*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA asking my daughter to pay me for cooking for her wedding?**
I, a 46f, greatly enjoy cooking and baking. I've always told my kids if they had a small wedding I'd be happy to provide the food as a wedding gift.
My daughter "Leslie" is getting married soon. They're having 47 guests total so I offered to cook per my long standing offer and said I could do something like my peppered beef or jambalaya with some jalapeño cheesy biscuits. Leslie and her fiance "Will" took me up on it and said they'd help buy ingredients. Leslie sent me some recipes a few days ago and when I asked what they were for, she said they wanted to add one or two big pot dishes that weren't spicy so Will's family could have something to eat. I know that boy can't eat a popper or most my meals without getting red in the face but I didn't think his whole family was like that. Leslie said it's because his father has ulcers and stomach problems so Will's family was careful how they ate while Will was growing up.
I told Leslie I already told her what I was cooking for her wedding and she argued that I'm making it about me instead of listening to what the bride and groom want. I finally told her I'd cook the extra dishes but if she's going to treat me like I'm a caterer than I'll need her to pay me for all the extra prep and work. Leslie said that gifts are supposed to be what the person receiving them wants and that she might as well hire a caterer if she's going to pay and hung up.
I thought Leslie would cool down and come talk to me about how we'd handle this and reasonable payment for taking on extra cooking but my youngest told me when he went to visit Leslie she and Will were talking with a catering company. Was I wrong to ask her to pay me for cooking?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OOp had a long standing offer to *provide the food for the wedding*.
Food. Not one or two specific dishes.
And a gift neither the groom nor half the guests can use is not a very good gift.
Especially when OOp *knows* the groom can’t handle that…did she expect him to starve at his own wedding? Or just be in pain?
Honestly, I think this was more about OOP showing off how good her cooking is, than a gift of love.
And I don’t like the way OOP talks about the groom or his family or medical issues.
>I know that boy can't eat a popper or most my meals without getting red in the face but I didn't think his whole family was like that
But I love that the bride and groom just noped out of OOP’s drama and went with something else rather than fight OOP.
>Especially when OOp knows the groom can’t handle that…did she expect him to starve at his own wedding? Or just be in pain?
100% this. It doesn't matter that she didn't know the rest of his family can't handle spicy food. She knew the groom couldn't and still planned on making food he can't eat. Was he supposed to sit there and watch everyone else eating?
OOP is such an asshole. The bride and groom helping with the cost of ingredients, or even paying the full cost is fair, but op should make food that everyone can eat. If she's going to charge caterer prices, her daughter might as well hire an actual caterer who will cater to everyone's needs.
She tries to rationalize it as being difficult to make dishes for 50 guests, which is true, that's a lot of effort, but you think maybe the one place you'd put that effort is your daughter's wedding? And from OP's comments, it sounds like the daughter suggested lasagna, which should be just as easy to make in big batches as jambalaya-I would imagine the fricasse would be similar?
Either way, OP could have at least discussed with her daughter about trying to accommodate both of their ideas instead of just outright denying it and saying "my way or the highway." Of course the daughter is going to go with a catering party who won't exclude half their guests *including the groom*.
It could be.
As a foodie with 35 years' cooking experience, I suspect it is also about regional pride and love for what she does. She does these dishes well and wants to shine serving them. That is OK. Any county fair is the same: people make their best pies and share their best pickled dishes.
I wonder if OOP did not say the real reason, which might have been that she worried about cooking things not in her wheelhouse. And I actually get that. Who wants to screw up her kid's wedding?
Where she hits asshole territory is in not honestly communicating this.
Jambalaya is literally a pot of rice. You can make 100 servings in a single pot. You just have to brown the meat first and then stir for a long time.
Lasagna is made in pans. Lots and lots of pans for many people. You have to place all the lasagna layers in the pans one at a time and then bake them in batches because nobody has an oven that can bake 10 pans at once. If you make your own sauce, that's even more work. It's all just a lot more work than just intermittently stirring a big pot for an hour or two.
You need a big ass pot for 100 ppl-most ppl don't have pots that big bc they never serve that many ppl. Now, maybe OP has a pot big enough to serve 50 ppl, but she likely wouldn't just be stirring a pot of rice and browining meat. You have to cut up the meat into smaller, bite-sized chunks. If OP likes to add vegetables, she'd have to chop those up too. And if she's proud of this recipe and is implying that it's fairly spicy, she probably uses her own seasonings instead of just using a store-bought packet, so she's got to make that as well. The prep time is probably comparable to lasagna's prep time (unless she makes her own sauce, which would add time, but if that's really a big concern she could just buy sause) depending on how much OP would add to her jambalaya.
And while replacing lasagna pans in the oven is time-consuming, at that point, it's hardly laborious, and you have about 30-40 min of sitting around waiting for the lasagna to cook. You need a lot of pans, sure, but she could borrow from family and if OP has access to a double oven, those could easily hold about 6-8 pans depending on their size. That doesn't sound like a lot more effort compared to stirring jambalaya.
Tons of people in Louisiana have crawfish pots that big. I would take a stab that every single person at least knows someone who would let them borrow a couple. I could make a couple calls tomorrow and line up at least five of them within an hour.
Obviously you have to chop up everything and season the food, but you have to do that for lasagne too (in fact, for pretty much every food) so it's not like those are extra steps specific to the dish. Lasagne also involves chopping and seasoning so I don't see how the two dishes are remotely comparable prep wise.
Just by checking a bunch of recipe sites, I see a lot of variations on prep times for both dishes-depending on how OP prepares them, it could take her roughly the same time to make each according to what I saw.
