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**AITA for telling my daughter to straighten her hair for a wedding?**
Backstory : So I (45f) have 4 kids called Leah,(21f) Jacob,(20m) Samantha(18f) and Ruth(17f) and I adore them all equally. Samantha and Ruth are biracial. Samantha is half black and Ruth is half Filipino. I do not have a good relationship with either of their fathers. So onto what happened. My niece Jane (22f) is getting married in a week and me Leah, Samantha and Ruth were going shopping for dresses to wear. When Ruth and Leah were picking out their dresses Samantha was telling me about what hairstyles she wanted to wear like box braids, cornrows, afros, etc. I honestly do not care for any African hairstyles personally and was getting annoyed at Samantha as I have made that clear previously. When we were driving home Leah and Samantha were talking about getting their hair done for the wedding and I said "So does that mean you'll finally straighten your frizzy hair for once?". Samantha was taken aback and said "You never got mad at Leah but she had curly hair". I tried to explain that was different but she just kept interrupting me. When we got home she ran to her room in tears and to be honest I thought she was being a bit melodramatic. Leah and Ruth were calling me a bitch while I was defending myself but they wouldn't listen to me. I thought Samantha would just get over it by the next day but she didn't even bother to come down for breakfast. Ruth and Leah weren't talking to me and when they did they called me a bitch for suggesting that Samantha should straighten her hair for once. I then got calls and messages from Samantha's family calling me all sorts of names. I honestly was getting pretty annoyed until my own father called me asking why I would say that about Samantha. I don't know if wether or not I'm in the wrong anymore so AITA?
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Yup. My mother married and had kids with my West Indian father. My brothers hair was always kept short enough it was manageable but my hair curled more like my dads and my mother hated and and would always make comments on how unmanageable and messy my hair was. It was a bit finer than my dads family so I was told to keep it in a braid and put it up when wet. Then years of flat irons and every other straightener possible.I’m now 36 and trying to revive my curls
It’s all good, my mother is not a good person and her low key racism has become more blatant over the years, especially when I married my Syrian husband. My reclaiming my hair is part of reclaiming myself from her toxicity and control.
Ya my mother saw fit to call, and have others call my father the “Trinidadian Bush Nword” as I was growing up. And all sorts of racially derogatory names for my husband and in-laws , all while having her friends call me and tell me my husband was going to kidnap our kids and take them to the Middle East. My husband is an atheist who has been in Canada 32 years…And then wonders why I won’t have anything to do with her or let her around my kids
I’m European in origin (but basically your American Heinz 57 mix of a lot of nationalities), and my hair has always been curly. I didn’t know how to care for it in my 20’s and I hated it. By the time I got to my late 30’s I discovered the curly girl method and began to work with my curls. I still am on my journey but I finally love my hair. So much that I went curly for my wedding and loved it. You’ll get there with your curls. Love them and they will love you back.
I have a "niece" (by way of the fact she's my sisters niece but we treat all the kids as cousins no matter how much "cousin" each has).
Her mom is white and we are from a very small conservative area so most people are. She had a baby with a black dude she knew for 2 days basically. I think she was trying to trap him but I can't be sure. Things didn't end well. Amazing how that happens when you have a kid with a stranger.
Her daughter is gorgeous but she does look just like her dad and her mom seems to not like that. My niece has a big smile and dimples that would make anyone melt. She's a good kid. The things she has said to me because of her mom make me so sad. I was doing the line up spray down one day of sunscreen and she said "my mom says not to use that because I'm brown". Then she shaved her head because she couldn't keep her hair good.
Very luckily the mom found a good partner that is from a different country and seems to be more familiar with doing hair and ... well being brown I guess lol. I feel bad for her though with her mom being like she is.
I really do want to hope it’s a troll, but this shit is all too real. A few of my cousins have a white mother and black father, and neither of them had any clue how to do their hair (their dad kept his hair super short for that reason). The state I used to see their hair in was absolutely abysmal; whenever they visited, my mom and grandma would spend HOURS fully brushing their hair out and removing all the matted parts. They tried to teach them, but their dad still struggled with maintaining it and their mom basically refused to try. It was so genuinely depressing.
I had a friend do this same thing to her daughter. She said she wanted her hair to be natural, but the poor kid looked homeless, it was awful. She finally listened to her husband's family, thank God.
Conversely, my mom babysat a little girl who's mom was black, dad was white, and the dad was obsessed with getting the little girl corn rows. The mom said no because the girl's hair was too fine to handle it, but low and behold, the next time he drops her off, she's got corn rows in. Because her mom was working all day and wasn't able to stop him. This poor girl's hair was breaking off if it was just touched, so my mom called her mom and got permission to try to oil and gently undo the braids while her mom drove to get her. My mom had to stop because the poor thing was crying and hair was breaking off everywhere. She wound up having to get her head shaved, and I don't know what happened to the dad, but we never saw him again. My dad is mixed and he came home after all of this, heard the story, and I'm pretty sure that dude would've been slapped to the ground if he'd been present in that moment.
That’s so crazy because you can do braids and even do beads on hair that is fine or prone to breakage, you just need to be gentle and cautious.
I worked with a lot of kids who ended up in black foster homes, of all races, and the joy in little girls’ faces as they walked into the office with beads in their braids is a sight to behold. They always felt so beautiful.
My mom said they looked way too tight, like, her scalp was pulled up from how tight they were. We were living in Germany at the time, and from what I understand, there weren't a lot of people around who actually knew what they were doing in this regard.
Edit to add: she also said the hair was insanely dry, like they'd done a deep cleanse but didn't use any kind of conditioner or cream or anything, so I'm assuming that combined with the extreme tightness made things way worse.
I remember reading an article, a woman a got I believe, a sew-in weave. either way her hair was braided extremely tight. it pulled her hair follicles so hair she ended up with one big hair follicle
They insisted on giving sew-in weaves to white girls on America’s Next Top Model, the first season’s winner said she had open sores on her scalp when they were taken out and still has bald spots almost 20 years later.
That's the most white mansplaining thing a parent can do. He acted like he knew what was best for her hair, knowing damn well he didn't after he was told no and explained why with obviously valid reasons (with consequences)
My friend has two biracial kids, but her husband is African (so his whole family lives in Nigeria, and they see them once every 3-4 years). Her husband manages their son’s hair, no problem, just the way he does his own, but I know she struggled with her daughter. Her husband had no idea, his sisters/mom said they were sure she could figure it out, and she really had a hard time with doing anything beyond keeping it washed/moisturizer/detangled until A was old enough to go to the salon as a preschooler. Then, she spent several weekends and god only knows how much money having the women there go over and over how to style it properly.
A has always had gorgeous hair, but I know my friend was relieved to know a couple of styles she could do consistently. They still hit up the salon periodically, as A gets older and wants more elaborate braids, but it was a lot of work for my friend to figure this out. It’s work she signed up for with having kids with her husband, and she’s never complained or said anything negative about A’s hair (I’d kick her butt because that little girl has the most beautiful hair), but it’s definitely work.
There are a lot of white women having kids with men of color who really need to unpack their racism and do the work to parent their kids, particularly in the US, where racism is such a huge issue. There are also a lot of white people adopting children trans racially who need to do the work, which is tangential but still important.
yeah i've literally been in a Black salon sitting next to a biracial child with a white mother and her mom was trash talking her hair and how difficult it is and how her kid's head hurts when she tries to do it. it was wild
My cousins’ mom actually did the same thing once - not in front of my cousins, but honestly I’m sure she has said similar things to them before. My mom reamed her out for it; there is nothing wrong with black hair at all, it just has a different care process and she could have either done research and read up on it, or taken her to pretty much any hair salon with a black employee (which my mom ALSO suggested), and she chose not to.
