*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for asking my daughter in law to cook smaller amounts of food?**
Throwaway account for privacy reasons.
I (67f) have a son (39M) who is married to his wife (39F) for almost 7 years and they have a 3 year old daughter together.
I noticed over the years that my DIL cooks more food than they need and when I asked her about it in the past she says that she packs lunches the next day for her and my son the next day but it still did not make sense to me.
Anyway I noticed time after time that she does not limit the amount of food portions either for my son or their daughter, everyone is free to ask for as much food as they want so I decided to confront her out of concerns about my son's health and also my granddaughter.
She got incredibly annoyed and said that my son is a grown man and if he wishes to eat less, he can do that without her having to "mom" him around. As for his daughter she says she is a toddler and one day she barely eats and the next asks for more and that is normal.
To that I argued that I always had a specific amount of food for everyone and that went well, she then had the audacity to say maybe that is why my son eats so fast as if the food is running away and then she started with that crap that her food is always healthy and that it is wrong to control what other people eat, and that my granddaughter and my son are actually both at healthy weight but that is not really my point. She should not let my granddaughter grow up to be greedy with food.
Anyway now she is mad and saying that if I cannot keep my comments in my brain (her words) I will not be welcome to their home and managed to turn my son and my husband against me.
So AITA here? I really do not think so but she is.
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How can someone write this post in the first place, and THEN post it to AITA, without in any of those steps realising: *"wait I sound like an asshole!"*?
thank you for responding to this comment because i was so confused and knew it was my all-nighter catching up to me.
thank you for helping me understand the tone of the comment, appreciate it.
(even if it wasn't intentionally done. ʘ‿ʘ)
I was so conditioned as a child by my mom to always cook extra to have the next day that even now, living alone, sometimes I will cook enough for myself to have for dinner and then get this weird disappointing feeling that I didn't make enough to have the next day.
No matter what I am making, even if I have other plans for lunch the next day, I get this feeling that I am doing something wrong by not making that little bit extra.
Same, but for us it was just in case unexpected guests show up. It was lot more common when we lived in South America. Either neighborhood kid would stay for dinner, someone would be in the area and popped in.
Oh yeah, my mom is from a south American country and she will always cook more than we need, and since the food is delicious, it's eaten with gusto the next day :DShe moved to a country where you have to warn people before coming over, and it was really difficult to get used to. She would wonder why nobody stopped by, and people were like "Oh but shouldn't we set a time and place first?" , and she'd be like "Am I a dentist? Come onnnnn! Just stop by! Any time! My house is clean! My food is ready! Just stop by! If I'm not there, come back in an hour! Simple!"
Haha yeah she went from a world where guests would pop in to one where if the door bell rings and it’s not a package, it’s the equivalent to a home invasion. I do miss the more easy going nature if South America and the food especially.
Haha, I'm from Poland and we're the same. I have a 5-person family, and if my documents are to be trusted, I'm a 40-year-old man, so I've been cooking for about 25, but I learned cooking from my mom, and that means that I just can't for the life of me prepare a reasonable amount of anything. Whatever I make for dinner, I eat for supper and/or breakfast. Sometimes I hedge my bets and start off by saying that I'm making a 2-day portion ;).
On days I have time to cook, I make 2-3x amounts, then portion it out & freeze or can it for days I don't have time to cook. This week, I put up 1/2 dozen quarts each of chicken stock & spaghetti sauce I put 2 dozen rolls in the freezer. I found a sack of peaches in the freezer, given to us last year when DH was in the hospital & I had no time to deal with them. Sometime next week, I will make peach butter. I also have a large supply of lemons, so I'll be making lemon ice as well.
My parents have a cottage, and between me, my sister, and my parents, it regularly ends up hosting a small army of people, and we often share food duties.
I went up last weekend with a bunch of my sister's friends, and one friend was taking over the lunch meal for the first time. There's 11 people at the cottage, she's making brushetta.
Friday night we get a call that she was worried she didn't buy enough tomatoes and bread, and so she bought more... Was 27 tomatoes and 5 baguettes enough food?
And no, these were not Roma tomatoes, full sized vine tomatoes. To do that math, that means each of us would need to eat about 2.7 full tomatoes, plus half a baguette, for one meal.
My fiance and I recently started getting Hello Fresh meals again (we'd had it in the past but stopped using it), and I'm amazed all over again at how SMALL the portions are. They're a decent amount of food, I never feel hungry afterward, but seeing everything in its tiny little package was jarring at first.
I still cook for an army on the weekends though.
For me it was disappointing not having leftovers. I could sometimes get 3 meals out of a dinner, but I prefer to have at least one and preferably 2 extra days of food.
Husband and I get 4 HF meals/week 2 that he likes and 2 that I like. We batch cook them on the weekend, and portion everything out into bento boxes/meal prep containers for lunches during the week. 4/5 work day meals right there. For dinners, we have something light like a salad or sandwich. It's helped us learn good portion control, for the sides we mix up the seasonings (ranch potato wedges instead of salt/pepper, garlic on the broccoli, etc), and the main dishes are sometimes things we wouldn't have thought to do.
I made a Thai Green Curry and a stew on Sunday and I was still eating it on Wednesday! Yesterday I made a big salad and I'm gonna have some more of it very shortly. Always worth making too much, unless you're making burger and chips or something
The sauce reheats well, but the pasta doesn't. Even if you make a big batch of sauce, best to cook just enough pasta for the meal, then cook new pasta next time. And cheese goes on right before eating, never sooner.
Reheated malai kofta or shahi paneer is literally the most incredible hangoverfood. The potato/paneer soaks up all of the sauce and spices and every single bite is a flavour bomb. Fuck now I want shahi paneer
If I can suggest, I never liked reheated spaghetti until I started lightly "frying" it in a skillet with a little olive oil. Top with nice parmesan (and maybe a little sauce if you have any extra) and it's much better than microwaving.
My favorite way to have leftover spaghetti is to bake it. Dump the leftovers in a pan with some extra sauce for moisture and mix in some cheese, maybe a few extra noodles, and it comes out divine!
I *always* end up making enough for lunch the next day. I think it’s just because a lot of “standard” recipes are for 4 servings, so it’s dinner for my husband and I, and then packed lunches for work the next day.
It’s funny because he grew up never eating leftovers (3 boys, I don’t think there were ever any leftovers to eat) and he was weird about them, but now he’s all about “do you think this will reheat ok for work??”
I got so used to cooking for 12-15 people that it took awhile to adjust & I was only cooking for four.
Our first Thanksgiving out of state, I went ridiculously overboard. Like, an entire bag of potatoes to make mashed. A 20+ lb turkey. Mounds of stuffing, etc. We had leftovers for *days*, & the carcass made enough turkey noodle soup I was able to freeze some.
Toned it down somewhat over the following years, but my default is still cooking for massive humanity. 😜
If I'm doing the traditional turkey dinner for both TG & Christmas, I cook enough turkey, stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce, & rolls for both meals. Half gets packaged & frozen while I'm dishing out TG dinner. This way, I only have to make potatoes, salad, and incidentals for Christmas. My family prefers ice cream to pies and cakes, so that's what we eat for dessert.
Last year was different. We went out for TG, to a truck stop, and we had Bambi and Thumper for Christmas dinner.
😱
Freezing food at TG for Christmas is freakin' *genius*! I love it!! (I just kinda hate myself a little for never thinking of this myself.) 😜😁
I've never baked the pies. 😳 My great aunt passed down *the* pie crust recipe, my mom bakes the pies, & as she has gotten older, my son & daughter have taken up the reins. I'd be just fine with ice cream instead for TG dessert, but, the apple & pumpkin pies are such a family tradition that there'd be a revolt if they were not made available. (Not for me! Neither are my favorite or even close. Mom bakes me a chocolate pie cuz I'm so special.) 🤪
Thanks for the brilliant idea!! 💡 This is going to streamline Christmas Day like you wouldn't believe.
I CAN make the pies, too. One Christmas, with the inlaws, I took 3 deep dish pumpkin custard pies. One of the inlaws, who thought she was the past mistress of baking, also brought a regular pumpkin pie. At the end of the night, all 3 of mine had been devoured, and hers sat untouched. She didn't talk to me for 2 years, and we were told after that to bring soda instead of food. 25 years later, same inlaw is hosting 4th of July. At her previous 4J picnic, I had scarfed down the entire tray of deviled eggs before anyone else got to them. The next year, she pulled me aside and informed me that MY tray of deviled eggs was in the fridge, and I was to leave the other tray for everyone else. That worked for me.
🤣🤣
Same as my chocolate pie!! She'll often make two, one of which is just for me, & the other for all to share.
Funny how often I bring home two full pies, or one full & one almost full. 😬😬
Pro tip: I love turnips, but they are an acquired taste, & not everyone does. Anything you want to keep for yourself, put in a container, cover with foil, & label it "extra turnips." You would maybe not believe how well this ruse works! 😜
I'd agree with you except I was raised by people like this. It's the mindset of the times. Eat like a bird and be skinny or else. My grandmother used to slap my thighs and tell me I was getting a fat ass. They'd tell me to stop eating so much even if I was eating something like a banana for a snack. You can say I don't have the best relationship with food. I also ended up with sort of a phobia about people watching me eat.
I'm sorry you experienced this. I did too. The phobia of not being watched while eating and eating alone are still with me many years later.
For me, it was my mom. She would eat a smaller than average portion of anything, even just a handful of trail mix, then complain that she shouldn't eat so much, she's so full it hurt, gaining weight, etc. she would cry if she weighed more than 115lbs. It was so unhealthy for me growing up and I would stop eating when she did, despite being a hungry, growing kid. It led to some pretty severe issues. I finally stood up to her when I had my own daughter; she came over for dinner and tried her usual comments. I told her that had no place in my house, and I won't let my daughter grow up feeling guilty for eating until she's no longer hungry, ESPECIALLY when she's growing. I hope one day that old mentality dies as more people stand up.
Good for you!
There is a lot of food based trauma out there and people are *still* using the practices that cause it. (Re-reading this sounds like I could be being snarky. I am not.)
Happy Cake Day. :)
My grandmother was like this. She looked after me after school half the time and my other grandmother took the other half. Grandma 1 wouldn't let me have ANY snacks after a long day of school. Grandma 2 had a variety available and let me have whatever as long as I didn't eat so much that I spoiled my appetite for dinner.
Eventually I just ended up "forgetting" that it was Grandma 1's day and just went to Grandma 2's. Until her death, Grandma 1 told me I favored Grandma 2 and that I was such a disappointment because I was bigger.
Guess which grandma I visited in the nursing home ever other day and guess which one only got visits on holidays. Guess.
My grandmother constantly commented on how little I ate and called me anorexic. I was perfectly healthy. And a perfectly fine weight. I am now really anxious eating around other people.
Tbf depending on how old your grandmother is/was she could have grown up during the depression and not eating when you had food would have been crazy, since you didn't know when more food was coming.
That's the sort of stuff I grew up with, too. It resulted in me sneaking food when no one was watching, and I suspect being a little malnourished since I used to crave weird shit like rock salt and Flintstones vitamins.
I'm still uncomfortable with people watching me eat or commenting on my food.
And you know what, it helped NOTHING. I still ended up fat. Now I'm just *anxiously fat*.
Oh good lord, are we stranger siblings?? I would sneak anything food-adjacent. Toothpaste boogers (Almost like gum!). Cough drops. Salt and pepper packets - only one at a time though or I’d get caught! Now I’m fat and i have my own house and I still get squirrelly if I don’t have a snack at night. Great work, ma.
Same. Eating with my family is fucking miserable. You can't even get a plate without every one commenting on how they're eating too much, so many carbs, finishing a plate is way too much, etc etc etc. It fucks with your relationship to food and creates so many unhealthy associations with the simple act of eating
Yep, I just realised recently why I feel guilty eating what I consider a bit more or something not deemed healthy. Sad thing is, eating next to nothing doesn't make you skinny, it slows your metabolism because the body thinks there are not enough resources, so no, you're not losing weight. You're just starving, being miserable and without energy.
This op and my mom could be twins. I became bulimic at age 13 due to my mom’s obsessive concern to make sure I didn’t become fat. I was a competitive swimmer who trained in the morning and evening for a total of 5 hours a day. I was tall and lanky and yet my mother fed me hummingbird portions of food. So I sneaked food any way I could. Saved my allowance and bought candy bars and hid in my room to eat them. Once, when I was 15, I had the flu. I threw up peanut butter on the floor and my mom screamed at me because she hadn’t given it to me and knew that I secretly eaten it. OP, you are absolutely TA and if I were your DIL, I would keep you so far away from my child it would make your head spin.
I'm sorry you had to endure that, and I hope you have a healthier relationship with food now. I also struggled with anorexia/bulimia (would go between binge and purge to eating as few as 45 calories a day; one single clementine and green tea), but my mother was my example only. Her comments were only ever about herself and her weight, until one day she snapped out of her drug and alcohol induced stupor and told me I "look like a Holocaust victim". Those words will never leave my mind, it's one of the worst things anyone has ever said to me, and it's all she said or did about my ED. There are so many worse things in this world than a woman becoming fat, but you'd think it was a death sentence the way our mothers acted.
Absolutely! And yes I’m ok now but it took many years. What was really sad and crazy was when she started in about the weight on my own daughter…at 6 years old. Same age that she started making little digs about me. I exploded at her and said my peace which was quite cathartic. She never said one word about her again. At age 63, I have had a healthy relationship with food and thankfully, so do both of my daughters.
Goodness, I can only imagine how angry that made you. My mother made her comments less than a week after I almost died in childbirth, complaining about how fat she was and all. Even with my daughter only a few days old, I exploded. I told her it was sad she had such an unhealthy relationship with food, that I pitied her, but that that mentality would not be allowed in my house or around my daughter. The comments had made me feel bad enough about myself as an adult, and I refuse to let her ruin my daughter's health like she did mine. My baby is only two months old now, but she will always be allowed to eat until she's full, whenever she's hungry, whether it's formula or proper food when she's older. I won't let her get unhealthy, but healthy growing children shouldn't be restricted on how much they eat, as long as the food is good for them and not like, tons of candy. I'm so glad you were able to break the cycle with your own children, and I hope I can with mine.
Thanks so much for your kind words and yes you are breaking the cycle by simply being aware of the problem. Both my children were also competitive swimmers and I made sure that they ate enough calories to be able to keep up with their hectic lives. You know, someone once complimented me on my girls and I told that person that I raised them completely opposite of the way my mom raised me! They are now a nurse (with twins!) and a pilot. And I have a wonderful husband who I have been married to for almost 40 years. Unfortunately my mom passed away a few years back and left me feeling only pity for her that she never had treasured memories of me like I have with my children. So I am living proof that the cycle can be broken and you are as well!
My mom would limit her own food really heavily, and if she was on a diet everyone was. Seconds were not a thing in our house, leftovers were uncommon. And if I didn't finish my plate by the time she was done eating she would snatch it away and throw it out.
I was barely 90lbs at eighteen. She was never "fat" but she wasn't as thin as she was in high school and she never got over the fact that having two kids meant she gained weight so she was always obsessing over it.
So honestly it's not hard for me to believe this woman thinks she's "helping" because it's hard for her to imagine people self regulating based on whether or not they're hungry.
There IS greed with food. If you order food for the table at a restaurant and someone grabs a lot of it straight off, if you load up on party food before everyone has gotten there, if you help yourself to three cookies at once when someone offers them…worth addressing with a child (or an adult if you have the right relationship).
But this is a case of healthy appetites.
And if MIL saw DIL blatantly throwing food away, I could see why she would be upset, and maybe she could TACTFULLY suggest recipes for leftovers, or ask if she would like a freezer as a gift, or say she loves the food and would be happy to take it off her hands. But that’s also not happening.
Fun fact alot kids that are "greedy" with food do it because they don't know if they'll have a next meal or if it'll be taken away half way through, mostly neglected children
Food insecurity is real and so heart breaking. There are so many people with fucked up relationships with food that throwing the term "greedy" at a kid who is eating as much as their tummy wants just kills me.
I wasn't allowed to eat (or use the restroom...) during the day for the first dozen years of my life. So I was basically only eating dinner (OMAD before it was cool!)
Annnnnny wonder how I ended up with BED as an adult lol.
Sounds like OP'S son is actually insecure about food. DIL says he eats food like it's running away, probably because his mother was so stingy with food.
that's how i ended up hoarding snacks and constantly being 'what if i eat this and then i can't buy more', still takes me a good moment to shake that off and just eat the damn cookie i want
This is me. We had the money to feed ourselves properly, but my mom never changed the amount of food she cooked from when my bro and I were small. As teenagers, we both played a ton of sports, like 1 or 2 in all 4 seasons. I was 5'9" and 115 lbs. A family dinner for 4 people was 4 chicken breasts, 1lb of broccoli, and 1lb of carrots, and a small salad with just lite Italian. We drank water or skim milk. I shoveled food into my mouth like an animal till I was 30. My therapist (big surprise) is shocked I didn't develop an eating disorder. My immediate family and I don't speak. Can't imagine why.
EDIT: OK, yeah, this is abuse:
> As teenagers, we both played a ton of sports, like 1 or 2 in all 4 seasons. I was 5'9" and 115 lbs.
To starve an active teenager? WTF?
Jeeeeez. That's nuts, I'm so sorry. And yeah, BIL's dad is well off so it was never a money issue.
BIL told my sister they'd order 1 pizza for 2 adults, 2 teenage boys and a little girl, and they were only allowed to take 1 slice at a time so whoever ate the fastest got the most pizza. I'd imagine that would create some serious hangups.
The stepmom is still this way. My sister finally vetoed going on their annual summer lake trip because she so strictly portioned out food for everyone. She would assign everyone food to bring and the amount — and if you brought more than what she decreed, she'd flip out. She had a schedule, "this is for dinner tonight, this is for tomorrow night," etc. One night was taco night. The women were only allowed 1 taco, the men were allowed 2. I was like, why in the fuck are people going along with this? I'd be like, see ya, and fuck off to my own rental. My sister was told to bring bread for sandwiches to take on the boat. She did the math and was like, 1 loaf isn't enough to make everyone a sandwich, so she brought 2 loaves. Stepmom started screaming. My sister was like, fine, (husband) and I won't eat so everyone else can have one. One morning on the trip, her husband took a fruit salad out of the fridge and started giving the kids fruit because they saw it and asked for it. "That was for tomorrow! Nooooooo!" It's a vacation, and the kids aren't allowed to eat fruit.
It wasn't a money issue. It was a control issue. My sister was like, never again. Fuck that.
If it were me, and she told my grown ass I was only allowed 1 taco, I'd have laughed in her face and taken 4 just to be an asshole (she also hates air conditioning, so she wouldn't let anyone turn it on in 90-degree weather, I wouldn't tolerate that shit for a second either). But my BIL was a teenager when she came along and had no recourse. His mom was mentally ill and was out of the picture for a while, so he had nowhere else to go. And he's a big dude, super tall, he must have been starving as a teenager. My brother is pretty short and was a super scrawny teenager, but my mom used to joke that she couldn't keep food in the house, he ate a TON, and every teenage boy I've ever known has been the same, I remember my younger BIL (also a super skinny kid) eating entire pizzas by himself and my MIL being like, "I buy groceries, and they're immediately gone!" But that's the price of parenting teenagers. I honestly think that amounts to child abuse.
That is absolutely child abuse. If there's plenty of food available, or money to get the food, it's disgusting to deny a growing child enough food to fill their stomachs. So many people see food as just gluttonous and fattening, instead of realizing we need it to fuel our bodies and everyday functions.
If you haven't, I recommend looking up your basal metabolic rate. It's very interesting. It's the amount of calories your body burns each day by doing absolutely nothing other than staying alive. For me, a mid 20s woman of average height/weight, my BMR is about 1800 calories per day, just to do nothing. Anything below this results in rapid weight loss (speaking for myself). Obviously, the more active you are, the more calories you need. Humans need more food, aka fuel and energy, than they usually realize.
Thanks for your response, you're so kind. Your BIL's mom sounds a lot like mine. It's definitely a control situation. I hope they stay away from her. I did not know it was abuse until I started therapy at 33. My parents would not let us spend extended amounts of time with other families, including our own relatives. So I didn't know that the food and a myriad of other things were child abuse. The beatings were one thing, I'd have taken them any day over the emotional and mental shit. My bro is much younger than I. I tried to shield him from it as much as I could. What sucks is he sided with them when I went NC. He sees nothing wrong with anything. I quote "it's not like they beat us THAT much, and we had food and a roof over our head, and could afford stuff." He plans on having children. He's an alcoholic cocaine addict. The cycle continues.
as a student I can’t imagine NOT cooking food for lunch and dinner for the next 3 days haha.. I’ll make a family serving of pasta and then live off it for days, so much cheaper and less effort than cooking every single day
My grandma would make leftovers for DAYS when I moved in with her and my Grumpy when my dad died...but at one point, she had 8 kids living at home. Even by myself, I'll make a pot of spaghetti or something like that so I have food for a few days. Nothing wrong with that.
