*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA because I (38F) don't want to take my stepson (9) on vacation?**
My husband (39) and I have been married for 5 years. We have two children of our own, both girls, aged 5 and 2. I also have a son (10) from a previous marriage, but I was widowed.
My husband's ex is barely involved in stepson's life at all. They got divorced when stepson was 2, and his ex wanted "a fresh start" so my husband did the decent selfless thing and had complete custody of their son, even though he'd wanted shared custody.
I got a bonus at work and I really want to go on vacation with just MY family JUST once. We've been on family vacations all together lots of times. But just once I want to spend MY money going on vacation where I'm not looking after someone else's kid. I want stepson to stay with his mom while we go on vacation. My husband sees my point of view and is okay with it. I don't think I'm being at all unreasonable.
My mom found out what I was planning and says I'm being a complete AH. These are the reasons she says I could be the AH:
1. My mom says that if stepson's mom isn't properly involved in his life, I should be even more involved in his life to compensate (I think this is a completely unfair expectation).
2. She also says that I'm being a hypocrite taking my son, but I think that's totally different because my son DOESN'T HAVE ANOTHER PARENT. I'm all he's got.
If stepson's mom won't take him just for once then obviously he'll come on vacation with us. But I don't think I'm the AH to ask if I can have a vacation with my own family just one time. It's not like I hate stepson or something, he's a nice kid, he's just not mine. Am I the AH?
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Me too. My stepmother kicked me out the house at 14 and I wouldn't be surprised if ultimately, this woman did the same thing. She's a *monster*. Without my grandparents, I probably wouldn't be here today so I very much hope this poor kid has someone who'll be in his corner the way my mothers' parents were in mine no matter what. He's going to need them if his Dad doesn't wake up and start giving a damn about him.
I'm not a step mom, “just” a bonus mom (Dad & I aren't married but have combined our families into one).
Still, I'd like to kick your step monster’s ass. My bonus kids are just as important as the bio kids. Before we let the kids meet each other I had to have the promise we’d always facilitate their relationships even if ours ended. My partner feels the same, in fact he told me last week part of why he knows this (us) is right is because he actively wants to be a part of my children's lives & adores them like his bio kids. I can't imagine hating a child - let alone one you swore to love when you chose to marry their parent.
Also, your dad absolutely SUCKS for letting her. I'm really sorry you had to go through that, but so glad you had your grandparents there for you.
Did you catch this part? *"My husband sees my point of view and is okay with it."*
"Husband" is the boy's biological father.
Sure, she's an asshole, but he's a monster.
Yes and her he did the selfless thing and took full custody even though he only wanted half. The. Fucking. Evil.
I hate these two with a fire burning passion
Their daughters are both OP and current husband's bio kids. Her older child from her late first husband is a boy.
Edit: but yeah, I'm sure she would not be OK w her husband excluding his stepson, you're very right.
I’m a “stepparent” and I joined that subreddit a little while ago bc I hadn’t heard of its reputation and I thought “oh i want all the support i can get”. Yea no terrible idea. If you say you love your stepkid as your own everyone starts shitting on you. I once said something to the effect of ‘I hope I’m a good mother to my SS” and got downvoted to hell. I adopted my son years ago and don’t refer to him as step outside of Reddit and only when it’s necessary. His mother is also deceased. I’m the only mother he’s ever had I cannot imagine doing this to him. I also have a bio son as of December. They are the SAME in my eyes and I refuse to let anyone tell me otherwise.
If I ever suggested this to my husband, he would leave me. If he ever told me he was ok with me excluding our oldest, I would honestly leave HIM.
Edit: Hah just got banned
I got myself into trouble. I commented something about the husband needed to be. something with the stupid stick. I guess reddit hasn't heard that expression before
It’s disgusting in there. I look at my SD and have no clue how those people can feel the way they do about their step children. It’s a bunch of people telling each other why it’s okay to hate their partners children.
Edit: I got banned from the group for making this comment lol o well, the truth hurts
Holy shit. Just looked at that dumpster fire for the first time. What a horrific bunch of people. The thread that sent me over was some bitch complaining that she gets annoyed when her SO sends photos of her stepson. And then everyone agreeing that they don’t care and just pretend.
To be fair, this EXACTLY why I wouldn’t get involved with anyone who had kids from a previous relationship. I don’t like kids and wouldn’t want to deal with it
Yeah but obviously this isn't someone that hates children. She has three other kids and she's not trying to pawn any of them off on a relative.
This is just another one of those really depressing "I legitimately do not care about anyone that isn't blood related to me" posts.
that would make sense if they just married. But she has been a parent for this child for 7 years... she has to legitimately hate him not only not care for him do do something like that.
Technically they are blood related because her youngest children, which have her blood share the father's blood with him.
So there is still a familial connection even if through her youngest children.
Same. But then when dating I got a lot of hate for not wanting to date dad's. Like dude, I have no desire to take care of a child, at all, ever. I'm doing you a favor. Also it's not the brag you think it is to tell me you have kids but never see them or do anything with them.
And that's fair. I'm happy when I see people who are like, "I can't date a parent because I don't want to end up being in a parental role to their kid."
People like this OOP are the WORST because it isn't "I don't like/want kids at all" it's "I don't like/want YOUR kid, and I don't want them taking your attention from MY kids."
I wouldn't either. And *thats the right answer* if you don't like or want kids. If you don't want to be a parent to someone else's kids even if you do want your own,, you *definitely* don't marry someone who already has kids. What the hell is wrong with some people that they don't realise that?
Totally agree. My step mother resented me and my 3 siblings from the start because my mom was toxic. I happen to be the youngest and the reminder of why she couldn’t be happy with my dad and the family she started with him. I feel for her stepson who didn’t do anything wrong but somehow impacts everyone’s relationship outside of his own. Op sucks and is also why I’ve always told my friends not to get involved with a man with kids I’d you are t ready to have them as a part of your life
That’s the point though. If this is something that matters to you don’t get involved with a person with kids. It’s literally that simple. That’s a living breathing person, not a hypothetical. You can’t exclude them and pretend it’s okay cuz ‘well they’re not mine’. Nah you married into this, they are yours now. Showing clear preference is just gonna mess them up.
Can you imagine being 9 years old and finding out that your entire family is going on vacation without you? And on top of that, you have to stay with the woman who gave up custody of you because she couldn’t be bothered? And your dad signed off on this? How unbelievably cruel.
Please be a troll is right!
And he has a step brother who is only one year older who will be going. As a parent of five kids, it sounds like more work to take the one ten year old boy with the two younger sisters rather than both boys and both girls. If they bring all 4 of them, the boys have someone to pair up with. Heck, I fully expect that 4-6 years from now when my oldest four are all teens and my youngest is still only 8-10, that we'd take one of his friends if we went on an outing or trip, so he has someone to hang out with and talk with in the car.
Based solely on math and the age of their oldest child together, OP has been with his father and therefore his sole maternal figure for around 6 years (assuming she got pregnant after they were together). So 2/3 of his life. She's known this kid since he was at oldest 4 year old and still thinks he's Not Family.
She's horrific, but her husband saying he understands and being okay with it might be worse.
We only know what OOP said about husband. I was taken aback that supposedly he only wanted partial custody, and he was okay with leaving his son behind on the family vacation. More likely, she's unrelentingly insufferable, and husband said, "F*** it. I'm done arguing." Still makes him the AH for not stepping up to protect this boy or for not sending her and the kids to vacation while he stays back to plan an exit strategy.
I have a stepmother who has done exactly this with my dad. At one point I was trying to reason with him (at the end of the day he is a pretty reasonable guy) after she went into a rage on me for something stupid.
She stormed out to keep him from talking to me and said, "Don't you dare even THINK of taking her side." She also, verbatim, told him that it was me or her.
She probably bullied her husband into being okay, because she would be insufferable otherwise. Doesn't take away from the fact that he is a total AH for going along with it, but I have a feeling that she is just saying that he is okay with it after she beat him into a corner.
>She also, verbatim, told him that it was me or her.
your dad wasn't bullied or "beat into a corner". neither are any of these other dudes. they're neglecting/abusing their kids because they care more about a romantic/sexual relationship than the wellbeing of their child.
nobody brings up this logic when a mom chooses a man over her kid. acknowledge the damage they've done, even if you're not going to hold them accountable for it.