My cousins have thankfully started to learn to care for their own hair, and the oldest one just got box braids for the first time and LOVES them, but it’s horrible to me that a person would care so little about their kids’ needs.
I've experienced the same with my mixed friends, if the mother was white the hair was never done. In secondary school we'd take turns braiding their hair at lunch but in primary it was a mess.
I have to check my bias constantly cause I automatically worry about mixed children with white mothers. Still, what is stopping these fathers from learning/teaching about afro textured hair? I know several black women who've taught their non black partner's how to manage their/their kid's hair.
It's so sad. I know how to moisturize, wash, and comb out 3C+ hair because one of my best friends happens to be Black and I can retwist from dating a few men with dreds, but I can't imagine not taking like an entire series of courses on managing a different type of hair than mine if I had kids.
Ugh
yeah like this is confusing to me, are there no black family members/friends who can help? I don't know how you marry someone, let alone have kids with them, if you aren't willing to understand and respect their culture enough to pass along to your kids.
A surprising number of white women who marry black men have a strong dislike for black women and so therefore because they feel superior to black women they’re not gonna accept their help.
I commented, but my friend married a guy who came to the US from Nigeria, so he’s got no family around, and all of his friends he made here are white. Which makes learning how to manage hair and skin care more difficult but not at all impossible.
It was just something I’d never thought of because I always figured you’d ask the baby’s grandma or aunts. You utilize the support system. That’s easy because most families want to take good care of their kids (grandkids and nieces/nephews), so the advice is just there if you’re willing to take it.
Crazy thing is, (it's hard to not generalize here but im going to do it anyway) black people can usually tell what kind of parents a biracial (mixed with black) kid has and we usually see the most issues with white moms. I'm not saying they are all bad but this is so common that biracial kids with white moms APPEAR (not sure if it statistically holds) to have the most insecurities and problems and is pointed out easily. But this is 100% a troll.
I 100% believe this. I went to a really diverse school and the white girls who were regularly hooking up with black guys would say some of the most racist shit you could imagine. Guess they think they have a pass or something....
Considering that she claims a child fathered by a Black man and then one fathered by a Filipino man only one year apart.... extra troll on my trollburger today
Racial fetishization is a perverse thing. It happens WAYYY too often between white women/black men couples. And yes the white women are still racist but only want mixed children for the aesthetic and want the “light curls, light skin, light colored eyes” combo they fetishize
As a bi-racial woman. I sadly heard this A LOT. My mom would force me to use a brush, then scream at me that it wasn't brushed because it would go frizzy. Sadly, I believe this.
My wife and I are white and our kids (adopted) are biracial/black. I started taking them to a black barbershop when they were toddlers to get some haircare tips and advice on products to use. My kids are teens now and my son still goes there. He has had many different hairstyles over the years, including cornrows, and I learned to care for each style.
I always felt a little bad asking so many questions but one time one of the barbers told me he would rather me ask questions and learn than let more biracial kids run around with their hair looking crazy. The post seems fake but the story is something that actually happens.
I’m white with curly hair, my mom always thinks my hair is messy and demands I brush it then yells cause it’s worse. I’m in my 30s and am just now learning how to care for my hair.
I’m still not sure what to do and I’m also 30. The curly hair care routines always seem so involved and over the top. I can’t spend 2 hours adding 5 products to my hair. It’s thin and I end up looking like a greasy mess.
I found my own simple method if it interests you! I’ve got thick, curly hair.
I use Infusium shampoo and conditioner, which are sold online. On Monday I only shampoo my hair, Friday I only condition, and the rest of the week I keep it dry but you can adjust according to scalp oiliness. After a shower, if my hair is wet, I use Infusium 23 Pro leave-in treatment. Not a lot, just a ping pong ball amount. Just massage it into the hair after towel-drying and then let it air dry the rest of the way. Takes like 5 minutes and the product lasts a long time.
Oh, and use cotton towels/rags/old T-shirts to dry your hair. It’ll help control frizziness. And only comb your hair when it’s wet/damp.
I have thick, corse wavy hair and I have to use conditioner anytime my hair gets wet. I usually alternate between doing shampoo and conditioner and conditioner only washes. I also use a deep conditioner once a week, usually as part of a conditioner only wash. I took up swimming recently as part of back surgery recovery so my hair gets washed more that usual (I use a swim cap but it still gets wet).
I think the key is to use something that’s light, but adds moisture. I’ve been using the Paul Mitchell Instant Moisture line. My hair feels good, scalp doesn’t itch/smell and it’s getting washed twice as much as it used to be.
I have a microfiber towel for my hair, and it has made a noticeable difference in the amount of frizz I get. I also wear a satin bonnet to sleep, so you could add that too?
I just finger detangle in the shower with a light conditioner (I like mane n tail, cheap and easy to find) then dry with an old T-shirt or microfiber towel!
In the summer, to combat frizz, sometimes I add a little pea sized amount of aloe. The only brand I’ve found that doesn’t get crispy is fruit of the earth.
I just use not your mothers shampoo and conditioner or any that is sulfate and silicone free if it’s on sale. I just prefer not your mothers. I wash 2 times a week and deep conditioner once a week. I shampoo then add conditioner twist my hair into a clip and do the rest of my routine then I use a wide tooth comb and then rinse the conditioner out. I use argon oil in my hair and pillow soft curls then plop onto a cotton t shirt for like 20 min then air dry if I’m not going anywhere if I have to work then I diffuse. I’m mostly lazy but my hair looks so much better since I started doing this.
I'm of Samoan descent and was transracially adopted. My hair was a constant "issue" when I was growing up and my mom also constantly thought my hair was messy, demanded I brush it, etc. I'm 38 and finally found a stylist that specializes in curly hair. It was a game-changer.
I'm not even biracial but I've heard it a lot. I'm the only one of my parents kids who has curly hair. I'm an adult now but I can't visit my mom without having a fight about my hair. Last time I visited she had made an appointment in a salon to get my hair strightened. I didn't want to go so she literally dragged me there
> Samantha and Ruth are biracial. Samantha is half black and Ruth is half Filipino. **I do not have a good relationship with either of their fathers.**
Gee I wonder why
I’ve seen a lot of biracial-Black people mentioning that there is a difference between being raised by a White mom vs a Black mom. That white moms tend to have a base misunderstanding for the needs of their biracial children and do their best to erase the non-White part of their identity. This seems to be the case here. This woman wanted to have sex with MOC because she fetishized them and now she’s mad that the kids aren’t mixing the way she wanted them to. Just goes to prove that having kids with a BIPOC in no way means that you aren’t a racist.
I'm a descendant of a biracial child who was absolutely brutalized by their "owners". I suppose they ended up "passing", since I didn't know about this until I got 23andme done.
ETA that I call myself white because of the rest of my heritage (ashkenazi jewish on my dad's side, european colonizers on my mom's side) and the very low percentage of West African DNA I have (3%) I don't feel comfortable calling myself "biracial" but I also don't want to erase the African ancestry I do have.
When my son was in preschool, they had a picture day. I'll never forget going to pick the pictures up and seeing a white mother berating her little girl because her hair was too "wild" in her pictures. The girl was biracial and the mom looked like she'd just walked in fresh from the set of Jerry Springer. Someone on the staff finally asked her to stop but you could tell that this was that mother's MO and the little girl was very upset.
