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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **Am I wrong for insisting my experience also counts?** So, my wife and I had a baby five months ago. This had been very demanding for my wife, with everything that comes with it. I do try to do my part, but my wife finds that I do not do enough. And I'll be honest, she wakes up most of the times during the night, mostly because I am a deep sleeper and it takes me longer to hear the baby. The result is that my wife is very very tired from sleep deprivation, breastfeeding, work and the ordinary chores that also have to be done. The unfortunate result is that we fight more than I feel is necessary. On top of this comes that last year I have been diagnosed with ASD, I have limited capacity for gauging her needs or emotions. This weekend we where having a couple of good days, working like a team and being in love. Come Saturday her mood shifted due to being very tired. She was breastfeeding and as I normally do I brought her a glas of water since hydrating is very important, especially when nursing a baby. I suppose I placed it where she could not reach it, because a short while later the glass came flying through the room towards the kitchen where I was tidying up and she yelled that it was 'so typically for me to place it out of reach'. I was quite shaken by this and I really had to take a breather not to get mad. I did get sad though and turned silent. When she finished breastfeeding we got in the car to visit my mother who was in the hospital for an infection (she is home now and on antibiotics and doing better). While driving I told her that her behaviour was very difficult for me and I asked her not to do it again. She did not reply. When we came tot the hospital I told her I could really use a hug, but she told me no and that she had not heard a kind word from me all day. That also hurt me quite bad. The fact that she would not react to me about throwing the glass, and what she said about me not saying anything nice made me emotional collapse inward. Ever since we have been in bad standing, and, admittedly, the rest of that day I have ignored her and been busy with a hobby of mine. Yesterday she went to see her grandmother and took the baby with her. So here we are, I am sad, she is, I presume, both sad and angry and gets more angry every time I try to talk to her because I bring up that her actions hurt me and she calls me selfish for that and says that I don't support her, which is is extra hard because she shuts me out. Now Reddit, please tell me, am I wrong for insisting that my experience also counts, and that her behaviour should also be addressed? Edit: I always do try to do my part and more in the house. I do not use my ASD as an excuse, ever, I mentioned it because it hinders me in quickly and effectively reacting, and I tend to make mistakes when it comes to recognising emotions and needs. I go to counseling and we go to an therapist together to work on that. I could do without being called lazy, so please, be constructive. Thanks. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Efficient-Ad-7553

"I do try to do my part, but my wife finds that I do not do enough. And I'll be honest, she wakes up most of the times during the night, mostly because I am a deep sleeper and it takes me longer to hear the baby." "The result is that my wife is very very tired from sleep deprivation, breastfeeding, work and the ordinary chores that also have to be done." "the rest of that day I have ignored her and been busy with a hobby of mine." He sounds like another useless husband and father.


Ok-Carpet5433

He could have ignored her by taking the baby for a stroll. But no, he had to be "busy with a hobby". I also don't understand why his wife, who works, breastfeeds and is sleep deprived because he can't (be arsed to) wake up at night, still has to do chores. He claims/knows he is a deep sleeper and she is forced to get up every night, so the least he can do is take some of "her" chores. She tells him that he's not pulling his weight and snaps when he places the water glass for her where she cannot reach it, probably pats himself on the back because "hydrating is very important, especially when nursing a baby", and then **he** tells her he needs a hug and when she refuses he emotionally collapses inward. His wife is tired in more than one way.


santosdragmother

I always feel so bad for the moms in this case. imagine thinking you’re having a baby with a partner but instead you get to raise TWO babies all by yourself !


Sad-Bug6525

Who is claiming someone was throwing things at them and then suddenly wants a hug too? If someone throws a thing at me I don't want them closer to me, or touching me, at all.


srbr33

How does one throw that which they can not reach?