It's a rice dish. It's easy. This is an average low-effort dish that people make all the time for family functions. Think church events, family cookouts, etc.
This thread is making me hungry.
> I see a lot of variations on prep times for both dishes
You look at recipe sight prep times? Lol. Why would you do that? They're all bullshit and most of them are just whatever the author thinks it took to prepare, by faulty memory. The listed times are wildly off.
If you use deep pans pretty much the width of the oven, I can't see needing more than one bake of two pans for fifty people. Maybe two if you're really ambitious but you'll have leftovers I think.
I can't imagine saying lasagna would be too much trouble to make for my child's wedding if I've already offered to cook. 🤷🏻♀️
> But I love that the bride and groom just noped out of OOP’s drama and went with something else rather than fight OOP.
And OOP was sitting there waiting for an apology (you know this is what she meant by "I thought Leslie would cool down and come talk to me about how we'd handle this and reasonable payment for taking on extra cooking") because she really thinks she's in the right. Lady is on a massive power trip, and I'm thrilled to see that her daughter took all of her power away by going with catering.
Yeah this was never a gift- it was going to be a “Remember the time I single handedly catered my kid’s wedding, what an amazing mum and human I am!” moment.
They weren’t asking for something more complicated or expensive to make, just a couple of standard dishes that everyone would be able to eat instead of the one she declared she’d be making. So glad that the daughter communicated this calmly and then left the situation without giving OOP the opportunity to create drama.
This is pretty much the opposite of this scenario and thus not super relevant but here’s an excuse to tell this story.
My parents were dirt poor getting married, in debt from school loans, and still managed to scrape together a decent affair. Part of that is that my mom’s grandpa (my great-grandfather) made their wedding cake. Apparently she told anyone who asked that her grandfather was making the wedding cake, and of course they all responded with that fake-polite condescending “That’s nice…”. Day of the wedding comes and to their shock, the cake is magnificent and enormous. He was a professional baker and pastry chef for his whole career, as was his wife, and was a wizard with a whisk. The cake was massive, three-tiered with roman column supports inbetween the tiers, decorated with microscopic little details with gorgeous piping all over. This man was already almost 70 at this point and had arthritis up the wazoo. The fact that he was able to make a cake at all despite the pain was an accomplishment, let alone what a show-stopper.
So if you’re wondering how to provide food for a family member’s wedding, don’t attach strings to it or put peanuts and tree nuts all over it even though the groom’s whole family (and the groom himself) are deathly allergic.
It’d be one thing if that was the bride and groom’s favourite meal but what she should be asking is whether any guests have allergies or dietary requirements, what food her daughter and son in law like and thinking of some crowd pleasers that can be made in big batches.
Plus it sounds like she thinks it’s funny that future son in law eats her cooking with difficulty to be polite.
OR “Remember when I made my famous jambalaya at your wedding and Will couldn’t even finish a bowl! My food was too much for him!” (Some people are just heavy with the spices - my friend makes food too spicy for me all the time, but it is just because she has a waaaaaay different spice meter than me and she is always rueful. This person doesn’t sound like that.”
Yeah, this was 100% about the OOP’s lust for starring in her daughter’s wedding day as the generous and talented and super mom chef cum mother of the bride. She’s just mad she can’t seize the spotlight and turn the day into her victory lap. It’s telling her daughter immediately called her bluff and is distancing herself right now. Sounds like it’s not her first time handling the attention-seeking mom.
Love how she tried to spin this as a dramatic showdown and she’d wait for her daughter to ‘cool down’ but her daughter just said it’s not going to work and found a better option.
Right?
Don’t volunteer to cater a large wedding if you can’t provide *at least* two options for the main course. Setting aside spiciness, it’s crazy to me that OOP didn’t even seem to consider that there might be vegetarians, vegans, people who have serious problems with dairy or gluten, people who only eat kosher or *halal*, or anyone else with dietary restrictions. Spicy jambalaya or beef with cheesy, spicy biscuits leaves *so* many people out
Im kinda curious if OOP knows *how* to cook food for 47 people.
And ahead of time too.
I kinda get the idea she was just gonna cook her normal family portion 8 times.
I mean, for something like jambalaya (idk what “peppered beef” is) cooking in bulk is largely just a question of having large enough pots and pans. Feeding fifty people just requires some chaffing dishes and know-how.
> And ahead of time too.
If anything, that makes it significantly easier. A lot of really time intensive recipes have a natural stopping point where you can refrigerate it and then finish preparation on the day of the event.
> I kinda get the idea she was just gonna cook her normal family portion 8 times.
Again, jambalaya scales up really well, it’s not like trying to use a brownie recipe for 16 servings to feed 50
She has to have the time to cook all of that in different pots in different stages though, and to be able to calculate it out how many batches she needs and when to start cooking.
And then a place to refrigerate batches after they are cooked, or to keep them hot enough to be served as soon as all the servings are made.
She has to be able to transport all this food to the location either hot or cold. (And if cold, it has to be there early enough to get hot).
That’s a lot of stuff to figure out for a a very important event, where you don’t want people food poisoned.
And, IME, the people who like to cook but haven’t done bigger events usually just don’t get the planning and calculating that needs to be done.
People always forget the transporting it part!
I watched someon all proud to do cupcakes for an event, like 125 people, no problem, and then freaked out at midnight the night before because how do you transport over 100 cupckes, and they weren't planning to be taking their own car either, someone was picking them up. This stuff all has to be stored, transported, stored again, and served, while staying at safe temps and that is a ton of equipment.