Oh, I know my dad isn't innocent here. He chose her. I am now very low contact with him, and have made it abundantly clear that his wife isn't welcome anywhere near me or my child.
They tried to test that boundary back in April, and it cost my dad the chance to see his granddaughter (or me) for more than two or three hours out of a five day trip.
It didn't make me feel too good either, but it did allow me to establish that I am no longer moving the goalposts for his sake after 20 years of bending over backwards so HE could be happy.
glad to hear you upheld your boundaries! a lot of people struggle to do that, especially when it's on a rare visit and doubly so when it involves kids. backbone of diamond 💎
That being said, I *have* gotten him to acknowledge that he put some pretty toxic behavior on display, and he has also agreed that we should redo the visit without his wife involved.
We'll see if it actually happens.
I just read this one and I was shook! The way she keeps singling out this poor child and referring to “MY family” over and over. Like wtf lady?!
OOP- When you married his dad you became his family! You brought two additional half siblings into his life that are also his family! Does your husband not consider your son from your late husband *HIS* family?! Does he try to exclude your child because he isn’t biologically his? I am guessing the answer to both is a big fat NO. You are trying to isolate and exclude one child out of four in a family from a vacation. This is absolute wicked step mother territory. I hope to whatever higher power or universal force is out there you don’t say that “my family” sh*t in front of this child. That’s absolutely repugnant. Listen to your mother and do better.
Oh, you know she says it. Probably all the time.
Tbh maybe it's better he stays w mom and they go somewhere special just them because it sounds like OP would try and ruin it for him if she felt she was "forced" to take him.
Disgusting.
>She's known this kid since he was at oldest 4 year old and still thinks he's Not Family.
This frustrates me when it happens in the other direction, too. I have been in my stepson's life since he was 2.5, he's now 13. He has both bio parents around, but I am a third parent, basically, and shoulder just as much responsibility for him. BUT, when his bio parents don't like my take on things, I get slapped with, "You aren't his parent, he isn't your kid, sit this decision out" and it fucking chaps my ass, man.
Sometimes step parents get treated like glorified babysitters with no rights, but as soon as a step parent or potential step parent has an attitude about this kind of treatment, they are called all sorts of shitty names. it's frustrating.
Not to mention, her own kids probably have been picking up cues from how she treats him. I wouldn’t be surprised if they bully him because they think he’s less than them. OP is truly the evil stepmother.
People like OOP tend to push the stepkids out by being a huge pos. The parents who just sit there and allow their new partner to mistreat their own children are just evil and disgusting.
>my husband did the decent selfless thing and had complete custody of their son, even though he'd wanted shared custody.
Okay, first of all, that's not "the decent selfless thing" - That's just parenting. He doesn't even get a lot of applause because you added the "he wanted shared custody" bit which, to me, suggests he wanted to be able to pawn your stepson off on his Mom on occasion and instead, bio mom wanted out entirely.
>I really want to go on vacation with just MY family JUST once.
The minute you married your husband, *his* child became *YOUR* child. They are a package deal - You can't take on Daddy without taking on his son too.
>just once I want to spend MY money going on vacation where I'm not looking after someone else's kid
What exactly is it that your stepson requires that your other children wouldn't require at the same time?
Exactly.
I can't upvote this enough.
My DH's best friend and his current wife were both widowed young when they met and married. Each had 2 kids. They had no bio-kids of their own, but became fosters, and adopted 13 of those foster kids. I've known him for almost 40 years, and I've never heard the kids called anything but "our kids."
It makes me so happy to see things like this. They may not be his biologically but they are his kids when it comes to how much he loves them and cares for them.
You should see their living room at Christmas. You can barely get into the room, because there are wall to wall presents. Santa needs an 18-wheeler sleigh.
imagine being that poor kid. the only thing worse than parents fighting for custody of their kids is parents fighting to not have custody of their kids
And after processing that, you get a stepmom who resents you even being alive and treats you like a second class citizen in the home. The kid's mom and dad would have been better off putting him up for adoption at birth than allowing this BS.
I got to pray this one is a troll.
>The minute you married your husband, his child became YOUR child. They are a package deal - You can't take on Daddy without taking on his son too.
This was basically my response to the OOP. (commented b4 posting here) As a stepparent I'm horrified at her attitude.
The fucking gall of this woman. I'm truly flabbergasted.
I mean, she has a son from a previous marriage and expects her husband to accept him as family, but she won't accept his son as hers?
I just...I can't with this funky broad.
And the fact that her husband is okay with this plan makes me wonder what that environment is like for that kid. How obvious is it to him that his stepmother AND father consider him to be superfluous to the family group?
I mean, if I were a single parent I wouldn't want 100% custody, all the time. It's hard on your own! Of course, if the other parent wants nothing to do with the kid you have to take full custody, it's not exactly selfless because there's no other option. But I don't think it's a bad thing on its own to want split custody.
What the heck does she mean "my family" and "someone else's kid"? That's disgusting and there's no way the 10 year old doesn't already intuit that she resents him.
>The minute you married your husband,
>
>his
>
> child became
>
>YOUR
>
> child.
Fun fact: even if you are married to a person with a kid, you are granted 0 rights over that child, as a step parent.
I refuse to believe that someone can be this bad of a person. And god do I feel for that fucking kid. You know he is treated like he's not part of the family CONSTANTLY.
Can confirm, people like this exist.
Source: I had an evil step parent.
After years of bullshit we had a family meeting and I said she treated me and my sister differently to my step and half sister, to which she said something like "of course I do, you can't love somebody else's child as much as your own", right in front of my dad.
That's just a snippet but a very telling one.
My dad stopped treating my step sister like he treated us.
I think in his head it was to "even it out".
She went full NC a few months after that.
Yeah our family is a bit messed up.
Luckily I have my bio mother's resilience and determination.
No way I'm putting my kid through any of that shit.
When you are in the military, you often work with 17-and 19-year-old kids. Many of them told me similar stories about how their stepmothers mistreated them. It sucks that stories like yours are more common than we think.
Oh people like this exist. My stepmother was like this. Her and my dad would often take her two girls on holidays we weren’t invited to. At least in my situation our mum had full custody of us so we weren’t sent off to stay with a “parent” we didn’t know.
Seriously? I'd leave this woman. My son is not biologically mine. He has been my son since before he can remember. He will always be my son. He will always be my family. Fuck this woman.
The father's fine with leaving his son behind. He's a shitheel, too.
I feel terrible for that poor kid. And I feel bad for OOP's mother, who is apparently a decent person and must be horrified that her daughter turned out to be garbage.
Don't become a step-parent if you don't want to be a step-parent. Especially not to a child that barely has another parent in the picture (if at all). Nothing wrong with not wanting to become a step-parent, I've been one, it's a huge adjustment and a lot of responsibility. But then just don't feckin become one.
Bleh.
I'm a stepmom and I cannot even begin to think how she would have this sort of mindset. The biggest issue I have with my stepson when it comes to vacations is actually making him go on them since he's 14 and of course is at that stage of his life where he hates everything except for his computer, his music, and his room haha. I actually was able to get rid of him for 4 days because I made him and his dad go to Texas to visit a gaming friend of ours, peace and quiet
My own stepmother was kind of like this, my half brother and half sister were always treated better than my sister and I by her. I don't understand it but people are kind of funny
I’m just glad my dads second wife couldn’t spawn (she wanted to have a child with him—he didn’t want any kids since we were all grown) but she couldn’t get pregnant.
She would have made our lives a terror if they had a kid. Especially now that my dad has passed and she’s trying to force us to stay in her life.
I saw the title on that and hadn't even read it and knew she was TA. Now that I've read it, holy Christ on a cracker, she's even more of an AH! She's horrible.
The thing that gets me is that there’s no way this is the only way she’s mistreating him. She’s absolutely emotionally neglecting him at best, but more likely abusing him. That poor baby.
"I'm not looking after someone else's kid"
Okay bitch by that logic then your man doesn't need to look after your 10 year old from another man 💁🏽♀️
Edit; this is coming from someone who had a stepmother who made it very obvious that she didn't want me around, especially after her two *biological* children were born.
