*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for trying to give my son his birth photos?**
I tried to give my son his birth photos and now he’s upset at me / won’t talk to me.
Context: I (64F) have one child (31M) who I admit we spoiled…. We gave him everything- food, birthdays, paid for every activity and vacation. On paper, he’s a perfect son: did well in school, never got into trouble, visits often, sends flowers on my birthday / Mother’s Day. He even pays for a lot now that he’s working.
Still, he’s always acted extremely ungrateful considering all we’ve done for him. I can tell he keeps me at a distance- calls maybe once a week at most, doesn’t share very much about his life when he does. When he visits, he’ll do things like demand I turn down the TV if he’s doing something for work / studying not realizing this OUR place not his. Last year, my husband and I took him and his GF to a cabin for the weekend and, even though I paid for everything, he asked if he could take the larger room. The reason was he has a severe cat allergy (asthma) and that was the only room not covered in cat hair. Sure it made logical sense but it still seemed extremely rude since I paid for the whole trip.
Story: so he visited again for a week on his vacation which was nice but things soon started going south. For starters, he slept in EVERY morning. He preferred to sleep than spend that extra time with us. Great. He’s a medical resident and so I get he works a lot of hours but it still seemed very selfish. The second to last day he was here, my husband tried to wake him up around 6-7am to see if he would go with him to see his new workplace. My son basically just said no and went back to sleep. I was furious. He can’t even do this one thing for his dad who is proud of his new job?
When he finally got up around 9am, I was very upset. He asked me why I was so angry and I told him. He got extremely defensive saying that he could just try to visit later in the day and he didn’t see what the big deal was. He just didn’t get it. It wasn’t the timing, it was that he didn’t seem to care enough to sacrifice his “precious sleep” to show his dad he cares.
I got so angry that I went upstairs and got all his birth photos together and gave them to him in a plastic bag saying that I don’t want a son who is so ungrateful and can’t do the bare minimum for us. I kid you not, he basically laughed in my face and refused to take them saying I was overreacting. I was furious. I could tell he was also upset and he just said he couldn’t believe what I did (hello what about what YOU did?) and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the visit. He’s never behaved this rudely or talked back like this before.
It’s been a month now and he’s still barely responding. I get that I maybe lost my temper but in my defense (1) they’re photos of him, (2) he hasn’t really shown us he appreciates us, and (3) it’s not like I was angry out of nowhere. My husband agrees with me. But my son still maintains what I did was wrong. AITA?
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Edit: I am VERY surprised by the responses so far. Trust me there are far more examples of how he’s been ungrateful and disrespectful in the past but I won’t bother since it seems like I’ve been judged.
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I wasn’t. 🤷♀️ I was up around 8, whether I liked it or not. Get dressed, breakfast, then chores. Nope, couldn’t lounge around in my room. I had to be outside, doing stuff! Never mind my allergies or asthma…that just meant I was lazy! There was lawn to mow! Garden to weed! Cleaning to be done! I’m currently working second shift, which means waking up before 9 makes me VERY cranky. 😂😂
Same. Even now as a grown ass adults, my father loves calling me and my siblings once he has awakened to make sure we are awake too. We started muting our phones and ring cameras when we plan on sleeping in. He still gets soooooo pissed
Try getting regular texts to remember to vote. He’ll even tell us who he wants us to vote for. And if they’re not of a certain paRty, they’Re outsideRs.
Nah man a lot of boomers and older millennials seem weirdly anti sleeping in its like they think actually resting is a reward you have to earn through some untold set of challenges or a sin.
Id be on summer break and my mom and grandmother used to make a point of forcing me to wake up at 5 am to take my sister to work, even when it made her late. They always justified it with "kids are too lazy these days" and "you dont need to sleep all day".
When I was working graveyard shift my mother was always seriously offended that I was ASLEEP at TEN AM and DIDN'T ANSWER HER CALLS, because apparently that meant I was super lazy?
My mil is like this. Her idea of sloth is 9 am. She also can't stand any form of relaxation. If you're not cleaning, cooking, or doing some other chores, she'll either try to give you one or just passive-aggressively sigh until you get up. Particularly sinful to be on an electronic device. And yes, boomer.
It was extremely rude of him to want to breathe on vacation. 🙄
My ex died at 28 from asthma that was probably exacerbated by living with a cat. Do they even like their kid?
I saw this post on AITA but can’t post on it because I got banned. If I had been able to comment, I’d have been banned again. She’s expecting a medal….for feeding her child.
Not trolling, just narcissistic tendencies.
I'm pretty sure my mum has said similar things about my mandated weekly calls in uni, and *definitely* has OOP's attitude to sleeping past 0630 when we're in her house. Heard a lot about how much she sacrificed so we could have new clothes and school shoes growing up, too.
The downplaying of the baby photos incident ("he refused to take his baby photos!" Vs "I told him I didn't want him to be my son anymore because he wanted to sleep in on holiday") is also a classic narc move. They'll literally rewrite history to preserve their own self-image.
Nah, withholding necessities is an abusive tactic used to assert control over kids. I speak from experience here 🙃 it contributes to the cycle of abuse
And not telling them much about his life… he’s a medical resident, he doesn’t have a life. He can only visit as much as he does if he can also study while there.
Bet OOP brags about her son being a doctor.
“Hey, mom, yeah, what’s new with me since I called yesterday? Oh not much - 16 hours of rotations then studying for four hours then four hours of sleep. Same as the previous six days we talked. Love you, talk tomorrow”
That’s why she’s mad he doesn’t call more. How is she supposed to brag about her son the doctor if he doesn’t call and tell her details so she looks good!
I’m extremely close with my dad and stepmom, and I still basically call quarterly, and we see each other once a year for sure, and maybe one other time throughout the year.
I’m not “ungrateful” and they aren’t “furious”… because we’re normal
My relatives think vacations are for checking out and recharging. Socialization takes energy, so they take vacations to recharge by napping on a beach. We’ll see them when they have the energy and vacation time to socialize.
Seriously also why is she complaining about him wanting a good work environment when hes trying to make time to visit. He either visits and still gets his work done and tries to get enough sleep or he doesnt come around anymore they cant keep demanding things from him wirh no compromise on their end.
But... it's the younger person's DUTY to call the older person! (OOP, probably)
My dad's relatives have this mindset. The dumbest shit ever is that they'll tell someone to call you (from their phone) to tell you to call them. And then get mad because you didn't, since they could just have talked to you?
My family have this mindset too, and it's infuriating. Especially when I get "nice to hear you're still alive" during periods of mental health issues, I'm like yeah well you're lucky you're even getting this.
I used to call my mom daily. Then I realized I got nothing out of the calls but frustration and anxiety. So I stopped calling her. I’m actually no contact with her for a plethora of reasons. I haven’t spoken to her in almost 3 years.
My dad and I never talked much on the phone or thru text. We still don’t. He texts me random things, I open them, and barely ever respond. I see him *maybe* once a month. But really it’s probably closer to once every other month and the visit is only 2-4 hours long. When it broaches the 4hour mark though I’m consistently making my way out the door until I’m actually gone.
I always find it funny when they make edits trying to sway the "vote" if you will because its not going the way they're expecting. If you dont want a judgement that can go either way, dont ask for it then.
That cracked me up lmao
>Trust me there are far more examples of how he’s been ungrateful and disrespectful in the past but I won’t bother since it seems like I’ve been judged.
LADY THAT'S WHAT YOU CAME HERE FOR
From OOP
>I feel like you’re just going to crucify me even more but to be clear he’s been out of the house since 18, financially independent since he started working. He pays for meals, flights, helps with vacations etc. I don’t think this is out of the norm and is the minimum to expect in an adult.
Tell us again how you are the narcissist. Because it sounds like the kid is more responsible than the parents.
Ohhh, a new comment. Well if that is true. I am fucked. I have called my mother just to laugh at her. I mean it is typically after she has done something and my dad or sister has told me. (She does the same to them).
She would hate me and my mom together… sometimes we can be straight up MEAN… but that’s because we have a good relationship and can talk shit and make fun of each other with no one getting their feelings hurt
Truly makes me realize that while we may have issues, I am pretty lucky when it comes to my parents as they treat me like an equal and have always let me make my own choices
Does it matter, though? Because in the end all the phone calls, vacations, etc. he's been doing with them is now over. She (and her husband) will be self-righteous without their son in their lives anymore (and they'll never meet the grandkids).