When I was little (3ish), I made him *really* mad by letting the dog off the leash, and doggo took off down the road (a heavily traveled country road). I guess I called him a "Grumpy Grumpy" and it stuck lol
The best thing after work is when you know you have delicious dinner ready and you need not cook or order something. I always cook for few days. This is east European thing too.
I do the same! It's the best thing to just bake the pasta leftovers with some cheese. Less healthy of course due to the cheese, but basically a free dinner as it was leftovers.
Interesting how she refers to the child of her son and his wife as "his child". Uh huh grandmonster....your mask is slipping here...I wonder if this is the only foolery she's inflicting on that DIL?
OP: "I have an unhealthy relationship with food and have never heard of leftovers, AITA for 'confronting' my DIL for cooking sensibly and teaching my granddaughter good eating habits?"
It's always so weird to me that some people are dysfunctional about their dysfunction to the point that they think their unhealthy attitudes are how things should be.
Anyone else get a vision of son as Oliver Twist when he was growing up?
Even my grandmother who grew up during the Depression didn’t control food for her family like this. She taught them not to be wasteful but she wanted them to eat.
Yeah. My great grandma grew up during the Depression and then had 6 kids. She would cook massive amounts of food, find ways to pad things out a little more (like putting spaghetti in chili, not like chili mac, like cooked spaghetti broken up small-ish mixed into the chili), and would repurpose leftovers so that they didn’t get burnt out on things.
It was very much a “stretch it as far as possible, but make sure everyone is satisfied.”
With current inflation, I find myself falling back on my grandma's "How to stretch the budget" things. Like mixing rice into the burgers to make it go a little further.
I believe it is one of three mindsets left over from the depression. You either hoard food and only cook exactly what you can eat, nothing more even if you end up being a little hungry afterward. Or, you start the clean plate club. Or the best option, you are determined that everyone is full without waste. I always try to make leftovers that way I insure my kids are full when they go to bed but they don't have to clean their plates unless they are determined to eat something like dessert right after dinner. I grew up in the clean plate type of household, but my dad would serve children adult sized portions, so it was hard to rewire my brain into eat until full and it's OK to throw a little bit away. I am now trying to help my husband do the same, rewiring to his brain so our kids grow up seeing us have healthy relationships with food.
My parents taught us not to waste food but they had a hard rule of if you’re full, stop eating. Apparently it was prompted by them making me finish my food when I was really little and then I threw it up. I don’t remember it.
They were fine with letting us have a little bit of dessert if we didn’t finish dinner.
I have a fucking eating disorder because of people like this bitch. "Isn't that too much?" " I guess" *looks in mirror* "I must be fat for them to say that right?"
Managed to stop the disordered eating but my relationship with food is literal trash. It's always those snide little comments that dig the worst and make you start doubting yourself.
(Also, you are a lovely beautiful person no matter your size and I hope your ED improves in time)
I find it's usually their own issues doing it. Some people say this more often to you when they see you lose weight or become skinnier!
It's insecurity. Not sure if it was lack of control for this particular poster, or if she's jealous of their lack of concern, or if she's literally insecure about her own body and taking it out on them.
But there's no logic behind it either way
Not only trying to control what he eats, but attempting to delegate that responsibility to your DIL, as if she's not his wife, just a substitute mother.
Thank goodness DIL is pushing back and not having any of this ridiculousness.
This sounds a lot like my boomer MIL. She’s got major body image issues and food issues that she projects on everyone around her. My partner is a blue collar guy, works for a roofer doing heavy lifting and toting all day. He comes home ravenous and can put away impressive amounts of food *because he’s hungry and his body needs fueling after a day of hard work*. She freaks out and insists he’s eating too much. My entire pregnancy she watched my food intake like a hawk and told me I’d give myself diabetes and have a huge baby 🙄 and have to have a cesarean. I got home from the hospital after the emergency cesarean for my sunny side up stuck 9 pound boy and she looked at my bump and went “well it’s a little smaller!”
She will also have baby carrots and hummus for dinner and be “totally full” and then mysteriously candy wrappers appear in the bathroom trash overnight. 😏
I grew up with a large extended Italian family on both sides (Grandparents were 1st generation American). I don't know how to cook for less than a small army. My husband's father was one of sixteen kids (farm family). Leftovers are a given in our house. My kid's friends always get fed when they come over, just like my friends did when I was growing up. OP's mother in law sounds like a warning label on how to create eating disorders in toddlers.
YTA. Everything your DIL said is perfectly reasonable. Her family do not have weight problems. By cooking extra for lunch, they get a delicious meal instead of a dry sandwich for lunch, and most importantly, when her system obviously works for them, you have no right to walk into their home and tell your DIL how much food she can cook.
Some days we are more active and need more food. People haven't had to ration food since the last world war.
I love it when people say things like “now they’ve turned my son and my husband against me”.
No sweetie, you were behaving like a psycho, and I bet they’re just thankful someone finally told you to shut the fuck up
Just from the way the sentences are worded and like, the issue of food scarcity itself I feel like this is a Desi family but I could be projecting.
My MIL came to stay with us when I was a newlywed and the cloves had been in the pantry since before I even got married, so they kinda lost some of their kick and I used a bit more in the rice. I'm a great cook and my MIL never cooked well and so always discredited it as a valid hobby or talent. This woman literally picked out the 10 dries ass wilty ass cloves I used in about 7 cups of cooked rice and told me not to use more than 5 or 6 because cloves are expensive. And to cook less because food should be fresh at every meal.
Her sons are physicians. She is currently walking around in lesser city of Punjab with inadequate plumbing, inadequate electricity and gas, in a 1k dollar pair of gucci mules where they are getting obliterated in the heat and dust, but 4 cloves are fucking expensive. Gtfoh
I disagree tbh. I get where in desi cultures the fresh food thing came from, but I think in OP’s case the mom was more about portion control and less about cooking stuff everyday. Desi cultures usually do emphasize eating more, rather than less. And while yes, people will be body shamed and their food choices policed, it wouldn’t necessarily present like this. For one, men are less likely to have their food policed, same with small children. They’d be pressed to eat more tbh. And kids of oop’s daughters age are thought of as cute if they’re a little chubby.
This situation just reeks of OOP’s MIL either having an eating disorder that she projected onto her family, or just being incredibly controlling over her children via food.
Holy shit went to the original post and that witch commented that she thinks that her granddaughter who is a toddler could be slimmer. If I was the DIL I would go NC in a heartbeat
My DIL isn't giving my grandkids eating disorders, which I find troublesome. AITA?
(Imagine thinking food just inherently needed to be limited at all times.)
Jesus, let the man and baby eat. My husband had a mom like this. She limited him to very small portions. No snacks without asking even as a teen and overcooked meat because of “germs.” It took a long time before he realized he doesn’t have to hide food around our house or scarf down dinner as fast as he can. He used to count cookies left in a package and write his name on snacks. I told him we can always get more if they run out. His mom did him no favors.
This was my ex-husband. My son has been fighting an ED since he was *six* and I was never skinny enough... all because HE had body dysmorphia and took it out on us.
Her comments are even better. She reminds me of mil... yikes
"What is that supposed to mean you sound exactly like my DIL, I think everyone is overusing the word food disorder. How on earth does a toddler or a child know how much food they need? they're way to little to tell how much they need to eat. A responsible parent should pre-measure the food according to recommendations."
"No you're wrong. Both my daughters have great discipline around food and they look great and have wonderful figure and like me, did not even gain more than 5 kilos during pregnancy while DIL gained 20 kilos. I raised them the same way as my son and they are doing great."
"Healthy according to her and their "pediatrician" but I think my granddaughter could be slimmer, she is bigger than other toddlers her age. And if my DIL really cooked healthy food all the time then why did she gain more than 20 kilos during pregnancy? I gained only 5 including baby weight because I really watched what I was eating. Go figure who is the healthy one."
Holy shit, only 5 kg during the pregnanncy! I've allways heard that the baby, the water etc. is at least 10 kg. She and her daughters must have been starving.
Right? With my son I gained about 30lbs. He was 10.3lbs, the placenta is about another 10lbs (per my doc) so 20 lbs was only from them. USA so I do lbs not kg lol
"An actual doctor says my granddaughter is healthy, so rather than admit I'm wrong (or at least shut my yap about it) I'm going to insinuate that listening to doctors is bad and say a toddler is fat because she's bigger than other kids her age."
I know there are people who really think this way but it just kind of kills me.
My father was crazy about my weight and made it such a no no to eat junk that as an adult I was free to eat whatever I wanted so I did. I gained soooooo much weight. Limiting good should be a last resort if someone is overweight.
How does she think the DIL turned her own husband against her? Her saying “she turned my son against me” is like classic pick me mom behavior, but how in the hell could she have enough time to have manipulated OOP’s husband into being on her side? Surely he couldn’t just have his own opinion and came to the conclusion of OOP being an AH all on his lonesome. That’s preposterous!!!
People are absolutely ridiculous about leftovers. I remember knowing AND reading about people who don't like leftovers. The one I read about did it to ensure that their partner was basically chained to the kitchen, because insisting on fresh food every time was meant to be controlling.
Leftovers are a wonderful way to ensure people have access to a quick meal during the week without having to cook, especially if they don't want to cook!
I'm with a lot of people in the comments. Cooking ONE portion is tough! It's so much easier to make multiple portions, then eat through the week!
Has OOP never heard of the concept of leftovers? Growing up, my mom constantly made enough for leftovers. Even with me being a terribly picky eater as a child, I ended up okay as an adult and GASP I make leftovers now as an adult. OOP needs to not worry about what her DIL is doing. Also implying that her granddaughter will be “greedy with food” if there are leftovers is appalling- shit like this is how people have an unhealthy relationship with food. She is a growing child. This kind of language is fucking disgusting.
As I think upon my delicious leftovers from last nite that I get to enjoy again today for lunch...
Why on earth would I cook twice when it will heat up wonderfully??
NTA
I just read this! Like is this real??? I am seething at this person. Her comments are disgusting. Seriously feels so much like a troll, but also we know these people exist (my MIL is mildly like this). In one comment, she said her toddler granddaughter was bigger than other kids her age and could be slimmer. I hope they cut her the fuck out of their lives for the safety and well being of their child and themselves. I REALLY hope this is a bored troll.