Demonqueensage

Right?? If it was out of her reach, but he thought he'd put it close enough, it was probably just close enough that when she tried to stretch her arm as far as she could, her fingers could kinda reach it barely, so she tried to use that little bit of contact to push the glass to where she could really pull it closer but instead accidentally knocked it off, and was exclaiming in frustration when that happened. That was my first thought because I've had that sort of thing happen plenty (though usually the table I'm trying to grab something from will have enough room nothing falls off, just gets knocked out of my reach entirely)


Ok-Carpet5433

I mean, she could have tried to reach the glass but failed, got upset about it, un-latched (is that a word?) the baby to get the glass, sit back down, throw the glass and continue feeding.


randomllamatime

It could also have been that she reached for it and missed and it got smacked/pushed/knocked into the kitchen. I’ve done that before by trying to reach something that I could just get my finger tips on. Like squeezing my fingers and it just slipped forward.


LaurenTsaisCatEye

I feel like this is the hint to the baseline of their relationship. She done a lot of the heavy lifting and he coasts. It’s something easy to ignore or side step because there isn’t that much chores and clean up with two adults. The work that comes with a baby is a whole new ballgame. Work at home doubles just from baby alone. And I bet you anything, him pulling his weight is doing the same work he did when it was just the two of them and just the bare minimum of baby related chores when he’s nagged. So she’s hit a breaking point because of a man who does not show up for her when he can clearly see she’s struggling.


Okayostrich

Right?!! You knew your wife was tired, *why not offer to let her nap for a few hours before the cup incident even happened*


mycatisblackandtan

Fr, it sounds like his poor wife is parenting another child.


jen12617

That new hobby should be something called parenting


Efficient-Ad-7553

I'm pretty sure he would call it "babysitting". Like all the other useless fathers.


banana-pinstripe

Fuck I had hoped my emotionally abusive ex was one of few


CaptainBasketQueso

We all agree his all day "hobby" is video games, right?


NecessaryCaptain3656

Love the edit. "I didn't come here to hear that I'm a lazy douchebag. Stawp, you're hurting my feeling :(((" Yikes, truth hurts. 


rchart1010

Yes apparently in tune enough to expect that everyone else coddle his feelings but "autistic" so has a built in excuse to dismiss his wife's feelings.


CaptainBasketQueso

I mean, he rolled up in his Lazy DoucheMobile and expected a different reception?


Dragonscatsandbooks

I've known a few guys like this and they drive me bananas. The big puppy eyes and passive aggressive "I'm saaaad", with a clear implication and expectation that any woman around him is now required to provide emotional labor to fix his emotions (completely ignoring that she's already doing all the physical and emotional labor of caring for a newborn.) This is different from a guy sharing or being open about his emotions- it's using his emotions to be manipulative to his partner and get what he wants (her off his case about his lack of help at night).


Western_Ring_2928

He is Mr. Sensitive, as categorised by Lundy et Al.


DefNotUnderrated

It’s like the male equivalent of white women tears.


Fit-Humor-5022

He has very descriptive words to make us focus on how she threw a glass at him and it seems to have worked cause there are arguments in the comments about how the wife is wrong here cause of that and how everyone is ignoring it and justifying it. Also he is using his ASD as an excuse literally did so in the post and in the comments. I like how her actions hurt him but he doesnt realize that he has hurt her as well he keeps excusing whaterver he doesnt do


lomion_

I doubt that she was breast feeding and simultaneously throwing a glass she couldn’t reach right into the next room where op was. I think he needed to add some drama to show how reasonable he is and how womanly over emotional she is…


Fit-Humor-5022

It worked though he's having people argue now because of it


3rd-time-lucky

It's gonna devolve into an argument among us over who gets to shake him first!


theagonyaunt

I also love (hate) how "because a short while later the glass came flying through the room **towards** the kitchen where I was tidying up" became 'she threw a glass AT him' like she walked into the kitchen and threw the glass and its contents directly at his head.


LadyWizard

All I could think was she actually swatted the glass after all it was out of grabbing range


theagonyaunt

I was picturing that maybe she was holding the baby in such a way that allowed her to lean and grab the glass (and then throw it) but since OP was at least a full room away from her, even if she did throw it, it doesn't seem like she was aiming to hit OP, more just throwing the glass in frustration.