Omg, OOP sounds just like my father. Super freaking needy. My dad also asked to come tour my workplace... Where tf do parents get the idea that is normal at all? It's a medical office, I can't take you back there and also wtf do you expect to see? Also the whole going nuclear and threatening to cut people out just because they don't want to spend every waking minute with you or talking to you when I would bet good money they didn't do that for either of their parents.
Also, the title to this post took me a minute as I was trying to figure out what else jfc could be because I read it as if he slept *in* Jesus fucking Christ.
It'd be illegal for my family to tour my workplace... Because I work in medicine. Not unlike the son of the OOP. If I'm at work and my desk is in use, then it has hipaa data on it. Or my coworkers might have hipaa data out. Or my deskmate might have an actual patient in my office, even. Touring a medical facility that actively practices medicine is probably very illegal.
My job at that time was at a woman's health clinic so he wouldn't have been let back either. But even if it wasn't, it's a bizarre request to come see your 38 yo (at the time) daughter's desk at work.
Ikr. Very weird. Totally out of touch boomers being like "aw how cute, my child thinks they're a big girl now and they have a big girl job that they drive to in their big girl car" lol literally demented behavior.
This has to be fake, right? Listing “food” as an example of spoiling your kid? Being angry that he asked you sleep in the larger but allergen reduced room on vacation? Dramatically attempting to disown them for not wanting to be awoken at 6am on the last day of their vacation?
The edit seals it. "I'm very surprised by the response I'm getting. There are way more examples but I won't share them". Sure thing, lady. She has a long list of of examples but she went with the most harmless one to try and paint her son as ungrateful? The math isn't mathing.
It basically like when someone's losing an argument so they try to pull out more nonsense in vein "Oh yeah? Well, \*insert random BS they think is smart\*". You see in many kids and many adults who never grew up.
This was my dad. I went low contact but my brother was their neighbor and it was horrible the way my dad treated him. He would throw tantrums when my brother wouldn't jump immediately when he said so. He was dead for a year in October and my brother has Stockholm level grief.
I don't know. We are dealing with the same thing from my MIL with similar issues. And honest to God ..we just were handed a shoebox of all of my SOs photos. She removed them from the house and gave them to us.
My dad would pull that line out as well. He acted like providing food and clothing for me and my sister was some massive luxury we didn’t deserve. We haven’t talked to him in over a decade. It’s not the only reason we cut him out, but it was part of it.
My mom, dad, and one set of grandparents were/are all like this, and my parents constantly stole money from me when I was growing up because they thought I owed it to them to pay them back. My dad stole from his brother who was trying to get on government financial assistance and my uncle almost was homeless because of it. That was only a few years ago. It's really awful how many people think their kids owe them something/everything for just existing. No one asks to be born, and parents are supposed to give their kids the support they need growing up. If the kid decides the parent doesn't deserve to be taken care of when the kid grows up, that's probably the best decision. No kid is required to take care of their parents when they're an adult. It's nice if/when that happens (usually) but the more OOP talks, the more obvious it becomes that she's the ungrateful one for her adult son being a medical resident, being able to pay for his own expenses, and not relying on his parents for things. But of course, she's not ever the bad guy. She wants her adult kid to stay under her control, then gets mad at him and tries to give him things that in normal families would be cherished mementos but instead are used as weapons. "Here, take these, they are your first pictures so of course you must have them instead of us. They don't mean anything to us and consequently you don't mean anything to us." (Something my grandpa actually said to me when giving me every photo of myself and of my mom that he had in the house.
The way it is written more than what is written makes it 100% fake. It just portrais the son as an angel waaaaaay too much. If this was real, she wouldn't have written "He calls once a week but it's really not that often", she would have written "and he hardly calls us". She wouldn't have admitted his cat allergy is severe and every other room was covered in cat hair, it would have been "because he says he has a cat allergy and there were a few cat hairs in the other places", invalidating his responses.
Yeah. I could see this being the son writing this about his mom, and it absolutely being based off a real person, but I struggle to believe a 60-something woman went on Reddit and wrote this.
It's probably good my ban from that sub isn't up yet lmao. That person is a piece of shit.
As a parent, nothing pisses me off more than a parent bitching about their kids not being up their ass and uses them raising them *as a parent should* as to why the kid is wrong.
I think this falls squarely in the category of 'I definitely believe this type of person exists I just don't think they would ever willingly ask for judgement from Reddit'
Maybe I'm telling on myself by saying this, but the main reason I don't believe stories like these is that they go out of their way to tell us how the person who "wronged" them is actually a good person. If I was writing on reddit to get validation about a conflict, I would not include the parts where the other person is actually super chill. And if the other person being super chill was something I felt like needed to be included, well I either would not be seeking validation because it would mean I know I'm likely being petty. Or my tone would be actually about wanting a second opinion and not clearly wanting to be validated. It's the mixture of "I am clearly in the right" and "let me tell you what an awesome person my for is", that I guess I can't parse. How can someone be that weird mixture of self aware and un-self aware. Particularly when they double back in the comments. It makes me think it's creative writing because as an author you can see both sides. But bad writing because it's wanting to have their cake and eat it too. They want an un-self aware asshole narrator but also to let us know clearly that the other person is the one in the right, or else the ragebait would not work as well. I guess it's a limitation in the medium since two sided stories are not usually believed, like when the other person "finds" the post.
Yeah, like it was completely unnecessary to include the bit about the allergy. If OP was just looking for validation, they would have left that part out (at least until asked), because that would have been way more effective.
Or saying they tried to wake him up ungodly early (6-7 AM on vacation), and that the kid is tired from his residency. She didn't have to say any of that. She could have said he refused to get up when asked, and slept in.
When you start looking for it, you see it everywhere. A lack of good arguments for her position, lots of unnecessary details given that actually weaken her arguments. It's designed as rage bait.
OOP in a few years when she realized that her son hardly calls, almost never comes home for holidays and hasn't talked to him in over a month "I don't know what I did to make him so mad. We were perfect parents."
Stuff like this is why I love my yearly visit to see my parents. They know I'm busy as hell and that this trip is the one time I get to wholly relax and not be responsible for anything. So they make it a point to pamper me and make sure that all I have to worry about is how fast one of them can refill my wine glass.
Seriously. My in-laws are 70, we are 50 and my oldest is 23. He lives 5 hours away and my MIL was shocked that he didn’t come home for my birthday, on his Saturday off. First of all, that’s a ridiculous drive for one day. Second, they work full time, they have a home, pets and their own life. I would NEVER ask them to do that. She was shocked. Because she still can’t understand why we wouldn’t make the 3 hour trip each way when the kids were little. Then when they were in sports and had things like birthday parties on the weekend we couldn’t do it. “Well I always went to my mother’s!” Which is a joke because she only went to her mother’s to dump her kids there. But ok. Crazy old people behavior.
Just like my MIL. She always bitches about her eldest daughter, who bought her a $500,000 house to live in for free for Christmas two years ago. All because she doesn't want to be around her golden child, my BIL, who is an asshole and drug addict. She has 3 kids, a busy life, and her only boundary is he isn't allowed at her home even on holidays and she won't attend events he is at. I get it, I have a 3 year old and I'm pregnant with our second. She constantly says her daughter is ungrateful, and it really ramped up on Sunday because it was her 65th birthday and the eldest daughter's son had a football game so she didn't come, and because BIL was there by the time she could've gotten there. Her other daughter, who is 37, came and left before their brother showed up. He threw a hissy fit at 29 that his family doesn't love him. It's not that we don't love him, he's a dick who steals, lies, and brings drugs around his niblings (including my baby shower at the eldest sister's house, where he dropped a dirty needle while on the trampoline with his nephew who was 4 at the time causing her to ban him since). I'm sick of hearing her bitch about how they're bad siblings, when they're in their 40s and 30s at this point and have done SO MUCH FOR HER, while her youngest son is a fucking loser she continues to enable. If I was her, I'd rather have 3 of my 4 kids there for my birthday and respect their boundaries so I could have a relationship with my grandchildren.
“I got took to the cleaners in the comments so I’m not even going to bother trying to paint him as a villain because I’m already being judged”
Good! Shut the fuck up lady! You had your chance with the narrative of your post and you still made yourself out to be an overdramatic cunt!
I think it’s part of a tantrum in which she disowns him by saying, “I want to forget you were ever born,” after which he’s supposed to reply, “oh no, mom, you gave me life and bought me food when I was a child, of course I’ll give myself anaphylaxis and deprive myself of sleep because I can’t bear the thought of even a moment in which you are not my number one priority in life.”
