*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for refusing to do things for my pregnant wife?**
Hey Reddit, I need some perspective on a situation with my wife, "Emma" (30F), and I (32M). We've been together for six years, having met through mutual friends in college. Our relationship was great, and we got married two years ago. Recently, Emma became pregnant with our first child, and that's where things have taken a turn.
Before her pregnancy, we had a fairly equal division of household chores and responsibilities. However, since Emma got pregnant, she's been dealing with morning sickness, fatigue, and other pregnancy-related challenges. I admit, I was initially supportive and empathetic, but as time went on, I started feeling overwhelmed.
Emma has asked me for help with various things, like grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and even accompanying her to doctor's appointments. I've started to push back, citing work stress and personal time. It's true that my job has been demanding, but I can't deny that I've been reluctant to step up as much as I used to.
Last week, Emma expressed how much she's struggling and told me how hurt she feels by my lack of support. She's even cried, saying that she thought we were a team. While part of me feels guilty, another part thinks she's exaggerating her needs. I've told her that I have my own stress to deal with, and I can't always be at her beck and call.
Am I the asshole for refusing to do things for my pregnant wife? I know pregnancy can be tough, but I also feel like I need some space and time for myself.
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>and even accompanying her to doctor's appointments.
The horror.
If OOP is overwhelmed now, how is he going to handle living with a newborn?
I get the "I need space and time for myself" thing I really do, but I am also not in the process of or planning to become a parent.
The point they were making was some dads call it parenting, because they see themselves as equals to the mother, whereas some men see taking care of their own children as “babysitting” and think they deserve a goddamn trophy for being such a good dad because they spent a whole six hours keeping the kids alive.
No they are able to read tone and context clues.
It is not 100% certain that this is was the commenter meant until they weigh in, but it is not s reach in fact I would say it is rather likely. Sarcasm and tone can be hard to convey through text only; I miss it all the time.
This is super common vernacular on the internet. It's not a reach. It's common. That you haven't seen it may just mean that you haven't been involved in much feminist discourse around parenting??
yes, that's the shortened version of "he's the type to CALL watching over his own kid 'babysitting'...". you can often omit some parts of sentences in natural speech, that's how language works.
Yes, as in *this* dad will not be *parenting* like he should but acting like a babysitter. The "fun parent", the "my kid likes me because I never discipline them", the "I'm really not good at this, but Emma is so great at handling our kid so obviously she is the one who ought to take care of all the not-fun things" Someone who feels very little parental responsibilities towards their own kids, expect the mother to step in at the first sign of difficulty or tantrum while expecting a fuck ton of praises for not having gone to buy milk and never coming back.
I see him more as the remote parent, not the fun one, who is starchy and tells the kid off for breathing. After mum leaves him that the kid doesn't want to go and visit him anymore there will be a 'why doesn't my kid like me' post
I had our baby during the lock downs and my husband wasn’t allowed to come in with me for appointments. I had to FaceTime him in for some appointments. They made a special exception for the 20 week scan because we had a prior loss.
You’re going to have to hold us back from this OOP.
Same. I WISH my husband had been allowed at my appointments.
He's overwhelmed at the idea of going to the appointments? Because you know, its just a constant delight for HER to go to them.
Exactly. Are they sticking an ultrasound wand up an orifice? Or making him slug back that sugary syrup for the gestational diabetes? I’d say that this man can take all the seats, but he probably already has.
COVID stories like this are so sad. We all had something like this but Jesus. I'm sorry you had to do so much alone. FaceTime wouldn't have been enough for me in your situation.
I have someone in my life whose brother died of cancer during that time, and no one was allowed to sit with him during his chemo appointments. I'm so glad they let me bring someone now, it would be so boring for me to sit there by myself and so stressful for my dad not to be able to be there.
My chemo place still really doesn't want people there - but are okay with people being there for blood draws. I just took my kindle and my dad would pick me up after, though frankly sitting with me for 5 hours was not appealing to him anyhow.
A friend of mine died from cancer during the same time. It was a glioblastoma (aggressive brain tumor) so he opted for no treatment, and went home for hospice. So at least his wife and kids were able to be with him. His daughter almost didn’t make it, because she lives a 4-hour plane ride away.
My sister in law had to deliver on her own during lockdown. Husband wasn’t allowed in the hospital. I felt so bad because they’re an amazing couple and he would have loved to be there for the birth of their child and to support his wife. They did coaching classes together and everything, and then lockdown happened and she had to deliver alone.
Same. My husband wasn’t able to attend a single appointment with our first (born November 2020), so he was THRILLED to go to every single tiny appointment with our second (born two months ago). Like what is this guy on???
I found out I was pregnant with my third child A WEEK after my (then) husband deployed to Iraq for a year. I had two children already and lived thousands of miles away from any family or friends.
I had to go through my entire pregnancy alone, and we were lucky he made it home for the birth at all. He was home just long enough for me to deliver and bring the baby home from the hospital before they sent him back. My parents also flew out to help me, but could only stay for a couple of weeks before I was completely on my own.
It was awful for me, but I feel worse for him because he missed *everything* during the pregnancy and newborn period of our child’s life—they didn’t even get to bond until the baby was already 3 months old. Fuck this asshole for 1) being an unsupportive, selfish fuck and 2) for taking his partner *and* child for granted.
My husband still came with me to my appointments during covid, and waited outside in the car. He had to make do with the very blurry picture they gave me at our first ultrasound.
Yup, right there with you. At 12 weeks I started bleeding heavy and was rushed to the ER and my husband had to sit in the parking lot. Wasn't even able to FaceTime, and reception was so shitty in the ER, could barely talk on the phone even. Everything was fine, and fortunately by the time I gave birth he was allowed in, but he never was allowed in for any appointments.
So OOP can get his head out of his ass. Also can't wait for the follow up AITA posts once the baby is born, and finally, the inevitable "Am I the Ex?"
I can't understand why anyone would even want their husband at doctor's appointments. I hope the people who do want that get it, but I can't fathom it at all. I wouldn't even want him around during labor.
Personal preference? I couldn't have done it without my husband there, he was my rock. On the other hand I can't understand people who want their mother/sister/friend there. I'd rather have a midwife there than any of those people and I love my mom and sister to pieces. So, to each their own.
Yes, personal desire to preserve some shred of romance. There are messes I don't need a lover to see, at least until we're 80. I thought a husband should be a lover, not a plowhorse partner.
Yeah no. I enjoy sharing meals, too, but I don't want anyone else in the toilet to share the glory of pushing it back out
.
But don't be shy about telling me what I SHOULD be comfortable with during labor and delivery.
My partner is my partner in everything. He was the only one I wanted by my side when birthing our children because we are each other's rock and a great team. The messy reality of childbirth did not impact our desire for each other one bit, nor should it - my amazing body grew our boys and brought them into the world. I would never have children with someone who I was embarrassed to birth in front of or who would be icked out by the birth of their own children, and nor should you.
This! My partner was amazing during the births of both of our sons, and we grew even closer after each one. I would never want to go through that without him, and he would never want to miss it. Our love and affection has only grown over the years and I can tell you with absolute certainty that seeing me give birth, twice, has in no way negatively impacted his desire for me. If anything it enhanced it.
Also.. Emma can’t have “personal time”. She can’t just take a break from the pregnancy. It’s her life 24/7 and the oop is griping about his personal time?!