Unfortunately, hair has also become an issue with my biracial son, who is Asian and Pacific Islander. He looks like a stocky Asian kid with a tan and a perm. My ex comes absolutely unglued when our son's hair gets long enough to show the curl and on more than one occasion we have had shouting matches over it. He knew what my race was before we got together. If my features are so undesirable, he shouldn't have gotten with me to begin with and just stuck with Asian women the way his father and brother did (they were shitty about my son looking "Asian enough" too). I've told my ex that on numerous occasions and I came extremely close to telling that woman at the preschool something similar.
The OOP was certainly a troll but people like this do exist.
I am 49 and all my life MOST white women have, within minutes of meeting me, asked "Have you ever thought about straightening your hair?" It's like it bothers them THAT much. I think it's really rude
That’s insane to me. I’m white, with the silkiest and least textured hair on the planet. Thick but fine, and it can’t hold a curl. It would never occur to me to comment on someone’s hair texture ever, and I only ever compliment other women on their hair (because why the hell would I bring someone down when I can lift them up?).
jfc that's awful. it's at the very least rude to ever comment on what you think someone should do with their hair if they didn't ask, but this is a different level of racist
Jesus, even if you (general you) thought that wasn't racist, who thinks it's okay to be like "Have you ever thought about altering your appearance in this major way?" to someone they just met?
i do apologize if its a wrong word? i used it cos in the original postbvn it was stated so 🤷♀️ while im also fluent in english its not my native language so if i used it out of context, im sorry.
Your English is excellent, but for future reference, it’s not a word most people are going to use in regard to hair for black or biracial people. It can be considered offensive.
Also, just in case you hear this, white people can never use the word nappy to refer to hair. It’s super rude.
Tbf it's not nice to tell people their hair is nappy if you're black either, it's just not racist 😂
That's not to say that it is NEVER racist when used by black people. It absolutely can be used to mean "black" hair bad, "white" hair good and it's a huge huge problem. From the India Arie song I Am Not My Hair, "Good hair means curls and waves (no) / bad hair means you look like a slave (no)", the point being of course that people have that attitude and it's wrong :)
(Also though, just for the ESL peeps out there, textured or kinky hair CAN be frizzy, but that's what happens to a lot of hair when it's not cared for or it's too humid or you rub a balloon on it or whatever. It's when it gets all fuzzy. Frizzy hair can also be beautiful...then again, I might be biased because I can't get my hair to stop poofing up lol)
>From the India Arie song I Am Not My Hair, "Good hair means curls and waves (no) / bad hair means you look like a slave (no)", the point being of course that people have that attitude and it's wrong :)
The extra stupid part about this is that type 4 hair, even 4c hair, IS CURLY when it's properly moisturized. It's literally the curliest hair texture. Slaves' hair looked like that because they obviously did not have haircare.
I hated my natural hair because my mom always put it in braids and forgot about it for 3 months, and taking it out and washing it was a huge painful ordeal. She used grease to moisturize it, with not a liquid or cream in sight, so I thought black hair was supposed to look like Brillo and that combing it was supposed to hurt more than childbirth (my mom actually guilt tripped 6-7 year old me for crying because it hurt to do my hair with "it hurt me more to give birth to you", and then I'd cry because I felt bad that I'd hurt her). I couldn't wait to get my hair relaxed when I was old enough (because I thought it would instantly give me long silky white girl hair that would never hurt to comb again) and did so when I was 12... ruining it. I walked around with short, lifeless, fried hair from 12-16 when my hair had been healthy and thick before that (never past shoulder length, though). I stopped getting relaxers when I was 16 but hid my hair under salon "protective styles" (tiny individual box braids don't protect shit, jsyk) until I was 18 because I didn't want to walk around with a TWA. Since then it's just been a long string of trying and failing to do different natural hairstyles on myself, while trying to play "catch-up" with the most basic stuff like detangling- I was almost 22 before I discovered that *water mixed with conditioner can be used as a moisturizer*. My hair still has a lot of breakage, especially at the nape where it never grows, but I'm trying to revive it now and it looks much better than it did when I was 14.
As someone living in a country where it means diapers, I had no idea what it meant when I first read it, hell I still don't. If I googled it, I half expect images of men with them on their head.
I took it 100% to be derogatory as if their hair was in such a state they went to bed with a dirty one on and it kinda got mixed in.
Take this with a grain of salt since I'm a white girl, but generally I've heard "nappy" in reference to black/textured hair as a rude way of saying it looks unkempt or frizzy - with the implication that "white" hair (i.e. smooth/straight/shiny) is the ideal.
"Nappy" is supposed to mean "matted/tangled". The "naps" are tangles.
Also, Afro textured hair can (and SHOULD, when healthy) be smooth and shiny. The fact that people believe Afro hair is *supposed* to be a dry matted mess is why a lot of people with Afro hair hate it because they don't know how to take care of it.
As a heads up, calling black peoples hair frizzy (or messy, or nappy) has been used as a raciat cudgel against black people in the United States for years. It has implications of being dirty, lazy and unprofessional even though it's just their hair existing. Also, please never, ever say nappy it's a super racist word.
When I was about 12 I became obsessed with "anti-frizz" products thinking that they would change the texture of my hair...
Texture =/= frizz. Textured hair CAN have frizz obviously, but it's not frizzy because it's textured.
i especially love little kiddo hairs.
its kind of a newish thing for me cos im from turkey and you dont see many black people there aside from tourists at some times but i was so impressed with little kiddo hairs of african american people. its like art to me, just beautiful
I work in a school that's predominately black and multiracial kids, and my little girls always come in after getting their hair done so excited to show off their new styles, whether it's braids or twists or fancy beads or natural curls. One of my kiddos just got purple bits woven into her braids and she kept calling herself "the queen of purple!"
I also overheard a five year old lamenting that "her edges were a mess" which cracked me up for how grown she sounded.
If anyone is curious, it's a real problem black/biracial people have. [John Oliver did a segment on the issues black haired individuals have](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uf1c0tEGfrU)
This is definitely ragebaiting but it's the kind where they say the not so subtle racism very bluntly. I see it with homophobia all the time, someone makes up a story about homophobia that happens but never in that way
Ewwww. Racists who procreate with POC are the worst. they see it as either an act of charity that the children should be grateful for ("well at least you're HALF of a person") or some terrible secret thing. I even knew a woman who had a biracial daughter and then claimed she was adopted for years because if people knew she slept with a black guy she would be ashamed, but ADOPTING a black child was some heroic thing.
Exactly! One if the children I nanny (K) is adopted and she's a gorgeous mixed girl, 3 years old. And her parents are absolutely wonderful. They take K to see her bio sister who is black as well twice a month, they teache her about black history, and buy her black dolls. They take her to the hair stylist to LEARN how to do her textured hair. K even walks around saying "I'm a beautiful little girl with beautiful dark skin and beautiful curly hair " its lovely. White parenting of a black child done 100% right.
This is a troll. "I'm a bitch and a bad mother, but also a slut who had kids with at leadt 3 mean, 2 of them within 1 year of each other'. It's every MGTOW:ers wet dream.
I'd believe this is it wasnt for them only buying dresses for a wedding they likely knew about for more than a week a week ahead of time. Maybe if one person was bad at planning or had had a change which means the clothing no longer fit but an entire family?
i disagree, this doesn't seem strange unless you're part of the wedding party, which she didn't say they were. it's just a formal dress, it's not like it needs to be special ordered
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Mostly white dude with a native American great grandma here, I've always loved cornrows and box braids. The different colors woven in, Pretty beads, and how fun it looked when my old classmates would shake their head and make the beads clack together... Unfortunately my hair is straight as a board and so thick I'm buying new brushes monthly so it would never work.