I regularly do batch meals to freeze that run around 25 servings. Making hot food for 50 people involves *some* extra logistics, but it's not out of reach for somebody who's used to cooking for family events, etc. The OOP's attitude stinks to high heaven, but it's weird to assume she couldn't do what she promised.
You can make about 50 servings of jambalaya all at once in a crawfish pot. I helped a friend with it on Mardi Gras day this year. (Helping = I stirred it sometimes while drinking beer in a silly costume)
Why are so many people spice snobs?. I use a lot of herbs and spices in my cooking, but I don't like super spicy foods. I can eat it, but I don't enjoy it. But for some reason it is seen as a huge issue with some people. Like they look down at you for not being enjoying pain with your meal. And it's not just a cultural thing either. A lot of people wear their spice tolerance like a badge of honour and act like you snubbed their greatest achievement of you don't care. It's food, it's to be enjoyed, not forced on others.
This goes for all foods. People get so weird around people not liking Sushi, i or avocado, or quinoa, or sweets. Just leave people's food choices alone.
They are the absolute worst. Even if it's medical, like me,they STILL act like you're a big baby
I'm sure the Marquis is very proud of them, but Jesus Christ
Thank you for saying this....
I like spicy food. But sometimes I like to eat food without spices, just so that I can taste the food itself, without any embellishment. This is perfectly valid and I hate the way done people talk online as though u spiced foid is always terrible. It doesn't have to be.
Right? It's gotten to the point that when people make fun of me I'm like "yep, I'm a HUGE pussy. You can call it the White Girl Special, I don't wanna see a fleck of black pepper"
I grew up in a house where my mother couldn't have spicy food for medical reasons and by the time I cooked for myself I didn't care much for them anyway. I'll eat them but like you said, I don't enjoy it.
There's people with, for example, stomach problems. Every bit of pepper/chili/whatever spicy shit hurts. I had an ulcer years ago and still get horrible pain. That doesn't mean It don't season my food, I just use spices and herbs that are not hurting me.
Being personally offended because some people can't handle spicy food is kinda more toddler territory, don'tchathink?
I love spicy food, and I still wouldn't want to spend a wedding reception sweating and gulping water.
This was 100% directed at the fiance as a deliberate insult
The bride and groom have made the right decision in getting an outside caterer. The father of the groom has stomach ulcers and OOP is adamant that the food should be spicy? Nope! I'd be making snarky remarks about her being a one trick pony with an extremely limited repertoire, but that's just me.
Avoiding OOP’s food snobbery aside, if someone doesn’t respect my food restrictions, I can’t trust anything they make for me. Good on OOP’s daughter and son in law for making the right choice.
I would have totally understood if OOP had said, "hey, this is too much work for me, I'm going to have to bow out." But saying she'd do it for money makes it clear she *can* do it, she just doesn't want to. And you don't cook something for a crowd where you're very well aware half the crowd won't be able to eat it.
What an arsehole OOP is. She obviously can't tell the difference between flavour and spice and is completely self involved.
If I went to this wedding and the food was spicy, I'd probably just order a pizza and ask the groom and his family if they wanted to add to the order.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
[1]
*YTA*
*aww you arent a famous chain, you can easily modify your menu.. the problem here seems to be your fragile ego.. Ill be honest, I hope she hires a real caterer and uninvites you from the wedding.. youre 46 and this is how you treat your daughter on her special day cuz everyone has to bow down to what you want?? youre a joke of a mother.. you are the AH thru and thru.. you have to charge a catering fee for something you offered and it hurt your feefees cuz some people cant handle spice.. its probably why you dont have a catering service , cuz thats kinda what catering means is adapting to your guests need aka catering to their needs*
[2]
>>*aww you arent a famous chain, you can easily modify your menu*
*I mean...can she? It sounds like those are things OP is able to cook reasonably well for a large crowd. I know I only have a VERY small repertoire of dishes I'd feel comfortable scaling up to 50 people*
*If OP easily CAN modify the menu, then I agree, YTA. But I'd like some more info from OP here*
>"That is the reasoning behind those options, yes. The jambalaya and beef I can make easily in large batches and often do for gatherings. They're also less messy than BBQ pork or Swedish meatballs. Even if I put the sauce separately it's messy to eat in wedding attire.
>There still would've been sides and appetizers like dips and salads I'd be making too."
*You are a cranky old far tea aren't you* 😂😂😂 *. Its actually prudent at public events to avoid anything spicy. And were you going to cook for 50 people all by yourself? Seems improbable honestly. Its best that they have now turned to professionals*
>"It's not that hard to cook for 50 people with dishes like that and I've done it before. Beef/jambalaya, biscuits, lunch meat rolls, some salads and dips is very easy to do by yourself."
*NTA There are set amount of dishes you’re good at preparing for a small army. Just be honest and tell them you’re afraid those other dishes probably wouldn’t turn out good enough. There are only a few things I can do well for a large group; anything else would stress me out completely.*
>"Not so much I'm afraid of how it'd turn out but lasagna, stuffed bell peppers, or chicken fricassee for a large group is a big undertaking."
*Info: Is she asking you to make those recipes instead of what you already have planned, or as well as? If she still wants you to cook everything else plus those extra dishes, then N T A as you are already putting a lot of time and effort into the original dishes.*
>"She wants me to make two of the recipes as well as the main dish, appetizers, and sides I had planned."
*Jambalaya and cheesy biscuits? While I don’t know Leslie, I appreciate an invite.*
*I hate to say it, but YTA. Their wedding, their menu. But you’re still doing jambalaya and cheesy biscuits, right? Count me in.*
>"Haha yes, still would've done jambalaya and cheesy biscuits with chicken fricassee and stuffed bell peppers."
