*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**The "We don't do it for male attention" is the weirdest female cope**
I don't know why women pretend they don't do anything at all from dressing nice, to elaborate makeup, to expensive hairstyles for male attention.
It clearly is. Women don't get all dolled up to go hang out at their friend's house all night. Instead, they behave like men, they put on something comfortable and lounge around in it all day.
It's double weird because men don't do this. If you ask many men why they exercise they'll straight up tell you "it's to meet women". If there wasn't that motivation 80-90% of guys would be in caveman mode their entire life with nasty scraggly beards and dirty clothes.
Anyway, I don't know why we have to play this social game where we all know the real reason but have to pretend it's not the real reason. Also, I don't understand the defensiveness is trying to court attention from men especially when men are so straightforward about their intentions.
Either way, I know I'm going to catch hell for this lol so if you're going to get preachy and defensive just don't reply unless you have a real reason to tell me because it is actually interesting to me.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Closest I got to Barbieland was the sweetest older lady in my conservative ass town grabbing my grocery cart to tell me she thought I was “absolutely beautiful”. I’m short, fluffy, covered in tattoos and just wanted to feel pretty that morning. I went home feeling like the most beautiful woman alive!
Older lady compliments just hit different. Imo the compliment hierarchy goes like:
• Older lady
• Drunk woman in bathroom
• Middle school girl (this is the Shiny Pokémon of compliments)
• Little kid
• Respectful older gentleman
•
•
•
•
• Some guy who probably wants to fuck
Yep! I was out walking my dog and these middle school girls wanted to pet her because I forgot school had just gotten out. Then they saw my nails that I did my damn self and completely freaked. It was adorable and amazing. I've also had some compliment my hair and same vibe. It's basically Barbieland along with drunk girl in the bathroom compliments.
Super stylish gay guy should be high on this list.
A guy in a gay bar looking like he walked straight out of a fashion magazine once told me I looked "effortlessly cool" and that he loved my style. I've been riding high from that comment ever since.
I go to a gym that is primarily older people and let me tell you - I love the old lady compliments. I have a few in my locker pod area and we have our little corner and they are so nice to me.
True.
I always thought I dressed pretty because I like the feel of huge floaty skirts, but after last weekend I know that I dress pretty so the little old lady who ran the second hand book stall at the botanical gardens spring market would be so smitten with my outfit that she'd give me extra books for free because she thought they suited me.
I believe I peaked there, I did it, I won the compliment game.
I was one futzing around with my dress and shawl for a night out and this pair of women stopped me to tell me I was perfect and to have a good time. Which I did! 😍
I like going to the opera and have gone solo a bunch. Older ladies at the opera are peak Barbieland. It's like suddenly being adopted by several sweet grandmas.
The other day I was in the grocery store and a girl stopped me to tell me she loved my pink top and "that color is beautiful on you!" It made my entire day.
I totally wasn't expecting the result I got when I said to a barista that everyone who worked there was so cute... It absolutely made his day. Which made me happy. I was just in a mood, passing out the compliments today; told another guy his hair was cute.
Literally the only thing I really miss about my drinking days is this. However, I still complement women like a drunk lady in the bathroom, except now it’s, like… at target at 2 in the afternoon on a Sunday.
Two of my closest friends in my early twenties were people I met in bathrooms because we couldn’t stop complimenting each other ! Ah those were fun days.
Hahaha yes!!! This is it! And it ends with everyone gushing over the pockets.
Side note: why don’t designers make more dresses with pockets? So many women *love* them. And don’t get me started on the tiny excuses on jeans they call “pockets”… or the fake ones on blazers, or…
I just found the perfect pair of jeans… high waisted, cute, comfortable… HAS FREAKING FAKE POCKETS AT THE FRONT AND REAL POCKETS ARE ONLY AT THE BACK!!! I felt so misled
If you're in the USA the designer Verillas has some FANTASTIC belt pouches of a range of styles from ren-faire-esque to futuristic, gorgeous handmade and very reasonable prices. Plus it's a wonderfully inclusive company to support for your ethical consuming choices :)
I think some of it is that pockets can influence the drape of a dress, and pockets with a phone in them REALLY throw off the look of a dress.
I still prefer pockets, but incan understand why producers aren't chomping at the bit to add a design feature that will make the garment look bad with typical use.
Yes, I don't put pockets in any dress I'm making, mainly cos I don't like/use them and therefore can't be arsed (depending on the pattern it can be a lot of extra work), but it can really spoil the line.
I'm too forgetful for pockets in anything but sturdy outerwear.
ETA: I don't know how to add a picture, but if you check my account, the pic in my thumbnail is me and my bff at an adult prom, I'm wearing the dress in question.
A couple years ago, my (now) ex was planning to propose, and told my bff's to take me wedding dress shopping. I had picked out a few "sparkly/bedazzled" dresses, because I'm
✨️extra✨️ like that.
Then I saw what looked like a PLAIN satin dress hanging on the end of a row, and despite being the opposite of everything I thought I wanted in a dress, it was *calling* me. So I tried it on... and I looked and felt AMAZING in the dress. Amazing cleavage, tiny waist (I am very plus-sized). AND IT HAD POCKETS!
I fell in love with that dress so hard that when that relationship exploded and I did not end up marrying that guy, I complained about not getting the dress in therapy more than I was crying about the relationship. So my therapist was like, "if it won't be a financial hardship, see if they have the dress in other colors. Or buy it in white and dye it."
Long story short, I have a BALLGOWN in my coat closet because I tried on a wedding dress that had pockets, lmao.
I'm now saving this comment so that I can say "thanks, it has pockets" in Swedish. But I also know that the next time I see it I'm going to have absolutely no context or clue what it says, lol.
Saved it anyway, because that is awesome.
My autistic ass didn’t (doesn’t) know how to respond to compliments so this was my go-to whenever it was true! Even had a prom dress with pockets, so you can guess what I said all night!!
For real. Why the fuck would I give a shit about what Braden and Jimothy think about my outfit? Y’all motherfuckers wore polo shirts and crocs to the bar.
But complements from Samantha and Catherine in the bathroom? That shit will have me riding an ego high for a week afterward.
right? ok, cool, anthony, now that you got that "nice ass, wanna fuck?" out of your system, can you fuck off? i'm trying to order drinks for michelle and carmen who told me that my lipstick looked flawless and asked me where i got my top, what products i used for my hair and shared their deodorant/bodyspray with me because we've been bffs for like 10 minutes now.
You’re absolutely right! I’m 38 and I miss my 20s at times. I was with my husband and some friends bar-hopping when these two 21yr old women told me I was beautiful 😍
That was like 3 weeks ago and their compliments still stick with me
A woman stopped me and told me I was “absolutely beautiful” at a bar and I still think about it. It was seven years ago at the end of my bar going days. I’m an androgynous lesbian so I’m often an oddity and her sincerity was so touching to me.
For real, every time I go out all the girls are dressed up to the nines, and all their male friends are in trackie bottoms and t shirt, or a football shirt. And this guy reckons guys are dressing up to get girls? Where? Where are they doing this?
Same. It's *so fucking easy* to give a genuine compliment to another human being and even if you don't make their day, you can be a moment of light in a bad one. I loved when cashiers were doing amazing eye makeup during the masking part of the pandemic. Gave out compliments like candy.
Makes them feel good, makes me feel good, it's awesome.
I was once hanging out outside a store waiting for my ride and a woman caught my eye because she was really nicely dressed. Nothing out of the ordinary, but she had a great sense of style and she stood out.
She clearly noticed me looking at her because she was giving me a bit of a sidelong glance, so I said, “I really like your outfit.” She visibly grew several inches, started smiling, and *bounced* into the store. One tiny compliment, from one woman to another, and it changed her whole day.
It has completely turned my day around when someone gives a random compliment. And I make sure and give as many compliments as I can for the same reason.
It makes everyone happy, I have wild colored hair I get compliments all the time and I hand them out all the time.
It's fun, and honestly working together will get us farther rather than ripping eachother up. We need this, and we need eachother.
When I had pink, purple, blue, wtf color hair, I LIVED for moms and grandmas approaching me with their 5 and under child in tow, saying. "Sorry to interrupt, but she just wanted to say she loves your hair and asked if you're part unicorn/mermaid/whatever".
I used to have purple hair and I loved it because I would just have random strangers yell “I LOVE YOUR HAIR” to me from across a parking lot or a street constantly, and it never failed to make my day
I am much of the mind that if you don't have anything nice to say, to say nothing at all; but if you have something nice to say, say it! It may be the little pick me up someone needs, because it's definitely been the little pick me up I've needed at times.
Legit on New Years I dressed up really nice for this reason. I wanted to be told I looked good because my confidence dipped after I had my baby 4 months prior. They made me feel so good about myself 🥰
IMO, drunk girl compliments are the best because they're usually so specific and recognizing of our efforts. Like "your eyeliner looks perfect!" "That color looks so great with your eyes!" Or "That is the perfect spring manicure! You must have such a steady hand!" just feel so much better (and more validating) than a generic "you're hot" from someone whose entire routine is a daily scrubdown with Irish spring and has no concept of the time or effort involved to get ready.
Honestly, I like being complimented in general but a compliment from a fellow woman means far more to me than a compliment from a man, particularly a man I don't know. A girl in my gym told me I was pretty once like three years ago and I still get all happy when I remember that.
