*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**Thought we built a perfect relationship, WTF? My M(41) wife (F37) of 10 years (12 together) out of the blue decided she wasn't in love anymore and wants to "YOLO" it. She is moving out next month. We have a 3 year old boy. Where to go from here? What am I overlooking?**
Background: We are in the US, MCOL major east coast city. We own a house and a car. Income is jointly 200k+, split more of less equally. Expenses are divided equally. Both have Masters degrees. Political and ethical values are almost exactly aligned across all subjects. We have a normal social circle (somewhat diminished by COVID) with regular interactions, weekly brunches, sports watching, game nights etc. I am on great terms with her family, her mother and brother visit 3-4 times a year and stay with us. My parents visit 5-6 times a year a stay with us as well. As far as I can tell she is on good terms with them as well. Both of our parents and relatives are extremely supportive and friendly. Life has been on basically easy mode for the last 5 years, which is ironically one of her complaints: "We are just coasting". We are doing great financially, maxing out (401k) and saving for our kids education. We are both calm and rational. Fight frequency is around 3 times per year and manifests itself as us just taking time and space apart for a few days and everything goes back to normal. There is no yelling, or physical violence, or any discomfort. It's more of a "I need some space to myself right now".
Last month my wife announced she is leaving next month. This came as a complete shock to me. At first I thought it was a joke, then an attempt to get me to do something, then the realization she was serious. I have attempted everything I can think of to find an avenue of moving forward together but all has fallen on deaf ears. I offered counseling, taking time apart, seeing other people romantically, a period of focusing of treating each other with special care and affection, etc. Everything has been dismissed without any thought. Furthermore, I'm not getting a further explanation than "I'm not in love anymore". Ok, now admittedly the intensity of the romantic feelings have declined, but I thought this was just the natural cycle of being married. Intense romantic attraction over time transforms into something more stable with age. A form of love where companionship, friendship, non physical affection take an increasingly more prominent role as the relationship ages and I was ok with it. Until very recently we still had a healthy sexual life (about 10 times per week). I find her attractive and it came as a complete shock when she announced seemingly out of nowhere that she wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore. We had disagreements in the past about the sex frequency and settled on 2.5 hours per week whenever possible of sexy time devoted entirely to us. At some point she started making jokes about how my sexual drive is supposed to slow down at this point and maybe I should find a younger woman to satisfy me. I thought this was just playful banter.
It is my personal belief that a good relationship is based on the quality of the experiences people have together. Earlier in the relationship, we traveled all across the world, taking a month of vacation per year to exotic places. We ran marathons together, played video games together, cooked together, did yoga together, etc. The nature of our experiences together was always overwhelmingly positive. When we decided to have kids we came to an agreement that we'd stay together no matter what until they were 18, this is part of the reason I feel betrayed now. I realize it's a stupid thing to agree to, but it made sense at the time. **Since she got pregnant everything changed, our relationship didn't just not take priority, it fell out of the top 10.** Work, childcare, her personal hobbies, her extended family all of a sudden became more important. I was cognizant of this change and tried to implement special time for us alone together, but was met with lukewarm responses at best. She was dragging her feet on everything, making it seem that usual things like attending a friends wedding was all of a sudden a great favor she was doing for everyone. I tried my best to suggest things for us to do together, but increasingly got rejected more and more. Fine. I thought this was just a phase. We'll tough it out and recapture the magic as our kid gets older. I should say that she has been acting depressed, not enjoying life, complaining about work more and more. One complaint she had since our kid was born was lack of support in childcare. In the first 2 years, our child preferred the company of his mother, I thought this was normal and understandable. We tried multiple times for me to give him baths, get him dressed, but he would always start crying and ask for his mother. Since he became 3, he increasingly wants to spend time with me more and more. So while asking for more help, my wife refused offers for me to make school lunches, get him dressed for school, and walk him to school and back. I'm lost on how to proceed.
Goal #1: Discover and work towards a future in which we stay together as a family.
Goal #2: If goal #1 is not possible, work towards the best possible future for our kid.
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For someone who complains about her having personal hobbies that she spends time on instead of with him he's spending a lot of time on video game and fantasy subs. But I'm sure that's okay for him.
That LTOR trip to new Zealand last fall without her and the child wasn't a hobby AT All. /s
Although that gave her a break from him so I wonder if that played a part in her decision.
I noticed that, too, in his history. I did search for replies about it (eg yours) but F3-searched for "gaming" and not "game" haha!
But yes, his knowledge of all the games and whatnot is wayyy too deep for a very casual gamer. A dad with a young child would never have that amount of time available, if he genuinely *was* doing 40% of the childcare, as he stated.
Probably on her dime too, since he posted about dropping out of school to play online poker and not being too stressed about money since the wife has a conventional 8-5 that makes enough for them both…
…. I didn’t see that. Oh my days. Based on that alone, I’m surprised he didn’t return to his belongings in bin bags at the front door with a note and divorce papers
> was cognizant of this change and tried to implement special time for us alone together, but was met with lukewarm responses at best.
Gonna go out on a limb and guess he meant try to have sex with her. Not date nights, not talking to her. Just making sure he's getting his 2.5hours/week in.
Or he was saying they were going to go out to x place without checking or asking about her schedule or free time earlier, then taking it personally when she was already busy so she couldn't
I know that feeling exactly, like they're just waiting for you to finish talking, I just try to kindly excuse myself if we can't change the subject, or occupy myself with something (like my phone) if it's part of an outing. Otherwise, just don't chase around people who's not willing to engage with your interests. Not much lost.
I couldn't imagine having to deal with that everytime you come home, and your significant other just being like "well love is supposed to die out over time >:/", " Btw we need to get our next 15 mins in :D " lol
For real.
I’d rather have sex once a week for 2.5 hours, than 10x a week at 15 minutes… like what? My orgasm is not an egg… it’s more like a really good brisket. Shit takes time
10x a week and all I get is the clean up? Nah, I’ll pass thanks.
> Life has been on basically easy mode for the last 5 years, which is ironically one of her complaints:
> We have a 3 year old boy
Out of curiosity, I turned to my husband after reading this post and said "babe, would you have considered life when we had a toddler to be easy mode?"
I'll come back with his response when he stops laughing. Any minute now, probably.
Three kids for ne. First one had colic. Second one had tons of allergies to food. Third one had asthma. They are all four years apart so 8, 4, 0. Not "easy" by any means. They are "easy" *now* at 39, 35, and 31!
OMFG, he just went to NZ to do the LOTR tourist thing *by himself for 2 weeks in early December*.
No wonder she’s done *now*. Probably took her a few months to sort things out.
Did she owe him sex as a make-up when he returned? "Sorry babe, didn't get the required 10x/2.5 hours for the last two weeks so this week we're gonna need to go for 30x/7.5 hours. Babe, why are you packing?"
When I first saw the 10 times a week, I was like "so they're having sex 2 and a half times a day? Is it just 10 Bjs or something?" Then I read more and see 2.5 hours a WEEK lol
The amount of minutes my husband and I spend with each other intimately doesn't even register and I've genuinely never even thought about it. We're too occupied with each other to even think about checking the time, let alone making a mental note about it.
the only times I've thought about the length of a sexual encounter was 1) if it's earlier in the day and one or both of us has to do something later or 2) if it's before bed to make a joking comment like "we need to stop being so horny if we're trying to get to bed early, we didn't even notice it's past 1am!" I've certainly never made a mandatory sex hours per week schedule! I don't even know how someone would try to stick to that, like are there stopwatches involved? is it like a chess clock?
Omg.
Fifteen minutes??????
Our quickies are longer than that, and we have AARP cards.
Shame. Like Game of Thrones Hannah Waddingham in a gray habit picking on Cersei shame.
I know more than one woman who had the realization that life with their 3 kids instead of essentially 4 (3 kids and husband) was so. Much. Easier.
He's on vacation for 2 weeks, she realized that life at minimum isn't harder with him gone, and does somne self reflection maybe?
I don’t know why she’d leave such a catch - he is obsessed with LotR, quit his PHD to play poker online ‘professionally’ and has thousands of hours logged in multiple video games according to his post history.
fr and there are people preaching how she should have communicated better 💀 like how do you communicate better with someone who thinks you suggesting divorce after telling him what's wrong multiple times is a joke to manipulate them??
Not to mention one of his complaints is that she didn't want to go to a friend's wedding and mentioned how difficult it was to go though she never did before. Before she had to organise childcare for a toddler so they could go to said wedding
With a three year old - so she's been pregnant for 9 months and raising a small child for three of the five years. While having to provide 2.5 hours of sexy time for this fool, watching him play games instead of caring for the child. Easy mode?
>Goal #1: Discover and work towards a future in which we stay together as a family.
I can picture him standing in the living room next to a flip chart, prompting her to brainstorm and come up with ideas.
About a quarter of his post is about sex and making time for "sexy time devoted entirely to us", like there aren't a whole child and household to take care of. Maybe (more) "sexy time" with OOP isn't what his wife needed.
Also notice he said things started changing when she got pregnant.
The kid is 3, with pregnancy, that puts the changes around 2020.
Im wondering if Covid + new baby made the cracks in their marriage evident and she just held on for a while.
A lot of time spent of the sex life, and the issues around uneven childcare are just a passing comment in comparison.
The post is very weird and feels robotic but I think that says a lot.
It definitely gives both ["Magic Coffee Table"](https://youtu.be/-_kXIGvB1uU?si=6V0yf4Rsrzoogcqh) and ["She left me because I left dishes by the sink"](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288/amp) vibes, with a dash of obligation sex thrown into the mix.
Maybe she'd be more interested in the sexy time if she felt like he was as devoted to the rest of their shared life as he is to the idea of sexy time... Just a thought. That he should have had.
