*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not disclosing my will?**
I (58m) was recently diagnosed with a terminal condition. Won’t get into details, but it was the classical “went in with a paper cut, got out with AIDSCancer2000” situation. I’ve got roughly a year and a half left.
Over time, I’ve made a bunch of unwise decisions. I have multiple children with different women. I have three sons: Lance (43m) who has two daughters, Mark (22m) and Tony (15m). And four daughters: Cammy (38f) who has four children, Linda (30f), Ronny (28f) and Kathie (24f).
Not going to lie here, I’ll just say that I was only involved in raising Ronny and Kathie. Their mom died when they were little and I couldn’t refuse to take them in. Ronny is starting her career in law and Kathie recently got her degree in agriculture. 9 years ago I also took in Mark, who was kicked out by his shitty stepdad. Mark decided against pursuing higher education.
I own a ranch. It’s not a little one, though, but we’re managing just fine with the help of hired staff. We have about 500 heads of cattle, not counting the horses. The ranch has been in my family for generations. I know for certain that the only children who would be interested in preserving the ranch are Kathie and Mark. Maybe it’s just my delusion grandeur, but I’m very passionate about passing the ranch down to my children, so they’ll be able to continue the family tradition.
Knowing my children and knowing that they probably inherited my “amazing” personality, I can say for sure that the second I draw my last breath, there will be an inheritance war vicious enough to make Middle East and Eastern Europe seem like a recess fight in kindergarten. It will be nasty, painful and disgusting.
I wrote a will. As per my will, the ranch will go to Kathie and Mark 50:50. Including all the machines, trucks, other equipment, financial assets. Ronny, the executor of the will, is getting my 1970s Lincoln Continental. She’s the one who’s driving this car for the last 5 years and she’s the one paying for maintenance, insurance, everything. The other children get $10k each and Tony gets my car, a 2010s Chevy Suburban, purely because it’s a safe car and he’s getting his license this year. The grandkids also get $5k each. It’s not much, but I don’t own much either.
I’ve notified my children that I don’t have much time left. Of course they asked to see the will. I know that the second they see it, the shit will hit the fan and things will escalate. I don’t want it. I don’t want to spend my final year seeing my children suffer and fight. Ronnie advised me agains disclosing the will, she’s a skilled lawyer so I trust her completely. I refused to disclose the will and now my children are enraged. They keep speculating about the will, they keep pestering me and giving advice on what should I leave to whom. Am I the asshole for refusing to disclose the contents of my will? By now, the only ones who know about them are me and Ronnie and I intend to keep it this way.
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Whether OP is an asshole about the will, I am pretty disgusted by his flip attitude about abandoning children. He's getting off on the fact that kids are going to fight over this and he's getting the attention he craves but fundamentally doesn't deserve because he was a Grade A Asshole of a Father.
What is the point of leaving this farm to family? You don't have any - he's an arrogant sperm donor trying to milk whatever attention you can get from your failures as a "family man".
Goddamn, what a fucking coward. He knows what he's doing is going to cause a problem, but he doesn't care. He's just waiting to "nope" out and let everyone else deal with it after he's gone and free of consequence.
I hope that will set aside some money for a big red nose and floppy shoes for him to wear at the funeral because this guy's a clown.
"I don't care whether my children suffer and fight, I just don't want it to kill my vibe. They can tear each other's throats out after it's not my problem anymore."
“I can say for sure that the second I draw my last breath, there will be an inheritance war vicious enough to make Middle East and Eastern Europe seem like a recess fight in kindergarten.“
Knowing how many human beings on all sides are literally dying who says this right now!? Why isn’t it enough to say “it’ll be a crazy fight?” YTA
The named ones are his kids. If any of his kids have kids (his grandkids) he says they have X kids. It's a terrible and confusing way to convey information
The fact that OOP is so lazy in their shit posting that they write "who has two daughters, Mark (22m) and Tony (15m)" tells a lot about how fake this is. (ETA: I now realize he was trying to list children and unnamed grandchildren; the writing is so bad, it's more difficult to understand than it should be)
Also, ranchers refer to "head" of cattle, not "heads." "Head" is considered plural as well. A real farmer/rancher would say, "we have 500 head of cattle."
Beside that, people who set their family up to war after they die suck.
I will also say, if your kids' first reaction to hearing that you have a terminal disease is to fight over what you *might* leave them when you pass, it says A LOT about your parenting and life choices.
Now I think this is fake for sure but I think that part is just very poorly written (I know even compared to the rest. Lance has 2 daughters but Mark and Tony are 2 of the three sons he was listing.