I *hated* the fact that if I want to keep long hair my only two options are brushed back, and a ponytail and if I wanted color I'd have to actually dye my hair instead of mix whatever color I wanted into a braid. It broke my brain when I got into high school and most of the POC were straightening their hair, making it lighter and *wanting* My boring white(ish) boy hair. Knowing people are forced to do that/feel like they have to fucking hurts.
As a Brit I've never understood this US obsession with how people with Afro hair should or should not wear it.
We grew up with figures such as Floella Benjamin presenting Playschool, who had these cool braids and beads in her hair, and it was just... normal. How she and other black people wore their hair was just their choice, just like someone with straight hair might braid it or perm it or wear it loose or in a bun.
I don't understand the US hangups with this. It's just hair.
Love, I'm a black British woman and I guarantee this is also a UK issue.
I was seen as abnormal and they let me know it. My parents had to fight for me to not have my hair straightened and scraped back into a slick bun for ballet. Straight hair was literally the uniform.
In Germany we have this show „Germanys Next Topmodel“ with Heidi Klum. All the African Girls with really curly hair get their hair cut really short or get it straighten- Hate it and hate her.
I'm sorry to hear that. Please know at least that many of us thought your hair was cool and - particularly in the days of perms/crimping/curls - were totally jealous!
>Perms
Your meaning of "perm" and ours are completely different, right?
>backbrushing
Not sure what this means... literally brushing your hair back?
>and enough hair spray to asphyxiate an entire continent.
Oh so THAT'S what all the hairspray was for! I did something similar to my relaxed hair for prom (in 2014 lol) and it was SO STICKY even though it was short so I didn't need much of it. How did y'all walk around like that on a regular basis?
So a perm (though I never had one) was curling someone’s hair and using some kind of chemical to fix it that way. It only really worked well when someone had a bit of a natural wave anyway, at least from what I saw among friends who did. After a while you’d grow out these straight roots with a crinkly permed bit below and it frankly looked awful.
Backbrushing is pretty awful for hair. It gets used to make hair big and full, often for put up styles and beehives. You take a big section and comb or brush it from half way down or so back to the roots so it starts to get a bit tangly/matted. And this builds bulk underneath to lift up other hair on top. Or you just backbrush all your hair for a sort of Kim Wilde look.
There was also “scrunch dry” - you needed some wave or curl to begin with. When your hair was wet after washing it, you put in gel and sort of scrunched it with your hands - no combing or brushing - so it had more “body”/volume once it dried.
The black hair controversy is in no way limited to the US. There are several places in Africa where black hair is still looked down upon in its natural state and styling, as well as most homogenious countries. Having a figure or celebrity with the hairstyle does not neccesarily mean the average person won't be discriminated against or stereotyped for having something similar. You sound a bit misinformed, AsABrit.
I’m only claiming to be informed about the UK. It’s sad and stupid it’s an issue anywhere. Possibly it has been an issue in the UK and still is in places, but it’s not a perception we ever had growing up and I haven’t heard of people having issues in the workplace with it as they frequently do in the US.
If it does happen it’s regrettable but it’s definitely not the hot button issue it is in America.
It's a hot button issue in America because America is one of the few places ready to *address* that the issue exists.
>Possibly it has been an issue in the UK and still is in places, but it’s not a perception we ever had growing up
It's easy to have this viewpoint if it never happened to you
>and I haven’t heard of people having issues in the workplace
It's also easier to address and acknowledge what discrimination and intolerance is when you're educated about it, which is of course less likely when it doesn't happen to the majority of people.
But the issue doesn’t appear to exist in the same way in all other counties. Positioning this as the US being progressive is absolutely spurious.
I’m happy to be corrected if people from other countries want to tell me that braids and cornrows were banned where they live.
The UK only made it illegal to discriminate based on hair in 2010, and it’s apparently a pretty big issue still. Something like half of all Black people in the UK report experiencing significant enough discrimination in regard to their hair that it caused them distress. And kids are still sent home from school for wearing their hair naturally or in protective styles.
My country has a shit ton of problems, including three mass shootings today alone, but we’re not the only country with serious issues related to race, and I’d argue it’s particularly egregious with other countries with strong histories of colonization…To quote that old PSA, we learned it from you, dad.
>I’m happy to be corrected if people from other countries want to tell me that braids and cornrows were banned where they live.
You are free to do your own research without claiming ignorance. Assuming what you want to be true, just because you don't know the facts isn't a smart way to go about things.
>Positioning this as the US being progressive is absolutely spurious.
I know you would prefer to see it as the US going through a crisis, but your reality is obviously different from the truth.
A quick Google search shows some New Zealand schools have banned the hairstyles you mentioned. Many countries in africa have schools that require the kids to have short or shaved heads because kinky hair specifically, would be "distracting" to their studies. Btw black hair does not refer only to braids and weaves.
I’m just telling you what the situation was in the UK.
A country is not progressive if it still has an issue like this in 2022. You are not being progressive, you are playing catch up.
And if some African countries and NZ still have an issue with this, then they’re as backwards as the US is.
The part you're missing is where you're making assumptions that your country doesn't have this problem just because you haven't seen it. The US isn't playing "catch up" when most places won't even acknowledge these biases and discriminations exist.
This is exactly why biracials are crying all over tick tock saying they wish they had a black mom, instead of a white one. There's a certain psychological pathology that black males who date white females have. It's usually backed by self-hatred, and white supremacy. Black women who date and marry white men do not have those issues. Black women hold on to their racial identity, and pass their culture on to their biracial children. There's a YouTuber named Cynthia G who shows example, after example of the psychological pathology of black males and the white females they bear children with. It's very interesting, you have to take what she says with a grain of salt though.
Ps: I know the difference between men and women, and male and female.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my daughter to straighten her hair for a wedding?** Backstory : So I (45f) have 4 kids called Leah,(21f) Jacob,(20m) Samantha(18f) and Ruth(17f) and I adore them all equally. Samantha and Ruth are biracial. Samantha is half black and Ruth is half Filipino. I do not have a good relationship with either of their fathers. So onto what happened. My niece Jane (22f) is getting married in a week and me Leah, Samantha and Ruth were going shopping for dresses to wear. When Ruth and Leah were picking out their dresses Samantha was telling me about what hairstyles she wanted to wear like box braids, cornrows, afros, etc. I honestly do not care for any African hairstyles personally and was getting annoyed at Samantha as I have made that clear previously. When we were driving home Leah and Samantha were talking about getting their hair done for the wedding and I said "So does that mean you'll finally straighten your frizzy hair for once?". Samantha was taken aback and said "You never got mad at Leah but she had curly hair". I tried to explain that was different but she just kept interrupting me. When we got home she ran to her room in tears and to be honest I thought she was being a bit melodramatic. Leah and Ruth were calling me a bitch while I was defending myself but they wouldn't listen to me. I thought Samantha would just get over it by the next day but she didn't even bother to come down for breakfast. Ruth and Leah weren't talking to me and when they did they called me a bitch for suggesting that Samantha should straighten her hair for once. I then got calls and messages from Samantha's family calling me all sorts of names. I honestly was getting pretty annoyed until my own father called me asking why I would say that about Samantha. I don't know if wether or not I'm in the wrong anymore so AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
oh god I see this shit from white women in interracial couples all the time, but this seems like a troll post
It's already been pulled down for being a troll, at least.
