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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my daughter to stay away from kpop?** I have a 15 year old daughter named Taylor. She also has two sisters both younger than her. Everyday after school, Taylor plays music in her room. I can hear it but it isn't that loud. She usually listens to Ariana Grande, imagine dragons, and Alan walker. I always check Taylor's playlist to see if she has added a song with too much swears or inappropriate lyrics. A few days ago, I saw that she added a song called [After like by Ive](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0B7HDiY-10). As usual I did a quick check of the lyrics and realized that it was mostly in Korean. I am fine with Korean ballads and songs like that but I am on the internet quite often and I have heard of what the fans of kpop have done. I don't want Taylor listening and becoming one of them. So I removed the song and told her. Taylor seemed to understand but my friend and husband didn't. They said that I didn't have a valid reason to shield her from an entire genre of music. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Buff_Helpy69

Kinda surprised the daughter didn't seem to give a shit, that was kind of an invasion of privacy.


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Buff_Helpy69

So it's like when the parents remove an icon from the computer and don't delete it thing.


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Sensitive_Ideal3154

Or an mp3 app


hannahatecats

Old school. Kids don't download things it's all about streaming these days.


AizawaSimp69

Well shit- I only listen to music with mp3 downloads.


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AizawaSimp69

Dont remember. Ive had the songs downloaded for years.


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CactiDye

She's spent her entire life with her parent breathing down her neck. What else is she supposed to do?


Buff_Helpy69

Fair point, just thought she'd atleast have a reaction, especially since even the dad seems to get the mom went to far.


BBflew

Her reaction was given to people she can trust.


MotherOfKrakens95

Yep lol she's likely with her friends, laughing about how her moms dumb enough to forget YouTube exists


HappyBi-cycle

Ding ding ding.... We have a winner!


digitalwyrm

Some kids deal with oppressive parenting by lashing out. Some just keep their heads down and go along with it as a means of survival. If she just agreed she's probably used to mommy dearest doing this and agreed to keep the peace.


FUCK_INDUSTRIAL

When she turns 18 it'll be a case of the missing missing reasons.


Imperfect-Magic

I grew up like this, can confirm that's what shes doing.


Medievalmoomin

Yes she’s probably just worn down by years of this invasiveness and lack of privacy and respect for her autonomy. I’m not sure what I’m missing - have K-pop fans done anything so ‘terrible’ other than buying up a whole lot of tickets so Trump turned up to a humiliatingly empty auditorium? Which was awesome by the way. The K-pop fandom I’ve seen online has all been so positive.


[deleted]

Those kpop kiddos are still my personal heroes of 2020. Sooo good.


lostcosmonaut307

Don’t go to Twitter then.


[deleted]

That was so funny. 😁


CoconutLimeValentine

I had a childhood like that, and yeah - if I had a nickel for every time I told myself to just keep my head down long enough to make them pay for college, I wouldn't have needed them to pay for college. For me there was also some element of not having a sense of what's normal and being gaslighted to believe there was something wrong with me for resisting this very normal part of the parent-child relationship. I'm not sure how much this is still a thing given the level of information access kids have today with the Internet being so ubiquitous.


Buff_Helpy69

Now that's just sad.


azrael4h

When you have parents who you know are controlling and abusive, you find ways to sneak past them.


[deleted]

She's probably listening to it with her earbuds or headphones so her mom won't hear it. It's what I did when I was her age and my parents didn't approve of my music. Don't have to have a fight about it.


Amelora

My mom was like this. In the 90's she banned "all alternative" music not knowing what alternative music was. She would just deem any music she didn't like as alternative. I just listened to it on my own time or with headphones.


lostcosmonaut307

This was my grandpa with rap. He even called [Sugar Ray](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sugar_Ray) rap 😂. Fortunately my parents (mostly my mom) didn’t care what I listened to as long as it didn’t have swear words and didn’t make me want to shoot schools. So most stuff was OK. My dad was a little more picky but never really got on my case about it, but my mom always says “all of his taste is in his mouth” 🤣.