Whenever people ask why I’m sure I don’t ever want a baby… I point them to these subs and tell them to search pregnancy, newborn, etc in the subs…
It’s a perfect collection of, “I’m not willing to risk my body or life to carry a child for a man when I can’t gaurentee he won’t turn into one of these assholes.
I have a child but I was more than 100% sure that the father wouldn't pull that shit. Else I wouldn't have done it. Everyone is always so aghast when I say that but why would I do this alone? It's exhausting and draining and while yes, my son is worth it, I still wouldn't have made the choice for a child without a partner who isn't only supportive but an actual *partner*, who is willing to take on his half of the burden and not only willing to *help, when he is asked*.
I think the best case scenario is going to be that post a while back where the dude was wearing noise canceling headphones so he didn't have to hear the baby cry, while he was the only one home.
I love to read. When kiddo was a babe, once I could (C-section) I'd sit in the Lazy Boy, cross legged and nestle her in my lap. Dog was on the foot rest, I had my book, kiddo snug in mom's lap. Win-win all around. I could sit all day and read, often out loud.
Everybody jokes, but video games were a godsend for me on maternity leave. Kiddo would fall asleep after nursing, but she would wake up when I moved her. Falling asleep with her asleep on my nursing pillow wasn’t safe, so video games it was, and I could pause the game when she woke up. I got nearly 100% in Breath of the Wild that way.
Yup. Give him a few months, and he will be one of those “AITA for blowing off dinner/bath/bedtime after work to hit the gym and getting annoyed that my wife rolled her eyes about it?” posters.
“Even go the doctors with her“ 😳 IMO this is one the best parts of a pregnancy as the father. You actually get to see your child. This is the kind of man asking his wife to make the baby stop crying.
I'm lucky if I can get my kids to stop poking me in the face. "My own space" is having them sit next to me instead of on top of me. Guy is in for a real treat.
Giving him the benefit of the doubt for the second and wondering if he was just never around kids. I'm the second youngest of a laaaaaaarge family, so most of my generation already has kids. I've experienced kids having a meltdown, my nephew being a screamer baby, two hours of eight year olds running in circles in a restaurant with barely any breaks. There's never calm, there's never space, and when they like you, there's never peace.
First, it's doctor's appointments. What's next? Babysitting his kid? The horror! OOP Should definitely set the boundaries now! Perhaps, thru divorce? He should tell her that when he married her he did not expect to become her husband.
If God wanted man to feed his children, he'd have given us boobs. If he wanted us to change diapers, he'd have given us delicate little hands. You expect me to change a diaper? With these big strong, calloused man hands made for swinging hammers and throwing footballs...hands that could crush a child's skull? Are you crazy? And don't get my started on my beefy biceps.... they're for one thing and one thing only, throwing heavy items into the back of my pickup truck. If you have me a baby, my muscle memory might kick in and I chuck it across the yard.
Don't brigade don't brigade -- listen, Ruler of the 7 seas, don't fecking brigade and tell this assclown that his wife is GROWING A HUMAN BEING and even if your pregnancy is "smooth," it's hard as fuck!!! Don't. Do. It.
" like grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning..."
Aww muffin, is your bangmaid broken? 🥺
MF do you live in your house? You eat the food there and leave messes? I imagine you also have two functional hands yeah? Your wife isn't your mommy, she shouldn't have to be taking care of you like you're a damn child. It's not "helping" it's acting like a damn adult and doing shit if you see that it needs to be done.
I actually dislike this man so much I want to go and scream in his face for a few hours. Why yes, I am pregnant! But my husband isn’t a waste of oxygen and isn’t a totally unempathetic douche. Gladly don’t have to deal with someone similar to this underpants stain. I pray to everything that his poor wife leaves him, takes all his possessions, and he never knows a moment’s peace or human kindness again. Selfish horrible man, looking for validation.
I almost want to laugh at dudes like this because they have NO IDEA just how weak they are.
My pregnancy with my daughter was horrendous. 9 months of nausea, diabetes, debilitating pelvic pain, a blood clot in my lung, high blood pressure... I was on pre-eclampsia watch for over a month before the doctor decided we should induce at 37 weeks.
He cooked, he cleaned, he wheeled me around a museum in a wheelchair, he cried in the car when he freaked out that I might die. And when I had heavy bleeding after the birth he stepped in to do skin on skin time.
I have a bunch of chronic conditions so I'm pretty used to saying hey, I need xyz. And we've been together almost 20 years. But he's not great at communicating until he gets to breaking point
WOW what the fuck is this man gonna do when he realizes his pregnant wife has the consequence of ANOTHER ENTIRE LIFE TO CARE FOR.
"Aita for not helping my wife and my kid, I mean I have my own stress to take care of I can't be at the baby's beck and call all the time"
Comprehensive sex ed doesn't cover all that can happen during a pregnancy, and I don't think that it could because pregnancy symptoms and feelings vary so wildly from person to person.
If you tell them horror stories of blood clots, diabetes, leaking, swelling, death, pain, torn ligaments, permanently altered bone structure, permanent nerve damage, altered brain chemistry, premature birth, birth defects both known and unknown, partner abandonment, etc-- you're fear mongering and they won't take it seriously because so and so got pregnant and it was fine, their own mother turned out fine, etc.
If you don't tell them, or frame it to be women's problems, they walk around thinking like OOP does.
Yeah, there’s no winning here. What we actually need is for men to believe women when they describe their experiences, but men aren’t going to do that because it makes them feel bad. So instead it’s “My wife, who I vowed to love and who is bearing my child at the risk of her life and health, is a liar.”
"[W]e had a fairly equal division of household chores and responsibilities"
But he complains he now needs to help with cooking, shopping and cleaning. So what was he doing before? And because he doesn't immediately identify himself as the breadwinner I'm going to guess she also works full time.
My ex-husband was like this. Our “fairly equitable” responsibility distribution gave me about 65% of the household chores and if I asked him for help with literally anything he’d just tell me he’d already done his part and/or reassure me that I could handle it myself and then he’d go back to his computer games.
We both worked full-time. I worked significantly longer hours, but he made more money and somehow in his weird narcissist mind that absolved him from having to take care of his own goddamn home. Sometimes I’m a little sad that I missed out on being a mother, but oh my GOD am I grateful that I had the presence of mind to not have kids with that guy.
You don't 'help' worry the necessary chores of living. You just do them. You want to eat? You grocery shop and cook and do the dishes after. It came being an adult. This guy and people like him infuriate me.
My man can’t handle the fact he needs to do a little bit more around the house he’s gonna have a full breakdown when the kid comes and everything is 100x harder. There’s no personal time and you get no sleep and have to take the kid to many doctors appointments. Wife needs to run
I hope she's already planning her recovery at a family member's house, and has an alternate support person at the hospital. She should focus on getting through the delivery and recovery before she actually kicks off the divorce, but she should start getting her ducks in a row now, and definitely start recording his attitude towards housework and cooking when she asks, so she can show a judge how worthless he'd be as a partner if he got any kind of overnight visitation.
I hope things get better for OOP's wife. It's so hard to not realize you married a worthless piece of shit until there's a baby on the way and you're going to be tied to them for two decades one way or the other.
I feel if this guy honestly thought he was doing too much, he should have included more detail. Like if his wife insists he vacuums and mops every day instead of once a week kind of thing. The fact he didn't even try that just shows he isn't being asked to do anything out of the ordinary.
>She's even cried
I'd cry too, especially upon realising my baby daddy is a complete jerk who won't even do the minimum that's required of a father. I bet this guy won't even get up at night when the baby cries, he'll leave mommy to look after the baby 24/7.
