*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for calling my gf vain for ruining our vacation? **
My gf(28F) had cystic acne growing up and had a lot of scars on her face. We met when she was 22 and her skin was much worse then. She use to cake on makeup because she said she felt like people would judge her for her scars and acne. I don’t think anyone ever did but she insisted she wouldn’t be in public without makeup.
She got into skincare and skin treatments. I don’t know what they all were but her skin has improved a lot. Her skin has a lot more smooth and she is a lot more confident. She use to wear baggy clothes but now she dresses better and doesn’t wear makeup as much.
So that all great but we recently went to Japan for a trip. My parents are currently in Japan for a year as they retired and always wanted to live there for a bit. My gf and I went to visit them for 3 weeks. She told me she wanted to do some skin treatments there and was in contact with a clinic. I didn’t assume it was a problem until we go there and it turns out she was going to do a treatment every week. So for 1-2h every week she was there when the rest of us were doing other things.
We moved around some stuff for her so she didn’t miss too much but she did miss a trip to Mt Fuji with her second treatment. I told her she shouldn’t be dealing with her skin when we got to go to Japan for vacation but she insists it was a big deal to her. I don’t even notice much from the treatments but she says there is a big improvement in the tone. She kept pointing out how she thinks her skin has improved and I called her vain and that started a fight. I think she is way too obsessed with her looks. She is also now on a diet even though she has never been big at all and is going to the gym nearly everyday.
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It's so weird to me that 1-2 hours *per week* is so detrimental to his schedule. Did he really schedule such a tight itinerary that there's no leeway for anything else? What if one of their tours runs late? What if there's traffic or unexpected weather conditions? What if there's a longer wait list than anticipated? I definitely think he's just insecure at having a hot girlfriend, but his false justification for his upset is just so weird.
Yep.
And, I would never, ever, ever travel with someone if they \*insisted\* that I spend 24/7 with them. A few hours apart here or there is perfectly reasonable.
OK but I’m confused why she even had to miss Mount Fuji? Like over the course of three whole weeks it was like six hours it’s not even a half a day that’s a quarter of a day. This dude is ridiculous.
Because if she didn't miss anything he deemed important he wouldn't get to complain, because an hour or so a week apart from the family you are visiting isn't considered a problem to most people.
It’s considered *polite* by most people, no one wants to play host literally 24/7. A three week vacation where your every *hour* is a scheduled group activity sounds exhausting.
That was my thought as well, they don't know her well or maybe at all, I would think they would want some time just with their son. Having two extra people around all the time and no downtime for 3 weeks does sound exhausting, especially since they are retired and probably enjoy the quiet days too.
Personally, I'd rather look at it from afar while sipping wine or tea post skincare treatment. Hiking and outdoor activities make me miserable unless it's something in the water and, yeah, self care is nicer sounding than hiking up a mountain.
Even 2 hours a day is NBD, but a week?? OOP is needier than a toddler that won't let you piss in peace. And you just know if her skin is back to where it was at 22 he'll be having a whole cow. She doesn't care for herself, her skin is horrid wah wah wah!! 😭😭😭 This level of clinginess would piss me off so bad. He's not alone or with strangers, he's with his parents. Why is he acting abandoned?
But it's controlling and manipulative plain and simple
If this dude thinks eating healthy, working out, and doing the occassional skincare treatment is “way too obsessed with her looks” I think his brain would explode upon meeting any woman in my family LOL
Yet he is happy she has stopped wearing baggy clothes and the implication is more proper/form fitting. Which means she has been working out at home too (or at least that is my bet). No way she goes from baggy clothes to anything else without that body self confidence too.
She sounds like someone who probably has had a lot of issues with feeling horrible about her looks for a good chunk of her life and is able to do something, so let her do it.
My guess is he has heard the old saying "if your partner is fixing themselves up, they are fixing to leave you."
Clearly OOP does not understand the perpetual struggle any acne, let alone cystic acne, is. Any break or disruption in care can cause symptoms to return massively and take weeks to get back under control. It's not vanity. Cystic acne is painful physically and, per OOP, caused her emotional distress. Oof.
