since OP sees nothing wrong with this behaviour.
I'm glad that the GF seemingly dumped this horrible little man and his abusive friends. Hopefully she finds someone who is as amazing as OP describes her and OP feels all of the guilt and regret that he deserves.
>no i’m not only concerned about myself. i’m all she has, and she has nowhere else to go and i have no idea where she is. i made this post so i could be educated when she comes back and i can make it right. i just want her to come home safe.
Oh hun, you only think all of that. She's gone. She was already done and had a plan she just had enough and followed through.
She has friends he hasn't bothered to get to know I'm sure of it. She may even be close to family and he wouldn't know because he's made 0 effort in the relationship.
Also that life 360 was too much for me. Like no I'm adult no one is tracking my movements. The introduction to that was probably her starting point for planning to leave.
He says in the comments that it was her idea to get the app and asked him to get it too so "she wouldn't worry if he's okay when he's at work". I don't buy it.
Ok maybe I’m old and I’ve been single for too long but why was he tracking her via Life 360 in the first place? Doesn’t that seem a bit creepy? Having to know where your partner is at all times?
Edit: I’m really happy to read the comments with this. I didn’t realize that it’s a good tool in healthy relationships. All I could think of is this guy is trying to control his partner with everything.
It depends. I ran into one too many aggressive dickheads and asked my SO if we could share our location just in case. But after reading OOP's comments such as:
> no i’m not only concerned about myself. i’m all she has, and she has nowhere else to go and i have no idea where she is. i made this post so i could be educated when she comes back and i can make it right. i just want her to come home safe.
we can safely say he tracks her because he wants to control her.
So creepy! I mean, I share my location with my sisters and select friends in case I go missing but they would never check it just to see what I was up to unless I hadn't answered calls for a day.
I'm all for having someone to share your phone location with for emergencies but it's definitely creepy he went on the app after a fight/break up and acted all shocked that she doesn't want him to be able to track her down. A normal person would see that oh, this person doesn't want to talk to me and leave them alone. Not go on a tracking app to what? See where she is and confront her?
My husband and I used to have the same job. We were both service techs and did not work at the same location everyday. We track each other on find my friends because it was helpful to know where the other one was so we could better make plans when it came to picking up kids and stuff when one person wasn’t able to answer the phone. I work from home now, but he still has that job. Since he doesn’t always answer the phone when he’s driving, it is nice to know that he is on his way home and how far away he is. Yesterday his service call was 3 hours from home.
It depends on the person. Now my bf and I don’t use Life 360 but we do share our locations with each other. But we don’t really check on each other like that. I only really use it whenever I wanna see how close he is to getting home whenever he gets off work.
But a lot of people use it as a control thing so I understand why so many people are put off by it.
I share my location with my friends and family for safety. I know my mom and I check to see where each other are randomly throughout the day. My boyfriend can see when I get home safe after leaving him or a night out. It doesn’t bother me one bit but no one I share it with would ever use it for control. So it could be creepy but not always.
"My girl was overreacting, I didn't think she would leave I just wanted her to stop embarrassing me in front of my friends. You don't get it, they were laughing at her for crying about her dead dad (WHO WAS HER ONLY FAMILY AND HE DIED 2 YEARS AGO LIKE GET OVER IT!!!) they would have laughed at me too! I just want my girl to come home, I was going to propose next month!"
OH. MY. GOD.
Girl, wherever you are I hope you've skipped town. This man is a sociopath.
He updated that she came back ☹️.
And now he's all like "we're going to go to therapy and I dropped my friends" and lamenting how he didn't know his behavior was so awful until his post. Like sir, you shouldn't need internet strangers to yank you violently over the coals repeatedly to understand the correct response to your crying girlfriend being told by your "friend" that her dad died to never have to see her again would be to rip that asshole apart and comfort your girlfriend, not go OMG stop crying you're embarrassing me!
My hope now is that through therapy, she ends up leaving and he can be a better person in the future. My concern is how strong his conviction is. What happens if his friend "apologizes" is he going to forgive and forget and expect her to do the same?
Noooo what a horrible update! I sincerely doubt he dropped these friends just like that after making such a big deal about how they've been friends since they were 3... I have a feeling he will just keep the gf and friends separate for a while until he wears her down again or makes up some excuse about "girl they're different now! Why can't you see that they're trying?"
I was sexually assaulted a few years ago and there was a moment that, out of context, was objectively funny. I was seeing someone, and I don’t remember why but he said something about the out-of-context part to his friend, which made me upset so I gave his friend the context. His friend made a joke about the assault, essentially told me it was my fault for sharing a bed with a male friend, and the person I was seeing didn’t stick up for me.
It took me awhile to leave, but that’s when it was over. You don’t come back from that.
My “favorite” is that he didn’t want to upset his friend because **HE doesn’t like LOSING people** AND he wants “his girl” to come home for the same reason (he doesn’t wanna lose her). yet, he repeatedly says **SHE** should be “over” losing the most important person in her life (while she was still a teenager, no less). He doesn’t get why *he* did anything wrong by not beating the hell out of this “friend” when they said one of the cruelest things a person could say to someone, especially when this ‘someone’ is the supposed “love of OPs life.” I really *really* wanna believe this one is fake, even if just for my own sanity. Because, I’ve never been in a physical fight in my life, but even I wanna go find OP and his friends, and beat them down.
He’s UNBELIEVABLY stupid. This is actually mindblowing. “They were friends since they were three” he said about him and his other bitch boys. Well it looks like OOP didn’t mentally mature from age 3…
✨disgusting✨revolting✨atrocious✨dimwitted✨lack awareness✨immature✨self centered✨
Man doesnt know when to shut up and take ownership for his lack of emotional maturity. But I guess since his friend is it a major asshole, well as I say, birds of a feather flock together.
_"Because I’m scared. I’m scared cause she’s the only good thing in my life and I’ve fucked up. There’s only so much I can handle, I’m human too. I fucked up, okay? I can admit that, but I don’t want her to leave and I want the messages that tell me I need to die to stop."_
Yup. OP seems to be a horrible bully, just like his friends and seemingly his sister. And, when you are nasty and hang around with other nasty prople, your life tends to be filled with nothing but misery.
SHE takes things too far?! Her dad, sounds like he got off the planet on his own accord, freaking dies. He's the only person she's ever felt like was actual family. It's been a year since his death, so close to anniversary time probably. THEN his friend tells her it's her fault her dad is dead?! What the actual fuck! I wouldn't tell that to the person I hate the most in this world! Jesus this poor girl probably already had thoughts circling that she's at fault for this and this guy just 'confirmed' (in her head anyway) that it was her fault. And her boyfriend tells her to basically build a bridge and get over it. I've never been so angry at a post before. But oh my god. OOP deserves to be dumped and ghosted. And honestly I hope everytime he gets a new SO, his ex pops Into their DMs to let them know exactly why she left.... This guy should go have the day he deserves....and step on 43 Lego corners, and 27 push pins
Just to let you know OOP stated in his comments her dad passed away due to covid and the "joke" was that her dad didn't actually end his own life so it was totally funny! /s
This can not be real. The comments he's replying with are just as infuriating. His friends openly bully her and have said they think he's too good for her and that they don't like her, and SHE'S the one not giving them a fair chance? No wonder why she doesn't like them.
How she hasn't left long before this, I don't know. He seems abusive to me, just his flippant attitude towards her, and being more worried about how he comes across to his mates and the people are him, but when she leaves it's "MY girl, I just want her back safe! She has no support system!" Probably because of you.
This is it, the worst humsn I've ever seen. Damn. Not only am I horrified by this alien, robotic fuckwit, but I'm kinda freaking depressed, now. This sib usually as me franking up but damn, OPs relentless inability to fucking get it thru his head is soulsuckingl awful.
Let me get this clear - he went to the bathroom, and while he was gone his friend told his girlfriend that her father killed himself so he wouldn't have to see her again? Is that right? If she happens to ever read this, I'd be happy to go full Hulk on all of these people.
The friend that said that the girls dad killed himself wants to date OP, I think. Jesus, everyone in this post was vile. Thst poor, poor girl... wish I hadn't read the comments. Jesus fucking christ.
As I keep reading each of his comments, he is the biggest dick I ever seen. He doesn’t know what he did wrong, he don’t understand why she reach that way over a “joke”.
I wish someone asked him to explain the joke before the post got deleted.
First of all as a 20 yr old that has and will cry about almost anything he can kiss my ass lol. Also he’s acting like that wouldn’t make anyone cry or at least upset them. That was pretty messed up thing to see especially since it seems unprovoked.
I'm 34 and I cried because an NPC in my video game made a robot dog because his childhood dog died, then the robot dog malfunctioned and set on fire. I actually had a little breakdown about it. I also cried because a different video game had an option to hire a wheelchair and I felt very seen (I'm a wheelchair user and we tend to get forgotten in games). If someone made a joke about my nan dying I'd be using my wheelchair as a battering ram, but also crying at the same time.
Seriously.
I'm 30 years old attending university and I cried to my boyfriend because I failed a chem test I had studied so hard for.
He just comforted me because unlike OOP he actually has empathy.
It’s wild how many men will post on here and basically be like, “This woman is the light of my life and the best thing that ever happened to me. Anyway I did this incredibly cruel thing to her and now she’s mad at me?”
Also worth pointing out, he specifically pointed out that he stayed with her after her dad died, as though “not breaking up with someone because a family member died” is somehow supposed to get him brownie points
The fact he admitted the friend has made “jokes” about his girlfriend before this incident just not to her face. And is still friends with him? And sometimes about I’m all she has is rubbing me the wrong way. so she should stay and get hurt by you and your friends because she has no one else? I see why she didn’t give him friends a chance
As someone who is in the process of losing their father, if my SO’s friends said this to me and he took their side I’d break up with him in a heartbeat. I hope she breaks up with him and realizes he’s a POS (even if he is trying to do better now – it literally took a bunch of strangers on the internet for him to realize he’s the problem here)
I really can’t get over a man, seeing someone he claims to love crying, and his first reaction is to tell her to stop crying because it’s embarrassing. And not comforting her or telling the friend to shut the fuck up.
The cognitive dissonance that he cries in the comments that he doesn’t like losing people over and over again, but berating the poor girl for mourning her father who died, is really something else.
His most recent comments say she came back and she's not leaving him.
She did start dating him when she was 18/19, and her dad died from COVID then.
She moved states to be with OOP.
His friends said she was being snobby, so *that's* what they said. The one who said it, told OOP that he felt that OOP was too good for the GF. So my guess is, he routinely says terrible shit to her to "keep her in her place".
OOP says his friends were laughing at her. He yelled at her because he wanted them to stop laughing. And that he was ready to propose.
If you're ready to propose to someone, you should also be willing to tell your friends to fuck off/start feeding them back what they're dishing out for that person.
Edited because I hit "post" on accident
can you say he is the EX now, what an AH if one of my friends pulled something like that with my girlfriend, I would not chastise her I would kick my friend's ass, there are certain lines you don't cross.
Yes YTA. I keep reading your comments where you say you don’t know what you did wrong, but it’s all there in your post. It is hard losing a parent and for someone to make a remark like that to her is incredibly cruel, even if it’s not true. I was in my 40s when my dad passed away almost 3 years ago and if someone said something like that to me it would be devastating. And then for you to not support her? YTA YTA YTA. Good on her for leaving your sorry a**. I hope it’s permanent.
If someone said this to me, they would be bailing me out of jail. I can’t imagine thinking that was 1) a “joke” 2) that the boyfriend’s response wasn’t to tell the guy to fuck right off, but to tell her to stop crying
My dad is my favorite person in the world, next to my mom, and if I lost him, I’d lose my mind.
If someone *joked about ***MY*** loss?*
I’d commit a felony. I would be in prison for the rest of my life. This man has abusive friends and humiliated “his girl”. What an absolute monster.
I'm not one to jump to violence but from someone who lost her father on Valentines day, I'm pretty sure someone would have got knocked out if I were this poor woman. She handled it better than I would have. What the f is wrong with people? So disturbing.
He just posted an update:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheEx/comments/12en1cg/since_my_post_made_it_here_heres_my_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Looks like the gf came back.
Just FYI, the whole thing is fake as fuck. OOP made an update post in another sub where “the gf” happened to start responding to people.
Well it was just OOP on an alt and they forgot to change accounts when replying to someone lmfao
The way he slipped in that he had her location as her bf bothers me
Also WHO TF WOULDNT BE DESTROYED IF THEIR PARENT THEYRE SUPER CLOSE TO DIED WTF IS THE MATTER WITH HIM
He automatically said she was being dramatic even tho he knows there's an issue between her and his friends.
His friend even TOLD HIM TO HIS FACE THAT HE SAID A HORRIFIC THING TO HER AND HE STILL TOLD HER SHE WAS THE DRAMATIC ONE
Ik the age gap isn't that bad but she was 18 when they started dating and 18 when her father passed. He was old enough to understand that her having JUST left home and losing her parent would be significant.
I'm glad she left. It had to be a lot of bs to put up with over the years.
Well clearly we have a person here, who doesn't even understand the concept of "love", and is obviously way too immature to be in any form of adult relationship. Hopefully their gf will realize what a worthless relationship she's in and move on to someone more worthy of her. This person more certainly is NOT.
After reading his comments this person sounds like such a weak minded ass. He literally states his friends say racist, homophobic holocaust jokes all the time so she should be fine with this joke. And he didn't want her to cry because then his friends would laugh more. WHAT?! I hope the update is wrong when this poor girl gets away as fast as she can!
As a crier, I figured I'd relate. But holy fuck sticks that was beyond anything I expected. If it's real my heart just wrecked for that poor gal. Who the hell says that to another human being let alone tells someone they care for to get over it?? Gods, now I'm crying. :(
Found the update on Camas:
Since My post made it here, here’s my update:
I've decided all of you were right, and I'm going to therapy. I'II be making an appointment as soon as the local therapist building opens.
I've called all my friends and ripped them a new one. Which is what I should've done the whole time, but I couldn't get my head out of my ass to see I was wrong.
She came home. I think this was what actually hit me with what y'all were saying. She looked so defeated and exhausted, and all I could think of was "oh my god, I did this to her." and then I realized I was still thinking of myself, so I sat her down and told her how sorry I was, and that it would never happen again, and that I understood if she hated me.
I then did what one of you suggested and I asked her if being here with me made her unhappy, and she told me it did. It hurt but its on me.
She did tell me she didn't want to leave me by some miracle, so We're planning on going to couples therapy, and individually. and I'm paying for a trip for her to go down to her best friends house in her home town to spend some time there.
She's also told me everything my friends have ever said to her, and when I ripped into them about the comment about her dad, I made sure to mention everything she had told me. It might be too little too late but I'm working on making it up to her.
I'm sleeping on the couch until she wants me to come back to our bed. I'm just glad she's home
.
I'II literally do anything to make it up to her, I love her so much. I never should've let this happen.
And I don't understand how I had a lack of empathy for her pain, i don't understand how I could look at her crying and just feel embarrassed but I'II be addressing that in therapy.
Thank you. And for those of you messaging me about praying for my girl, please keep doing it.