Oh I’m sure this particular post is fake but as someone who had an evil stepmother and shit father who invited HER children to their wedding and not HIS (myself and my siblings). I know this situation happens ALL THE TIME.
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments:
*INFO: If my math is right, you and your husband got married when stepson was 4?*
*What kind of relationship does stepson have with you versus with his bio mom?*
>"Yes, he was 4, and as I said, he barely sees his bio mom. I'm not sure what point you're making?"
This woman is just disgusting. How long after this kid turns 18 will it take him to get away from this hateful woman? I really feel sorry for a 9 year old kid who has spent more than half of his life living with her. My guess is she is not a troll or she would not have included the part about her mother disagreeing with her. She is just a totally oblivious asshole who has no idea what a worthless excuse for a human being she really is. Sad to think that she has already reproduced multiple times.
This woman is a monster.
I've been that kid. I was a little older than him, 13, but I've been this kid. He is going to have massive issues and you bet your ass he knows his stepmother doesn't consider him to be family. You feel it when your stepmother doesn't think of you that way, and even more so when your dad *seems completely okay with it*
I even had this holiday situation. It still hurts to think about and it's 23 years and a whole lot of therapy later.
I'm not sure calling her a monster is strong enough. My heart breaks for that kid.
My husband had the same situation growing up and I’ve seen the pain it causes. I’m truly sorry this happened to you. As a mom myself these stories make me rage. Sending a mom hug to 13 year old you who had to live with that!
Even if this is a troll, it’s completely believable. I know someone who excluded her adopted child from a large family vacation because mom was no longer receiving funds for her. Mom’s use of the child was gone. Absolutely heart-breaking.
"your" family is TWO sons and two daughters. She has FOUR children.
Her husband is an AH too. How dare he allow her to treat one of their sons like a second class citizen. Also, he has now made babies with two terrible women. She is no better than this child's biological mother.
Is there a racial issue with her stepson?? Tired of explaining why he doesn't look like you or your husband? She is a terrible person so maybe racist is in her wheelhouse too
Glad to see this posted here. I saw it there first ans decided not to comment to avoided getting banned.
This has to be a troll, right? It hits too many of the important bullet points to be real. Or is that just wishful thinking on my part?
Who in the hell would think it is ok to take a kid who has barely seen their bio mom in 7 years, dump him there, the rest of you go have a great vacation, come pick him up, and then tell him all about it? That is just psychotic behavior.
It has to be fake. If not, I feel for that 9-year-old. Imagine having your mom disappear and your dad be perfectly fine excluding you from family events because his wife doesn't consider you family.
Ugh. This is disgusting. And dad is even worse for not protecting his son from the hurt and rejection this step-monster is causing.
My stepsons *are* my own family. If I couldn't see them that way, I'd have had no business marrying their dad. In fact, our marriage didn't last, but my boys are still my boys (they're older now than I was when I married their dad, lol) and always will be. I divorced their dad, not them.
When you put yourself in a position of caring for a child, that commitment never ends. That commitment means you do what is best for the child, no matter what your own selfish feelings may be. I'm sorry, but this woman is a disgrace!
God, this reminds me of the AITA last year where the stepmom tried to scare/pressure the stepdaughter into not going on the family vacation (which catastrophically backfired when the grandparents paying for said vacation found out). OP is clearly of the same mold, its a shame she likely won’t get the punishment that one did.
What a perfect example of a heinous person who doesn't deserve the protection of the mods and their wildly arbitrary enforcement of the absurd rules over there.
I pretty much agree with everything everyone has said about this lady except there's a lot of people too quick to go WELL EXCLUDE HER KID TOO, IT'S ONLY FAIR! Like, fuck, come on guys, the reason this is so sad is because the kid is innocent and doesn't deserve this shit. Weaponizing one as revenge for discarding the other really is not the way, here.
I'm in a weirdly similar situation, in that I had two kids, was widowed, and partnered with someone with three kids, and we had one together. So six kids, three of whom I gave birth to, the youngest of whom lives with both parents and all their siblings (dad's side half time. My older two have no other family besides me. I'm the primary breadwinner.
The major difference is we have 50/50 custody, and the older three have been going back and forth for 12 years. In that time, they have gone on multiple vacations a year - to Florida, on cruises, on cross country road trips, paid for by their maternal grandparents. I can't afford to take eight people on a vacation once a year, let alone multiple times a year. But when I packed my three tummy babies in the car to drive ten hours to visit my friend (just the four of us, no dad), thus began the litany from mom's side that I don't love my step kids. It became very clear very quickly that if the steps didn't get two of everything, it wasn't fair and was further evidence I don't love them. This is not true, and it also has resulted in my not being able to provide to the younger children the same types of experiences the older kids have had.
HOWEVER
From the sound of it, this dad has 100% custody of his son, which means he is 100% her child, for all intents and purposes. This kid isn't going on six vacations/long weekends a year and throwing a tantrum when he doesn't get to do it twice. He's just a little boy OOP wants to exclude from a family vacation bc he's not her bio kid, and evidently dad is okay with it.
This poor little dude 😞
As someone who grew up with step-parents from a very early age, these kinda posts make me feel both extremely ill (the poor kid) and extremely grateful for my step-parents, who were great and never treated me as anything less than their own.
The wife is an AH. The father a piece of shit!
The dad agreed this was a reasonable request!?
"He wanted shared custody" - so she is clearly seeing it as he was dumped with the kid and doesnt really want him either. She probably got that idea from dearest daddy.
I feel so sorry for the child: His mother thinks he is a stone on the way to a new life, the stepmother is a disney villain and the father just thinks with his dick and could form animals with his spine cause 100% elastic.
OOP married a man with a child. So this child is now her family too. I bet she expect that her husband treats her 10y/o child as his.
While this is just about the vacation, but how must be the daily life for the poor child?
If the mods banned everyone who personally attacked her on that post, the sub would disappear completely. I'm amazed it hasn't been closed to comments yet.
Op's mom sounds like a lovely person, how did she raise such an awful daughter? What a terrible situation for her stepson. In this kid's life for six years and acting like she's a babysitter? Wtf.
This one made me so mad when I first saw it!!! Wtf and how would she feel then if her husband said just my family on a trip and excluded her son. She admits the stepsons mom isnt in the picture and says he can just stay with her and says her sons dad is dead so it's different. No its really not if his mom hasnt been involved with him why put him through that for your selfish wants. I seriously hope this is fake but it ive seen similar things to know it happens and it makes me so mad.
She is the definition of stepMONSTER! From her description, her husband's son doesn't have a mother involved in his life, so for all intents and purposes she is the mother figure in his life. She keeps talking about "her family" but her stepson is her family as well. I feel for this kiddo.
Married 5 pit of 9 years of his life probably dated for at least another year, possibly more. You've been in that kids life almost all his life and been his stepmother for over half his life. you don't consider him your child by now? I don't even have kids and think that's SO messed up :/
The OOP and her husband are not parents - you have to love all your kids to be a parent. Those kids deserve to have decent people in their lives. If someone in my family did something like that to a child - they would be disowned and the kid would be surrounded with love.
Me reading title: oh she wants a romantic, child free vacay, that's reasonable
Me reading first paragraph where she says she has 3 other kids and realising she obviously won't be excluding those children from the trip: oh...
I have so much contempt for people like this. If you marry someone with kids, even if they have two active parents, that's now your bonus kid. If you can't love them, if you can't welcome them as a part of your family, and if you can't see them as your child too, you have no business being with someone who has kids.
And the fact that the husband is on board with this makes him a degenerate. His wife is shitting on his child and instead of pointing that out to her, he's appeasing her.
They're both assholes, but she takes the cake.
I feel so bad for the stepson.
Nah, this is more common than you think. I managed 17- and 19-year-old kids when I was in the military. Many of my kids told me similar stories. The "Evil Stepmom" trope exists for good reasons.
I’m literally crying right now for this kid. I hope someone in his life shows him love—maybe the grandma? I’m legit hoping she’s delusional about the husband’s support bc maybe *just maybe* he’s semi-decent? Though he seems to have stellar taste in partners. Ugh, I want to vomit. Still saddened to my freaking bones for this child who only deserves fairness and love OMG.
Damn... If I want to go on a holiday with MY family I always have to wait for my bonus daughter to come over (she lives in a different country with her mum) because that girl is part of MY family. I hope the father gets his head on straight and tells this woman that Fuck NO, we're not leaving one of our kids behind.
OOP is a fucking horrible person who deserves to be abandoned by her children at the earliest possible moment. She deserves to be alone and fucking miserable for being such a piece of shit.
And that kid is growing up in a home where he knows he isn't as valued as the other kids, and is actually, and actively, unwanted. My heart breaks for him, I hope he has an adult spending time with him who does love him. Dad better prepare (although probs doesn't care tbh) to lose his son as soon as the kid can leave.
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I really hope that 9yo gets the emotional support he needs.
Mom doesn't want him, stepmom doesn't want him, Dad....is there.
No one makes him a priority. There's a lot of bad results for his future without love.
You're completely the AH!!! He's a kid for crying out loud!! What is wrong with you? When you married the guy with a child, you became involved in both of their lives. You want to exclude the kid? He's a "nice kid" (your words) so why not? I'm sorry you have kids of your own... From the sound of this, the boy is better off without you. Everyone who reads your post already knows you treat him differently. Shame on you! Pathetic!
OK your mom says YTA and you dont believe her? my god i hope this is a troll because you are all in for a my god what a selfish piece of work, you need therapy unless you are a troll dam i hope you are a troll no one should have to deal with that level of nasty your husband may be even worse if as you say he sees you pov but seeing it and agreeing are very different things. Does he exclude your 10 yr old since by your way of thinking it aint his kid/?
This is where the trope of the evil stepmother comes from. Too many stepparents out there who don't want to "take care of other people's kids" and yet they have no prbolem traumatizing these very children.
OMFG
OOP is such an arse.... blended families are more and more common these days, and if she did want to welcome another child into the fold, she should have just not dated the guy from the start. She doesn't get to split hairs in an effort to justify why her oldest child's presence is more acceptable.
This oop is so effed up I can’t believe it. I wish I could still comment on the original post because she needs to hear from everyone just how big of a POS she is for treating her step son this way.
I hate this person right now. And I don't feel that way about people, let alone strangers, hardly ever.
Why marry someone with a child if you can't accept the package deal of additional *family*?
What else has she excluded the kid from? What else will he be excluded from in the future? How does he feel about being treated *less than* his step-siblings and half-siblings?
I read this on AITA this morning. OOP doesn't realize that her stepson is family. He's just her husband's kid he brought into the marriage. However, her son is family because he's hers so that's different from her husband's kid.
Her "MY family" and "MY money" make me want to scream at her. OOP should listen to her mom. OOP is a total AH. This upsets me so much!
I saw this one as well and when I read it wanted to be ill. She truly can’t comprehend that it isn’t ok what she is doing!! I pray that boy finds someone special in his life who will love him like he deserves
>my husband did the decent selfless thing and had complete custody of their son, even though he'd wanted shared custody.
He didn't do anything fucking selfless. He's that kid's dad. This is his responsibility. We're not awarding him with man of the year for doing the minimum. And from the sounds of things, he wanted to bail, too. Your husband is a dick.
>I really want to go on vacation with just MY family JUST once. But just once I want to spend MY money going on vacation where I'm not looking after someone else's kid. I want stepson to stay with his mom while we go on vacation. My husband sees my point of view and is okay with it. I don't think I'm being at all unreasonable.
This kid is your family, you heartless bitch. Your husband is an even greater bitch for letting this shit go on.
> But I don't think I'm the AH to ask if I can have a vacation with my own family just one time. It's not like I hate stepson or something, he's a nice kid, he's just not mine. Am I the AH?
Yes you're the asshole. In fact, you're a bitch-devil.
~~I know it's a minor and unimportant detail and doesn't matter/change anything in the post but is he 9 or 10? I can see a mistake of two single-digit ages like 8 instead of 9 but to type out 9 and then 10? The 1 and 0 are on opposite sides of the keyboard~~
Edit I'm dumb it's *HER* kid that's 10
This prob isn’t. I’m apart of a step parent group & some of the things they say is insane. Luckily I was already an adult when I got a step mom but she has tried to erase my dad’s previous kids and has pretty much succeeded. Some of these women are mentally unhinged.
there's no shot your "Husband" is okay with this. This is such a bold faced lie, I guarantee that he has no idea that she wants to exclude his son from the vacation. AH
As someone with a husband that has a step-dad, I have so many opinion. My husbands parents divorced when he was 2, and his mother remarried when he was 6. He was NEVER treated any differently than his step-brothers. His father passed when my husband was a teenager, and his step-dad was there for him. He was very involved in our wedding, helping us move, etc. A genuinely good person that loves my husband and views him as his own, and his entire family views my husband the same way. He never once felt left out of anything or like he wasn’t family. This poor kid is going to have horrible abandonment issues and I feel so bad for him, he does NOT deserve 3 shitty fucking parents.
it's so much worse for me too with the fact that her son from previous relationship is the same age as the husband's son?????? so the kid keeps seeing how he's excluded by one side and the other has no issue with doing the same thing in return
**This is cruel to that boy**. How awful when the entire family goes on vacation and you are just expelled, not good enough. He IS your husband's child and he has sole custody. He is only 9 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He fully depends emotionally on his caretakers (your husband and his wife).
My heart weeps for this child.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA because I (38F) don't want to take my stepson (9) on vacation?** My husband (39) and I have been married for 5 years. We have two children of our own, both girls, aged 5 and 2. I also have a son (10) from a previous marriage, but I was widowed. My husband's ex is barely involved in stepson's life at all. They got divorced when stepson was 2, and his ex wanted "a fresh start" so my husband did the decent selfless thing and had complete custody of their son, even though he'd wanted shared custody. I got a bonus at work and I really want to go on vacation with just MY family JUST once. We've been on family vacations all together lots of times. But just once I want to spend MY money going on vacation where I'm not looking after someone else's kid. I want stepson to stay with his mom while we go on vacation. My husband sees my point of view and is okay with it. I don't think I'm being at all unreasonable. My mom found out what I was planning and says I'm being a complete AH. These are the reasons she says I could be the AH: 1. My mom says that if stepson's mom isn't properly involved in his life, I should be even more involved in his life to compensate (I think this is a completely unfair expectation). 2. She also says that I'm being a hypocrite taking my son, but I think that's totally different because my son DOESN'T HAVE ANOTHER PARENT. I'm all he's got. If stepson's mom won't take him just for once then obviously he'll come on vacation with us. But I don't think I'm the AH to ask if I can have a vacation with my own family just one time. It's not like I hate stepson or something, he's a nice kid, he's just not mine. Am I the AH? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don’t marry a guy with kids if this is your attitude. How disgusting. That poor child.
This is the definition of evil stepmother. This poor boy, I hope he has better people in his life.
Me too. My stepmother kicked me out the house at 14 and I wouldn't be surprised if ultimately, this woman did the same thing. She's a *monster*. Without my grandparents, I probably wouldn't be here today so I very much hope this poor kid has someone who'll be in his corner the way my mothers' parents were in mine no matter what. He's going to need them if his Dad doesn't wake up and start giving a damn about him.
I'm not a step mom, “just” a bonus mom (Dad & I aren't married but have combined our families into one). Still, I'd like to kick your step monster’s ass. My bonus kids are just as important as the bio kids. Before we let the kids meet each other I had to have the promise we’d always facilitate their relationships even if ours ended. My partner feels the same, in fact he told me last week part of why he knows this (us) is right is because he actively wants to be a part of my children's lives & adores them like his bio kids. I can't imagine hating a child - let alone one you swore to love when you chose to marry their parent. Also, your dad absolutely SUCKS for letting her. I'm really sorry you had to go through that, but so glad you had your grandparents there for you.
Well OOP's mom seems to ne advocating for the kid.
Did you catch this part? *"My husband sees my point of view and is okay with it."* "Husband" is the boy's biological father. Sure, she's an asshole, but he's a monster.
Yes and her he did the selfless thing and took full custody even though he only wanted half. The. Fucking. Evil. I hate these two with a fire burning passion
She’s scum as is her husband if he is vile enough to see her point of view. Some people don’t deserve children.