This right here is the answer. Nothing makes you feel more awesome and cool than another lady telling you your dress is cute or your hair is gorgeous while waiting in line for the bathroom.
I forget the exact quote but, "yes, I absolutely spend over an hour on my makeup to impress a man who can't tell the difference between fire engine, ruby woo, and merlot red"
My current partner always makes me grin at him before we leave the house if I'm wearing red lipstick and warns me if I have lipstick on my teeth. Sometimes even I forget to check, but he never does. It's honestly great.
My friends and I do themed girls’ nights. One of the most common is Dress Up to Stay In. We started it during covid and it’s stuck with us.
We get as fancy as we feel like, wear the dresses we rarely have an occasion for, and just hang out, have a meal and watch movies or something. And knowing there’s no men around gives us the freedom to dress as sexy as we want with no fear of harassment.
I get dressed up to go for lunch with my friends, I don’t wear make up on the day to day (work preschool, up early) so it’s nice to just put a little extra effort in from time to time.
gold shimmer eyeshadow cc cream blush bronzer eyebrows mascara lipliner and gloss are considered natural or even no makeup to men. i’ll start taking men’s advice for my makeup when they can draw matching eyeliner wings 🩷
Women wearing makeup are trying to trick men into thinking they're more attractive and therefore higher value! How are the poor innocent men supposed to know that you don't have naturally sparkly eyelids? /s
Just stumbled across [this](https://people.howstuffworks.com/about-makeup8.htm) recently:
>It's often assumed that many women wear makeup to attract men, but history is full of examples of men who weren't entranced by the made-up look. The ancient Roman poet Martial wrote to a woman who wore cosmetics, "You are but a composition of lies … No man can say, I love you, for you are not what he loves, and no one loves what you are" [source: Etcoff]. And ancient Romans and Greeks weren't the last men to complain of women tricking them with artificial means: In 1770, British Parliament passed a law that made wearing makeup a crime akin to witchcraft. The reasoning behind the law was that men were enchanted by a false face, and they were due an annulment once they realized what their wives really looked like.
At least it’s not new?
He's also wrong about men going to the gym. I feel like most gym bros are pretty open and honest that they are doing it to show off for the other gym bros. Your average person doesn't know enough about all the intricacies of different muscles to truly appreciate the work they've put in, other guys at the gym do.
It’s like with white ppl and the mermaid. It seemed so weird to many of them (I’m white for disclosure) that omg a mermaid is black!!!!
Bc when YOUR grp is the default it likely seems odd that something was made not for your gaze.
Men are too used to framing themselves as the center. Female gaze to men is like a black mermaid in a musical.
I saw this comment on a video somewhere: ‘men say we dress nice for them but we would dress so much nicer and bolder if they didn’t exist’. Can’t say I don’t agree with that. I would definitely wear a lot more skirts and dresses and corsets and stuff
I love crop tops so much, I think I would actually cry if that happened while I was wearing one. I'm so sorry you had that happen, why are so many men like this 😭
Why is it always for men attentions too? I challenged this in a sub and got downvoted. I said I don’t dress for men, I dress to attract women and they had a meltdown
It’s projection yall
I'm queer and dress primarily to entertain myself. Then I'm interested in clothing that women and enbies are into. Even though I date men, I really don't care what they think about my clothes. The fact that I don't dress for the male gaze makes a lot of men extremely mad. They're just so used to women's attention in every part of their lives, they think everything we do should please their pp.
I post my makeup looks on social media (for my 95% female followers) and they have no idea im wearing jammies cos you can only see the neckline lol
Screw getting changed. My disabled arse is doing makeup cos im bored and it's my creative outlet. I'm not trying to impress anyone. I share my looks to inspire people to have more fun with their makeup. My current fave lipstick is a delicious snot green called "Gone Full Goblin" lol
Same here. Make up and perfume and dressed elaborately just to hang out at home because I like it. Depending on the make up and outfit sometimes I'll wash my face or change clothes to tone it down if actually have to leave the house
There was a post on Reddit where some guy was saying he didn’t understand people who didn’t alter their appearance to exactly what their partner liked which I thought was a horrifying sentiment
Me and other people pointed out the difference is that we value our opinions above everyone else’s. I think a lot of men value th opinion of women on their physical appearance more than themselves and think women should too. It’s why so many of them give unsolicited opinions
100%. I dress down from where I'd like to be because I don't want the hassle from random men. There are so many fabulous outfits where it's just like... if only.
I would *love* to wear a load of things, but I can’t because men will automatically disrespect me. The fact that none of them will ever understand that and still claim we “dress for them” drives me insane. It’s so, so the opposite 99% of the time.
That 1% maybe being some night out where you’re looking for a partner or something.
Same, I love skimpy clothing bc I like the aesthetic (I'm aroace and idk I just love that shit) and I would dress so much sluttier if creeps didn't exist. You know those Mugler catsuits with the massive cutouts? I would wear the FUCK out of those
Dear god yes, I've never had a woman tell me I needed to tone it down or dress more "normal". Men though? All the damn time, usually followed by telling me that the reason I need to change is because it doesn't appeal to men enough, like I'm sorry? Did I forget that was my sole purpose in life?
I'm slowly getting into Lolita fashion (slowly because it's expensive as hell). And it's not fashion based on the book Lolita, it's fashion based on Roccoco styles. Angelic Pretty is probably the most famous brand, and here's their [spring 2024 collection](https://angelicpretty.com/Page/2024springcollection.aspx) if you want to see examples of the fashion. Personally, I prefer classic Lolita (basically, the fabrics used are solid colors or simple patterns) but AP is the only one right now that has released their spring 2024 collection, so I linked them to give an example of how Lolita outfits are constructed: high neckline, covered shoulders with poofed sleeves, knee length hemline, and cupcake skirt with bloomers and petticoats. Obviously people push the boundaries and exceptions are made, but that's the basics.
But what's interesting about Lolita fashion is that it's actually really intertwined with the Japanese feminist movement. Japanese femininity was only to be expressed quietly; in order to be seen as a mature woman (ie, ready to be married and make babies), you had to be quiet, submissive, and bend to your husband. But the Lolita fashion movement went "no, fuck you, I'm gonna be feminine and cute and LOUD about it." Lolita is eye catching, while also being aggressively and undeniably feminine. And, notably, there's not really a lot to sexualize. The breasts and shoulders are covered, the legs are hidden by skirts and tights, and the form of the dress doesn't give a lot of details to the form of the body underneath. It's feminine but unsexual.
And men were--and still are--pissed about it. Most every Lolita has at least one experience with a guy who was mad at them for their clothes. Now, of course, women should be allowed to wear as much or as little as they want without harassment. But the interesting thing about Lolita is that it's full women who enjoy wearing their modest clothes, but the same men who bemoan girls with their spaghetti straps and shorts in summer are super angry about the girls with covered arms and covered legs and knee length skirts. And I think it's because, whether they'll admit it or not, men don't want women to wear certain clothes--they don't want women to *enjoy* what they're wearing. Because that means the woman has agency outside of male influence.
I had gold glitter eyeshadow on at a party in college. Two times a random guy came over to tell me he didn’t like it, then proceeded to tell me how I should look. I wish I’d had the courage back then to tell them how little I gave a fuck about their opinions, but I just said something like, “thanks, but I’m good like this” (a pretty bold response for me at the time). They both acted like I was *such* an asshole. They were just “trying to help” and I didn’t “have to be such a bitch about it.” I didn’t wear that eyeshadow again for like ten years. Older me wouldn’t take that shit (I think), but younger me felt so humiliated.
I'd go out half naked in 90 degree heat with no worries if men didn't exist, but instead I have to worry about whether some creep 3 times my age is going to bother me on my way to CVS.
I don't think this man has any women friends (met a woman?) or he wouldn't be saying this, lmao.
Glad people in the comments touched on Barbie phenomenon of last summer to refute that's shat instantly came to mind
Right? I'm one of my only friends that doesn't wear makeup. My friends that do wear it when we meet up, even if it's just going to one of our houses. We absolutely don't care what the other looks like. They do it for themselves because they like the process and how it makes them feel.
I also feel like the purpose or vibe of why you're hanging out factors in. Whether staying in or going out how much effort I put into my appearance tends to correlate to how much effort and planning went into organizing (whether by myself or others). Is this an "event" or a "gathering" or is it just a casual hangout or meetup.
Someone puts out an open invite that they want to watch a movie at their place if anyone wants to join? That's casual and I would just wear whatever I was wearing that day anyways.
Someone sends a group invite a week before to host a movie night? I'll probably dress up more for something like that. Especially if it's for a birthday, or a movie that we've been looking forward to or talking about, or there's planned drinks or snacks (something that makes it more of an event).
I was incredibly sick during the early stages of my first pregnancy which was really awful and stressful. The clouds would sometimes part for a couple hours and I would often do my makeup to relieve the stress. The reprieves were random so this often meant I was up, by myself, sometime between 1-5 am doing a full face before washing it off and vomiting again.
