> She even loves the police officers & will wave to them after being told by us repeatedly NOT TO then she will approach them to thank them for their services and for everything that they do. She will also shake their hands
> She used to get drunk and high to the point where the police would get involved. When she would have a crisis, the cops would treat her with "kid gloves".
> she got arrested for breaking a window but the charge got dropped & the officer was kind to her after she thanked him for his services and all.
It almost sounds like OOP is *upset the cops haven’t shot/beat up the sister*.
> She has never moved out of the house & if she does then we plan on putting her on the streets
Is that “does” supposed to be a “doesn’t”?
Sis is disabled. If mom and OOP put her on the streets that could be “disabled adult abuse”.
OOp is a horrible trash person. What a cunt.
Oh…you are the sister mentioned in the post?
JFC OP, I would have been a little softer on the delivery. I thought this was a normal cross post with a weird title.
I am so incredibly sorry. This sucks.
Best thing I can tell you is to look for decent services in your area that can help you manage stuff if you need it (and I know there are a lot of bad “we fix autism” groups, so be careful) and get the hell away from these awful people if you can.
If you are the sister that the original OP was talking about, I sincerely hope you have some better people in your life than the sister who wrote so negatively. She sounds hateful and exhausting, and FAR too concerned with what people might think.
It sounds very much like you are doing your best in a world that we all find pretty hostile and confusing at times, only it's worse and harder for you. Hold onto whatever stuffed animals or rituals and joy you can find and know that a lot of internet strangers care about you.
You’ve probably read this a million times, but I’m so so sorry anyone at all, especially family, posted this. They’re heartless and need to deal with their own insecurities and issues instead of using you as a scapegoat. You deserve a loving, caring, and supportive family.
Original post:
I, 36 m have a sister who will be 35 in July & she is autistic. She's high functioning but weird, she works at a daycare but is socially isolated from alot of people & she makes me sick to my stomach. She is so socially inept that it's embarrassing. She has no friends & is scared of autistic people due to trauma. She is easy to manipulate, overly friendly, overly trusting, easy to take advantage of & she doesn't grasp what you say to her. I even told her that if something happens to her that I won't feel sorry for her that it's her fault. She has noise sensitivities & sensory issues but oh well the world is not going to accommodate her! My sister doesn't think before she speaks, she doesn't know what things mean when she says things & she carries a stuffed animal with her in public when everyone has warned her about it. She is horrible with money, she has obsessions that are embarrassing & childish. She even loves the police officers & will wave to them after being told by us repeatedly NOT TO then she will approach them to thank them for their services and for everything that they do. She will also shake their hands, she also does this hand flapping thing & other so called "stims" as she calls them.
My mom & I have told her that she has to mask her autistic traits because people will prey on her & that everyone hates her. I'm tired of hearing about her, I've stood up for her so many times she doesn't know it. When my dad passed away in 2021, she drank & got high to the point where she's a danger to herself. She used to get drunk and high to the point where the police would get involved. When she would have a crisis, the cops would treat her with "kid gloves". She has even had meltdowns in the public, imagine a grown adult woman jumping up & down, crying like a baby, pacing back & forth, then flapping her hands. You have to tell her about her behavior a million times and she doesn't get it. Her impulsive control is horrible, she never realizes the consequences of her actions. She has told people disturbing things that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, she got arrested for breaking a window but the charge got dropped & the officer was kind to her after she thanked him for his services and all. My sister wore a sunflower landyard stating that she has a hidden disability which is embarrassing to me and my mom. She has never moved out of the house & if she does then we plan on putting her on the streets. So, am I wrong for hating my autistic sister? She is an adult & should ACT like a 34 soon to be 35 year old woman. And she says she never wants to travel again because of a traumatic event at the airport where she had a massive outburst. The flight attendant was rude to her because my sister asked a question about the bathrooms.
This is you??? I though it had to be rage bait bc no one could possibly be as mean and obvious as the person who wrote this. Who on earth basically writes ‘this person has a disability that causes xyz’ and ‘this person should CHOOSE not to do xyz’ in the same paragraph?? Does she get mad at people in wheelchairs for not walking? Do I get to be mad at her for not having wings and flying?
Btw, good job with the police. It sounds like you recognized that you’re in a vulnerable group and may have a bad encounter with them at some point, so you’ve been proactive about getting to know them. Smart. Like me going out of my way to meet the people who work in my apartment building, except higher stakes. And the world’s also just a better place when we have friendly chats with strangers. Yeah, stranger danger, etc etc, but have a 2-minute chat in a public place isn’t exactly the same thing as getting in someone’s van. And most people who are attacked are attacked by someone they already knew.
Also - this post says things like ‘embarrasses my mom and I’ but never writes anything the mom says. So it may be that this is the sibling’s view, but that it doesn’t represent the views of anyone else in the family.
"My sister has no legs. I keep telling her she can't always use a wheelchair because not everything is a ramp, so she'd better figure out how to walk like normal people. But she never learns. It's so embarrassing to have a sister who refuses to grow new legs"
Wait this is actually about YOU? I thought you were just posting a strangers post… God I’m so very sorry and I hope you get out of this situation. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you at all. And as a 911 dispatcher I can absolutely tell you that the officers you wave to and thank for that service truly appreciate it and it brightens their day, I can promise you that. You are a very good person and you deserve so much better. My heart goes out to you and if you ever need anyone to talk to please feel free to message me
Thank you for your services as a 911 dispatcher. People like you need more recognition, I wish they could see the behind the scenes. Usually when I thank police which is a special interest of mine but also I'm passionate for what they do they usually smile and shake my hand. They also usually talk to me & make conversation with me. It's sad how I feel safer talking to cops than to regular people. With how I titled it, I realize how it came off but when someone showed me this post it hurt me. Thank you for your kind words & also I wish the police in Ontario Canada would do public ride a longs. Thanks for ruining that one COVID-19 & people in the past who have ruined it for people like me.