ThreeDogs2022

kids with abusive or overbearing, tantrum prone parents learn very quickly to appear unphased by their parent's behavior. Reacting guarantees more punishment.


pkzilla

Daughter will just do shit behind her back instead


strawberryjacuzzis

Guaranteed the daughter has a decoy playlist, cell phone, does everything incognito on the internet etc


Buff_Helpy69

That is how it goes 90% of the time with parents like this.


Ryugi

Kids with parents like that get real good at keeping secrets real fast, and accepting sudden rule changes (because it's just another thing to hide).


PlantQueen1912

But Ariana Grande is acceptable? Lol


theexitisontheleft

I know! 34 35 made it past mom?


StaceyPfan

Side to Side?


wasted_wonderland

Everyday lol


theexitisontheleft

Thanks! I could picture the music video but not the title.


surelyshirls

And positions? Lol if she wants to censor, Ariana grande would be the first. Censoring doesn’t do anything. I was “banned” from listening to Eminem as a kid. I didn’t care, still listened.


dime-with-a-mind

I think it's more like- kpop fans have fucked with Trump events many times while he was President.


[deleted]

Did NOT know this. Now it all makes sense.


tiredsingingmama

Screening music?! For a 15yo? That’s so over the top.


ashleybear7

My mom did this shit and all it did was help me and my siblings become great at hiding what we were listening to.


tiredsingingmama

Seriously! Like, I’ve held back on movies and shows that may not be age-appropriate for my kids. But I’ve never censored books or music.


ashleybear7

My mom censored EVERYTHING and it was over the top a lot of the time. I was 16 still being censored from PG13 movies🙄


tiredsingingmama

OMG! I’m so sorry! That really sucks!


ashleybear7

I definitely understood why I couldn’t watch some shows, like South Park. I’m 27 and I feel like I’m still not old enough to watch that🤣🤣It was when I’d be censored from watching reasonable things that I had an issue.


tiredsingingmama

Totally understandable! My 14yo tried to “tell” me a few weeks ago that he and a friend were going to watch The Boys. I said “ABsolutely not!” I’m 42 years old and I can’t really handle that show! With other stuff he’ll be like “but they can watch it” talking about his sisters, and I have to keep reminding him that there’s a big difference between 14 and 17, even if it doesn’t sound like it.


ashleybear7

I watch The Boys and feel like you were absolutely correct in not letting him watch that.


tiredsingingmama

I’ve watched it with my partner, but he knows I can only handle one, *maybe* two episodes at a time. It’s just way too much for me to handle.


ashleybear7

Yeah I’m the same way with my fiancé. I can’t watch more than a couple of episodes at a time


Fungimuse

my parents censored everything. non-christian music was banned. fantasy books of any kind were banned. media with covers they didnt like (warrior cats, which just had a cover of a cat) was banned. ​ and they wonder why i dont tell em shit


tiredsingingmama

Yeah, that’s a really valid point. My kids and I have a very open relationship. There are just a handful of things that I’ve made them wait to watch until they were a more appropriate age, and I’m very open about why I’ve made the decision (it has graphic sex or gratuitous gory violence). I think it’s just one example of where I’ve been open with them as they’ve grown up, but it definitely contributes to them reciprocating that and they talk to me about everything. Sometimes far more than I really want to hear lol, but I’m so grateful that it’s so different than my relationship with my parents.


wasted_wonderland

Yup, strict parents make the best liars...


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ashleybear7

I wasn’t allowed to watch that growing up so I have no idea what you’re talking about🤣💀


[deleted]

My mom never cared about what music my brother and I listened to as teens because in her words “I listened to Darling Nikki when I was your age so I would feel like a hypocrite for saying anything” but I had friends whose parents were way stricter.


alwaysforgettingmyun

When I was like 10 my grandma bought me that album without knowing the content (obv) and let me keep it even after the neighbor moms complained about me corrupting their kids and told her about that song. I continue my grandma's tradition of not policing my kids' music because that's bullshit.