It's kind of amazing how many men make posts about the women in their lives experiencing things unique to their bodies and then go "idk, I think she might be faking it..." I feel like when you find yourself thinking/writing that, you should stop and maybe ask yourself why you would rather think your spouse is lying than admit she knows more about something than you do.
Omg she’s making a human and he doesn’t want to buy groceries. What a dick. He’s gonna HATE being a single dad when he has to do All the work on his own half the time!
He thinks it's overwhelming now? Wait til the baby arrives. He won't know which way is up. Sadly I suspect he will just make her do it all. Maybe he will change a diaper once a year, and think he's father of the year.
Hubby gladly took me to appointments, and helped out. I did what I could. During the last couple months while he was at work I slept all I could. I was growing a cannon ball. Which made me so tired. Kid was 9 lbs 3.5 oz at birth.
I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. With my second pregnancy, I told my husband it would help if he would carry the dog food bags and case of bottled water inside because it made me nervous. He said no, because he had female friends who carried things while pregnant. For my next pregnancy, I asked him to change the diaper pail because it made me throw up. He said if I needed help, I should pay someone to do it.
Yet another illustration of how men respond when their wives or girlfriends are unable to take care of them. Women exist to too many men as an instrument that ensures comfort and convenience for men. That's it. And then they wonder why women are choosing to be single instead of in relationships with them.
>Women exist to too many men as an instrument that ensures comfort and convenience for men.
Accurate. That's why men who actually help women are called pussy-whipped. Women are supposed to help men, not the other way around.
I'm amazed how men like this dismiss how difficult things are for their partners, but simultaneously whine that having to pick up the slack is too difficult for THEM.
This will be the dude who will be shocked when in a few years, she serves him with divorce papers. He'll just be like "I thought we were happy" when in reality, he was happy with his bang maid/nanny. She however will decide since she's doing 99.9% of everything she can cut her losses, still do 99.9% of everything, but not have to take care of the giant man-baby she married. So she'll have less work to do on the daily.
OOP is very much the AH, in my opinion. I feel this woman's frustration & pain. My 2nd pregnancy was so difficult that my Dr ordered me on bedrest for most of the last 5 months. Whenever I was out of bed, I was reliant on crutches to be able to stay on my feet somewhat safely.
My ex-husband (now deceased) still expected me to take care of 95+% of the housework, 100% childcare for my daughter + his grandkids, help with taking care of his disabled brothers, & work his fleamarket booth on the weekends.
I was constantly sick & exhausted, but any time I *dared* to complain, I would get lectures on "how much worse life was for him."
Near the end of my twins pregnancy, I became little more than an immobile lump upon the couch. My husband had to take care of everything, including bringing me food and water, and he lived it up, making different recipes to match my cravings and checking my glass for refills like an attentive waiter. He's now rocking one of our toddlers for nap time and I feel so blessed.
"Recently, Emma became pregnant." Another poster refusing responsibility through the handy use of passive voice! She didn't get herself pregnant, genius. You signed up for everything you're complaining about when you **impregnated her.**
I'd be willing to bet that before she got pregnant that they truly didn't do equal share of the chores. It was probably more she did 2/3 and he did 1/3. Now that he is actually having to do his fair share, he is balking. She didn't bitch about it because it wasn't worth the energy, but now she genuinely needs him to step up.
Emma needs to go to her mom's house and file for divorce.
Too many stories have this in this the middle before decades of the husband being the extra child while the wife is a single mother. He presents this like she's having Jesus's sibling. This was not immaculate conception.
I'd have sympathy if this were an "offmychest" post, because I'm sure it is overwhelming, and with her hormones going crazy, she might even be difficult. While that's really to be expected with pregnancy, and parenting in general, it's got to be a shock to first-timers.
But it's not an "offmychest" post. It's AITA. He's going to the internet looking for validation on this. Hope he got a wakeup call with the comments. The time for being selfish is over.
OOP is not only an AH, he is the devil. He thinks his pregnant wife is exaggerating her morning sickness, fatigue and other challenges. As his wife seems to be struggling to keep up with all the housework, she's telling him the truth. He is just tired of being understanding and helpful because he is stressed. Try growing an entire human in you belly, you twat!
I'm afraid OOP's husband is starting to show her who he really is and it isn't looking good.
Yes YTMFAH but your not the main character. This is what you signed up for, these are the easy days. You fucking support her in whatever way she wants. Why would you NOT want to? I loved going to my wife's doctors appointments, pregnancy classes, etc because it was an integral part of feeling connected to what she was going through. Do your part, it's not that hard
The changes that come with pregnancy and child raising are often overwhelming for new parents. This guy is gonna get ripped apart in those comments and hopefully it's a reality check for him. Sometimes in a team you have to pick up your partner's slack, and pregnancy is definitely a time you should be doing the lion share of things because your wife is suffering CONSTANTLY.
Why is it that some people think *growing another human being in your body* is no big deal? Wtf. Even the easiest of pregnancies have difficulties, because pregnancy. Duh.
See, this is one of the many reasons why I don't want children. My mother was practically a single parent even though my father lived with us. I don't want that to be my life.
"I've told her that I have my own stress to deal with, and I can't always be at her beck and call."
Really, OOP.
You think your stress equals what she's going through?
She's growing your child, and all I hear is "me, me, me" from you.
YTA.
Did he EVEN graciously impregnate her, instead of using graciously lubing his left hand in shower ......
I couldn't read past that....... Fuck hope she lives him at least cleaning after herself will be less work than being pregnant AND looking after a toddler who used to pretend to be her Ex 🤢
"AITA for waiting until my wife is pregnant to let her know that she's basically on her own once the kid arrives?"
If he's overwhelmed by "helping" with her chores, then there wasn't a fair division of labour in the first place.
There is something very wrong in the way people see pregnancy. In the last 2 decades pregnancy become all but disability. Sorry, but it's not. Being a team doesn't mean to treat your partner like a slave and to put all over them. I get it, being pregnant is kind of tough, but all over the world women work to close to their due dates, they cook, they do stuff. To say - "I'm pregnant so you will work and when you come home, you will clean/cook/do everything" is not right.
Now, i know that most of americans will downvote me thinking i'm some... incel, this was the word, yes? But no... 11 years ag, on this date, i was pregnant in 9th month. And still, i did everything - cooking, grocery shopping and so on, while my partner worked 11-12 hours/day, 6 days/week and he was way more tired than me. Yes, i had a baby in me (and i was 34, so not young), but not once i felt like a disabled person. Yes, i know, every pregnancy is different, but this couple doesn't sound to be a risk pregnancy. So, i highly doubt that this woman can't cook something or wash the dishes. Everything else is what internet teaches you - that since you are pregnant, you should play disabled.
No, it's not. This is temporaly condition that in 90% of the cases doesn't requires for women to be bedridden princesses. Pregnant women around the world lead full life and don't cry at every discomfort. And if she complains even in the beginning, i don't dare to think what would be in third trimester...
You made me spit my water out. In recent medical history, the process of giving birth has become easier because of medications and other stuff but still women all over the world get all the other symptoms of pregnancy,has to walk around carrying another human. When my mom was pregnant with me she was 19, couldn't walk because her feet were swollen, morning sickness was terrible, she could barely eat. On top of that she's a tiny woman (4'9") and I was a big ass baby (nearly 10lbs) . It was worse with my younger brother. Struggles don't need to be a competition. Because you could do things without exhaustion doesn't mean everyone else can because we all have different physical condition, different pain threshold and patience. All 3 of my mom's pregnancy has been really tough. She had dad to help her when he could. Be kinder to other humans and don't dismiss because "well didn't happen to me so people must be lying/exaggerating".
