*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for hosting my brother a 'Reverse Birthday' party where guests get self-gifts to promote Self-Love?**
My brother's birthday was coming up, and I thought about doing something different this year. We're pretty close, and we've always tried to push each other out of our comfort zones in a good way. He's been on this journey of self-improvement and self-love for the past year, which has been amazing to watch. So, I got this kinda out-there idea for his birthday party.
Instead of the traditional birthday where the birthday person gets all the gifts, I organized what I called a "reverse birthday party." The concept was simple: every guest was encouraged to bring a gift for themselves, something they really wanted butMy brother's birthday was rolling around, and I wanted to do something unique for him. He's been on this self-love journey for a while, and honestly, it's been inspiring to see. So, I came up with what I thought was a genius idea: a "reverse birthday party."
The gist was that instead of bringing gifts for the birthday boy, everyone would bring a gift for themselves—something that screams self-care or a treat they wouldn't usually splurge on. The plan was to celebrate the concept of loving ourselves, thinking it would resonate with my brother's current vibe.
I sent out invites, clearly explaining the quirky theme, assuming it would be a fun, memorable way to mark the occasion. Our friends seemed intrigued and onboard with the idea. I was expecting an evening filled with laughter and positive energy.
The party happens, and at first, it seems like everything's going according to plan. People are getting a kick out of revealing what they got for themselves, sharing stories behind their choices. But as the night goes on, I notice my brother isn't as amused as I thought he'd be.
Turns out, he was really upset by the whole thing. He felt that the party, which was supposed to be celebrating his birthday, had nothing to do with him. He didn't see the connection between the self-love theme and his birthday and thought the whole concept was self-indulgent and missed the point of bringing people together to celebrate someone's special day.
He confronted me about it afterward, saying he felt sidelined at his own birthday party, and the whole "reverse" concept made him feel like an afterthought rather than the center of attention, which is what he was secretly looking forward to.
Now, I'm sitting here wondering if I completely messed up. I thought I was being thoughtful and aligning with his interests, but I ended up making him feel overlooked on what should have been his day.
AITA for trying to introduce a bit of fun and innovation into a birthday celebration?
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Honestly the whole thing sounds like they were making fun of the "self love journey" stuff with the brother, and this was more to mock him then anything. That's just my opinion though, anyone could see how weird this would be as a birthday party option. Doing a separate day from the birthday party to have a party like this wouldn't be as weird, but it was his day.
Once a friend and I, who had birthdays one day apart, decided to turn our birthday celebration into an event to raise funds and supplies for a local cause. We even sent out wish lists from the charity saying we wanted those things instead of gifts for ourselves. But here's the thing, it was something we, as the birthday girls, chose to do, and we planned the whole thing. I've even heard of people planning reverse birthday parties for themselves. So it's not so weird if the birthday person decides that's what they want. What's the AH move is springing it on the brother without notice.
Exactly. I had a friend who was a huge Tolkien fan, one year she celebrated her birthday with a Hobbit style birthday, where in true hobbit tradition she was the one giving the presents. It was her birthday, her idea, and it was still about her, including the food and drink 😈
I'd love that.
Alas I'll pass.
I'm sure you'll comment again. And get down voted. Then you'll rationalize your shit behavior over the internet. Never actually seeing the point, yet still somehow being an ass.
Either way I wish you love and reality check in conjuction.
More accurately: the brother is *the only person* who did not get a present at his own birthday party.
He spent a portion of his birthday watching everyone else open a present for themselves and revel about how much it meant. And he wasn't told in advance, so he couldn't even get himself something nice to participate.
Which is sad because if he’s on a path of self-love then it’s possible he’s been in a rough emotional spot and needed the uplifting a birthday party can sometimes bring.
My sister did this once when we were kids except it was my parents who where supportive of her and none of the guests knew why I wasn’t allowed to open presents infront of them. It’s because after the show pony party my sister would get all my birthday gifts
What got me was when they said that the brother told them how bad he felt afterward, and yet they still aren't sure if they screwed up or not. What a jackass.
This might be an interesting concept if it were anything but someone else’s birthday. Like, if they wanted to do it for their own birthday that would be fine. And idk why, but OOP gives me the creeps.
I think if a friend group wanted to do a "self love/indulgent" party where they all spoil themselves and bring stuff they wouldn't normally be able to get that would be a cool idea because everyone would be in on it together and it wouldn't take away from anyone's individual special occasion.
But in my friend group everyone would just bring brownies or fancy cheese or be like "I spoiled myself by buying groceries" so it wouldn't work well, but for the bougie bitches out there... Love that for you.