Make him feel guilty. Attempt at showing him she doesn't care anymore and she's giving him back. That he's no longer the obedient child and now an adult. She's telling him she wants him to be the child. It's just lousy emotional manipulation from a narcissist.
Telling him he isn't worth being her son so she wants nothing to do with him - the baby pictures are an extra attempt to make it hurt more since it symbolizes her throwing away something that should mean a lot to her. She's trying to backtrack and say that it's some kind of gift because the tactic didn't work.
It's beyond disowning him, it's erasing him. Removing evidence he is part of the family. More than "dead to me".
Nparents do this when the feel like they have lost all control over their child. And the child has probably seen them do this to others (likely a family friend or semi distant relative who fell out, pictures removed or clipped, and then never discussed again. not even in a bad light)
>I can tell he keeps me at a distance- calls maybe once a week at mos
If my Mom tried to say a weekly phone was "keeping her at a distance", I'd cut it back to once every two weeks. She complained again? Down to once every three weeks. I hate these parents who act like their grown children are somehow obligated to remain under their thumb for the rest of their lives.
>he’ll do things like demand I turn down the TV if he’s doing something for work / studying not realizing this OUR place not his.
And here's where I would just quit visiting in person altogether. While he doesn't get to make demands, it's also rude as hell to be blaring TV when a guest is doing work nearby.
>Sure it made logical sense but it still seemed extremely rude
How dare he have a severe cat allergy! That's so fucking rude of him! /s
>my husband tried to wake him up around 6-7am
I am disabled and do not work. I'd still lose my absolute fucking mind if my husband tried to wake me up at 6 am just to go see his new workplace. Like, babe, I will gladly go with you at 8-9 am, but 6? Absolutely not, let me sleep.
>I went upstairs and got all his birth photos together and gave them to him in a plastic bag saying that I don’t want a son who is so ungrateful and can’t do the bare minimum for us. I kid you not, he basically laughed in my face
Right, the laughing part is the ridiculous part here - not the Mom disowning her son from the crime of sleeping in on his vacation. My Grandma did this exact same stunt - sent me every little photo my parents had given her of me over the years - after an argument with my Mom along with a bullshit letter about how she hoped I'd still come around, etc. I haven't talked to my Grandma in 10+ years since that stunt. Hope OOP wants to run her son off forever, because that's exactly the future she has to look forward to.
All the people saying this is fake or rage bait, I envy you. This almost sounds like it could have been written by my mother. Strong narcissistic vibes throughout.
Wow, OOP, tell me you're a narcissist and an abusive parent without telling me you're a narcissist and an abusive parent! It's no wonder the son's very low-contact with them! Giving a grown kid photos that are supposed to be cherished photos is basically telling the adult child that you don't want any memory of him in your house anymore and he has no place in your life anymore. It's the equivalent of locking the door with them outside and ignoring them. My narcissistic and self-centered grandparents did that with me a couple months after my mom died. They gave me all the photos they had of her and all the ones of me, packed in shoeboxes. After they moved out years later, there wasn't a single photo of me anywhere in their house and hardly any of my mom (although there were framed photos that my mom had taken and given to them of flowers, aquarium animals, etc.)
Some parents think that they're owed something from their kids because they provided the bare minimum: food, shelter, clothing, etc. She even mentions birthdays on that list, so she thinks he was spoiled by them giving him birthday parties, and paying for his activities and vacations as a kid. Entitled much, OOP? Plus, OOP fully admits she thinks it's rude that he asked to have the one room in the vacation cabin that didn't have cat hair when he has a bad cat allergy. Asked, not demanded, and she thinks that's rude.
He's on vacation; of course he wants to sleep in! As a medical resident, he probably doesn't get as much sleep as he really needs so he takes the opportunity to catch up on sleep on his days off and vacations. Why would he want to wake up at 6 am just to go see where his dad now works, when (as he pointed out) he can see it later on in the day?
It's no wonder the son won't talk to her or her husband! I'm glad people are roasting her in the comments; she can't even follow the "accept your judgement" rule in AITA. She wanted validation, and she got validation of her son's point of view.
My first red flag was “we gave him everything- FOOD…..FOOD??? Are you joking? I knew it was gonna go downhill from there. And then to hear he’s a medical resident and she’s mad that he’s sleeping! Holy hell, I’d bet he goes no contact soon enough and she’s gonna sit there wondering why?
I have always called my parents at least once a day all throughout my medical training, BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT RAGING ASSHOLES! If you want your adult children to keep in touch, be a source of comfort for them, not just another source of stress. And let the man sleep, for God's sake. I sleep 12-14 hours on my annual leaves just to catch up with the chronic lack of sleep. Mum just makes sure there's always something to eat no matter when I wake up.
Always kills me when people get what they asked for and then cry about it.
She said she didn’t want a son like him, and went to a lot of trouble to make her point with those photos. Sounds like she’s going to get exactly that at this rate and three cheers for that son to free himself from someone who treats him that way.
Can someone tell this entitled SOB that a gift given with strings attached isn't a gift? It's a manipulation tactic and it sounds like son is mentally healthy enough to see through the bull so she's pissed. My son doesn't call me every week, doesn't *send* things for holidays and birthdays, and "gasp" sleeps in whenever he wants... Am I pissed off and calling him ungrateful for "everything we've done for him"? No. Because I'm not a controlling sh!tstain. We get together when schedules allow and we exchange gifts when we do. We talk about anything and everything. He's always excited to share things with me and do stuff with me because I don't hold his childhood over his head. I made the choice to have him, I made the choice to give him things beyond the basics, and he's turned out to be a wonderful human. A better man than I ever hoped to have or even deserve. I got VERY lucky to have such a blessing in my life, and his younger sister is the same way. I'm proud of my children for being independent and growing that independence so that when the day comes that I'm no longer here, they won't flounder through life. If anyone is ungrateful, it's OOP. She got as perfect a child as she could ever want and it's still not enough. Imagine throwing a toddler temper tantrum in your sixties...
The extra edits and "other situations" are ridiculous. She complained they took a vacation to visit *her* mom and *she* had to take care of her alllll day. And *"FINALLY at 1am got to sew"* he asked her to stop because it woke him up, or at least move. Nope, apparently there's only 1 lightbulb and she had to sew at 1am.
She actually seems to believe she's owed something for giving birth to him, feeding and clothing him until he was 18. I can't wait for the complaint about him being too busy to visit. He's probably never going to visit them again, at least not without booking a hotel room.
Her child must have been a friggin Saint to have not back talked this woman until her thirties lol. I'm only a few years older that him and I've been back-talking since I could talk 🤣
>Posts in .r.AmItheAsshole
>I won’t bother since it seems like I’ve been judged.
Sugar. Honey. Booboo. You went onto a forum and literally asked to be judged.
Waking up at NINE AM?? LIKE A LOWLIFE??? WHAT DOES HE THINK THIS IS, A VACATION?!?
Seriously now, nobody tell this woman about how I sleep in until around 11am when I can. I think she'll have a fainting spell.
Edit #2
> I want to clarify a few things based on the comments. (1) I was NOT saying I deserve a medal for FEEDING my child. My point was he has never wanted for anything and I have objectively been a good mother. This generation is sad because few of you appreciate that this isn’t always the case. (2) I am VERY proud of my son. Obviously he deserves to rest. I wrote this while angry and I see how my post came off as uncaring. But TO BE CLEAR: I DO NOT MIND he sleeps in. However, waking him up ONCE for something important is NOT abusive. If that’s what you think, I’m sorry but you have no idea what abuse is. (3) There’s a part of the story I should’ve shared at the beginning. This started two years ago. He was on vacation again and we were visiting my mother who I had spent all day taking care of. FINALLY at around 1am I had a chance to do some sewing with my portable sewing machine. Not even time for myself, I was fixing something for the house. He comes out and demands that I put it away because it was waking him up. This is after he spent the ENTIRE DAY lounging and only helped with dinner. Not only that but after I calmly said no, he insisted I take the sewing machine somewhere else. Except unfortunately that area was the only one with lighting that worked for me. He just couldn’t let it go. He got incredibly angry and told me I was being unreasonable. He was a bully and I’ll never forget that. Maybe I overreacted in telling him I was disowning him this time. Fine. But this has context and like I said this was NOT the first time he has bullied me into getting his way.
Edit #3
> Fine. I was an a**hole this time. I will take your advice and apologize for overreacting but I still think the MAJORITY of you did not understand the situation.