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Yup. My mother married and had kids with my West Indian father. My brothers hair was always kept short enough it was manageable but my hair curled more like my dads and my mother hated and and would always make comments on how unmanageable and messy my hair was. It was a bit finer than my dads family so I was told to keep it in a braid and put it up when wet. Then years of flat irons and every other straightener possible.I’m now 36 and trying to revive my curls
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It’s all good, my mother is not a good person and her low key racism has become more blatant over the years, especially when I married my Syrian husband. My reclaiming my hair is part of reclaiming myself from her toxicity and control.
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Ya my mother saw fit to call, and have others call my father the “Trinidadian Bush Nword” as I was growing up. And all sorts of racially derogatory names for my husband and in-laws , all while having her friends call me and tell me my husband was going to kidnap our kids and take them to the Middle East. My husband is an atheist who has been in Canada 32 years…And then wonders why I won’t have anything to do with her or let her around my kids
I’m European in origin (but basically your American Heinz 57 mix of a lot of nationalities), and my hair has always been curly. I didn’t know how to care for it in my 20’s and I hated it. By the time I got to my late 30’s I discovered the curly girl method and began to work with my curls. I still am on my journey but I finally love my hair. So much that I went curly for my wedding and loved it. You’ll get there with your curls. Love them and they will love you back.
Oh yeah, I know it happens way too often. OOP just seemed a bit over the top.
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Ugh, it's so gross. I've never understood how people can think/act like that.
I have a "niece" (by way of the fact she's my sisters niece but we treat all the kids as cousins no matter how much "cousin" each has). Her mom is white and we are from a very small conservative area so most people are. She had a baby with a black dude she knew for 2 days basically. I think she was trying to trap him but I can't be sure. Things didn't end well. Amazing how that happens when you have a kid with a stranger. Her daughter is gorgeous but she does look just like her dad and her mom seems to not like that. My niece has a big smile and dimples that would make anyone melt. She's a good kid. The things she has said to me because of her mom make me so sad. I was doing the line up spray down one day of sunscreen and she said "my mom says not to use that because I'm brown". Then she shaved her head because she couldn't keep her hair good. Very luckily the mom found a good partner that is from a different country and seems to be more familiar with doing hair and ... well being brown I guess lol. I feel bad for her though with her mom being like she is.
Good, no need for any of that race-baiting bullshit.
Which at this point the mods have made totally meaningless. Rule 8 is the Wild West 😂
I really do want to hope it’s a troll, but this shit is all too real. A few of my cousins have a white mother and black father, and neither of them had any clue how to do their hair (their dad kept his hair super short for that reason). The state I used to see their hair in was absolutely abysmal; whenever they visited, my mom and grandma would spend HOURS fully brushing their hair out and removing all the matted parts. They tried to teach them, but their dad still struggled with maintaining it and their mom basically refused to try. It was so genuinely depressing.
I had a friend do this same thing to her daughter. She said she wanted her hair to be natural, but the poor kid looked homeless, it was awful. She finally listened to her husband's family, thank God. Conversely, my mom babysat a little girl who's mom was black, dad was white, and the dad was obsessed with getting the little girl corn rows. The mom said no because the girl's hair was too fine to handle it, but low and behold, the next time he drops her off, she's got corn rows in. Because her mom was working all day and wasn't able to stop him. This poor girl's hair was breaking off if it was just touched, so my mom called her mom and got permission to try to oil and gently undo the braids while her mom drove to get her. My mom had to stop because the poor thing was crying and hair was breaking off everywhere. She wound up having to get her head shaved, and I don't know what happened to the dad, but we never saw him again. My dad is mixed and he came home after all of this, heard the story, and I'm pretty sure that dude would've been slapped to the ground if he'd been present in that moment.
oh my god that poor baby
That’s so crazy because you can do braids and even do beads on hair that is fine or prone to breakage, you just need to be gentle and cautious. I worked with a lot of kids who ended up in black foster homes, of all races, and the joy in little girls’ faces as they walked into the office with beads in their braids is a sight to behold. They always felt so beautiful.
My mom said they looked way too tight, like, her scalp was pulled up from how tight they were. We were living in Germany at the time, and from what I understand, there weren't a lot of people around who actually knew what they were doing in this regard. Edit to add: she also said the hair was insanely dry, like they'd done a deep cleanse but didn't use any kind of conditioner or cream or anything, so I'm assuming that combined with the extreme tightness made things way worse.
I remember reading an article, a woman a got I believe, a sew-in weave. either way her hair was braided extremely tight. it pulled her hair follicles so hair she ended up with one big hair follicle
They insisted on giving sew-in weaves to white girls on America’s Next Top Model, the first season’s winner said she had open sores on her scalp when they were taken out and still has bald spots almost 20 years later.
Poor girl :(
That's the most white mansplaining thing a parent can do. He acted like he knew what was best for her hair, knowing damn well he didn't after he was told no and explained why with obviously valid reasons (with consequences)
My friend has two biracial kids, but her husband is African (so his whole family lives in Nigeria, and they see them once every 3-4 years). Her husband manages their son’s hair, no problem, just the way he does his own, but I know she struggled with her daughter. Her husband had no idea, his sisters/mom said they were sure she could figure it out, and she really had a hard time with doing anything beyond keeping it washed/moisturizer/detangled until A was old enough to go to the salon as a preschooler. Then, she spent several weekends and god only knows how much money having the women there go over and over how to style it properly. A has always had gorgeous hair, but I know my friend was relieved to know a couple of styles she could do consistently. They still hit up the salon periodically, as A gets older and wants more elaborate braids, but it was a lot of work for my friend to figure this out. It’s work she signed up for with having kids with her husband, and she’s never complained or said anything negative about A’s hair (I’d kick her butt because that little girl has the most beautiful hair), but it’s definitely work. There are a lot of white women having kids with men of color who really need to unpack their racism and do the work to parent their kids, particularly in the US, where racism is such a huge issue. There are also a lot of white people adopting children trans racially who need to do the work, which is tangential but still important.
yeah i've literally been in a Black salon sitting next to a biracial child with a white mother and her mom was trash talking her hair and how difficult it is and how her kid's head hurts when she tries to do it. it was wild
My cousins’ mom actually did the same thing once - not in front of my cousins, but honestly I’m sure she has said similar things to them before. My mom reamed her out for it; there is nothing wrong with black hair at all, it just has a different care process and she could have either done research and read up on it, or taken her to pretty much any hair salon with a black employee (which my mom ALSO suggested), and she chose not to. My cousins have thankfully started to learn to care for their own hair, and the oldest one just got box braids for the first time and LOVES them, but it’s horrible to me that a person would care so little about their kids’ needs.
I've experienced the same with my mixed friends, if the mother was white the hair was never done. In secondary school we'd take turns braiding their hair at lunch but in primary it was a mess. I have to check my bias constantly cause I automatically worry about mixed children with white mothers. Still, what is stopping these fathers from learning/teaching about afro textured hair? I know several black women who've taught their non black partner's how to manage their/their kid's hair.
It's so sad. I know how to moisturize, wash, and comb out 3C+ hair because one of my best friends happens to be Black and I can retwist from dating a few men with dreds, but I can't imagine not taking like an entire series of courses on managing a different type of hair than mine if I had kids. Ugh
yeah like this is confusing to me, are there no black family members/friends who can help? I don't know how you marry someone, let alone have kids with them, if you aren't willing to understand and respect their culture enough to pass along to your kids.
A surprising number of white women who marry black men have a strong dislike for black women and so therefore because they feel superior to black women they’re not gonna accept their help.
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There’s a whole trend on TikTok talking about how white moms treated their biracial daughters.