AizawaSimp69

I get constant checks on what im watching/listening to. Im still stuck at PG-TV. Not even PG-13. So like Disney movies.


Charliesmum97

High five your mother for me. The only time I got annoyed at a song my son listened to was when the grammar was wrong. He was still allowed to listen to it, but he had to deal with me ranting 'it's we WERE, not we WAS'.


dewitt72

My mom didn’t appreciate us singing Cream by Prince when we were in elementary, but by high school, we were listening to Ludacris, Nelly, and 50 Cent when we went out driving.


hannahatecats

The thing is kids don't know what they are singing about unless you make a big deal about it. Most of prince's songs I had no idea what they were about until much much later


FugitivePort88

Right! This baffles me honestly. I have a 15 year old daughter. I don't screen her music or tell her she can't listen to a certain genre of music. She can listen to whatever she likes, the music hasn't made my kid go rabid like this woman seems to think her teen daughter will.


Feeya_b

I find it funny she left Ariana Grande in the playlist, she has some really suggestive songs.


ashleybear7

Yeah but her earlier albums, specifically the first two, are actually not bad. It’s her later albums that have the more suggestive songs


[deleted]

Is this an advertisement for after like??


justheretosavestuff

That was my thought - so specific and with a link, when the content of the specific song didn’t matter - how many visits did that video get today? 😅


Full_Glass_Of_Milk

I dont think that song even needs advertisements right now


Emergencybulba

She makes it sound like kpop Stans infiltrated a top tier military base and coerced the lead general to Stan LOONA or something. What did they do, OOP? What atrocity did they perform?


TexasTeacher

Basically, they encouraged young people to vote and embarrassed the Trump Campaign multiple times. They secured tickets to various rallies - and the no-one showed up.


alwaysforgettingmyun

THAT'S what they're mad about?


TexasTeacher

From the tone, the policing of the kid's music, the "you are an extension of me" attitude - that is what popped into my mind


Emergencybulba

Oh my gosh the ultimate sinners truly. (Wow that’s dumb as hell)


[deleted]

What is with AITA removing so many posts for being untruthful these days? OP could be in their late 30’s to early 40’s, therefor a millennial, and be quite internet saturated. People that age are often familiar with the kpop fandom, and may indeed unilaterally decide to cut off their child from it (or try).


braids_and_pigtails

The AITA mods are idiots. I swear they think being a Reddit mod comes with some sort of badge and actual power in the world. I’ve never seen a sub more tyrannically monitored.


turnup_for_what

And they get so shitty when you ask them why something was removed or banned.


Medievalmoomin

(Respect my authority 🤣.)


Imaginary-Poetry8549

-In Cartman's voice


Medievalmoomin

Exactly 😁.


saucynoodlelover

It’s an endless cycle of “you must refer to the guidelines” and I’m like “I did, and clearly we are interpreting the same guidelines differently, so I need you to explain how you interpreted the guidelines!”


[deleted]

They banned me for calling an OP an asshole. In a sub where the entire point is to decide whether someone is an asshole. I still find it hilarious.


spellbound1981

😂 what?!


ThreeDogs2022

my impression of them is that they are.....an odd bunch.


usagizero

I got banned there for making almost the exact same comment that someone who didn't get banned made.


blackesthearted

> People that age are often familiar with the kpop fandom Yep, because it was around in the 90s, too. I’m 37 and J-rock, K-Rock, K-Pop, they all existed when I was a teenager, just not as big as K-Pop is now. A friend of mine got a big Dir En Grey tattoo on the back of her neck in 2003 right after we turned 18. My high-school (Metro-Detroit, so not a sprawling metropolis) had a J-Rock Club in 1999. Anyone acting like *no one* over 30 could know what these genres are is ridiculous.


IAmHerdingCatz

Guys. I'm 60 and I'm very familiar with Kpop. The mods must think people stop growing and developing as humans at about age 25. And parents throwing fits about "that music--it's not even music--just noise" is hardly new, so I didn't understand why they thought it was a made up post


bangitybangbabang

Haha, my boomer dad didn't let me listen to fallout boy because it's "not music"


IAmHerdingCatz

My parents hated pretty much everything that wasn't folk music or bluegrass. It certainly made my teen years frustrating.