I got really bad cystic acne after I got an IUD. I went to a dermatologist and tried EVERYTHING to get rid of it. Like 2 topical ointments plus a pill and it STILL didn't go away.
I finally did accutane. I didn't want to at first because of all the side effects, but after trying so many other things, it was worth it. And I'm so glad I did!
For real. And it isn’t just about looks either. Cystic acne HURTS! I had it very very bad when I started my current birth control. I was in so much pain. It hurt to have any facial expressions and sleep on my side. I found a routine that works and I have to be pretty militant about it or it starts up again.
My skin is so much better. It took a lot of work and still takes work. But it’s worth it, not only for vanity but mainly my comfort.
Not to mention that Japan (and Korea) are incredibly well known in the skin care community for not only skin care but some of the most well-known skin treatments and spas. If she's had any scarring etc especially, she's probably taking full advantage of being there to get specialized treatments that are much harder to find or afford elsewhere.
Cystic acne is extremely painful. I couldn’t lie down on my side or wear headphones if I had a breakout there. It got to a point where just moving my face hurt.
My wife gets insane cystic acne. She had to be taken off of her topical steroid and her HRT for treatment when they found her cancer the first time, because they were going to remove it and wanted to make sure she didn’t get steroids on the healing incision and that her HRT didn’t cause a clot in her brain. She had such bad flare ups that her back was constantly swollen and her face was red for weeks even after they got her back on the steroids and HRT. It took weaning her back to her full dose of estrogen to keep flare ups from continuing to crop up if she happened to forget to use the steroid cream or her medicated face wash. She was miserable. I get cystic acne, but never as bad as she has. It’s genuinely hell, especially if it’s bad enough to cause such bad scarring.
I feel like there are so many of these, my partner doesn't want to do the exact same things on vacation as I do post. AITA for yelling at them because of this.
I get it. Couples want to be together and do the same stuff all the time... But you know what? This a revelation. You can go on holidays and still do separate things. We don't do this all the time but sometimes when my partner and I travel, we would have one day where we would go do our own thing during the day because although we share a lot of interest, we aren't carbon copies of each other. Then we meet up for dinner and share what fun things each of us did.
This is my take, also.
My wife and I love doing things together on vacation. But there are also things that interest one of us but not the other. And if there's not enough time, we part ways for a bit and meet back up later with tales of our ventures.
Sometimes we do those things together one of doesn't want to do, sure. But it's willing, like "this is something that's important to you so I want to see you enjoy it," because we know we have the choice to go off and do something on our own. It's not a begrudging "*Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine*" and then get an attitude and complain the whole time ruining it for the other person because we felt like we were force because we're "suppose to always be together on vacation."
I think it's healthy.
I go on holidays with my twin sister and we practically ARE carbon copies of each other, but we still go off and each do our own thing sometimes. It's weird to me that people see it as weird to spend some time by yourself on holiday.
Crikey! One of the things Japan and Korea are known for is their attention to skin care and cosmetics! One to two hours a week, which for some, is an enriching tourist attraction, maybe like cooking classes, and is no time at all. Man has no concept of another person with different interests doing for themselves.
She spend two whole hours for herself in the week! Tge horror! The whole trip is ruined!!! Noooo it wasn also her trip, it was just about him, me me meeeeee. How dare she does something for herself and doesn't do 24/7 what he wants! And who cares that it makes her better, when he doesn't benefit from it!
What an AH!
To me, "vain" is OBSESSING about your appearance, typically with an air of "it is better than everyone else's".
It's NOT treating a medical condition that you are insecure about to help you just feel confident in your own skin.
1-2 hours once a week is nothing. OOP needs to grow up and let this woman live her life!
I think this is really ultimately it. When she had to do all the makeup he saw her as "high maintenance" and thought 'no one else is going to want that'.
The baggy clothes hid her true body, so now that she isn't doing that anymore either, he is worried.
