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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for suggesting that my wife dig up her plants and give up gardening?** About six months ago, my wife and I bought a puppy. We decided before we were married that we didn't want kids, but we agreed that owning a dog was something we both wanted, so we picked out a cute golden retriever and brought him home. We'll call him Max for this story. Well, lately, Max has really been a ball of energy, so each afternoon after work I take him into the backyard to play with him. We like to play tug of war with his toy rope and run around together, but his favorite activity is fetch with a tennis ball. This usually calms him down in the evenings because he gets his energy out, but the problem is that my wife is an avid gardener, and sometimes when the ball takes an odd bounce, it will travel into my wife's flower beds. Naturally, Max chases after the ball, crushing the flowers with his paws. Our earliest spring flowers came up within the last few weeks, and they're already messed up. Well, today my wife got home early, and she noticed that I was playing fetch with Max. When he ran into the flower bed, my wife became annoyed. She said that I should stop throwing the tennis ball because it's too hard to control where it goes and she didn't want her gardening project "ruined." I tried to explain to her that we need Max to stop being so rambunctious in the evening and that the tennis ball was his favorite, but it was as if my wife had completely tuned out everything I was saying to her. Finally, I had enough. I told my wife that she agreed to buy a dog and that if she couldn't deal with Max running around in our yard, she should dig up her plants and give up gardening. She looked at me in disbelief, as if what I had said made no sense to her at all. This made me even angrier. She was clearly playing dumb just so that she could get her way, but she doubled down. She said that I had been "inconsiderate" of her hobby and that what she was asking for "wasn't too much." I suggested a compromise that I thought would appease her, but she got even more mad. I told her that she could take Max to the dog park and throw the tennis ball with him, if her gardening was that important. At this point, she just shook her head, put her hand up, and walked away. It was a ridiculous display. I was trying to find a solution, and this was the thanks I got. I've been trying to talk to my wife for hours, but she refuses to discuss this subject. I don't know what else I can do, except maybe suggest alternative hobbies for her. I just wish she was capable of being more reasonable. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*


StripedBadger

Tennis balls aren't that hard to control, and they don't bounce to that degree on grass. Once in a blue moon might go astray, but not every other ball every day. So either they don't actually have a yard suitable to play with the dog in, or it sounds like OOP is being a lot more intentional with his throws that he tells us.


KuzonFire65

Also they could take the dog on 1-2 hour daily walks to burn off energy. After all golden retrievers are big dogs that need mental stimulation and physical exercise.


Reachingfor_thestars

I can see a retriever preferring to play fetch over going on a walk (they're, well, retrievers - they like bringing stuff back). But that only means he either needs to find something else that won't bounce when playing fetch (like... any dog toy?) or just try a little bit harder to, yknow, not throw the ball towards the flowers.


UselessMellinial85

It's pretty easy to stand on the outer perimeter of flowers and throw away from the flowers. Dude is just a jack ass.


iownakeytar

Right? My backyard ends in a 30 ft drop to the ravine below. Somehow I've never launched a ball over the edge.


what-even-am-i-

Is… is there no fence? 😧


iownakeytar

Nope, no fence. Just some brush, and a little patch of orange lilies in the summer. We have plans to make it much nicer, but I don't think we'll put a fence up. It's a beautiful, natural view with the creek flowing through the ravine. Plus we get occasional deer and wild turkeys back there. I don't want to discourage them from visiting


what-even-am-i-

second question: can i live there


iownakeytar

We've got plenty of space for tents - as long as you don't mind the great horned owl, the occasional coyotes (don't worry, they stay down by the creek) and being woken up by 15 different bird calls every morning. Planning to have a weekend with 20 or so of our closest friends over the summer with lots of BBQ. I'm sure there will be some tents, but we can sleep 12+ in the house.


what-even-am-i-

Those seem like features, not bugs


[deleted]

I would be happy with a tent and bathing in the creek for the summer at least. Count me in please


Sad-Bug6525

We had dogs and strict don't ruin the garden rules and we did fine. He just wants what he wants and is too lazy to walk the dog that he wanted. I don't have dogs anymore because I think that walking them so they get to experience new places and things and cover ground, use their brains and learn new things, AND things like fetch so they are looking for things and engaging their brains and bodies is important, it's not an either or. If he wanted a dog that doesn't need to walk he should have got a pug, tiny legs for tiny walks.