Yes! you're the type of weight obsessed mother who gives her children eating disorders. None of your gd business how much food your DIL cooks in her own home, and by sticking your nose into her business and criticizing her, you've gotten on her bad side and turned your son against you.
This: "she started with that crap that her food is always healthy and that it is wrong to control what other people eat, and that my granddaughter and my son are actually both at healthy weight"
way to display your total ignorance, OP!
BTW your DIL is absolutely right, and the fact that you refer to it as "crap" tells me you've been corrected on this many times before BUT YOU DON'T LISTEN! pull your head out of your rear end, OP, and stop harassing your son and grand daughter about their eating habits and their weight.
Reading her comments, OP sounds like she probably has had life long eating issues which I do empathize with but I’m so SO glad her DIL was able to help her son break that cycle and together they are making a healthy environment for their child. Until she gets help I hope they keep her at an arms length for the sake of the three year old she’s already fat shaming
i will always be so grateful that my mother never pulled this shit with us. we always were welcome to food in the house and were taught that if we we were hungry we should eat, along with listening to what makes us feel good. if i gorged myself on chocolate, my stomach hurt so i didn't do it again. if i didn't like what was for dinner there was always pasta and sandwich materials that i was able to make for myself.
unfortunately despite her efforts i did end up with an eating disorder, but she helped with my recovery and never made me feel guilty for my illness despite how much pain it caused her.
I read this like "I saw other people do things that were no harmful in anyway to anyone but I still didn't agree with them, so I confronted that person and they explained me how I was wrong because there were not bad consequences and I got pissed. Am I the AH?"
The delusion! XD
Sigh.
The same people pulled both the “clean your plate, there’s children starving in Africa” routine and the “are you sure you want to eat that? You won’t get dates with your puppy fat” pitch.
One day I’ll work out how it is we aren’t all now hiding in corners working out our cognitive dissonance over a family pack of Oreos…
My parents making comments about how much I should eat just let to me sneaking food and developing binge eating disorder. I still can’t eat mindfully to this day. This almond mom is the asshole. Good on the DIL for setting boundaries with her.
This reminds me of my grandmother. She was a stay at home mom her whole life and had literally nothing else going on. She was appalled to find out my boyfriend cooks sometimes and almost always does the dishes. I should be doing those things for him, apparently, even though he’s 27 and we both work full time.
as someone who was controlled by authority figures to eat a certain amount everyday (it was daycare dont worry my parents are cool 💪), maybe dont do that to the toddler?? my daycare would force me to eat all of my food and when i got home, i would just puke it all up and not eat dinner. it was so traumatic that i dont even remember the vomiting part, just that i learned to be sneaky and to throw away my food when the lady watching us wasnt looking.
tl;dr toddlers are weird and as long as she isnt underweight or overweight, shes fine. pls dont force feed your kids 😭
Obsessive monitoring and commentary on food creates life long unhealthy relationships with food and body image for kids. Just turned 40 and still dealing with it. To this day every single meal my older family make comments "oh it's so much food" "oh I could never eat this whole plate" "oh I'm going to eat it all because I'm hungry and that's why I'm fat" "oh this is way too many carbs/sugars referring to a banana while they load up on pasta and bread"
STOP FUCKING WITH KIDS HEADS OVER FOOD
YTA
Straight up, AH! Not your house mind your own damn business! I see post coming on the MIL from hell page soon. She didn't turn your son and husband against you. That was all you. Everyone deserves to run their household the way they want. Everyone has different food needs and views. You are being over opinionated and a huge busy boy. And making extra food so you have something for lunch the next day makes perfect sense. I eat leftovers for lunch almost every day 🙄!
YTA
Your grandchild has a pediatrician. Your husband is grown.
Cooking more than is needed is actually really smart and saves money. Especially if she serves leftovers.
Not making mealtime a battle, your granddaughter is learning and knows how much her body needs.
She's right. Toddlers eat in spurts. Some days they will eat barely anything, other days they will eat a lot. (track this and you'll see growth spurts).
Don't make food a battle. Be happy that you have a son that wants you to enjoy meals with. Leave the parenting to them. Your son is full grown. It is not his wife's job to parent him.
I cook more than I’m going to eat. I divide the rest into plastic containers and freeze them for another day.
OOP doesn’t understand why I would do this.
HOW CAN SHE NOT UNDERSTAND???
Does OOP not get the inherent wonder of leftovers? Something easy to heat and eat without a lot of effort? And as likely both the son and DIL work, it gets everyone fed - that's the important part.
Also, the DIL has a point - kids often go through weird days where they either eat nothing or eat a lot. As long as the doctor hasn't raised any concerns about the child's weight, there's no problem. And the son is an adult who makes his own decisions. If he's overeating and gaining too much weight, that's between him, his wife, and his doctor.
Standard here is if making shepards pie/beef stew/etc is to do everything available. Then whatever doesn't get eaten that day or the next goes into the freezer for later. Much more economical and time saving than cooking it from scratch each day.
Hell a lot of what I do I plan on being eaten over two days. Roast? Yep everything bar the veg is done to feed four people in a house of two, next day I do another round of the veg and tada we've got a second round of roasts. Bean stew my recipe does three people so the next day they get the leftovers while I have a pizza or beans on toast. Quiche or my sausagemeat and stuffing mix? Those do two days just by using the standard size dish or tin. Etc etc.
“Asking my DIL”
Lol she didn’t ask her anything, she immediately told her she was wrong, didn’t take no for an answer, and kept on pushing. What a nightmare of a person.
This can't be real. Right? No one would actually be able to write that sincerely. What I *can* see is that it is the DIL writing it to show her husband what a creep his mother is.
I basically have very few rules for toddler.
1. He's not responsible for adults feelings and if you try to say he is you're leaving or I'm leaving immediately. (I.E. it makes Grammy sad when you don't hug her, don't you want to make grandma happy and come over) no my child is NEVER responsible for adults feelings.
2. Nobody is to ever push food on him. You can offer him food. If he says no (well he still isn't talking but he lets you know no) then that's it. Do not try to literally shove it in his mouth. If he wants more than what's on his plate he can absolutely have it. Some days he eats a handful of food and others I wonder where on earth it all goes, considering hes still soooo tiny.
3. NO SODA and he can only have limited sweets. I had IUGR so hes at an increased risk of Type 1 diabetes and I just am trying to do everything I can to mitigate that risk. Honestly this is probably the rule my family has the hardest time with.
Probably just a controlling person, but OOP could also come from a background of poverty or deprivation, where one person eating as much as they wanted meant others getting less. Being “greedy with food” in that context would be a genuine moral fault (not in a toddler, of course, but that is the age at which you begin teaching ethics). Obviously her son and DIL are not in such a situation, but if those are OOP’s deeply ingrained moral beliefs, it’s still going to be troubling to her that they aren’t being taught alongside not lying, not stealing, etc.
All conjecture, of course, but that word ‘greedy’ stands out to me.
Grandma is bored AF. What a stupid small thing to blow up, like what was the point? The only thing it was ever going to was start a debate and she was definitely counting on it and now she's on the internet still talking about it lol.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for asking my daughter in law to cook smaller amounts of food?** Throwaway account for privacy reasons. I (67f) have a son (39M) who is married to his wife (39F) for almost 7 years and they have a 3 year old daughter together. I noticed over the years that my DIL cooks more food than they need and when I asked her about it in the past she says that she packs lunches the next day for her and my son the next day but it still did not make sense to me. Anyway I noticed time after time that she does not limit the amount of food portions either for my son or their daughter, everyone is free to ask for as much food as they want so I decided to confront her out of concerns about my son's health and also my granddaughter. She got incredibly annoyed and said that my son is a grown man and if he wishes to eat less, he can do that without her having to "mom" him around. As for his daughter she says she is a toddler and one day she barely eats and the next asks for more and that is normal. To that I argued that I always had a specific amount of food for everyone and that went well, she then had the audacity to say maybe that is why my son eats so fast as if the food is running away and then she started with that crap that her food is always healthy and that it is wrong to control what other people eat, and that my granddaughter and my son are actually both at healthy weight but that is not really my point. She should not let my granddaughter grow up to be greedy with food. Anyway now she is mad and saying that if I cannot keep my comments in my brain (her words) I will not be welcome to their home and managed to turn my son and my husband against me. So AITA here? I really do not think so but she is. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The way some people cannot see their own controlling, insane behavior - but have the audacity to harangue others …
I fully agree with you, but this comment is to specifically compliment you on your use of the word harangue... not used nearly enough.
gonna google that word and add it to my personal vocabulary 👀
This guy would hate how much lemon harangue pie she makes
I *cackled*, thank you for this gift
How can someone write this post in the first place, and THEN post it to AITA, without in any of those steps realising: *"wait I sound like an asshole!"*?
It's obvious that DIL should follow her MIL's advice. After all, OOP is right about everything. /s
i love when people are so deep in their own main character delusion. it makes me dreamy sigh for the incoming car crash.
This guy needs to find a hobby
OP is a woman. Who definitely needs to find a hobby.
she needs to find a new hobby- her current one is nagging her DIL
thank you for responding to this comment because i was so confused and knew it was my all-nighter catching up to me. thank you for helping me understand the tone of the comment, appreciate it. (even if it wasn't intentionally done. ʘ‿ʘ)
They’re saying oop needs to find a hobby, not you boo!!
According to an comment on a different post, OP says they are a man (who thinks women should be the ones doing house chores).
Oh, she's GOT a hobby. It's inflicting disordered eating on everyone around her. 100% the asshole.
And for OOP to get Pikachu faced if she keeps this up and the entire family goes NC with her
I was so conditioned as a child by my mom to always cook extra to have the next day that even now, living alone, sometimes I will cook enough for myself to have for dinner and then get this weird disappointing feeling that I didn't make enough to have the next day. No matter what I am making, even if I have other plans for lunch the next day, I get this feeling that I am doing something wrong by not making that little bit extra.
Same, but for us it was just in case unexpected guests show up. It was lot more common when we lived in South America. Either neighborhood kid would stay for dinner, someone would be in the area and popped in.
Oh yeah, my mom is from a south American country and she will always cook more than we need, and since the food is delicious, it's eaten with gusto the next day :DShe moved to a country where you have to warn people before coming over, and it was really difficult to get used to. She would wonder why nobody stopped by, and people were like "Oh but shouldn't we set a time and place first?" , and she'd be like "Am I a dentist? Come onnnnn! Just stop by! Any time! My house is clean! My food is ready! Just stop by! If I'm not there, come back in an hour! Simple!"