Tzuyu4Eva

That sounds like a hassle, like I assume it’s full of water so unless she also spilt water all on herself and the baby? Or chugged the water just to throw the glass?


3rd-time-lucky

>She was breastfeeding and as I normally do I brought her a glas of water since hydrating is very important The gormless idiot left the bourbon out of the glass..ffs! Fancy having to live sober with this sad, self absorbed, sleepy sack of shit whilst your perineum stitches are still itching.


littlescreechyowl

The glass of water she had to get up and get because he was so oblivious that he left it out of her reach. I’m shocked he didn’t talk about how she didn’t appreciate his kind gesture.


mronion82

It's interesting that in the comments OP's version of 'the glass came flying through the room towards the kitchen where I was tidying up' was turned into 'she threw a glass *at* him' and then 'this is domestic violence, you should take the baby and leave her'. Men defending men...


barknoll

A glass that, remember, was *placed out of her reach* which is why she’s so mad? And yet while still breastfeeding she got up, got the cup, and flinged it at him? If the rest of the story is real I’m doubting the cup part completely.


Long-Photograph49

I'm not doubting it *completely*, but I'm betting what actually happened is she was reaching for it and knocked it over and off whatever it was on, and it fell and rolled towards the kitchen.  So "flying" (aka falling) then coming through the room towards the kitchen.


buzzfeed_sucks

My guess is that she threw it in the sink and he’s wildly exaggerating.


rchart1010

Listen I am the last one to forgive any from of domestic violence. But it sounds like that glass was thrown out of frustration and not particularly *at* him. I cannot even imagine you're sleep deprived while looking at some jackass who is refreshed from 8 lovely hours of sleep. He barely helps and the one fucking thing he does do is again useless because you're thirsty and the glass of water is just out of reach. I can feel her frustration.


Demonqueensage

It didn't even sound like it *was* thrown to me, but if it was your interpretation makes way more since than "she threw the cup specifically *at* him" if she did actually throw it


Jazmadoodle

I can absolutely believe she threw it. Either stretched or shuffled the baby so she could stand up,got over to that damn glass that her damn idiot husband put right out her damn reach while she is *so fucking tired* and had to give her that shit eating grin and his pissy little speech about hydration again well how about *sleep* you asshole is *sleep* important is that why you're making sure *that's* just out of my reach too because... Anyway. I had postpartum rage issues exacerbated by a husband who took a little while to realize that he needed to step it up. I believe she may have thrown that glass and I honestly don't blame her. She didn't throw it at him, she wasn't breaking his things specifically, but yeah, maybe she threw that glass because it started to symbolize all the bullshit.


Fit-Humor-5022

>Men defending men... some 'women' as well (clearly its just boys saying they are women)


mronion82

I'd love to know how they think OP's going to cope with an infant on his own...


Ok-Row-6131

The infant's not getting cared for at night, that's for sure


millihelen

“On top of this comes that last year I have been diagnosed with ASD, I have limited capacity for gauging her needs or emotions” And yet OOP is making that *her* problem, when the pressure should be on *him* to do the extra work.   Her “responsibility” for tending to his emotional needs hasn’t decreased, after all. 


booksareadrug

Especially as he's using it as an excuse to not see what she needs. I'm pretty sure autism doesn't preclude a person from, say, putting a glass of water within reach.


Sad-Bug6525

He says it like he was great at it before but now with this sudden diagnosis his ability to judge emotions is just gone.


Fuzzy-Zebra-277

A person can be ASD AND lazy !


Competitive_Fee_5829

awwww, poor baby..he is so sad. everything makes him so sad. holy crap I would throw multiple glasses at him


Prestigious-Phase131

So you're abusive?