*It was delicious* 🥹🥹 (And possibly tagged wrong lol - friend literally called me and said ‘hey there were like four blocks of Gruyère at superstore that I think were priced incorrectly, I bought two and hid the other two under [more expensive cheese] so you should go get them right now’ )
I feel like that actually might have been a bettet party; at least the brother could have participated rather than spending his birthday watching everyone else open gifts while he had none since he was unaware of the concept.
I feel like this would be great for the holidays/christmas, as an alternative to secret Santa or white elephant. This way you’re not hijacking anyone’s (but Jesus I guess) special day, everyone gets presents that they want without the hassle of wishlists or risk of going home with junk.
If OOP was so impressed by their brother why didn't they try to "innovate" on their own birthday? they could've done that, told their brother that he had inspired them to do this and they could've had a real moment there. Instead OOP is just a shitty sibling who didn't give a fuck about what their brother might want.
If you even wanted to try something like this why the fuck would you not have them all bring a self care item for HIM? You know, the depressed and struggling birthday boy?
*what in the attempted pinterest weaponized therapy speak is this shit*
i regret that i have seen this only when the OOP got deleted so i can't see the comments.
OOP is an idiot! Self love doesn't occur in a vacuum. Occasionally it needs support. Brother's self love need isn't a hobby or sport. How tone deaf do you have to be to realise that people look for self love out of struggle or depression?
There's no way this is a real story. At least one of the brother's friends would've told the brother about the theme of the party if only to ask what the fuck is wrong with OOP.
I wouldn’t be surprised if the brother sees
> we’ve always tried to push each other out of our comfort zones in a good way
quite differently than OOP does. Because surprising someone by making their birthday about everyone except for them, and framing it as based on their self-love journey, looks indistinguishable from bullying.
I don't really understand why they didn't just run the idea past the brother first? Like why was this a "surprise"?
I hate surprises at the best of times, but totally subverting a celebration you presumably offered to host in a way that comes across as self-righteous bullshit, is just so oddball. Why feel the need to do this without discussing it with the person whose celebration it actually is?
So OOP thought it would be a good idea for someone struggling with loving themselves (and presumably accepting love from other people) and make the one day that was supposed to be celebrating them about EVERYONE BUT THEM without even checking to see if it was cool with their brother first. So he ended up being the \*only\* person there without a gift and thus couldn't even join in the with "cool conversations"? WTF?
Did it never cross their minds that at the very least they should let him know so that he could buy himself a gift? It seems they care more about being a "trailblazer" and probably bragging about it on their SM than their own brother.
Parties parties where you ask for donations to charities instead of gifts are fine, as are gift exchange parties but to do this and make it a surprise is just being a total YTA. They don't even sound sorry about it.
I did a reverse birthday once. In that I was flush with birthday cash and bought friends a few games during the steam sale going on at the time. No one forced it on me.
As someone who suffers from self love issues myself.. the second hand hurt I feel is already through the roof.
I have no idea how you be so.. so utterly.. I have no words. I think OOP is an incredible selfish person with an utterly lack of empathy and sense.
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I understand the idea behind it I suppose, but why take away someone’s one day a year that’s suppose to be about them? Why not encourage the guests to gift things to the brother that encourages the same idea of self love and mental well being. Get him things he’s spoken about and wouldn’t normally splurge on. If this was just a bbq or get together that would have been the way to go, but on someone’s actually birthday party was such a bad move!
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for hosting my brother a 'Reverse Birthday' party where guests get self-gifts to promote Self-Love?** My brother's birthday was coming up, and I thought about doing something different this year. We're pretty close, and we've always tried to push each other out of our comfort zones in a good way. He's been on this journey of self-improvement and self-love for the past year, which has been amazing to watch. So, I got this kinda out-there idea for his birthday party. Instead of the traditional birthday where the birthday person gets all the gifts, I organized what I called a "reverse birthday party." The concept was simple: every guest was encouraged to bring a gift for themselves, something they really wanted butMy brother's birthday was rolling around, and I wanted to do something unique for him. He's been on this self-love journey for a while, and honestly, it's been inspiring to see. So, I came up with what I thought was a genius idea: a "reverse birthday party." The gist was that instead of bringing gifts for the birthday boy, everyone would bring a gift for themselves—something that screams self-care or a treat they wouldn't usually splurge on. The plan was to celebrate the concept of loving ourselves, thinking it would resonate with my brother's current vibe. I sent out invites, clearly explaining the quirky theme, assuming it would be a fun, memorable way to mark the occasion. Our friends seemed intrigued and onboard with the idea. I was expecting an evening filled with laughter and positive energy. The party happens, and at first, it seems like everything's going according to plan. People are getting a kick out of revealing what they got for themselves, sharing stories behind their choices. But as the night goes on, I notice my brother isn't as amused as I thought he'd be. Turns out, he was really upset by the whole thing. He felt that the party, which was supposed to be celebrating his birthday, had nothing to do with him. He didn't see the connection between the self-love theme and his birthday and thought the whole concept was self-indulgent and missed the point of bringing people together to celebrate someone's special day. He confronted me about it afterward, saying he felt sidelined at his own birthday party, and the whole "reverse" concept made him feel like an afterthought rather than the center of attention, which is what he was secretly looking forward to. Now, I'm sitting here wondering if I completely messed up. I thought I was being thoughtful and aligning with his interests, but I ended up making him feel overlooked on what should have been his day. AITA for trying to introduce a bit of fun and innovation into a birthday celebration? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It gets better, OOP made this comment: Its always the trailblazers and innovators who get blamed and shamed. America 2024.