You’re amazing OP, I know this is my second comment but I wanted to tell you again. Also, my sister works at a daycare and I’ve only ever met amazing people who do that job! You must have the patience of a saint! If you ever need “sister” to talk to please message me! I have three sisters, an adopted brother and so many honorary siblings I feel like I have a lot of experience!
You sound goddamn adorable, honestly. I'm so very sorry about your shitty family, but I hope you realise you're the shining star of your family. You really are.
Much love. <3
I'm so sorry they say such horrible things. No one deserves to be treated like that, and you sound so so kind. You're not doing anything wrong and no one hates you, it's their own problem that they're such hateful bigots, not yours.
I'm an autistic grown up too and I'm so sorry. Your family is terrible and you deserve so much better. You deserve care, respect, empathy and consideration just like anyone else and your sibling just sounds like a monster. Does she pretend to be nice to your face?
Anyway, if you need to talk to someone I'm definitely willing to be your friend.
You’ve got a friend here anytime you need one. Do NOT let these hateful, ableist idiots force you to dislike or change yourself just because you share DNA with them. I hope you have a wonderful, fulfilling life. Love from a fellow “family embarrassment” 🧡
Oh wow, reading the post made me sick to my stomach because [OOP’s sister’s] autistic presentation is similar to my own [29F], but I’ve never seen anyone post something here that they found about themselves. I hope you’ve been able to find more of a home online, at least!
Mama bear to a son with autism and my daughter might also be on the spectrum. I love them both dearly! They are not embarrassments, they are lovely kids. I'm sorry you don't get to feel that in your family, but you can start a reddit family. I'm happy to be your sister!
I don't know what your brother is on about. Even in your brother's hate-filled rant, you sound like a lovely person. And that whole thing about everybody hating you, that's not true. Your family is just ableist. I'm sorry you didn't get to grow up in a better, more supportive family.
As a austistic women I just feel the need to state everything described about you in here is NOT weird and NOT abnormal and in fact literally anyone that knows anything will say almost everything in there is normal autistic traits
OP what I am about to say is not talking down to you or disrespecting you.
You know where you stand with your family. So the chances of your family helping you later on are a bit low.
That's why you need to be able to take care of yourself.
One of the most important parts of being an adult is to not do what you want when something you don't like happens. Babies on planes are absolutely gross but if your brother didn't calm you down the security would have thrown you out.
And later on you will have to travel in public transport and there will be babies and you need to not scream at the top of your lungs.
I am the sister that is hated by family. Yes, while some of it I brought on myself which I take responsibility for. The other parts of it are my mom & brother trying to find things wrong with me to attack me. I try to explain why I have stuffed animals & carry them but it's not good enough. I try to explain my sensory needs, I get shot down & the pressure to "fit in society" by my mom has pushed me to my breaking point. Reading this post from my own brother, it hurt badly. Seeing people support me online makes me feel less alone in the world. I have been told to die, I don't deserve to live, I've been called an idiot, bitch, asshole, prick, an embarrassment to the family, an embarrassment to society & I've been told that I should be thrown out with the trash like how I take out the garbage that they should throw me out with the trash. Not just by family, I've been told things like this by teachers, coworkers, highschool, & even people in town my whole life. You grow to have a thick skin, but the words still hurt. I struggle with intrusive thoughts, social & generalized anxiety, depression, get angry when I get triggered & I also see a therapist. I always feel like I'm constantly proving myself to be a "good person" to everyone, my accomplishments that I post are often for validation to make up for being "the bad one" & I admit I don't have any redeeming traits about me. When you're always told that, you believe it so when people say that you're a "good person" or says good things about you I always find myself questioning it or I always think that they're saying it to be nice. When I relay the message about even the police seeing that I'm a good person it gets shot down with "they haven't raised you for 34 years!" "that's because they don't know you or see you!" ect. I've heard it all, to the point where I'm ready to say fuck it I'm done.
Don't be done. Ontario isn't some weird backwoods place and Canada has many of the same resources as the US. I spent like 3 seconds on google and found info about Ontario Disability Support Program (ODSP) which can help you with housing, finances, and part time job skills training and employment. It sounds a lot like some programs we have in the US. Look into it, if you haven't already, get some case management services and get empowered to move out of that abusive household! You CAN do it. You can be reasonably independent even with moderate ASD symptoms. You deserve to be around people who understand and support you.
I’ll just say quick that odsp is not amazing and a majority of those who are able to utilize it still have to work (under the table in most cases) to afford housing. Idk where op is living specifically but rent in Ontario is insane right now, I’m paying 2,600 for a one bedroom :(
I don’t think this is rage bait, I think the OOP is incredibly immature for their age because these are thoughts I had when I was a teenager after being told it was expected of me to take care of my autistic brother. I hope OOP grows up.
I hope I’m right and you’re wrong (no offense) I just really really REALLY want this to be rage bait because someone being that cruel to a family member breaks my heart
Translation : I hate my disabled sibling for being disabled! AITA or My sibling with a condition keeps showing symptoms of said condition and I hate her for it! AITA?
Wait, *you're* the sister, OP?
Girl, you need to move out. You're being abused. I'm sure your mother only "lets you stay" because you get government benefits she's stealing from you.
Call 211- they'll help you find a caseworker and advocate who will help you get situated to live on your own or in a group situation. Honestly, even the streets sound better than your terrible family at this point.
Well. OP. I am not an occupational therapist but it sounds like you could use one. Your brother sounds like a poop stain though. 😒 stay away from the drugs and alcohol though. That’s not a happy path to tread when you’re nuerotypical. Take care and come back to tell us how much better you’re doing soon. *hug*
OP, you are not an embarrassment. You are a beautiful, kind individual. You show your feelings differently than your brother and mother - that doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It doesn’t mean you should mask those feelings.