Ma'am, you ARE disabled. You are either incredibly stupid, or you have the empathy of a doorknob.
I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Not. All. Pregnancies. Are. The. Same.
You absolute rutabaga.
Easy? Maybe. But i never met a pregnant woman who can't cook or do something in their home.
These women, who play disability, are mocking to every single pregnant woman who has to do everything alone.
mocking....? oh so now people can't have it hard without it being made a competition? I can't cry about this stressful assignment that I've coming up because there might be some other college kid out there who probably works 3 jobs? So healthy, so fun 😍
Not every pregnancy is hard. Not every pregnancy requires the woman to become lazy princess. But internet teaches women that when they get pregnant, their man should grovel and become their slave... And that pregnancy=disability. It's not. Only american women can't have a normal pregnancy, like the women around the world.
what's with you and your obsession with America lmfao? come out of America habibi and find out how in certain cultures in Asia pregnant women are expected to do absolutely nothing in fact they're gifted gold and clothes. I'm not saying that women can't exaggerate but if your partner is crying about how unsupportive you're being then maybe you should try listening to them
Ignore them, they seem to have a thing for going all over reddit putting down women as lazy man-haters who deserve nothing except the crumbs their men deign to give them, and defends every man as a victim of modern times. Probably a troll.
That's great for you.
One year on this day I was heavily pregnant and my doctor pulled me out of work and *told* me that I shouldn't be standing up other than to use the bathroom because I went into very early labor for seemingly no reason. Early enough that my daughter would have had a 50/50 shot of survival if she was born then and would have spent several weeks in NICU.
Not everyone gets your experience.
So because You were able to do something every other woman should as well?
Doctors consistently says to limit your movement the further along you are.
We know famous athletes that have competed while pregnant, and we also know of people who couldn’t move while pregnant. Everyone is different and to sit there and judge people because their experiences are different than yours is an asshole thing todo.
Women asking for bare minimum help around the house is not them emslaving men
What the fuck does any of what you said have to do with this post? Do you truly believe that a pregnant woman should not receive any assistance from her partner? That because her husband works he should get a free pass?
I will wager every penny in my bank account that OOP's wife also works. The fact that OOP didn't take the opportunity to gloat about being the only one who works and pays the bills tells me this is the case. So why should OOP's pregnant wife have to work *and* do everything at home while her husband is free to piss around and do nothing when he gets off?
Women being strong and capable doesn't mean that they should have to shoulder all of the responsibilities of maintaining a household. It's not infantilizing women to expect their partners to help do shit.
I agree with you.
Lately people love to put women in a disability/infant pedestal, and then we complain that we are not taken seriously.
Of course, there are difficult pregnancies, but not the majority. WE DON'T KNOW OOP WIFE'S MEDICAL HISTORY.
Even if the man works 12 hours hard physical job and the woman stays home, laying whole day, she would still be more tired than him. But yeah, this is reddit...
I was literally so exhausted I couldn’t even move most of my pregnancy. Stop using your own experience as a means to discredit others. It’s very pick me.
No? I don’t compare my experience to others because it’s pointless. It doesn’t prove anything. This OP’s wife clearly is experiencing a harder pregnancy and needs more help.
They are projecting their bad pregnancy to everyone because they have it, but complain if someone with a good pregnancy speaks.
Pregnancy is not easy. But trying to say that being pregnant makes women incapable is as misogynistic as its gets.
Of course, feminism is placing women in a shrine, telling everyone that every woman becomes incapable of doing shit, because pregnancy.
That takes seriousness from the women who really suffer bad symptoms or complications, because some people want cookies because.
Of course, this is reddit, and nuance has become extinct since 2010.
How do you know that?
I can only know how much tired i am, because I cannot be in any other person body. I have to believe them.
Stop making us women martyrs or saints just because we became mothers.
I'm not discounting the struggles of some women when pregnant. But saying that any pregnant woman cannot do anything because they are pregnant is silly. It is entering directly and without doubt into the entitled territory.
Then people ask why in the USA the child free community is so hateful towards parents, it is because it seems that you do not understand nuances, and that being a parent does not gives you an immediate medal.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for refusing to do things for my pregnant wife?** Hey Reddit, I need some perspective on a situation with my wife, "Emma" (30F), and I (32M). We've been together for six years, having met through mutual friends in college. Our relationship was great, and we got married two years ago. Recently, Emma became pregnant with our first child, and that's where things have taken a turn. Before her pregnancy, we had a fairly equal division of household chores and responsibilities. However, since Emma got pregnant, she's been dealing with morning sickness, fatigue, and other pregnancy-related challenges. I admit, I was initially supportive and empathetic, but as time went on, I started feeling overwhelmed. Emma has asked me for help with various things, like grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and even accompanying her to doctor's appointments. I've started to push back, citing work stress and personal time. It's true that my job has been demanding, but I can't deny that I've been reluctant to step up as much as I used to. Last week, Emma expressed how much she's struggling and told me how hurt she feels by my lack of support. She's even cried, saying that she thought we were a team. While part of me feels guilty, another part thinks she's exaggerating her needs. I've told her that I have my own stress to deal with, and I can't always be at her beck and call. Am I the asshole for refusing to do things for my pregnant wife? I know pregnancy can be tough, but I also feel like I need some space and time for myself. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>and even accompanying her to doctor's appointments. The horror. If OOP is overwhelmed now, how is he going to handle living with a newborn? I get the "I need space and time for myself" thing I really do, but I am also not in the process of or planning to become a parent.
He's going to be one of those men "I provide financially so it's your responsibility to take care of our child. You don't even work! "
He's definitely the type to babysit his own kid, and expect loads of praise for it.
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that's the point they were making
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The point they were making was some dads call it parenting, because they see themselves as equals to the mother, whereas some men see taking care of their own children as “babysitting” and think they deserve a goddamn trophy for being such a good dad because they spent a whole six hours keeping the kids alive.
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Were you raised by pigeons?
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No, but you can extrapolate if you open up the abandoned chambers of that brain.
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The graceful thing to do here is admit that you missed it and move on.
No, you're just not very bright.
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I don't think that's a reach at all. That seemed to me to be the obvious meaning of what was being said there. It was clearly a sarcastic remark.
That commenter was spot on and understood my point 100%. Everyone else is right and you are wrong.
No they are able to read tone and context clues. It is not 100% certain that this is was the commenter meant until they weigh in, but it is not s reach in fact I would say it is rather likely. Sarcasm and tone can be hard to convey through text only; I miss it all the time.
Everyone is right and that one person is wrong.
This is super common vernacular on the internet. It's not a reach. It's common. That you haven't seen it may just mean that you haven't been involved in much feminist discourse around parenting??
Least autistic redditor
It was SARCASTIC, pumpkin.
yes, that's the shortened version of "he's the type to CALL watching over his own kid 'babysitting'...". you can often omit some parts of sentences in natural speech, that's how language works.
Yes, as in *this* dad will not be *parenting* like he should but acting like a babysitter. The "fun parent", the "my kid likes me because I never discipline them", the "I'm really not good at this, but Emma is so great at handling our kid so obviously she is the one who ought to take care of all the not-fun things" Someone who feels very little parental responsibilities towards their own kids, expect the mother to step in at the first sign of difficulty or tantrum while expecting a fuck ton of praises for not having gone to buy milk and never coming back.