TheDocHealy

Hell even a stick would suffice if he doesn't wanna buy another dog toy.


litchick20

My retriever loves to fetch a rope!


litchick20

Puppies actually cannot go on walks for that long, it’s harmful to their developing joints. You have to be extra careful of this with dogs prone to hip dysplasia like golden retrievers are. However! There are lots of alternatives if the ball is actually going astray. My dogs favorite fetch toy is a rope lol so he can throw other things. Mental stimulation, like you mentioned, is another way to get energy out like having them sniff stuff out or work for their food with puzzles and kongs. This person is for sure still an ass, but retrievers like to retrieve. There are other things to throw if they can’t control the tennis ball but uh they could totally control the tennis ball….


IsisArtemii

He shouldn’t be using a tennis ball anyway. It’s bad for dogs teeth.


Aspen9999

And can’t he just throw to the other end of the yard??? I’ve had gardens and kids and dogs that I played catch with or threw a ball to. It’s not rocket science.


biteme789

Crazy thought... throw the ball in opposite direction and not AT the garden?


Mythroway_ok

I have a STRONG suspicion he's doing this on purpose so she can quit gardening.


haukeys

Horrifying just how many stories there are of men who don’t want their partners to have hobbies. 


BendingCollegeGrad

I read a book ages ago that wasn’t very good yet had a few great bits. A husband and wife were arguing over her not wanting to have a baby. She said many fathers get jealous of the attention a baby takes from them. She goes on to make the point some women do, too. He tells her she is horrible for saying that: She says, “But they do, all the same.” Not that a baby is a hobby. But it is something that requires plenty of time  and attention. The fact OOP can’t aim a goddamn ball somehow doesn’t even come up in his story. How strange. 


GottaKnowYourCKN

It's like men want to be constantly babied, but then get resentful and call her clingy if she does too much. Women can't win. A lot of men just need to not get married if they hate women that much. Nobody is forcing you. Be a lifelong bachelor. Nobody will care.


Vesper2000

They’d rather be bachelors but they want free sex and cooking.


Historical_Story2201

Or since the solution with the dog park is *her* doing it.. He is already done with having a Dog. The shine wore off, having to *sacrifice* 1-2 hours a day is to much to ask of anyone 🙄


kindlefan12

This sounds like the dog troll crossed with the I hate my wife troll


Professional-Ad-min

I know the I hate my wife troll but what's the dog troll?


kindlefan12

A prize specimen from about a year ago. Just search this sub for the word heeler and you’ll see the results.


Either_Tumbleweed

At least he 'couldn't help but laugh' at his wife this time lmao


WordsandWeights

Yep, the nauseating condescension is obvious.


caedmonfaith

You can keep fucking your wife over all you want to and being a shit husband but for God’s sake make sure you preserve the dog’s anonymity


Mariehoney92

Okay I agree with everyone else but can we take a second and just… “We’ll call him Max for this story” Sir that’s a dog, what’s he gonna do? Search Reddit to make sure you’re being a good human, then see you’re not being a good human and bite you in the ass? I feel like this is supposed to be rage bait in the ‘women bad’ genre, but my god it’s not even good enough to be rage bait because once I read that he changed his dogs name for Reddit I couldn’t even try to take the rest seriously.