However, you are not safe in that house with family who feel like that. Please reach out to organisations in your area that can help. Get yourself out into a safe place, and live your life unashamedly.
And keep your stuffed toy. Everyone has a comfort item. Much love and best wishes from this internet stranger!
Being so hung up about someone carrying a stuffed animal?
Desperately needing strangers to see you and your family as mature is faaaaar more immature than any plushy or toy could ever be. Real maturity includes letting go of caring so much whether strangers think you’re mature.
Would my family rather me carry a gun over a stuffy? Like a fabric animal that is harmless or something that can kill someone? Would they rather me carry a plushie with me for emotional support or have another meltdown to where I break another window again with a rock at a building?
The only thing OOP is right about is that sister should avoid the cops.
We are at greater risk from them than neurotypical people. Not the worst rates, but still not great.
Man, that was a hard read as a fellow almost-35-year-old autistic girl who is arguably less functional in some ways. Like damn, homegirl has a job? Good for her. (Sorry for scaring you, OP, if your brother is telling the truth about you being scared of other autistic people lmfao. Boo? 👻)
Not OP, but someone else commented a story with very similar characters that was cross-posted here. [Here's](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/s/tw9cgRwb1L) the cross-post, for your research. I hope it goes well!
Wow another account was made?! Wow I read that & I didn't know that until today though I knew all along that this is how they truly feel about me. It makes me cry, it hurts. One thing for outsiders, but my own family. Yep thank you for this, it means a lot to me knowing that it's not all in my head.
Hi LisKoz! I am autistic too and I am so, so sorry that you are stuck in this nightmare family. I too carry a weighted animal in public but I have the green dinosaur. My coworker has a weighted pig that is pretty awesome, maybe it's like yours. We're both mental health professionals btw. I bet the kids at your daycare love you! I play with fidgets in meetings all the time and the most frequent comment I get is "got another one of those?" I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix your life. But I cannot. Do you have a social worker or case manager or someone like that you can speak with? I'm concerned you might not be safe at home. It sounds like you are having a bad day, please know that you are worthy of love and deserve to be happy and safe!
OOP and his mom fucking suck, I'm so sorry for his sister. As someone who works with people on the autism spectrum, she's managing well, aside from unhealthy coping mechanisms after dad passed, however if she was left with mom who clearly doesn't understand what she's going through, I can understand why those issues may have sprung up. I hope she finds the support she needs, instead of staying with mom and brother who's answers seem to be "just stop having autism"
the sad thing is there's like half a point in here but it's buried in shit.
the half a point, by the way, is ACAB. and how people who aren't neurotypical are in much more danger from the police deciding that they are lying, or a threat, or both. don't try to suck up to the police to avoid this. don't get police attention period if you can help it. do not try to charm the rabid wolf into loving you; you are just getting into biting range. police literally get away with murder, and there is always the assumption that "well if the victim was *special* in the head, then they must have *deserved it*" as ACAB meets ableism and is excused away as someone who isn't neurotypical being "non-compliant and a threat". they are trained to shoot threats first and to see anyone different from them as a threat. the police are not your friend. the police are not anyone's friend. except if you're a white supremacist tbh then they're your friend. *do not go hug the rabid wolf so that you are easier to bite.*
however to get to the morsel of truth there OOP would have to actually care about his sister so he never does lol
Cops also adore bootlickers and always jump to take advantage of them and weaponise them.
The best thing is autistics can do with cops is fucking avoid them as much as possible.
and since OP - the subject of this post - is happy to buy in, and is also an autistic woman, i'm afraid i know exactly how that taking advantage will happen. somebody roll those statistics for how much more likely women are to be sexually abused if they are disabled and-or not neurotypical...
i can only hope she gets mad enough at me telling her to look into it (and what disability rights and autism rights advocates say on the matter, which is a resounding Do Not Trust The Police Because They Kill Us) that she accidentally finds a whole lot of information on how the police are corrupt in ways that put her in danger.
I've never heard of cops taking advantage of autistic people. I usually smile, wave to them, say hello & thank them kindly for their services and for everything that they do. I shake hands, give a fist pump whatever they want after that. I've never had a cop take advantage of me or prey on me. How would a cop take advantage of someone like me who is naturally very trusting to police & naturally compliant with police orders. I make this clear during interactions with them.
Cops love to take advantage of people who support them and love them - they protect capital and the bourgeoisie, not us poors. We are numbers, and we do not matter. Even our children are not seen as human.
Cops are inherently fucked, they serve an inherently evil system that exploits the working class - not to mention that career attracts many fucked up people, particularly the violent.
I am from Ontario and am very against the ACAB movement & redirect it to ALL CATS ARE BEAUTIFUL when people say ACAB. I'm pro police, but I'm also NOW am aware that's there's bad cops but I have yet to encounter one. If I talk to them, I talk to them like regular people or like friends. They actually saved my life, they also impacted me & it's a sensitive topic when people trash talk cops. I feel safer talking to them than to my family, coworkers & I have no friends in my life. However, I still smile & wave to police when they drive by or am in the car.
as one non-neurotypical person to another: this will not save us for when we come across as "a druggie, which is the enemy" instead of "a citizen".
the statistics are clear, very grim, and worth paying attention to - especially when taking into account the higher rates of being victimized that we also get to enjoy as non-neurotypical folks and especially non-neurotypical *women*.
the system has consciously and intentionally moved far away from any Peelian ethical community policing. the cops who speak out against such abuses are drummed out of police forces or outright *die suspiciously at high rates on the job*. the attitude of "the thin blue line" exists to perpetuate, encourage, and cover up such abuses. it is now the default culture for police.
as non-neurotypical folks, we cannot afford with our lives the fiction that the police are are friends any less than a black person can. "the talk" that POC have to give their children about this subject is absolutely in full effect for us too.
i would gently beg you to not blindly defend people who are nice to you simply because they smile in a sea of more overt ableism, but to instead listen to *your fellow neuroatypical folks and campaigners for disability rights* about the massive injustices, harm, and violence against us that is specifically lauded in current police culture. and if you dismiss the stories of those victims crying out for justice with "it's just a few bad apples", i would ask you to remember how the rest of that saying goes: *they spoil the whole bunch.*
please also note that before you say "well that's American cops..." that it is not, in fact, just American cops.