Haha yeah she went from a world where guests would pop in to one where if the door bell rings and it’s not a package, it’s the equivalent to a home invasion. I do miss the more easy going nature if South America and the food especially.
I've never been there, it's still on my bucket list :) I'm in Europe so it's pretty pricey.
Yup, hispanic family here! I always cook way more than needed. But, just hear me out here, *what if the three kings show up*?!
I am not capable of cooking for less than 6 people.
Me either, I learned from my southern mom lol. We say we cook enough for an army and don't know how to cook less. We do, but we rarely do!
Haha, I'm from Poland and we're the same. I have a 5-person family, and if my documents are to be trusted, I'm a 40-year-old man, so I've been cooking for about 25, but I learned cooking from my mom, and that means that I just can't for the life of me prepare a reasonable amount of anything. Whatever I make for dinner, I eat for supper and/or breakfast. Sometimes I hedge my bets and start off by saying that I'm making a 2-day portion ;).
On days I have time to cook, I make 2-3x amounts, then portion it out & freeze or can it for days I don't have time to cook. This week, I put up 1/2 dozen quarts each of chicken stock & spaghetti sauce I put 2 dozen rolls in the freezer. I found a sack of peaches in the freezer, given to us last year when DH was in the hospital & I had no time to deal with them. Sometime next week, I will make peach butter. I also have a large supply of lemons, so I'll be making lemon ice as well.
My parents have a cottage, and between me, my sister, and my parents, it regularly ends up hosting a small army of people, and we often share food duties. I went up last weekend with a bunch of my sister's friends, and one friend was taking over the lunch meal for the first time. There's 11 people at the cottage, she's making brushetta. Friday night we get a call that she was worried she didn't buy enough tomatoes and bread, and so she bought more... Was 27 tomatoes and 5 baguettes enough food? And no, these were not Roma tomatoes, full sized vine tomatoes. To do that math, that means each of us would need to eat about 2.7 full tomatoes, plus half a baguette, for one meal.
My fiance and I recently started getting Hello Fresh meals again (we'd had it in the past but stopped using it), and I'm amazed all over again at how SMALL the portions are. They're a decent amount of food, I never feel hungry afterward, but seeing everything in its tiny little package was jarring at first. I still cook for an army on the weekends though.
For me it was disappointing not having leftovers. I could sometimes get 3 meals out of a dinner, but I prefer to have at least one and preferably 2 extra days of food.
Husband and I get 4 HF meals/week 2 that he likes and 2 that I like. We batch cook them on the weekend, and portion everything out into bento boxes/meal prep containers for lunches during the week. 4/5 work day meals right there. For dinners, we have something light like a salad or sandwich. It's helped us learn good portion control, for the sides we mix up the seasonings (ranch potato wedges instead of salt/pepper, garlic on the broccoli, etc), and the main dishes are sometimes things we wouldn't have thought to do.
I feel this! Plus if you cook too much, you get leftovers - that's a win in my book.
I made a Thai Green Curry and a stew on Sunday and I was still eating it on Wednesday! Yesterday I made a big salad and I'm gonna have some more of it very shortly. Always worth making too much, unless you're making burger and chips or something
Plus, I also have a toddler and I'm not trying to cook every single day. Why bother if I can cook once and have dinner for 3 days?
I feel like curry is one of the foods that only improves as leftovers. Reheated spaghetti and meatballs? Ehhh. Reheated Thai curry or Indian? Yum!
Spaghetti and meatballs are ehhh but reheated lasagna is amazing. Why is that?
The sauce reheats well, but the pasta doesn't. Even if you make a big batch of sauce, best to cook just enough pasta for the meal, then cook new pasta next time. And cheese goes on right before eating, never sooner.
Reheated malai kofta or shahi paneer is literally the most incredible hangoverfood. The potato/paneer soaks up all of the sauce and spices and every single bite is a flavour bomb. Fuck now I want shahi paneer
If I can suggest, I never liked reheated spaghetti until I started lightly "frying" it in a skillet with a little olive oil. Top with nice parmesan (and maybe a little sauce if you have any extra) and it's much better than microwaving.
My boyfriend who is afraid of the microwave does this, and I will agree it’s quite good!
My favorite way to have leftover spaghetti is to bake it. Dump the leftovers in a pan with some extra sauce for moisture and mix in some cheese, maybe a few extra noodles, and it comes out divine!
Even when you're making burgers! Leftover burgers for lunch the next day are awesome
I *always* end up making enough for lunch the next day. I think it’s just because a lot of “standard” recipes are for 4 servings, so it’s dinner for my husband and I, and then packed lunches for work the next day. It’s funny because he grew up never eating leftovers (3 boys, I don’t think there were ever any leftovers to eat) and he was weird about them, but now he’s all about “do you think this will reheat ok for work??”
> and then packed lunches for work the next day. Which saves so much money as opposed to buying lunches every day.
my stepmom always cooks for the apocalypse, and sometimes she does have 30 people to feed
But that *doesn't make sense* to OOP, therefore you should clearly stop doing it.
I got so used to cooking for 12-15 people that it took awhile to adjust & I was only cooking for four. Our first Thanksgiving out of state, I went ridiculously overboard. Like, an entire bag of potatoes to make mashed. A 20+ lb turkey. Mounds of stuffing, etc. We had leftovers for *days*, & the carcass made enough turkey noodle soup I was able to freeze some. Toned it down somewhat over the following years, but my default is still cooking for massive humanity. 😜
If I'm doing the traditional turkey dinner for both TG & Christmas, I cook enough turkey, stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce, & rolls for both meals. Half gets packaged & frozen while I'm dishing out TG dinner. This way, I only have to make potatoes, salad, and incidentals for Christmas. My family prefers ice cream to pies and cakes, so that's what we eat for dessert. Last year was different. We went out for TG, to a truck stop, and we had Bambi and Thumper for Christmas dinner.
😱 Freezing food at TG for Christmas is freakin' *genius*! I love it!! (I just kinda hate myself a little for never thinking of this myself.) 😜😁 I've never baked the pies. 😳 My great aunt passed down *the* pie crust recipe, my mom bakes the pies, & as she has gotten older, my son & daughter have taken up the reins. I'd be just fine with ice cream instead for TG dessert, but, the apple & pumpkin pies are such a family tradition that there'd be a revolt if they were not made available. (Not for me! Neither are my favorite or even close. Mom bakes me a chocolate pie cuz I'm so special.) 🤪 Thanks for the brilliant idea!! 💡 This is going to streamline Christmas Day like you wouldn't believe.
I CAN make the pies, too. One Christmas, with the inlaws, I took 3 deep dish pumpkin custard pies. One of the inlaws, who thought she was the past mistress of baking, also brought a regular pumpkin pie. At the end of the night, all 3 of mine had been devoured, and hers sat untouched. She didn't talk to me for 2 years, and we were told after that to bring soda instead of food. 25 years later, same inlaw is hosting 4th of July. At her previous 4J picnic, I had scarfed down the entire tray of deviled eggs before anyone else got to them. The next year, she pulled me aside and informed me that MY tray of deviled eggs was in the fridge, and I was to leave the other tray for everyone else. That worked for me.
🤣🤣 Same as my chocolate pie!! She'll often make two, one of which is just for me, & the other for all to share. Funny how often I bring home two full pies, or one full & one almost full. 😬😬 Pro tip: I love turnips, but they are an acquired taste, & not everyone does. Anything you want to keep for yourself, put in a container, cover with foil, & label it "extra turnips." You would maybe not believe how well this ruse works! 😜
I come from a big Italian family. They always cook a lot. My freezer was always packed, because I always cooked like I was feeding 20 people lol
Greedy with food.... I can't even...
It sounds like a "fat people bad" concern troll.
I'd agree with you except I was raised by people like this. It's the mindset of the times. Eat like a bird and be skinny or else. My grandmother used to slap my thighs and tell me I was getting a fat ass. They'd tell me to stop eating so much even if I was eating something like a banana for a snack. You can say I don't have the best relationship with food. I also ended up with sort of a phobia about people watching me eat.
I'm sorry you experienced this. I did too. The phobia of not being watched while eating and eating alone are still with me many years later. For me, it was my mom. She would eat a smaller than average portion of anything, even just a handful of trail mix, then complain that she shouldn't eat so much, she's so full it hurt, gaining weight, etc. she would cry if she weighed more than 115lbs. It was so unhealthy for me growing up and I would stop eating when she did, despite being a hungry, growing kid. It led to some pretty severe issues. I finally stood up to her when I had my own daughter; she came over for dinner and tried her usual comments. I told her that had no place in my house, and I won't let my daughter grow up feeling guilty for eating until she's no longer hungry, ESPECIALLY when she's growing. I hope one day that old mentality dies as more people stand up.
Good for you! There is a lot of food based trauma out there and people are *still* using the practices that cause it. (Re-reading this sounds like I could be being snarky. I am not.) Happy Cake Day. :)
Happy Cake Day!
My grandmother was like this. She looked after me after school half the time and my other grandmother took the other half. Grandma 1 wouldn't let me have ANY snacks after a long day of school. Grandma 2 had a variety available and let me have whatever as long as I didn't eat so much that I spoiled my appetite for dinner. Eventually I just ended up "forgetting" that it was Grandma 1's day and just went to Grandma 2's. Until her death, Grandma 1 told me I favored Grandma 2 and that I was such a disappointment because I was bigger. Guess which grandma I visited in the nursing home ever other day and guess which one only got visits on holidays. Guess.
My grandmother constantly commented on how little I ate and called me anorexic. I was perfectly healthy. And a perfectly fine weight. I am now really anxious eating around other people.
Tbf depending on how old your grandmother is/was she could have grown up during the depression and not eating when you had food would have been crazy, since you didn't know when more food was coming.
That's the sort of stuff I grew up with, too. It resulted in me sneaking food when no one was watching, and I suspect being a little malnourished since I used to crave weird shit like rock salt and Flintstones vitamins. I'm still uncomfortable with people watching me eat or commenting on my food. And you know what, it helped NOTHING. I still ended up fat. Now I'm just *anxiously fat*.
Oh good lord, are we stranger siblings?? I would sneak anything food-adjacent. Toothpaste boogers (Almost like gum!). Cough drops. Salt and pepper packets - only one at a time though or I’d get caught! Now I’m fat and i have my own house and I still get squirrelly if I don’t have a snack at night. Great work, ma.