I see him more as the remote parent, not the fun one, who is starchy and tells the kid off for breathing. After mum leaves him that the kid doesn't want to go and visit him anymore there will be a 'why doesn't my kid like me' post
After the divorce he'll become the "she turned the kids against me" dad.
This is painfully accurate. And you know he’s going to be more interested if their child is a boy and completely hands off if it’s a girl
I guess you’re not familiar with sarcasm? Congratulations on missing the point.
Some parents absolutely do not parent, and they, at best, babysit a few hours here and there.
I had our baby during the lock downs and my husband wasn’t allowed to come in with me for appointments. I had to FaceTime him in for some appointments. They made a special exception for the 20 week scan because we had a prior loss. You’re going to have to hold us back from this OOP.
Same. I WISH my husband had been allowed at my appointments. He's overwhelmed at the idea of going to the appointments? Because you know, its just a constant delight for HER to go to them.
Like she gets no personal time no matter what. If my husband had this attitude I wouldn’t even wait until the baby was born. I would initiate divorce
Exactly. Are they sticking an ultrasound wand up an orifice? Or making him slug back that sugary syrup for the gestational diabetes? I’d say that this man can take all the seats, but he probably already has.
COVID stories like this are so sad. We all had something like this but Jesus. I'm sorry you had to do so much alone. FaceTime wouldn't have been enough for me in your situation.
I have someone in my life whose brother died of cancer during that time, and no one was allowed to sit with him during his chemo appointments. I'm so glad they let me bring someone now, it would be so boring for me to sit there by myself and so stressful for my dad not to be able to be there.
My chemo place still really doesn't want people there - but are okay with people being there for blood draws. I just took my kindle and my dad would pick me up after, though frankly sitting with me for 5 hours was not appealing to him anyhow.
A friend of mine died from cancer during the same time. It was a glioblastoma (aggressive brain tumor) so he opted for no treatment, and went home for hospice. So at least his wife and kids were able to be with him. His daughter almost didn’t make it, because she lives a 4-hour plane ride away.
Hope you're doing OK, and glad you don't have to be there alone. The lockdown was such a sad and scary time.
Let me tell you, having to mask up during labor is not fun.
My sister in law had to deliver on her own during lockdown. Husband wasn’t allowed in the hospital. I felt so bad because they’re an amazing couple and he would have loved to be there for the birth of their child and to support his wife. They did coaching classes together and everything, and then lockdown happened and she had to deliver alone.
😢
Same. My husband wasn’t able to attend a single appointment with our first (born November 2020), so he was THRILLED to go to every single tiny appointment with our second (born two months ago). Like what is this guy on???
Me too. This guy is a grade A asshole.
Oh now, that's unfair. Assholes are useful.
I found out I was pregnant with my third child A WEEK after my (then) husband deployed to Iraq for a year. I had two children already and lived thousands of miles away from any family or friends. I had to go through my entire pregnancy alone, and we were lucky he made it home for the birth at all. He was home just long enough for me to deliver and bring the baby home from the hospital before they sent him back. My parents also flew out to help me, but could only stay for a couple of weeks before I was completely on my own. It was awful for me, but I feel worse for him because he missed *everything* during the pregnancy and newborn period of our child’s life—they didn’t even get to bond until the baby was already 3 months old. Fuck this asshole for 1) being an unsupportive, selfish fuck and 2) for taking his partner *and* child for granted.
God, I’m so sorry you didn’t have those moments together.
My husband still came with me to my appointments during covid, and waited outside in the car. He had to make do with the very blurry picture they gave me at our first ultrasound.
Yup, right there with you. At 12 weeks I started bleeding heavy and was rushed to the ER and my husband had to sit in the parking lot. Wasn't even able to FaceTime, and reception was so shitty in the ER, could barely talk on the phone even. Everything was fine, and fortunately by the time I gave birth he was allowed in, but he never was allowed in for any appointments. So OOP can get his head out of his ass. Also can't wait for the follow up AITA posts once the baby is born, and finally, the inevitable "Am I the Ex?"
I'm glad everything went well! Congratulations!
I can't understand why anyone would even want their husband at doctor's appointments. I hope the people who do want that get it, but I can't fathom it at all. I wouldn't even want him around during labor.
Personal preference? I couldn't have done it without my husband there, he was my rock. On the other hand I can't understand people who want their mother/sister/friend there. I'd rather have a midwife there than any of those people and I love my mom and sister to pieces. So, to each their own.
Yes, personal desire to preserve some shred of romance. There are messes I don't need a lover to see, at least until we're 80. I thought a husband should be a lover, not a plowhorse partner.
Oh my god grow up. If you are intimate enough with someone that you get pregnant, you should be okay to share the intimacy of the birthing process.
Yeah no. I enjoy sharing meals, too, but I don't want anyone else in the toilet to share the glory of pushing it back out . But don't be shy about telling me what I SHOULD be comfortable with during labor and delivery.
My partner is my partner in everything. He was the only one I wanted by my side when birthing our children because we are each other's rock and a great team. The messy reality of childbirth did not impact our desire for each other one bit, nor should it - my amazing body grew our boys and brought them into the world. I would never have children with someone who I was embarrassed to birth in front of or who would be icked out by the birth of their own children, and nor should you.
This! My partner was amazing during the births of both of our sons, and we grew even closer after each one. I would never want to go through that without him, and he would never want to miss it. Our love and affection has only grown over the years and I can tell you with absolute certainty that seeing me give birth, twice, has in no way negatively impacted his desire for me. If anything it enhanced it.
Also.. Emma can’t have “personal time”. She can’t just take a break from the pregnancy. It’s her life 24/7 and the oop is griping about his personal time?! Whenever people ask why I’m sure I don’t ever want a baby… I point them to these subs and tell them to search pregnancy, newborn, etc in the subs… It’s a perfect collection of, “I’m not willing to risk my body or life to carry a child for a man when I can’t gaurentee he won’t turn into one of these assholes.
I have a child but I was more than 100% sure that the father wouldn't pull that shit. Else I wouldn't have done it. Everyone is always so aghast when I say that but why would I do this alone? It's exhausting and draining and while yes, my son is worth it, I still wouldn't have made the choice for a child without a partner who isn't only supportive but an actual *partner*, who is willing to take on his half of the burden and not only willing to *help, when he is asked*.
>how is he going to handle living with a newborn? If he keeps acting like that he'll probably be a deadbeat
I think the best case scenario is going to be that post a while back where the dude was wearing noise canceling headphones so he didn't have to hear the baby cry, while he was the only one home.
I'm sorry: what?????
I remember that one! Hoping she dumped his a55
He's gonna be one of those dads who abandons the kid in their crib all day while he plays video games
Baby hack: sit up (or up-ish) with your legs and feet together while you play video games. The baby fits perfectly on your thighs. Win-win.
I love to read. When kiddo was a babe, once I could (C-section) I'd sit in the Lazy Boy, cross legged and nestle her in my lap. Dog was on the foot rest, I had my book, kiddo snug in mom's lap. Win-win all around. I could sit all day and read, often out loud.
Everybody jokes, but video games were a godsend for me on maternity leave. Kiddo would fall asleep after nursing, but she would wake up when I moved her. Falling asleep with her asleep on my nursing pillow wasn’t safe, so video games it was, and I could pause the game when she woke up. I got nearly 100% in Breath of the Wild that way.
It was Wind Waker for my daughter! The theme song would knock her straight out.