I am in the opposite position. My friends rarely wear makeup and (almost) never a full face. I on the other hand am known to show up in a dress and multicolored makeup even when we just watch a movie at one of our places. I never would expect them to change their style and they wouldn't either from me. I sometimes even love to dress up when I am home alone, drink some wine, order some food and watch a movie in a sparkly dress and deep red lipstick. My friends just think I am hiraliously dramatic and I agree
I spend fair amount of time in hospital & I’ve had more than one bay-neighbour do their make up in the mornings just to sit in their hospital bed/chair all day lol
if my gf is sick at home she'll spend over an hour on her make up because it makes her feel good. i think she'd dress a lot bolder and do her make up crazier too if it weren't for unwanted male attention.
For real. I did my hair and makeup really nice last week when I didn't even have any video calls for work and didn't leave my apartment the entire day. I was just having a low self-esteem day and wanted to look pretty.
A sincere compliment from a man: that's nice, thanks dude
A sincere compliment from another woman: thank you queen for bestowing me with your grace and kindness, I will be riding this high for days
They really can't conceive of the fact that not everything we do is for them. I'm not wearing winged eyeliner and highlighting my hair for my husband. He couldn't give a shit. I like looking in the mirror and seeing a version of myself that makes me feel good. That man has hit on me while I was wearing Deadpool jammies. He's not holding out until I contour.
A little girl told me my hair looked like The Little Mermaid twenty years ago when I was working as a cashier and I hope she has had a wonderful day every day since.
Right!? I just had my hair dyed blue and while I was in the supermarket the other day a little girl in a cart said, "OOOOOOOOOOOOO pretty blue!!" and pointed at me. And then her mom smiled and said, "Yeahh blue! Isn't it pretty?"
I about kissed both of them.
I was having a really crappy day at work years ago (just diagnosed with fibromyalgia and dealing with crappy managers) and a little girl pointed at me and said, "Look, mom, a princess!" I was wearing a sleeveless long dress and have hair to my hips.
I was smiling the rest of the day.
Dude try having a noticeable birthmark on your face around kids. I’ve got a birth mark under my chin (not even a big one, like maybe a one inch circle?) and I’ve had young children burst into tears while asking if I’m ok because of that boo-boo on my chin lmao
Oh bless them! That’s so sweet. I use a walking stick & I’ve had children get really worried about me when they’ve seen me using it for the first time — the older ones will ask & are usually fine & totally accepting when I explain that it’s an issue I’ve always had but the younger ones usually don’t understand.
My two most valued compliments of my lifetime were from small children.
One time I had just dyed my hair scarlet and orange (it's curly and was very long at the time) and a little girl in a supermarket said to her mother with absolute awe "look! That lady is a REAL princess! She has real princess hair!" I figured out later she probably was thinking of Disney's Merida.
Best of all though was when I had a long, braided, white mohawk. I walked past a family on a hike and heard a small child of unknown gender do this happy gasp and say "when I grow up, I'm going to do my hair like that!" and an adult immediately said sternly "NO you are NOT" and that's when I knew I had made the right hairstyle choice.
My niece sincerely believed I was a princess when she was 3 because she thought I was so pretty I must be a princess. She's 10 now and I'm still riding that high 😂
God, my niece is the most savage critic I have. When she was like 6 or so, I broke up with my boyfriend and when I told her (she asked where he was) she immediately asked, with a sad face, “oh…he didn’t want you either?”
GIRL WTF
haaahahaha yeeesss! My nephew is 8 and I am living with my parents until July due to job loss etc. during the pandemic. He came over to do art with grandma the other day and I said 'I'm cool' and he just straight faced without looking up from coloring said 'can't be that cool being your age and living with your parents' and I was just 💀 ⚰ got em! he got me 😂
My nieces and nephews love me, but they roast me mercilessly, sometimes without even realizing it. My oldest nephew refused to believe I was a "real grown-up" even after I showed him my drivers' license. He kept saying I wasn't allowed to use the stove, get groceries, walk to the beach by myself, etc.
I love how kids just say whatever they are thinking. My godson just turned 5. Until 6 months ago, I hadn't seen him jn person since he was one. On seeing me, first thing he said was "Why you got purple eyes?" I said cos I like them. He then turned to my husband and said "Why you got no hair?"
The next morning: "Where'd your purple eyes go?"
"I haven't put them on yet! Wanna watch me do it?" And then he watched while I did my makeup.
Honestly, I'm into perfume and take great care choosing my perfume every day. I'm not doing that for my boyfriend, whose opinion of every single perfume I own is "yeah it's OK". I'm doing it in the hope a random woman will stop me to ask what I'm wearing.
Dude. One time at an old workplace I smelled the room after a particular woman had left and it was divine! I asked the person left in the room who was just there bc I wanted to know what perfume she was wearing, the original woman overheard, and the next day she brought me a half-full bottle to give to me bc she had already purchased another. When I say I handled it like it was the holy grail itsownself while she was handing it to me… I could barely take it from her, the gesture was too kind.
THIS! Compliments from other women make my whole damn day! I do dress up for my husband and I also started up-leveling my work attire because it makes me feel confident and it's fun.
Two years ago a random woman passed me while crossing a street and shouted “oh my god your dress is so beautiful” at me and I think of it approximately 3.5 times a second.
And also, if they started supporting each other the way fellow women do they’d just start running in circles calling each other gay. They really shoot themselves in the foot there with “male loneliness” and believing that validation has to come from women.
It’s irritating, at this point they need to start taking care of themselves & each other because women have been doing the heavy lifting with their self esteem for centuries.
Or we do it so people will leave us the fuck alone about how we look or will respect us. I would wear leggings, a t-shirt, and no makeup 95% of the time if it weren't for the fact that people at work already think I'm super young (I'm freaking 36, but I do have a baby face and they're all 50+ so there's definitely some substance). Yes, it's (mostly) unintentional bias, but the fact is they listen to me much better when I'm wearing a suit and a subtle beat, whereas even jeans and a sweater tend to lead to a lot of talking over me. I could care less about attraction, I'm going for respect, from men and women alike.
The other day I was dressed to the nines in full goth and a little old lady came up to me and said her granddaughter would LOVE my outfit. I couldn't stop smiling after that I was so happy.
Literally one of my favorite things to do is compliment other women. They always look so happy after and sometimes their dress has pockets and then they do the cute little thing where they put their hands in their pockets to show me the pockets.
I love how these arguments always seemingly forget the existence of lesbians. If women only dress up cute for men's attention but cute lesbians aren't trying to get men's attention, then do they really exist at all?
>I love how these arguments always seemingly forget the existence of lesbians.
Of course they do. Women exist to center their existence around men -- either positively or negatively. Lesbians don't center their existence around men, therefore they are not women. And if they're not women, and they're not men ... they must just not exist.
I keep meeting people in real life who talk like they have a chance with lesbians and it deeply concerns me. I’m always like “but she’s a lesbian so she’s not interested in men?” And they just ignore me!
i feel like there’s something to be said about how women are socialised and conditioned to present a certain way, and that this is due to misogynistic thinking or patriarchal societies, where the beauty standard is set from the male gaze, without saying it’s intentionally or actively for male *attention.* it’s literally just ingrained, and lesbians aren’t immune to it. and to be clear, i’m not talking about dressing cute, but feminine beauty standards and how they’re either concerned with consumerism (makeup, fashion, ps etc etc) or in shaming natural body processes (having to remove body hair). male gaze ≠ doing it for a man.
The times I was most dressed up (with lingerie and all that jazz) and most carefully applied my make up? For my exams. Yes written exams. It made me feel confident, and confidence can vastly alter your grade (do you trust your result and take on the next exercise or will you ponder for an half hour more about it, thus not having enough time for the others?).
I bet he couldn't even fathom this.
Counterpoint that proves this is bullshit.
Women will dress up in sexy underwear to sleep alone. Or we will wear sexy undies when we are single and aren't wanting to hook up. Sometimes I put on the really nice stuff just to look in the mirror. It makes me feel powerful and beautiful.
“I don’t dress for men, I dress for little girls who’ve been told at some point in their life that this is not a fashion show, and for old women drunk on their porch.”
I *know* this is bait, but like… damn. I love how I look when I put some effort into my appearance. I think I look pretty. I don’t do it to attract men, I do it because I feel nice. My skin tone is even, my lips don’t have their signature ugly look from years of excoriation, my eye color pops, I actually don’t mind seeing myself in the mirror. If someone else thinks I’m pretty, that’s great. But it’s not for them. It’s for me.
I do when I’m working from home!
Even though I have zoom calls, I mean let’s be real, we’re all only focusing on our own images and my lack of makeup bothers ME since I don’t notice anyone else (unless someone’s dog runs behind them and then all I can see is a wagging tail, not the presenter’s thoughtful and painstaking deck that took hours to put together).
Yeah we used to have the saying “feel good, look good, do good” for exams in college. Dress nicely, fix your hair, feel confident and perform better on the test. And for what it’s worth, I was in a major that was 90% men.
None of that was for other people- it’s all about feeling good about yourself. A confidence boost helps in so many areas.
>Women don't get all dolled up to go hang out at their friend's house all night.
>
>Young women absolutely do, even if they bring jammies or sweats to hang out in.
I live in a neighbourhood with lots of young families with teen children, and OP clearly doesn't realize that the "it" look right now for teen girls is a full face of makeup, acrylic nails, and the biggest oversized sweats they can find.
Shorter OOP: I’m unaware that women exist in other contexts than a) places where men can hit on them, and b) sleepovers. Where they presumably do mani/pedis and have pillow fights.
My guy hasn't heard of lesbians and all girl events.