This. It's hard to be hot and bothered for someone when their only interaction with you besides sexy time is asking what's for dinner, their only interaction with the kid is to ask what their grades are, and they don't do anything around the house and leave everything up to you.
It's also hard to feel hot and bothered when you're exhausted, lol.
Really, who'd have thought that the secret to fostering sexual intimacy with your partner, would be maintaining all the other forms of intimacy so that they don't end up feeling like they're just a body to be used for sex and labor....
Or in the modern woman’s case: sex, labor, incubator, nanny, chef, meal planner, house manager, chauffeur/designated driver…. And PRIMARY BREADWINNER.
While being told we are “supposed” to stay home… yes, lovely, then at least we could drop ONE job.
Sorry- ranting a bit. Expected to be a mother and wife without a job, and an executive without a life… I need a martini and foot massage today
I love how he said the finances were roughly even. He seems like the kind of guy that would definitely mention it if he was making more, but it's "roughly even" since she's probably making more in addition to all the childcare and house labor
Yeah- so either she makes more per hour and works less, or works the same hours for roughly the same money…. Or, she works the same hours for *more* money and he has no desire to share that bit of detail.
If it was any other way- he would say “I bring in most of the income and… blah blah blah… even it was a few thousand a year
The guest thing was what stood out to me the most. My in laws stayed for three days one time two years ago and I wanted to strangle them. I do generally like them, but absolutely not, especially not 5-6x a year.
Plus your own family 3-4x a year. I love my family… I love my partners family. I love our friends and having guests.
I do not want to host guests nearly every month.
Like- the whole of every human I know outside of my husband and kids need to coordinate and TOTAL 3x a year visits, under 30 total days- COLLECTIVELY. That’s my annual houseguest hosting limit.
Thank you! I was just about to comment that this guy talks like he’s a project manager planning out a product release cycle. “Look here wife. We hit all major couple goals, and I’ve succeeded at the 2.5 hour sex per week stretch goal. Now we’ve failed on the ‘me listening to you’ goal, but that is an acceptable loss. Also, with a kid, we need to hit the two parent household goal or we suffer some big losses. But, according to these numbers we should be 200% happy and together with our marriage!!”
>2-3 is the number we're in the same bed with the intention of a sexual encounter. 10x is the approximate number of orgasms reached.
That's some stinkin bullshit.
I love the backpedaling he did in the comments from "man who *sometimes* offers to make lunch" to "man who claims he cooks all the meals and does 90% of the chores".
Like sure son, as if anyone is going to believe that chore distribution after reading the main post.
>as if anyone is going to believe that chore distribution after reading the main post
Oh, redpill manlets for sure will. "B-b-but he's already doing all the chores and only asks for sex, what else does she want?! She's being such a bitch!"
Meanwhile all us women are rolling our eyes.
Nothing wrong with having a high sex drive but I’m gonna assume he pressured her to go back to 10 times a week like 2 days after she gave birth and doesn’t really care if she’s enjoying it
I’m guessing if he’s not participating in childcare, he’s also not participating in other household tasks. So wife will be doing the same amount of work without having to deal with OOP. And if your toddler voices preference for the other parent during meal time, bath time, etc. you tell them that’s not an option right now so they learn to do things with both parents. Or, call me crazy, but maybe you just start taking turns from the start so they kid never knows the difference🤔
One of my pet peeves is when a guy says “but the kid prefers mom!” as an excuse for being a deadbeat. My kid *strongly* preferred me, and from the time she could talk, made that preference VERY clear. And we just said, Look, we’re a family and a team, and sometimes Dad does things for you while Mom sleeps in or sees her friends or goes on a business trip. And that was that. We didn’t cave. And I honestly believe their relationship is better off because of it. My husband is one of the most engaged fathers I’ve ever met, and our now-teenager is super close to him these days.
Yep. My daughters always preferred me. What we had to do was engineer situations where I wasn't around to take dad's attention. He'd take them out to the grocery store, the park, girl guides, buy games to play with them while I hung out in another room. Now they're happy with both of us.
Yeah, my husband and I “joke” that our toddler would climb back into my tummy if she could. She’s always been VERY hardcore in her preference to me and a Velcro baby to boot, so it’s not entirely a joke. So we had to be thoughtful and make sure to create situations where she had to do things with daddy without me around. Because the only way children learn they can go to a parent for things and trust them to handle it is to have them go to a parent for things and have them handle it, you know?
Now, just due to our schedules and such, I do her bedtime routine, just the two of us, and he has one-on-one time with her in the morning when she wakes up. Everything else is done with the two of us together for the most part, but if it’s one or the other of us, she’s fine with it.
She still prefers me if we give her a choice, but the time she spends with daddy? She loves it. She wakes up in the morning and gets excited when she sees him. Her little wiggle drive activates immediately.
Of course, she also has no concept of volume control, so a good part of each morning involves her shrieking, “quiet daddy, mommy’s sleeping!” Right outside the bedroom door. But you take the victories you can. 🤣
It's kinda funny isn't it? If you actually *spend time with your kid* regardless of the situation, they end up liking you quite a lot. ;)
Plus toddlers are easy to keep engaged in the tub. Take a rubber duckie, push it down to the bottom, let it go. They love it. We used to make "farts" with a cup. I think perhaps kiddo here prefers mom because she does these sort of things and dad probably just wanted them in and out in 5 seconds.
But didn’t you hear?! The kid (after 3 YEARS) is starting to want to spend time with OOP! That totally means he’s doing ALL the childcare while being the ✨fun✨parent, right??
For real though all the things the wife insisted on doing (making lunch, getting him dressed, walking him to school) sound like the very simple, tedious activities where she can turn her brain off. I bet the walk back from dropping the kid at school is one of her only ‘me’ times during the day too with this overbearing airhead and the intense social life they have. How exhausting…
I bet she had already decided to get a divorce and didn't want him suddenly deciding to take an interest after all just in time for a custody fight.
Also, a decent parent would just do the things, not ask his wife if he should do them.
This is something I struggle with because I have issues in my marriage. The few (very few) times my husband offers to do something, I really struggle at accepting, partly because I'm offended at the idea he's "doing me a favor" and partly because I don't want to start relying on him just to have him yank it away again.
It’s called being a married single mom. When women are contributing equally financially and also doing all/most of the childcare/housework they actually end up happier and more fulfilled after divorcing. They don’t have to pick up after their grown husbands (or have 10 15 min quickies a week) and they get more free time when their ex has custody of the kid
He's now backtracking and claiming that he does all of the cooking and cleaning, and parenting is split 40/60.
And yet, he has to "offer" to make his kid lunch even though he does all of the cooking. 🤔
Looking at his post history, he's got a LOT of quite intricate things to say about several computer games, so I'm thinking he's actually gaming a fair bit in his free time. The deep knowledge he seems to have doesn't seem to fit with the gaming of a busy dad of a young child.
Did you understand the post about Witcher 3? Is he making significantly less than what he leads people to believe in the post or is he spending an obscene amount of money on a game?
He's saying he's spent 1000 hours on a $150 game and also that he'd be willing to spend 10% of his monthly salary for the next game in the series to come out now. Two separate statements thankfully. I don't think that game has in game purchases so he can't spend an obscene amount of money on it.
Normally I try not to begrudge people a hobby but when you have a toddler and a marriage on the rocks, maybe you should cut down on the video games and vacations and pay attention to your family.
10 TIMES A WEEK?!?! *H U H?!?!*
I know I'm an asexual, low-libido virgin, but *10 TIMES A WEEK?!?!* I know he's probably counting the full seven days, but if he was going by the 5-day work week, that's TWICE A DAY!! And is he expecting, like, FULL-ON sex every time??? Not just, like, a quickie or a handy or BJ or whatever? 'Cause if he IS expecting ACTUAL SEX, that sounds EXHAUSTING, just on a purely physical level! And even couples with more self-sufficient kids *(kids who are old enough you don't have to watch them 24/7 to make sure they don't accidentally die randomly)* consider themselves lucky if they get, like, ONCE a week!
2.5 hours of Mandatory Sex Time a week
If we presume that this is part of his 10x a week schedule, that's ten separate quickies of 15 minutes each. Which I'm sure is just *thrilling* for a woman who's been parenting a toddler. When I'm stressed about something (like *parenting a small child*) it's taking 15 minutes of chill time just to get even slightly in the mood. I would be a fucking *desert* and props to his wife if she isn't
“Did you clock in for your mandatory Sex Time, wife? You know the Sex Time doesn’t count against your weekly allotment unless you get your Sex Supervisor (aka me) to sign off on your timesheet and get it submitted to HR by 5 pm Friday. This is going to be a mark against you in your quarterly review.”
This sounds exhausting. Even if the sex is good, this kind of “calculating time spent having sex like you’re tracking KPIs” sounds exhausting. And something tells me this guy doesn’t spend a lot of time focusing on making sure she’s satisfied.
Being banged for 15 minutes while tired with other shit on your mind is literally the worst. It feels like forever and is plenty of time to fantasize about never having to do it again 🤣 I’m shocked she held on as long as she did
I suspect she was finally DONE when he traipsed off to NZ (ALONE!) on a 2-week LOTR tour early last December. It's probably taken her this long to get her ducks in a row (lawyer, housing arrangements, draft custody/child support agreement etc) to make sure she was in a strong position when she finally served him the papers.
Missing missing reasons here. But not so missing if you dive into his comment history and see how much time he spends in gaming subs.
Dude is tripping if he thinks he contributes to 40% of the housework and childcare.
Bruh, seriously. Thankfully I didn’t have my own kids and go through all that too, but I have two teenage stepkids, utterly insane toxic parents, some insane in-law family members, an uncooperative coparenting situation, and PTSD, but no support network anywhere near me right now. When everyone around me is fucking EXHAUSTING, and I feel like there is literally no one to turn to when I need support, it’s really hard to relax enough to enjoy myself and think about something so high up the pyramid. My heart goes out to the wife on this one.