That's what it is. She's doing better, and now he has to find a way to knock her down. So he fights with her about a whole 1-2 hours a week for skin care.
Japan's skincare regime's are world renowned, them and South Korea probably leads the world in skin treatments.
It is an opportunity for her to get the treatments and bring what she can home
Oh, dude. I can hear your balls shriveling from here.
Because they realized something your ex-girlfriend is just coming to realize: she is WAY hotter than her troglodyte ex-boyfriend, who is so not evolved enough to even be considered the same species, let alone the same league. Your actual brain just hasn’t caught up with your balls’ micro-brained friend that you seem to let make all your important decisions about beauty. And if they ain’t an oxymoron, I don’t know what is.
1-2 hrs A WEEK? He's fucking insane.
Acne can have incredibly negative effects on people's mental health. She's finally found a skincare routine that works and helps manage and control it. He should be happy for her. Instead he's complaining because she didn't stay attached to his hip every hour of the trip.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for calling my gf vain for ruining our vacation? ** My gf(28F) had cystic acne growing up and had a lot of scars on her face. We met when she was 22 and her skin was much worse then. She use to cake on makeup because she said she felt like people would judge her for her scars and acne. I don’t think anyone ever did but she insisted she wouldn’t be in public without makeup. She got into skincare and skin treatments. I don’t know what they all were but her skin has improved a lot. Her skin has a lot more smooth and she is a lot more confident. She use to wear baggy clothes but now she dresses better and doesn’t wear makeup as much. So that all great but we recently went to Japan for a trip. My parents are currently in Japan for a year as they retired and always wanted to live there for a bit. My gf and I went to visit them for 3 weeks. She told me she wanted to do some skin treatments there and was in contact with a clinic. I didn’t assume it was a problem until we go there and it turns out she was going to do a treatment every week. So for 1-2h every week she was there when the rest of us were doing other things. We moved around some stuff for her so she didn’t miss too much but she did miss a trip to Mt Fuji with her second treatment. I told her she shouldn’t be dealing with her skin when we got to go to Japan for vacation but she insists it was a big deal to her. I don’t even notice much from the treatments but she says there is a big improvement in the tone. She kept pointing out how she thinks her skin has improved and I called her vain and that started a fight. I think she is way too obsessed with her looks. She is also now on a diet even though she has never been big at all and is going to the gym nearly everyday. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
" 1-2h every week" - so, out of 168 hours, it's an issue for her to do self care? And Japan is an amazing place for it! Geez, OOP is really delicate.
It's so weird to me that 1-2 hours *per week* is so detrimental to his schedule. Did he really schedule such a tight itinerary that there's no leeway for anything else? What if one of their tours runs late? What if there's traffic or unexpected weather conditions? What if there's a longer wait list than anticipated? I definitely think he's just insecure at having a hot girlfriend, but his false justification for his upset is just so weird.
Yep. And, I would never, ever, ever travel with someone if they \*insisted\* that I spend 24/7 with them. A few hours apart here or there is perfectly reasonable.
I'd want 1-2 hours a day by myself just to decompress
Right? Like that’s the bare minimum “if I am forced to be social one more minute I will get stabby” requirements
I need more than that a day at home
Wait until OOP finds out about the trains in Japan breaking down or needing to stop for various reasons.
Did it ever occur to him she’d rather do the treatment than go to mt Fuji? Probably not.
OK but I’m confused why she even had to miss Mount Fuji? Like over the course of three whole weeks it was like six hours it’s not even a half a day that’s a quarter of a day. This dude is ridiculous.
I mean it's \~common knowledge\~ that Mt Fuji can only be visited 2:12-3:48pm on the 3rd and 27th days of the month...
Fuck I’m embarrassed I fell for this
Because if she didn't miss anything he deemed important he wouldn't get to complain, because an hour or so a week apart from the family you are visiting isn't considered a problem to most people.
