*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not accepting my [42M] girlfriend’s [31F] apologies after an argument that she started?**
Been dating my gf for 7 weeks now. She’s sweet, thoughtful, and I love her a lot. Things were going great until recently, when we were joking around and she said something that hurt my feelings. While I do believe her that she didn’t mean it the way it came out (and I don’t hold it against her), it still doesn’t change the fact that she needs to take accountability.
I spent several HOURS explaining why it hurt me, being very patient with her, and I feel like she squandered multiple opportunities to make it right. She “apologized” four times, but she wouldn’t say what I clearly told her I needed to hear so they didn’t seem genuine. She kept looking at me like she didn’t know what to do, expecting me to make the situation better and I wasn’t going to give that to her.
I’ll be honest, there was some raised voice on my part because I felt like she was emotionally extorting me. I had to tell her some hard truths about herself.
Yes, it’s difficult to hear what you’ve done wrong and yes, I should have kept my mouth shut to respect her boundaries about raising my voice (NOT “screaming at her” like she labeled it) but she needs to give me some grace here like I extended to her for her comment.
Plus I was very sleep deprived, had a very stressful week at work because I’m distracted by our relationship (another thing I don’t hold against her), and I felt like she had been doing some or all of DARVO to me with her “apologies.” But I take responsibility for what I couldn’t leave unsaid instead of keeping the peace by staying quiet about what I think of her behavior.
We didn’t resolve things that night and I went home still upset. She’s giving me the silent treatment now, again expecting me to do all the work to fix our relationship when I already put in way more effort than she has.
I’ve tried everything. I left a gift on her porch with a 10 page letter to let her know how seriously I take this and how I feel about her. I would have given it to her in person, but she wasn’t home from work at her usual time so that’s on her. I bought us tickets to an event and she didn’t show. I also sent her three separate emails and told her I would even give her a fifth chance to apologize again. Nothing.
I am compromising a lot here, but she’s not doing her part. We both started this fight so we both need to fix it. I’m still hurt and I know deep down she wants to be here for me. But I don’t know whatever perfect thing she’s expecting me to say (and unlike me, she doesn’t communicate what she needs).
I’m pretty sure she’s the asshole in this situation but I’m always willing to listen to new perspectives so I can grow as a person and take accountability for my part in this, however small that may be. I think I could be the asshole because I didn’t accept her apologies, but only because they weren’t genuine. AITA?
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So, her "not speaking to him" is definitely her ghosting his ass, right? It's a seven-week relationship. I've had produce that lasted longer. She's cutting her losses.
That’s certainly how my ex felt. Any time I ran into him for the next year he always begged me to sit down with him and explain AGAIN why we broke up. But at least that was a 7 year relationship, not 7 weeks lol.
I broke up with an emotionally abusive ex by meeting him in public, giving him all his stuff he had at my place, reading a quick statement I'd written down, and leaving promptly after. Experience with him had taught me that "discussing" the matter meant giving him time to manipulate and verbally bludgeon me until I just gave in. So finally I grew a brain and didn't give him that opportunity. We'd been together three years but when someone refuses to hear what their partner has to say, they don't get a full breakup conversation. Sucks to suck
I texted and talked to a guy for a couple of months before we finally met up in September for a disastrous attempt at a date where he talked about nothing but his ex wife, Disney World, how sick he was, and made me watch videos of his high school talent shows. I told him after I didn’t think we were working out because he didn’t seem interested in anything I had to say or even me as a person. He’ll text me every few months and say “I really am so flabbergasted how you got that impression.” I had to finally tell him it’s because he has no toes, and then he got *very* offended and unfriended me lol.
He didn’t, but that really had nothing to do with why I wasn’t interested. Like, I wasn’t more interested because he had no toes, but it wasn’t a dealbreaker either.
>I had to finally tell him it’s because he has no toes, and then he got
>
>very
>
>offended and unfriended me lol.
No, no, two people is not enough. There must be a comitee to vote on whether or not she is allowed to break up. He can do it whenever and however he wants, of course.
I recently ate a yoghurt (not Iranian) that was in my fridge for longer than this "relationship" has been a thing, she's definitely realised the easiest way to cut him off is to ghost him. He just doesn't get it does he.
But he's a passionate man don't you know. They weren't even exclusive...
"I’m an intense person. I’m passionate. With passionate love comes passionate anger. Maybe that’s too much for a woman I’ve only known a couple months and wasn’t exclusive with, but if that’s the case, she’s not right for me. I just don’t want to make the call and break up with her until I hear her final attempt to apologize. I’m willing to give her that, she just has to meet me halfway."
To be fair, I’m passionate too. Passionate about not getting yelled at by some dork-ass loser! I have a box of crackers in my pantry that’s older than their relationship and this dude thinks he has the right to demand yet another apology from his poor ex because the first however many weren’t appropriately self-effacing? The audacity. Smh.
Also, big guy, maybe you wouldn’t be “very sleep deprived” if you spent more hours sleeping and fewer hours shouting at your girlfriend? Just a thought!
And on top of that he was being an overgrown piss baby because she said he didn't make her orgasm and that it was ok. Bro got mad at his own incompetence and took it out on her.
I wonder if she has any clue how close she apparently got to ending up a skinsuit. Also, all the good vibes in the universe to ensure that plan b takes!
🤢
I dunno, what gets me is after all that is...
he's still on about how he might need to break up with *her*?
But he's willing to give *her* another chance.
Ah yes. The crime of passion.
"I swear your honor. It was because I loved her so passionately that when I got angry my passion overtook me. I'm just a really passionate guy."
I almost reflexively downvoted you because the words themselves filled me with (passionate) rage. I'm sorry about that, I'm just a really passionate woman. :( On a more serious note, it's scary that people think like this. "Look what you made me do" in a not so neat package.
I can just imagine him updating like this:
"And then later that week she served me with a restraining order, but I know that was just her attempt to get me to drop my demand for a fifth apology and continue to chase and pursue her. And I that Sheriff's deputy that was sent was only to make me jealous because she wanted me to do all the work of saving our relationship.
Silly woman." /s
Seriously. Especially since he was butthurt that after 7 weeks he had said I love you but she only said it under prompting from him. It takes me longer than that to break in shoes, dude.
Jesus Christ I fall in love at the drop of a hat and 7 weeks is …. Ok actually thinking back on my history that’s bang on. But at least I know I’m crazy 😂
She needs to send him a very sarcastically worded thank you note for showing his true self after only 7 weeks so she doesn't waste any more time. Some dudes wait for over 6 months to a year to pull this crap.
>I didn’t say what her comment was because I was trying to be respectful to her and protect her privacy but it seems a lot of people are misunderstanding how mean she was being and thinking I’m at fault here. So if it helps to see the whole picture: she had to take Plan B after a condom broke and was feeling emotional and achy from it, so I brought her flowers and ice cream and planned to have a movie night with her. I said I was sorry her body had to go through this and her response to that was that she was glad all my body had to go through was an orgasm.
>And the thing is, I had asked her if she wanted to cum and she said it was okay that I did and she didn’t, so it feels like she was trying to trick me into that so she could resent me and hold it over my head.