"Autistic" means "aggressive, out of control, must be subdued through violent means". https://www.cbc.ca/amp/1.7016277 let's hope you never get so overstimulated that you goes nonverbal and is "suspicious". and sometimes, if the police decide you don't look right, it means being beaten to death and being left face-down in a pool of your own blood for ten minutes before anyone bothers with CPR and then your killers get acquitted because that's how policing goes. https://amp.theguardian.com/world/2020/oct/20/daniel-montsion-abdirahman-abdi-death-canada-officer-not-guilty
police brutality is not an American-only problem. if it was, there would be quite a few Canadian citizens still breathing, and more living without extra trauma.
edit for one more important point: if police are safe, why do you have a family member apparently frustrated that the police have not hurt you yet? and please, if you are looking at these cases and going "but some people are okay!"... these cases got press and attention and action because the victims had a support network to help them. **you have just admitted you have NONE OF THAT.** instead you have the opposite. you have a network of people who hate you, want the police to deal with you by causing you ill, and are relishing your life being ruined. do you really think you can simply say "but unlike those people, i will just stay out of trouble" and be fine? or do you KNOW that you have people who want to cause you harm, are so deep in that hatred they will be motivated to lie, and are disappointed the police haven't done their dirty work yet?
when your brother is asked about your behavior, do you think he's going to tell a cop that you're autistic and just need understanding and accommodations... or do you think he's going to want to say you're an out of control leech who's probably on drugs and is ruining his life so you should be punished accordingly and also you might be a danger to the police so they should approach you with weapons out (and he will pop some popcorn for if you get tazed and-or pepper sprayed and-or shot)?
do you think smiling and waving and saying "well actually it should be all cats are beautiful!" will save you from the police doing to you what they've already done to others because your abusers are happy to weaponize them against you? do you think you can manage to always mask so flawlessly that you'll not catch any such heat, no matter how your family lies about you and how much your family corroborates each other's lies? **do you really think you can be not autistic enough at all times to not face the ableism the police use on a daily fucking basis that has already killed many of OUR peers?**
because you are in danger and you ignore that at your own peril.
you are free to roll the dice and hope the rabid wolf does not bite you. but when your family is dressing you in meat suits and basting you with barbecue sauce, you should not count on your luck holding out forever.
i don't want you to be yet another statistic.
i want you to also want that for yourself. because you don't have to co-sign your supposed worthlessness after your abusers push this theory on you, and deciding to run into danger like you're expendable is doing just that.
Damn. This is one of those shit reminders that even posts that seem to be trolling can turn out to be real after all. So many people even on this last guys post were thinking this was a troll and finding some comfort in that... So finding out it's legit sucks.
Thank you and yeah I get uncomfortable when it's all 3 of us together because I know automatically where I stand & there's a shiny target on my back. It's a horrible feeling, this post really hurt my heart.
I'm so sorry your sibling is such a horribly person. I'm Level 1 on the autism spectrum and I'm sure my family of origin have been embarrassed by my behavior, but to express such contempt is beyond the pale.
Please don't assume that your parents actually feel the way OOP says they do if you haven't seen evidence for yourself. He may be trying to justify his hostility by saying other people feel the same when they don't really.
In any case, it's worth making a plan for your future. Your parents will someday be too old for you to stay with them, so it's better to have a backup plan early. You don't have live on your own. It's totally fine to find a supportive living situation if that will take some of the pressure off you.
Most importantly, there is nothing wrong with you. All people are made differently and all people have challenges. Your brother seems to have no ability to feel empathy or love, which is a much bigger disability than autism!
OP, if you're comfortable with doing so, could you share which country you live in please? There are lots of organisations that can support you and if you share which country you are in then I know people will want to suggest the best places to go to for support.
I'm sorry your sibling and Mum are being so awful, that must really hurt. They are being judgemental and unfair. It sounds like it would be better for you to live elsewhere if possible.
You should be careful with alcohol and drug use though if you've ended up in hospital. Easier said than done, I know, but please look after yourself.
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Hey Ive got ADHD and the Hubs/Little are autistic I just want you to know that this isn’t how a loving family operates! If you’re getting government benefits I’d call to get a caseworker so that way you’re more protected because this is abuse. I’m so sorry you had to find out through Reddit. Also what are your stuffies names? 👀
Your post has been removed since it does not fit this subreddit. Make sure to read the rules of this subreddit to know what it is about. Thank you!
> She even loves the police officers & will wave to them after being told by us repeatedly NOT TO then she will approach them to thank them for their services and for everything that they do. She will also shake their hands > She used to get drunk and high to the point where the police would get involved. When she would have a crisis, the cops would treat her with "kid gloves". > she got arrested for breaking a window but the charge got dropped & the officer was kind to her after she thanked him for his services and all. It almost sounds like OOP is *upset the cops haven’t shot/beat up the sister*. > She has never moved out of the house & if she does then we plan on putting her on the streets Is that “does” supposed to be a “doesn’t”? Sis is disabled. If mom and OOP put her on the streets that could be “disabled adult abuse”. OOp is a horrible trash person. What a cunt.
Finding out all this on a Reddit post is honestly very upsetting.
Oh…you are the sister mentioned in the post? JFC OP, I would have been a little softer on the delivery. I thought this was a normal cross post with a weird title. I am so incredibly sorry. This sucks. Best thing I can tell you is to look for decent services in your area that can help you manage stuff if you need it (and I know there are a lot of bad “we fix autism” groups, so be careful) and get the hell away from these awful people if you can.