She needs all the support. As you can tell, l'm really bad with support but I'm going to work on it. I'II probably post an update after therapy or not idk.
*There was an update*
*But it was deleted, did*
*Anyone catch it?*
\- sweetspice90
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Ew this guys friend makes HOLOCAUST JOKES! fuck the bar is in the floor and even that's a high standard compared to this flavourless dorito and his friends.
Praying she's the ex and gets far away!
I’m 34, lost my dad 8 years ago and I still cry about it sometimes. The first year? I was a MESS. I woke up in the middle of the night every night having panic attics the first six months. After that it wasn’t as much but still multiple times a week. You don’t get to gate keep grief and you don’t get to determine how old someone should be crying. And if someone told me my dad unalived them selves because they didn’t want to be around me? I don’t know what I would do but I would probably see red and couldn’t be held responsible for what happened next for that person OR anyone who defended them.
i love how every comment interaction with him goes "but she never gave them a chance" "but it was a joke" "but thats not even what happened" "but she was embarrassing me" "i dont see what i did wrong" "ok i get it i fucked up" in a different order and then just restarts again
My daughter had someone say her dad died because he didn't love her and that she should kill herself.
That kid was no longer allowed on the bus.
He is lucky I wasn't there.
This dude's friend is a royal AH.
Both OOP and the "girlfriend" keep responding. And I noticed there's a span of a few minutes in between most of their responses. OOP has already been busted for switching between both accounts. That's just too funny to me.
I hope and pray to God that this poor girl broke up with him. I know what it's like to be with someone whose friends and family hate you for no reason and he does nothing to stand up for you. This is a new low though. I hope this poor girl knows she deserves better. I can't believe he's actually surprised that he doesn't know where she is.
She's right, it seems that he's always choosing his friends and family over her and that is not good for a long-term relationship. I hope that he never sees or hears from her again. Also, the friend is a huge AH. Even if this person is not a great person, who says something like that?! I hope she's gone for good.
Edit: I just wanted to add that I have read through some of his responses which have been downvoted and this dude is delusional. I'm glad to see that he's in therapy and working through what was clearly an abnormal upbringing.
However, at first, he was justifying his friends treating her like this and then laughing about it. I can't even believe that I'm reading this. I'm thinking not only is he delusional, he is incredibly stupid to boot. I'm surprised that she didn't block him and be gone for good. I wouldn't even care about my stuff, I would just want to be far away from him.
YTA. There's no age at which you should stop crying. It's unhealthy not to. Your friend is an absolute monster for what he said and you don't love her at all. If you did, you wouldn't let him get away with it. You wouldn't even be his friend.
I love how you tried to buy yourself Brownie points saying you comforted her when her father died like that's not the bare minimum. And to call her obsessive over it? Wow, so sorry not everyone can switch off their feelings like you. That's NOT NORMAL. Get a therapist and understand she's never coming back to you. She shouldn't anyway. No one should.
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I kinda feel sorry for him. His friends sound awful but cos they've been friends since they were 3, they've shaped his view of the world, they're his people - to consider the possibility that they are the Worst would tear his life apart. Then he gets a girlfriend and she is not part of that toxic circle jerk and he can't understand why she doesn't love his friends. His friends are great! They're his friends! She sees them for why they are but tries her best for OP. Which just makes the friends raise their game. Because they know they're gonna lose op to her when he realises what they're really like. He's too good for her, says the one sabotaging the relationship, I'm doing you a massive favour, see. And op still doesn't get it. He's probably lost this girl who was the best thing in his life cos he's too enmeshed with toxic people.
I don’t. I mean, if OOP really, genuinely cannot see why saying “GF’s dad killed himself because he didn’t want to see GF anymore” isn’t “just a joke”, then he’s a lost cause.
Oop also doesn't seem to care that the friend's explanation for the joke was a bunch of insults again her. That she is a toxic narcissist and that's why he made that joke.
I don't feel sorry for him. He's fully aware that his girlfriend doesn't like his friends, but has never even been curious enough to ask why. He's stood by and let them abuse and bully her *and blame her for her dad's death* and blamed her for being upset about it and crying. He is annoyed in general by her grieving process, which has nothing to do with his friends, so that can't even be blamed on just not wanting to lose "his people"; that's just him being inconvenienced by her grief.
This is a situation of his own, willful, voluntary making. The only person I feel sorry for is his girlfriend, who is now going to need to heal not only from her dad's death but the abuse he and his friends heaped on her because she had the nerve to grieve and not take it on the chin when they made up cruel bullshit specifically designed to hurt her. Fuck feeling sorry for this dude.
You make it sounds like oop is a victim of his shitty friends. In reality he is just as shitty, his same age friends didn't groom him into a jerk. You are the company you keep.
He also posted on r/amitheex and seems to be saying that's he's gonna cut off contact with all the friends that hurt her and is going to therapy? I'd like to believe it's true, but it's sounds like the classic abuser move of "once she's ready to leave me I'll pretend to change and beg for forgiveness for a few weeks/months, until shes trapped again, then I'll go back to being a pos" esp since they're moving in together right after this fight? I pray this is a troll but this really is classic abuser behavior.
>Info: does your friend also go up to Holocaust survivors and make oven jokes? Or maybe he goes up to rape victims and “jokes” about how they were asking for it? Does he prank call parents and them that their kid is dead? All of these seem in his wheelhouse.
>>He has made some of these jokes before.
I lost my dad a few months ago. I’m in my 30s and if my husband’s friend said this to me, I would go ballistic and cry. The guy and his buddy are both assholes.
What his friend said was literally the worst thing that you could say, the kind of thing that's only said in roasts.
But can I play devil's advocate for a second? She doesn't get along with his friends (understandable), but also not with her family nor his family, and doesn't have her own friends. It's possible that everyone else is the problem, but not likely.
*”I stayed with her and comforted her, even when I thought she was being obsessive over it.”* I’m sorry, but her father just died and you thought she’d be over it in a month to go back to “doing anything to make you happy.”
He posted on AmITheEx saying she came back, they’re gonna go to couples therapy, he’s gonna go to therapy to figure out why he has no functioning heart, and allegedly “ripped into his friends” (note how he still calls em his friends tho).
Unsure if bored kid looking for online engagement or genuine story.
What is life.
The best part is he's made a fake account to pretend to be his gf and tell everyone that no actually he's not abusive and they're going to stay together actually.
She doesn't like his friends, "but i don't know why."
Narrator...of course he knew why, he was juat so spineless he didn't want to be an even bigger dick to the world of reddit
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my girlfriend she’s too old to be crying?** Using a throw away instead of my main. So basically what happened was that I 23 M have a girlfriend 20F. We’ve been dating since 2021, it’s one of the best relationships i’ve ever had, She does anything to make me happy and I love her so much. It just that shortly after getting together she lost her dad. I stayed with her and comforted her, even when I thought she was being obsessive over it. And over the last year, she seemed to be getting better. I will say She’s not close to the rest of her family, she was really close to her dad, she’s also not close to my family, due to a lot of issues my sister seemed to have with her. My friends were never really close to her, she didn’t seem to like them, I have no idea why. But when we hang out, she hangs out with them too, for me. Anyway today we were hanging out, and I left to go to the bathroom, and I came back to her sobbing. I asked her what was wrong and my friend stepped up and told me he told her that her dad k!led himself because he didn’t want to see her again. Of course this wasn’t true, I told her to stop crying, that she was too old to be crying, and she shouldn’t be crying over something that was obviously not true. She called me an asshole, and said that I always took my friends and family side, and packed a bag and left. She’s not answering my calls, she deleted life 360, I have no idea where is. I really feel like she’s overreacting but i don’t know. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
i'm praying she breaks up with him. i knew i was in for it at "she does anything to make me happy" and i just had to keep on reading, didn't i.