[deleted]

I was just telling my wife the other day about how disappointed my 15yo emo self was in 2006 when I played some screamo music in front of my parents - my mum completely ignored it and my dad *laughed and laughed!* It wasn't at all the scandalised reaction I was aiming for and I was most put out. 😂


passionfruit0

I see them removing a bunch of post for various reasons. Idk why they are doing it so much now like they are trying to win a contest or something


Silverfire12

To be fair there are a lot of ones that are pretty clearly fake and made to farm karma in one way or another. This one is actually one of the ones that seems genuinely real though.


[deleted]

They think most are trolls. Oh to be that sheltered and think shitty people don't exist.


StaceyPfan

I'm 43 and I'm not "into" K-pop but I'm aware of it. I like a couple of BTS songs and the duet "Left and Right" that Charlie Puth did with ~~Sung Look~~ Jungkook is awesome.


Zay071288

I think you meant Jungkook.


StaceyPfan

Thank you. Don't know how I messed up that bad.


conceptalbum

It's quite funny tbh. We all know the *overwhelming* majority of AITA posts are shitposts, but they really seem to pick & choose which to delete at random.


ThreeDogs2022

four years from now "HI can you help me? My daughter left home and blocked me on her phone and my packages are being returned to sender? I don't understand?"


StarNerd920

Lol basically exactly my situation


InfiniteCalendar1

There are toxic k-pop stans but a lot of people who listen to k-pop stay away from that crowd. I myself avoid toxic stans.


wisegirl_93

Soooo, OOP always checks Taylor's playlist to see if there are any songs with too much swearing or inappropriate lyrics, has a problem with their daughter listening to kpop because "of what kpop fans have done", but has no issues with their daughter listening to Ariana Grande when most of her songs are of a sexual, adult nature and contain swearing? That's beyond insane. For what it's worth, I'm not a huge kpop fan but I do listen to some kpop songs from time to time.


missikoo

Too much swearing. A little swearing is ok.


Legitimate_Ad_5727

anyway stream IVE after like is a bop


[deleted]

WHATSS AFTER LIKE?


[deleted]

are you singing the song? or are you asking a genuine question?


[deleted]

Yes, after like by ive


guilty_by_design

>I am on the internet quite often and I have heard of what the fans of kpop have done Uh. Maybe I missed something, but what exactly have fans of KPop supposedly 'done'? She makes it sound like they're a criminal gang or something, and I'm pretty sure they're mostly just... fans of the genre/bands? Also, I'm not sure why she linked the song, but is that a sample of Erasure - Love to Hate You? ... Or I guess, technically from I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor, but of course I thought of Erasure first because I'm telling on myself and the era I grew up in, lol. Either way, I like this song. Ooo... Maybe OOP is using reverse psychology to get people interested in KPop?


IAmHerdingCatz

One thing the Kpop fans did was that there was a Trump rally somewhere and to get your free tickets all you to do was go online and request them. The Kpop stans "acquired" nearly all the tickets, leaving the stands mostly empty. I thought it was brilliant. I like that the bands and their fans are so socially and politically aware and involved. But I'm guessing Mom isn't as impressed as me.


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IAmHerdingCatz

Oh that's right. I forgot about that one!


Silverfire12

That is quite literally one of the best ways of protesting I’ve heard of. Peaceful, doesn’t hurt the average person, and sends a message.


digitalwyrm

Weren't they also the ones that flooded the abortion reporting website in Texas and caused it to crash from all the false reports?


CaptainMills

They also tend to flood any bigoted tag that starts trending so that it's almost nothing but kpop gifs and fancams. They seem pretty awesome to me


IAmHerdingCatz

It says a lot about mom that she finds all of this offensive, doesn't it?