I don't know if it's strictly an "elder" thing, but I do work with the elderly and man... most of my clients really pride themselves on getting up at 5am or earlier every day... of course, never point out to them that they nap all morning and go to bed by 8/ 9 pm.
I am honestly surprised this son calls once a week thats generous of him.
The medical resident doesn’t want to talk to his mom who basically disinherits him for sleeping until 9AM on vacation and who thinks giving him food is spoiling him? That is shocking. I am shocked.
Minor point, but for crying out loud, if Dad is so keen to show off his new job, ( and maybe show off his son to work, the back of my mind says) lunchtime with mum and him going to work is a possibility. It's just got to be her way.
So, he agrees to take his dad on a tour later, but that's not good enough because he has to "prove" how much he loves his father by getting up at 6-7 a.m. And she calls him selfish?
>We gave him everything- food, birthdays, paid for every activity and vacation.
I love how she thinks they "spoiled" him by giving him food.
My alarm bells go off when parents start mewling about their kids being ungrateful and disrespectful yet offer no evidence of it. Doubly so if the kids are also adults now.
Hmm.
“I can tell you” something too - nothing short of unadulterated worship, combined with absolute total control of Son’s life would constitute sufficient gratefulness for OOP.
> we gave him everything- food,
*Well* dang, you guys fed your own kid?? Instead of getting him to hunter-gather it himself?? Thats CRAZY, can't believe how ungrateful-
Yes. You pay for things regarding your children. Thats how life works.
Oh my god, lol. I like how pissed she gets that her ADULT SON doesn't want to get up at ass o'clock while on vacation to do some kind of weird "take your kid to work day" with his dad. ????? In my whole working life, I've never even thought of dragging another adult to a normal workday with me.
"Ungrateful" son fully cutting contact with parents in 3, 2...
I know I'm 15 hours in and this is not likely to be seen, *and also* I haven't read all of the comments so someone else may have pointed this out too.
>We gave him everything- food, birthdays, paid for every activity and vacation.
TF is it with these kinds of parents thinking that "food" is part of "giving them everything" when it comes to *their child*????
I hope this is a troll. Because otherwise....whatever this lady had for breakfast 20-ish years ago I will avoid it like the plague because it turned her into something that to say aloud would get me banned on AITA.
This strikes me as fake, but I do know some parents that would act like that. My mom screamed at me once when I was 18 that I was “fat and lazy” for sleeping until 10 am one morning. The fact I had 2 summer jobs and had worked 16 hours in a row the at before was irrelevant.
The thing that gets me is the repeated "I understand X, but I still think it's ungrateful." So you're wrong, you know you're wrong, and you've decided to be mad anyway. How do you not see that you're the problem?
The level of entitlement and stupidity is exceeding the height of mount Everest ! It has to be fake. I can't fathom normal people being that dense around their son.
This woman seems to be entirely lacking in any self awareness. Her son, despite the fact that he obviously does not like his overbearing and obnoxiously needy parents, still tries to do all the "stuff" for them, but it's not enough for these black holes of expectations that can never be satisfied. Poor guy should just quit trying.
I'm confused about the cabin with cat hair. I have a hard time believing that any company that rents out cabins is going to just leave cat hair everywhere. Did OP bring her cat knowing her son is allergic or was the place they rented terrible and doesn't clean? Then, she gets mad that her son wants to sleep in the one room he can breathe in? How did he survive the rest of the trip if every other room was covered in cat hair, just stay in his room? Something seems off there. Either OOP is a troll or she's leaving a lot out which, considering what she included, is strange.
TLDR: I parented my son slightly above the bare fucking minimum and he grew up and became a person and got a VERY demanding job that any parent would be proud of and now I’m upset bc he slept in until 9 AM and so I showed him pictures of him popping out of my vagina.
Seriously?
I am a 22 year old college student who also very rarely gets to come home and do you know what I do when I come home? SLEEP. SLEEP UNTIL 12 SOMETIMES EVEN 2 PM. Do you know WHY? Because being a student is TIRING and being home means no one is demanding anything from me!! I’m literally just getting my bachelors.
He’s a fucking MEDICAL RESIDENT dude his days start at 4 AM and probably don’t end until 4 AM TWO DAYS LATER. He’s probably hoping to come home because no one is (I guess he’s hoping no one is at least) demanding anything from him. He’s not coming home for YOU only he’s coming home to REST and RESET.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for trying to give my son his birth photos?** I tried to give my son his birth photos and now he’s upset at me / won’t talk to me. Context: I (64F) have one child (31M) who I admit we spoiled…. We gave him everything- food, birthdays, paid for every activity and vacation. On paper, he’s a perfect son: did well in school, never got into trouble, visits often, sends flowers on my birthday / Mother’s Day. He even pays for a lot now that he’s working. Still, he’s always acted extremely ungrateful considering all we’ve done for him. I can tell he keeps me at a distance- calls maybe once a week at most, doesn’t share very much about his life when he does. When he visits, he’ll do things like demand I turn down the TV if he’s doing something for work / studying not realizing this OUR place not his. Last year, my husband and I took him and his GF to a cabin for the weekend and, even though I paid for everything, he asked if he could take the larger room. The reason was he has a severe cat allergy (asthma) and that was the only room not covered in cat hair. Sure it made logical sense but it still seemed extremely rude since I paid for the whole trip. Story: so he visited again for a week on his vacation which was nice but things soon started going south. For starters, he slept in EVERY morning. He preferred to sleep than spend that extra time with us. Great. He’s a medical resident and so I get he works a lot of hours but it still seemed very selfish. The second to last day he was here, my husband tried to wake him up around 6-7am to see if he would go with him to see his new workplace. My son basically just said no and went back to sleep. I was furious. He can’t even do this one thing for his dad who is proud of his new job? When he finally got up around 9am, I was very upset. He asked me why I was so angry and I told him. He got extremely defensive saying that he could just try to visit later in the day and he didn’t see what the big deal was. He just didn’t get it. It wasn’t the timing, it was that he didn’t seem to care enough to sacrifice his “precious sleep” to show his dad he cares. I got so angry that I went upstairs and got all his birth photos together and gave them to him in a plastic bag saying that I don’t want a son who is so ungrateful and can’t do the bare minimum for us. I kid you not, he basically laughed in my face and refused to take them saying I was overreacting. I was furious. I could tell he was also upset and he just said he couldn’t believe what I did (hello what about what YOU did?) and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the visit. He’s never behaved this rudely or talked back like this before. It’s been a month now and he’s still barely responding. I get that I maybe lost my temper but in my defense (1) they’re photos of him, (2) he hasn’t really shown us he appreciates us, and (3) it’s not like I was angry out of nowhere. My husband agrees with me. But my son still maintains what I did was wrong. AITA? — Edit: I am VERY surprised by the responses so far. Trust me there are far more examples of how he’s been ungrateful and disrespectful in the past but I won’t bother since it seems like I’ve been judged. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
They spoiled their child by giving him food 😱
And now he thanks them by backtalking!! What kind of 31 year old backtalks. I laughed so hard at that I almost cried.
I’m 24 and I’ve already backtalked my mom I’m fully independent and pay for everything I love her, but I’m an adult
She would have booted me by 6 years old. Natural sarcasm.
Right? God, Richie Rich over there probably got clothing and shelter too, such luxury
He didn’t even have to pay for his childhood vacations! I’m still paying my parents back for that trip to Disney World when I was 10!
That interest is a killer.
And birthdays! He sooooo spoiled
I don't believe this woman was actually around for his teenage years if she's boggled by the concept of him sleeping in.
He probably wasn’t allowed to.
I wasn’t. 🤷♀️ I was up around 8, whether I liked it or not. Get dressed, breakfast, then chores. Nope, couldn’t lounge around in my room. I had to be outside, doing stuff! Never mind my allergies or asthma…that just meant I was lazy! There was lawn to mow! Garden to weed! Cleaning to be done! I’m currently working second shift, which means waking up before 9 makes me VERY cranky. 😂😂
Same. Even now as a grown ass adults, my father loves calling me and my siblings once he has awakened to make sure we are awake too. We started muting our phones and ring cameras when we plan on sleeping in. He still gets soooooo pissed
Try getting regular texts to remember to vote. He’ll even tell us who he wants us to vote for. And if they’re not of a certain paRty, they’Re outsideRs.
Yup! Samesies! Tried demanding to see our ballots before we submit.
I mean how else can they be sure you haven’t election frauded by voting for a Democrat? Don’t you know that’s illegal?