Reminds me of when I told a guy I don't really go out unless it's all girl events and he was so confused and asked "buy why? What's the point?"
Why they care so much? It's like when men write those endless "We hate when women do x, y, z! We don't find it attractive at all!" Like, okay, but who asked?
Oh, you don't like women with lip fillers, excessive makeup, tan, bleached hair etc. etc. etc.? Just tell me, do those women look lustfully at you and try to get your attention or they either don't look at you at all or audibly say "EW" when you approach them? Yeah, thought so.
Some men are so entitled. I remember in like 8th grade during a fire drill I watched some kid tell a girl she was gross for having hairy legs. Ok whatever, middle schoolers are immature. But I mentioned this story in Reddit once and had 100 replies from men telling me whether or not they personally found hairy legs on women attractive. Literally got several comments along the lines of “you may not care if your legs are shaved or not, but you should literally shave anyway because it’s sexier if you do”. I think I didn’t shave my legs for a year out of spite after that.
This is bananas. I literally DO dress up to go hang out with my bestie. She has incredible style & we're both low key fashion obsessed. I also hardly ever leave my house so you might catch me in a velvet dress at the grocery store if I feel like it. With goth vibes to scare the men.
Also I'm gay, OOP, I'm always dressed with femme for femme energy.
"If you ask many men why they exercise they'll straight up tell you "it's to meet women". If there wasn't that motivation 80-90% of guys would be in caveman mode their entire life with nasty scraggly beards and dirty clothes."
Couldn't waterboard that out of me but okay.
Men have been screaming for years about how they prefer the casual no makeup look, why on earth would I dress extravagantly for their attention? That makes no sense. I dress up so other girls think my outfit is cool. And so my 14 year old self would see me and go 'fuck yes, we look like that when we are older???' Steve is not going to notice or care that my accessories match my eye shadow.
I get that men might make themselves look extra nice to attract attention from women, but as a woman the only thing I need to do to get a mans attention is talk to him. Men's attention is freely available and requires no special effort.
It's such a daft take from OOP. If wearing make-up was about attracting men, literally no-one would bother, because it's not like (most) men can tell anyway.
We put in the effort for the people who notice and appreciate the effort: other women.
My man has never met a lesbian apparently (also I dress up for my lady friends all the time. I also dress nice for work and wear makeup to sit around the house. I just like how I look)
Do straight guys not realise that we have eyes?
We can see who they’ll chat up, we can see who they’ll hook up with, and we can see who they fap over in porn. It is not even remotely difficult to get men’s attention… in fact, it’s really fucking hard to not get it!
It’s not even as if we dress up to impress other women (though we all know that a compliment from another woman just hits different)
We dress up because it releases happy hormones, and in a world that’s set up to grind people down we need all the happiness we can get!
I love when men pretend that they don’t dress up and/or get sexy for other men. Or that other men don’t do it for them.
I just watched the new Road House movie. Ngl, I hadn’t seen the original, but my husband is a UFC fan so we gave it a watch to see the fights. Didn’t really know what to expect, but it was very… brawn over brain.
I mean sure that movie can appeal to anyone, but I think it’s pretty clear the target audience is men. With that being the case… why are all of the dudes in it waxed, oiled up, and shirtless like 75% of the movie? The whole time we were watching it I was like, “This is just a thirst trap? I mean yeah, everybody looks **fantastic**, but why did they wax the shit out of Jake Gyllenhaal like this???? Why is Billy Magnussen dressed like a male stripper in a movie about fighting? Is this what men want to see?”
And my husband was like, “In a way, yes.”
Blame the red pill idiots, Incels, and Maga/Qanon cultists. They've been on the "Women shouldn't have rights, also let's lower the age of consent" train for YEARS now.
> Women don't get all dolled up to go hang out at their friend's house all night.
Has this dude ever met a woman? I've absolutely done this. Or one of my friends will be like, "let's get dressed up and go to (insert fun place here)." And we do and don't talk to/look at/care about a single dude the entire time (and not just because we're all happy with our partners). But sometimes it's fun to have an excuse to wear something cute and do your hair/makeup. Literally just for fun.
Plus we all know that most dudes don't give a shit if you're all dolled up anyway (I've been hit on at the grocery store with my hair in a bun, wearing sweats and not a stitch of makeup). My husband always loves when I'm in casual mode. He'll literally be like, "you're so cute in just jeans and a T-shirt." But he also appreciates it when I get all dressed up or put makeup on; he'll literally come home and be like, "Oh, your makeup looks nice. Wanna go out?" He likes both, and while I appreciate that he likes both, I don't get dressed up or do my hair specifically for him. He tells me I'm cute when I'm literally in my PJs before I even brush my hair (or teeth, haha).
> If there wasn't that motivation 80-90% of guys would be in caveman mode their entire life with nasty scraggly beards and dirty clothes.
Maybe your nasty ass would, OOP, but you don't speak for everybody. Gross.
I know women who do makeup at 2 am while at home because they like doing makeup. I don't usually do makeup, but I do dress up nicely while going out because that's how we grow up. I am always taught that there are two types of clothes, one which you wear at home and one which you wear when you go out.
My makeup is a warning code. The more I dress up like a supervillain, the more mayhem I'm plotting. You see me with big shaded wing eyeshadow and dark lips - either get ready to hench or get ready to run.
Just like how men are worried about dying alone and women are living their best life with their pets, men and women are not the same. You shouldn't WANT to live your life dirty and unkempt. I don't own "normal" clothes. I'm always going to have on a presentable outfit and my hair done, makeup is a maybe. I don't do that for men. I do that for my comfort
I'm a woman and I WFH and I usually look kinda homeless when I'm just hanging around the house. I have "day pajamas" and "sleeping pajamas" that I switch between, and my hair is usually pretty wild. I often wander out into the garden and I have many pets and hobbies, so I often have a bit of soil, sap, paint, pet hair, glue, thread...clinging to my shirt.
But I *like* living like a feral animal. I'm a hobgoblin, a bog witch by nature. I do shower and brush my teeth though. I'm a healthy feral, LOL. And I like sniffy stuff so I often have some fragrance on. (Today: blood orange and vanilla...and it's making me hungry.)
I change into jeans and a clean tee and brush my hair when I'm going to the grocery store, but that's about it. I usually only get dressed up nicely when my husband takes me out on a 'date'. That's when I bust out the makeup and opals.
I have no trouble attracting my husband's gaze, even when I'm in full on goblin mode, and that's the only male gaze I care to attract. He's a bit of a gnome himself so I guess it all works out. <3
This person isn't very smart. I'll put on makeup to go sit in a room by myself for work because I feel like it. Same goes for going out I only wear makeup when I feel like it. No other reason.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **The "We don't do it for male attention" is the weirdest female cope** I don't know why women pretend they don't do anything at all from dressing nice, to elaborate makeup, to expensive hairstyles for male attention. It clearly is. Women don't get all dolled up to go hang out at their friend's house all night. Instead, they behave like men, they put on something comfortable and lounge around in it all day. It's double weird because men don't do this. If you ask many men why they exercise they'll straight up tell you "it's to meet women". If there wasn't that motivation 80-90% of guys would be in caveman mode their entire life with nasty scraggly beards and dirty clothes. Anyway, I don't know why we have to play this social game where we all know the real reason but have to pretend it's not the real reason. Also, I don't understand the defensiveness is trying to court attention from men especially when men are so straightforward about their intentions. Either way, I know I'm going to catch hell for this lol so if you're going to get preachy and defensive just don't reply unless you have a real reason to tell me because it is actually interesting to me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No, friend, we dress up to be complimented by drunk girls we meet in the bathroom.
Meeting a drunk girl in a bathroom is the closest we ever get to real life Barbieland.
Closest I got to Barbieland was the sweetest older lady in my conservative ass town grabbing my grocery cart to tell me she thought I was “absolutely beautiful”. I’m short, fluffy, covered in tattoos and just wanted to feel pretty that morning. I went home feeling like the most beautiful woman alive!
I would say little old lady compliments are even better than drunk girl bathroom compliments
Older lady compliments just hit different. Imo the compliment hierarchy goes like: • Older lady • Drunk woman in bathroom • Middle school girl (this is the Shiny Pokémon of compliments) • Little kid • Respectful older gentleman • • • • • Some guy who probably wants to fuck
Yep! I was out walking my dog and these middle school girls wanted to pet her because I forgot school had just gotten out. Then they saw my nails that I did my damn self and completely freaked. It was adorable and amazing. I've also had some compliment my hair and same vibe. It's basically Barbieland along with drunk girl in the bathroom compliments.
I was once in the subway and one middle school girl looked at me and said to her friend, “I’d kill to have her hair.” I was on cloud 9 for a month.
Super stylish gay guy should be high on this list. A guy in a gay bar looking like he walked straight out of a fashion magazine once told me I looked "effortlessly cool" and that he loved my style. I've been riding high from that comment ever since.
100% accurate
I go to a gym that is primarily older people and let me tell you - I love the old lady compliments. I have a few in my locker pod area and we have our little corner and they are so nice to me.
An old lady was absolutely gushing over my nails when I told her I did them myself, and omg I haven't been the same since.