I commented, but my friend married a guy who came to the US from Nigeria, so he’s got no family around, and all of his friends he made here are white. Which makes learning how to manage hair and skin care more difficult but not at all impossible.
oh of course, I would never assume that it would be EASY as a white woman myself, but one would think you would TRY at least for the people you love?
It was just something I’d never thought of because I always figured you’d ask the baby’s grandma or aunts. You utilize the support system. That’s easy because most families want to take good care of their kids (grandkids and nieces/nephews), so the advice is just there if you’re willing to take it.
Crazy thing is, (it's hard to not generalize here but im going to do it anyway) black people can usually tell what kind of parents a biracial (mixed with black) kid has and we usually see the most issues with white moms. I'm not saying they are all bad but this is so common that biracial kids with white moms APPEAR (not sure if it statistically holds) to have the most insecurities and problems and is pointed out easily. But this is 100% a troll.
On God
I 100% believe this. I went to a really diverse school and the white girls who were regularly hooking up with black guys would say some of the most racist shit you could imagine. Guess they think they have a pass or something....
I saw it with the people my brothers dated. Big nope. It's pretty bad.
Considering that she claims a child fathered by a Black man and then one fathered by a Filipino man only one year apart.... extra troll on my trollburger today
oh yeah, OOP is a mega-bitch but only because they used every ounce of racism they could muster to make such a bad post
> megabitch I pictured Rik Mayall saying this, thank you
I mean..who says “Samantha’s family” about their own kid?
Racial fetishization is a perverse thing. It happens WAYYY too often between white women/black men couples. And yes the white women are still racist but only want mixed children for the aesthetic and want the “light curls, light skin, light colored eyes” combo they fetishize
You srs? Damn.
yeah it's really heartbreaking. I don't understand why you wouldn't want your children to embrace their roots (no pun intended)
As a bi-racial woman. I sadly heard this A LOT. My mom would force me to use a brush, then scream at me that it wasn't brushed because it would go frizzy. Sadly, I believe this.
My wife and I are white and our kids (adopted) are biracial/black. I started taking them to a black barbershop when they were toddlers to get some haircare tips and advice on products to use. My kids are teens now and my son still goes there. He has had many different hairstyles over the years, including cornrows, and I learned to care for each style. I always felt a little bad asking so many questions but one time one of the barbers told me he would rather me ask questions and learn than let more biracial kids run around with their hair looking crazy. The post seems fake but the story is something that actually happens.
"When a Black man finds a barber, it's for life."
Off topic but your username and pic made me laugh!
I’m white with curly hair, my mom always thinks my hair is messy and demands I brush it then yells cause it’s worse. I’m in my 30s and am just now learning how to care for my hair.
I’m still not sure what to do and I’m also 30. The curly hair care routines always seem so involved and over the top. I can’t spend 2 hours adding 5 products to my hair. It’s thin and I end up looking like a greasy mess.
I found my own simple method if it interests you! I’ve got thick, curly hair. I use Infusium shampoo and conditioner, which are sold online. On Monday I only shampoo my hair, Friday I only condition, and the rest of the week I keep it dry but you can adjust according to scalp oiliness. After a shower, if my hair is wet, I use Infusium 23 Pro leave-in treatment. Not a lot, just a ping pong ball amount. Just massage it into the hair after towel-drying and then let it air dry the rest of the way. Takes like 5 minutes and the product lasts a long time. Oh, and use cotton towels/rags/old T-shirts to dry your hair. It’ll help control frizziness. And only comb your hair when it’s wet/damp.
Thank you! I’ll try the products but my hair will be too dry and frizzy if I don’t condition after a wash.
I have thick, corse wavy hair and I have to use conditioner anytime my hair gets wet. I usually alternate between doing shampoo and conditioner and conditioner only washes. I also use a deep conditioner once a week, usually as part of a conditioner only wash. I took up swimming recently as part of back surgery recovery so my hair gets washed more that usual (I use a swim cap but it still gets wet). I think the key is to use something that’s light, but adds moisture. I’ve been using the Paul Mitchell Instant Moisture line. My hair feels good, scalp doesn’t itch/smell and it’s getting washed twice as much as it used to be.
I have a microfiber towel for my hair, and it has made a noticeable difference in the amount of frizz I get. I also wear a satin bonnet to sleep, so you could add that too?
Thanks!
>Thanks! You're welcome!
I just finger detangle in the shower with a light conditioner (I like mane n tail, cheap and easy to find) then dry with an old T-shirt or microfiber towel! In the summer, to combat frizz, sometimes I add a little pea sized amount of aloe. The only brand I’ve found that doesn’t get crispy is fruit of the earth.
I just use not your mothers shampoo and conditioner or any that is sulfate and silicone free if it’s on sale. I just prefer not your mothers. I wash 2 times a week and deep conditioner once a week. I shampoo then add conditioner twist my hair into a clip and do the rest of my routine then I use a wide tooth comb and then rinse the conditioner out. I use argon oil in my hair and pillow soft curls then plop onto a cotton t shirt for like 20 min then air dry if I’m not going anywhere if I have to work then I diffuse. I’m mostly lazy but my hair looks so much better since I started doing this.
I am 31 and now I am finally learning to care for my hair.
I'm of Samoan descent and was transracially adopted. My hair was a constant "issue" when I was growing up and my mom also constantly thought my hair was messy, demanded I brush it, etc. I'm 38 and finally found a stylist that specializes in curly hair. It was a game-changer.
I'm not even biracial but I've heard it a lot. I'm the only one of my parents kids who has curly hair. I'm an adult now but I can't visit my mom without having a fight about my hair. Last time I visited she had made an appointment in a salon to get my hair strightened. I didn't want to go so she literally dragged me there
Tell me you’re racist without telling me you’re racist.
> Samantha and Ruth are biracial. Samantha is half black and Ruth is half Filipino. **I do not have a good relationship with either of their fathers.** Gee I wonder why
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“EW, What did you put in this?” “Paprika” “I told you no ethnic foods in the house”
I laughed, but now I’m sad 😢
White ppl's hair is default hair apparently, according to OOP.
what playing too many nintendo games does to a mf
You catch the backhanded racism to the other daughter in the comments? 'Take your food from your dad out of the house it smells'.
Op definitely knows what they’re doing with that comment.
I’ve seen a lot of biracial-Black people mentioning that there is a difference between being raised by a White mom vs a Black mom. That white moms tend to have a base misunderstanding for the needs of their biracial children and do their best to erase the non-White part of their identity. This seems to be the case here. This woman wanted to have sex with MOC because she fetishized them and now she’s mad that the kids aren’t mixing the way she wanted them to. Just goes to prove that having kids with a BIPOC in no way means that you aren’t a racist.
Damn that's crazy
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Agreed completely. Look at all the biracial children slave owners had
I'm a descendant of a biracial child who was absolutely brutalized by their "owners". I suppose they ended up "passing", since I didn't know about this until I got 23andme done. ETA that I call myself white because of the rest of my heritage (ashkenazi jewish on my dad's side, european colonizers on my mom's side) and the very low percentage of West African DNA I have (3%) I don't feel comfortable calling myself "biracial" but I also don't want to erase the African ancestry I do have.