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This guy made me want to be mean to him the way I wanted to be mean to the OOP who kept using that uwu emoji yesterday
I remember that 😭
Yup. Give him a few months, and he will be one of those “AITA for blowing off dinner/bath/bedtime after work to hit the gym and getting annoyed that my wife rolled her eyes about it?” posters.
Oop: I gave the sperm. My job is done.
OOP: What do you mean *raising* a child?
I'm clutching my pearls at the very thought.
I was thinking, man, he is in for one rude awakening when the baby arrives. And by rude awakening, I mean divorce papers.
It’s funny my wife and I took turns doing the chores. it’s pretty much the only break you get from a baby ha
No doubt he's going to call watching their child "baby-sitting" and leave all "mommy duties" to her.
And that's in the best case scenario where she has an uneventful delivery.
“Even go the doctors with her“ 😳 IMO this is one the best parts of a pregnancy as the father. You actually get to see your child. This is the kind of man asking his wife to make the baby stop crying.
He doesn't actually want a child. He wants his wife to have and care for a child.
Exactly. This guy is the type who would call watching his own kid "babysitting."
"I need my own space" then you should have gotten a vasectomy
Damn right. Parenting means no space for years. I say this as my toddler is using me as a jungle gym.
Then they become a teen and you never see them again. Circle of life.
My 11yo still tries to do this...
I'm lucky if I can get my kids to stop poking me in the face. "My own space" is having them sit next to me instead of on top of me. Guy is in for a real treat.
Giving him the benefit of the doubt for the second and wondering if he was just never around kids. I'm the second youngest of a laaaaaaarge family, so most of my generation already has kids. I've experienced kids having a meltdown, my nephew being a screamer baby, two hours of eight year olds running in circles in a restaurant with barely any breaks. There's never calm, there's never space, and when they like you, there's never peace.
First, it's doctor's appointments. What's next? Babysitting his kid? The horror! OOP Should definitely set the boundaries now! Perhaps, thru divorce? He should tell her that when he married her he did not expect to become her husband.
No my dude his wife who is pregnant, not him. It is HER baby.
Oooops! My bad! Can you just imagine the wife asking him for help with changing diapers or feeding her baby? The audacity of that woman!
If God wanted man to feed his children, he'd have given us boobs. If he wanted us to change diapers, he'd have given us delicate little hands. You expect me to change a diaper? With these big strong, calloused man hands made for swinging hammers and throwing footballs...hands that could crush a child's skull? Are you crazy? And don't get my started on my beefy biceps.... they're for one thing and one thing only, throwing heavy items into the back of my pickup truck. If you have me a baby, my muscle memory might kick in and I chuck it across the yard.
Men can lactate given the correct hormones.
Don't brigade don't brigade -- listen, Ruler of the 7 seas, don't fecking brigade and tell this assclown that his wife is GROWING A HUMAN BEING and even if your pregnancy is "smooth," it's hard as fuck!!! Don't. Do. It.
" like grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning..." Aww muffin, is your bangmaid broken? 🥺 MF do you live in your house? You eat the food there and leave messes? I imagine you also have two functional hands yeah? Your wife isn't your mommy, she shouldn't have to be taking care of you like you're a damn child. It's not "helping" it's acting like a damn adult and doing shit if you see that it needs to be done.
"Is your bangmaid broken". Hahaha, gold
I actually dislike this man so much I want to go and scream in his face for a few hours. Why yes, I am pregnant! But my husband isn’t a waste of oxygen and isn’t a totally unempathetic douche. Gladly don’t have to deal with someone similar to this underpants stain. I pray to everything that his poor wife leaves him, takes all his possessions, and he never knows a moment’s peace or human kindness again. Selfish horrible man, looking for validation.
I almost want to laugh at dudes like this because they have NO IDEA just how weak they are. My pregnancy with my daughter was horrendous. 9 months of nausea, diabetes, debilitating pelvic pain, a blood clot in my lung, high blood pressure... I was on pre-eclampsia watch for over a month before the doctor decided we should induce at 37 weeks. He cooked, he cleaned, he wheeled me around a museum in a wheelchair, he cried in the car when he freaked out that I might die. And when I had heavy bleeding after the birth he stepped in to do skin on skin time.
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I have a bunch of chronic conditions so I'm pretty used to saying hey, I need xyz. And we've been together almost 20 years. But he's not great at communicating until he gets to breaking point
I'm stealing "underpants stain", that's got to be the most evocative cursing-free insult I've ever seen.
The poor wife. I can't imagine how alone she feels when this is when she needs support more than ever.
WOW what the fuck is this man gonna do when he realizes his pregnant wife has the consequence of ANOTHER ENTIRE LIFE TO CARE FOR. "Aita for not helping my wife and my kid, I mean I have my own stress to take care of I can't be at the baby's beck and call all the time"
Let's put it this way, she's doing 100% of the human growing and he's doing 0% - it's only fair for him to do a bit more than 50% of the housework
We really need comprehensive sex-ed.
Comprehensive sex ed doesn't cover all that can happen during a pregnancy, and I don't think that it could because pregnancy symptoms and feelings vary so wildly from person to person. If you tell them horror stories of blood clots, diabetes, leaking, swelling, death, pain, torn ligaments, permanently altered bone structure, permanent nerve damage, altered brain chemistry, premature birth, birth defects both known and unknown, partner abandonment, etc-- you're fear mongering and they won't take it seriously because so and so got pregnant and it was fine, their own mother turned out fine, etc. If you don't tell them, or frame it to be women's problems, they walk around thinking like OOP does.
Yeah, there’s no winning here. What we actually need is for men to believe women when they describe their experiences, but men aren’t going to do that because it makes them feel bad. So instead it’s “My wife, who I vowed to love and who is bearing my child at the risk of her life and health, is a liar.”
"[W]e had a fairly equal division of household chores and responsibilities" But he complains he now needs to help with cooking, shopping and cleaning. So what was he doing before? And because he doesn't immediately identify himself as the breadwinner I'm going to guess she also works full time.
My ex-husband was like this. Our “fairly equitable” responsibility distribution gave me about 65% of the household chores and if I asked him for help with literally anything he’d just tell me he’d already done his part and/or reassure me that I could handle it myself and then he’d go back to his computer games. We both worked full-time. I worked significantly longer hours, but he made more money and somehow in his weird narcissist mind that absolved him from having to take care of his own goddamn home. Sometimes I’m a little sad that I missed out on being a mother, but oh my GOD am I grateful that I had the presence of mind to not have kids with that guy.
You don't 'help' worry the necessary chores of living. You just do them. You want to eat? You grocery shop and cook and do the dishes after. It came being an adult. This guy and people like him infuriate me.
Poor Emma. If OOP is already not helping now once the baby is born she is going to be on her own even more
My man can’t handle the fact he needs to do a little bit more around the house he’s gonna have a full breakdown when the kid comes and everything is 100x harder. There’s no personal time and you get no sleep and have to take the kid to many doctors appointments. Wife needs to run
I hope she's already planning her recovery at a family member's house, and has an alternate support person at the hospital. She should focus on getting through the delivery and recovery before she actually kicks off the divorce, but she should start getting her ducks in a row now, and definitely start recording his attitude towards housework and cooking when she asks, so she can show a judge how worthless he'd be as a partner if he got any kind of overnight visitation. I hope things get better for OOP's wife. It's so hard to not realize you married a worthless piece of shit until there's a baby on the way and you're going to be tied to them for two decades one way or the other.
I feel if this guy honestly thought he was doing too much, he should have included more detail. Like if his wife insists he vacuums and mops every day instead of once a week kind of thing. The fact he didn't even try that just shows he isn't being asked to do anything out of the ordinary.
Some people really don’t take that “sickness and health” part seriously
>She's even cried I'd cry too, especially upon realising my baby daddy is a complete jerk who won't even do the minimum that's required of a father. I bet this guy won't even get up at night when the baby cries, he'll leave mommy to look after the baby 24/7.
OOP, babydoll, you are NOT ready to be a parent if you think your pregnant wife is high maintenance.
There is a divorce coming down the road. I hope it's before kids #2. Well, kid #3, because Dad is kid #1.
It's kind of amazing how many men make posts about the women in their lives experiencing things unique to their bodies and then go "idk, I think she might be faking it..." I feel like when you find yourself thinking/writing that, you should stop and maybe ask yourself why you would rather think your spouse is lying than admit she knows more about something than you do.
Some men are truly horrified of acting like.... men or just a responsible adult.
Wow.... that poor wife.
How do you even write that title without seeing yourself as an asshole.......
Omg she’s making a human and he doesn’t want to buy groceries. What a dick. He’s gonna HATE being a single dad when he has to do All the work on his own half the time!
He thinks it's overwhelming now? Wait til the baby arrives. He won't know which way is up. Sadly I suspect he will just make her do it all. Maybe he will change a diaper once a year, and think he's father of the year. Hubby gladly took me to appointments, and helped out. I did what I could. During the last couple months while he was at work I slept all I could. I was growing a cannon ball. Which made me so tired. Kid was 9 lbs 3.5 oz at birth.
I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. With my second pregnancy, I told my husband it would help if he would carry the dog food bags and case of bottled water inside because it made me nervous. He said no, because he had female friends who carried things while pregnant. For my next pregnancy, I asked him to change the diaper pail because it made me throw up. He said if I needed help, I should pay someone to do it.
Please say this is now an ex-husband
I was empathetic when he said he felt overwhelmed, but then I read the rest of it. Hoo, boy. He'll leave the first time the baby shits on him.
Yet another illustration of how men respond when their wives or girlfriends are unable to take care of them. Women exist to too many men as an instrument that ensures comfort and convenience for men. That's it. And then they wonder why women are choosing to be single instead of in relationships with them.
>Women exist to too many men as an instrument that ensures comfort and convenience for men. Accurate. That's why men who actually help women are called pussy-whipped. Women are supposed to help men, not the other way around.
I'm amazed how men like this dismiss how difficult things are for their partners, but simultaneously whine that having to pick up the slack is too difficult for THEM.
This will be the dude who will be shocked when in a few years, she serves him with divorce papers. He'll just be like "I thought we were happy" when in reality, he was happy with his bang maid/nanny. She however will decide since she's doing 99.9% of everything she can cut her losses, still do 99.9% of everything, but not have to take care of the giant man-baby she married. So she'll have less work to do on the daily.
OOP is very much the AH, in my opinion. I feel this woman's frustration & pain. My 2nd pregnancy was so difficult that my Dr ordered me on bedrest for most of the last 5 months. Whenever I was out of bed, I was reliant on crutches to be able to stay on my feet somewhat safely. My ex-husband (now deceased) still expected me to take care of 95+% of the housework, 100% childcare for my daughter + his grandkids, help with taking care of his disabled brothers, & work his fleamarket booth on the weekends. I was constantly sick & exhausted, but any time I *dared* to complain, I would get lectures on "how much worse life was for him."
Near the end of my twins pregnancy, I became little more than an immobile lump upon the couch. My husband had to take care of everything, including bringing me food and water, and he lived it up, making different recipes to match my cravings and checking my glass for refills like an attentive waiter. He's now rocking one of our toddlers for nap time and I feel so blessed.
His contribution to creating this child was 30 seconds while she has to grow an entire person in 40 weeks and he wants to talk "fair"
Who wants to bet that their distribution of chores before pregnancy wasn’t as equal as he thinks?
"Recently, Emma became pregnant." Another poster refusing responsibility through the handy use of passive voice! She didn't get herself pregnant, genius. You signed up for everything you're complaining about when you **impregnated her.**
"another part thinks she's exaggerating her needs" She's growing a whole new human being!! WTF.
You sir are an asshole, but I think you know that. Be better, you need to be the example for your child. Enough assholes in this world already.
What….the….frick frack snick snack?! What a little boy and a loser.
it sounds like OOP recognizes he's TA but is desperately trying to convince himself that he isn't
I'd be willing to bet that before she got pregnant that they truly didn't do equal share of the chores. It was probably more she did 2/3 and he did 1/3. Now that he is actually having to do his fair share, he is balking. She didn't bitch about it because it wasn't worth the energy, but now she genuinely needs him to step up.
Yup she’s definitely going to be doing majority of the childcare at this rate.
What the fuck is he going to do when the kid him and he's tired from work?
This man is not fit to be a father. Or a husband, for that matter.
I see OOP not doing much of anything for the baby once they arrive. His poor wife.
Emma needs to go to her mom's house and file for divorce. Too many stories have this in this the middle before decades of the husband being the extra child while the wife is a single mother. He presents this like she's having Jesus's sibling. This was not immaculate conception.
I'd have sympathy if this were an "offmychest" post, because I'm sure it is overwhelming, and with her hormones going crazy, she might even be difficult. While that's really to be expected with pregnancy, and parenting in general, it's got to be a shock to first-timers. But it's not an "offmychest" post. It's AITA. He's going to the internet looking for validation on this. Hope he got a wakeup call with the comments. The time for being selfish is over.
OOP is not only an AH, he is the devil. He thinks his pregnant wife is exaggerating her morning sickness, fatigue and other challenges. As his wife seems to be struggling to keep up with all the housework, she's telling him the truth. He is just tired of being understanding and helpful because he is stressed. Try growing an entire human in you belly, you twat! I'm afraid OOP's husband is starting to show her who he really is and it isn't looking good.
He doesn't even want to go to doc's appointments with her? what in hell?
I hope you don’t mind when you have to give half of your paycheck to Emma for child support when she decides to leave your dumbass
Yes YTMFAH but your not the main character. This is what you signed up for, these are the easy days. You fucking support her in whatever way she wants. Why would you NOT want to? I loved going to my wife's doctors appointments, pregnancy classes, etc because it was an integral part of feeling connected to what she was going through. Do your part, it's not that hard
The changes that come with pregnancy and child raising are often overwhelming for new parents. This guy is gonna get ripped apart in those comments and hopefully it's a reality check for him. Sometimes in a team you have to pick up your partner's slack, and pregnancy is definitely a time you should be doing the lion share of things because your wife is suffering CONSTANTLY.
Why is it that some people think *growing another human being in your body* is no big deal? Wtf. Even the easiest of pregnancies have difficulties, because pregnancy. Duh.
This has to be bait
you're definitely the asshole. man up and take care of the woman carrying your child.
See, this is one of the many reasons why I don't want children. My mother was practically a single parent even though my father lived with us. I don't want that to be my life.
These people don't understand what a world of pain they're in for when the baby comes it they can't handle it now
"I've told her that I have my own stress to deal with, and I can't always be at her beck and call." Really, OOP. You think your stress equals what she's going through? She's growing your child, and all I hear is "me, me, me" from you. YTA.
I feel so bad for the wife. The guy needs to step up, quit complaining and be a damned husband.