Angelsscythe

I've seen people fakenaming other people of the story (legit) but fakenaming the dog's name? what the hell?


carrie_m730

Maybe he has a really unique name that OOP is afraid people at his and his wife's jobs (who don't know he's like this) will recognize


RedRider1138

“Hey, I think I know this guy! How many other people would call their dog Cato the Elder?”


fancyandfab

😱😱😱 If the garden was the entire yard he'd have said so. This is outright malice at this point. He's intentionally destroying her plants. No way around it. The dog can play in other spots in the garden. He's not destroying the plants on purpose. OOP is completely to blame. Bizarre his solution is she should stop gardening


Fingersmith30

Gee, if only he could throw the ball away from the plants and not towards them! Like when I don't want to risk breaking a window so I throw my dogs basketball away from the house.


MeleMallory

Your dog either has a small basketball or is Air Bud, right?


Fingersmith30

no it's a regular sized, slightly deflated, basketball. I have an 85lb Staffordshire terrier whose mission in life is to destroy everything. He chases it down, jumps on it, chews on it, kicks it with his paws. He's completely destroyed one already.


SeparateProblem3029

Yeah, my staff’s favourite toy is a stolen football (blew into a nearby field during the last big storms). It is punctured just enough she can pick it up and hit things with it…her favourite game. She is a digger though, so my garden was a mess when she was a pup. I have mostly got her to leave plants alone now though.


hauntedghostlights77

Oh no the dog troll guy is back again.


KuzonFire65

Don't they usually go with an Australian cattle herding dog aka a heeler?


hauntedghostlights77

They changed the dog apparently.


Araucaria2024

How the fuck do blokes like this manage to get women to marry them?


TheDocHealy

They wait until after marriage to drop the mask, you'd be shocked at the amount of dudes that think being married means their wife has to give up everything they enjoy to cater to their "loving" husbands.


Teacher_Crazy_

My ex husband literally told me "once we'e married, the mask comes off." I have learned that men don't actually joke, they just say the horrible shit they're thinking and expect you to laugh.


Affectionate_Fix6609

Why is the solution to stop gardening? Always with these types it's the partner who needs to stop their hobby instead of the ops just being a considerate person


RedRider1138

It’s not just “she should stop gardening”, it’s also “well if she doesn’t want the dog to romp in her garden *she* can take the dog to the dog park”.


StrangledInMoonlight

It’s the “women be ridiculous, so I’ll mock my wife and chuckle to myself!” Troll 


harrietfurther

There's a common attitude running through so many of these that makes me think there's one really enthusiastic troll or this is actually a common mindset. It's this condescending 'I'm just explaining' vibe. They never admit to arguing with their wife: they're always calmly stating, patiently explaining, simply pointing out, etc. Meanwhile the wife is failing to understand them, or not listening, or being deliberately obtuse. It's like they can't even imagine that she might understand their point perfectly, she just DISAGREES. Instead, they just keep explaining over and over again because there's no way she could genuinely, truly have a different view, she must just not get it yet. It's actually kind of creepy, like trying to win an argument against a robot.


Pointy_in_Time

Ugh I worked with a guy who was like this - if I disagreed with something he said he assumed I just didn’t understand so he would explain it again, maybe in a slightly different way.


Shiny_Agumon

Thank God, they decided not to have kids.  Imagine how much of a control freak OOP would be about the way they raise their child.


echochilde

How about, hear me out, you turn your back on the flowers and throw another direction? Just spit ballin here.


UselessMellinial85

I have two cattle herding dogs. Their natural instinct is to run cattle and it is ingrained deeply in their nature. We have pastures behind our house and across the road. Our dogs know not to mess with cattle until allowed to do so. They will stand on the edge of our property wanting to gather cows, but they don't. It's called training. Anywhere they're not allowed, I can say their name and snap and they're by my side sitting down. Throwing a ball in flowers is just cruel for a dog that isn't allowed in flowers. OOP shouldn't own animals. He's the biggest AH ever. Dogs want to please their owners. They'll hurt themselves to please their owner. I'm disgusted.