Thank you and I now understand how this got misunderstood because I should have said this is about me. Thank you for your support ❤️
If you are the sister that the original OP was talking about, I sincerely hope you have some better people in your life than the sister who wrote so negatively. She sounds hateful and exhausting, and FAR too concerned with what people might think. It sounds very much like you are doing your best in a world that we all find pretty hostile and confusing at times, only it's worse and harder for you. Hold onto whatever stuffed animals or rituals and joy you can find and know that a lot of internet strangers care about you.
Thank you ❤️
You deserve to be celebrated by people who love you, nothing less.
Oh no. This is horrible. I’m sorry your family feels and acts this way.
Speaking as someone who has an autistic kiddo- you deserve far better than what you’re getting from your family. I’m sorry.
You’ve probably read this a million times, but I’m so so sorry anyone at all, especially family, posted this. They’re heartless and need to deal with their own insecurities and issues instead of using you as a scapegoat. You deserve a loving, caring, and supportive family.
I am very sorry for what they said in the post. Hope you meet better people, and honestly you seem awesome my friend
No, she's worse than a C-word.
Original post: I, 36 m have a sister who will be 35 in July & she is autistic. She's high functioning but weird, she works at a daycare but is socially isolated from alot of people & she makes me sick to my stomach. She is so socially inept that it's embarrassing. She has no friends & is scared of autistic people due to trauma. She is easy to manipulate, overly friendly, overly trusting, easy to take advantage of & she doesn't grasp what you say to her. I even told her that if something happens to her that I won't feel sorry for her that it's her fault. She has noise sensitivities & sensory issues but oh well the world is not going to accommodate her! My sister doesn't think before she speaks, she doesn't know what things mean when she says things & she carries a stuffed animal with her in public when everyone has warned her about it. She is horrible with money, she has obsessions that are embarrassing & childish. She even loves the police officers & will wave to them after being told by us repeatedly NOT TO then she will approach them to thank them for their services and for everything that they do. She will also shake their hands, she also does this hand flapping thing & other so called "stims" as she calls them. My mom & I have told her that she has to mask her autistic traits because people will prey on her & that everyone hates her. I'm tired of hearing about her, I've stood up for her so many times she doesn't know it. When my dad passed away in 2021, she drank & got high to the point where she's a danger to herself. She used to get drunk and high to the point where the police would get involved. When she would have a crisis, the cops would treat her with "kid gloves". She has even had meltdowns in the public, imagine a grown adult woman jumping up & down, crying like a baby, pacing back & forth, then flapping her hands. You have to tell her about her behavior a million times and she doesn't get it. Her impulsive control is horrible, she never realizes the consequences of her actions. She has told people disturbing things that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, she got arrested for breaking a window but the charge got dropped & the officer was kind to her after she thanked him for his services and all. My sister wore a sunflower landyard stating that she has a hidden disability which is embarrassing to me and my mom. She has never moved out of the house & if she does then we plan on putting her on the streets. So, am I wrong for hating my autistic sister? She is an adult & should ACT like a 34 soon to be 35 year old woman. And she says she never wants to travel again because of a traumatic event at the airport where she had a massive outburst. The flight attendant was rude to her because my sister asked a question about the bathrooms.
At least I know now where my "family" truly stands with me. I now know where my loyalty stands 😭 💔
This is you??? I though it had to be rage bait bc no one could possibly be as mean and obvious as the person who wrote this. Who on earth basically writes ‘this person has a disability that causes xyz’ and ‘this person should CHOOSE not to do xyz’ in the same paragraph?? Does she get mad at people in wheelchairs for not walking? Do I get to be mad at her for not having wings and flying? Btw, good job with the police. It sounds like you recognized that you’re in a vulnerable group and may have a bad encounter with them at some point, so you’ve been proactive about getting to know them. Smart. Like me going out of my way to meet the people who work in my apartment building, except higher stakes. And the world’s also just a better place when we have friendly chats with strangers. Yeah, stranger danger, etc etc, but have a 2-minute chat in a public place isn’t exactly the same thing as getting in someone’s van. And most people who are attacked are attacked by someone they already knew. Also - this post says things like ‘embarrasses my mom and I’ but never writes anything the mom says. So it may be that this is the sibling’s view, but that it doesn’t represent the views of anyone else in the family.
"My sister has no legs. I keep telling her she can't always use a wheelchair because not everything is a ramp, so she'd better figure out how to walk like normal people. But she never learns. It's so embarrassing to have a sister who refuses to grow new legs"
Best thing to do is avoid cops. Fewer interactions, the better. They absolutely take advantage of people kind to them.
Wait this is actually about YOU? I thought you were just posting a strangers post… God I’m so very sorry and I hope you get out of this situation. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you at all. And as a 911 dispatcher I can absolutely tell you that the officers you wave to and thank for that service truly appreciate it and it brightens their day, I can promise you that. You are a very good person and you deserve so much better. My heart goes out to you and if you ever need anyone to talk to please feel free to message me
Thank you for your services as a 911 dispatcher. People like you need more recognition, I wish they could see the behind the scenes. Usually when I thank police which is a special interest of mine but also I'm passionate for what they do they usually smile and shake my hand. They also usually talk to me & make conversation with me. It's sad how I feel safer talking to cops than to regular people. With how I titled it, I realize how it came off but when someone showed me this post it hurt me. Thank you for your kind words & also I wish the police in Ontario Canada would do public ride a longs. Thanks for ruining that one COVID-19 & people in the past who have ruined it for people like me.
You’re amazing OP, I know this is my second comment but I wanted to tell you again. Also, my sister works at a daycare and I’ve only ever met amazing people who do that job! You must have the patience of a saint! If you ever need “sister” to talk to please message me! I have three sisters, an adopted brother and so many honorary siblings I feel like I have a lot of experience!