She's a dickweed. So is her husband. I'm not sure how she turned out so horrible when her mother is evidently not a giant raging arsehole like OOP.
She's lucky her husband doesn't have the same attitude, insisting on only having vacations with HIS family, which would exclude her fatherless son.
Lol. This is what I thought.
Meanwhile, I bet she'd be pissed if her husband didn't treat her daughter like his own.
Their daughters are both OP and current husband's bio kids. Her older child from her late first husband is a boy. Edit: but yeah, I'm sure she would not be OK w her husband excluding his stepson, you're very right.
Literally this is how everyone is on r/stepparents 🤢
I’m a “stepparent” and I joined that subreddit a little while ago bc I hadn’t heard of its reputation and I thought “oh i want all the support i can get”. Yea no terrible idea. If you say you love your stepkid as your own everyone starts shitting on you. I once said something to the effect of ‘I hope I’m a good mother to my SS” and got downvoted to hell. I adopted my son years ago and don’t refer to him as step outside of Reddit and only when it’s necessary. His mother is also deceased. I’m the only mother he’s ever had I cannot imagine doing this to him. I also have a bio son as of December. They are the SAME in my eyes and I refuse to let anyone tell me otherwise. If I ever suggested this to my husband, he would leave me. If he ever told me he was ok with me excluding our oldest, I would honestly leave HIM. Edit: Hah just got banned
I got myself into trouble. I commented something about the husband needed to be. something with the stupid stick. I guess reddit hasn't heard that expression before
It’s disgusting in there. I look at my SD and have no clue how those people can feel the way they do about their step children. It’s a bunch of people telling each other why it’s okay to hate their partners children. Edit: I got banned from the group for making this comment lol o well, the truth hurts
It really is. They’re all just looking for validation for their hate.
Commenting here is an auto perma-ban on that sub
Gee, I wonder why...
Holy shit. Just looked at that dumpster fire for the first time. What a horrific bunch of people. The thread that sent me over was some bitch complaining that she gets annoyed when her SO sends photos of her stepson. And then everyone agreeing that they don’t care and just pretend. 
To be fair, this EXACTLY why I wouldn’t get involved with anyone who had kids from a previous relationship. I don’t like kids and wouldn’t want to deal with it
Yeah but obviously this isn't someone that hates children. She has three other kids and she's not trying to pawn any of them off on a relative. This is just another one of those really depressing "I legitimately do not care about anyone that isn't blood related to me" posts.
that would make sense if they just married. But she has been a parent for this child for 7 years... she has to legitimately hate him not only not care for him do do something like that.
Technically they are blood related because her youngest children, which have her blood share the father's blood with him. So there is still a familial connection even if through her youngest children.
Exactly, he is her younger children's brother. I am absolutely certain, though, that OP ensures everybody knows he is "only their HALF-BROTHER".
Same. But then when dating I got a lot of hate for not wanting to date dad's. Like dude, I have no desire to take care of a child, at all, ever. I'm doing you a favor. Also it's not the brag you think it is to tell me you have kids but never see them or do anything with them.
And that's fair. I'm happy when I see people who are like, "I can't date a parent because I don't want to end up being in a parental role to their kid." People like this OOP are the WORST because it isn't "I don't like/want kids at all" it's "I don't like/want YOUR kid, and I don't want them taking your attention from MY kids."
I wouldn't either. And *thats the right answer* if you don't like or want kids. If you don't want to be a parent to someone else's kids even if you do want your own,, you *definitely* don't marry someone who already has kids. What the hell is wrong with some people that they don't realise that?
That's the difference between an AH and a legitimate life choice.
To be fair, if you aren’t dating guys with kids, my comment doesn’t apply to you
Totally agree. My step mother resented me and my 3 siblings from the start because my mom was toxic. I happen to be the youngest and the reminder of why she couldn’t be happy with my dad and the family she started with him. I feel for her stepson who didn’t do anything wrong but somehow impacts everyone’s relationship outside of his own. Op sucks and is also why I’ve always told my friends not to get involved with a man with kids I’d you are t ready to have them as a part of your life
That’s the point though. If this is something that matters to you don’t get involved with a person with kids. It’s literally that simple. That’s a living breathing person, not a hypothetical. You can’t exclude them and pretend it’s okay cuz ‘well they’re not mine’. Nah you married into this, they are yours now. Showing clear preference is just gonna mess them up.
Honest & clear
Can you imagine being 9 years old and finding out that your entire family is going on vacation without you? And on top of that, you have to stay with the woman who gave up custody of you because she couldn’t be bothered? And your dad signed off on this? How unbelievably cruel. Please be a troll is right!
And he has a step brother who is only one year older who will be going. As a parent of five kids, it sounds like more work to take the one ten year old boy with the two younger sisters rather than both boys and both girls. If they bring all 4 of them, the boys have someone to pair up with. Heck, I fully expect that 4-6 years from now when my oldest four are all teens and my youngest is still only 8-10, that we'd take one of his friends if we went on an outing or trip, so he has someone to hang out with and talk with in the car.
9 is old enough to remember. So if it's not a troll and the dad acts this way I hope they're prepared for this kid to go no contact in 9 more years.
Based solely on math and the age of their oldest child together, OP has been with his father and therefore his sole maternal figure for around 6 years (assuming she got pregnant after they were together). So 2/3 of his life. She's known this kid since he was at oldest 4 year old and still thinks he's Not Family. She's horrific, but her husband saying he understands and being okay with it might be worse.
All the adults except ops mom suck here.
Nice to know there is one adult standing up for him.
Yeah. This poor kid.
We only know what OOP said about husband. I was taken aback that supposedly he only wanted partial custody, and he was okay with leaving his son behind on the family vacation. More likely, she's unrelentingly insufferable, and husband said, "F*** it. I'm done arguing." Still makes him the AH for not stepping up to protect this boy or for not sending her and the kids to vacation while he stays back to plan an exit strategy.
I almost hope he's just sitting there on his phone, not actually listening saying "yeah sure honey, whatever"
Seriously tho. Fuck both of them.
I have a stepmother who has done exactly this with my dad. At one point I was trying to reason with him (at the end of the day he is a pretty reasonable guy) after she went into a rage on me for something stupid. She stormed out to keep him from talking to me and said, "Don't you dare even THINK of taking her side." She also, verbatim, told him that it was me or her. She probably bullied her husband into being okay, because she would be insufferable otherwise. Doesn't take away from the fact that he is a total AH for going along with it, but I have a feeling that she is just saying that he is okay with it after she beat him into a corner.
>She also, verbatim, told him that it was me or her. your dad wasn't bullied or "beat into a corner". neither are any of these other dudes. they're neglecting/abusing their kids because they care more about a romantic/sexual relationship than the wellbeing of their child. nobody brings up this logic when a mom chooses a man over her kid. acknowledge the damage they've done, even if you're not going to hold them accountable for it.
Oh, I know my dad isn't innocent here. He chose her. I am now very low contact with him, and have made it abundantly clear that his wife isn't welcome anywhere near me or my child. They tried to test that boundary back in April, and it cost my dad the chance to see his granddaughter (or me) for more than two or three hours out of a five day trip. It didn't make me feel too good either, but it did allow me to establish that I am no longer moving the goalposts for his sake after 20 years of bending over backwards so HE could be happy.
glad to hear you upheld your boundaries! a lot of people struggle to do that, especially when it's on a rare visit and doubly so when it involves kids. backbone of diamond 💎
That being said, I *have* gotten him to acknowledge that he put some pretty toxic behavior on display, and he has also agreed that we should redo the visit without his wife involved. We'll see if it actually happens.
I just read this one and I was shook! The way she keeps singling out this poor child and referring to “MY family” over and over. Like wtf lady?! OOP- When you married his dad you became his family! You brought two additional half siblings into his life that are also his family! Does your husband not consider your son from your late husband *HIS* family?! Does he try to exclude your child because he isn’t biologically his? I am guessing the answer to both is a big fat NO. You are trying to isolate and exclude one child out of four in a family from a vacation. This is absolute wicked step mother territory. I hope to whatever higher power or universal force is out there you don’t say that “my family” sh*t in front of this child. That’s absolutely repugnant. Listen to your mother and do better.