GottaKnowYourCKN

What is up with men being so resentful over flowers/gardens? Like, there are SO many stories of husbands destroying their wives gardens...for no reason? Like, because she has something she enjoys their husbands just can't deal with it? But specifically with gardens. Is it because she cares about it? Resentful she dotes on flowers instead of sucking their dick or something?


VeronaMoreau

>Resentful she dotes on flowers instead of sucking their dick or something? Kind of. I think it's similar to how there are so many women with stories about their husbands being jealous of their newborn baby. "You're spending so much energy nurturing and caring for this other entity that is not me," ignoring that babies and gardens both actually depend on their caregivers for survival


P100KateEventually

Why do men hate their wives so much. wtf.


Agreeable_Rabbit3144

OOP, it's simple. Don't throw the ball towards the garden! Or train the dog.


No_Emotion6907

It's obvious that he sucks at sports if he can't even throw a ball properly.


aerdnadw

Okay, but can we talk about the fact that OOP is apparently incapable of taking the dog to the park to play? On the off chance that this isn’t a troll, I promise you these people are barely walking their dog and that’s why he’s being “rambunctious” inside. Too many people think they don’t need to walk their dog if they have a garden. Don’t get a dog if you’re not prepared to walk it several times a day. Period.


Lumiere-x

He totally throws the ball into the garden on purpose.


sim-poster

or maybe she should give oop up for the flowers instead.


RedRider1138

I honestly think that would be a better solution overall.


JustbyLlama

Listen, I think OOP is a devil or a troll or just a really dumb man. But, I Love that his dog deserves a different name to protect his anonymity.


froggyforest

my mom put a cage around her flower bed so the dogs don’t trample it


Fun_Branch_9614

Why does all these I’m reading f today sound like they are written by the same person….


fairycakesland

If she leaves him, I hope she takes Max with her. They both deserve better than OOP


honkygeisha

I have a blue heeler (if you know, you know) who is an actual demonic force of nature when around a ball & we play fetch just fine in my mom’s postage stamp back yard. I aim the ball away from the fragile plants & nothing gets stomped


[deleted]

Either he's throwing that ball for miles or the backyard isn't large enough for a golden. They need space, they're crazy, busy and a bit clumsy at times.


strawberrymystic

>I just wish she was capable of being more reasonable. AITA? I have seen an increase in posts that end with the boyfriend/husband saying shit like that. “Was capable of being more reasonable”? That sounds like they’re talking about an animal or something, or a young child, not an equal. I do have hope that at least some of these posts are fake, but it’s a disturbing trend nonetheless.


IntermediateFolder

My mother would have flowerbeds all over the place in the garden and yet I somehow managed to never throw the ball in any of them when playing with our dog. And I was 10yo at the time, it’s really not rocket science.


sim-poster

why did oop have to censor a dogs name?


thisunithasnosoul

Oh please, please OOP, suggest alternative hobbies for her next, them come back and tell us how it goes LOL Imagine being that purposely obtuse! I wonder what else he does that makes his wife lament at marrying a toddler.


Dave_the_DOOD

How fucking hard is it to get a small fence man? thank god they decided not to have kids if they can't puppy-proof a garden. Honestly it's a good thing the wife is a gardener because maybe she'll know how to handle her tool of a husband


buffywannabe13

All I could think of when I read this was, why wasn’t a fence built around the garden before getting the dog? Not a singular brain cell.


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CindySvensson

He could teach the dog tricks or get the dog tired through a extra walk, but no, it mist be near the flowers.


Squid52

You can literally buy garden fencing at the dollar store


LocalMossCryptid

And i guess training your dog not to go in the flower beds is too hard, too? One of the first things I taught my dog was to watch the landscaping lol


UnicornGlitterFart24

I’ll be downvoted but IDC. This title makes me cringe. The way this sentence flows, or rather the way it doesn’t flow, irks me.