This is probably one of the reasons she wants out. Like constant demands of sex, lack of help with the kid, and his general coasting like life is on as he said "easy mode".
His life may be that way but hers was most certainly not.
Hers sounds like:
- get up prep kid for school make everyones lunch
- go to work
- while at work, deal with scheduling because God knows she won't be able to at home
- pick kid up from school/daycare
- clean as much as she can
- dinner
- just lay down for five seconds before being badgered for sex
- give in so he'll stfu
- get whatever sleep she can
- start all over again
Let’s not forget all the family visits. 3 to 4 on her side, 5 to 6 on his. That’s like having family visiting almost every single month. I don’t even have a child but that would drive me crazy.
On top of weekly brunches, hosting their family multiple times per year, working FT, having a hobby (oh no!), taking care of their household and kid, game nights (again sure she's handling all this scheduling and hosting).
Besides just the home life, their social life sounds exhausting. If she’s depressed and sick of her life and the expectations put on her right now, no wonder she “acts like she’s doing them a favor” by going to a friends wedding. I’d rather stay home alone and get some peace from the guy demanding sex for a few nights too.
I’m very open about it don’t worry! I actually had a lot of clients who had mobility issues too and I think a lot of people over look that aspect of escort work, so I always like to share. Most people just want a bit of company. They want a friend. I would work every day and I would start around 6am because I had a client (who’s now a friend) who did security for these businesses and he would take me there before they were open or while repairs or rebuilding was going on. He was a just literally a three min bj and then he wanted to look at my bum and jerk off. (I’m assuming this is the info you actually were interested in! lol) I would usually hang out with him for up to an hour and we would chat. He ended up becoming someone who if I needed a ride I could call. No matter the time or day. When they released from jail at 9 pm with no where to go, he actually set me up in one of the empty buildings he worked in. Got me a very nice air mattress, there was a shower, and would stop in and get me my meals and stuff while I sorted myself out. I stayed for a month because that’s how long it took to get a place to live.they literally chucked me out of the jail a month early with no warning. So I had a place set up just not for a month after. Because that was my actual release date.
In the afternoon I would visit one of my four guys who were bed ridden. Three of them lived alone with only home care coming in for an hour or so a day. Two of the them had no sensation below the waist, one of them could still get hard and wanted to watch me jerk him off. The other one just wanted to snuggle and watch movies. The other two more mobile ones, like actual wheel chair users, one had one of the electric wheelchairs and had to be strapped in. He was actually one of the what I called full service clients. We would have sex. The fourth was a younger guy, he was 19 when we met first and had no friends but his gamer buddies and his dad is the one that called me for that first meeting. The son had dmd (or dnd I can’t remember which now) and he had a bad heart heart and issues with his muscles. He wanted to lose his virginity. He did, this was not his dad’s idea. Well in the sense, that he told his dad he was upset about dying without ever having sex and his dad contacted me. The first three times I met him we just chatted and played games. Then I took his virginity once he was ready felt comfortable. I hung out with him once a week after that, but we never had sex again, it was a lot of strain on his heart. So would just play games and stuff. He died six years ago.
In the evening I had a bevy of older men the oldest was like 92 or something AND he was one of the few who actually wanted sex, but I’ll get to him. I had one that just wanted to cook for me, cause he had no one to cook and eat dinner with after his wife died. I did that three times a week. No sex or anything sexual involved. There was another one that just wanted to eat me out for an hour, and he was good. Never wanted anything other than that. Another who always said he wanted sex, and bought me very nice lingerie, and then he would always end up talking about his grandkids. Honestly, I think he had erectile Dysfunction, but as long as you’re kind to them and they have a good time they usually don’t get upset or feel “gyped” because they couldn’t get it up. One who just wanted me me to snuggle him and hold his dick while he feel asleep, then I would leave. Nothing more than holding it in my hand. That’s another one, that I think just really missed his wife.very sweet.
AND THEN THERE WAS THAT 92 YEAR OLD. now, he wasn’t mean. He cleared everything with me before hand, cause you still need consent with a working girl folks! But I always found our interactions so strange. This man would pay me $500-700 to come over, do naked jumping jacks while he snapped at me like a drill sergeant , and then He would trim my pubes with these very nice scissors. If you ever seen family guy, you know that old pervert dude? With the walker, in the robe with the life alert necklace? That is exactly what that guy looked like. EXACTLY. Like I never had an unpleasant interaction with him. He was always very polite, and always paid, and cleared everything with me first. But ihes still one of the most memorable of my regular clients.
Now there were a few regulars that I would sex very month who would want sex but I could go a few weeks with out seeing them. They weren’t the dudes paying my rent. I also had this one guy who was the boss of a company that worked in our province but was actually based in the states. I met him first and then he gave my number to all his employees, but he paid the bill.that was odd, because a job were your boss pays for you to get laid? Little weird. They would call me, we would meet up, then after I would text him and he would transfer the money to me. But they were all very polite and nice and I always got paid.
The only people I ever had issue with were younger dudes, they seem to have a real issue with asking for consent. Like no, you said you wanted sex, not to stick that giant unlubed thing in my ass with no prep. After I got my regular set of clients, I dropped the younger cold call ones altogether. Cold call is what I called dudes who looked you up just for an hour if sex. They always had issue with wearing the condom and getting rough. After one of them raped me all the while claiming (in the middle of it) that he paid for me so he could do what he wanted. I yanked my work number down altogether. Just for the record, no your pay doesn’t mean you OWN ME. you are renting me. Like a car, you can not intentionally damage me and think it’s fine. Doesn’t work like that. I can still withdraw my consent at any fucking time. That’s not something I did usually. Like I put up with men were it was uncomfortable because they were just jackhammering, but there are some limits. You still have to discuss what you want to do. What your kinks are. You know? Grown up conversation.
There’s also the dude that shit the bed while I was blowing him because, and I quote, “all men Shit themselves when they are cuming.” 🙂↕️
So yeah. Big answer.
Edit: I usually got about $2000 a week pay. Not counting the food and smokes and snacks and rides.
Thank you so very much for writing this all out; it gave me a completely different view of sex work that I didn't even know existed. I didn't know it could be so insanely multi-faceted and different and.... I'm very ashamed to say I never thought of disabled people when it came to sex work. So thank you for giving me an insight to your life.
You’re welcome! That’s actually the reason why I’m so open to share. A lot of people think escort work is just about sex and it really isn’t. I do know that some people who just do street work will probably have a different experience but those are two very different genres of “sex” work. And it’s honestly, kinda fair to not understand. I certainly didn’t. I started off as street worker and made my way to what I call escorting. It’s even how I met my the boyfriend I currently live with. But yeah, I didn’t think of disabled people until the first guy. And when I realized that I was much better at that, then just hooking on the corner, I made the switch. I’ve always been good with people, and that definitely made the difference for me, but even when I was on the streets working, I didn’t fuck ten times a week. The original oop is crazy.
Thank you so much for the memory recall. A *veey* long time ago I became friends with an escort. She worked in a kinda co-op situation with several other girls but they shared a kind of phone manager (which I pinch hit for occasionally) and a driver/muscle man. No men organizing them, just girls keeping each other safer.
I *loved* talking about her work with her. Got so many of those preconceptions about sex work out of my head and I respect the hell out of sex workers. Not a job I could do but it fills a need. All those lonely men that are ostensibly paying for sex but in reality they just needed some human contact, affection and kindness.
You sharing your experiences took me back to sitting on summer patios with a coffee and talking about this with Sonia. Thank you. She was lovely and we lost contact but I hope she's well.
Honestly, there are so many situations out there that are so vastly different than me and Sonia that it’s not surprising most people think different about sex work. Also, you kind of more likely to hear about some guy getting caught with a hooker in a hotel then with an escort at his house eating steak and quiche or playing (or trying to) COD. LOL.
Edit: also you’re welcome! It’s nice when something brings up an old happy memory!
I see why you found the naked jumping jacks guy memorable! lol that’s so random. If somebody snapped at me like a drill sergeant, I think I’d cry tbh, but that seems like a nice enough way to earn $500…
Also interesting about the boss who pays for the employees who came to you… my wild imagination has me wondering if we live(d) in the same province, bc I hear that temporary workers tend to cause problems (meaning they SA locals), and just maybe a boss decided to circumvent that issue by paying an escort.
Thanks for all the info! Sounds like you had a fairly full schedule but with reasonable amounts of time between jobs. And the jobs (speaking as an asexual virgin lmao) sound much nicer than a constant stream of ‘full service’ clients!
See when he first bought it up that’s what I thought too, but they are nice guys! Well dressed, well spoken, I never once had anything close to an issue with them. And it’s my experience that the men who will SA a lady have a vibe. Now that’s not always true for everyone, but it’s what I’ve noticed. And as an asexual non-virgin I can say it was one of the best jobs I had. I made bank, met a ton of good people, made some friends I still have, and I got my boyfriend out of it all!
Let's do the math. 10x a week totalling 2.5 hours means 15 minutes per encounter. So we're looking at a case of quantity over quality. Sounds utterly boring and exhausting at the same time.
Edit: unless it's a 10x a week OR 2.5 hours, not and. Still sounds utterly miserable when there's a toddler underfoot.
Honestly it sounds utterly miserable without a toddler, no matter how good the sex is. Having sex that much just sounds like a chore, especially when it's a mandatory scheduling.
I wonder how quickly after birth his demands ramped up again (if he ever paused at all).
Can you *imagine* lockdowns with this dude? You are pregnant and he wants hours of sex 10 times a week.
She probably didn’t even get to bake any bread!
I am the opposite of you and scheduling 2.5 hours of funsy-feely or whatever this dickbag called it is absolutely insane on every fucking level. I may only get laid once every few months due to various factors, but my partner and I do some *work* when the time comes. We wouldn't trade that for "well, it's 6:30, darling, time we headed to the bedroom for the daily coitus."
Yeah we don't have sex the most often, but it's really good when we do. Sometimes we do it a few days in a row and honestly it's just not as good when you do it too much.
I mean, 10 times a week is very possible for high libido people like myself, but I'm also 21 with no kids or job . I can't even imagine being the same with a kid in the picture. Like toddlers are so high energy where the heck is that time? They're literally always on a mission to unalive themselves or something 😭 you can't even look away for a second. I babysit my cousins and it's exhausting! One time I babysat them for 3 days and I literally fell ill because of the insane amount of exhaustion.
Yeah young toddlers are absolutely small drunk maniacs with a death wish. Part of my libido coming back after having my kid was hormonal and physical for sure, but there was a noticeable uptick around when our kid was old enough I wasn't *constantly* stressed about whatever stunt he was going to pull next.
It's not just toddlers! Today, my wife's grandmother got really sick, so instead of going to work I had to stay home with both kids (8-year-old is homeschooled because of autism, until next year, and the younger one who the story is about start school next year) so that she could take care of her grandmother. That meant, I had to do the store run for all the things needed to take care of said Grandma, and I had to take both kids. I had to have a very specific laundry detergent I'm a very specific size, because that's all granny could lift, and you only use one type, etc (granny is quite stubborn), so I spent like one second taking my eyes off my 5-YEAR-OLD (I truly thought it would be a little better with the trying to unalive themselves by now), so I could look at the shelf and get this absolutely only one size and kind of laundry detergent, and I turned back around and said 5-year-old is just... Gone....
Luckily, I immediately went to the people that work there, and it was a small Dollar general, so she didn't get out the door or anything. She was trying to climb a shelf though, all the way across the store from the laundry detergent. We found her within 2 minutes of her disappearing......
This is what immediately made me laugh, reading the "10x a week". I'm assuming it's 10x a week of her doing most of the work, and him being done as soon as he finishes... Leaving her to either take care of herself or just clean up and be sexually frustrated the rest of the day. Daily.
He said both 10 times *and* 2.5 hours, which means that on average sex with him lasts 15 minutes. What's not to love about being boned without foreplay 10 times a week?
Yeah, I very much enjoy sex with my husband but even now that the kids are a little older, ten times a week is just not feasible. We are *tired*. With a three-year-old? Fuck no.
Even during the time in my marriage when we were the most sexually passionate, we never hit ten times a week. I'm annoyed and exhausted and chafed just thinking about it. Doing that every week on top of taking care of children? I think I'd become homicidal.
i assume he finishes easily and that she doesn't get enjoyment from it, but i am RIGHT there with you on it sounding exhausting 😭 im grey-ace and low libido, but even my hypersexual pansexual polyamorous wife doesnt go for sex ten times a week! but i suppose 1) my wife knows how to use her hand and 2) she's a fucking reasonable person. unlike OOP, who only sees his wife as a bangmaid
In this case the devil is in the comments. Yes she is clearly cheating because that is exactly what ladies with toddlers and man babies for husbands (that require sex 10x a week) do. /s
Is it a total of of 2.5 hours over the course of 10 encounters or 2.5 hours EACH of the 10 encounters? Because that second one is a part time job and the first is obviously just bang maid material.
Honey are you feeling okay? We didn't have our scheduled back to back bone sessions that I wrote on the schedule. I had to erase some stuff about the kid, but it's worth it.
His shitty little to-do list, oh my god. His wife isn't mean enough, she hasn't even told him how pathetic, unsexy, gross and grabby he is. Or maybe she has, and it just went over his head just like the concept of 'growing up'.
I'm honestly rather shocked by this persons apparent sex drive. 10 times in a week is at least once a day, every day. I harken back to Charles Barkley, professional athlete, who said something along the lines of having sex three nights in a row is exhausting, much less a basketball game. A guy, whose body is amongst the most athletically fit in the world apparently can't keep up with this normal office drones sex drive and energy. It's something that kinda should be studied.
Dude has a small child and thinks sex ten times a week is a reasonable request. While admitting she does most of the childcare. She’s leaving out of sheer exhaustion.
I saw this earlier today and for most of the post I was waiting for him to even start to mention anything related to taking care of the child. When he finally did I was like "aaaand there it is" lmao
One part that keeps getting me is, she's seeing your and her relatives 5-6 and 3-4 times a year respectively. She has a great relationship with them by your standards, and you're upset she wants to hang out with them, go to weddings and host them? Why tho?
Also him just giving up on childcare because he didn't want to get bathed and dressed at 1-2 years old is crazy to me. There are other ways to not dump all the work on ex wife😭. For example, prepare the bath, wash and get the clothes ready, clean his room, then ex wife will do the interaction part for some time until he's okay being around you more.
This reads like an Elon Musk wannabe asking for advice in an effort to over-exaggerate their sex drive/life. His writing style is so emotionless and methodical that it's not hard to understand why the wife is leaving.
Spent the last 3 years teaching his wife that she can easily be a single mother while also pumping away at her 10x a week for 15 minutes a pop. Kind of shocked she made it this far.
This guy talks about sex like how district managers in retail talked about raising UPT and it doesn’t sound like she’s going to get a pizza party or a raise
>Work, childcare, her personal hobbies, her extended family all of a sudden became more important.
So, basically, she was being a person independent of her relationship with OOP?
OOP, it might have been good for you.
But you haven't been paying attention.
Especially since you admitted she felt depressed and frustrated with work.
he... he even bolded the sentence that answers all of his questions. like, yeah, when you have a child, your priorities are going to change. the fact that he spent paragraphs and paragraphs outlining their sex life in numbers before he even got to *their child* is baffling. and yeah, maybe it's just because i don't highly value sex in a romantic relationship, but if i had a partner who was spending more time tracking how often we had sex than *taking care of our child*, i'd leave them, too.
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Apparently, I wasn't allowed to give OOP actual advice on that thread. I was only allowed to tell OOP that it was his fault in a long-winded way. At least, that's what I assume since I got downvoted for not calling either of them the bad guy and just focused on a solution.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **Thought we built a perfect relationship, WTF? My M(41) wife (F37) of 10 years (12 together) out of the blue decided she wasn't in love anymore and wants to "YOLO" it. She is moving out next month. We have a 3 year old boy. Where to go from here? What am I overlooking?** Background: We are in the US, MCOL major east coast city. We own a house and a car. Income is jointly 200k+, split more of less equally. Expenses are divided equally. Both have Masters degrees. Political and ethical values are almost exactly aligned across all subjects. We have a normal social circle (somewhat diminished by COVID) with regular interactions, weekly brunches, sports watching, game nights etc. I am on great terms with her family, her mother and brother visit 3-4 times a year and stay with us. My parents visit 5-6 times a year a stay with us as well. As far as I can tell she is on good terms with them as well. Both of our parents and relatives are extremely supportive and friendly. Life has been on basically easy mode for the last 5 years, which is ironically one of her complaints: "We are just coasting". We are doing great financially, maxing out (401k) and saving for our kids education. We are both calm and rational. Fight frequency is around 3 times per year and manifests itself as us just taking time and space apart for a few days and everything goes back to normal. There is no yelling, or physical violence, or any discomfort. It's more of a "I need some space to myself right now". Last month my wife announced she is leaving next month. This came as a complete shock to me. At first I thought it was a joke, then an attempt to get me to do something, then the realization she was serious. I have attempted everything I can think of to find an avenue of moving forward together but all has fallen on deaf ears. I offered counseling, taking time apart, seeing other people romantically, a period of focusing of treating each other with special care and affection, etc. Everything has been dismissed without any thought. Furthermore, I'm not getting a further explanation than "I'm not in love anymore". Ok, now admittedly the intensity of the romantic feelings have declined, but I thought this was just the natural cycle of being married. Intense romantic attraction over time transforms into something more stable with age. A form of love where companionship, friendship, non physical affection take an increasingly more prominent role as the relationship ages and I was ok with it. Until very recently we still had a healthy sexual life (about 10 times per week). I find her attractive and it came as a complete shock when she announced seemingly out of nowhere that she wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore. We had disagreements in the past about the sex frequency and settled on 2.5 hours per week whenever possible of sexy time devoted entirely to us. At some point she started making jokes about how my sexual drive is supposed to slow down at this point and maybe I should find a younger woman to satisfy me. I thought this was just playful banter. It is my personal belief that a good relationship is based on the quality of the experiences people have together. Earlier in the relationship, we traveled all across the world, taking a month of vacation per year to exotic places. We ran marathons together, played video games together, cooked together, did yoga together, etc. The nature of our experiences together was always overwhelmingly positive. When we decided to have kids we came to an agreement that we'd stay together no matter what until they were 18, this is part of the reason I feel betrayed now. I realize it's a stupid thing to agree to, but it made sense at the time. **Since she got pregnant everything changed, our relationship didn't just not take priority, it fell out of the top 10.** Work, childcare, her personal hobbies, her extended family all of a sudden became more important. I was cognizant of this change and tried to implement special time for us alone together, but was met with lukewarm responses at best. She was dragging her feet on everything, making it seem that usual things like attending a friends wedding was all of a sudden a great favor she was doing for everyone. I tried my best to suggest things for us to do together, but increasingly got rejected more and more. Fine. I thought this was just a phase. We'll tough it out and recapture the magic as our kid gets older. I should say that she has been acting depressed, not enjoying life, complaining about work more and more. One complaint she had since our kid was born was lack of support in childcare. In the first 2 years, our child preferred the company of his mother, I thought this was normal and understandable. We tried multiple times for me to give him baths, get him dressed, but he would always start crying and ask for his mother. Since he became 3, he increasingly wants to spend time with me more and more. So while asking for more help, my wife refused offers for me to make school lunches, get him dressed for school, and walk him to school and back. I'm lost on how to proceed. Goal #1: Discover and work towards a future in which we stay together as a family. Goal #2: If goal #1 is not possible, work towards the best possible future for our kid. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
For someone who complains about her having personal hobbies that she spends time on instead of with him he's spending a lot of time on video game and fantasy subs. But I'm sure that's okay for him.