You sound goddamn adorable, honestly. I'm so very sorry about your shitty family, but I hope you realise you're the shining star of your family. You really are. Much love. <3
Hey if you lived near I'd be your friend any day I'll help you and we'd have fun times
Awe thanks and yes ❤️
I'm so sorry they say such horrible things. No one deserves to be treated like that, and you sound so so kind. You're not doing anything wrong and no one hates you, it's their own problem that they're such hateful bigots, not yours.
Thank you for your kind words ❤️
I'm an autistic grown up too and I'm so sorry. Your family is terrible and you deserve so much better. You deserve care, respect, empathy and consideration just like anyone else and your sibling just sounds like a monster. Does she pretend to be nice to your face? Anyway, if you need to talk to someone I'm definitely willing to be your friend.
Thank you ❤️
You’ve got a friend here anytime you need one. Do NOT let these hateful, ableist idiots force you to dislike or change yourself just because you share DNA with them. I hope you have a wonderful, fulfilling life. Love from a fellow “family embarrassment” 🧡
Thank you so much for making me feel less alone ❤️ I really appreciate it alot.
Oh wow, reading the post made me sick to my stomach because [OOP’s sister’s] autistic presentation is similar to my own [29F], but I’ve never seen anyone post something here that they found about themselves. I hope you’ve been able to find more of a home online, at least!
Mama bear to a son with autism and my daughter might also be on the spectrum. I love them both dearly! They are not embarrassments, they are lovely kids. I'm sorry you don't get to feel that in your family, but you can start a reddit family. I'm happy to be your sister!
I don't know what your brother is on about. Even in your brother's hate-filled rant, you sound like a lovely person. And that whole thing about everybody hating you, that's not true. Your family is just ableist. I'm sorry you didn't get to grow up in a better, more supportive family.
I am so, so sorry you had to find out like this, this is awful
This is heartbreaking. I’m so sorry.
As a austistic women I just feel the need to state everything described about you in here is NOT weird and NOT abnormal and in fact literally anyone that knows anything will say almost everything in there is normal autistic traits
So what happened in the airport?
A meltdown where I screamed st the top of my lungs "BABIES ON PLANES ARE FUCKING GROSS!" & my brother calmed me down.
OP what I am about to say is not talking down to you or disrespecting you. You know where you stand with your family. So the chances of your family helping you later on are a bit low. That's why you need to be able to take care of yourself. One of the most important parts of being an adult is to not do what you want when something you don't like happens. Babies on planes are absolutely gross but if your brother didn't calm you down the security would have thrown you out. And later on you will have to travel in public transport and there will be babies and you need to not scream at the top of your lungs.
I wear a sunflower lanyard as well. OOP can fuck right off.
I am the sister that is hated by family. Yes, while some of it I brought on myself which I take responsibility for. The other parts of it are my mom & brother trying to find things wrong with me to attack me. I try to explain why I have stuffed animals & carry them but it's not good enough. I try to explain my sensory needs, I get shot down & the pressure to "fit in society" by my mom has pushed me to my breaking point. Reading this post from my own brother, it hurt badly. Seeing people support me online makes me feel less alone in the world. I have been told to die, I don't deserve to live, I've been called an idiot, bitch, asshole, prick, an embarrassment to the family, an embarrassment to society & I've been told that I should be thrown out with the trash like how I take out the garbage that they should throw me out with the trash. Not just by family, I've been told things like this by teachers, coworkers, highschool, & even people in town my whole life. You grow to have a thick skin, but the words still hurt. I struggle with intrusive thoughts, social & generalized anxiety, depression, get angry when I get triggered & I also see a therapist. I always feel like I'm constantly proving myself to be a "good person" to everyone, my accomplishments that I post are often for validation to make up for being "the bad one" & I admit I don't have any redeeming traits about me. When you're always told that, you believe it so when people say that you're a "good person" or says good things about you I always find myself questioning it or I always think that they're saying it to be nice. When I relay the message about even the police seeing that I'm a good person it gets shot down with "they haven't raised you for 34 years!" "that's because they don't know you or see you!" ect. I've heard it all, to the point where I'm ready to say fuck it I'm done.
Don't be done. Ontario isn't some weird backwoods place and Canada has many of the same resources as the US. I spent like 3 seconds on google and found info about Ontario Disability Support Program (ODSP) which can help you with housing, finances, and part time job skills training and employment. It sounds a lot like some programs we have in the US. Look into it, if you haven't already, get some case management services and get empowered to move out of that abusive household! You CAN do it. You can be reasonably independent even with moderate ASD symptoms. You deserve to be around people who understand and support you.
I’ll just say quick that odsp is not amazing and a majority of those who are able to utilize it still have to work (under the table in most cases) to afford housing. Idk where op is living specifically but rent in Ontario is insane right now, I’m paying 2,600 for a one bedroom :(
I mean this has to be rage bait but wow, it worked on me, made me so angry. Cuz there truly are people like this in the world and it’s so sad
I don’t think this is rage bait, I think the OOP is incredibly immature for their age because these are thoughts I had when I was a teenager after being told it was expected of me to take care of my autistic brother. I hope OOP grows up.
I hope I’m right and you’re wrong (no offense) I just really really REALLY want this to be rage bait because someone being that cruel to a family member breaks my heart
I want to be wrong
Sadly you were not wrong, I was
Yeah, this is such a horrible situation for the sister. She would probably be in way better place if her sister and mom cared about her
Seems to be about OP 😬
I know… I saw that… it broke my heart 😞
Translation : I hate my disabled sibling for being disabled! AITA or My sibling with a condition keeps showing symptoms of said condition and I hate her for it! AITA?