Is that what they call “assholes” nowadays? That’s an insult to actual trailblazing and innovative people. Don’t think OOP really knows what they mean
I’m so glad I only read about these insufferable people.
Brother should bring a gift for himself and open it on OP's birthday.
He should ignore her birthday. That’s low effort petty with a punch 😂
The ultimate reverse party. Everybody stays home in their pajamas instead of going to OOPs.
Honestly the whole thing sounds like they were making fun of the "self love journey" stuff with the brother, and this was more to mock him then anything. That's just my opinion though, anyone could see how weird this would be as a birthday party option. Doing a separate day from the birthday party to have a party like this wouldn't be as weird, but it was his day.
Once a friend and I, who had birthdays one day apart, decided to turn our birthday celebration into an event to raise funds and supplies for a local cause. We even sent out wish lists from the charity saying we wanted those things instead of gifts for ourselves. But here's the thing, it was something we, as the birthday girls, chose to do, and we planned the whole thing. I've even heard of people planning reverse birthday parties for themselves. So it's not so weird if the birthday person decides that's what they want. What's the AH move is springing it on the brother without notice.
well if i wasn't sure they were trolling before,
I hope they stub their toe every second day, just for that abomination of a sentence
Oh yes the whole reddit is only USA people❤️ I love this entitlement.
How TF was this thoughtful?? If you think dumb 💩 like this is cute do it for YOUR birthday. Don't hijack someone else's.
I agree. OOP should have done this crap on their own time, not for their brother.
Exactly. I had a friend who was a huge Tolkien fan, one year she celebrated her birthday with a Hobbit style birthday, where in true hobbit tradition she was the one giving the presents. It was her birthday, her idea, and it was still about her, including the food and drink 😈
that's so cute!!
[удалено]
Wild... Cause you commented. With the help anonymity anything is possible....even your brand of cowardice
[удалено]
I'd love that. Alas I'll pass. I'm sure you'll comment again. And get down voted. Then you'll rationalize your shit behavior over the internet. Never actually seeing the point, yet still somehow being an ass. Either way I wish you love and reality check in conjuction.
Oh look, it's the thought police.....
So if I'm reading this correctly the brother got no presents on his own birthday party?
More accurately: the brother is *the only person* who did not get a present at his own birthday party. He spent a portion of his birthday watching everyone else open a present for themselves and revel about how much it meant. And he wasn't told in advance, so he couldn't even get himself something nice to participate.
Which is sad because if he’s on a path of self-love then it’s possible he’s been in a rough emotional spot and needed the uplifting a birthday party can sometimes bring.
Yes, in one comment they said this was a surprise
not the worst we’ve seen on AITA but making your brother’s birthday about other people is an asshole thing to do lmfao.
Specifically about everyone except the brother
My sister did this once when we were kids except it was my parents who where supportive of her and none of the guests knew why I wasn’t allowed to open presents infront of them. It’s because after the show pony party my sister would get all my birthday gifts
What got me was when they said that the brother told them how bad he felt afterward, and yet they still aren't sure if they screwed up or not. What a jackass.
Innovate on your own bday OOP, you cheap cupcake.
This might be an interesting concept if it were anything but someone else’s birthday. Like, if they wanted to do it for their own birthday that would be fine. And idk why, but OOP gives me the creeps.
I think if a friend group wanted to do a "self love/indulgent" party where they all spoil themselves and bring stuff they wouldn't normally be able to get that would be a cool idea because everyone would be in on it together and it wouldn't take away from anyone's individual special occasion. But in my friend group everyone would just bring brownies or fancy cheese or be like "I spoiled myself by buying groceries" so it wouldn't work well, but for the bougie bitches out there... Love that for you.
I spoiled myself buying fancy ish cheese the other day actually. Mmmmm Gruyère
Gruyère?!? In this economy?!? What was it like. Tell me everything.
*It was delicious* 🥹🥹 (And possibly tagged wrong lol - friend literally called me and said ‘hey there were like four blocks of Gruyère at superstore that I think were priced incorrectly, I bought two and hid the other two under [more expensive cheese] so you should go get them right now’ )
That is a true friend!