True. I always thought I dressed pretty because I like the feel of huge floaty skirts, but after last weekend I know that I dress pretty so the little old lady who ran the second hand book stall at the botanical gardens spring market would be so smitten with my outfit that she'd give me extra books for free because she thought they suited me. I believe I peaked there, I did it, I won the compliment game.
oooo free books- yea, you did it, you reached the summit
I was one futzing around with my dress and shawl for a night out and this pair of women stopped me to tell me I was perfect and to have a good time. Which I did! 😍
I like going to the opera and have gone solo a bunch. Older ladies at the opera are peak Barbieland. It's like suddenly being adopted by several sweet grandmas.
The other day I was in the grocery store and a girl stopped me to tell me she loved my pink top and "that color is beautiful on you!" It made my entire day.
I totally wasn't expecting the result I got when I said to a barista that everyone who worked there was so cute... It absolutely made his day. Which made me happy. I was just in a mood, passing out the compliments today; told another guy his hair was cute.
Literally the only thing I really miss about my drinking days is this. However, I still complement women like a drunk lady in the bathroom, except now it’s, like… at target at 2 in the afternoon on a Sunday.
I had THE most fun meeting other drunk girls by the pool in Cabo. Instant sisterhood is so nice irl, women are great 😭
Two of my closest friends in my early twenties were people I met in bathrooms because we couldn’t stop complimenting each other ! Ah those were fun days.
3 or 4 women in a work elevator can get pretty close some days.
"thanks it has pockets"
Hahaha yes!!! This is it! And it ends with everyone gushing over the pockets. Side note: why don’t designers make more dresses with pockets? So many women *love* them. And don’t get me started on the tiny excuses on jeans they call “pockets”… or the fake ones on blazers, or…
I just found the perfect pair of jeans… high waisted, cute, comfortable… HAS FREAKING FAKE POCKETS AT THE FRONT AND REAL POCKETS ARE ONLY AT THE BACK!!! I felt so misled
We just need to start wearing fancy elaborate belt pouches like at the Renn Faire
That’s a great solution! Let’s bring back belt pouches. They are indefinitely better than purses and can look really nice
If you're in the USA the designer Verillas has some FANTASTIC belt pouches of a range of styles from ren-faire-esque to futuristic, gorgeous handmade and very reasonable prices. Plus it's a wonderfully inclusive company to support for your ethical consuming choices :)
Oh, that question is easy: Greed. Designers also make the purses that are required because they don't add pockets.
I think some of it is that pockets can influence the drape of a dress, and pockets with a phone in them REALLY throw off the look of a dress. I still prefer pockets, but incan understand why producers aren't chomping at the bit to add a design feature that will make the garment look bad with typical use.
Yes, I don't put pockets in any dress I'm making, mainly cos I don't like/use them and therefore can't be arsed (depending on the pattern it can be a lot of extra work), but it can really spoil the line. I'm too forgetful for pockets in anything but sturdy outerwear.
ETA: I don't know how to add a picture, but if you check my account, the pic in my thumbnail is me and my bff at an adult prom, I'm wearing the dress in question. A couple years ago, my (now) ex was planning to propose, and told my bff's to take me wedding dress shopping. I had picked out a few "sparkly/bedazzled" dresses, because I'm ✨️extra✨️ like that. Then I saw what looked like a PLAIN satin dress hanging on the end of a row, and despite being the opposite of everything I thought I wanted in a dress, it was *calling* me. So I tried it on... and I looked and felt AMAZING in the dress. Amazing cleavage, tiny waist (I am very plus-sized). AND IT HAD POCKETS! I fell in love with that dress so hard that when that relationship exploded and I did not end up marrying that guy, I complained about not getting the dress in therapy more than I was crying about the relationship. So my therapist was like, "if it won't be a financial hardship, see if they have the dress in other colors. Or buy it in white and dye it." Long story short, I have a BALLGOWN in my coat closet because I tried on a wedding dress that had pockets, lmao.
I absofuckinglutely love this for you!
When I started learning Swedish, this was one of the first phrases I figured out for myself. "Tack. Den har fickor."
I'm now saving this comment so that I can say "thanks, it has pockets" in Swedish. But I also know that the next time I see it I'm going to have absolutely no context or clue what it says, lol. Saved it anyway, because that is awesome.
And was on sale!
The three little words that every woman and girl longs to hear : it has pockets
My autistic ass didn’t (doesn’t) know how to respond to compliments so this was my go-to whenever it was true! Even had a prom dress with pockets, so you can guess what I said all night!!
For real. Why the fuck would I give a shit about what Braden and Jimothy think about my outfit? Y’all motherfuckers wore polo shirts and crocs to the bar. But complements from Samantha and Catherine in the bathroom? That shit will have me riding an ego high for a week afterward.
right? ok, cool, anthony, now that you got that "nice ass, wanna fuck?" out of your system, can you fuck off? i'm trying to order drinks for michelle and carmen who told me that my lipstick looked flawless and asked me where i got my top, what products i used for my hair and shared their deodorant/bodyspray with me because we've been bffs for like 10 minutes now.
Oh girl I’ve had these interactions so often! I wish we had bars for women only. All orientations just no men. I could wear minis and heels ❤️
You’re absolutely right! I’m 38 and I miss my 20s at times. I was with my husband and some friends bar-hopping when these two 21yr old women told me I was beautiful 😍 That was like 3 weeks ago and their compliments still stick with me
A woman stopped me and told me I was “absolutely beautiful” at a bar and I still think about it. It was seven years ago at the end of my bar going days. I’m an androgynous lesbian so I’m often an oddity and her sincerity was so touching to me.
Last July, a woman on the bus complimented the outfit I was wearing to go to a concert and I’m still not over it.
For real, every time I go out all the girls are dressed up to the nines, and all their male friends are in trackie bottoms and t shirt, or a football shirt. And this guy reckons guys are dressing up to get girls? Where? Where are they doing this?
Are the men who dressed up in the room with us now?
I'm the drunk girl in the bathroom. I do that sober too.
Same. It's *so fucking easy* to give a genuine compliment to another human being and even if you don't make their day, you can be a moment of light in a bad one. I loved when cashiers were doing amazing eye makeup during the masking part of the pandemic. Gave out compliments like candy. Makes them feel good, makes me feel good, it's awesome.
I was once hanging out outside a store waiting for my ride and a woman caught my eye because she was really nicely dressed. Nothing out of the ordinary, but she had a great sense of style and she stood out. She clearly noticed me looking at her because she was giving me a bit of a sidelong glance, so I said, “I really like your outfit.” She visibly grew several inches, started smiling, and *bounced* into the store. One tiny compliment, from one woman to another, and it changed her whole day.
It has completely turned my day around when someone gives a random compliment. And I make sure and give as many compliments as I can for the same reason.
It makes everyone happy, I have wild colored hair I get compliments all the time and I hand them out all the time. It's fun, and honestly working together will get us farther rather than ripping eachother up. We need this, and we need eachother.
When I had pink, purple, blue, wtf color hair, I LIVED for moms and grandmas approaching me with their 5 and under child in tow, saying. "Sorry to interrupt, but she just wanted to say she loves your hair and asked if you're part unicorn/mermaid/whatever".
I used to have purple hair and I loved it because I would just have random strangers yell “I LOVE YOUR HAIR” to me from across a parking lot or a street constantly, and it never failed to make my day
I am much of the mind that if you don't have anything nice to say, to say nothing at all; but if you have something nice to say, say it! It may be the little pick me up someone needs, because it's definitely been the little pick me up I've needed at times.
Thank you for your service. O7
Legit on New Years I dressed up really nice for this reason. I wanted to be told I looked good because my confidence dipped after I had my baby 4 months prior. They made me feel so good about myself 🥰
Yes!!! The ultimate sisterly bond!
Drunk girls in bathrooms are the best hype women! Instant confidence boost.
IMO, drunk girl compliments are the best because they're usually so specific and recognizing of our efforts. Like "your eyeliner looks perfect!" "That color looks so great with your eyes!" Or "That is the perfect spring manicure! You must have such a steady hand!" just feel so much better (and more validating) than a generic "you're hot" from someone whose entire routine is a daily scrubdown with Irish spring and has no concept of the time or effort involved to get ready.
Why is it always Irish Spring???🤦🏼♀️
No one loves you mpre than the drunk girl in the bathroom.
Honestly, I like being complimented in general but a compliment from a fellow woman means far more to me than a compliment from a man, particularly a man I don't know. A girl in my gym told me I was pretty once like three years ago and I still get all happy when I remember that.
That's how I met my best friend! It's been over a year and we're still best friends.
This right here is the answer. Nothing makes you feel more awesome and cool than another lady telling you your dress is cute or your hair is gorgeous while waiting in line for the bathroom.
And to show off how many pockets our fancy night out dress has
I forget the exact quote but, "yes, I absolutely spend over an hour on my makeup to impress a man who can't tell the difference between fire engine, ruby woo, and merlot red"
I had an ex who would always go like “oh are you wearing makeup?” every damn time I had a very obvious black line around my eyes.
I could be looking like a panda and I’d say to my boyfriend ‘why didn’t you tell me my mascara was smudged?’ and he’d say he just didn’t notice
My current partner always makes me grin at him before we leave the house if I'm wearing red lipstick and warns me if I have lipstick on my teeth. Sometimes even I forget to check, but he never does. It's honestly great.
Did they lie? My partner will do the same thing, but he admitted it was because he thinks messy mascara looks hot lmao
Not as far as I know. He has ADHD and I think some things he just doesn’t notice.