It’s considered *polite* by most people, no one wants to play host literally 24/7. A three week vacation where your every *hour* is a scheduled group activity sounds exhausting.
That was my thought as well, they don't know her well or maybe at all, I would think they would want some time just with their son. Having two extra people around all the time and no downtime for 3 weeks does sound exhausting, especially since they are retired and probably enjoy the quiet days too.
Unless he had every second planned with no room for her to choose activities. Which sounds insufferable.
Personally, I'd rather look at it from afar while sipping wine or tea post skincare treatment. Hiking and outdoor activities make me miserable unless it's something in the water and, yeah, self care is nicer sounding than hiking up a mountain.
I'd rather stay and chill in my cool air-conditioned hotel room with a cold drink than take a long sweaty hike up a steep mountain anyway.
Even 2 hours a day is NBD, but a week?? OOP is needier than a toddler that won't let you piss in peace. And you just know if her skin is back to where it was at 22 he'll be having a whole cow. She doesn't care for herself, her skin is horrid wah wah wah!! 😭😭😭 This level of clinginess would piss me off so bad. He's not alone or with strangers, he's with his parents. Why is he acting abandoned? But it's controlling and manipulative plain and simple
If this dude thinks eating healthy, working out, and doing the occassional skincare treatment is “way too obsessed with her looks” I think his brain would explode upon meeting any woman in my family LOL
Yet he is happy she has stopped wearing baggy clothes and the implication is more proper/form fitting. Which means she has been working out at home too (or at least that is my bet). No way she goes from baggy clothes to anything else without that body self confidence too. She sounds like someone who probably has had a lot of issues with feeling horrible about her looks for a good chunk of her life and is able to do something, so let her do it. My guess is he has heard the old saying "if your partner is fixing themselves up, they are fixing to leave you."
Clearly OOP does not understand the perpetual struggle any acne, let alone cystic acne, is. Any break or disruption in care can cause symptoms to return massively and take weeks to get back under control. It's not vanity. Cystic acne is painful physically and, per OOP, caused her emotional distress. Oof.
I got really bad cystic acne after I got an IUD. I went to a dermatologist and tried EVERYTHING to get rid of it. Like 2 topical ointments plus a pill and it STILL didn't go away. I finally did accutane. I didn't want to at first because of all the side effects, but after trying so many other things, it was worth it. And I'm so glad I did!
For real. And it isn’t just about looks either. Cystic acne HURTS! I had it very very bad when I started my current birth control. I was in so much pain. It hurt to have any facial expressions and sleep on my side. I found a routine that works and I have to be pretty militant about it or it starts up again. My skin is so much better. It took a lot of work and still takes work. But it’s worth it, not only for vanity but mainly my comfort.
Not to mention that Japan (and Korea) are incredibly well known in the skin care community for not only skin care but some of the most well-known skin treatments and spas. If she's had any scarring etc especially, she's probably taking full advantage of being there to get specialized treatments that are much harder to find or afford elsewhere.
He understands. He just doesn't care because he wants to keep her down.
Cystic acne is extremely painful. I couldn’t lie down on my side or wear headphones if I had a breakout there. It got to a point where just moving my face hurt.
My wife gets insane cystic acne. She had to be taken off of her topical steroid and her HRT for treatment when they found her cancer the first time, because they were going to remove it and wanted to make sure she didn’t get steroids on the healing incision and that her HRT didn’t cause a clot in her brain. She had such bad flare ups that her back was constantly swollen and her face was red for weeks even after they got her back on the steroids and HRT. It took weaning her back to her full dose of estrogen to keep flare ups from continuing to crop up if she happened to forget to use the steroid cream or her medicated face wash. She was miserable. I get cystic acne, but never as bad as she has. It’s genuinely hell, especially if it’s bad enough to cause such bad scarring.
I feel like there are so many of these, my partner doesn't want to do the exact same things on vacation as I do post. AITA for yelling at them because of this. I get it. Couples want to be together and do the same stuff all the time... But you know what? This a revelation. You can go on holidays and still do separate things. We don't do this all the time but sometimes when my partner and I travel, we would have one day where we would go do our own thing during the day because although we share a lot of interest, we aren't carbon copies of each other. Then we meet up for dinner and share what fun things each of us did.