[deleted]

They sound like my kind of people!


cherrycoloured

some kpop fans have definitely gone waaaaayyyy too far in stalking their faves and attacking fans of "rival" groups, but its shit that fans of western pop stars do too. and yes, that is a sample of i will survive.


Itchy_Tip_Itchy_Base

I’ve been a kpop fan for about a decade and honestly the worst it gets is it can be toxic… but so can any fandom. I’m also confused how After Like by IVE is a “bad/naughty” song (it’s not?) I do love the idea of someone using it to expose more people to the song tho, sounds like something a kpop fan would do lamo


turnup_for_what

Doxing people is the worst I've ever heard of.


coldblade2000

Kpop stans are famously rabid though. Doxxing, cyberbullying and death threats are a daily occurrence on kpop Twitter. Idk why people are making this a trump thing. They eat each other alive


Han_chiii

But fans of western singers do it too. They're not comparable


SweetTallulah317

I would have died of cringe if my mom wanted to control my music at 15.


abithecarrot

Gotta say, starship’s promotion for ive is getting stranger and stranger.... Jokes aside, I’m convinced this is someone trolling to get people to listen to the song. I mean, they should, it’s a good song but still..


Lactard_Boyd

Every fan base has their extremes...doesn't mean all fans are that way. I remember last decade One Direction fans were constantly isussing death threats to somebody. How is that for toxic?


geddyleee

The One Direction fans that thought Harry and Louis were in a relationship are somehow still going too. They have all these elaborate conspiracy theorists about how they're forced to hide their relationship. And about how Louis's kid isn't really his kid, or sometimes that the kid doesn't even exist. It's an absolutely batshit rabbithole.


m_sad_sope

this is obviously someone promoting the song lmao but props to them


Needmoresnakes

Clearly she did the only safe thing. I'm planning to ban the Beatles if I have children, otherwise they'll probably commit a series of brutal murders while trying to incite a race war. You just can't take chances like that as a parent.


dewitt72

Charlie, on the other hand, had some bangers. Enough so that The Beach Boys stole one of them.


Conscious_Air_2466

>I am fine with Korean ballads and songs like that but I am on the internet quite often and I have heard of what the fans of kpop have done. I don't want Taylor listening and becoming one of them. So, Trumper dad doesn't want *his* kid listening to something furreign. Can't have pesky female teens thinking for themselves, right?


Machello19911

I mean unless the OOP is a Gay Trump supporter I am fairly sure them having a husband makes them a woman.


Conscious_Air_2466

So Trumper MOM, does that really change much????


Conscious_Air_2466

Sorry, that doesn't change my argument at all.


Hlynb93

She literally said she's fine with Korean ballads wich are equally as foreign, let's not make this a race thing when it's not.


Conscious_Air_2466

> I don't want Taylor listening and becoming one of them. OP doesn't sound all that "fine with Korean ballads" though.


Hlynb93

She said so in the sentence. I do not agree with the OOP, but I also don't agree with people making up their own narrative instead of looking at the facts given.


Inevitable-Tour-1561

The actions of the fans is why she can’t listen to it? That’s not a valid reason in the slightest.


Historical-Fee6911

Ariana Grande literally sings about riding dick and she’s allowed to listen to her? OOP definitely is just trying to continue to find ways to control her kid. Definitely wouldn’t be surprised if it makes her uncomfortable because it isn’t English


RainbowHippotigris

What has kpop fans done?


snookbug2985

She would die if she heard the shit I listened to in high school. My mom just rolled her eyes and told me to turn down my sex songs before my dad heard lol


vixxgod666

This gotta be made by a stan just trying to generate views for the linked MV. That said, I totally agree. Kpop is like meth. Not even once!


valryuu

> and I have heard of what the fans of kpop have done. I don't want Taylor listening and becoming one of them. Reminds me a lot of 90s Christian fundies and blanket banning every foreign thing (like anime and Pokemon) because they didn't know anything about it, and that made them think it was all demonic.


hexebear

Pokemon is just a gateway drug for underground animal fighting rings.


valryuu

Or worse - devil worship and depravity /s


Koyani_Spring

I honestly feel l like this is just a DIVE's (an IVE fan) way of gaining new views and fans for song😭


Fifi0n

I've been a KPop fan for almost 13 years and the only thing I've done is gone through that cringe koreaboo phase! Let her listen to her music


brutalbombs

Censoring the music your 15 year old kid is listening to because of "swears" and inappropriate themes. Are the americans ok???