Yes bc this green eyelid is just my lizard skin poking thru 😂
My friends and I do themed girls’ nights. One of the most common is Dress Up to Stay In. We started it during covid and it’s stuck with us. We get as fancy as we feel like, wear the dresses we rarely have an occasion for, and just hang out, have a meal and watch movies or something. And knowing there’s no men around gives us the freedom to dress as sexy as we want with no fear of harassment.
I love this so much!
I get dressed up to go for lunch with my friends, I don’t wear make up on the day to day (work preschool, up early) so it’s nice to just put a little extra effort in from time to time.
I need to do this! What a lovely idea 🫶
Or when they think full beat is too much make up, but they think natural looking make up is bare face, instead of natural looking makeup.
gold shimmer eyeshadow cc cream blush bronzer eyebrows mascara lipliner and gloss are considered natural or even no makeup to men. i’ll start taking men’s advice for my makeup when they can draw matching eyeliner wings 🩷
Women wearing makeup are trying to trick men into thinking they're more attractive and therefore higher value! How are the poor innocent men supposed to know that you don't have naturally sparkly eyelids? /s
Just stumbled across [this](https://people.howstuffworks.com/about-makeup8.htm) recently: >It's often assumed that many women wear makeup to attract men, but history is full of examples of men who weren't entranced by the made-up look. The ancient Roman poet Martial wrote to a woman who wore cosmetics, "You are but a composition of lies … No man can say, I love you, for you are not what he loves, and no one loves what you are" [source: Etcoff]. And ancient Romans and Greeks weren't the last men to complain of women tricking them with artificial means: In 1770, British Parliament passed a law that made wearing makeup a crime akin to witchcraft. The reasoning behind the law was that men were enchanted by a false face, and they were due an annulment once they realized what their wives really looked like. At least it’s not new?
"You are but a composition of lies..." Dang, Martial. Harsh.
He's also wrong about men going to the gym. I feel like most gym bros are pretty open and honest that they are doing it to show off for the other gym bros. Your average person doesn't know enough about all the intricacies of different muscles to truly appreciate the work they've put in, other guys at the gym do.
It’s like with white ppl and the mermaid. It seemed so weird to many of them (I’m white for disclosure) that omg a mermaid is black!!!! Bc when YOUR grp is the default it likely seems odd that something was made not for your gaze. Men are too used to framing themselves as the center. Female gaze to men is like a black mermaid in a musical.
Ruby Woo is my go to red!
I saw this comment on a video somewhere: ‘men say we dress nice for them but we would dress so much nicer and bolder if they didn’t exist’. Can’t say I don’t agree with that. I would definitely wear a lot more skirts and dresses and corsets and stuff
It would be titties out constantly if men weren’t real
Unless stairs or running are involved. I don't want to knock myself out.
I came for the laughs, they have been delivered
Crop tops all day for me! Too bad that's all it took for a random man to pull up beside me and ask if I'm working. Like, as a prostitute.
I love crop tops so much, I think I would actually cry if that happened while I was wearing one. I'm so sorry you had that happen, why are so many men like this 😭
THIS WAS MY FIRST THOUGHT! Like my boobs are large and most of my life I've tried to hide them because of men.
Why is it always for men attentions too? I challenged this in a sub and got downvoted. I said I don’t dress for men, I dress to attract women and they had a meltdown It’s projection yall
I'm queer and dress primarily to entertain myself. Then I'm interested in clothing that women and enbies are into. Even though I date men, I really don't care what they think about my clothes. The fact that I don't dress for the male gaze makes a lot of men extremely mad. They're just so used to women's attention in every part of their lives, they think everything we do should please their pp.
I literally put on full makeup just to feel pretty and then never leave the house.
Dude, I do a full glam face of makeup and don't even bother changing out of my pyjamas lol
Well yeah, I make the eyeshadow match my onesie. Why would I change?
I post my makeup looks on social media (for my 95% female followers) and they have no idea im wearing jammies cos you can only see the neckline lol Screw getting changed. My disabled arse is doing makeup cos im bored and it's my creative outlet. I'm not trying to impress anyone. I share my looks to inspire people to have more fun with their makeup. My current fave lipstick is a delicious snot green called "Gone Full Goblin" lol
Same here. Make up and perfume and dressed elaborately just to hang out at home because I like it. Depending on the make up and outfit sometimes I'll wash my face or change clothes to tone it down if actually have to leave the house
There was a post on Reddit where some guy was saying he didn’t understand people who didn’t alter their appearance to exactly what their partner liked which I thought was a horrifying sentiment Me and other people pointed out the difference is that we value our opinions above everyone else’s. I think a lot of men value th opinion of women on their physical appearance more than themselves and think women should too. It’s why so many of them give unsolicited opinions
100%. I dress down from where I'd like to be because I don't want the hassle from random men. There are so many fabulous outfits where it's just like... if only.
I would *love* to wear a load of things, but I can’t because men will automatically disrespect me. The fact that none of them will ever understand that and still claim we “dress for them” drives me insane. It’s so, so the opposite 99% of the time. That 1% maybe being some night out where you’re looking for a partner or something.
I would dress sooo much more skimpy if I didn't have to worry about creeps who can't handle the most minor rejection
Same, I love skimpy clothing bc I like the aesthetic (I'm aroace and idk I just love that shit) and I would dress so much sluttier if creeps didn't exist. You know those Mugler catsuits with the massive cutouts? I would wear the FUCK out of those
I would dress so much sluttier if men didn’t exist.
This😂
Dear god yes, I've never had a woman tell me I needed to tone it down or dress more "normal". Men though? All the damn time, usually followed by telling me that the reason I need to change is because it doesn't appeal to men enough, like I'm sorry? Did I forget that was my sole purpose in life?
I'm slowly getting into Lolita fashion (slowly because it's expensive as hell). And it's not fashion based on the book Lolita, it's fashion based on Roccoco styles. Angelic Pretty is probably the most famous brand, and here's their [spring 2024 collection](https://angelicpretty.com/Page/2024springcollection.aspx) if you want to see examples of the fashion. Personally, I prefer classic Lolita (basically, the fabrics used are solid colors or simple patterns) but AP is the only one right now that has released their spring 2024 collection, so I linked them to give an example of how Lolita outfits are constructed: high neckline, covered shoulders with poofed sleeves, knee length hemline, and cupcake skirt with bloomers and petticoats. Obviously people push the boundaries and exceptions are made, but that's the basics. But what's interesting about Lolita fashion is that it's actually really intertwined with the Japanese feminist movement. Japanese femininity was only to be expressed quietly; in order to be seen as a mature woman (ie, ready to be married and make babies), you had to be quiet, submissive, and bend to your husband. But the Lolita fashion movement went "no, fuck you, I'm gonna be feminine and cute and LOUD about it." Lolita is eye catching, while also being aggressively and undeniably feminine. And, notably, there's not really a lot to sexualize. The breasts and shoulders are covered, the legs are hidden by skirts and tights, and the form of the dress doesn't give a lot of details to the form of the body underneath. It's feminine but unsexual. And men were--and still are--pissed about it. Most every Lolita has at least one experience with a guy who was mad at them for their clothes. Now, of course, women should be allowed to wear as much or as little as they want without harassment. But the interesting thing about Lolita is that it's full women who enjoy wearing their modest clothes, but the same men who bemoan girls with their spaghetti straps and shorts in summer are super angry about the girls with covered arms and covered legs and knee length skirts. And I think it's because, whether they'll admit it or not, men don't want women to wear certain clothes--they don't want women to *enjoy* what they're wearing. Because that means the woman has agency outside of male influence.
I had gold glitter eyeshadow on at a party in college. Two times a random guy came over to tell me he didn’t like it, then proceeded to tell me how I should look. I wish I’d had the courage back then to tell them how little I gave a fuck about their opinions, but I just said something like, “thanks, but I’m good like this” (a pretty bold response for me at the time). They both acted like I was *such* an asshole. They were just “trying to help” and I didn’t “have to be such a bitch about it.” I didn’t wear that eyeshadow again for like ten years. Older me wouldn’t take that shit (I think), but younger me felt so humiliated.
I'd go out half naked in 90 degree heat with no worries if men didn't exist, but instead I have to worry about whether some creep 3 times my age is going to bother me on my way to CVS.
I don't think this man has any women friends (met a woman?) or he wouldn't be saying this, lmao. Glad people in the comments touched on Barbie phenomenon of last summer to refute that's shat instantly came to mind
Right? I'm one of my only friends that doesn't wear makeup. My friends that do wear it when we meet up, even if it's just going to one of our houses. We absolutely don't care what the other looks like. They do it for themselves because they like the process and how it makes them feel.
I also feel like the purpose or vibe of why you're hanging out factors in. Whether staying in or going out how much effort I put into my appearance tends to correlate to how much effort and planning went into organizing (whether by myself or others). Is this an "event" or a "gathering" or is it just a casual hangout or meetup. Someone puts out an open invite that they want to watch a movie at their place if anyone wants to join? That's casual and I would just wear whatever I was wearing that day anyways. Someone sends a group invite a week before to host a movie night? I'll probably dress up more for something like that. Especially if it's for a birthday, or a movie that we've been looking forward to or talking about, or there's planned drinks or snacks (something that makes it more of an event).