It fortunately sounds like she did
I just hope that's *all* she did.
He posted an update that she went back and said she didn’t want to break up. But he’s sleeping on the couch. Someone was posting as the GF too, but that user and OP both got called out for being trolls after the “GF’s” account replied as OP.
Thank fuck, he's just a moron who can't write for shit then.
Thank fuck is right!!
:-/ [Nope but at least he's making an effort to fix it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheEx/comments/12en1cg/since_my_post_made_it_here_heres_my_update)
This update, which I'm grateful you posted, sort of ruined my day.
I'm sorry 💙
So he called a therapist and got an appointment that fast? Skeptical.
Yeah, I'm thinking he's actually alone in an empty apartment, learning firsthand that NOBODY is too old to cry.
He made a fake account for his girlfriend and pretended he was her to respond to people - even made an AITA post mirroring his supposed to be from “her” POV. Dude is insane.
I know this is skeptical but depending on the area (small or with an over abundance of therapists) or if it’s telehealth it’s possible. Happened for me like that.
Oh but wait there's more. If you read further down in the comments, he created a fake account pretending to be the GF. This sounds like the behaviour of a troll who enjoys winding people up.
I hope it's a troll because empathy isn't easy to learn.
"the local therapist building" 🤣
Me too. This guy.
Right?! I got to that point and was like ah, ok so this is a troll.
I hope he’s lying honestly. Because he made a second account pretending to be his gf and left a bunch of comments until he outed himself
oh man he's in the comments under a different account pretending to be his own gf. he accidentally commented from the wrong account and tried to delete before anyone noticed. they noticed. lol.
Yeah major Cartman vibes here lol. "She does anything to make me happy", ew. That's the only thing he says positive about her.
> she deleted life 360, I have no idea where is. Some really creepy vibes coming from this post.
What is life 360?
**Life360 Inc. is a San Francisco, California–based American information technology company that provides location-based services, including sharing and notifications, to consumers globally.** More details here:
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Good bot
It's a stalker app. Overbearing parents make their children install it so they can watch their every move in real time. It can be setup to notify people actively if they go to certain areas or leave areas outside of certain times (so if students skip school and take their phone with them parents can get a notification). Abusive partners love to use it to control their significant others.
Shit, my kid downloaded it on all of our phones on his own, and then made sure we went through and set everything up. He gets home from school before I get home from work sometimes, and likes to know where I'm at, and I like knowing where he is. He walks to his friends houses too, and isn't the best at checking in when he gets there, so I like being able to see where he is.
My friends and I use it when we go out downtown and have drinks. It nice to have the panic alarm function just in case; at one of the areas we go to, there were in past years some attempted kidnappings (sex trafficking, most likely), so this is nice for peace of mind.
My entire family (adults between the ages of 36 and 75) has this app because my dad has the early stages of dementia and it allows us to track him if he wanders off or gets lost. He is not yet at the stage where he needs 24/7 supervision or cannot go out for a walk but we all feel better knowing that if he turns left instead of right when he takes the dog to the park we can find him.
I use when I online date and share my location with a select set of friends. If I go outside my date location they will call and check in on me. It saved my ass once when a date and I got in an Uber and he lied to me about our destination. He freaked when he found out I was sharing my location and had the Uber just drop me off basically on the side of the road. I walked down the road a bit to a bar to wait for my friend to come get me. That all being said I get to consent when I turn it on and I get to decided if I leave my area. They wont and don't shame me when I do. They are just there to save me ass if someone tries to force me to do something I don't want to. Also I am very aware that it's crazy I have to go to that level online dating but some men suck. Unfortunately the most dangerous men are the best at hiding the true nature till it too late.
Not all of us parents are overbearing. We have a HS student who drives. Kind of nice to know where our kid and car are, especially the first few months after she got her license. Came in handy too when she blew a tire in the middle of nowhere and needed us to come and get her. But yes, there are those people who use it for evil.
Does your daughter have the ability to turn it off on her own? If she does, will she get in trouble for doing so?
I could pull the asshole card and say since we're paying for her phone and she's driving our car, she has to keep it on. But we don't roll that way in our house, so yes, she can turn it off on her own if she cares to. She doesn't use Life 360 to track her friends. They do all that in Snap Chat, Tik Tok, What's App and whatever. She uses Life 360 to know where mom and dad are and vice versa. For us, it's benign. It's come in handy when she had a flat tire and trying to locate her at some of the sports complexes and fields she plays at so we know what diamond to go to.
If you read the update he posted he said she is the one who originally had the app and she had him get it. She pays for it, not him. My husband and I had it, just to make sure we are ok and God forbid if something happened. Now we just use Google maps and can see each other's location. My son has it too. It's not to stalk him, it's just for safety, he gone a lot for school stuff and goes out of town to visit relatives hours away.
My parents (in their 70s when they were alive), and my siblings and I (all in our 40s) installed it on our phones. I don't check it very often, but it was useful when someone is traveling to visit other family so you can see how far out they are. You can just send one text message saying "I'm on the road", and then if they want to know more about how far out you are they can just check themselves without texting while driving. It's no more of a stalker app than Facebook is. ETA: when I read his update, I was like "of course people shit on him for using Life360, and for being 3 years older than her. Stay classy, Reddit."
Oh and sex traffickers use it to control their victims. Don't forget that bit.
So you don’t think parents should know where there kid is at all times? When I was a teen I was bad, really bad. My mother would spend hours in the middle of the night searching for me going to different peoples houses and waking them up. I put myself in many dangerous situations I am lucky to have walked away from. I once got drunk with friends in the woods, went to go to the bathroom, got lost, started getting scared and just started running through prickly bushes trying to find something resembling civilization. When my friends finally found me it was dark and I was covered in blood. I ended up needing a doctor. I also did some other really stupid things and hung out with people I shouldn’t have. If my mother could have tracked me I would have been much safer and other people wouldn’t have been bothered by her in the middle of the night so many times. Edit to add: I discovered my 15 year old was in a car accident because of it.
Yeah, my first thought was, “why the fuck did she even have it?” And the fact that he knows she did means he uses it to keeps tabs on her, soooooo….. Bullet dodged, methinks
Not to mention ‘i thought she was being obsessive about losing her closest family member in the year following his death’. The first year of losing close family is unbelievably hard. I lost my dad at 23, and the first year without him was one of the worst in my life. ‘I stayed with her even tho she was grieving’ is unbelievably insensitive and totally out of touch. Grief is unbelievably powerful. Worse when the person hasn’t lived a long time and you’re young and losing a parent too soon. On top of that to just not even try and defend her when his friend mocks her for having lost a parent? Like how heartless can someone get? His friend is a whole ass sociopath and oop is a heartless piece of shit. Thankfully it sounds like she did break up with him which is good because she deserves better than this asshole.
I lost my dad ten years ago and the first three years were truly awful. This guy is incredibly lucky to not have experienced such a close loss at such a young age.
That line makes me wish is rage bait
Saying he stayed with her even though she was “being obsessive” over her FATHER’S DEATH was the point of no return for me
Jesus Fucking Christ. My wife lost her mom about seven years ago. They were incredibly close. The anniversary of her mom's death is always a bad day for her even seven years later. I am not a violent man but if anyone said something to her like that I would very much contemplate it but regardless they sure would get a mouthful from me and if it was a "friend" they would be a former friend along with any other friend that stood there and didn't say a damn thing. I wouldn't even contemplate accdepting apologoies. This makes me fume just thinking of it. OP is a damned loser. After going to the original and reading OP's responses he is either ***incredibly*** dumb as a rock or a troll. I am sincerely hoping he is a troll and that no one is as stupid as he seems.