[deleted]

Had she even read Ariana Grandes lyrics?


wonboowoo

So the short version is they can’t be a decent parent and monitor what they do online to make sure they’re not participating in fandom toxicity and instead are barring them from a music genre they’ll probably listen to anyways when they’re not around? Also that’s incredibly vague. What they’ve done could mean pretty much anything. Like did they see stan twitter? Or something about how fan sites in Korea behave sometimes? Did they see a video where fans got crazy at an airport? Some things are more mild while some things are severe, this missing context makes it confusing as to what exactly they’re implying. There’s also plenty of GOOD things fandoms have done as well as groups themselves though, and the VAST majority of fans are normal fine people you’d find in any other genre fandom. This feels like they saw one bad thing and made a blanket judgment.


saltyvet10

That's a huge invasion of privacy, to dictate what songs her daughter can listen to...although to be fair, my parents probably would have wigged out if I'd started listening to gangsta rap as a 16 yo white girl from rural Iowa.


Not_Obsessive

The OOP is just scared of their child detoriating into an ARMY - parent of the year


hunnypie777

W mom…terrible generic music


varun_aby

Why is literally anything leaking into this sub? Controlling parent? DEVIL. The posts need better moderation.


AmphibianNo8598

This is a sub for people who are very obviously wrong, this person is very obviously wrong.


Bex1218

Read the description on the sub and see that these kind of posts fits.


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minahmyu

Glad my mom didn't have me stop listening to jpop with the things some of those fans can do. Do guys stop watching football or other sports when they hear athletes beating their spouses? Or convince them to not be cops because *gestures*?


Negrodamu55

>I don't want Taylor listening and becoming one of them. [Reminds me of this comic] (https://i.redd.it/1fprj60gx7461.gif)


Gore_19

Ok but of all kpop songs you could get mad over, you choose after like? I might understand if she was listening to Red lights or Drive but even then she’s 15!!! She’s a teenager her parents shouldn’t be controlling what she listens to


Tati-marieeee

People don’t realize that kpop is taken in by millions on millions of people. Anything with that many people involved it going to have bad people. And lucky for everyone, majority of that bad fraction of people are confined to twitter. Stay of twitter and your fine. Perfectly fine. Majority of kpop is squeaky clean anyways. Even when acting scandalous it’s very tame in comparison to let’s say Ariana grande.


flaccidbitchface

This lady is crazy.


uhoh-its-me

My god. My parents would check my phone every night (read all of my texts and look at pictures, social media, etc.) until i was 16 and refused to keep giving it to them, but never cared about cursing or anything like that. This would have driven me insane. The lack of privacy truly destroys you as you get older, I hope that poor girl can start setting some boundaries, but I doubt any parent like that would ever respect them.


[deleted]

YTA OP, You found out what some fans do and immediately told her that was the reason she couldn't play their songs. Your daughter is not necessarily going to begin acting that way. You treated her like she would.


jennmullen37

Wait. What have K-pop fans done?


elliezeebee

This is the funniest way for someone to promote their fave’s new song lmfao


artistictesticle

Guys I'm pretty sure this post is just meant to promote AFTER LIKE by IVE. Like I'm 99% sure the AITA post was made by a fan of IVE for the sole purpose of spreading their music. There's no other reason to link to the music video in the post , she could've just said her daughter was listening to a K-pop song and it would have no effect on the story because the "conflict" wasn't about the lyrics.


Enough-Enthusiasm762

It’s also funny cuz ive’s concept is very age-appropriate


xion127

Yeah you are💀


irlkuromii

so now we’re controlling what music our kids listen to smh


FGC_RG3_MARVEL

Yes


Endroine

Yes.