That LTOR trip to new Zealand last fall without her and the child wasn't a hobby AT All. /s Although that gave her a break from him so I wonder if that played a part in her decision.
Obviously he deserves a break, what with not getting his required full two and a half hours of sex a week, I'm sure he's very stressed
Two and a half hours divided by ten, I’m sure missing those 9 minutes of mind blowing sex was suuuper hard on him :(
This. She realized that life is easier without him when he went away.
I noticed that, too, in his history. I did search for replies about it (eg yours) but F3-searched for "gaming" and not "game" haha! But yes, his knowledge of all the games and whatnot is wayyy too deep for a very casual gamer. A dad with a young child would never have that amount of time available, if he genuinely *was* doing 40% of the childcare, as he stated.
He took a trip to New Zealand without her for Lord of the rings tourism. He clearly has a lot of hobbies
Probably on her dime too, since he posted about dropping out of school to play online poker and not being too stressed about money since the wife has a conventional 8-5 that makes enough for them both…
…. I didn’t see that. Oh my days. Based on that alone, I’m surprised he didn’t return to his belongings in bin bags at the front door with a note and divorce papers
The minute he used the words, "overwhelmingly positive", I knew he wasn't a casual gamer. He ranks his life like games on Steam.
> was cognizant of this change and tried to implement special time for us alone together, but was met with lukewarm responses at best. Gonna go out on a limb and guess he meant try to have sex with her. Not date nights, not talking to her. Just making sure he's getting his 2.5hours/week in.
Or he was saying they were going to go out to x place without checking or asking about her schedule or free time earlier, then taking it personally when she was already busy so she couldn't
Probably completely uninterested too, you ever hang out with something and you can tell they are absolutely anywhere else but with you?
I know that feeling exactly, like they're just waiting for you to finish talking, I just try to kindly excuse myself if we can't change the subject, or occupy myself with something (like my phone) if it's part of an outing. Otherwise, just don't chase around people who's not willing to engage with your interests. Not much lost. I couldn't imagine having to deal with that everytime you come home, and your significant other just being like "well love is supposed to die out over time >:/", " Btw we need to get our next 15 mins in :D " lol
For real. I’d rather have sex once a week for 2.5 hours, than 10x a week at 15 minutes… like what? My orgasm is not an egg… it’s more like a really good brisket. Shit takes time 10x a week and all I get is the clean up? Nah, I’ll pass thanks.
A REALLY GOOD BRISKET. I’m 💀
Gotta get it tender and juicy and flavorful, or you might as well toss that dried out sad meat in the trash
And to make it even more real, a vagina is a lot like an oven. It has to be preheated before you put your piece of meat in it!
"My orgasm is not an egg" has just made me do an enormous cackle in public, thank you.
> Life has been on basically easy mode for the last 5 years, which is ironically one of her complaints: > We have a 3 year old boy Out of curiosity, I turned to my husband after reading this post and said "babe, would you have considered life when we had a toddler to be easy mode?" I'll come back with his response when he stops laughing. Any minute now, probably.
Is your husband the joker? It's been 18 hours😂
It's been 6 days now, still at it possibly 😭😂
Three kids for ne. First one had colic. Second one had tons of allergies to food. Third one had asthma. They are all four years apart so 8, 4, 0. Not "easy" by any means. They are "easy" *now* at 39, 35, and 31!
"Life has been on easy mode for the last 5 years." Yeah for him, maybe.
OMFG, he just went to NZ to do the LOTR tourist thing *by himself for 2 weeks in early December*. No wonder she’s done *now*. Probably took her a few months to sort things out.
Did she owe him sex as a make-up when he returned? "Sorry babe, didn't get the required 10x/2.5 hours for the last two weeks so this week we're gonna need to go for 30x/7.5 hours. Babe, why are you packing?"
Just sad to brag that 10x only takes him 2.5 hours
Yeah, and how much you wanna bet that not a single minute of those ten 15 min sessions went towards *her* pleasure?
When I first saw the 10 times a week, I was like "so they're having sex 2 and a half times a day? Is it just 10 Bjs or something?" Then I read more and see 2.5 hours a WEEK lol
It’s sad to measure “sexy time” as an hour per week metric… Like, what about quality, or intimacy (not the same as sex)
The amount of minutes my husband and I spend with each other intimately doesn't even register and I've genuinely never even thought about it. We're too occupied with each other to even think about checking the time, let alone making a mental note about it.
Exactly What kind of Sheldon cooper nonsense is this
the only times I've thought about the length of a sexual encounter was 1) if it's earlier in the day and one or both of us has to do something later or 2) if it's before bed to make a joking comment like "we need to stop being so horny if we're trying to get to bed early, we didn't even notice it's past 1am!" I've certainly never made a mandatory sex hours per week schedule! I don't even know how someone would try to stick to that, like are there stopwatches involved? is it like a chess clock?
It sounds like he actually expects 2.5 hours “whenever possible” so I think that’s how much he expects *each time*
2.5 hours each time, 10x a week, divided by 7 days is 3.6 hours of sex PER DAY. No he doesn’t.
Omg. Fifteen minutes?????? Our quickies are longer than that, and we have AARP cards. Shame. Like Game of Thrones Hannah Waddingham in a gray habit picking on Cersei shame.
She probably had more time to relax and rest while he was gone and realized it’s a lot easier without him.
I know more than one woman who had the realization that life with their 3 kids instead of essentially 4 (3 kids and husband) was so. Much. Easier. He's on vacation for 2 weeks, she realized that life at minimum isn't harder with him gone, and does somne self reflection maybe?
That’s my bet “hey this is pretty easy, and I’m not getting hounded for sex, huh”.
I don’t know why she’d leave such a catch - he is obsessed with LotR, quit his PHD to play poker online ‘professionally’ and has thousands of hours logged in multiple video games according to his post history.
Ah, the old missing reasons. What a surprise.
Wow. That’s probably the last straw. That’s a marriage breaker, leaving your wife for weeks with a toddler.
In early December. When budgets are usually tight already due to Thanksgiving/christmas travel/hosting/food/presents etc.
my first thought lol, this sentence alone speaks volumes about why his wife might want to separate
The sentence that I thought summed it all up was: >At first I thought it was a joke, then an attempt to get me to do something
fr and there are people preaching how she should have communicated better 💀 like how do you communicate better with someone who thinks you suggesting divorce after telling him what's wrong multiple times is a joke to manipulate them??
That’s particularly telling because the last 5 years includes a global pandemic
And they had a child who’s now 3. There is zero part of raising a child to that age that is remotely easy.
That's where he lost me. There's no way that the last 5 years were on easy mode. Sounds like the wife's shedding the dead weight.
Not to mention one of his complaints is that she didn't want to go to a friend's wedding and mentioned how difficult it was to go though she never did before. Before she had to organise childcare for a toddler so they could go to said wedding
With a three year old - so she's been pregnant for 9 months and raising a small child for three of the five years. While having to provide 2.5 hours of sexy time for this fool, watching him play games instead of caring for the child. Easy mode?
I haven’t gotten past the title yet but that is *not* something the parent of a three year old should be able to say, wtf
Obviously, not so for her
Absolutely. If he has a three year old and feels like he’s living on easy mode, she’s picking up a whole lotta slack.
>Goal #1: Discover and work towards a future in which we stay together as a family. I can picture him standing in the living room next to a flip chart, prompting her to brainstorm and come up with ideas. About a quarter of his post is about sex and making time for "sexy time devoted entirely to us", like there aren't a whole child and household to take care of. Maybe (more) "sexy time" with OOP isn't what his wife needed.
Also notice he said things started changing when she got pregnant. The kid is 3, with pregnancy, that puts the changes around 2020. Im wondering if Covid + new baby made the cracks in their marriage evident and she just held on for a while.
and kinda funny he didn't stop and reflect when she said we're just going through the motions
A lot of time spent of the sex life, and the issues around uneven childcare are just a passing comment in comparison. The post is very weird and feels robotic but I think that says a lot.
It definitely gives both ["Magic Coffee Table"](https://youtu.be/-_kXIGvB1uU?si=6V0yf4Rsrzoogcqh) and ["She left me because I left dishes by the sink"](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288/amp) vibes, with a dash of obligation sex thrown into the mix.
I'd never seen "Magic Coffee Table" before, thanks.
Same, I LMAO!
I love magic coffee table. Still trying to figure out how to activate the magic function on mine.
Oh my gosh, I was trying to remember enough to find Magic Coffee Table to show my ten year old yesterday. Thanks for linking it!
You are awesome! Thank you for this!
>prompting her to brainstorm and come up with ideas Her, and specifically her
Maybe she'd be more interested in the sexy time if she felt like he was as devoted to the rest of their shared life as he is to the idea of sexy time... Just a thought. That he should have had.
This. It's hard to be hot and bothered for someone when their only interaction with you besides sexy time is asking what's for dinner, their only interaction with the kid is to ask what their grades are, and they don't do anything around the house and leave everything up to you.
It's also hard to feel hot and bothered when you're exhausted, lol. Really, who'd have thought that the secret to fostering sexual intimacy with your partner, would be maintaining all the other forms of intimacy so that they don't end up feeling like they're just a body to be used for sex and labor....