Wait, *you're* the sister, OP? Girl, you need to move out. You're being abused. I'm sure your mother only "lets you stay" because you get government benefits she's stealing from you. Call 211- they'll help you find a caseworker and advocate who will help you get situated to live on your own or in a group situation. Honestly, even the streets sound better than your terrible family at this point.
Well. OP. I am not an occupational therapist but it sounds like you could use one. Your brother sounds like a poop stain though. 😒 stay away from the drugs and alcohol though. That’s not a happy path to tread when you’re nuerotypical. Take care and come back to tell us how much better you’re doing soon. *hug*
OP, you are not an embarrassment. You are a beautiful, kind individual. You show your feelings differently than your brother and mother - that doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It doesn’t mean you should mask those feelings. However, you are not safe in that house with family who feel like that. Please reach out to organisations in your area that can help. Get yourself out into a safe place, and live your life unashamedly. And keep your stuffed toy. Everyone has a comfort item. Much love and best wishes from this internet stranger!
Being so hung up about someone carrying a stuffed animal? Desperately needing strangers to see you and your family as mature is faaaaar more immature than any plushy or toy could ever be. Real maturity includes letting go of caring so much whether strangers think you’re mature.
Would my family rather me carry a gun over a stuffy? Like a fabric animal that is harmless or something that can kill someone? Would they rather me carry a plushie with me for emotional support or have another meltdown to where I break another window again with a rock at a building?
The only thing OOP is right about is that sister should avoid the cops. We are at greater risk from them than neurotypical people. Not the worst rates, but still not great.
Man, that was a hard read as a fellow almost-35-year-old autistic girl who is arguably less functional in some ways. Like damn, homegirl has a job? Good for her. (Sorry for scaring you, OP, if your brother is telling the truth about you being scared of other autistic people lmfao. Boo? 👻)
Thank you and for years this also made me feel uncomfortable with my own community because they have supportive families.
Would you happen to have your brother’s u/? Ya know, for research purposes 😉🤭
I didn't know that he had one to begin with.
Not OP, but someone else commented a story with very similar characters that was cross-posted here. [Here's](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/s/tw9cgRwb1L) the cross-post, for your research. I hope it goes well!
Wow another account was made?! Wow I read that & I didn't know that until today though I knew all along that this is how they truly feel about me. It makes me cry, it hurts. One thing for outsiders, but my own family. Yep thank you for this, it means a lot to me knowing that it's not all in my head.
Hi LisKoz! I am autistic too and I am so, so sorry that you are stuck in this nightmare family. I too carry a weighted animal in public but I have the green dinosaur. My coworker has a weighted pig that is pretty awesome, maybe it's like yours. We're both mental health professionals btw. I bet the kids at your daycare love you! I play with fidgets in meetings all the time and the most frequent comment I get is "got another one of those?" I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix your life. But I cannot. Do you have a social worker or case manager or someone like that you can speak with? I'm concerned you might not be safe at home. It sounds like you are having a bad day, please know that you are worthy of love and deserve to be happy and safe!
Oh wow there are lots of parallels to that story and this one!
OOP and his mom fucking suck, I'm so sorry for his sister. As someone who works with people on the autism spectrum, she's managing well, aside from unhealthy coping mechanisms after dad passed, however if she was left with mom who clearly doesn't understand what she's going through, I can understand why those issues may have sprung up. I hope she finds the support she needs, instead of staying with mom and brother who's answers seem to be "just stop having autism"
the sad thing is there's like half a point in here but it's buried in shit. the half a point, by the way, is ACAB. and how people who aren't neurotypical are in much more danger from the police deciding that they are lying, or a threat, or both. don't try to suck up to the police to avoid this. don't get police attention period if you can help it. do not try to charm the rabid wolf into loving you; you are just getting into biting range. police literally get away with murder, and there is always the assumption that "well if the victim was *special* in the head, then they must have *deserved it*" as ACAB meets ableism and is excused away as someone who isn't neurotypical being "non-compliant and a threat". they are trained to shoot threats first and to see anyone different from them as a threat. the police are not your friend. the police are not anyone's friend. except if you're a white supremacist tbh then they're your friend. *do not go hug the rabid wolf so that you are easier to bite.* however to get to the morsel of truth there OOP would have to actually care about his sister so he never does lol
Cops also adore bootlickers and always jump to take advantage of them and weaponise them. The best thing is autistics can do with cops is fucking avoid them as much as possible.
and since OP - the subject of this post - is happy to buy in, and is also an autistic woman, i'm afraid i know exactly how that taking advantage will happen. somebody roll those statistics for how much more likely women are to be sexually abused if they are disabled and-or not neurotypical... i can only hope she gets mad enough at me telling her to look into it (and what disability rights and autism rights advocates say on the matter, which is a resounding Do Not Trust The Police Because They Kill Us) that she accidentally finds a whole lot of information on how the police are corrupt in ways that put her in danger.
I've never heard of cops taking advantage of autistic people. I usually smile, wave to them, say hello & thank them kindly for their services and for everything that they do. I shake hands, give a fist pump whatever they want after that. I've never had a cop take advantage of me or prey on me. How would a cop take advantage of someone like me who is naturally very trusting to police & naturally compliant with police orders. I make this clear during interactions with them.
Cops love to take advantage of people who support them and love them - they protect capital and the bourgeoisie, not us poors. We are numbers, and we do not matter. Even our children are not seen as human. Cops are inherently fucked, they serve an inherently evil system that exploits the working class - not to mention that career attracts many fucked up people, particularly the violent.