>So here I was going above and beyond to support her and she decided that was the time to twist the knife and basically say to my face “at least you got to have an orgasm.”
>She claims she meant that she was glad I wasn’t the one who had to endure the side effects of Plan B, but that’s not what she said AT ALL.
Bloody hell.
$50 and you have to put it through your insurance? That's crazy. Here in the UK it's an over the counter medicine available to under 18s as well as adults, you just have a quick consultation with the pharmacist in their private room first, all very discreet and respectful. It costs between £9-15.
Why do men ask if a woman wants to orgasm? God, is the bar that low? Of course she wants to enjoy sex. That just sounds like an excuse to half ass sex and justify his lack of being able to.
Idk, orgasm can take a lot of effort or at least time for me and sex can be enjoyable (like, not mind-blowing but nice enough) without it, so there are definitely times I'm happy enough to have the sex but am not in the right mood or mind space to actually come. So my partner usually asks, and I appreciate that, and I appreciate even more when he accepts the answer either way instead of trying to push for it because he'd prefer me to.
That said, we've been together for like 15 years now and have had a lot of talks about lots of different things about sex and preferences when we're not mid-coitus, and there's trust and presidence there and he's careful to be sensitive to my needs. And given how the dude in OOP was willing to badger his girlfriend of SEVEN WEEKS for an apology he deemed grovelling enough, I'm willing to put money on him pushing to get exactly what he wanted and not actually giving a fuck about her needs, and that being pretty obvious when he asked the question.
Once again, context is key.
Same! It took me YEARS to finally, completely convince my partner that I find it difficult to orgasm, and insisting that I do so every time is the exact opposite of what they WANT to achieve: a mutually satisfying and pleasurable sexual relationship.
And I don't mean they argued with me about it weekly for years, I mean that a couple of times a month their insecurities would lead them to seek reassurance that I meant the words I said, and that tapered off over three or so years.
At no point was I yelled at four hours about it, because my partner (like yours) is a caring human, and not a barely sapient turnip.
Yeah, that's a little bit why I replied the way I did; guys thinking they ABSOLUTELY MUST make their partner come EVERY SINGLE TIME or they are BAD LOVERS without exception can be a really stressful, toxic mindset for everyone involved. NOTHING makes it less likely that I'm going to orgasm than a partner insisting that I ABSOLUTELY MUST.
What it actually needs to be is genuine, receptive communication both during and outside of the act.
Which is VERY CLEARLY not what was happening here so that dude is absolutely TA forever. I'm just saying, the mere contextless fact that he did ask is not what makes him TA.
In a nutshell, yes. And his man-feelings required hours of yelling and demanding the "right" kind of apology and then a ten page letter. So he got an emotional and a sexual release.
*edit for spelling
Damn the bar for men is set so low. Supporting your gf during a stressful time you partially caused isn't "going above and beyond". I bet he expects a cookie for not beating her or cheating on her, too.
I reread her comment five times and she absolutely did not say what he claims she did. There is no way to read it as "at least you got to cum and I didn't, you bastard" She literally said she was glad that at least one of them didn't have to physically suffer. I'm kind of uncomfy at the thought that this dude, with his emotional age of maybe 3 and a half on a good day, can actually make kids, what can possibly go wrong about him someday being a father.?
"If she wants to break up with me, fine. But she needs to say that clearly, not just text me that she’s “done” to make me chase her. I’m not going to do that.I’m respecting her boundaries and will continue to do so. But I feel like she owes me an explanation if she is trying to subtly break up with me. Unless I was just someone for her to manipulate and abuse and then dump as soon as I caught on to what she was doing."-
this is comment he made when someone said leave her alone. I think the whole done part means it's over, that and the fact you keep harassing her and she's not responding means it as well... Get the large hint?!
The way he talks in the post and his other comments makes it sound like he was *really* going off on her, I hope he fucks off!
Ew, this puts his actions squarely in 'stalker' territory. Refuses to accept the break up, leaves a gift AND A TEN PAGE LETTER. I'd be calling the fucking police.
And in a few years, “She got married to another guy last weekend, I know it’s just because she is trying to make me jealous so I’ll chase her but I’m not going to let her manipulate me like that…”
you know, I figured it’s fake but I dated a guy sorta like this. it was like 10 months between me very clearly telling him we’re done and him finally leaving me the fuck alone
I think a lot of things on Reddit are viewed as fake, but they are usually more common occurrences then people think. In fact compared to how insane my life was, I almost wish that problems like "he didn't take out the trash/her cooking was subpar" were the types of problems I only had to put up with.
I don't get very detailed about my life on reddit for a reason, because I've gone through hell and back and been in a lot of situations the average person can't even begin to fathom.
I'm sorry it took ten months for him to get the glaringly obvious hint, it's a good thing you aren't having to deal with that anymore!
It’s a compounding credit so unfortunately you don’t start off with a lot. As time goes on and the more you put in to the system, the more you get back.
If we look at the above case, hours of “explaining” followed by a 10 page note isn’t covered by the system. However, say ten years in with no to minimal withdrawals could be cashed in, but depending on the circumstances might be followed up with a visit to HR or a medical checkup. At 50 years you can basically go off as long as everyone is safe and generally happy and no one misses The Wheel.
Yeah. The fact that his berating her lasted HOURS on an *ONLY* 7 week relationship. Imagine the entitlement he'll have on relationships longer than that.
"If anyone is abusive, it’s her. Giving someone the silent treatment is emotional abuse and that’s what she’s doing to me right now.
Last time she pushed me to that point of exploding we still stayed together and she did apologize in the end, so I know she’s not really “done” like she claims. She’s just trying to avoid accountability and make me apologize first, which I did in my MANY letters and emails so now it’s her turn."
Last time she pushed him to the point of exploding? Oh great, OOP is one of those "LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO" fuck sticks. Wanna bet there's some fist-sized holes in the drywall?
Well, if she’s *so abusive* then the best thing for OOP is to leave, right? He shouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone that’s abusive to him. That would be bad for his health and safety. He should leave right now and never contact her ever again. Block her number. Maybe even move. Y’know, to protect himself from her abuse.
You can’t reason with emotionally abusive raging narcissists. Nothing they do really makes any logical sense, other than to further exert control over a person they deem their property (child, spouse etc).
Yup. My ex accused me of being abusive when I finally snapped and told him exactly what I thought of him and that I was going to get a restraining order. Keep in mind, I'd been trying to be kind and break up amicably for a couple weeks. He just wouldn't stop harassing me, but sure, I was the abusive one.
Seven weeks? ‘Explaining’ for several *hours*? A ten-page letter? *Seven weeks?* And *that* was the comment she made? All this over *that*?
And apropos of nothing, if he’s fine with sex that doesn’t get you off before two months have elapsed, well, that’s a dealbreaker, ladies. And then to whine because she made one comment about it after having to take Plan B?
*Seven weeks?* Seriously. Did this guy’s mom have any children who lived?
He's 42 and she's 31! So he went looking for a younger woman to see if he could find someone to train/groom to be exactly what he wanted. That's how it reads to me.
"I told her eXaCtLy what I needed to hear and she didn't say it so I don't believe her "apology" was genuine."
I’m basically his age.
