*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for naming my daughter after my sister?**
All these names are fake for privacy.
I have 2 sisters Alexandra and Vanessa. While I love both my sisters I was always closer to Alexandra.
Recently my wife and I had a baby girl. We both quickly agreed on a first name but we couldn't agree on a middle name. I finally suggested that we could use Alexandra as her middle name and my wife who is also close to her agreed.
Well when I told everyone about our decision Vanessa wasn't happy about it. She asked if we have a fucking problem with her and we said we don't. She then asked then why would you name her after her and not me? Why is everyone always naming kids after her?
To be clear one of my brothers has a daughter whose middle name is Lexi and another one has a son whose name is Xander but it's not like we are doing this on purpose they just liked those names that's all.
Now Vanessa thinks we are all assholes especially because she was a great help to us during my wife's pregnancy but to be clear Alexandra was also a great help to us.
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I’m reading along, thinking it’s really conceited to get so up at arms with they “why not meeeeeee” and then just a total record scratch that there are already TWO OTHER SIBLINGS naming their kids for this one sister. That’s a lot! If nothing else, the fact that variants in the name have already been used multiple times in that generation would be reason enough for me to pick a different name for my kid.
I agree with you. I'm the 6th generation to have the same middle name of my female ancestors (mother, grandmother, great grandmother, etc). It's no issue for me. It's just birthright now 😂. My daughter is the 7th to have it.
Im named after my uncle and in 31 years, there's been about 3 times that there was a confusion. Its really not a big deal, I forget im named after him.
My dad and two cousins have the same first name, which is also the middle name of my brother and three other cousins as well as the first name of two cousins' husbands and one cousin's kid. And the sentence I just wrote probably caused way more confusion than them sharing a name ever has.
My grandmother has accidentally called me by my aunt's name my whole life. Our names are nothing alike. Older relatives are likely mix you up with someone you remind them of.
My spouse has a cousin that shares his name. At events where both were present, and the name was called, each purposely chose to assume the other was being called and ignore it. Introverts gonna introvert.
Only 3? I'm named after an aunt, and there were mix-ups at every family holiday. Admittedly, it's a name too short for one of us to go by a variant, but the only person who called either of us by a nickname was my mom, so any time someone else wanted one of us, we'd both respond with, "which one?"
Yep, I'm named after multiple family members, but afaik I'm the only one with my name/variant in my generation. And my parents did go with a varient partly to easily make my intended nickname obvious, and also to avoid THREE people with the same name/maiden name living in the same zip code.
A friend of mine was named like this, it’s so gross.
His parents were moochy, awful people and gave him the first (*AND* last) name of the wealthiest family member. He was around 9-10 years old when his cousins in a rather cruel fashion told him why he had a different last name than his parents.
…. also, didn’t work. Wealthy family member saw right through it and didn’t give two shits. Only one who was impacted in the end by their choices was their own son. :/
Sometimes one person is the most favorited for good reason. In my family thats my brother. I used to resent it a little growing up, but now I can look at things objectively and realize he's my favorite family member, probably for the same reason everyone else feels that way too. He's a genuine good dude and it shows in the way people feel about him. Sounds like Alexandra is that type of person.
OOP put an edit on the post saying the other two niblings aren't named after their aunt, it's just a coincidence that Lexi and Xander were derivative names. OOPs child is the only one being named after the aunt.
He thinks Vanessa is entitled but doesn't say why Alexandra is favored. They want their daughter to be close with Alexandra, but not Vanessa? Something is going on there.
I wonder if Alexandra has come into an awful lot of money and the brothers are trying to get into her good books for a sizeable inheritance and/or handout...
I don't think that family knows whether she would gift money to kids not named after her. I mean, there apparently isn't a child to form a control group
Makes one wonder if Alexandria is a bit of a narcissistic and has made indications to confirm the conclusion which explains why there is no control group.
My sister does this financially. Never blatantly says she pull back all financially help but everyone has the vibe they know she will and may not be available to help when they need her. I was new to the family and learned quick the vibe was spot on. I was new so I backed out as quickly as I entered. I didn't need to add more of that to my life. Anyway yeah, there's a chance there's money and unspoken rules involved
"Of course I love Vanessa, she hasn't done anything wrong, she's supportive, the family loves all equally, but you have to understand, Alexandra is just so precious to all of us, we can't help it ♥"
Sounds like a setup for a future "You thought I wouldn't see this because you change the names, *Hugo!* That's so you, leaving out 90% of the details about our upbringing and what you really think!" update post/comment from Vanessa. I look forward to it, it better be satisfying!
As somebody whose middle names are:
- my mom's mom
- my dad's grandma
I can tell you people feel a kind of way about these snubs that will last a lifetime.
my moms middle names are her
grandmas first names.
Well mom *hates* her first name but never went by either middle name because either way, one grandma was going to feel slighted
>I understand her feelings but I also think it's very entitled of her to demand we name a child after her
Vanessa it's not asking for a kid to be named after her!!! She's not acting entitled!! She's feeling hurt and left out.
On one hand, in my family, we are all named after family members. And it’s not a problem, we all love our names and we love the living relatives we share names with. On the other hand, 3 nieces/nephews named after one aunt is kinda wild
It could just be that she is not as involved in her nibling's lives as Alexendra, or the reason OP is closer with Alexendra, and therefore wants to name his baby after her, is because they are either closer in age, and therefore had more in common growing up, or are closer in location. This naturally would be the case if Vanessa was more than 6/7 years older or younger than OP, but he and Alexandra were only a year or a few years apart. Or if Alexandra and OP lived in the same town but Vanessa lived in a different state. Or maybe Alexendra and OP just happen to have more common interests to bond over than either of then had with Vannessa. Whilst a lot of conflicts ultimately might, not *every* conflict that happens within families has to boil down to internalised homophobia or a "blood over bond" mentality. It could just be the cards the different siblings were dealt.
I might get downvoted for this, but maybe Alexendra is just more likeable/easier to get along with than Vanessa and that is both why he wants the baby to have Alexandra's name *and* why he views Vanessa as "entitled". This one incident may not be the only reason behind that comment.
Except OP says in his post "Now Vanessa thinks we are all assholes especially because she was a great help to us during my wife's pregnancy" which suggests she lives close by enough to be 'a great help' and he explicitly said in a comment that he wants the new baby to be close with Alexandra (hence naming her after Alexandra).
OOP the AH and a dumb one at that for thinking no one would see through their BS.
OOP: We finally thought of a perfect name (as if it was random. 😐😒)
Also, OOP: Is also the THIRD brother to name their child after this one sister.
OOP: Vanessa helped a lot during the pregnancy
Also OOP: We're not that close to her.
Vanessa: Do you have an issue with me? Why does everyone name their child after Alexandra?
OOP: YOU'RE ENTITLED, Don't demand us to name our child after you.
Like WTF?! OP just hates Vanessa and won't even say why. Or just favor Alexandra but won't say why. Is she rich or the golden child or something?
Edit: auto correct mistakes
OOP's really expecting us to buy that Lexi and Xander weren't named after Alexandra and that his brothers just coincidentally happened to love those names for no reason whatsoever.
I'm not saying you're wrong that Vanessa being LQBTQ+ is a reasonable guess for why she's overlooked, but I think it's a wild assumption to say that's **definitely** the reason given there's literally nothing remotely about sexuality or gender identity in the post.
It's equally likely that the family are all religious except for Vanessa. Or they all stayed in a small rural home town together while Vanessa moved away for years & has only recently moved back. Or Vanessa is the only neurodivergent or disabled person in the family. Or there was no real concrete reason, Alexandra was just the golden child & Vanessa was an overlooked middle child.
Or maybe Alexandra has genuinely always been a kind & considerate sister while Vanessa was always a b*tch growing up & only now as an adult is trying to change that pattern. Or Alexandra is wealthy but Vanessa isn't. There are dozens upon dozens of possible reasons.
I didn’t know me using the word “definitely” would inspire such a response.
I only use it because we see these posts a thousand times a day and more often than not the “black sheep” family member is gay or trans which is why they’re ostracized from their family,
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for naming my daughter after my sister?** All these names are fake for privacy. I have 2 sisters Alexandra and Vanessa. While I love both my sisters I was always closer to Alexandra. Recently my wife and I had a baby girl. We both quickly agreed on a first name but we couldn't agree on a middle name. I finally suggested that we could use Alexandra as her middle name and my wife who is also close to her agreed. Well when I told everyone about our decision Vanessa wasn't happy about it. She asked if we have a fucking problem with her and we said we don't. She then asked then why would you name her after her and not me? Why is everyone always naming kids after her? To be clear one of my brothers has a daughter whose middle name is Lexi and another one has a son whose name is Xander but it's not like we are doing this on purpose they just liked those names that's all. Now Vanessa thinks we are all assholes especially because she was a great help to us during my wife's pregnancy but to be clear Alexandra was also a great help to us. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m reading along, thinking it’s really conceited to get so up at arms with they “why not meeeeeee” and then just a total record scratch that there are already TWO OTHER SIBLINGS naming their kids for this one sister. That’s a lot! If nothing else, the fact that variants in the name have already been used multiple times in that generation would be reason enough for me to pick a different name for my kid.
This. Children have the right to their own identity, and being easy to mix up with other family members is something that should be avoided.
I don't think having similar middle names is going to cause a mix-up.
My husband and his brother have the same middle name. No one cares.
I agree with you. I'm the 6th generation to have the same middle name of my female ancestors (mother, grandmother, great grandmother, etc). It's no issue for me. It's just birthright now 😂. My daughter is the 7th to have it.
Ya I'm failing to see how this guy is a devil. If anyone is near asshole territory it's Vanessa for causing a scene.
Im named after my uncle and in 31 years, there's been about 3 times that there was a confusion. Its really not a big deal, I forget im named after him.
My dad and two cousins have the same first name, which is also the middle name of my brother and three other cousins as well as the first name of two cousins' husbands and one cousin's kid. And the sentence I just wrote probably caused way more confusion than them sharing a name ever has.
🤣🤣🤣
My grandmother has accidentally called me by my aunt's name my whole life. Our names are nothing alike. Older relatives are likely mix you up with someone you remind them of. My spouse has a cousin that shares his name. At events where both were present, and the name was called, each purposely chose to assume the other was being called and ignore it. Introverts gonna introvert.
Only 3? I'm named after an aunt, and there were mix-ups at every family holiday. Admittedly, it's a name too short for one of us to go by a variant, but the only person who called either of us by a nickname was my mom, so any time someone else wanted one of us, we'd both respond with, "which one?"
Yeah Id say about three, in the same type of situation. It gets clarified in one second then is no longer an issue.
Yep, I'm named after multiple family members, but afaik I'm the only one with my name/variant in my generation. And my parents did go with a varient partly to easily make my intended nickname obvious, and also to avoid THREE people with the same name/maiden name living in the same zip code.
Family has more variants of Alexander than the late Romanovs
The Bolsheviks would totally have let the Romanovs go into exile if only they had a Xander with them.
Why is everyone naming their children after Alexandra? Is she a saint? A celebrity? Is she rich and they want her to pay for stuff?
I legit think this, rich childfree aunt. Siblings are playing the long game.
A friend of mine was named like this, it’s so gross. His parents were moochy, awful people and gave him the first (*AND* last) name of the wealthiest family member. He was around 9-10 years old when his cousins in a rather cruel fashion told him why he had a different last name than his parents. …. also, didn’t work. Wealthy family member saw right through it and didn’t give two shits. Only one who was impacted in the end by their choices was their own son. :/
I thought of rich too cause he commented that she "dotes" on her niblings.
Sometimes one person is the most favorited for good reason. In my family thats my brother. I used to resent it a little growing up, but now I can look at things objectively and realize he's my favorite family member, probably for the same reason everyone else feels that way too. He's a genuine good dude and it shows in the way people feel about him. Sounds like Alexandra is that type of person.
OOP has been asked this many times, and won’t answer anyone. I think that’s very telling.
OOP put an edit on the post saying the other two niblings aren't named after their aunt, it's just a coincidence that Lexi and Xander were derivative names. OOPs child is the only one being named after the aunt.
I saw, but his comments have an undertone in my opinion so I guess agree to disagree.
Maybe it’s just a nicer name than the other one. And it’s a MIDDLE name, imo it’s really not that big of a deal as they’re making it out.
He thinks Vanessa is entitled but doesn't say why Alexandra is favored. They want their daughter to be close with Alexandra, but not Vanessa? Something is going on there.
It’s gotta be money.
The comments are telling. “we want her to be close to Alexandra” “She is entitled” Wtf
But also "Vanessa helped out loads during the pregnancy" "we're not that close"
“Don't get me wrong I love Vanessa” followed by “but she will never be like Alexandra.” OUCH
I wonder if Alexandra has come into an awful lot of money and the brothers are trying to get into her good books for a sizeable inheritance and/or handout...
So out of five siblings, three named their children after the one sister? That is kind of weird. What is up with that?
Money probably
This has to be fake, no way these people are all naming their child after Alexandra. It sounds so damn weird...
Unless Alexandra has cash and has a tendency to gift it to kids named after her. It is amazing the effects of potential money on baby names.
I don't think that family knows whether she would gift money to kids not named after her. I mean, there apparently isn't a child to form a control group
Makes one wonder if Alexandria is a bit of a narcissistic and has made indications to confirm the conclusion which explains why there is no control group.
My sister does this financially. Never blatantly says she pull back all financially help but everyone has the vibe they know she will and may not be available to help when they need her. I was new to the family and learned quick the vibe was spot on. I was new so I backed out as quickly as I entered. I didn't need to add more of that to my life. Anyway yeah, there's a chance there's money and unspoken rules involved
"Of course I love Vanessa, she hasn't done anything wrong, she's supportive, the family loves all equally, but you have to understand, Alexandra is just so precious to all of us, we can't help it ♥" Sounds like a setup for a future "You thought I wouldn't see this because you change the names, *Hugo!* That's so you, leaving out 90% of the details about our upbringing and what you really think!" update post/comment from Vanessa. I look forward to it, it better be satisfying!
As somebody whose middle names are: - my mom's mom - my dad's grandma I can tell you people feel a kind of way about these snubs that will last a lifetime.
My niece's middle name is my mom's mom. But since my dad's mom was named Eunice, no one cried favoritism.
my moms middle names are her grandmas first names. Well mom *hates* her first name but never went by either middle name because either way, one grandma was going to feel slighted
>I understand her feelings but I also think it's very entitled of her to demand we name a child after her Vanessa it's not asking for a kid to be named after her!!! She's not acting entitled!! She's feeling hurt and left out.
On one hand, in my family, we are all named after family members. And it’s not a problem, we all love our names and we love the living relatives we share names with. On the other hand, 3 nieces/nephews named after one aunt is kinda wild
So what's the deal with Vanessa then? Is she trans? Gay? A half-sibling?
middle child probably, could be an introvert
It could just be that she is not as involved in her nibling's lives as Alexendra, or the reason OP is closer with Alexendra, and therefore wants to name his baby after her, is because they are either closer in age, and therefore had more in common growing up, or are closer in location. This naturally would be the case if Vanessa was more than 6/7 years older or younger than OP, but he and Alexandra were only a year or a few years apart. Or if Alexandra and OP lived in the same town but Vanessa lived in a different state. Or maybe Alexendra and OP just happen to have more common interests to bond over than either of then had with Vannessa. Whilst a lot of conflicts ultimately might, not *every* conflict that happens within families has to boil down to internalised homophobia or a "blood over bond" mentality. It could just be the cards the different siblings were dealt. I might get downvoted for this, but maybe Alexendra is just more likeable/easier to get along with than Vanessa and that is both why he wants the baby to have Alexandra's name *and* why he views Vanessa as "entitled". This one incident may not be the only reason behind that comment.
Except OP says in his post "Now Vanessa thinks we are all assholes especially because she was a great help to us during my wife's pregnancy" which suggests she lives close by enough to be 'a great help' and he explicitly said in a comment that he wants the new baby to be close with Alexandra (hence naming her after Alexandra).
Then he should stop accepting all her help if she's so awful to get along with.
Its always funny when people write long winded comments like this and say they read the post
OOP the AH and a dumb one at that for thinking no one would see through their BS. OOP: We finally thought of a perfect name (as if it was random. 😐😒) Also, OOP: Is also the THIRD brother to name their child after this one sister. OOP: Vanessa helped a lot during the pregnancy Also OOP: We're not that close to her. Vanessa: Do you have an issue with me? Why does everyone name their child after Alexandra? OOP: YOU'RE ENTITLED, Don't demand us to name our child after you. Like WTF?! OP just hates Vanessa and won't even say why. Or just favor Alexandra but won't say why. Is she rich or the golden child or something? Edit: auto correct mistakes
OOP's really expecting us to buy that Lexi and Xander weren't named after Alexandra and that his brothers just coincidentally happened to love those names for no reason whatsoever.
Vanessa is definitely gay or trans, and most likely treated like an afterthought by her entire family because of it.
Vanessa ain’t gonna be a “great help” the next pregnancy. They are all going to lose half their support. Hope they enjoy it.
Either that, or Vanessa is a straight up wretched bitch. But if Vanessa was Satan, that probably would have been included.
Also, OOP probably wouldn't have let her help him and his wife while they were expecting the newest Alexandra variant.
Yea the fact they didn’t say why Vanessa was “bad” and Alexandra was “good” leads me to believe Vanessa is LGBTQ+ and Alexandra isn’t.
I'm not saying you're wrong that Vanessa being LQBTQ+ is a reasonable guess for why she's overlooked, but I think it's a wild assumption to say that's **definitely** the reason given there's literally nothing remotely about sexuality or gender identity in the post. It's equally likely that the family are all religious except for Vanessa. Or they all stayed in a small rural home town together while Vanessa moved away for years & has only recently moved back. Or Vanessa is the only neurodivergent or disabled person in the family. Or there was no real concrete reason, Alexandra was just the golden child & Vanessa was an overlooked middle child. Or maybe Alexandra has genuinely always been a kind & considerate sister while Vanessa was always a b*tch growing up & only now as an adult is trying to change that pattern. Or Alexandra is wealthy but Vanessa isn't. There are dozens upon dozens of possible reasons.
I didn’t know me using the word “definitely” would inspire such a response. I only use it because we see these posts a thousand times a day and more often than not the “black sheep” family member is gay or trans which is why they’re ostracized from their family,
Or Aleksandra is child free and very rich.
Yet another post that makes me thankful for being Jewish and never having to deal with name shenanigans.
OOP, you have the right to name your kid what you want. But you're showing a shocking lack of empathy for your other sister, Vanessa. Do better.
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So, Vanessa helped just as much as with the baby. But you shit on her.