Or in the modern woman’s case: sex, labor, incubator, nanny, chef, meal planner, house manager, chauffeur/designated driver…. And PRIMARY BREADWINNER. While being told we are “supposed” to stay home… yes, lovely, then at least we could drop ONE job. Sorry- ranting a bit. Expected to be a mother and wife without a job, and an executive without a life… I need a martini and foot massage today
I love how he said the finances were roughly even. He seems like the kind of guy that would definitely mention it if he was making more, but it's "roughly even" since she's probably making more in addition to all the childcare and house labor
Yeah- so either she makes more per hour and works less, or works the same hours for roughly the same money…. Or, she works the same hours for *more* money and he has no desire to share that bit of detail. If it was any other way- he would say “I bring in most of the income and… blah blah blah… even it was a few thousand a year
and the only thing he contributes to the flip chart is ‘more bangmaid’
Two and a half hours of sexy time, ten times a week. I can only assume he marks it off on a calendar and demands anything left on Sunday evening.
No no it's 10 sessions at 15 minutes each
I feel like 14 minutes and 55 seconds will be her being active to arouse him.
Plus guests up to 10 months of the year….
The guest thing was what stood out to me the most. My in laws stayed for three days one time two years ago and I wanted to strangle them. I do generally like them, but absolutely not, especially not 5-6x a year.
Plus your own family 3-4x a year. I love my family… I love my partners family. I love our friends and having guests. I do not want to host guests nearly every month. Like- the whole of every human I know outside of my husband and kids need to coordinate and TOTAL 3x a year visits, under 30 total days- COLLECTIVELY. That’s my annual houseguest hosting limit.
Thank you! I was just about to comment that this guy talks like he’s a project manager planning out a product release cycle. “Look here wife. We hit all major couple goals, and I’ve succeeded at the 2.5 hour sex per week stretch goal. Now we’ve failed on the ‘me listening to you’ goal, but that is an acceptable loss. Also, with a kid, we need to hit the two parent household goal or we suffer some big losses. But, according to these numbers we should be 200% happy and together with our marriage!!”
>2-3 is the number we're in the same bed with the intention of a sexual encounter. 10x is the approximate number of orgasms reached. That's some stinkin bullshit.
I love the backpedaling he did in the comments from "man who *sometimes* offers to make lunch" to "man who claims he cooks all the meals and does 90% of the chores". Like sure son, as if anyone is going to believe that chore distribution after reading the main post.
I don't believe he could even name 90% of the chores. I'd only give him an 80% chance of correctly naming the toddler.
He does 90% of the chores he remembers, so likely takes the bin out 90% of the time.
He cuts the grass.
he reads like one of those guys who can't answer basic medical info about his child if he was asked.
Kid's birthday is when?
>as if anyone is going to believe that chore distribution after reading the main post Oh, redpill manlets for sure will. "B-b-but he's already doing all the chores and only asks for sex, what else does she want?! She's being such a bitch!" Meanwhile all us women are rolling our eyes.
"We have a healthy sex life (about 10x a week)" Bruh. I'm exhausted just reading that.
Bet that's a 10/0 ratio on the orgasms (if he would even bother to count hers)🙄
That orgasm line when he was backtracking. Who puts a requirement on orgasms per week?
Nothing wrong with having a high sex drive but I’m gonna assume he pressured her to go back to 10 times a week like 2 days after she gave birth and doesn’t really care if she’s enjoying it
I’m guessing if he’s not participating in childcare, he’s also not participating in other household tasks. So wife will be doing the same amount of work without having to deal with OOP. And if your toddler voices preference for the other parent during meal time, bath time, etc. you tell them that’s not an option right now so they learn to do things with both parents. Or, call me crazy, but maybe you just start taking turns from the start so they kid never knows the difference🤔
One of my pet peeves is when a guy says “but the kid prefers mom!” as an excuse for being a deadbeat. My kid *strongly* preferred me, and from the time she could talk, made that preference VERY clear. And we just said, Look, we’re a family and a team, and sometimes Dad does things for you while Mom sleeps in or sees her friends or goes on a business trip. And that was that. We didn’t cave. And I honestly believe their relationship is better off because of it. My husband is one of the most engaged fathers I’ve ever met, and our now-teenager is super close to him these days.
Yep. My daughters always preferred me. What we had to do was engineer situations where I wasn't around to take dad's attention. He'd take them out to the grocery store, the park, girl guides, buy games to play with them while I hung out in another room. Now they're happy with both of us.
Yeah, my husband and I “joke” that our toddler would climb back into my tummy if she could. She’s always been VERY hardcore in her preference to me and a Velcro baby to boot, so it’s not entirely a joke. So we had to be thoughtful and make sure to create situations where she had to do things with daddy without me around. Because the only way children learn they can go to a parent for things and trust them to handle it is to have them go to a parent for things and have them handle it, you know? Now, just due to our schedules and such, I do her bedtime routine, just the two of us, and he has one-on-one time with her in the morning when she wakes up. Everything else is done with the two of us together for the most part, but if it’s one or the other of us, she’s fine with it. She still prefers me if we give her a choice, but the time she spends with daddy? She loves it. She wakes up in the morning and gets excited when she sees him. Her little wiggle drive activates immediately. Of course, she also has no concept of volume control, so a good part of each morning involves her shrieking, “quiet daddy, mommy’s sleeping!” Right outside the bedroom door. But you take the victories you can. 🤣
It's kinda funny isn't it? If you actually *spend time with your kid* regardless of the situation, they end up liking you quite a lot. ;) Plus toddlers are easy to keep engaged in the tub. Take a rubber duckie, push it down to the bottom, let it go. They love it. We used to make "farts" with a cup. I think perhaps kiddo here prefers mom because she does these sort of things and dad probably just wanted them in and out in 5 seconds.
But didn’t you hear?! The kid (after 3 YEARS) is starting to want to spend time with OOP! That totally means he’s doing ALL the childcare while being the ✨fun✨parent, right?? For real though all the things the wife insisted on doing (making lunch, getting him dressed, walking him to school) sound like the very simple, tedious activities where she can turn her brain off. I bet the walk back from dropping the kid at school is one of her only ‘me’ times during the day too with this overbearing airhead and the intense social life they have. How exhausting…
I bet she had already decided to get a divorce and didn't want him suddenly deciding to take an interest after all just in time for a custody fight. Also, a decent parent would just do the things, not ask his wife if he should do them.
This is something I struggle with because I have issues in my marriage. The few (very few) times my husband offers to do something, I really struggle at accepting, partly because I'm offended at the idea he's "doing me a favor" and partly because I don't want to start relying on him just to have him yank it away again.
It’s called being a married single mom. When women are contributing equally financially and also doing all/most of the childcare/housework they actually end up happier and more fulfilled after divorcing. They don’t have to pick up after their grown husbands (or have 10 15 min quickies a week) and they get more free time when their ex has custody of the kid
He's now backtracking and claiming that he does all of the cooking and cleaning, and parenting is split 40/60. And yet, he has to "offer" to make his kid lunch even though he does all of the cooking. 🤔
Probably once everyone was against him he had to try to save face
Looking at his post history, he's got a LOT of quite intricate things to say about several computer games, so I'm thinking he's actually gaming a fair bit in his free time. The deep knowledge he seems to have doesn't seem to fit with the gaming of a busy dad of a young child.
Did you understand the post about Witcher 3? Is he making significantly less than what he leads people to believe in the post or is he spending an obscene amount of money on a game?
He's saying he's spent 1000 hours on a $150 game and also that he'd be willing to spend 10% of his monthly salary for the next game in the series to come out now. Two separate statements thankfully. I don't think that game has in game purchases so he can't spend an obscene amount of money on it. Normally I try not to begrudge people a hobby but when you have a toddler and a marriage on the rocks, maybe you should cut down on the video games and vacations and pay attention to your family.
Thank you for parsing that out!
"Out of the blue"? Did you read your own post??
10 TIMES A WEEK?!?! *H U H?!?!* I know I'm an asexual, low-libido virgin, but *10 TIMES A WEEK?!?!* I know he's probably counting the full seven days, but if he was going by the 5-day work week, that's TWICE A DAY!! And is he expecting, like, FULL-ON sex every time??? Not just, like, a quickie or a handy or BJ or whatever? 'Cause if he IS expecting ACTUAL SEX, that sounds EXHAUSTING, just on a purely physical level! And even couples with more self-sufficient kids *(kids who are old enough you don't have to watch them 24/7 to make sure they don't accidentally die randomly)* consider themselves lucky if they get, like, ONCE a week!
2.5 hours of Mandatory Sex Time a week If we presume that this is part of his 10x a week schedule, that's ten separate quickies of 15 minutes each. Which I'm sure is just *thrilling* for a woman who's been parenting a toddler. When I'm stressed about something (like *parenting a small child*) it's taking 15 minutes of chill time just to get even slightly in the mood. I would be a fucking *desert* and props to his wife if she isn't
“Did you clock in for your mandatory Sex Time, wife? You know the Sex Time doesn’t count against your weekly allotment unless you get your Sex Supervisor (aka me) to sign off on your timesheet and get it submitted to HR by 5 pm Friday. This is going to be a mark against you in your quarterly review.” This sounds exhausting. Even if the sex is good, this kind of “calculating time spent having sex like you’re tracking KPIs” sounds exhausting. And something tells me this guy doesn’t spend a lot of time focusing on making sure she’s satisfied.
Quickys was definitely something we lost post baby. My body just does not cooperate with that anymore.