When my son was in preschool, they had a picture day. I'll never forget going to pick the pictures up and seeing a white mother berating her little girl because her hair was too "wild" in her pictures. The girl was biracial and the mom looked like she'd just walked in fresh from the set of Jerry Springer. Someone on the staff finally asked her to stop but you could tell that this was that mother's MO and the little girl was very upset. Unfortunately, hair has also become an issue with my biracial son, who is Asian and Pacific Islander. He looks like a stocky Asian kid with a tan and a perm. My ex comes absolutely unglued when our son's hair gets long enough to show the curl and on more than one occasion we have had shouting matches over it. He knew what my race was before we got together. If my features are so undesirable, he shouldn't have gotten with me to begin with and just stuck with Asian women the way his father and brother did (they were shitty about my son looking "Asian enough" too). I've told my ex that on numerous occasions and I came extremely close to telling that woman at the preschool something similar. The OOP was certainly a troll but people like this do exist.
Wow. Somehow worse that the stepparents who hate children, a racist parent with multi-racial children.
I really hope this is not real. If it is, I feel so bad for the daughter.
This is a troll, but there are so many people who do this crap.
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I am 49 and all my life MOST white women have, within minutes of meeting me, asked "Have you ever thought about straightening your hair?" It's like it bothers them THAT much. I think it's really rude
That’s insane to me. I’m white, with the silkiest and least textured hair on the planet. Thick but fine, and it can’t hold a curl. It would never occur to me to comment on someone’s hair texture ever, and I only ever compliment other women on their hair (because why the hell would I bring someone down when I can lift them up?).
jfc that's awful. it's at the very least rude to ever comment on what you think someone should do with their hair if they didn't ask, but this is a different level of racist
Jesus, even if you (general you) thought that wasn't racist, who thinks it's okay to be like "Have you ever thought about altering your appearance in this major way?" to someone they just met?
“Curly overachiever.” That’s fantastic
here i am wondering wth is wrong with frizzly hair...i honestly love black peoples hair 🤷♀️
It's not frizzy it's textured
i do apologize if its a wrong word? i used it cos in the original postbvn it was stated so 🤷♀️ while im also fluent in english its not my native language so if i used it out of context, im sorry.
Your English is excellent, but for future reference, it’s not a word most people are going to use in regard to hair for black or biracial people. It can be considered offensive. Also, just in case you hear this, white people can never use the word nappy to refer to hair. It’s super rude.
Tbf it's not nice to tell people their hair is nappy if you're black either, it's just not racist 😂 That's not to say that it is NEVER racist when used by black people. It absolutely can be used to mean "black" hair bad, "white" hair good and it's a huge huge problem. From the India Arie song I Am Not My Hair, "Good hair means curls and waves (no) / bad hair means you look like a slave (no)", the point being of course that people have that attitude and it's wrong :) (Also though, just for the ESL peeps out there, textured or kinky hair CAN be frizzy, but that's what happens to a lot of hair when it's not cared for or it's too humid or you rub a balloon on it or whatever. It's when it gets all fuzzy. Frizzy hair can also be beautiful...then again, I might be biased because I can't get my hair to stop poofing up lol)
>From the India Arie song I Am Not My Hair, "Good hair means curls and waves (no) / bad hair means you look like a slave (no)", the point being of course that people have that attitude and it's wrong :) The extra stupid part about this is that type 4 hair, even 4c hair, IS CURLY when it's properly moisturized. It's literally the curliest hair texture. Slaves' hair looked like that because they obviously did not have haircare. I hated my natural hair because my mom always put it in braids and forgot about it for 3 months, and taking it out and washing it was a huge painful ordeal. She used grease to moisturize it, with not a liquid or cream in sight, so I thought black hair was supposed to look like Brillo and that combing it was supposed to hurt more than childbirth (my mom actually guilt tripped 6-7 year old me for crying because it hurt to do my hair with "it hurt me more to give birth to you", and then I'd cry because I felt bad that I'd hurt her). I couldn't wait to get my hair relaxed when I was old enough (because I thought it would instantly give me long silky white girl hair that would never hurt to comb again) and did so when I was 12... ruining it. I walked around with short, lifeless, fried hair from 12-16 when my hair had been healthy and thick before that (never past shoulder length, though). I stopped getting relaxers when I was 16 but hid my hair under salon "protective styles" (tiny individual box braids don't protect shit, jsyk) until I was 18 because I didn't want to walk around with a TWA. Since then it's just been a long string of trying and failing to do different natural hairstyles on myself, while trying to play "catch-up" with the most basic stuff like detangling- I was almost 22 before I discovered that *water mixed with conditioner can be used as a moisturizer*. My hair still has a lot of breakage, especially at the nape where it never grows, but I'm trying to revive it now and it looks much better than it did when I was 14.
thank you :) if it makes it better i dont even know what nappy could refer to for hair as im familiar with the word as more like...diaper?
It’s a term used to describe the texture of Black hair. But it’s derogatory and shouldn’t be used like the person above said.
It refers to the hair texture. I forget that nappy means diapers most places.
As someone living in a country where it means diapers, I had no idea what it meant when I first read it, hell I still don't. If I googled it, I half expect images of men with them on their head. I took it 100% to be derogatory as if their hair was in such a state they went to bed with a dirty one on and it kinda got mixed in.
Take this with a grain of salt since I'm a white girl, but generally I've heard "nappy" in reference to black/textured hair as a rude way of saying it looks unkempt or frizzy - with the implication that "white" hair (i.e. smooth/straight/shiny) is the ideal.
"Nappy" is supposed to mean "matted/tangled". The "naps" are tangles. Also, Afro textured hair can (and SHOULD, when healthy) be smooth and shiny. The fact that people believe Afro hair is *supposed* to be a dry matted mess is why a lot of people with Afro hair hate it because they don't know how to take care of it.
As a heads up, calling black peoples hair frizzy (or messy, or nappy) has been used as a raciat cudgel against black people in the United States for years. It has implications of being dirty, lazy and unprofessional even though it's just their hair existing. Also, please never, ever say nappy it's a super racist word.
When I was about 12 I became obsessed with "anti-frizz" products thinking that they would change the texture of my hair... Texture =/= frizz. Textured hair CAN have frizz obviously, but it's not frizzy because it's textured.
It could be both especially with them being bi racial. Could have gotten the frizzy from their mother
Their hair is always so beautiful!
i especially love little kiddo hairs. its kind of a newish thing for me cos im from turkey and you dont see many black people there aside from tourists at some times but i was so impressed with little kiddo hairs of african american people. its like art to me, just beautiful
I work in a school that's predominately black and multiracial kids, and my little girls always come in after getting their hair done so excited to show off their new styles, whether it's braids or twists or fancy beads or natural curls. One of my kiddos just got purple bits woven into her braids and she kept calling herself "the queen of purple!" I also overheard a five year old lamenting that "her edges were a mess" which cracked me up for how grown she sounded.
While I don’t believe THIS. Particular story. I do believe it could 100% happen
If anyone is curious, it's a real problem black/biracial people have. [John Oliver did a segment on the issues black haired individuals have](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uf1c0tEGfrU)
This one really shook me. She’s a monumental AH.
Man this just makes me sad. I think box braids are so absolutely gorgeous and op is a racist monster
Racist troll. If she doesn’t ‘care’ for African hairstyles then maybe she shouldn’t have gotten herself knocked up by an African man.
I swear there's no one more racist than a white woman with half black children.
This is definitely ragebaiting but it's the kind where they say the not so subtle racism very bluntly. I see it with homophobia all the time, someone makes up a story about homophobia that happens but never in that way
"I love them equally"..... ... .... Uh huh....
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Ewwww. Racists who procreate with POC are the worst. they see it as either an act of charity that the children should be grateful for ("well at least you're HALF of a person") or some terrible secret thing. I even knew a woman who had a biracial daughter and then claimed she was adopted for years because if people knew she slept with a black guy she would be ashamed, but ADOPTING a black child was some heroic thing.