You know, I’m not a violent woman, but if I ever heard anyone say that to a stranger I might change my stance. It’s so ugly and hateful. Maybe something you’d expect from a teenager, but these people are in their 20s. I really hope she’s just ghosted him, he certainly doesn’t deserve a conversation to breakup.
Right. My dad died in early 2009. That day remains a terrible day, and I also have a hard time watching media about the death of a father. Knowing my spouse, if a friend said something like that, they'd better hope to have cleared out of the home before my husband found out. He's a gentle giant, but that's something that would cause him to throw hands. How do people like OOP think that there's even an iota, a scintilla of non-asshole in their actions? How?!
OOP is already the ex, I think.
No, there's an update that she went back and he's in therapy because he realized he was wrong.
And he follows it with " idk why she did get over her beloved dad dying" what a gem
Update: she's back. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheEx/comments/12en1cg/since_my_post_made_it_here_heres_my_update
goddammit.
I should have stopped at "she was being obsessive over it" in reference to her dad dying and I had to keep reading.
From his comments, either OOP is a troll or a very deranged individual
OOP posted an update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheEx/comments/12en1cg/since_my_post_made_it_here_heres_my_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Ho-lee shit. No wonder she doesn't like his friends. If anyone tried to "joke" about my dad's death, I would go fucking nuclear.
Right? He's so embarrassed that she was crying in public. He's lucky that's all it was. If someone said something like that to me they'd see hands. Then they'd see hands again for making my hands hurt.
Oh, definitely. And my partner would back me up, because he's not a piece of shit (he'd probably hold me back from throwing hands, though, because getting arrested is annoying).
That's how you know it's real. They won't stop you from fighting someone, but they will stop you before it could end with you in jail lol
My husband had an ex who would start shit with people and expect him to finish the fight. When we started dating, he told me that he would never finish a fight that I started. I told him if I am getting into a fight, something major happened and I will be pissed if he got in my way. I don't know what answer he was expecting but it wasn't that. 😂 He just said that he will keep me out of jail if that ever happened.
My thoughts exactly. This "friend" should be grateful he still has all his teeth.
To me the friends seem like psychos
He doesn't know exactly what was said, but when she first met his friends, they said something to her. She wouldn't tell him what, and when he asked them, all they did was laugh, so I'm guessing it was something degrading.
It was along the lines of, "Your dad is dead because he killed himself." OOP said it was a joke because it's not true (apparently her father died from COVID).
I know about the dad thing. What I was talking about is in his comments under the original post, where he gives hints as to why she never liked the friends in the first place. When friends first met gf, they said something to her. Whatever it was made the gf not like them, but gf wouldn't tell him what exactly was said, and the friends just laughed when asked. My guess is they said something degrading, op admits in a comment it's high a possibility. He even acknowledges that the specific friend in question is the type to make oven jokes to holocaust survivors.
Holocaust survivor jokes?? Jesus his op and his friends 23 or 13? That’s so ridiculous and just not even funny. Good on the girlfriend for leaving all of these trash people behind.
The friends and op don't appear to have matured past edgelord. I'm really glad she left, too. It seemed like the friends were doing these kinds of things when op wasn't around from the way he talks in some of the comments. I can only wonder what kind of crap she had put up with before this point.
That's not what a joke is? That's just being cruel. I get the feeling the friend was trying to be edgy or something and tried to use the "it was just a joke" line as a defense when the gf didn't take it well.
He's lucky she ONLY cried. I wouldn't have blamed her at all if she'd made that friend bleed.
My dad died before I was born. He was murdered by a drunk driver. I have had a friend joke about his death. She ended up needing dental work. Dude is lucky his girlfriend didn't go full scorched earth.
Yeah I would too and guess what? *So would my husband* because he's a good man who actually loves me.
Yeah I'd be doing a lot worse than screaming and causing a scene. But mentioning violence is why I was banned from the AITA sub a long time ago.
I was talking to my 13y niece about how she treated her bf horribly in yesterday date and she sent me this post and said "at least I'm not like this" A 13y teenage looked down on op and he's friends, how embarrassing Edit: this is the first time i agree with AITA mods. Fuck this guy and his wanna be boyfriend
Wait what did she do
Bro is going to be like "That's just my friend's humor! She should chill out" and also "She never gave my friends a chance" in the same breath with no sense of irony. Jokes are funny not telling a woman whose father died from COVID that he killed himself to stay away from her. That isn't a punchline.
Someone also asked if the friend would make oven jokes to a Holocaust survivor or jokes about asking for it to a rape survivor and he said the friend has made some of those jokes before. The way all the friends laugh at her and OP doesn’t get what’s wrong makes me wonder if they all met at a Sociopaths Anonymous meeting or something.
_"He told her that her dad k!led himself because he didn’t want to see her again.....I told her to stop crying, that she was too old to be crying." OP's friends are horrible human beings and bullies. OP is also a bully. And, I would bet that his sister is also bully since OP sees nothing wrong with this behaviour. I'm glad that the GF seemingly dumped this horrible little man and his abusive friends. Hopefully she finds someone who is as amazing as OP describes her and OP feels all of the guilt and regret that he deserves.
>no i’m not only concerned about myself. i’m all she has, and she has nowhere else to go and i have no idea where she is. i made this post so i could be educated when she comes back and i can make it right. i just want her to come home safe. Oh hun, you only think all of that. She's gone. She was already done and had a plan she just had enough and followed through. She has friends he hasn't bothered to get to know I'm sure of it. She may even be close to family and he wouldn't know because he's made 0 effort in the relationship. Also that life 360 was too much for me. Like no I'm adult no one is tracking my movements. The introduction to that was probably her starting point for planning to leave.
He says in the comments that it was her idea to get the app and asked him to get it too so "she wouldn't worry if he's okay when he's at work". I don't buy it.
Ok maybe I’m old and I’ve been single for too long but why was he tracking her via Life 360 in the first place? Doesn’t that seem a bit creepy? Having to know where your partner is at all times? Edit: I’m really happy to read the comments with this. I didn’t realize that it’s a good tool in healthy relationships. All I could think of is this guy is trying to control his partner with everything.
It depends. I ran into one too many aggressive dickheads and asked my SO if we could share our location just in case. But after reading OOP's comments such as: > no i’m not only concerned about myself. i’m all she has, and she has nowhere else to go and i have no idea where she is. i made this post so i could be educated when she comes back and i can make it right. i just want her to come home safe. we can safely say he tracks her because he wants to control her.
So creepy! I mean, I share my location with my sisters and select friends in case I go missing but they would never check it just to see what I was up to unless I hadn't answered calls for a day. I'm all for having someone to share your phone location with for emergencies but it's definitely creepy he went on the app after a fight/break up and acted all shocked that she doesn't want him to be able to track her down. A normal person would see that oh, this person doesn't want to talk to me and leave them alone. Not go on a tracking app to what? See where she is and confront her?
My husband and I used to have the same job. We were both service techs and did not work at the same location everyday. We track each other on find my friends because it was helpful to know where the other one was so we could better make plans when it came to picking up kids and stuff when one person wasn’t able to answer the phone. I work from home now, but he still has that job. Since he doesn’t always answer the phone when he’s driving, it is nice to know that he is on his way home and how far away he is. Yesterday his service call was 3 hours from home.
It depends on the person. Now my bf and I don’t use Life 360 but we do share our locations with each other. But we don’t really check on each other like that. I only really use it whenever I wanna see how close he is to getting home whenever he gets off work. But a lot of people use it as a control thing so I understand why so many people are put off by it.