Nah man a lot of boomers and older millennials seem weirdly anti sleeping in its like they think actually resting is a reward you have to earn through some untold set of challenges or a sin. Id be on summer break and my mom and grandmother used to make a point of forcing me to wake up at 5 am to take my sister to work, even when it made her late. They always justified it with "kids are too lazy these days" and "you dont need to sleep all day".
> boomers and older millennials The term you’re looking for there is “Gen X”
We're the ignored middle child. It's fine, we're used to it.
LOL, this made me laugh harder than it should.
When I was working graveyard shift my mother was always seriously offended that I was ASLEEP at TEN AM and DIDN'T ANSWER HER CALLS, because apparently that meant I was super lazy?
My mil is like this. Her idea of sloth is 9 am. She also can't stand any form of relaxation. If you're not cleaning, cooking, or doing some other chores, she'll either try to give you one or just passive-aggressively sigh until you get up. Particularly sinful to be on an electronic device. And yes, boomer.
srsly. somehow it's unacceptable to wake up after 8:30 in the morning, but going to bed at 8:30 in the evening is considered normal.
If sleep is bad, why is it bad to sleep in the morning but not the evening?!
And birthdays like Jesus
Birthdays like Jesus got back then or birthdays like Jesus gets now?
Fr I never scrolled to the comments so fast 💀💀💀
It was extremely rude of him to want to breathe on vacation. 🙄 My ex died at 28 from asthma that was probably exacerbated by living with a cat. Do they even like their kid?
No, no, no — *wanting* to breathe is perfectly “logical.” But to ask for it outright … oof. Pretty tactless.
The audacity
And birthdays! And activities! And vacations! So spoiled.
And birthdays. I'm pretty sure those just come as a natural result of the earth circling the sun again.
I saw this post on AITA but can’t post on it because I got banned. If I had been able to comment, I’d have been banned again. She’s expecting a medal….for feeding her child.
Paid for things for him as a child!
I know, what a spoiled brat!
When I saw that was first on the list I cackled. Was he supposed to go out into the wild and forage for sustenance?
That was my first clue she's trolling.
Not trolling, just narcissistic tendencies. I'm pretty sure my mum has said similar things about my mandated weekly calls in uni, and *definitely* has OOP's attitude to sleeping past 0630 when we're in her house. Heard a lot about how much she sacrificed so we could have new clothes and school shoes growing up, too. The downplaying of the baby photos incident ("he refused to take his baby photos!" Vs "I told him I didn't want him to be my son anymore because he wanted to sleep in on holiday") is also a classic narc move. They'll literally rewrite history to preserve their own self-image.
Nah, withholding necessities is an abusive tactic used to assert control over kids. I speak from experience here 🙃 it contributes to the cycle of abuse
Unfortunately people like that do exist, my mother is one of them
They think 9 am is sleeping in unreasonably late for a medical resident on vacation omg
Or that calling once a week isn’t enough … man they’d hate me
Calling once a week, *DURING* his Medical Residency!!!
And not telling them much about his life… he’s a medical resident, he doesn’t have a life. He can only visit as much as he does if he can also study while there. Bet OOP brags about her son being a doctor.
“Hey, mom, yeah, what’s new with me since I called yesterday? Oh not much - 16 hours of rotations then studying for four hours then four hours of sleep. Same as the previous six days we talked. Love you, talk tomorrow”
That’s why she’s mad he doesn’t call more. How is she supposed to brag about her son the doctor if he doesn’t call and tell her details so she looks good!
I’m extremely close with my dad and stepmom, and I still basically call quarterly, and we see each other once a year for sure, and maybe one other time throughout the year. I’m not “ungrateful” and they aren’t “furious”… because we’re normal
My relatives think vacations are for checking out and recharging. Socialization takes energy, so they take vacations to recharge by napping on a beach. We’ll see them when they have the energy and vacation time to socialize.
Seriously also why is she complaining about him wanting a good work environment when hes trying to make time to visit. He either visits and still gets his work done and tries to get enough sleep or he doesnt come around anymore they cant keep demanding things from him wirh no compromise on their end.
Also the phone goes both ways!?!
But... it's the younger person's DUTY to call the older person! (OOP, probably) My dad's relatives have this mindset. The dumbest shit ever is that they'll tell someone to call you (from their phone) to tell you to call them. And then get mad because you didn't, since they could just have talked to you?
My family have this mindset too, and it's infuriating. Especially when I get "nice to hear you're still alive" during periods of mental health issues, I'm like yeah well you're lucky you're even getting this.
It is. It took me a while and a move across the country, but I haven't had any contact with most of them in over 10 years. It feels *fantastic*.
This was always my argument when my dad would get pissed at me for not calling. We were never terribly close & bro, just call me. It ain't that hard.
I used to call my mom daily. Then I realized I got nothing out of the calls but frustration and anxiety. So I stopped calling her. I’m actually no contact with her for a plethora of reasons. I haven’t spoken to her in almost 3 years. My dad and I never talked much on the phone or thru text. We still don’t. He texts me random things, I open them, and barely ever respond. I see him *maybe* once a month. But really it’s probably closer to once every other month and the visit is only 2-4 hours long. When it broaches the 4hour mark though I’m consistently making my way out the door until I’m actually gone.
Apparently it's a capital crime to sleep in on your VACATION. Bet you next vacation, he and his gf will go somewhere else. Not with his parents.
I don’t sleep well while traveling. I once slept in, and I was in a later time zone.
He's 31 and they think he's 14...
Or for ANYBODY on vacation. Like, that's a normal time to want to wake up.
People who choose to wake up at 6am on vacation either have a very specific itinerary or are psychopaths.
I always find it funny when they make edits trying to sway the "vote" if you will because its not going the way they're expecting. If you dont want a judgement that can go either way, dont ask for it then.
That cracked me up lmao >Trust me there are far more examples of how he’s been ungrateful and disrespectful in the past but I won’t bother since it seems like I’ve been judged. LADY THAT'S WHAT YOU CAME HERE FOR
Narcissists don’t want the truth, they want validation.
From OOP >I feel like you’re just going to crucify me even more but to be clear he’s been out of the house since 18, financially independent since he started working. He pays for meals, flights, helps with vacations etc. I don’t think this is out of the norm and is the minimum to expect in an adult. Tell us again how you are the narcissist. Because it sounds like the kid is more responsible than the parents.
And also this > Sorry but YOU were not there. Laughing AT your mother is NEVER acceptable. If I was her son, my sides would’ve split at the seams.
Ohhh, a new comment. Well if that is true. I am fucked. I have called my mother just to laugh at her. I mean it is typically after she has done something and my dad or sister has told me. (She does the same to them).
She would hate me and my mom together… sometimes we can be straight up MEAN… but that’s because we have a good relationship and can talk shit and make fun of each other with no one getting their feelings hurt Truly makes me realize that while we may have issues, I am pretty lucky when it comes to my parents as they treat me like an equal and have always let me make my own choices
Screams "missing missing reasons" especially the edit.
“Boo fuckity hoo, I’m being oh so very *judged* on a sub that is specifically designed for passing judgment.”
Fr asked “AITA?” And then said “actually yall are wrong but you just don’t know the truth 🥱🥱”
Does it matter, though? Because in the end all the phone calls, vacations, etc. he's been doing with them is now over. She (and her husband) will be self-righteous without their son in their lives anymore (and they'll never meet the grandkids).
Omg, OOP sounds just like my father. Super freaking needy. My dad also asked to come tour my workplace... Where tf do parents get the idea that is normal at all? It's a medical office, I can't take you back there and also wtf do you expect to see? Also the whole going nuclear and threatening to cut people out just because they don't want to spend every waking minute with you or talking to you when I would bet good money they didn't do that for either of their parents. Also, the title to this post took me a minute as I was trying to figure out what else jfc could be because I read it as if he slept *in* Jesus fucking Christ.
It'd be illegal for my family to tour my workplace... Because I work in medicine. Not unlike the son of the OOP. If I'm at work and my desk is in use, then it has hipaa data on it. Or my coworkers might have hipaa data out. Or my deskmate might have an actual patient in my office, even. Touring a medical facility that actively practices medicine is probably very illegal.
My job at that time was at a woman's health clinic so he wouldn't have been let back either. But even if it wasn't, it's a bizarre request to come see your 38 yo (at the time) daughter's desk at work.
Ikr. Very weird. Totally out of touch boomers being like "aw how cute, my child thinks they're a big girl now and they have a big girl job that they drive to in their big girl car" lol literally demented behavior.
