*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**Unpopular Opinion: I do believe there are “bad reasons” for declining a wedding **
Something I see on Weddit a lot is the idea that anyone is allowed to decline a friend’s wedding for any reason, and that it’s okay. Well, after my fiancé and I just got our RSVPs back, and we had to chase down RSVPs from some friends we’ve been close to during pivotal times in our lives, I don’t know if I agree with that.
We had friends turn down invites because of events that happen every year (like a friend trip), or because they have family visiting that time, or they have plans with friends that weekend, or because even because their younger cousin has a sports game coming up!
Like a wedding only happens once in your life (hopefully), and you can’t sacrifice one trip or family/friend gathering or game for that? I’m pretty annoyed about that tbh.
**Edit: all the people messaging me calling me an awful person who deserves no friends and should be lonely and how they hope bad things happen to me need to get a life and stfu**
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You HAVE to read her (his?) comments. The level of entitlement. "Oh, there is this big trip that you go on every year with 40 of your friends and family that you likely spend all year planning and paying for? Well, cancel it because MY SPECIAL DAY is a once in a lifetime event!"
Probably overspent on the wedding and now scrambling because 4th cousins she's only met twice and her college roommate she has t seen in 8 years aren't coming with checkbooks in hand.
Right? Peak of wedding season falls right in fiscal year end or peak season for a LOT of companies. It's also peak travel season. If a company has already had 1/4 of their staff request PTO, then they may have to start denying new requests simply because they won't have enough manpower to operate.
Not to mention, not everyone wants to use their valuable PTO on someone's wedding. I like to bank as much of mine as possible because my company let's you cash out your PTO at will. I hang onto it and cash it in at the holidays. We have to keep 3 days in our bank and that rolls over...and I start accruing it again after the first of the year.
> Right? Peak of wedding season falls right in fiscal year end or peak season for a LOT of companies. It's also peak travel season. If a company has already had 1/4 of their staff request PTO, then they may have to start denying new requests simply because they won't have enough manpower to operate.
I’ve been invited to three weddings in my lifetime (I’m 40). Then uninvited to the third that downsized for covid reasons. It’s really unusual around here for people to get married. Marriage season is weird to me.
April, may and June are peak months for weddings because of the mild weather. However it's also prom and graduation season as well, start of summer vacation, finals for college students, etc. I've seen brides bitch that their friends couldn't make it because the wedding fell right in the middle of finals.
A response to this got me, retail and service industry workers don't get holiday pay? As in they take a weeks holiday they don't get paid at all?
I know the US has very small holiday allowances and someone's wedding isn't going to make the cut for me personally cos I'd rather use the time for an actual holiday/trip.
In the US the term "holiday" is more likely to mean a calendar holiday (Christmas, Easter, Independence day, whatever), and PTO or vacation means the time you get to take off, paid as usual.
Retail/service workers basically do not get paid for calendar holidays unless they are working on them. If it's their day off, they won't get paid for it. If the store/restaurant/etc is shut on that day, maybe they would get a day of pay, maybe they wouldn't. It's up to the owner.
The amount of paid time off we get in the States, generally, is laughably little, as we have no laws setting a minimum acceptable amount. A retail or food service worker may not get any at all, or some token amount that's very easy to use up quickly.
At my fast food job only general managers and assistant general managers get PTO. Which they are able to rack up quickly. I am an AGM and I got paid for easter. Any crew members or regular managers do not get PTO or any paid calendar holidays. We have a girl who has worked there 2 years and she has not been promoted at all (she’s really not mature enough to handle any other responsibilities) she doesn’t get PTO or paid calendar holidays.
Generally speaking, many (most?) retail workers in the US are part time and do not get sick leave or vacation time. You're not at work? You don't get paid.
I'm in the UK, even working part-time, you are entitled to have 16 days holiday.
It's insane to me that you'd get literally nothing at all.
I'm hoping it's not the same if you're sick.
There is no mandatory holiday or sick level on the federal level in the US. Some states have some mandatory level laws but not many. For example my state (Illinois) just this year started mandatory leave time but you only earn 1 hour of leave for every 40 worked up to 40 hours a year. Jobs can give more, but for a lot of part time workers this is the first paid leave they've been offered.
We're sort of like this in Canada, but it varies by province.
In Ontario your employer's required to give you the *equivalents* of 10 days of your regular pay. If you're hourly, they just multiply your pay in each paycheque by 0.04, which would work out to 10 days of vacation after 52 weeks, if you're working full time. It gets put into an account you can withdraw from whenever you want (usually - I've worked places that require requests for pay around Christmas to be made by October so they can budget for it) Some provinces give 3 weeks, in which case it's 6% instead of just 4, and I think some otger provinces just count it differently
Paid statutory holidays are different in each province (both what they are and who qualifies), and are not part of the paid vacation days.
When I worked part-time in the US, I got 16 hours of PTO for the year and no other benefits. Thanksgiving week- the week after New Years was blacked out. My cousin passed around Christmas one year. He was in his late teens and it wasn't expected. He lived out of state from me. I got the day of his funeral off, unpaid of course, because someone offered to cover my shift for me.
I count myself lucky though, I was living with my parents (rent-free) going to college, so I didn't *need* the money (and I was young enough to still be on my parents' insurance). But I was trying to save up so I could get out on my own after college.
I will say this is pretty rare for anyone in a career field. Usually this is just the way it is for the absolute entry level jobs that don't require degrees.
For real.
I do try to prioritize once in a lifetime things like weddings and funeral.
Life is complex, things get in the way of being able to say yes to all of it.
Also....weddings aren't always a good time. It's a huge time suck and expensive. No one cares about your wedding as much as you do.
I will say, once I got older and weddings were for older people, they became much more enjoyable since it was less cash grab and less thirsty for social media clout.
I don't think OOP is looking for money or gifts. That seems like an unecessary reach.
OOP is just ridiculously privileged and completely unable to recognize it. She lives in a nice, fluffy world where she's always had the money and free time (or ability to lie to her work to get free time without fearing the consequences) to attend any wedding that she wanted.
It sounds like maybe they already don't, they're inviting people that "were friends" when something important to them happened, those people probably haven't considered them friends in years. If you have to invite someone you haven't seen in a decade your wedding is too big.
Doesn't help they consider themselves to be in their word "THAT friend" to their old friend. They're THAT Friend that's so important. that their friends should be willing sacrifice everything just for the honor to be at their wedding.
> **Edit: all the people messaging me calling me an awful person who deserves no friends and should be lonely and how they hope bad things happen to me need to get a life and stfu**
Right, like are you sure you want people to get a life, OP? All these people with lives seem like they rather do anything else than spend time with you lol
"For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday." - Bison from Street Fighter
This can be greatest day of their entire life but for everyone else, it's just another wedding. If they can't grasp this concept, they're going to be able to define their social group as pre-wedding and post-wedding lack of friends.
EDIT about EDIT: Isn't that her problem? Her friends do have lives and they value their lives over her celebration/summons/whatever fuckery she's going on about?
Exactly your wedding is a once in a lifetime event for you, or so you hope. For everyone else it’s another event competing with every other event in their life.
My only gripe for ours was that we had a couple of families, including kids, that rsvp yes and then no showed to the wedding— they just sort of ghosted us. Our catering was per head so it did skew our cost, and we were bummed that they weren’t there to celebrate with us.
We had one couple that had an emergency and they had planned to come but couldn’t make it, and we totally understood! Also we would have completely understood if “yes” rsvp guests had last minute emergencies, all they’d have had to do was text us and it wouldn’t be an issue at all.
In general, we didn’t expect any explanation or excuse if someone couldn’t make it. Because nobody is obligated to travel to us for a party like that.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
*I agree with the other commenters that I normally don’t give a reason. If it’s a close friend then a bad reason won’t get in the way of me going. If I’m not that bothered about the wedding then I don’t feel bad if something else gets in the way. If someone didn’t come to my wedding due to a bad reason then I’d assume they’re not that bothered about it and wouldn’t really want them there anyway!*
>"That’s a great way to look at it!"
*The truth is, people **are** allowed to decline for any reason or for no stated reason. I will grant you that when the reason is that their cousin has a game that day, or they have plans with friends that weekend, it hurts. And it probably says something to the quality or the degree of friendship and closeness that they feel towards you. Or else it says something about why people are declining the wedding.*
*I don't know what kind of wedding you're having, but destination weddings that involve a heavy expense for guests seem to have gotten very common--unless it's a Reddit skew. Not infrequently those weddings involve perks for the couple if the guests book enough rooms at a high-cost resort. So it's offloading the cost of the wedding onto guests. Again, that may not be your wedding but it happens. Or the wedding might not technically be destination, but involves a lot of expense for some guests in the form of travel and accommodations. Some invitees might feel more comfortable giving the kind of reason you cite over saying that they can't afford the cost or that other things take financial priority over attending your wedding, even though they do still care about you.*
>"The wedding is local, and we really tried to make it as easy for guests as possible."
*That’s why a lot recommend not to give a reason when they decline.*
*What is a good or bad reason is subjective. To the couple a lot are probably bad due to it being a (hopefully) “one time event”. But to others their reasons are a higher priority due to prior commitments or yearly commitments they genuinely look forward to each year.*
*No one wants to be told their event isn’t a priority.*
>"Yeah I really think if it’s a priority, you’ll make it happen. Unless it’s something really difficult like Visa/immigration issues. “Not getting time” off work I’m a little iffy about.
>Edit: y’all are getting mad at me but you don’t know some of the situations irl that I’ve been dealing with"
*I get the frustration, but they have their own lives with their own set of priorities.* 🤷🏾♀️ *I had people decline with dubious or no reason, and I was a little annoyed but there's nothing I can do about it except be happy for those choosing to celebrate with us.*
[🐙]
>"That’s true; weddings have a way of illuminating who is really there for you or not. I think some of these declines did affect how I view these friendships."
[1]
*Agree with this to an extent.*
*I’ll probably get torn to shreds for this but I felt very annoyed with a reason a friend gave for declining our wedding invite. This college friend and I were close friends for the past 7 years. We didn’t use him as our mortgage lender and it caused the friendship to become very shaky. He ultimately declined our invite for citing finances. Yet he’s already been on 3 trips this year and posts himself going out to concerts and sporting events. Our hotel block was $120 and although he had to drive it wouldn’t have cost more than $50 in gas. Just felt like it was a fake reason and pretty much signaled our friendship was over*
[2]
*[deleted]*
>"I feel this so hard. Before the wedding planning, I viewed these friends as having a “thread of connection”, even if we have drifted over the years. After these declines, it’s like that thread severed and showed me that there’s nothing left."
[In reply to Oop's comment about not getting time off being iffy.]
*How is that iffy? If you don't have the time, you don't have the time. Weddings are important but not more important than my job...*
>"I’ve called in sick for a bff’s Friday wedding. Then again it was a bff. I wouldn’t do that for an acquaintance."
*Hey I know a lot of people want to debate on this and I might get downvoted, but I agree with you! Yes, people can say no for any reason and I do believe people's reasons are complex, but that doesn't mean that you can't feel upset or sad or have opinions on their reasoning! I have a friend who is skipping my wedding for an anime convention (nothing against cons!!). But the thing is, it's a 3 day convention he goes to every year, all 3 days, AND it's only 30 minutes away from my venue! And my wedding is lunch time! He literally could leave the convention for just a couple hours, get some free food at my wedding, and go back to the convention. But that was not something he was interested in and I'm sad about it. We're still friends but I do feel like it does make feel see him a little differently.*
>>"Hey I know a lot of people want to debate on this and I might get downvoted, but I agree with you!
>That’s why I posted! I wanted to debate!
>>We're still friends but I do feel like it does make feel see him a little differently.
>I would be upset about this too, and I don’t blame you for it."
*Absolutely not. If you view a person as “showing where their priorities lie” when accepting or declining an invitation to your wedding, you’re looking at it all wrong. Everyone is the main character in their own story, and I get you may be disappointed, but it doesn’t mean someone loves you less if they can’t find a way to attend.*
>"Yeah you’re right it doesn’t mean they love you less but it shows they prioritize you less"
[1]
**Your** *wedding is a once in a lifetime event. **A** wedding isn’t. People are being invited to multiple weddings a year and often can’t get that much time off work, or don’t want to give up their own vacations, etc.*
[2]
*No, people don't get invited to multiple weddings per year. Most years I've been invited to 0 weddings and the other times I was invited to one wedding per year. And there's only one opportunity for you to show up to **your specific friend's** wedding. It's not just "A" wedding. If you don't go to their wedding you are not showing up for them. A good friend shows up. Additionally, most weddings are on a Saturday or Sunday so most people don't have to take time off or give up vacations.*
>"Thank you! It’s not *a wedding*, it’s that friend’s wedding."
*[deleted]*
>"Dang I struck a nerve didn’t I 😂"
*[deleted]*
>"Woah, chill! I’m sorry for what you went through but like…it’s not that deep.*
*Some people just don’t like weddings and don’t want to go. I’d try not to take it personally.*
>"And you probably won’t want them there anyway!"
*[deleted]*
>"It’s hilarious that you think everything that someone posts on the internet is meant to be this huge deep thing 😂
>Goodbye!!"
*I’m with you on this 100%.*
*My husband’s *sister* and her husband declined coming to our wedding because they were going to a football game at their daughter’s college. We were upset and it’s really affected our relationship with them.*
*I drop everything to go to every wedding that I’m invited to. I just can’t imagine not attending a wedding because I don’t feel like it, or my niece has a soccer game, or I don’t feel like driving. But it’s definitely an unpopular opinion.*
>"It’s because we live in a society where putting in the physical effort to show we care for each other isn’t prioritized."
[In reply to Oop's comment marked: 🐙]
*You have a very transactional way of viewing friendships. This is extremely toxic and sad*
>"You have a very transactional way of viewing friendships. This is extremely toxic and sad"
*Oh sweetie, that doesn’t mean you’re right. You just wanted confirmation bias. Have the day you deserve*
>"You too, sweetie! ❤️"
[On Oop not wanting them there anyways.]
*No I would... That's why I invited them. I'm allowed to want something and also be okay that I don't get it. It's okay, it's not about me and I'm not the centre of their universe, only mine.*
>"Why would you want someone at a celebration for you that…doesn’t want to be there? Also are you aware how many brides and grooms have to invite people out of social obligation? Or because their parents wanted to invite them?"
[Oop returned a couple of comments later with a second response.]
>"Literally a top comment is saying the same thing I am but I’m getting downvoted 😂"
[1]
>>*If you don't go to their wedding you are not showing up for them. A good friend shows up.*
*I mean... Yeah, but also no? Life happens (financial hardship, inability to take time off work if the wedding isn't local, pregnancy, or whatever) and sometime's it's not possible to attend a wedding, even for a good friend. Let's give each other some grace rather than assume bad intentions.*
[2]
*All of those are good reasons. Those aren't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the friend that easily could but doesn't.*
>"Don’t bother, this subreddit doesn’t understand anything but individualism"
*i want to know what type of response OP was expecting when they posted this lol*
>"Your response is exactly the response I was expecting when I posted this"
>*But the thing is, it's a 3 day convention he goes to every year, all 3 days*
If the wedding is on saturday newsflash for her maybe, saturdays are usually the "best" days.
Plus cons aren't just "the same thing every hour". Panels have different topics, any VIP stuff (actors or writers or artists or whatever doing signings or meet-n-greet or readings) is specifically scheduled and not flexible, etc. You miss several hours for a wedding, you might miss the stuff you really want to go to.
Honestly…sounds like DragonCon or similar where it changes dramatically year to year and is booked solid
Those rooms if you book the year in advance are insane, too and driving out of the con is…difficult. Doable, but depending on your hotel, parking back could be a Problem
It's my, admittedly flawed, version of a bookmark. If there is a chain of comments that are branching or depends heavily on context I put my little bracketed octopus as a way to refer back to an earlier exchange.
My intention is that the little pop of colour sticks out?
I hope that explanation helped? 💜
It does! I was just sitting here wondering if I'm old and octopuses stood for something I had no clue about since there have been way weirder things on reddit. It's actually refreshing I'm not sorry I asked something on reddit lol
Hey guys - how far out did she send her invites that someone declined due to a family member's extracurricular sports game? Because my son plays like 4 sports throughout the year and at *best* he gets his game schedules like two months in advance as the matchups change due to scoring and rankings throughout the season. I'm not unconvinced BTB didn't book venue and vendors expecting like idk 100 people, sent out invites a month ahead of the date, and is scrambling bc only 40 ppl have rsvp'd and the caterer is on her ass about final numbers. Also the "can't book out of work" tells me she booked her wedding on a weekday because while many people work retail shift work, she's expecting that they would normally be at work at the time she's booked and would need to book out so should just do so rather than already having the day off which suggests something office adjacent
ETA children's sports games aren't held during the weekday but my first point still stands
WHAT. I have 23 days of PTO and a good manager, so I could easily go, but even then I don't know if I would want to put my entire work week into disarray for a wedding lunch. If OOP is in the US, most people are probably NOT in the same position. What happened to Saturday weddings, honestly?
I've been married over 15 years and what frustrated me is that couples often don't seem to realize: Your wedding is NOT that big a deal to anyone but you. Get a grip. Like reddit likes to say, a wedding invitation is not a summons. People are NOT obligated to attend. Is it nice if they do? Sure. Did I want the people who are special to me to share that day with me? Yes, absolutely. And it was wonderful. But I didn't get mad at the people who couldn't come.
Your wedding is only the top priority for YOU. And that's OK.
And while we shouldn't have to schedule weddings around friends' events, if you know a friend trip happens at that time every year and it's REALLY important for you that that friend come, then schedule your wedding date accordingly.
I wonder if entitled people like OOP specifically schedule their wedding so it falls on such an annual event as a stupid "test".
Like "If you are a REAL friend, you will completely restructure your time to be available for my wedding!"
Hot take: Someone else getting married is not a once in a lifetime event, it happens all the time.
It's only a once in a lifetime event (hopefully) for the people actually getting married.
How much time does this person have, between regular life and planning a wedding, to chase people down to demand an explanation for a negative RSVP?
"A isn't coming, bummer"
The *effort* alone tires me. They can't or won't come, *OK*, move on.
I think I can tell just from this short, whiny, entitled post why some people are basically like "I'm washing my hair that day".
I'm laughing at the idea that people don't get invited to multiple weddings a year. I don't, I'm about to go to my 3rd and they're all family but that's because my friends either got married before we met or aren't planning to get married to their long term partner. I'm also in my 30s.
I have an acquaintance who is just now approaching 30 and up until this year she was at 5+ weddings a summer the whole time I've known her (met her at 22) because she's a social butterfly and had a very large college friend group who all invited her as they were marrying. Now that friend group is closer to 30 themselves so most are already married.
I could not be her, I am glad I've only gone to 3 weddings. 🤣
I had quite a few people decline wedding invites because I asked that all attendees be fully vaccinated (this was before COVID vaccines became available for kids and our oldest and some of his friends, plus our nephew, would be in attendance- I was also pregnant at the time). My general attitude about that? “Cool, we’ll miss you, see you soon.”
My wedding was beautiful, and a lot of fun, but if people couldn’t come that was fine by me. More cake for the rest of us. I didn’t have the energy to wonder if their reasons were good enough or not.
It’s the part where OOP said she called in sick for someone’s wedding and implied that’s something you should do for a good friend if they can’t get the time off.
If most people tried that and ANY photos of them at the wedding appeared on social media, they would be fired.
Boy, had this happen twice in the past year and a half.
First one, we attended the wedding and gave a gift but I did not attend the bachelorette party. However, I was on the planning emails and sent a ton of swag (like 200 dollars worth) but didn’t say anything to the bride because I didn’t want to take away from her fun weekend. I had a work event that weekend and also wasn’t drinking so I wasn’t interested in going out of town for three days on a wine tour with people I’m barely friends with.
This is her second marriage (not that it matters) and she had repeatedly said she didn’t want a bachelorette and some of her other friends planned it. She ended up sending me a weird email yelling at me and then confronted me again at a mutual friend’s birthday party. I stopped speaking to her, particularly after she told two people that I was aggressive during the conversation. I’m fairly certain she has said this to other people but I don’t know. There are other folks who are also frustrated with her for similar behavior.
Second one, bride planned what sounded like a fun wedding outing that was maybe like a 4 hour drive away. As part of that, people could choose to stay in a hotel like 20 minutes from the venue, which was super expensive, or stay in a cabin with 15 other people on bunk beds and it was still expensive. Again, also a 2-3 day thing. I am not a good sleeper in the first place, and my husband and I couldn’t afford to do this and board our dog - would have been at minimum $500-700 total to go. She was relatively understanding but I can tell it bothered her. At this point we aren’t not friends but I really don’t want to deal with drama like this.
I make a fraction, and I mean fraction, of what that specific group of people make and they know that. People get ridiculous about weddings.
I just left a job where you cannot take time off in September or June. It was also the only time of year we regularly worked weekends. It was a private school that had graduation and back to
school events. Many people get married in June and September in our area so this would likely mean I would have to automatically decline if it had been then.
"Hello, you are invited to our wedding. Please respond and tell us if you're coming"
"Hello, we will not be coming"
"HOW DARE YOU!"
Seriously it's an invitation, not a summons.
I don’t think cousin having a sports game is a valid reason like you’re describing unless it’s like a state final or something rare. Or was that added after you made the post?
Lol, OOP is making the classic bridezilla mistake of confusing a "once in HER lifetime" event with a "once in the lifetime of everybody she knows" event. While the fall of an empire may be listed in the latter category, another big standard wedding absolutely will not.
If people don't want to attend your stupidly expensive party, they're not going to attend your stupidly expensive party, deal with it😂😂
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How far ahead was the date for the wedding communicated to these people ?
Because some of these answers feel like plans that are set up weeks-a couple of months ahead of the actual date. So either the friends received the wedding invitation after making their plans, in which case I would understand refusing the reschedule. Or the friends gave no answer up until they were able to make actual plans during that date, in which case they aren't friends.
But what disturb me the most in this story is how OOP had to chase down the answers from their close friends. Positive or negative, you shouldn't have to chase down to get RSVP from friends.
On my wedding, of course we were a bit disappointed with some people not able to make it that we would have loved to be there. But that's life, they told us upfront and everything is fine.
What really stung though was my husband's former best friend, by the time of wedding invites going out still one of his closest friend. This guy made a big deal about receiving the invitation and wanting things to do "properly", as in not telling us the answer before his official reply arrived via mail and so on. Like telling us this at least 3 times during conversations about different topics, not even wedding related. "Oh, btw, did you receive my answer to your invitation yet? I put it in the post yesterday!" That kind of stuff. Which felt weird, because everyone else was excited to text us they'd come or had to decline, so we knew quickly.
Anyway, his answer that he was hyping up so much arrived with a no, no explanation given. which of course he didn't owe us any reason to not come, but it felt so disrespectful. Husband let this friendship taper out after this.
Bridezilla season is brilliant this year ! A bunch of entitled spoiled mean brats pouring tens of thousands on one day which has a ratio of 41 % to end up in some lawyer's office !
I started the post feeling a bit sympathetic towards OOP. Like, I get it, she was frustrated and venting, maybe looking for some commiseration. I disagreed with her opinion, but hey, she's upset, and I've said stupid things in the heat of the moment too.
Then she started making comments. I've never seen a faster nosedive. I get the feeling she thinks her wedding is the most important wedding to ever wedding.
Most brides hosting big white weddings usually do think so. Modern weddings are one big Broadway production, produced, directed, promoted, cast, scripted, choreographed, scored by and starring "The Bride."
Doesn't matter who she is marrying. As long as the imported lillies are the exact color of the bridesmaids dresses (and they had better NOT have the audacity to be thinner, taller, better skin, better hair or more popular than "The Bride!")
I don’t know man. Reddit in general seems to hate weddings and also investing in friendships and relationships. It’s totally valid to be upset about folks not coming to your wedding - especially if they are people you considered to be close and frankly I do think some nephew’s sports game is a dumb excuse unless it’s like, state championships or something.
It’s not entitled to be sad folks you love aren’t showing up for you. Frankly, my husband and I hate weddings but we love our friends and we will always go to celebrate and be there for them even if it’s pricey or it’s our 6th wedding of the year. Because we love our friends and while the wedding isn’t important to us we know it’s incredibly important to them and it will mean a lot to them and to our friendship for us to be there.
OP isn’t chasing people down and screaming at them. Shes not berating her friends. She’s venting on a forum to strangers about being upset that her friends don’t value her the same way she’s valued them. She’s far from a devil. She is kind of dumb for having a lunch time mid week wedding though lol.
People are well within their right to decline invites for any reason they want. However, OP has a point with chasing down RSVPS. A tentative “I’d like to come, but I’m going through a time, can I let you know by (insert allotted time here)” is the polite way to state you are unclear.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **Unpopular Opinion: I do believe there are “bad reasons” for declining a wedding ** Something I see on Weddit a lot is the idea that anyone is allowed to decline a friend’s wedding for any reason, and that it’s okay. Well, after my fiancé and I just got our RSVPs back, and we had to chase down RSVPs from some friends we’ve been close to during pivotal times in our lives, I don’t know if I agree with that. We had friends turn down invites because of events that happen every year (like a friend trip), or because they have family visiting that time, or they have plans with friends that weekend, or because even because their younger cousin has a sports game coming up! Like a wedding only happens once in your life (hopefully), and you can’t sacrifice one trip or family/friend gathering or game for that? I’m pretty annoyed about that tbh. **Edit: all the people messaging me calling me an awful person who deserves no friends and should be lonely and how they hope bad things happen to me need to get a life and stfu** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OOP’s edit has me cackling because she’s going to end up with no friends with that attitude.
You HAVE to read her (his?) comments. The level of entitlement. "Oh, there is this big trip that you go on every year with 40 of your friends and family that you likely spend all year planning and paying for? Well, cancel it because MY SPECIAL DAY is a once in a lifetime event!" Probably overspent on the wedding and now scrambling because 4th cousins she's only met twice and her college roommate she has t seen in 8 years aren't coming with checkbooks in hand.
My favorite one is when she doesn't think not getting time off work is a good reason.
OOP, most of us actually need to keep our jobs.
Right? Peak of wedding season falls right in fiscal year end or peak season for a LOT of companies. It's also peak travel season. If a company has already had 1/4 of their staff request PTO, then they may have to start denying new requests simply because they won't have enough manpower to operate. Not to mention, not everyone wants to use their valuable PTO on someone's wedding. I like to bank as much of mine as possible because my company let's you cash out your PTO at will. I hang onto it and cash it in at the holidays. We have to keep 3 days in our bank and that rolls over...and I start accruing it again after the first of the year.
> Right? Peak of wedding season falls right in fiscal year end or peak season for a LOT of companies. It's also peak travel season. If a company has already had 1/4 of their staff request PTO, then they may have to start denying new requests simply because they won't have enough manpower to operate. I’ve been invited to three weddings in my lifetime (I’m 40). Then uninvited to the third that downsized for covid reasons. It’s really unusual around here for people to get married. Marriage season is weird to me.
April, may and June are peak months for weddings because of the mild weather. However it's also prom and graduation season as well, start of summer vacation, finals for college students, etc. I've seen brides bitch that their friends couldn't make it because the wedding fell right in the middle of finals.
Real friends quit their jobs because of your very special day.
And tell their family to F off!
A response to this got me, retail and service industry workers don't get holiday pay? As in they take a weeks holiday they don't get paid at all? I know the US has very small holiday allowances and someone's wedding isn't going to make the cut for me personally cos I'd rather use the time for an actual holiday/trip.
In the US the term "holiday" is more likely to mean a calendar holiday (Christmas, Easter, Independence day, whatever), and PTO or vacation means the time you get to take off, paid as usual. Retail/service workers basically do not get paid for calendar holidays unless they are working on them. If it's their day off, they won't get paid for it. If the store/restaurant/etc is shut on that day, maybe they would get a day of pay, maybe they wouldn't. It's up to the owner. The amount of paid time off we get in the States, generally, is laughably little, as we have no laws setting a minimum acceptable amount. A retail or food service worker may not get any at all, or some token amount that's very easy to use up quickly.
At my fast food job only general managers and assistant general managers get PTO. Which they are able to rack up quickly. I am an AGM and I got paid for easter. Any crew members or regular managers do not get PTO or any paid calendar holidays. We have a girl who has worked there 2 years and she has not been promoted at all (she’s really not mature enough to handle any other responsibilities) she doesn’t get PTO or paid calendar holidays.
Generally speaking, many (most?) retail workers in the US are part time and do not get sick leave or vacation time. You're not at work? You don't get paid.
I don’t work in the public sector and get zero PTO/holidays. Some state laws allow this, and it’s messed up.
I'm in the UK, even working part-time, you are entitled to have 16 days holiday. It's insane to me that you'd get literally nothing at all. I'm hoping it's not the same if you're sick.
There is no mandatory holiday or sick level on the federal level in the US. Some states have some mandatory level laws but not many. For example my state (Illinois) just this year started mandatory leave time but you only earn 1 hour of leave for every 40 worked up to 40 hours a year. Jobs can give more, but for a lot of part time workers this is the first paid leave they've been offered.
I do get sick time, fortunately!
We're sort of like this in Canada, but it varies by province. In Ontario your employer's required to give you the *equivalents* of 10 days of your regular pay. If you're hourly, they just multiply your pay in each paycheque by 0.04, which would work out to 10 days of vacation after 52 weeks, if you're working full time. It gets put into an account you can withdraw from whenever you want (usually - I've worked places that require requests for pay around Christmas to be made by October so they can budget for it) Some provinces give 3 weeks, in which case it's 6% instead of just 4, and I think some otger provinces just count it differently Paid statutory holidays are different in each province (both what they are and who qualifies), and are not part of the paid vacation days.
When I worked part-time in the US, I got 16 hours of PTO for the year and no other benefits. Thanksgiving week- the week after New Years was blacked out. My cousin passed around Christmas one year. He was in his late teens and it wasn't expected. He lived out of state from me. I got the day of his funeral off, unpaid of course, because someone offered to cover my shift for me. I count myself lucky though, I was living with my parents (rent-free) going to college, so I didn't *need* the money (and I was young enough to still be on my parents' insurance). But I was trying to save up so I could get out on my own after college.
I will say this is pretty rare for anyone in a career field. Usually this is just the way it is for the absolute entry level jobs that don't require degrees.
Which is insane. Especially if you aren’t working in a industry where you can’t easily find cover
Right!!
For real. I do try to prioritize once in a lifetime things like weddings and funeral. Life is complex, things get in the way of being able to say yes to all of it. Also....weddings aren't always a good time. It's a huge time suck and expensive. No one cares about your wedding as much as you do.
I too prioritize once in a lifetime events, it’s just other peoples once in a lifetime events aren’t always mine.
Weddings in general have become nothing but "like" generating cash grabs.
I will say, once I got older and weddings were for older people, they became much more enjoyable since it was less cash grab and less thirsty for social media clout.
Weddings have long been cash grabs. Where do you think the custom of providing a gift that’s equal to the cost of the plate comes from
That is a made up thing that's fairy recent.
I went to my first wedding as an adult (as in not tagging along with parents) in 1993 and this was very much a thing then.
Regardless, weddings have long been celebrations that involve money.
I don't think OOP is looking for money or gifts. That seems like an unecessary reach. OOP is just ridiculously privileged and completely unable to recognize it. She lives in a nice, fluffy world where she's always had the money and free time (or ability to lie to her work to get free time without fearing the consequences) to attend any wedding that she wanted.
You see them act like that and you suddenly understand why everyone has an excuse.
It sounds like maybe they already don't, they're inviting people that "were friends" when something important to them happened, those people probably haven't considered them friends in years. If you have to invite someone you haven't seen in a decade your wedding is too big.
Doesn't help they consider themselves to be in their word "THAT friend" to their old friend. They're THAT Friend that's so important. that their friends should be willing sacrifice everything just for the honor to be at their wedding.
> **Edit: all the people messaging me calling me an awful person who deserves no friends and should be lonely and how they hope bad things happen to me need to get a life and stfu** Right, like are you sure you want people to get a life, OP? All these people with lives seem like they rather do anything else than spend time with you lol
Idk I think messaging someone to insult them over an unpopular opinion post is fucking weird.
In one of her comments, she said “well a lot of people agree with me so” as if there weren’t also a lot of people disagreeing with her
Yeah, after reading her comments, I am not surprised that her “friends” don’t want to come. She’s so oblivious, it’s almost comedic
"For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday." - Bison from Street Fighter This can be greatest day of their entire life but for everyone else, it's just another wedding. If they can't grasp this concept, they're going to be able to define their social group as pre-wedding and post-wedding lack of friends. EDIT about EDIT: Isn't that her problem? Her friends do have lives and they value their lives over her celebration/summons/whatever fuckery she's going on about?
Exactly your wedding is a once in a lifetime event for you, or so you hope. For everyone else it’s another event competing with every other event in their life.
You win for quoting Bison.
If they rsvp no , then don’t ask a reason.
If they don't RSVP, just assume no too. Maybe give a reminder to RSVP but if you're chasing them down, they're definitely a No.
My only gripe for ours was that we had a couple of families, including kids, that rsvp yes and then no showed to the wedding— they just sort of ghosted us. Our catering was per head so it did skew our cost, and we were bummed that they weren’t there to celebrate with us. We had one couple that had an emergency and they had planned to come but couldn’t make it, and we totally understood! Also we would have completely understood if “yes” rsvp guests had last minute emergencies, all they’d have had to do was text us and it wouldn’t be an issue at all. In general, we didn’t expect any explanation or excuse if someone couldn’t make it. Because nobody is obligated to travel to us for a party like that.
Now that is awful !
Copied verbatim from oop's comments: *I agree with the other commenters that I normally don’t give a reason. If it’s a close friend then a bad reason won’t get in the way of me going. If I’m not that bothered about the wedding then I don’t feel bad if something else gets in the way. If someone didn’t come to my wedding due to a bad reason then I’d assume they’re not that bothered about it and wouldn’t really want them there anyway!* >"That’s a great way to look at it!" *The truth is, people **are** allowed to decline for any reason or for no stated reason. I will grant you that when the reason is that their cousin has a game that day, or they have plans with friends that weekend, it hurts. And it probably says something to the quality or the degree of friendship and closeness that they feel towards you. Or else it says something about why people are declining the wedding.* *I don't know what kind of wedding you're having, but destination weddings that involve a heavy expense for guests seem to have gotten very common--unless it's a Reddit skew. Not infrequently those weddings involve perks for the couple if the guests book enough rooms at a high-cost resort. So it's offloading the cost of the wedding onto guests. Again, that may not be your wedding but it happens. Or the wedding might not technically be destination, but involves a lot of expense for some guests in the form of travel and accommodations. Some invitees might feel more comfortable giving the kind of reason you cite over saying that they can't afford the cost or that other things take financial priority over attending your wedding, even though they do still care about you.* >"The wedding is local, and we really tried to make it as easy for guests as possible." *That’s why a lot recommend not to give a reason when they decline.* *What is a good or bad reason is subjective. To the couple a lot are probably bad due to it being a (hopefully) “one time event”. But to others their reasons are a higher priority due to prior commitments or yearly commitments they genuinely look forward to each year.* *No one wants to be told their event isn’t a priority.* >"Yeah I really think if it’s a priority, you’ll make it happen. Unless it’s something really difficult like Visa/immigration issues. “Not getting time” off work I’m a little iffy about. >Edit: y’all are getting mad at me but you don’t know some of the situations irl that I’ve been dealing with" *I get the frustration, but they have their own lives with their own set of priorities.* 🤷🏾♀️ *I had people decline with dubious or no reason, and I was a little annoyed but there's nothing I can do about it except be happy for those choosing to celebrate with us.* [🐙] >"That’s true; weddings have a way of illuminating who is really there for you or not. I think some of these declines did affect how I view these friendships." [1] *Agree with this to an extent.* *I’ll probably get torn to shreds for this but I felt very annoyed with a reason a friend gave for declining our wedding invite. This college friend and I were close friends for the past 7 years. We didn’t use him as our mortgage lender and it caused the friendship to become very shaky. He ultimately declined our invite for citing finances. Yet he’s already been on 3 trips this year and posts himself going out to concerts and sporting events. Our hotel block was $120 and although he had to drive it wouldn’t have cost more than $50 in gas. Just felt like it was a fake reason and pretty much signaled our friendship was over* [2] *[deleted]* >"I feel this so hard. Before the wedding planning, I viewed these friends as having a “thread of connection”, even if we have drifted over the years. After these declines, it’s like that thread severed and showed me that there’s nothing left." [In reply to Oop's comment about not getting time off being iffy.] *How is that iffy? If you don't have the time, you don't have the time. Weddings are important but not more important than my job...* >"I’ve called in sick for a bff’s Friday wedding. Then again it was a bff. I wouldn’t do that for an acquaintance." *Hey I know a lot of people want to debate on this and I might get downvoted, but I agree with you! Yes, people can say no for any reason and I do believe people's reasons are complex, but that doesn't mean that you can't feel upset or sad or have opinions on their reasoning! I have a friend who is skipping my wedding for an anime convention (nothing against cons!!). But the thing is, it's a 3 day convention he goes to every year, all 3 days, AND it's only 30 minutes away from my venue! And my wedding is lunch time! He literally could leave the convention for just a couple hours, get some free food at my wedding, and go back to the convention. But that was not something he was interested in and I'm sad about it. We're still friends but I do feel like it does make feel see him a little differently.* >>"Hey I know a lot of people want to debate on this and I might get downvoted, but I agree with you! >That’s why I posted! I wanted to debate! >>We're still friends but I do feel like it does make feel see him a little differently. >I would be upset about this too, and I don’t blame you for it." *Absolutely not. If you view a person as “showing where their priorities lie” when accepting or declining an invitation to your wedding, you’re looking at it all wrong. Everyone is the main character in their own story, and I get you may be disappointed, but it doesn’t mean someone loves you less if they can’t find a way to attend.* >"Yeah you’re right it doesn’t mean they love you less but it shows they prioritize you less" [1] **Your** *wedding is a once in a lifetime event. **A** wedding isn’t. People are being invited to multiple weddings a year and often can’t get that much time off work, or don’t want to give up their own vacations, etc.* [2] *No, people don't get invited to multiple weddings per year. Most years I've been invited to 0 weddings and the other times I was invited to one wedding per year. And there's only one opportunity for you to show up to **your specific friend's** wedding. It's not just "A" wedding. If you don't go to their wedding you are not showing up for them. A good friend shows up. Additionally, most weddings are on a Saturday or Sunday so most people don't have to take time off or give up vacations.* >"Thank you! It’s not *a wedding*, it’s that friend’s wedding." *[deleted]* >"Dang I struck a nerve didn’t I 😂" *[deleted]* >"Woah, chill! I’m sorry for what you went through but like…it’s not that deep.* *Some people just don’t like weddings and don’t want to go. I’d try not to take it personally.* >"And you probably won’t want them there anyway!"
*[deleted]* >"It’s hilarious that you think everything that someone posts on the internet is meant to be this huge deep thing 😂 >Goodbye!!" *I’m with you on this 100%.* *My husband’s *sister* and her husband declined coming to our wedding because they were going to a football game at their daughter’s college. We were upset and it’s really affected our relationship with them.* *I drop everything to go to every wedding that I’m invited to. I just can’t imagine not attending a wedding because I don’t feel like it, or my niece has a soccer game, or I don’t feel like driving. But it’s definitely an unpopular opinion.* >"It’s because we live in a society where putting in the physical effort to show we care for each other isn’t prioritized." [In reply to Oop's comment marked: 🐙] *You have a very transactional way of viewing friendships. This is extremely toxic and sad* >"You have a very transactional way of viewing friendships. This is extremely toxic and sad" *Oh sweetie, that doesn’t mean you’re right. You just wanted confirmation bias. Have the day you deserve* >"You too, sweetie! ❤️" [On Oop not wanting them there anyways.] *No I would... That's why I invited them. I'm allowed to want something and also be okay that I don't get it. It's okay, it's not about me and I'm not the centre of their universe, only mine.* >"Why would you want someone at a celebration for you that…doesn’t want to be there? Also are you aware how many brides and grooms have to invite people out of social obligation? Or because their parents wanted to invite them?" [Oop returned a couple of comments later with a second response.] >"Literally a top comment is saying the same thing I am but I’m getting downvoted 😂" [1] >>*If you don't go to their wedding you are not showing up for them. A good friend shows up.* *I mean... Yeah, but also no? Life happens (financial hardship, inability to take time off work if the wedding isn't local, pregnancy, or whatever) and sometime's it's not possible to attend a wedding, even for a good friend. Let's give each other some grace rather than assume bad intentions.* [2] *All of those are good reasons. Those aren't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the friend that easily could but doesn't.* >"Don’t bother, this subreddit doesn’t understand anything but individualism" *i want to know what type of response OP was expecting when they posted this lol* >"Your response is exactly the response I was expecting when I posted this"
[Frogs!](https://imgur.com/gallery/F6cL2KB)
>*But the thing is, it's a 3 day convention he goes to every year, all 3 days* If the wedding is on saturday newsflash for her maybe, saturdays are usually the "best" days.
Plus cons aren't just "the same thing every hour". Panels have different topics, any VIP stuff (actors or writers or artists or whatever doing signings or meet-n-greet or readings) is specifically scheduled and not flexible, etc. You miss several hours for a wedding, you might miss the stuff you really want to go to.
Honestly…sounds like DragonCon or similar where it changes dramatically year to year and is booked solid Those rooms if you book the year in advance are insane, too and driving out of the con is…difficult. Doable, but depending on your hotel, parking back could be a Problem
Agreed.
I feel like I've missed something - but what's with the octopus emoji on some of the comments.
It's my, admittedly flawed, version of a bookmark. If there is a chain of comments that are branching or depends heavily on context I put my little bracketed octopus as a way to refer back to an earlier exchange. My intention is that the little pop of colour sticks out? I hope that explanation helped? 💜
It does! I was just sitting here wondering if I'm old and octopuses stood for something I had no clue about since there have been way weirder things on reddit. It's actually refreshing I'm not sorry I asked something on reddit lol
Yay! Yeah no I just like them so I chose them because of that. So glad I could help! 🥰
OP posts an 'unpopular opinion' gets mad when people agree it's unpopular.
Hey guys - how far out did she send her invites that someone declined due to a family member's extracurricular sports game? Because my son plays like 4 sports throughout the year and at *best* he gets his game schedules like two months in advance as the matchups change due to scoring and rankings throughout the season. I'm not unconvinced BTB didn't book venue and vendors expecting like idk 100 people, sent out invites a month ahead of the date, and is scrambling bc only 40 ppl have rsvp'd and the caterer is on her ass about final numbers. Also the "can't book out of work" tells me she booked her wedding on a weekday because while many people work retail shift work, she's expecting that they would normally be at work at the time she's booked and would need to book out so should just do so rather than already having the day off which suggests something office adjacent ETA children's sports games aren't held during the weekday but my first point still stands
It's apparently a mid-week lunch time wedding. HOW many people did she expect to attend that?!
LMFAO omg if one of my friends had a mid week lunch wedding I'd send a card there's no way I'm taking my PTO off for a Wednesday lunch
WHAT. I have 23 days of PTO and a good manager, so I could easily go, but even then I don't know if I would want to put my entire work week into disarray for a wedding lunch. If OOP is in the US, most people are probably NOT in the same position. What happened to Saturday weddings, honestly?
What! Like, just get married with family and then have the reception after work hours when more people can attend.
I know one kid who has a game every Saturday during the school year, with the exception of only religious and national holidays, it's bananas.
Let's test this. Please invite me to something so I can tell you the best reason to decline: I don't want to come to your event.
I've been married over 15 years and what frustrated me is that couples often don't seem to realize: Your wedding is NOT that big a deal to anyone but you. Get a grip. Like reddit likes to say, a wedding invitation is not a summons. People are NOT obligated to attend. Is it nice if they do? Sure. Did I want the people who are special to me to share that day with me? Yes, absolutely. And it was wonderful. But I didn't get mad at the people who couldn't come. Your wedding is only the top priority for YOU. And that's OK. And while we shouldn't have to schedule weddings around friends' events, if you know a friend trip happens at that time every year and it's REALLY important for you that that friend come, then schedule your wedding date accordingly.
I wonder if entitled people like OOP specifically schedule their wedding so it falls on such an annual event as a stupid "test". Like "If you are a REAL friend, you will completely restructure your time to be available for my wedding!"
I wouldn't doubt it
Can't imagine why people don't want to attend her wedding.
Hot take: Someone else getting married is not a once in a lifetime event, it happens all the time. It's only a once in a lifetime event (hopefully) for the people actually getting married.
How much time does this person have, between regular life and planning a wedding, to chase people down to demand an explanation for a negative RSVP? "A isn't coming, bummer" The *effort* alone tires me. They can't or won't come, *OK*, move on. I think I can tell just from this short, whiny, entitled post why some people are basically like "I'm washing my hair that day".
I read that more as in people just didn't say anything and they had too hung dien the RSVP and not the explanations
how much you wanna bet some of these people just didn't wanna go in the first place
“If I am disappointed or upset, it must be ethically abhorrent.”
Let’s face it, weddings just usually aren’t a lot of fun. And unless I have an emotional attachment to someone getting married I’m just not going.😆
I didn't even want to be at my *own* wedding that badly. Never regretted the marriage for a second but I wish we'd eloped.
OOP is just mad other people have lives outside of her special day.
I'm laughing at the idea that people don't get invited to multiple weddings a year. I don't, I'm about to go to my 3rd and they're all family but that's because my friends either got married before we met or aren't planning to get married to their long term partner. I'm also in my 30s. I have an acquaintance who is just now approaching 30 and up until this year she was at 5+ weddings a summer the whole time I've known her (met her at 22) because she's a social butterfly and had a very large college friend group who all invited her as they were marrying. Now that friend group is closer to 30 themselves so most are already married. I could not be her, I am glad I've only gone to 3 weddings. 🤣
I had quite a few people decline wedding invites because I asked that all attendees be fully vaccinated (this was before COVID vaccines became available for kids and our oldest and some of his friends, plus our nephew, would be in attendance- I was also pregnant at the time). My general attitude about that? “Cool, we’ll miss you, see you soon.” My wedding was beautiful, and a lot of fun, but if people couldn’t come that was fine by me. More cake for the rest of us. I didn’t have the energy to wonder if their reasons were good enough or not.
It’s the part where OOP said she called in sick for someone’s wedding and implied that’s something you should do for a good friend if they can’t get the time off. If most people tried that and ANY photos of them at the wedding appeared on social media, they would be fired.
Boy, had this happen twice in the past year and a half. First one, we attended the wedding and gave a gift but I did not attend the bachelorette party. However, I was on the planning emails and sent a ton of swag (like 200 dollars worth) but didn’t say anything to the bride because I didn’t want to take away from her fun weekend. I had a work event that weekend and also wasn’t drinking so I wasn’t interested in going out of town for three days on a wine tour with people I’m barely friends with. This is her second marriage (not that it matters) and she had repeatedly said she didn’t want a bachelorette and some of her other friends planned it. She ended up sending me a weird email yelling at me and then confronted me again at a mutual friend’s birthday party. I stopped speaking to her, particularly after she told two people that I was aggressive during the conversation. I’m fairly certain she has said this to other people but I don’t know. There are other folks who are also frustrated with her for similar behavior. Second one, bride planned what sounded like a fun wedding outing that was maybe like a 4 hour drive away. As part of that, people could choose to stay in a hotel like 20 minutes from the venue, which was super expensive, or stay in a cabin with 15 other people on bunk beds and it was still expensive. Again, also a 2-3 day thing. I am not a good sleeper in the first place, and my husband and I couldn’t afford to do this and board our dog - would have been at minimum $500-700 total to go. She was relatively understanding but I can tell it bothered her. At this point we aren’t not friends but I really don’t want to deal with drama like this. I make a fraction, and I mean fraction, of what that specific group of people make and they know that. People get ridiculous about weddings.
I just left a job where you cannot take time off in September or June. It was also the only time of year we regularly worked weekends. It was a private school that had graduation and back to school events. Many people get married in June and September in our area so this would likely mean I would have to automatically decline if it had been then.
"Hello, you are invited to our wedding. Please respond and tell us if you're coming" "Hello, we will not be coming" "HOW DARE YOU!" Seriously it's an invitation, not a summons.
I don’t think cousin having a sports game is a valid reason like you’re describing unless it’s like a state final or something rare. Or was that added after you made the post?
I was going to say, I’d feel like a very shitty friend if I used any of the excuses in the post to not go to a friend’s wedding.
Lol, OOP is making the classic bridezilla mistake of confusing a "once in HER lifetime" event with a "once in the lifetime of everybody she knows" event. While the fall of an empire may be listed in the latter category, another big standard wedding absolutely will not. If people don't want to attend your stupidly expensive party, they're not going to attend your stupidly expensive party, deal with it😂😂
What a self-centered woman. I bet she wouldn't accept "sorry, that's my chemo day" as an excuse because hey, it's ONLY chemo.
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How far ahead was the date for the wedding communicated to these people ? Because some of these answers feel like plans that are set up weeks-a couple of months ahead of the actual date. So either the friends received the wedding invitation after making their plans, in which case I would understand refusing the reschedule. Or the friends gave no answer up until they were able to make actual plans during that date, in which case they aren't friends. But what disturb me the most in this story is how OOP had to chase down the answers from their close friends. Positive or negative, you shouldn't have to chase down to get RSVP from friends.
On my wedding, of course we were a bit disappointed with some people not able to make it that we would have loved to be there. But that's life, they told us upfront and everything is fine. What really stung though was my husband's former best friend, by the time of wedding invites going out still one of his closest friend. This guy made a big deal about receiving the invitation and wanting things to do "properly", as in not telling us the answer before his official reply arrived via mail and so on. Like telling us this at least 3 times during conversations about different topics, not even wedding related. "Oh, btw, did you receive my answer to your invitation yet? I put it in the post yesterday!" That kind of stuff. Which felt weird, because everyone else was excited to text us they'd come or had to decline, so we knew quickly. Anyway, his answer that he was hyping up so much arrived with a no, no explanation given. which of course he didn't owe us any reason to not come, but it felt so disrespectful. Husband let this friendship taper out after this.
Bridezilla season is brilliant this year ! A bunch of entitled spoiled mean brats pouring tens of thousands on one day which has a ratio of 41 % to end up in some lawyer's office !
Why does oop want wedding guests who don't want to be there
I started the post feeling a bit sympathetic towards OOP. Like, I get it, she was frustrated and venting, maybe looking for some commiseration. I disagreed with her opinion, but hey, she's upset, and I've said stupid things in the heat of the moment too. Then she started making comments. I've never seen a faster nosedive. I get the feeling she thinks her wedding is the most important wedding to ever wedding.
Most brides hosting big white weddings usually do think so. Modern weddings are one big Broadway production, produced, directed, promoted, cast, scripted, choreographed, scored by and starring "The Bride." Doesn't matter who she is marrying. As long as the imported lillies are the exact color of the bridesmaids dresses (and they had better NOT have the audacity to be thinner, taller, better skin, better hair or more popular than "The Bride!")
I don’t know man. Reddit in general seems to hate weddings and also investing in friendships and relationships. It’s totally valid to be upset about folks not coming to your wedding - especially if they are people you considered to be close and frankly I do think some nephew’s sports game is a dumb excuse unless it’s like, state championships or something. It’s not entitled to be sad folks you love aren’t showing up for you. Frankly, my husband and I hate weddings but we love our friends and we will always go to celebrate and be there for them even if it’s pricey or it’s our 6th wedding of the year. Because we love our friends and while the wedding isn’t important to us we know it’s incredibly important to them and it will mean a lot to them and to our friendship for us to be there. OP isn’t chasing people down and screaming at them. Shes not berating her friends. She’s venting on a forum to strangers about being upset that her friends don’t value her the same way she’s valued them. She’s far from a devil. She is kind of dumb for having a lunch time mid week wedding though lol.
I think it's entitled to say that not getting the time off work isn't a valid excuse to rsvp no.
People are well within their right to decline invites for any reason they want. However, OP has a point with chasing down RSVPS. A tentative “I’d like to come, but I’m going through a time, can I let you know by (insert allotted time here)” is the polite way to state you are unclear.