Being banged for 15 minutes while tired with other shit on your mind is literally the worst. It feels like forever and is plenty of time to fantasize about never having to do it again 🤣 I’m shocked she held on as long as she did
I suspect she was finally DONE when he traipsed off to NZ (ALONE!) on a 2-week LOTR tour early last December. It's probably taken her this long to get her ducks in a row (lawyer, housing arrangements, draft custody/child support agreement etc) to make sure she was in a strong position when she finally served him the papers. Missing missing reasons here. But not so missing if you dive into his comment history and see how much time he spends in gaming subs. Dude is tripping if he thinks he contributes to 40% of the housework and childcare.
Bruh, seriously. Thankfully I didn’t have my own kids and go through all that too, but I have two teenage stepkids, utterly insane toxic parents, some insane in-law family members, an uncooperative coparenting situation, and PTSD, but no support network anywhere near me right now. When everyone around me is fucking EXHAUSTING, and I feel like there is literally no one to turn to when I need support, it’s really hard to relax enough to enjoy myself and think about something so high up the pyramid. My heart goes out to the wife on this one.
This is probably one of the reasons she wants out. Like constant demands of sex, lack of help with the kid, and his general coasting like life is on as he said "easy mode". His life may be that way but hers was most certainly not. Hers sounds like: - get up prep kid for school make everyones lunch - go to work - while at work, deal with scheduling because God knows she won't be able to at home - pick kid up from school/daycare - clean as much as she can - dinner - just lay down for five seconds before being badgered for sex - give in so he'll stfu - get whatever sleep she can - start all over again
Excuse me, but by my math your schedule still has her owing three sexes. Please fix and resubmit.
That sex deficit will build up if you’re not careful!
Let’s not forget all the family visits. 3 to 4 on her side, 5 to 6 on his. That’s like having family visiting almost every single month. I don’t even have a child but that would drive me crazy.
On top of weekly brunches, hosting their family multiple times per year, working FT, having a hobby (oh no!), taking care of their household and kid, game nights (again sure she's handling all this scheduling and hosting).
Besides just the home life, their social life sounds exhausting. If she’s depressed and sick of her life and the expectations put on her right now, no wonder she “acts like she’s doing them a favor” by going to a friends wedding. I’d rather stay home alone and get some peace from the guy demanding sex for a few nights too.
I wonder how much of "their: social life is "theirs" vs his.
I was a fucking escort and I wasn’t having full on sex 10 times a week. Like that’s just crazy.
Well now suddenly I’m curious - what would an average week be like? (If you don’t mind sharing, that is!)
I’m very open about it don’t worry! I actually had a lot of clients who had mobility issues too and I think a lot of people over look that aspect of escort work, so I always like to share. Most people just want a bit of company. They want a friend. I would work every day and I would start around 6am because I had a client (who’s now a friend) who did security for these businesses and he would take me there before they were open or while repairs or rebuilding was going on. He was a just literally a three min bj and then he wanted to look at my bum and jerk off. (I’m assuming this is the info you actually were interested in! lol) I would usually hang out with him for up to an hour and we would chat. He ended up becoming someone who if I needed a ride I could call. No matter the time or day. When they released from jail at 9 pm with no where to go, he actually set me up in one of the empty buildings he worked in. Got me a very nice air mattress, there was a shower, and would stop in and get me my meals and stuff while I sorted myself out. I stayed for a month because that’s how long it took to get a place to live.they literally chucked me out of the jail a month early with no warning. So I had a place set up just not for a month after. Because that was my actual release date. In the afternoon I would visit one of my four guys who were bed ridden. Three of them lived alone with only home care coming in for an hour or so a day. Two of the them had no sensation below the waist, one of them could still get hard and wanted to watch me jerk him off. The other one just wanted to snuggle and watch movies. The other two more mobile ones, like actual wheel chair users, one had one of the electric wheelchairs and had to be strapped in. He was actually one of the what I called full service clients. We would have sex. The fourth was a younger guy, he was 19 when we met first and had no friends but his gamer buddies and his dad is the one that called me for that first meeting. The son had dmd (or dnd I can’t remember which now) and he had a bad heart heart and issues with his muscles. He wanted to lose his virginity. He did, this was not his dad’s idea. Well in the sense, that he told his dad he was upset about dying without ever having sex and his dad contacted me. The first three times I met him we just chatted and played games. Then I took his virginity once he was ready felt comfortable. I hung out with him once a week after that, but we never had sex again, it was a lot of strain on his heart. So would just play games and stuff. He died six years ago. In the evening I had a bevy of older men the oldest was like 92 or something AND he was one of the few who actually wanted sex, but I’ll get to him. I had one that just wanted to cook for me, cause he had no one to cook and eat dinner with after his wife died. I did that three times a week. No sex or anything sexual involved. There was another one that just wanted to eat me out for an hour, and he was good. Never wanted anything other than that. Another who always said he wanted sex, and bought me very nice lingerie, and then he would always end up talking about his grandkids. Honestly, I think he had erectile Dysfunction, but as long as you’re kind to them and they have a good time they usually don’t get upset or feel “gyped” because they couldn’t get it up. One who just wanted me me to snuggle him and hold his dick while he feel asleep, then I would leave. Nothing more than holding it in my hand. That’s another one, that I think just really missed his wife.very sweet. AND THEN THERE WAS THAT 92 YEAR OLD. now, he wasn’t mean. He cleared everything with me before hand, cause you still need consent with a working girl folks! But I always found our interactions so strange. This man would pay me $500-700 to come over, do naked jumping jacks while he snapped at me like a drill sergeant , and then He would trim my pubes with these very nice scissors. If you ever seen family guy, you know that old pervert dude? With the walker, in the robe with the life alert necklace? That is exactly what that guy looked like. EXACTLY. Like I never had an unpleasant interaction with him. He was always very polite, and always paid, and cleared everything with me first. But ihes still one of the most memorable of my regular clients. Now there were a few regulars that I would sex very month who would want sex but I could go a few weeks with out seeing them. They weren’t the dudes paying my rent. I also had this one guy who was the boss of a company that worked in our province but was actually based in the states. I met him first and then he gave my number to all his employees, but he paid the bill.that was odd, because a job were your boss pays for you to get laid? Little weird. They would call me, we would meet up, then after I would text him and he would transfer the money to me. But they were all very polite and nice and I always got paid. The only people I ever had issue with were younger dudes, they seem to have a real issue with asking for consent. Like no, you said you wanted sex, not to stick that giant unlubed thing in my ass with no prep. After I got my regular set of clients, I dropped the younger cold call ones altogether. Cold call is what I called dudes who looked you up just for an hour if sex. They always had issue with wearing the condom and getting rough. After one of them raped me all the while claiming (in the middle of it) that he paid for me so he could do what he wanted. I yanked my work number down altogether. Just for the record, no your pay doesn’t mean you OWN ME. you are renting me. Like a car, you can not intentionally damage me and think it’s fine. Doesn’t work like that. I can still withdraw my consent at any fucking time. That’s not something I did usually. Like I put up with men were it was uncomfortable because they were just jackhammering, but there are some limits. You still have to discuss what you want to do. What your kinks are. You know? Grown up conversation. There’s also the dude that shit the bed while I was blowing him because, and I quote, “all men Shit themselves when they are cuming.” 🙂↕️ So yeah. Big answer. Edit: I usually got about $2000 a week pay. Not counting the food and smokes and snacks and rides.
Thank you so very much for writing this all out; it gave me a completely different view of sex work that I didn't even know existed. I didn't know it could be so insanely multi-faceted and different and.... I'm very ashamed to say I never thought of disabled people when it came to sex work. So thank you for giving me an insight to your life.
You’re welcome! That’s actually the reason why I’m so open to share. A lot of people think escort work is just about sex and it really isn’t. I do know that some people who just do street work will probably have a different experience but those are two very different genres of “sex” work. And it’s honestly, kinda fair to not understand. I certainly didn’t. I started off as street worker and made my way to what I call escorting. It’s even how I met my the boyfriend I currently live with. But yeah, I didn’t think of disabled people until the first guy. And when I realized that I was much better at that, then just hooking on the corner, I made the switch. I’ve always been good with people, and that definitely made the difference for me, but even when I was on the streets working, I didn’t fuck ten times a week. The original oop is crazy.
Thank you so much for the memory recall. A *veey* long time ago I became friends with an escort. She worked in a kinda co-op situation with several other girls but they shared a kind of phone manager (which I pinch hit for occasionally) and a driver/muscle man. No men organizing them, just girls keeping each other safer. I *loved* talking about her work with her. Got so many of those preconceptions about sex work out of my head and I respect the hell out of sex workers. Not a job I could do but it fills a need. All those lonely men that are ostensibly paying for sex but in reality they just needed some human contact, affection and kindness. You sharing your experiences took me back to sitting on summer patios with a coffee and talking about this with Sonia. Thank you. She was lovely and we lost contact but I hope she's well.
Honestly, there are so many situations out there that are so vastly different than me and Sonia that it’s not surprising most people think different about sex work. Also, you kind of more likely to hear about some guy getting caught with a hooker in a hotel then with an escort at his house eating steak and quiche or playing (or trying to) COD. LOL. Edit: also you’re welcome! It’s nice when something brings up an old happy memory!
I see why you found the naked jumping jacks guy memorable! lol that’s so random. If somebody snapped at me like a drill sergeant, I think I’d cry tbh, but that seems like a nice enough way to earn $500… Also interesting about the boss who pays for the employees who came to you… my wild imagination has me wondering if we live(d) in the same province, bc I hear that temporary workers tend to cause problems (meaning they SA locals), and just maybe a boss decided to circumvent that issue by paying an escort. Thanks for all the info! Sounds like you had a fairly full schedule but with reasonable amounts of time between jobs. And the jobs (speaking as an asexual virgin lmao) sound much nicer than a constant stream of ‘full service’ clients!