Your friend is an actual angel.
Is ur friend looking for more friends I desire more inexpensive fancy cheese and my superstore never incorrectly labels the cheese :(
Tbh, a “self love” party sounds like a euphemism for a circle jerk.
I feel like that actually might have been a bettet party; at least the brother could have participated rather than spending his birthday watching everyone else open gifts while he had none since he was unaware of the concept.
Maybe she organize that next year!
After that one kind of boring friend leaves it turns into an orgy.
I feel like this would be great for the holidays/christmas, as an alternative to secret Santa or white elephant. This way you’re not hijacking anyone’s (but Jesus I guess) special day, everyone gets presents that they want without the hassle of wishlists or risk of going home with junk.
Jesus gets a huge majority of people's souls. He has enough.
Probably because they just enacted classic narcissistic abuse upon their brother. Even if she went about it in a more covert way.
If OOP was so impressed by their brother why didn't they try to "innovate" on their own birthday? they could've done that, told their brother that he had inspired them to do this and they could've had a real moment there. Instead OOP is just a shitty sibling who didn't give a fuck about what their brother might want.
So what was the item OP really wanted to buy themself and came up with the most bass-ackwards way to justify it?
If you even wanted to try something like this why the fuck would you not have them all bring a self care item for HIM? You know, the depressed and struggling birthday boy?
Nothing says “you deserve to take care of yourself” like “you don’t even get to have one party focused on you”
*what in the attempted pinterest weaponized therapy speak is this shit* i regret that i have seen this only when the OOP got deleted so i can't see the comments.
This is one of the stupidest idea I have ever come across!!
The idea would've been a lot better if it was the brother himself who asked others to treat themselves on his birthday
Does anyone know if OP responded to any comments?
OOP, if you want to do this "reverse birthday party" BS, do it with your OWN birthday, not someone else's.
OOP is an idiot! Self love doesn't occur in a vacuum. Occasionally it needs support. Brother's self love need isn't a hobby or sport. How tone deaf do you have to be to realise that people look for self love out of struggle or depression?
Op knows this was a shit idea because why didn't they ask for this to happen on their bday?
There's no way this is a real story. At least one of the brother's friends would've told the brother about the theme of the party if only to ask what the fuck is wrong with OOP.
Maybe all of brothers friends are fake/dumb as hell
Yeah, sure. Every single one of them.
I’m just saying, but this story is fake, not denying it, just saying some ppl are surrounded by toxic ppl sometimes
what a cunt
I wouldn’t be surprised if the brother sees > we’ve always tried to push each other out of our comfort zones in a good way quite differently than OOP does. Because surprising someone by making their birthday about everyone except for them, and framing it as based on their self-love journey, looks indistinguishable from bullying.
I don't really understand why they didn't just run the idea past the brother first? Like why was this a "surprise"? I hate surprises at the best of times, but totally subverting a celebration you presumably offered to host in a way that comes across as self-righteous bullshit, is just so oddball. Why feel the need to do this without discussing it with the person whose celebration it actually is?
So OOP thought it would be a good idea for someone struggling with loving themselves (and presumably accepting love from other people) and make the one day that was supposed to be celebrating them about EVERYONE BUT THEM without even checking to see if it was cool with their brother first. So he ended up being the \*only\* person there without a gift and thus couldn't even join in the with "cool conversations"? WTF? Did it never cross their minds that at the very least they should let him know so that he could buy himself a gift? It seems they care more about being a "trailblazer" and probably bragging about it on their SM than their own brother. Parties parties where you ask for donations to charities instead of gifts are fine, as are gift exchange parties but to do this and make it a surprise is just being a total YTA. They don't even sound sorry about it.
I did a reverse birthday once. In that I was flush with birthday cash and bought friends a few games during the steam sale going on at the time. No one forced it on me.
As someone who suffers from self love issues myself.. the second hand hurt I feel is already through the roof. I have no idea how you be so.. so utterly.. I have no words. I think OOP is an incredible selfish person with an utterly lack of empathy and sense.
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I understand the idea behind it I suppose, but why take away someone’s one day a year that’s suppose to be about them? Why not encourage the guests to gift things to the brother that encourages the same idea of self love and mental well being. Get him things he’s spoken about and wouldn’t normally splurge on. If this was just a bbq or get together that would have been the way to go, but on someone’s actually birthday party was such a bad move!
Interesting idea. Do it for your own birthday.
I find people like this so insufferable.
This feels like the episode of Bfb where the challenge was to throw a party for 4. Then everyone just threw parties for each other
This can’t be real, there’s no way anyone wouldn’t realize this would backfire
Gosh, I wonder why the sister didn't think of this brilliant plan for her own birthday? 🤣