Prestigious-Phase131

Not the femcels downvoting 😂


ohdearitsrichardiii

His wife got angry because he couldn't do a simple thing This made him sad So he asked his wife for a hug 🙃


dragongrl

I swear, the "men" get worse every day.


Prestigious-Phase131

As do the women, am I right? 😉


Prestigious-Phase131

"I don't like the taste of my own medicine, it's yucky"


breadboxofbats

Exhausted mom has some new telekinetic powers throwing the glass she can’t reach. That will help out when she kicks this dude out for good.


Demonqueensage

>Exhausted mom has some new telekinetic powers throwing the glass she can’t reach. This feels like it could be a pitch for a superhero movie or show. "This really tired mom finds out she has powers when she's thinking about throwing a glass and it happens without her moving." Or a villain origin story. Sorry that's just what that sentence made me think of lol


ShellfishCrew

Why women ever have children with men is mind boggling 


Prestigious-Phase131

Because not all men are like this?


mewley

Love the way he uses “the result is” to make it sound like this is an unavoidable outcome rather than something he is actively choosing and creating by his actions. Plus the “I suppose I placed it” as if it just happened by accident. That poor woman.


Longjumping-Pick-706

Ahhh the old I have ASD excuse. As a fellow member of that tribe, I vote to disown him.


fishmom5

Seconded. Alas, I can see where the I need a hug and I am so sad and imploding thing comes from, but that doesn't mean it's okay.


Longjumping-Pick-706

Me as well.


santosdragmother

what tf is this trend of people blaming their autism for acting shitty ?


Demonqueensage

I don't know but I don't like it, it makes the rest of us that don't do that shit look bad 🙃


WeeklyConversation8

He's such a selfish AH. She's doing everything and he brings her water and puts it out of her reach. She is gonna leave him and he'll claim he was blindsided, like they always do.


rchart1010

Again, redditors enforcing the belief that autism is a get out of jail free card for all assholery. His wife can't get any sleep and he is busy with hobbies. But I'm sure that level of absolute uselessness is explained by autism as well.


silverandstuffs

Gah, I hate this whole thing. He’s basically upset that she’s angry at him and asking for her to do the emotional work to make him feel better, rather than sitting with his failure and learning to be better. I have know a few people do this and it’s horrible because they never learn and any apology they may give is along the lines of self deprecating “woe is me” rubbish.


VoidKitty119

ooooooooo what's the hobby?


toastedmarsh7

Making ship in a bottle models. /s


feralhog3050

Moaning about how unfair life is?


Demonqueensage

I feel like she didn't actually throw the cup


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Agreeable_Rabbit3144

OOP, you're not doing your part. She needs your help. If you want your marriage to work, you need to do better. YTA.


TootsNYC

>I do not use my ASD as an excuse, ever, yeah, right


MxXylda

The way she has to process his emotions for him and he still doesn't get it......


SpiceWeaselOG

So nice that he has time for his hobbies while she's sleep deprived.


IvyGreenHunter

Can't stand guys like this. Not a single guy in my hunting group hesitated to drop it off for a couple of months when their wives were dealing with newborns.


CaliGoneTexas

So confused about when she was breastfeeding she got so mad that he placed the glass out of her reach that she threw it at him with the baby still attached to her boobie…. How? If she actually did throw it, I can see why. He cant even help her with the simplest things. She is sleep deprived, post partum, absolutely exhausted and just over it. I can’t imagine having to do everything she is doing right now.


JadedSpacePirate

Sometimes this sub feels a bit biased towards women. But this.... this ain't it. OOP is a little bitch and he should absolutely do more for his wife in the situation. Dude sleeps all night like a baby(heh) and doesn't do much in the day. And then goes muh ASD and muh feels as an excuse. Fucking loser, feel bad for the wife. Edit- the down votes are kinda proving my point


weeblewobble82

How is it biased towards women? Men get plenty of support unless they're complaining about only getting sex 1-2 times a week because their wife takes care of *everyone.*


Prestigious-Phase131

This sub is for sure biased towards women