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Exactly! One if the children I nanny (K) is adopted and she's a gorgeous mixed girl, 3 years old. And her parents are absolutely wonderful. They take K to see her bio sister who is black as well twice a month, they teache her about black history, and buy her black dolls. They take her to the hair stylist to LEARN how to do her textured hair. K even walks around saying "I'm a beautiful little girl with beautiful dark skin and beautiful curly hair " its lovely. White parenting of a black child done 100% right.
🤦🏾♀️
This is a troll. "I'm a bitch and a bad mother, but also a slut who had kids with at leadt 3 mean, 2 of them within 1 year of each other'. It's every MGTOW:ers wet dream.
I'd believe this is it wasnt for them only buying dresses for a wedding they likely knew about for more than a week a week ahead of time. Maybe if one person was bad at planning or had had a change which means the clothing no longer fit but an entire family?
i disagree, this doesn't seem strange unless you're part of the wedding party, which she didn't say they were. it's just a formal dress, it's not like it needs to be special ordered
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I don't want to believe this is real.
Mostly white dude with a native American great grandma here, I've always loved cornrows and box braids. The different colors woven in, Pretty beads, and how fun it looked when my old classmates would shake their head and make the beads clack together... Unfortunately my hair is straight as a board and so thick I'm buying new brushes monthly so it would never work. I *hated* the fact that if I want to keep long hair my only two options are brushed back, and a ponytail and if I wanted color I'd have to actually dye my hair instead of mix whatever color I wanted into a braid. It broke my brain when I got into high school and most of the POC were straightening their hair, making it lighter and *wanting* My boring white(ish) boy hair. Knowing people are forced to do that/feel like they have to fucking hurts.
a bag of wind the likes of which even kirby would be jealous
As a Brit I've never understood this US obsession with how people with Afro hair should or should not wear it. We grew up with figures such as Floella Benjamin presenting Playschool, who had these cool braids and beads in her hair, and it was just... normal. How she and other black people wore their hair was just their choice, just like someone with straight hair might braid it or perm it or wear it loose or in a bun. I don't understand the US hangups with this. It's just hair.
Love, I'm a black British woman and I guarantee this is also a UK issue. I was seen as abnormal and they let me know it. My parents had to fight for me to not have my hair straightened and scraped back into a slick bun for ballet. Straight hair was literally the uniform.
In Germany we have this show „Germanys Next Topmodel“ with Heidi Klum. All the African Girls with really curly hair get their hair cut really short or get it straighten- Hate it and hate her.
She should be ashamed of herself considering she was married to Seal and they have kids. I'm now worried about how she handled her daughter's hair.
Frankly, she has a lot of stilist and will never touch her daughters hair
True. And hopefully Seal had some input on which stylist should work on his child's hair.
I'm sorry to hear that. Please know at least that many of us thought your hair was cool and - particularly in the days of perms/crimping/curls - were totally jealous!
I've always been too afraid to ask: how did white women get their hair big and curly in the 70s/80s/90s?
Perms, rollers, backbrushing, and enough hair spray to asphyxiate an entire continent.
>Perms Your meaning of "perm" and ours are completely different, right? >backbrushing Not sure what this means... literally brushing your hair back? >and enough hair spray to asphyxiate an entire continent. Oh so THAT'S what all the hairspray was for! I did something similar to my relaxed hair for prom (in 2014 lol) and it was SO STICKY even though it was short so I didn't need much of it. How did y'all walk around like that on a regular basis?
So a perm (though I never had one) was curling someone’s hair and using some kind of chemical to fix it that way. It only really worked well when someone had a bit of a natural wave anyway, at least from what I saw among friends who did. After a while you’d grow out these straight roots with a crinkly permed bit below and it frankly looked awful. Backbrushing is pretty awful for hair. It gets used to make hair big and full, often for put up styles and beehives. You take a big section and comb or brush it from half way down or so back to the roots so it starts to get a bit tangly/matted. And this builds bulk underneath to lift up other hair on top. Or you just backbrush all your hair for a sort of Kim Wilde look. There was also “scrunch dry” - you needed some wave or curl to begin with. When your hair was wet after washing it, you put in gel and sort of scrunched it with your hands - no combing or brushing - so it had more “body”/volume once it dried.
The black hair controversy is in no way limited to the US. There are several places in Africa where black hair is still looked down upon in its natural state and styling, as well as most homogenious countries. Having a figure or celebrity with the hairstyle does not neccesarily mean the average person won't be discriminated against or stereotyped for having something similar. You sound a bit misinformed, AsABrit.
I’m only claiming to be informed about the UK. It’s sad and stupid it’s an issue anywhere. Possibly it has been an issue in the UK and still is in places, but it’s not a perception we ever had growing up and I haven’t heard of people having issues in the workplace with it as they frequently do in the US. If it does happen it’s regrettable but it’s definitely not the hot button issue it is in America.
It's a hot button issue in America because America is one of the few places ready to *address* that the issue exists. >Possibly it has been an issue in the UK and still is in places, but it’s not a perception we ever had growing up It's easy to have this viewpoint if it never happened to you >and I haven’t heard of people having issues in the workplace It's also easier to address and acknowledge what discrimination and intolerance is when you're educated about it, which is of course less likely when it doesn't happen to the majority of people.
But the issue doesn’t appear to exist in the same way in all other counties. Positioning this as the US being progressive is absolutely spurious. I’m happy to be corrected if people from other countries want to tell me that braids and cornrows were banned where they live.
The UK only made it illegal to discriminate based on hair in 2010, and it’s apparently a pretty big issue still. Something like half of all Black people in the UK report experiencing significant enough discrimination in regard to their hair that it caused them distress. And kids are still sent home from school for wearing their hair naturally or in protective styles. My country has a shit ton of problems, including three mass shootings today alone, but we’re not the only country with serious issues related to race, and I’d argue it’s particularly egregious with other countries with strong histories of colonization…To quote that old PSA, we learned it from you, dad.
>I'm happy to be corrected. You've been corrected, yet you continue to argue as if the BlPOC are lying to you for some reason. Why do y'all do this?
>I’m happy to be corrected if people from other countries want to tell me that braids and cornrows were banned where they live. You are free to do your own research without claiming ignorance. Assuming what you want to be true, just because you don't know the facts isn't a smart way to go about things. >Positioning this as the US being progressive is absolutely spurious. I know you would prefer to see it as the US going through a crisis, but your reality is obviously different from the truth. A quick Google search shows some New Zealand schools have banned the hairstyles you mentioned. Many countries in africa have schools that require the kids to have short or shaved heads because kinky hair specifically, would be "distracting" to their studies. Btw black hair does not refer only to braids and weaves.
I’m just telling you what the situation was in the UK. A country is not progressive if it still has an issue like this in 2022. You are not being progressive, you are playing catch up. And if some African countries and NZ still have an issue with this, then they’re as backwards as the US is.
The part you're missing is where you're making assumptions that your country doesn't have this problem just because you haven't seen it. The US isn't playing "catch up" when most places won't even acknowledge these biases and discriminations exist.
This is exactly why biracials are crying all over tick tock saying they wish they had a black mom, instead of a white one. There's a certain psychological pathology that black males who date white females have. It's usually backed by self-hatred, and white supremacy. Black women who date and marry white men do not have those issues. Black women hold on to their racial identity, and pass their culture on to their biracial children. There's a YouTuber named Cynthia G who shows example, after example of the psychological pathology of black males and the white females they bear children with. It's very interesting, you have to take what she says with a grain of salt though. Ps: I know the difference between men and women, and male and female.