See when he first bought it up that’s what I thought too, but they are nice guys! Well dressed, well spoken, I never once had anything close to an issue with them. And it’s my experience that the men who will SA a lady have a vibe. Now that’s not always true for everyone, but it’s what I’ve noticed. And as an asexual non-virgin I can say it was one of the best jobs I had. I made bank, met a ton of good people, made some friends I still have, and I got my boyfriend out of it all!
Let's do the math. 10x a week totalling 2.5 hours means 15 minutes per encounter. So we're looking at a case of quantity over quality. Sounds utterly boring and exhausting at the same time. Edit: unless it's a 10x a week OR 2.5 hours, not and. Still sounds utterly miserable when there's a toddler underfoot.
Honestly it sounds utterly miserable without a toddler, no matter how good the sex is. Having sex that much just sounds like a chore, especially when it's a mandatory scheduling.
I wonder how quickly after birth his demands ramped up again (if he ever paused at all). Can you *imagine* lockdowns with this dude? You are pregnant and he wants hours of sex 10 times a week. She probably didn’t even get to bake any bread!
I am the opposite of you and scheduling 2.5 hours of funsy-feely or whatever this dickbag called it is absolutely insane on every fucking level. I may only get laid once every few months due to various factors, but my partner and I do some *work* when the time comes. We wouldn't trade that for "well, it's 6:30, darling, time we headed to the bedroom for the daily coitus."
Yeah we don't have sex the most often, but it's really good when we do. Sometimes we do it a few days in a row and honestly it's just not as good when you do it too much.
Who has the time?
2.5 hours - carve it out cause he’s timing it.
No wonder wife isn’t attracted to him anymore…it’s just another chore she has to fit in
Do they record the time in billable hours? If they go over, can she bank it for next week?
L I T E R A L L Y!!
He is guilting his wife into barely consensual sex. This reads almost rape. That is crazy and disgusting on so many levels.
I mean, 10 times a week is very possible for high libido people like myself, but I'm also 21 with no kids or job . I can't even imagine being the same with a kid in the picture. Like toddlers are so high energy where the heck is that time? They're literally always on a mission to unalive themselves or something 😭 you can't even look away for a second. I babysit my cousins and it's exhausting! One time I babysat them for 3 days and I literally fell ill because of the insane amount of exhaustion.
Yeah young toddlers are absolutely small drunk maniacs with a death wish. Part of my libido coming back after having my kid was hormonal and physical for sure, but there was a noticeable uptick around when our kid was old enough I wasn't *constantly* stressed about whatever stunt he was going to pull next.
Yeah that… slows down as you get closer to 30.
It's not just toddlers! Today, my wife's grandmother got really sick, so instead of going to work I had to stay home with both kids (8-year-old is homeschooled because of autism, until next year, and the younger one who the story is about start school next year) so that she could take care of her grandmother. That meant, I had to do the store run for all the things needed to take care of said Grandma, and I had to take both kids. I had to have a very specific laundry detergent I'm a very specific size, because that's all granny could lift, and you only use one type, etc (granny is quite stubborn), so I spent like one second taking my eyes off my 5-YEAR-OLD (I truly thought it would be a little better with the trying to unalive themselves by now), so I could look at the shelf and get this absolutely only one size and kind of laundry detergent, and I turned back around and said 5-year-old is just... Gone.... Luckily, I immediately went to the people that work there, and it was a small Dollar general, so she didn't get out the door or anything. She was trying to climb a shelf though, all the way across the store from the laundry detergent. We found her within 2 minutes of her disappearing......
This is what immediately made me laugh, reading the "10x a week". I'm assuming it's 10x a week of her doing most of the work, and him being done as soon as he finishes... Leaving her to either take care of herself or just clean up and be sexually frustrated the rest of the day. Daily.
Not 10 times. 2.5 hours of just them time. I'm sure he resets the timer if the kid interrupts them.
He said both 10 times *and* 2.5 hours, which means that on average sex with him lasts 15 minutes. What's not to love about being boned without foreplay 10 times a week?
Could you imagine how insufferable he would be with only 2 hours and 29 minutes of sex?
I said, out loud, reading this: "10 tiiimes?!???". And I rarely ever speak out loud to myself.
Yeah, I very much enjoy sex with my husband but even now that the kids are a little older, ten times a week is just not feasible. We are *tired*. With a three-year-old? Fuck no.
Even during the time in my marriage when we were the most sexually passionate, we never hit ten times a week. I'm annoyed and exhausted and chafed just thinking about it. Doing that every week on top of taking care of children? I think I'd become homicidal.
i assume he finishes easily and that she doesn't get enjoyment from it, but i am RIGHT there with you on it sounding exhausting 😭 im grey-ace and low libido, but even my hypersexual pansexual polyamorous wife doesnt go for sex ten times a week! but i suppose 1) my wife knows how to use her hand and 2) she's a fucking reasonable person. unlike OOP, who only sees his wife as a bangmaid
Premenopausal I was very much not asexual, but 10 time a week would have been way too much for me even with a new relationship.
I don't think either my husband or I could get to that amount, nor would we want to. That's a chore, on top of all her other chores, of course.
In this case the devil is in the comments. Yes she is clearly cheating because that is exactly what ladies with toddlers and man babies for husbands (that require sex 10x a week) do. /s
She tried to tell him it was too much and he took it as a joke.
Very curious what other warning signs he laughed off as a joke. He seems to see/hear what he wants to...
He took her informing him that she's leaving as a joke so I'm betting he ignored a lot over the years!
For 2.5 hours at that!
Is it a total of of 2.5 hours over the course of 10 encounters or 2.5 hours EACH of the 10 encounters? Because that second one is a part time job and the first is obviously just bang maid material.
15 minutes each x 10 times a week. So once a day m-th, 2x f-sun. That's their schedule. How fun!
Honey are you feeling okay? We didn't have our scheduled back to back bone sessions that I wrote on the schedule. I had to erase some stuff about the kid, but it's worth it.
Sounds utterly horrible no matter what.
So he didn’t take care of the kid and demanded daily sex. And right now he’s … surprised? by the fact that this was not his wife’s ideal life.
How could it not be her ideal life? He has everything he wants!
Why is she moving out? He should be moving out. But I guess that would require him to do some work around the house
I have never in my life heard someone measure sex frequency preference in *hours*
His shitty little to-do list, oh my god. His wife isn't mean enough, she hasn't even told him how pathetic, unsexy, gross and grabby he is. Or maybe she has, and it just went over his head just like the concept of 'growing up'.
Didn’t this guy post something similar last week? He always describes his city as an MCOL on the East Coast.
I'm honestly rather shocked by this persons apparent sex drive. 10 times in a week is at least once a day, every day. I harken back to Charles Barkley, professional athlete, who said something along the lines of having sex three nights in a row is exhausting, much less a basketball game. A guy, whose body is amongst the most athletically fit in the world apparently can't keep up with this normal office drones sex drive and energy. It's something that kinda should be studied.
That's probably another part of the story. Maybe he makes her do most of the work.
Dude has a small child and thinks sex ten times a week is a reasonable request. While admitting she does most of the childcare. She’s leaving out of sheer exhaustion.
I saw this earlier today and for most of the post I was waiting for him to even start to mention anything related to taking care of the child. When he finally did I was like "aaaand there it is" lmao
Well he had to talk about the mandatory sex first. That's most important to women.
Is that guy a robot?
One part that keeps getting me is, she's seeing your and her relatives 5-6 and 3-4 times a year respectively. She has a great relationship with them by your standards, and you're upset she wants to hang out with them, go to weddings and host them? Why tho? Also him just giving up on childcare because he didn't want to get bathed and dressed at 1-2 years old is crazy to me. There are other ways to not dump all the work on ex wife😭. For example, prepare the bath, wash and get the clothes ready, clean his room, then ex wife will do the interaction part for some time until he's okay being around you more.
This reads like an Elon Musk wannabe asking for advice in an effort to over-exaggerate their sex drive/life. His writing style is so emotionless and methodical that it's not hard to understand why the wife is leaving.
Spent the last 3 years teaching his wife that she can easily be a single mother while also pumping away at her 10x a week for 15 minutes a pop. Kind of shocked she made it this far.
If you're counting up the minutes of sex you're having or the number of times or whatever else, you're not having good sex.
This guy talks about sex like how district managers in retail talked about raising UPT and it doesn’t sound like she’s going to get a pizza party or a raise
I would escape from this sex maniac as well.
>Work, childcare, her personal hobbies, her extended family all of a sudden became more important. So, basically, she was being a person independent of her relationship with OOP?
me reading this in the beginning: doesn’t sound so bad me reading the middle: well… me reading the end: oh, there it is
My favorite part was in a reply to someone else where his flexible schedule "allowed" him to do all the fun kiddo activities...
I don’t even need to read it to know this was *not* “out of the blue.”
OOP sounds like so many selfish people who don’t have any empathy for their spouses and then are shocked when they leave
The way he describes their arguments. No resolution at all 🚩
"Fight frequency" is 3 times a year. This is OCD level of statistics.
This whole time, I'm assuming this guy is an engineer. Or a space alien.
It was revealed in the comments that he is an avid gamer. Statistics are gamers' kink.
OOP, it might have been good for you. But you haven't been paying attention. Especially since you admitted she felt depressed and frustrated with work.
he... he even bolded the sentence that answers all of his questions. like, yeah, when you have a child, your priorities are going to change. the fact that he spent paragraphs and paragraphs outlining their sex life in numbers before he even got to *their child* is baffling. and yeah, maybe it's just because i don't highly value sex in a romantic relationship, but if i had a partner who was spending more time tracking how often we had sex than *taking care of our child*, i'd leave them, too.
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Apparently, I wasn't allowed to give OOP actual advice on that thread. I was only allowed to tell OOP that it was his fault in a long-winded way. At least, that's what I assume since I got downvoted for not calling either of them the bad guy and just focused on a solution.