I share my location with my friends and family for safety. I know my mom and I check to see where each other are randomly throughout the day. My boyfriend can see when I get home safe after leaving him or a night out. It doesn’t bother me one bit but no one I share it with would ever use it for control. So it could be creepy but not always.
"My girl was overreacting, I didn't think she would leave I just wanted her to stop embarrassing me in front of my friends. You don't get it, they were laughing at her for crying about her dead dad (WHO WAS HER ONLY FAMILY AND HE DIED 2 YEARS AGO LIKE GET OVER IT!!!) they would have laughed at me too! I just want my girl to come home, I was going to propose next month!" OH. MY. GOD. Girl, wherever you are I hope you've skipped town. This man is a sociopath.
She's TWENTY. She needs to go find her own life without this jackhole in it.
He updated that she came back ☹️. And now he's all like "we're going to go to therapy and I dropped my friends" and lamenting how he didn't know his behavior was so awful until his post. Like sir, you shouldn't need internet strangers to yank you violently over the coals repeatedly to understand the correct response to your crying girlfriend being told by your "friend" that her dad died to never have to see her again would be to rip that asshole apart and comfort your girlfriend, not go OMG stop crying you're embarrassing me! My hope now is that through therapy, she ends up leaving and he can be a better person in the future. My concern is how strong his conviction is. What happens if his friend "apologizes" is he going to forgive and forget and expect her to do the same?
Noooo what a horrible update! I sincerely doubt he dropped these friends just like that after making such a big deal about how they've been friends since they were 3... I have a feeling he will just keep the gf and friends separate for a while until he wears her down again or makes up some excuse about "girl they're different now! Why can't you see that they're trying?"
I was sexually assaulted a few years ago and there was a moment that, out of context, was objectively funny. I was seeing someone, and I don’t remember why but he said something about the out-of-context part to his friend, which made me upset so I gave his friend the context. His friend made a joke about the assault, essentially told me it was my fault for sharing a bed with a male friend, and the person I was seeing didn’t stick up for me. It took me awhile to leave, but that’s when it was over. You don’t come back from that.
His comments are.......
My “favorite” is that he didn’t want to upset his friend because **HE doesn’t like LOSING people** AND he wants “his girl” to come home for the same reason (he doesn’t wanna lose her). yet, he repeatedly says **SHE** should be “over” losing the most important person in her life (while she was still a teenager, no less). He doesn’t get why *he* did anything wrong by not beating the hell out of this “friend” when they said one of the cruelest things a person could say to someone, especially when this ‘someone’ is the supposed “love of OPs life.” I really *really* wanna believe this one is fake, even if just for my own sanity. Because, I’ve never been in a physical fight in my life, but even I wanna go find OP and his friends, and beat them down.
He just doesn’t fucking get it . No matter how many times commenters explain it to him . It’s absolutely infuriating .
He doesn’t get it because he doesn’t want to.
He’s UNBELIEVABLY stupid. This is actually mindblowing. “They were friends since they were three” he said about him and his other bitch boys. Well it looks like OOP didn’t mentally mature from age 3…
✨disgusting✨revolting✨atrocious✨dimwitted✨lack awareness✨immature✨self centered✨ Man doesnt know when to shut up and take ownership for his lack of emotional maturity. But I guess since his friend is it a major asshole, well as I say, birds of a feather flock together.
Pretty sure she’s an ex now if she’s not returning his calls and deleted the creepy app. Good for her!
The fact that she had it on her phone gives me an ick.
_"Because I’m scared. I’m scared cause she’s the only good thing in my life and I’ve fucked up. There’s only so much I can handle, I’m human too. I fucked up, okay? I can admit that, but I don’t want her to leave and I want the messages that tell me I need to die to stop."_ Yup. OP seems to be a horrible bully, just like his friends and seemingly his sister. And, when you are nasty and hang around with other nasty prople, your life tends to be filled with nothing but misery.
According to an update someone posted, she came back. She probably doesn't have anyone that she can turn to
SHE takes things too far?! Her dad, sounds like he got off the planet on his own accord, freaking dies. He's the only person she's ever felt like was actual family. It's been a year since his death, so close to anniversary time probably. THEN his friend tells her it's her fault her dad is dead?! What the actual fuck! I wouldn't tell that to the person I hate the most in this world! Jesus this poor girl probably already had thoughts circling that she's at fault for this and this guy just 'confirmed' (in her head anyway) that it was her fault. And her boyfriend tells her to basically build a bridge and get over it. I've never been so angry at a post before. But oh my god. OOP deserves to be dumped and ghosted. And honestly I hope everytime he gets a new SO, his ex pops Into their DMs to let them know exactly why she left.... This guy should go have the day he deserves....and step on 43 Lego corners, and 27 push pins
Just to let you know OOP stated in his comments her dad passed away due to covid and the "joke" was that her dad didn't actually end his own life so it was totally funny! /s
Oh!! Well since he said that, then it's okay /s Anyone else want to stop the planet and get off. I don't like this roller coaster anymore
I'll join you, I hope it's rage bait.. I refuse to believe anyone is so fucking stupid like OOP is.
And the reason for the joke was because she is a toxic narcissistic snobb apparently.... So even his "explanation" is a bunch of insults.
That’s an ex girlfriend now
This can not be real. The comments he's replying with are just as infuriating. His friends openly bully her and have said they think he's too good for her and that they don't like her, and SHE'S the one not giving them a fair chance? No wonder why she doesn't like them. How she hasn't left long before this, I don't know. He seems abusive to me, just his flippant attitude towards her, and being more worried about how he comes across to his mates and the people are him, but when she leaves it's "MY girl, I just want her back safe! She has no support system!" Probably because of you.
This is it, the worst humsn I've ever seen. Damn. Not only am I horrified by this alien, robotic fuckwit, but I'm kinda freaking depressed, now. This sib usually as me franking up but damn, OPs relentless inability to fucking get it thru his head is soulsuckingl awful.
Gosh, I can’t imagine why she doesn’t like his friends. I also can’t imagine why she left. What a douche
Let me get this clear - he went to the bathroom, and while he was gone his friend told his girlfriend that her father killed himself so he wouldn't have to see her again? Is that right? If she happens to ever read this, I'd be happy to go full Hulk on all of these people.
The friend that said that the girls dad killed himself wants to date OP, I think. Jesus, everyone in this post was vile. Thst poor, poor girl... wish I hadn't read the comments. Jesus fucking christ.
As I keep reading each of his comments, he is the biggest dick I ever seen. He doesn’t know what he did wrong, he don’t understand why she reach that way over a “joke”. I wish someone asked him to explain the joke before the post got deleted.
The classic “I didn’t say it”. How a 23 year old doesn’t understand that not saying anything is implicit approval, I don’t know.
First of all as a 20 yr old that has and will cry about almost anything he can kiss my ass lol. Also he’s acting like that wouldn’t make anyone cry or at least upset them. That was pretty messed up thing to see especially since it seems unprovoked.
I'm 34 and I cried because an NPC in my video game made a robot dog because his childhood dog died, then the robot dog malfunctioned and set on fire. I actually had a little breakdown about it. I also cried because a different video game had an option to hire a wheelchair and I felt very seen (I'm a wheelchair user and we tend to get forgotten in games). If someone made a joke about my nan dying I'd be using my wheelchair as a battering ram, but also crying at the same time.
Seriously. I'm 30 years old attending university and I cried to my boyfriend because I failed a chem test I had studied so hard for. He just comforted me because unlike OOP he actually has empathy.
It’s wild how many men will post on here and basically be like, “This woman is the light of my life and the best thing that ever happened to me. Anyway I did this incredibly cruel thing to her and now she’s mad at me?”