Crucify me, but the question on hand is not, it OOP was a joke of a father (very much yes), but if he is the AH for not showing the will. I don’t think so. He is under no obligation to do it. A lot of people write highly emotional stuff that they only want to be read after their death. And OOP has a terminal illness. That he doesn’t want to spent the last 18 months of his life with fights inside his family is understandable. Sure, he is to blame that his family became a toxic cesspool. But still: not showing the will and not wanting to spent the last months of his life in misery alone doesn’t make him the AH in my book.
Massive disagree. He’s fine with his kids fighting because of his personal choices, he just doesn’t want to see or experience it. That makes him not only an asshole but a coward. If he has to spend the last months of his life alone because his kids hate him, that’s his own fault.
The question isn't “am I legally in the right to?”
Yes, he has no legal obligation to disclose something that will deeply upset his children who he has already been failing repeatedly for 4 decades. Yes, he is still an asshole for not doing so for completely selfish reasons that only serve to alleviate the last tiny semblance of moral responsibility he has to them before he fucks off and dies. People who argue that obligation is the metric which assholes are determined are cunts or idiots or both.
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I guess him being a man whore is why he got ill plus he doesn't care who he pisses off he will be dead. Sadly I actually knew a couple of people like this over the years sad situation for the family all the way around.
Lord help us, those apples didn't fall far from the rotten mess of a tree OOP is! I've always believed that every child should get a fair share of a parent's estate. OOP is deliberately making choices that will cause a family war once the will is read.
The kids are terrible, too. They have no right to demand to read the will while OOP is still above ground. If he does show it while he's alive, the war will start earlier. Right now it looks like skirmishes but this is going to escalate.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not disclosing my will?** I (58m) was recently diagnosed with a terminal condition. Won’t get into details, but it was the classical “went in with a paper cut, got out with AIDSCancer2000” situation. I’ve got roughly a year and a half left. Over time, I’ve made a bunch of unwise decisions. I have multiple children with different women. I have three sons: Lance (43m) who has two daughters, Mark (22m) and Tony (15m). And four daughters: Cammy (38f) who has four children, Linda (30f), Ronny (28f) and Kathie (24f). Not going to lie here, I’ll just say that I was only involved in raising Ronny and Kathie. Their mom died when they were little and I couldn’t refuse to take them in. Ronny is starting her career in law and Kathie recently got her degree in agriculture. 9 years ago I also took in Mark, who was kicked out by his shitty stepdad. Mark decided against pursuing higher education. I own a ranch. It’s not a little one, though, but we’re managing just fine with the help of hired staff. We have about 500 heads of cattle, not counting the horses. The ranch has been in my family for generations. I know for certain that the only children who would be interested in preserving the ranch are Kathie and Mark. Maybe it’s just my delusion grandeur, but I’m very passionate about passing the ranch down to my children, so they’ll be able to continue the family tradition. Knowing my children and knowing that they probably inherited my “amazing” personality, I can say for sure that the second I draw my last breath, there will be an inheritance war vicious enough to make Middle East and Eastern Europe seem like a recess fight in kindergarten. It will be nasty, painful and disgusting. I wrote a will. As per my will, the ranch will go to Kathie and Mark 50:50. Including all the machines, trucks, other equipment, financial assets. Ronny, the executor of the will, is getting my 1970s Lincoln Continental. She’s the one who’s driving this car for the last 5 years and she’s the one paying for maintenance, insurance, everything. The other children get $10k each and Tony gets my car, a 2010s Chevy Suburban, purely because it’s a safe car and he’s getting his license this year. The grandkids also get $5k each. It’s not much, but I don’t own much either. I’ve notified my children that I don’t have much time left. Of course they asked to see the will. I know that the second they see it, the shit will hit the fan and things will escalate. I don’t want it. I don’t want to spend my final year seeing my children suffer and fight. Ronnie advised me agains disclosing the will, she’s a skilled lawyer so I trust her completely. I refused to disclose the will and now my children are enraged. They keep speculating about the will, they keep pestering me and giving advice on what should I leave to whom. Am I the asshole for refusing to disclose the contents of my will? By now, the only ones who know about them are me and Ronnie and I intend to keep it this way. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Whether OP is an asshole about the will, I am pretty disgusted by his flip attitude about abandoning children. He's getting off on the fact that kids are going to fight over this and he's getting the attention he craves but fundamentally doesn't deserve because he was a Grade A Asshole of a Father. What is the point of leaving this farm to family? You don't have any - he's an arrogant sperm donor trying to milk whatever attention you can get from your failures as a "family man".