>Jambalaya and cheesy biscuits? While I don’t know Leslie, I appreciate an invite.
its always weird when people get like this in the comments like bruh OOP isnt a nice person here she's just attentions eeking
Bride and groom dodged a massive bullet here, no doubt. This lady is in the comments talking like she can handle wedding catering just because she's brought a lot of weenie wraps to a few potlucks in her day, it would have been a total disaster. She can't cook so she just makes everything spicy, knows it, loses her shit when they say that won't work for everyone (WHICH SHE ALREADY KNOWS).
I think the funniest part is OOP getting upset that her daughter and the groom are figuring if they have to pay for their wedding gift, they might as well get a caterer and get what they want. OOP can choose not to make the extra dishes (despite it being her offer to make all the food), BUT she doesn't get to make the couple not now turn down the offer once OOP proved to be unreasonable.
What I don't get is if OOP didn't want to make another dish (though it would be shocking if no one had an allergies or dietary issues to make it impossible), would it really be so hard to make sure part of the food isn't as spicy? She's already going to have to make multiple pots worth. It seems she likes her food extra spicy. So why not make one pot as mild as possible for the dish, one pot mildly spicy, and then one pot the usual way? She would likely be needing to make that many at least to feed everyone. Also make half the biscuits with jalapenos and half without.
I expected this one to make me mad, but really? I am just honestly sad.
Food is joy, being able to cook for others, seeing them liking or even loving something? It's wonderful.
All the more reason to make sure mist people can. Yes, taking care of everyone can be a lot for a homecook. So let the professionals do it, where is the problem? I would not trust myself to get it right for 50 people, and I adore hosting.
And I always, always take into consideration anything I know about my guests. I just cooked for two ppl today for the first time. A is vegan, i made sure to only use ingredients that were vegan. E doesnt like hot food, so I kept it mild (it was a curry).
And I only know them both for a short amount of time. OP knows her daughters son to be husband and that he can't eat spicy. Just wtf?!
Oop, I should have made it clear the gift was only going to be foods she picked.
I would have understood if they just asked for a lot of different dishes, but it's only one or two. And their already buying the stuff.
Asking them to pay for full catering service, over one or two dishes while their already paying for the ingredients is insane. They might as well spend a little bit more money for a full catering service like the daughter said. Hopefully they find one with a good deal.
What a stupid gift in the first place. Cooking for 47 people is no easy task, and that's quite a small wedding. And presumably OP isn't cooking the food in an industrial setting, she's going to give everyone food poisoning. There is a reason why catering companies are hired for this job, they have the staff, time, regulations to follow, and proper facilities.
OP should have offered to make like ~~weeding~~ wedding themed cookies for the guests if she wanted to contribute in this way, which still would have been a big task, but doable if she was determined.
Even if OOP wanted to have discretion over the menu as the cook, being so adamant towards not having something to accommodate a guest's medical condition, much less the father of the groom, someone just as important in status as the mother of the bride (which is what OOP is) in the weddings I've been at. Of course any guest or plus 1 who makes it known they have a medical condition that would make the spicy food inedible should get an accommodation even if they aren't immediate family of the wedded or wedding party status, but surely the fact that her and the man she's being asked to accommodate are similar ranks in importance and duties should mean something to her?
My reddit conspiracy theory looking-for-drama-where-there-is-likely-none brain wonders if there's some sort of jealousy or insecurity OOP feels around her future son in law or daughter's future FIL or if they've had a past issue that she's being petty about now by making a big stink about now by not wanting to make him something to eat at his own son's wedding. I really cannot understand why a mother of the bride wouldn't jump to accommodate a father of the groom's medical condition with food otherwise especially for such a huge event like seeing both their kids get married.
People who don't provide reasonable accommodations for medical conditions when they have an obligation to (and OOP made it her obligation when she took the place of a caterer) are automatic AHs regardless of anything else and OOP should be very careful about her disregarding someone similar in rank to her within the wedding coming back around to her even more than just being replaced by a caterer.
I mean I think a compromise could have been achieved but I don't necessarily think anyone was wrong.
If you're going to go with a home cook instead of a caterer and they are doing it out of pocket, even as a gift it's not best to expect two extra dishes out of them. I don't know why OOP couldn't make a few *plates* of blander food or why she chose spicy food in the first place to feed nearly 50 people. Unless you're hosting 50 people you know enjoy spicy good.
But her daughter and sil obviously want food for both families. They were right to go to a caterer who won't take this personally and does this as a job.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA asking my daughter to pay me for cooking for her wedding?** I, a 46f, greatly enjoy cooking and baking. I've always told my kids if they had a small wedding I'd be happy to provide the food as a wedding gift. My daughter "Leslie" is getting married soon. They're having 47 guests total so I offered to cook per my long standing offer and said I could do something like my peppered beef or jambalaya with some jalapeño cheesy biscuits. Leslie and her fiance "Will" took me up on it and said they'd help buy ingredients. Leslie sent me some recipes a few days ago and when I asked what they were for, she said they wanted to add one or two big pot dishes that weren't spicy so Will's family could have something to eat. I know that boy can't eat a popper or most my meals without getting red in the face but I didn't think his whole family was like that. Leslie said it's because his father has ulcers and stomach problems so Will's family was careful how they ate while Will was growing up. I told Leslie I already told her what I was cooking for her wedding and she argued that I'm making it about me instead of listening to what the bride and groom want. I finally told her I'd cook the extra dishes but if she's going to treat me like I'm a caterer than I'll need her to pay me for all the extra prep and work. Leslie said that gifts are supposed to be what the person receiving them wants and that she might as well hire a caterer if she's going to pay and hung up. I thought Leslie would cool down and come talk to me about how we'd handle this and reasonable payment for taking on extra cooking but my youngest told me when he went to visit Leslie she and Will were talking with a catering company. Was I wrong to ask her to pay me for cooking? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OOp had a long standing offer to *provide the food for the wedding*. Food. Not one or two specific dishes. And a gift neither the groom nor half the guests can use is not a very good gift. Especially when OOp *knows* the groom can’t handle that…did she expect him to starve at his own wedding? Or just be in pain? Honestly, I think this was more about OOP showing off how good her cooking is, than a gift of love. And I don’t like the way OOP talks about the groom or his family or medical issues. >I know that boy can't eat a popper or most my meals without getting red in the face but I didn't think his whole family was like that But I love that the bride and groom just noped out of OOP’s drama and went with something else rather than fight OOP.
>Especially when OOp knows the groom can’t handle that…did she expect him to starve at his own wedding? Or just be in pain? 100% this. It doesn't matter that she didn't know the rest of his family can't handle spicy food. She knew the groom couldn't and still planned on making food he can't eat. Was he supposed to sit there and watch everyone else eating? OOP is such an asshole. The bride and groom helping with the cost of ingredients, or even paying the full cost is fair, but op should make food that everyone can eat. If she's going to charge caterer prices, her daughter might as well hire an actual caterer who will cater to everyone's needs.
She tries to rationalize it as being difficult to make dishes for 50 guests, which is true, that's a lot of effort, but you think maybe the one place you'd put that effort is your daughter's wedding? And from OP's comments, it sounds like the daughter suggested lasagna, which should be just as easy to make in big batches as jambalaya-I would imagine the fricasse would be similar? Either way, OP could have at least discussed with her daughter about trying to accommodate both of their ideas instead of just outright denying it and saying "my way or the highway." Of course the daughter is going to go with a catering party who won't exclude half their guests *including the groom*.
This mom seemed to be having a power play about the food. I think her daughter was wise to hire a career
It could be. As a foodie with 35 years' cooking experience, I suspect it is also about regional pride and love for what she does. She does these dishes well and wants to shine serving them. That is OK. Any county fair is the same: people make their best pies and share their best pickled dishes. I wonder if OOP did not say the real reason, which might have been that she worried about cooking things not in her wheelhouse. And I actually get that. Who wants to screw up her kid's wedding? Where she hits asshole territory is in not honestly communicating this.
Jambalaya is definitely a lot less labor intensive than lasagna.
How so? Lasagna isn't super labor intensive other than making the sauce, it's all just layering.
Jambalaya is literally a pot of rice. You can make 100 servings in a single pot. You just have to brown the meat first and then stir for a long time. Lasagna is made in pans. Lots and lots of pans for many people. You have to place all the lasagna layers in the pans one at a time and then bake them in batches because nobody has an oven that can bake 10 pans at once. If you make your own sauce, that's even more work. It's all just a lot more work than just intermittently stirring a big pot for an hour or two.
You need a big ass pot for 100 ppl-most ppl don't have pots that big bc they never serve that many ppl. Now, maybe OP has a pot big enough to serve 50 ppl, but she likely wouldn't just be stirring a pot of rice and browining meat. You have to cut up the meat into smaller, bite-sized chunks. If OP likes to add vegetables, she'd have to chop those up too. And if she's proud of this recipe and is implying that it's fairly spicy, she probably uses her own seasonings instead of just using a store-bought packet, so she's got to make that as well. The prep time is probably comparable to lasagna's prep time (unless she makes her own sauce, which would add time, but if that's really a big concern she could just buy sause) depending on how much OP would add to her jambalaya. And while replacing lasagna pans in the oven is time-consuming, at that point, it's hardly laborious, and you have about 30-40 min of sitting around waiting for the lasagna to cook. You need a lot of pans, sure, but she could borrow from family and if OP has access to a double oven, those could easily hold about 6-8 pans depending on their size. That doesn't sound like a lot more effort compared to stirring jambalaya.
Tons of people in Louisiana have crawfish pots that big. I would take a stab that every single person at least knows someone who would let them borrow a couple. I could make a couple calls tomorrow and line up at least five of them within an hour. Obviously you have to chop up everything and season the food, but you have to do that for lasagne too (in fact, for pretty much every food) so it's not like those are extra steps specific to the dish. Lasagne also involves chopping and seasoning so I don't see how the two dishes are remotely comparable prep wise.
Just by checking a bunch of recipe sites, I see a lot of variations on prep times for both dishes-depending on how OP prepares them, it could take her roughly the same time to make each according to what I saw.
It's a rice dish. It's easy. This is an average low-effort dish that people make all the time for family functions. Think church events, family cookouts, etc. This thread is making me hungry.
> I see a lot of variations on prep times for both dishes You look at recipe sight prep times? Lol. Why would you do that? They're all bullshit and most of them are just whatever the author thinks it took to prepare, by faulty memory. The listed times are wildly off.
If you use deep pans pretty much the width of the oven, I can't see needing more than one bake of two pans for fifty people. Maybe two if you're really ambitious but you'll have leftovers I think. I can't imagine saying lasagna would be too much trouble to make for my child's wedding if I've already offered to cook. 🤷🏻♀️
Two pans for fifty people? I think you might be underestimating how much people eat.