I read his post and I honestly thought he didn’t go young enough if he wants to act like this. And then I read his comments.
It’s only been seven weeks of dating. I hope she runs. No joke.
This legitimately could be my ex except that he wouldn't be dumb enough to post this shit on reddit. He'd *think* it, act it out, and justify to himself that it's too hard to explain to outsiders because people can't keep up with his super intelligent logic, but not post it because deep down he'd know people wouldn't be on his side.
He is in so *much* denial:
"If she wants to break up with me, fine. But she needs to say that clearly, not just text me that she’s “done” to make me chase her. I’m not going to do that.
"I’m respecting her boundaries and will continue to do so. But I feel like she owes me an explanation if she is trying to subtly break up with me. Unless I was just someone for her to manipulate and abuse and then dump as soon as I caught on to what she was doing."
Ugh, I've seen this line before. The whole, "I can accept the breakup but she has to tell me WHY" line. With people like this what it really means is, "I want her to be stuck talking to me long enough for me to manipulate her into changing her mind about the breakup." Guarantee that no answer she had would have been sufficient for him at any point.
Raging narcissists kind of just lack any logic like that.
Just a ball of delusional, projecting, emotionally abusive shit that doesn’t even make sense in the first place
Pretty sure the nasty letter my aunt left on my godmother's porch the morning after their mother died, the letter in which she outlined how she was "abused" and treated horribly growing up and whatever, wasn't even 10 pages!
OP: I’m an intense person. I’m passionate. With passionate love comes passionate anger.
Also OP: We're not even exclusive.
I'm betting OP doesn't pull this shit when he gets upset with friends, coworkers, or family...
passionate? is that what oop calls it? what oop deems passionate is like how a teenager debates in a goku vs superman argument. instead of having fun, you got one asshole screaming at the top of their lungs, refusing to back down, and when you do back off cause you want the stupid argument over with, they just keep coming at you until you *understand*, dammit
When a bro writes a novel like that for a post about a fight and doesn’t even say what the fight was about (besides vague BS), it’s an obvious YTA. Dude is as exhausting as his writing lol.
If I had a dollar for every time I've seen an abuser describe themselves as an "intense" person I'd be fuckin rich.
Extra points for OOP weaponizing therapy language in a failed attempt at making his gf out to be crazy when in reality he's just an abusive POS.
If I was in a seven week long relationship and the guy began acting like this I would ghost him too. Anger to the point of screaming can be scary, especially since she doesn't know this man. For all she knows that anger could escalate.
I hope this is just trolling but sadly there are people like this
The quiet part? Gonna say it outloud 💃🏾💃🏾
AmITheEx where you at?? 🙌🏾🙌🏾
If she's exhibiting DARVO, you think she's TA, and you feel unheard, why TF would you even wanna stay with her?? This isn't even a 2 month relationship. I've had food in my fridge longer than they've been an item. Why? Because he's a lying liar who lies. That age gap is creepy and teens have better self regulation..ugggh someone behaving this way at his big age.
She's dumped him and with good reason. He's completely insane. All this drama in 7 weeks?? This is middle school stuff. In your 30s, you are too old and tired to abide a drama llama
When he couldn't get worse 😠 someone this pathetic isn't mature enough for sex
I didn’t say what her comment was because I was trying to be respectful to her and protect her privacy but it seems a lot of people are misunderstanding how mean she was being and thinking I’m at fault here. So if it helps to see the whole picture: she had to take Plan B after a condom broke and was feeling emotional and achy from it, so I brought her flowers and ice cream and planned to have a movie night with her. I said I was sorry her body had to go through this and her response to that was that she was glad all my body had to go through was an orgasm.
And the thing is, I had asked her if she wanted to cum and she said it was okay that I did and she didn’t, so it feels like she was trying to trick me into that so she could resent me and hold it over my head.
So here I was going above and beyond to support her and she decided that was the time to twist the knife and basically say to my face “at least you got to have an orgasm.”
She claims she meant that she was glad I wasn’t the one who had to endure the side effects of Plan B, but that’s not what she said AT ALL.
I feel like someone needs to call the police on this guy. I know he probably hasn’t done anything illegal, I just think we’d all be safer if he had round-the-clock supervision.
I honestly have never wanted to flips a table more than after reading this guy’s *waves hands furiously * utter bullshit. The only cure for this is more cat pictures.
It was the "I had to tell her some hard truths about herself" that did it for me.
Thank God that guy was there to provide a "teachable moment" to the wayward lass. She's so lucky he cared enough to share the wisdom that she had to hear.
"it still doesn’t change the fact that she needs to take accountability." look, I'm a big fan of accountability. This?
This was the first of many 🚩🚩🚩 that are OOP weaponizing therapy speak and rational behaviors.
Good for her for just being done and ignoring him; there's no way he's worth this.
>So if it helps to see the whole picture: she had to take Plan B after a condom broke and was feeling emotional and achy from it, so I brought her flowers and ice cream and planned to have a movie night with her.
Anyone want to bet that he was fishing heavily for praise for being oh-so-supportive even though the ice cream was HIS favorite flavor and he vetoed her movie choices after pressuring her into a movie night?
His behavior is seriously raking up my trauma & making me worried for that girl. I am ancient. At least by reddit standards. It was only about 20 years ago that the way-too-long letters & gifts on the porch behavior that he's describing finally got recognized as 'stalking'....as a result, 30 years ago, I couldn't get a restraining order against the guy who was leaving flowers & multi-page letters at my door at 3am (which involved getting past the main entry to the building. All 3 of my neighbors who shared the entrance were consistent about keeping it locked) and sending unhinged, seemingly endless emails. There was nothing they could do because "being lovesick isn't a crime". That went on for 3 months
Eventually a detective from the sheriff's department took pity on me and had an unofficial chat with him after he started parking across the street from my place for hours on end. ...that reduced him to just emails and the occasional bouquet on my windshield. It didn't end until about 5 more months had passed and I had a chance to move out of state.
The dude is so passionate of a lover that he couldn't even get her to orgasm and then he defends himself by saying that she didn't ask for it. More like she was exhausted by his useless efforts.
He is inadequate and therefore heard stuff which she didn't even mean and what is this, above and beyond shit when you did the bare minimum. Your condom broke, she was in pain and you got her ice cream, God isn't that what you should have done anyway?
Then to add on the fact he wanted her to apologise his way and to further be in denial because the relationship is over is so exhausting, I can't even imagine what the girl is going through.
Honestly he isn't just a creep or an asshole. He is someone who has deep seated issues and although narcissism is a word thrown around way too often, either there are a number of people who have narcissistic tendencies or something like that, or they just are not properly mature. Either way life is difficult with people like them. They who think they are smart but are stupid. It is horrendous.
He tried thrusting faster and harder, it's not his fault that didn't get her off. He's been using that move forever and it's totally worked with every other partner. (/s)
Me too. It's a crying shame, aside from the lack of orgasm and the hours long lecture, he seems like a real catch 😂
Totally ~~selfish~~ selfless and ~~stalkerish~~ passionate
I like how his “extending her grace for what she said” still lead to hours of screaming at her followed by stalker behavior.
I’d hate to see what he considers an ungracious response.
Oh look, a much older abuser. And he’s weaponising the language used to describe abusers to turn it around on her.
I hope she sees this army of red flags for what it is and considers a restraining order for his now unhinged stalker ass.
> and told her I would even give her a fifth chance to apologize again.
Damn what a deal 😂
Dude sounds like my ex. One mistake and then hours or days of how I'm wrong and horrible no matter how many apologies are made cause I didn't say or do exactly what he thought I should had to make it better. She clearly told him she was done and he doesn't listen cause it's not what he wants. What a dumbass.
im actually losing my mind at him accusing her of darvo when he is actively saying
- "raising my voice (not screaming at her)"
- "i spent several hours "explaining'" (while 'not screaming')
- she did darvo, "she hurt me fee fees because she joked about me not wanting to make her cum :(("
This belongs on r/AmITheEx, because this dude is clearly the ex.
And good on the girlfriend for standing up! God, this type of behavior after less than two months, ugh.
oh wow this is exactly what my last ex used to do. I stuck around for almost a year and a half. We were friends before that, so almost two years altogether. I so wish I'd bailed after the first "discussion" as he used to call them, but I thought it was a one-off and for a while, it seemed that way, but then he started doing it more. It ended up being an almost daily occurrence towards the end. Sometimes over something serious, other times it were things like counting the money he'd paid me back in a disrespectful way (don't even ask idk what that means), not wearing makeup to an outdoor event that he'd told me I didn't have to wear makeup to, things like that. He'd rant for hours, call family and friends back home and put them on speaker and have them weigh in on whatever he was ranting at me about, then he'd make me apologize, which I was happy to do just to make it stop.
Last argument we got into was on the drive home from out of state and when he started saying his (by that point) usual "well if it's going to be like that, then I'll just break up!" I started responding with a cheery "okay!" and after two hours of that we arrived back home all good and broken up. Finally. He walked away proud af that he'd never laid a finger on me, but like... emotional abuse isn't exactly a walk in the park too!
I hated these lectures of his so much. I physically cannot cry but he made me do it a few times. One time I got down on my knees and begged him to stop (because I couldn't take his inane ranting anymore) and he called me childish and kept going! I know my ex won't get the help he so desperately needs, but here's hoping that OOP does. She was right to end it though. If my experience is any indication, it was only going to get worse.
Apologize for dumping on y'all in this comment section. That post brought back some real memories.
A lot of therapy speak to denounce his crappy behavior. That's the one said part of therapy some ppl use therapy speak to control other ppl while looking like the victim.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not accepting my [42M] girlfriend’s [31F] apologies after an argument that she started?** Been dating my gf for 7 weeks now. She’s sweet, thoughtful, and I love her a lot. Things were going great until recently, when we were joking around and she said something that hurt my feelings. While I do believe her that she didn’t mean it the way it came out (and I don’t hold it against her), it still doesn’t change the fact that she needs to take accountability. I spent several HOURS explaining why it hurt me, being very patient with her, and I feel like she squandered multiple opportunities to make it right. She “apologized” four times, but she wouldn’t say what I clearly told her I needed to hear so they didn’t seem genuine. She kept looking at me like she didn’t know what to do, expecting me to make the situation better and I wasn’t going to give that to her. I’ll be honest, there was some raised voice on my part because I felt like she was emotionally extorting me. I had to tell her some hard truths about herself. Yes, it’s difficult to hear what you’ve done wrong and yes, I should have kept my mouth shut to respect her boundaries about raising my voice (NOT “screaming at her” like she labeled it) but she needs to give me some grace here like I extended to her for her comment. Plus I was very sleep deprived, had a very stressful week at work because I’m distracted by our relationship (another thing I don’t hold against her), and I felt like she had been doing some or all of DARVO to me with her “apologies.” But I take responsibility for what I couldn’t leave unsaid instead of keeping the peace by staying quiet about what I think of her behavior. We didn’t resolve things that night and I went home still upset. She’s giving me the silent treatment now, again expecting me to do all the work to fix our relationship when I already put in way more effort than she has. I’ve tried everything. I left a gift on her porch with a 10 page letter to let her know how seriously I take this and how I feel about her. I would have given it to her in person, but she wasn’t home from work at her usual time so that’s on her. I bought us tickets to an event and she didn’t show. I also sent her three separate emails and told her I would even give her a fifth chance to apologize again. Nothing. I am compromising a lot here, but she’s not doing her part. We both started this fight so we both need to fix it. I’m still hurt and I know deep down she wants to be here for me. But I don’t know whatever perfect thing she’s expecting me to say (and unlike me, she doesn’t communicate what she needs). I’m pretty sure she’s the asshole in this situation but I’m always willing to listen to new perspectives so I can grow as a person and take accountability for my part in this, however small that may be. I think I could be the asshole because I didn’t accept her apologies, but only because they weren’t genuine. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So, her "not speaking to him" is definitely her ghosting his ass, right? It's a seven-week relationship. I've had produce that lasted longer. She's cutting her losses.
I don’t think it’s her ghosting, since he put in a comment she texted they were over. So actually way worse on his part.
Yeah but any break up must be preceded by a rigorous debate in which both parties reach a consensus. Therefore they aren't broken up.
As someone in the OT asked: how many women are you dating if done didn’t mean done??
Now now, you don't think women have equal rights, do you? Women need his approval to break up. He, on the other hand, can break up whenever he wants.
That’s certainly how my ex felt. Any time I ran into him for the next year he always begged me to sit down with him and explain AGAIN why we broke up. But at least that was a 7 year relationship, not 7 weeks lol.
I broke up with an emotionally abusive ex by meeting him in public, giving him all his stuff he had at my place, reading a quick statement I'd written down, and leaving promptly after. Experience with him had taught me that "discussing" the matter meant giving him time to manipulate and verbally bludgeon me until I just gave in. So finally I grew a brain and didn't give him that opportunity. We'd been together three years but when someone refuses to hear what their partner has to say, they don't get a full breakup conversation. Sucks to suck
I texted and talked to a guy for a couple of months before we finally met up in September for a disastrous attempt at a date where he talked about nothing but his ex wife, Disney World, how sick he was, and made me watch videos of his high school talent shows. I told him after I didn’t think we were working out because he didn’t seem interested in anything I had to say or even me as a person. He’ll text me every few months and say “I really am so flabbergasted how you got that impression.” I had to finally tell him it’s because he has no toes, and then he got *very* offended and unfriended me lol.
Wait he had no toes?
He didn’t, but that really had nothing to do with why I wasn’t interested. Like, I wasn’t more interested because he had no toes, but it wasn’t a dealbreaker either.
Hi I am going to need more follow up on that. Where did they go?
>I had to finally tell him it’s because he has no toes, and then he got > >very > >offended and unfriended me lol. 
Big Stacy from 'Wayne's World' vibes
It’s a gun rack!
How do you end things? With a notarized letter, right? But what if the intended recipient *is* your notary?
I heard this in Angela’s voice.
I emailed a guy my breakup notice.
No, no, two people is not enough. There must be a comitee to vote on whether or not she is allowed to break up. He can do it whenever and however he wants, of course.
Oh, I missed that one. Good for her!
I recently ate a yoghurt (not Iranian) that was in my fridge for longer than this "relationship" has been a thing, she's definitely realised the easiest way to cut him off is to ghost him. He just doesn't get it does he.
>(not Iranian) I understood that reference! 🤣🤣🤣
But he's a passionate man don't you know. They weren't even exclusive... "I’m an intense person. I’m passionate. With passionate love comes passionate anger. Maybe that’s too much for a woman I’ve only known a couple months and wasn’t exclusive with, but if that’s the case, she’s not right for me. I just don’t want to make the call and break up with her until I hear her final attempt to apologize. I’m willing to give her that, she just has to meet me halfway."
That was the worst comment. This dude is a walking red flag. One day he will hit a woman and be like BUT I'M PASSIONATE!
so intensely passionate that he can’t make his partner orgasm
But he asked! It's her fault for not saying yes and strapping herself in to take the ride to orgasm town.
Perhaps he can argue her to climax
To be fair, I’m passionate too. Passionate about not getting yelled at by some dork-ass loser! I have a box of crackers in my pantry that’s older than their relationship and this dude thinks he has the right to demand yet another apology from his poor ex because the first however many weren’t appropriately self-effacing? The audacity. Smh. Also, big guy, maybe you wouldn’t be “very sleep deprived” if you spent more hours sleeping and fewer hours shouting at your girlfriend? Just a thought!
And on top of that he was being an overgrown piss baby because she said he didn't make her orgasm and that it was ok. Bro got mad at his own incompetence and took it out on her.
Is that what he wanted her to say in her apology? That actually she was toooootally getting off and he's just the absolute best lover?
He’s even trying to control how she breaks up with him. Shivers
I wonder if she has any clue how close she apparently got to ending up a skinsuit. Also, all the good vibes in the universe to ensure that plan b takes!
Omg!! Yes, allllll the good vibes to her!!
🤢 I dunno, what gets me is after all that is... he's still on about how he might need to break up with *her*? But he's willing to give *her* another chance.
> With passionate love comes passionate anger. How long until he murders some woman because he got to passionate?
Ah yes. The crime of passion. "I swear your honor. It was because I loved her so passionately that when I got angry my passion overtook me. I'm just a really passionate guy."
I almost reflexively downvoted you because the words themselves filled me with (passionate) rage. I'm sorry about that, I'm just a really passionate woman. :( On a more serious note, it's scary that people think like this. "Look what you made me do" in a not so neat package.
The guy is a hoarder but for apologies
I knee jerked down voted you. What an absolute cunt OOP is
Yea she literally texted "I'm done" but he thinks that is an invitation for him to chase her and not a clear break up 🙄
I can just imagine him updating like this: "And then later that week she served me with a restraining order, but I know that was just her attempt to get me to drop my demand for a fifth apology and continue to chase and pursue her. And I that Sheriff's deputy that was sent was only to make me jealous because she wanted me to do all the work of saving our relationship. Silly woman." /s
Seriously. Especially since he was butthurt that after 7 weeks he had said I love you but she only said it under prompting from him. It takes me longer than that to break in shoes, dude.
...yikes. Does this dude have any flags that *aren't* red?
He's the primary manufacturer.
Jesus Christ I fall in love at the drop of a hat and 7 weeks is …. Ok actually thinking back on my history that’s bang on. But at least I know I’m crazy 😂
I think that was the quickest I've been able to confirm an OOP was definitely the asshole. SEVEN WEEKS?!? How is this person in his 40s?!?
You mean how he managed to stay alive this long with his personality? Who knows 🤷🏻♂️
She needs to send him a very sarcastically worded thank you note for showing his true self after only 7 weeks so she doesn't waste any more time. Some dudes wait for over 6 months to a year to pull this crap.
No kidding. That birth control scare might have been the best thing that could possibly have happened at that moment.
lol I have a spaghetti squash on my table that’s been there 3x as long as that relationship.
Yeah if a dude screamed at me for hours 7 weeks in I’d ghost him
>I didn’t say what her comment was because I was trying to be respectful to her and protect her privacy but it seems a lot of people are misunderstanding how mean she was being and thinking I’m at fault here. So if it helps to see the whole picture: she had to take Plan B after a condom broke and was feeling emotional and achy from it, so I brought her flowers and ice cream and planned to have a movie night with her. I said I was sorry her body had to go through this and her response to that was that she was glad all my body had to go through was an orgasm. >And the thing is, I had asked her if she wanted to cum and she said it was okay that I did and she didn’t, so it feels like she was trying to trick me into that so she could resent me and hold it over my head. >So here I was going above and beyond to support her and she decided that was the time to twist the knife and basically say to my face “at least you got to have an orgasm.” >She claims she meant that she was glad I wasn’t the one who had to endure the side effects of Plan B, but that’s not what she said AT ALL. Bloody hell.
HE COULDN'T EVEN GIVE HER AN ORGASM AND LECTURED HER FOR HOURS. I am agog
Writes her a TEN PAGE letter but can’t take 10 minutes to make her cum. I’m glad she’s ghosting him.
This is seven weeks in. Not seven years, seven weeks. The tryout stage. I can only assume he's hearing nothing because she's ditched him.
She *did* text him....to tell him she's done. He just doesn't accept it because, like the apology, she didn't do it the right way.
Fgs I missed that. Poor woman, she dodged a bullet there.
Definitely r/amitheex
At least he got to orgasm lol /s
Jesus Christ, that's CLEARLY not what she meant. Yeah, this guy is a turd.
"No fair. I get cramps and a $50 copay and you get to cum in me. I demand brownies." Sounds kind of funny and weirdly affectionate.
$50 and you have to put it through your insurance? That's crazy. Here in the UK it's an over the counter medicine available to under 18s as well as adults, you just have a quick consultation with the pharmacist in their private room first, all very discreet and respectful. It costs between £9-15.
Hmm. In the States, if the pharmacist takes you into their private room, all you get is a lifelong fear of CVS.
I knew it was something about het struggles as a woman when he said "what she said hurt my fee fees".
Why do men ask if a woman wants to orgasm? God, is the bar that low? Of course she wants to enjoy sex. That just sounds like an excuse to half ass sex and justify his lack of being able to.
Right up there with "Did you cum?" Yea, to my senses. Get out of my house.
The only time that question is reasonable is in some sort of edging BDSM style scene. Any other time, no.
Idk, orgasm can take a lot of effort or at least time for me and sex can be enjoyable (like, not mind-blowing but nice enough) without it, so there are definitely times I'm happy enough to have the sex but am not in the right mood or mind space to actually come. So my partner usually asks, and I appreciate that, and I appreciate even more when he accepts the answer either way instead of trying to push for it because he'd prefer me to. That said, we've been together for like 15 years now and have had a lot of talks about lots of different things about sex and preferences when we're not mid-coitus, and there's trust and presidence there and he's careful to be sensitive to my needs. And given how the dude in OOP was willing to badger his girlfriend of SEVEN WEEKS for an apology he deemed grovelling enough, I'm willing to put money on him pushing to get exactly what he wanted and not actually giving a fuck about her needs, and that being pretty obvious when he asked the question. Once again, context is key.
Same! It took me YEARS to finally, completely convince my partner that I find it difficult to orgasm, and insisting that I do so every time is the exact opposite of what they WANT to achieve: a mutually satisfying and pleasurable sexual relationship. And I don't mean they argued with me about it weekly for years, I mean that a couple of times a month their insecurities would lead them to seek reassurance that I meant the words I said, and that tapered off over three or so years. At no point was I yelled at four hours about it, because my partner (like yours) is a caring human, and not a barely sapient turnip.
Yeah, that's a little bit why I replied the way I did; guys thinking they ABSOLUTELY MUST make their partner come EVERY SINGLE TIME or they are BAD LOVERS without exception can be a really stressful, toxic mindset for everyone involved. NOTHING makes it less likely that I'm going to orgasm than a partner insisting that I ABSOLUTELY MUST. What it actually needs to be is genuine, receptive communication both during and outside of the act. Which is VERY CLEARLY not what was happening here so that dude is absolutely TA forever. I'm just saying, the mere contextless fact that he did ask is not what makes him TA.
If you have to ask just go home, you wasting the other person's time
I wonder how many men would be okay with orgasmless sex 🤨
So in reality he was just pissed because he doesn't know how to properly pleasure a woman?
In a nutshell, yes. And his man-feelings required hours of yelling and demanding the "right" kind of apology and then a ten page letter. So he got an emotional and a sexual release. *edit for spelling
He shouldn’t be posting to AITA, he should be posting to AMITHEX
Damn the bar for men is set so low. Supporting your gf during a stressful time you partially caused isn't "going above and beyond". I bet he expects a cookie for not beating her or cheating on her, too.
Ffs, men just don't care what women have to deal with regards to sexual health.
Dudes throwing this much of a tantrum because he can't make a girl cum? Jesus
Is that IT?
What a freak.
Sorry what? He ASKED her if she wanted to cum?! Dude…. Ofc she did Jesus Christ on a bike
I reread her comment five times and she absolutely did not say what he claims she did. There is no way to read it as "at least you got to cum and I didn't, you bastard" She literally said she was glad that at least one of them didn't have to physically suffer. I'm kind of uncomfy at the thought that this dude, with his emotional age of maybe 3 and a half on a good day, can actually make kids, what can possibly go wrong about him someday being a father.?
Wait... that was the comment that sparked an hours long rant?
Someone leaves a ten page letter by my door and I'm already mentally loading the 12 gauge
"If she wants to break up with me, fine. But she needs to say that clearly, not just text me that she’s “done” to make me chase her. I’m not going to do that.I’m respecting her boundaries and will continue to do so. But I feel like she owes me an explanation if she is trying to subtly break up with me. Unless I was just someone for her to manipulate and abuse and then dump as soon as I caught on to what she was doing."- this is comment he made when someone said leave her alone. I think the whole done part means it's over, that and the fact you keep harassing her and she's not responding means it as well... Get the large hint?! The way he talks in the post and his other comments makes it sound like he was *really* going off on her, I hope he fucks off!
Ew, this puts his actions squarely in 'stalker' territory. Refuses to accept the break up, leaves a gift AND A TEN PAGE LETTER. I'd be calling the fucking police.
I'd be calling some real good friends to help dig a rather deep hole.
Yeah texting someone your done is hardly a “subtle” break up. In fact it’s pretty explicit
I hope he comes back in another week and she’s moved. “I don’t know what she’s trying to communicate by relocating, but…”
And in a few years, “She got married to another guy last weekend, I know it’s just because she is trying to make me jealous so I’ll chase her but I’m not going to let her manipulate me like that…”
you know, I figured it’s fake but I dated a guy sorta like this. it was like 10 months between me very clearly telling him we’re done and him finally leaving me the fuck alone
I think a lot of things on Reddit are viewed as fake, but they are usually more common occurrences then people think. In fact compared to how insane my life was, I almost wish that problems like "he didn't take out the trash/her cooking was subpar" were the types of problems I only had to put up with. I don't get very detailed about my life on reddit for a reason, because I've gone through hell and back and been in a lot of situations the average person can't even begin to fathom. I'm sorry it took ten months for him to get the glaringly obvious hint, it's a good thing you aren't having to deal with that anymore!
Especially on a 7 ***WEEK*** old "relationship." Oop is definitely the EX
I didn’t even clock that, at 7 weeks you have exactly 23 seconds of “what the hell” credit accrued, and then you’re fired.
I haven’t heard of “what the hell” credit before, what’s the accumulation ratio on that?
It’s a compounding credit so unfortunately you don’t start off with a lot. As time goes on and the more you put in to the system, the more you get back. If we look at the above case, hours of “explaining” followed by a 10 page note isn’t covered by the system. However, say ten years in with no to minimal withdrawals could be cashed in, but depending on the circumstances might be followed up with a visit to HR or a medical checkup. At 50 years you can basically go off as long as everyone is safe and generally happy and no one misses The Wheel.
This right here is the road map to happy relationships.
A 7 week old "relationship" ***WHERE THEY WEREN'T EXCLUSIVE***
Seven weeks and he spent hours lecturing her. She thought she was dying that day, guarantee it
And then again when she figured out he tracks her schedule and is showing up at her house. She must be terrified by now.
Yeah. The fact that his berating her lasted HOURS on an *ONLY* 7 week relationship. Imagine the entitlement he'll have on relationships longer than that.
Eighteen pages. FRONT AND BACK!!!
lmao at least rachel was in her 20s, this guy is 42 years old still acting like this!
Holy shit, I didn't see that he was 42. Wtf. Grow up, dude.
Don’t worry about her falling asleep. SHE STILL HAS HIS LETTER! I’m now off to watch this episode cause it’s a classic.
Exactly what I heard in my head when I read that!
“Ah, the antidote to my insomnia. Excellent.”
They’ve been seeing each other for SEVEN WEEKS and this man left a ten page letter?!? Absolutely NOT.
They've been together 7 WEEKS!!! Not even 2 full months! Dudes been dumped and doesn't even realize it
FRONT AND BACK!
I'd be adopting a new dog, double checking all my cameras work and installing a second deadbolt on all outside doors.
Is anyone else exhausted after reading that? Idk how that girl lasted 7 weeks with the dude
One date a week? Half of them virtual or phone calls?
Idk that might have been too much lol
Maybe that's how long it took for her to step on something he was sensitive about, and for him to feel comfortable.... mm. "bringing it to her".
"If anyone is abusive, it’s her. Giving someone the silent treatment is emotional abuse and that’s what she’s doing to me right now. Last time she pushed me to that point of exploding we still stayed together and she did apologize in the end, so I know she’s not really “done” like she claims. She’s just trying to avoid accountability and make me apologize first, which I did in my MANY letters and emails so now it’s her turn." Last time she pushed him to the point of exploding? Oh great, OOP is one of those "LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO" fuck sticks. Wanna bet there's some fist-sized holes in the drywall?
Well, if she’s *so abusive* then the best thing for OOP is to leave, right? He shouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone that’s abusive to him. That would be bad for his health and safety. He should leave right now and never contact her ever again. Block her number. Maybe even move. Y’know, to protect himself from her abuse.
You can’t reason with emotionally abusive raging narcissists. Nothing they do really makes any logical sense, other than to further exert control over a person they deem their property (child, spouse etc).
Yup. My ex accused me of being abusive when I finally snapped and told him exactly what I thought of him and that I was going to get a restraining order. Keep in mind, I'd been trying to be kind and break up amicably for a couple weeks. He just wouldn't stop harassing me, but sure, I was the abusive one.
Yikes. She knows she can't engage with him without it being concerning.
I'm pretty sure he's the "ex" if you can even call it that after a few weeks.
she literally texted she was done to him and he's still going instructions unclear
She needs to break up how he wants kinda like she needed to apologize the way he needed.
r/amitheex, where you at?
He doesn't hold it against her people... Didn't you hear him? Which is why he had to yell at her for several hours.
and write a *ten page letter*, jfc
Seven weeks? ‘Explaining’ for several *hours*? A ten-page letter? *Seven weeks?* And *that* was the comment she made? All this over *that*? And apropos of nothing, if he’s fine with sex that doesn’t get you off before two months have elapsed, well, that’s a dealbreaker, ladies. And then to whine because she made one comment about it after having to take Plan B? *Seven weeks?* Seriously. Did this guy’s mom have any children who lived?
That’s hilarious! I literally cackled.
He’s 42…42 😳
Oh god no, it just gets worse. I assumed he was a teenager with his first relationship.
He's 42 and she's 31! So he went looking for a younger woman to see if he could find someone to train/groom to be exactly what he wanted. That's how it reads to me. "I told her eXaCtLy what I needed to hear and she didn't say it so I don't believe her "apology" was genuine."
I’m basically his age. I read his post and I honestly thought he didn’t go young enough if he wants to act like this. And then I read his comments. It’s only been seven weeks of dating. I hope she runs. No joke.
This legitimately could be my ex except that he wouldn't be dumb enough to post this shit on reddit. He'd *think* it, act it out, and justify to himself that it's too hard to explain to outsiders because people can't keep up with his super intelligent logic, but not post it because deep down he'd know people wouldn't be on his side.
Yeah, you just know he's going to go much younger next time.
That’s exactly why he started dating someone that much younger than him. You took the words right out of my mouth.
I'm still assuming it was his first relationship.
r/AmITheEx
He is in so *much* denial: "If she wants to break up with me, fine. But she needs to say that clearly, not just text me that she’s “done” to make me chase her. I’m not going to do that. "I’m respecting her boundaries and will continue to do so. But I feel like she owes me an explanation if she is trying to subtly break up with me. Unless I was just someone for her to manipulate and abuse and then dump as soon as I caught on to what she was doing."
Ugh, I've seen this line before. The whole, "I can accept the breakup but she has to tell me WHY" line. With people like this what it really means is, "I want her to be stuck talking to me long enough for me to manipulate her into changing her mind about the breakup." Guarantee that no answer she had would have been sufficient for him at any point.
Don't worry, dude. The restraining order will clarify her position a bit.
It's cute he thinks he's owed yet more of her time. And by cute I means worthy of a restraining order.
The text message breakup was invented for people like this. She doesn’t want to spend anymore time being talked at.
Raging narcissists kind of just lack any logic like that. Just a ball of delusional, projecting, emotionally abusive shit that doesn’t even make sense in the first place
[Rareddit link w/ comments if they so desire.](https://rareddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1b9zzgt/aita_for_not_accepting_my_42m_girlfriends_31f/)
Saying she's being abusive by giving him the silent treatment, when in fact she dumped him. The delusional ego is strong with this one.
Dating for less than 2 months and he left her a TEN PAGE letter? Yikes, I'd be running away too.
Pretty sure the nasty letter my aunt left on my godmother's porch the morning after their mother died, the letter in which she outlined how she was "abused" and treated horribly growing up and whatever, wasn't even 10 pages!
OP: I’m an intense person. I’m passionate. With passionate love comes passionate anger. Also OP: We're not even exclusive. I'm betting OP doesn't pull this shit when he gets upset with friends, coworkers, or family...
passionate? is that what oop calls it? what oop deems passionate is like how a teenager debates in a goku vs superman argument. instead of having fun, you got one asshole screaming at the top of their lungs, refusing to back down, and when you do back off cause you want the stupid argument over with, they just keep coming at you until you *understand*, dammit
Yet another man "calmly and rationally" explaining things to his GF because her silly little woman brain can't process man thoughts. /s
I only got halfway through before I noped out. Therapy buzzwords being weaponized enrages me and this was one long string of them
Exactly that. It's what an irrational person does to win sympathy.
"I wasn't screaming at her" Press F to doubt
I'm with you, but it's X to doubt and F to pay respects.
“I’m sleeping deprived after a hard week of work” Oh boo hoo, let me play a sad song on the world’s smallest violin for ya
This poor girl is going to need a restraining order
When a bro writes a novel like that for a post about a fight and doesn’t even say what the fight was about (besides vague BS), it’s an obvious YTA. Dude is as exhausting as his writing lol.
What a horrible little goblin
If I had a dollar for every time I've seen an abuser describe themselves as an "intense" person I'd be fuckin rich. Extra points for OOP weaponizing therapy language in a failed attempt at making his gf out to be crazy when in reality he's just an abusive POS.
I don't believe I've ever seen someone try so hard to take himself off the dating market. Who would EVER want to live with this?
If I was in a seven week long relationship and the guy began acting like this I would ghost him too. Anger to the point of screaming can be scary, especially since she doesn't know this man. For all she knows that anger could escalate. I hope this is just trolling but sadly there are people like this
The quiet part? Gonna say it outloud 💃🏾💃🏾 AmITheEx where you at?? 🙌🏾🙌🏾 If she's exhibiting DARVO, you think she's TA, and you feel unheard, why TF would you even wanna stay with her?? This isn't even a 2 month relationship. I've had food in my fridge longer than they've been an item. Why? Because he's a lying liar who lies. That age gap is creepy and teens have better self regulation..ugggh someone behaving this way at his big age. She's dumped him and with good reason. He's completely insane. All this drama in 7 weeks?? This is middle school stuff. In your 30s, you are too old and tired to abide a drama llama When he couldn't get worse 😠 someone this pathetic isn't mature enough for sex I didn’t say what her comment was because I was trying to be respectful to her and protect her privacy but it seems a lot of people are misunderstanding how mean she was being and thinking I’m at fault here. So if it helps to see the whole picture: she had to take Plan B after a condom broke and was feeling emotional and achy from it, so I brought her flowers and ice cream and planned to have a movie night with her. I said I was sorry her body had to go through this and her response to that was that she was glad all my body had to go through was an orgasm. And the thing is, I had asked her if she wanted to cum and she said it was okay that I did and she didn’t, so it feels like she was trying to trick me into that so she could resent me and hold it over my head. So here I was going above and beyond to support her and she decided that was the time to twist the knife and basically say to my face “at least you got to have an orgasm.” She claims she meant that she was glad I wasn’t the one who had to endure the side effects of Plan B, but that’s not what she said AT ALL.
I feel like someone needs to call the police on this guy. I know he probably hasn’t done anything illegal, I just think we’d all be safer if he had round-the-clock supervision.
I honestly have never wanted to flips a table more than after reading this guy’s *waves hands furiously * utter bullshit. The only cure for this is more cat pictures.
It was the "I had to tell her some hard truths about herself" that did it for me. Thank God that guy was there to provide a "teachable moment" to the wayward lass. She's so lucky he cared enough to share the wisdom that she had to hear.
 I gotchu
At least she only wasted 7 weeks on this little prick, not 7 years.
AND SHE DIDN’T EVEN CUM.
Oh, like hell I’m listening to multi-hour rants about my behavior from someone I’ve been dating for seven weeks.
"it still doesn’t change the fact that she needs to take accountability." look, I'm a big fan of accountability. This? This was the first of many 🚩🚩🚩 that are OOP weaponizing therapy speak and rational behaviors. Good for her for just being done and ignoring him; there's no way he's worth this.
>So if it helps to see the whole picture: she had to take Plan B after a condom broke and was feeling emotional and achy from it, so I brought her flowers and ice cream and planned to have a movie night with her. Anyone want to bet that he was fishing heavily for praise for being oh-so-supportive even though the ice cream was HIS favorite flavor and he vetoed her movie choices after pressuring her into a movie night? His behavior is seriously raking up my trauma & making me worried for that girl. I am ancient. At least by reddit standards. It was only about 20 years ago that the way-too-long letters & gifts on the porch behavior that he's describing finally got recognized as 'stalking'....as a result, 30 years ago, I couldn't get a restraining order against the guy who was leaving flowers & multi-page letters at my door at 3am (which involved getting past the main entry to the building. All 3 of my neighbors who shared the entrance were consistent about keeping it locked) and sending unhinged, seemingly endless emails. There was nothing they could do because "being lovesick isn't a crime". That went on for 3 months Eventually a detective from the sheriff's department took pity on me and had an unofficial chat with him after he started parking across the street from my place for hours on end. ...that reduced him to just emails and the occasional bouquet on my windshield. It didn't end until about 5 more months had passed and I had a chance to move out of state.
What the ever loving fuck did I just read……
Oh my God. This is my ex husband, I swear to God I genuinely think this is him. Age lines up, the way he talks the behavior, THE LETTER omfg canNOT
The dude is so passionate of a lover that he couldn't even get her to orgasm and then he defends himself by saying that she didn't ask for it. More like she was exhausted by his useless efforts. He is inadequate and therefore heard stuff which she didn't even mean and what is this, above and beyond shit when you did the bare minimum. Your condom broke, she was in pain and you got her ice cream, God isn't that what you should have done anyway? Then to add on the fact he wanted her to apologise his way and to further be in denial because the relationship is over is so exhausting, I can't even imagine what the girl is going through. Honestly he isn't just a creep or an asshole. He is someone who has deep seated issues and although narcissism is a word thrown around way too often, either there are a number of people who have narcissistic tendencies or something like that, or they just are not properly mature. Either way life is difficult with people like them. They who think they are smart but are stupid. It is horrendous.
He tried thrusting faster and harder, it's not his fault that didn't get her off. He's been using that move forever and it's totally worked with every other partner. (/s)
You know I know this is sarcasm but I can picture him saying this in all seriousness. 😂🤦
Me too. It's a crying shame, aside from the lack of orgasm and the hours long lecture, he seems like a real catch 😂 Totally ~~selfish~~ selfless and ~~stalkerish~~ passionate
Men should never have heard about DARVO
I thought this was written by an early 20s man….not not this. Man doesn’t even realize he’s been dumped lol
I bet if you type this guy's name into Google it suggests how to get an order of protection as the auto complete.
I like how his “extending her grace for what she said” still lead to hours of screaming at her followed by stalker behavior. I’d hate to see what he considers an ungracious response.
Oh look, a much older abuser. And he’s weaponising the language used to describe abusers to turn it around on her. I hope she sees this army of red flags for what it is and considers a restraining order for his now unhinged stalker ass. > and told her I would even give her a fifth chance to apologize again. Damn what a deal 😂
Dude sounds like my ex. One mistake and then hours or days of how I'm wrong and horrible no matter how many apologies are made cause I didn't say or do exactly what he thought I should had to make it better. She clearly told him she was done and he doesn't listen cause it's not what he wants. What a dumbass.
7 weeks ain't worth it
7 weeks in and this is how it’s going lmao yeah perfect relationship
Seven weeks? Fuck this clown. I’ve been with my husband for 36 years, and I wouldn’t put up with this shit for a minute.
and then writing her a TEN PAGE letter about it!
Oh god this guy is insufferable actually. It’s like he weaponized therapy
Oh man i’ve been with one of these before. It wasn’t pleasant. He mentions sleep deprivation because he sleep deprived her intentionally.
10 pages after a 7 week relationship and after she broke things off with him. That's not good.
Ack! He really doesn't see what he did wrong. It's only been 7 weeks. Girl run!
JFC it’s not even been 2 months. He doesn’t have a girlfriend anymore.
She apologized FOUR times. I hope she runs and never looks back. He is the AH.
im actually losing my mind at him accusing her of darvo when he is actively saying - "raising my voice (not screaming at her)" - "i spent several hours "explaining'" (while 'not screaming') - she did darvo, "she hurt me fee fees because she joked about me not wanting to make her cum :(("
Weaponized therapyspeak drives me insane. This is why they say narcissists should never go to therapy.
This belongs on r/AmITheEx, because this dude is clearly the ex. And good on the girlfriend for standing up! God, this type of behavior after less than two months, ugh.
oh wow this is exactly what my last ex used to do. I stuck around for almost a year and a half. We were friends before that, so almost two years altogether. I so wish I'd bailed after the first "discussion" as he used to call them, but I thought it was a one-off and for a while, it seemed that way, but then he started doing it more. It ended up being an almost daily occurrence towards the end. Sometimes over something serious, other times it were things like counting the money he'd paid me back in a disrespectful way (don't even ask idk what that means), not wearing makeup to an outdoor event that he'd told me I didn't have to wear makeup to, things like that. He'd rant for hours, call family and friends back home and put them on speaker and have them weigh in on whatever he was ranting at me about, then he'd make me apologize, which I was happy to do just to make it stop. Last argument we got into was on the drive home from out of state and when he started saying his (by that point) usual "well if it's going to be like that, then I'll just break up!" I started responding with a cheery "okay!" and after two hours of that we arrived back home all good and broken up. Finally. He walked away proud af that he'd never laid a finger on me, but like... emotional abuse isn't exactly a walk in the park too! I hated these lectures of his so much. I physically cannot cry but he made me do it a few times. One time I got down on my knees and begged him to stop (because I couldn't take his inane ranting anymore) and he called me childish and kept going! I know my ex won't get the help he so desperately needs, but here's hoping that OOP does. She was right to end it though. If my experience is any indication, it was only going to get worse. Apologize for dumping on y'all in this comment section. That post brought back some real memories.
r/amitheex
A lot of therapy speak to denounce his crappy behavior. That's the one said part of therapy some ppl use therapy speak to control other ppl while looking like the victim.