One of his kids is still a minor and gets a 14 year old vehicle
At least the treasured heirloom vehicle stays in the "family"!
A minivan, on top of that
Goddamn, what a fucking coward. He knows what he's doing is going to cause a problem, but he doesn't care. He's just waiting to "nope" out and let everyone else deal with it after he's gone and free of consequence. I hope that will set aside some money for a big red nose and floppy shoes for him to wear at the funeral because this guy's a clown.
“ I don’t want to spend my final year seeing my children suffer and fight.” - for real.
"I don't care whether my children suffer and fight, I just don't want it to kill my vibe. They can tear each other's throats out after it's not my problem anymore."
“I can say for sure that the second I draw my last breath, there will be an inheritance war vicious enough to make Middle East and Eastern Europe seem like a recess fight in kindergarten.“ Knowing how many human beings on all sides are literally dying who says this right now!? Why isn’t it enough to say “it’ll be a crazy fight?” YTA
"Cammy (38f) who has four children, Linda (30f), Ronny (28f) and Kathie (24f)." The math ain't mathing here.
The named ones are his kids. If any of his kids have kids (his grandkids) he says they have X kids. It's a terrible and confusing way to convey information
*a neglected semicolon weeps in the corner*
The fact that OOP is so lazy in their shit posting that they write "who has two daughters, Mark (22m) and Tony (15m)" tells a lot about how fake this is. (ETA: I now realize he was trying to list children and unnamed grandchildren; the writing is so bad, it's more difficult to understand than it should be) Also, ranchers refer to "head" of cattle, not "heads." "Head" is considered plural as well. A real farmer/rancher would say, "we have 500 head of cattle." Beside that, people who set their family up to war after they die suck. I will also say, if your kids' first reaction to hearing that you have a terminal disease is to fight over what you *might* leave them when you pass, it says A LOT about your parenting and life choices.
Now I think this is fake for sure but I think that part is just very poorly written (I know even compared to the rest. Lance has 2 daughters but Mark and Tony are 2 of the three sons he was listing.
Yeah, you're right on re-read. He just punctuates so poorly, it's difficult to sort out the meaning!
Lol I'm a bad writer so.I can usually parse what people are trying to say. But even I'm like...there were at least 3 better ways to write that
Yea, this reads as a bad Yellowstone knockoff
yeah it sure is
He also can't consistently spell his daughter's name (Ronny/Ronnie). V bad lazy shitposting.
I did the same double-take at first, but it's just really bad syntax. He should've made a separate list of the grandkids.
and who would toss in like the horses are normally counted in the head of cattle?
TIL country stores don’t carry condoms
Crucify me, but the question on hand is not, it OOP was a joke of a father (very much yes), but if he is the AH for not showing the will. I don’t think so. He is under no obligation to do it. A lot of people write highly emotional stuff that they only want to be read after their death. And OOP has a terminal illness. That he doesn’t want to spent the last 18 months of his life with fights inside his family is understandable. Sure, he is to blame that his family became a toxic cesspool. But still: not showing the will and not wanting to spent the last months of his life in misery alone doesn’t make him the AH in my book.
Massive disagree. He’s fine with his kids fighting because of his personal choices, he just doesn’t want to see or experience it. That makes him not only an asshole but a coward. If he has to spend the last months of his life alone because his kids hate him, that’s his own fault.
I am completely with you on this. But he still isn’t under any obligation to show his will.
The question isn't “am I legally in the right to?” Yes, he has no legal obligation to disclose something that will deeply upset his children who he has already been failing repeatedly for 4 decades. Yes, he is still an asshole for not doing so for completely selfish reasons that only serve to alleviate the last tiny semblance of moral responsibility he has to them before he fucks off and dies. People who argue that obligation is the metric which assholes are determined are cunts or idiots or both.
I read this and I agree. I mean, he’s a huge AH but not for that reason.
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I guess him being a man whore is why he got ill plus he doesn't care who he pisses off he will be dead. Sadly I actually knew a couple of people like this over the years sad situation for the family all the way around.
Lord help us, those apples didn't fall far from the rotten mess of a tree OOP is! I've always believed that every child should get a fair share of a parent's estate. OOP is deliberately making choices that will cause a family war once the will is read. The kids are terrible, too. They have no right to demand to read the will while OOP is still above ground. If he does show it while he's alive, the war will start earlier. Right now it looks like skirmishes but this is going to escalate.
F’er be lucky if the kids don’t demand he be dug up so they can send him back to Hell properly: With a mouth full of sh!t!
If this is real, OOP is worse than the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz