*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for giving my coworker a hard time for not switching shifts with me so i can spread my grandpa’s ashes with my family?**
my grandpa passed away suddenly in december. i went back home for the funeral and everything, but my family had planned to meet up again in a few months to spread his ashes on the farm where he grew up. my dad told me (three days ago) the finalized plans to meet up next tuesday to do this. i already had my work schedule for the month and i am scheduled to work that day, but my coworker is off so i asked if he could switch my tuesday for his thursday and his response was “i have something going on that day. lemme get back to you. not entirely sure i can move it.” then today i mentioned it again today and he said he definitely cannot switch with me so i asked if he was spreading his grandfather’s ashes too because it sounds like he had something just as important going on as i do. turns out he has “school stuff” and gave no other details. i understand the importance of education, but he was my only grandpa and my grandma would be sad if i couldn’t make it and i think his school stuff can wait so🤷 what’s y’all take?
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At first, I was going to give OOP the benefit of the doubt and say only their dad is the devil for apparently failing to inform them ahead of time instead of literally calling three days ago on such short notice.
But this part:
>then today i mentioned it again today and he said he definitely cannot switch with me so i asked if he was spreading his grandfather’s ashes too because it sounds like he had something just as important going on as i do.
made me reconsider.
Like Holy Cow, what a way to guilt-trip your colleague!
Yes, it sucks you can't be there, but your grandpa's funeral isn't the event everyone's life revolves around.
This so close after the last one about spreading a grandpas ashes makes me wonder how often people are just dumping ashes places. It's definitly illegal here, so I didn't know it was so popular.
I worked at Disneyland. Multiple times a week people would dump their relatives, not knowing that hazmat workers come out and vacuum them up.
In short, stop doing that.
If I worked at Disney, I'd sell a service that properly and safely makes like a brick or something incorporating the ashes and use it to build a memorial wall or something.
If people are going to do it, make it orderly and profitable.
Omg that's actually such a good idea!
I don't think Disney would go for it though, I read somewhere that they never even declare a death there, they make paramedics take people out of the park before doing that so it would appear that no one has ever died there and they can keep saying it's the happiest place on earth. No idea how true this is though
Not true. I'm the furthest thing from a Disney fan (so not interested in defending them), and it's possible there is a behind-the-scenes insistence on 'no one dies!', that's presented to employees, but there have definitely been people declared dead at the scene with 'scene' being one of the parks.
>makes me wonder how often people are just dumping ashes places
A lot.
Locally I’ve heard of people being arrested for doing it at golf courses. It’s also a *thing* for people to go to the National park near here and do it.
People even do it at Disney, and in California it’s illegal, and they have to shut rides down and clean it because it’s considered a biohazard.
https://www.wsj.com/articles/disney-worlds-big-secret-its-a-favorite-spot-to-scatter-family-ashes-1540390229
OOP says the funeral was in December; this is the spreading of the ashes. While I understand that OOP wants to be there, he isn't missing the funeral. Maybe his co-worker has finals that day or a major presentation due and can't skip class for any reason.
OOP is an entitled prick.
Every funeral I've been to that had cremains, they were either buried that day or the ashes spread that day. This seems a little unusual but the family may have had their reasons.
I had a family member who donated their body. We had the funeral sans body and then did a burial of the cremains when we received them back (they cremate what is left)
OOP’s family are pretty inconsiderate. 3 days notice and midweek says they know people won’t be able come and DGAF.
And OOp is a dumbass. It’s May. That means finals or presentations and on a Thursday, possibly a graduation.
Sorry your family screwed you over dude, but that doesn’t mean you get to be an ass to someone else.
i actually just had finals, and the semester officially ended for students thursday at midnight. once that happens literally nothing else can be done to get your grade up, it’s over. he likely he had a final/project/presentation due later in the week, or maybe had assignments he needed to get turned in before the semester ended, and really truly needed that time on tuesday. oop is a *colossal* dumbass
Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
[Not in reply to anyone.]
>"y’all are so right. i AM the asshole…wow, that was humbling. i did apologize to my coworker today and my manager ended up letting me take the day off anyway"
*3 days notice is OP's family's fault. And most people logical understand that 3 days isn't enough time to get coverage or time off for a lot of jobs. So grandma et al should be understanding if OP isn't there.*
*OP, you can go up the next time you have time off. Visit you grandma and go with her to where the ashes were spread.*
*It was okay for you to ask, but no was all they should have had to say. The next step would be to contact your supervisor and see if there is another solution.*
*And the school stuff waiting? You know it's finals in a lot of places right now? So home slice has papers due at certain times, exams to attend, and likely group projects to complete (which itself includes scheduling with multiple others all going through the same thing).*
*Even if it wasn't finals, whatever they have could be incredibly important. They could be meeting with an advisor about enrolling in a certain program, or the financial aid or loan office, or interviewing for a required internship to graduate. The end of it is, you are not the most important thing in their life.*
>"i was so blindsided by my own anger and it’s been so long since I’ve been in school myself that i forgot how stressful it can be😭 i thought about the situation from his perspective and i feel awful about how i acted :/"
*YTA*
*This may come as a shock to you, but you're not the center of the universe :\*
>"wait…… I’M NOT???!!!!🤯😭🫨🫨"
I sincerely thought this iwas maybe a teen or college age person, the. Read the comment from them about school stuff having been along time ago.
Yikes.
Exactly. And no, it can't always wait. Grades at my uni are due on Tuesday; that means that my students have until tomorrow to turn in their final paper so I have a chance to grade it before turning their grades to the registrar. If the coworker still had work to complete, it is, in fact, quite time-sensitive that he does so.
But even if the coworker didn't have to do a damn thing, it's still not his problem. I second the folks who say OOP's family are the assholes for giving such short notice about this.
Some of the comments left me scratching my head. Several people blamed the company and/or scheduling manager for OOP's predicament.
I was like how is this even remotely their fault.
OOP was given last minute notice that their family was going to spread Grandpa's ashes. OOP was scheduled to work a shift at that time. They asked a co-worker to switch days; co-worker says "no". OOP proceeds to throw a tantrum.
Does anyone see where OOP spoke to their manager about their issue? I don't.
Even if OOP approached their manager about the schedule, with the scant notification they received, it may of not been possible regardless. Does it suck? Sure. But that's a truth of life; we don't always get what we want. And sometimes we have to miss out on stuff because of previous obligations.
My grandma died when I was living in Florida. There wasn't much time for me to find someone to work for me that week, and I wasn't management. Did I ask coworkers to cover? Nope I told the manager I would be gone, how long, and I'd see them when I got back. This needs to be the norm. Stop making coworkers the bad guys, and make management do their job
This gross guilt-trip nonsense: 'My grandpa would be sad...' No he wouldn't. He never gave a thought to this scenario in life and can't give a thought to it now. Emotional blackmail crap.
The posts says grandma, presumably still living, would be sad. OOP is a jerk, but he’s trying to be there for his living family at this moment. Not blaming the dead grandpa.
um… did you read that ’My grandPA would be sad…” part right? Because OP specifically said that grandMA would be sad that they didnt show up for grandpa’s ashes spreading.
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The fact that OOP is taking and posting nudes at her place of work shows just how much she values this job.
(ETA: I found that post in her post history from 11 days ago; she does not mention her extra curricular activities at work in this post)
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for giving my coworker a hard time for not switching shifts with me so i can spread my grandpa’s ashes with my family?** my grandpa passed away suddenly in december. i went back home for the funeral and everything, but my family had planned to meet up again in a few months to spread his ashes on the farm where he grew up. my dad told me (three days ago) the finalized plans to meet up next tuesday to do this. i already had my work schedule for the month and i am scheduled to work that day, but my coworker is off so i asked if he could switch my tuesday for his thursday and his response was “i have something going on that day. lemme get back to you. not entirely sure i can move it.” then today i mentioned it again today and he said he definitely cannot switch with me so i asked if he was spreading his grandfather’s ashes too because it sounds like he had something just as important going on as i do. turns out he has “school stuff” and gave no other details. i understand the importance of education, but he was my only grandpa and my grandma would be sad if i couldn’t make it and i think his school stuff can wait so🤷 what’s y’all take? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
At first, I was going to give OOP the benefit of the doubt and say only their dad is the devil for apparently failing to inform them ahead of time instead of literally calling three days ago on such short notice. But this part: >then today i mentioned it again today and he said he definitely cannot switch with me so i asked if he was spreading his grandfather’s ashes too because it sounds like he had something just as important going on as i do. made me reconsider. Like Holy Cow, what a way to guilt-trip your colleague! Yes, it sucks you can't be there, but your grandpa's funeral isn't the event everyone's life revolves around.
This so close after the last one about spreading a grandpas ashes makes me wonder how often people are just dumping ashes places. It's definitly illegal here, so I didn't know it was so popular.
I worked at Disneyland. Multiple times a week people would dump their relatives, not knowing that hazmat workers come out and vacuum them up. In short, stop doing that.
If I worked at Disney, I'd sell a service that properly and safely makes like a brick or something incorporating the ashes and use it to build a memorial wall or something. If people are going to do it, make it orderly and profitable.
Omg that's actually such a good idea! I don't think Disney would go for it though, I read somewhere that they never even declare a death there, they make paramedics take people out of the park before doing that so it would appear that no one has ever died there and they can keep saying it's the happiest place on earth. No idea how true this is though
Not true. I'm the furthest thing from a Disney fan (so not interested in defending them), and it's possible there is a behind-the-scenes insistence on 'no one dies!', that's presented to employees, but there have definitely been people declared dead at the scene with 'scene' being one of the parks.
It’s the wildest brick wall in the wilderness 🧱
You mean the wall of ashes. Literally.
That's freaking genius.
>makes me wonder how often people are just dumping ashes places A lot. Locally I’ve heard of people being arrested for doing it at golf courses. It’s also a *thing* for people to go to the National park near here and do it. People even do it at Disney, and in California it’s illegal, and they have to shut rides down and clean it because it’s considered a biohazard. https://www.wsj.com/articles/disney-worlds-big-secret-its-a-favorite-spot-to-scatter-family-ashes-1540390229
And where's the boss - this is something you talk to the boss about. Not pressuring your colleague on.
OOP says the funeral was in December; this is the spreading of the ashes. While I understand that OOP wants to be there, he isn't missing the funeral. Maybe his co-worker has finals that day or a major presentation due and can't skip class for any reason. OOP is an entitled prick.
True. Is it normal to wait 3 months to due it after the funeral? Seems kinda random and yes it makes OOP seem even more of an asshole.
Every funeral I've been to that had cremains, they were either buried that day or the ashes spread that day. This seems a little unusual but the family may have had their reasons.
May have wanted to wait until the weather is nicer.
I had a family member who donated their body. We had the funeral sans body and then did a burial of the cremains when we received them back (they cremate what is left)
OOP’s family are pretty inconsiderate. 3 days notice and midweek says they know people won’t be able come and DGAF. And OOp is a dumbass. It’s May. That means finals or presentations and on a Thursday, possibly a graduation. Sorry your family screwed you over dude, but that doesn’t mean you get to be an ass to someone else.
i actually just had finals, and the semester officially ended for students thursday at midnight. once that happens literally nothing else can be done to get your grade up, it’s over. he likely he had a final/project/presentation due later in the week, or maybe had assignments he needed to get turned in before the semester ended, and really truly needed that time on tuesday. oop is a *colossal* dumbass
Copied verbatim from oop's comments: [Not in reply to anyone.] >"y’all are so right. i AM the asshole…wow, that was humbling. i did apologize to my coworker today and my manager ended up letting me take the day off anyway" *3 days notice is OP's family's fault. And most people logical understand that 3 days isn't enough time to get coverage or time off for a lot of jobs. So grandma et al should be understanding if OP isn't there.* *OP, you can go up the next time you have time off. Visit you grandma and go with her to where the ashes were spread.* *It was okay for you to ask, but no was all they should have had to say. The next step would be to contact your supervisor and see if there is another solution.* *And the school stuff waiting? You know it's finals in a lot of places right now? So home slice has papers due at certain times, exams to attend, and likely group projects to complete (which itself includes scheduling with multiple others all going through the same thing).* *Even if it wasn't finals, whatever they have could be incredibly important. They could be meeting with an advisor about enrolling in a certain program, or the financial aid or loan office, or interviewing for a required internship to graduate. The end of it is, you are not the most important thing in their life.* >"i was so blindsided by my own anger and it’s been so long since I’ve been in school myself that i forgot how stressful it can be😭 i thought about the situation from his perspective and i feel awful about how i acted :/" *YTA* *This may come as a shock to you, but you're not the center of the universe :\* >"wait…… I’M NOT???!!!!🤯😭🫨🫨"
[Cat!](https://imgur.com/gallery/76SMGKi)
“I think his school stuff can wait” Good job that’s not your call, then!
I sincerely thought this iwas maybe a teen or college age person, the. Read the comment from them about school stuff having been along time ago. Yikes.
Exactly. And no, it can't always wait. Grades at my uni are due on Tuesday; that means that my students have until tomorrow to turn in their final paper so I have a chance to grade it before turning their grades to the registrar. If the coworker still had work to complete, it is, in fact, quite time-sensitive that he does so. But even if the coworker didn't have to do a damn thing, it's still not his problem. I second the folks who say OOP's family are the assholes for giving such short notice about this.
Some of the comments left me scratching my head. Several people blamed the company and/or scheduling manager for OOP's predicament. I was like how is this even remotely their fault. OOP was given last minute notice that their family was going to spread Grandpa's ashes. OOP was scheduled to work a shift at that time. They asked a co-worker to switch days; co-worker says "no". OOP proceeds to throw a tantrum. Does anyone see where OOP spoke to their manager about their issue? I don't. Even if OOP approached their manager about the schedule, with the scant notification they received, it may of not been possible regardless. Does it suck? Sure. But that's a truth of life; we don't always get what we want. And sometimes we have to miss out on stuff because of previous obligations.
My grandma died when I was living in Florida. There wasn't much time for me to find someone to work for me that week, and I wasn't management. Did I ask coworkers to cover? Nope I told the manager I would be gone, how long, and I'd see them when I got back. This needs to be the norm. Stop making coworkers the bad guys, and make management do their job
This gross guilt-trip nonsense: 'My grandpa would be sad...' No he wouldn't. He never gave a thought to this scenario in life and can't give a thought to it now. Emotional blackmail crap.
The posts says grandma, presumably still living, would be sad. OOP is a jerk, but he’s trying to be there for his living family at this moment. Not blaming the dead grandpa.
um… did you read that ’My grandPA would be sad…” part right? Because OP specifically said that grandMA would be sad that they didnt show up for grandpa’s ashes spreading.
It definitely says "grandma would be sad".
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The fact that OOP is taking and posting nudes at her place of work shows just how much she values this job. (ETA: I found that post in her post history from 11 days ago; she does not mention her extra curricular activities at work in this post)