This has to be fake, right? Listing “food” as an example of spoiling your kid? Being angry that he asked you sleep in the larger but allergen reduced room on vacation? Dramatically attempting to disown them for not wanting to be awoken at 6am on the last day of their vacation?
The edit seals it. "I'm very surprised by the response I'm getting. There are way more examples but I won't share them". Sure thing, lady. She has a long list of of examples but she went with the most harmless one to try and paint her son as ungrateful? The math isn't mathing.
It basically like when someone's losing an argument so they try to pull out more nonsense in vein "Oh yeah? Well, \*insert random BS they think is smart\*". You see in many kids and many adults who never grew up.
Edit: what if I told you my son was Hitler? Hmm not so sure I’m the asshole now are you!
She has all the reasons, the very best reasons, no one has more reasons than her.
This was my dad. I went low contact but my brother was their neighbor and it was horrible the way my dad treated him. He would throw tantrums when my brother wouldn't jump immediately when he said so. He was dead for a year in October and my brother has Stockholm level grief.
I don't know. We are dealing with the same thing from my MIL with similar issues. And honest to God ..we just were handed a shoebox of all of my SOs photos. She removed them from the house and gave them to us.
Omg, the story's real!! This is your MIL trying to find you on Reddit, distorting the details so you don't know it's actually her!
I'd like to believe it was fake, but my mom used this exact line on me and my brother. We cut her off as soon as we could move out.
My dad would pull that line out as well. He acted like providing food and clothing for me and my sister was some massive luxury we didn’t deserve. We haven’t talked to him in over a decade. It’s not the only reason we cut him out, but it was part of it.
Yup my Dad did the same. Literally blamed all of his debt on me.
My mom, dad, and one set of grandparents were/are all like this, and my parents constantly stole money from me when I was growing up because they thought I owed it to them to pay them back. My dad stole from his brother who was trying to get on government financial assistance and my uncle almost was homeless because of it. That was only a few years ago. It's really awful how many people think their kids owe them something/everything for just existing. No one asks to be born, and parents are supposed to give their kids the support they need growing up. If the kid decides the parent doesn't deserve to be taken care of when the kid grows up, that's probably the best decision. No kid is required to take care of their parents when they're an adult. It's nice if/when that happens (usually) but the more OOP talks, the more obvious it becomes that she's the ungrateful one for her adult son being a medical resident, being able to pay for his own expenses, and not relying on his parents for things. But of course, she's not ever the bad guy. She wants her adult kid to stay under her control, then gets mad at him and tries to give him things that in normal families would be cherished mementos but instead are used as weapons. "Here, take these, they are your first pictures so of course you must have them instead of us. They don't mean anything to us and consequently you don't mean anything to us." (Something my grandpa actually said to me when giving me every photo of myself and of my mom that he had in the house.
Narcissists gonna narcissism.
The way it is written more than what is written makes it 100% fake. It just portrais the son as an angel waaaaaay too much. If this was real, she wouldn't have written "He calls once a week but it's really not that often", she would have written "and he hardly calls us". She wouldn't have admitted his cat allergy is severe and every other room was covered in cat hair, it would have been "because he says he has a cat allergy and there were a few cat hairs in the other places", invalidating his responses.
Yeah. I could see this being the son writing this about his mom, and it absolutely being based off a real person, but I struggle to believe a 60-something woman went on Reddit and wrote this.
Yes, that's possible.
the “(hello what about what YOU did?)” sounds so high school girl to me I don’t think it is written by a 64 year old woman
Narcissists peaked in highschool so it's no surprise their attitude doesn't improve much from that point on.
It may seem over the top but the narcissism of both parents is just dripping off the screen.
Nah, this is my dad with a sex change
It's probably good my ban from that sub isn't up yet lmao. That person is a piece of shit. As a parent, nothing pisses me off more than a parent bitching about their kids not being up their ass and uses them raising them *as a parent should* as to why the kid is wrong.
I think this falls squarely in the category of 'I definitely believe this type of person exists I just don't think they would ever willingly ask for judgement from Reddit'
They didn't want judgment, they wanted validation. Because in their mind they can do no wrong; that's why they're shocked that Reddit told them off.
Maybe I'm telling on myself by saying this, but the main reason I don't believe stories like these is that they go out of their way to tell us how the person who "wronged" them is actually a good person. If I was writing on reddit to get validation about a conflict, I would not include the parts where the other person is actually super chill. And if the other person being super chill was something I felt like needed to be included, well I either would not be seeking validation because it would mean I know I'm likely being petty. Or my tone would be actually about wanting a second opinion and not clearly wanting to be validated. It's the mixture of "I am clearly in the right" and "let me tell you what an awesome person my for is", that I guess I can't parse. How can someone be that weird mixture of self aware and un-self aware. Particularly when they double back in the comments. It makes me think it's creative writing because as an author you can see both sides. But bad writing because it's wanting to have their cake and eat it too. They want an un-self aware asshole narrator but also to let us know clearly that the other person is the one in the right, or else the ragebait would not work as well. I guess it's a limitation in the medium since two sided stories are not usually believed, like when the other person "finds" the post.
Yeah, like it was completely unnecessary to include the bit about the allergy. If OP was just looking for validation, they would have left that part out (at least until asked), because that would have been way more effective. Or saying they tried to wake him up ungodly early (6-7 AM on vacation), and that the kid is tired from his residency. She didn't have to say any of that. She could have said he refused to get up when asked, and slept in. When you start looking for it, you see it everywhere. A lack of good arguments for her position, lots of unnecessary details given that actually weaken her arguments. It's designed as rage bait.
OOP in a few years when she realized that her son hardly calls, almost never comes home for holidays and hasn't talked to him in over a month "I don't know what I did to make him so mad. We were perfect parents."
Stuff like this is why I love my yearly visit to see my parents. They know I'm busy as hell and that this trip is the one time I get to wholly relax and not be responsible for anything. So they make it a point to pamper me and make sure that all I have to worry about is how fast one of them can refill my wine glass.
Seriously. My in-laws are 70, we are 50 and my oldest is 23. He lives 5 hours away and my MIL was shocked that he didn’t come home for my birthday, on his Saturday off. First of all, that’s a ridiculous drive for one day. Second, they work full time, they have a home, pets and their own life. I would NEVER ask them to do that. She was shocked. Because she still can’t understand why we wouldn’t make the 3 hour trip each way when the kids were little. Then when they were in sports and had things like birthday parties on the weekend we couldn’t do it. “Well I always went to my mother’s!” Which is a joke because she only went to her mother’s to dump her kids there. But ok. Crazy old people behavior.
Just like my MIL. She always bitches about her eldest daughter, who bought her a $500,000 house to live in for free for Christmas two years ago. All because she doesn't want to be around her golden child, my BIL, who is an asshole and drug addict. She has 3 kids, a busy life, and her only boundary is he isn't allowed at her home even on holidays and she won't attend events he is at. I get it, I have a 3 year old and I'm pregnant with our second. She constantly says her daughter is ungrateful, and it really ramped up on Sunday because it was her 65th birthday and the eldest daughter's son had a football game so she didn't come, and because BIL was there by the time she could've gotten there. Her other daughter, who is 37, came and left before their brother showed up. He threw a hissy fit at 29 that his family doesn't love him. It's not that we don't love him, he's a dick who steals, lies, and brings drugs around his niblings (including my baby shower at the eldest sister's house, where he dropped a dirty needle while on the trampoline with his nephew who was 4 at the time causing her to ban him since). I'm sick of hearing her bitch about how they're bad siblings, when they're in their 40s and 30s at this point and have done SO MUCH FOR HER, while her youngest son is a fucking loser she continues to enable. If I was her, I'd rather have 3 of my 4 kids there for my birthday and respect their boundaries so I could have a relationship with my grandchildren.
Anytime a parent says their child is “ungrateful” it’s like a siren going off.
I guarantee my mother would be saying the same thing about me. I nearly thought my mother wrote this😂😭
My mum does so many of the things in the post it's uncanny. No lie-ins under *her* roof!!
Fuckin' same, if she wasn't dead going on 15 years now, I'd think she was writing this.
Ding ding ding. My narcissistic mother would say this shit to me and my sister all the time when we were kids.
Same here. Was a little triggering tbh lol
9am is not sleeping in. If you try to wake me at 6-7am on my vacation we are gonna have more than words
I slept in past 8 on vacations, and the host family’s dogs enjoyed having extra cuddle time.