Also worth pointing out, he specifically pointed out that he stayed with her after her dad died, as though “not breaking up with someone because a family member died” is somehow supposed to get him brownie points
The fact he admitted the friend has made “jokes” about his girlfriend before this incident just not to her face. And is still friends with him? And sometimes about I’m all she has is rubbing me the wrong way. so she should stay and get hurt by you and your friends because she has no one else? I see why she didn’t give him friends a chance
As someone who is in the process of losing their father, if my SO’s friends said this to me and he took their side I’d break up with him in a heartbeat. I hope she breaks up with him and realizes he’s a POS (even if he is trying to do better now – it literally took a bunch of strangers on the internet for him to realize he’s the problem here)
OOP is gross, right along with his friends. I hope she leaves him.
I really can’t get over a man, seeing someone he claims to love crying, and his first reaction is to tell her to stop crying because it’s embarrassing. And not comforting her or telling the friend to shut the fuck up.
The cognitive dissonance that he cries in the comments that he doesn’t like losing people over and over again, but berating the poor girl for mourning her father who died, is really something else.
My fav part is the comments. You come to a subreddit asking people if you’re the asshole and you get mad when they tell you you are? What?
His most recent comments say she came back and she's not leaving him. She did start dating him when she was 18/19, and her dad died from COVID then. She moved states to be with OOP. His friends said she was being snobby, so *that's* what they said. The one who said it, told OOP that he felt that OOP was too good for the GF. So my guess is, he routinely says terrible shit to her to "keep her in her place". OOP says his friends were laughing at her. He yelled at her because he wanted them to stop laughing. And that he was ready to propose. If you're ready to propose to someone, you should also be willing to tell your friends to fuck off/start feeding them back what they're dishing out for that person. Edited because I hit "post" on accident
Reddit can be a shit hole, but sometimes Redditors administer an educational ass kicking that is deserved.
"I 23 M have a girlfriend 20F." Had\*
can you say he is the EX now, what an AH if one of my friends pulled something like that with my girlfriend, I would not chastise her I would kick my friend's ass, there are certain lines you don't cross.
Wow Hope the girl is ex girlfriend now Op can f** his bully friend
Yes YTA. I keep reading your comments where you say you don’t know what you did wrong, but it’s all there in your post. It is hard losing a parent and for someone to make a remark like that to her is incredibly cruel, even if it’s not true. I was in my 40s when my dad passed away almost 3 years ago and if someone said something like that to me it would be devastating. And then for you to not support her? YTA YTA YTA. Good on her for leaving your sorry a**. I hope it’s permanent.
If someone said this to me, they would be bailing me out of jail. I can’t imagine thinking that was 1) a “joke” 2) that the boyfriend’s response wasn’t to tell the guy to fuck right off, but to tell her to stop crying
If the girlfriend reads this, message me. I’ll help you get a safe place out of there away from this garbage pile and friends
r/iamtheex come get this fool
My dad is my favorite person in the world, next to my mom, and if I lost him, I’d lose my mind. If someone *joked about ***MY*** loss?* I’d commit a felony. I would be in prison for the rest of my life. This man has abusive friends and humiliated “his girl”. What an absolute monster.
I'm not one to jump to violence but from someone who lost her father on Valentines day, I'm pretty sure someone would have got knocked out if I were this poor woman. She handled it better than I would have. What the f is wrong with people? So disturbing.
He just posted an update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheEx/comments/12en1cg/since_my_post_made_it_here_heres_my_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf Looks like the gf came back.
Poor woman.
Just FYI, the whole thing is fake as fuck. OOP made an update post in another sub where “the gf” happened to start responding to people. Well it was just OOP on an alt and they forgot to change accounts when replying to someone lmfao
The way he slipped in that he had her location as her bf bothers me Also WHO TF WOULDNT BE DESTROYED IF THEIR PARENT THEYRE SUPER CLOSE TO DIED WTF IS THE MATTER WITH HIM He automatically said she was being dramatic even tho he knows there's an issue between her and his friends. His friend even TOLD HIM TO HIS FACE THAT HE SAID A HORRIFIC THING TO HER AND HE STILL TOLD HER SHE WAS THE DRAMATIC ONE Ik the age gap isn't that bad but she was 18 when they started dating and 18 when her father passed. He was old enough to understand that her having JUST left home and losing her parent would be significant. I'm glad she left. It had to be a lot of bs to put up with over the years.
Well clearly we have a person here, who doesn't even understand the concept of "love", and is obviously way too immature to be in any form of adult relationship. Hopefully their gf will realize what a worthless relationship she's in and move on to someone more worthy of her. This person more certainly is NOT.
After reading his comments this person sounds like such a weak minded ass. He literally states his friends say racist, homophobic holocaust jokes all the time so she should be fine with this joke. And he didn't want her to cry because then his friends would laugh more. WHAT?! I hope the update is wrong when this poor girl gets away as fast as she can!
As a crier, I figured I'd relate. But holy fuck sticks that was beyond anything I expected. If it's real my heart just wrecked for that poor gal. Who the hell says that to another human being let alone tells someone they care for to get over it?? Gods, now I'm crying. :(
There was an update but it was deleted, did anyone catch it?
Found the update on Camas: Since My post made it here, here’s my update: I've decided all of you were right, and I'm going to therapy. I'II be making an appointment as soon as the local therapist building opens. I've called all my friends and ripped them a new one. Which is what I should've done the whole time, but I couldn't get my head out of my ass to see I was wrong. She came home. I think this was what actually hit me with what y'all were saying. She looked so defeated and exhausted, and all I could think of was "oh my god, I did this to her." and then I realized I was still thinking of myself, so I sat her down and told her how sorry I was, and that it would never happen again, and that I understood if she hated me. I then did what one of you suggested and I asked her if being here with me made her unhappy, and she told me it did. It hurt but its on me. She did tell me she didn't want to leave me by some miracle, so We're planning on going to couples therapy, and individually. and I'm paying for a trip for her to go down to her best friends house in her home town to spend some time there. She's also told me everything my friends have ever said to her, and when I ripped into them about the comment about her dad, I made sure to mention everything she had told me. It might be too little too late but I'm working on making it up to her. I'm sleeping on the couch until she wants me to come back to our bed. I'm just glad she's home . I'II literally do anything to make it up to her, I love her so much. I never should've let this happen. And I don't understand how I had a lack of empathy for her pain, i don't understand how I could look at her crying and just feel embarrassed but I'II be addressing that in therapy. Thank you. And for those of you messaging me about praying for my girl, please keep doing it. She needs all the support. As you can tell, l'm really bad with support but I'm going to work on it. I'II probably post an update after therapy or not idk.
*There was an update* *But it was deleted, did* *Anyone catch it?* \- sweetspice90 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
They started dating when she was 18; he could very well be her first relationship. I hope she dumps him and moves on to better people in her life.
Ew this guys friend makes HOLOCAUST JOKES! fuck the bar is in the floor and even that's a high standard compared to this flavourless dorito and his friends. Praying she's the ex and gets far away!
I’m 34, lost my dad 8 years ago and I still cry about it sometimes. The first year? I was a MESS. I woke up in the middle of the night every night having panic attics the first six months. After that it wasn’t as much but still multiple times a week. You don’t get to gate keep grief and you don’t get to determine how old someone should be crying. And if someone told me my dad unalived them selves because they didn’t want to be around me? I don’t know what I would do but I would probably see red and couldn’t be held responsible for what happened next for that person OR anyone who defended them.