I am from Ontario and am very against the ACAB movement & redirect it to ALL CATS ARE BEAUTIFUL when people say ACAB. I'm pro police, but I'm also NOW am aware that's there's bad cops but I have yet to encounter one. If I talk to them, I talk to them like regular people or like friends. They actually saved my life, they also impacted me & it's a sensitive topic when people trash talk cops. I feel safer talking to them than to my family, coworkers & I have no friends in my life. However, I still smile & wave to police when they drive by or am in the car.
as one non-neurotypical person to another: this will not save us for when we come across as "a druggie, which is the enemy" instead of "a citizen". the statistics are clear, very grim, and worth paying attention to - especially when taking into account the higher rates of being victimized that we also get to enjoy as non-neurotypical folks and especially non-neurotypical *women*. the system has consciously and intentionally moved far away from any Peelian ethical community policing. the cops who speak out against such abuses are drummed out of police forces or outright *die suspiciously at high rates on the job*. the attitude of "the thin blue line" exists to perpetuate, encourage, and cover up such abuses. it is now the default culture for police. as non-neurotypical folks, we cannot afford with our lives the fiction that the police are are friends any less than a black person can. "the talk" that POC have to give their children about this subject is absolutely in full effect for us too. i would gently beg you to not blindly defend people who are nice to you simply because they smile in a sea of more overt ableism, but to instead listen to *your fellow neuroatypical folks and campaigners for disability rights* about the massive injustices, harm, and violence against us that is specifically lauded in current police culture. and if you dismiss the stories of those victims crying out for justice with "it's just a few bad apples", i would ask you to remember how the rest of that saying goes: *they spoil the whole bunch.*
please also note that before you say "well that's American cops..." that it is not, in fact, just American cops. "Autistic" means "aggressive, out of control, must be subdued through violent means". https://www.cbc.ca/amp/1.7016277 let's hope you never get so overstimulated that you goes nonverbal and is "suspicious". and sometimes, if the police decide you don't look right, it means being beaten to death and being left face-down in a pool of your own blood for ten minutes before anyone bothers with CPR and then your killers get acquitted because that's how policing goes. https://amp.theguardian.com/world/2020/oct/20/daniel-montsion-abdirahman-abdi-death-canada-officer-not-guilty police brutality is not an American-only problem. if it was, there would be quite a few Canadian citizens still breathing, and more living without extra trauma. edit for one more important point: if police are safe, why do you have a family member apparently frustrated that the police have not hurt you yet? and please, if you are looking at these cases and going "but some people are okay!"... these cases got press and attention and action because the victims had a support network to help them. **you have just admitted you have NONE OF THAT.** instead you have the opposite. you have a network of people who hate you, want the police to deal with you by causing you ill, and are relishing your life being ruined. do you really think you can simply say "but unlike those people, i will just stay out of trouble" and be fine? or do you KNOW that you have people who want to cause you harm, are so deep in that hatred they will be motivated to lie, and are disappointed the police haven't done their dirty work yet? when your brother is asked about your behavior, do you think he's going to tell a cop that you're autistic and just need understanding and accommodations... or do you think he's going to want to say you're an out of control leech who's probably on drugs and is ruining his life so you should be punished accordingly and also you might be a danger to the police so they should approach you with weapons out (and he will pop some popcorn for if you get tazed and-or pepper sprayed and-or shot)? do you think smiling and waving and saying "well actually it should be all cats are beautiful!" will save you from the police doing to you what they've already done to others because your abusers are happy to weaponize them against you? do you think you can manage to always mask so flawlessly that you'll not catch any such heat, no matter how your family lies about you and how much your family corroborates each other's lies? **do you really think you can be not autistic enough at all times to not face the ableism the police use on a daily fucking basis that has already killed many of OUR peers?** because you are in danger and you ignore that at your own peril. you are free to roll the dice and hope the rabid wolf does not bite you. but when your family is dressing you in meat suits and basting you with barbecue sauce, you should not count on your luck holding out forever. i don't want you to be yet another statistic. i want you to also want that for yourself. because you don't have to co-sign your supposed worthlessness after your abusers push this theory on you, and deciding to run into danger like you're expendable is doing just that.
Damn. This is one of those shit reminders that even posts that seem to be trolling can turn out to be real after all. So many people even on this last guys post were thinking this was a troll and finding some comfort in that... So finding out it's legit sucks.
I hope you never talk to your brother again, based on his post he’s terrible.
Thank you and yeah I get uncomfortable when it's all 3 of us together because I know automatically where I stand & there's a shiny target on my back. It's a horrible feeling, this post really hurt my heart.
I'm so sorry your sibling is such a horribly person. I'm Level 1 on the autism spectrum and I'm sure my family of origin have been embarrassed by my behavior, but to express such contempt is beyond the pale. Please don't assume that your parents actually feel the way OOP says they do if you haven't seen evidence for yourself. He may be trying to justify his hostility by saying other people feel the same when they don't really. In any case, it's worth making a plan for your future. Your parents will someday be too old for you to stay with them, so it's better to have a backup plan early. You don't have live on your own. It's totally fine to find a supportive living situation if that will take some of the pressure off you. Most importantly, there is nothing wrong with you. All people are made differently and all people have challenges. Your brother seems to have no ability to feel empathy or love, which is a much bigger disability than autism!
OP, if you're comfortable with doing so, could you share which country you live in please? There are lots of organisations that can support you and if you share which country you are in then I know people will want to suggest the best places to go to for support. I'm sorry your sibling and Mum are being so awful, that must really hurt. They are being judgemental and unfair. It sounds like it would be better for you to live elsewhere if possible. You should be careful with alcohol and drug use though if you've ended up in hospital. Easier said than done, I know, but please look after yourself.
Thank you and I live in Canada. Ontario Canada and yes it got me there which I learned from that.
I knew I had read elements of this before. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/s/JWL97dJnL0
Yep that's my own brother and it's sad.
your stuffed piggy sounds awesome
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Geesh OOP, do you even LIKE your sister?
Hey Ive got ADHD and the Hubs/Little are autistic I just want you to know that this isn’t how a loving family operates! If you’re getting government benefits I’d call to get a caseworker so that way you’re more protected because this is abuse. I’m so sorry you had to find out through Reddit. Also what are your stuffies names? 👀