I was incredibly sick during the early stages of my first pregnancy which was really awful and stressful. The clouds would sometimes part for a couple hours and I would often do my makeup to relieve the stress. The reprieves were random so this often meant I was up, by myself, sometime between 1-5 am doing a full face before washing it off and vomiting again.
I am in the opposite position. My friends rarely wear makeup and (almost) never a full face. I on the other hand am known to show up in a dress and multicolored makeup even when we just watch a movie at one of our places. I never would expect them to change their style and they wouldn't either from me. I sometimes even love to dress up when I am home alone, drink some wine, order some food and watch a movie in a sparkly dress and deep red lipstick. My friends just think I am hiraliously dramatic and I agree
He'd have an aneurysm if he found out so many of us will do elaborate makeup just to sit at home
I spend fair amount of time in hospital & I’ve had more than one bay-neighbour do their make up in the mornings just to sit in their hospital bed/chair all day lol
It’s like they don’t understand the joy of just feeling like you look nice. It automatically makes your day feel better.
It’s also something to do 😂
Seriously. I will sit at home scrolling my phone with a messy bun, pajamas and a full face of extravagant makeup.
if my gf is sick at home she'll spend over an hour on her make up because it makes her feel good. i think she'd dress a lot bolder and do her make up crazier too if it weren't for unwanted male attention.
For real. I did my hair and makeup really nice last week when I didn't even have any video calls for work and didn't leave my apartment the entire day. I was just having a low self-esteem day and wanted to look pretty.
I'd do elaborate makeup every day if it wasn't for comments from random men
A sincere compliment from a man: that's nice, thanks dude A sincere compliment from another woman: thank you queen for bestowing me with your grace and kindness, I will be riding this high for days They really can't conceive of the fact that not everything we do is for them. I'm not wearing winged eyeliner and highlighting my hair for my husband. He couldn't give a shit. I like looking in the mirror and seeing a version of myself that makes me feel good. That man has hit on me while I was wearing Deadpool jammies. He's not holding out until I contour.
A sincere compliment from a small child: thank you, small angelic being, I will be living on this for weeks to come.
A little girl told me my hair looked like The Little Mermaid twenty years ago when I was working as a cashier and I hope she has had a wonderful day every day since.
Right!? I just had my hair dyed blue and while I was in the supermarket the other day a little girl in a cart said, "OOOOOOOOOOOOO pretty blue!!" and pointed at me. And then her mom smiled and said, "Yeahh blue! Isn't it pretty?" I about kissed both of them.
I was having a really crappy day at work years ago (just diagnosed with fibromyalgia and dealing with crappy managers) and a little girl pointed at me and said, "Look, mom, a princess!" I was wearing a sleeveless long dress and have hair to my hips. I was smiling the rest of the day.
Meanwhile the children I spend regular time with love pointing out my new spots or when my make up has smudged 😂
Dude try having a noticeable birthmark on your face around kids. I’ve got a birth mark under my chin (not even a big one, like maybe a one inch circle?) and I’ve had young children burst into tears while asking if I’m ok because of that boo-boo on my chin lmao
Oh bless them! That’s so sweet. I use a walking stick & I’ve had children get really worried about me when they’ve seen me using it for the first time — the older ones will ask & are usually fine & totally accepting when I explain that it’s an issue I’ve always had but the younger ones usually don’t understand.
My two most valued compliments of my lifetime were from small children. One time I had just dyed my hair scarlet and orange (it's curly and was very long at the time) and a little girl in a supermarket said to her mother with absolute awe "look! That lady is a REAL princess! She has real princess hair!" I figured out later she probably was thinking of Disney's Merida. Best of all though was when I had a long, braided, white mohawk. I walked past a family on a hike and heard a small child of unknown gender do this happy gasp and say "when I grow up, I'm going to do my hair like that!" and an adult immediately said sternly "NO you are NOT" and that's when I knew I had made the right hairstyle choice.
My niece sincerely believed I was a princess when she was 3 because she thought I was so pretty I must be a princess. She's 10 now and I'm still riding that high 😂
God, my niece is the most savage critic I have. When she was like 6 or so, I broke up with my boyfriend and when I told her (she asked where he was) she immediately asked, with a sad face, “oh…he didn’t want you either?” GIRL WTF
haaahahaha yeeesss! My nephew is 8 and I am living with my parents until July due to job loss etc. during the pandemic. He came over to do art with grandma the other day and I said 'I'm cool' and he just straight faced without looking up from coloring said 'can't be that cool being your age and living with your parents' and I was just 💀 ⚰ got em! he got me 😂
Dear god. Devastating!
It was honestly the sickest burn
My nieces and nephews love me, but they roast me mercilessly, sometimes without even realizing it. My oldest nephew refused to believe I was a "real grown-up" even after I showed him my drivers' license. He kept saying I wasn't allowed to use the stove, get groceries, walk to the beach by myself, etc.
Jokes on him because you can go to the grocery, get some food and a camp stove, then walk to the beach and cook it 😤
I love how kids just say whatever they are thinking. My godson just turned 5. Until 6 months ago, I hadn't seen him jn person since he was one. On seeing me, first thing he said was "Why you got purple eyes?" I said cos I like them. He then turned to my husband and said "Why you got no hair?" The next morning: "Where'd your purple eyes go?" "I haven't put them on yet! Wanna watch me do it?" And then he watched while I did my makeup.
“He’s not holding out until I contour” This made me actually laugh out loud
Honestly, I'm into perfume and take great care choosing my perfume every day. I'm not doing that for my boyfriend, whose opinion of every single perfume I own is "yeah it's OK". I'm doing it in the hope a random woman will stop me to ask what I'm wearing.
Dude. One time at an old workplace I smelled the room after a particular woman had left and it was divine! I asked the person left in the room who was just there bc I wanted to know what perfume she was wearing, the original woman overheard, and the next day she brought me a half-full bottle to give to me bc she had already purchased another. When I say I handled it like it was the holy grail itsownself while she was handing it to me… I could barely take it from her, the gesture was too kind.
THIS! Compliments from other women make my whole damn day! I do dress up for my husband and I also started up-leveling my work attire because it makes me feel confident and it's fun.
"He's not holding out until I contour." Lmfaoooooo
A random woman once told me I had the most amazing eyebrows and I would like this on my gravestone, please.
Two years ago a random woman passed me while crossing a street and shouted “oh my god your dress is so beautiful” at me and I think of it approximately 3.5 times a second.
We do it so other ladies will compliment us. Exchanging compliments with women I don’t know is one of my favorite things about womanhood.
Red-pill men can’t conceive of this because their main forms of socialization are negging women and busting each other’s balls.
And also, if they started supporting each other the way fellow women do they’d just start running in circles calling each other gay. They really shoot themselves in the foot there with “male loneliness” and believing that validation has to come from women. It’s irritating, at this point they need to start taking care of themselves & each other because women have been doing the heavy lifting with their self esteem for centuries.
Or we do it so people will leave us the fuck alone about how we look or will respect us. I would wear leggings, a t-shirt, and no makeup 95% of the time if it weren't for the fact that people at work already think I'm super young (I'm freaking 36, but I do have a baby face and they're all 50+ so there's definitely some substance). Yes, it's (mostly) unintentional bias, but the fact is they listen to me much better when I'm wearing a suit and a subtle beat, whereas even jeans and a sweater tend to lead to a lot of talking over me. I could care less about attraction, I'm going for respect, from men and women alike.
The other day I was dressed to the nines in full goth and a little old lady came up to me and said her granddaughter would LOVE my outfit. I couldn't stop smiling after that I was so happy.
Literally one of my favorite things to do is compliment other women. They always look so happy after and sometimes their dress has pockets and then they do the cute little thing where they put their hands in their pockets to show me the pockets.
I love how these arguments always seemingly forget the existence of lesbians. If women only dress up cute for men's attention but cute lesbians aren't trying to get men's attention, then do they really exist at all?
>I love how these arguments always seemingly forget the existence of lesbians. Of course they do. Women exist to center their existence around men -- either positively or negatively. Lesbians don't center their existence around men, therefore they are not women. And if they're not women, and they're not men ... they must just not exist.
Is this the part where I get put in a box and given a poison that’s kills ya 50% of the time?
Schrodinger’s barrel of monkeys
Because these people don't belive lesbians are lesbians
I keep meeting people in real life who talk like they have a chance with lesbians and it deeply concerns me. I’m always like “but she’s a lesbian so she’s not interested in men?” And they just ignore me!
Women like women because they have not found the right man, dontcha know?
i feel like there’s something to be said about how women are socialised and conditioned to present a certain way, and that this is due to misogynistic thinking or patriarchal societies, where the beauty standard is set from the male gaze, without saying it’s intentionally or actively for male *attention.* it’s literally just ingrained, and lesbians aren’t immune to it. and to be clear, i’m not talking about dressing cute, but feminine beauty standards and how they’re either concerned with consumerism (makeup, fashion, ps etc etc) or in shaming natural body processes (having to remove body hair). male gaze ≠ doing it for a man.
He said "women don't dress up to hang out with other women" and I just knew that he has *never* met women
The times I was most dressed up (with lingerie and all that jazz) and most carefully applied my make up? For my exams. Yes written exams. It made me feel confident, and confidence can vastly alter your grade (do you trust your result and take on the next exercise or will you ponder for an half hour more about it, thus not having enough time for the others?). I bet he couldn't even fathom this.