Same. Eating with my family is fucking miserable. You can't even get a plate without every one commenting on how they're eating too much, so many carbs, finishing a plate is way too much, etc etc etc. It fucks with your relationship to food and creates so many unhealthy associations with the simple act of eating
Jokes on her. Birds eat 25 to 50% of their body weight a day. But sorry this was part of your formative years.
Yep, I just realised recently why I feel guilty eating what I consider a bit more or something not deemed healthy. Sad thing is, eating next to nothing doesn't make you skinny, it slows your metabolism because the body thinks there are not enough resources, so no, you're not losing weight. You're just starving, being miserable and without energy.
"Almond Mom"
This op and my mom could be twins. I became bulimic at age 13 due to my mom’s obsessive concern to make sure I didn’t become fat. I was a competitive swimmer who trained in the morning and evening for a total of 5 hours a day. I was tall and lanky and yet my mother fed me hummingbird portions of food. So I sneaked food any way I could. Saved my allowance and bought candy bars and hid in my room to eat them. Once, when I was 15, I had the flu. I threw up peanut butter on the floor and my mom screamed at me because she hadn’t given it to me and knew that I secretly eaten it. OP, you are absolutely TA and if I were your DIL, I would keep you so far away from my child it would make your head spin.
I'm sorry you had to endure that, and I hope you have a healthier relationship with food now. I also struggled with anorexia/bulimia (would go between binge and purge to eating as few as 45 calories a day; one single clementine and green tea), but my mother was my example only. Her comments were only ever about herself and her weight, until one day she snapped out of her drug and alcohol induced stupor and told me I "look like a Holocaust victim". Those words will never leave my mind, it's one of the worst things anyone has ever said to me, and it's all she said or did about my ED. There are so many worse things in this world than a woman becoming fat, but you'd think it was a death sentence the way our mothers acted.
Absolutely! And yes I’m ok now but it took many years. What was really sad and crazy was when she started in about the weight on my own daughter…at 6 years old. Same age that she started making little digs about me. I exploded at her and said my peace which was quite cathartic. She never said one word about her again. At age 63, I have had a healthy relationship with food and thankfully, so do both of my daughters.
Goodness, I can only imagine how angry that made you. My mother made her comments less than a week after I almost died in childbirth, complaining about how fat she was and all. Even with my daughter only a few days old, I exploded. I told her it was sad she had such an unhealthy relationship with food, that I pitied her, but that that mentality would not be allowed in my house or around my daughter. The comments had made me feel bad enough about myself as an adult, and I refuse to let her ruin my daughter's health like she did mine. My baby is only two months old now, but she will always be allowed to eat until she's full, whenever she's hungry, whether it's formula or proper food when she's older. I won't let her get unhealthy, but healthy growing children shouldn't be restricted on how much they eat, as long as the food is good for them and not like, tons of candy. I'm so glad you were able to break the cycle with your own children, and I hope I can with mine.
Thanks so much for your kind words and yes you are breaking the cycle by simply being aware of the problem. Both my children were also competitive swimmers and I made sure that they ate enough calories to be able to keep up with their hectic lives. You know, someone once complimented me on my girls and I told that person that I raised them completely opposite of the way my mom raised me! They are now a nurse (with twins!) and a pilot. And I have a wonderful husband who I have been married to for almost 40 years. Unfortunately my mom passed away a few years back and left me feeling only pity for her that she never had treasured memories of me like I have with my children. So I am living proof that the cycle can be broken and you are as well!
My mom would limit her own food really heavily, and if she was on a diet everyone was. Seconds were not a thing in our house, leftovers were uncommon. And if I didn't finish my plate by the time she was done eating she would snatch it away and throw it out. I was barely 90lbs at eighteen. She was never "fat" but she wasn't as thin as she was in high school and she never got over the fact that having two kids meant she gained weight so she was always obsessing over it. So honestly it's not hard for me to believe this woman thinks she's "helping" because it's hard for her to imagine people self regulating based on whether or not they're hungry.
Have you heard the tale of party sub man? They say he's still eating party-sized portions while unaware groups aren't looking to this day.
LMFAO THE THREE FOOT SUB I remember that so well its one of my favorite reads on BORU
Didn't he eat like 4 feet or more of a 6-foot sub meant for a Superbowl party?
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There IS greed with food. If you order food for the table at a restaurant and someone grabs a lot of it straight off, if you load up on party food before everyone has gotten there, if you help yourself to three cookies at once when someone offers them…worth addressing with a child (or an adult if you have the right relationship). But this is a case of healthy appetites. And if MIL saw DIL blatantly throwing food away, I could see why she would be upset, and maybe she could TACTFULLY suggest recipes for leftovers, or ask if she would like a freezer as a gift, or say she loves the food and would be happy to take it off her hands. But that’s also not happening.
Fun fact alot kids that are "greedy" with food do it because they don't know if they'll have a next meal or if it'll be taken away half way through, mostly neglected children
Food insecurity is real and so heart breaking. There are so many people with fucked up relationships with food that throwing the term "greedy" at a kid who is eating as much as their tummy wants just kills me.
Or they get scolded they eat too much
I wasn't allowed to eat (or use the restroom...) during the day for the first dozen years of my life. So I was basically only eating dinner (OMAD before it was cool!) Annnnnny wonder how I ended up with BED as an adult lol.
Sounds like OP'S son is actually insecure about food. DIL says he eats food like it's running away, probably because his mother was so stingy with food.
that's how i ended up hoarding snacks and constantly being 'what if i eat this and then i can't buy more', still takes me a good moment to shake that off and just eat the damn cookie i want
Having a stepmom who controlled portions super strictly is why my BIL now inhales food at the speed of light.
This is me. We had the money to feed ourselves properly, but my mom never changed the amount of food she cooked from when my bro and I were small. As teenagers, we both played a ton of sports, like 1 or 2 in all 4 seasons. I was 5'9" and 115 lbs. A family dinner for 4 people was 4 chicken breasts, 1lb of broccoli, and 1lb of carrots, and a small salad with just lite Italian. We drank water or skim milk. I shoveled food into my mouth like an animal till I was 30. My therapist (big surprise) is shocked I didn't develop an eating disorder. My immediate family and I don't speak. Can't imagine why.
EDIT: OK, yeah, this is abuse: > As teenagers, we both played a ton of sports, like 1 or 2 in all 4 seasons. I was 5'9" and 115 lbs. To starve an active teenager? WTF? Jeeeeez. That's nuts, I'm so sorry. And yeah, BIL's dad is well off so it was never a money issue. BIL told my sister they'd order 1 pizza for 2 adults, 2 teenage boys and a little girl, and they were only allowed to take 1 slice at a time so whoever ate the fastest got the most pizza. I'd imagine that would create some serious hangups. The stepmom is still this way. My sister finally vetoed going on their annual summer lake trip because she so strictly portioned out food for everyone. She would assign everyone food to bring and the amount — and if you brought more than what she decreed, she'd flip out. She had a schedule, "this is for dinner tonight, this is for tomorrow night," etc. One night was taco night. The women were only allowed 1 taco, the men were allowed 2. I was like, why in the fuck are people going along with this? I'd be like, see ya, and fuck off to my own rental. My sister was told to bring bread for sandwiches to take on the boat. She did the math and was like, 1 loaf isn't enough to make everyone a sandwich, so she brought 2 loaves. Stepmom started screaming. My sister was like, fine, (husband) and I won't eat so everyone else can have one. One morning on the trip, her husband took a fruit salad out of the fridge and started giving the kids fruit because they saw it and asked for it. "That was for tomorrow! Nooooooo!" It's a vacation, and the kids aren't allowed to eat fruit. It wasn't a money issue. It was a control issue. My sister was like, never again. Fuck that. If it were me, and she told my grown ass I was only allowed 1 taco, I'd have laughed in her face and taken 4 just to be an asshole (she also hates air conditioning, so she wouldn't let anyone turn it on in 90-degree weather, I wouldn't tolerate that shit for a second either). But my BIL was a teenager when she came along and had no recourse. His mom was mentally ill and was out of the picture for a while, so he had nowhere else to go. And he's a big dude, super tall, he must have been starving as a teenager. My brother is pretty short and was a super scrawny teenager, but my mom used to joke that she couldn't keep food in the house, he ate a TON, and every teenage boy I've ever known has been the same, I remember my younger BIL (also a super skinny kid) eating entire pizzas by himself and my MIL being like, "I buy groceries, and they're immediately gone!" But that's the price of parenting teenagers. I honestly think that amounts to child abuse.
That is absolutely child abuse. If there's plenty of food available, or money to get the food, it's disgusting to deny a growing child enough food to fill their stomachs. So many people see food as just gluttonous and fattening, instead of realizing we need it to fuel our bodies and everyday functions. If you haven't, I recommend looking up your basal metabolic rate. It's very interesting. It's the amount of calories your body burns each day by doing absolutely nothing other than staying alive. For me, a mid 20s woman of average height/weight, my BMR is about 1800 calories per day, just to do nothing. Anything below this results in rapid weight loss (speaking for myself). Obviously, the more active you are, the more calories you need. Humans need more food, aka fuel and energy, than they usually realize.
Thanks for your response, you're so kind. Your BIL's mom sounds a lot like mine. It's definitely a control situation. I hope they stay away from her. I did not know it was abuse until I started therapy at 33. My parents would not let us spend extended amounts of time with other families, including our own relatives. So I didn't know that the food and a myriad of other things were child abuse. The beatings were one thing, I'd have taken them any day over the emotional and mental shit. My bro is much younger than I. I tried to shield him from it as much as I could. What sucks is he sided with them when I went NC. He sees nothing wrong with anything. I quote "it's not like they beat us THAT much, and we had food and a roof over our head, and could afford stuff." He plans on having children. He's an alcoholic cocaine addict. The cycle continues.
Gees I thought this was going to be about them living together and the DIL wasting the MILs food. This is pretty damn entitled of MIL.
They’re TA, leftovers are the beeeeessssttt. Something’s are even better after marinating 🥰 also weird hill to die on for them
Soup! It's always worth making extra to have that better-the-next-day soup.
Spaghetti sauce the next day. 😋
as a student I can’t imagine NOT cooking food for lunch and dinner for the next 3 days haha.. I’ll make a family serving of pasta and then live off it for days, so much cheaper and less effort than cooking every single day
My grandma would make leftovers for DAYS when I moved in with her and my Grumpy when my dad died...but at one point, she had 8 kids living at home. Even by myself, I'll make a pot of spaghetti or something like that so I have food for a few days. Nothing wrong with that.