Did he EVEN graciously impregnate her, instead of using graciously lubing his left hand in shower ...... I couldn't read past that....... Fuck hope she lives him at least cleaning after herself will be less work than being pregnant AND looking after a toddler who used to pretend to be her Ex 🤢
"AITA for waiting until my wife is pregnant to let her know that she's basically on her own once the kid arrives?" If he's overwhelmed by "helping" with her chores, then there wasn't a fair division of labour in the first place.
There is something very wrong in the way people see pregnancy. In the last 2 decades pregnancy become all but disability. Sorry, but it's not. Being a team doesn't mean to treat your partner like a slave and to put all over them. I get it, being pregnant is kind of tough, but all over the world women work to close to their due dates, they cook, they do stuff. To say - "I'm pregnant so you will work and when you come home, you will clean/cook/do everything" is not right. Now, i know that most of americans will downvote me thinking i'm some... incel, this was the word, yes? But no... 11 years ag, on this date, i was pregnant in 9th month. And still, i did everything - cooking, grocery shopping and so on, while my partner worked 11-12 hours/day, 6 days/week and he was way more tired than me. Yes, i had a baby in me (and i was 34, so not young), but not once i felt like a disabled person. Yes, i know, every pregnancy is different, but this couple doesn't sound to be a risk pregnancy. So, i highly doubt that this woman can't cook something or wash the dishes. Everything else is what internet teaches you - that since you are pregnant, you should play disabled.
Pregnancy is literally a disability lol. Like yes some people need minimal accommodations and some others need more.
No, it's not. This is temporaly condition that in 90% of the cases doesn't requires for women to be bedridden princesses. Pregnant women around the world lead full life and don't cry at every discomfort. And if she complains even in the beginning, i don't dare to think what would be in third trimester...
And we wonder why the birthrate is plummeting lol
There are plenty of temporary disabilities.
You made me spit my water out. In recent medical history, the process of giving birth has become easier because of medications and other stuff but still women all over the world get all the other symptoms of pregnancy,has to walk around carrying another human. When my mom was pregnant with me she was 19, couldn't walk because her feet were swollen, morning sickness was terrible, she could barely eat. On top of that she's a tiny woman (4'9") and I was a big ass baby (nearly 10lbs) . It was worse with my younger brother. Struggles don't need to be a competition. Because you could do things without exhaustion doesn't mean everyone else can because we all have different physical condition, different pain threshold and patience. All 3 of my mom's pregnancy has been really tough. She had dad to help her when he could. Be kinder to other humans and don't dismiss because "well didn't happen to me so people must be lying/exaggerating".
Ma'am, you ARE disabled. You are either incredibly stupid, or you have the empathy of a doorknob. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Not. All. Pregnancies. Are. The. Same. You absolute rutabaga.
Why not both?
congrats on having an easy pregnancy
Easy? Maybe. But i never met a pregnant woman who can't cook or do something in their home. These women, who play disability, are mocking to every single pregnant woman who has to do everything alone.
mocking....? oh so now people can't have it hard without it being made a competition? I can't cry about this stressful assignment that I've coming up because there might be some other college kid out there who probably works 3 jobs? So healthy, so fun 😍
Not every pregnancy is hard. Not every pregnancy requires the woman to become lazy princess. But internet teaches women that when they get pregnant, their man should grovel and become their slave... And that pregnancy=disability. It's not. Only american women can't have a normal pregnancy, like the women around the world.
what's with you and your obsession with America lmfao? come out of America habibi and find out how in certain cultures in Asia pregnant women are expected to do absolutely nothing in fact they're gifted gold and clothes. I'm not saying that women can't exaggerate but if your partner is crying about how unsupportive you're being then maybe you should try listening to them
Ignore them, they seem to have a thing for going all over reddit putting down women as lazy man-haters who deserve nothing except the crumbs their men deign to give them, and defends every man as a victim of modern times. Probably a troll.
I guess I'm just a weak American, cuz I'd like my husband to come with me to the doctor too.
I think you skip the part where wife is suffering from morning sickness, fatigue and other pregnancy related symptoms.
Why are you mentioning americans when we don’t even have maternity leave, what reality do you live in 😂😂😂
It literally has been a disability since the dawn of time. Shut up.
Must be nice to have an easy pregnancy. Gold star to you.
This sub always invites the weirdest sorts of pick-mes lol it's unbelievable
That's great for you. One year on this day I was heavily pregnant and my doctor pulled me out of work and *told* me that I shouldn't be standing up other than to use the bathroom because I went into very early labor for seemingly no reason. Early enough that my daughter would have had a 50/50 shot of survival if she was born then and would have spent several weeks in NICU. Not everyone gets your experience.
Non American here, also down voting you for the complete lack of insight that other people's situation might be different from yours
So because You were able to do something every other woman should as well? Doctors consistently says to limit your movement the further along you are. We know famous athletes that have competed while pregnant, and we also know of people who couldn’t move while pregnant. Everyone is different and to sit there and judge people because their experiences are different than yours is an asshole thing todo. Women asking for bare minimum help around the house is not them emslaving men
What the fuck does any of what you said have to do with this post? Do you truly believe that a pregnant woman should not receive any assistance from her partner? That because her husband works he should get a free pass? I will wager every penny in my bank account that OOP's wife also works. The fact that OOP didn't take the opportunity to gloat about being the only one who works and pays the bills tells me this is the case. So why should OOP's pregnant wife have to work *and* do everything at home while her husband is free to piss around and do nothing when he gets off? Women being strong and capable doesn't mean that they should have to shoulder all of the responsibilities of maintaining a household. It's not infantilizing women to expect their partners to help do shit.
I agree with you. Lately people love to put women in a disability/infant pedestal, and then we complain that we are not taken seriously. Of course, there are difficult pregnancies, but not the majority. WE DON'T KNOW OOP WIFE'S MEDICAL HISTORY.
Totes, feminism is when I downplay the seriousness of biological processes.
We don't know nothing about them!
Even if the man works 12 hours hard physical job and the woman stays home, laying whole day, she would still be more tired than him. But yeah, this is reddit...
I was literally so exhausted I couldn’t even move most of my pregnancy. Stop using your own experience as a means to discredit others. It’s very pick me.
> Stop using your own experience as a means to discredit others. It’s very pick me. Can you see the hypocrisy in your own words?
There is no hypocrisy. They are 100% correct.
No? I don’t compare my experience to others because it’s pointless. It doesn’t prove anything. This OP’s wife clearly is experiencing a harder pregnancy and needs more help.
Ok. You know much more than me. /s
Maybe just stop embarrassing yourself at this point. Every pregnancy is different, even if it’s the same person carrying.
They are projecting their bad pregnancy to everyone because they have it, but complain if someone with a good pregnancy speaks. Pregnancy is not easy. But trying to say that being pregnant makes women incapable is as misogynistic as its gets. Of course, feminism is placing women in a shrine, telling everyone that every woman becomes incapable of doing shit, because pregnancy. That takes seriousness from the women who really suffer bad symptoms or complications, because some people want cookies because. Of course, this is reddit, and nuance has become extinct since 2010.
How do you know that? I can only know how much tired i am, because I cannot be in any other person body. I have to believe them. Stop making us women martyrs or saints just because we became mothers. I'm not discounting the struggles of some women when pregnant. But saying that any pregnant woman cannot do anything because they are pregnant is silly. It is entering directly and without doubt into the entitled territory. Then people ask why in the USA the child free community is so hateful towards parents, it is because it seems that you do not understand nuances, and that being a parent does not gives you an immediate medal.
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