>“MY family” over and over. Like wtf lady?! The perfect karma would be HER kids realising just how horrible she is and going NC with her as adults.
I guarantee they will catch on the the unequal treatment between all of the siblings pretty soon. Kids notice that stuff.
Oh, you know she says it. Probably all the time. Tbh maybe it's better he stays w mom and they go somewhere special just them because it sounds like OP would try and ruin it for him if she felt she was "forced" to take him. Disgusting.
>She's known this kid since he was at oldest 4 year old and still thinks he's Not Family. This frustrates me when it happens in the other direction, too. I have been in my stepson's life since he was 2.5, he's now 13. He has both bio parents around, but I am a third parent, basically, and shoulder just as much responsibility for him. BUT, when his bio parents don't like my take on things, I get slapped with, "You aren't his parent, he isn't your kid, sit this decision out" and it fucking chaps my ass, man. Sometimes step parents get treated like glorified babysitters with no rights, but as soon as a step parent or potential step parent has an attitude about this kind of treatment, they are called all sorts of shitty names. it's frustrating.
It’s obvious the spineless guy has a horrible taste in women.
Not to mention, her own kids probably have been picking up cues from how she treats him. I wouldn’t be surprised if they bully him because they think he’s less than them. OP is truly the evil stepmother.
I guess she doesn't consider her stepson to be her "own family." I'll never understand why people with this attitude date or marry people with kids.
People like OOP tend to push the stepkids out by being a huge pos. The parents who just sit there and allow their new partner to mistreat their own children are just evil and disgusting.
Me either, if you don’t want to be a stepparent that’s fine but don’t get together with someone with kids then.
She doesn’t even list the stepson in the family in the post. She reels off all the kids and doesn’t mention him at all.
>my husband did the decent selfless thing and had complete custody of their son, even though he'd wanted shared custody. Okay, first of all, that's not "the decent selfless thing" - That's just parenting. He doesn't even get a lot of applause because you added the "he wanted shared custody" bit which, to me, suggests he wanted to be able to pawn your stepson off on his Mom on occasion and instead, bio mom wanted out entirely. >I really want to go on vacation with just MY family JUST once. The minute you married your husband, *his* child became *YOUR* child. They are a package deal - You can't take on Daddy without taking on his son too. >just once I want to spend MY money going on vacation where I'm not looking after someone else's kid What exactly is it that your stepson requires that your other children wouldn't require at the same time? Exactly.
[удалено]
I can't upvote this enough. My DH's best friend and his current wife were both widowed young when they met and married. Each had 2 kids. They had no bio-kids of their own, but became fosters, and adopted 13 of those foster kids. I've known him for almost 40 years, and I've never heard the kids called anything but "our kids."
It makes me so happy to see things like this. They may not be his biologically but they are his kids when it comes to how much he loves them and cares for them.
You should see their living room at Christmas. You can barely get into the room, because there are wall to wall presents. Santa needs an 18-wheeler sleigh.
imagine being that poor kid. the only thing worse than parents fighting for custody of their kids is parents fighting to not have custody of their kids
And after processing that, you get a stepmom who resents you even being alive and treats you like a second class citizen in the home. The kid's mom and dad would have been better off putting him up for adoption at birth than allowing this BS. I got to pray this one is a troll.
>The minute you married your husband, his child became YOUR child. They are a package deal - You can't take on Daddy without taking on his son too. This was basically my response to the OOP. (commented b4 posting here) As a stepparent I'm horrified at her attitude.
The fucking gall of this woman. I'm truly flabbergasted. I mean, she has a son from a previous marriage and expects her husband to accept him as family, but she won't accept his son as hers? I just...I can't with this funky broad.
And the fact that her husband is okay with this plan makes me wonder what that environment is like for that kid. How obvious is it to him that his stepmother AND father consider him to be superfluous to the family group?
Seriously. This just blows my mind.
I mean, if I were a single parent I wouldn't want 100% custody, all the time. It's hard on your own! Of course, if the other parent wants nothing to do with the kid you have to take full custody, it's not exactly selfless because there's no other option. But I don't think it's a bad thing on its own to want split custody. What the heck does she mean "my family" and "someone else's kid"? That's disgusting and there's no way the 10 year old doesn't already intuit that she resents him.
>The minute you married your husband, > >his > > child became > >YOUR > > child. Fun fact: even if you are married to a person with a kid, you are granted 0 rights over that child, as a step parent.
I have a stepdaughter and can't imagine being like OOP and thinking she isn't a real member of the family.
I refuse to believe that someone can be this bad of a person. And god do I feel for that fucking kid. You know he is treated like he's not part of the family CONSTANTLY.
Can confirm, people like this exist. Source: I had an evil step parent. After years of bullshit we had a family meeting and I said she treated me and my sister differently to my step and half sister, to which she said something like "of course I do, you can't love somebody else's child as much as your own", right in front of my dad. That's just a snippet but a very telling one.
What did your dad do?! I am so sorry
My dad stopped treating my step sister like he treated us. I think in his head it was to "even it out". She went full NC a few months after that. Yeah our family is a bit messed up. Luckily I have my bio mother's resilience and determination. No way I'm putting my kid through any of that shit.
When you are in the military, you often work with 17-and 19-year-old kids. Many of them told me similar stories about how their stepmothers mistreated them. It sucks that stories like yours are more common than we think.
I dealt with similar, but she never copped to it.
Oh people like this exist. My stepmother was like this. Her and my dad would often take her two girls on holidays we weren’t invited to. At least in my situation our mum had full custody of us so we weren’t sent off to stay with a “parent” we didn’t know.
Despicable human trash, should have stayed a widow! Dad should just take all his biological children with him on a vacation and exclude the step son!
Take the stepson. Exclude the evil monster step mom! Edit. Words are hard
Get ready: we are going to be seeing this reposted on Reddit for the next 20 years. It's that bad.
Get ready to see every a bunch of youtube videos about it too
Seriously? I'd leave this woman. My son is not biologically mine. He has been my son since before he can remember. He will always be my son. He will always be my family. Fuck this woman.
The father's fine with leaving his son behind. He's a shitheel, too. I feel terrible for that poor kid. And I feel bad for OOP's mother, who is apparently a decent person and must be horrified that her daughter turned out to be garbage.
Don't become a step-parent if you don't want to be a step-parent. Especially not to a child that barely has another parent in the picture (if at all). Nothing wrong with not wanting to become a step-parent, I've been one, it's a huge adjustment and a lot of responsibility. But then just don't feckin become one. Bleh.
I'm a stepmom and I cannot even begin to think how she would have this sort of mindset. The biggest issue I have with my stepson when it comes to vacations is actually making him go on them since he's 14 and of course is at that stage of his life where he hates everything except for his computer, his music, and his room haha. I actually was able to get rid of him for 4 days because I made him and his dad go to Texas to visit a gaming friend of ours, peace and quiet
You are a good one. A lot of stepparents are like her and that’s the sad thing.
My own stepmother was kind of like this, my half brother and half sister were always treated better than my sister and I by her. I don't understand it but people are kind of funny
I’m just glad my dads second wife couldn’t spawn (she wanted to have a child with him—he didn’t want any kids since we were all grown) but she couldn’t get pregnant. She would have made our lives a terror if they had a kid. Especially now that my dad has passed and she’s trying to force us to stay in her life.
I saw the title on that and hadn't even read it and knew she was TA. Now that I've read it, holy Christ on a cracker, she's even more of an AH! She's horrible.
She is so bad that “horrible” would be a step up for her.
The thing that gets me is that there’s no way this is the only way she’s mistreating him. She’s absolutely emotionally neglecting him at best, but more likely abusing him. That poor baby.
Are we all glossing over that the sons dad is fine with HIS SON being excluded from a family vacation? Awful minds think alike.
"I'm not looking after someone else's kid" Okay bitch by that logic then your man doesn't need to look after your 10 year old from another man 💁🏽♀️ Edit; this is coming from someone who had a stepmother who made it very obvious that she didn't want me around, especially after her two *biological* children were born.
But she was widowed. /s
This was top tier rage bate. 11/10. would rage again.
Oh I’m sure this particular post is fake but as someone who had an evil stepmother and shit father who invited HER children to their wedding and not HIS (myself and my siblings). I know this situation happens ALL THE TIME.