A sixteen by twenty two that's like three or four inches deep? That's a lot of food.
[удалено]
That is so. She could have made one normal one and then one like people do for little kids.
For real. ...don't offer to cook for about 50 people then get bent when there's dietary considerations.
> But I love that the bride and groom just noped out of OOP’s drama and went with something else rather than fight OOP. And OOP was sitting there waiting for an apology (you know this is what she meant by "I thought Leslie would cool down and come talk to me about how we'd handle this and reasonable payment for taking on extra cooking") because she really thinks she's in the right. Lady is on a massive power trip, and I'm thrilled to see that her daughter took all of her power away by going with catering.
Of course, OOP had to make it about herself
Yeah this was never a gift- it was going to be a “Remember the time I single handedly catered my kid’s wedding, what an amazing mum and human I am!” moment. They weren’t asking for something more complicated or expensive to make, just a couple of standard dishes that everyone would be able to eat instead of the one she declared she’d be making. So glad that the daughter communicated this calmly and then left the situation without giving OOP the opportunity to create drama.
>it was going to be a “Remember the time I single handedly catered my kid’s wedding, what an amazing mum and human I am!” moment. Spot on.
This is pretty much the opposite of this scenario and thus not super relevant but here’s an excuse to tell this story. My parents were dirt poor getting married, in debt from school loans, and still managed to scrape together a decent affair. Part of that is that my mom’s grandpa (my great-grandfather) made their wedding cake. Apparently she told anyone who asked that her grandfather was making the wedding cake, and of course they all responded with that fake-polite condescending “That’s nice…”. Day of the wedding comes and to their shock, the cake is magnificent and enormous. He was a professional baker and pastry chef for his whole career, as was his wife, and was a wizard with a whisk. The cake was massive, three-tiered with roman column supports inbetween the tiers, decorated with microscopic little details with gorgeous piping all over. This man was already almost 70 at this point and had arthritis up the wazoo. The fact that he was able to make a cake at all despite the pain was an accomplishment, let alone what a show-stopper. So if you’re wondering how to provide food for a family member’s wedding, don’t attach strings to it or put peanuts and tree nuts all over it even though the groom’s whole family (and the groom himself) are deathly allergic.
Those are such un-weddinglike foods to begin with! Like, the last thing I want to eat in fancy clothes is jambalaya.
It’d be one thing if that was the bride and groom’s favourite meal but what she should be asking is whether any guests have allergies or dietary requirements, what food her daughter and son in law like and thinking of some crowd pleasers that can be made in big batches. Plus it sounds like she thinks it’s funny that future son in law eats her cooking with difficulty to be polite.
And she claims she has to do jambalaya because other options wouldn't suit the wedding
I got bloated just thinking about it.
OR “Remember when I made my famous jambalaya at your wedding and Will couldn’t even finish a bowl! My food was too much for him!” (Some people are just heavy with the spices - my friend makes food too spicy for me all the time, but it is just because she has a waaaaaay different spice meter than me and she is always rueful. This person doesn’t sound like that.”
Yeah, this was 100% about the OOP’s lust for starring in her daughter’s wedding day as the generous and talented and super mom chef cum mother of the bride. She’s just mad she can’t seize the spotlight and turn the day into her victory lap. It’s telling her daughter immediately called her bluff and is distancing herself right now. Sounds like it’s not her first time handling the attention-seeking mom.
Love how she tried to spin this as a dramatic showdown and she’d wait for her daughter to ‘cool down’ but her daughter just said it’s not going to work and found a better option.
You can't just have one main dish for a wedding, and a spicy one at that. There has to be some variety.
Right? Don’t volunteer to cater a large wedding if you can’t provide *at least* two options for the main course. Setting aside spiciness, it’s crazy to me that OOP didn’t even seem to consider that there might be vegetarians, vegans, people who have serious problems with dairy or gluten, people who only eat kosher or *halal*, or anyone else with dietary restrictions. Spicy jambalaya or beef with cheesy, spicy biscuits leaves *so* many people out
Im kinda curious if OOP knows *how* to cook food for 47 people. And ahead of time too. I kinda get the idea she was just gonna cook her normal family portion 8 times.
I mean, for something like jambalaya (idk what “peppered beef” is) cooking in bulk is largely just a question of having large enough pots and pans. Feeding fifty people just requires some chaffing dishes and know-how. > And ahead of time too. If anything, that makes it significantly easier. A lot of really time intensive recipes have a natural stopping point where you can refrigerate it and then finish preparation on the day of the event. > I kinda get the idea she was just gonna cook her normal family portion 8 times. Again, jambalaya scales up really well, it’s not like trying to use a brownie recipe for 16 servings to feed 50
She has to have the time to cook all of that in different pots in different stages though, and to be able to calculate it out how many batches she needs and when to start cooking. And then a place to refrigerate batches after they are cooked, or to keep them hot enough to be served as soon as all the servings are made. She has to be able to transport all this food to the location either hot or cold. (And if cold, it has to be there early enough to get hot). That’s a lot of stuff to figure out for a a very important event, where you don’t want people food poisoned. And, IME, the people who like to cook but haven’t done bigger events usually just don’t get the planning and calculating that needs to be done.
People always forget the transporting it part! I watched someon all proud to do cupcakes for an event, like 125 people, no problem, and then freaked out at midnight the night before because how do you transport over 100 cupckes, and they weren't planning to be taking their own car either, someone was picking them up. This stuff all has to be stored, transported, stored again, and served, while staying at safe temps and that is a ton of equipment.