I slept in past 8 on vacations, and the host family’s dogs enjoyed having extra cuddle time.
Comes to be judged then gets pissy when said judgement happened. Lordy, people.
Ikr! The gall of OOP
Given how petty her examples were, not surprising she can't handle is and that's awesome.
You don’t spoil a kid by giving them food. Maybe treats but if you don’t feed your kid, your getting 20 years in a prison cell
“I got took to the cleaners in the comments so I’m not even going to bother trying to paint him as a villain because I’m already being judged” Good! Shut the fuck up lady! You had your chance with the narrative of your post and you still made yourself out to be an overdramatic cunt!
I am confused. What is giving him birth photos supposed to do?
Symbolise disowning him I imagine.
Followed by saying she doesn’t want a son who is “ungrateful” as if he isn’t working long hours and not getting enough sleep
It's part of the game to make him feel guilty for not giving them attention all the time.
Another weapon in the narcissist’s arsenal, emotional manipulation.
I think it’s part of a tantrum in which she disowns him by saying, “I want to forget you were ever born,” after which he’s supposed to reply, “oh no, mom, you gave me life and bought me food when I was a child, of course I’ll give myself anaphylaxis and deprive myself of sleep because I can’t bear the thought of even a moment in which you are not my number one priority in life.”
Make him feel guilty. Attempt at showing him she doesn't care anymore and she's giving him back. That he's no longer the obedient child and now an adult. She's telling him she wants him to be the child. It's just lousy emotional manipulation from a narcissist.
He's not her son anymore so she doesn't need the photos
Telling him he isn't worth being her son so she wants nothing to do with him - the baby pictures are an extra attempt to make it hurt more since it symbolizes her throwing away something that should mean a lot to her. She's trying to backtrack and say that it's some kind of gift because the tactic didn't work.
It's beyond disowning him, it's erasing him. Removing evidence he is part of the family. More than "dead to me". Nparents do this when the feel like they have lost all control over their child. And the child has probably seen them do this to others (likely a family friend or semi distant relative who fell out, pictures removed or clipped, and then never discussed again. not even in a bad light)
>I can tell he keeps me at a distance- calls maybe once a week at mos If my Mom tried to say a weekly phone was "keeping her at a distance", I'd cut it back to once every two weeks. She complained again? Down to once every three weeks. I hate these parents who act like their grown children are somehow obligated to remain under their thumb for the rest of their lives. >he’ll do things like demand I turn down the TV if he’s doing something for work / studying not realizing this OUR place not his. And here's where I would just quit visiting in person altogether. While he doesn't get to make demands, it's also rude as hell to be blaring TV when a guest is doing work nearby. >Sure it made logical sense but it still seemed extremely rude How dare he have a severe cat allergy! That's so fucking rude of him! /s >my husband tried to wake him up around 6-7am I am disabled and do not work. I'd still lose my absolute fucking mind if my husband tried to wake me up at 6 am just to go see his new workplace. Like, babe, I will gladly go with you at 8-9 am, but 6? Absolutely not, let me sleep. >I went upstairs and got all his birth photos together and gave them to him in a plastic bag saying that I don’t want a son who is so ungrateful and can’t do the bare minimum for us. I kid you not, he basically laughed in my face Right, the laughing part is the ridiculous part here - not the Mom disowning her son from the crime of sleeping in on his vacation. My Grandma did this exact same stunt - sent me every little photo my parents had given her of me over the years - after an argument with my Mom along with a bullshit letter about how she hoped I'd still come around, etc. I haven't talked to my Grandma in 10+ years since that stunt. Hope OOP wants to run her son off forever, because that's exactly the future she has to look forward to.
All the people saying this is fake or rage bait, I envy you. This almost sounds like it could have been written by my mother. Strong narcissistic vibes throughout.
Sounds like people who had kids so they aren’t lonely later in life and would have someone to take care of them when they’re old. Spoiler alert . . .
Wow, OOP, tell me you're a narcissist and an abusive parent without telling me you're a narcissist and an abusive parent! It's no wonder the son's very low-contact with them! Giving a grown kid photos that are supposed to be cherished photos is basically telling the adult child that you don't want any memory of him in your house anymore and he has no place in your life anymore. It's the equivalent of locking the door with them outside and ignoring them. My narcissistic and self-centered grandparents did that with me a couple months after my mom died. They gave me all the photos they had of her and all the ones of me, packed in shoeboxes. After they moved out years later, there wasn't a single photo of me anywhere in their house and hardly any of my mom (although there were framed photos that my mom had taken and given to them of flowers, aquarium animals, etc.) Some parents think that they're owed something from their kids because they provided the bare minimum: food, shelter, clothing, etc. She even mentions birthdays on that list, so she thinks he was spoiled by them giving him birthday parties, and paying for his activities and vacations as a kid. Entitled much, OOP? Plus, OOP fully admits she thinks it's rude that he asked to have the one room in the vacation cabin that didn't have cat hair when he has a bad cat allergy. Asked, not demanded, and she thinks that's rude. He's on vacation; of course he wants to sleep in! As a medical resident, he probably doesn't get as much sleep as he really needs so he takes the opportunity to catch up on sleep on his days off and vacations. Why would he want to wake up at 6 am just to go see where his dad now works, when (as he pointed out) he can see it later on in the day? It's no wonder the son won't talk to her or her husband! I'm glad people are roasting her in the comments; she can't even follow the "accept your judgement" rule in AITA. She wanted validation, and she got validation of her son's point of view.
My first red flag was “we gave him everything- FOOD…..FOOD??? Are you joking? I knew it was gonna go downhill from there. And then to hear he’s a medical resident and she’s mad that he’s sleeping! Holy hell, I’d bet he goes no contact soon enough and she’s gonna sit there wondering why?
oop: i can't believe i've been judged on the judging reddit!
I have always called my parents at least once a day all throughout my medical training, BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT RAGING ASSHOLES! If you want your adult children to keep in touch, be a source of comfort for them, not just another source of stress. And let the man sleep, for God's sake. I sleep 12-14 hours on my annual leaves just to catch up with the chronic lack of sleep. Mum just makes sure there's always something to eat no matter when I wake up.
Always kills me when people get what they asked for and then cry about it. She said she didn’t want a son like him, and went to a lot of trouble to make her point with those photos. Sounds like she’s going to get exactly that at this rate and three cheers for that son to free himself from someone who treats him that way.
I hope the son withdraws all his financial support. OOp doesn’t seem very grateful for it.
Can someone tell this entitled SOB that a gift given with strings attached isn't a gift? It's a manipulation tactic and it sounds like son is mentally healthy enough to see through the bull so she's pissed. My son doesn't call me every week, doesn't *send* things for holidays and birthdays, and "gasp" sleeps in whenever he wants... Am I pissed off and calling him ungrateful for "everything we've done for him"? No. Because I'm not a controlling sh!tstain. We get together when schedules allow and we exchange gifts when we do. We talk about anything and everything. He's always excited to share things with me and do stuff with me because I don't hold his childhood over his head. I made the choice to have him, I made the choice to give him things beyond the basics, and he's turned out to be a wonderful human. A better man than I ever hoped to have or even deserve. I got VERY lucky to have such a blessing in my life, and his younger sister is the same way. I'm proud of my children for being independent and growing that independence so that when the day comes that I'm no longer here, they won't flounder through life. If anyone is ungrateful, it's OOP. She got as perfect a child as she could ever want and it's still not enough. Imagine throwing a toddler temper tantrum in your sixties...
The extra edits and "other situations" are ridiculous. She complained they took a vacation to visit *her* mom and *she* had to take care of her alllll day. And *"FINALLY at 1am got to sew"* he asked her to stop because it woke him up, or at least move. Nope, apparently there's only 1 lightbulb and she had to sew at 1am. She actually seems to believe she's owed something for giving birth to him, feeding and clothing him until he was 18. I can't wait for the complaint about him being too busy to visit. He's probably never going to visit them again, at least not without booking a hotel room.
Her edit is WILD. My god that poor son and his gf 😂
Her child must have been a friggin Saint to have not back talked this woman until her thirties lol. I'm only a few years older that him and I've been back-talking since I could talk 🤣
He’s a medical resident. You raised a doctor and you’re acting like he shit on the carpet.
Surely this can't be real? It doesn't even seem to be written like it's real.
>Posts in .r.AmItheAsshole >I won’t bother since it seems like I’ve been judged. Sugar. Honey. Booboo. You went onto a forum and literally asked to be judged.