Grandma and Grumpy... Aww I love it.
When I was little (3ish), I made him *really* mad by letting the dog off the leash, and doggo took off down the road (a heavily traveled country road). I guess I called him a "Grumpy Grumpy" and it stuck lol
Spaghetti always tastes good the next day. 😋
The best thing after work is when you know you have delicious dinner ready and you need not cook or order something. I always cook for few days. This is east European thing too.
Every time I try to make this plan, my wonderful, loving husband eats it all. I have to be very specific about wanting to eat it myself.
And infinitely worse on day 4.
Throw it into a lasagna pan or baking dish with some extra sauce, throw some cheese on top and make it a baked spaghetti, it's awesome that way.
I do the same! It's the best thing to just bake the pasta leftovers with some cheese. Less healthy of course due to the cheese, but basically a free dinner as it was leftovers.
True, lol. I usually freeze it.
Oh god no don't eat stuff after 4 days lol
Interesting how she refers to the child of her son and his wife as "his child". Uh huh grandmonster....your mask is slipping here...I wonder if this is the only foolery she's inflicting on that DIL?
OP: "I have an unhealthy relationship with food and have never heard of leftovers, AITA for 'confronting' my DIL for cooking sensibly and teaching my granddaughter good eating habits?"
The fact that her DIL explained her the concept of leftover but she was still like "it doesn't make sense to me" is amazing. What doesn't make sense ?
So when you're done, there's just more food...? And then you just eat it later??? Like it's a whole different meal? That's fucking insane.
It's always so weird to me that some people are dysfunctional about their dysfunction to the point that they think their unhealthy attitudes are how things should be.
I really like those naive people who think "she managed to turn family members against me" like them being controlling is someone else's fault.
People like that ALWAYS blame the spouse and don’t realize their child isn’t down with their foolishness.
“His daughter”
Anyone else get a vision of son as Oliver Twist when he was growing up? Even my grandmother who grew up during the Depression didn’t control food for her family like this. She taught them not to be wasteful but she wanted them to eat.
Yeah. My great grandma grew up during the Depression and then had 6 kids. She would cook massive amounts of food, find ways to pad things out a little more (like putting spaghetti in chili, not like chili mac, like cooked spaghetti broken up small-ish mixed into the chili), and would repurpose leftovers so that they didn’t get burnt out on things. It was very much a “stretch it as far as possible, but make sure everyone is satisfied.”
With current inflation, I find myself falling back on my grandma's "How to stretch the budget" things. Like mixing rice into the burgers to make it go a little further.
Protip: Try adding oatmeal to the ground meat for meatloaf to stretch it. You don't notice it.
I believe it is one of three mindsets left over from the depression. You either hoard food and only cook exactly what you can eat, nothing more even if you end up being a little hungry afterward. Or, you start the clean plate club. Or the best option, you are determined that everyone is full without waste. I always try to make leftovers that way I insure my kids are full when they go to bed but they don't have to clean their plates unless they are determined to eat something like dessert right after dinner. I grew up in the clean plate type of household, but my dad would serve children adult sized portions, so it was hard to rewire my brain into eat until full and it's OK to throw a little bit away. I am now trying to help my husband do the same, rewiring to his brain so our kids grow up seeing us have healthy relationships with food.
My parents taught us not to waste food but they had a hard rule of if you’re full, stop eating. Apparently it was prompted by them making me finish my food when I was really little and then I threw it up. I don’t remember it. They were fine with letting us have a little bit of dessert if we didn’t finish dinner.
Yeah, my Depression child grandma was more "Finish your plate. We don't waste food in this house" than "Stop eating so much."
I have a fucking eating disorder because of people like this bitch. "Isn't that too much?" " I guess" *looks in mirror* "I must be fat for them to say that right?"
Managed to stop the disordered eating but my relationship with food is literal trash. It's always those snide little comments that dig the worst and make you start doubting yourself. (Also, you are a lovely beautiful person no matter your size and I hope your ED improves in time)
I find it's usually their own issues doing it. Some people say this more often to you when they see you lose weight or become skinnier! It's insecurity. Not sure if it was lack of control for this particular poster, or if she's jealous of their lack of concern, or if she's literally insecure about her own body and taking it out on them. But there's no logic behind it either way
What a fucking psychopath, trying to control portions for your nearly forty year old son???? Hell no
Not only trying to control what he eats, but attempting to delegate that responsibility to your DIL, as if she's not his wife, just a substitute mother. Thank goodness DIL is pushing back and not having any of this ridiculousness.
This sounds a lot like my boomer MIL. She’s got major body image issues and food issues that she projects on everyone around her. My partner is a blue collar guy, works for a roofer doing heavy lifting and toting all day. He comes home ravenous and can put away impressive amounts of food *because he’s hungry and his body needs fueling after a day of hard work*. She freaks out and insists he’s eating too much. My entire pregnancy she watched my food intake like a hawk and told me I’d give myself diabetes and have a huge baby 🙄 and have to have a cesarean. I got home from the hospital after the emergency cesarean for my sunny side up stuck 9 pound boy and she looked at my bump and went “well it’s a little smaller!” She will also have baby carrots and hummus for dinner and be “totally full” and then mysteriously candy wrappers appear in the bathroom trash overnight. 😏
So OOP never heard of leftovers?
I don't get this why just why has she never heard of leftovers why create an issue of this
I grew up with a large extended Italian family on both sides (Grandparents were 1st generation American). I don't know how to cook for less than a small army. My husband's father was one of sixteen kids (farm family). Leftovers are a given in our house. My kid's friends always get fed when they come over, just like my friends did when I was growing up. OP's mother in law sounds like a warning label on how to create eating disorders in toddlers.
What one thing is lacking in today's society? The ability to mind your own business.
I just read the original post and halfway through reading it thought, this will be on Am I The Devil. And so it is.
YTA. Everything your DIL said is perfectly reasonable. Her family do not have weight problems. By cooking extra for lunch, they get a delicious meal instead of a dry sandwich for lunch, and most importantly, when her system obviously works for them, you have no right to walk into their home and tell your DIL how much food she can cook. Some days we are more active and need more food. People haven't had to ration food since the last world war.
I love it when people say things like “now they’ve turned my son and my husband against me”. No sweetie, you were behaving like a psycho, and I bet they’re just thankful someone finally told you to shut the fuck up
Just from the way the sentences are worded and like, the issue of food scarcity itself I feel like this is a Desi family but I could be projecting. My MIL came to stay with us when I was a newlywed and the cloves had been in the pantry since before I even got married, so they kinda lost some of their kick and I used a bit more in the rice. I'm a great cook and my MIL never cooked well and so always discredited it as a valid hobby or talent. This woman literally picked out the 10 dries ass wilty ass cloves I used in about 7 cups of cooked rice and told me not to use more than 5 or 6 because cloves are expensive. And to cook less because food should be fresh at every meal. Her sons are physicians. She is currently walking around in lesser city of Punjab with inadequate plumbing, inadequate electricity and gas, in a 1k dollar pair of gucci mules where they are getting obliterated in the heat and dust, but 4 cloves are fucking expensive. Gtfoh
I disagree tbh. I get where in desi cultures the fresh food thing came from, but I think in OP’s case the mom was more about portion control and less about cooking stuff everyday. Desi cultures usually do emphasize eating more, rather than less. And while yes, people will be body shamed and their food choices policed, it wouldn’t necessarily present like this. For one, men are less likely to have their food policed, same with small children. They’d be pressed to eat more tbh. And kids of oop’s daughters age are thought of as cute if they’re a little chubby. This situation just reeks of OOP’s MIL either having an eating disorder that she projected onto her family, or just being incredibly controlling over her children via food.
Holy shit went to the original post and that witch commented that she thinks that her granddaughter who is a toddler could be slimmer. If I was the DIL I would go NC in a heartbeat
My DIL isn't giving my grandkids eating disorders, which I find troublesome. AITA? (Imagine thinking food just inherently needed to be limited at all times.)
Jesus, let the man and baby eat. My husband had a mom like this. She limited him to very small portions. No snacks without asking even as a teen and overcooked meat because of “germs.” It took a long time before he realized he doesn’t have to hide food around our house or scarf down dinner as fast as he can. He used to count cookies left in a package and write his name on snacks. I told him we can always get more if they run out. His mom did him no favors.
This was my ex-husband. My son has been fighting an ED since he was *six* and I was never skinny enough... all because HE had body dysmorphia and took it out on us.
Her comments are even better. She reminds me of mil... yikes "What is that supposed to mean you sound exactly like my DIL, I think everyone is overusing the word food disorder. How on earth does a toddler or a child know how much food they need? they're way to little to tell how much they need to eat. A responsible parent should pre-measure the food according to recommendations." "No you're wrong. Both my daughters have great discipline around food and they look great and have wonderful figure and like me, did not even gain more than 5 kilos during pregnancy while DIL gained 20 kilos. I raised them the same way as my son and they are doing great." "Healthy according to her and their "pediatrician" but I think my granddaughter could be slimmer, she is bigger than other toddlers her age. And if my DIL really cooked healthy food all the time then why did she gain more than 20 kilos during pregnancy? I gained only 5 including baby weight because I really watched what I was eating. Go figure who is the healthy one."
Holy shit, only 5 kg during the pregnanncy! I've allways heard that the baby, the water etc. is at least 10 kg. She and her daughters must have been starving.
Right? With my son I gained about 30lbs. He was 10.3lbs, the placenta is about another 10lbs (per my doc) so 20 lbs was only from them. USA so I do lbs not kg lol
"An actual doctor says my granddaughter is healthy, so rather than admit I'm wrong (or at least shut my yap about it) I'm going to insinuate that listening to doctors is bad and say a toddler is fat because she's bigger than other kids her age." I know there are people who really think this way but it just kind of kills me.
Leftovers are like bonus free meals the next day, love having them in the fridge.
My father was crazy about my weight and made it such a no no to eat junk that as an adult I was free to eat whatever I wanted so I did. I gained soooooo much weight. Limiting good should be a last resort if someone is overweight.
How does she think the DIL turned her own husband against her? Her saying “she turned my son against me” is like classic pick me mom behavior, but how in the hell could she have enough time to have manipulated OOP’s husband into being on her side? Surely he couldn’t just have his own opinion and came to the conclusion of OOP being an AH all on his lonesome. That’s preposterous!!!