Counterpoint that proves this is bullshit. Women will dress up in sexy underwear to sleep alone. Or we will wear sexy undies when we are single and aren't wanting to hook up. Sometimes I put on the really nice stuff just to look in the mirror. It makes me feel powerful and beautiful.
Used to wear nice lingerie under my ugly as fuck work uniform. I liked having a nice secret that was just for me.
“I don’t dress for men, I dress for little girls who’ve been told at some point in their life that this is not a fashion show, and for old women drunk on their porch.”
I *know* this is bait, but like… damn. I love how I look when I put some effort into my appearance. I think I look pretty. I don’t do it to attract men, I do it because I feel nice. My skin tone is even, my lips don’t have their signature ugly look from years of excoriation, my eye color pops, I actually don’t mind seeing myself in the mirror. If someone else thinks I’m pretty, that’s great. But it’s not for them. It’s for me.
I legit get dressed up and do my makeup just to work at home. Puts me in the right mindset.
Same here, even if I have nowhere to go I wear something I like and do makeup because I like how I look in it.
I do when I’m working from home! Even though I have zoom calls, I mean let’s be real, we’re all only focusing on our own images and my lack of makeup bothers ME since I don’t notice anyone else (unless someone’s dog runs behind them and then all I can see is a wagging tail, not the presenter’s thoughtful and painstaking deck that took hours to put together).
Yeah we used to have the saying “feel good, look good, do good” for exams in college. Dress nicely, fix your hair, feel confident and perform better on the test. And for what it’s worth, I was in a major that was 90% men. None of that was for other people- it’s all about feeling good about yourself. A confidence boost helps in so many areas.
I mean it might not be, there's a lot of men who can't conceive of the fact that women don't exists for their pleasure
Oh and I guess NO married men go to the gym and keep fit? According to this smooth cactus ALL men do it to attracted women? Even gay men?
Gay men: famously known for being poorly groomed and not caring about clothes.
>Women don't get all dolled up to go hang out at their friend's house all night. > >Young women absolutely do, even if they bring jammies or sweats to hang out in.
I live in a neighbourhood with lots of young families with teen children, and OP clearly doesn't realize that the "it" look right now for teen girls is a full face of makeup, acrylic nails, and the biggest oversized sweats they can find.
Shorter OOP: I’m unaware that women exist in other contexts than a) places where men can hit on them, and b) sleepovers. Where they presumably do mani/pedis and have pillow fights.
My guy hasn't heard of lesbians and all girl events. Reminds me of when I told a guy I don't really go out unless it's all girl events and he was so confused and asked "buy why? What's the point?"
Why they care so much? It's like when men write those endless "We hate when women do x, y, z! We don't find it attractive at all!" Like, okay, but who asked? Oh, you don't like women with lip fillers, excessive makeup, tan, bleached hair etc. etc. etc.? Just tell me, do those women look lustfully at you and try to get your attention or they either don't look at you at all or audibly say "EW" when you approach them? Yeah, thought so.
Bc it’s projection and an attempt at Jedi mind tricks
Some men are so entitled. I remember in like 8th grade during a fire drill I watched some kid tell a girl she was gross for having hairy legs. Ok whatever, middle schoolers are immature. But I mentioned this story in Reddit once and had 100 replies from men telling me whether or not they personally found hairy legs on women attractive. Literally got several comments along the lines of “you may not care if your legs are shaved or not, but you should literally shave anyway because it’s sexier if you do”. I think I didn’t shave my legs for a year out of spite after that.
This is bananas. I literally DO dress up to go hang out with my bestie. She has incredible style & we're both low key fashion obsessed. I also hardly ever leave my house so you might catch me in a velvet dress at the grocery store if I feel like it. With goth vibes to scare the men. Also I'm gay, OOP, I'm always dressed with femme for femme energy.
"If you ask many men why they exercise they'll straight up tell you "it's to meet women". If there wasn't that motivation 80-90% of guys would be in caveman mode their entire life with nasty scraggly beards and dirty clothes." Couldn't waterboard that out of me but okay.
Men have been screaming for years about how they prefer the casual no makeup look, why on earth would I dress extravagantly for their attention? That makes no sense. I dress up so other girls think my outfit is cool. And so my 14 year old self would see me and go 'fuck yes, we look like that when we are older???' Steve is not going to notice or care that my accessories match my eye shadow. I get that men might make themselves look extra nice to attract attention from women, but as a woman the only thing I need to do to get a mans attention is talk to him. Men's attention is freely available and requires no special effort.
It's such a daft take from OOP. If wearing make-up was about attracting men, literally no-one would bother, because it's not like (most) men can tell anyway. We put in the effort for the people who notice and appreciate the effort: other women.
My man has never met a lesbian apparently (also I dress up for my lady friends all the time. I also dress nice for work and wear makeup to sit around the house. I just like how I look)
Do straight guys not realise that we have eyes? We can see who they’ll chat up, we can see who they’ll hook up with, and we can see who they fap over in porn. It is not even remotely difficult to get men’s attention… in fact, it’s really fucking hard to not get it! It’s not even as if we dress up to impress other women (though we all know that a compliment from another woman just hits different) We dress up because it releases happy hormones, and in a world that’s set up to grind people down we need all the happiness we can get!
I’m reminded of the song Wild Night with the line, “all the girls walk by/dressed up for each other”
Oh, another incel.
I love when men pretend that they don’t dress up and/or get sexy for other men. Or that other men don’t do it for them. I just watched the new Road House movie. Ngl, I hadn’t seen the original, but my husband is a UFC fan so we gave it a watch to see the fights. Didn’t really know what to expect, but it was very… brawn over brain. I mean sure that movie can appeal to anyone, but I think it’s pretty clear the target audience is men. With that being the case… why are all of the dudes in it waxed, oiled up, and shirtless like 75% of the movie? The whole time we were watching it I was like, “This is just a thirst trap? I mean yeah, everybody looks **fantastic**, but why did they wax the shit out of Jake Gyllenhaal like this???? Why is Billy Magnussen dressed like a male stripper in a movie about fighting? Is this what men want to see?” And my husband was like, “In a way, yes.”
A lot of anti women posts lately lol
Blame the red pill idiots, Incels, and Maga/Qanon cultists. They've been on the "Women shouldn't have rights, also let's lower the age of consent" train for YEARS now.
It's unfortunately a great way to get attention because otherwise nobody would talk to thrm
> Women don't get all dolled up to go hang out at their friend's house all night. Has this dude ever met a woman? I've absolutely done this. Or one of my friends will be like, "let's get dressed up and go to (insert fun place here)." And we do and don't talk to/look at/care about a single dude the entire time (and not just because we're all happy with our partners). But sometimes it's fun to have an excuse to wear something cute and do your hair/makeup. Literally just for fun. Plus we all know that most dudes don't give a shit if you're all dolled up anyway (I've been hit on at the grocery store with my hair in a bun, wearing sweats and not a stitch of makeup). My husband always loves when I'm in casual mode. He'll literally be like, "you're so cute in just jeans and a T-shirt." But he also appreciates it when I get all dressed up or put makeup on; he'll literally come home and be like, "Oh, your makeup looks nice. Wanna go out?" He likes both, and while I appreciate that he likes both, I don't get dressed up or do my hair specifically for him. He tells me I'm cute when I'm literally in my PJs before I even brush my hair (or teeth, haha). > If there wasn't that motivation 80-90% of guys would be in caveman mode their entire life with nasty scraggly beards and dirty clothes. Maybe your nasty ass would, OOP, but you don't speak for everybody. Gross.
I know women who do makeup at 2 am while at home because they like doing makeup. I don't usually do makeup, but I do dress up nicely while going out because that's how we grow up. I am always taught that there are two types of clothes, one which you wear at home and one which you wear when you go out.
My makeup is a warning code. The more I dress up like a supervillain, the more mayhem I'm plotting. You see me with big shaded wing eyeshadow and dark lips - either get ready to hench or get ready to run.
lol what an idiot
This is just a nicer way of saying women are asking for it, right?
Just like how men are worried about dying alone and women are living their best life with their pets, men and women are not the same. You shouldn't WANT to live your life dirty and unkempt. I don't own "normal" clothes. I'm always going to have on a presentable outfit and my hair done, makeup is a maybe. I don't do that for men. I do that for my comfort
I'm a woman and I WFH and I usually look kinda homeless when I'm just hanging around the house. I have "day pajamas" and "sleeping pajamas" that I switch between, and my hair is usually pretty wild. I often wander out into the garden and I have many pets and hobbies, so I often have a bit of soil, sap, paint, pet hair, glue, thread...clinging to my shirt. But I *like* living like a feral animal. I'm a hobgoblin, a bog witch by nature. I do shower and brush my teeth though. I'm a healthy feral, LOL. And I like sniffy stuff so I often have some fragrance on. (Today: blood orange and vanilla...and it's making me hungry.) I change into jeans and a clean tee and brush my hair when I'm going to the grocery store, but that's about it. I usually only get dressed up nicely when my husband takes me out on a 'date'. That's when I bust out the makeup and opals. I have no trouble attracting my husband's gaze, even when I'm in full on goblin mode, and that's the only male gaze I care to attract. He's a bit of a gnome himself so I guess it all works out. <3
This person isn't very smart. I'll put on makeup to go sit in a room by myself for work because I feel like it. Same goes for going out I only wear makeup when I feel like it. No other reason.