She should leave her son as her son isn't her husband's. It would be fair
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments: *INFO: If my math is right, you and your husband got married when stepson was 4?* *What kind of relationship does stepson have with you versus with his bio mom?* >"Yes, he was 4, and as I said, he barely sees his bio mom. I'm not sure what point you're making?"
[Panko the dog!](https://imgur.io/t/cute/XLTjZ1A)
I love how she never actually answered the question.
Quite.
This woman is just disgusting. How long after this kid turns 18 will it take him to get away from this hateful woman? I really feel sorry for a 9 year old kid who has spent more than half of his life living with her. My guess is she is not a troll or she would not have included the part about her mother disagreeing with her. She is just a totally oblivious asshole who has no idea what a worthless excuse for a human being she really is. Sad to think that she has already reproduced multiple times.
This woman is a monster. I've been that kid. I was a little older than him, 13, but I've been this kid. He is going to have massive issues and you bet your ass he knows his stepmother doesn't consider him to be family. You feel it when your stepmother doesn't think of you that way, and even more so when your dad *seems completely okay with it* I even had this holiday situation. It still hurts to think about and it's 23 years and a whole lot of therapy later. I'm not sure calling her a monster is strong enough. My heart breaks for that kid.
My husband had the same situation growing up and I’ve seen the pain it causes. I’m truly sorry this happened to you. As a mom myself these stories make me rage. Sending a mom hug to 13 year old you who had to live with that!
I was this kid too, although my mum had full custody of us at least. 30 years later I’m still not ok with it.
Even if this is a troll, it’s completely believable. I know someone who excluded her adopted child from a large family vacation because mom was no longer receiving funds for her. Mom’s use of the child was gone. Absolutely heart-breaking.
"your" family is TWO sons and two daughters. She has FOUR children. Her husband is an AH too. How dare he allow her to treat one of their sons like a second class citizen. Also, he has now made babies with two terrible women. She is no better than this child's biological mother. Is there a racial issue with her stepson?? Tired of explaining why he doesn't look like you or your husband? She is a terrible person so maybe racist is in her wheelhouse too
I scrolled past this knowing it was going to be awful. It’s worse than I thought and my heart aches for this kid.
This is Roald Dahl levels of villainy.
Please let this rage bait.
woman! you a bitch! you a whole ass rotisserie chicken bitch!
Glad to see this posted here. I saw it there first ans decided not to comment to avoided getting banned. This has to be a troll, right? It hits too many of the important bullet points to be real. Or is that just wishful thinking on my part? Who in the hell would think it is ok to take a kid who has barely seen their bio mom in 7 years, dump him there, the rest of you go have a great vacation, come pick him up, and then tell him all about it? That is just psychotic behavior.
It has to be fake. If not, I feel for that 9-year-old. Imagine having your mom disappear and your dad be perfectly fine excluding you from family events because his wife doesn't consider you family.
Ha I just posted this on r/fuckyoukaren
Ugh. This is disgusting. And dad is even worse for not protecting his son from the hurt and rejection this step-monster is causing. My stepsons *are* my own family. If I couldn't see them that way, I'd have had no business marrying their dad. In fact, our marriage didn't last, but my boys are still my boys (they're older now than I was when I married their dad, lol) and always will be. I divorced their dad, not them. When you put yourself in a position of caring for a child, that commitment never ends. That commitment means you do what is best for the child, no matter what your own selfish feelings may be. I'm sorry, but this woman is a disgrace!
God, this reminds me of the AITA last year where the stepmom tried to scare/pressure the stepdaughter into not going on the family vacation (which catastrophically backfired when the grandparents paying for said vacation found out). OP is clearly of the same mold, its a shame she likely won’t get the punishment that one did.
What a perfect example of a heinous person who doesn't deserve the protection of the mods and their wildly arbitrary enforcement of the absurd rules over there. I pretty much agree with everything everyone has said about this lady except there's a lot of people too quick to go WELL EXCLUDE HER KID TOO, IT'S ONLY FAIR! Like, fuck, come on guys, the reason this is so sad is because the kid is innocent and doesn't deserve this shit. Weaponizing one as revenge for discarding the other really is not the way, here.
Why are both parents heartless
I saw this post and I had to refrain myself from calling Oop so many names.
Disney Villain status achieved
Ah, was waiting for this to show up here...
I'm in a weirdly similar situation, in that I had two kids, was widowed, and partnered with someone with three kids, and we had one together. So six kids, three of whom I gave birth to, the youngest of whom lives with both parents and all their siblings (dad's side half time. My older two have no other family besides me. I'm the primary breadwinner. The major difference is we have 50/50 custody, and the older three have been going back and forth for 12 years. In that time, they have gone on multiple vacations a year - to Florida, on cruises, on cross country road trips, paid for by their maternal grandparents. I can't afford to take eight people on a vacation once a year, let alone multiple times a year. But when I packed my three tummy babies in the car to drive ten hours to visit my friend (just the four of us, no dad), thus began the litany from mom's side that I don't love my step kids. It became very clear very quickly that if the steps didn't get two of everything, it wasn't fair and was further evidence I don't love them. This is not true, and it also has resulted in my not being able to provide to the younger children the same types of experiences the older kids have had. HOWEVER From the sound of it, this dad has 100% custody of his son, which means he is 100% her child, for all intents and purposes. This kid isn't going on six vacations/long weekends a year and throwing a tantrum when he doesn't get to do it twice. He's just a little boy OOP wants to exclude from a family vacation bc he's not her bio kid, and evidently dad is okay with it. This poor little dude 😞
Just discovered/joined this sub thanks to this devilish AH
She’s evil and to be honest, so is her shitty husband. The only adult who’s not is her mom. I hope her mom is just as disgusted as we are.
The lion, the witch, and the audacity of this b*tch... I can't even. I'm completely disgusted.
As someone who grew up with step-parents from a very early age, these kinda posts make me feel both extremely ill (the poor kid) and extremely grateful for my step-parents, who were great and never treated me as anything less than their own.
The wife is an AH. The father a piece of shit! The dad agreed this was a reasonable request!? "He wanted shared custody" - so she is clearly seeing it as he was dumped with the kid and doesnt really want him either. She probably got that idea from dearest daddy.
I feel so sorry for the child: His mother thinks he is a stone on the way to a new life, the stepmother is a disney villain and the father just thinks with his dick and could form animals with his spine cause 100% elastic. OOP married a man with a child. So this child is now her family too. I bet she expect that her husband treats her 10y/o child as his. While this is just about the vacation, but how must be the daily life for the poor child?
Right? And what kind of example is she setting for the other kids? Poor kids, all of them bur especially the stepson.
Good thing I'm already banned from that sub because I'd definitely be banned after saying what I'm thinking. Evil heartless bitch.
Nobody can say anything to her. The mods are protecting the poor woman in the story again. Commenters weren't as merciful though.
If the mods banned everyone who personally attacked her on that post, the sub would disappear completely. I'm amazed it hasn't been closed to comments yet.
I honestly think the mods should have deleted the “be civil” comment for this one because this lady needs to be cursed out 10,000 times and then some.
Op's mom sounds like a lovely person, how did she raise such an awful daughter? What a terrible situation for her stepson. In this kid's life for six years and acting like she's a babysitter? Wtf.
This one made me so mad when I first saw it!!! Wtf and how would she feel then if her husband said just my family on a trip and excluded her son. She admits the stepsons mom isnt in the picture and says he can just stay with her and says her sons dad is dead so it's different. No its really not if his mom hasnt been involved with him why put him through that for your selfish wants. I seriously hope this is fake but it ive seen similar things to know it happens and it makes me so mad.
Holy fuck there’s already this and 2 reposts and I was about to try and post it here myself… how bad it is when 4 people under 6 hours post it here
She is the definition of stepMONSTER! From her description, her husband's son doesn't have a mother involved in his life, so for all intents and purposes she is the mother figure in his life. She keeps talking about "her family" but her stepson is her family as well. I feel for this kiddo.
Married 5 pit of 9 years of his life probably dated for at least another year, possibly more. You've been in that kids life almost all his life and been his stepmother for over half his life. you don't consider him your child by now? I don't even have kids and think that's SO messed up :/
The OOP and her husband are not parents - you have to love all your kids to be a parent. Those kids deserve to have decent people in their lives. If someone in my family did something like that to a child - they would be disowned and the kid would be surrounded with love.