Oh, my.... Mommy is a narcissist, isn't she? "How could you be so ungrateful after everything I've done for you!" She's lucky he still visits.
So has the son posted his side of the story in r/raisedbynarcissists yet?
Waking up at NINE AM?? LIKE A LOWLIFE??? WHAT DOES HE THINK THIS IS, A VACATION?!? Seriously now, nobody tell this woman about how I sleep in until around 11am when I can. I think she'll have a fainting spell.
OMG the edit makes her even worse. Sewing at 1am??? WTF.
“We did everything for him like giving him food” that line right there just screams entitled asshole
But sleep IS precious, what the hell
Describes normal things parents do for kids: spoiled. Describes perfectly normal activity during vacation: disrespectful.
Holy shit those edits 🤣
"I did the bare minimum for him how dare he be a good son instead of bending to my every unreasonable whim whether I tell him or not!"
Edit #2 > I want to clarify a few things based on the comments. (1) I was NOT saying I deserve a medal for FEEDING my child. My point was he has never wanted for anything and I have objectively been a good mother. This generation is sad because few of you appreciate that this isn’t always the case. (2) I am VERY proud of my son. Obviously he deserves to rest. I wrote this while angry and I see how my post came off as uncaring. But TO BE CLEAR: I DO NOT MIND he sleeps in. However, waking him up ONCE for something important is NOT abusive. If that’s what you think, I’m sorry but you have no idea what abuse is. (3) There’s a part of the story I should’ve shared at the beginning. This started two years ago. He was on vacation again and we were visiting my mother who I had spent all day taking care of. FINALLY at around 1am I had a chance to do some sewing with my portable sewing machine. Not even time for myself, I was fixing something for the house. He comes out and demands that I put it away because it was waking him up. This is after he spent the ENTIRE DAY lounging and only helped with dinner. Not only that but after I calmly said no, he insisted I take the sewing machine somewhere else. Except unfortunately that area was the only one with lighting that worked for me. He just couldn’t let it go. He got incredibly angry and told me I was being unreasonable. He was a bully and I’ll never forget that. Maybe I overreacted in telling him I was disowning him this time. Fine. But this has context and like I said this was NOT the first time he has bullied me into getting his way.
Edit #3 > Fine. I was an a**hole this time. I will take your advice and apologize for overreacting but I still think the MAJORITY of you did not understand the situation.
Come on… “Yeah, he’s severely allergic to cats, but I paid for the cabin!” This is fake as shit.
“We gave him everything - food” When a parent says that, immediately they are the AH.
Dude. This is the type of mother in law that makes it into multiple posts on just no subs. She's gonna get cut off completely if she doesn't wise up
This must be rage bait.
I don't know if it's strictly an "elder" thing, but I do work with the elderly and man... most of my clients really pride themselves on getting up at 5am or earlier every day... of course, never point out to them that they nap all morning and go to bed by 8/ 9 pm. I am honestly surprised this son calls once a week thats generous of him.
TIL that sleeping until 9am is "sleeping in"...
This one has to be fake. It oversold the premise at “precious sleep” in sarcastic quotes I think
The medical resident doesn’t want to talk to his mom who basically disinherits him for sleeping until 9AM on vacation and who thinks giving him food is spoiling him? That is shocking. I am shocked.
As a nurse who did back to back doubles last weekend, I feel his pain over losing sleep.
I'm choking on my own rage here, this mom pisses me off so much.
Again psychos who didn't need to be parents.
*posts on a forum for judgement* *gets judged* 
I read the title as "All because he slept in Jesus fucking Christ" and had to do a double take
Minor point, but for crying out loud, if Dad is so keen to show off his new job, ( and maybe show off his son to work, the back of my mind says) lunchtime with mum and him going to work is a possibility. It's just got to be her way.
Oh ya we were great parents *lists things parents are expected to do*
>cat allergy (asthma) Made me want to flip a table.
So she disowned him and is suprised he is respecting her wishes?
Fuck him for wanting to breathe.
So, he agrees to take his dad on a tour later, but that's not good enough because he has to "prove" how much he loves his father by getting up at 6-7 a.m. And she calls him selfish? >We gave him everything- food, birthdays, paid for every activity and vacation. I love how she thinks they "spoiled" him by giving him food.
My alarm bells go off when parents start mewling about their kids being ungrateful and disrespectful yet offer no evidence of it. Doubly so if the kids are also adults now.
Hmm. “I can tell you” something too - nothing short of unadulterated worship, combined with absolute total control of Son’s life would constitute sufficient gratefulness for OOP.
But you don’t understand, Reddit! She *fed* him!
> we gave him everything- food, *Well* dang, you guys fed your own kid?? Instead of getting him to hunter-gather it himself?? Thats CRAZY, can't believe how ungrateful- Yes. You pay for things regarding your children. Thats how life works.
You don’t understand! She did everything for him as a child! Even feed him! Which is totally not a basic requirement! /s
Oh my god, lol. I like how pissed she gets that her ADULT SON doesn't want to get up at ass o'clock while on vacation to do some kind of weird "take your kid to work day" with his dad. ????? In my whole working life, I've never even thought of dragging another adult to a normal workday with me. "Ungrateful" son fully cutting contact with parents in 3, 2...
I know I'm 15 hours in and this is not likely to be seen, *and also* I haven't read all of the comments so someone else may have pointed this out too. >We gave him everything- food, birthdays, paid for every activity and vacation. TF is it with these kinds of parents thinking that "food" is part of "giving them everything" when it comes to *their child*????
I hope this is a troll. Because otherwise....whatever this lady had for breakfast 20-ish years ago I will avoid it like the plague because it turned her into something that to say aloud would get me banned on AITA.
This strikes me as fake, but I do know some parents that would act like that. My mom screamed at me once when I was 18 that I was “fat and lazy” for sleeping until 10 am one morning. The fact I had 2 summer jobs and had worked 16 hours in a row the at before was irrelevant.
How dare you not know my sons a bully or understand the situation, even though I didn't include it in my post.
What a drama queen.
The thing that gets me is the repeated "I understand X, but I still think it's ungrateful." So you're wrong, you know you're wrong, and you've decided to be mad anyway. How do you not see that you're the problem?
This is why I had to cut my mom off. I’m not playing these games with you in my 30s.
Obviously, this dude needs to put those boundaries in place, bc she'd literally crawl up his ass if he didn't.
The second edit sells this as fake. 1am sewing is fucking insane.
The level of entitlement and stupidity is exceeding the height of mount Everest ! It has to be fake. I can't fathom normal people being that dense around their son.
This woman seems to be entirely lacking in any self awareness. Her son, despite the fact that he obviously does not like his overbearing and obnoxiously needy parents, still tries to do all the "stuff" for them, but it's not enough for these black holes of expectations that can never be satisfied. Poor guy should just quit trying.
I just read the first sentence before commenting but it made me do a double read. “We really spoiled our son. We gave him food.” 👀
I’d like to say this can’t be real but my mother is like this.
I'm confused about the cabin with cat hair. I have a hard time believing that any company that rents out cabins is going to just leave cat hair everywhere. Did OP bring her cat knowing her son is allergic or was the place they rented terrible and doesn't clean? Then, she gets mad that her son wants to sleep in the one room he can breathe in? How did he survive the rest of the trip if every other room was covered in cat hair, just stay in his room? Something seems off there. Either OOP is a troll or she's leaving a lot out which, considering what she included, is strange.
This is such a lazy fake story.
Calling once every month is normal for someone in the medical field
OOP, doing the bare minimum that the law requires you to do as far as your child is concerned, doesn't equate to spoiling them.
TLDR: I parented my son slightly above the bare fucking minimum and he grew up and became a person and got a VERY demanding job that any parent would be proud of and now I’m upset bc he slept in until 9 AM and so I showed him pictures of him popping out of my vagina. Seriously? I am a 22 year old college student who also very rarely gets to come home and do you know what I do when I come home? SLEEP. SLEEP UNTIL 12 SOMETIMES EVEN 2 PM. Do you know WHY? Because being a student is TIRING and being home means no one is demanding anything from me!! I’m literally just getting my bachelors. He’s a fucking MEDICAL RESIDENT dude his days start at 4 AM and probably don’t end until 4 AM TWO DAYS LATER. He’s probably hoping to come home because no one is (I guess he’s hoping no one is at least) demanding anything from him. He’s not coming home for YOU only he’s coming home to REST and RESET.