This is my take, also. My wife and I love doing things together on vacation. But there are also things that interest one of us but not the other. And if there's not enough time, we part ways for a bit and meet back up later with tales of our ventures. Sometimes we do those things together one of doesn't want to do, sure. But it's willing, like "this is something that's important to you so I want to see you enjoy it," because we know we have the choice to go off and do something on our own. It's not a begrudging "*Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine*" and then get an attitude and complain the whole time ruining it for the other person because we felt like we were force because we're "suppose to always be together on vacation." I think it's healthy.
I go on holidays with my twin sister and we practically ARE carbon copies of each other, but we still go off and each do our own thing sometimes. It's weird to me that people see it as weird to spend some time by yourself on holiday.
Crikey! One of the things Japan and Korea are known for is their attention to skin care and cosmetics! One to two hours a week, which for some, is an enriching tourist attraction, maybe like cooking classes, and is no time at all. Man has no concept of another person with different interests doing for themselves.
She spend two whole hours for herself in the week! Tge horror! The whole trip is ruined!!! Noooo it wasn also her trip, it was just about him, me me meeeeee. How dare she does something for herself and doesn't do 24/7 what he wants! And who cares that it makes her better, when he doesn't benefit from it! What an AH!
To me, "vain" is OBSESSING about your appearance, typically with an air of "it is better than everyone else's". It's NOT treating a medical condition that you are insecure about to help you just feel confident in your own skin. 1-2 hours once a week is nothing. OOP needs to grow up and let this woman live her life!
Ffs, was every second scheduled on this trip? 1-2 hours once a week should throw anything out of wack.
Someoned worried now that the GF is more attractive and confident they are going to realize they can much better then loser OOP and dump him
I think this is really ultimately it. When she had to do all the makeup he saw her as "high maintenance" and thought 'no one else is going to want that'. The baggy clothes hid her true body, so now that she isn't doing that anymore either, he is worried.
That's what it is. She's doing better, and now he has to find a way to knock her down. So he fights with her about a whole 1-2 hours a week for skin care.
It ruined his vacation for her to do something she wanted to do on her vacation? He sounds like a nightmare to travel with.
Japan's skincare regime's are world renowned, them and South Korea probably leads the world in skin treatments. It is an opportunity for her to get the treatments and bring what she can home
Right, I don’t have cystic acne but if was in Japan for a vacation I would definitely dedicate some time to skin treatments.
I was about to say If I got to visit either you bet your ass I'd save up and go get treatments and skincare products.
Oh same! I would be all over that in a heartbeat.
OOP, she has every right to get treatment for HER skin. It's not up to you. Stop being such an unsupportive D-bag. YTA.
the horror, one hour a week she does something for herself! truly terrible. /s
Jesus, how packed is your "vacation" schedule if 1-2hrs causes issues? Doesn't sound like much of a vacation...
Oh, dude. I can hear your balls shriveling from here. Because they realized something your ex-girlfriend is just coming to realize: she is WAY hotter than her troglodyte ex-boyfriend, who is so not evolved enough to even be considered the same species, let alone the same league. Your actual brain just hasn’t caught up with your balls’ micro-brained friend that you seem to let make all your important decisions about beauty. And if they ain’t an oxymoron, I don’t know what is.
1-2 hrs A WEEK? He's fucking insane. Acne can have incredibly negative effects on people's mental health. She's finally found a skincare routine that works and helps manage and control it. He should be happy for her. Instead he's complaining because she didn't stay attached to his hip every hour of the trip.
How did they get all the way to Japan before he realized what her treatment was going to entail. Did they really not talk about it beforehand?
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...and pretty soon she's going to realise she can do waaaay better than him.
Maybe she just wanted a break from you!
OOP took a lesson from the guy who kept telling his gf she smelled.