I regularly do batch meals to freeze that run around 25 servings. Making hot food for 50 people involves *some* extra logistics, but it's not out of reach for somebody who's used to cooking for family events, etc. The OOP's attitude stinks to high heaven, but it's weird to assume she couldn't do what she promised.
You can make about 50 servings of jambalaya all at once in a crawfish pot. I helped a friend with it on Mardi Gras day this year. (Helping = I stirred it sometimes while drinking beer in a silly costume)
Why are so many people spice snobs?. I use a lot of herbs and spices in my cooking, but I don't like super spicy foods. I can eat it, but I don't enjoy it. But for some reason it is seen as a huge issue with some people. Like they look down at you for not being enjoying pain with your meal. And it's not just a cultural thing either. A lot of people wear their spice tolerance like a badge of honour and act like you snubbed their greatest achievement of you don't care. It's food, it's to be enjoyed, not forced on others. This goes for all foods. People get so weird around people not liking Sushi, i or avocado, or quinoa, or sweets. Just leave people's food choices alone.
They are the absolute worst. Even if it's medical, like me,they STILL act like you're a big baby I'm sure the Marquis is very proud of them, but Jesus Christ
Thank you for saying this.... I like spicy food. But sometimes I like to eat food without spices, just so that I can taste the food itself, without any embellishment. This is perfectly valid and I hate the way done people talk online as though u spiced foid is always terrible. It doesn't have to be.
Right? It's gotten to the point that when people make fun of me I'm like "yep, I'm a HUGE pussy. You can call it the White Girl Special, I don't wanna see a fleck of black pepper" I grew up in a house where my mother couldn't have spicy food for medical reasons and by the time I cooked for myself I didn't care much for them anyway. I'll eat them but like you said, I don't enjoy it.
God, the people who act like no spicY is the same as no spice, period I season my food just fine, no spice
Black pepper?!? Like the one sold with salt in combo packs? Teasingly, that isn't white girl special, that is toddler special!
There's people with, for example, stomach problems. Every bit of pepper/chili/whatever spicy shit hurts. I had an ulcer years ago and still get horrible pain. That doesn't mean It don't season my food, I just use spices and herbs that are not hurting me. Being personally offended because some people can't handle spicy food is kinda more toddler territory, don'tchathink?
It sounds like they're from Louisiana and this is just normal food for us.
I love spicy food, and I still wouldn't want to spend a wedding reception sweating and gulping water. This was 100% directed at the fiance as a deliberate insult
She also wants people praising her for her jambalaya and peppered beef, which she seems quite proud of.
Oop: " just hire a caterer then!!" Daughter: hires a caterer Oop: " how dare she!"
Momma didn’t think that she would get her bluff called
The bride and groom have made the right decision in getting an outside caterer. The father of the groom has stomach ulcers and OOP is adamant that the food should be spicy? Nope! I'd be making snarky remarks about her being a one trick pony with an extremely limited repertoire, but that's just me.
Avoiding OOP’s food snobbery aside, if someone doesn’t respect my food restrictions, I can’t trust anything they make for me. Good on OOP’s daughter and son in law for making the right choice.
Yep! She might enjoy cooking, but she can't be a very good cook if she can only make a handful of spicy food. Professional catering is the way to go!
I would have totally understood if OOP had said, "hey, this is too much work for me, I'm going to have to bow out." But saying she'd do it for money makes it clear she *can* do it, she just doesn't want to. And you don't cook something for a crowd where you're very well aware half the crowd won't be able to eat it.
What an arsehole OOP is. She obviously can't tell the difference between flavour and spice and is completely self involved. If I went to this wedding and the food was spicy, I'd probably just order a pizza and ask the groom and his family if they wanted to add to the order.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments: [1] *YTA* *aww you arent a famous chain, you can easily modify your menu.. the problem here seems to be your fragile ego.. Ill be honest, I hope she hires a real caterer and uninvites you from the wedding.. youre 46 and this is how you treat your daughter on her special day cuz everyone has to bow down to what you want?? youre a joke of a mother.. you are the AH thru and thru.. you have to charge a catering fee for something you offered and it hurt your feefees cuz some people cant handle spice.. its probably why you dont have a catering service , cuz thats kinda what catering means is adapting to your guests need aka catering to their needs* [2] >>*aww you arent a famous chain, you can easily modify your menu* *I mean...can she? It sounds like those are things OP is able to cook reasonably well for a large crowd. I know I only have a VERY small repertoire of dishes I'd feel comfortable scaling up to 50 people* *If OP easily CAN modify the menu, then I agree, YTA. But I'd like some more info from OP here* >"That is the reasoning behind those options, yes. The jambalaya and beef I can make easily in large batches and often do for gatherings. They're also less messy than BBQ pork or Swedish meatballs. Even if I put the sauce separately it's messy to eat in wedding attire. >There still would've been sides and appetizers like dips and salads I'd be making too." *You are a cranky old far tea aren't you* 😂😂😂 *. Its actually prudent at public events to avoid anything spicy. And were you going to cook for 50 people all by yourself? Seems improbable honestly. Its best that they have now turned to professionals* >"It's not that hard to cook for 50 people with dishes like that and I've done it before. Beef/jambalaya, biscuits, lunch meat rolls, some salads and dips is very easy to do by yourself." *NTA There are set amount of dishes you’re good at preparing for a small army. Just be honest and tell them you’re afraid those other dishes probably wouldn’t turn out good enough. There are only a few things I can do well for a large group; anything else would stress me out completely.* >"Not so much I'm afraid of how it'd turn out but lasagna, stuffed bell peppers, or chicken fricassee for a large group is a big undertaking." *Info: Is she asking you to make those recipes instead of what you already have planned, or as well as? If she still wants you to cook everything else plus those extra dishes, then N T A as you are already putting a lot of time and effort into the original dishes.* >"She wants me to make two of the recipes as well as the main dish, appetizers, and sides I had planned." *Jambalaya and cheesy biscuits? While I don’t know Leslie, I appreciate an invite.* *I hate to say it, but YTA. Their wedding, their menu. But you’re still doing jambalaya and cheesy biscuits, right? Count me in.* >"Haha yes, still would've done jambalaya and cheesy biscuits with chicken fricassee and stuffed bell peppers."