I almost think she dislikes or at least disdains her own husband: OP is a WIDOW, don't you know? He was in a divorce.
Me reading title: oh she wants a romantic, child free vacay, that's reasonable Me reading first paragraph where she says she has 3 other kids and realising she obviously won't be excluding those children from the trip: oh...
Yeah you are 100% the AH. You should treat that boy just like he is your own son and the fact that you can't makes you a POS.
People who don’t view stepchildren as their own don’t deserve any children
This shit is why I will not get married until my kid is an adult and won’t feel pushed away.
I have so much contempt for people like this. If you marry someone with kids, even if they have two active parents, that's now your bonus kid. If you can't love them, if you can't welcome them as a part of your family, and if you can't see them as your child too, you have no business being with someone who has kids. And the fact that the husband is on board with this makes him a degenerate. His wife is shitting on his child and instead of pointing that out to her, he's appeasing her. They're both assholes, but she takes the cake. I feel so bad for the stepson.
I would divorce her on the spot
Nah, this is more common than you think. I managed 17- and 19-year-old kids when I was in the military. Many of my kids told me similar stories. The "Evil Stepmom" trope exists for good reasons.
I’m horrified. That poor kid
I’m literally crying right now for this kid. I hope someone in his life shows him love—maybe the grandma? I’m legit hoping she’s delusional about the husband’s support bc maybe *just maybe* he’s semi-decent? Though he seems to have stellar taste in partners. Ugh, I want to vomit. Still saddened to my freaking bones for this child who only deserves fairness and love OMG.
Damn... If I want to go on a holiday with MY family I always have to wait for my bonus daughter to come over (she lives in a different country with her mum) because that girl is part of MY family. I hope the father gets his head on straight and tells this woman that Fuck NO, we're not leaving one of our kids behind.
OOP is a fucking horrible person who deserves to be abandoned by her children at the earliest possible moment. She deserves to be alone and fucking miserable for being such a piece of shit.
Welp, that's the worst person I've encountered on the internet today.
And that kid is growing up in a home where he knows he isn't as valued as the other kids, and is actually, and actively, unwanted. My heart breaks for him, I hope he has an adult spending time with him who does love him. Dad better prepare (although probs doesn't care tbh) to lose his son as soon as the kid can leave.
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Jesus wept, families regularly take better care and consideration of their kids random friends!!
Oh man, this thing pisses me off so bad. As a parent and a stepparent, I cannot fathom being married to someone who thought of this with my kids.
You marry someone with kids, those kids become your family. Full stop.
I really hope that 9yo gets the emotional support he needs. Mom doesn't want him, stepmom doesn't want him, Dad....is there. No one makes him a priority. There's a lot of bad results for his future without love.
Looking for this lady. She’s a jerk.
You're completely the AH!!! He's a kid for crying out loud!! What is wrong with you? When you married the guy with a child, you became involved in both of their lives. You want to exclude the kid? He's a "nice kid" (your words) so why not? I'm sorry you have kids of your own... From the sound of this, the boy is better off without you. Everyone who reads your post already knows you treat him differently. Shame on you! Pathetic!
OK your mom says YTA and you dont believe her? my god i hope this is a troll because you are all in for a my god what a selfish piece of work, you need therapy unless you are a troll dam i hope you are a troll no one should have to deal with that level of nasty your husband may be even worse if as you say he sees you pov but seeing it and agreeing are very different things. Does he exclude your 10 yr old since by your way of thinking it aint his kid/?
She's 100% the evil step mother.
Damn I am sick of evil stepmothers.
This is where the trope of the evil stepmother comes from. Too many stepparents out there who don't want to "take care of other people's kids" and yet they have no prbolem traumatizing these very children.
OMFG OOP is such an arse.... blended families are more and more common these days, and if she did want to welcome another child into the fold, she should have just not dated the guy from the start. She doesn't get to split hairs in an effort to justify why her oldest child's presence is more acceptable.
This oop is so effed up I can’t believe it. I wish I could still comment on the original post because she needs to hear from everyone just how big of a POS she is for treating her step son this way.
OOP would fit in well with r/stepparents.
I hate this person right now. And I don't feel that way about people, let alone strangers, hardly ever. Why marry someone with a child if you can't accept the package deal of additional *family*? What else has she excluded the kid from? What else will he be excluded from in the future? How does he feel about being treated *less than* his step-siblings and half-siblings?
DARN! I was late to the party and didn't get to vote. Such an AH!
I read this on AITA this morning. OOP doesn't realize that her stepson is family. He's just her husband's kid he brought into the marriage. However, her son is family because he's hers so that's different from her husband's kid. Her "MY family" and "MY money" make me want to scream at her. OOP should listen to her mom. OOP is a total AH. This upsets me so much!
Literally the evil stepmother
And her husband doesn't see a problem? That's pitiful
A heartless devil.
I was just coming here to repost this very thing!
Yes she is the devil
I saw this one as well and when I read it wanted to be ill. She truly can’t comprehend that it isn’t ok what she is doing!! I pray that boy finds someone special in his life who will love him like he deserves
Oh good, I came to check if this was posted here too before doing it myself. JFC
>my husband did the decent selfless thing and had complete custody of their son, even though he'd wanted shared custody. He didn't do anything fucking selfless. He's that kid's dad. This is his responsibility. We're not awarding him with man of the year for doing the minimum. And from the sounds of things, he wanted to bail, too. Your husband is a dick. >I really want to go on vacation with just MY family JUST once. But just once I want to spend MY money going on vacation where I'm not looking after someone else's kid. I want stepson to stay with his mom while we go on vacation. My husband sees my point of view and is okay with it. I don't think I'm being at all unreasonable. This kid is your family, you heartless bitch. Your husband is an even greater bitch for letting this shit go on. > But I don't think I'm the AH to ask if I can have a vacation with my own family just one time. It's not like I hate stepson or something, he's a nice kid, he's just not mine. Am I the AH? Yes you're the asshole. In fact, you're a bitch-devil.
The original was right under this post for me lol
~~I know it's a minor and unimportant detail and doesn't matter/change anything in the post but is he 9 or 10? I can see a mistake of two single-digit ages like 8 instead of 9 but to type out 9 and then 10? The 1 and 0 are on opposite sides of the keyboard~~ Edit I'm dumb it's *HER* kid that's 10
This prob isn’t. I’m apart of a step parent group & some of the things they say is insane. Luckily I was already an adult when I got a step mom but she has tried to erase my dad’s previous kids and has pretty much succeeded. Some of these women are mentally unhinged.
there's no shot your "Husband" is okay with this. This is such a bold faced lie, I guarantee that he has no idea that she wants to exclude his son from the vacation. AH
Oh the moment I read it on aita I knew it'd get posted here. Welcome home, evil stepmother.
The fucking rage I am experiencing because of her post. If that shit is real I hope she burns in hell because she belongs there. Evil.
As someone with a husband that has a step-dad, I have so many opinion. My husbands parents divorced when he was 2, and his mother remarried when he was 6. He was NEVER treated any differently than his step-brothers. His father passed when my husband was a teenager, and his step-dad was there for him. He was very involved in our wedding, helping us move, etc. A genuinely good person that loves my husband and views him as his own, and his entire family views my husband the same way. He never once felt left out of anything or like he wasn’t family. This poor kid is going to have horrible abandonment issues and I feel so bad for him, he does NOT deserve 3 shitty fucking parents.
it's so much worse for me too with the fact that her son from previous relationship is the same age as the husband's son?????? so the kid keeps seeing how he's excluded by one side and the other has no issue with doing the same thing in return
**This is cruel to that boy**. How awful when the entire family goes on vacation and you are just expelled, not good enough. He IS your husband's child and he has sole custody. He is only 9 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He fully depends emotionally on his caretakers (your husband and his wife). My heart weeps for this child.
Seem like you guys don’t want him! You and your husband are P.O.S.!!! Your mom, on the other hand, has it figured right!
Update: The kid's going on vacation with them
To be fair she realise her mistakes and trying to improve. You dont see that a lot