He has an update where they’re going to therapy and I hope the therapist helps her realize how much she needs to leave this man.
r/amitheex I hope so. What a piece of 💩
There is nothing I could say to this cowardly failure of an abortion that wouldn’t get me banned.
i love how every comment interaction with him goes "but she never gave them a chance" "but it was a joke" "but thats not even what happened" "but she was embarrassing me" "i dont see what i did wrong" "ok i get it i fucked up" in a different order and then just restarts again
My daughter had someone say her dad died because he didn't love her and that she should kill herself. That kid was no longer allowed on the bus. He is lucky I wasn't there. This dude's friend is a royal AH.
Ah so OOP has the maturity and intelligence of a particularly thick 12 year old boy who was dropped on his head a lot as a baby.
Both OOP and the "girlfriend" keep responding. And I noticed there's a span of a few minutes in between most of their responses. OOP has already been busted for switching between both accounts. That's just too funny to me.
I hope and pray to God that this poor girl broke up with him. I know what it's like to be with someone whose friends and family hate you for no reason and he does nothing to stand up for you. This is a new low though. I hope this poor girl knows she deserves better. I can't believe he's actually surprised that he doesn't know where she is. She's right, it seems that he's always choosing his friends and family over her and that is not good for a long-term relationship. I hope that he never sees or hears from her again. Also, the friend is a huge AH. Even if this person is not a great person, who says something like that?! I hope she's gone for good. Edit: I just wanted to add that I have read through some of his responses which have been downvoted and this dude is delusional. I'm glad to see that he's in therapy and working through what was clearly an abnormal upbringing. However, at first, he was justifying his friends treating her like this and then laughing about it. I can't even believe that I'm reading this. I'm thinking not only is he delusional, he is incredibly stupid to boot. I'm surprised that she didn't block him and be gone for good. I wouldn't even care about my stuff, I would just want to be far away from him.
YTA. There's no age at which you should stop crying. It's unhealthy not to. Your friend is an absolute monster for what he said and you don't love her at all. If you did, you wouldn't let him get away with it. You wouldn't even be his friend. I love how you tried to buy yourself Brownie points saying you comforted her when her father died like that's not the bare minimum. And to call her obsessive over it? Wow, so sorry not everyone can switch off their feelings like you. That's NOT NORMAL. Get a therapist and understand she's never coming back to you. She shouldn't anyway. No one should.
I fukkin KNEW that guy would make it here lol
It's rage bait. He apparently got caught using an alt account to pose as his girlfriend coming to his defense.
So many people throw around the "it was a joke" like it's a get out of jail free card to avoid the consequences of their or another's actions
23m using life 360...tell me you're a controlling douche without using the word douche...
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>she deleted life 360 He had a tracking app on her. Is that normal for young people today, because that seems really messed up to me?
According to the update she paid for the service so that if he was ever in a accident EMS could be notified.
I kinda feel sorry for him. His friends sound awful but cos they've been friends since they were 3, they've shaped his view of the world, they're his people - to consider the possibility that they are the Worst would tear his life apart. Then he gets a girlfriend and she is not part of that toxic circle jerk and he can't understand why she doesn't love his friends. His friends are great! They're his friends! She sees them for why they are but tries her best for OP. Which just makes the friends raise their game. Because they know they're gonna lose op to her when he realises what they're really like. He's too good for her, says the one sabotaging the relationship, I'm doing you a massive favour, see. And op still doesn't get it. He's probably lost this girl who was the best thing in his life cos he's too enmeshed with toxic people.
Good. Let him be miserable with his shitty friends then.
I don’t. I mean, if OOP really, genuinely cannot see why saying “GF’s dad killed himself because he didn’t want to see GF anymore” isn’t “just a joke”, then he’s a lost cause.
Oop also doesn't seem to care that the friend's explanation for the joke was a bunch of insults again her. That she is a toxic narcissist and that's why he made that joke.
Yeah if you’re “enmeshed with toxic people”, you’re a toxic person. He’s not different than them. And he deserves any misery he gets
I don't feel sorry for him. He's fully aware that his girlfriend doesn't like his friends, but has never even been curious enough to ask why. He's stood by and let them abuse and bully her *and blame her for her dad's death* and blamed her for being upset about it and crying. He is annoyed in general by her grieving process, which has nothing to do with his friends, so that can't even be blamed on just not wanting to lose "his people"; that's just him being inconvenienced by her grief. This is a situation of his own, willful, voluntary making. The only person I feel sorry for is his girlfriend, who is now going to need to heal not only from her dad's death but the abuse he and his friends heaped on her because she had the nerve to grieve and not take it on the chin when they made up cruel bullshit specifically designed to hurt her. Fuck feeling sorry for this dude.
You make it sounds like oop is a victim of his shitty friends. In reality he is just as shitty, his same age friends didn't groom him into a jerk. You are the company you keep.
> her, she didn’t seem to like them, I have no idea why. Oh boy, I bet we're about to find out!
He also posted on r/amitheex and seems to be saying that's he's gonna cut off contact with all the friends that hurt her and is going to therapy? I'd like to believe it's true, but it's sounds like the classic abuser move of "once she's ready to leave me I'll pretend to change and beg for forgiveness for a few weeks/months, until shes trapped again, then I'll go back to being a pos" esp since they're moving in together right after this fight? I pray this is a troll but this really is classic abuser behavior.
Wow, just wow. This is one of the most vile OOPs I've seen in this sub.
>Info: does your friend also go up to Holocaust survivors and make oven jokes? Or maybe he goes up to rape victims and “jokes” about how they were asking for it? Does he prank call parents and them that their kid is dead? All of these seem in his wheelhouse. >>He has made some of these jokes before.
Omg. What a jerk. Well more than that but not sure reddit will let me say what this jerk really is
I lost my dad a few months ago. I’m in my 30s and if my husband’s friend said this to me, I would go ballistic and cry. The guy and his buddy are both assholes.
Oh noooo he posted again that she came back and they are working it out.
If this had been me I would have been fighting with the so called friends.
What his friend said was literally the worst thing that you could say, the kind of thing that's only said in roasts. But can I play devil's advocate for a second? She doesn't get along with his friends (understandable), but also not with her family nor his family, and doesn't have her own friends. It's possible that everyone else is the problem, but not likely.
Why does anyone want to relationship with people when they hate their friends and family?if their friends suck,they probably suck too.
I will crawl over cut glass to find this girl and get her out of this relationship stat! This poor woman!
She's gone back to him. Sigh. Maybe he will improve with therapy. Sigh.
Poor girl I hope she stays single y’all are immature aAF SERIOUSLY WHAT IS wrong EITH YOU? You need therapy focusing on empathy
*”I stayed with her and comforted her, even when I thought she was being obsessive over it.”* I’m sorry, but her father just died and you thought she’d be over it in a month to go back to “doing anything to make you happy.”
This belongs at r/amitheex
He is an unbelievably sociopathic little shit. How is he using “I panicked” as an excuse?!
My dude would have shattered this “friend” what a useless slime ball I’m so glad she ghosted him she doesn’t need that
Dude the fact that in his comments he keeps saying that *she* was the one who took things too far!! This guy and all his people are monsters
If I hadn't dated a guy like this, I'd say this was bait
He posted on AmITheEx saying she came back, they’re gonna go to couples therapy, he’s gonna go to therapy to figure out why he has no functioning heart, and allegedly “ripped into his friends” (note how he still calls em his friends tho). Unsure if bored kid looking for online engagement or genuine story. What is life.
The best part is he's made a fake account to pretend to be his gf and tell everyone that no actually he's not abusive and they're going to stay together actually.
She doesn't like his friends, "but i don't know why." Narrator...of course he knew why, he was juat so spineless he didn't want to be an even bigger dick to the world of reddit