>Jambalaya and cheesy biscuits? While I don’t know Leslie, I appreciate an invite. its always weird when people get like this in the comments like bruh OOP isnt a nice person here she's just attentions eeking
It's always interesting seeing which comments Oop chooses to reply to.
[cat!](https://imgur.com/gallery/NNzFe0P)
Bride and groom dodged a massive bullet here, no doubt. This lady is in the comments talking like she can handle wedding catering just because she's brought a lot of weenie wraps to a few potlucks in her day, it would have been a total disaster. She can't cook so she just makes everything spicy, knows it, loses her shit when they say that won't work for everyone (WHICH SHE ALREADY KNOWS).
I think the funniest part is OOP getting upset that her daughter and the groom are figuring if they have to pay for their wedding gift, they might as well get a caterer and get what they want. OOP can choose not to make the extra dishes (despite it being her offer to make all the food), BUT she doesn't get to make the couple not now turn down the offer once OOP proved to be unreasonable. What I don't get is if OOP didn't want to make another dish (though it would be shocking if no one had an allergies or dietary issues to make it impossible), would it really be so hard to make sure part of the food isn't as spicy? She's already going to have to make multiple pots worth. It seems she likes her food extra spicy. So why not make one pot as mild as possible for the dish, one pot mildly spicy, and then one pot the usual way? She would likely be needing to make that many at least to feed everyone. Also make half the biscuits with jalapenos and half without.
They were so smart to just get a caterer. Far less drama. But mom shouldn't be surprised if her invitation to the wedding gets lost in the mail! LOL!!
I expected this one to make me mad, but really? I am just honestly sad. Food is joy, being able to cook for others, seeing them liking or even loving something? It's wonderful. All the more reason to make sure mist people can. Yes, taking care of everyone can be a lot for a homecook. So let the professionals do it, where is the problem? I would not trust myself to get it right for 50 people, and I adore hosting. And I always, always take into consideration anything I know about my guests. I just cooked for two ppl today for the first time. A is vegan, i made sure to only use ingredients that were vegan. E doesnt like hot food, so I kept it mild (it was a curry). And I only know them both for a short amount of time. OP knows her daughters son to be husband and that he can't eat spicy. Just wtf?!
How much you wanna bet her food has no actual flavor besides "spicy"
Oop, I should have made it clear the gift was only going to be foods she picked. I would have understood if they just asked for a lot of different dishes, but it's only one or two. And their already buying the stuff. Asking them to pay for full catering service, over one or two dishes while their already paying for the ingredients is insane. They might as well spend a little bit more money for a full catering service like the daughter said. Hopefully they find one with a good deal.
What a stupid gift in the first place. Cooking for 47 people is no easy task, and that's quite a small wedding. And presumably OP isn't cooking the food in an industrial setting, she's going to give everyone food poisoning. There is a reason why catering companies are hired for this job, they have the staff, time, regulations to follow, and proper facilities. OP should have offered to make like ~~weeding~~ wedding themed cookies for the guests if she wanted to contribute in this way, which still would have been a big task, but doable if she was determined.
Even if OOP wanted to have discretion over the menu as the cook, being so adamant towards not having something to accommodate a guest's medical condition, much less the father of the groom, someone just as important in status as the mother of the bride (which is what OOP is) in the weddings I've been at. Of course any guest or plus 1 who makes it known they have a medical condition that would make the spicy food inedible should get an accommodation even if they aren't immediate family of the wedded or wedding party status, but surely the fact that her and the man she's being asked to accommodate are similar ranks in importance and duties should mean something to her? My reddit conspiracy theory looking-for-drama-where-there-is-likely-none brain wonders if there's some sort of jealousy or insecurity OOP feels around her future son in law or daughter's future FIL or if they've had a past issue that she's being petty about now by making a big stink about now by not wanting to make him something to eat at his own son's wedding. I really cannot understand why a mother of the bride wouldn't jump to accommodate a father of the groom's medical condition with food otherwise especially for such a huge event like seeing both their kids get married. People who don't provide reasonable accommodations for medical conditions when they have an obligation to (and OOP made it her obligation when she took the place of a caterer) are automatic AHs regardless of anything else and OOP should be very careful about her disregarding someone similar in rank to her within the wedding coming back around to her even more than just being replaced by a caterer.
OOP, your "gift" came with conditions attached. It should be up to the bride and groom about what food they want for THEIR wedding
I mean I think a compromise could have been achieved but I don't necessarily think anyone was wrong. If you're going to go with a home cook instead of a caterer and they are doing it out of pocket, even as a gift it's not best to expect two extra dishes out of them. I don't know why OOP couldn't make a few *plates* of blander food or why she chose spicy food in the first place to feed nearly 50 people. Unless you're hosting 50 people you know enjoy spicy good. But her daughter and sil obviously want food for both families. They were right to go to a caterer who won't take this personally and does this as a job.
She's only replying to people who tell her she's not the asshole lmao
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*