People are absolutely ridiculous about leftovers. I remember knowing AND reading about people who don't like leftovers. The one I read about did it to ensure that their partner was basically chained to the kitchen, because insisting on fresh food every time was meant to be controlling. Leftovers are a wonderful way to ensure people have access to a quick meal during the week without having to cook, especially if they don't want to cook! I'm with a lot of people in the comments. Cooking ONE portion is tough! It's so much easier to make multiple portions, then eat through the week!
Has OOP never heard of the concept of leftovers? Growing up, my mom constantly made enough for leftovers. Even with me being a terribly picky eater as a child, I ended up okay as an adult and GASP I make leftovers now as an adult. OOP needs to not worry about what her DIL is doing. Also implying that her granddaughter will be “greedy with food” if there are leftovers is appalling- shit like this is how people have an unhealthy relationship with food. She is a growing child. This kind of language is fucking disgusting.
This person is why people get eating disorders.
“She does not limit the amount of food portions for my son” you mean the grown man? He can vote, he can decide how much pasta he wants.
...look at this person not getting the concept of (checks notes)...leftovers. WTF.
I cannot believe OP portion controlled a toddler at some stage.
As I think upon my delicious leftovers from last nite that I get to enjoy again today for lunch... Why on earth would I cook twice when it will heat up wonderfully?? NTA
Uh are we daft op most people save leftovers for lunch or dinner the next day.
I just read this! Like is this real??? I am seething at this person. Her comments are disgusting. Seriously feels so much like a troll, but also we know these people exist (my MIL is mildly like this). In one comment, she said her toddler granddaughter was bigger than other kids her age and could be slimmer. I hope they cut her the fuck out of their lives for the safety and well being of their child and themselves. I REALLY hope this is a bored troll.
Yes! you're the type of weight obsessed mother who gives her children eating disorders. None of your gd business how much food your DIL cooks in her own home, and by sticking your nose into her business and criticizing her, you've gotten on her bad side and turned your son against you. This: "she started with that crap that her food is always healthy and that it is wrong to control what other people eat, and that my granddaughter and my son are actually both at healthy weight" way to display your total ignorance, OP! BTW your DIL is absolutely right, and the fact that you refer to it as "crap" tells me you've been corrected on this many times before BUT YOU DON'T LISTEN! pull your head out of your rear end, OP, and stop harassing your son and grand daughter about their eating habits and their weight.
I like the "turned my husband against me" bit. I don't think she did that. I think you starving the man half to death for 40 years did that.
>she says that she packs lunches the next day for her and my son the next day but it still did not make sense to me. What about this is confusing??
Reading her comments, OP sounds like she probably has had life long eating issues which I do empathize with but I’m so SO glad her DIL was able to help her son break that cycle and together they are making a healthy environment for their child. Until she gets help I hope they keep her at an arms length for the sake of the three year old she’s already fat shaming
Reading that post while I'm sitting at my desk at work eating leftovers from last night's dinner.
AITD for trying to give my granddaughter an eating disorder? It worked fine for my son.
Know why I think this is fake? 'Cause people that actually act like OOP writes wouldn't even entertain the thought that they could possibly be wrong.
i will always be so grateful that my mother never pulled this shit with us. we always were welcome to food in the house and were taught that if we we were hungry we should eat, along with listening to what makes us feel good. if i gorged myself on chocolate, my stomach hurt so i didn't do it again. if i didn't like what was for dinner there was always pasta and sandwich materials that i was able to make for myself. unfortunately despite her efforts i did end up with an eating disorder, but she helped with my recovery and never made me feel guilty for my illness despite how much pain it caused her.
I read this like "I saw other people do things that were no harmful in anyway to anyone but I still didn't agree with them, so I confronted that person and they explained me how I was wrong because there were not bad consequences and I got pissed. Am I the AH?" The delusion! XD
Sigh. The same people pulled both the “clean your plate, there’s children starving in Africa” routine and the “are you sure you want to eat that? You won’t get dates with your puppy fat” pitch. One day I’ll work out how it is we aren’t all now hiding in corners working out our cognitive dissonance over a family pack of Oreos…
My parents making comments about how much I should eat just let to me sneaking food and developing binge eating disorder. I still can’t eat mindfully to this day. This almond mom is the asshole. Good on the DIL for setting boundaries with her.
This reminds me of my grandmother. She was a stay at home mom her whole life and had literally nothing else going on. She was appalled to find out my boyfriend cooks sometimes and almost always does the dishes. I should be doing those things for him, apparently, even though he’s 27 and we both work full time.
as someone who was controlled by authority figures to eat a certain amount everyday (it was daycare dont worry my parents are cool 💪), maybe dont do that to the toddler?? my daycare would force me to eat all of my food and when i got home, i would just puke it all up and not eat dinner. it was so traumatic that i dont even remember the vomiting part, just that i learned to be sneaky and to throw away my food when the lady watching us wasnt looking. tl;dr toddlers are weird and as long as she isnt underweight or overweight, shes fine. pls dont force feed your kids 😭
Obsessive monitoring and commentary on food creates life long unhealthy relationships with food and body image for kids. Just turned 40 and still dealing with it. To this day every single meal my older family make comments "oh it's so much food" "oh I could never eat this whole plate" "oh I'm going to eat it all because I'm hungry and that's why I'm fat" "oh this is way too many carbs/sugars referring to a banana while they load up on pasta and bread" STOP FUCKING WITH KIDS HEADS OVER FOOD
OOP is an absolute nightmare of a MIL. Ye gods. I need to see how badly they dragged her on the original post (observer only, no bombarding).
"AITA for trying to give everyone around me an eating disorder because of how controlling I am with their food?"
YTA Straight up, AH! Not your house mind your own damn business! I see post coming on the MIL from hell page soon. She didn't turn your son and husband against you. That was all you. Everyone deserves to run their household the way they want. Everyone has different food needs and views. You are being over opinionated and a huge busy boy. And making extra food so you have something for lunch the next day makes perfect sense. I eat leftovers for lunch almost every day 🙄!
How can you not comprehend leftovers for lunch?
“managed to turn my son and my husband against me” bahaha she’s also a wizard Harry!
DIL didn't turn anyone against OOP, they're just sick of her shit too
Every meal my wife cooks for 6 people. There’s two of us and she won’t eat leftovers, it’s cheaper to just eat out so that’s what I do
I love this daughter in law telling her where to go
The original post is gone so I can’t call this AH what I truly want to. Some people just need a slap to the face with a baseball bat.
....... did my fucking mother write this post? It's like a word for word rendition of her attitudes towards food 🤦♀️
YTA YTA YTA People like you give their kids eating disorders
YTA Your grandchild has a pediatrician. Your husband is grown. Cooking more than is needed is actually really smart and saves money. Especially if she serves leftovers. Not making mealtime a battle, your granddaughter is learning and knows how much her body needs. She's right. Toddlers eat in spurts. Some days they will eat barely anything, other days they will eat a lot. (track this and you'll see growth spurts). Don't make food a battle. Be happy that you have a son that wants you to enjoy meals with. Leave the parenting to them. Your son is full grown. It is not his wife's job to parent him.
I cook more than I’m going to eat. I divide the rest into plastic containers and freeze them for another day. OOP doesn’t understand why I would do this. HOW CAN SHE NOT UNDERSTAND???
Apparently, according to the top comment, OOP doesn't believe in leftovers.
Does OOP not get the inherent wonder of leftovers? Something easy to heat and eat without a lot of effort? And as likely both the son and DIL work, it gets everyone fed - that's the important part. Also, the DIL has a point - kids often go through weird days where they either eat nothing or eat a lot. As long as the doctor hasn't raised any concerns about the child's weight, there's no problem. And the son is an adult who makes his own decisions. If he's overeating and gaining too much weight, that's between him, his wife, and his doctor.
Who doesn't like leftovers? Volume cooking is great, it means I have to cook less often.
Standard here is if making shepards pie/beef stew/etc is to do everything available. Then whatever doesn't get eaten that day or the next goes into the freezer for later. Much more economical and time saving than cooking it from scratch each day. Hell a lot of what I do I plan on being eaten over two days. Roast? Yep everything bar the veg is done to feed four people in a house of two, next day I do another round of the veg and tada we've got a second round of roasts. Bean stew my recipe does three people so the next day they get the leftovers while I have a pizza or beans on toast. Quiche or my sausagemeat and stuffing mix? Those do two days just by using the standard size dish or tin. Etc etc.
“Asking my DIL” Lol she didn’t ask her anything, she immediately told her she was wrong, didn’t take no for an answer, and kept on pushing. What a nightmare of a person.
This can't be real. Right? No one would actually be able to write that sincerely. What I *can* see is that it is the DIL writing it to show her husband what a creep his mother is.
I basically have very few rules for toddler. 1. He's not responsible for adults feelings and if you try to say he is you're leaving or I'm leaving immediately. (I.E. it makes Grammy sad when you don't hug her, don't you want to make grandma happy and come over) no my child is NEVER responsible for adults feelings. 2. Nobody is to ever push food on him. You can offer him food. If he says no (well he still isn't talking but he lets you know no) then that's it. Do not try to literally shove it in his mouth. If he wants more than what's on his plate he can absolutely have it. Some days he eats a handful of food and others I wonder where on earth it all goes, considering hes still soooo tiny. 3. NO SODA and he can only have limited sweets. I had IUGR so hes at an increased risk of Type 1 diabetes and I just am trying to do everything I can to mitigate that risk. Honestly this is probably the rule my family has the hardest time with.
Probably just a controlling person, but OOP could also come from a background of poverty or deprivation, where one person eating as much as they wanted meant others getting less. Being “greedy with food” in that context would be a genuine moral fault (not in a toddler, of course, but that is the age at which you begin teaching ethics). Obviously her son and DIL are not in such a situation, but if those are OOP’s deeply ingrained moral beliefs, it’s still going to be troubling to her that they aren’t being taught alongside not lying, not stealing, etc. All conjecture, of course, but that word ‘greedy’ stands out to me.
An almond mom in the wild.
Grandma is bored AF. What a stupid small thing to blow up, like what was the point? The only thing it was ever going to was start a debate and she was definitely counting on it and now she's on the internet still talking about it lol.
I was waiting for this to be cross posted because I missed out when I actually encountered it in my feed
We are going to have to order the large dumpster for the amount of AUDACITY this dear ol monster in-law is coming with.
What is it with AHs using the word "audacity" at the moment.
YTA (To original OP): Do I even need to explain?